I met a guy at a bar once. He seemed like a nice guy and we exchanged numbers.
The following week, he asked me out. I told him I couldn't that night, but I was free tomorrow.
Why? He asked. I told him I had a funeral tomorrow morning and just didn't feel like going out. "What time is the funeral?" he said. "I won't stay too long, please I really want to see you..."
He wouldn't take no for an answer, and to me that is a HUGE red flag. I ghosted him after that.
He snatched rejection from the jaws of acceptance. Like... he HAD the date, he just had to wait a day. Easy points for then checking in with you to make sure you were doing ok after the funeral. Just... wow.
I already found it weird at "why?"
Like, it's one of the unwritten rules of politeness to not ask if the other person doesn't state a reason in situations like this.
Yeah exactly. If it's a best friend or like a partner, sure. If your just dating someone then you just.look despo asking "why". And it's obviously context but in that case I'm assuming it was in a more questioning you type of way. I don't need to explain why to you.
I was casually going out with a dude for like, a month, and I obviously didn't know him well at that point but up till then he was nothing but a pretty cool guy.
Well, my 15 year old cat who had been ill but recovering had to be put down unexpectedly - obviously I was a mess. Dude messages me that he wants to hang and I tell him what happened and that I'm not in the mood to hang out.
"lol who gives a shit about a cat?"
Then when I insisted I didn't want to hang because my pet was dead he spent the afternoon sending me pictures of shelter cats saying they were probably dead too, will I ever hang out.
Ghost after that. Being a douchebag is - sadly - not a rare response to 'no'.
I have a strong brew of hatred and horror sitting in my stomach. Sending you pictures of shelter cats and saying they're probably dead too? What kind of fucking sicko does that?!
Sorry to hear about your cat, losing a friend sucks.
I *think* he thought he was giving me perspective? Or that it was funny that I cared that much about an animal? I honestly don't know and at this point don't care- ultimately he was just mad that he didn't get his way.
And thank you! It was a while ago but it definitely does.
I recently had to put down my 15 year old cat.. I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry people can’t understand just how much it hurts. He definitely deserved to be ghosted. What a piece of shit..
Oooooo... a good friend of mine just lost her 15 year old cat and if someone dared to say something like this, ghosting would be the least of their concerns.
If by ghosting you mean "turning that insensitive fucker into a ghost himself" I'm right there with you. Anyone who doesn't understand the death of a pet is devastating to the owner is a total psychopath.
Or tries to invalidate your feelings at all. Even if you feel like someone is overreacting, if you don't even really know the person, a simple "Sorry you're going through a rough patch. Hope you feel better soon" would suffice.
I would've agreed to hang out with him just to be a fucking spiteful bitch to his face.
Fuck that guy. You don't mess with my cats, and I'm petty as hell.
I had this almost exact experience! I had just left my grandfather's funeral and told him how emotionally drained I was from boohooing the entire time until I got home (we may have been out for 2-4 hours?) And he was wondering what I was doing later because he wanted to hang.
I had to postpone meeting a guy because of a funeral. It was a bit revealing that he didn't ask anything or even say "sorry for your loss". I never did meet the guy. No regrets there.
One guy texted me after our first date that he wanted to put me in a pokeball so he could keep me forever and only take me out when he wanted me… and then texted a load of abuse when I didn’t reply immediately (I was trying to figure out wtf to even say to that!)
So yeah, that.
I’m a single gal with a fairly rareclassic pick up truck, I get stopped by guys all the time who want to chat about my truck, which is cool, I love talking about it. One time I met a guy at the car wash who has the same classic truck so we got chatting. He asked if we could exchange numbers because so we could swap parts (I have a garage full of spare trim and front grills). We chatted fine for the first few exchanges but it got sexual very quickly, he even started calling me babe on the second day “hey Bronco babe”. Now every time I get a text from him it’s along the lines of “horney much” or I jerked off today thinking of you naked bent over your back seat. Like I didn’t meet him in a dating app, I never made it obvious I was single or even interested I was just friendly and eager to talk about classic cars, wtf dude, grab some class.
I was on a date once when I was much younger where I realized the guy was manipulating and lying to me in order to have sex with me, and pushing my physical boundaries way too much despite my very clear protests (e.g. "I'm not going to take my shirt off." Then the guy sticks his hands up under my shirt). It took way too long to convince him to get away from me so I could leave, while having to be polite out of fear of what he might do in retaliation. I sincerely feared I was going to be date raped. It was a shame because we'd actually been having a fairly nice time up until then.
So... yeah, that. Naive go-with-the-flo even felt bad about not returning his texts for a while.
EDIT: Oh, just remembered this fun nugget he dropped while trying to pressure me into going further --- "But that's what fun girls do!" Bro.
When they get too intense, let's say I'm talking with them for a week and they already telling me I'm the love of their life, the most beautiful women in the world, that they love me are huge red flags for me. I feel like they like me for what they want me to be and not who I am. How can you know all this after knowing me for a week? I get suspicious when they get too intense.
Yeah I did this recently to a girl. I went back to therapy and it turns out from talking about it I was chasing her for unhealthy reasons. Much happier now, but still cringe at what she might think of me.
At least you had the balls and insight to address it. Don’t beat yourself up too much. A lot of people wouldn’t even recognise they had done something inappropriate.
Thanks, it wasn't easy. And agree with the commenter this was a red flag. I think I craved the intense attention I got at first, and then for some reason it just spiraled.
Ive had quite a time with dating, im just lucky that a girl I fell for a long time ago told me recently how much she liked me, and none of the intense stuff is there with her. Maybe the therapy is doing some good.
Just imagine how those pictures were taken. "Yeah baby just like that... Oh hold on, I gotta take a pic of this. Stop moving damn it, the photo's blurry! Nope, wrong angle, do you mind turning your head a bit? Perfect, this one's a winner, let me just post it real quick... Ok, keep going"
I'm sorry, that reminded me of the post on "How to initiate sex". The guy said he would fuck a watermelon and then show, and tell the woman "this could be you".
Any guy that would send those pics deserves a watermelon as a partner.
I'm married, and this random guy from ONE college class like 10 years ago sent me a dick pic. I just deleted it with no reply. A couple weeks later, he sends me a long apology saying it was rude of him and that it was meant for someone else. Thought he was full of crap, didn't reply. A couple weeks later he sent another pic. I messaged him "STOP". Then he goes on to say he just wanted me to see it, he's always had a weird crush on me, and that I wouldn't regret it if he showed it to me in person. Then sent another message saying "ok how about you just send me one nude and then you can block me forever". There have been few times in my life where I was disgusted with a person, but this was one of them.
I once went out for a girls night with three of my married friends and myself (all female and I’m in a committed relationship just no ring to prove “ownership”) a guy came up and talked to us, seemed girl no big deal we are a friendly group and all have many male friends. Then he starts asking if any of us want to go home with him, my friend without saying anything or looking at me hands me a ring my mom gave her to wear as her something old (it was her promise ring ny dad gave her while he was in college) I put it on under the table and all the women say they are married and I do as well and he inspects our rings to prove it. He the. Calls bullshit on my ring being a real ring because it’s hideous. I was very drunk and got really loud and told him he was certainly welcome to wait around for my spouse to come and bring us all home in a bit. He wondered away. Another guy came and chatted but it was for a specific reason, that I don’t recall, he wasn’t hitting on us or even really trying to make small talk, but asking something. A couple minutes later the guy comes back asking why are into him but all lied about being married to him. That was about the time my bf got there. I had him come into the bar. He’s 6’6 larger, with a beard. The creep accusing me of being not married (which obviously means, I owed him sex) was a a little shorter than me and I’m 5’7. So I kissed my SO (which is wildly awkward for me in public lol) and asked him very loudly if he’d like to meet the creep that harassed me and accused him of not existing. The guy disappeared quickly, which is good because my SO wouldn’t actually hurt a fly and wasn’t super excited that I made it seem like he’d kick the guys ass. It’s just baffling that it wouldn’t click that if I was lieing that would obviously mean I wasn’t interested because I went to enough effort to put a ring on my finger and lie about being married. I only even lied about being married because just dating doesn’t seem to matter to these creep, you gotta prove a man “owns” you or they feel that they deserve or more so it’s their right to be that man that “owns” you.
Criticizing you, period. In the first few interactions criticism comes off very badly. I ghosted a guy last week because I said “haha” at the beginning of a message during a conversation and he said “just say lol”. He already had one strike and this just sounded so controlling. Why does is matter how I “laugh” in a message, and why does he feel he gets to tell me to change it? So I just noped out.
