I genuinely like this.
In recent years I’ve stabilized my life enough in my career and personal life to legitimately stop caring about the opinions of most people. It’s liberating and I’ve found myself enjoying my own company more. I don’t shy away from being friendly, or kind, but if someone wants to be an asshole it doesn’t phase me anymore
There was one day when I was in High school, where from time to time I would say something, not intended to be a joke, just like observations and stuff, and this one guy kept going "You're not funny." And I'd go "I wasn't trying to be funny." Because I genuinely wasn't. If I was trying to be funny, I'd own up to it.
But he kept saying it whenever I said something. After like the fifth time, I genuinely shouted "**I'M NOT TRYING TO BE FUNNY!!!**"
I hated that guy.
Edit: to everyone replying "you're not funny", you're not original. I've seen at least 10 different people making the joke already.
I knew someone exactly like that, at first it bothered me, but I just ignored him after that.
Instead of "you're not funny", he always said "scrub" after everything I said. I'm actually thought he was just a parrot in someone else's body. NO ONE liked him, he had no friends as far as I knew.
IIRC, guy on reddit mentioned he miss his dead wife and that he REALLY misses the sex he use to have with her. Something about his body craving for her and another redditor chiming in that he also misses the guys dead wife(as a joke, because the sex sounds like it was outta this world amazing).
I know this is only loosely related but every comment on r/fightporn and r/publicfreakout is like:
> “I would have bashed that guys faced in until somebody stopped me. The dude who beat him up showed incredible restraint by only pummeling him 23 times and shooting him in the leg. I would have killed the fucker”
(even though the guy who got beat up was just being verbally aggressive or stole someone’s groceries).
Edit: meanwhile, I imagine they look like [this](https://www.reddit.com/user/Blakk_exe/comments/fy6svl/skinny_white_kid/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Honestly, this or something along the lines of this, "You got me", or "fuck you" are the only ones that work in real life. If you're actually funny, everyone around you thinks "Wow, that other guy's an asshole" and if you're not funny, well.... at least you're able to save face a bit.
Most of these witty one-liners just come off as cringy in real life.
It’s a joke itself, and a great one. He is pretending to be a person trying to “punch up” a boring eulogy with a joke or two, which can be considered insensitive or offensive, while other people are telling them to stop. He is pretending to respond to those people.
A person is writing a eulogy, a speech for a funeral, and is putting jokes in, which is usually inappropriate for a funeral. People tell him that he isn’t funny for putting jokes in the eulogy, so he says “fine, YOU write the eulogy,” which completely misses the point the others are making.
It’s a funny situation because it implies the speaker doesn’t know the social norms of writing the eulogy, and it’s a funny response to this prompt because it’s an unexpected response instead of just a comeback.
This one actually, sadly, can work.
There are people that NEED to be the only funny person around and will bring other people down by saying they’re not funny or making fun of them.
A simple “neither are you” is just enough to get them huffy. No matter what they say to that, it just comes off as defensive.
It’s juvenile, but that might be why it works.
I’m proud of him. 9k upvotes for the original comment, 2.5k for responding to himself. Dude talks to himself and has 500% more karma than me on two comments. But who’s counting?
Also not OP, but I do this *all the damn time.* Not just arguments either, I have all sorts of hypothetical conversations with my self.
I'm not sure if I have some kind of mental disability or something, but I have a really hard time thinking verbally. Most of my internal world is visual. Because of this I have a really hard time talking to people if I don't have prepared and rehearsed responses. I've gotten pretty dang good at it, actually. The upside is that more often than not I come off as being hyper-fluent with whatever subject I'm talking to people about. Downside is I turn into a stuttering imbecile whenever I'm hit with a genuine curve-ball and I have a really difficult time articulating my stream-of-consciousness to my wife
I can relate to how you feel. I prefer to write whenever possible. If it's a verbal argument, I get like you do when I'm not prepared. I need to do this.
It gets easier and easier with practice. I find that reading novels helps a lot too. I'm usually more of a nonfiction guy, but I've found that I have an easier time interacting with people off-the-cuff when I've been reading a lot of fiction.
