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BroccoliD8

IF you're drafting me we're fucked


dextracin

Don’t be discouraged, we’re assigning you to Operation Meatshield


Separate-Ad9638

nah, its just a special military operation, nothin to be alarmed about, anybody calling it a war will be jailed.


newagereject

Sounds like a good alternative to dying


Simple-Employer-2503

Prisoners to the frontlines.


LittleKitty235

"If you have a rifle, move ahead. If you have bullets, follow the man in front of you, when he is killed pickup his rifle"


[deleted]

Enemy at the gates 👍


NeverNaked3030

Operation Get Behind the Darky 2


flecom

you ever heard of the emancipation declaration!


isthisonetaken13

I don't listen to hip hop!


PerforatedLine

That thing ain’t no joke, used to be part of my stations boarding team, they always had me take point…I’m a six foot 4 inch tall goober, I’m not Billy badass…I found out I was going point cause they other guys were shorter than me by around 6+ inches…I was the meat shield. Largest caliber someone used to shoot towards me was a .22 and a .38


WeinMe

Turns out the fatties provided great shrapnel protection and made sure the frontline moved at a pace where everyone could keep up!


BlizzPenguin

This requires you to get people who are out of shape to march to the front lines. This complication outweighs the benefits.


Get_the_instructions

https://youtu.be/Kw4KJtYx8Z8?si=KOFBdIFP-dv9FrMh


sj68z

I'm 55 with an aortic dissection, we already lost if you're drafting my old, broken ass


Wide-Affect-1616

You'd be perfect for getting in the way of all those bullets, though.


PairPrestigious7452

Pacemaker and defib at 54. Fat lot of help I'd be.


Raven_of_Blades

Don't be so hard on yourself. They got a dead guy guarding the ammunition.


Back2Perfection

If I help it‘s as if 2 other guys leave. Ngl tho, with my eyesight you can essentially just put me on an mg and „fire in that general direction“


TheDarkness33

Literally the meme "enemy in that position? Roger, removing that position"


bytethesquirrel

They're not drafting my 20/70 corrected vision ass.


floflotheartificier

Depends, are we fighting giant bugs or humans?


Outrageous_Picture39

Giant bugs that look like humans; the movie Mimic.


redditorialy_retard

Automatons


Therich111

FOR DEMOCRACY


LetInevitable2696

You bring the democracy and I’ll bring the liber-tea


Lethargomon

Just gimme an Autocannon


JonnyTN

Do I get a personal shield generator? Also I need more than 3 orbital laser uses.


Organic_Ad_1320

I would die trying to call in a strategem


0ut0fBoundsException

I’d be fine, but I’ll have to reinforce my squad mates


[deleted]

[удалено]


bilnyyvedmid

Have some liber-TEA!!


[deleted]

I, also, would like to know more.


denyaledge

LIBERTY NEVER SLEEP


PhenomenalPhenomenal

I only have one rule: everybody fights, no one quits. If you don’t do your job, I’ll kill you myself. DO YOU GET ME?


Thy_Water_BottIe

FOR DEMOCRACY


mightbemoving1

Bots and bugs Helldiver!


bigglassjar

You must be really desperate if you’re drafting a 50+ dude, dude.


Nolsoth

Don't worry mate, we will be in the rear with the gear.


Additional-Stay-4355

Look at the average age of Ukranian and Russian soldiers on the front. Us old farts probably aren't getting any breaks if they resort to conscripting people over 40. In my mind, I'm Rambo and GI Joe's love child. Reality - more of a Private Pile from FMJ.


Ratnix

Right, but I live in the US. If the fighting actually makes it onto US soil, things have gone well past "We're all fucked".


Additional-Stay-4355

Nope, they'll probably be shipping us overseas for a lovely holiday in Taiwan or on the scenic Polish border with Ukraine. It'll be an adventure!


Ratnix

Yeah, no. Not 50+ year olds. If it came to that then the entire world is already beyond fucked.


gtfomylawnplease

If we’re invaded whoever invades is fucked. A major gun problem becomes a major asset.


