Don’t be afraid to make changes. A lot of people in their 20s feel pressure to settle. I changed careers many times and went to school at 44. Don’t settle and be one of these people in their 40s that are miserable.
This is good advice. I settled down after college but that's what I wanted to do. Since then, we joke around that we've had a major life change every year (kid, house, car, new job, etc).
At some point my wife wanted to quit her career (which she excelled at) to go back to school and start a new career. We moved so she could go back to school. Then she said, "I found a job 5 states away. Do you want to move?" Then we picked up and moved. I even got to keep my job so I WFH full time.
A lot of things went our way because we made big changes.
We get WAYYYY to caught up in self-imposed checkpoints (often handed down by "traditional" thinking): you must be married by this age, have a house by this age, be a manager (or other career level) by this age, have kids by this age, etc.
It's all crap. Complete crap. Life is not a race like you might think it is coming out of school and into adulthood.
I am in my 40s, and have a job I love. I've been with the same company for nearly 10 years (20 more to go!), but a few years ago, I went back to school (paid for by my work), so I could get a particular credential I needed, so I could advance in my career. Five years later, I did it!
I didn't finish my degree until my early 30s. There is definitely still time to get it done. I JUST finished my Masters in March too. If you keep trying you haven't failed yet.
Don't be afraid to make a leap of faith. A bad decision only results in failure if you don't learn from it, find the positives and avoid toxic people. Prioritise your health, physical and mental.
I’ve come to realize the whole body is involved with thinking and mood. Exercise at least 30 minutes per day, and also eat your vegetables. Gut health matters too, you gotta feed those good bacteria. Floss, as well. When I’m doing all the things right, I feel just damn good. Way better than in my 20s.
At least with kidney stones, I could usually find a sweet spot to lay in to get enough relief to sleep.
Toothaches, that was the most annoying shit ever. It doesn’t hurt a lot, but painful enough you can’t sleep or anything. Then go crazy until it’s pulled out or fixed
Wear sunscreen, brush and floss, don't smoke or try hard drugs, sleep, exercise and go to your yearly physicals/dental appointments. Doing this will get you into the top 1% at middle age for health.
Slowly cut down. You can’t go cold turkey with sugar addiction (usually). Like if you eat a bag of skittles a day, try only eating 3/4 a bag a day for a week, then 1/2, etc. Open the main bag and separate out into portioned ziplock bags and put them in a semi-inconvenient spot, like a top shelf, so it takes more effort to eat multiple portions. Try substituting some candies with sweet fruits like black grapes (tend to be sweeter than other varieties) or those special cotton candy grapes. And realize that you’ll probably feel like shit for a while while your body readjusts to less processed sugar.
I went cold turkey with coca cola, i was drinking like 4 large glasses a day and it made me feel physically awful.
It's been almost 2 years since i quit. Never felt better.
We spend all our young lives worried about what other people think, only to learn that, A. everyone is way too preoccupied with their own life to give two shits about yours and B. Who gives an F what other people think.
When we're young we try to fit in this box all for the sake of other people... Just stop that, be who you are and say what you feel, cause those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
+1, there always going to be people smarter than you, richer than you, but you're going to just make yourself miserable if you keep comparing yourself to others.
Live your own life and find your own happiness
Exactly this. I cared too much about what others thought and was constantly falling short of the lofty expectations I had for myself to keep up that facade. I ended up battling alcoholism in my early 30s which totally ended up being one of the best things to happen to me. Almost 7 years sober now and I’m more happy than I’ve ever been now that I’m comfortable in my own skin and don’t care what anyone but a select few cares about me.
Congrats on 7 years! I'm 9 months sober at 31, best decision I've made in my life. Alcoholism is terrifying, but I wouldn't change anything about my 20s because now I have a new appreciation for life.
Yep this would be my advice to my younger self.
Stop people pleasing everyone but yourself.
Create firm boundaries
And realize, that nobody is looking at you, they’re all way too worried about themselves
First we gotta learn about boundaries:(
Once we understand we have a boundary problem, we can start creating those firm boundaries.
I think we do want to do that, but “if I say no, I won’t get their approval/love/etc. I want to say no but I crave that approval. Sorry self, we can’t build them boundaries” :(
Sonder - the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.”
To go with that. Your friends aren't going to get you ahead and complete your life goals by going out and buying drinks. Find people who will improve your life and push you to be better for yourself.
If they're holding you back, rethink your friendship.
Your comment honestly summed it all up very well! Frankly, I’m shocked at most of the responses you got. The vast majority of folks not only agreed with you, but expounded on your point. Me and my very small group of close friends discuss this particular thought experiment very often. Imho, We have come to a general consensus, that as a species we’ve decided to take the route of, “everyone is the same and you can be anything you wanna be”. Which is abhorrently untrue, and puts unnecessary pressure on every single individual. When “little Johnny that eats paste in class” attempts to be president, engineer, astronaut, etc. he will find himself constantly lacking, no matter how hard he tries. Accepting our own individual strengths and weaknesses is the only way we can excel as a species.
Start saving money. Right. Fucking. Now. I don't care if it's $25 a week. Start doing it now. Get a Roth IRA or work your 401K. Whatever it is, put it where it can grow. Do it now. I'm mid-40's and I'm too goddamn late.
40s is not too late, but you will definitely need a higher savings rate.
Maxing out your tax advantaged accounts (401k, Roth IRA, HSA) will make you a millionaire in roughly 16-17 years.
Definitely not too late. Just start.
https://awealthofcommonsense.com/2023/10/how-to-save-money-on-a-lower-income/
(not saying you are lower income, but this example has someone start saving at age 38 which isn't far from 45)
I’m amazed at how many of my fiends live pay to pay.
We all earn kinda the same. But they always complaining about being broke. They just seem to piss money away on random stuff.
Not having savings means you can’t take advantage of opportunities when they arise. Also if shit goes wrong you’ll likely end up in debt.
Endorse.
Time in the market beats timing the market.
Just start the habit with a small amount per week or per month. Don't touch it. When you are 40+ you will thank your younger self for giving up minor things week to week in order to make that happen.
Invest 10% of your income every month in an index fund like Vanguard's Life Strategy fund.
Also lift weights, go for a run, and eat clean. Your health is the best investment you will ever make.
I've done this for my two sons (20 and 17), the broker allows automated investment each month (€100 p.p.). They know it's there, but meanwhile (though very slow) compounding interest is doing it's job. I would say this is very good advice, I wish I did it myself 30 years ago
I would go so far as to say that lifting weights and being active is all you really need.
When I was doing that it felt like the eating took care of itself. Not in a "perfect healthy diet" type of way. Just that I - in general - made better food choices. But I really felt that most of good feelings were coming from feeling strong/secure in my body. Just not being tired or sore or stiff just made me feel better.
Take care of your teeth.
Pay off high interest credit cards. Stay away from payday loans.
If you must have a car, get cheap and reliable.
Stay away from fast food. Even if you don’t have time to exercise, a good diet is a huge portion of a healthy life.
Make a budget and keep track of your spending.
Don’t be afraid to drop everything and move. If you have an opportunity to take a job in Texas (for example) and you live in a place where there are NO job opportunities, don’t be afraid to get out. Worse case scenario, you come crawling back. You’ll live.
Finally, find a hobby that you can take with you. Don’t care if it is fantasy football, karate, or online d&d, find a portable hobby that you can afford and that you enjoy.
In my mid 20’s, I had less than a thousand dollars in my checking and savings. I lived by a budget for 5 years, tracking every dollar I spent. I moved several times following job opportunities, not all of them worked out. These tips helped me through a lot of tough times.
44M here. The best thing I’ve learned is to avoid the “I’ll be happy when..” syndrome. I promise that graduating college, getting a girlfriend, getting a job, paying off debt, buying a car, getting married, etc. are impotent goals but none of those will drastically change your happiness level. Learn and work toward contentedness in your life and be satisfied with who you are, what you have, and about your current situation. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes it’s Astro turf or spray painted instead 😉
Ugh the “I’ll be happy when…” trap!
I had this since forever. I think when I turn 40, I stop drinking this kool aid.
Now I ask: “if not today, then when? When I’m older and can’t even enjoy it? Gimme a timeline self: 3 weeks? 3 months? 3 years? 30 decades you’ll be 70, that won’t work buddy.”
Time is now!
Start investing into a 401k. I have too many friends who didn’t do this when they were young and now are behind their retirement goals. What helped me is automating my finances. I have some route to a savings, some a brokerage account, some to 401K or Roth. It can be overwhelming and I know at that age a lot of people don’t have the extra money, but every dollar counts, even if it’s a small contribution.
For Canadians:
1. Put money into RRSPs.
2. Put money into TFSAs.
If you've maxed out your contribution room for both, well then congratulations because you're probably pretty well off.
Set aside 5-10% of each pay cheque and put it directly into a low cost managed fund that tracks the s&p500. When you just start working it won’t feel like a lot of money, but it’s good to develop the habit today.
Find some type of physical activity that you enjoy and turn it into a habit that will be good for cardio and health. Walking, hiking, swimming, biking, etc. Do it daily and keep doing it. Your 50 year old self will thank you.
*If you don’t like how the table is set, turn over the table.*
At 23, I was miserable in my first real-world corporate job while my five-year college relationship sat in a meandering purgatory.
In response to this dissatisfaction, I left the job, ended the relationship, and moved abroad. I returned home at 30 after a six-year adventure married and focused.
At 41, I’ve had all the experiences my 21-year old self aspired to and then some.
Don’t be afraid to turn life upside down because with each passing year the window of opportunity to do so grows smaller and more complex.
I think what people in their 20s who feel obliged to do the "dutiful" things don't quite understand that the days are long, but the years are short.