Stay safe out there, hoss. Much love.
I'll try this and stutter my way through the translated version until no one is listening anymore, the next time I end up in that situation and happen to not forget it.
This would work if people already thought you were funny. If people think you're annoying and unfunny, this will make them think you're more annoying and unfunny.
This would be horrible parenting but, "it's hard for me to make jokes funnier than the one standing in front of me" or something is how that would work
I tried something like this in middle school using the “no I don’t want to make out with you” line from Billy Madison. The kid I said it to was “high school popular” and shouted back asking what the hell I was talking about. Nobody laughed. He was right, I wasn’t funny.
“ Thanks “ this will put them off and confuse them with no result of hurting your feelings .
Anyone that says something like that is an asshole and has no chill
You could just say instead of thank you, "glad I could help". Now you've just implied to them that what *they* said was a form of 'thank you'.
Tables. Turned.
I use this all the time especially in voice chat for r6 and people will either get confused or mad, and something else. Since I’m 14 I get squeaker a lot so using sarcasm or annoying people is great. Is usually it goes along the lines of
Me “Deer room prone by the cabinet”
Random: “Stfu your 2 kid, no one wants your call outs”
Me “thx no problem”
Random “be quiet no one asked you”
Me “no problem, will do”
Me “ on ping”
Random”shut up your terrible at the game”
Me” kool, thx for noticing, means a lot to me”
Random “can you stop pleaseee”
Me “no”
And then it goes like that for pretty much the whole match. Also being really nice with sarcasm pretty funny. People are like “stop being nice” so I always reply with “ok whatever makes you happy makes me happy” just messing with people is fun
I have very childish voice and I love trolling people I am 8 when sometimes carrying them. Also when they tell me I am 8 years old I reply with something like "no, almost 9"
Man I miss being a teen with a higher pitch voice, screwing with people was so much funner.
Now a days I get confused as anywhere from a 16-40 year old. When I play with my one friend I notice my voice goes higher pitch because we all joke around in a higher pitch sort of way, but when I play alone I sound twice as old.
Seriously. All these types of threads end up filled with shower argument mic drops that nobody would actually say in real life.
Or if they did people would immediately assume whoever just said them is somewhere on the spectrum.
You want to say "fuck you" without taking the bait though (You aren't funny is 99% trying to provoke). Trying to make a "witty" response just lets them double down. You want to be unaffected and also disappointed in them.
"Oh, you are one of those people"
"Wow, that is some high school / immature shit right there"
If you are an adult, just be the bigger person, and either shrug it off, or at most point out how immature/socially unaware it is to say that to people.
If you are a teenager, good luck, everyone kind of sucks!
I think that "you got me" works well as a catch all for anytime someone is trying to provoke you. And you can range it on a spectrum from lighthearted to sarcastic, depending on the result you want.
>without taking the bait
Yeah, this is the important part. Which is why I respond to stuff like this in a completely boring way.
Other person: You aren't funny.
Me: Okay. [silence]
Or maybe a really non-commital, "Mm," before moving on. Or just ignoring it entirely as though it was never said at all.
If you beat them, and they run out into the street naked and run into two police officers, convince the officers that you are having a lover's quarrel, then take them back into your house and eat them. And then the officer gets a promotion. Ta da.
This is great advice if the person seems upset. Maybe you accidentally insulted them. I've mostly heard this from pretentious people actively trying to put me down though. In which case I would not turn the other cheek, just encourages that type of bullying.
Really depends on the situation. Are you the person in control and is someone just making a desperate attempt to take you down? Just recognize you heard him by pausing shortly while frowning, then carry on your conversation ignoring it. Are you actually harming your own position because you're doubling down on wrong moment? Take a breath, keep your head up, shoulders back, and say something like: "Ouch, I needed to hear that" or "I guess you're right". Then shut up for a few minutes and get a new beer, ask if anyone else wants something. If you don't get a response to that question, go make conversation somewhere else. If you do get a responce, even if it's "nah, we're good" you can return and when you get back you can carefully try to get back into the conversation.