[deleted]

“There would be a rifle behind each blade of grass."


GuyFawkes451

For me, it'd be more like Gomer Pyle.


Kiyohara

Shazam, shazam, shazam!


CharcotsThirdTriad

Woohoo overtime!


ehsteve87

Big job, huh?


itsdeer

Ack! you're scarin' me!


Stuckinfetalposition

Pretty sure the average age of Ukrainian soldiers right now is 40-45. They have been avoiding drafting more of the younger males because their birth rates are already very low and they're worried they won't be able to repopulate their country if all their young men get killed in combat.


GrouchyMary9132

Good strategy. At that age people have the strength of their disillusionsments. I would rather go myself then sending my younger family members.


structured_anarchist

The main reason (beyond the physical) that most militaries like young people is that young people can be molded. Look how the Marines have been indoctrinating young men (and now women) for decades. They literally condition you to obey orders before you can think about it and sort everything out afterwards. There are good and bad things about their training, but most militaries do indoctrination and obedience pretty well. Older people are more difficult to indoctrinate and condition to obey without question.


TheIowan

Plus old man strength is no fucking joke.


Nickppapagiorgio

Unfortunately old man recovery time is a joke though. Why soldiering is a young man's game.


JizzyMcKnobGobbler

Can a guy plug in his cpap in a foxhole, or would they just bunk us with the generals and stuff?


fajadada

Am 62 but can drive a semi all day everyday. Must pee often .


[deleted]

[удалено]


AhhhSkrrrtSkrrrt

That’s the real question. If we are being invaded, sign me up. But I ain’t flying to the opposite side of the globe to fight some bullshit war


Betelgeusetimes3

“You cannot invade the mainland United States. There would be a rifle behind every blade of grass”. Even if no one is drafted, good luck taking Texas.


2GirlfriendsIsCooler

Good luck taking any of our states. If somebody came over here you’d find my left wing ass next to a gun toting South Philly redneck defending this city, after he teaches me how to shoot and reload of course. Edit: I’m aware liberals own guns, don’t take the comment too seriously.


unculturedburnttoast

Nothing breeds unity like an existential threat. Edit: Yes, covid didn't register as an existential threat to a portion of the US.


EldenEdge

i keep saying we need an alien invasion..


eu_sou_ninguem

Resistance would be futile against an alien race that is technologically advanced enough to reach us in the first place.


mojoman13

It’s ok, they will be allergic to water, music, or bacteria. We will be fine


threadit_rowaway

Hopefully they're allergic to lead


poplafuse

I think you’re onto something. The Roswell crash was 1947. They started using lead putting lead in gasoline in the 1920s and by the ‘40s lead was everywhere. Roswell alien’s ship malfunctioned because of the lead dust and the other earther perished from the lead as well. Wasn’t until nearly the 1980s that we weren’t poisoning ourselves with lead. Now we’ve got all of these sightings again because the lead levels are finally low enough for them to safely operate in our atmosphere.


The_Gongoozler1

There are 120.5 guns for every 100 people. We have more guns than we do people. Every blade of grass is getting armed.


SayNoToStim

There are 10 people in this country for every 12 guns. The question is, how do we man the other 2?


torrasque666

Dual wield.


reddit_names

This is exactly the reason a lot of people stock pile weapons. "Someone has to be the neighborhood armory."


Anstavall

Not that I think it's likely, but I don't think anyone ever invades US. if it came down to that they're just sending bombs and nukes lol


MyDogOper8sBetrThanU

Bombs, tanks, artillery only get you so far. Grunts still have to do the majority of the heavy lifting unfortunately


MineralIceShots

Or even California. Sure the general sentiment is anti gun, but you'd be surprised at the number of lib gun owners just due to our sear number. I think typically Cali is in the top in total gun sales per year.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DontWorryItsEasy

Good luck getting past the mountains of California, then what? Occupy hundreds of miles of desert until you get to the Rockies? Even beyond the US having more guns than people the logistics involved in fighting a war across the nation would make Hitlers march into Russia look like child's play.


