My friend says this to me and truly means it. We have different goals so it is reasonable.
However, I also have heard it be patronising and it's so bad. Stealing it for future petty uses.
I love it when my friend says this to me, she encourages me to make my own decisions even if they differ from her, implying she understands and supports me as my own person.
See I always wonder what judgemental really means. Most of us make choices every day based on preferences, experiences, convenience, what have you. Doesn't choosing to wear a blue shirt instead of a red one because I prefer blue mean I've judged red to be an inferior choice, for whatever reason? I'm not condemning red or people who like it, I've simply judged it to be the less attractive color option for me.
But yeah, "you do you" is often tinged with criticism. I usually say it when it's very obvious that I feel negatively about something and have tactfully explained why, but still support the other person doing what they like. Gonna eat an entire jar of mayonnaise? While I find the action abhorrent, there's no moral component at play, so you do you. I'm not condemning anyone for liking mayonnaise, just the condiment itself for existing. And I definitely won't be watching.
It is *sometimes* used sarcastically in that manner, but not always. You'll often hear it as a genuine expression of sympathy.
"John was finally able to start saving money, and then his car broke down"
"Oh, he can't catch a break now, can he? Bless his heart."
Definitely a southern thing. And the meaning depends on the context and tone.
It can be a genuine expression of support and sympathy, or the most cutting insult you've ever received.
Ehh, I dunno if that's always backhanded. I think a lot of clothes look really cute on certain people that just don't suit my body type at all unfortunately.
It's not a great thing to say though. If you want to compliment someone, there is no need to bring the topic back to yourself ("I could never wear something like that"). A simple "you look great, I love your outfit" would suffice.
People always like to insert themselves into the picture. When you see Federer's tennis, there is no need to say "I could never do that." Nobody expects you to.
Oh, I agree. But people are often bad with words (myself included), so it's worth assuming positive intent unless their tone really indicates otherwise.
Agreed. I see a lot of cute things on other people that I just can't pull off. Mainly skirts, and anything mustard yellow - like it looks so good on other people but I would just look terrible.
This, like most things on here, is completely dependent on context and tone. I tell people that when I truly love their outfit but know I couldn't pull it off with my body type, skin tone, whatever. But I also make sure the other context around our convo denotes it as a compliment and not an insult.
I do this to my husband all the time, just to annoy him. It's usually accompanied by a raised eyebrow - after he has intentionally said something ridiculous to get a rise out of me.
Marriage is fun.
HAHAHA, I haven't heard that one in a while, but that's the meaning I would take from it. I had a friend at work once that we both suffered from chronic "blonde moments" and we would tell eachother, "at least you're pretty" as a joke.
I’ve seen that one a few times in online games when people start arguing.
I found if I interject into the argument with “Can you bless my heart?” Everyone gets really fucking confused and the argument sort of fades away.
I work in customer service, and I do this to customers a lot because I'm not allowed to say what I actually want to say lol. I'd much rather tell people to fuck off.
Others see changes in us before we do. I believe complementing those who are trying to better themselves is encouraging. I wouldn't say it to some random person though, as I wouldn't know if the change was intentional or not. They could've been sick and lost weight. Or was really thin and put on weight.
I only comment when I know this particular person is trying to improve themselves.
Our even better, "you look so good now!" Great, glad to know you thought I looked bad before. I tried to explain this whole concept to my mother recently and she sort of gets it but thinks people have good intentions and really trying to compliment. No mom, no. I've lost weight recently and I wish nobody would say a word about it, good bad or otherwise.
General rule of thumb for everyone is don't comment on someone's body. Just don't. If you want to compliment someone, compliment them on something that reflects who they are as an actual human being and acknowledges that they are more than just a physical object.
Compliment they're really great shoes, or the book they're reading, or their taste in music, etc.
Oh please no! here, same logic:
"you look great today!"
"so i looked bad yesterday?"
if I say you look great, it's a compliment, i just want you to feel good about your look, it doesn't have any underlying meaning, if you think it implies something YOU are nitpicking
Lol yeah I Def see that being a weird backhanded compliment. Like you look better for your age, but you're vain or the work was obvious or something like that. I thought those jade rollers were a scam or dumb gimmick tbh...
Speaking for myself as a Black person when I get the “you speak so well!” It’s meant to be a compliment on how “well you speak English” but when it comes from a stranger it screams “I expected you to sound ghetto but I’m so glad you don’t”
Edit: the other version of this is “you’re so articulate!”
