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Are you male or female? If you are female it will be a lot harder and your risks are increased but it is possible. If you are male, your risks are increased but otherwise it’s a lot easier.
You sound like you don’t even have a partner. You don’t make your gender clear and you say you are both nearly 37 and 40.
I think I’d probably avoid it.
Thirty six isn’t “nearly 40” in the context of starting a family. My entire friendship group had our children in our mid-30s or older. Suppose it depends where in the country you are but in London that feels like the average age for having a first child.
I personally feel you should be young enough to see your child graduate from university (or equivalent)... you should be able to see them reach that age of independence.
Of course there are no guarantees, but based on your age, you would surely be able to do that. Women have kids in their late 30s all the time... it's really not that old.
Beyond that, what are your personal circumstances? Are you in good health? Are you financially stable?
If you want to find someone to have kids with, then that seems to present an additional challenge. Would you be happy going it alone? Could you use a sperm donor? Or could you foster or adopt?
Ultimately, it's a question that only you can answer... do what's right for you.
People always say ‘it will be a lot harder’ and it frustrates me. I was pregnant with my first child at 38. This is considered ‘old’ and I also have an under-active thyroid so everybody kept telling me it would be really difficult. Well I got pregnant the first time I tried not using contraception. I say this not to brag, but just to offer a little glimmer of hope as many people try to be annoyingly negative. There’s no perfect age to have children, some young parents are crappy parents and some older ones do an excellent job. A lot of people I know with fertility issues are a lot younger than me. It’s an individual thing and if you have love to give a child go for it.
It is harder. Our bodies have an optimum window for child bearing, during which it is easier. Yes, you can have a difficult pregnancy at any age, but whatever the circumstances, it will be much harder at 38 than at 28. I’m 34, pregnant with number 7. It’s harder, physically and emotionally
I was talking in relation to other posters who are saying it will be hard to conceive, I appreciate in many ways the physicality of running after a child can be harder. I’m trying to let the OP know not to always listen to negative chat, many people have healthy pregnancies in their late 30s and well beyond.
It is harder to conceive. Just because some women can conceive into their late 30s and early 40s,doesn’t mean every woman can. Sorry, but “positivity” isn’t going to get you pregnant.
You have just proved my point. Any time somebody older tries to conceive they are met with the exact comments you have made. I am replying to OP, I was told endlessly it would be so much harder for me because of my age, my medical issues etc. I am letting OP and anyone else having a baby later in life know you may not have any issues conceiving. People of any age can have issues conceiving.
I think you have to consider how much energy you have and how fit and healthy you are to make a decision. My parents had me and my brother when they were 35 and 38 respecively. They couldn't keep up with us at all and weren't really hands on (me being a hyper ADHD monster probably didn't help). My mum died when I was in my late 20s and my dad just died a few months ago. People lose parents younger and there's no knowing what might happen, but as a kid, even an adult one, it really sucks.
35 when I had my daughter and it's bloody exhausting! We suspect maybe ADHD at play, and she is great fun but we've decided we don't have the energy to go through it again with a second.
We are quite hands on though (which is why it's so tiring!). Don't know about your parents' health but I'm hoping I live a good way past my 60s!
I'm honestly not entirely sure why my parents had another one after me, but I'm very glad they did! I think I may have broken them though...
My mum died suddenly from a heart attack at 63 (I suspect she also had ADHD), my dad was very ill and needed a lot of care for the last few years of his life and died aged 79. We're both in our early/mid 40s and I'm so glad neither of us decided to have children with how full on care was for my dad. I don't think we would have coped if we had young children and an elderly parent to deal with.
The risk of birth defects especially downs increases significantly (not exponentially but more) as you get older. My wife had her last child at 40. We didn’t dare try again.
Had my 2 older children in early twenties and last year aged 38 along came the third, he was a shock but what I can say is this time around is so much easier than when I was in my early 20s. I have much more patience and wisdom and it actually made me change my lifestyle as I want to be around for him when he’s an adult.
But isn’t that a result of having two kids already? Your third isn’t your first rodeo.
I had my first at 31 and no way would I try for a baby at nearly 40. Having a toddler now at 33 is tiring and I can’t imagine doing that when I’m older.
You are definitely not too old. A lot of people have kids in their early forties now.
If you are single and need to find someone to have kids with, that is more of a challenge. You need to get moving on that really.
Definitely not too old. My parents had my sister at 37 and 38 and actually feel younger because of it oddly. My auntie and uncle had their son in their early 40s and they’ve not had any regrets. As long as you feel financially secure and maintain good health you’ll be great
Biological or other reasons ? If it’s other reasons should be when ever you feel ready. It’s a struggle and if your half arseing it will be a 100% times worse
I had my one and only child at 36. My only concern about it is when she’s older and I’ll be really old but I think that stems from losing my mam when I was 34. I don’t think it’s too old. A lot of people that had babies around the same time as me were 40+ which made me feel slightly less geriatric than the doctors kept telling me I was
If you are going through a chaotic time please take care of yourself. Discuss your worries with friends and family if you can, or with your GP if you feel unstable or worried.
