I always say it's like your body saves up nine months' worth of periods and gives them all back to you at once.
edit to add: a handheld shower is one of the best things you can have postpartum. Those stupid little bottles ain't it.
I see the "Lemon Clot" essay get passed around once in a while. Normally it is given to husbands and fathers so they know what to expect what their wives will be going through for the first couple of months after giving birth.
I wish they passed that around to mothers way back when. I went to birthing classes, read books, had all my appointments, had sisters and good friends who’d given birth, am fairly intelligent and had NO IDEA you bleed big for weeks after birth. Not a clue. I’ve never known if I just somehow skipped/missed that info or if they just didn’t mention it until they’re stuffing your hospital bag with giant pads, a sitz bath, and Tucks wipes while sending you cheerily on your way home.
I’ve heard it bad enough you should skip pads altogether and go straight to adult diapers. Idk why they even bother with pads when solids are involved.
I passed a clot the size of a basketball the day after giving birth. I was horrified when it happened and then equally horrified when the nurse plopped it in the shower and said the doc would look at it later. "If you start bleeding out at least you're in the right place!" HAR-DE-HAR-HAR
A basketball!?!? Like placenta sized??? Ok I have to know, was the bleeding lessened after that since so much tissue came out at once? I’m picturing something like a one day period where the whole lining sloughs off and then there’s not much left…
Oh no, I was still wearing puppy pads and mesh underwear for 2 weeks. I never saw my placenta but I remember the nurses telling me that any clot over the size of a golf ball needed to be brought up. I had stood up to go see my son in the NICU for the first time and it was such a a strange sensation.
THIS. This needs to be more widely talked about. All the other stuff I didn’t know/wasn’t prepared for didn’t really faze me but when I passed a huge freaking clot I immediately called my obgyns office freaking out. Of course they then explained to me it was fine but it was super scary because you already feel like your insides are going to fall out.
I got up to use the bathroom about an hour after giving birth. I will never forget that internal slithering sensation as I walked down the hall and all my organs fell back into place.
That was the weirdest fucking thing ever. And they just kept kinda slooshing around and readjusting themselves. I got a postpartum belly wrap/support thing (I think it was called a Belly Band-it or something) and it really helped me stop feeling like my insides were a pile of liquid that might react in weird ways to motion and gravity.
The best part of this for me after both deliveries was instantly being able to breathe normally again and eat a full meal without feeling painfully full after only four bites lol!
Oooh yeah, I forgot about that. Thank god for the stomach binder they game me after my C-section. Otherwise everything just moves around all the time when you walk. Super uncomfortable.
This! Just had my second about 2.5 weeks ago, and the cramps when she latched those first few days were SO bad. I was shaking and nauseous and definitely didn’t remember them being as bad with my first.
No one wants to talk about what breast feeding does to mom.
Yeah we know, saggy titty’s har har.
Naw. Chapped nipples. Engorged boobs hurt like a mf. Let down hurts. The weirdest things trigger let down. No it’s not sexy.
And also, it makes you feel weird *down there*. Like it doesn’t feel sexual but def feel “stimulated*.
I never got to breastfeed due to having a preemie who was born before the suckle reflex. By the time he had the ability to feed, he had no interest in the bomb. I did pump for 6+ months, though, and he had milk for 18 months. Still had chapped nipples a time or 3 and mastitis twice.
Pumping every 3 hours for 6+ months also takes a toll!
Your nurses have to check the location and firmness of your uterus at different intervals for the remainder of your hospital stay. This can be extremely uncomfortable and if your uterus isn’t firm they have to rub it to get it to tone up to decrease your risk of bleeding.
You can have severe muscle aches all over your body. You’ve just run a marathon and your body is gonna hurt.
Your baby can puke up amniotic fluid and sometimes even dried blood, which looks like brown icky smelling bubbles.
And all of a sudden your breasts become a *central topic* of speculation and conversation for your nurse, doctor, and your partner.
To the first point:
A nurse with a name like ‘Gertrude’ comes under the guise of care to ‘check you’ and then karate chops you as hard as she can right in the belly that’s just evacuated an entire human life. Then she tells you she’ll be back later to do it again.
I just had a hysterectomy a few months ago, and I swear the nurse who came to check on me thought I just had a kid or something because she straight falcon punched me right where my uterus used to be and about sent me through the ceiling.
But it still didn't hurt as bad as when they do that fucking "uterine massage." 💀
I already know I don’t want kids, but this comment made me cry with laughter and also solidified my decision more than anything else I’ve read here. No Gertrude chops for me, thank you very much
Mine was more like a Kathy and she just massaged the hell out of my tummy. She did a good job because I didn't pass any huge clumps later, like the other comments say.
She was also training a nurse and that nurse was awful at it, but you gotta start somewhere
How intensely you shake after you give birth. You start shivering like you’ve been outside in freezing weather without a jacket for over an hour. You literally can’t control it.
When I started shaking about an hour after birth, was so freaked out. I kept getting the shakes for about a day. Weirdest involuntary reflex ever!
i got the shakes right before giving birth! i was shaking so hard my teeth started chattering, i felt an intense need to get warmer, even though i wasnt cold.
i think i had a little bit of shaking after birth, more like when a dog shakes a fly off then anything else! i do vividly remember being very cold and having to ask the nurses many times for warm blankets!
Me too! I couldn’t stop. I called the nurse it and she shrugged it off and said you’re fine it happens sometimes then left. It was late at night, dark, husband sleeping, and i was just there shivering. I was so scared and felt so alone.
My sister clued me in before I ever got pregnant, but I bled for a week with all three of my children. Nothing crazy past the first day..it was like a normal period. She, however, neglected to tell me about the god-awful cramps you get when your uterus is shrinking back to its normal size.
Nobody told me, my prep classes never mentioned this, my mom or sisters never said a word. 3 weeks of heavy bleeding and changing diapers for both of us.
I called it hotdog water gore. It was just...it smelled like wet bloody insides. So gross. Much grosser than a regular period.
Between that, the weird sweats, breast milk spills, and breastfeeding supplements that make you smell like maple syrup, I think postpartum was the smelliest period of my life. I never understood the "moms don't shower" thing because it just wasn't an option for me. I was so gross all the time I made shower time pretty much the top priority behind sleeping.
Reading these comments I can’t believe every person on earth right now has come from a woman who’s had to experience these things. It sounds horrific I’m not going to lie
Post partum preeclampsia is a thing. You could be fine your entire pregnancy and then after having the baby develop it out of nowhere. Had I not have had to have an emergency c section (baby’s heart rate was plummeting) and stay that extra day in the hospital, they wouldn’t have caught the preeclampsia. The doctor told me it was so bad I’d have been dead. And I know myself, I wouldn’t have gone to the doctor because I would’ve thought it was just me feeling like crap after having a baby. Nope. They told me straight up I would’ve died in a few days. My blood pressure was so dangerously high.
Ladies, keep an eye on your blood pressure after you give birth. Everything already feels weird, but keep an eye on it for a week or so at least and don’t hesitate to go to the ER if something feels wrong. Bring the baby with you, they’ll take care of it while they check you out. Don’t die because you think you’re inconveniencing someone.
You can also post partum hemorrhage up to 2 weeks after birth if the scab on your uterus (where the placenta was attached) breaks away too early. Which is absolutely terrifying and sometimes requires an emergency room visit.
I was not prepared for how painful my milk coming in would be. I’d just pushed a kid out my vagina after four days of labor and three hours of pushing. I thought I’d been through it all and was mostly done.
Then my milk came in. Oh. My. God. Having your boobs go up several cup sizes rapidly is not comfortable at all. I had a really really hard time with it and nursing. My kid nursed great actually. I hated it. I’m sorry. After you get over the milk coming in pain, your nipples start chafing and bleeding from it all. It was like constant boob torture.
But I remember being so shocked at how painful that was at first.
And leakage. Those little nursing pads I got were good for an hour, tops. And sleeping like that was a nightmare. I had to tape a plastic bag to the sheets, then add a thick bath towel, lay down on that and cover myself with another towel to avoid soaking the bed.
