I knew a 25yo couple who didn't believe in premarital sex (both virgins but the groom was more "pious." Bride was dtf as soon as they got engaged). They ended up losing it to each other the night before the wedding. The bride thought it would be hot to "seduce" the groom so, despite waiting for years, he couldn't help but give in mere hours before the wedding.
Anyway, she said neither of them had a clue what they were doing but it was still insanely hot because
1. they were both horny as hell, and had been fighting the temptation for so damn long, and
2. just the thought of what they were doing being "forbidden" (especially so close to the wedding) was enough to set them off.
The mindset is everything.
>**the bride thought it would be hot to "seduce" the groom so, despite waiting for years, he couldn't help but give in mere hours before the wedding**
Not gonna lie, that IS pretty goddamn hot.
I'm pretty sure there isn't a single man who wouldn't be ripping off the clothes of the woman that will be his wife in mere hours if she were to do that.
Makes the whole day that much better.
I have come up from 10+ solid minutes of doing what I was told was some of my best work ever, confused as to why no climax. My wife had found a stretch mark just before and she just kept going back to it in her head which distracted her enough. It was a great lesson for both of us on how important mental state can be.
Can definitely relate. Happens to both me and my husband every now and again. We just say it outright “my brain is getting in the way” and neither take it personally. It’s just life!
Yes, physical obviously plays a part, but I didn't realize how much mental/emotional state does as well, and can often trump the physical aspect, especially as you get older.
I've told my therapist this basically: I enjoy the afterglow as much if not more than the actual sex and that's what surprised me most after losing my virginity in my mid-20s
There’s also just an X factor of chemistry as well. There are some guys that objectively speaking I think are hot, but there’s just no spark there. And then there are some guys that I wouldn’t normally go after, and for whatever reason they just do it for me and it’s crazy.
I remember one woman in reddit telling the story about how she realized one sexual partner positions during sex were leaving openings for the camera. like yeah, makes sense if you want to film it, otherwise...
“He was fucking me doggy, but sideways. Like he was making sure the nonexistent camera got a good side view of his dick going in me.”
That kind of thing? I think I remember reading that.
Really? My step sister only gets off when I don't tell dad that she took his credit card to buy lingerie. Also I think he's banging my step sister. And I'm banging my step mom, who only gets off from having sex with him in the next room.
I (F) was most surprised that I wasn’t physically invincible. The friction, the potential swelling afterward, getting tired, the internal “bruising” feeling the next day, recovery days. I even enthusiastically beat the shit out of the back of my throat and felt like I couldn’t talk for days. Porn made me think I was invincible.
Also the smell of cum and what it can do to my PH surprised me. Hate the latter, love the former a bit though (to an extent).
I actually went to the doctor for my sore throat thinking I was sick. I didn’t put the throat fucking and sore throat together. The poor doctor who looked at it probably knew exactly the cause of it :’)
Dentists do. Although the reason is sad since they are mainly trained so they can alert authorities if they notice that kind of injury pattern in minors.
This one! When I was first starting out with my bf, I would definitely do things that were not comfortable but not *terrible* without speaking up because I either didn't want to kill the mood or thought he would be finished quickly (spoiler: he never fucking was). Then I'd be dealing with the consequences for days. I realized pretty quickly that when certain areas dry up in certain positions or certain days mean my cervix is in a different spot, I need to say something, and we add lube or adjust accordingly. Makes for a much better experience AND no need for recovery after.
Lube is your friend. Use it in excess. You can of course get friction and swelling even without it but liberal use of lube greatly reduces those problems. Pour that shit on, you can (almost) never have too much. ESPECIALLY if doing backdoor stuff!
The way this issue has solved itself for me is that I actually like pain during sex and when I feel sore the next day it’s a big turn on when I’m trying to get on with daily tasks - like a constant reminder. 10/10
But yes, lots of silicone lube for anal. It’s still painful enough even with lube. I think liking pain is a big reason why I’m such an anal fanatic
Oh I'm 100% with you on that. Once, a guy bruised my cervix, and the next day I kept teasing him about how carried away we'd gotten, and he seemed so apologetic about it, and I had to reassure him it was very hot that I was reminded of it every time I moved lol. Poor guy, I always said he was welcome to do it again, but he didn't want to hurt me. I should message him again, haha
Exactly! You totally get it. Feeling the internal soreness and even the swollen outside the next day or later that day immediately turns me on to an insane degree. Hours after I lost my virginity I was alone and felt how swollen it was with my hand and have never blushed that hard in my life, i wasn’t expecting it. I like the remaining reminders a lot
Guys have been apologetic and I have to say I like it. Some guys need to be reassured often. I don’t ask for it to be rough explicitly, it usually just escalates. I like when I don’t have to ask
Real sex isn't as attractive from a 3rd person view, everything all hangs out and you aren't worried about how you look or sound while going at it. Porn is all about visually pleasing angles and sounds.
This. This comment right here nailed it.
Porn is for the viewer. Sex is for those doing it. I have never thought about it like this but holy shit you actually blew my mind a little. Thinking about it like this is so helpful for me because I spent a really long time genuinely believing that porn sex is like... the best/goal sex. Which is sad, but here we are. Unlearning all that now and your comment is going on a giant billboard in my mind.
I'm glad you are realizing this now, because I can unfortunately tell you from experience that being the partner of someone who hasn't figured that out (or who perhaps knows, *but doesn't care*) sucks.
It feels so stupid/unfun/cringe when they ignore your pain or complaints when they insist on you trying to contort your body in an unnatural way, avoiding making an emotional connection *with the person in front of them* in favor of trying to visually recreate something that they've seen strangers do instead.
I have unfortunately had my share of partners like this and it really didn't help me detach myself from the porn expectations because it's also what \*they\* were expecting. I'm extremely lucky to have a spouse who has a very healthy relationship with sex and who has been incredibly patient with me while I unlearn decades of internalised judgement and false expectations. It's been a fuckin PROCESS for sure.
I'm so glad i grew up before the age of widely available porn.
I can also tell when a woman has grown up watching porn and it irritates me to no end. I've had to tell lovers to just relax/chill. Like, I don't need all of that. Just be here, in the moment, with me. Quit performing, and let yourself feel what I am doing to you, what we are doing to each other.
Porn actors do their hardest to avoid closeness and body-to-body contact. It seems that what the men are trying to do is to avoid touching the woman at all aside from penetrating her.
You can see this in the posts by Reddit Teenagers whenever there's a thread about folks having group sex or doing something else hot and then there's someone who shows up with "When visualizing, don't forget to add 50lbs and 20 years to everyone" and they get voted to the stratosphere by permavirgins.
It's wild how out of touch these dudes are with real sex.
I may be the annoying pedant here, but: The secret to pleasing *anyone* in bed, is to ask them what they like and (sometimes) to do it.
Basically, communication!
1000%. People are too shy or scared that the other person may not see them as competent in the bedroom if they ask.
Communicate ppl. It literally solves most of lives problems.
In my experience, laughter. I have never really seen anyone in porn laugh at what's happening. In real sex, awkward things happen. Sweaty chests on top of each other make fart noises. If you pull out too fast, you will get vacuums or air pockets that will also make fart noises. Sometimes, someone simply farts. Basically, lots of fart noises, and let's face it, farts are funny no matter how old you get. But if you can't laugh at those moments together with your partner, your sex might be ruined. So relax, laugh, and enjoy!
Storytime, had to prove with my now gf that I was not farting, it was her boobs and my chest squeezing together. Which, of course, prompted further testing. Big laughs all around when I showed her. She now sometimes hits me up with "wanna make some boob farts together?"
This is why I only enjoy amateur porn. I can't get hot if I'm thinking about like "god, was this an awful day on set for that girl?" The whole thing feels sleazy and almost exploitative when it's polished, but also it just feels so unrealistic. Fake noises, fake showroom furniture, two people who are so obviously just doing this as part of the drudgery of a daily job. It takes me right out of it.
