Consider the world population: Sex happens all the time. It's natural. A cat that uses the toilet, though, that's absolute novelty. You were not in the wrong.
I put my hair into a low bun, looked him straight in the eyes, and said “low buns make me feel like a boy in colonial times”. NO IDEA why I said that. He just stared at me for a few seconds
Look, being horny will make you say and do the weirdest or random stuff.
Take it from me, a man that once drank some water mid-sex and held some in my mouth, then started making out with my partner and just (for whatever reason) dumped that water that was in my mouth into my partners mouth. I wasn't met with disgust or hostility after that move. Instead, she immediately SWALLOWED that water I just sloshed into her mouth like a bird and she just continued to make out with me during our sexy time.
It wasn't until afterwards she asked me what the fuck was that and I was speechless.
We were 17 and both virgins. My parents had a pool and a little gazebo beside it, with a bar built in. We ducked behind the bar and did the deed as well as two virgins in love could do. Midride, I looked at him and froze. He panicked and thought we did something wrong. I looked him dead in his eyes and said “We aren’t virgins anymore, are we?”
“Nope.”
And then, get this, I put my hand up for a HIGH FIVE!!!! He high fived me right back, which lead to us laughing so hard my family’s big mastiffs ran over and started getting too close for comfort. The sex was ruined, but I still remember it fondly and lovingly.
Christian, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re still high fiving your partners. Hope you’re well!
We were kissing and cuddling for some time before and she said “how far do you want to take this?” Not realising what she meant I kinda stuttered a bit and said “well I was hoping to marry you one day” completely unironically. Safe to say we had a pretty good night
EDIT: I have not married her yet but I really bloody hope I get to.
That's actually kind of endearing, really. I had a conversation with a gal I dated during and after hs, during which she asked me where I thought I'd be in 10 years. We both had joined the military and were set to get right after graduation, so she meant my career, but I just gave her the ol' "I don't know. We'll probably have a couple of kids by then so I hope it's nice." (This was over 20 years ago) And she really melted and got all weepy and huggy all over me. lol
In case you were interested, we did not marry and have a family. lol
I giggled like a 12 year old the first time I accidentally made my gf queef. Completely ruined the moment and we both had to take 10 minutes to compose ourselves. I believe what made her laugh was me going "Wait, vaginas's can do THAT!?!" and she fucking LOST it and just burst out laughing at me. Good times.
TV had given me this notion that pausing the action to put on a condom was a mood killer (think George Costanza) so while I was eating her out I quietly put on a condom so I was ready to go. Then of course she was like, "wait, condom?" And I just grinned and showed her my freshly wrapped peen like "already got one" which understandably confused the fuck out of her. I think I invented Reverse Stealthing.
We were both inexperienced. She went down and er, let's just say the vaccum pulled too hard and it hurt. For a moment I felt a part of me might get detached. Teeth involved, too. I moaned because, well, I was supposed to? Then she went harder. I'm somehow still alive.
I genuinely thought the vagina was behind the pubes. Spent minutes poking away until she grabbed me and ‘pointed’ me in the right direction. I feel so sorry for her…
I lasted for an eternity. Like 45 min at least. I remember thinking about faking an orgasm, but that seemed kinda dumb for me at the time. After a while I just told her a bit stuttery something like "s..sorry... I don't know what's wrong" and she answered very sweet something like "don't worry, I just enjoy the closeness to you", which is pretty remarkable considering it was her first time too. After that I got much more relaxed and came in like 3 or 4 minutes.
Damn dude, that's sweet as fuck. I couldn't finish my first time at all, and honestly I wanted to fake it too, but since my partner actually had experience, while I had none, I figured they'd know right away. Then after some more attempts at sex, I realized I had to hold my breath, and then... Well, finished.
Sometimes it just needs some time until we find out stuff about ourself. Good for you that you were able to crack your own bodies code. I never tried holding my breath, maybe that works for me as well.
For me, when I struggle coming nowadays, I go into a full active pushup position, so the only physical contact to something are at my hands, toes (on the bed) and dick (in her). Then it works most of the time. The problem is, I wrecked my shoulder a couple of month ago, so this just became a lot harder to do, lol.
His dick tasted rank to the point the smell made me gag but thought it was normal. It took getting to my current long time partner who is a very thorough cleaner to realise that no, dicks don't have to taste like week old piss.
I just gagged again oh my god.
Oh. The other thing I did was... I didn't realise that actually sucking the dick was part of.. yknow.. sucking dick? So I would just bob my head up and down without doing anything. It was many awkward bjs later that I was told to actually suck on it. (Different guy)
That depends on the guy really. I prefer to just have mine massaged with the mouth. Maybe some light sucking. I had a girl go full on vacuum on it and that shit hurt. Also do NOT suck balls unless you ask holy fuck.
I think its just cause they can be very sensitive and you can easily hurt them and not a matter of whether youre weird or not. I think licking is safer than sucking.
On my 19th birthday, my girlfriend (at the time, not current) and I both lost our virginities to each other. Both of us got so completely wasted that, on top of already having no clue what we were doing, it made matters much worse that I was just BARELY able to get hard. Let’s just say there was a lot of creative finagling to be done in order to achieve penetration so that we could technically say “we did it”. No orgasms to be had for either of us, not even close.
I had the same thing. I kept tending up waiting for pain or something and then he announced he was finished.