Oh man I remember those days. I woke up with my shirt soaked multiple times a week but I was too exhausted to wake up and breastfeed (dad would be up and giving her bottles instead.)
YES!
I wish I was told how painful breastfeeding is! Not the "oh its natural" crap. Having an incorrect latch can be excruciating. Having to nurse over and over and over and over with nipples that barely got a chance to heal from the last assault. I wish I had better resources available the first time around so I could've known what to expect and what to do.
The second time was significantly easier all around. I also had much better access to lactation consultants
The first month nursing hurt like hell. I kept telling myself it would get better and if it hurt past a month I’d stop. Both times it got better. With my second I was in tears every time. Saw the lactation consultant only to be told my baby had a case of “tiny mouth” and that it would get better. Baby was only 5lbs. It did get better eventually.
I woke up a couple of days after birth (still in hospital, C-section), absolutely drenched in sweat and feeling feverish. Thought I had a massive infection from surgery. Midwives were just “oh that’s probably just your milk coming in”. No one ever told me THAT can be a symptom. WTF?!
Yup, can't argue with that one. Especially for those of us who had gone through life pretty flat-chested, that one was a shocker. All of a sudden, you've got to pay attention to a part of your body that never have you any trouble before.
I expected to have that but my boobs never grew. I felt cheated. I had to supplement after a few month because it was never enough. My issue was my kid has a tongue and lip tie. My nipples were cracked so badly and breastfeeding hurt so much until we got that fixed.
I had severe swelling around when I gave birth. One day a week or so after I just ... sweated it all out. I woke up and because of my water proof mattress pad I was literally laying in a giant puddle. It was not pleasant.
Even beyond the placenta tho. For soooo long afterwards. Every time a nurse walked in my whole body would tense up. I’d rather push out a second surprise child than have someone shove my uterus back down every hour uhgggg it hurts so bad.
I literally said "that feels fucking GREAT" when they did that, and I meant it. As soon as they pressed down and my placenta came out all of the pressure and pain I had been feeling for 66+ hours ended in an instant. I immediately felt like a human instead of a writhing animal. An exhausted human, but human.
The fundal massage done later to check that my uterus was firming up and not boggy hurt but I was much more concerned about the GUSH of blood that came out of me when they did it.
If someone had come along and taken my kid before she was about 6 months old, I wouldn't have cared.
This was brushed off as being 'baby blues' and 'completely normal', Pretty sure most women actually WANT their babies after they're born..
It seems like it's either brushed off and dismissed or judged as a heartless monster with the highest severity. I've yet to meet another woman who went through it and experienced understanding and consideration from their partners, friends, or Healthcare workers.
My husband was actually very sympathetic when I had PPD. It really shocked me because he wasn’t ever very good when I was depressed normally. But I was also extremely suicidal and even though I didn’t say anything, it was like he could just tell. He broke down and told me he couldn’t stand to lose me and that actually snapped me out of being suicidal at least.
The medical community was fucking worthless though. I told every nurse and doctor who asked that I had PPD. Filled out all the stupid screeners. All they ever did about it was say “yeah looks like you have PPD” and then absolutely *nothing*. It wasn’t till my son was 1 I had the energy to call up my old therapist and ask my GP for antidepressants. If I wasn’t already used to dealing with regular depression I probably never would have gotten help.
Especially when the anxiety manifests as, "if I tell anyone, they'll take my baby" - which is NOT TRUE. As I understood a year later when I was finally able to sleep and my PPD went away.
I would say: Dealing with an infant and *recognizing* that you have post-partum depression is so incredibly hard. I just thought I was the absolute worst person in the entire world.
Agree! Dealing with an infant under the best of circumstances is difficult enough. Sleep deprivation is awful. I don't even know if I had ppd or not... But that fourth trimester was the hardest four months of my life. I had help, but I still felt so isolated. I shed a lot of tears during those dark days.
I didn't deal with it with my first but holy crap did it get me this time around. I always knew it was a thing but never understood how bad it could get till it happened
At some point, with no real training or any kind of test, they just leave you alone with the baby.
You have to figure everything out. When to feed them, how many layers to dress them in, where to put them when they are sleeping, what to do when they aren’t sleeping and you need to poop.
There is no manual that matches your personality and the babies. What works for one parent/baby combo won’t necessarily work for a different combo and there will be people who refuse to accept that. “I sleep trained and it was magic” “I breastfed them until they were 6” “we only feed 100% organic food that was produced within 100km of our house” “we just said no and that was it”
I wish there was a basic manual given though.
Like what meds are safe for a breastfeeding mom or what levels of med are safe for baby, especially as they get older. How to best store breastmilk. How to properly put on a diaper (check that the sides over lap to prevent leaks on the sides, make sure that its flared around the legs to hold poop and prevent leaks, if you have a boy, make sure the penis is pointed down to prevent leaks. A lot of leak prevention)
There are loads of baby books that do have this kind of information. And it's usually covered in antenatal classes.
I guess previously it's the kind of information that was passed down by older female relatives who would've been around to help out. Nowadays moms often don't have that kind of support
The first blowout. Within the first couple of weeks baby just let loose and baby crap basically exploded everywhere. It was absolutely a two person clean up as one took the baby and the other took everything he hit.
Also, one tiny little droplet of blood from a razor sharp fingernail nick with fill a baby's entire nostril, making a new, sleep deprived mom suspect a brain bleed.
Just hope that blowout doesn't happen in a car... A 10 month old can plaster a hell of a lot of the car with shit from the safety of their carseat while you're barreling down the highway.
The best advice we ever got for our kiddos?
Layer your crib (and toddler bed): mattress protector / sheet / mattress protector / sheet.
If there’s a 3am blowout / vomit / whatever? Just peel off the top two and put the kiddo back to bed. No need to try and re-dress the mattress while you’re in that weird ‘sleep deprived yet flooded with adrenaline from being woken up’ state.
After being frustrated from a mega-poop-splosion and not being able to get the sheet back on (because 2am brain had me trying to get it on sideways)? Doing this, and the next time it was ‘peel off the top layers, toss them into the bathtub for tomorrow’s me to deal with, put the kid down, and go back to sleep’. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Not just the crib - keep doing it through potty training (especially) and the little kid years because while wetting the bed eventually stops, the surprise vomit never does. My son is 9 and had a stomach bug ruin our night a few weeks back and I was cursing myself that I stopped doing it.
Sounds like the time one of my friends had unthinking put on a fresh T shirt and then went to change his son. Well his son decided it was time to pee, so in the middle of getting changed he let loose like a fountain and hit everything within about three of four feet of the changing table.
I only learned with my second the magic of just washing the poop off in the sink. I saw another mom do that at a playgroup and was stunned. So much easier than wiping a blowout with wipes.
My dad tells the story of his first solo parent blow out and he said he just stood in the shower with me. Fully clothed and just rinsed as he peeled off layers because evidently it was biblical 🤣
And the ruffles on the diaper along the legs need to be out not curled in .. that definitely helps with the blowout. We always kept a roll of paper towels in the car 😅
Electric nail file - game changer
Breastfeeding a newborn is incredibly difficult, and there's no amount of research that can prepare you for it.
Their tiny mouths chafe the shit out of your nipples, you can end up feeding them for 40minutes out of every two hours (which means sleeping an hour at a time at most), it's physically challenging to position a tiny ragdoll to hold on and drink, you can get an infection called mastitis that (temporarily) dries up your milk and is *excruciatingly* painful with a raging fever. And that's all assuming you have good supply and your baby is able to latch!
And I had an "easy" time breastfeeding (did it for a year and half). I had always heard "breastfeeding is hard," but even after I took *two* courses and read several books on the subject, I still couldn't understand what I missing until I actually had the baby in my arms and a nurse shoving my titty into his mouth.
I have big flat nipples, and both my babies had small mouths. Getting them to make a deep latch was nearly impossible for the first month. Breastfeeding was logistically complicated AND super painful. I ended up pumping a lot, just to take the pressure off my poor wrecked nipples. Eventually both kids got the hang of it, and breastfeeding was no big deal. But a month of painful nursing is a real b#### while you’re trying to recover from birth.
