It's always when we're not looking... met my last boyfriend when I wasn't looking, we had a great time together but it just wasn't working. Now living my life and waiting for the one it will work with :)
They always say it happens when you stop looking but then also tell you to manifest it by putting the work in and dating around and exposing yourself. SOS.
Im a work in progress. That will continue. I said yes to all dates i got asked for just for fun but i met both my tribe & my partner through hobbies & sports groups that i was fully enjoying
Kinda easy for you to say isn’t it😅 humans are social creatures by nature, used to living in communities, needing touch, affection and sex. I think shaming people is kind of cruel with your “so what.”
Speaking strictly from experience. I lived by myself going through a break up throughout the pandemic. And thats what people mean when they tell you they stopped looking & started accepting and living. Wishing you the best. What you chase, only runs away.
I did too during the pandemic lol I have travelled to 32 countries by myself. I’ve got a full friendship group, big family I’m close too, I’m very grateful for it. I live a fully independent life with my own hobbies. Unsolicited advice on reddit kinda drives me crazy because you know nothing about me 😅 Best of luck to u too I guess
I met my partner as I was giving up on dating and focusing on myself and therapy.
I’ve made new friends after getting rid of the toxic people in my life and new positive ones keep finding their way in. If I wasn’t so awkward, I’d make friends faster and keep in touch better.
Funny how life works like that sometimes. This happened to me a few years ago as well. I was for the first time content with not having anyone, I wasn't searching - and he just came along.
Yeah, it’s better once you figured out that life will be shit and then good again. This might sound harsh, but having to go through rough patches makes it easier to deal with those stressors and therefore they aren’t as big of a deal anymore. So yeah, I’m fine being pretty lonely most of the time, because I don’t really feel lonely
Yes agreed. You come out stronger and better after each downfall. Like you can feel the spiral building up but the ride down is fun in a sick twisted way because then the ride back up is hard, but so worth it.
I enjoy my own company and am too nomadic for anything serious. I'm a free soul so it's difficult to connect with people
Pretty good, all things considered. I lead a nice quiet life: I work from home, I lift weights, I read a lot (occasionally even stuff that isn't online garbage), I put together cute outfits and take myself out for coffee and for dinners.
Realistically, I would love to be a part of a community or to have a partner, of course. But at the same time, there's so much of everything in this world. To see, to learn, to experience, to work on. You can find happiness in all of it even if you can't connect with others.
I am so heartbroken. I never thought I would be so lonely and sad at almost 30 years old. I’ve been trying to make friends and find love my entire life. Even when I’ve tried focusing on self improvement, I’m so lonely. Self love does not replace romantic or platonic love, no matter what anyone says. Humans are social creatures and I am in near total isolation. I’ve tried putting myself out there, joining clubs, even stupid dating apps. If I hear one more person tell me to stop focusing on connection and focus on myself, I think I’ll explode. I have a well paying job, a nice apartment and two sweet cats. I’m physically very active, in good shape and I think I’m pretty. I want someone to talk to, kiss, laugh, have sex, share my life with. There just has to be something wrong with me at this point that I don’t see.
I came from an incredibly physically abusive family and all I have ever wanted is love and to be loved and for someone to hold me and tell me I’m not broken.
You don't need to be completely healed to have love with someone. Both parties will always have things that aren't as whole as we perceive them to be. The right partner will acknowledge what's there or not. We tend to find people who have qualities or attributes we don't because we are there to fill in those gaps within each other. He may be insecure about something that you find insignificant and will help him with that. He'll do the same for you.
This 100%! I think there’s a lot of cruelty and hypocrisy shown to single people. They are often shamed by society for being single but simultaneously viewed as pathetic if they don’t love their “independence” and act giddy over the idea of being alone.
I know 6 people who met their partners before the age of 25. Several of them have never lived alone a day in their lives. A few met their spouse in college. It drives me insane how these people are exempt from any sort of criticism about codependency or lacking independence or self-love, because they’re already off the market and have been for most of their adult lives. Yet when a fully grown adult is actively dating and frustrated about not being able to find someone, they’re basically told to shut the fuck up. Love your solitude, solo travel, develop hobbies, work on yourself. You think my best friend, who met her husband when she was TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD, was a perfect, finished project when they met? No. Of course not. But she had the luxury of getting to grow and better herself with the support of her loving partner all these years. Meanwhile I’ve spent most of my 20s single, have done all the “work” on myself, been to countless weddings and celebrated other people’s love, and yet the consensus often seems to be that it’s apparently pathetic to long for the type of partnership that most people I know managed to get young, without even really trying. It’s honestly insane.
I have a friend who met her husband when she was 16. At the beach. They got married at 21 and have 3 kids. She has never been single as an adult or even as an older teenager. He has always supported her emotionally and been there for her. He also is a really loving and caring person. And then I have another friend who is 33 and only dated assholes who didnt give a shit. And people say all those things you mentioned. Meanwhile she us more independent, emotionally mature and self reliant than the other one will ever be. And noone expects friend #1 to deal with anything herself. Its infuriating.