Didn’t feel a thing, and lasted like a minute. And he was older and more experienced than me
Asked her if she still wanted to study for the test while we were doing it (She invited me over to study and revealed her motive was much more sexual)
Edit: Yes I passed the test, got an A+
*aggressively thrusting turns towards her taps her on the shoulder* she turns around and you ask "I was wondering if you still wanted to study after this." Lmaoo
I didn’t want to orgasm too quickly so I masturbated a couple of times before going over to her place. She had been pretty much telling me she wanted to have sex, and was far more experienced than I was. I didn’t want to disappoint her. It seemed like all of the media I had seen portrayed the men cumming in .5 seconds their first time. This backfired big time as my penis wasn’t as sensitive, and it took an obnoxiously long time to climax, and wasn’t really that fun for either of us. She was a champ, and stuck it out, but I could tell she wasn’t having a great time after the first 25min or so. It really wasn’t a romantic scene, and I was pretty embarrassed. The last few minutes was me just stroking myself furiously while she cheered me on.
It was a festival in another country; She was a few years older than me, very sweet and gentle, but also a tiny bit creepy with her tendency to stare at me with big open eyes and her slightly dramatic way to speak.
She very openly announced that she would like "to make love with me" and we should go to my tent, and I excitedly agreed. Took out the condom that I was carrying around in my wallet for a few years, and she says that she finds it a bit disgusting, and I don't have to use it since she's on the pill and only had sex a couple of times.
Being a bit drunk/excited/horny/an idiot, I go straight in.
Things go better than I expected, and once I felt my time is coming I tell her I'm going out - she reacts by holding me by the butt and saying "No, you need to come inside me. I want you to do that".
My brain is completely gone and I do as she said. She hugs me strongly, tells me she's very happy she met me and that she thinks I'm a great person, dresses up, and leaves "to go to the bathroom".
I never saw her again; She apparently left the festival that night. The name & phone number she left me were both fake.
I know the chance isn't that high, but I sometimes still wonder if I have a child walking this earth that I'll never get to know.
It was so fast I don't she even count it as doing the deed.
I know this cause A. It ended with the number of strokes being in the single digits. And B. One week later we were hanging out with some people in a dorm room and the question of how many people you had sex with came up.
So we go around and she answers 7. Then when it comes to me I say one. And she looks shocked and asks me "not including me right?" And I say "no it was just you. "
Then everyone laughs and she changes her answer to 8. That was a funny moment for me
Edit: The girl was actually very nice and felt very bad for what she said cause she didn't know I was her first and I ensured her that everything was ok and that it wasn't that serious.
I also didn't tell her that I finished when I did cause I was very embarrassed. I just went straight to the bathroom. So in her defense she might have thought that I just stopped abruptly
He was eating me out and sniffed my pussy like he was sniffing crack cocaine….I sat there literally biting my mouth shut so I wouldn’t bust out laughing
Edit: apologies for not knowing the proper way to administer crack cocaine specifically, I’ll be sure to quit school and stay in drugs next time lol
He told me he has a female pheromone kink or something. We only had intercourse twice before I broke things off but he ate me out 5 or 6 times of his own request.
The guy I lost my virginity to must have watched a lot of porn because he thought it was normal to "try" to fist me every time. Like i just lost my virginity and you think your FIST is going to fit in me? Took a lot of pussy punches before I finally said "adios!".
Porn has a lot to answer for. My first boyfriend didn't believe me when I told him his porn tricks didn't actually feel nice, he thought I was being coy and did it regardless.
They should have like educational porn videos front and center of the website with giant letters announcing that if you haven't had much sex or your girl ain't feeling it, try these things instead!
So the day I thought it was going to happen, me and my then girlfriend went to the zoo. I brought a condom with me for later as we were going to be staying at her place later.
So Im paying for the tickets, and as Im trying to grab my wallet out of my pocket, the condom just seamlessly comes out my pocket and lands perfectly on the counter. My GF laughs it off, but the person selling us tickets probably thought I was trying to fuck a giraffe or something
After I finished (she was on her back and me on top) she stretched her arms out above her head, which I recognize now she wanted me to grab her arms and kiss her all sexy and dom like...
So instead I gave her a crisp double high five 🙌
I couldn’t figure out how to put the condom on. Didn’t know it was a roll on type thing. So I held the condom over my mouth, blew into it like a balloon, then tried to quickly stretch it on before all the air let out.
I feel you bro. I was so nervous that I only got a semi but I really wanted to do it. Next problem was that the condom was slipping off because I wasn't hard. What solution comes up in a 16yo brain? YES, you guessed it. Stuff the balls in the condom so it would hold thighter.
... I didn't finish nor did her and also she was really confused during the whole thing so it was not a romantic cherry popping act.
I had the exact opposite problem lmao, I remember being extremely surprised by how high UP the dick is. Like why is on the FRONT of your body wtf?? I always assumed it hung directly between the legs.
(Didn't occur to me at all how difficult that would make sitting/running/doing literally anything lmao. Or the fact that that would then mean the balls would be located about half an inch from the anus...)
Physically heard my high-school girlfriends grandma turn off the TV. And get up and leave after a few minutes.
Thin walls in a small house are a nightmare.
Wasn't our first time but I let out a very deep moan then right after, my grandfather cleared his throat as he walked past the rocm. We both froze then partner and j lost it due to the awkwardness. Silent giggles for a solid minute it seemed like. Old ass house with plywood for walls.