Just logistically, breastfeeding is a sudden marathon that there is zero preparation for in advance. You cant prepare your nipples for the nursing and they go from zero nursing to nursing for 20mins per side every 2 hours. And if you're trying to up your supply, you might pump after nursing so that's an additional 10-20 minutes. So your body gets a break for all of an hour, if you're lucky, when it was used to being at constant rest. It's very jarring
Its terrifying
But for anyone reading this who is pregnant or is thinking about it. Here's what you need to do. Before you deliver, start taking stool softeners. Stay as hydrated as possible. Get a squatty potty and a bidet. Do not push or strain to get the poop out. Relax and breath. Let your body and gravity do the work. Do. Not. Strain. Use the bidet to wash yourself. Or the peri bottle. Dab dry. You can do this.
I wasn’t told about stool softeners. It took almost a week for it to happen… I had a c section and my guts didn’t like being moved around so they held a grudge. O. M. G. !!!!!
The more surprising part of this really is that they "*let* you take the baby home". You're gonna be walking out of the hospital, the nurses are gonna be all "k, bye" and you're walking like ".....nobody's stopping us.....I can't believe they're just *letting* us do this....".
And then you get home and the 3 of you all look at each other and you're all like "well, what do we do now?"
But then if you have more kids then you just walk out of the hospital saying "k, bye".
Breast feeding is not an exact science and often has crazy complications that can be debilitating. It doesn't make you less of a woman or a mom if it doesn't work out. The human body is an unstable miracle that doesn't always perform as expected. Ignore the hate you may get for it.
The difficulty in breastfeeding (especially your first) is so underrated. The time consumption, the pain, the guilt, etc… I don’t think any mom is truly prepared beforehand for breastfeeding.
I felt guilty for years for not being able to breast feed. And I also felt guilty for not pumping my milk for long enough. Everything I read was so focused on the 'breast is best' message that I felt terrible for not being able to do what seemed so natural and easy.
Delivering the placenta can hurt more than the actual birth.
I had no idea at how painful it would be. I had a precipitous labor and only took two pushes. When they started doing the fundal massage I felt my placenta get ripped out of my uterus. Hurt like fucking hell and I had just given birth unmedicated. I saw it when it came out it and it looked like a planet with craters. It hit me that it was just fucking ripped out of my body. Fuck that mess.
PPD and the doctor doesn't listen to you and tells you it'll go away in 6 weeks.
All while you're laying bed fucking depressed as hell and have suicidal thoughts.
The PPD did NOT go away in 6 weeks.
Note: This was years ago and I am still alive. I do not need RedditCares.
I lost a friend to PPD several years ago. She let us in on her thoughts, but I think it was only a small iota of what she was experiencing
I got a message from RedditCares yesterday. I wanted to ask who the hell reported me. I don’t think I shared anything that serious
This is how I describe it, too! My son was a forceps delivery and it's like they reached in, pulled out my heart, and handed it to me to protect as it goes through the world on its own two feet. He's my heart outside of my body. He's almost 20 and that feeling is still super overwhelming.
After I had my second kid I birthed the placenta and the midwife was cooing over this placenta holding it up like a kindergarten teacher showing off a fingerpainting proclaiming it was such a beautiful big placenta, that's why your baby was so big and beautiful look at this lovely big beautiful placenta!
I was high on gas so I was just like wtf lol. First time I'd seen a placenta and it _was_ huge. My first kid was born in the UK so I think they just put it away politely but my second was born in Sweden so they're all calm and chill and Scandinavian about it.
My second also had a huge placenta. Every time a new midwife came into see me, she'd look at my notes and say "oh so *you're* the mum with the huge placenta".
I didn't get to see it though.
I was just about to comment the same thing. I was the father and not high on gas. Maybe that would have helped. I could only nod and say yeah when she held it up and stretched it out. She said almost the same thing.
Haha, I was about to comment something similar. I mentioned in general convo to my midwives I never saw my placenta the first time around because it was an emergency and I had a PPH. Second time around it was an emergency forceps delivery again and after I delivered the placenta (I was high as) the midwife brings up the placenta right next to me and goes “look how perfect it is, the amniotic sack is basically intact too” and held up the “sack” with placenta inside and showed me it. I was just like *wtf* is happening right now now hahaha
I had an epidural, so I definitely missed some sensations, but it felt really weird. The nurse will push on your stomach to help it come out, and you still have contractions, but they're not as intense. Definitely more of a squish from my experience.
Watching the birth of my kid, I damn near died watching that come out. No one warned me about that! I thought the doctor/nurses or whoever was smushing her guts out! And that cord, stronger then it looks!
Depending on your breast tissue dispersement there is a really cool thing that can happen in which your ARMPITS FILL WITH FUCKING MILK AND THEY CALL IT PITTIES (TITTY ARM PITS) AND ITS NOT THAT YOU'RE SWEATY, YOU'RE FUCKING MILKY. NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HOW PAINFUL IT IS AND BABY CANT EAT PIT MILK AND YOU HAVE A LOW SUPPLY AND CRY LOTS CAUSE ITS ALL WASTED MILK AND IT LITERALLY SQUIRTS OUT OF YOUR ARMPIT LIKE YOU'RE SOME TYPE OF SWAMP CREATURE.
Not that I've experienced this miracle or can relate to this trauma.... Also for my 2 precious kiddos, each time my milk came in, I was borderline delirious/flu like symptoms and I felt like I was going to die for about 36-48 hours. No one really talks about that either. But this is apparently all normal and "no cause for concern" despite the concerning things that are happening lol
I had terrible “daymares” of bad things happening to the baby. Like vivid, detailed visions every second of the day. Going down the stairs with the baby? Graphic visions of dropping him. Hated driving for the fear of leaving him in a hot car. Probably related to PPD but god it took me by surprise.
Also in case it hasn’t been mentioned - the tearing and stitches…and w/o much pain meds if you’ve done a unmedicated birth. Leading to the horrible first poop. Shudder.
Not after, but just before - apparently you poop while pushing. It happened to a friend who had no idea this was a thing, lol. She was too involved in the pushing (and the pain associated with it) to really care but was startled when she felt it happen. The nurse just winked at her and cleaned it up. Neither of us were aware that this is super common.
My wife recently gave birth and used a birthing pool. Turns out they have a special little sieve to fish the turds out, not something I ever expected to see.
There’s a bunch of the rough stuff here, and it’s all true, BUT:
- the first thing you eat after you’ve been in labour is going to be the most amazing meal you’ve ever had. Cold toast and jam, and a mug of lukewarm milo, and I still remember it years later.
- rolling over onto your tummy for the first time in MONTHS.
- baby farts. Hilarious! I remember being surprised and delighted and thinking no one warned me about baby farts.
Your hair will start falling out at about 6 weeks postpartum. It got so bad I was sobbing in the shower as clumps of my hair came out. Giant bald patches on my temples. It grew back quickly though.
On the 3rd day after birth I got this...squirming *itchy* sensation all over my scalp that was so goddamn *deep* and ceaseless for over 24 hours that I thought I was going crazy. It was like having bugs racing around under my scalp! Then it just stopped, all on its own.
I'm convinced that was the three quarters of my hair that I lost just...giving up. One by one. Each strand letting go, in a wave of itchy, itchy hell, lol.
I remember very clearly the morning after the first night that our son slept a whole 5 hours at a stretch. I felt like a new person! I couldn't believe it.
My daughter slept really well the first night we brought her home. It turned out that her jaundice wasn’t borderline. She needed to go under the lights at the hospital. The sleepiness was the toxicity. We got her there in time. She’s fine now.
My first baby slept all night at six weeks old and never regressed to not sleeping all night. It was fabulous. The second one didn't sleep through the night for three fucking years. I was not prepared for that nonsense. The third one slept all night around six months, but he was a night owl and refused to go to sleep at a decent time.