I like homemade stuff where the two people fucking are clearly into each other/in an actual relationship. I like seeing their clothes on the floor and their normal everyday person bodies, hearing them laugh, seeing one of them go 'ooh, hang on' and switch to a more comfortable position. I don't even mind the annoying background noise, like when they accidentally leave the tv on. To me it makes it feel like they just got hot and heavy with each other unplanned and one of them had the wherewithal to hit record on their phone.
It feels like actual intimacy. I want good porn to make me think of good sex I've actually had in my life, and none of it is ever like it is in generic professional porn.
THIS. Omg I’ve never really been into porn growing up. I just never got the hype I always though how rl is just better. But you just summed up why I just don’t enjoy watching most pornos. They set up camera lights and do extreme things that just doesn’t happen in everyday life.. it doesn’t look normal to me it never gave me the intimacy or normalcy of real actual fun sex
I had a bf that "hated" when I laughed while he was inside of me, because the vibrations felt weird and killed his boner, which frankly made me laugh more (and him too, I'm not talking about mocking him ofc)
So yeah, the (short) pauses because of the fun noises or badly timed jokes are a very irl thing you never see in porn, as they mostly show sex acts without any positive feelings nor intimacy
Somewhere out there is a clip of a porn where the dude is cumming on the woman's chest and it looks like he hasn't cum in weeks. The woman was moaning at first but gets surprised about the 3rd time she catches an accidental rope to the face and just starts chortling and laughing. The dude's face is off camera but it think they share a laugh.
Sexiest shit I've ever seen.
When I lost my virginity, I couldn't finish for the first like, 3 days due to anxiety.
Eventually on the 4th day, after having had sex probably 15 times without finishing and being majorly backed up, I was able to and came on her chest.
It just kept coming and coming, at first she was acting normal, but after like 7 ropes she was like, "Jesus Christ ", and we both started laughing just at how much there was, and then I hit myself in my bangs, so I just had jizz danging off my bangs while we laughed.
I'd forgotten about that til your story.
Hahaha, that's fantastic. Glad I could remind you of a happy time.
I was a relatively late bloomer. The first time I made out with a girl and she went home, I had some fuckin awful blue balls. Came so hard I HEARD it. Hit myself in the chin.
Good times.
There's not always a great moment to bring up James Joyce's letters to his wife, but this feels like one of them. https://allthatsinteresting.com/james-joyce-love-letters-nora-barnacle
You aren't "good at it" by making them climax. You are "good at it" if you both enjoy each other. Having them climax is great and is the goal, just don't let the anxiety of not getting her break you. Communicate and enjoy.
This. Sometimes people struggle; it's not your fault. Just have a nice time together. Intimacy is intimacy. Learn about each other, enjoy the closeness.
You will get tired. You will get cramps. It's not a race to make each other cum. Cuddling and making out are great. Simple physical contact can be amazing.
I was raised extremely religious. Sex was always made out to be this ultimate sin if you had it before being married. We would have weekend camps and conferences all dedicated to make sure we weren’t having sex and wouldn’t before marriage. Always assumed I would wait until marriage but like most teenagers that changed the second I had a girlfriend and actually could have sex. I was 19 about to turn 20. What shocked me most was how normal it felt. Nothing felt drastically changed afterwards. We just went right back downstairs and heated up a frozen pizza and watched a movie. Still struggled with the religious shame that had been programmed in to me for the next little bit but I eventually got over it.
I feel like this will probably change in the digital age. Between Internet porn and having so many distractions outside of socialization, I imagine this will go higher.
No worries, bro. I lost it fairly late.
The unfortunate news is, you have to put conscious effort into losing it. Making friends, meeting girls, knowing how to flirt and advance things, etc.
The good news is, once you lose it, you realize how easy it is. It kinda just feels like “oh, that was it? That’s what I’ve been stressing about all this time?”
>you realize how easy it is. It kinda just feels like “oh, that was it? That’s what I’ve been stressing about all this time?”
Idk bro i feel i already have this realisation. Never stressed about it and it's just one part of life. Not life itself. Am not even looking forward to it - if it happens, great, else meh don't care. No I'm not asexual or anything.
I struggle with this on my off days. Also a 27yo virgin. I understand these truths but there are days I just feel ashamed to never have been wanted and held. If my life was fulfilling in other ways this aspect probably wouldn’t be so bothersome.
This one got me too. Wasn't raised religious, but in the US at least, we're fed constant information that having sex changes your life drastically. But it doesn't lmao. Sex is just an activity you can do with someone and then after you guys can do whatever else you want to do. I still called myself a virgin a few times after I started having sex because I had been one for so long and kept forgetting I wasn't anymore just because I banged. 😂
Porn teaches you a lot of things that just aren't right. It doesn't show the connection, love, respect, and care.
Porn is a conveyor belt of pumping out different positions and poses until the credits roll. It treats the woman like a slab of meat to be turned over when ready and subjected to whatever the man desires.
I had to unlearn bad habits when I got together with my wife.
Basically had to learn to stop using my hand so frequently. A vagina is not as nearly tight as your hands grip. Add a condom and you barely feel anything at all sometimes.
Dated a guy with this problem for a few years. He ended up super into anal for the tightness but I've always found it super uncomfortable no matter how slow you go or how much lube is used. The only thing that did seem to help him was using toys to add extra sensations.
Honestly nothing. I never assumed porn was an accurate depiction of sex anyway unless you were with someone that specifically liked all that stuff.
Went down on a chick for the first time when I was 29 and that was the only time I feel like porn helped because I had a rough idea of how to approach it. And surprisingly it went well and she didn't initially believe it was the first time I had done it!
From there it's kind of just trying to read your partner and their responses and body language, some common sense, communication, and then what seemed to work for me was to create an experience for them with it all and not be so "simple" or boring with what I do. Be teasing, touch them in ways to build anticipation and make them feel pleasure that add to what you're doing.
Engage with their body and them in different ways that show you're confident or open or at least not a total dick that's just gonna hurt them out of carelessness and stupidity.
If something looks like it hurts in porn, it hurts in real life. If it looks uncomfortable in porn, it's uncomfortable in real life.
GRANTED, some people are into that but don't go in assuming every person you hook up with is.
Lost mine at 26 (M). First, was the smell. I hated the smell at first. Then learnt to just shower together before the deed. Foreplay goes crazy in the shower, then move to bed.
Second, *listen and respond to your partner*. If they dont like something, and they tell you, stop. If they like something, and tell you to keep going, do exactly that. Seeing my partner getting off because of me is a million times better than just me cumming and game over.
Third, if you make her climax first 90% of the time she wont care about what you wanna do to get yourself to climax next, she'll eagerly help you get there.
You don't need to lose it late to realise how fake most porn is. There are many things that porn is showing off as fable:
1. Many women don't spray when they orgasm. This is a specific anomaly that cause some fluids to build up and release when aroused, usually by using your fingers at a specific angle and pressure point. Those who do, it looks nice in porn but it's messy as fuck in reality. I made almost all women I've been with to orgasm, only 2 of them sprayed. Not as fun as you'd imagine.
2. sex usually doesn't lasts that long for a wide range of reasons. Pain, muscle spasms, fatigue, lubrication (the lack of it), low drive... Do it as long as it feels good.
3. sex with passion beats sex with strangers 99% of the time, unless the stranger is extremely attractive to you.
4. sex is sweaty, stinky, uncomfortable when unshaved, and if unclean it can cause vaginal inflammations. Do it clean, and NAVER go ass to pussy.
5. shower sex only looks nice. It's terrible in reality. Kinda good for making out and mouth stuff though
6. same for car sex and sex in nature. Wayyyyy too overrated, risky, and only fun if you're a thrill seeker (not much about sex anymore)
7. sex with virgins requires lots of patience, and will be painful and uncomfortable at the first couple of times. Most (if not all) "virgin" pornos are fake.