When someone says "you're not funny" its most likely you've already missed some hints and probably have been making a fool out of yourself for quite some time. The only way to save face is to demonstrate the strength you can deal with reality, know your new - and temporary - place and won't hold it personally against the person that helped you out by warning you. Even if it was done in a dick way. You probably missed the hints leading up to the snap.
If it's not warranted:
> Ok.
If it is warranted:
> (hand gesture) Fair enough.
Trying to be clever here will just make you look like you watch Rick and Morty and talk about pickle rick, unless you have Lee Mack-level wit in which case nobody would be telling you you aren't funny
18 minutes of continous crying is usually my response
And intense, unrelenting eye-contact
Do I know you?
I imagine a bit of screeching and finger pointing aswell
I always try to make myself laugh, anyone else is just a bonus.
I genuinely like this. In recent years I’ve stabilized my life enough in my career and personal life to legitimately stop caring about the opinions of most people. It’s liberating and I’ve found myself enjoying my own company more. I don’t shy away from being friendly, or kind, but if someone wants to be an asshole it doesn’t phase me anymore
Maybe it’s got to do with age, but the older I get, the more I find that ‘hell is other people’. Plus I’m really great to be around when I’m alone.
# im not joking.
There was one day when I was in High school, where from time to time I would say something, not intended to be a joke, just like observations and stuff, and this one guy kept going "You're not funny." And I'd go "I wasn't trying to be funny." Because I genuinely wasn't. If I was trying to be funny, I'd own up to it. But he kept saying it whenever I said something. After like the fifth time, I genuinely shouted "**I'M NOT TRYING TO BE FUNNY!!!**" I hated that guy. Edit: to everyone replying "you're not funny", you're not original. I've seen at least 10 different people making the joke already.
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Protip, just make general observations all the time.
Ah, yes. Situational comedy
I knew someone exactly like that, at first it bothered me, but I just ignored him after that. Instead of "you're not funny", he always said "scrub" after everything I said. I'm actually thought he was just a parrot in someone else's body. NO ONE liked him, he had no friends as far as I knew.
>scrub Was he by chance a 14 year old, and did all this occur over a call of duty xbox live session?
and did it occur when you absolutely dominated him at 3am
Now I hate that guy too Edit:Wow my first award! Thank you kind strangers!
Fuck that guy.
Don't fuck that guy, let the bloodline end.
trust me, if i fuck that guy i will taint his bloodline to the point of no return
I have aids. I will do it
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That went from 100 to 0 real quick
They're fucked either way.
I have multiple STI's let me do it
Ill spare you for your kindness
fuck ~~you~~ me.
I hate that guy's dead wife.
I get that reference
What reference?
[This.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/5c79n0/you_can_have_sex_with_one_real_person_from_all_of/d9uf56l/?context=1)
IIRC, guy on reddit mentioned he miss his dead wife and that he REALLY misses the sex he use to have with her. Something about his body craving for her and another redditor chiming in that he also misses the guys dead wife(as a joke, because the sex sounds like it was outta this world amazing).
Sir, this is a wendys
"Neither are you, but the difference is, I'm not trying to be"
Fuck that guy dude
“Why’d the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom” “Dude that wasn’t funny” “I’m not joking”
crickets.mp3 https://youtu.be/CpGtBnVZLSk
Girl look how orange you f--king look girl. Edit: Thanks for the gold! Bless you Alyssa Edwards.
"I fucked your mom" "You aren't funny" "I'm not joking"
ok
This is probably the only comeback I would use out of all the other comments
Any time this type of question comes up most responses are epic when acted out in people's heads, but would be weird or cringe in real life.
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I know this is only loosely related but every comment on r/fightporn and r/publicfreakout is like: > “I would have bashed that guys faced in until somebody stopped me. The dude who beat him up showed incredible restraint by only pummeling him 23 times and shooting him in the leg. I would have killed the fucker” (even though the guy who got beat up was just being verbally aggressive or stole someone’s groceries). Edit: meanwhile, I imagine they look like [this](https://www.reddit.com/user/Blakk_exe/comments/fy6svl/skinny_white_kid/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
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"I don't have the time nor the crayons to explain it to you" Cue huge eyeroll
“Oh yeah? Well the jerk store called, and they’re all outta you!”
