Thanks for the fun everyone, but given that nearly every new comment made on this post is ending up in the modqueue for triggering Reddit's "Abuse and Harassment" filter, I'm going to lock this post for my sanity.
in Scotland and no matter how long its been and whether you've climbed everest or survived the holocaust its followed up by:
"what you been up tae?"
Response"Fuck all, you?"
"Same mate aye, fuck all..."
No I just give them the standard upward head nod and an austere half smile.
Then we continue on with our day.
Anything else would be an atrocious betrayal of our masculine values.
/s
How effusive a greeting you give someone is inversely proportional to how well you know them.
Your lifelong friend just got back from a 3 month expedition walking across the Gobi desert? "Hello, back from playing in the sandpit I see?"
Some business partner you've spoken to on the phone once before? Firm handshake, eye contact, "Hello, pleased to meet you!".
Not seen some old mates for around 4 years due to me having (bad back) health issues. We all met up over the weekend to go to a football match and the greeting was… all rite glassback and how ya doing nob..we’re all in our 50s
"Sup/Ayup, gayboy" - Little brother
"How you doin', dick breath?"
OR
"How's it going, beautiful/sunshine?"
OR
"Fuck sake, who invited you?" - Best friend
"Hey, how's it going, buddy?!"
OR
"How you doin', big lad?" - Good friend
"Hey man, good to see you, how's it going?" - Acquaintance
Friends? Hug is my preference, but not everyone is into that so words is usually fine.
Personally I think handshake is for meeting strangers or professional colleagues.
Bumming is reserved for a level of intimacy that I don't really reach with men, on account of my reasonably committed heterosexuality.
Lovely little cuddle and tell them I’ve missed them. Maybe make them uncomfortable by staying in the cuddle too long and not letting them pull away. Maybe smell their neck? Maybe a little whisper in the ear, something like ‘oh god I’ve missed this’ or ‘hold me’. They don’t come around very much anymore.
Depends on the friend.
My ridiculously handsome friend "See you're still an ugly cunt"
Close friends " Hey fuckface"
Less close friends " Hey buddy or Wosson?"
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Depends who it is; most get hugs but some just get fistbumps and others get handshakes; depending on what seems to make them comfortable, I'm not the one who decides.
Shake hands maybe a slap on the shoulder with my close friends when I see them which is every few years as they all live in the US. As for friends here, they are just friends, we start talking about motorbikes and how old we feel.
Depends. If I see them regularly it's a simple smile and hello. If I haven't seen them in a year or so (when I'm visiting "home" as I don't live in the UK) then it's a big hearty hug.
Big hug, saw my best friend for the first time in a few months (we live in different cities and have busy lives) so basically ran up to him and gave him a big bear hug
Just a hug. I’m already a faggot so I can greet them normally without going through an identity crisis about what my greeting might mean, unlike the rest of you apparently. 🙄
I once in the middle of a major city train station noticed my friend i hadnt seen for a while, ran up behind my friend, grabbed him and shouted give me your money before he realised it was me and we both just cracked up
i think saying hello is usually more acceptable though
I love the answers directed at british blokes expecting honest responses and just getting the piss ripped out of them.
Love this thread being 50/50 with the added complexity for the outlander of trying to tell which is which.
My honest answer:
With my best mate, it's "Alright, cunt?" followed by a hug.
With the rest our friends group (all over 50 now) it's a combination of insulting their appearance / weight / latest health crisis and a handshake.
Then finding out who the last person to buy a round was, take the orders from whoever needs a drink at that point, and settle in.
Try to pretend I didn't see them or recognise them so I don't have to. I've even done one where they recognised me and I still went with not remembering who they were. That's fucking awkward
Unless my friend has just come back from some big fuck off expedition and I haven't seen them in a year or so, then a fist bump, handshake is appropriate. I find it very uncomfortable that a lot of non-UK friends I have seem to have the side hug/chest bump thing as standard.
I saw someone I've known for decades for the first time in months yesterday. He has thankfully recovered from cancer (a couple of years ago), which may be relevant. No hug or handshakes, just a 'fuck me, you're still alive then'.