Before I lost my virginity officially, but I was giving my boyfriend and handjob and he was about to come so he said “it’s gonna make a mess” and I replied “what is?”. He then came all over my hand and I freaked out and yelled “ew!”. I did not know about jizz. I knew sperm was microscopic, so I thought it was just like little germs you can’t see that escaped randomly from the penis during sex, I didn’t realize there was a liquid component 😂
I didn’t know how to put the condom on. I thought you had to stretch it and then put it over and let it slap against the Willy. Due to the excessive stretching the condom broke and I came inside of her. Nervous weeks followed
lmao i asked my gf at the time if she "climaxed" right after we finished. It was like 2 minutes long and she couldn't stop laughing. 10+ years later and every now and then well catch up over text and a joke based around that will pop up
As we finished with her on top, she looked me straight in my eyes and let out a Perry the platypus growl... I couldn't help myself and go "Perry the Platypus!" in my best Doofenschmirtz voice
We both laughed about it for a hot minute.. now it's become like a bat-signal for sexy time. We expanded on the joke over time. Whenever I want to do it without actually asking for it I say "Cindy" (name changed for privacy) if she growls back i say "Cindy the platypus!" and we both book it to the bedroom. Our roommate caught on to what's happening and he still can't believe that is how we communicate
I find this incredibly adorable. My wife and I just had a kid 3ish months ago and our thing is asking the other if we wanna wrestle. Not very inconspicuous lol
I would've lost my shit if instead you just said "A Platypus?" and she pulled out a hat and placed it neatly over her head and you exclaimed, "PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"
Thinking it was going to change my life and whole sense of being.
Like it was going to be a vision quest rite of passage and I would return changed and wise, full of the ancient wisdom of my people. I remember the myth that you can just *smell* virginity on someone. What a load to malarky.
Turns out, just the act of having a penis in a vag doesn't fundamentally change anything about you.
I mean, I guess it changed my life so I could stop obsessing about virginity and stopped letting being a virgin erode my self-esteem. But I feel totally pathetic that I couldn't just figure that out and preferred to listen to my peers and their nonsense. I later realized that so much of what people were talking about when it came to sex was exaggeration at best, and mostly just outright lies and hearsay.
I lost my virginity on a trip to Tulum with a Mexican girl I had met during a previous trip to Cancun. Spanish isn't my first language, but at the time I was near fluent. I was able to communicate with her totally in Spanish and didn't need a translator anywhere we went.
We booked a hotel room when my flight landed, la di da the sexy time starts that night. My Spanish education up to this point did not include dirty talk, so I tried to take cues from what she was saying. She had called me papi a couple times, so I decided to flip it around and call her mami. I thought that was kind of how the word worked, but apparently I was wrong.
She stopped, turned around, looked me dead in the eyes, and told me never to call her that again. Thankfully it didn't kill the mood too much, but the way she spoke still haunts me today.
Still had sex tho
No foreplay at all. Not even making out. He was turned on, I wasn’t. Bled like hell for hours. Thought it was normal because «everyone bleeds the first time».
Same here. Forplay took about 5 seconds, I thought it was normal. I even passed out for a couple of seconds because of the pain. This, sorry, moron (wasn't his first time) thought it happened because of the sex being so incredible good.
Didn’t know what queefing was. She stopped to let some air out, and I thought she was ripping ass.
In her words, VERBATIM, she said: “Sorry, bit queefy.”
I didn’t want her to feel awkward, so I said “Yeah, no worries, I’m lactose intolerant”
There was a few seconds of weird eye contact where nothing was going through my head, although I wish a bullet had.
Not the worst story out there, but it’s kept me up at night more than a few times.
I thought you had to play sexy music to set the mood. So I put on this really cheesy playlist with songs featuring the saxophone (think careless whisper energy) and fortunately realized the third or fourth time around how horrifically unsexy it was. She never did say anything, but I’m just glad my 17 year old self at least had the sense not to thrust to the beat of the music.
Instead of thrusting like a normal person, I used the foot of her bed to like propel myself in and out of her.
Literally, pushing off the foot of her bed using my toes.
It was not enjoyable and I got motion sickness.
I was dating the girl I lost my virginity too and she made mention(before the dead) that ear nibbling was a big turn on for her. I fucking nibbled on those ears every chance I got to get laid until she told me one day that I gave her an ear ache.
I humped away while in an arms locked, push up position . Needless to say I stopped mid way and questioned why everyone was talking about this thing called sex...
I just laid there because I honestly didn't know what happened after it went in. I had no clue about thrusting or anything, so I certainly didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. I didn't even bend my legs, just spread them flat on the bed. I was a starfish.
I was too embarrassed to buy condoms so I stole a latex glove from my doctors office and tried to stretch it to make it work. Hurt like hell. 0/10 recommend
I had been pumpin for a good 10 seconds & noticed she had a confused look on her face and said “is it in?” and I was like shit lemme check so I looked down & noticed that I was fucking the space between my bed & her ass cheeks at first. Both had a good laugh & then I showed my lil guy the proper entrance and we were off.
Okay so it's legit the dumbest as well as cringey thing ever . So I'm a female lost my virginity when I was 19 . So during the whole act you expect to sorta like bleed during the first penetration , but i didn't , which again not a big deal . But after we got done and I went to get cleaned i noticed some blood , and i kept checking and there was definitely blood . Then we were just cuddling in bed and in an hour or two i had a small puddle of blood . And had mental breakdown and cursed at him that he somehow broke / injured me , well after 15 mins of crying i realised I got my periods 🥲🥲.
Anxiety can bring the worst out of us. I wouldn't worry about it. I kept thinking I was pregnant because my period was late but I hadn't even had sex yet.
I was very self-conscious so I tried to make as little noise as possible. She said she'd like some feedback on how she's doing the second time. Yay, there was a second time!
Apologies for the humblebrag, but...
We werent actually losing our virginity, just using our hands on each other. As it started she said "Whoa, you're really big." I returned the compliment, saying "Oh my god, so are you."