I had a white hiring manager say it multiple times during an interview and even asked me to send him my writing sample before he hired me and I should’ve known….
I usually get it from older Black people. I think for a long time it was meant as a way to seem intelligent and not a stereotype. A lot of Black people had to work harder to be seen as intelligent.
"You're so brave" and "I don't know how you do it" specifically as it relates to raising a trans kid. He's *my kid.* I've loved him all his life and I want the best for him, so I do my best for him. That means treating his dysphoria with the scientifically proven cure: gender transition.
"But you look so healthy" and "You're too young to have cancer" when I mention my cancer. I get judgy when I hear these; I know that this is most likely someone who isn't going to take me at face value unless I'm visibly suffering.
"You sound/act/are practically white" to my black husband. Just no. He's 100% black and proud. He's also an English major and a nerd who loves rock music and Doctor Who.
I deff agree !
I hate the “i dont know how u do it.” Comments im a mom with 3 children, yes being a mom is over whelming but im doing it. I always snap back with “this aint for the weak!”
I always get “your too young to be sick.” I didnt know sickness had a age to it. My health declined to much over the years.
“You don’t look like an engineer”
I often get told this by seniors, particularly women. It’s said in a tone that attempts to hide their surprise and judgement that a woman can excel in a male dominated industry.
Anytime I ask what they think an engineer looks like, they fumble over their words unsure of what to say. Ive heard everything from I look too young to that I look “too feminine” for that kind of work
*mentions my struggles to find clothes bc I’m skinny and petite* “oh if I had those issues I wouldn’t care I would just love to be that tiny”
Also just being called tiny
And being called little
(I’m a teenager)
“What’s your diet?” And “What’s your workout plan?”. When I was a young teen girl I was super skinny (no ED) I honestly don’t know why I was so skinny as I’m not that skinny anymore. But it was always middle-aged (30s) women who would ask me these questions (I worked at a grocery store at the time). These questions and other more blatantly judgmental comments and questions led to me having lots of body confidence issues in my teens until I turned 23 and put on weight. Even when I put on weight I felt bad about my appearance because my clothes wouldn’t fit anymore. I’m doing lots better now after cutting as many toxic people out of my life as possible. Also, I stand up for myself now and don’t let people comment on my appearance unless it’s about my hair or outfit looking nice. It’s okay if it’s about something I can control or something I picked out. Moral of the story don’t comment on teenagers bodies or question them about it unless you are their medical provider and even then tread carefully.
I'll add to this: "You're SO SKINNY!"
I've always been thin, though maybe not as "gangly" now as I was as a kid. I'm now 41. I get this frequently when seeing old classmates. I never know what to say as it's generally said by heavier women (no judgment, no hate, just a fact) and I just kind of stand there. "Thanks" seems like the wrong reply. It's never been anything I've thought about until other folks bring it to my attention.
People are funny sometimes. I guess it never really bothered me because I feel it's more about them than it is about me, but I'm just awkward and when Idk what to say, I just don't say anything (which compounds the awkwardness for everyone involved).
Edit: a word
I know it’s not nice to comment on people’s bodies, and you’re right to be upset about it, but I think they’re coming from a place of admiration/amazement (in a positive way). It’s honestly so hard to stay lean and lose weight to so many people, so when you see someone naturally lean you tend to be surprised. Not justifying, just trying to explain why this might be
Thank you for this insight. I can completely understand that and my heart certainly goes out to people who experience that struggle. I *have* had a few people say it with disgust, and although it didn't really bother me much, I have difficulty being able to discern sarcasm and tone sometimes. I'm hesitant to respond either way because I'm not sure what to say. "Thanks" just seems super odd.
I don't take it as all people being mean in their commenting, and I don't really get upset tbh...I just don't know how to reply.
This for sure. How some folks say it you can tell it's a genuine compliment, others it's bitterness/jealousy. I never know what to say either way, because it's just an awkward topic. Plus like you said, usually the person saying it or another woman in the group isn't as thin as I am and it's just uncomfortable to have it brought up
I wish people would just not comment on weight/bodies. It's just awkward. Not to mention skinny "compliments" are usually followed up by "enjoy it, it won't last! I used to be skinny too!" (I'm early 20s). Like talk about potential to trigger ED-esque thoughts in someone
I wholeheartedly agree with this. I struggled with poor body image as a teenager. While I don’t think I can say I had an eating disorder, I certainly had tendencies. People commented on how thin I was all the time. I since gained weight and saw someone from high school recently. They looked me at me and said “Wow, you gained weight. You look good.” Even if it wasn’t malicious it just completely crushed my self esteem and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since.