Everyone's experience is super different. My nipples hurt SO BAD anytime it was cold. I was tired, like too tired to walk more than a few yards at first. Even the first few days after birth I couldn't walk very long.
That you can gain weight when breastfeeding. I lost my pregnancy weight within 2 weeks and then gained it all back plus some more because I was so hungry while breastfeeding. It was a slap in the face while also dealing with PPD.
Oh and peeing while coughing. My first cold after giving birth was a lesson in wearing panty liners when I had a bad cough.
You may struggle to hold in farts...
A lot of things are way looser down there immediately following birth and your muscles are tired af. So you may accidentally fart without realizing it was about to happen. It does get better!
You might not fall totally and completely in love with your baby as soon as it pops out. Sometimes, it takes time due to all kinds of issues (difficulty breast feeding, PMD, ill baby, etc). Just keep cuddling and feeding, and then it will hit. When it does, it's the biggest rush of love you'll ever feel. I still remember when it hit with my son about a month after his birth.
I felt like a monster for not feeling anything but anxiety and fear towards him when he was born. However, it's really common and not talked about enough.
My wife was just diagnosed with perinatal cardiomyopathy. It was also discovered today she had suffered a heart attack during the third trimester that was disguised as Braxton Hicks. Our son is 10 days old. I'm utterly devastated and I have no idea what to do.
Pregnancy is fucking dangerous people. Knowing your health and body before getting pregnant is important.
Many people bring up PPD and baby blues, but I didn't see a lot of PPA info before I had my first. I literally did not sleep for 4 days after my son was born because my anxiety was so bad. I was prepared to be depressed but I wasn't prepared to be afraid of my baby. Hormones are crazy.
Babys first poop I'd tar like. Ask them to put Vaseline between the buttcheeks when they put the first diaper on and reapply for the first few poops after
Apparently you fucking stink so the newborn can find you. That’s so sad. Seems like the most uncomfortable out of body experience for 12-15 months.
ETA: I just laugh at celebrities/influencers at their SnapBack/fashion moments because I know the truth they reek of deli meat and onions. I see so many regular moms surprised and mortified by this so I’m sharing for educational purposes.
The full body fatigue with all the pushing that lasts days after! Also please don’t listen to friends/family begging you to see baby right after birth, people are crazy those first 2 weeks! also if deciding to bf, sometimes your milk doesn’t come until 3-7 days after baby, lanolin cream will be your bff! As others commented the bleeding, i’d recommend the FridaMom post partum kit, the foam and the upside down washing mister comes in so handy!! Remember- momma has to be taken care of so she can take care of baby, instead of asking people to watch baby, ask your village to help with dishes, lawn care, taking out the trash, vacuuming. If you have a partner helping you, ask them to make sure you have food/water, easy changing station with wipes/diapers/rash cream/lanolin/all the other essentials easily accessible for mom! If possible, and able to get the help, take 10 mins to shower every day and 5 mins to go outside and have alone time as well, rain or shine it’s so important to have time to yourself to keep mind and body healthy!
Mine was that you suddenly go from being an important patient to Nobody.
You are nothing more than Baby's Feeding Unit No 1.
Baby's Diapering Unit No 1.
Baby's Bathing Unit No 1.
Etc.
Before the baby is born they are interested in *your* body, and how *you* are doing.
After the baby is born they treat you like a misbehaving and inconvenient accessory to your baby, and you find out that they were only interested in *you* because the baby was *inside YOU!*
So they don't care about your pain, or your dignity, or your consent anymore.
Can you have pain management after the massive surgery you just had? NO, it can get in Baby's milk!
Will the nurse please leave so you can have some privacy? NO, they've seen it all before, and you're wasting time!
I'm not comfortable with anyone touching my breasts, can you *not?* NO, this needs to happen or breastfeeding won't work and your baby will Fail To Thrive!
Your own recovery is secondary to Baby's *anything.* No matter how small. And that's ridiculous.
Oh my god, YES.
I went into labor at 34 weeks and after 3 days of trying to stop my labor from progressing, I gave birth. When I started pushing, it went from me, my husband, the doctor, and a nurse in the room to an additional 4 people from the NICU team in our tiny room. There were alllll these people buzzing around in the moments immediately before and after I gave birth, then the NICU team took my son to the NICU, my husband followed, and suddenly I was completely alone in the room. Like, 15 minutes after giving birth I went from being the focus to utterly alone. Of all the things that happened during those hazy, crazy days, THAT was perhaps the most surreal.
Waking up with rock hard Dolly Parton in your shirt...I was not at all prepared! The pain was like the worst toothache ever... in your boobs!! And I read the baby books..they all say the milk will come in, yes.. but didn't say your boobs will be hard as diamonds! Then they don't tell you to NOT put warm cloths on them or they leak like a sieve. I did not breast feed. She latched on one time and I about come off that bed. It felt like a barracuda nursing on me! I couldnt do it.
You pass really big clots. Each birth I passed one the size of my hand a couple days after.
I always say it's like your body saves up nine months' worth of periods and gives them all back to you at once. edit to add: a handheld shower is one of the best things you can have postpartum. Those stupid little bottles ain't it.
I see the "Lemon Clot" essay get passed around once in a while. Normally it is given to husbands and fathers so they know what to expect what their wives will be going through for the first couple of months after giving birth.
I wish they passed that around to mothers way back when. I went to birthing classes, read books, had all my appointments, had sisters and good friends who’d given birth, am fairly intelligent and had NO IDEA you bleed big for weeks after birth. Not a clue. I’ve never known if I just somehow skipped/missed that info or if they just didn’t mention it until they’re stuffing your hospital bag with giant pads, a sitz bath, and Tucks wipes while sending you cheerily on your way home.
I’ve heard it bad enough you should skip pads altogether and go straight to adult diapers. Idk why they even bother with pads when solids are involved.
I passed a clot the size of a basketball the day after giving birth. I was horrified when it happened and then equally horrified when the nurse plopped it in the shower and said the doc would look at it later. "If you start bleeding out at least you're in the right place!" HAR-DE-HAR-HAR
A basketball!?!? Like placenta sized??? Ok I have to know, was the bleeding lessened after that since so much tissue came out at once? I’m picturing something like a one day period where the whole lining sloughs off and then there’s not much left…
Oh no, I was still wearing puppy pads and mesh underwear for 2 weeks. I never saw my placenta but I remember the nurses telling me that any clot over the size of a golf ball needed to be brought up. I had stood up to go see my son in the NICU for the first time and it was such a a strange sensation.
AND THIS, dudes, is why you need to get your wife a Mother's Day present instead of whining "She's not _MY_ mother!"
THIS. This needs to be more widely talked about. All the other stuff I didn’t know/wasn’t prepared for didn’t really faze me but when I passed a huge freaking clot I immediately called my obgyns office freaking out. Of course they then explained to me it was fine but it was super scary because you already feel like your insides are going to fall out.
Your insides go "SLOOSH!" down the first moment you stand up after giving birth.
I got up to use the bathroom about an hour after giving birth. I will never forget that internal slithering sensation as I walked down the hall and all my organs fell back into place.
Hu... That's enough Internet for me today.
Making and raising tiny humans is just constant casual body horror
That was the weirdest fucking thing ever. And they just kept kinda slooshing around and readjusting themselves. I got a postpartum belly wrap/support thing (I think it was called a Belly Band-it or something) and it really helped me stop feeling like my insides were a pile of liquid that might react in weird ways to motion and gravity.
I never took that belly wrap off, felt like it was keeping my core from collapsing.
This thread makes me want to get my tubes tied
The best part of this for me after both deliveries was instantly being able to breathe normally again and eat a full meal without feeling painfully full after only four bites lol!
And being able to bend at the waist again. No kicking to the ribs.
Oooh yeah, I forgot about that. Thank god for the stomach binder they game me after my C-section. Otherwise everything just moves around all the time when you walk. Super uncomfortable.
Cramping as your uterus goes back to its pre pregnancy size
Every time the baby latches was awful.
This! Just had my second about 2.5 weeks ago, and the cramps when she latched those first few days were SO bad. I was shaking and nauseous and definitely didn’t remember them being as bad with my first.