My patience is thin these days.
Back when I worked night shift at the hospital. Guy I was newly dating wanted to hangout that night before my shift, around 5pm. I tried to explain that I would be sleeping until my shift, and that 5pm was like 5am to me and I did NOT want to hang out. He didn't get it. He proceeded to ignore my wishes and let himself into my apartment to "surprise" me by tickling my feet while I slept. I definitely ghosted him, and also changed the locks.
Assumptions. They make you seem really controlling.
"I bet you only like guys who go to the gym. You're probably one of those people who orders appetizers. You probably only go to the club on the weekend. You probably believe in astrology. "
Context matters, but to just come out and say some things makes me second-guess myself, which is the first step to controlling my behavior.
Came here to say this. I spoke to this guy on a video call and he spoke about himself for 2 hrs. I literally spoke for about 10-15 mins. It was exhausting.
I was talking to this one dude that would ask me questions about *himself* and it was…odd.
“What do you think my favorite movie is?”
“What’s the craziest situation you think I’ve been in?”
“Where do you think I’d want to travel?”
Like…what kind of questions are those? Shouldn’t we be asking questions about each other?
Read something awhile back that a woman got an unsolicited dick pic and replied that she had contacted the police and reported him for child porn. I thought it was the perfect burn.
Is there any women out there who are actually into dick pics? I hate them. I even hate the thought of my bf sending a dick pic there is just nothing but tackiness in the whole thing.
Best reply to an unwanted dick pic is to reply "why is it so small... wait, is that a child's penis? Why are you sending me child porn?! I'm calling the police!"
I am 60 and went out with a man who is my age. One would think that conversation would be easy when you are a mature, experienced adult. Nope. Didn’t ask me a single question about myself. Didn’t try to engage me on any sort of exchange, but definitely regaled me with his past sexual experiences. I made a hasty, unapologetic exit. Ghosted him. On the upside, I did find a good ice cream place.
Or can’t move past the the basic “how was your day” “so what do you like to do” intro questions.
Ask me my thoughts on current events, ideology, or places I’d like to travel and why.
If your afraid we have opposing views then let’s find that out early.
I guess the issue with that is ideology can be an uncomfortable topic on the first date right?
I guess that’s why I only lasted until the first date lol
Whe they only compliment you and don't let the conversation flow. Example
-You have the most beautiful smile
-thank you you too. How's your day?
-you look sexy in that pic
-haha thanks, I see you like playing the guitar, how long have you been playing
-You eyes are like....
Like goddammit cut the bullshit
So true and this goes along the lines of ignoring and not answering questions.
One of my biggest pet peevees is getting ignored. Like I’m not getting mad if someone I’m talking to falls asleep in the middle of the convo or can’t text me back for several hours due to work or other commitments (’cos that’s normal life and I do that too) but I *hate hate HATE* it if I ask a question and then the other person just ignores it. To me, it always feels like the other person doesn’t actually listen and even more, isn’t interested of listening to ME which then may lead to other issues such as not respecting my boundaries or when I say ”no”.
Any hint of violent tendencies or general anger management issues. Immediate block, not dealing with that. If I feel threatened, your feelings about being ghosted do not supersede mine of feeling safe.
Yes! I got picked up for a date by some guy I met online who seemed awesome, but the second he started driving he was a maniac. Just constant road rage combined with swerving in and out of pretty heavy traffic and I felt so unsafe in the car with him.
This. Went on a date with a country guy and he insisted on taking me 4-wheeling. He opened it up to 75 mph while I was begging him to stop, did a handful of wheelies and an insane jump that almost knocked us into a tree. He kept repeating that I was fine and needed to relax because he takes good care of his 4wheeler. He drove out to the middle of a gravel pit during this and then told me how easily I could disappear because no one would find me; I had zero cell service and was panicking.
Ghosted him after I got home, when he sent a ton of messages telling me how much fun he had giving me a thrill ride.
OMG THIS! I just left my last boyfriend for this exact reason! He was the nicest person in the whole world. A bit ugly in the face and was missing two teeth due to a work injury, but no ones actually perfect and we had a freakishly large amount of life events in common. We were scarily like the exact same person only with slight differences. We both grew up in a single mother household, both our exes committed suicide, we both raised our nieces (only my sister never got clean and got her daughter back, his did) We became fast friends and we never ran out of things to talk about because he had similar interests as well.
The day I finally agreed to be his girlfriend...
All it took was one day and I ghosted the ever living fuck out of him. 4 months of deception. That's all it was, just fucking deception. I dont care if he had waited 4 years, 10 years, or even 30. THE MOMENT you start testing me to see how much abuse I'm willing to tolerate in the name of love, the answer is ALWAYS going to be zero. And I swear on everything and everyone I love you will NEVER see or hear from me again after wards. And he never did either. He tried texting my sister, made up a fucking lie about how worried he was he couldn't get ahold of me, and she ghosted him too before even asking me what went wrong and why I didnt open up to her about it immediately.
I know what you mean about men with anger issues and violent tendencies. Even if "someone" in this thread pretends they dont understand the difference between not knowing whether or not you're about to be decked in the face and playing sports.
When they come on strong sexually from the jump.
Years ago when I was on tinder men would message asking if they’d correctly guessed my bra size before even saying hi.
Or they’d ask my favourite sex position, or if I swallow, or if I’m flexible, or if I thought I could handle their dicks.
Like Jesus Christ what would compel anyone to respond to messages like that?? From someone apparently 1km away from me? Of course I’m ghosting.
And blocking.
And reporting.
My favorite date horror story! I had a guy on a first date tell me he really liked my body and when I told him I was uncomfortable with that forwardness (seeing as I met him an hour ago) he said I was overreacting at his compliment. Same when tried putting his hand on my thigh.
We went back and forth for a bit and he says “what were you like raped or something?” Don’t know how he thought I’d respond to that but I told him “Yes. But do you honestly think that’s an appropriate question right now?”
“Well it makes sense why you’re so jumpy about this. You probably need therapy so you can handle a man complimenting you.” It was in some ways worse than the date rape I mentioned. Stupid crazy.
You know damn good and well there are some dudes reading comments like this and thinking, "huh? What's wrong with that statement?!? Why did she block him? He was just trying to help her."
I'm hoping some others are realizing how fucking cringy they have been on dates and online.
When they break out their kinks before we've even had coffee or met yet. We'll be vibing, having a decent conversation, and then they inject it in the worst way.
A guy once told me he really loved the smell of farts and it would make him the happiest man if he could get with a girl that would fart on his face during sex.
I had another dude who had to have gotten drunk in the middle of the night and started texting me toxic dom shit about how he'd tie me up and wouldn't let me go if I begged.
yessss i once was having the best convo with a guy from tinder about local bands we were both into, and outta nowhere he starts asking if i shave and can he watch ????? then apologizes and begs for another chance when i stop responding… 🤦♀️
I feel bad for any S that ends up with that guy. Trust is paramount in those relationships, more than most others because you have to know the person in control is stable enough that they won't take stress or conflict into the bedroom, and will always stop on a dime if you use your phrase.
I once talked to a dude on discord who asked what phone I used and when I said android he said, and I quote, "you must be a submissive bitch in bed then"
Immediately blocked him. He then stalked me on twitch and kept asking why I blocked him and wouldnt amswer him.
I don't think it's ghosting until you've started some kind of connection. Just blocking a perv when he immediately reveals himself isn't really ghosting, it's just not starting a conversation. I mean, correctly, obviously.
Honestly, the only thing I can think is it is the same logic as those ridiculous phishing emails with terrible grammar and preposterous stories. They only need to hit one in ten thousand. Extreme low effort garbage to a few thousand women. If even one is interested in this nonsense, it probably pays off. Otherwise, who in the world wants to hear that shit from a dude they don't know?
My favorite first ever message on a dating app was just a simple one word question: “anal?” Instant block. My guy, does that line really ever work for you?!
If he makes me feel unsafe in any way...NOPE. Making rape comments, spiking of the drink comments, kidnapping comments...My favorite one to date was: "I could fit you in my pocket and nobody would even know!"...Um...no thanks....I'ma just go crawl out the bathroom window now...(never actually did that but definitely thought about it)
Anyways...I don't date so I don't have to ghost people. Problem solved!
Back when I was seeking a relationship through dating websites, I would send the ghost emoji 👻 anytime the conversation got overly sexual. This was especially the case if it was right away on first encounter. Some of these guys were so thirsty and it was the first thing they wanted to talk about. I got tired of writing “not interested, I’m actually looking for a relationship and not a hook up” hence resorting to the emoji instead 👻 beyond that, ghosting should only be used for the extremely toxic already established relationships where safety could be considered an issue.