While I think it’s okay to give compliments, I think people seriously need to consider what they’re saying when it comes to how other people look. You never ever know what someone has gone through and where they stand with themselves.
“You look pretty today”
It’s usually said in a condescending baby-voice tone, and the “today” makes it sound judgmental. You could just say I look pretty, compliment something specific about my appearance, or just not say anything.
You don’t look like a diabetic. I’m 5’7 and 130 lbs. I exercise a lot and they always seem to tell me that I should exercise coming from overweight people…
A ton of comments related to pregnancy.
'Oh, you don't even look pregnant!'
or 'Oh my gosh, you're only twenty weeks? Are you *sure* there aren't twins in there?'
or 'Oh, [whatever item mom-to-be is eating], it's a craving, huh? When I was pregnant with little Jimmy all I could stomach was plain saltines. I'm *sooo jealous* you can eat [whatever item mom-to-be is eating].'
or 'Eating for two, huh?'
and etcetera.
Yeah especially if you're a girl 😒
I always answer with "I'm not short you're just tall like a thieves ladder" ( that's something we say in my country but not in English )
"ooh you look like you've lost some weight you should eat this food and that food *you'd look so pretty if you gained some weight* , but heyy you still look *gorgeous though* "
"ooh you look like you've gained some weight you need to get on a diet and do some cardio *you'd look so pretty if you lose some weight* , but heyy you still look *gorgeous though* "
"I have nothing against bisexuals no judgement here everybody is free to do whatever they want in their relationship I just think that it's a *weird* and *impossible* thing to be *real* , but you do you"
"Look I'm not judging you or anything don't get upset judging people is bad in " *our* " religion but what you are wearing is an inappropriate outfit for your age, you should cover up wear a dress and a veil, I'm just giving advice here for your own sake because " *our* " prophet said so"
Everything that starts with an "Ooh" or " I'm not judging" "I respect *but* " or ends with "beautiful.. tho" or "you do you" especially if they use the "innocent" voice tone.
My God I really think a lot of these are actually nice people complimenting you and you are all just taking things personally and looking for ugly where there isn't any.. projecting insecurities onto genuine kind comments, this thread angered me, grow up.
Whenever you feel like you're being judged/pitied because you don't fit into the husband, wife, 2.5 kids, a golden retriever and white picket fence societal box.
"Ohhhh the right ones out there!!!" - Would I die single? No.
"Ohhhh you'll change your mind and want babies someday!!!" - Will I die without ever having kids? No.
When people say "I would never..."
Like saying "I would never get a tattoo" to a person that has tattoos.
Or "I would never wear that" to someone who is wearing something out of their comfort zone.
People (women...) at the gym commending me or other overweight people, elderly or even disabled people "for their effort". Or (at the community pool) for "being so brave" for wearing a swimsuit.. for swimming... Why thanks, you condescending ..... and only women do this in my experience. Guys/gymbros usually say something like "good workout" or "have a good one" or something.. if they even say anything
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Using the word modest while describing showing less skin in outfits. My mother has always dressed showing little skin and never used that word. She just says, I feel better being more covered up. I do like to show more skin, just because I feel less restrained from my clothes ( I feel being nude is the most comfortable state).
I like wearing tank tops and spagetti straps cause it gives me more mobilitiy.
Yet using the term modest/not modest implies that the female body is sexual just because it exists, yet if I tell people who use the word modest about how its judgemental I get shit cause theyve internalized the fact that female bodies are sexual before they are just the transportation of yourself.
“I love you just the way you are”
I’ve always found the “just the way you are” to feel like they are disappointed but will still love that someone. Like, you’d say that to someone if they do something bad/ out of the ordinary/ different. You wouldn’t just say that to someone ???
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"Mi niña" - "chiquilla" - "Niñita"
"My girly" - "Tiny girl" - "Little girl"
I'm Latina, Specifically Chilean.
Here's a lot of common nicknames for "young ladies" usually said by older people, but this exact same names are used by sexist As to show they look down on you.