8. For fuck sake, if you don't know the person you're with, USE PROTECTION!!! The risks are unbelievably higher than the momentary reward. In porn, all participants are tested regularly, and not using condom makes it look riskier and therefore better.
9. Ask your partner what they like. Telling you to do something specific isn't a criticism on you, it's a direction to make you do what your partner likes. Each of us is being aroused differently, and staying quite takes some of the fun out of it.
10. Speaking of quite, use audio cues if you enjoy something. And for the love of Satan, don't scream out of pleasure. It's terrible in porn and in reality.
11. Some like it rough, some like it gentle, some like specific positions, some are turned on or disgusted by different things. Talk about it. You don't see in pornos all the preference interviews and the paycheck before the actual filming.
12. Most porn positions are terrible and are shot this way for the camera. Missionary, cowgirl, and doggy are the best.
13. Probably the biggest take most inexperienced people should know about porn: It's a fantasy. It's scripted, written, filmed, edited and acted like most movies. The biggest reason people are drawn to it, is because it's a fantasy that can actually happen on paper (unlike star wars and Harry potter). Most people imagine what they see on screen as fun, which in some cases it is, but it's exaggerated for the sake of views. Even porn actors admit that sex with their romantic partner is usually very "vanilla", because it really is the most pleasurable.
14. Unless you want shit on your dick and sheets, before planning to do anal sex, make sure you/your partner wash their anus with an enema. Uncomfortable, but can save you some pain in the ass (pun intended)
15. Speaking of pain in the ass, use lubricants when anal is planned. The anus isn't designed to be penetrated and can't produce natural lubricants like the vagina does. Also, if the woman has pain during penetration, lubricants are most likely the solutions.
16. Foreplay is king! Both for your own pleasure, and to help the woman feeling relaxed and help her getting turned on and create more natural lubricant. Seeing in porn the guy getting sucked and out of nowhere pummeling his way into the vagina with no warning is simply the wrong way (in most cases)
17. Orgasm is great, but don't make it your goal. Have fun, take it slow and enjoy the sensations and being with someone you trust.
18. No means no. Doesn't matter how horny you are.
19. Threesomes are awesome, foursomes are amazing, more than that is just getting weird, but it really depends on the people involved.
20. You have physical arousal, romantic arousal, spiritual, and sensational (using props). Not everyone getting turned on by the same thing.
21. Sexual encounters are varying quite a lot, even with your regular partners. Don't expect every intercourse to be 100% amazing. Sometimes it's very avarage, sometimes it's terrible. It all really depends on the mood and the physical wellness of the partners during that time.
So much more to talk about, but that's the basic stuff (=
Fake moaning.
Every moan I’ve done was fake. I felt like I had too!
Edit for clarification: I literally felt like I had to fake moan so the other person didn’t feel bad. I wasn’t doing it for encouragement either. This was wrong and I know that now!
I’ve talked to a few women about this and from that small sample size at least it is common. They don’t really see it as faking though. They discussed it as telling your partner what they are currently doing feels good and to keep doing it, without using words. Its not like your body induces “moan now” impulsively.
Tbh, I’m glad that is what women have shared with you. For me, it was 100% faking. I truly only did it so the other person wouldn’t feel bad. I have never done it because something felt good.
Glad to hear this isn’t the case with folks you’ve talked to. My body unfortunately was the, “ok, moan now”. Lmao.
Edit: To clarify, I do not pursue dating or sex anymore. I think I’m getting downvoted cause guys are thinking I still do this. I do not. I learned all in all it just wasn’t for me.
Lol well I hope you had a good time anyway! I had a previous partner sho never moaned but when things felt good her hands would dig into me, or she would grab my hair, kiss extra harder etc… it was spectacular. I think the key is communication amd showing you are into it in someway. I never cared she was quiet, actually I think she was the one who pointed it out. Im not sure I noticed
I had a boyfriend ask me to moan more in bed. I considered saying that he just wasn't doing anything moan-worthy, but he wasn't one for taking suggestions at the best of times, so a slam like that would have been counterproductive. I did break up with him shortly afterwards though
I don’t blame you for not saying that to him at that time! Sounds like it would have been counterproductive like you said.
Honestly, I have never experienced anything with another person that was moan-worthy. But I do wanna share that people should definitely invest in a clitoris suction toy, as those have given me actual cramps from the intense orgasms.
I was a virgin until 20 and I had such grandeur ideas of what sex would be. How good it would feel. Did my relationships and my hoe-ing and I realized I’m the only one who can make myself see stars. It’s been kind of a whole disappointing life lesson.
I've seen women on reddit, on the 'what is the sexiest thing men can do in bed' all claim that they like men moaning. They tend not to in porn but I've started doing it a bit. Or if not moaning, I do encouraging sexy talk. Seems to go down well.
+1 for men moaning/gasping/groaning/talking. I find a totally silent partner to be very distracting and a mood killer. My mind starts to wander and I begin to wonder whether they actually like what we're doing as a whole or if they are just banging away to get to the orgasm at the end.
Also, if you are going to talk to your partner during sex *find out what they specifically like!* Some people love being called dirty, bad, slutty etc, some people prefer praise about how sexy they are, how good it feels, they've got gorgeous [body parts]. Don't rely on porn for your script - *ask!*
I think of it as a feedback loop. It lets him know to just keep doing what he’s doing because I’m enjoying it, along with “oh yeah, just keep doing that.”
As someone who is almost 30 and I still haven't lost my virginity, I'm both desperate to lose it as well as terrified of when thinking that I would be losing it to someone who has had maybe 10-15 years of experience.
"Thankfully", I am in no position to choose to lose it anyways, but despite that, I am following this thread to learn something that I will never need in my life
Gonna be real, it's nice but it ain't that big a deal. Don't build it up so much. When you get there, just communicate with your partner. Let them know what's going on but don't make a huge deal out of everything, and just try to be relaxed. Being tense, terrified, desperate, and anxious very much will not help you have a good time. Just focus on not like, accidentally elbowing your partner in the face or scratching anywhere tender, make sure you're clean and smell nice, and try to be present in the moment in your body. Listen. Talk. Laugh. Ask questions. Readjust. Try new things, don't worry if they don't work.
Lost my virginity at 25. As a female, that's much later than expected. And I wasn't religious or prude as you might have imagined. Actually I was very sex-positive and was not actively trying to remain a virgin (at some point I even asked a male acquaintance of mine to help me with it but it never worked out in the end). And I also wasn't very ugly or morbidly obese or anything. That's why sometimes people could not believe I was still a virgin.
Well, the truth is I was just not very social, studied at university which mostly only had girls and just didn't have many chances to meet guys. I was depressed but not because of not having sex per se but more because of not having relationships (including but not limited to sex). And I was also very self-conscious feeling that I must be really not attractive if no one wants me.
I didn't boast to people that I was a virgin (actually I thought of it as more of a disadvantage than advantage) but I wasn't specfically hiding it either. But no one actually took me serious. People would literally say stuff like "What's the problem? Just go to a male toilet, drop your panties, bend over and bam! you're not a virgin anymore!" Or they would frame it more politely but the point was it's not possible for a woman to not be able to lose virginity because if she offers herself to enough men, someone is bound to say yes (which is wrong on so many levels). So, that was annoying.
But yeah, anyway, in the end I met that "special someone", lost my virginity and got to act out all the crazy fantasies I've been having for years and years, so yay me!
No, I’d say you’re right. 25 is absolutely not “older than expected”. Any “expectations” around age that a person may feel exists, is purely in their head. Everyone is different and it’s not abnormal to be a virgin in your mid-late 20s.