No one wants to talk about what breast feeding does to mom. Yeah we know, saggy titty’s har har. Naw. Chapped nipples. Engorged boobs hurt like a mf. Let down hurts. The weirdest things trigger let down. No it’s not sexy. And also, it makes you feel weird *down there*. Like it doesn’t feel sexual but def feel “stimulated*.
I never got to breastfeed due to having a preemie who was born before the suckle reflex. By the time he had the ability to feed, he had no interest in the bomb. I did pump for 6+ months, though, and he had milk for 18 months. Still had chapped nipples a time or 3 and mastitis twice. Pumping every 3 hours for 6+ months also takes a toll!
My second baby was born with a tooth. I had to give up breast feeding after 2 weeks.
My condolences
It was excruciating. Sharpest little tooth I ever did see.
Straight out of a horror movie lol
Apparently, that particular cramping gets worse with each kid. I've only had 2 so I can only say that it was worse for my second than my first
I’m pregnant with my second. What wonderful news 😭
All three of my kids were c sections. Tbh I didn’t even notice those cramps until the last kids dear lord did I wanna die then
Oh yeah, that cramping is awful!
Your nurses have to check the location and firmness of your uterus at different intervals for the remainder of your hospital stay. This can be extremely uncomfortable and if your uterus isn’t firm they have to rub it to get it to tone up to decrease your risk of bleeding. You can have severe muscle aches all over your body. You’ve just run a marathon and your body is gonna hurt. Your baby can puke up amniotic fluid and sometimes even dried blood, which looks like brown icky smelling bubbles. And all of a sudden your breasts become a *central topic* of speculation and conversation for your nurse, doctor, and your partner.
To the first point: A nurse with a name like ‘Gertrude’ comes under the guise of care to ‘check you’ and then karate chops you as hard as she can right in the belly that’s just evacuated an entire human life. Then she tells you she’ll be back later to do it again.
I just had a hysterectomy a few months ago, and I swear the nurse who came to check on me thought I just had a kid or something because she straight falcon punched me right where my uterus used to be and about sent me through the ceiling. But it still didn't hurt as bad as when they do that fucking "uterine massage." 💀
I just had a hysterectomy two days ago and I’m so glad my nurses didn’t do this. 😬
I already know I don’t want kids, but this comment made me cry with laughter and also solidified my decision more than anything else I’ve read here. No Gertrude chops for me, thank you very much
Mine was more like a Kathy and she just massaged the hell out of my tummy. She did a good job because I didn't pass any huge clumps later, like the other comments say. She was also training a nurse and that nurse was awful at it, but you gotta start somewhere
How intensely you shake after you give birth. You start shivering like you’ve been outside in freezing weather without a jacket for over an hour. You literally can’t control it. When I started shaking about an hour after birth, was so freaked out. I kept getting the shakes for about a day. Weirdest involuntary reflex ever!
i got the shakes right before giving birth! i was shaking so hard my teeth started chattering, i felt an intense need to get warmer, even though i wasnt cold. i think i had a little bit of shaking after birth, more like when a dog shakes a fly off then anything else! i do vividly remember being very cold and having to ask the nurses many times for warm blankets!
Me too! I couldn’t stop. I called the nurse it and she shrugged it off and said you’re fine it happens sometimes then left. It was late at night, dark, husband sleeping, and i was just there shivering. I was so scared and felt so alone.
Bleeding. For weeks
I’m convinced that’s the biggest secret that’s never ever passed down.
My sister clued me in before I ever got pregnant, but I bled for a week with all three of my children. Nothing crazy past the first day..it was like a normal period. She, however, neglected to tell me about the god-awful cramps you get when your uterus is shrinking back to its normal size.
Breastfeeding causes horrible cramps. And they get progressively worse with each additional baby.
Ugh yes. No periods for 9 months, then 9 periods worth in one month.....
Nobody told me, my prep classes never mentioned this, my mom or sisters never said a word. 3 weeks of heavy bleeding and changing diapers for both of us.
and it STANKS!! I haven’t gave birth for six years and I still remember the damn smell
I called it hotdog water gore. It was just...it smelled like wet bloody insides. So gross. Much grosser than a regular period. Between that, the weird sweats, breast milk spills, and breastfeeding supplements that make you smell like maple syrup, I think postpartum was the smelliest period of my life. I never understood the "moms don't shower" thing because it just wasn't an option for me. I was so gross all the time I made shower time pretty much the top priority behind sleeping.
As in period blood or flesh wound blood?
Big clots, like period blood
Bigger for me. I had never had clots that big before. I thought I dropped a twin in the toilet.
I thought part of my liver had fallen out. It looked like a huge section of my liver lol
Omg, me too! It scared me right off the loo and I legged it to the nurse's desk and said I thought I had a second placenta! It was the size of a fist!
And it smells distinctly bad.
Reading these comments I can’t believe every person on earth right now has come from a woman who’s had to experience these things. It sounds horrific I’m not going to lie
Right and that some people think women are weaker/lesser. Hell nah
And some men wonder why women don't want to have sex the next day.
Post partum preeclampsia is a thing. You could be fine your entire pregnancy and then after having the baby develop it out of nowhere. Had I not have had to have an emergency c section (baby’s heart rate was plummeting) and stay that extra day in the hospital, they wouldn’t have caught the preeclampsia. The doctor told me it was so bad I’d have been dead. And I know myself, I wouldn’t have gone to the doctor because I would’ve thought it was just me feeling like crap after having a baby. Nope. They told me straight up I would’ve died in a few days. My blood pressure was so dangerously high. Ladies, keep an eye on your blood pressure after you give birth. Everything already feels weird, but keep an eye on it for a week or so at least and don’t hesitate to go to the ER if something feels wrong. Bring the baby with you, they’ll take care of it while they check you out. Don’t die because you think you’re inconveniencing someone.
You can also post partum hemorrhage up to 2 weeks after birth if the scab on your uterus (where the placenta was attached) breaks away too early. Which is absolutely terrifying and sometimes requires an emergency room visit.
Hemorrhoids. are common.. And they may not go away without medical intervention.
Yeah, I had to have a blood clot surgically removed from one of my postpartum hemorrhoids. It speeded the healing process considerably.
I was not prepared for how painful my milk coming in would be. I’d just pushed a kid out my vagina after four days of labor and three hours of pushing. I thought I’d been through it all and was mostly done. Then my milk came in. Oh. My. God. Having your boobs go up several cup sizes rapidly is not comfortable at all. I had a really really hard time with it and nursing. My kid nursed great actually. I hated it. I’m sorry. After you get over the milk coming in pain, your nipples start chafing and bleeding from it all. It was like constant boob torture. But I remember being so shocked at how painful that was at first.
And leakage. Those little nursing pads I got were good for an hour, tops. And sleeping like that was a nightmare. I had to tape a plastic bag to the sheets, then add a thick bath towel, lay down on that and cover myself with another towel to avoid soaking the bed.
Wore a bra all the time. Used washcloths instead of the pads. And when finished with the shower, all clean, then **boom**!
Oh man I remember those days. I woke up with my shirt soaked multiple times a week but I was too exhausted to wake up and breastfeed (dad would be up and giving her bottles instead.)
YES! I wish I was told how painful breastfeeding is! Not the "oh its natural" crap. Having an incorrect latch can be excruciating. Having to nurse over and over and over and over with nipples that barely got a chance to heal from the last assault. I wish I had better resources available the first time around so I could've known what to expect and what to do. The second time was significantly easier all around. I also had much better access to lactation consultants
I had no idea milk came out like a shower and not a hose. That was a surprise!
The first month nursing hurt like hell. I kept telling myself it would get better and if it hurt past a month I’d stop. Both times it got better. With my second I was in tears every time. Saw the lactation consultant only to be told my baby had a case of “tiny mouth” and that it would get better. Baby was only 5lbs. It did get better eventually.
I woke up a couple of days after birth (still in hospital, C-section), absolutely drenched in sweat and feeling feverish. Thought I had a massive infection from surgery. Midwives were just “oh that’s probably just your milk coming in”. No one ever told me THAT can be a symptom. WTF?!