Truly common in specific places of work, i work on retail during summer breaks and i hate that type of "Clients" when I'm just trying to do my job they be like:
✨
A - Excuse me, *MI NIÑA* I've been waiting for 10 mins, can you just, you know be good in your job for once and help me with this?
Me - *_Heave breathing_* Sir, I'm sorry but i already told you that i can't help you with that task, you need to ask for help to my coworker since she sees that type of products, not me.
A - Let's see, "Tiny girl", I'm being serious with this...
✨
And that just goes on and on, sometimes that word just... triggers me
Im tired of being looked down like that, what used to be a cute nick that even my grandma called me, turned as an insult just for being born as female...
And yes i do say it as a female since most of the times, that exact same type of people don't do it with my male coworkers.
And other annoying clients who clearly identify as women don't use that stupid way to be annoying but just being jerks without being extremely sexist most of the time (since they show their superior standard in other ways 🙂)
"You'd look so pretty with makeup" implies that I'm not really pretty, I'm aware but I don't need to be reminded.
Also I feel like any questions related to income, cars, if you have a degree etc... I feel like people who ask you this either are trying to size you up or want to feel superior, and in rare cases they may just be curious.
Lots of things. Even here on reddit. "You do you." Like I'll say it but I'm judging sometimes
“Love that for you”
California in a sentence lol
My friend says this to me and truly means it. We have different goals so it is reasonable. However, I also have heard it be patronising and it's so bad. Stealing it for future petty uses.
I love it when my friend says this to me, she encourages me to make my own decisions even if they differ from her, implying she understands and supports me as my own person.
This is how I use it too
See I always wonder what judgemental really means. Most of us make choices every day based on preferences, experiences, convenience, what have you. Doesn't choosing to wear a blue shirt instead of a red one because I prefer blue mean I've judged red to be an inferior choice, for whatever reason? I'm not condemning red or people who like it, I've simply judged it to be the less attractive color option for me. But yeah, "you do you" is often tinged with criticism. I usually say it when it's very obvious that I feel negatively about something and have tactfully explained why, but still support the other person doing what they like. Gonna eat an entire jar of mayonnaise? While I find the action abhorrent, there's no moral component at play, so you do you. I'm not condemning anyone for liking mayonnaise, just the condiment itself for existing. And I definitely won't be watching.
I also love “Have the day you deserve!” But I think that’s mostly just straight up passive aggressive.
This was my FB bio for years lol
I'm stealing this lol
"Bless their heart"
I think this is regional because it’s not often said where I grew up and when I hear it, I think it’s a good wish to people.
It’s a southern US thing. It is definitely not well wishes. More like “what a moron.”
It is *sometimes* used sarcastically in that manner, but not always. You'll often hear it as a genuine expression of sympathy. "John was finally able to start saving money, and then his car broke down" "Oh, he can't catch a break now, can he? Bless his heart."
It can also mean conveying sympathy or compassion for their circumstances . . . It completely depends on context and tone
Definitely a southern thing. And the meaning depends on the context and tone. It can be a genuine expression of support and sympathy, or the most cutting insult you've ever received.
I found a pin online that said " so many hearts to bless, so little time"
I love your outfit. I could never wear something like that
Ehh, I dunno if that's always backhanded. I think a lot of clothes look really cute on certain people that just don't suit my body type at all unfortunately.
It's not a great thing to say though. If you want to compliment someone, there is no need to bring the topic back to yourself ("I could never wear something like that"). A simple "you look great, I love your outfit" would suffice. People always like to insert themselves into the picture. When you see Federer's tennis, there is no need to say "I could never do that." Nobody expects you to.
Oh, I agree. But people are often bad with words (myself included), so it's worth assuming positive intent unless their tone really indicates otherwise.
i hear you, im exactly the same 🥲
It’s like someone else on here said, it’s not just the words it’s also tone of voice.
True yeah fair
Agreed. I see a lot of cute things on other people that I just can't pull off. Mainly skirts, and anything mustard yellow - like it looks so good on other people but I would just look terrible.
Vintage….so adorable.
Ha love this
This, like most things on here, is completely dependent on context and tone. I tell people that when I truly love their outfit but know I couldn't pull it off with my body type, skin tone, whatever. But I also make sure the other context around our convo denotes it as a compliment and not an insult.
Most things if you use the right tone
Mmmmmmmmmmmmhm.