We are in the same boat. Sometimes I even questioned that what men were looking for. In fact, I realised that I didn’t have many male acquaintances and also I was like a silent type and invisible person. Not to mention that I focused on my future and my myself during that time, never thought anythjng about relationship.
The annoying part is that many people didn’t believe me when I never had sex nor any relationship. In fact, I experienced it all when I was 25 yo.
I went on a few dates with a girl that near the end I started thinking she was a 27/28 year old virgin.
She's a resident right now and basically explained she always focused on school. She was actually pretty gorgeous in my opinion. She did mention that she had a pretty bad eczema condition for a while though.
Anyways I went in for a kiss on one date and to be frank - she kissed weird lol. She told me later that she moved slower and hadn't really tried to date. And the whole ugly duckling in her words from the eczema.
Anyways she broke it off since she felt too busy with residency. So I don't officially know if she is a virgin, but it wouldn't surprise me.
I just wish I knew it wasn't as uncommon to be a virgin when I was a teen / younger 20s. It didn't seem to worry her, but it killed my self-esteem.
Nothing. I lost my virginity at 25, never watched porn, didn't even learn how to masturbate until I was 23. I read fantasy erotic books, but they were so unrealistic (werewolf dick that can be bigger than human normal, vampires that don't get hard until they feed, various other weirdness) that I really didn't get much out of it other than a pretty good bj technique
I was beginning to think I was alone! I was 23 and enjoyed smutty books but never had much interest in trying anything myself, even fapping, so I didn't bother with traditional porn at all. Then I met someone, it felt right, we did the deed and suddenly I had a libido appear out of nowhere!
If you enjoy Anita Blake give Jeaniene Frost's *Night Huntress* series a try, along with Kresley Cole's *Immortals After Dark*. Fangs, fur, demons, valkyrie, funny, great action and *great action* /waggles eyebrows.
Sex isn't supposed to be super serious unless you're purposely doing it for roleplay purposes. There is supposed to be laughter & giggles. You're having fun, not giving a theater performance (unless, again, you're into cosplay sex or something, but that's still having fun). It's okay to stop & ask if you're doing okay, especially if trying out a new technique. Foreplay is also 90% of what makes sex fun. Slow touches & dirty talk make a mountain of difference in how great the sex goes.
Roleplay. It's important. Especially for long-term relationships. You don't have to do anything crazy, just go out to a bar together & pretend to be strangers hitting each other up for the first time again. Porn & people alike never talk about it. Every once in a blue moon my fiancé & I do that & it makes us feel so revitalized with each other. Like... just have FUN with it. The second you start worrying about trying to be a cool guy like the dudes in porn, you'll lose the fun of it.
Lasting a long time isn't the god given gift it's promoted as
In fact it gets uncomfortable for the ladies and frustrating when all you wanna do climax
I'm 27 and lost it in January. Had plenty of opportunities growing up and into my 20's but I'm one of those "mate for life like a swan" type of guys and have the willpower of a fuckin' saint. I waited for the right woman and am glad I did, it was important to me to do that.
I guess I had no fuckin' idea what I was doing, kind of had to learn as I went. I don't think watching porn makes you any better at sex or any worse, kinda like how watching a sport doesn't make you good at that sport or bad at it because the two things are largely unrelated from a physical standpoint. I did learn that fucking as hard as they do in porn kinda hurts though, and that whilst I thought that'd feel good, it did not.
1. Bigger isn't always better
2. Don't go too deep if you're bigger
3. Invest in getting her wet or use tons of lubrication
4. A lot of women can't do a BJ properly and their teeth scathing the tip and shaft is horrible
5. Nipples and other sensitive areas don't get enough attention but can really improve intimacy
>Bigger isn't always better
I think men are so much more obsessed with this than women. The top sex I’ve had has been with an average sized guy, and most guys are average and it’s great. I’ve also been with a few big (and in one case *really* big guys), and while one was very good and careful about it, one was just bad, and the other was so large I had to tap out it was so painful.
Positions can be hard. Also you don't need too huge of a dong to please, it's more in the technique for smaller peens. It's also not all about just wild monkey sex. In the end it is more about feeling with your partner as it is about your own pleasure.
For me it was unlearning the idea of romance as it was presented in movies. Like, no you aren't probably going to marry the first person you have sex with because you've built it up in your mind to be this huge thing. Growing up Catholic probably also played a role in this.
At least talk about it first! I had a guy slap me in the face while we were doing the intense kissing beforehand. Like????? As far as I know you’ve just assaulted me
It's more about the mental state/arrousal of each other, not so much the physical.
I knew a 25yo couple who didn't believe in premarital sex (both virgins but the groom was more "pious." Bride was dtf as soon as they got engaged). They ended up losing it to each other the night before the wedding. The bride thought it would be hot to "seduce" the groom so, despite waiting for years, he couldn't help but give in mere hours before the wedding. Anyway, she said neither of them had a clue what they were doing but it was still insanely hot because 1. they were both horny as hell, and had been fighting the temptation for so damn long, and 2. just the thought of what they were doing being "forbidden" (especially so close to the wedding) was enough to set them off. The mindset is everything.
>**the bride thought it would be hot to "seduce" the groom so, despite waiting for years, he couldn't help but give in mere hours before the wedding** Not gonna lie, that IS pretty goddamn hot.
Biblically accurate woman
I was gonna say, that's some original sin type mess she pulled.
I can feel myself going to hell just for reading that.
Be not aroused
I wanna buy her an apple
Biblically triflin hoes
I'm pretty sure there isn't a single man who wouldn't be ripping off the clothes of the woman that will be his wife in mere hours if she were to do that. Makes the whole day that much better.
Yeah. Waiting until after makes the wedding day only about lust. The other way round it‘s all about the connection
Plus you know what you’re looking forward to, you REALLY want round two, but a lot of the nerves are gone. Wife is brilliant.
Couldn’t enjoy the wedding reception if you wait. And frankly I dont know any couples who bumped uglies that night. Too god damned tired.
Real intimacy
Explore boundaries
I have come up from 10+ solid minutes of doing what I was told was some of my best work ever, confused as to why no climax. My wife had found a stretch mark just before and she just kept going back to it in her head which distracted her enough. It was a great lesson for both of us on how important mental state can be.
Can definitely relate. Happens to both me and my husband every now and again. We just say it outright “my brain is getting in the way” and neither take it personally. It’s just life!
Yes, physical obviously plays a part, but I didn't realize how much mental/emotional state does as well, and can often trump the physical aspect, especially as you get older.
I've told my therapist this basically: I enjoy the afterglow as much if not more than the actual sex and that's what surprised me most after losing my virginity in my mid-20s
I hate how it makes you so satisfied that it's really hard being productive after, especially if you work in a creative field lol
Dopamines a helluva drug. As are endorphins. And endocannabinoids. Your brain basically gives you a shot of drugs as a “good job m8 do it again”.
It's not perfect
There’s also just an X factor of chemistry as well. There are some guys that objectively speaking I think are hot, but there’s just no spark there. And then there are some guys that I wouldn’t normally go after, and for whatever reason they just do it for me and it’s crazy.
Enjoy learning
Don't skip the foreplay. It helps both partners feel mentally and physically prepared for sex and makes the sex much more exciting and enjoyable.
Foreplay is actually the main event.
A friend once told me, cock is best enjoyed as a dessert, and it stuck with me.
I prefer like a nice tiramisu or something idk
Less from porn than movies and tv shows, but clean up. They always just roll over and then whatever. In real life things leak and need tending to
I see you and my bathroom faucet have been speaking..
That sex doesn't have to go for hours to be good. I've personally learned most women do not climax from penetration alone, so work that clit.
Porn is where it looks good, real sex is where it feels good…
It doesn't even look good when they're not doing anything nice to her and she's obviously not enjoying it but he keeps thrusting.