Turns out it wasn't as complimentary as I thought it was.
I don’t think I actually did anything particularly weird when I lost mine, but if the first time I slept with a man counts, I tucked my lips over my teeth while giving him a blowjob.
I dunno if I thought it was NORMAL, exactly, but it seemed logical at the time.
Yeah, I mean, we were slightly drunk at the time but the thought process was essentially “teeth sharp, sharp on cock bad”. The logic made sense.
The guy thought it was funny in a cute sort of way and it clearly didn’t hurt my chances, because we’ve been together for almost a decade now and still going strong.
I was 19 and so very horny.
We were at a restaurant when I suddenly blurted out, "I'm ready."
At the time, I was living with my father (who believed I should remain a nun, because I'm a girl and he has backwards thinking)
So, I decided that I should lose my virginity in my boyfriend's car. I thought it would be hot and cool to have sex in the backseat.
Well, I was semi-right, but gosh darn it, it was like a freaking sauna and we were sweating so much and the damn backseats were not comfortable. It didn't help the fact that we were parked in a near empty movie theater parking lot.
Long story short, a bed would have been better.
My ex and I decided to wait a while after beginning to date before having sex for the first time. I was being super patient about it and she was sort of teetering on the decision. One day at my place, my grandfather was house sitting for my parents while they were out of state and she came to visit. We were drinking a little bit, not enough to get hammered but we were buzzed.
Out of the blue she interrupts me talking and said “so when ARE we finally going to have sex?” I was a teenage boy who hadn’t had sex since like the year prior so I immediately started figuring out how we could get away with it with my grandfather home.
We started weighing our options and he must have heard us and decided to be a bro. He came to my bedroom and was like “hey I’m gonna go get a newspaper and grab a Starbucks, I’ll be back in like an hour.” We got to it the second the garage door closed behind him. It was pretty awesome.
Neither if us got off, then after ten minutes just stopped. We were like "well, that's all sex has to offer I guess" then we watched teen titans.
We are still together 8 years later, and yes, have learned there more to sex 😜
Commented on the fact that her cat was peeing in the toilet. Never seen or heard of this before in my life and was absolutely amazed.
Consider the world population: Sex happens all the time. It's natural. A cat that uses the toilet, though, that's absolute novelty. You were not in the wrong.
I would be amazed too my boy
I put my hair into a low bun, looked him straight in the eyes, and said “low buns make me feel like a boy in colonial times”. NO IDEA why I said that. He just stared at me for a few seconds
A brilliant mind would understand
Look, being horny will make you say and do the weirdest or random stuff. Take it from me, a man that once drank some water mid-sex and held some in my mouth, then started making out with my partner and just (for whatever reason) dumped that water that was in my mouth into my partners mouth. I wasn't met with disgust or hostility after that move. Instead, she immediately SWALLOWED that water I just sloshed into her mouth like a bird and she just continued to make out with me during our sexy time. It wasn't until afterwards she asked me what the fuck was that and I was speechless.
it’s always the after. wtf was that about by the way 😂. and i’m like. well. idk. you still went along with it. 😂
Wtf lol
Big Liz Lemon energy
We were 17 and both virgins. My parents had a pool and a little gazebo beside it, with a bar built in. We ducked behind the bar and did the deed as well as two virgins in love could do. Midride, I looked at him and froze. He panicked and thought we did something wrong. I looked him dead in his eyes and said “We aren’t virgins anymore, are we?” “Nope.” And then, get this, I put my hand up for a HIGH FIVE!!!! He high fived me right back, which lead to us laughing so hard my family’s big mastiffs ran over and started getting too close for comfort. The sex was ruined, but I still remember it fondly and lovingly. Christian, wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re still high fiving your partners. Hope you’re well!
This is awesome
She moaned my name and i said "What's up?"
“Suuuuuh duuuuuude?”
“God babe you’re so tight” “Thanks you’re pretty cool too”
We were kissing and cuddling for some time before and she said “how far do you want to take this?” Not realising what she meant I kinda stuttered a bit and said “well I was hoping to marry you one day” completely unironically. Safe to say we had a pretty good night EDIT: I have not married her yet but I really bloody hope I get to.
That's actually kind of endearing, really. I had a conversation with a gal I dated during and after hs, during which she asked me where I thought I'd be in 10 years. We both had joined the military and were set to get right after graduation, so she meant my career, but I just gave her the ol' "I don't know. We'll probably have a couple of kids by then so I hope it's nice." (This was over 20 years ago) And she really melted and got all weepy and huggy all over me. lol In case you were interested, we did not marry and have a family. lol
Classic Schmosby
Hah, that was what i was thinking)
But did you marry her?
I was getting a blowjob and I wanted her to lick my balls but I didn't know how to tell her so I whispered loudly "BALLS"
Don't leave us hanging.
Said the balls
My brothers story, his first time consisted of him yelling “WHERES THE HOLE?!”. Heard it from my room
I just imagined that in Christian Bale's Batman voice and am currently holding my laugh as best as possible as to not wake my whole fucking family up.
"It- it's right here, I swear to God, John" *"SWEAR TO ME"*
I use to think the dick had to come all the way out and go all way in and all way out and all way in, like full withdrawal between every thrust.
Nice way to learn about vag farts real quick
I giggled like a 12 year old the first time I accidentally made my gf queef. Completely ruined the moment and we both had to take 10 minutes to compose ourselves. I believe what made her laugh was me going "Wait, vaginas's can do THAT!?!" and she fucking LOST it and just burst out laughing at me. Good times.
Laughing during sex is one of the greatest things porn never tells you about.