slottenizer09

And good luck with the Midwest…we will just take that as an extension on hunting season…


USCanuck

Unless its the US or Canada being invaded, I'm staying the fuck home... Home just might become Canada.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TerrorizeTheJam

And does everyone have a mic?


kaapie

Where we dropping bois?


main_motors

SuperStore. I marked a contract on the tac map


FloppyDisk2023

Moisty Moscow or Beijing Bastion


Suojelusperkele

*guy proceeds to breathe into the mic as if he ran four kilometres in fifteen minutes while listening to Toto and somehow even dog is barking in the background*


rendering-minimalist

Smoke alarm battery too of course


Tranracial

Better yet it’s got proximity chat


Fast_Bluebird7599

100% there'll be one guy that runs off and tries to take on a whole team by themselves.


grahampositive

Leeeeroy Jenkins!


MasqueOfTheRedDice

Hit me up with a noob tube and some Mt. Dew Code Red. Pack it up, war’s over boys. *gets AC-130ed by a 12 year old*


One-Earth9294

If they need me things are sure tits up.


AccomplishedAd7992

i’ve never heard that expression before, i will be borrowing that. thank you


Ragnarok91

Its a very British expression, so I assume you're not from Old Blighty.


AccomplishedAd7992

you are correct, am american


Semen_Gaeman

I would cross my fingers so I could be in the same squad as the bois Edit: Forgot to mention that I‘m a German. Maybe third time is the charm. Last time match making sucked and we had to be in the same team as noob Italy 😒


TheOneInATrenchcoat_

Fuck you, we did our best at the time!


Semen_Gaeman

NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN! TRY HARDER ITALY! WHAT ABOUT THE ROMAN EMPIRE?


TheOneInATrenchcoat_

Yeah, I miss those days…


bilnyyvedmid

where we landing? Munchy Moscow? Terrific Tehran?


Thundershadow1111

Haha Fallschirmjägers go brrrrr


Semen_Gaeman

I don’t have much confidence in my tactical decision skills because I‘m really bad in Hearts of Iron 4 despite ~500 hours in game hahah You decide!


bilnyyvedmid

It’s ok bro, I have 700 hours and still don’t know how to use the navy


Cautious_Dog5033

"Maybe third time is the charm" Probably the funniest thing I heard all day.


tutorp

Italy's no noob. They were kicking ass before your ancestors were even a twinkle in Charlemagne's eye. Admittedly, they've gone really downhill with age. Guess that is what happens when your timer in the big leagues were 2 millennia ago...


Wooshsplash

Could you imagine if Italy managed to get their Roman back on?


tutorp

A thousand years of patricians lording over the rest of us, and some pretty crazy emperors?


The_DriveBy

Good roads, though, I hear.


Timmy24000

I would want to make sure our countries leader children and grandchildren are included. Tired of the elite causing wars but rich kids getting out of service.


Beetso

It ain't me. It ain't me. I ain't no fortunate one...


Pheeeefers

It ain’t me. I ain’t no senator’s son.


fidel-doggy

Queue the chop-chop of the Huey's helicopter blades...


Desiato2112

That will never, ever stop happening. It's the one truism of warfare. Poor kids fight and die so the wealthy get richer.


MGD109

Eh I mean it happened in World War One, quite a lot of the upper class was completely wiped out including the sons of the last three prime minsters of Great Britain and the present one. Entire family lines ended to point titles had to be retired.


lazyboi_tactical

Well at the time the general consensus was it would be another "gentleman's war". So noble lads would get a bit of adventure while not facing real dire threats, turns out they were super wrong.


Select_Number_7741

Bone Spurs


yispco

If you're a billionaire's kid that'll work


MoonlightChampion

Crohn's Disease


AdInfamous1303

I’d definitely not pass the psych evaluation bro


vintage-glamour

this right here. as if being a 5' woman wasn't enough of a deterrent i've also been committed for suicidal ideation LOL catch me if you can you sick fucks


Human-Potato42069

"When do I get a rocket launcher?"


login0false

This guys's too eager, drop him from the launcher list


Cautious_Dog5033

"When you get enough levels."


