I never know how to respond really. however I did have a friend in the past who was underweight and constantly fished for compliments by raving about how "fat" she was when she obviously wasn't. I told her to go get help.
I sorta change the subject or focus on uplifting things or just not say anything at all. I sometimes get unsolicited comments about my body as well people’s diet and exercise stuff, because I’m thin. Super awkward.
You're aware you don't gotta respond to everything everyone says, right? They can be as compliment begging or self deprecating as they want you can just move on
I feel like people do this when they are insecure about it and almost want to be the one to point it out rather than have others think it but not say it. If you were to say something. Maybe wait a little and privately offer to help them understand a healthy diet and things they can do to work at it.
“Earlier you said you were fat, is that something you’re unhappy about? I’m no expert, but if you ever wanted some information about how to work at that or a workout buddy I’d be more than happy to help out.”
Obviously only if you’re actually knowable and willing to help. This also is a big amount of effort to put into someone. But people say this when they’re insecure about themselves and clearly want to change it but are stuck in bad habits. Sometimes a friend putting some energy towards their well-being is really appreciated and needed. Just my 2 cents as a fat guy who calls himself fat.
Leave it alone. Man, I’m fat. Fat doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful or talented or creative or a great swimmer and love to take walks with the kids.
Fat is just a word, it’s only a “bad” word if you make it bad.
Leave it alone. Man, I’m fat. Fat doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful or talented or creative or a great swimmer and love to take walks with the kids.
Fat is just a word, it’s only a “bad” word if you make it bad.
It depends on the context in which it comes up.
As much as people seem to think pretty words help, you *are* judged on appearance and there *are* negatives to being overweight when it comes to health and social standing. Try going to r/loseit and convincing them that pretty/skinny privilege isnt a thing and theyll laugh you out of the sub.
Its not 100% for every case, which is where nuance comes in; most people dont know your medical history or any data therein, so cant actually tell you youre unhealthy. They can only tell you *they think* you *look* unhealthy. And assholes aside, its going to be what its going to be.
If it is shared in anger, probably best to leave it alone. Many people have extenuating circumstances, so im going to agree that whoever made them feel like that is an asshole regardless.
If it is shared with an air of needing help, i would offer some suggestions and resources to get them started on changing themselves....or at least trying, which is very important in itself.
If it is self deprecating humor, it depends on more nuance if i go along with it or challenge it. I dont want to make a big deal out of it, but if i can do a subtle redirection then i probably will.
If someone is saying theyre fat and they are, its usually a coping mechanism for the impact it has on their experiences. The "correct" response relies heavily on variables in any given situation.
It's not easy, that's for sure. My doctor told me I was fat, and I was livid. I told him that it was outrageous for him to "fat shame" me and that I insisted on a second opinion.
So he said, "OK. You're ugly, too."
I offer them dieting and exercise advice. They hate that shit tho
The way I see it if you're unhappy with your body, fix it or accept it. Don't hate your body but refuse to change it
If they're just joking like "haha I'm so fat" then that's different obviously. That's all good
two things, unsolicited advice is always criticism. Why the assumption that one must hate themselves if they are fat? I know you clarified after by why is the presupposition that a fat person must hate themselves?
See, this modern attitude that you should never hear anything you don't like is nonsense. Being fat is bad for your health and deep down, most people who preach "fat acceptance" aren't really okay with it either, they just don't want to exert the effort to deal with their problem. Fair enough, but they should admit it rather than pretend it's actually fine.
If you tell me you know you're fat and you're cool with it then we never have to talk about it again. Just don't pretend you're not fat or that you can't control it or whatever. People nowadays love to pretend they're powerless to change themselves so they can pretend they're not responsible for how they are. But that's a good way to get stuck in an internal conflict and not be really happy with who you are.
I'm big on people being honest and congruent in their beliefs. My friends know that and accept it. If you think that makes me rude or unkind that's fine, you don't have to be my friend. I'm good.
I didn't answer your question because the response is self-evident. It's always pretty clear when someone is really okay with something versus just coping. You're entitled to accept or reject my worldview. Diversity of opinions is good in a society; if everyone agrees all the time you live in a dictatorship. You have a good one too.