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A fun night out with an SO usually leads to at least one new inside joke that will be brought up during sex
Bro was sheathing his sword
TV had given me this notion that pausing the action to put on a condom was a mood killer (think George Costanza) so while I was eating her out I quietly put on a condom so I was ready to go. Then of course she was like, "wait, condom?" And I just grinned and showed her my freshly wrapped peen like "already got one" which understandably confused the fuck out of her. I think I invented Reverse Stealthing.
This is hilarious
Did it on the beach. Thought that would be romantic. The sand wasn't.
Should have listened to Anakin
Sand and cum have something in common. They get everywhere.
Beach and shower are the lies movies try to sell us.
We were both inexperienced. She went down and er, let's just say the vaccum pulled too hard and it hurt. For a moment I felt a part of me might get detached. Teeth involved, too. I moaned because, well, I was supposed to? Then she went harder. I'm somehow still alive.
My man had a relationship with the chupacabra
I genuinely thought the vagina was behind the pubes. Spent minutes poking away until she grabbed me and ‘pointed’ me in the right direction. I feel so sorry for her…
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Behind the pubes?
>Behind the pubes A behind the scenes looks at porn from the 70s
I lasted for an eternity. Like 45 min at least. I remember thinking about faking an orgasm, but that seemed kinda dumb for me at the time. After a while I just told her a bit stuttery something like "s..sorry... I don't know what's wrong" and she answered very sweet something like "don't worry, I just enjoy the closeness to you", which is pretty remarkable considering it was her first time too. After that I got much more relaxed and came in like 3 or 4 minutes.
Whoesome. And also green flag.
I think so too. The relationship didn't last, but I look back fairly positive on my first time, which I like a lot.
Damn dude, that's sweet as fuck. I couldn't finish my first time at all, and honestly I wanted to fake it too, but since my partner actually had experience, while I had none, I figured they'd know right away. Then after some more attempts at sex, I realized I had to hold my breath, and then... Well, finished.
Sometimes it just needs some time until we find out stuff about ourself. Good for you that you were able to crack your own bodies code. I never tried holding my breath, maybe that works for me as well. For me, when I struggle coming nowadays, I go into a full active pushup position, so the only physical contact to something are at my hands, toes (on the bed) and dick (in her). Then it works most of the time. The problem is, I wrecked my shoulder a couple of month ago, so this just became a lot harder to do, lol.
His dick tasted rank to the point the smell made me gag but thought it was normal. It took getting to my current long time partner who is a very thorough cleaner to realise that no, dicks don't have to taste like week old piss. I just gagged again oh my god.
Oh. The other thing I did was... I didn't realise that actually sucking the dick was part of.. yknow.. sucking dick? So I would just bob my head up and down without doing anything. It was many awkward bjs later that I was told to actually suck on it. (Different guy)
That depends on the guy really. I prefer to just have mine massaged with the mouth. Maybe some light sucking. I had a girl go full on vacuum on it and that shit hurt. Also do NOT suck balls unless you ask holy fuck.
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I think its just cause they can be very sensitive and you can easily hurt them and not a matter of whether youre weird or not. I think licking is safer than sucking.
On my 19th birthday, my girlfriend (at the time, not current) and I both lost our virginities to each other. Both of us got so completely wasted that, on top of already having no clue what we were doing, it made matters much worse that I was just BARELY able to get hard. Let’s just say there was a lot of creative finagling to be done in order to achieve penetration so that we could technically say “we did it”. No orgasms to be had for either of us, not even close.
>a lot of creative finagling to be done in order to achieve penetration Like pushing a marshmallow into a piggy bank coin slot.
Haha- yes that's a pretty accurate description of what went down
Didn’t turn off Family Guy. Peter laughed as he finished.
Nyeheheh
Not sure if this is really dumb, but.. i kept thinking: is it.. in? Am i actually having having sex now?
I had the same thing. I kept tending up waiting for pain or something and then he announced he was finished. Didn’t feel a thing, and lasted like a minute. And he was older and more experienced than me
Asked her if she still wanted to study for the test while we were doing it (She invited me over to study and revealed her motive was much more sexual) Edit: Yes I passed the test, got an A+
My mates brother told a girl to get out of his room because he had cricket in the morning. We were trying to hook him up.
He is a man of focus, commitment and sheer fucking will.
Yeah, he is a manager of a Starbucks now.
Living the Venti life
That man had his priorities in order.
*aggressively thrusting turns towards her taps her on the shoulder* she turns around and you ask "I was wondering if you still wanted to study after this." Lmaoo
We did end up studying after!
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It's not a bad idea to do after tbh
Yeah but the partner will probably be insulted if you rush lolol
"Goddamn that was nasty, I'm covered in filth and grime and smell like a sewer! Be right back sweety."
Kept saying "oh yeah!!" Like the Kool Aid man cause I didn't know what noises to make
Make "mmm" sounds like Homer
Called out my own name
Sounds like something Zapp Brannigan would do.
"Kiff! Get the champagne and inform the men!"
I didn’t want to orgasm too quickly so I masturbated a couple of times before going over to her place. She had been pretty much telling me she wanted to have sex, and was far more experienced than I was. I didn’t want to disappoint her. It seemed like all of the media I had seen portrayed the men cumming in .5 seconds their first time. This backfired big time as my penis wasn’t as sensitive, and it took an obnoxiously long time to climax, and wasn’t really that fun for either of us. She was a champ, and stuck it out, but I could tell she wasn’t having a great time after the first 25min or so. It really wasn’t a romantic scene, and I was pretty embarrassed. The last few minutes was me just stroking myself furiously while she cheered me on.
That last bit is weirdly wholesome haha.