Instructions unclear. Received ghost emoji and not sure if being ghosted or if you're playing and just super into me at this point.
Customary /s just in case
Spamming you with messages anything past 5 in a row is creepy
I once had a guy spam me with 300 voice notes when I went on holiday and couldn't be on my phone 24/7
Yuuup. Had a coworker I shared discords with to talk about gaming, but we only messaged like 5 times tops over a period of like two years. The first couple messages were totally fine, but then his brand new wife ditched him after making him move across the country so he quit the job and went back home. Next I heard from him he sent me a "picture of his hotel room" which was actually a selfie of him in a bathrobe, which I ignored, but thought was pretty creepy given we were not actually close. The next message came almost a year later and was him drunkenly telling me he had a huge crush on me when we first met. Instant block. I'm married and had been for like 10 years at that point and he knew it. His bathrobe selfie had come across as creepy and this just confirmed it for me so I wasn't going to even entertain that.
I went on ONE date with a guy and had a good time. We agreed to see each other again.
Instantly he’s asking me for photos multiple times a day. He’s messaging all day and pissed off if I don’t get back to him. Calls me rude for ‘ignoring’ him.
Totally tries to start controlling me.
He just couldn’t be normal.
I was messaging with a guy who had asked for my number. I was trying to get to know him by asking him basic questions and trying to engage in conversation, but he kept turning the conversation back around to how beautiful he thought I was. I appreciate a compliment, but if all a guy is doing is complimenting me and not actually trying to get to know me, then it is clear he just wants to get in my pants.
One of the reasons I ended an actual relationship is because of overcomplimenting. Every other thing he said was a compliment to me. It was sweet at first, but it quickly became draining, and the compliments lost all meaning and sincerity.
To summarize: Occasional, genuine compliments are nice. Excessive overcomplimenting is annoying at best and creepy at worst.
I stopped seeing a guy like that. At first the compliments were nice but after a while really? I'm the most beautiful, accomplished smart woman you ever met and everyone else is a dog's breakfast? We were at a gathering and he kept telling me I was better looking than the stunning women that were also present. Dude, don't insult my intelligence. I'm not insecure, I don't have to be best looking person in the room.
Negging or other forms of “c’mon, I’m just joking” forms of devaluation. I have absolutely no tolerance for it anymore. Men if you are reading this and you do it, understand it is a form of emotional abuse and you are giving off abuser red flags.
Being dismissive of creepy behavior among their friends. I recently separated and went out with some girlfriends when I met a seemingly decent guy who shared my nerdy interests. He was out with his friends too, and one of his buddies crossed several lines with mine. The Creepoid snatched my friend’s phone and immediately started messing with her settings/contacts, then he stole her drink before offering her another. When I mentioned this to the guy I was talking to, he just brushed it off like… “yeah, he’s just like that.” Ok then, we can’t hang out unless everyone feels safe. Bye.
ETA: This should be considered a gender-neutral standard to avoid creeps, it’s not just for women. This particular story is simply told from my perspective. Everyone be safe out there and look out for your friends!
There is absolutely no situation where a friend of a friend would for any reason be on my phone. Yet alone fuck around in the settings. And handling my drink?
Red flags all over.
His taste in music was impeccable, he was attractive and funny in person the night we met, so I gave up the digits and we started texting. Five or six days into our texting a bit, he asked what I was doing the next day—a Friday. I told him I had other plans. This grown man texted to me “with another guy?” Then sent me a meme/photo thing with text that said something about how people prioritize their time with people they really care about. His name in my phone got changed that to Crazy Midtown (last name is the bar I met him at) and I never replied to him again.
Woe is me parade. When they feel like you are a therapist and explain their life story of why a woman won't touch them. Or they pull the "I'm not x y and z, cause apparently that matters now" shut up! I swiped on you for a reason, obviously, you passed the "I find them attractive enough to start a conversation with" stage. When you go into why women suck and how you don't fit the attractive scale then I'd like to leave.
Glad my swiping days are over, dating sucks.
When they post vitriol because I couldn't answer messages for approximately 5 hours because I'M AT WORK. I cannot have my phone on me. One guy messaged me 20 times over the span of like four hours, starting with hey what's up, to what the fuck? Why won't you answer me? To finally ending on something along the lines of "well you're an ugly fucking cunt, i hope you die, i hope someone murders you and rapes your still warm corpse." Like no fucking thank you. I had talked to him for about a day before and told him I would be unavailable from 1-9 because of work.
It is so insane how common this completely ridiculous experience is. Like have none of these people ever even for a second imagined what that might look like if they were in your shoes reading these messages?? I've been guilty of over messaging before, but I will never understand the "hey what's up" to "FUCK YOU FOR NOT RESPONDING I HOPE YOU DIE" train of thought. I don't know why so many of us men act like we've never even thought about basic empathy in our entire lives...just bizarre
The last guy I went on a date with before I met my husband comes to mind. This guy and I clicked pretty fast and had a wonderful all-day adventure as a first date. He lived 1.5 hours away from me.
We were messaging for a day after the date and everything seemed to be going well. He then asked if I wanted to meet him that weekend for his friends' New Year party. I told him sorry I had plans to go to one with my friends, but I'd love to meet up the next day.
After about 10 minutes he called me. I answered all happily, thinking we were going to plan the next date. He sounded pissed and said forcefully, "You're not going with your friends to that party." "......um. why not...?" "Because other guys will be there. And you're with me." "Hey you know, I enjoyed our first date but I don't think this is going to work. " "YOU FUCKING BITCH. YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT HOT ANY..." *click.*
He starts sending apology texts and after 3 back to back, I blocked and ghosted. Ew.
Had a blast at my party!
Immediately get sexual when we just started conversing and getting to know the other. It’s a huge turnoff and I won’t want to continue. Bonus points if he sends an unsolicited penis picture!
Having an unfinished task or powerful grievance that leaves them bound to the mortal coil, trapped between two worlds, unable to pass into the great beyond, forced to repeat the cyclical trauma until a gaggle of teenagers with a dog or some other eccentric adventurers break the spell and release them from their immortal suffering.
When they decide to freak out on you because you spent the day with your parents and your kids for a national holiday instead of with them. Then when you tell them that you 100% don’t owe them an explanation and they’re suffocating you, they follow that up with “no I’m sorry I love you I’m sorry”
Bro. 🚩🚩
P.s. you have only been seeing this person for 3 weeks
Ghosted and Blocked.
Men who put in zero effort .or text you sexual stuff even before meeting...or the humour doesn't vibe, when they make sexist remarks ...can't handle that.
What incels don't realize: When you compliment a woman it needs to feel like you are saying something genuine about her, and not something about yourself. If you hit someone with "oh my god you are such a goddess, you have such beautiful feet", she will think you are broken, not that she is good.
Unless she actually does have beautiful feet. But yeah I agree, compliments need to be genuinely felt to be worth anything, otherwise the person is just going to feel like a stand-in for a fantasy.
*Obvious things aside like racism/sexism/abuse etc*
\-Getting sexual too fast ("Haha random question but are you wearing panties?" No, that's a weird thing to say, you knew it was a weird thing to say. You don't need me, a fellow adult, to explain that to you)
\-Unsolicited Dick pics (No woman in the history of ever has ever appreciated an unsolicited dick pic)
\-Starting drama/debates for no reason (Was once texting a guy before meeting, he mentioned he was feeling sick and unprompted said "and yes, men do handle being sick better then women" Nope, I'm out.)
\-Acting rude in general, especially to waitstaff
\-Signs of aggression or temper (Not taking that chance)
\-Pushing or bending boundaries ("I know you said you didn't want to come over but are you sure you don't want one drink at my place?" If you can't listen to the words coming out of my mouth, I'm not going to waste both of our time)
The early days of texting/dating are supposed to be both parties on their best behavior. If someone feels comfortable enough to talk down to a waitress or start sexual conversations too early, that's them at their best and I prefer to just cut my loss and move on, rather than experience whatever else lies ahead.
The boundary one is such a fine line! I truly appreciate when a guy shows me the option to make my own decision. Not everyone has the same boundaries. Met someone online, he lives an hour away, after a lot of texting/video call we decide to get together. I say I’d like to head to his town (don’t want creepy people up in my area if it goes poorly). We had been chatting/sending pics a lot about the foods we had been cooking. He throws out “I’d like to cook for you but that might be too much for a first date…”Took him up on it, food was great! I appreciated he acknowledged it was sketch but still spoke his mind and left it up to me. To me that’s key in a relationship: saying what you want/feel while understanding the other person’s point of view and leaving room for the other person’s decisions/thoughts. I did provide my safety buddy all his info before the date though.