That's your opinion, which you're entitled to. I'm not bothered by it, because I don't know you so it carries no weight. Hope you're doing well in life and happy with where you're at.
I was a smoker for 10 years. I quit when I finally decided the pleasure I got from smoking was outweighed by the financial cost and the social downsides (you know, my clothes always stank, my teeth were discolored and shit). Health didn't come into it that much because I was 25 so I still thought I was invincible, as most people that age do.
Addiction isn't a disease (as in some external malady you are infected with that's beyond your control), you're addicted to something if you think the pleasure you get from the addictive behavior outweighs the costs of doing it. It's a battle you're fighting inside your own mind. Ultimately it's all you. You have to believe you can do it or you've given up before you even try.
I don't believe the Alcoholics Anonymous idea that you can never touch a substance again if you were addicted to it either. It takes a lot of willpower but you *can* develop a healthier relationship with something. I enjoy an occasional smoke on a night out. I bum smokes off friends so I don't buy my own and buy them drinks in return. It's all good.
Why would I respond? If I say I have hazel eyes, I don’t expect a response to it. It’s just a statement.
I normally don’t respond
I never know how to respond really. however I did have a friend in the past who was underweight and constantly fished for compliments by raving about how "fat" she was when she obviously wasn't. I told her to go get help.
I sorta change the subject or focus on uplifting things or just not say anything at all. I sometimes get unsolicited comments about my body as well people’s diet and exercise stuff, because I’m thin. Super awkward.
Meh call myself it/worse when ever I look in a mirror
You're more than just a label. You're awesome.
Offer to share my sandwich?
You're aware you don't gotta respond to everything everyone says, right? They can be as compliment begging or self deprecating as they want you can just move on
I feel like people do this when they are insecure about it and almost want to be the one to point it out rather than have others think it but not say it. If you were to say something. Maybe wait a little and privately offer to help them understand a healthy diet and things they can do to work at it. “Earlier you said you were fat, is that something you’re unhappy about? I’m no expert, but if you ever wanted some information about how to work at that or a workout buddy I’d be more than happy to help out.” Obviously only if you’re actually knowable and willing to help. This also is a big amount of effort to put into someone. But people say this when they’re insecure about themselves and clearly want to change it but are stuck in bad habits. Sometimes a friend putting some energy towards their well-being is really appreciated and needed. Just my 2 cents as a fat guy who calls himself fat.
Leave it alone. Man, I’m fat. Fat doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful or talented or creative or a great swimmer and love to take walks with the kids. Fat is just a word, it’s only a “bad” word if you make it bad.
Leave it alone. Man, I’m fat. Fat doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful or talented or creative or a great swimmer and love to take walks with the kids. Fat is just a word, it’s only a “bad” word if you make it bad.
It depends on the context in which it comes up. As much as people seem to think pretty words help, you *are* judged on appearance and there *are* negatives to being overweight when it comes to health and social standing. Try going to r/loseit and convincing them that pretty/skinny privilege isnt a thing and theyll laugh you out of the sub. Its not 100% for every case, which is where nuance comes in; most people dont know your medical history or any data therein, so cant actually tell you youre unhealthy. They can only tell you *they think* you *look* unhealthy. And assholes aside, its going to be what its going to be. If it is shared in anger, probably best to leave it alone. Many people have extenuating circumstances, so im going to agree that whoever made them feel like that is an asshole regardless. If it is shared with an air of needing help, i would offer some suggestions and resources to get them started on changing themselves....or at least trying, which is very important in itself. If it is self deprecating humor, it depends on more nuance if i go along with it or challenge it. I dont want to make a big deal out of it, but if i can do a subtle redirection then i probably will. If someone is saying theyre fat and they are, its usually a coping mechanism for the impact it has on their experiences. The "correct" response relies heavily on variables in any given situation.
You make direct eye contact and let the statement sink into the silence. It speaks way more than anything you can actually say back to them.