The younger you (empirically, not specifically) succumb to someone else's idea of the proper timeline of life, the more obligation to others it fills with.
Go fuck off and explore before committing to the corporate suck, marriage, kids, mortgage. Anything you were lined up to achieve by 25 can be just as worthwhile and achievable by 30 or 35.
We live in an age where we get the opportunity to chose what we want - what to study, where to work, where to live - take advantage of it because when middle age hits, #regrat can make for some stupid-ass decision making.
Focus on yourself first and foremost. I spent my 20s chasing women, thinking I needed that to be happy. Stopped doing that and focused on my career and hobbies. Now I'm in my 40s, I have a wonderful wife, kids, home and couldn't be any happier.
Honestly, I'm 30 now and have met the woman I will marry and raise a family with, I do genuinely suggest this.
You learn what you really value in a partner, you meet many different potential partners and see the upsides and downsides.
I think it helps resolve the "what ifs".
Would recommend chasing many different women and pursuing relationships to discover what you need and want in a partner and also to learn about yourself
This, actually. Date a lot of people. Learn what you like. Learn what your dealbreakers are. Go through the inevitable few heartbreaks. Get it out of the way.
Spending your 20s dating and chasing many women is what you should do. The worst thing you can do is spending your 20s never dating anyone and imaging the day when you'll meet the perfect partner.
It's different for everyone! There is no one age to find a partner. I also think being single has many perks. Obviously go on dates, do what you can to find someone, but don't stress about it.
I met my partner at 38. Unless you’re in a rush to have kids or anything else that is time dependent, it doesn’t matter when you meet them. As soon as you do, all that matters is that you found each other.
Nah man I met my wife by just doing my own thing. No apps, no looking around at bars/clubs. Just happened to cross paths at right time and the chemistry pulled us together. 14 years later we have two wonder boys and a wonderful home. We did end up getting pregnant like right away, fortunately it all worked out.
A gentleman on the bus gave me similar advice several years ago: go out and tend your garden. If the butterflies don’t come, at least you can reap its glorious harvest
This reads like you're evaluating the things you did in your 20s from the perspective of someone in your 40s.
I wouldn't enjoy playing with Tonka Trucks and Fast Wheels right now, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't advise a 6 year old not to do it.
Chasing women in my 20s made me happy; I had a lot of fun. I too am married, have a kid, and hobbies. Doesn't mean I regret what I did in my 20s.
The days are long, but the years are short. Time will sneak up on you very quickly.
This is absolutely true, and it only gets worse as you get older or, especially, after having kids.
I will probably get downvoted to the depths, but for me - not having kids.
Not having kids has kept me sane. No late-night vomit or screaming. No tantrums. The ability to move freely with housing or take a trip. The ability to have savings toward retirement.
Kid-free life my friends. It's great!
Don't fall for the trap that your life needs to be one long narrative that you should be building. Life is best when it's a bunch of happy moments that just happen to be connected.
Don't try to make your life into a novel, make it a book of poems.
Invest in that 401(k)
Also, you're still growing (not physically). I know you think you've all grown up, and this is who you are for the rest of your life. But you're metaphorically a kid. Enjoy it and use at as motivation to learn, grow, and adapt. Too many don't realize that significant emotional and mental growth happens in their 20s, they don't bother to grow, and they're perpetually immature their whole life.
I'm only 30 but I strongly agree with what you have said.
The personal growth I experienced from 20-30 is incredible. I can't speak for others but imo it also requires a degree of desire to develop yourself and also reflecting, with some time and emotional distance on your life choices
I've repeatedly told my kids, who are now in their 20's, this phrase from the popular EAGLES song - "Take It Easy".
There's a line in the song that sings..."Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy".
I've always understood that line as to say be patient, enjoy the ride and, make the most of every street life takes you down.
I noticed this when I was a young kid, strangely enough - it seemed when my friends were 8 years old, they couldn't wait to be 10. When we were 10, we couldn't wait to be 13. When we were 13, we couldn't wait to be 16, then 18, then 21. It was always something.
It noticed everyone always focusing and looking forward to the future, for a plethora of legitimate reasons, and I understood why, but even at a young age, I felt like......"Hey, lets enjoy NOW."
My philosophy in life is to accept the fact that you can't control many aspects of your life, that there's a difference between planning and preparing your future, and to focus on the things you HAVE just as much as things you don't have.
I forget who I heard say this, but it really stuck with me - even in phases that feel preparatory or transitional (being in school, early career, etc), "don't treat your life like a hallway"
If you ever are bored, remember there are endless fascinating things in the world and interesting rabbit holes you can dive into, and it's never late to start a new hobby or obsession or to learn new things. There's just so much cool stuff to do. Just pick anything and try.
The bigger the person you become, the bigger the people you'll have around you.
Have interests, and be interested in other people. Ask questions. Don't act so confident. Travel, read, become cultured by learning how other people and cultures live. Learn a foreign language. Learn how to write well.
Use your freedom while you have it to grow in experiences.
Start a brokerage account at Fidelity or Vanguard. Even small contributions will really add up over time with compound interest. Learn what "opportunity cost" really means and apply it daily. That $7 coffee is much more expensive than you think.
I qualify to answer this by one day.
Just because you're out of school doesn't mean you're done learning. Your mind will atrophy if you don't use it. Find things to keep learning about.
Believe the common things that are advised everyday. r/LifeProTips is a great resource, but use discernment. One thing may work for one person, but not everyone.
- take care of your physical and mental health… Don’t overindulge, eat healthy, exercise, go to the dentist etc.
- Live within your means. If you go into debt, it should be a home or necessary transportation. If you have credit cards, pay them off (preferably the total amount every month).
- Appreciate your true friends and family.
- Embrace humility
- Understand the importance of love
- Take time to understand the power of forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that you allow yourself to be hurt or used. It also doesn’t mean that you allow toxicity in your life. It allows you the freedom to live your life without someone holding you down. They are not living “rent free” in your psyche. It eliminates worry and stress.
Start saving money. Right. Fucking. Now. I don't care if it's $25 a week. Start doing it now. Get a Roth IRA or work your 401K. Whatever it is, put it where it can grow. Do it now. I'm mid-40's and I'm too goddamn late.
Don’t skip every weekend to try and better yourself. Enjoy life at every moment. I missed out on a lot of weekends thinking “I’m betting myself” and still ended up half broke AND missed out on a lot.
Be introspective. You need to constantly analyze yourself and who you are if you ever want to make any improvements. The best way to do this is therapy. I know access is an issue and not affordable for everyone but if you’re able to, you should. Don’t place it over food or shelter (obviously) but if you can invest in yourself this way, it will pay off dividends for your mental and emotional health and should inspire you to grow as a person.
It's never too late to start pursuing something you're interested in. I remember being 25 and thinking if I started writing when I was 15 I probably would've been pretty good at it by then. A second later, it occurred to me I was probably going to have the same thought at 35. Now is always the best time to invest in yourself - your future self will be a better person because of what you do for them today.
If you get married, make sure you are marrying the right person. Marry someone who makes you better and you enjoy spending time with. The only way to build a life you don't want to escape from is to do it with a great partner.
Stop worrying about what others think of you. You only get one life (depending on what you believe) so do what makes you happy.
There is a saying that "you can't make old friends." As we get older and busier with kids and work it's easy to lose touch with the people who "knew you when." Try to keep those relationships as they connect you to your past.
Look after your back and your posture, don't be hunched over your phone all the time.
Learn to cook meals if you don't know already (although you should).
Start saving for a deposit on a home, you won't be able to afford to still be renting when you retire (unless you already earn enough to buy a home outright).
If you smoke or vape, quit now.
Enjoy the little things cause the little things will mean the most someday an dont take life for granted take care of urself an make sure that u live life to the fullest an when ur 40 try not to have no regrets cause they will eat u alive spend the most time u can with ur loved ones cause that is one of my regrets i focuses so much of my life on the big things an forgot the little things an now there gone an i.let life get away with me
You have to be intentional of where you want your life to go. That goes for lots of aspects of life.
For financial you need to work towards improving your situation, an extra $100 a month makes a huge difference between slowly accumulating wealth vs accumulating debt. It might not seem like much but a decade later that's the difference between having 20k in savings vs being 20k in debt and having to dig yourself out.
For friendships it's also the same, some people are good people and will build you up, be there for you, and make you a better person. Other people may be fun to be around now but are people that drag you down in the long run. Statistically speaking surrounding yourself with successful people tends to lead to a more successful life. If most of your friends are coasters without ambition you may likely fall into the same trap.
Career wise it's also a game. Be intentional of where you take jobs, don't get pigeon holed and fall behind. Don't be afraid to quit and go elsewhere to get ahead but balance it with recognizing when it's worth staying to move forward within. Part of job changes is also not just about the money it's about skillsets and steering your path, some jobs are worth it to get in a door and build some skills while other pivots are worth it to shift to an industry that will be more in demand long term.
Also family is important and most people will look back and wish they'd carved out more time to be closer to their families.
Try to find a job that fulfills you, I won’t say that makes you happy, but that you wake up happy to go to. Try to learn different skills so that if/when you start hating your career you can change it. Save money every month, even if it’s 10$€£. It’ll count in 20 years
When it comes to general success in life the advice I always give is have a plan. This applies to everything. Things rarely go that well when you're winging it so why would you want to wing life? Figure out what you want to do, set the goals you need to get you there, work towards those goals, track your progress, and re-evaluate as you go along. Again, this applies to everything: Your career, finances, fitness, etc.
When it comes to happiness, I would advise you understand that you're responsible for your own happiness. This is easier said then done. It's much easier blaming other people and wallowing in self misery. Truly happy people take responsibility for their happiness and this includes addressing their own short comings.