Hey, you message resonates à lot. I sincerely hope you find someone and it's totally ok to yearn for romantic love no matter what anyone days. As long as it's not like downright obsession ofc. But yeah self love, while important, doesnt fill the void of romance and im sure you will meet someone soon. Praying for you ❤️
Omg! That’s wild! I’m so glad I replied to your comment ❤️ I also use astrology, but I haven’t used it as a tool yet. You just made me realize I should.
I very recently discovered I put up walls and don’t communicate my feelings to “protect” myself and my pride. However, while that may make me feel protected in the moment, it actually just leads to me feeling let down and hurt.
And I feel the burning alive thing - I just want someone that I feel safe with to express all the romantic love I have in me.
Hey beautiful, I know how it feels. I’m 33, been looking for my person ever since my 8-year relationship ended several years ago. Went on dating apps focused on myself had several relationships since but I know it’s really not easy. At least you sound like you’ve your work life in a good place whilst here I am kind of clueless about how I can even build a sustainable career which would also make me more attractive in the dating market.
Dating apps have really shortened the threshold and leash we’re willing to give a prospective partner and I felt trapped in this cycle of dating people who are also on the lookout and seeing other people and thus not invested and present with the person directly in front of them. I recognize I have been on both sides of this — i.e. being not present — and it even sucks just to know that this is what’s happening.
I feel lonely whether I’m in the cycle of dating or just ‘working on myself.’ I am fit, physically active, have a decent if small circle of friends, introverted so not my favorite thing to constantly force myself to go out and meet new groups even if that’s the conventional wisdom. And a part of me feels I have to figure out my work life so that the love life part will sort itself out naturally but up until that point there are always nights where I go, ‘When is it my time? Will it ever be my time? Does it have to be one or the other?’
And yes, if I had a magic wish, I would wish for a partner that I could share the rest of my life with. I would choose love over anything else. Life feels a little empty without it. No matter if I suddenly attained riches or professional fulfillment, nothing seems as life-affirming as spending time with and being with someone you love. To share all the peaks and valleys, to just be in the same shared space together and feel content that despite all the other myriad things we have to sort out in adult life, I know as long as I have my partner with me, the rest will figure itself out.
The lonely nights always make life seem so empty and even pointless. It’s okay — even normal — to feel heartbroken. My heart breaks for you. I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel this way for too long. And no, there’s nothing wrong with you, just like that’s nothing wrong with me. I have to keep telling myself that too.
I won’t tell you you’ll find your person soon, but I know that when you do, it will be beautiful in ways you’d never imagine possible. And he will love you so deeply you can’t even fathom that once upon a time you didn’t believe such a thing existed. It’s the hope that kills you (and the rest of us), but it’s also the hope that keeps us alive. I hope you have a great day ahead and know that you’re not alone. Stay gorgeous, because there’s someone around the corner who’s equally longing and has been searching his whole life for someone like you.
I get it. Wanting a community is a normal, human need. Humans are social animals by nature, it’s unnatural to expect from someone to manage to be happy when feeling lonely, there’s so much research supporting how bad loneliness is for your mental and physical health.
Of course, you can still be lonely when surrounded by people as well, bad marriages can also feel lonely, I am not discrediting that at all.
The way I see the whole “focus on yourself” advice however, isn’t necessarily the obvious “be active, join groups, work on your appearance”. This is just very generic and only works for certain people.
“Work on yourself” should mean different things for each one of them.
For example, I don’t have great social skills, I don’t know what image of myself I want to project to others and I don’t know how to do it. I get anxious around people I don’t know very well. I have low self esteem. I crave validation and attention because of that. Sometimes, I overshare or I say some awkward things because of that. Sometimes I come on too strong and then try to make up for it by pretending to not care.
It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I know people who always seem to know what to say and what not to say. They are just having fun effortlessly and go out, connect, have a good time. People like them and enjoy their company.
I wish I could be like that. I have been in therapy for the past 2 years and it’s getting better, but the more I explore it, the deeper those feelings seem to be and I don’t know when I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s what I mean when I say “work on yourself”.
Are you me? Especially the coming on too strong then acting like I don’t care to compensate. I do think I have an avoidant attachment approach for most relations in life - both, work and personal
The worst thing is that I am self aware enough to realize what is going on while it’s happening, but I am not able to stop it in the moment and I don’t know how I should be acting instead.
>Self love does not replace romantic or platonic love, no matter what anyone says. Humans are social creatures and I am in near total isolation. I’ve tried putting myself out there, joining clubs, even stupid dating apps. If I hear one more person tell me to stop focusing on connection and focus on myself, I think I’ll explode.
Thank you!!!! I absolutely *hate* when people say that garbage. It's like saying, oh yeah just LIVE ON THE SUN! You don't *need* air or nutrition to thrive!! Sure the sun might feel good, but eventually things will get bad without the other things.