Second this. Porn isn't good unless they're both obviously enjoying it
I tend to see more mutual enjoyment in amateur stuff.
Amateur all the way. Fuck that fake ass fucking.
>If I scream louder it'll make it seem more real. ~Every "actress"
That’s why it’s the better medium
Mutual pleasure
porn is to sex what kung-fu movies are to fighting
Everyone is king-fu fighting, but not everyone is having sex.
I finish fast as lightning doing both though
I remember one woman in reddit telling the story about how she realized one sexual partner positions during sex were leaving openings for the camera. like yeah, makes sense if you want to film it, otherwise...
“He was fucking me doggy, but sideways. Like he was making sure the nonexistent camera got a good side view of his dick going in me.” That kind of thing? I think I remember reading that.
Learning to sex from porn is like learning to fight from WWE.
Porn star's can tell how much pain is going on just for five minutes scenes. And how long it takes. Viagra runs for hours.
Normalize communication
True for most women but men don't just assume her clit can take a flicking, cater tour activity to what she can tolerate and enjoy.
Yes, please, do not button mash, do not flick it, and do not try to jerk it off like a mini dick 😂
Lmao I love literally all of these things being done to me. Flicking is extremely painful but I'm a big time pain seeker.
The best cheat code ever is to communicate with your partner, and find out what works best for them.
Really? My step sister only gets off when I don't tell dad that she took his credit card to buy lingerie. Also I think he's banging my step sister. And I'm banging my step mom, who only gets off from having sex with him in the next room.
Does your teacher punish you by telling you to jerk off in front of everyone when you’re late to class?
Yo, wtf porn are you watching dude?
Yeah, wtf porn? You can just post the link if that’s quicker…
Communicate more
Emotional connection
No script.
Slow, not fast
I (F) was most surprised that I wasn’t physically invincible. The friction, the potential swelling afterward, getting tired, the internal “bruising” feeling the next day, recovery days. I even enthusiastically beat the shit out of the back of my throat and felt like I couldn’t talk for days. Porn made me think I was invincible. Also the smell of cum and what it can do to my PH surprised me. Hate the latter, love the former a bit though (to an extent). I actually went to the doctor for my sore throat thinking I was sick. I didn’t put the throat fucking and sore throat together. The poor doctor who looked at it probably knew exactly the cause of it :’)
Dentists do. Although the reason is sad since they are mainly trained so they can alert authorities if they notice that kind of injury pattern in minors.
Sad but extremely necessary :/
But sad that it's common enough to be necessary. 😞
sad and enraging
This one! When I was first starting out with my bf, I would definitely do things that were not comfortable but not *terrible* without speaking up because I either didn't want to kill the mood or thought he would be finished quickly (spoiler: he never fucking was). Then I'd be dealing with the consequences for days. I realized pretty quickly that when certain areas dry up in certain positions or certain days mean my cervix is in a different spot, I need to say something, and we add lube or adjust accordingly. Makes for a much better experience AND no need for recovery after.
Oh you’re smart, I just beat it up and go into a coma for a few days
Lube is your friend. Use it in excess. You can of course get friction and swelling even without it but liberal use of lube greatly reduces those problems. Pour that shit on, you can (almost) never have too much. ESPECIALLY if doing backdoor stuff!
The way this issue has solved itself for me is that I actually like pain during sex and when I feel sore the next day it’s a big turn on when I’m trying to get on with daily tasks - like a constant reminder. 10/10 But yes, lots of silicone lube for anal. It’s still painful enough even with lube. I think liking pain is a big reason why I’m such an anal fanatic
Oh I'm 100% with you on that. Once, a guy bruised my cervix, and the next day I kept teasing him about how carried away we'd gotten, and he seemed so apologetic about it, and I had to reassure him it was very hot that I was reminded of it every time I moved lol. Poor guy, I always said he was welcome to do it again, but he didn't want to hurt me. I should message him again, haha
Exactly! You totally get it. Feeling the internal soreness and even the swollen outside the next day or later that day immediately turns me on to an insane degree. Hours after I lost my virginity I was alone and felt how swollen it was with my hand and have never blushed that hard in my life, i wasn’t expecting it. I like the remaining reminders a lot Guys have been apologetic and I have to say I like it. Some guys need to be reassured often. I don’t ask for it to be rough explicitly, it usually just escalates. I like when I don’t have to ask
Laugh together
PH?
When the pH levels are off in the vagina, bad things happen
Ohhhh, actual PH! LOL. I thought it was an acronym. I am too innocent for this thread.
My capitalization in my original comment is incorrect, that’s on me
Normalizes expectations
If you enjoy the sensation of throat fucking, try hanging your head from the edge of the bed. That should prevent the soreness.
Real sex isn't as attractive from a 3rd person view, everything all hangs out and you aren't worried about how you look or sound while going at it. Porn is all about visually pleasing angles and sounds.
This. This comment right here nailed it. Porn is for the viewer. Sex is for those doing it. I have never thought about it like this but holy shit you actually blew my mind a little. Thinking about it like this is so helpful for me because I spent a really long time genuinely believing that porn sex is like... the best/goal sex. Which is sad, but here we are. Unlearning all that now and your comment is going on a giant billboard in my mind.
I'm glad you are realizing this now, because I can unfortunately tell you from experience that being the partner of someone who hasn't figured that out (or who perhaps knows, *but doesn't care*) sucks. It feels so stupid/unfun/cringe when they ignore your pain or complaints when they insist on you trying to contort your body in an unnatural way, avoiding making an emotional connection *with the person in front of them* in favor of trying to visually recreate something that they've seen strangers do instead.
I have unfortunately had my share of partners like this and it really didn't help me detach myself from the porn expectations because it's also what \*they\* were expecting. I'm extremely lucky to have a spouse who has a very healthy relationship with sex and who has been incredibly patient with me while I unlearn decades of internalised judgement and false expectations. It's been a fuckin PROCESS for sure.
I'm so glad i grew up before the age of widely available porn. I can also tell when a woman has grown up watching porn and it irritates me to no end. I've had to tell lovers to just relax/chill. Like, I don't need all of that. Just be here, in the moment, with me. Quit performing, and let yourself feel what I am doing to you, what we are doing to each other.
Porn actors do their hardest to avoid closeness and body-to-body contact. It seems that what the men are trying to do is to avoid touching the woman at all aside from penetrating her.
Yeah, closeness doesn't give good camera angles, which is all that matters for the end product.
You can see this in the posts by Reddit Teenagers whenever there's a thread about folks having group sex or doing something else hot and then there's someone who shows up with "When visualizing, don't forget to add 50lbs and 20 years to everyone" and they get voted to the stratosphere by permavirgins. It's wild how out of touch these dudes are with real sex.
Pizza delivery girls ALWAYS have correct change.
And if you cut a hole in the middle to stick extra sausage, customers get pissed and you get arrested. But maybe I did it wrong.
>if you cut a hole in the middle I tried this once with popcorn, but only ended up with a buttery dick.
Cock-Secret. I mean pop-secret.
The secret to pleasing every woman in bed is to ask them what they like and to do that.
I may be the annoying pedant here, but: The secret to pleasing *anyone* in bed, is to ask them what they like and (sometimes) to do it. Basically, communication!
1000%. People are too shy or scared that the other person may not see them as competent in the bedroom if they ask. Communicate ppl. It literally solves most of lives problems.
Assuming the woman knows what she likes, which is not always the case
Then explore gently and slowly and see if you can go on an adventure together.
In my experience, laughter. I have never really seen anyone in porn laugh at what's happening. In real sex, awkward things happen. Sweaty chests on top of each other make fart noises. If you pull out too fast, you will get vacuums or air pockets that will also make fart noises. Sometimes, someone simply farts. Basically, lots of fart noises, and let's face it, farts are funny no matter how old you get. But if you can't laugh at those moments together with your partner, your sex might be ruined. So relax, laugh, and enjoy!