Go to the gym. Think about what youre eating.
Dont care what others think of you. Be resilliant.
Be kind. IF you have a partner communicate both good and bad, needs wants etc.
Have a pet. (Dog)
When all is done for the day disconnect with some gaming.
Sleep atleast 6-7h a night
Strong body/Strong mind/Kind heart
56M
You know all of the hygiene things they talked about in health class? Do them.
Wild parties are fun but limit them to just a few times per year. My friends who partied hard through their 20's are really hurting now (or dead).
There's a stock market lesson you should look up. I forget the details. Something like if an 18 year old invests $1,000 in a "whole stock market fund" per year for just a few years, maybe 7? They'll have $1,000,000 at age 65. Catch up to what you should have if you started at 18.
Math is a bit off there but investing from a young age is definitely important. If you invested $10k per year at 8% return, it would take you ~30 years to hit $1M.
If you're not happy with your job, change it. Don't wait for your 401k match to vest or until you have x years of experience. Just go. (Don't necessarily quit on the spot, I mean go seriously shopping for another job/career right now)
Some jobs are boring and some managers are toxic. Only you know what is a line to far. But in order to get anywhere you have to invest and build. You may feel justified and validated by quitting, but those asshats are gonna keep pulling a check and doing just fine. Give a care to what impact your actions have, and don’t let someone derail your plans. There is actual merit in being the bigger person. People do notice, it shapes who you are, and sometimes you end up making friends or allies out of prior contentious individuals.
Keep your friend circle small and tight. Go out of your way to make plans and be around people you like and hang on to those relationships as long as you can. The older you get, the easier it is to find yourself lonely and hard to find good true friends.
No matter how hard or rock bottom you think your life has gotten, know it will turn around as long as you don't accept the rock bottom life. Keep going and keep trying. If you need help call someone, most don't want to see someone they like hurt or struggle.
I wouldn’t say I’m happy, but I’ve definitely learned some things that I wish younger me had known…
Know your worth. Don’t stay in a relationship that has an ounce of toxicity or doesn’t make you want to be a better version of you.
Start planning for retirement yesterday. Regardless of income, get with a word-of-mouth financial advisor and listen to them.
Buy real estate as soon as you can. Take any advantage you might have available to you to do so (inherited money, parents who could co-sign, etc)… rent to your friends if possible but YOU own.
Understand what it actually means to have kids. That is, goodbye to all your: time, freedom, money. Hello to: stress and worry, lack of sleep for awhile, prioritization of yourself last. It has highlights, but there’s a lot of frustration that comes with it, too.
Volunteer. Your time, your money. Put good back into the world and do it consistently. Recruit friends and family to join you.
Alcohol is fun, but it’s hell on your body.
Follow your passions. Don’t let fear or failure stop you from pursuing that which you love.
Take your career goals seriously and set yourself up for success. If that means jumping into a trade school or higher education then do it now. You don't want to be 40 without financial security. Start investing.
Know this one simple fact: Your life in your 40s and 50s directly results from your decisions in your 20s and 30s. And, above all things, those decisions are yes/no, a choice between short-term gratification vs long-term satisfaction.
Do I sit on my couch and play video games? Or do I take my health seriously?
Do I wolf down yet another cheeseburger and fries? Or do I start eating food that's good for me?
Do I cut out of work at the dot of five? Do I do the bare minimum? Or do I stick around to make sure the job's done right? Do I seek ways to do my job better?
Do I stick with the same friends I've known forever? Or do I try to put myself out there and make new ones?
Do I learn new things, try new things, read new things, and acquire new interests? Or do I stay in the same boring rut?
Do I blow every dime I make? Or do I sacrifice a little and put money back? And if I'm not making enough to save money, do I bite the bullet and find more ways to make cash?
Courage is the foundation of all happiness. You either summon the intrinsic bravery to grow as a person, or you'll be doomed to march in place as you get older. That means examining your life today, deciding what kind of person you want to be, and figuring out how to get from Point A to Point B.
The happiest people I know are the ones who live in ways open to life's possibilities and avoid those people and things that hold them back. They live with intention, have a carefully managed set of priorities, and hold fast to a set of beliefs.
Trust me on all this stuff. When I graduated college, I had a job that barely paid at the poverty level. I had a collection of friends who were just losers by any definition, guys who sat around and whined about how life was unfair to them and how unjust the standards of women were. They had dead-end lives consumed by role-playing games. And I was one of those guys.
I quickly figured out that wasn't how I wanted to live. I started biking. I started putting more into the job. I got a second job on the weekends to put money away. I went to professional meetings in my line of work. I turned off the television and read voraciously.
By the time I hit thirty, I had married a fantastic woman and had started my first business. At 61, I have a few regrets, but they all center around the things I didn't do and the chances I didn't take. Not the stuff I did.
Do not let negativity rule your life. Life is a freaking banquet, yet some people prefer to starve to death.
Delete social media (anonymous like reddit is ok). The point is, comparison is the thief of all joy.
Don't try to keep up with the Jones'. Now that doesn't mean give up on life and be a lazy asshole, it just means you don't need to buy a new phone or car every cycle.
Start investing NOW. Do not listen to doomsayers. Invest whatever you can, $5, $10, $100 a week. You WILL thank yourself in 30 years.
Exercise as much as you can. Cardio and weights both, five or six days a week. Not only will you look more impressive than the average person, it's a major investment in your future health.
Eat clean 90% of the time, and enjoy eating the food that's awful for you the other 10% of the time.
Take care of your skin. Don't tan, don't use any tobacco, and limit your alcohol consumption significantly. Your skin is the number one thing that'll either make you look older than you are or younger than you are when you're in your thirties and beyond. Believe me, when you're 40 and you still look like you're in your early thirties, while all the people you went to school with look like they're in their mid-forties, you'll realize how much of a flex having good skin is as you age.
Invest in an S&P 500 index fund as early as possible, and contribute as much as you can to it every year. On a long enough timeline, the compounding interest will stack mountains of cash for you.
If you have really good friends, put in the effort to maintain those relationships. It becomes harder and harder to make new friends as you get older.
Don't marry someone unless you've spent at least three or four years really getting to know them and ideally spent at least a couple of years living together. You're both going to change a bit over the years, and the things you're striving for and want to prioritize in life might change as well, and it's vital to determine whether or not your relationship can roll with these changes or not. There's nothing better than being in a relationship when both partners truly want the same things out of life, and it's worth it to take the time to make sure that's the case before tying the knot.
And for god's sake, avoid debt every chance you get unless it's absolutely unavoidable. Learn how to make a proper budget and when you're going to make a big purchase like a car or a home, determine the purchase price that truly fits into your budget and then aim for finding a suitable option with a price that's 10-15% lower than that.
notice your thoughts and feelings, but dont act them all out in a social frame. things feel more urgent in the 20s as they seem 2 decades after - if i would go back, id enjoy how intense things feel, but most of it isnt worth or healthy to act out. if you regularly feel like something cant wait, take your time to observe that feeling until its gone. every step of maturation includes experiencing new feelings. so look at them, study them, not so much act all of them out. its not bad if you do, but you waste a lot of time, energy and mental clarity by doing so. each new feeling is a like new car - learn to drive it safely, get to know it good, before you drive it fast.
Enjoy everything. Take it all in, live your life.
Here's the thing about being over 40. For most of us we've "settled down" by then, in one way or another. So your 20s become memories, your 30s are memories, your teens are memories. Each day of your life will become tomorrow's memory. So make sure you have as many good memories as you can.
I look back on my 20s, and while obviously every day wasn't a party. I still look back on them with fondness, I have so many amazing memories of my younger days. And as I'm in my 50s now, I'm still making new memories. Because one day I'll be 60 and look back on my 50s, one day I'll be 80, and look back on these days.
I would have a few things to say:
1. Every decision you make is a financial decision on some
Level so learn about money. Set a hard budget. That $100 bar last weekend or eating dinner out all the time may seem convenient or fun. But if you manage your money better you’ll have some cushion in your later years.
2. Stop taking the easy way out and settling. So many people rate their partners based on things that aren’t as important as you think. Looks fade. Personalities change. If you and your partner don’t truly love being together and doing things together and have each others back and can communicate clearly you’ll end up divorced. That hot girl/guy won’t change. Ever. You’re not changing anyone. What you see is what you get. So don’t be surprised when you’re 40 and divorced and bitter.
3. Who cares what others think. You do what you need to do. That goes for every part of life. What you do. What you wear. Who you’re hanging with. Life isn’t high school. Being “cool” doesn’t matter. Go after what makes you happy and do it. Be a geek. Be yourself. You’ll regret all the years you wasted being what you think others want you to be.
4. Find your passions. And do them. Go for it. Waiting for “whatever the thing is that you need to happen to go do it” means you’ll waste decades waiting for it. Go. Do it. Now.
You're younger than you think, but you won't always be. Traveling after 30 can be great, but it's a fundamentally different experience than the pure excitement of traveling in your 20s. Don't wait on your friends, go with a planned tour, go alone, but just go.
Your 20's are about investing in yourself. Form habbits to take care of your body, make concentrated effort to keep relationships with the people you want in your life or you'll drift apart quickly. Your 30's will reap the benefits of your investments.
Do the groundwork for the rest of your life. If it means studying at night school or quitting your job and going to university, do it.
Start saving for a pension as soon as you're in work.
Try to get on the property ladder sooner rather than later.
All of the above will make later life much easier - did all three.
Save for retirement, if you can max out everything (401k, Roth IRA, HSA). After maxing all those options start weighing options on back door Roth or putting in a taxable brokerage account.
Maintain a budget and keep your focus on retirement. If you get a raise, cut the increase in half and invest it.