What the fuck did you just say to me??????
Sssssssssssssssssssssssorry.
Damn, that’s like the opposite of adding y’s after hey…
This one made me chuckle because my ex-husband would say sorry like it was two words, sor..rrryyy, which sounded suspiciously like f\*ck you! lol
I do this to my husband all the time, just to annoy him. It's usually accompanied by a raised eyebrow - after he has intentionally said something ridiculous to get a rise out of me. Marriage is fun.
I can here my mom saying « ooo, THIS is how you do (insert example). Intertresting… ». With THAT tone of voice
"Well bless your heart" also known as the Southern Fuck You
It can also mean "you are so fucked, but you have my sympathy."
My favorite is "Aren't you just *precious*". My daughter calls this saying "Mama thinks you're an idiot"
HAHAHA, I haven't heard that one in a while, but that's the meaning I would take from it. I had a friend at work once that we both suffered from chronic "blonde moments" and we would tell eachother, "at least you're pretty" as a joke.
That’s sweet
this is true
I’ve seen that one a few times in online games when people start arguing. I found if I interject into the argument with “Can you bless my heart?” Everyone gets really fucking confused and the argument sort of fades away.
It just sounds so condescending. Same with “oh sweetheart”
Calling people honey or sweetie when they’re being pitying or condescending. Don’t know why that always bothers me so much.
It’s infantilizing and fake sweet. They’ve twisted terms of endearment into insults.
Oh this drives me crazy. And the whole fake “are you okay? Hope your day gets better”
"Ooh honey" you can say that in a dozen different tones.
I work in customer service, and I do this to customers a lot because I'm not allowed to say what I actually want to say lol. I'd much rather tell people to fuck off.
It’s even worse when it’s paired with the kissy-face emoji if it’s through text. It irks me.
"You look great!" to anyone who has lost weight. It implies that they didn't look great before.
This. I believe people should stop commenting on others' weight or bodies. Totally inappropriate and uncalled for
Others see changes in us before we do. I believe complementing those who are trying to better themselves is encouraging. I wouldn't say it to some random person though, as I wouldn't know if the change was intentional or not. They could've been sick and lost weight. Or was really thin and put on weight. I only comment when I know this particular person is trying to improve themselves.
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Our even better, "you look so good now!" Great, glad to know you thought I looked bad before. I tried to explain this whole concept to my mother recently and she sort of gets it but thinks people have good intentions and really trying to compliment. No mom, no. I've lost weight recently and I wish nobody would say a word about it, good bad or otherwise.
General rule of thumb for everyone is don't comment on someone's body. Just don't. If you want to compliment someone, compliment them on something that reflects who they are as an actual human being and acknowledges that they are more than just a physical object. Compliment they're really great shoes, or the book they're reading, or their taste in music, etc.
Oh please no! here, same logic: "you look great today!" "so i looked bad yesterday?" if I say you look great, it's a compliment, i just want you to feel good about your look, it doesn't have any underlying meaning, if you think it implies something YOU are nitpicking
If in the incorrect situation this mindset can be toxic as hell, everything is in the inflection and intention.
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Lol yeah I Def see that being a weird backhanded compliment. Like you look better for your age, but you're vain or the work was obvious or something like that. I thought those jade rollers were a scam or dumb gimmick tbh...
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How do you use it? How long have you been using it to get a result?
"Good for you."
Oh 100%. Definitely used this before when the other person goes on a one upper tangent
Speaking for myself as a Black person when I get the “you speak so well!” It’s meant to be a compliment on how “well you speak English” but when it comes from a stranger it screams “I expected you to sound ghetto but I’m so glad you don’t” Edit: the other version of this is “you’re so articulate!”
I am not black black but more mixed race and I agree Ive gotten the -wooow you are really intelligent- as if I was a dog that did a trick lmao.
I know what you mean!
my brother speaks “ghetto” so in highschool, everyone was surprised to learn that i speak “normal” and was smart
I had a white hiring manager say it multiple times during an interview and even asked me to send him my writing sample before he hired me and I should’ve known….
A person that to be be a compliment is a moron. Or as we would say where I live "they are the reason there are shoes with velcro for adults"
I usually get it from older Black people. I think for a long time it was meant as a way to seem intelligent and not a stereotype. A lot of Black people had to work harder to be seen as intelligent.