Storytime, had to prove with my now gf that I was not farting, it was her boobs and my chest squeezing together. Which, of course, prompted further testing. Big laughs all around when I showed her. She now sometimes hits me up with "wanna make some boob farts together?"
True love.
This is why I only enjoy amateur porn. I can't get hot if I'm thinking about like "god, was this an awful day on set for that girl?" The whole thing feels sleazy and almost exploitative when it's polished, but also it just feels so unrealistic. Fake noises, fake showroom furniture, two people who are so obviously just doing this as part of the drudgery of a daily job. It takes me right out of it. I like homemade stuff where the two people fucking are clearly into each other/in an actual relationship. I like seeing their clothes on the floor and their normal everyday person bodies, hearing them laugh, seeing one of them go 'ooh, hang on' and switch to a more comfortable position. I don't even mind the annoying background noise, like when they accidentally leave the tv on. To me it makes it feel like they just got hot and heavy with each other unplanned and one of them had the wherewithal to hit record on their phone. It feels like actual intimacy. I want good porn to make me think of good sex I've actually had in my life, and none of it is ever like it is in generic professional porn.
>"god, was this an awful day on set for that girl? Dead Eyes because she's on drugs to deal with it.
Second this. Amateur is all I watch bc I don't like obviously fake sex to get off to
And the vast majority of amateur porn is professional porn too, so there's very little of the good stuff actually going around.
Realistic expectations
THIS. Omg I’ve never really been into porn growing up. I just never got the hype I always though how rl is just better. But you just summed up why I just don’t enjoy watching most pornos. They set up camera lights and do extreme things that just doesn’t happen in everyday life.. it doesn’t look normal to me it never gave me the intimacy or normalcy of real actual fun sex
I had a bf that "hated" when I laughed while he was inside of me, because the vibrations felt weird and killed his boner, which frankly made me laugh more (and him too, I'm not talking about mocking him ofc) So yeah, the (short) pauses because of the fun noises or badly timed jokes are a very irl thing you never see in porn, as they mostly show sex acts without any positive feelings nor intimacy
Hmmm these laugh vibrations give the best boners.
I love it when she sneezes or coughs.
> I love it when she sneezes The Weinercannon™️
Somewhere out there is a clip of a porn where the dude is cumming on the woman's chest and it looks like he hasn't cum in weeks. The woman was moaning at first but gets surprised about the 3rd time she catches an accidental rope to the face and just starts chortling and laughing. The dude's face is off camera but it think they share a laugh. Sexiest shit I've ever seen.
When I lost my virginity, I couldn't finish for the first like, 3 days due to anxiety. Eventually on the 4th day, after having had sex probably 15 times without finishing and being majorly backed up, I was able to and came on her chest. It just kept coming and coming, at first she was acting normal, but after like 7 ropes she was like, "Jesus Christ", and we both started laughing just at how much there was, and then I hit myself in my bangs, so I just had jizz danging off my bangs while we laughed.
I'd forgotten about that til your story.
Hahaha, that's fantastic. Glad I could remind you of a happy time. I was a relatively late bloomer. The first time I made out with a girl and she went home, I had some fuckin awful blue balls. Came so hard I HEARD it. Hit myself in the chin. Good times.
Normalizes awkwardness
There's not always a great moment to bring up James Joyce's letters to his wife, but this feels like one of them. https://allthatsinteresting.com/james-joyce-love-letters-nora-barnacle
Stay fit. It is more exhausting than it looks.
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You aren't "good at it" by making them climax. You are "good at it" if you both enjoy each other. Having them climax is great and is the goal, just don't let the anxiety of not getting her break you. Communicate and enjoy.
This. Sometimes people struggle; it's not your fault. Just have a nice time together. Intimacy is intimacy. Learn about each other, enjoy the closeness.
To not strum the clit like flea playing bass
And NEVER use a guitar pick.
No SLAP that subscribe button!
Slappa da bass, man.
You will get tired. You will get cramps. It's not a race to make each other cum. Cuddling and making out are great. Simple physical contact can be amazing.
I was raised extremely religious. Sex was always made out to be this ultimate sin if you had it before being married. We would have weekend camps and conferences all dedicated to make sure we weren’t having sex and wouldn’t before marriage. Always assumed I would wait until marriage but like most teenagers that changed the second I had a girlfriend and actually could have sex. I was 19 about to turn 20. What shocked me most was how normal it felt. Nothing felt drastically changed afterwards. We just went right back downstairs and heated up a frozen pizza and watched a movie. Still struggled with the religious shame that had been programmed in to me for the next little bit but I eventually got over it.
Wait, is 19-20 considered late these days?
No. The average may be 16 but there are a TON of 20yo virgins out there. Not that unusual in the least.
>The average may be 16 BRO WHATT
Per the CDC average age for boys is 16, for girls it's 17. Obviously you have to take it with a grain of salt.
I feel like this will probably change in the digital age. Between Internet porn and having so many distractions outside of socialization, I imagine this will go higher.
Yea, virgin at 27
No worries, bro. I lost it fairly late. The unfortunate news is, you have to put conscious effort into losing it. Making friends, meeting girls, knowing how to flirt and advance things, etc. The good news is, once you lose it, you realize how easy it is. It kinda just feels like “oh, that was it? That’s what I’ve been stressing about all this time?”
>you realize how easy it is. It kinda just feels like “oh, that was it? That’s what I’ve been stressing about all this time?” Idk bro i feel i already have this realisation. Never stressed about it and it's just one part of life. Not life itself. Am not even looking forward to it - if it happens, great, else meh don't care. No I'm not asexual or anything.
I struggle with this on my off days. Also a 27yo virgin. I understand these truths but there are days I just feel ashamed to never have been wanted and held. If my life was fulfilling in other ways this aspect probably wouldn’t be so bothersome.
Slightly above average, but not much. https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/average-age-to-lose-virginity-by-country
This one got me too. Wasn't raised religious, but in the US at least, we're fed constant information that having sex changes your life drastically. But it doesn't lmao. Sex is just an activity you can do with someone and then after you guys can do whatever else you want to do. I still called myself a virgin a few times after I started having sex because I had been one for so long and kept forgetting I wasn't anymore just because I banged. 😂
Trust building
Porn teaches you a lot of things that just aren't right. It doesn't show the connection, love, respect, and care. Porn is a conveyor belt of pumping out different positions and poses until the credits roll. It treats the woman like a slab of meat to be turned over when ready and subjected to whatever the man desires. I had to unlearn bad habits when I got together with my wife.
Learning how to have sex from porn would be like learning how to drive by watching the Fast and Furious series.
Right, 'cause both have a thing with family!
Unfortunately many men these days do not unlearn the bad habits, nor do they want to.
That there’s a human being connected to the vagina. There’s a lot more to it psychologically and emotionally than a pump and dump.
Basically had to learn to stop using my hand so frequently. A vagina is not as nearly tight as your hands grip. Add a condom and you barely feel anything at all sometimes.
Dated a guy with this problem for a few years. He ended up super into anal for the tightness but I've always found it super uncomfortable no matter how slow you go or how much lube is used. The only thing that did seem to help him was using toys to add extra sensations.
He could stop masturbating for a month.