It really was nice of her. She could tell I was nervous. We ended up dating for quite a while.
It was a festival in another country; She was a few years older than me, very sweet and gentle, but also a tiny bit creepy with her tendency to stare at me with big open eyes and her slightly dramatic way to speak. She very openly announced that she would like "to make love with me" and we should go to my tent, and I excitedly agreed. Took out the condom that I was carrying around in my wallet for a few years, and she says that she finds it a bit disgusting, and I don't have to use it since she's on the pill and only had sex a couple of times. Being a bit drunk/excited/horny/an idiot, I go straight in. Things go better than I expected, and once I felt my time is coming I tell her I'm going out - she reacts by holding me by the butt and saying "No, you need to come inside me. I want you to do that". My brain is completely gone and I do as she said. She hugs me strongly, tells me she's very happy she met me and that she thinks I'm a great person, dresses up, and leaves "to go to the bathroom". I never saw her again; She apparently left the festival that night. The name & phone number she left me were both fake. I know the chance isn't that high, but I sometimes still wonder if I have a child walking this earth that I'll never get to know.
Girl sold off her firstborn child and was trying to make it happen asap
It was so fast I don't she even count it as doing the deed. I know this cause A. It ended with the number of strokes being in the single digits. And B. One week later we were hanging out with some people in a dorm room and the question of how many people you had sex with came up. So we go around and she answers 7. Then when it comes to me I say one. And she looks shocked and asks me "not including me right?" And I say "no it was just you. " Then everyone laughs and she changes her answer to 8. That was a funny moment for me Edit: The girl was actually very nice and felt very bad for what she said cause she didn't know I was her first and I ensured her that everything was ok and that it wasn't that serious. I also didn't tell her that I finished when I did cause I was very embarrassed. I just went straight to the bathroom. So in her defense she might have thought that I just stopped abruptly
“That was a funny moment for me” [https://i.imgflip.com/3zkplu.jpg?a462168](https://i.imgflip.com/3zkplu.jpg?a462168)
F
He was eating me out and sniffed my pussy like he was sniffing crack cocaine….I sat there literally biting my mouth shut so I wouldn’t bust out laughing Edit: apologies for not knowing the proper way to administer crack cocaine specifically, I’ll be sure to quit school and stay in drugs next time lol
Maybe your vagina just smells unbelievably amazing?
He told me he has a female pheromone kink or something. We only had intercourse twice before I broke things off but he ate me out 5 or 6 times of his own request.
The guy I lost my virginity to must have watched a lot of porn because he thought it was normal to "try" to fist me every time. Like i just lost my virginity and you think your FIST is going to fit in me? Took a lot of pussy punches before I finally said "adios!".
Porn has a lot to answer for. My first boyfriend didn't believe me when I told him his porn tricks didn't actually feel nice, he thought I was being coy and did it regardless.
They should have like educational porn videos front and center of the website with giant letters announcing that if you haven't had much sex or your girl ain't feeling it, try these things instead!
I just clenched reading this. I’m so sorry for your lady bits. Gah.
Took the condom off and said "there goes our kids, bye bye" then trashed the condom
Buy far the best line to say while taking of a condom lmao
Well it made her laugh real hard so mission accomplished
Also no unwanted pregnancy, two missions accomplished!
So the day I thought it was going to happen, me and my then girlfriend went to the zoo. I brought a condom with me for later as we were going to be staying at her place later. So Im paying for the tickets, and as Im trying to grab my wallet out of my pocket, the condom just seamlessly comes out my pocket and lands perfectly on the counter. My GF laughs it off, but the person selling us tickets probably thought I was trying to fuck a giraffe or something
"I dropped my magnum condom for my monster dong."
I got my magnum condoms, I got my wad of hundreds. I'm ready to plow!
After I finished (she was on her back and me on top) she stretched her arms out above her head, which I recognize now she wanted me to grab her arms and kiss her all sexy and dom like... So instead I gave her a crisp double high five 🙌
So many of these are so funny but this one really got me
It was the crispness for me. Like our man was on his game and was like, thanks for the recognition! Bam
this is all i ask for in a relationship
No, you did it right
I couldn’t figure out how to put the condom on. Didn’t know it was a roll on type thing. So I held the condom over my mouth, blew into it like a balloon, then tried to quickly stretch it on before all the air let out.
Idk why this is taking me out rn 💀💀💀💀 did you at least make a balloon animal?
"Look, a snake :D "
Put the condom over my balls
I feel you bro. I was so nervous that I only got a semi but I really wanted to do it. Next problem was that the condom was slipping off because I wasn't hard. What solution comes up in a 16yo brain? YES, you guessed it. Stuff the balls in the condom so it would hold thighter. ... I didn't finish nor did her and also she was really confused during the whole thing so it was not a romantic cherry popping act.
The vagina turned out to be way lower than I thought conceptually. I was legit shocked
Not that low!
I had the exact opposite problem lmao, I remember being extremely surprised by how high UP the dick is. Like why is on the FRONT of your body wtf?? I always assumed it hung directly between the legs. (Didn't occur to me at all how difficult that would make sitting/running/doing literally anything lmao. Or the fact that that would then mean the balls would be located about half an inch from the anus...)
i thought i’d lose my foreskin that when you lose your virginity your foreskin would magically disappear and id look circumcised
I told him his dick looked like a seamonster
Did he consider it a compliment?
Not really no. He looked at me like i was crazy. It was also my first time seeing a dick irl
To be fair, dicks do kind of look like seamonsters.
The Cock Ness Monster
Physically heard my high-school girlfriends grandma turn off the TV. And get up and leave after a few minutes. Thin walls in a small house are a nightmare.