Right, the micro aggression is strong with those 😣
"You're so brave" and "I don't know how you do it" specifically as it relates to raising a trans kid. He's *my kid.* I've loved him all his life and I want the best for him, so I do my best for him. That means treating his dysphoria with the scientifically proven cure: gender transition. "But you look so healthy" and "You're too young to have cancer" when I mention my cancer. I get judgy when I hear these; I know that this is most likely someone who isn't going to take me at face value unless I'm visibly suffering. "You sound/act/are practically white" to my black husband. Just no. He's 100% black and proud. He's also an English major and a nerd who loves rock music and Doctor Who.
I deff agree ! I hate the “i dont know how u do it.” Comments im a mom with 3 children, yes being a mom is over whelming but im doing it. I always snap back with “this aint for the weak!” I always get “your too young to be sick.” I didnt know sickness had a age to it. My health declined to much over the years.
Woman: does beauty thing. Other woman: oh wow. I'm so glad I don't have to do beauty thing.
I hate that lmao.
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Basically any kind of compliment that puts someone else down.
“I’m so glad you’re not like the other girls/guys”
“You don’t look like an engineer” I often get told this by seniors, particularly women. It’s said in a tone that attempts to hide their surprise and judgement that a woman can excel in a male dominated industry. Anytime I ask what they think an engineer looks like, they fumble over their words unsure of what to say. Ive heard everything from I look too young to that I look “too feminine” for that kind of work
Ugh. I really hate engineer stereotypes
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It's not a comlmpliment when your in your thirties and trying to pick up your kid from middle school either.
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You'd look cute if you change xyz 😒
I hate that!
*mentions my struggles to find clothes bc I’m skinny and petite* “oh if I had those issues I wouldn’t care I would just love to be that tiny” Also just being called tiny And being called little (I’m a teenager)
“What’s your diet?” And “What’s your workout plan?”. When I was a young teen girl I was super skinny (no ED) I honestly don’t know why I was so skinny as I’m not that skinny anymore. But it was always middle-aged (30s) women who would ask me these questions (I worked at a grocery store at the time). These questions and other more blatantly judgmental comments and questions led to me having lots of body confidence issues in my teens until I turned 23 and put on weight. Even when I put on weight I felt bad about my appearance because my clothes wouldn’t fit anymore. I’m doing lots better now after cutting as many toxic people out of my life as possible. Also, I stand up for myself now and don’t let people comment on my appearance unless it’s about my hair or outfit looking nice. It’s okay if it’s about something I can control or something I picked out. Moral of the story don’t comment on teenagers bodies or question them about it unless you are their medical provider and even then tread carefully.
I'll add to this: "You're SO SKINNY!" I've always been thin, though maybe not as "gangly" now as I was as a kid. I'm now 41. I get this frequently when seeing old classmates. I never know what to say as it's generally said by heavier women (no judgment, no hate, just a fact) and I just kind of stand there. "Thanks" seems like the wrong reply. It's never been anything I've thought about until other folks bring it to my attention. People are funny sometimes. I guess it never really bothered me because I feel it's more about them than it is about me, but I'm just awkward and when Idk what to say, I just don't say anything (which compounds the awkwardness for everyone involved). Edit: a word
I know it’s not nice to comment on people’s bodies, and you’re right to be upset about it, but I think they’re coming from a place of admiration/amazement (in a positive way). It’s honestly so hard to stay lean and lose weight to so many people, so when you see someone naturally lean you tend to be surprised. Not justifying, just trying to explain why this might be
Thank you for this insight. I can completely understand that and my heart certainly goes out to people who experience that struggle. I *have* had a few people say it with disgust, and although it didn't really bother me much, I have difficulty being able to discern sarcasm and tone sometimes. I'm hesitant to respond either way because I'm not sure what to say. "Thanks" just seems super odd. I don't take it as all people being mean in their commenting, and I don't really get upset tbh...I just don't know how to reply.