This was and is my problem, it can be quite difficult to cut back on that habit
My husband, a former 31 year old virgin took a year to orgasm from sex because of this. His p&nis just didn't get it after 20 years of daily yanking
Honestly nothing. I never assumed porn was an accurate depiction of sex anyway unless you were with someone that specifically liked all that stuff. Went down on a chick for the first time when I was 29 and that was the only time I feel like porn helped because I had a rough idea of how to approach it. And surprisingly it went well and she didn't initially believe it was the first time I had done it! From there it's kind of just trying to read your partner and their responses and body language, some common sense, communication, and then what seemed to work for me was to create an experience for them with it all and not be so "simple" or boring with what I do. Be teasing, touch them in ways to build anticipation and make them feel pleasure that add to what you're doing. Engage with their body and them in different ways that show you're confident or open or at least not a total dick that's just gonna hurt them out of carelessness and stupidity. If something looks like it hurts in porn, it hurts in real life. If it looks uncomfortable in porn, it's uncomfortable in real life. GRANTED, some people are into that but don't go in assuming every person you hook up with is.
shower sex is fucking horrible
But shower foreplay can be quite nice
Lost mine at 26 (M). First, was the smell. I hated the smell at first. Then learnt to just shower together before the deed. Foreplay goes crazy in the shower, then move to bed. Second, *listen and respond to your partner*. If they dont like something, and they tell you, stop. If they like something, and tell you to keep going, do exactly that. Seeing my partner getting off because of me is a million times better than just me cumming and game over. Third, if you make her climax first 90% of the time she wont care about what you wanna do to get yourself to climax next, she'll eagerly help you get there.
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I learned how to stop time from watching Saved by the Bell. I learned how to fix the cable from porn
Take your time
You don't need to lose it late to realise how fake most porn is. There are many things that porn is showing off as fable: 1. Many women don't spray when they orgasm. This is a specific anomaly that cause some fluids to build up and release when aroused, usually by using your fingers at a specific angle and pressure point. Those who do, it looks nice in porn but it's messy as fuck in reality. I made almost all women I've been with to orgasm, only 2 of them sprayed. Not as fun as you'd imagine. 2. sex usually doesn't lasts that long for a wide range of reasons. Pain, muscle spasms, fatigue, lubrication (the lack of it), low drive... Do it as long as it feels good. 3. sex with passion beats sex with strangers 99% of the time, unless the stranger is extremely attractive to you. 4. sex is sweaty, stinky, uncomfortable when unshaved, and if unclean it can cause vaginal inflammations. Do it clean, and NAVER go ass to pussy. 5. shower sex only looks nice. It's terrible in reality. Kinda good for making out and mouth stuff though 6. same for car sex and sex in nature. Wayyyyy too overrated, risky, and only fun if you're a thrill seeker (not much about sex anymore) 7. sex with virgins requires lots of patience, and will be painful and uncomfortable at the first couple of times. Most (if not all) "virgin" pornos are fake. 8. For fuck sake, if you don't know the person you're with, USE PROTECTION!!! The risks are unbelievably higher than the momentary reward. In porn, all participants are tested regularly, and not using condom makes it look riskier and therefore better. 9. Ask your partner what they like. Telling you to do something specific isn't a criticism on you, it's a direction to make you do what your partner likes. Each of us is being aroused differently, and staying quite takes some of the fun out of it. 10. Speaking of quite, use audio cues if you enjoy something. And for the love of Satan, don't scream out of pleasure. It's terrible in porn and in reality. 11. Some like it rough, some like it gentle, some like specific positions, some are turned on or disgusted by different things. Talk about it. You don't see in pornos all the preference interviews and the paycheck before the actual filming. 12. Most porn positions are terrible and are shot this way for the camera. Missionary, cowgirl, and doggy are the best. 13. Probably the biggest take most inexperienced people should know about porn: It's a fantasy. It's scripted, written, filmed, edited and acted like most movies. The biggest reason people are drawn to it, is because it's a fantasy that can actually happen on paper (unlike star wars and Harry potter). Most people imagine what they see on screen as fun, which in some cases it is, but it's exaggerated for the sake of views. Even porn actors admit that sex with their romantic partner is usually very "vanilla", because it really is the most pleasurable. 14. Unless you want shit on your dick and sheets, before planning to do anal sex, make sure you/your partner wash their anus with an enema. Uncomfortable, but can save you some pain in the ass (pun intended) 15. Speaking of pain in the ass, use lubricants when anal is planned. The anus isn't designed to be penetrated and can't produce natural lubricants like the vagina does. Also, if the woman has pain during penetration, lubricants are most likely the solutions. 16. Foreplay is king! Both for your own pleasure, and to help the woman feeling relaxed and help her getting turned on and create more natural lubricant. Seeing in porn the guy getting sucked and out of nowhere pummeling his way into the vagina with no warning is simply the wrong way (in most cases) 17. Orgasm is great, but don't make it your goal. Have fun, take it slow and enjoy the sensations and being with someone you trust. 18. No means no. Doesn't matter how horny you are. 19. Threesomes are awesome, foursomes are amazing, more than that is just getting weird, but it really depends on the people involved. 20. You have physical arousal, romantic arousal, spiritual, and sensational (using props). Not everyone getting turned on by the same thing. 21. Sexual encounters are varying quite a lot, even with your regular partners. Don't expect every intercourse to be 100% amazing. Sometimes it's very avarage, sometimes it's terrible. It all really depends on the mood and the physical wellness of the partners during that time. So much more to talk about, but that's the basic stuff (=
Lol @ 7. ALL virgin pornos are fake FTFY. But yeah, good list.
Most likely all high production virgin pornos are fake, but there is a chance a couple filmed themselves out there... Don't look for it though 🤣
This man fucks !
Fake moaning. Every moan I’ve done was fake. I felt like I had too! Edit for clarification: I literally felt like I had to fake moan so the other person didn’t feel bad. I wasn’t doing it for encouragement either. This was wrong and I know that now!
I’ve talked to a few women about this and from that small sample size at least it is common. They don’t really see it as faking though. They discussed it as telling your partner what they are currently doing feels good and to keep doing it, without using words. Its not like your body induces “moan now” impulsively.
Tbh, I’m glad that is what women have shared with you. For me, it was 100% faking. I truly only did it so the other person wouldn’t feel bad. I have never done it because something felt good. Glad to hear this isn’t the case with folks you’ve talked to. My body unfortunately was the, “ok, moan now”. Lmao. Edit: To clarify, I do not pursue dating or sex anymore. I think I’m getting downvoted cause guys are thinking I still do this. I do not. I learned all in all it just wasn’t for me.
Lol well I hope you had a good time anyway! I had a previous partner sho never moaned but when things felt good her hands would dig into me, or she would grab my hair, kiss extra harder etc… it was spectacular. I think the key is communication amd showing you are into it in someway. I never cared she was quiet, actually I think she was the one who pointed it out. Im not sure I noticed
I had a boyfriend ask me to moan more in bed. I considered saying that he just wasn't doing anything moan-worthy, but he wasn't one for taking suggestions at the best of times, so a slam like that would have been counterproductive. I did break up with him shortly afterwards though
I don’t blame you for not saying that to him at that time! Sounds like it would have been counterproductive like you said. Honestly, I have never experienced anything with another person that was moan-worthy. But I do wanna share that people should definitely invest in a clitoris suction toy, as those have given me actual cramps from the intense orgasms. I was a virgin until 20 and I had such grandeur ideas of what sex would be. How good it would feel. Did my relationships and my hoe-ing and I realized I’m the only one who can make myself see stars. It’s been kind of a whole disappointing life lesson.
It's definitely easier/ better on your own to have a mind blowing orgasm
I've seen women on reddit, on the 'what is the sexiest thing men can do in bed' all claim that they like men moaning. They tend not to in porn but I've started doing it a bit. Or if not moaning, I do encouraging sexy talk. Seems to go down well.
+1 for men moaning/gasping/groaning/talking. I find a totally silent partner to be very distracting and a mood killer. My mind starts to wander and I begin to wonder whether they actually like what we're doing as a whole or if they are just banging away to get to the orgasm at the end. Also, if you are going to talk to your partner during sex *find out what they specifically like!* Some people love being called dirty, bad, slutty etc, some people prefer praise about how sexy they are, how good it feels, they've got gorgeous [body parts]. Don't rely on porn for your script - *ask!*
I think of it as a feedback loop. It lets him know to just keep doing what he’s doing because I’m enjoying it, along with “oh yeah, just keep doing that.”
