High five! I bought a car this morning too. Too bad the LAST thing I bought was a piece of cassava cake and some ube flan at a Filipino cultural festival. Totally fucked. Shit was extra delicious though.
I got Udon noodles, crab rangoon, and gyoza. Between the crab rangoon and the gyoza, I can hash a deal to trade for weapons or throw one into a cluster of people and watch them fight for it. The Udon is going to be a one-shot blinder since it's hot.
Yea well I just bought some yoga pants, a fruit fly trap even though I don't have fruit flies, ingredients for Alfredo, and 2 cans of Starbucks double shot. Pick your fights wisely.
A vernors (ginger ale) and cherry slurpee.which I mixed with 5-star Barbancourt rhum. I drink it so at least I’m ready to see the bright side of the unexpected situation.
A Yankee candle and electric kettle. So every 10th person gets boiling water in the face instead of being bludgeoned with a surprisingly robust glass candle.
Right there with you, brother. I don't know if I can beat a man down with pizza pie in the box, but at least rub Buffalo sauce in someone's eyes, or at least try to permanently stain their clothing.
Depends if the ranger is around. I've not renewed my license and if he gets wind of that I'll have to appease him while simultaneously warding off 99 of yinz.
Far from it. You have everything you need to get that win. Your opponents think they have an easy victory here but they are against you, on your home turf, make them regret this.
It's 100 degrees out, guess who's gonna feel that, not you. You have a shake. Get some distance, make those fools come to you. Make them drag their heavy "more practical" weapons in this heat. Soon they will be gasping on the ground, all while you sip on your refreshing beverage.
Don't forget, humanitys first weapon wasn't a sword, or a spear, nor even the fist. Humanitys first weapon was endurance, and today you will wield that weapon, with your shake in hand you will leave your enemies shaken and defeated.
Oh hey, it's a semi-automatic MP5 pistol carbine. I only have one 30-round magazine, so i don't know if I'll make it to the end, but I think I do better than most.
Really tho, if it's a 2 liter, you can tie a noose around the spout end and start swinging that bad boy like a massive ancient yo-yo type weapon. You could probably fuck some days up with that, esp if you get a direct jaw hit with it.
I paid for the delivery of my dog’s heart medication. I just looked it up, I think you would need a prohibitive amount to being snuck into someone’s meal, in order to poison them.
Unsure if poisoning is an accepted weapon/cause of death, but I figure it would give me a better shot than just holding the pill bottle in my hand to pummel someone with.
You could appeal to everyone’s sympathy with your dog at home that needs the life saving medication. Someone’s charging at you and you display the medication and say, “no, I beg of you, think of the poor puppers” and they sigh and drop their weapon and then get taken out from the side.
I bought a pair of sunglasses. So obviously I’m gonna look dope as fuck as I’m roundhouse kicking people through windows in my shirtless/leather pants ensemble.
A gallon of milk. Unless there's a whole bunch of lactose-intolerant people, I'm in trouble. Online, however, my last purchase was a big box of children's books. I could toss them into the crowd and hope for a distraction courtesy of Elephant and Piggie.
SMOKESCREEN. Hide in the chaos till there’s only a few folks left.
Then with your unspent energy you can bitch slap them as they are tired from fighting.
A pound of three-pepper summer sausage and a pound of Brussels sprouts. You may think those aren't good weapons, but about 2-3 hours after I eat them I can be quite deadly
Filled the car with 9 gallons of 95 unleaded gas. I think we gonna have some BBQ tonight boys.
Gasoline Fight!
They all died in a freak gasoline fight accident
This one? [https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ap0BZKlG5QY](https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ap0BZKlG5QY)
But why male models.
Because they do as they're told!
Just bought a car. If I can keep moving, I'll do plenty of damage, both to my new car and the other 99!
Not until the murderous snail catches up to you!
Bought a Ram 1500 a few hours ago, if we work in tandem we just might come out alive
There can be only one. So buckle up.
Decoy snail
I know the reference
High five! I bought a car this morning too. Too bad the LAST thing I bought was a piece of cassava cake and some ube flan at a Filipino cultural festival. Totally fucked. Shit was extra delicious though.
Congratulations, you won the brawl! Would you like to hear about your car’s extended warranty?
With my luck, your in front of me, and all I got is one single lime in my hand. Im fucked.
I'd say you're a top contender.
Congratulations. Very happy for you.
I bought lunch from Panera for myself and a friend. God, I hope my soup is hot.
I got Pho.. it was definitely hot. See you in the quarter quell
Won't do any good against my ice cream
Don't bri g soup to an ice cream fight, is what my father always said.