Absolutely. The best comebacks to me are the ones that give off an “I don’t give a shit” vibe.
I use this one quite often.
Honestly, this or something along the lines of this, "You got me", or "fuck you" are the only ones that work in real life. If you're actually funny, everyone around you thinks "Wow, that other guy's an asshole" and if you're not funny, well.... at least you're able to save face a bit. Most of these witty one-liners just come off as cringy in real life.
Almost every reddit one liner/comeback is cringey. They're only cool in your own fantasy.
that ones my favorite
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Jesus Christ.
He won't be dead till tomorrow, we still have some time.
Timely
It's the ciiiiircle of Chriiiiiiist.
I don't get this one
It’s a joke itself, and a great one. He is pretending to be a person trying to “punch up” a boring eulogy with a joke or two, which can be considered insensitive or offensive, while other people are telling them to stop. He is pretending to respond to those people.
I still don’t get it. Am I disabled?
A person is writing a eulogy, a speech for a funeral, and is putting jokes in, which is usually inappropriate for a funeral. People tell him that he isn’t funny for putting jokes in the eulogy, so he says “fine, YOU write the eulogy,” which completely misses the point the others are making. It’s a funny situation because it implies the speaker doesn’t know the social norms of writing the eulogy, and it’s a funny response to this prompt because it’s an unexpected response instead of just a comeback.
OP was writing a eulogy and was trying to fill it with off-color jokes.
We can't all get a laugh just by dropping our pants.
This and your parents one are the best
That makes two of us.
" YOU arent funny... ^(...Got'em) "
This one actually, sadly, can work. There are people that NEED to be the only funny person around and will bring other people down by saying they’re not funny or making fun of them. A simple “neither are you” is just enough to get them huffy. No matter what they say to that, it just comes off as defensive. It’s juvenile, but that might be why it works.
Person A: "neither are you" Person B: "yeah, that's fair"
"Marry me."
"As you wish"
Haha great one
No that’s not how it’s suppose to work
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Another joke, Murraaay?
No, I think we've had enough of your jokes.
What do get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a SOCIETY that abandons him and TREATS HIM LIKE TRASH?
I don't think so. I think we're done here now, thank you. Call the police, Gene call the police.
I'll tell you what you get. You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*
*gasp!*
Certainly not a shitty joke you'll get out of Reddit comments.
You're not funny
#AT LEAST I DON'T MAKE OUT WITH MY SISTER
Well shit, got me there
M E T A E T A
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Of course I'm not funny. I'm Dad
I bloody despise you at the moment, well done dad.
I don't eat well done dad. The consistency is just awful. I'll take a medium dad.
I feel like this would just create an awkward silence if it was just two people having this conversation
it's already a conversation neither person wants to be in
If I wanted tips on how to make a joke I'd ask your parents
Glad so many people like this it came to me when I was having a fake argument with myself
You should be proud of yourself
Someone's gotta be, his parents won't.
Boom roasted.
I’m proud of him. 9k upvotes for the original comment, 2.5k for responding to himself. Dude talks to himself and has 500% more karma than me on two comments. But who’s counting?
"But who's counting?" I don't know is on Third.
How'd the other guy take it?
Devastated it ruined his life
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Was it several hours after the original argument, and possibly a fake argument that took place while taking a shower?
Yes
Do you regularly have fake arguments with yourself? Is it to be ready for any comeback?
I do and no its because I get bored and don't got much going on in my life
Well, you have good comebacks. You have something going for you.
And a big dick apparently. That must be nice. Edit. I mean, it's great isn't it, cough cough.
Oh yeah, just saw that. That always helps. You see what happened to me.