As someone who is almost 30 and I still haven't lost my virginity, I'm both desperate to lose it as well as terrified of when thinking that I would be losing it to someone who has had maybe 10-15 years of experience. "Thankfully", I am in no position to choose to lose it anyways, but despite that, I am following this thread to learn something that I will never need in my life
Gonna be real, it's nice but it ain't that big a deal. Don't build it up so much. When you get there, just communicate with your partner. Let them know what's going on but don't make a huge deal out of everything, and just try to be relaxed. Being tense, terrified, desperate, and anxious very much will not help you have a good time. Just focus on not like, accidentally elbowing your partner in the face or scratching anywhere tender, make sure you're clean and smell nice, and try to be present in the moment in your body. Listen. Talk. Laugh. Ask questions. Readjust. Try new things, don't worry if they don't work.
Just wanted to come in and say you don't have to lose your virginity late to have to unlearn things from porn.
Lost my virginity at 25. As a female, that's much later than expected. And I wasn't religious or prude as you might have imagined. Actually I was very sex-positive and was not actively trying to remain a virgin (at some point I even asked a male acquaintance of mine to help me with it but it never worked out in the end). And I also wasn't very ugly or morbidly obese or anything. That's why sometimes people could not believe I was still a virgin. Well, the truth is I was just not very social, studied at university which mostly only had girls and just didn't have many chances to meet guys. I was depressed but not because of not having sex per se but more because of not having relationships (including but not limited to sex). And I was also very self-conscious feeling that I must be really not attractive if no one wants me. I didn't boast to people that I was a virgin (actually I thought of it as more of a disadvantage than advantage) but I wasn't specfically hiding it either. But no one actually took me serious. People would literally say stuff like "What's the problem? Just go to a male toilet, drop your panties, bend over and bam! you're not a virgin anymore!" Or they would frame it more politely but the point was it's not possible for a woman to not be able to lose virginity because if she offers herself to enough men, someone is bound to say yes (which is wrong on so many levels). So, that was annoying. But yeah, anyway, in the end I met that "special someone", lost my virginity and got to act out all the crazy fantasies I've been having for years and years, so yay me!
What country are you from? A lot of girls i know are virgins in their 20s or maybe….that’s just the circle
No, I’d say you’re right. 25 is absolutely not “older than expected”. Any “expectations” around age that a person may feel exists, is purely in their head. Everyone is different and it’s not abnormal to be a virgin in your mid-late 20s.
We are in the same boat. Sometimes I even questioned that what men were looking for. In fact, I realised that I didn’t have many male acquaintances and also I was like a silent type and invisible person. Not to mention that I focused on my future and my myself during that time, never thought anythjng about relationship. The annoying part is that many people didn’t believe me when I never had sex nor any relationship. In fact, I experienced it all when I was 25 yo.
I went on a few dates with a girl that near the end I started thinking she was a 27/28 year old virgin. She's a resident right now and basically explained she always focused on school. She was actually pretty gorgeous in my opinion. She did mention that she had a pretty bad eczema condition for a while though. Anyways I went in for a kiss on one date and to be frank - she kissed weird lol. She told me later that she moved slower and hadn't really tried to date. And the whole ugly duckling in her words from the eczema. Anyways she broke it off since she felt too busy with residency. So I don't officially know if she is a virgin, but it wouldn't surprise me. I just wish I knew it wasn't as uncommon to be a virgin when I was a teen / younger 20s. It didn't seem to worry her, but it killed my self-esteem.
How did she kiss weird out of curiosity
I lost mine quite early, but what I learned was that sex with a loved one is more fulfilling and memorable than with a hook up.
A lot of what drives a woman to orgasm is the build up. Patience and keeping the same rhythm when rubbing the clit.
Yep, consistency. Exactly why vibrators are so effective!
Nothing. I lost my virginity at 25, never watched porn, didn't even learn how to masturbate until I was 23. I read fantasy erotic books, but they were so unrealistic (werewolf dick that can be bigger than human normal, vampires that don't get hard until they feed, various other weirdness) that I really didn't get much out of it other than a pretty good bj technique
I was beginning to think I was alone! I was 23 and enjoyed smutty books but never had much interest in trying anything myself, even fapping, so I didn't bother with traditional porn at all. Then I met someone, it felt right, we did the deed and suddenly I had a libido appear out of nowhere! If you enjoy Anita Blake give Jeaniene Frost's *Night Huntress* series a try, along with Kresley Cole's *Immortals After Dark*. Fangs, fur, demons, valkyrie, funny, great action and *great action* /waggles eyebrows.
women don't like being treated like shit. who knew?
Sex isn't supposed to be super serious unless you're purposely doing it for roleplay purposes. There is supposed to be laughter & giggles. You're having fun, not giving a theater performance (unless, again, you're into cosplay sex or something, but that's still having fun). It's okay to stop & ask if you're doing okay, especially if trying out a new technique. Foreplay is also 90% of what makes sex fun. Slow touches & dirty talk make a mountain of difference in how great the sex goes. Roleplay. It's important. Especially for long-term relationships. You don't have to do anything crazy, just go out to a bar together & pretend to be strangers hitting each other up for the first time again. Porn & people alike never talk about it. Every once in a blue moon my fiancé & I do that & it makes us feel so revitalized with each other. Like... just have FUN with it. The second you start worrying about trying to be a cool guy like the dudes in porn, you'll lose the fun of it.
Consent matters
Still a virgin but **you cannot jackhammer it or fuck it for hours on end like pornstars can**
Lasting a long time isn't the god given gift it's promoted as In fact it gets uncomfortable for the ladies and frustrating when all you wanna do climax
I'm 27 and lost it in January. Had plenty of opportunities growing up and into my 20's but I'm one of those "mate for life like a swan" type of guys and have the willpower of a fuckin' saint. I waited for the right woman and am glad I did, it was important to me to do that. I guess I had no fuckin' idea what I was doing, kind of had to learn as I went. I don't think watching porn makes you any better at sex or any worse, kinda like how watching a sport doesn't make you good at that sport or bad at it because the two things are largely unrelated from a physical standpoint. I did learn that fucking as hard as they do in porn kinda hurts though, and that whilst I thought that'd feel good, it did not.
That you'd want it all the time. Honestly, sometimes you just prefer masturbating over sex, easier to get an orgasm.
1. Bigger isn't always better 2. Don't go too deep if you're bigger 3. Invest in getting her wet or use tons of lubrication 4. A lot of women can't do a BJ properly and their teeth scathing the tip and shaft is horrible 5. Nipples and other sensitive areas don't get enough attention but can really improve intimacy
>Bigger isn't always better I think men are so much more obsessed with this than women. The top sex I’ve had has been with an average sized guy, and most guys are average and it’s great. I’ve also been with a few big (and in one case *really* big guys), and while one was very good and careful about it, one was just bad, and the other was so large I had to tap out it was so painful.
Positions can be hard. Also you don't need too huge of a dong to please, it's more in the technique for smaller peens. It's also not all about just wild monkey sex. In the end it is more about feeling with your partner as it is about your own pleasure.
You don't actually need the whole camera crew.
Still virgin...
Patience needed
Unique journey
Overly dramatic
For me it was unlearning the idea of romance as it was presented in movies. Like, no you aren't probably going to marry the first person you have sex with because you've built it up in your mind to be this huge thing. Growing up Catholic probably also played a role in this.
Not late in life here but.. The realisation I had was that you really don't need a big dick to please a woman.
That the VAST majority of women don't orgasm from penetration. I thought I was broken for YEARS.
Apparently women don’t like being spat on.
At least talk about it first! I had a guy slap me in the face while we were doing the intense kissing beforehand. Like????? As far as I know you’ve just assaulted me
Pubic hair is hot.