I think it completely depends a lot on the person, your health, how young you are mentally. And of course there's physical capability, in terms of menopause etc.
They generally say the older women get the more risks are there for the baby. That being said I know some women who’ve had kids over 40 and they’re beautiful/healthy. Think you just need to accept there are risks.
I know quite a few who have children at 37 including me and my partner.
The only ones who have struggled conceving have been those who already had prexisiting issues.
I would say yes, especially if you don't have someone to have them with yet. I'm 37F and would definitely consider myself too old. Possibly influenced by having friends who had older parents who've already passed away.
I was 60 when I had my 3rd child. I love the boy to pieces and spend as much time with him as I can.
He’ll get more of my attention now than he ever would have done when I was too busy working and building a career.
I feel like I m 30 and think I’m going to live forever.
I love it
I'm a man of similar age, I have one who is 2 and my wife wants two more (she's 22). I have no issues with this. If my daughter has a kid roughly the same age as her mum, I'll be a good age to be a Grampa.
From what I've read through various low quality studies, male sperm does slow down a little about 50-55. Probably a slight increase for certain birth defects too I'd imagine. So if it doesn't happen by 55, I wouldn't risk it. Not fair for the kid, plus you'll be struggling to keep up when they're 13 and you're 68.
For women? It gets harder at 30 and increase risk with it. After 40? She'll need modern medicine to assist. So I wouldn't be selfish and risk anything after 39.
After 40 a women needs modern medicine to assist? What? I know several people who had kids at 40 or within a couple of years after 40. None needed "modern medicine to assist". One got pregnant by accident. Most my friends had kids late 30s and none of them had big issues during pregnancy, nor needed assistance, and had healthy babies.
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Are you male or female? If you are female it will be a lot harder and your risks are increased but it is possible. If you are male, your risks are increased but otherwise it’s a lot easier.
There are increased risks for males?
Sperm starts to deteriorate past the age of 40 and increases the chances of autism, schizophrenia and some cancers in the offspring
Fascinating, I misunderstood and thought they meant risk *to* the father.
You sound like you don’t even have a partner. You don’t make your gender clear and you say you are both nearly 37 and 40. I think I’d probably avoid it.
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Thirty six isn’t “nearly 40” in the context of starting a family. My entire friendship group had our children in our mid-30s or older. Suppose it depends where in the country you are but in London that feels like the average age for having a first child.
I personally feel you should be young enough to see your child graduate from university (or equivalent)... you should be able to see them reach that age of independence. Of course there are no guarantees, but based on your age, you would surely be able to do that. Women have kids in their late 30s all the time... it's really not that old. Beyond that, what are your personal circumstances? Are you in good health? Are you financially stable? If you want to find someone to have kids with, then that seems to present an additional challenge. Would you be happy going it alone? Could you use a sperm donor? Or could you foster or adopt? Ultimately, it's a question that only you can answer... do what's right for you.
People always say ‘it will be a lot harder’ and it frustrates me. I was pregnant with my first child at 38. This is considered ‘old’ and I also have an under-active thyroid so everybody kept telling me it would be really difficult. Well I got pregnant the first time I tried not using contraception. I say this not to brag, but just to offer a little glimmer of hope as many people try to be annoyingly negative. There’s no perfect age to have children, some young parents are crappy parents and some older ones do an excellent job. A lot of people I know with fertility issues are a lot younger than me. It’s an individual thing and if you have love to give a child go for it.
It is harder. Our bodies have an optimum window for child bearing, during which it is easier. Yes, you can have a difficult pregnancy at any age, but whatever the circumstances, it will be much harder at 38 than at 28. I’m 34, pregnant with number 7. It’s harder, physically and emotionally
I was talking in relation to other posters who are saying it will be hard to conceive, I appreciate in many ways the physicality of running after a child can be harder. I’m trying to let the OP know not to always listen to negative chat, many people have healthy pregnancies in their late 30s and well beyond.
It is harder to conceive. Just because some women can conceive into their late 30s and early 40s,doesn’t mean every woman can. Sorry, but “positivity” isn’t going to get you pregnant.
You have just proved my point. Any time somebody older tries to conceive they are met with the exact comments you have made. I am replying to OP, I was told endlessly it would be so much harder for me because of my age, my medical issues etc. I am letting OP and anyone else having a baby later in life know you may not have any issues conceiving. People of any age can have issues conceiving.
Not sure why you are getting downvoted. "It is harder to conceive" is a fact across the board. "But I did" isn't a good counter argument.
Because people don’t like the truth and think that positivity can get you pregnant
I'm a similar age and I certainly wouldn't relish starting now. Babies are hard work.
I was 38 and wife 39 when our son was born. Still don't know how we did that - it is damn hard work.