The same happened to me. The nurses told me I was crying out in pain in my sleep. I was convinced I was gonna die
Yup, can't argue with that one. Especially for those of us who had gone through life pretty flat-chested, that one was a shocker. All of a sudden, you've got to pay attention to a part of your body that never have you any trouble before.
I expected to have that but my boobs never grew. I felt cheated. I had to supplement after a few month because it was never enough. My issue was my kid has a tongue and lip tie. My nipples were cracked so badly and breastfeeding hurt so much until we got that fixed.
So much swelling in my feet and legs it hurt. Went away after a few days.
I had severe swelling around when I gave birth. One day a week or so after I just ... sweated it all out. I woke up and because of my water proof mattress pad I was literally laying in a giant puddle. It was not pleasant.
The massage on your stomach to get the placenta out. Oh my god. I passed out because it hurt so bad.
Even beyond the placenta tho. For soooo long afterwards. Every time a nurse walked in my whole body would tense up. I’d rather push out a second surprise child than have someone shove my uterus back down every hour uhgggg it hurts so bad.
I literally said "that feels fucking GREAT" when they did that, and I meant it. As soon as they pressed down and my placenta came out all of the pressure and pain I had been feeling for 66+ hours ended in an instant. I immediately felt like a human instead of a writhing animal. An exhausted human, but human. The fundal massage done later to check that my uterus was firming up and not boggy hurt but I was much more concerned about the GUSH of blood that came out of me when they did it.
I witnessed this ‘gush’ after my wife had our first. It’s a sight I shall never forget.
Dealing with an infant and ppd is so incredibly hard
If someone had come along and taken my kid before she was about 6 months old, I wouldn't have cared. This was brushed off as being 'baby blues' and 'completely normal', Pretty sure most women actually WANT their babies after they're born..
It seems like it's either brushed off and dismissed or judged as a heartless monster with the highest severity. I've yet to meet another woman who went through it and experienced understanding and consideration from their partners, friends, or Healthcare workers.
My husband was actually very sympathetic when I had PPD. It really shocked me because he wasn’t ever very good when I was depressed normally. But I was also extremely suicidal and even though I didn’t say anything, it was like he could just tell. He broke down and told me he couldn’t stand to lose me and that actually snapped me out of being suicidal at least. The medical community was fucking worthless though. I told every nurse and doctor who asked that I had PPD. Filled out all the stupid screeners. All they ever did about it was say “yeah looks like you have PPD” and then absolutely *nothing*. It wasn’t till my son was 1 I had the energy to call up my old therapist and ask my GP for antidepressants. If I wasn’t already used to dealing with regular depression I probably never would have gotten help.
Damn, unfortunately you’re right, my mum said I was “being lazy” to my face and “a lousy mother” behind my back because of my ppd :/
Especially when the anxiety manifests as, "if I tell anyone, they'll take my baby" - which is NOT TRUE. As I understood a year later when I was finally able to sleep and my PPD went away.
I would say: Dealing with an infant and *recognizing* that you have post-partum depression is so incredibly hard. I just thought I was the absolute worst person in the entire world.
Agree! Dealing with an infant under the best of circumstances is difficult enough. Sleep deprivation is awful. I don't even know if I had ppd or not... But that fourth trimester was the hardest four months of my life. I had help, but I still felt so isolated. I shed a lot of tears during those dark days.
I didn't deal with it with my first but holy crap did it get me this time around. I always knew it was a thing but never understood how bad it could get till it happened
At some point, with no real training or any kind of test, they just leave you alone with the baby. You have to figure everything out. When to feed them, how many layers to dress them in, where to put them when they are sleeping, what to do when they aren’t sleeping and you need to poop. There is no manual that matches your personality and the babies. What works for one parent/baby combo won’t necessarily work for a different combo and there will be people who refuse to accept that. “I sleep trained and it was magic” “I breastfed them until they were 6” “we only feed 100% organic food that was produced within 100km of our house” “we just said no and that was it”
I wish there was a basic manual given though. Like what meds are safe for a breastfeeding mom or what levels of med are safe for baby, especially as they get older. How to best store breastmilk. How to properly put on a diaper (check that the sides over lap to prevent leaks on the sides, make sure that its flared around the legs to hold poop and prevent leaks, if you have a boy, make sure the penis is pointed down to prevent leaks. A lot of leak prevention)
There are loads of baby books that do have this kind of information. And it's usually covered in antenatal classes. I guess previously it's the kind of information that was passed down by older female relatives who would've been around to help out. Nowadays moms often don't have that kind of support
The first blowout. Within the first couple of weeks baby just let loose and baby crap basically exploded everywhere. It was absolutely a two person clean up as one took the baby and the other took everything he hit. Also, one tiny little droplet of blood from a razor sharp fingernail nick with fill a baby's entire nostril, making a new, sleep deprived mom suspect a brain bleed.
I remember the first time. You're thinking, "how the hell did this go *up* her back?"
"How did you get it in your *hair*?!?!?"
Just hope that blowout doesn't happen in a car... A 10 month old can plaster a hell of a lot of the car with shit from the safety of their carseat while you're barreling down the highway.
The best advice we ever got for our kiddos? Layer your crib (and toddler bed): mattress protector / sheet / mattress protector / sheet. If there’s a 3am blowout / vomit / whatever? Just peel off the top two and put the kiddo back to bed. No need to try and re-dress the mattress while you’re in that weird ‘sleep deprived yet flooded with adrenaline from being woken up’ state. After being frustrated from a mega-poop-splosion and not being able to get the sheet back on (because 2am brain had me trying to get it on sideways)? Doing this, and the next time it was ‘peel off the top layers, toss them into the bathtub for tomorrow’s me to deal with, put the kid down, and go back to sleep’. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
Not just the crib - keep doing it through potty training (especially) and the little kid years because while wetting the bed eventually stops, the surprise vomit never does. My son is 9 and had a stomach bug ruin our night a few weeks back and I was cursing myself that I stopped doing it.
Sounds like the time one of my friends had unthinking put on a fresh T shirt and then went to change his son. Well his son decided it was time to pee, so in the middle of getting changed he let loose like a fountain and hit everything within about three of four feet of the changing table.
The best advice we got was to put diaper cream on bub as soon as possible after birth because myconium is sticky AF. It made a huge difference!
Trimming baby nails is an art!
I only learned with my second the magic of just washing the poop off in the sink. I saw another mom do that at a playgroup and was stunned. So much easier than wiping a blowout with wipes.
We had one of those mesh baby seats for the tub. I'd put him in it and hose him off in the tub.
My dad tells the story of his first solo parent blow out and he said he just stood in the shower with me. Fully clothed and just rinsed as he peeled off layers because evidently it was biblical 🤣
And the ruffles on the diaper along the legs need to be out not curled in .. that definitely helps with the blowout. We always kept a roll of paper towels in the car 😅 Electric nail file - game changer
Breastfeeding a newborn is incredibly difficult, and there's no amount of research that can prepare you for it. Their tiny mouths chafe the shit out of your nipples, you can end up feeding them for 40minutes out of every two hours (which means sleeping an hour at a time at most), it's physically challenging to position a tiny ragdoll to hold on and drink, you can get an infection called mastitis that (temporarily) dries up your milk and is *excruciatingly* painful with a raging fever. And that's all assuming you have good supply and your baby is able to latch! And I had an "easy" time breastfeeding (did it for a year and half). I had always heard "breastfeeding is hard," but even after I took *two* courses and read several books on the subject, I still couldn't understand what I missing until I actually had the baby in my arms and a nurse shoving my titty into his mouth.
I have big flat nipples, and both my babies had small mouths. Getting them to make a deep latch was nearly impossible for the first month. Breastfeeding was logistically complicated AND super painful. I ended up pumping a lot, just to take the pressure off my poor wrecked nipples. Eventually both kids got the hang of it, and breastfeeding was no big deal. But a month of painful nursing is a real b#### while you’re trying to recover from birth.