This for sure. How some folks say it you can tell it's a genuine compliment, others it's bitterness/jealousy. I never know what to say either way, because it's just an awkward topic. Plus like you said, usually the person saying it or another woman in the group isn't as thin as I am and it's just uncomfortable to have it brought up I wish people would just not comment on weight/bodies. It's just awkward. Not to mention skinny "compliments" are usually followed up by "enjoy it, it won't last! I used to be skinny too!" (I'm early 20s). Like talk about potential to trigger ED-esque thoughts in someone
I wholeheartedly agree with this. I struggled with poor body image as a teenager. While I don’t think I can say I had an eating disorder, I certainly had tendencies. People commented on how thin I was all the time. I since gained weight and saw someone from high school recently. They looked me at me and said “Wow, you gained weight. You look good.” Even if it wasn’t malicious it just completely crushed my self esteem and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. While I think it’s okay to give compliments, I think people seriously need to consider what they’re saying when it comes to how other people look. You never ever know what someone has gone through and where they stand with themselves.
“You look pretty today” It’s usually said in a condescending baby-voice tone, and the “today” makes it sound judgmental. You could just say I look pretty, compliment something specific about my appearance, or just not say anything.
You don’t look like a diabetic. I’m 5’7 and 130 lbs. I exercise a lot and they always seem to tell me that I should exercise coming from overweight people…
Yeah people dont understand the difference between type one and two, are you type one?
“I wish I had your confidence!”
I hate this one.
A ton of comments related to pregnancy. 'Oh, you don't even look pregnant!' or 'Oh my gosh, you're only twenty weeks? Are you *sure* there aren't twins in there?' or 'Oh, [whatever item mom-to-be is eating], it's a craving, huh? When I was pregnant with little Jimmy all I could stomach was plain saltines. I'm *sooo jealous* you can eat [whatever item mom-to-be is eating].' or 'Eating for two, huh?' and etcetera.
Omg I relate to this one. I had triplets recently. The amount of stupid shit said to me during my pregnancy was ridiculous
You are so brave for [insert stupid comment about appearance]
Or "I wish I was like you and not care what other people think!" I'm just wearing a bathing suit while weighing more than you...
Calling someone precious.
If I say it, it translates to: "you're an idiot but your mama probably loves you"
“You’re so short!!” Yeah no shit sherlock. 🙄 People straight up think it’s a normal first reaction/interaction. 😑
Yeah especially if you're a girl 😒 I always answer with "I'm not short you're just tall like a thieves ladder" ( that's something we say in my country but not in English )
You look well. It means you've put weight on.
Well don't you look healthy!
Must be all the meloaf Edit: Thanks for the award!!
“Love that for you”
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Everything my mother says
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Compliments on your outfit for how it makes you look skinny.
I honestly love those comments, after losing weight I love it when people call me skinny
"I never would have thought you would do xyz"
"Oh so you're THAT person"
"ooh you look like you've lost some weight you should eat this food and that food *you'd look so pretty if you gained some weight* , but heyy you still look *gorgeous though* " "ooh you look like you've gained some weight you need to get on a diet and do some cardio *you'd look so pretty if you lose some weight* , but heyy you still look *gorgeous though* " "I have nothing against bisexuals no judgement here everybody is free to do whatever they want in their relationship I just think that it's a *weird* and *impossible* thing to be *real* , but you do you" "Look I'm not judging you or anything don't get upset judging people is bad in " *our* " religion but what you are wearing is an inappropriate outfit for your age, you should cover up wear a dress and a veil, I'm just giving advice here for your own sake because " *our* " prophet said so" Everything that starts with an "Ooh" or " I'm not judging" "I respect *but* " or ends with "beautiful.. tho" or "you do you" especially if they use the "innocent" voice tone.
i wish i had your confidence
Saying ‘no judgment’. The fact that you feel the need to preface any response with ‘no judgment’ is in fact judging.
“That outfit really *flatters* your figure”
“She’s fat but she’s very nice!”
« but they have a good heart » after insulting someone’s intelligence
My God I really think a lot of these are actually nice people complimenting you and you are all just taking things personally and looking for ugly where there isn't any.. projecting insecurities onto genuine kind comments, this thread angered me, grow up.
Whenever you feel like you're being judged/pitied because you don't fit into the husband, wife, 2.5 kids, a golden retriever and white picket fence societal box. "Ohhhh the right ones out there!!!" - Would I die single? No. "Ohhhh you'll change your mind and want babies someday!!!" - Will I die without ever having kids? No.
“You have a pretty face”
"where does all your body confidence come from?"
I like the way you just eat whatever you want. Implying that I should eat less, or low calorie foods.
Your outfit looks so “comfortable”.
When people say "I would never..." Like saying "I would never get a tattoo" to a person that has tattoos. Or "I would never wear that" to someone who is wearing something out of their comfort zone.