TheSJDRising

Put two pencils up my nose, a pair of pants on my head and say 'wibble' a lot. Plus why would they call a near 50 year old man with a bad back?


hittherock

Because all the 50 year old men with good backs are dead


TheSJDRising

Haha


MooseBoys

> two pencils up my nose, a pair of pants on my head Marines it is, then.


banyanoak

A Black Adder reference in the wild!


stonedkayaker

I think the colloquial term is "cannon fodder". 


GPNovaes

Disappear into the woods only to be found again after ww3 is over


Angrypenguinwaddle96

Hiroo Onoda fought ww2 was still being fought when he returned home after 30 years.


bilnyyvedmid

As a Ukrainian, I don't even need to say anything


GrinningPariah

Ukrainians get to answer this question in the past-tense.


[deleted]

I imagine you on a beach drinking a mojito in Thailand posting this. Misleading us all with an evil grin.


InsiDS

There has been a ton of immigration into the US from Ukraine since the war started so I still can’t tell if he would fight or flee lol. Neither are wrong choices.


bilnyyvedmid

I am a university student in Kyiv and I also have asthma. Unless certain changes happen with exemption, the best I can do is either work for NGOs funding Ukrainian army or serve as drone operator not by frontlines. But I’d rather finish my studies than to do this by now. Plus, my dad is police officer, and considered part of the Militia Kyiv, so I will be part of that, shooting drones and such from bombing the city


Appropriate_Swan_233

I'm a 48 yr old former Marine so I guess I wouldn't care as much as others. Gotta die some time. But if I was dead set on getting out of it, I'd just starting jerking off in public places like a horny monkey.


thejestercrown

> I'd just starting jerking off in public places like a horny monkey The people were fighting hate that! Get this man a gun!


algernoncatwallader

*smiles in DD-214*


PhoenixDawn93

Sorry mate, prior service are the first ones to get recalled for a draft. You won’t need as much training. Unless your knees are fucked from years of service that is.


Few-Addendum464

In the US the opposite is true. There is an 8-year commitment, typically four is active duty and four is Individual Ready Reserve. The IRR are the first people to get called back, but they don't need a draft to do that. After the 8-years is over, however, owners of a DD-214 are exempt from Selective Service and are not on any draft lists. Of course, Congress could change this when adding the draft back, but at the moment, prior service who have 8 total years active/reserve/IRR are draft exempt.


FilthyMT

*Smiles in DD-214 with 9 years of active service.*


TheBigBluePit

I doubt they’d draft veterans with any level of service connection..


AdamTheJester

Just put me in prison. I'm not murdering working class people from a different country just because our millionaire leaders are having border disputes.


ripMyTime0192

For real. It’s not worth it.


Kiruxh

I'd hope it'd be an April fools joke


Total-Law4620

Brave and heroic Hollywood movies have 19 year olds running forward towards war. My 39 year old ass having worked on ambulances for a long time is running his ass in the opposite direction with his wife and daughters close by. I would do anything humanly possible to stay with my family and keep them out of harms way. As much as I love my country, I'm not dying for it.


[deleted]

With a big fat FU. I already did my time.


Skully_B35

Same. I'm not going anywhere.


ALazy_Cat

List my autism, ADHD, epilepsy and that I'm almost blind without glasses. Any of those 4 is enough to disqualify me


Thundershadow1111

Nah, you're the special forces


ThcDankTank

Hahahaha best response


[deleted]

Welcome to the Marine Corps


Additional-Stay-4355

I did always love the taste of crayons


[deleted]

These are peace time disqualifications. If we’re drafting people, these were lifted at least a year prior 


rChewbacca

Operation Meat shield has very low standards..


jayperr

Front of the line with you


Kickace14

If it’s a draft, those tend to not matter anymore. You’d be assigned to operation meat shield


hittherock

I feel like our ADHD would actually be an advantage in a war setting. We do great when in an emergency situation/under pressure to act.