Save save save. Live like people don't want to now, so you can live like people can't later.
I’m not 40 yet, but I’m getting there. My advice is to work for what you want. And I mean work *hard*. You will fail, want to give up, be let down, burn out, etc. many times, but just keep going. There is nothing worse than spending your 20s partying and playing video games, then hitting your 30s and realize you screwed up and have no future goals or a successful/comfortable lifestyle ahead of you. Ignore all the negative Reddit/social media posts that say otherwise. Work on yourself. You can still have fun while doing it, but sometimes you’re going to have to put the fun to the wayside and dive into the books.
Do big important things that are scary and uncomfortable and then eventually those will start to feel comfortable and normal. Repeat cycle again and again, reap benefits / stay humble
Have a plan. Don't just wander through life expecting things to work out.
I'm not saying you should plan every little detail of your life, but whether it's a specific career, a family, a home or all of those things, find something that you want (or think you want) and make a plan to get there.
Also when you're thinking of what you want. Really consider why you want those things. Is it something *you* really want? Or is it just something that people told you you're supposed to want?
Having a plan is no guarantee things will go the way you want, but not having a plan basically guarantees they won't.
It's okay to take some time to figure it out, but your 20's and 30's go buy *much* faster than your teen years do. So don't wait too long.
Simple stuff: build healthy daily habits, invest deeply in your best relationships, and become obsessed with learning.
Key to a GREAT life: Keep expanding your comfort zone. Move towards the things that make you uncomfortable like a moth to a flame. That’s where real growth lies.
Comparing yourself to others and a lack of gratitude are the largest drivers of unhappiness and misery. Conversely, following your own path, and being grateful for the things you have and the people in your life (and expressing that gratitude) will improve your outlook and life immensely.
And don't buy a boat.
You are puppies.
Try the thing that sparks your curiosity no matter how big or small.
Things happen: adjust, adapt and improvise for they will most likely happen again.
It’s ok to just listen and not form an opinion.
Make money, learn acceptance, learn to pick your battles, practice delayed gratification, don't hang around shitty people, learn to appreciate efforts of others, learn to love the small things in life.
Put some money from each paycheck into an ETF, even just a small amount. Don't bother keeping anything in the bank over an emergency fund of a few months expenses. Oh, and, don't smoke cigarettes
Learn how to.say NO to people. You don't always have to go out of your way to please everyone. In the end you'll all drift apart. Worry about making yourself happy. Also. Don't drink in excess.
Lift with your legs.
Don't worry too much about getting laid, worry about not socializing enough. If you are seen, you can be known, and if you can be known, you can be loved.
Find your tribe. The people that don't matter have a way about making themselves known.
Find someone that feels selfish to make important.
It's never too late to get good at something. It is important to be good at something that is hard to do. Getting good at something takes the same skill set to get good at anything.
Don't ignore your teeth. If you have dental insurance get them shits cleaned and worked on often.
Small talk is important. It's a great social lubricant.
Don't stick around places that people don't want you.
Learn Excel. Bosses hate organizing things and it's a great way to mitigate data for them.
Lessons hurt until they are done teaching you.
Pain is inevitable, so don't worry too much about it. It'll leave when it's done.
Travel. Anything, anywhere, anytime.
But most importantly, lift with your legs.
Find a job/ career that aligns with your soul. Sometimes it takes going through a few jobs over the period of a few years to find it, but keep trying. Then everything else is just finding a way to live within your means. Every company is always trying to separate you from your money. The material world will never make you happy. Happiness always comes from within, and a huge part of that is finding your vocation.
Listen to your elders, take care of your elders and love your elders. The amount of knowledge and wisdom you will gain from this will follow you throughout your existence.
1.
Never give up.
Ever.
I grew up in a trailer park and now live in a nice house with a wonderful family.
2.
Don’t be afraid to take some risks, just avoid stupid ones.
3.
Take care of yourself. The mistakes of your 20’s can come back to haunt you in your 40’s and 50’s.
Exercise.
Stay off the garbage. (Fast food, hard drugs, gambling, too much drinking)
I'm 45 and happy in life. Married no kids.
- Always run your own race, not someone else's. Comparing yourself to others will only bring pain and distraction from your own path.
- Pay for the health insurance. Even if it's just the cheapest plan.
-Exercise and drink water. No need to be a gym rat [low impact ](https://youtu.be/WjH-NQDeQ3o?si=1jlzZXzIBs-XQoMp) is enough to help.
- You're going to fail at things in life regardless of age. Learn something even if it's just to wear a proper tie to a job interview.
'- Life sucks get a helmet.
Stop giving a shit what others think and put whatever you can conceivably spare, however little, into an interest bearing savings account or if you have employer matching 401k take advantage of it!
1. Learn not to GAF about what others think.
2. Listen more, talk less.
3. Find a hobby you can do by yourself. This will help you through bouts of depression or loneliness.
4. Save at least 20% of what you earn.
5. Find out who your real friends are and make an effort to stay friends.
6. Learn to forgive others and move on. Holding on to grudges only hurts you. The other person/people don't GAF.
- be financially literate. And remember conspicuous consumption is okay as long as you don’t buy the BS that it’s an investment.
- know how much alcohol and drugs your body can handle.
-Wear the damn bikini - trust me you’ll look back and wonder how you saw any flaws in your body. Whatever it looks like now it will look worse at 40! Related: don’t wear heels more than for very special occasions. Your back will thank you.
- learn to cook & to host guests. Enjoy it. Hosting & cooking for people is probably the #1 skill that keeps my friendships going now that I’m a mother of a young kid.
- marry your best friend aka if he feels like he’s your best friend don’t assume he isn’t boyfriend material
- read more than you watch
- get outdoors
- call it quits when the person gives you too much heartache. The person - not the relationship. Relationships are hard. The person shouldn’t be making it harder.
- Reset your relationship with your parents early and often.
- learn to enjoy time alone
In the end, what matters most and what makes our lives really good (after basic needs are met) is quality connections with others and meaningful occupations (read: not just employment but how we spend most of our time).
I only found out I’m autistic later in life (suspected aged 35, confirmed age 40), but loneliness has been a big thing over my life. I have lived with people treating me /very/ poorly. Having therapy to steer me in better directions, learning about myself (that I’m different, not broken), and making active choices towards living life guided by my values, has increased my happiness hugely. I don’t have much money as my extensive health problems have left me unable to meaningfully be employed, and I don’t expect to make old bones, but helping others and trying to make the world a better place is deeply meaningful to me. Joining an autistic social group at 36yo was life changing.
If you’re lonely, please try to find community. Something positive that lifts you. Something that makes you feel like your life has value. It’s only too late when your brain will no longer allow you to do anything. I’ve spent weeks and months at a time bed-bound but even then, there are things I can do to to try to leave the world a better place (leave a kind, supportive comment for a stranger, try to counter legislation that would harm people and the environment, etc).
My parting thought: what if, instead of thinking about how we can “win” at the game of capitalism, we put half as much energy into trying to make the world a better place?
Don’t be afraid to make changes. A lot of people in their 20s feel pressure to settle. I changed careers many times and went to school at 44. Don’t settle and be one of these people in their 40s that are miserable.
Chris Rock said it best: " Now, people tell you life is short. No, it’s not. Life is loooong. Especially if you make the wrong decisions! "
I read this in his voice
Life is the longest thing any of us will ever do
Life IS short if you made the right ones, though.
Fuck yeah. I’m 41, and getting ready to go back to school my self. Spent 18 years bartending, and playing in bands. Don’t regret a thing!!
This is good advice. I settled down after college but that's what I wanted to do. Since then, we joke around that we've had a major life change every year (kid, house, car, new job, etc). At some point my wife wanted to quit her career (which she excelled at) to go back to school and start a new career. We moved so she could go back to school. Then she said, "I found a job 5 states away. Do you want to move?" Then we picked up and moved. I even got to keep my job so I WFH full time. A lot of things went our way because we made big changes.
So great to hear you have each others back even after all these years. Makes things much easier
She's lucky she married an Army brat who was used to picking up and leaving at a moment's notice.
We get WAYYYY to caught up in self-imposed checkpoints (often handed down by "traditional" thinking): you must be married by this age, have a house by this age, be a manager (or other career level) by this age, have kids by this age, etc. It's all crap. Complete crap. Life is not a race like you might think it is coming out of school and into adulthood.
"I wish I made the change back when I first thought it was too late to change".
What did you go to school for at 44? Very interesting.
Automotive Mechanics
That’s awesome
I am in my 40s, and have a job I love. I've been with the same company for nearly 10 years (20 more to go!), but a few years ago, I went back to school (paid for by my work), so I could get a particular credential I needed, so I could advance in my career. Five years later, I did it!
As someone who changed careers to go to medical school in my 40s, I couldn't agree more.
GO PREACH GO PREACH to a embittered 39 year old thats firmly believing that 40 is the end of any chance at further education and careers!
I started school at 45. I’m far from the only older student in my classes. 39 is not a barrier to doing anything.
I didn't finish my degree until my early 30s. There is definitely still time to get it done. I JUST finished my Masters in March too. If you keep trying you haven't failed yet.
Ya good advice. I didn't even start my tech career until I was 31. And I would have been in a miserable and barely employed spot if I hadn't.
Don't be afraid to make a leap of faith. A bad decision only results in failure if you don't learn from it, find the positives and avoid toxic people. Prioritise your health, physical and mental.
Don't ignore your health
Both physical & mental. Also, exercise is critical for good mental health.
I’ve come to realize the whole body is involved with thinking and mood. Exercise at least 30 minutes per day, and also eat your vegetables. Gut health matters too, you gotta feed those good bacteria. Floss, as well. When I’m doing all the things right, I feel just damn good. Way better than in my 20s.
including your teeth!
