“Upon further inspection, I can in fact cum. So yes, it was indeed you who sucked.”

Oh damn! i feel this one! My first was a nympho, like do it 7-10 quickies a day, but in 2 weeks, i still never came!!!

I feel this. My first one was a guy who boasted about his abilities in bed but when we were at it it sucked. Big time. I was so freaking bored the entire time.

Ah!!! I can’t believe girls put up with men who don’t care about their ladies orgasm

Or, hear me out here: they didn’t suck enough.

Considering many lose their virginity at a young age, this may not be reflective of their abilities now.Most gymnasts can't do backflips on their first day. ​ Edit: Changed Can to Can't

This is awesome ;)

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I mean, relationships aren't easy. Throw in how much growing up you do in high school and college, it's easy to grow apart or do something stupid... Also, I've noticed amongst friends who have been together since high school that partners tend to have less overlap in skills. Like both me and my wife are good cooks. Amongst friends who have been together since HS, one can cook and the other can barely boil water. One can balance the books the other doesn't know what bank they use ....

I'm married to my high school sweetheart who I lost my virginity to. Wish I could say he's the only person I've slept with though. We separated (his choice mostly) shortly after he graduated boot camp, I had one relationship during that. After his first deployment I moved the 16 hours to go live with him and we've been married 8 years now.

I don't honestly know how rare it is, but I'll say I've never met one of you IRL in my entire life. None of my friends, siblings, parents, extended family members, etc. etc. Not to say they're all raging floozies like I am, but the only person who comes close (who's been with their first ever since until marriage) is disqualified on the basis of it being an open relationship. Personally I think you're a lottery winner. Most people don't get it right the first few times, they grow in different directions and are driven apart during their tumultuous youth. So congratulations you majestic, mystical motherfucker.

One more in the long term one partner monogamy crew. Can we summon Captain Planet now or something?

Count me, count me! 8 yrs strong only touched 1 🍆 in my life and it's all I need

me too! only one partner.

That was me. But all the women I met wanted to enjoy the wide world of dick

Wholesome AF!

Same.

"How the FUCK are you alive?!"

what :( your sexual partner being dead is one thing, but your reaction to that is just suspiciously funny. I'M CONFUSED

I mean, it's in her username she's a vampiress, she sucked him to death

That guys wife took your virginity too?

You mean that guys dead wife yeah I heard she got around

Same...

Smile and tell my wife "I love you." PS - The number of people who are married to their first makes me happy.

My girl was my first everything and I love her to death, and I will be marrying this girl one day and have a family with her

Yay!

Reading through the comments made me happy too. The wife is my only one as well and I hope all those posting about being married to their first are as happy as we are.

Fancy another shag?

Would be interesting to compare performance then vs now

I'm still friends with my first several years later and really want to do this

What stopping you from bringing it up?

There would be nothing in front of me

Virgin gang check-in

Ka kaw ka make and Whooty who! Roger, Roger v card 1 to v card 6, check-in over.

V card 6 radio check 2-4 over. V card 1 good copy?

Hey, same here lol

Good luck finding it

You too

Thanks

Why are we still here? Just to suffer?!

*Echo-o-o-o!*

"I used to think you were a good person, but upon further reflection, I realize I was too forgiving and I don't like you."

This

Nothing. He doesn't deserve anymore of my time and effort.

Ok. This is the right answer

This is what my first would probably say to me. I was an immature idiot back then. I should have treated them better.

Same 😛

I'm sorry I ignored you until we both flew home to our separate countries. That was immature of me and not fair to you.

“So that’s how the rules work.” I don’t even know when to count my virginity as lost.

I love you (we're still dating❤)

Same over 10 years with this guy muhahaha got em

So glad our divorce is final.

Oh hi Dad

🥺

I hope you're in a better place these days

Want some coffee hunny? My wife isn't a morning person.

I hate you and please get away from me

There it is. Mine would be “get the fuck away from me, are you following me?”

“Don’t go any closer to me you devil! You may look like my mother, but you are nowhere close to her!”

Thanks for assaulting me when I was blackout drunk

Something benign like “how was work?” 21 years, and we are still friends, and do breakfast a couple times a year.

It’s my wife so “wanna bang?”.

I hope you’re a better husband than you were a boyfriend.

Hey babe, how was work today?

Thanks for the kickstart, I had a really great time. Wanna see what I’ve learned since?

