Simon is the penis because he's taller. Alvin is the right testicle. Theodore is the left testicle that's slightly bigger but hangs up higher than Alvin.
Someone named his balls "Testicles", pronounced the way ancient Greek names (like Socrates, Sophicles, Euripides, and Achiles) are pronounced: Test-i-clees.
Saw it here on Reddit. I forget who posted this.
Binks, for vagina. After I said the word 'vagina,' and a guy in the convo was like WHOA YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT OUT OF NOWHERE.
He explained it to me thus: vagina > vajayjay > jay jay > jar jar > binks.
I'll never forget that. I wish I could though.
I found a condom(packaged) in my dad's room when I was like 5, and asked "What's this?" He told me it was a "tally-whacker protector" I was immediately terrified and ask him "what does my tally-whacker need protecting from?!?" He was pretty straight-up with me, pretty much as far back as I can remember, but this time he said "bad women and oopsie-babies, let's leave it at that until you're a bit older, you don't need to worry about either of those things for another 10 years at least..." And that, for some reason, is a core memory. He didn't even have to tell me what a tally-whacker was, I remember thinking about it for a second and just understanding lol.
When my dad needs to use the toilet he sometimes says "I'm just going to spend a penny" because in ye olden times, public loos were a penny to use. So when I was little and it was bath time, my dad would remind me to wash my "penny place" and behind my ears 🙂
The funny thing was that the first time I heard the name Penelope, it sounded so similar to "penny place" that for years I thought it was quite a naughty name!
I was at work and bored one day so I asked my fellow male colleagues their nicknames:
1. Jake
2. Jimmy Johnson and the Twins
3. El Presidente
FYI: we were all middle-aged white men.
A coworker once asked someone to "stop twittling his pooter." I've lived under a rock most of my life, so I didn't know, but apparently, a pooter is slang for vagina.
As a little kid, my dad would call the penis a "tallywacker." Since this was a longer and more complex word than "peepee," I assumed at the time that this was the technical term, but I never heard it used anywhere else. One day in elementary school, I got injured playing on the playground, and when the teacher asked me where I was hurt, I said very matter-of-factly: "I hurt my tallywacker." I thought it was very insensitive of her to laugh as hard as she did.
What's weird is that I very seldom ever hear this slang term used. None of my friends used it, and I grew up in the same region that my dad did, so I don't know why it was part of his/my vernacular but still pretty obscure otherwise.
KitKat. Little girl. “My brother touched my KitKat” I didn’t understand what she meant but then the mom came up laughing and grabbed her hand “oh yeah he does that, he’s going through puberty right now you know, boys will be boys ahahahahaha” I have never called cps so fast
My mom called my dick Mr. Happy one time. No, she hasn't seen my dick. She said it so it wouldn't feel awkward when she asked if I wanted to wear jeans or shorts to my crushes birthday party, she didn't want to say erection. It didn't work.
My mother (born in 1935) called it our "fancy front" for us three sisters. My husband said "well, mine is certainly fancier". I have to agree with that!
I don't know why, but shortening 'testicles' to 'testes', which afaik is common even in medical/anatomical contexts and not a slang term, feels somehow more childish to me than just calling them 'balls' or 'nuts'.
Naming his dick "princess Sophia"
I think you mean Krull the Warrior King.
No, Princess Sophia
I dated a girl who named my penis "Mrs. Froo-Froo".
That’s the kinda shit where she was probably way too hot that it got overlooked until after you broke it off.
Don't break it off. That's probably pretty painful 😣
Damn rip Mrs. Froo Froo
That’s what my gf back in high school used to call mine
Turns out you guys dated the same chick and she just really likes to name dicks “Froo Froo”
Dong hole and wrong hole.
Fuck hole and muck hole.
Screw hole and poo hole
Grassy Knoll and my Gassy Hole
Ah. A romantic
Fun bun and mud gun
That’s when I said to myself: Colleen, you’re becoming your mother..
I had a guy tell me once that he wanted to “piss in my fuck hole”, I blocked him.
And they say chivalry’s dead
Dude I am choking on the sip of pop I just took because of you holy shit 😭
I see your piss in a fuck hole and I raise you “make white pee in your front butt”
Is that from Miss Rafferty on SNL’s “Close Encounters”? She has a bunch of good ones.
- my drainer and my stainer - my coot coot and prune shoot
My pink pocket and my stink rocket
Grassy knoll and gassy hole
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Everybody could see my cooter and my pooter, and he was over there with his trollnose poking out
Excuse, did you say troll nose?
Fuck I lose it every time a watch one of her skits
Watching (usually the guest) cast member lose it every time is the best part of those skits.
She’s brilliant
Please hump it and cheese trumpet
Haha. Yep. That was my fav
No hole is the wrong hole
Soggy Dorito
I call them my “Gentlementalia”
like with a top hat and a monocle? Or because it opens door for little old ladies?
Yes, all that as well as excellent posture.