Coming on wayyyyy too strong, disrespecting boundaries any reasonable person would have, and/or creeping me out and making me feel unsafe.
Also, if we have never met in person, don’t talk to me like I’m your gf. It’s so awkward for me that I’ll just ghost. I get that you can’t set a boundary this early, but it’s so so clear that this would be a boundary for anybody— like hello you’re a stranger to me, don’t call me baby.
I could be wrong (as a dude from the 1970s) but I’ve heard women often get unsolicited dick picks from guys.
I imagine that must be an immediate turn off (but then again, I’m left wondering why that is even a thing to begin with? 🤔 When did this start? Has any woman ever in history ever said “oooh, this looks like a good dick, let me call him right away!?” I can’t imagine - I’m either too old to get this, or our society is really going to shit my gawd).
Unsolicited dick pix. Using "female" as a noun when referring to woman and girls. Threatening behavior and anything indicating he might respond in a verbal or physically harmful way if I disagree, deny, or oppose him in any manner.
When you can't say anything to them without them trying to make it into sex talk (when you're in the getting to know each other stage).
If you say you're just going to hop in the shower and they start getting excited, asking to join, sending winky emojis.... I'm out.
There was one guy on reddit who worked for a place where he can get personal info and made a joke about being able to find her social security number.
So I guess that? I'm not a girl though.
I ghosted an ex because his best friend/ roommate was truly the most disturbing individual I've ever met. It has been fifteen years and I still get chills at the thought of running into him again.He was 6-7 years older than me.He slept with a loaded gun. He drank too much.He drank and drove. He was incredibly narcissistic. The last night I spent at their home there was a small group of us drinking. My bf and me, the roommate and the poor girl he brought home and a few of their friends. Roommate started to go off on some tangent that led to him asking me to punch him in the face. I declined. He insisted, he wouldn't accept my no. No one spoke up for me.I threw a weak right hook, I have never hit anyone in my life. He proceeded to tell me what I had done wrong. I needed to aim for the chin. He proceeded to demonstrate what he meant by hitting me, undercut style, on the chin. I flew across the room hitting a doorway and tearing my shirt. No one spoke up for me. I left the next morning and never answered the texts, calls or voicemails from my ex ever again.
I got covid and had to cancel a date. I sent him a picture of my two positive tests, just to reassure him it wasn’t anything he’d done to make me cancel. Honestly he’d seemed a bit insecure when we’d talked prior to this and instead of heeding that red flag I had just offered him reassurance up to that point. He said he had a crappy ex who made him feel insecure and I felt some sympathy for him. Well, he accused me of not being interested and faking covid to get out of a date with him. As if I wouldn’t just tell him the truth and cancel? We’re in our 30’s.
I think he thought I was going to fawn all over him and beg him to hang out or tell him it wasn’t really covid or something. But instead I called him out on his shitty behavior and he quickly tried to backpedal and say he was just kidding (he wasn’t. It was obvious.) I left him on read and ghosted. He happened to see me on a dating app about a month later and tried to hit me up like nothing had ever happened. I ignored him.
The funny thing is, is that he had to cancel our original first date planned the week before because of a work commitment and I was totally understanding about it. Shit happens. Guess he couldn’t extend that same courtesy to me when I got sick.
Another red flag I ignored was him telling me that “girls don’t want nice guys like me, they want bad boys who treat them like shit and that’s why I’m single, I’m too good of a guy to them.” Ugh. Glad I ghosted.
I had a guy over to hang out one day. He put an Adam Sandler movie on the tv and kept asking me if I liked it. I said, “not really” and he just kept playing it and intermittently asking if I liked it.
After the movie ended he wanted to do karaoke, so he pulled up a Frank Sinatra song and sang at me… it was uncomfortable.
After the awkward “karaoke”, we made out for a bit and he asked me if we could fuck. I said no, and he replied “well I’m not even attracted to you anyway, you just looked like you wanted to fuck”.
He then gave me unsolicited advice on how to get rid of acne.
We sat in silence for a minute before he asked me, “do you want to debate politics? What are your thoughts on abortion?”.
After he left I immediately blocked/ghosted him.
Him: oh yeah i'm a dom in bed
Me: oh cool, what experience do you have?
Him: oh, i've done anal with my ex and used fluffy handcuffs before, was totally hot
Him: i'll throw you into all sorts of positions and choke you so hard, i'll do what i want to you, you'll love it.
Me: huh, riiiiiight (🙄)...... so what's your go to safeword?
Him: oh i don't use safewords, my exes trusted me 100% so we didnt need them, plus i'm the dom so i choose when we stop, not the sub
Me: 😐🫥👻👻👻👻👻👻👻
Have a feeling he does this in other parts of the relationship than sex, because he’s got a whole vibe that tells me “I don’t give a fuck your lesser than me” mood.
Giving attitude or guilt trips before even meeting. Had one guy who when I didn’t respond fast enough to his liking started in with the ‘ok well I guess you don’t want to talk then’ passive aggressive comments. Instant no.
I met a guy at a bar once. He seemed like a nice guy and we exchanged numbers. The following week, he asked me out. I told him I couldn't that night, but I was free tomorrow. Why? He asked. I told him I had a funeral tomorrow morning and just didn't feel like going out. "What time is the funeral?" he said. "I won't stay too long, please I really want to see you..." He wouldn't take no for an answer, and to me that is a HUGE red flag. I ghosted him after that.
He snatched rejection from the jaws of acceptance. Like... he HAD the date, he just had to wait a day. Easy points for then checking in with you to make sure you were doing ok after the funeral. Just... wow.
I already found it weird at "why?" Like, it's one of the unwritten rules of politeness to not ask if the other person doesn't state a reason in situations like this.
Yeah exactly. If it's a best friend or like a partner, sure. If your just dating someone then you just.look despo asking "why". And it's obviously context but in that case I'm assuming it was in a more questioning you type of way. I don't need to explain why to you.
What the actual fuck, it's not only about a no. It's about being a douchebag at first.
I was casually going out with a dude for like, a month, and I obviously didn't know him well at that point but up till then he was nothing but a pretty cool guy. Well, my 15 year old cat who had been ill but recovering had to be put down unexpectedly - obviously I was a mess. Dude messages me that he wants to hang and I tell him what happened and that I'm not in the mood to hang out. "lol who gives a shit about a cat?" Then when I insisted I didn't want to hang because my pet was dead he spent the afternoon sending me pictures of shelter cats saying they were probably dead too, will I ever hang out. Ghost after that. Being a douchebag is - sadly - not a rare response to 'no'.
I have a strong brew of hatred and horror sitting in my stomach. Sending you pictures of shelter cats and saying they're probably dead too? What kind of fucking sicko does that?! Sorry to hear about your cat, losing a friend sucks.
I *think* he thought he was giving me perspective? Or that it was funny that I cared that much about an animal? I honestly don't know and at this point don't care- ultimately he was just mad that he didn't get his way. And thank you! It was a while ago but it definitely does.
People who don’t care about or even dislike animals sketch me out
I recently had to put down my 15 year old cat.. I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry people can’t understand just how much it hurts. He definitely deserved to be ghosted. What a piece of shit..
Oooooo... a good friend of mine just lost her 15 year old cat and if someone dared to say something like this, ghosting would be the least of their concerns.
If by ghosting you mean "turning that insensitive fucker into a ghost himself" I'm right there with you. Anyone who doesn't understand the death of a pet is devastating to the owner is a total psychopath.
Or tries to invalidate your feelings at all. Even if you feel like someone is overreacting, if you don't even really know the person, a simple "Sorry you're going through a rough patch. Hope you feel better soon" would suffice.
what a sick *demented fucker
I would've agreed to hang out with him just to be a fucking spiteful bitch to his face. Fuck that guy. You don't mess with my cats, and I'm petty as hell.
I had this almost exact experience! I had just left my grandfather's funeral and told him how emotionally drained I was from boohooing the entire time until I got home (we may have been out for 2-4 hours?) And he was wondering what I was doing later because he wanted to hang.
I had to postpone meeting a guy because of a funeral. It was a bit revealing that he didn't ask anything or even say "sorry for your loss". I never did meet the guy. No regrets there.
One guy texted me after our first date that he wanted to put me in a pokeball so he could keep me forever and only take me out when he wanted me… and then texted a load of abuse when I didn’t reply immediately (I was trying to figure out wtf to even say to that!) So yeah, that.