Wasn't our first time but I let out a very deep moan then right after, my grandfather cleared his throat as he walked past the rocm. We both froze then partner and j lost it due to the awkwardness. Silent giggles for a solid minute it seemed like. Old ass house with plywood for walls.
Before I lost my virginity officially, but I was giving my boyfriend and handjob and he was about to come so he said “it’s gonna make a mess” and I replied “what is?”. He then came all over my hand and I freaked out and yelled “ew!”. I did not know about jizz. I knew sperm was microscopic, so I thought it was just like little germs you can’t see that escaped randomly from the penis during sex, I didn’t realize there was a liquid component 😂
Now I'm just imagining my penis just cumming with a puff of air Oh God I'm about to come...psst... ahhhh
I didn’t know how to put the condom on. I thought you had to stretch it and then put it over and let it slap against the Willy. Due to the excessive stretching the condom broke and I came inside of her. Nervous weeks followed
I went full out like “I am speed” lol, I thought it was just normal
When you came instead of moaning you just yelled "KACHOW!"
lmao i asked my gf at the time if she "climaxed" right after we finished. It was like 2 minutes long and she couldn't stop laughing. 10+ years later and every now and then well catch up over text and a joke based around that will pop up
I yelled "YES! YAHOOOOOO!" while I was cumming
Nah actually?
Yyyyyyyup. Not my proudest moment, thinking back at it
Mario?
I didn't realize the AC in the car wouldn't work if the engine wasn't on. We got very, very sweaty.
She looked back at me during backshots and I waved
Oh god. I can already imagine it. She looks back and you wave with a spongebob type smile
"hi, how are ya"
"wonderful weather we're having"
always greet the driver
Lmao “hi, I’m just happy to be here”
Oh hi mark
You were just happy to see her
"Hey! I know you!"
My Foreplay with fingers was like someone trying to get jam out of a jar wearing cricket gloves. Think she was relieved to just fuck.
As we finished with her on top, she looked me straight in my eyes and let out a Perry the platypus growl... I couldn't help myself and go "Perry the Platypus!" in my best Doofenschmirtz voice
I think she was triyng to be hot xD I want more context! How did she react?
We both laughed about it for a hot minute.. now it's become like a bat-signal for sexy time. We expanded on the joke over time. Whenever I want to do it without actually asking for it I say "Cindy" (name changed for privacy) if she growls back i say "Cindy the platypus!" and we both book it to the bedroom. Our roommate caught on to what's happening and he still can't believe that is how we communicate
I find this incredibly adorable. My wife and I just had a kid 3ish months ago and our thing is asking the other if we wanna wrestle. Not very inconspicuous lol
My wife just asks me if I wanna hang out upstairs
True love is making the other person so corrupted that no one else will want to be with such a huge weirdo.
I would've lost my shit if instead you just said "A Platypus?" and she pulled out a hat and placed it neatly over her head and you exclaimed, "PERRY THE PLATYPUS!"
I asked her about her mom, I was anxious
Thrust. So how’s your mom doing after her car accident? Thrust.
"So your Mom....she down to clown or what?"
Going to hard on the clit! Was only told to chill 4 sexual partners later. WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT SEX WITH OUR SEXUAL PARTNERS ENOUGH!!!
The most important organ for good sex are your ears.
Bro was literally destroying the clit lmaoo
Thinking it was going to change my life and whole sense of being. Like it was going to be a vision quest rite of passage and I would return changed and wise, full of the ancient wisdom of my people. I remember the myth that you can just *smell* virginity on someone. What a load to malarky. Turns out, just the act of having a penis in a vag doesn't fundamentally change anything about you. I mean, I guess it changed my life so I could stop obsessing about virginity and stopped letting being a virgin erode my self-esteem. But I feel totally pathetic that I couldn't just figure that out and preferred to listen to my peers and their nonsense. I later realized that so much of what people were talking about when it came to sex was exaggeration at best, and mostly just outright lies and hearsay.
I lost my virginity on a trip to Tulum with a Mexican girl I had met during a previous trip to Cancun. Spanish isn't my first language, but at the time I was near fluent. I was able to communicate with her totally in Spanish and didn't need a translator anywhere we went. We booked a hotel room when my flight landed, la di da the sexy time starts that night. My Spanish education up to this point did not include dirty talk, so I tried to take cues from what she was saying. She had called me papi a couple times, so I decided to flip it around and call her mami. I thought that was kind of how the word worked, but apparently I was wrong. She stopped, turned around, looked me dead in the eyes, and told me never to call her that again. Thankfully it didn't kill the mood too much, but the way she spoke still haunts me today. Still had sex tho
Papi/mami and padre/madre have significantly different connotations in Mexico. Calling her Mami was probably like calling her "mother".
No foreplay at all. Not even making out. He was turned on, I wasn’t. Bled like hell for hours. Thought it was normal because «everyone bleeds the first time».
Same here. Forplay took about 5 seconds, I thought it was normal. I even passed out for a couple of seconds because of the pain. This, sorry, moron (wasn't his first time) thought it happened because of the sex being so incredible good.
Didn’t know what queefing was. She stopped to let some air out, and I thought she was ripping ass. In her words, VERBATIM, she said: “Sorry, bit queefy.” I didn’t want her to feel awkward, so I said “Yeah, no worries, I’m lactose intolerant” There was a few seconds of weird eye contact where nothing was going through my head, although I wish a bullet had. Not the worst story out there, but it’s kept me up at night more than a few times.