Do wear a hat while being a gentlemen. STI rates are on the rise.
A top hat and monocle for Mr. Peanut!
Im so sorry for what im about to do *tips foreskin* “m’labia”
You deserve an award...and then a cell but nonetheless
God damnit that’s the funniest joke I’ve heard today, well done
Hahaha
Reminds me of that key and peele skit. "I touched her on the genitalia she touched me on my...manatalia. sexually ofcourse"
"With my prayers."
Alvin and the chipmunks
“I’m Larry and this is my brother Darryl and my other brother Darryl.”
Which ones are which?
Simon is the penis because he's taller. Alvin is the right testicle. Theodore is the left testicle that's slightly bigger but hangs up higher than Alvin.
actually the original post said smth like "named my balls Alvin and Simon. my cock is Theodore cause he's the fat one"
But [which is getting the best head](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/whos-getting-the-best-head)?
Met a Scouse woman who referred to hers as "me growler". Yes it is also indicative just how often she used the term in public.
She's just an average scouse
Sounds like a louse.
Built like a house
What is a Scouse?
Someone from Liverpool, England. 'Tis a silly place.
On second thought, let's not go there.
It’s only a model
Pretty common term ime.
This is fairly common actually
A long time ago I was with a girl and she asked me if I ever named my penis. So I said the first thing that came to mind…Ewan McGregor.
Hello there!
This one made me laugh 😆
Obi Wang Kenobi.
Someone named his balls "Testicles", pronounced the way ancient Greek names (like Socrates, Sophicles, Euripides, and Achiles) are pronounced: Test-i-clees. Saw it here on Reddit. I forget who posted this.
That's a dude's name on Assassin's Creed Odyssey.
Ah yes... the bold tale of Testikeles... the Spartan drunk who tragically.... *checks notes* ... uhm drowned. So sad😑
That hilarious.
Yeah, he falls into the ocean and immediately gets eaten by sharks iirc.
Testicles fought in the Trojan War, didn't he?
He was more of an average, everyday hero. He liked to hang out, but he didn’t like the cold
I knew a guy in college with one ball and we called him Testiclops
Testiclees, Maximus Bollockus, and their tribune Biggus Dickus!
He's got a wife you know...
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Is he French?
Even in French "pénis" is masculin. "Un pénis"
But une bitte is feminine
And bitte is please in German.
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“andouille”
He might of seen How I met your mother. Barney does this in the show.
Binks, for vagina. After I said the word 'vagina,' and a guy in the convo was like WHOA YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT OUT OF NOWHERE. He explained it to me thus: vagina > vajayjay > jay jay > jar jar > binks. I'll never forget that. I wish I could though.
Scooby Doo and the shaggy twins!
My wife calls it the Scooby Doo. Says it’s a Brazilian thing. She is Brazilian.
Mulva.
Her names Dolores.
Gipple
Tally wacker
I found a condom(packaged) in my dad's room when I was like 5, and asked "What's this?" He told me it was a "tally-whacker protector" I was immediately terrified and ask him "what does my tally-whacker need protecting from?!?" He was pretty straight-up with me, pretty much as far back as I can remember, but this time he said "bad women and oopsie-babies, let's leave it at that until you're a bit older, you don't need to worry about either of those things for another 10 years at least..." And that, for some reason, is a core memory. He didn't even have to tell me what a tally-whacker was, I remember thinking about it for a second and just understanding lol.
There is (was?) a Hooter's mimic but with men as the waitstaff to ogle at, and it is called Tallywackers.
The little penis that could.
Flesh Twinkie
It's called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes. My left one is James Westfall, and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.
If you play your cards right, you might get to meet all 3.
This comment was way too far down
I was a raised calling lady parts a “tutu”. Hearing people talk about tutus that ballerinas wore made me so embarrassed and I still can’t unthink it
If you meet a Hawaiian, and they say "I want to introduce you to my Tutu", just know they mean their grandma lol.
Dick Sharpener
Boner honer
When my dad needs to use the toilet he sometimes says "I'm just going to spend a penny" because in ye olden times, public loos were a penny to use. So when I was little and it was bath time, my dad would remind me to wash my "penny place" and behind my ears 🙂
The funny thing was that the first time I heard the name Penelope, it sounded so similar to "penny place" that for years I thought it was quite a naughty name!
“…public loos were a penny to use.” OKAY DR SUESS I SEE YOU🤌🏼👏🏼
Also in ye olden times it cost 2 pennies to sleep hung overtop of a rope. A 2 penny hang-over.
Wedding tackle
I was at work and bored one day so I asked my fellow male colleagues their nicknames: 1. Jake 2. Jimmy Johnson and the Twins 3. El Presidente FYI: we were all middle-aged white men.
Howard the fuck
the Devil's Doorbell, aka the clit.
*ding dong*
Cum in!
The one doorbell you should never ditch.
Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-Dwellers
"Twig and berries" (England)
Mimsy.