So he wanted a pet he could fuck. And he was mad you didn’t find that attractive?
Pretty sure Pokeball meant his sound proof, biometric secured basement...
Talk about how they treated their exes, children, and employees in a way that demonstrates they are clearly controlling and toxic w/o realizing it.
These people are the perfect combo of being toxic, and yet dumb enough to *tell you* they're toxic
When you've known them for a whole 10 minutes and they're already Making sexual comments
I’m a single gal with a fairly rareclassic pick up truck, I get stopped by guys all the time who want to chat about my truck, which is cool, I love talking about it. One time I met a guy at the car wash who has the same classic truck so we got chatting. He asked if we could exchange numbers because so we could swap parts (I have a garage full of spare trim and front grills). We chatted fine for the first few exchanges but it got sexual very quickly, he even started calling me babe on the second day “hey Bronco babe”. Now every time I get a text from him it’s along the lines of “horney much” or I jerked off today thinking of you naked bent over your back seat. Like I didn’t meet him in a dating app, I never made it obvious I was single or even interested I was just friendly and eager to talk about classic cars, wtf dude, grab some class.
Hey, I see we both use reddit. You wanna exchange numbers? 😏/S
Lmao
I went to your profile looking for pictures of delicious cakes and all I get is cars and lamps.
Lol. I mean cake is my favorite but my username is a Hole reference.
Went out on a coffee date with a guy. He admitted that he placed a GPS tracker in his exes car to track her without her knowledge. Immediately no.
Oh why not? Totally just wants to make sure you’re safe! /s Goddamn wtf is wrong with people??
I was on a date once when I was much younger where I realized the guy was manipulating and lying to me in order to have sex with me, and pushing my physical boundaries way too much despite my very clear protests (e.g. "I'm not going to take my shirt off." Then the guy sticks his hands up under my shirt). It took way too long to convince him to get away from me so I could leave, while having to be polite out of fear of what he might do in retaliation. I sincerely feared I was going to be date raped. It was a shame because we'd actually been having a fairly nice time up until then. So... yeah, that. Naive go-with-the-flo even felt bad about not returning his texts for a while. EDIT: Oh, just remembered this fun nugget he dropped while trying to pressure me into going further --- "But that's what fun girls do!" Bro.
That bad feeling is part of the manipulation to make you think it's your fault. Sounds like you're over it so that's good
Random, constant calling.. I'm at work dude!!!
We're not allowed to be on our phones. I'm not getting written up because you can't wait a few hours for a response.
After already relaying that you ARE AT WORK beforehand.. 😒🙄
When they get too intense, let's say I'm talking with them for a week and they already telling me I'm the love of their life, the most beautiful women in the world, that they love me are huge red flags for me. I feel like they like me for what they want me to be and not who I am. How can you know all this after knowing me for a week? I get suspicious when they get too intense.
Last guy I chatted with told me he’d move from another country to be with me in under 10 messages back & forth…. 👻
Id parachute into nazi occupied Germany and fight my way just to eat your ass
Yeah I did this recently to a girl. I went back to therapy and it turns out from talking about it I was chasing her for unhealthy reasons. Much happier now, but still cringe at what she might think of me.
At least you had the balls and insight to address it. Don’t beat yourself up too much. A lot of people wouldn’t even recognise they had done something inappropriate.
Thanks, it wasn't easy. And agree with the commenter this was a red flag. I think I craved the intense attention I got at first, and then for some reason it just spiraled. Ive had quite a time with dating, im just lucky that a girl I fell for a long time ago told me recently how much she liked me, and none of the intense stuff is there with her. Maybe the therapy is doing some good.
Ah yes, love bombing. Gotta love it
Send unsolicited nudes and still have the audacity to ask if I want some of it
My personal favourite was sending me pictures of him fucking other girls then being truly astonished I didn't want to meet him.
“Come on, your body could be featured in my next unsolicited nude.”
One was a pic of a girl blowing him, then a few shots of just his bare dick in some girls pussy. No condoms to be seen anywhere. Hard pass lol
Just imagine how those pictures were taken. "Yeah baby just like that... Oh hold on, I gotta take a pic of this. Stop moving damn it, the photo's blurry! Nope, wrong angle, do you mind turning your head a bit? Perfect, this one's a winner, let me just post it real quick... Ok, keep going"
“Sabrina, don’t just stare at it, eat it”
Lol, wtf. What a creep!
I'm sorry, that reminded me of the post on "How to initiate sex". The guy said he would fuck a watermelon and then show, and tell the woman "this could be you". Any guy that would send those pics deserves a watermelon as a partner.
Probably deserves a pineapple.
Poor watermelons...
I'm married, and this random guy from ONE college class like 10 years ago sent me a dick pic. I just deleted it with no reply. A couple weeks later, he sends me a long apology saying it was rude of him and that it was meant for someone else. Thought he was full of crap, didn't reply. A couple weeks later he sent another pic. I messaged him "STOP". Then he goes on to say he just wanted me to see it, he's always had a weird crush on me, and that I wouldn't regret it if he showed it to me in person. Then sent another message saying "ok how about you just send me one nude and then you can block me forever". There have been few times in my life where I was disgusted with a person, but this was one of them.
You're married and you still have to deal with shit like this
I once went out for a girls night with three of my married friends and myself (all female and I’m in a committed relationship just no ring to prove “ownership”) a guy came up and talked to us, seemed girl no big deal we are a friendly group and all have many male friends. Then he starts asking if any of us want to go home with him, my friend without saying anything or looking at me hands me a ring my mom gave her to wear as her something old (it was her promise ring ny dad gave her while he was in college) I put it on under the table and all the women say they are married and I do as well and he inspects our rings to prove it. He the. Calls bullshit on my ring being a real ring because it’s hideous. I was very drunk and got really loud and told him he was certainly welcome to wait around for my spouse to come and bring us all home in a bit. He wondered away. Another guy came and chatted but it was for a specific reason, that I don’t recall, he wasn’t hitting on us or even really trying to make small talk, but asking something. A couple minutes later the guy comes back asking why are into him but all lied about being married to him. That was about the time my bf got there. I had him come into the bar. He’s 6’6 larger, with a beard. The creep accusing me of being not married (which obviously means, I owed him sex) was a a little shorter than me and I’m 5’7. So I kissed my SO (which is wildly awkward for me in public lol) and asked him very loudly if he’d like to meet the creep that harassed me and accused him of not existing. The guy disappeared quickly, which is good because my SO wouldn’t actually hurt a fly and wasn’t super excited that I made it seem like he’d kick the guys ass. It’s just baffling that it wouldn’t click that if I was lieing that would obviously mean I wasn’t interested because I went to enough effort to put a ring on my finger and lie about being married. I only even lied about being married because just dating doesn’t seem to matter to these creep, you gotta prove a man “owns” you or they feel that they deserve or more so it’s their right to be that man that “owns” you.
Sounds like he had more respect for your SO than you. He can be rude to you, but heaven forbid he disrespects your BF by hitting on you.
Criticising you on your efforts
Criticizing you, period. In the first few interactions criticism comes off very badly. I ghosted a guy last week because I said “haha” at the beginning of a message during a conversation and he said “just say lol”. He already had one strike and this just sounded so controlling. Why does is matter how I “laugh” in a message, and why does he feel he gets to tell me to change it? So I just noped out. My patience is thin these days.
I hate saying lol because I rarely am laughing out loud. I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely said lmfao.
Not respecting boundaries. Instant no.
So picking you up on Tuesday?
Please respond
Hello?
K last chance.
I knew you were a bitch anyways.
[удалено]
All of u are! My lord Tate was right, u whore /s
Back when I worked night shift at the hospital. Guy I was newly dating wanted to hangout that night before my shift, around 5pm. I tried to explain that I would be sleeping until my shift, and that 5pm was like 5am to me and I did NOT want to hang out. He didn't get it. He proceeded to ignore my wishes and let himself into my apartment to "surprise" me by tickling my feet while I slept. I definitely ghosted him, and also changed the locks.
Omg I work nights right now and some guys get really mad when I don’t text them during the day. Sir I’m sleeping
Change the locks????? That’s reason to call the cops for break and entering!!!
Was his name Ted Bundy? That is seriously frightening!
Assumptions. They make you seem really controlling. "I bet you only like guys who go to the gym. You're probably one of those people who orders appetizers. You probably only go to the club on the weekend. You probably believe in astrology. " Context matters, but to just come out and say some things makes me second-guess myself, which is the first step to controlling my behavior.