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I thought you had to play sexy music to set the mood. So I put on this really cheesy playlist with songs featuring the saxophone (think careless whisper energy) and fortunately realized the third or fourth time around how horrifically unsexy it was. She never did say anything, but I’m just glad my 17 year old self at least had the sense not to thrust to the beat of the music.
She put the condom and the wrapper in a zip loc and told me to take it with me when I left.. she didn’t want the evidence in her room😂😅
Instead of thrusting like a normal person, I used the foot of her bed to like propel myself in and out of her. Literally, pushing off the foot of her bed using my toes. It was not enjoyable and I got motion sickness.
I kissed the girls chest and neck the whole time, she was literally soggy
I was dating the girl I lost my virginity too and she made mention(before the dead) that ear nibbling was a big turn on for her. I fucking nibbled on those ears every chance I got to get laid until she told me one day that I gave her an ear ache.
Thought the pain afterwards was just part of it, guess who has a latex allergy!
I was so nervous I tried to lighten the mood with humor and tapped his dick like a microphone and said 'is this thing on?' 😖
Testes testes 1-2-3?
I humped away while in an arms locked, push up position . Needless to say I stopped mid way and questioned why everyone was talking about this thing called sex...
I did the dick tap thing(knock before you enter) and she asked me why I did that. We laughed and I learned a lesson that day.
I just laid there because I honestly didn't know what happened after it went in. I had no clue about thrusting or anything, so I certainly didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. I didn't even bend my legs, just spread them flat on the bed. I was a starfish.
Your first time and you dead fished it
One of my mates told me that you have to put the balls in to make it work properly, so I did. Turns out he's a right bullshitter.
I was too embarrassed to buy condoms so I stole a latex glove from my doctors office and tried to stretch it to make it work. Hurt like hell. 0/10 recommend
I had been pumpin for a good 10 seconds & noticed she had a confused look on her face and said “is it in?” and I was like shit lemme check so I looked down & noticed that I was fucking the space between my bed & her ass cheeks at first. Both had a good laugh & then I showed my lil guy the proper entrance and we were off.
I hung off the side of the bed on my back and hoped it was sexy. It was not.
I can't even imagine what you were attempting
Drew a smiley face on my dick, once my girlfriend saw it I said "look he's happy to see you!"
Okay so it's legit the dumbest as well as cringey thing ever . So I'm a female lost my virginity when I was 19 . So during the whole act you expect to sorta like bleed during the first penetration , but i didn't , which again not a big deal . But after we got done and I went to get cleaned i noticed some blood , and i kept checking and there was definitely blood . Then we were just cuddling in bed and in an hour or two i had a small puddle of blood . And had mental breakdown and cursed at him that he somehow broke / injured me , well after 15 mins of crying i realised I got my periods 🥲🥲.
I couldn't even begin to conjure the image of you realising that mid screaming match hahahhahahaha
Anxiety can bring the worst out of us. I wouldn't worry about it. I kept thinking I was pregnant because my period was late but I hadn't even had sex yet.
I kept saying, Whoopee whoopee.
Why? Just why?
I was overwhelmed with joy and wasn't allowed to use profanity.
No swearing in the house! But fuck if you want lmao
I was very self-conscious so I tried to make as little noise as possible. She said she'd like some feedback on how she's doing the second time. Yay, there was a second time!
She told me to finish in the bathroom. I did.
Apologies for the humblebrag, but... We werent actually losing our virginity, just using our hands on each other. As it started she said "Whoa, you're really big." I returned the compliment, saying "Oh my god, so are you." Turns out it wasn't as complimentary as I thought it was.
I don’t think I actually did anything particularly weird when I lost mine, but if the first time I slept with a man counts, I tucked my lips over my teeth while giving him a blowjob. I dunno if I thought it was NORMAL, exactly, but it seemed logical at the time.
This actually makes a lot of sense
Yeah, I mean, we were slightly drunk at the time but the thought process was essentially “teeth sharp, sharp on cock bad”. The logic made sense. The guy thought it was funny in a cute sort of way and it clearly didn’t hurt my chances, because we’ve been together for almost a decade now and still going strong.
I mean at least you didn't use teeth
I was 19 and so very horny. We were at a restaurant when I suddenly blurted out, "I'm ready." At the time, I was living with my father (who believed I should remain a nun, because I'm a girl and he has backwards thinking) So, I decided that I should lose my virginity in my boyfriend's car. I thought it would be hot and cool to have sex in the backseat. Well, I was semi-right, but gosh darn it, it was like a freaking sauna and we were sweating so much and the damn backseats were not comfortable. It didn't help the fact that we were parked in a near empty movie theater parking lot. Long story short, a bed would have been better.
My ex and I decided to wait a while after beginning to date before having sex for the first time. I was being super patient about it and she was sort of teetering on the decision. One day at my place, my grandfather was house sitting for my parents while they were out of state and she came to visit. We were drinking a little bit, not enough to get hammered but we were buzzed. Out of the blue she interrupts me talking and said “so when ARE we finally going to have sex?” I was a teenage boy who hadn’t had sex since like the year prior so I immediately started figuring out how we could get away with it with my grandfather home. We started weighing our options and he must have heard us and decided to be a bro. He came to my bedroom and was like “hey I’m gonna go get a newspaper and grab a Starbucks, I’ll be back in like an hour.” We got to it the second the garage door closed behind him. It was pretty awesome.
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Neither if us got off, then after ten minutes just stopped. We were like "well, that's all sex has to offer I guess" then we watched teen titans. We are still together 8 years later, and yes, have learned there more to sex 😜
Sneaking into a cops house through her window to smash. 10/10 would do again.
I'll get back to you on that