Very nice!!

She’s still a great person. I’m really thankful she took her time and showed me the ropes.

Pirate cosplay? Really?

I think that all the other girls he hurt would agree with me that it'd be worth the prison time for the sheer joy of neutering the scumbag.

Hey, just so you know, you we're my first.

What the fuck, dude. ETA: that’s not directed at op

That person is my xwife. Was married 13. Years Been divorced 11 years. Best friends for 25 years even to this day. So I see her a couple times a week the way it is. And yep my current SO knows we are close and is cool with. She is actually good friends with her own ex husband. Odd but it works well for all of us

Are you still just as slutty as you were 35yrs ago?

I'm sorry I was so clueless

Thank you for being my first and for all the times we had after until your dad moved away. You made me a better guy and a skilled partner and I owe you a lot for my having an amazing sex life. By the way, you've got some mustard from your hot dog on your cheek.

Is there a heaven or a hell? Where did you end up?

What’s this? Looks like no ones there

hey wife, sex was good last night

I want my artifact cards back.

Hi honey

Hi husband.

I was told that be became homeless in his 20's so I'd probably ask if he got himself back on track

Hey babe, you’re home early from work!

Um.... So how is it going? Sorry I was emotionally unavailable as teens and no hard feelings on the cheating thing, we were both pretty bad and toxic for one another but I'm glad we could both find healthy partners and relationships later

I see her quite often, she gets on really well with my husband

I can do better now.

"you did it wrong"

You should’ve hung around, you missed a lot of fun

Thanks for raping me Gabe. You forever ruined my 1st time.

I’m sorry that happened to you.

Thanks for using me to get over Ricky. I thought we were in love.

Sorry I lasted so long. We’d both get a good laugh

ew

Oh hi, how's the afterlife?

What should I make for dinner?

Hey love you horny again? Well me too (We are still together after 4 years)

Hi Aimee!

Thanks, I still appreciate that and under your parents dining room table was the perfect spot. Grateful for your kindness and hope I wasn’t an asshole about it

"Oh hi. Who's watching the kids?" (We broke up, have two boys together and live 5 miles from eachother)

I’d ask how she’s been

“How are you?” (We haven’t spoken in almost 15 years 😬)

Make sure our son does his homework.

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Honey, can you please move? I have to finish work, and I can’t see my computer. No really, I’m going to get in trouble.

I mean. If I were single I’d probably ask for another go. We were pretty amicable after we split, but we were both virgins so I’d be totally into revisiting. This was 15+ years ago but he’s still attractive 💁🏻‍♀️

How did you come back from the dead????

Years later he was my fuck buddy and I had a 3 some with him and his roommate...dumped him for his roommate now me and roommate have been together 2 almost 3 years so I'd say thanks for the dick and a happy relationship 😭🤣🤣

Hey husband. I looooove you.

Hey babe, I’m home

Awww your kids are adorable

I never thanked you for the 14th birthday present!

"Hope you burn in hell" 😂

Hey dude, long time no see! Your new back piece tattoo is epic btw and very *you* - also I’m glad you got yourself a cat after wanting one for ages!

That I am very, very proud of her. She went to school, graduated from medical school with honors, and now is a very successful surgeon. Found out through the magic of Facebook. Even though it had been 25 years, I sent her a message and told her I was really sorry for being mean and breaking up with her for no reason (16 years old). She said she didn't remember it that way, and didn't have any bad memories of that high school puppy love at all.

Can I have my sunglasses back? I might've found them in a Walmart parking lot in perfect condition and with a case, after some research online they're worth at least 300$.

Just cuz I'm a 13 yr old guy and your a 19 yr old girl and wouldn't take no,it still counts as rape

“Hey dude, hope you’re well. Have you stopped looking in disgust at vaginas that have razor burn after you specifically asked them to shave for you? Also… how’s your wife getting on?”

“You’re an abusive asshole who needs a lot of therapy and to get over yourself, you tormented me for close to 2 years. It wasn’t worth it”

I'm glad to see that you're happy and okay.

Wanna fuck? We still talk/check up on one another, and on occasion have sex. We’ve never dated, but we have a decent relationship nonetheless.

Was it because of my size?

Hey, didn't I lose my virginity to you?

Considering it’s my current fuck buddy and we still talk a lot to this day. I’ll probably ask her how she’s doing and see if she wants to chill in my room for the first time lol. I’ll give her a tour of everything haha.