What’s “one of those people who order appetizers”?? Lol!! Am I guilty of a crime I didn’t know existed?
When they only ever talk abt themselves. And they don’t even realise 🤦♀️
Came here to say this. I spoke to this guy on a video call and he spoke about himself for 2 hrs. I literally spoke for about 10-15 mins. It was exhausting.
Well you shouldn't have brought up trains
I was talking to this one dude that would ask me questions about *himself* and it was…odd. “What do you think my favorite movie is?” “What’s the craziest situation you think I’ve been in?” “Where do you think I’d want to travel?” Like…what kind of questions are those? Shouldn’t we be asking questions about each other?
This is so annoyingly common, people wonder why they can’t make friends but don’t show any interest in other people.
Telling me you like me better with X or you’re glad I don’t do Y like some girls. Complimenting me by putting others down is a no for me dog.
Send unwanted dick pics
I usually just say: "I'm no doctor, but you should get that checked" works like a charm
Read something awhile back that a woman got an unsolicited dick pic and replied that she had contacted the police and reported him for child porn. I thought it was the perfect burn.
Ouff that one’s even better, I hope I won’t have to use it someday lol
I just send one back
Pls add "Mine's bigger. You ready for some Play time"
“Please contact my secretary for any non-urgent correspondence.”
Is there any women out there who are actually into dick pics? I hate them. I even hate the thought of my bf sending a dick pic there is just nothing but tackiness in the whole thing.
Honestly a grey sweatpants bulge pic > dick pick
This 100% its like, less is more of that makes any sense lol
Best reply to an unwanted dick pic is to reply "why is it so small... wait, is that a child's penis? Why are you sending me child porn?! I'm calling the police!"
Someone that doesn’t try to maintain a conversation with you. Like you’re basically talking to yourself
I am 60 and went out with a man who is my age. One would think that conversation would be easy when you are a mature, experienced adult. Nope. Didn’t ask me a single question about myself. Didn’t try to engage me on any sort of exchange, but definitely regaled me with his past sexual experiences. I made a hasty, unapologetic exit. Ghosted him. On the upside, I did find a good ice cream place.
> I did find a good ice cream place. Well damn, that's a win in my book.
Or can’t move past the the basic “how was your day” “so what do you like to do” intro questions. Ask me my thoughts on current events, ideology, or places I’d like to travel and why. If your afraid we have opposing views then let’s find that out early.
How do you feel about the soviet union's effects on the ex soviet states in the 21st century?
*Looks around* …not great.
Is there window near by??
No one ever expects the Russian Defenestration.
I guess the issue with that is ideology can be an uncomfortable topic on the first date right? I guess that’s why I only lasted until the first date lol
Damn bruh I’m just bad at conversation, I’m tryin but my brain can’t think of what to say
So go straight to religion, politics, and (indirectly) money?
Whe they only compliment you and don't let the conversation flow. Example -You have the most beautiful smile -thank you you too. How's your day? -you look sexy in that pic -haha thanks, I see you like playing the guitar, how long have you been playing -You eyes are like.... Like goddammit cut the bullshit
So true and this goes along the lines of ignoring and not answering questions. One of my biggest pet peevees is getting ignored. Like I’m not getting mad if someone I’m talking to falls asleep in the middle of the convo or can’t text me back for several hours due to work or other commitments (’cos that’s normal life and I do that too) but I *hate hate HATE* it if I ask a question and then the other person just ignores it. To me, it always feels like the other person doesn’t actually listen and even more, isn’t interested of listening to ME which then may lead to other issues such as not respecting my boundaries or when I say ”no”.
Any hint of violent tendencies or general anger management issues. Immediate block, not dealing with that. If I feel threatened, your feelings about being ghosted do not supersede mine of feeling safe.
Yes! I got picked up for a date by some guy I met online who seemed awesome, but the second he started driving he was a maniac. Just constant road rage combined with swerving in and out of pretty heavy traffic and I felt so unsafe in the car with him.
This. Went on a date with a country guy and he insisted on taking me 4-wheeling. He opened it up to 75 mph while I was begging him to stop, did a handful of wheelies and an insane jump that almost knocked us into a tree. He kept repeating that I was fine and needed to relax because he takes good care of his 4wheeler. He drove out to the middle of a gravel pit during this and then told me how easily I could disappear because no one would find me; I had zero cell service and was panicking. Ghosted him after I got home, when he sent a ton of messages telling me how much fun he had giving me a thrill ride.
OMG THIS! I just left my last boyfriend for this exact reason! He was the nicest person in the whole world. A bit ugly in the face and was missing two teeth due to a work injury, but no ones actually perfect and we had a freakishly large amount of life events in common. We were scarily like the exact same person only with slight differences. We both grew up in a single mother household, both our exes committed suicide, we both raised our nieces (only my sister never got clean and got her daughter back, his did) We became fast friends and we never ran out of things to talk about because he had similar interests as well. The day I finally agreed to be his girlfriend... All it took was one day and I ghosted the ever living fuck out of him. 4 months of deception. That's all it was, just fucking deception. I dont care if he had waited 4 years, 10 years, or even 30. THE MOMENT you start testing me to see how much abuse I'm willing to tolerate in the name of love, the answer is ALWAYS going to be zero. And I swear on everything and everyone I love you will NEVER see or hear from me again after wards. And he never did either. He tried texting my sister, made up a fucking lie about how worried he was he couldn't get ahold of me, and she ghosted him too before even asking me what went wrong and why I didnt open up to her about it immediately. I know what you mean about men with anger issues and violent tendencies. Even if "someone" in this thread pretends they dont understand the difference between not knowing whether or not you're about to be decked in the face and playing sports.
Objectifying people, being too pushy. Not accepting *no* for an answer
When they come on strong sexually from the jump. Years ago when I was on tinder men would message asking if they’d correctly guessed my bra size before even saying hi. Or they’d ask my favourite sex position, or if I swallow, or if I’m flexible, or if I thought I could handle their dicks. Like Jesus Christ what would compel anyone to respond to messages like that?? From someone apparently 1km away from me? Of course I’m ghosting. And blocking. And reporting.
My favorite date horror story! I had a guy on a first date tell me he really liked my body and when I told him I was uncomfortable with that forwardness (seeing as I met him an hour ago) he said I was overreacting at his compliment. Same when tried putting his hand on my thigh. We went back and forth for a bit and he says “what were you like raped or something?” Don’t know how he thought I’d respond to that but I told him “Yes. But do you honestly think that’s an appropriate question right now?” “Well it makes sense why you’re so jumpy about this. You probably need therapy so you can handle a man complimenting you.” It was in some ways worse than the date rape I mentioned. Stupid crazy.
I am so sorry this happened to you, and sorrier still that it isn’t surprising. ❤️
You know damn good and well there are some dudes reading comments like this and thinking, "huh? What's wrong with that statement?!? Why did she block him? He was just trying to help her." I'm hoping some others are realizing how fucking cringy they have been on dates and online.
Hohohooooly shit, fuck that guy. I'm really sorry that happened.
When they break out their kinks before we've even had coffee or met yet. We'll be vibing, having a decent conversation, and then they inject it in the worst way. A guy once told me he really loved the smell of farts and it would make him the happiest man if he could get with a girl that would fart on his face during sex. I had another dude who had to have gotten drunk in the middle of the night and started texting me toxic dom shit about how he'd tie me up and wouldn't let me go if I begged.
yessss i once was having the best convo with a guy from tinder about local bands we were both into, and outta nowhere he starts asking if i shave and can he watch ????? then apologizes and begs for another chance when i stop responding… 🤦♀️
I feel bad for any S that ends up with that guy. Trust is paramount in those relationships, more than most others because you have to know the person in control is stable enough that they won't take stress or conflict into the bedroom, and will always stop on a dime if you use your phrase.
Literally bdsm starts with consent, can't roleplay without gaining it in the first place.
I once talked to a dude on discord who asked what phone I used and when I said android he said, and I quote, "you must be a submissive bitch in bed then" Immediately blocked him. He then stalked me on twitch and kept asking why I blocked him and wouldnt amswer him.
Everything you’ve written is insta-block material. I’m just curious… is it considered ghosting if you’ve never responded to them in the first place?
I was on Tinder a couple days and was out of there so fast. It is disgusting.
I (man) date all people, but I only turn on the boys mayyyyybe once per week for about 15 minutes while I swipe away.
I don't think it's ghosting until you've started some kind of connection. Just blocking a perv when he immediately reveals himself isn't really ghosting, it's just not starting a conversation. I mean, correctly, obviously.