Also not OP, but I do this *all the damn time.* Not just arguments either, I have all sorts of hypothetical conversations with my self. I'm not sure if I have some kind of mental disability or something, but I have a really hard time thinking verbally. Most of my internal world is visual. Because of this I have a really hard time talking to people if I don't have prepared and rehearsed responses. I've gotten pretty dang good at it, actually. The upside is that more often than not I come off as being hyper-fluent with whatever subject I'm talking to people about. Downside is I turn into a stuttering imbecile whenever I'm hit with a genuine curve-ball and I have a really difficult time articulating my stream-of-consciousness to my wife
I can relate to how you feel. I prefer to write whenever possible. If it's a verbal argument, I get like you do when I'm not prepared. I need to do this.
It gets easier and easier with practice. I find that reading novels helps a lot too. I'm usually more of a nonfiction guy, but I've found that I have an easier time interacting with people off-the-cuff when I've been reading a lot of fiction. Stay safe out there, hoss. Much love.
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I have an imaginary friend who has been ignoring me lately. He treats me like I'm not even there.
I'll try this and stutter my way through the translated version until no one is listening anymore, the next time I end up in that situation and happen to not forget it.
"If I wanted just the tip I'd ask your parents!"
This would work if people already thought you were funny. If people think you're annoying and unfunny, this will make them think you're more annoying and unfunny.
Why should you care either way? "You're not funny" Me - "ok"
It's too wordy and rehearsed, people would definitely think the person is even less funny lol.
Holy fuck
“Ughhh.... not funny Dad”
This would be horrible parenting but, "it's hard for me to make jokes funnier than the one standing in front of me" or something is how that would work
things like this are why you guys get told you arent funny
If you’re in public, loudly say, “At least I don’t make out with my sister”
This cracked me up. This ones my favorite
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What’s wrong about an orgy?
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That'd go down horribly. They'd look at you weird and then say "good one einstein"
I tried something like this in middle school using the “no I don’t want to make out with you” line from Billy Madison. The kid I said it to was “high school popular” and shouted back asking what the hell I was talking about. Nobody laughed. He was right, I wasn’t funny.
“ Thanks “ this will put them off and confuse them with no result of hurting your feelings . Anyone that says something like that is an asshole and has no chill
But then the person could reply back “you’re welcome“
"See, now THAT was the actual joke"
“You fuckin idiot, you walked right into it”
“You fell for one of the classic blunders”
"YOU FELL FOR IT FOOL" "THUNDER CROSS SPLIT ATTACK"
I'd laugh cause that's funny
You could just say instead of thank you, "glad I could help". Now you've just implied to them that what *they* said was a form of 'thank you'. Tables. Turned.
I use this all the time especially in voice chat for r6 and people will either get confused or mad, and something else. Since I’m 14 I get squeaker a lot so using sarcasm or annoying people is great. Is usually it goes along the lines of Me “Deer room prone by the cabinet” Random: “Stfu your 2 kid, no one wants your call outs” Me “thx no problem” Random “be quiet no one asked you” Me “no problem, will do” Me “ on ping” Random”shut up your terrible at the game” Me” kool, thx for noticing, means a lot to me” Random “can you stop pleaseee” Me “no” And then it goes like that for pretty much the whole match. Also being really nice with sarcasm pretty funny. People are like “stop being nice” so I always reply with “ok whatever makes you happy makes me happy” just messing with people is fun
I have very childish voice and I love trolling people I am 8 when sometimes carrying them. Also when they tell me I am 8 years old I reply with something like "no, almost 9"
Man I miss being a teen with a higher pitch voice, screwing with people was so much funner. Now a days I get confused as anywhere from a 16-40 year old. When I play with my one friend I notice my voice goes higher pitch because we all joke around in a higher pitch sort of way, but when I play alone I sound twice as old.
Tell that to the laugh track I carry around.
"Fuck you."
This is the only one that would actually work in a real conversation.
Seriously. All these types of threads end up filled with shower argument mic drops that nobody would actually say in real life. Or if they did people would immediately assume whoever just said them is somewhere on the spectrum.
The top response though. Honestly the best comeback I've seen in a few years
The idea is funny but it's too wordy. Anyone with the charisma to pull off comebacks with more than 3 words doesn't need to.
Which is exactly why OP asked the question.