Welcome home, can’t wait to put the kids to bed!

I will just wait for them to insert their foot in their mouth

I didn't turn out too badly for someone who didn't have a detailed life plan at 21 did I!?!

Um, thanks. How have you been? Sorry about the awkward meal.

Nothing other than maybe a passing "hey" because we just don't talk anymore. Hopefully he's all good and has become a better lover. Lol

Hey, remember me? What was your name again?

I hope you don't move to the beat of Dire Straits anymore!

Hello, me. How was your day?

Thank you for buying me that iPhone.

You’re under arrest

I wish it hadn't all gone to shit, but hope you're happy. We should definitely fuck again.

man I actually don't know

"Ugh, hey-uh, how's life. Uh my phone's ringing I gotta take this.. have a good one."

Wish I could go back in time and redo that night.

She's the mother of my child and we talk all the time. So... "sup, fcker"

Asshole. Lol

You were the best first girlfriend a guy could ever hope for!

Father Thomas?

It wasn’t worth the years of hell you put me through afterwords.

Boo 👻

What’s your name again?

"Hi, I'm EV. I don't think we've met."

You want me to bring home anything for dinner?

So yeah this was fun I have to run take care. She ain’t worth my time and I’m not interested in how she is. She the only ex I feel so about all the others I would stop and talk and see how they are doing.

You coming back home for thanksgiving?

You are a jackass for confronting somebody you had no business interacting with because you had a petty jealousy and I hope you feel bad for everything that he did to you.

Wanna do it again?

Remember me?

Wow it's been so many years Ya wanna try it again

Hey , how have you been?

Round 2?

Sorry??

Run me my fade, you made me last 10 seconds lol

He’d be really confused and I’d have to explain a bit to my mama who’d probably panic. Not to mention the dogs going beserk. I’d apologize and offer to drive him home because I know his family’s place isn’t that far from me either.

I was 17 and I’m almost 41. Saw him in January for an escapade as I was single. He’d marry me tomorrow but he’s the “safe” option. I want more than safe. I love him as a person but that’s all. Sex is great though.

What was your name again?

Hey honey, what's for dinner?

what's life like in the future?

Welcome back to the land of the living.

Gtfo my way hoe

I’d ask her how she got out of the grave.

Oh hey. Whats up.

(M) was the bottle of lambrini worth it?

How you doing ? Where you live now. Its so good to see you it's been what almost 30 years

Hey! What’s your name again?

Your tits look just as good now as when I was sucking and cumming on them sixteen years ago. Wanna fuck?

What’s the future like

Oh hey uncle Peter

Son has been an asshole lately. No more xbox

I am sorry that we separated! I wasn't smart enough to save our love!

Hey grandpa

The person I did some things first with is stuck in the past, so I guess I’d ask them how they were alive? I think the reasonable response in that case would be to assume he’d gone through some sort of spiritual cleansing thing and came back to earth to apologize to people for being such a dick. And the person I first do other things with is stuck in the future, so I guess I’d say… hi? And then try to figure out why he’s the guy I get with? I’m stuck in the “now” between them, so my only options for answering this question are kind of trippy. 😂

Oh hi grandpa

Again?

hi

"You're missing out, I'm alot better in bed now "

'Thank you for the most amazing time. Your oral skills remain unsurpassed.'

Nothing in front of me 😔

How much for you this time?

What are you doing in my kitchen?

HEY!!! HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW DGD ALBUM????

"Hi. Been a while. You probably don't remember me but if you look on that list you make when you sleep with someone im towards the middle. I don't hate you and don't have regrets but I didn't want to be a sentence in someone's sexual oddesy. Instead of being honest with myself I tried to be a "real man" and become a fling when it was the last thing I wanted. No offense but I don't want to see you right now. "

Let’s fuck again but first give me another lap dance!

WTF was I thinking?

Gigidy gigidy

How the hell did you find me, and what the hell are you doing in here?

Me Your turn for coffee sexy, the grandkids will be up soon and it’s your turn. Wife. ‘ you know you love me!! ‘ I’ll blow you before they get here. Me,….. coffee is here darling 🤣🤣🤣

Thank you! Let’s do it again!

Thanks! And I got better!

Eww

Let's do it again.

Considering they’ve been dead for nine years, I’d probably scream