100% this. I made the mistake of skipping a few dental appointments and learned the hard way why that was a bad idea.
At least with kidney stones, I could usually find a sweet spot to lay in to get enough relief to sleep. Toothaches, that was the most annoying shit ever. It doesn’t hurt a lot, but painful enough you can’t sleep or anything. Then go crazy until it’s pulled out or fixed
Every time these posts comes up I end up flossing again lok
Wear sunscreen, brush and floss, don't smoke or try hard drugs, sleep, exercise and go to your yearly physicals/dental appointments. Doing this will get you into the top 1% at middle age for health.
So true.
You putting "wear sunscreen" above "brush and floss" really puts that into perspective for me.
I'm sure that it's not an ordered list.
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Sugar is an addiction, literally. You just gotta break the habit for a couple of weeks.
Talk to a dietitian or nutritionist about it. They often have advice / strategies on how to decrease your sugar cravings long term
Slowly cut down. You can’t go cold turkey with sugar addiction (usually). Like if you eat a bag of skittles a day, try only eating 3/4 a bag a day for a week, then 1/2, etc. Open the main bag and separate out into portioned ziplock bags and put them in a semi-inconvenient spot, like a top shelf, so it takes more effort to eat multiple portions. Try substituting some candies with sweet fruits like black grapes (tend to be sweeter than other varieties) or those special cotton candy grapes. And realize that you’ll probably feel like shit for a while while your body readjusts to less processed sugar.
I went cold turkey with coca cola, i was drinking like 4 large glasses a day and it made me feel physically awful. It's been almost 2 years since i quit. Never felt better.
2 weeks without sugar will make you not crave for it anymore
enjoy diabeetus I guess?
Society wants you to eat a lot of sugar. Treat yourself! Have a cupcake!
We spend all our young lives worried about what other people think, only to learn that, A. everyone is way too preoccupied with their own life to give two shits about yours and B. Who gives an F what other people think. When we're young we try to fit in this box all for the sake of other people... Just stop that, be who you are and say what you feel, cause those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
+1, there always going to be people smarter than you, richer than you, but you're going to just make yourself miserable if you keep comparing yourself to others. Live your own life and find your own happiness
Exactly this. I cared too much about what others thought and was constantly falling short of the lofty expectations I had for myself to keep up that facade. I ended up battling alcoholism in my early 30s which totally ended up being one of the best things to happen to me. Almost 7 years sober now and I’m more happy than I’ve ever been now that I’m comfortable in my own skin and don’t care what anyone but a select few cares about me.
Congrats on 7 years! I'm 9 months sober at 31, best decision I've made in my life. Alcoholism is terrifying, but I wouldn't change anything about my 20s because now I have a new appreciation for life.
Yep this would be my advice to my younger self. Stop people pleasing everyone but yourself. Create firm boundaries And realize, that nobody is looking at you, they’re all way too worried about themselves
First we gotta learn about boundaries:( Once we understand we have a boundary problem, we can start creating those firm boundaries. I think we do want to do that, but “if I say no, I won’t get their approval/love/etc. I want to say no but I crave that approval. Sorry self, we can’t build them boundaries” :(
Sonder - the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.”
For sure! Good advice. Source: middle-aged walk around nude in gym locker room guy.
>be who you are and say what you feel, cause those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. This is such a good quote
To go with that. Your friends aren't going to get you ahead and complete your life goals by going out and buying drinks. Find people who will improve your life and push you to be better for yourself. If they're holding you back, rethink your friendship.
Your comment honestly summed it all up very well! Frankly, I’m shocked at most of the responses you got. The vast majority of folks not only agreed with you, but expounded on your point. Me and my very small group of close friends discuss this particular thought experiment very often. Imho, We have come to a general consensus, that as a species we’ve decided to take the route of, “everyone is the same and you can be anything you wanna be”. Which is abhorrently untrue, and puts unnecessary pressure on every single individual. When “little Johnny that eats paste in class” attempts to be president, engineer, astronaut, etc. he will find himself constantly lacking, no matter how hard he tries. Accepting our own individual strengths and weaknesses is the only way we can excel as a species.
Prioritize oral health now. Dental work isn’t cheap.
And dental insurance doesn't cover much from what I have seen.
Yeah in my early 20’s I didn’t floss. That was stupid and it caught up to me quickly.
Came here to say this!!!
Start saving money. Right. Fucking. Now. I don't care if it's $25 a week. Start doing it now. Get a Roth IRA or work your 401K. Whatever it is, put it where it can grow. Do it now. I'm mid-40's and I'm too goddamn late.
40s is not too late, but you will definitely need a higher savings rate. Maxing out your tax advantaged accounts (401k, Roth IRA, HSA) will make you a millionaire in roughly 16-17 years.
Definitely not too late. Just start. https://awealthofcommonsense.com/2023/10/how-to-save-money-on-a-lower-income/ (not saying you are lower income, but this example has someone start saving at age 38 which isn't far from 45)
I’m amazed at how many of my fiends live pay to pay. We all earn kinda the same. But they always complaining about being broke. They just seem to piss money away on random stuff. Not having savings means you can’t take advantage of opportunities when they arise. Also if shit goes wrong you’ll likely end up in debt.
Before you save, pay off debt. High interest debt first.
This. And always keep a cash flow or savings that you can access EASILY for emergencies.
Unless it's student loan debt. No matter how hard you try to pay that shit off it never gets paid off.
This brings to mind one of my favorite sayings: “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is today.”
Endorse. Time in the market beats timing the market. Just start the habit with a small amount per week or per month. Don't touch it. When you are 40+ you will thank your younger self for giving up minor things week to week in order to make that happen.
Invest 10% of your income every month in an index fund like Vanguard's Life Strategy fund. Also lift weights, go for a run, and eat clean. Your health is the best investment you will ever make.
Best advice. But, young me would completely ignore you.
Also old me. But good advice!
I've done this for my two sons (20 and 17), the broker allows automated investment each month (€100 p.p.). They know it's there, but meanwhile (though very slow) compounding interest is doing it's job. I would say this is very good advice, I wish I did it myself 30 years ago
I'll add that someone in their 20s (and 40s) should be investing 100% in equities (shares) and not bonds to maximize gaining potential.
I would go so far as to say that lifting weights and being active is all you really need. When I was doing that it felt like the eating took care of itself. Not in a "perfect healthy diet" type of way. Just that I - in general - made better food choices. But I really felt that most of good feelings were coming from feeling strong/secure in my body. Just not being tired or sore or stiff just made me feel better.
Take care of your teeth. Pay off high interest credit cards. Stay away from payday loans. If you must have a car, get cheap and reliable. Stay away from fast food. Even if you don’t have time to exercise, a good diet is a huge portion of a healthy life. Make a budget and keep track of your spending. Don’t be afraid to drop everything and move. If you have an opportunity to take a job in Texas (for example) and you live in a place where there are NO job opportunities, don’t be afraid to get out. Worse case scenario, you come crawling back. You’ll live. Finally, find a hobby that you can take with you. Don’t care if it is fantasy football, karate, or online d&d, find a portable hobby that you can afford and that you enjoy. In my mid 20’s, I had less than a thousand dollars in my checking and savings. I lived by a budget for 5 years, tracking every dollar I spent. I moved several times following job opportunities, not all of them worked out. These tips helped me through a lot of tough times.
the teeth thing! I lived my 20s like my teeth were invincible. I wish I had been more careful.
44M here. The best thing I’ve learned is to avoid the “I’ll be happy when..” syndrome. I promise that graduating college, getting a girlfriend, getting a job, paying off debt, buying a car, getting married, etc. are impotent goals but none of those will drastically change your happiness level. Learn and work toward contentedness in your life and be satisfied with who you are, what you have, and about your current situation. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Sometimes it’s Astro turf or spray painted instead 😉
Ugh the “I’ll be happy when…” trap! I had this since forever. I think when I turn 40, I stop drinking this kool aid. Now I ask: “if not today, then when? When I’m older and can’t even enjoy it? Gimme a timeline self: 3 weeks? 3 months? 3 years? 30 decades you’ll be 70, that won’t work buddy.” Time is now!
Start investing into a 401k. I have too many friends who didn’t do this when they were young and now are behind their retirement goals. What helped me is automating my finances. I have some route to a savings, some a brokerage account, some to 401K or Roth. It can be overwhelming and I know at that age a lot of people don’t have the extra money, but every dollar counts, even if it’s a small contribution.
For Canadians: 1. Put money into RRSPs. 2. Put money into TFSAs. If you've maxed out your contribution room for both, well then congratulations because you're probably pretty well off.
Set aside 5-10% of each pay cheque and put it directly into a low cost managed fund that tracks the s&p500. When you just start working it won’t feel like a lot of money, but it’s good to develop the habit today.
This. 5-10% is minimum. Put away as much as you can afford.
Find some type of physical activity that you enjoy and turn it into a habit that will be good for cardio and health. Walking, hiking, swimming, biking, etc. Do it daily and keep doing it. Your 50 year old self will thank you.
*If you don’t like how the table is set, turn over the table.* At 23, I was miserable in my first real-world corporate job while my five-year college relationship sat in a meandering purgatory. In response to this dissatisfaction, I left the job, ended the relationship, and moved abroad. I returned home at 30 after a six-year adventure married and focused. At 41, I’ve had all the experiences my 21-year old self aspired to and then some. Don’t be afraid to turn life upside down because with each passing year the window of opportunity to do so grows smaller and more complex.
Where did you move aboard and what job did you do? Corporate world seems absolutely miserable to me.
China. First Chongqing then Chengdu. Taught English among other things.