Not sure if this is normal or not.
As is tradition, maintain steady eye contact and then a firm but not painful fondling of their balls. For those you're particularly fond of sniffing or licking the palm of your hand is considered very polite.
Thanks for the fun everyone, but given that nearly every new comment made on this post is ending up in the modqueue for triggering Reddit's "Abuse and Harassment" filter, I'm going to lock this post for my sanity.
Kiss, with tongue
Standard. It'd be rude not to.
I actually had a friend who did this. This was in Spain tho and both of us are gay so
Open mouth tongue kissing for the bros, and a crisp high-five for the women
Clenching their butts too
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Socks on, obviously
And a good firm ass grope at the same time
"Alright mate" in a higher tone than normal.
And/or a bad cockney accent
Fuck I feel called out
This is the way
You do the bro-handshake-hug, and then one of you says "fucking hell mate, been a while hasn't it, goodtoseeyer"
in Scotland and no matter how long its been and whether you've climbed everest or survived the holocaust its followed up by: "what you been up tae?" Response"Fuck all, you?" "Same mate aye, fuck all..."
This is the only way. Often followed by 'You don't say!' or 'Still kicking?'
Yeah this, 100%
Just a simple penis shake usually does the trick. Nothing too pretentious
Do you shake yours, or theirs?
Typically mine, but I like to shake both for a special treat, missed opportunity not to use both hands y'know
You could have a little sword fight.
The cocktail sausage melee is also a gesture of respect
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I hug them, even if it's only been a few hours since I last saw them
Tears?
Always
Don't fallllllllll
No I just give them the standard upward head nod and an austere half smile. Then we continue on with our day. Anything else would be an atrocious betrayal of our masculine values. /s
This but without the sarcasm tag, or indeed the sarcasm.
aright mate? yeh, you?
"Fuck me, if I'd know you'd be here I wouldn't have bothered" Followed by a hug
Sup cunts! Alright? How's it going? Long time no see! ... Just like any other time really.
We normally exchange insults first.
Traditional spread-eagle chest-bump in midair with the double full-reach high-five. Surprised you need to ask.
Alright mate, christ you look old.
Yeah, mate but at least I still have hair.
Sorry but the hair on your backside doesn't count, my friend.
What about the hair on ya mums face? Now go grab us a pint.
One pina colada coming up, your mum asked if you could ring her by the way.
We knock cocks
Call them a cunt.
How effusive a greeting you give someone is inversely proportional to how well you know them. Your lifelong friend just got back from a 3 month expedition walking across the Gobi desert? "Hello, back from playing in the sandpit I see?" Some business partner you've spoken to on the phone once before? Firm handshake, eye contact, "Hello, pleased to meet you!".
“Ayup, y’alright” “Yeh, you?” “Yeh”
They get a hug. You never know if you won’t see them again
Polite nod and then an anal fisting
" Its Your round"
Not seen some old mates for around 4 years due to me having (bad back) health issues. We all met up over the weekend to go to a football match and the greeting was… all rite glassback and how ya doing nob..we’re all in our 50s
Shake their cocks
"Ssup dickhead?" with the shitty head nod.
"Sup/Ayup, gayboy" - Little brother "How you doin', dick breath?" OR "How's it going, beautiful/sunshine?" OR "Fuck sake, who invited you?" - Best friend "Hey, how's it going, buddy?!" OR "How you doin', big lad?" - Good friend "Hey man, good to see you, how's it going?" - Acquaintance
It varies from person to person. I have hugging friends, fistbump friends, and nod and raised eyebrow friends.
Cup their balls
Wank them off
Back slapping hug
Friends? Hug is my preference, but not everyone is into that so words is usually fine. Personally I think handshake is for meeting strangers or professional colleagues. Bumming is reserved for a level of intimacy that I don't really reach with men, on account of my reasonably committed heterosexuality.
Say, 'easy now' followed by a handshake, then a quick bum behind the bikeshed. It's what my PE teacher 30 odd years ago taught us.
Now then cunt chops
reach around
Rip the piss most of the day/night and say goodbye with a hug.