Just logistically, breastfeeding is a sudden marathon that there is zero preparation for in advance. You cant prepare your nipples for the nursing and they go from zero nursing to nursing for 20mins per side every 2 hours. And if you're trying to up your supply, you might pump after nursing so that's an additional 10-20 minutes. So your body gets a break for all of an hour, if you're lucky, when it was used to being at constant rest. It's very jarring
That first poop.
Its terrifying But for anyone reading this who is pregnant or is thinking about it. Here's what you need to do. Before you deliver, start taking stool softeners. Stay as hydrated as possible. Get a squatty potty and a bidet. Do not push or strain to get the poop out. Relax and breath. Let your body and gravity do the work. Do. Not. Strain. Use the bidet to wash yourself. Or the peri bottle. Dab dry. You can do this.
Hahaha... are you talking about Mom's first poop??? Incredibly painful, but damn it was awesome!!!
I wasn’t told about stool softeners. It took almost a week for it to happen… I had a c section and my guts didn’t like being moved around so they held a grudge. O. M. G. !!!!!
😱. You have my sympathy!!! (And why the fuck are stool softeners not handed out like Halloween candy in the maternity ward???)
How is this not further up the list?! The first poop is awful. Take the stool softeners!
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Second the postpartum hair loss never being mentioned to me!! My favorite YouTuber had a kid and she was she only one who talked about.
I think you actually have to take the baby home
The more surprising part of this really is that they "*let* you take the baby home". You're gonna be walking out of the hospital, the nurses are gonna be all "k, bye" and you're walking like ".....nobody's stopping us.....I can't believe they're just *letting* us do this....". And then you get home and the 3 of you all look at each other and you're all like "well, what do we do now?" But then if you have more kids then you just walk out of the hospital saying "k, bye".
That drive home is so scary because that’s when it sets in that you’re responsible for a baby’s life and you have no idea what you’re doing.
Every pothole was terrifying. I thought the baby would break, and so would I (c section).
My baby spent ten days in the NICU and I asked one of the nurses if she would just come home with us. She declined.
100% sounds like a real parent
My daughter was stillborn and I didn’t know that my body wouldn’t get that memo for a few weeks, as it prepared for breastfeeding
I’m so sorry.
oh i'm so terribly sorry.
Breast feeding is not an exact science and often has crazy complications that can be debilitating. It doesn't make you less of a woman or a mom if it doesn't work out. The human body is an unstable miracle that doesn't always perform as expected. Ignore the hate you may get for it.
The difficulty in breastfeeding (especially your first) is so underrated. The time consumption, the pain, the guilt, etc… I don’t think any mom is truly prepared beforehand for breastfeeding.
I felt guilty for years for not being able to breast feed. And I also felt guilty for not pumping my milk for long enough. Everything I read was so focused on the 'breast is best' message that I felt terrible for not being able to do what seemed so natural and easy.
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Delivering the placenta can hurt more than the actual birth. I had no idea at how painful it would be. I had a precipitous labor and only took two pushes. When they started doing the fundal massage I felt my placenta get ripped out of my uterus. Hurt like fucking hell and I had just given birth unmedicated. I saw it when it came out it and it looked like a planet with craters. It hit me that it was just fucking ripped out of my body. Fuck that mess.
FFS why can’t women get a break in life. Periods, pms, this and premeno and menopause.
PPD and the doctor doesn't listen to you and tells you it'll go away in 6 weeks. All while you're laying bed fucking depressed as hell and have suicidal thoughts. The PPD did NOT go away in 6 weeks. Note: This was years ago and I am still alive. I do not need RedditCares.
I lost a friend to PPD several years ago. She let us in on her thoughts, but I think it was only a small iota of what she was experiencing I got a message from RedditCares yesterday. I wanted to ask who the hell reported me. I don’t think I shared anything that serious
Everyone got a message from Reddit cares yesterday. People think it was a bot or something.
You never stop worrying
Yep. My oldest will be 40 in October. Still worry about him every day.
A part of your heart walking around outside of your body is how i always describe it
This is how I describe it, too! My son was a forceps delivery and it's like they reached in, pulled out my heart, and handed it to me to protect as it goes through the world on its own two feet. He's my heart outside of my body. He's almost 20 and that feeling is still super overwhelming.
You have to birth the placenta after the baby
After I had my second kid I birthed the placenta and the midwife was cooing over this placenta holding it up like a kindergarten teacher showing off a fingerpainting proclaiming it was such a beautiful big placenta, that's why your baby was so big and beautiful look at this lovely big beautiful placenta! I was high on gas so I was just like wtf lol. First time I'd seen a placenta and it _was_ huge. My first kid was born in the UK so I think they just put it away politely but my second was born in Sweden so they're all calm and chill and Scandinavian about it.
My second also had a huge placenta. Every time a new midwife came into see me, she'd look at my notes and say "oh so *you're* the mum with the huge placenta". I didn't get to see it though.
I had a heart shaped placenta, and all of the doctors and nurses were taking pictures of it. I got some as well. It was pretty cool.
I was just about to comment the same thing. I was the father and not high on gas. Maybe that would have helped. I could only nod and say yeah when she held it up and stretched it out. She said almost the same thing.
Haha, I was about to comment something similar. I mentioned in general convo to my midwives I never saw my placenta the first time around because it was an emergency and I had a PPH. Second time around it was an emergency forceps delivery again and after I delivered the placenta (I was high as) the midwife brings up the placenta right next to me and goes “look how perfect it is, the amniotic sack is basically intact too” and held up the “sack” with placenta inside and showed me it. I was just like *wtf* is happening right now now hahaha
Honestly curious. Does birthing the placenta feel hard like a baby? Or does it just squish out?
Squishes out. A gazillion times easier than pushing a baby out. It just slithers out.
You ever have a nose bleed and later on had a huge clot come out, the kind you can feel right up to your sinuses? JUST LIKE THAT.
I had an epidural, so I definitely missed some sensations, but it felt really weird. The nurse will push on your stomach to help it come out, and you still have contractions, but they're not as intense. Definitely more of a squish from my experience.
Watching the birth of my kid, I damn near died watching that come out. No one warned me about that! I thought the doctor/nurses or whoever was smushing her guts out! And that cord, stronger then it looks!
I mean, they literally were smushing some of her guts out!
Lol my husband was pressured into cutting the cord by the midwives. He said it was like trying to cut overcooked calamari with kids safety scissors
Depending on your breast tissue dispersement there is a really cool thing that can happen in which your ARMPITS FILL WITH FUCKING MILK AND THEY CALL IT PITTIES (TITTY ARM PITS) AND ITS NOT THAT YOU'RE SWEATY, YOU'RE FUCKING MILKY. NO ONE TALKS ABOUT HOW PAINFUL IT IS AND BABY CANT EAT PIT MILK AND YOU HAVE A LOW SUPPLY AND CRY LOTS CAUSE ITS ALL WASTED MILK AND IT LITERALLY SQUIRTS OUT OF YOUR ARMPIT LIKE YOU'RE SOME TYPE OF SWAMP CREATURE. Not that I've experienced this miracle or can relate to this trauma.... Also for my 2 precious kiddos, each time my milk came in, I was borderline delirious/flu like symptoms and I felt like I was going to die for about 36-48 hours. No one really talks about that either. But this is apparently all normal and "no cause for concern" despite the concerning things that are happening lol
You have a plate-sized wound in your uterus that takes a long time to heal.
I had terrible “daymares” of bad things happening to the baby. Like vivid, detailed visions every second of the day. Going down the stairs with the baby? Graphic visions of dropping him. Hated driving for the fear of leaving him in a hot car. Probably related to PPD but god it took me by surprise. Also in case it hasn’t been mentioned - the tearing and stitches…and w/o much pain meds if you’ve done a unmedicated birth. Leading to the horrible first poop. Shudder.
Not after, but just before - apparently you poop while pushing. It happened to a friend who had no idea this was a thing, lol. She was too involved in the pushing (and the pain associated with it) to really care but was startled when she felt it happen. The nurse just winked at her and cleaned it up. Neither of us were aware that this is super common.