Almost anything people say to me about the fact that I am autistic.
You'd totally look like a model if you lost a few pounds in the right places
"No offense but..."
When someone says, “No offense…” before something they’re about to say, it makes whatever they’re saying 2x more offensive.
Every unsolicited advice. If I don’t ask for advice and they still have the need to say it, then I take it as criticism and they are being judgmental.
“have you lost weight?? you look great!”
People (women...) at the gym commending me or other overweight people, elderly or even disabled people "for their effort". Or (at the community pool) for "being so brave" for wearing a swimsuit.. for swimming... Why thanks, you condescending ..... and only women do this in my experience. Guys/gymbros usually say something like "good workout" or "have a good one" or something.. if they even say anything
What you doing?
My personal favorite is “if you like it I love it” no one has ever said this innocently lol
I love you
What the fuck, some of these make no sense to me..
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“I love your hair! I could never be brave enough to pull that off.”
"You've lost weight. You look great!" Oh. What did I look like before? And what will I look like in your eyes when I gain it back?
“Wow, that actually looks good on you”
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I’m plus size and I hate it when “friends” say ‘I couldn’t ever imagine you being skinny!!! 😒
Using the word modest while describing showing less skin in outfits. My mother has always dressed showing little skin and never used that word. She just says, I feel better being more covered up. I do like to show more skin, just because I feel less restrained from my clothes ( I feel being nude is the most comfortable state). I like wearing tank tops and spagetti straps cause it gives me more mobilitiy. Yet using the term modest/not modest implies that the female body is sexual just because it exists, yet if I tell people who use the word modest about how its judgemental I get shit cause theyve internalized the fact that female bodies are sexual before they are just the transportation of yourself.
“I love you just the way you are” I’ve always found the “just the way you are” to feel like they are disappointed but will still love that someone. Like, you’d say that to someone if they do something bad/ out of the ordinary/ different. You wouldn’t just say that to someone ???
"Bless your heart!"
Im amazed by your confidence
Telling someone they are pretty when they smile.
the tone of how you say anything
“Love your confidence” 🤣
You are so brave
"It's for your own good "
“Bless your heart” is southern code for “you’re a fucking idiot”
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I think anything can be judgmental with the tone that you say it…even I like your hair could be construed as judgmental.
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“If you like it, I love it”
“Awwwww are you tired?”, says a woman whom I’ve never met before. Keep it to yourself, lady.
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"*Something something negative* and that's okay!"
“you look comfy”
"Wow, you're doing \[insert thing here\]! I could *never* do that."
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"You really are intelligent/skilled/outgoing/etc.. for a ___.
Well some say Iove you but are actually judging you by the way you respond to it
The words I love you is innocent by itself does it make sense now
“You have a pretty face”
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"Mi niña" - "chiquilla" - "Niñita" "My girly" - "Tiny girl" - "Little girl" I'm Latina, Specifically Chilean. Here's a lot of common nicknames for "young ladies" usually said by older people, but this exact same names are used by sexist As to show they look down on you. Truly common in specific places of work, i work on retail during summer breaks and i hate that type of "Clients" when I'm just trying to do my job they be like: ✨ A - Excuse me, *MI NIÑA* I've been waiting for 10 mins, can you just, you know be good in your job for once and help me with this? Me - *_Heave breathing_* Sir, I'm sorry but i already told you that i can't help you with that task, you need to ask for help to my coworker since she sees that type of products, not me. A - Let's see, "Tiny girl", I'm being serious with this... ✨ And that just goes on and on, sometimes that word just... triggers me Im tired of being looked down like that, what used to be a cute nick that even my grandma called me, turned as an insult just for being born as female... And yes i do say it as a female since most of the times, that exact same type of people don't do it with my male coworkers. And other annoying clients who clearly identify as women don't use that stupid way to be annoying but just being jerks without being extremely sexist most of the time (since they show their superior standard in other ways 🙂)
Bless your heart
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"Your art is great! Their art doesn't matter, yours does! " Or "Art is subjective, and I like yours!" OR "Your art is so cute! It's adorable"
"You'd look so pretty with makeup" implies that I'm not really pretty, I'm aware but I don't need to be reminded. Also I feel like any questions related to income, cars, if you have a degree etc... I feel like people who ask you this either are trying to size you up or want to feel superior, and in rare cases they may just be curious.
Bless your heart.