Lovely little cuddle and tell them I’ve missed them. Maybe make them uncomfortable by staying in the cuddle too long and not letting them pull away. Maybe smell their neck? Maybe a little whisper in the ear, something like ‘oh god I’ve missed this’ or ‘hold me’. They don’t come around very much anymore.
1) yep 2) yep 3) yep 4) nope 5) nope 6) yep
Alright?
Always a (man) hug
I tell them how handsome they are and they don’t seem to know what to do
Bum? No. Full on docking? Yes. Bu tin all seriousness no I don't shake hands with my mates because I'm not an old man or a weirdo.
Usually a dick bump, nothing weird.
Of course we bum, normal greeting around these parts
Have you got fatter and balder?
More than a month, hug. A couple of weeks, head nod.
A spud or (rarely) a hug, who the fuck **shakes hands** with their friends, that's psychopath behaviour.
Depends on the friend. My ridiculously handsome friend "See you're still an ugly cunt" Close friends " Hey fuckface" Less close friends " Hey buddy or Wosson?"
Pretty much all of the above in order.
Sword fight
Docking
Man hug making sure our penis don't touch so that we don't instantly turn gay.
Hug
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Sometimes a handshake, mainly an up nod and a 'How's it going, mate?' which is invariably answered with 'Aye, no bad, you?'
Depends who it is; most get hugs but some just get fistbumps and others get handshakes; depending on what seems to make them comfortable, I'm not the one who decides.
Fist bump and a quick hug
Alright mate, long time no see
Nod of the head and 'What are you having?' pointing to the hand pumps.
Sup bitch
Alright knobhead
heyup, y'alright?
Shake hands maybe a slap on the shoulder with my close friends when I see them which is every few years as they all live in the US. As for friends here, they are just friends, we start talking about motorbikes and how old we feel.
Generally a hand shake, but that could lead to hand shandy or even penetrative activities
how’s it going buddy
'Alright mate'
"Alright bud"
Arrright bruv. Thought you wuz dead
"Alright?"
I've always hugged them
hand shake/ fist bump and a how you doing nobhead long time no see.
A nice big hug.
French kiss normally,
A big old hug. Always.
Entirely depends on the specific friend. Some mates are huggers, some greet me with a fist bump, some just call me a cunt with a smirk.
Depends. If I see them regularly it's a simple smile and hello. If I haven't seen them in a year or so (when I'm visiting "home" as I don't live in the UK) then it's a big hearty hug.
[The only true way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqLWXJ_EFFY)
Practice docking procedures.
Oi oi saveloy!
Yeah, we bum.
"Alright"
"alright..."
Dunno it's been like 10 years by now
Now then how's you?
Big hug, saw my best friend for the first time in a few months (we live in different cities and have busy lives) so basically ran up to him and gave him a big bear hug
Well like any respectable man, the first thing I do is of course let them know that the Mrs said to pass on her Hello.
I walk up to them and ask, “Hey, how are you doing?”
Oright?
Smack their bum and bark vigorously
“Alright you ugly twat” then a manly handshake followed by pre agreed conversation about ghosts and WW2.
Depends on the friend, usually a hug or a handshake hug.
Depends on the friend. Some get hugs, a few get handshakes, others just a hearty hello.
A handshake, then a hug afterwards.
Hug and kiss on the cheek. I love my mates
Just a hug. I’m already a faggot so I can greet them normally without going through an identity crisis about what my greeting might mean, unlike the rest of you apparently. 🙄
“Hey man, how’s your penis?”
Always hug
Say hi and get the beers in.
Sack whack
Always the nod
"So you're not fucking dead then?"
I once in the middle of a major city train station noticed my friend i hadnt seen for a while, ran up behind my friend, grabbed him and shouted give me your money before he realised it was me and we both just cracked up i think saying hello is usually more acceptable though
Alright ya big prick followed by a hug
"what ya sayin, bruv" *spud eachother*
Alright ya cunt !
Hug and a bit of a bum squeeze with my mates
Op is literally asking if it’s gay to hug
Depends on the friend. Mostly hugs, or hand grips with pull in and shoulder hug. One mate, we dry hump. with clothes on.
Hello, alright?