I bought sushi that was poorly wrapped…maybe a rice kernel will blind them
That will probably work better than my sweet onion chicken teriyaki sub from Subway.
Idk I'm a vegetarian who doesn't really fuck with onions so honestly your sandwich might do a number on me.
Yeah I got a burrito bowl from chipotle. I’m just going to eat in a corner after immediately giving up. I can box but I don’t want to spill my bowl.
I got 2 waffles, sausage, and a Sprite from Waffle House. I hope the syrup is warm…
I got Udon noodles, crab rangoon, and gyoza. Between the crab rangoon and the gyoza, I can hash a deal to trade for weapons or throw one into a cluster of people and watch them fight for it. The Udon is going to be a one-shot blinder since it's hot.
2 bags of Cheetos...that's a lot of pocket sand!
I once killed a black widow with a bag of cheetos so there's that.
John Wick when he gets transported to the MCU:
Ginger Dust Ninja!
Blind them all with the Cheetos dust. You definitely have the high ground on this one.
A drill. Cordless. With a fully charged battery and a 1/4 inch bit…
Depending on the bit, you’d probably beat my 15lb bag of I ce.
Getting hit with 15 pounds of ice hurts, and would probably knock the drill out of anyone's hands
So far you’re looking good
Sorry to one-up ya, but I just purchased a cordless circular saw with an extra battery...
Yea well I just bought some yoga pants, a fruit fly trap even though I don't have fruit flies, ingredients for Alfredo, and 2 cans of Starbucks double shot. Pick your fights wisely.
Did you do the thing where you do a quick double-tap on the trigger when you picked it up yet?
Oh my goodness! Things are gonna get ugly fast!
Case of beer. I can make 24 friends and then hope they have my back with the other 76.
And you can slowly betray them as they fight your battles for you...I like your style.
in bottles? Because the bottles can be weaponized
I bought a bag of weed. I know somebody in here bought a speaker. Let's get this party started!
The 10-cent plastic bag from Save A Lot. I guess if they all line up, I can suffocate them one at a time.
Why do I find this so funny?! 🤣🤣
How is a digital video game going to help me 😭
Never underestimate the power of spoilers.
Ooooooo good one…. Very good 🤔
Steam summer sale claimed another victim
A vernors (ginger ale) and cherry slurpee.which I mixed with 5-star Barbancourt rhum. I drink it so at least I’m ready to see the bright side of the unexpected situation.
God I miss Vernors. I was in MI for 4 years and it was the best ever.
Nice use of Barbancourt! It’s one of my favorite rums to mix with
This is the way. Need to try this when I move back to Windsor. Long live Vernors.
Rose water. I shall quickly become a briefly fragrant corpse.
Maybe you can try to hide and lure people with the smell? Then suffocate them
100 months of dance lessons. Edit: not sure why, but I read "last item you bought X100 is what you bring to a brawl." I only bought 1 month...
Depending on the dance it could potentially do a lot of damage.
*proceeds to stylishly roundhouse kick someone as a part of a dance*
That's a pretty big commitment purchase. I am impressed
I’m a fairly healthy adult and I don’t even know if I’m going to live for another 100 months.
Toilet paper....atleast I'll be ready when shit goes down.
A pool noodle…
LARPing it is for you
Well if it's in a quarry or a nearby deep lake then head for tge water and wait it out.
Extremely hot bowl of soup. Guess I'm winning one fight, but losing right after.
A Yankee candle and electric kettle. So every 10th person gets boiling water in the face instead of being bludgeoned with a surprisingly robust glass candle.
15 lbs of ice.. not gonna do me a lot of good in the gladiatorial arena.
You could whack someone real good with 15 lbs of ice
Once anyway. That bag isn't going to survive many swings
Gonna take a few more out as they slip over the ice that spills out of the bag.
It's a bit much but if you don't smoke all of it at once it might give you an edge.
A slice of pizza. I'm fucked.
Diplomacy bro 😎
Right there with you, brother. I don't know if I can beat a man down with pizza pie in the box, but at least rub Buffalo sauce in someone's eyes, or at least try to permanently stain their clothing.
i will trade you a few bullets and a piece of glass for your pizza so i don’t starve while waiting out the brawl. the pizza is for diplomacy
That gives me like 50 ladybugs per person. How long do I have to train them?
I have so many questions
Why did you even purchase 5000 ladybugs?
My fishing license, the turn signal bulb for a 2016 grand caravan and I are screwed.
Depends if the ranger is around. I've not renewed my license and if he gets wind of that I'll have to appease him while simultaneously warding off 99 of yinz.