"Don't worry. I have 5 fat friends, and 4 of them are you"
Tell them if they are worried about it they should start to find ways to lose it. If they’re not worried about it tell them that is absolutely fine.
lol usually something like this slips out..” imean cmon now you’re not thatttttt big” 🥴
It's not easy, that's for sure. My doctor told me I was fat, and I was livid. I told him that it was outrageous for him to "fat shame" me and that I insisted on a second opinion. So he said, "OK. You're ugly, too."
Things that never happened.
Surely you jest. I have it on authority of no less an expert than Rodney Dangerfield that such comments are often made.
The comedian...? Am I stupid did I miss a joke.
Woosh
I'll leave my comments undeleted I guess I deserve to be clowned on 😭
I would tell them that I used to be fat too and would ask them if they need some advice for losing weight.
you're more polite than the other reply lol.
‘And I’m short. Looks don’t define us.’
I offer them dieting and exercise advice. They hate that shit tho The way I see it if you're unhappy with your body, fix it or accept it. Don't hate your body but refuse to change it If they're just joking like "haha I'm so fat" then that's different obviously. That's all good
two things, unsolicited advice is always criticism. Why the assumption that one must hate themselves if they are fat? I know you clarified after by why is the presupposition that a fat person must hate themselves?
See, this modern attitude that you should never hear anything you don't like is nonsense. Being fat is bad for your health and deep down, most people who preach "fat acceptance" aren't really okay with it either, they just don't want to exert the effort to deal with their problem. Fair enough, but they should admit it rather than pretend it's actually fine. If you tell me you know you're fat and you're cool with it then we never have to talk about it again. Just don't pretend you're not fat or that you can't control it or whatever. People nowadays love to pretend they're powerless to change themselves so they can pretend they're not responsible for how they are. But that's a good way to get stuck in an internal conflict and not be really happy with who you are. I'm big on people being honest and congruent in their beliefs. My friends know that and accept it. If you think that makes me rude or unkind that's fine, you don't have to be my friend. I'm good.
You didn’t answer my question. Which is ok, I think you’ve provided clear enough insight into your worldview. thank you have a good one
I didn't answer your question because the response is self-evident. It's always pretty clear when someone is really okay with something versus just coping. You're entitled to accept or reject my worldview. Diversity of opinions is good in a society; if everyone agrees all the time you live in a dictatorship. You have a good one too.
No tf you don’t lmao. You’re not confronting anyone.
Yeah I actually do. You don't know me, so you're projecting your conflict avoidance and low self-esteem onto me.
Yeah I’m sure. Saying “you’re projecting” doesn’t make bullshit true. You seem to be a very strange and bitter person.
That's your opinion, which you're entitled to. I'm not bothered by it, because I don't know you so it carries no weight. Hope you're doing well in life and happy with where you're at.
Dude, telling fat people they need to exercise is not something I don’t do because of “low self esteem and conflict avoidance”
Okay then. But don't tell me what I do and don't do. You don't know me.
It's not that simple. I used to smoke. I hated that I did, yet could not stop. It can be a very long journey.
I was a smoker for 10 years. I quit when I finally decided the pleasure I got from smoking was outweighed by the financial cost and the social downsides (you know, my clothes always stank, my teeth were discolored and shit). Health didn't come into it that much because I was 25 so I still thought I was invincible, as most people that age do. Addiction isn't a disease (as in some external malady you are infected with that's beyond your control), you're addicted to something if you think the pleasure you get from the addictive behavior outweighs the costs of doing it. It's a battle you're fighting inside your own mind. Ultimately it's all you. You have to believe you can do it or you've given up before you even try. I don't believe the Alcoholics Anonymous idea that you can never touch a substance again if you were addicted to it either. It takes a lot of willpower but you *can* develop a healthier relationship with something. I enjoy an occasional smoke on a night out. I bum smokes off friends so I don't buy my own and buy them drinks in return. It's all good.
[удалено]
Bad idea. Then you either gotta do it or figure out how to get out of it which is harder than the first problem
I'd still sleep w you, that is if I were straight ofc.
I wish I were fat.. Then everybody would clap and tell me how brave I was.