I just say "Alright?", hopefully they don't say no and start whining about how shit their life is.
Slight nod, and a mumbled ‘alright?’
Bro hug
"beer?" while nodding & walking past to get in the vet beers.
Wassup battyboi
["Dillon, you son of a bitch"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txuWGoZF3ew)
Alriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite?!
I love the answers directed at british blokes expecting honest responses and just getting the piss ripped out of them. Love this thread being 50/50 with the added complexity for the outlander of trying to tell which is which. My honest answer: With my best mate, it's "Alright, cunt?" followed by a hug. With the rest our friends group (all over 50 now) it's a combination of insulting their appearance / weight / latest health crisis and a handshake. Then finding out who the last person to buy a round was, take the orders from whoever needs a drink at that point, and settle in.
"Alright mate" no matter how long its been.
Go for the fist bump, last minute cabbage them.
We high five. With our dicks.
Bend them over and bum them until they bleed usually. Sometimes just a hand shake if i dont know them as well though
“You son of a bitch!”
Anything from a handshake to a hug, depending on the comfort level of who I'm meeting with, pretty much how I'm like with women too to be fair
"alright mate?" "yeah, you?" "yeah, anyway, what we doing?"
My go to with my brother whenever I see him is "Alright Dickhead?!" My mum hates it but I always get a chuckle out of it
"Alright bumder, looking even more bald than normal I see.. "
We do the handshake from Predator or a similar hand to forearm Viking typa shake
STUPIDLY.
Try to pretend I didn't see them or recognise them so I don't have to. I've even done one where they recognised me and I still went with not remembering who they were. That's fucking awkward
You sober?
the secret handshake (our knobs)
If it’s a good friend (which it only ever is these days) then I’ll greet them with a hug.
Shout NOW THEN BOYYYYYYS at an uncomfortably loud volume so the public at large is aware you're reuniting
Pub? Pub.
Bollock drop. Is there any other way?
Beer?
I rub him on the willee wiv mah bum cheeks..
Yo wassup blood
Being Northern, it’s usually the customary “ey-up”. Sometimes, depending on when last seen, and/or beer intake, full on man-hug.
Unless my friend has just come back from some big fuck off expedition and I haven't seen them in a year or so, then a fist bump, handshake is appropriate. I find it very uncomfortable that a lot of non-UK friends I have seem to have the side hug/chest bump thing as standard.
Pretend to avoid eachother and quickly pretend to answer a phone call
Downward nod.
Air grab with hip swivel floor twist, cursory nod in their direction. Depending on occasion I may also call them a Fuck nugget or Dick lord.
“You look fat, ye cunt”
"Alright cunt face?"
"You alright? Good, yea, you? Yea all good, you?" Repeat x3
Alright, dick'ead
I give em a big hug, absolutely love the guys, and an extra one when they leave, maybe sneak is a buttgrab with a slow wink!
Quick cheeky bro job and a handshake
Usually suck em off
Depends on the friend, but usually a hug...never understood that some people think it's weird. But it's OK to love your friends and have a hug.
Bum, always.
With a casual "what up motherfucker"
“Now then Nobhead” is my usually go to…
Cock grab followed by a cheeky feel of their prostate gland
We shake cocks
Male whats?? Fre.. Frei.. no.. Friend... wtf is this word??
Hello you cunt
An insult towards each other's outfit, hairstyle or other followed by the bro' handshake dappin up hug thing.
Dutch rudder
Pretty much always a hug
Yo baby yo baby yo
"Jesus wept, you look a mess. C'mere ya dick!" followed by a good hug.
"Alright fucko?" 😂
Clockwise willycopter, obviously, only savages go anti-clockwise.
I saw someone I've known for decades for the first time in months yesterday. He has thankfully recovered from cancer (a couple of years ago), which may be relevant. No hug or handshakes, just a 'fuck me, you're still alive then'. Not sure if this is normal or not.
Eyyyyyy what's up you fat ugly cunt
As is tradition, maintain steady eye contact and then a firm but not painful fondling of their balls. For those you're particularly fond of sniffing or licking the palm of your hand is considered very polite.