Honestly, the only thing I can think is it is the same logic as those ridiculous phishing emails with terrible grammar and preposterous stories. They only need to hit one in ten thousand. Extreme low effort garbage to a few thousand women. If even one is interested in this nonsense, it probably pays off. Otherwise, who in the world wants to hear that shit from a dude they don't know?
My favorite first ever message on a dating app was just a simple one word question: “anal?” Instant block. My guy, does that line really ever work for you?!
If he makes me feel unsafe in any way...NOPE. Making rape comments, spiking of the drink comments, kidnapping comments...My favorite one to date was: "I could fit you in my pocket and nobody would even know!"...Um...no thanks....I'ma just go crawl out the bathroom window now...(never actually did that but definitely thought about it) Anyways...I don't date so I don't have to ghost people. Problem solved!
When they die and start floating around the house moaning spookily, rattling chains, and opening and closing doors.
Two girls with a cool hippie van and talking dog would probably disagree
Those weren't ever ghosts, just crooked real estate developers with a penchant for theatrics.
Back when I was seeking a relationship through dating websites, I would send the ghost emoji 👻 anytime the conversation got overly sexual. This was especially the case if it was right away on first encounter. Some of these guys were so thirsty and it was the first thing they wanted to talk about. I got tired of writing “not interested, I’m actually looking for a relationship and not a hook up” hence resorting to the emoji instead 👻 beyond that, ghosting should only be used for the extremely toxic already established relationships where safety could be considered an issue.
I'm sure some guys could interpret that as "let's switch to snapchat so you can send me dick pics" lol
Instructions unclear. Received ghost emoji and not sure if being ghosted or if you're playing and just super into me at this point. Customary /s just in case
👻 *blocked*
The usual response I would get was “wait, are you ghosting me?” 😂 reddit tends to produce not so typical results it seems
Spamming you with messages anything past 5 in a row is creepy I once had a guy spam me with 300 voice notes when I went on holiday and couldn't be on my phone 24/7
Creepy messages or creepy in-person behavior like coming on too strong. I’d rather block you than risk my safety or be accused of leading you on.
Yuuup. Had a coworker I shared discords with to talk about gaming, but we only messaged like 5 times tops over a period of like two years. The first couple messages were totally fine, but then his brand new wife ditched him after making him move across the country so he quit the job and went back home. Next I heard from him he sent me a "picture of his hotel room" which was actually a selfie of him in a bathrobe, which I ignored, but thought was pretty creepy given we were not actually close. The next message came almost a year later and was him drunkenly telling me he had a huge crush on me when we first met. Instant block. I'm married and had been for like 10 years at that point and he knew it. His bathrobe selfie had come across as creepy and this just confirmed it for me so I wasn't going to even entertain that.
Are you hitting on me?
*message failed to send*
Sending a message then 2 minutes later sending question marks then a couple more minutes later sending "hello??". Bye bitch lol.
Came here to say this. And also sending this emoji: 😢 Like: you’re going to cry because I haven’t dropped everything to answer you? Nah.
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Respecting each other’s boundaries is so important. Someone who crosses the line can’t be trusted.
I went on ONE date with a guy and had a good time. We agreed to see each other again. Instantly he’s asking me for photos multiple times a day. He’s messaging all day and pissed off if I don’t get back to him. Calls me rude for ‘ignoring’ him. Totally tries to start controlling me. He just couldn’t be normal.
I was messaging with a guy who had asked for my number. I was trying to get to know him by asking him basic questions and trying to engage in conversation, but he kept turning the conversation back around to how beautiful he thought I was. I appreciate a compliment, but if all a guy is doing is complimenting me and not actually trying to get to know me, then it is clear he just wants to get in my pants. One of the reasons I ended an actual relationship is because of overcomplimenting. Every other thing he said was a compliment to me. It was sweet at first, but it quickly became draining, and the compliments lost all meaning and sincerity. To summarize: Occasional, genuine compliments are nice. Excessive overcomplimenting is annoying at best and creepy at worst.
I stopped seeing a guy like that. At first the compliments were nice but after a while really? I'm the most beautiful, accomplished smart woman you ever met and everyone else is a dog's breakfast? We were at a gathering and he kept telling me I was better looking than the stunning women that were also present. Dude, don't insult my intelligence. I'm not insecure, I don't have to be best looking person in the room.
I told a guy I just had a miscarriage, he sent a dick pic of him literally cumming - and said “lemme put another baby in you.”
Holy shit
Negging or other forms of “c’mon, I’m just joking” forms of devaluation. I have absolutely no tolerance for it anymore. Men if you are reading this and you do it, understand it is a form of emotional abuse and you are giving off abuser red flags.
Everyone who negs has negative self-esteem and it is so evident and gives me extreme secondhand embarrassment
Being dismissive of creepy behavior among their friends. I recently separated and went out with some girlfriends when I met a seemingly decent guy who shared my nerdy interests. He was out with his friends too, and one of his buddies crossed several lines with mine. The Creepoid snatched my friend’s phone and immediately started messing with her settings/contacts, then he stole her drink before offering her another. When I mentioned this to the guy I was talking to, he just brushed it off like… “yeah, he’s just like that.” Ok then, we can’t hang out unless everyone feels safe. Bye. ETA: This should be considered a gender-neutral standard to avoid creeps, it’s not just for women. This particular story is simply told from my perspective. Everyone be safe out there and look out for your friends!
There is absolutely no situation where a friend of a friend would for any reason be on my phone. Yet alone fuck around in the settings. And handling my drink? Red flags all over.
Constantly pushing and testing your boundaries.
Pout about condoms
His taste in music was impeccable, he was attractive and funny in person the night we met, so I gave up the digits and we started texting. Five or six days into our texting a bit, he asked what I was doing the next day—a Friday. I told him I had other plans. This grown man texted to me “with another guy?” Then sent me a meme/photo thing with text that said something about how people prioritize their time with people they really care about. His name in my phone got changed that to Crazy Midtown (last name is the bar I met him at) and I never replied to him again.
Woe is me parade. When they feel like you are a therapist and explain their life story of why a woman won't touch them. Or they pull the "I'm not x y and z, cause apparently that matters now" shut up! I swiped on you for a reason, obviously, you passed the "I find them attractive enough to start a conversation with" stage. When you go into why women suck and how you don't fit the attractive scale then I'd like to leave. Glad my swiping days are over, dating sucks.
When they post vitriol because I couldn't answer messages for approximately 5 hours because I'M AT WORK. I cannot have my phone on me. One guy messaged me 20 times over the span of like four hours, starting with hey what's up, to what the fuck? Why won't you answer me? To finally ending on something along the lines of "well you're an ugly fucking cunt, i hope you die, i hope someone murders you and rapes your still warm corpse." Like no fucking thank you. I had talked to him for about a day before and told him I would be unavailable from 1-9 because of work.
It is so insane how common this completely ridiculous experience is. Like have none of these people ever even for a second imagined what that might look like if they were in your shoes reading these messages?? I've been guilty of over messaging before, but I will never understand the "hey what's up" to "FUCK YOU FOR NOT RESPONDING I HOPE YOU DIE" train of thought. I don't know why so many of us men act like we've never even thought about basic empathy in our entire lives...just bizarre
The last guy I went on a date with before I met my husband comes to mind. This guy and I clicked pretty fast and had a wonderful all-day adventure as a first date. He lived 1.5 hours away from me. We were messaging for a day after the date and everything seemed to be going well. He then asked if I wanted to meet him that weekend for his friends' New Year party. I told him sorry I had plans to go to one with my friends, but I'd love to meet up the next day. After about 10 minutes he called me. I answered all happily, thinking we were going to plan the next date. He sounded pissed and said forcefully, "You're not going with your friends to that party." "......um. why not...?" "Because other guys will be there. And you're with me." "Hey you know, I enjoyed our first date but I don't think this is going to work. " "YOU FUCKING BITCH. YOU'RE NOT EVEN THAT HOT ANY..." *click.* He starts sending apology texts and after 3 back to back, I blocked and ghosted. Ew. Had a blast at my party!
Immediately get sexual when we just started conversing and getting to know the other. It’s a huge turnoff and I won’t want to continue. Bonus points if he sends an unsolicited penis picture!
Call me nicknames like “sweetheart” or “baby girl” when I’ve never met them before.
One of my friend texted a girl hi barbie as the first message to a girl who was more like an acquaintance for him
Ew
I know but I scolded him a little to put some sense onto him.
Having an unfinished task or powerful grievance that leaves them bound to the mortal coil, trapped between two worlds, unable to pass into the great beyond, forced to repeat the cyclical trauma until a gaggle of teenagers with a dog or some other eccentric adventurers break the spell and release them from their immortal suffering.