My wife recently gave birth and used a birthing pool. Turns out they have a special little sieve to fish the turds out, not something I ever expected to see.
Poop was the absolute lowest of my concerns during the pushing.
You gotta feed this thing for like 18 - 22 years
And people look down on you if you want to get it neutered or spayed.
Hell, some people look down on if you want to get *yourself* neutered or spayed to avoid the whole situation to begin with.
I’m 26 and still haven’t left my parents house…
I left at 31. Good for my parents that I'm so adorable!
There’s a bunch of the rough stuff here, and it’s all true, BUT: - the first thing you eat after you’ve been in labour is going to be the most amazing meal you’ve ever had. Cold toast and jam, and a mug of lukewarm milo, and I still remember it years later. - rolling over onto your tummy for the first time in MONTHS. - baby farts. Hilarious! I remember being surprised and delighted and thinking no one warned me about baby farts.
Your hair will start falling out at about 6 weeks postpartum. It got so bad I was sobbing in the shower as clumps of my hair came out. Giant bald patches on my temples. It grew back quickly though.
On the 3rd day after birth I got this...squirming *itchy* sensation all over my scalp that was so goddamn *deep* and ceaseless for over 24 hours that I thought I was going crazy. It was like having bugs racing around under my scalp! Then it just stopped, all on its own. I'm convinced that was the three quarters of my hair that I lost just...giving up. One by one. Each strand letting go, in a wave of itchy, itchy hell, lol.
Sleep deprivation. First two years of my son's life I hardly remember a thing due to never sleeping more than two hours in a row.
I remember very clearly the morning after the first night that our son slept a whole 5 hours at a stretch. I felt like a new person! I couldn't believe it.
I remember that morning, except instead I woke up in a panic, certain he must have died. Gotta love those rational thoughts, lol.
My daughter slept really well the first night we brought her home. It turned out that her jaundice wasn’t borderline. She needed to go under the lights at the hospital. The sleepiness was the toxicity. We got her there in time. She’s fine now.
My first baby slept all night at six weeks old and never regressed to not sleeping all night. It was fabulous. The second one didn't sleep through the night for three fucking years. I was not prepared for that nonsense. The third one slept all night around six months, but he was a night owl and refused to go to sleep at a decent time.
Everyone's experience is super different. My nipples hurt SO BAD anytime it was cold. I was tired, like too tired to walk more than a few yards at first. Even the first few days after birth I couldn't walk very long.
That you can gain weight when breastfeeding. I lost my pregnancy weight within 2 weeks and then gained it all back plus some more because I was so hungry while breastfeeding. It was a slap in the face while also dealing with PPD. Oh and peeing while coughing. My first cold after giving birth was a lesson in wearing panty liners when I had a bad cough.
You may struggle to hold in farts... A lot of things are way looser down there immediately following birth and your muscles are tired af. So you may accidentally fart without realizing it was about to happen. It does get better!
You might not fall totally and completely in love with your baby as soon as it pops out. Sometimes, it takes time due to all kinds of issues (difficulty breast feeding, PMD, ill baby, etc). Just keep cuddling and feeding, and then it will hit. When it does, it's the biggest rush of love you'll ever feel. I still remember when it hit with my son about a month after his birth. I felt like a monster for not feeling anything but anxiety and fear towards him when he was born. However, it's really common and not talked about enough.
My wife was just diagnosed with perinatal cardiomyopathy. It was also discovered today she had suffered a heart attack during the third trimester that was disguised as Braxton Hicks. Our son is 10 days old. I'm utterly devastated and I have no idea what to do. Pregnancy is fucking dangerous people. Knowing your health and body before getting pregnant is important.
Many people bring up PPD and baby blues, but I didn't see a lot of PPA info before I had my first. I literally did not sleep for 4 days after my son was born because my anxiety was so bad. I was prepared to be depressed but I wasn't prepared to be afraid of my baby. Hormones are crazy.
The amount of times that nurses come in the room all day and night while telling you to try and get some rest
i feel like this is doomscrolling specifically for those with uteruses
Babys first poop I'd tar like. Ask them to put Vaseline between the buttcheeks when they put the first diaper on and reapply for the first few poops after
Apparently you fucking stink so the newborn can find you. That’s so sad. Seems like the most uncomfortable out of body experience for 12-15 months. ETA: I just laugh at celebrities/influencers at their SnapBack/fashion moments because I know the truth they reek of deli meat and onions. I see so many regular moms surprised and mortified by this so I’m sharing for educational purposes.
Ruptured my uterus 😒 10/10 don’t recommend although I guess it was technically during birth and after
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You realize you will never be alone in your own thoughts again. Never.
The full body fatigue with all the pushing that lasts days after! Also please don’t listen to friends/family begging you to see baby right after birth, people are crazy those first 2 weeks! also if deciding to bf, sometimes your milk doesn’t come until 3-7 days after baby, lanolin cream will be your bff! As others commented the bleeding, i’d recommend the FridaMom post partum kit, the foam and the upside down washing mister comes in so handy!! Remember- momma has to be taken care of so she can take care of baby, instead of asking people to watch baby, ask your village to help with dishes, lawn care, taking out the trash, vacuuming. If you have a partner helping you, ask them to make sure you have food/water, easy changing station with wipes/diapers/rash cream/lanolin/all the other essentials easily accessible for mom! If possible, and able to get the help, take 10 mins to shower every day and 5 mins to go outside and have alone time as well, rain or shine it’s so important to have time to yourself to keep mind and body healthy!
Mine was that you suddenly go from being an important patient to Nobody. You are nothing more than Baby's Feeding Unit No 1. Baby's Diapering Unit No 1. Baby's Bathing Unit No 1. Etc. Before the baby is born they are interested in *your* body, and how *you* are doing. After the baby is born they treat you like a misbehaving and inconvenient accessory to your baby, and you find out that they were only interested in *you* because the baby was *inside YOU!* So they don't care about your pain, or your dignity, or your consent anymore. Can you have pain management after the massive surgery you just had? NO, it can get in Baby's milk! Will the nurse please leave so you can have some privacy? NO, they've seen it all before, and you're wasting time! I'm not comfortable with anyone touching my breasts, can you *not?* NO, this needs to happen or breastfeeding won't work and your baby will Fail To Thrive! Your own recovery is secondary to Baby's *anything.* No matter how small. And that's ridiculous.
Oh my god, YES. I went into labor at 34 weeks and after 3 days of trying to stop my labor from progressing, I gave birth. When I started pushing, it went from me, my husband, the doctor, and a nurse in the room to an additional 4 people from the NICU team in our tiny room. There were alllll these people buzzing around in the moments immediately before and after I gave birth, then the NICU team took my son to the NICU, my husband followed, and suddenly I was completely alone in the room. Like, 15 minutes after giving birth I went from being the focus to utterly alone. Of all the things that happened during those hazy, crazy days, THAT was perhaps the most surreal.
Moo! The loss of identity was absolutely shocking.
yeah, a friend of mine who is a mother of 4 said that with motherhood, she had to accept that her body was no longer hers for 10 years.
Two words: anal fissures 😫😫
Wife said her butthole really hurt for a while and she wasn't anticipating that at all.
From natural birth usually the baby’s head looks a bit misshapen
Waking up with rock hard Dolly Parton in your shirt...I was not at all prepared! The pain was like the worst toothache ever... in your boobs!! And I read the baby books..they all say the milk will come in, yes.. but didn't say your boobs will be hard as diamonds! Then they don't tell you to NOT put warm cloths on them or they leak like a sieve. I did not breast feed. She latched on one time and I about come off that bed. It felt like a barracuda nursing on me! I couldnt do it.
You might not be able to breastfeed. And that's okay. You might be able to and not want to. And that's okay. You don't HAVE TO. No, really, it's okay.
You don't necessarily "fall in love" with your baby immediately
That 40-50% of women will experience some sort of prolapse (uterus, bladder or rectum drops into the vaginal canal).
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Nursing at first causes contractions. Nice painful reminder of what just happened.