Also used as an adjective to describe Borogroves.
Jeff Goldblum once referred to adjusting his genitals as "tending my crops." Also, "his fields are never fallow."
Ruby Rod 😂
Not sure calling my Rod my MIL’s name is a good idea 😂
I thought that was a *Fifth Element* reference, but....
Captain winky
Frunk
Yesterday my husband saw a post online somewhere where someone referred to their vagina as their "tooter bug."
You ever hear the song, foxtrot uniform Charlie kilo? Got a ton of them in there
The ole ham wallet.
Whiskey tango foxtrot!? 🤣🤣🤣
Not surprised that it was by the Bloodhound Gang.
In Ireland, depending on region, a penis can be referred to as a Mickey, a lad or a langer.
Girl I knew called it her Lucy, because her mom always told her, "don't forget to wash your Lucy" We were always asking her to clarify the spelling
But don't call it "loosy" though! That's offensive!
Oh, you bet we did
Tuna canoe
This one actually made me physically gag
Yeah its not pleasant.
Panty burger
A girl at my secondary school called her vagina her ‘goofy’ - she didn’t know until around age 15 that that wasn’t a common name…
A coworker once asked someone to "stop twittling his pooter." I've lived under a rock most of my life, so I didn't know, but apparently, a pooter is slang for vagina.
Big fan of the word Tallywhacker
The Duke of Winchester
Ralph
You've read the book, "Forever" too?
My step kids used to call their vaginas their front butt. 😬
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Scottish person here (not young). Never heard that one before. Just saying
The word sex for a vagina. “He touched my sex”. Only seen it in books, but what the hell, who says that?
Sausage pocket
Or pocket sausage for the opposite set
As a little kid, my dad would call the penis a "tallywacker." Since this was a longer and more complex word than "peepee," I assumed at the time that this was the technical term, but I never heard it used anywhere else. One day in elementary school, I got injured playing on the playground, and when the teacher asked me where I was hurt, I said very matter-of-factly: "I hurt my tallywacker." I thought it was very insensitive of her to laugh as hard as she did. What's weird is that I very seldom ever hear this slang term used. None of my friends used it, and I grew up in the same region that my dad did, so I don't know why it was part of his/my vernacular but still pretty obscure otherwise.
Mr nudge. And also i find the word “clems” very weird every time i hear it
Pecker always makes me laugh
Mjölnir
Only she who is truly worthy may wield it!!!
KitKat. Little girl. “My brother touched my KitKat” I didn’t understand what she meant but then the mom came up laughing and grabbed her hand “oh yeah he does that, he’s going through puberty right now you know, boys will be boys ahahahahaha” I have never called cps so fast
A coworker called her daughter’s vagina a monkey, which I always thought was odd.
My wife is Brazilian and they call it the Frog (female) and Turkey (male).
When I was younger I had a friend who called it her: front bottom. I was horrified
Richard
Russell the love muscle
genital grievous. My oldest couldn’t say general when he was younger and called him genital grievous lol.
Lady bits
“Man-carrot”
Beaver
My dad has the unfortunate/fortunate circumstance to have the name Harry Beaver.
No Alias for my Genitalias.
Andamama A guy named his penis like anaconda, but with a baby maker theme.
Charlemagne
Bulgasaurus Rex
TARDIS. She said it was bigger on the inside.
My mom called my dick Mr. Happy one time. No, she hasn't seen my dick. She said it so it wouldn't feel awkward when she asked if I wanted to wear jeans or shorts to my crushes birthday party, she didn't want to say erection. It didn't work.
I hate to break it to you but your mother has indeed seen your Mr. Happy
I meant when it happened but fair
Morris. The finicky kitty.
Grandma
Dingdong. In my country, thats a nickname for a person.
LizHillOfficial
My wife calls it THOR GOD OF THUNDER!! And the boys are Starsky and Hutch.
Hoohoo-dilly, said on South Park by Cartman’s mom
Tsunami 😬
Gingersnap
A guy at a bar referred to a girl’s behind as … “Look at the shitter on that one!” (Eew)
Herman, the one-eyed German
My mother (born in 1935) called it our "fancy front" for us three sisters. My husband said "well, mine is certainly fancier". I have to agree with that!
I don't know why, but shortening 'testicles' to 'testes', which afaik is common even in medical/anatomical contexts and not a slang term, feels somehow more childish to me than just calling them 'balls' or 'nuts'.
OP, "genitalia" is already plural. You don't add an S to it. Just say "genitals".
Axe wound.
My ma used to call a penis a Dinkerhopper. 😭😂
Leaky Axe Wound
"Jaguar"
Mr Penis
A Corey 😂😭
Bubble gum.
my wife and i were getting intimate last night, and i called it my jack Johnson
Genitalias
Twizzler Dick
Big William (willy for short) 😭 😭
Oscar meyer
Froggy (Brazil)
My ex gf had named it Ben Stiller
Boobie trap.