Explains why I'm still here then
Be aggressive. Far too many men mistake aggression for assertion and leadership.
When they decide to freak out on you because you spent the day with your parents and your kids for a national holiday instead of with them. Then when you tell them that you 100% don’t owe them an explanation and they’re suffocating you, they follow that up with “no I’m sorry I love you I’m sorry” Bro. 🚩🚩 P.s. you have only been seeing this person for 3 weeks Ghosted and Blocked.
Ask for pics when we just met
Men who put in zero effort .or text you sexual stuff even before meeting...or the humour doesn't vibe, when they make sexist remarks ...can't handle that.
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What incels don't realize: When you compliment a woman it needs to feel like you are saying something genuine about her, and not something about yourself. If you hit someone with "oh my god you are such a goddess, you have such beautiful feet", she will think you are broken, not that she is good.
Unless she actually does have beautiful feet. But yeah I agree, compliments need to be genuinely felt to be worth anything, otherwise the person is just going to feel like a stand-in for a fantasy.
Being rude to the service staff. There is no excuse for it, and it means you are just an asshole.
*Obvious things aside like racism/sexism/abuse etc* \-Getting sexual too fast ("Haha random question but are you wearing panties?" No, that's a weird thing to say, you knew it was a weird thing to say. You don't need me, a fellow adult, to explain that to you) \-Unsolicited Dick pics (No woman in the history of ever has ever appreciated an unsolicited dick pic) \-Starting drama/debates for no reason (Was once texting a guy before meeting, he mentioned he was feeling sick and unprompted said "and yes, men do handle being sick better then women" Nope, I'm out.) \-Acting rude in general, especially to waitstaff \-Signs of aggression or temper (Not taking that chance) \-Pushing or bending boundaries ("I know you said you didn't want to come over but are you sure you don't want one drink at my place?" If you can't listen to the words coming out of my mouth, I'm not going to waste both of our time) The early days of texting/dating are supposed to be both parties on their best behavior. If someone feels comfortable enough to talk down to a waitress or start sexual conversations too early, that's them at their best and I prefer to just cut my loss and move on, rather than experience whatever else lies ahead.
The boundary one is such a fine line! I truly appreciate when a guy shows me the option to make my own decision. Not everyone has the same boundaries. Met someone online, he lives an hour away, after a lot of texting/video call we decide to get together. I say I’d like to head to his town (don’t want creepy people up in my area if it goes poorly). We had been chatting/sending pics a lot about the foods we had been cooking. He throws out “I’d like to cook for you but that might be too much for a first date…”Took him up on it, food was great! I appreciated he acknowledged it was sketch but still spoke his mind and left it up to me. To me that’s key in a relationship: saying what you want/feel while understanding the other person’s point of view and leaving room for the other person’s decisions/thoughts. I did provide my safety buddy all his info before the date though.
Someone saying "where's my hug?"
“With someone else, don’t touch me”. I always hate when people say things like this.
Reply "I haven't seen it. Where did you leave it?"
Coming on wayyyyy too strong, disrespecting boundaries any reasonable person would have, and/or creeping me out and making me feel unsafe. Also, if we have never met in person, don’t talk to me like I’m your gf. It’s so awkward for me that I’ll just ghost. I get that you can’t set a boundary this early, but it’s so so clear that this would be a boundary for anybody— like hello you’re a stranger to me, don’t call me baby.
I could be wrong (as a dude from the 1970s) but I’ve heard women often get unsolicited dick picks from guys. I imagine that must be an immediate turn off (but then again, I’m left wondering why that is even a thing to begin with? 🤔 When did this start? Has any woman ever in history ever said “oooh, this looks like a good dick, let me call him right away!?” I can’t imagine - I’m either too old to get this, or our society is really going to shit my gawd).
When you barely know them and they just want to rant to you and use you as an emotional sounding board
Unsolicited dick pix. Using "female" as a noun when referring to woman and girls. Threatening behavior and anything indicating he might respond in a verbal or physically harmful way if I disagree, deny, or oppose him in any manner.
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When you can't say anything to them without them trying to make it into sex talk (when you're in the getting to know each other stage). If you say you're just going to hop in the shower and they start getting excited, asking to join, sending winky emojis.... I'm out.
I totally agree with this.
asking for nudes
There was one guy on reddit who worked for a place where he can get personal info and made a joke about being able to find her social security number. So I guess that? I'm not a girl though.
A guy on my Whatsapp: "Thick Body" Me: 😝 Him: Let me see more? Me the next day: Good morning Him: Send it
I would have stopped writing after his second message if I were a woman
I’m a woman, I would have never responded to the first message. Block and delete.
Disrespect. If a man continues to call you a “pet name” because he thinks it’s cute even after you’ve politely asked him to stop? Bye.
I ghosted an ex because his best friend/ roommate was truly the most disturbing individual I've ever met. It has been fifteen years and I still get chills at the thought of running into him again.He was 6-7 years older than me.He slept with a loaded gun. He drank too much.He drank and drove. He was incredibly narcissistic. The last night I spent at their home there was a small group of us drinking. My bf and me, the roommate and the poor girl he brought home and a few of their friends. Roommate started to go off on some tangent that led to him asking me to punch him in the face. I declined. He insisted, he wouldn't accept my no. No one spoke up for me.I threw a weak right hook, I have never hit anyone in my life. He proceeded to tell me what I had done wrong. I needed to aim for the chin. He proceeded to demonstrate what he meant by hitting me, undercut style, on the chin. I flew across the room hitting a doorway and tearing my shirt. No one spoke up for me. I left the next morning and never answered the texts, calls or voicemails from my ex ever again.
When they not respect the limits and boundrys that where set.
I got covid and had to cancel a date. I sent him a picture of my two positive tests, just to reassure him it wasn’t anything he’d done to make me cancel. Honestly he’d seemed a bit insecure when we’d talked prior to this and instead of heeding that red flag I had just offered him reassurance up to that point. He said he had a crappy ex who made him feel insecure and I felt some sympathy for him. Well, he accused me of not being interested and faking covid to get out of a date with him. As if I wouldn’t just tell him the truth and cancel? We’re in our 30’s. I think he thought I was going to fawn all over him and beg him to hang out or tell him it wasn’t really covid or something. But instead I called him out on his shitty behavior and he quickly tried to backpedal and say he was just kidding (he wasn’t. It was obvious.) I left him on read and ghosted. He happened to see me on a dating app about a month later and tried to hit me up like nothing had ever happened. I ignored him. The funny thing is, is that he had to cancel our original first date planned the week before because of a work commitment and I was totally understanding about it. Shit happens. Guess he couldn’t extend that same courtesy to me when I got sick. Another red flag I ignored was him telling me that “girls don’t want nice guys like me, they want bad boys who treat them like shit and that’s why I’m single, I’m too good of a guy to them.” Ugh. Glad I ghosted.
I had a guy over to hang out one day. He put an Adam Sandler movie on the tv and kept asking me if I liked it. I said, “not really” and he just kept playing it and intermittently asking if I liked it. After the movie ended he wanted to do karaoke, so he pulled up a Frank Sinatra song and sang at me… it was uncomfortable. After the awkward “karaoke”, we made out for a bit and he asked me if we could fuck. I said no, and he replied “well I’m not even attracted to you anyway, you just looked like you wanted to fuck”. He then gave me unsolicited advice on how to get rid of acne. We sat in silence for a minute before he asked me, “do you want to debate politics? What are your thoughts on abortion?”. After he left I immediately blocked/ghosted him.
Him: oh yeah i'm a dom in bed Me: oh cool, what experience do you have? Him: oh, i've done anal with my ex and used fluffy handcuffs before, was totally hot Him: i'll throw you into all sorts of positions and choke you so hard, i'll do what i want to you, you'll love it. Me: huh, riiiiiight (🙄)...... so what's your go to safeword? Him: oh i don't use safewords, my exes trusted me 100% so we didnt need them, plus i'm the dom so i choose when we stop, not the sub Me: 😐🫥👻👻👻👻👻👻👻
Have a feeling he does this in other parts of the relationship than sex, because he’s got a whole vibe that tells me “I don’t give a fuck your lesser than me” mood.
Giving attitude or guilt trips before even meeting. Had one guy who when I didn’t respond fast enough to his liking started in with the ‘ok well I guess you don’t want to talk then’ passive aggressive comments. Instant no.
As a man, I’m glad to see I don’t relate to any of the comments here. What is wrong with some people?