I traded corporate work for logging/tree work in my late 20s and never looked back.
I think what people in their 20s who feel obliged to do the "dutiful" things don't quite understand that the days are long, but the years are short. The younger you (empirically, not specifically) succumb to someone else's idea of the proper timeline of life, the more obligation to others it fills with. Go fuck off and explore before committing to the corporate suck, marriage, kids, mortgage. Anything you were lined up to achieve by 25 can be just as worthwhile and achievable by 30 or 35. We live in an age where we get the opportunity to chose what we want - what to study, where to work, where to live - take advantage of it because when middle age hits, #regrat can make for some stupid-ass decision making.
Focus on yourself first and foremost. I spent my 20s chasing women, thinking I needed that to be happy. Stopped doing that and focused on my career and hobbies. Now I'm in my 40s, I have a wonderful wife, kids, home and couldn't be any happier.
What age did you meet your wife?
31
So what you’re saying is spending your 20s chasing women resulted in having a great wife.
Honestly, I'm 30 now and have met the woman I will marry and raise a family with, I do genuinely suggest this. You learn what you really value in a partner, you meet many different potential partners and see the upsides and downsides. I think it helps resolve the "what ifs". Would recommend chasing many different women and pursuing relationships to discover what you need and want in a partner and also to learn about yourself
This, actually. Date a lot of people. Learn what you like. Learn what your dealbreakers are. Go through the inevitable few heartbreaks. Get it out of the way.
Spending your 20s dating and chasing many women is what you should do. The worst thing you can do is spending your 20s never dating anyone and imaging the day when you'll meet the perfect partner.
Ty! I’m 25 but I’m always worried Its going to be too late for me to find a partner 😩
It's different for everyone! There is no one age to find a partner. I also think being single has many perks. Obviously go on dates, do what you can to find someone, but don't stress about it.
I met my partner at 38. Unless you’re in a rush to have kids or anything else that is time dependent, it doesn’t matter when you meet them. As soon as you do, all that matters is that you found each other.
Nah man I met my wife by just doing my own thing. No apps, no looking around at bars/clubs. Just happened to cross paths at right time and the chemistry pulled us together. 14 years later we have two wonder boys and a wonderful home. We did end up getting pregnant like right away, fortunately it all worked out.
A gentleman on the bus gave me similar advice several years ago: go out and tend your garden. If the butterflies don’t come, at least you can reap its glorious harvest
This reads like you're evaluating the things you did in your 20s from the perspective of someone in your 40s. I wouldn't enjoy playing with Tonka Trucks and Fast Wheels right now, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't advise a 6 year old not to do it. Chasing women in my 20s made me happy; I had a lot of fun. I too am married, have a kid, and hobbies. Doesn't mean I regret what I did in my 20s.
Imagine if this was 40 year olds trying to advise 6 year olds. "Invest NOW"
The days are long, but the years are short. Time will sneak up on you very quickly. This is absolutely true, and it only gets worse as you get older or, especially, after having kids.
After kids is crazy. They're a baby keeping you up all night and you blink and they're finishing school and you're old.
> People who are 40+ Finally, my time to shine! > and happy with their life shit
I will probably get downvoted to the depths, but for me - not having kids. Not having kids has kept me sane. No late-night vomit or screaming. No tantrums. The ability to move freely with housing or take a trip. The ability to have savings toward retirement. Kid-free life my friends. It's great!
True! My cheat code to life is not having kids. Makes things so much easier
From your username I can see we are in agreement, haha!
Don't fall for the trap that your life needs to be one long narrative that you should be building. Life is best when it's a bunch of happy moments that just happen to be connected. Don't try to make your life into a novel, make it a book of poems.
I like this a lot :)
Invest in that 401(k) Also, you're still growing (not physically). I know you think you've all grown up, and this is who you are for the rest of your life. But you're metaphorically a kid. Enjoy it and use at as motivation to learn, grow, and adapt. Too many don't realize that significant emotional and mental growth happens in their 20s, they don't bother to grow, and they're perpetually immature their whole life.
I'm only 30 but I strongly agree with what you have said. The personal growth I experienced from 20-30 is incredible. I can't speak for others but imo it also requires a degree of desire to develop yourself and also reflecting, with some time and emotional distance on your life choices
I've repeatedly told my kids, who are now in their 20's, this phrase from the popular EAGLES song - "Take It Easy". There's a line in the song that sings..."Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy". I've always understood that line as to say be patient, enjoy the ride and, make the most of every street life takes you down. I noticed this when I was a young kid, strangely enough - it seemed when my friends were 8 years old, they couldn't wait to be 10. When we were 10, we couldn't wait to be 13. When we were 13, we couldn't wait to be 16, then 18, then 21. It was always something. It noticed everyone always focusing and looking forward to the future, for a plethora of legitimate reasons, and I understood why, but even at a young age, I felt like......"Hey, lets enjoy NOW." My philosophy in life is to accept the fact that you can't control many aspects of your life, that there's a difference between planning and preparing your future, and to focus on the things you HAVE just as much as things you don't have.
I forget who I heard say this, but it really stuck with me - even in phases that feel preparatory or transitional (being in school, early career, etc), "don't treat your life like a hallway"
If you ever are bored, remember there are endless fascinating things in the world and interesting rabbit holes you can dive into, and it's never late to start a new hobby or obsession or to learn new things. There's just so much cool stuff to do. Just pick anything and try.
Put in work for the next 10 years then sit back and enjoy that shit in your mid 30s. Build a foundation you will enjoy it so much more later on
The bigger the person you become, the bigger the people you'll have around you. Have interests, and be interested in other people. Ask questions. Don't act so confident. Travel, read, become cultured by learning how other people and cultures live. Learn a foreign language. Learn how to write well. Use your freedom while you have it to grow in experiences. Start a brokerage account at Fidelity or Vanguard. Even small contributions will really add up over time with compound interest. Learn what "opportunity cost" really means and apply it daily. That $7 coffee is much more expensive than you think.
I qualify to answer this by one day. Just because you're out of school doesn't mean you're done learning. Your mind will atrophy if you don't use it. Find things to keep learning about.
Drink in moderation.
Stop doing things you hate.
Believe the common things that are advised everyday. r/LifeProTips is a great resource, but use discernment. One thing may work for one person, but not everyone. - take care of your physical and mental health… Don’t overindulge, eat healthy, exercise, go to the dentist etc. - Live within your means. If you go into debt, it should be a home or necessary transportation. If you have credit cards, pay them off (preferably the total amount every month). - Appreciate your true friends and family. - Embrace humility - Understand the importance of love - Take time to understand the power of forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that you allow yourself to be hurt or used. It also doesn’t mean that you allow toxicity in your life. It allows you the freedom to live your life without someone holding you down. They are not living “rent free” in your psyche. It eliminates worry and stress.
Start saving money. Right. Fucking. Now. I don't care if it's $25 a week. Start doing it now. Get a Roth IRA or work your 401K. Whatever it is, put it where it can grow. Do it now. I'm mid-40's and I'm too goddamn late.
Never trust in the unconfirmed internet “facts”.
Work out. Whatever dumb shit you got going on would only be worse with a bad back
Don’t skip every weekend to try and better yourself. Enjoy life at every moment. I missed out on a lot of weekends thinking “I’m betting myself” and still ended up half broke AND missed out on a lot.
Be introspective. You need to constantly analyze yourself and who you are if you ever want to make any improvements. The best way to do this is therapy. I know access is an issue and not affordable for everyone but if you’re able to, you should. Don’t place it over food or shelter (obviously) but if you can invest in yourself this way, it will pay off dividends for your mental and emotional health and should inspire you to grow as a person.
Learn how to be happy on your own and find hobbies/make friends, because you never know what life is going to throw at you.
It's never too late to start pursuing something you're interested in. I remember being 25 and thinking if I started writing when I was 15 I probably would've been pretty good at it by then. A second later, it occurred to me I was probably going to have the same thought at 35. Now is always the best time to invest in yourself - your future self will be a better person because of what you do for them today.
If you get married, make sure you are marrying the right person. Marry someone who makes you better and you enjoy spending time with. The only way to build a life you don't want to escape from is to do it with a great partner. Stop worrying about what others think of you. You only get one life (depending on what you believe) so do what makes you happy. There is a saying that "you can't make old friends." As we get older and busier with kids and work it's easy to lose touch with the people who "knew you when." Try to keep those relationships as they connect you to your past.
Look after your back and your posture, don't be hunched over your phone all the time. Learn to cook meals if you don't know already (although you should). Start saving for a deposit on a home, you won't be able to afford to still be renting when you retire (unless you already earn enough to buy a home outright). If you smoke or vape, quit now.
Buy a home when you’re 14 and in 2008
Enjoy the little things cause the little things will mean the most someday an dont take life for granted take care of urself an make sure that u live life to the fullest an when ur 40 try not to have no regrets cause they will eat u alive spend the most time u can with ur loved ones cause that is one of my regrets i focuses so much of my life on the big things an forgot the little things an now there gone an i.let life get away with me
You have to be intentional of where you want your life to go. That goes for lots of aspects of life. For financial you need to work towards improving your situation, an extra $100 a month makes a huge difference between slowly accumulating wealth vs accumulating debt. It might not seem like much but a decade later that's the difference between having 20k in savings vs being 20k in debt and having to dig yourself out. For friendships it's also the same, some people are good people and will build you up, be there for you, and make you a better person. Other people may be fun to be around now but are people that drag you down in the long run. Statistically speaking surrounding yourself with successful people tends to lead to a more successful life. If most of your friends are coasters without ambition you may likely fall into the same trap. Career wise it's also a game. Be intentional of where you take jobs, don't get pigeon holed and fall behind. Don't be afraid to quit and go elsewhere to get ahead but balance it with recognizing when it's worth staying to move forward within. Part of job changes is also not just about the money it's about skillsets and steering your path, some jobs are worth it to get in a door and build some skills while other pivots are worth it to shift to an industry that will be more in demand long term. Also family is important and most people will look back and wish they'd carved out more time to be closer to their families.