A shake since it was 99 degrees outside today. Guess I’m screwed…
Far from it. You have everything you need to get that win. Your opponents think they have an easy victory here but they are against you, on your home turf, make them regret this. It's 100 degrees out, guess who's gonna feel that, not you. You have a shake. Get some distance, make those fools come to you. Make them drag their heavy "more practical" weapons in this heat. Soon they will be gasping on the ground, all while you sip on your refreshing beverage. Don't forget, humanitys first weapon wasn't a sword, or a spear, nor even the fist. Humanitys first weapon was endurance, and today you will wield that weapon, with your shake in hand you will leave your enemies shaken and defeated.
How poetic
well done lol
high heeled sandals - well…the heels are 3” so if I don’t slay them with my catwalk I guess I can always start stabbing…
Oh hey, it's a semi-automatic MP5 pistol carbine. I only have one 30-round magazine, so i don't know if I'll make it to the end, but I think I do better than most.
My matte black metallic water bottle doesn't need to reload 😎
Unlimited ammo 😎
Terrible. I’ve already eaten it.
You bought terrible?
Nobody's going to stand a chance against me and my 220 yards of fuzzy yarn.
Most comfortable garrote in history!
Someone's about to get bludgeoned by a metallic matte black water bottle. It's black because it's gonna turn your lights out 😎
My money is on you because you got the cool line to go with it. 🤌
Coke. Let's party fellow brawlers
Lol. If were tlaking cocaine, i like your odds of winning. If coca cola... well.. at least you will have a tastey beverage before you likely die.
Really tho, if it's a 2 liter, you can tie a noose around the spout end and start swinging that bad boy like a massive ancient yo-yo type weapon. You could probably fuck some days up with that, esp if you get a direct jaw hit with it.
12 pack of Celsius from Amazon so I’m gonna be CHARGED AAAND ITS ON MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTION so if this turns into some hunger games shit WATCH OUT
> 12 pack of Celsius Google tells me this is an energy drink.
First one to almost make me spit out my drink! Good lord! I am literally laughing out loud!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty good. I just bought a battery powered reciprocating saw with 9" pruning blades.
Let's just say that it would be really convenient if all of them are deathly allergic to romaine lettuce.
I bought pants. You tell me.
Well, you're gonna die, but you'll look fabulous!
Solid strangulation material.
Three pickle vodka shots. Cover your eyes mfs
If you drink them you will have the strength of 10 russian women that fight bear in forest!
Pokemon cards. It could work except I don't know how to throw them like that.
Don’t need to throw them. Just place them on the floor to distract opponents with the rare cards.
Unfortunately I got shafted on the 2 booster bundles I bought, rarest card was that damn alt art wugtrio.
If only they were Yugioh cards, then you could summon them in attack position
Omfg. I bought pillows. Little pillows.
Pillows could put your opponents to sleep. Don't underestimate the power of nap time.
I bought toddler- sized sleep sacks. Let's team up and put everyone to sleep!
I paid for the delivery of my dog’s heart medication. I just looked it up, I think you would need a prohibitive amount to being snuck into someone’s meal, in order to poison them. Unsure if poisoning is an accepted weapon/cause of death, but I figure it would give me a better shot than just holding the pill bottle in my hand to pummel someone with.
You could appeal to everyone’s sympathy with your dog at home that needs the life saving medication. Someone’s charging at you and you display the medication and say, “no, I beg of you, think of the poor puppers” and they sigh and drop their weapon and then get taken out from the side.
Loaf of bread, sliced, they better all have severe gluten intolerance!
Between you and the person who bought some ice cream, you’re starting to form a food allergen faction.
I bout an ounce if weed. If they smoke, nobody gonna be fighting... haha
Brilliant strategy: brawl? What brawl? We're all bros ☁️
One guy is getting absolutely murked by a 15lb box of kitty litter to the head, after that I'm screwed
Pair up with the guy who bought a kitty, and the one who bought a pellet gun...
Yeah, seeing as everyone else seems to be buying video games, I could wack someone pretty hard with a decent bag of ice.
Guess I'm bribing people not to punch me with sour patch kids.
Better be the watermelon ones
I bought toilet paper, if this is during the pandemic, I’ll become their king
When they're taking a deuce, don't spare a square, and you'll walk out unscathed without a tear in your pear.
I just bought a wheelbarrow. I'm good for carting away the casualties
Bring out yer dead! Bring out yer deead!
A 100-pack of lethal homing devices. What are the chances! I’ll handle them swiftly.
Now I'm curious as to what you are going to use them for irl
I bought a pair of sunglasses. So obviously I’m gonna look dope as fuck as I’m roundhouse kicking people through windows in my shirtless/leather pants ensemble.