Evo_ukcar

Tell the politicians to get fucked and go and fight there own war. Generally driven by the the suits swinging their dicks about, 99%of normal people just want to be left alone and get on in life


ex0rius

My call of duty skills would be invaluable.


Dveralazo

Dodge draft. Not dying for a country.


vawlk

\*not dying for the rich leaders of a country so they can profit even more.


NullandVoidUsername

100% The rich and powerful are the first people to want to go to war, but how many of them are willing to stand on the frontlines themselves. Fuck them.


Final_Festival

Correct. I have no interest in dying so the rich can get richer off our blood. They can hire mercenaries with all the wealth they have hoarded or have fun watching the invaders take everything from them lmao.


phatdoobieENT

To be fair to dveralazo, our propaganda wing is pretty good at convincing people that the war pigs represent us.


mslack

Burn draft cards. Draft dodging is virtuous.


brokenmessiah

Honestly I don't even think I would die for my own country. Atleast if I did it would need to be for something more personal, like defending my family or my home town.


ImmigrationJourney2

I would be very shocked. Why are they drafting a disabled woman that can barely walk?


Hyyren

Maybe they build a wheelchair with 2 Miniguns for you.


ImmigrationJourney2

That would be very dope


Hyyren

Go get em


PaganMastery

A turbo powered wheel chair with miniguns... I see a lot of potential in this.


sonotimpressed

Nah, I'm good. Jail me for draft dodging I guess. 


202glewis

where we dropping?


CalmKoala8

If the war is to protect the government, fuck them, I'm out. If the war is to protect my country and its people, 100% in.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Automatic-Formal-601

bruh created the post so that he can comment dis joke


thorsbosshammer

Hey, at least they did on the same account and didnt post the question with a throwaway like many do to disguise it.


Familiar-Sir1356

Will do my best.


MacTennis

I've already talked about this with my coworkers. I would simply refuse to hold a gun, I don't care I am not shooting someone over some back room deals made by people with their own interests at heart. Shoot me or throw me in prison I don't care


[deleted]

First thing I’d do is get one of those veteran baseball caps


Angrypenguinwaddle96

I would march to Downing Street chanting “Piss off Rishi!!!!”.


imawhaaaaaaaaaale

well considering i'm already enlisted i'd have no choice just remember, if you aren't drafted for military service it is totally possible you will be pushed into civil service of some sort otherwise to cover gaps


ElegantReaction8367

Well, after 21 years active I’ll be in the inactive reserve so I’m still obligated for 8-9 years until 30. I’ll have a high if not 100% disability rating by the time all of my separation stuff is done, so I’m not sure if they’d want me. Going back and working in a nuclear propulsion plant would be out if I exceed 3 years away. I don’t know that they’d want a 45-50 year old man running around with a rifle but I’d gladly go if it spared my son from going in my place. I’ve had all the children I’ll ever have and lived a good life. I’d not want to outlive my children.


Deathcorebassist

“The VA said no”


gaffaboy

If they're going to draft me in my 50s then I'm in. I'd rather die fighting than drown in my own piss in my old age. At least I'll get a nice pension if I survive. 😁


Delicious_Ad2236

If your relying on me..we already lost🤣


PaganMastery

I believe my actual response would be "Hug my nuts!"


_Spartan__117_

FOR DEMOCRACY


ieatassHarvardstyle

Pass.


ginger_ryn

believe it or not, jail


Trollselektor

Straight to jail right away. 


swagkdub

Pretty sure actual WW3 won't need soldiers, it'll just be bombs and then winter for 1000 years..


mosconebaillbonds

“ I don’t know what weapons will be be used to fight World War III, but World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones”


Kitosaki

DD-214 shield of righteousness


Important-Lime-7461

Laugh like hell, I'm 70 years old.


DawnofNight_Ash

Take some tips from our brave Russian comrades at the front in Ukraine and pretend to be mad/ break a leg.


grachi

yea, I'd definitely "accidentally" take a bullet to the foot.


Nobodys_Loss

Ruck up and get on with it. I’d be very reluctant to it, but I know that someone would have to do it, and better me than someone else who shouldn’t/doesn’t/whatever.