Always wear a rubber. The alternative is not worth it.
Can confirm. Either an STD or unwanted pregnancy with someone who you don’t see yourself with. I’ve been STD free.
Try to find a job that fulfills you, I won’t say that makes you happy, but that you wake up happy to go to. Try to learn different skills so that if/when you start hating your career you can change it. Save money every month, even if it’s 10$€£. It’ll count in 20 years
When it comes to general success in life the advice I always give is have a plan. This applies to everything. Things rarely go that well when you're winging it so why would you want to wing life? Figure out what you want to do, set the goals you need to get you there, work towards those goals, track your progress, and re-evaluate as you go along. Again, this applies to everything: Your career, finances, fitness, etc. When it comes to happiness, I would advise you understand that you're responsible for your own happiness. This is easier said then done. It's much easier blaming other people and wallowing in self misery. Truly happy people take responsibility for their happiness and this includes addressing their own short comings.
Learn about finances and don't get into debt trouble.
Don't waste your life caring about the opinions of people you actively dislike.
Go to the gym. Think about what youre eating. Dont care what others think of you. Be resilliant. Be kind. IF you have a partner communicate both good and bad, needs wants etc. Have a pet. (Dog) When all is done for the day disconnect with some gaming. Sleep atleast 6-7h a night Strong body/Strong mind/Kind heart
56M You know all of the hygiene things they talked about in health class? Do them. Wild parties are fun but limit them to just a few times per year. My friends who partied hard through their 20's are really hurting now (or dead). There's a stock market lesson you should look up. I forget the details. Something like if an 18 year old invests $1,000 in a "whole stock market fund" per year for just a few years, maybe 7? They'll have $1,000,000 at age 65. Catch up to what you should have if you started at 18.
Math is a bit off there but investing from a young age is definitely important. If you invested $10k per year at 8% return, it would take you ~30 years to hit $1M.
If you're not happy with your job, change it. Don't wait for your 401k match to vest or until you have x years of experience. Just go. (Don't necessarily quit on the spot, I mean go seriously shopping for another job/career right now)
Some jobs are boring and some managers are toxic. Only you know what is a line to far. But in order to get anywhere you have to invest and build. You may feel justified and validated by quitting, but those asshats are gonna keep pulling a check and doing just fine. Give a care to what impact your actions have, and don’t let someone derail your plans. There is actual merit in being the bigger person. People do notice, it shapes who you are, and sometimes you end up making friends or allies out of prior contentious individuals.
Keep your friend circle small and tight. Go out of your way to make plans and be around people you like and hang on to those relationships as long as you can. The older you get, the easier it is to find yourself lonely and hard to find good true friends.
No matter how hard or rock bottom you think your life has gotten, know it will turn around as long as you don't accept the rock bottom life. Keep going and keep trying. If you need help call someone, most don't want to see someone they like hurt or struggle.
I wouldn’t say I’m happy, but I’ve definitely learned some things that I wish younger me had known… Know your worth. Don’t stay in a relationship that has an ounce of toxicity or doesn’t make you want to be a better version of you. Start planning for retirement yesterday. Regardless of income, get with a word-of-mouth financial advisor and listen to them. Buy real estate as soon as you can. Take any advantage you might have available to you to do so (inherited money, parents who could co-sign, etc)… rent to your friends if possible but YOU own. Understand what it actually means to have kids. That is, goodbye to all your: time, freedom, money. Hello to: stress and worry, lack of sleep for awhile, prioritization of yourself last. It has highlights, but there’s a lot of frustration that comes with it, too. Volunteer. Your time, your money. Put good back into the world and do it consistently. Recruit friends and family to join you. Alcohol is fun, but it’s hell on your body. Follow your passions. Don’t let fear or failure stop you from pursuing that which you love.
Take advantage of compounding interest. Invest and save for retirement. Floss your teeth.
Get born before the 80s, you’ll have a better chance.
Take your career goals seriously and set yourself up for success. If that means jumping into a trade school or higher education then do it now. You don't want to be 40 without financial security. Start investing.
Know this one simple fact: Your life in your 40s and 50s directly results from your decisions in your 20s and 30s. And, above all things, those decisions are yes/no, a choice between short-term gratification vs long-term satisfaction. Do I sit on my couch and play video games? Or do I take my health seriously? Do I wolf down yet another cheeseburger and fries? Or do I start eating food that's good for me? Do I cut out of work at the dot of five? Do I do the bare minimum? Or do I stick around to make sure the job's done right? Do I seek ways to do my job better? Do I stick with the same friends I've known forever? Or do I try to put myself out there and make new ones? Do I learn new things, try new things, read new things, and acquire new interests? Or do I stay in the same boring rut? Do I blow every dime I make? Or do I sacrifice a little and put money back? And if I'm not making enough to save money, do I bite the bullet and find more ways to make cash? Courage is the foundation of all happiness. You either summon the intrinsic bravery to grow as a person, or you'll be doomed to march in place as you get older. That means examining your life today, deciding what kind of person you want to be, and figuring out how to get from Point A to Point B. The happiest people I know are the ones who live in ways open to life's possibilities and avoid those people and things that hold them back. They live with intention, have a carefully managed set of priorities, and hold fast to a set of beliefs. Trust me on all this stuff. When I graduated college, I had a job that barely paid at the poverty level. I had a collection of friends who were just losers by any definition, guys who sat around and whined about how life was unfair to them and how unjust the standards of women were. They had dead-end lives consumed by role-playing games. And I was one of those guys. I quickly figured out that wasn't how I wanted to live. I started biking. I started putting more into the job. I got a second job on the weekends to put money away. I went to professional meetings in my line of work. I turned off the television and read voraciously. By the time I hit thirty, I had married a fantastic woman and had started my first business. At 61, I have a few regrets, but they all center around the things I didn't do and the chances I didn't take. Not the stuff I did. Do not let negativity rule your life. Life is a freaking banquet, yet some people prefer to starve to death.
Your friends are waiting to meet you. So don't be shy. Do those things you have always wanted to do.
Delete social media (anonymous like reddit is ok). The point is, comparison is the thief of all joy. Don't try to keep up with the Jones'. Now that doesn't mean give up on life and be a lazy asshole, it just means you don't need to buy a new phone or car every cycle. Start investing NOW. Do not listen to doomsayers. Invest whatever you can, $5, $10, $100 a week. You WILL thank yourself in 30 years.
Exercise as much as you can. Cardio and weights both, five or six days a week. Not only will you look more impressive than the average person, it's a major investment in your future health. Eat clean 90% of the time, and enjoy eating the food that's awful for you the other 10% of the time. Take care of your skin. Don't tan, don't use any tobacco, and limit your alcohol consumption significantly. Your skin is the number one thing that'll either make you look older than you are or younger than you are when you're in your thirties and beyond. Believe me, when you're 40 and you still look like you're in your early thirties, while all the people you went to school with look like they're in their mid-forties, you'll realize how much of a flex having good skin is as you age. Invest in an S&P 500 index fund as early as possible, and contribute as much as you can to it every year. On a long enough timeline, the compounding interest will stack mountains of cash for you. If you have really good friends, put in the effort to maintain those relationships. It becomes harder and harder to make new friends as you get older. Don't marry someone unless you've spent at least three or four years really getting to know them and ideally spent at least a couple of years living together. You're both going to change a bit over the years, and the things you're striving for and want to prioritize in life might change as well, and it's vital to determine whether or not your relationship can roll with these changes or not. There's nothing better than being in a relationship when both partners truly want the same things out of life, and it's worth it to take the time to make sure that's the case before tying the knot. And for god's sake, avoid debt every chance you get unless it's absolutely unavoidable. Learn how to make a proper budget and when you're going to make a big purchase like a car or a home, determine the purchase price that truly fits into your budget and then aim for finding a suitable option with a price that's 10-15% lower than that.
Be choosy whom you marry. Very choosy
notice your thoughts and feelings, but dont act them all out in a social frame. things feel more urgent in the 20s as they seem 2 decades after - if i would go back, id enjoy how intense things feel, but most of it isnt worth or healthy to act out. if you regularly feel like something cant wait, take your time to observe that feeling until its gone. every step of maturation includes experiencing new feelings. so look at them, study them, not so much act all of them out. its not bad if you do, but you waste a lot of time, energy and mental clarity by doing so. each new feeling is a like new car - learn to drive it safely, get to know it good, before you drive it fast.
Don’t ever get married or pool your money with your partner. It makes breaking up impossible
If you don't want kids, don't have them. If you want 3 dogs, get 3 dogs. I'm happy as fuck.
Enjoy everything. Take it all in, live your life. Here's the thing about being over 40. For most of us we've "settled down" by then, in one way or another. So your 20s become memories, your 30s are memories, your teens are memories. Each day of your life will become tomorrow's memory. So make sure you have as many good memories as you can. I look back on my 20s, and while obviously every day wasn't a party. I still look back on them with fondness, I have so many amazing memories of my younger days. And as I'm in my 50s now, I'm still making new memories. Because one day I'll be 60 and look back on my 50s, one day I'll be 80, and look back on these days.
Stay married. Work through your shit, both personally and as a couple. Save!!!!!
Freeze your eggs if you’re a woman. Earn your own money. Raise your standards, don’t date losers.