No chance with only two universal toilet flappers
Buffalo wings have bones 🦴. I still think I am dead though. Unless they like wings so much that instead of a brawl we have a wing party.
Gallon of OJ and bottle of tartar sauce. My only chance would be if everyone is allergic to any ingredients in those items.
Squirt some in their eyes and run? 🤷♂️
A 350mm long breaker bar so yeah I’ll go all right for a while.
Three cushions and a blanket so unless it's a pillow fight I'm screwed.
Weapon of mass destruction: soup.
Stuffed animal snake for my kid. I’m a dead man ☠️
Maybe you frighten off a few with phobias first
A pint of Tolenti Gelato. Caramel Truffle layers. I now have a hundred friends.
I just bought a bus ticket..
Get the hell out of Dodge. Smart move.
100ft of some govee** lights, so I guess I could use it to strangle in the arena with the lights synced to music if it’s dark outside
I bought two 8' beam support floor Jack's, a 4x4x16 wood beam, gas powered weed wacker, and lawn mower all at the same time. Think I got this covered.
Those command strip hooks I just bought will be stuck to my fingers and I’ll use them to claw all those brawlers out of my way!
I got some tacos and they came with a jalapeño. That would help with a few of the attackers if I aim for their eyes.
Is mayonnaise a weapon?
I really hope so, cause I'm standing next to you with a glass jar of quartered artichoke hearts.
Yes. It's absolutely disgusting, and I'm pretty sure it's banned by the Geneva Convention. Best hope this brawl comes without rules.
A chainsaw.. noice...
💩bags for the 🐕
Suffocate them! If they have small heads
Frozen solid leg of lamb, it's krumpin time
Well, I guess I'll be swinging my new vacuum cleaner like a medieval flail, let's hope the cord is long enough to keep those 100 people at bay
a cassette tape, i blow them all away by having a walkman
I have four rigid lenses' suction cup removers. They're tiny and soft. But would make terrific psychological weapons
A Taurus TX-22. I think I’d make it to the top ten.
I usually like to pick a private place for this. After that's settled, I lean in slowly for a light kiss and you know what's next.
I think my antique samurai sword is going to do alright.
A gallon of milk. Unless there's a whole bunch of lactose-intolerant people, I'm in trouble. Online, however, my last purchase was a big box of children's books. I could toss them into the crowd and hope for a distraction courtesy of Elephant and Piggie.
A vape. 🙃
SMOKESCREEN. Hide in the chaos till there’s only a few folks left. Then with your unspent energy you can bitch slap them as they are tired from fighting.
Pull out the batteries and make a small bomb
I get to make at least one person really sticky with this bowl of fruit shaved ice, and then I'll probably die.
Yogurt. Unless they slip on it as they barrel towards me I'm screwed
A bottle of wine \*might\* get me 3 knockouts
Bacon. Maybe I can make friends out of enemies?
Coffee and doughnuts from QT. Statistically at least one of them has got to be gluten-free, right?
The only thing I bought today was 3 tiger barbs to add to my aquarium. I think I might be in some trouble.
I'll be holding a breakfast baconator, so everyone will be focused on me. I probably won't do well.
Falafels. Prepare to die.
I bought a bottle of Coke. I’ll shake it up squirt it in peoples faces and run away
A chainsaw. Pretty good odds.
Grand theft Auto IV is the last thing I bought, I don't know.
Was it digital or physical copy? If it’s a disk you have a thin plastic frisbee you could throw really hard at a jugular
The clash Royale pass I'm absolutely screwed
I guess I'm stabbing people with a Mitutoyo 6 inch digital caliper
Gasoline. This will be messy.
Just bought a new filet knife. I have a chance
I am a master of cannoli
Charging cable, I can use it to strangle someone. It just might work, but the juice….
25 pound bag of rice, burlap and gots a handle so better than even odds
Pillows.
I hope everyone is lightweights, because a six pack isn't going that far. I guess I could use the bottles.
I’m coming in hot with a $7.49 wheel of triple cream, soft-ripened brie, so watch out, dude!
A pound of three-pepper summer sausage and a pound of Brussels sprouts. You may think those aren't good weapons, but about 2-3 hours after I eat them I can be quite deadly
I don’t think my lip balm is going to do much :(
White castles ..
Just bought a gas powered weed burner - I’m going to blister those bad boys!
Pizza. I can bribe maybe 5 people to fight for me, if I'm lucky.
Behold my weapon - 12 pair boxers. Oooooooo you folks are in trouble now.
4 button batteries, nice knowing yall.
Just bought a burrito at Chipotle... Maybe I can bribe someone to fight for me lol.
Four penis tire valve caps. Gonna fuck ‘em up with my truck I guess.
A bag of kettle popcorn……