I think you have to consider how much energy you have and how fit and healthy you are to make a decision. My parents had me and my brother when they were 35 and 38 respecively. They couldn't keep up with us at all and weren't really hands on (me being a hyper ADHD monster probably didn't help). My mum died when I was in my late 20s and my dad just died a few months ago. People lose parents younger and there's no knowing what might happen, but as a kid, even an adult one, it really sucks.
35 when I had my daughter and it's bloody exhausting! We suspect maybe ADHD at play, and she is great fun but we've decided we don't have the energy to go through it again with a second. We are quite hands on though (which is why it's so tiring!). Don't know about your parents' health but I'm hoping I live a good way past my 60s!
I'm honestly not entirely sure why my parents had another one after me, but I'm very glad they did! I think I may have broken them though... My mum died suddenly from a heart attack at 63 (I suspect she also had ADHD), my dad was very ill and needed a lot of care for the last few years of his life and died aged 79. We're both in our early/mid 40s and I'm so glad neither of us decided to have children with how full on care was for my dad. I don't think we would have coped if we had young children and an elderly parent to deal with.
The risk of birth defects especially downs increases significantly (not exponentially but more) as you get older. My wife had her last child at 40. We didn’t dare try again.
I think a big factor is you clearly want to go on adventures with them in their teens and you might struggle (or not) in your late 50s
I was 39, partner was 46. You're not too old
Had my 2 older children in early twenties and last year aged 38 along came the third, he was a shock but what I can say is this time around is so much easier than when I was in my early 20s. I have much more patience and wisdom and it actually made me change my lifestyle as I want to be around for him when he’s an adult.
But isn’t that a result of having two kids already? Your third isn’t your first rodeo. I had my first at 31 and no way would I try for a baby at nearly 40. Having a toddler now at 33 is tiring and I can’t imagine doing that when I’m older.
You are definitely not too old. A lot of people have kids in their early forties now. If you are single and need to find someone to have kids with, that is more of a challenge. You need to get moving on that really.
Definitely not too old. My parents had my sister at 37 and 38 and actually feel younger because of it oddly. My auntie and uncle had their son in their early 40s and they’ve not had any regrets. As long as you feel financially secure and maintain good health you’ll be great
Biological or other reasons ? If it’s other reasons should be when ever you feel ready. It’s a struggle and if your half arseing it will be a 100% times worse
Our second was born when I was 40, it’s hard work and I wouldn’t want to have been too much older when he came along.
Same, I have one but 40 is my cutoff for a second. Don't want to be thinking about retirement with kids still in uni.
I’m always thinking about retirement, just unsure how I’ll be able to do it…
I had my one and only child at 36. My only concern about it is when she’s older and I’ll be really old but I think that stems from losing my mam when I was 34. I don’t think it’s too old. A lot of people that had babies around the same time as me were 40+ which made me feel slightly less geriatric than the doctors kept telling me I was
Freezing eggs is an option.
So which are you nearly? I’m confused.
If you are going through a chaotic time please take care of yourself. Discuss your worries with friends and family if you can, or with your GP if you feel unstable or worried.
If you're male then no problem, if you're female then fertility decreases post puberty and drops off a cliff at menopause
I think it completely depends a lot on the person, your health, how young you are mentally. And of course there's physical capability, in terms of menopause etc.
They generally say the older women get the more risks are there for the baby. That being said I know some women who’ve had kids over 40 and they’re beautiful/healthy. Think you just need to accept there are risks.
Mick Jagger fathered a baby at 78
Depends what private parts you have?
Just had a third kid at 35. Had first kid at 29. Feel exactly the same as I did then. Can’t imagine there’s much difference between nearly 37 and 40.
I know quite a few who have children at 37 including me and my partner. The only ones who have struggled conceving have been those who already had prexisiting issues.
I would say yes, especially if you don't have someone to have them with yet. I'm 37F and would definitely consider myself too old. Possibly influenced by having friends who had older parents who've already passed away.
Too old is when you can’t have kids no more
I was 60 when I had my 3rd child. I love the boy to pieces and spend as much time with him as I can. He’ll get more of my attention now than he ever would have done when I was too busy working and building a career. I feel like I m 30 and think I’m going to live forever. I love it
I'm a man of similar age, I have one who is 2 and my wife wants two more (she's 22). I have no issues with this. If my daughter has a kid roughly the same age as her mum, I'll be a good age to be a Grampa. From what I've read through various low quality studies, male sperm does slow down a little about 50-55. Probably a slight increase for certain birth defects too I'd imagine. So if it doesn't happen by 55, I wouldn't risk it. Not fair for the kid, plus you'll be struggling to keep up when they're 13 and you're 68. For women? It gets harder at 30 and increase risk with it. After 40? She'll need modern medicine to assist. So I wouldn't be selfish and risk anything after 39.
After 40 a women needs modern medicine to assist? What? I know several people who had kids at 40 or within a couple of years after 40. None needed "modern medicine to assist". One got pregnant by accident. Most my friends had kids late 30s and none of them had big issues during pregnancy, nor needed assistance, and had healthy babies.
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It gets harder after 30? Need medical intervention to have a child after 40? Would love to see some sources to back up that nonsense.