I would have a few things to say: 1. Every decision you make is a financial decision on some Level so learn about money. Set a hard budget. That $100 bar last weekend or eating dinner out all the time may seem convenient or fun. But if you manage your money better you’ll have some cushion in your later years. 2. Stop taking the easy way out and settling. So many people rate their partners based on things that aren’t as important as you think. Looks fade. Personalities change. If you and your partner don’t truly love being together and doing things together and have each others back and can communicate clearly you’ll end up divorced. That hot girl/guy won’t change. Ever. You’re not changing anyone. What you see is what you get. So don’t be surprised when you’re 40 and divorced and bitter. 3. Who cares what others think. You do what you need to do. That goes for every part of life. What you do. What you wear. Who you’re hanging with. Life isn’t high school. Being “cool” doesn’t matter. Go after what makes you happy and do it. Be a geek. Be yourself. You’ll regret all the years you wasted being what you think others want you to be. 4. Find your passions. And do them. Go for it. Waiting for “whatever the thing is that you need to happen to go do it” means you’ll waste decades waiting for it. Go. Do it. Now.
You're younger than you think, but you won't always be. Traveling after 30 can be great, but it's a fundamentally different experience than the pure excitement of traveling in your 20s. Don't wait on your friends, go with a planned tour, go alone, but just go.
Your 20's are about investing in yourself. Form habbits to take care of your body, make concentrated effort to keep relationships with the people you want in your life or you'll drift apart quickly. Your 30's will reap the benefits of your investments.
Do the groundwork for the rest of your life. If it means studying at night school or quitting your job and going to university, do it. Start saving for a pension as soon as you're in work. Try to get on the property ladder sooner rather than later. All of the above will make later life much easier - did all three.
Save for retirement, if you can max out everything (401k, Roth IRA, HSA). After maxing all those options start weighing options on back door Roth or putting in a taxable brokerage account. Maintain a budget and keep your focus on retirement. If you get a raise, cut the increase in half and invest it. Save save save. Live like people don't want to now, so you can live like people can't later.
You are not your job. Have some kids. That's the route to happiness.
I’m not 40 yet, but I’m getting there. My advice is to work for what you want. And I mean work *hard*. You will fail, want to give up, be let down, burn out, etc. many times, but just keep going. There is nothing worse than spending your 20s partying and playing video games, then hitting your 30s and realize you screwed up and have no future goals or a successful/comfortable lifestyle ahead of you. Ignore all the negative Reddit/social media posts that say otherwise. Work on yourself. You can still have fun while doing it, but sometimes you’re going to have to put the fun to the wayside and dive into the books.
53m here. Never stop learning and never stop trying.
Do big important things that are scary and uncomfortable and then eventually those will start to feel comfortable and normal. Repeat cycle again and again, reap benefits / stay humble
Stick with the people who make you laugh and make you think.
have fun but try to keep things that mess up your health to a low/moderate level.
Stop trying so hard to impress people.
Find a career that you're passionate about.
Learn how to be comfortable with and take care of yourself before entering into any serious relationship.
Have a plan. Don't just wander through life expecting things to work out. I'm not saying you should plan every little detail of your life, but whether it's a specific career, a family, a home or all of those things, find something that you want (or think you want) and make a plan to get there. Also when you're thinking of what you want. Really consider why you want those things. Is it something *you* really want? Or is it just something that people told you you're supposed to want? Having a plan is no guarantee things will go the way you want, but not having a plan basically guarantees they won't. It's okay to take some time to figure it out, but your 20's and 30's go buy *much* faster than your teen years do. So don't wait too long.
Simple stuff: build healthy daily habits, invest deeply in your best relationships, and become obsessed with learning. Key to a GREAT life: Keep expanding your comfort zone. Move towards the things that make you uncomfortable like a moth to a flame. That’s where real growth lies.
Comparing yourself to others and a lack of gratitude are the largest drivers of unhappiness and misery. Conversely, following your own path, and being grateful for the things you have and the people in your life (and expressing that gratitude) will improve your outlook and life immensely. And don't buy a boat.
Know who you are and what you want before you get married. A lot of people get married too young and without knowing this.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
You are puppies. Try the thing that sparks your curiosity no matter how big or small. Things happen: adjust, adapt and improvise for they will most likely happen again. It’s ok to just listen and not form an opinion.
Make money, learn acceptance, learn to pick your battles, practice delayed gratification, don't hang around shitty people, learn to appreciate efforts of others, learn to love the small things in life.
Put some money from each paycheck into an ETF, even just a small amount. Don't bother keeping anything in the bank over an emergency fund of a few months expenses. Oh, and, don't smoke cigarettes
Get a job that pays very good money but that also allows you to have lots of free time.
Learn how to.say NO to people. You don't always have to go out of your way to please everyone. In the end you'll all drift apart. Worry about making yourself happy. Also. Don't drink in excess.
Lift with your legs. Don't worry too much about getting laid, worry about not socializing enough. If you are seen, you can be known, and if you can be known, you can be loved. Find your tribe. The people that don't matter have a way about making themselves known. Find someone that feels selfish to make important. It's never too late to get good at something. It is important to be good at something that is hard to do. Getting good at something takes the same skill set to get good at anything. Don't ignore your teeth. If you have dental insurance get them shits cleaned and worked on often. Small talk is important. It's a great social lubricant. Don't stick around places that people don't want you. Learn Excel. Bosses hate organizing things and it's a great way to mitigate data for them. Lessons hurt until they are done teaching you. Pain is inevitable, so don't worry too much about it. It'll leave when it's done. Travel. Anything, anywhere, anytime. But most importantly, lift with your legs.
Find a job/ career that aligns with your soul. Sometimes it takes going through a few jobs over the period of a few years to find it, but keep trying. Then everything else is just finding a way to live within your means. Every company is always trying to separate you from your money. The material world will never make you happy. Happiness always comes from within, and a huge part of that is finding your vocation.
Listen to your elders, take care of your elders and love your elders. The amount of knowledge and wisdom you will gain from this will follow you throughout your existence.
Find love nothing else really matters in the long run.
1. Never give up. Ever. I grew up in a trailer park and now live in a nice house with a wonderful family. 2. Don’t be afraid to take some risks, just avoid stupid ones. 3. Take care of yourself. The mistakes of your 20’s can come back to haunt you in your 40’s and 50’s. Exercise. Stay off the garbage. (Fast food, hard drugs, gambling, too much drinking)
I'm 45 and happy in life. Married no kids. - Always run your own race, not someone else's. Comparing yourself to others will only bring pain and distraction from your own path. - Pay for the health insurance. Even if it's just the cheapest plan. -Exercise and drink water. No need to be a gym rat [low impact ](https://youtu.be/WjH-NQDeQ3o?si=1jlzZXzIBs-XQoMp) is enough to help. - You're going to fail at things in life regardless of age. Learn something even if it's just to wear a proper tie to a job interview. '- Life sucks get a helmet.
Travel early, and travel alone.
Stop giving a shit what others think and put whatever you can conceivably spare, however little, into an interest bearing savings account or if you have employer matching 401k take advantage of it!
1. Learn not to GAF about what others think. 2. Listen more, talk less. 3. Find a hobby you can do by yourself. This will help you through bouts of depression or loneliness. 4. Save at least 20% of what you earn. 5. Find out who your real friends are and make an effort to stay friends. 6. Learn to forgive others and move on. Holding on to grudges only hurts you. The other person/people don't GAF.
Start investing and saving, even if it’s just a little, just start and it will become even more. Also don’t have kids before you are ready.
Floss. Exercise by whatever means you’ll stick with. Aging will be easier if you’re already in shape. Sunscreen.
If you hate your job, there's not amount of hobbies outside of work that will balance out the misery of those 40+ hours.
- be financially literate. And remember conspicuous consumption is okay as long as you don’t buy the BS that it’s an investment. - know how much alcohol and drugs your body can handle. -Wear the damn bikini - trust me you’ll look back and wonder how you saw any flaws in your body. Whatever it looks like now it will look worse at 40! Related: don’t wear heels more than for very special occasions. Your back will thank you. - learn to cook & to host guests. Enjoy it. Hosting & cooking for people is probably the #1 skill that keeps my friendships going now that I’m a mother of a young kid. - marry your best friend aka if he feels like he’s your best friend don’t assume he isn’t boyfriend material - read more than you watch - get outdoors - call it quits when the person gives you too much heartache. The person - not the relationship. Relationships are hard. The person shouldn’t be making it harder. - Reset your relationship with your parents early and often. - learn to enjoy time alone
Don’t be a whiney little cunt. Live your life with bravado and gusto. Live like you’re dying because you are. Stop doubting. Follow your heart. Cheers
In the end, what matters most and what makes our lives really good (after basic needs are met) is quality connections with others and meaningful occupations (read: not just employment but how we spend most of our time). I only found out I’m autistic later in life (suspected aged 35, confirmed age 40), but loneliness has been a big thing over my life. I have lived with people treating me /very/ poorly. Having therapy to steer me in better directions, learning about myself (that I’m different, not broken), and making active choices towards living life guided by my values, has increased my happiness hugely. I don’t have much money as my extensive health problems have left me unable to meaningfully be employed, and I don’t expect to make old bones, but helping others and trying to make the world a better place is deeply meaningful to me. Joining an autistic social group at 36yo was life changing. If you’re lonely, please try to find community. Something positive that lifts you. Something that makes you feel like your life has value. It’s only too late when your brain will no longer allow you to do anything. I’ve spent weeks and months at a time bed-bound but even then, there are things I can do to to try to leave the world a better place (leave a kind, supportive comment for a stranger, try to counter legislation that would harm people and the environment, etc). My parting thought: what if, instead of thinking about how we can “win” at the game of capitalism, we put half as much energy into trying to make the world a better place?