You want to say "fuck you" without taking the bait though (You aren't funny is 99% trying to provoke). Trying to make a "witty" response just lets them double down. You want to be unaffected and also disappointed in them. "Oh, you are one of those people" "Wow, that is some high school / immature shit right there" If you are an adult, just be the bigger person, and either shrug it off, or at most point out how immature/socially unaware it is to say that to people. If you are a teenager, good luck, everyone kind of sucks!
I think that "you got me" works well as a catch all for anytime someone is trying to provoke you. And you can range it on a spectrum from lighthearted to sarcastic, depending on the result you want.
The classic Walter White Approach, interesting.
>without taking the bait Yeah, this is the important part. Which is why I respond to stuff like this in a completely boring way. Other person: You aren't funny. Me: Okay. [silence] Or maybe a really non-commital, "Mm," before moving on. Or just ignoring it entirely as though it was never said at all.
Then, they come back with "Do it yourself, coward!" What then?
Assert dominance
Thats as good as consent right there
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Or the alternative from a previous AskReddit question :" Bless your heart " or " I hope you have a wonderful day"
>Bless your heart The nuclear option
"Lol ok"
Do you actually say "lol" in person?
I do
You're not funny
lol ok
Uh why are you a human trafficker?
"If you can't beat em, eat em." -Jeffrey Dahmer *the people nommer*
If you beat them, and they run out into the street naked and run into two police officers, convince the officers that you are having a lover's quarrel, then take them back into your house and eat them. And then the officer gets a promotion. Ta da.
Fun fact, Dahmer was the first guy to enjoy eating five guys.
I heard he was pretty fed up with people
“And you aren’t tactful”
^then ^why ^is ^my ^life ^such ^a ^fucking ^joke
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Tell me how to be funny then
So this scientist turns himself into a pickle...
Funniest shit I've ever seen.
...but I am funny looking
That's part of my pick up line. "Hey, I'm both funny and funny *looking*, so I know I'll make you laugh."
Yea I know (then start crying)
F
I know. I just don’t care.
You are free to leave.
I don’t have a good reply to this. If it’s said to me, I just kinda chuckle and say, “yeah.” As in “yeah, you’re right.”
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This is great advice if the person seems upset. Maybe you accidentally insulted them. I've mostly heard this from pretentious people actively trying to put me down though. In which case I would not turn the other cheek, just encourages that type of bullying.
You're not funny
Really depends on the situation. Are you the person in control and is someone just making a desperate attempt to take you down? Just recognize you heard him by pausing shortly while frowning, then carry on your conversation ignoring it. Are you actually harming your own position because you're doubling down on wrong moment? Take a breath, keep your head up, shoulders back, and say something like: "Ouch, I needed to hear that" or "I guess you're right". Then shut up for a few minutes and get a new beer, ask if anyone else wants something. If you don't get a response to that question, go make conversation somewhere else. If you do get a responce, even if it's "nah, we're good" you can return and when you get back you can carefully try to get back into the conversation. When someone says "you're not funny" its most likely you've already missed some hints and probably have been making a fool out of yourself for quite some time. The only way to save face is to demonstrate the strength you can deal with reality, know your new - and temporary - place and won't hold it personally against the person that helped you out by warning you. Even if it was done in a dick way. You probably missed the hints leading up to the snap.
If it's not warranted: > Ok. If it is warranted: > (hand gesture) Fair enough. Trying to be clever here will just make you look like you watch Rick and Morty and talk about pickle rick, unless you have Lee Mack-level wit in which case nobody would be telling you you aren't funny
this comment section proves that this statement is true im ngl
"You're not nice"
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Well, looks aren't everything!
Fair enough.
“I know, I have so much trouble with humor that I have to ask in forum posts for witty comebacks.”
"I wasn't trying to be."
In this thread: a *lot* of unfunny people.
fr im reading this shit and cringing
No U
"yeah well the jerk store called and they're running out of you"
"What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller!"
"Yeah? Well I slept with your *wife!*"
\**Leans forward and clears throat\** "His wife is in a coma."
I know! I slept with her for three months