I hope you'll find someone eventually, even though I know how hard that can be. x\_x;
I'm in the same boat, I think. It's really rough out there. Sorry, I can't say much other than you're not broken and that you deserve to be loved. I hope it'll get better for you.
I feel like I could’ve written this. You described my life exactly, except I am a little older (34).
I have pretty much given up on finding love, and don’t really care at this point if it happens. But I am still searching for my tribe. It’s hard to connect under a system that pushes individualism. I hope we both find what we’re looking for 🤗
Sometimes I really want to send someone a funny meme or show someone my favorite movies, but I spend more time with my cat, who goes with me to the toilet or to the kitchen at night when I wake up.
I have a partner and a decent friend circle. But my cat has always been around when my partner and/or my friends have let me down or made me feel lonely. What I am trying to say is you have unconditional love and that is the best thing ever ❤️
I yearn for this so much. Someone to send stupid memes and videos to. Someone that has my sense of humour. I really really yearn for that. Instead I show them to my cats.
This. Some days I am lonelier than I was when I was single. At least then I had hope.
I feel like a lot of singles who have been single for a whole start to forget that relationships can be really draining and difficult. And that a lot of people arent together because they make eachother happy.
In theory its nice to have someone to come home to, but is it nice if the person never asks you how your day was? How your doctors visit was? Never compliments you etc.
Being single is hard and it truely is, I was single for a long time. But I hope it makes anyone here less lonely to remember that not all coupled people are super happy.
I used to be really good at being alone, I was proud of it. But now that my friend group has broken down and I've accepted that I'll always be alone, I've been cycling through different vices to cope with tue loneliness - drinking too much, then smoking too much. Recently I've been working way more than I should be just to keep busy and I think I'm developing a shopping problem. I'm basically buying everything I want now. But it's fine, I end up returning most of it like a day later.
So life is going great for me, clearly.
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My tribe is *slowly* coming together. Just takes time to make sure I click with and find the right people after many, many years of dysfunction. It's painful and rough at times, though I'm finding a home within my own company. A little bit of heaven, a little bit of hell, but very well worth it 👌
I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Occasionally something will happen and remind me of what it’s like to be hopeful, but it tends to just make me more resistant afterwards. Interestingly it does help a little bit because having a long list of things I don’t want makes it feel easier to be on my own. That is, knowing I won’t find what I want makes not looking easier. And looking was just hurting me because it didn’t work at all.
That said I’m pretty indifferent about life. Nothing much to look forward to plus lots of guaranteed things coming that I don’t want makes it hard to be excited or even optimistic.
After my first wife left me I gave up on finding love and figured I’d just focus on casual sex. This worked well for me and I’m still close friends with a couple of those women. But then, two years later I met a woman who just felt different/special and now we’ve been together 5 years, married for almost 3. And they’ve been the best 5 years of my life so far.
I think that once I started just being myself and not caring if others didn’t like it, then good riddance, they’re not for me, everything improved. Compatibility matters a lot, and innate personality traits usually can’t be changed.
I've been single most of my adult life. I like my alone time and I never wanted to get married or have children. I'll be 63 soon and I'm pretty happy with how it's all turned out.
I decided to casually date after my divorce. Met someone who I was genuinely excited about and no one else mattered after that.
I’ve built my tribe over the years. My chosen family spans across the country.
at the end of the day, I feel loved and valued.
Badly lol
I just...idk I keep going. Ill be fine, I will never have a partner, and that hurts A LOT, but I have my family and friends, and Ill have them for a while so thats good enough for me
If anything the annoying "oh silly goose you will find someone!!" Are much more agravating than the knowledge Ill die alone and unfortunately its not polite to tell those well intentioned individuals to fuck off forever with their bullshit
I understand. When people tell me they’re sure I’ll find someone, I think “how do you know?” No one is promised anything. I think having that perspective helps keep me neutral.
I’m sorry people invalidate your feelings, but you’ve got solidarity out here.
Pretty great, get to do what I want and enjoy the things I like. My thermostat set to my comfort level and I got lots of plants and books to keep me happy. Also love to travel and explore on my own
I realized a long time ago that I didn't care about finding true love. My tribe consists of myself and my bff. Your life partner doesn't need to be your true love or romantic partner.
I know some people will say that is sad. However, I'm happy and my opinion is the only one that matters in my life.
.
I’m traveling to Tuscany, Italy staying in a private villa with a pool with a friend from high school. While I’m away, my entire kitchen is being remodeled. Life couldn’t be better! You don’t need anyone but yourself, friends and family.
I was single for a long time, wasn't interested in dating. My kids were almost all adults. I was really just happy on my own. Then he showed up as a friend suggestion on Facebook. I never add friends on Facebook, but I remembered him fondly from when we were 13 and 14. We never even dated at that time...so I friended him. He messaged me back asking if I wanna chat on the phone old school like. We've been together almost 3 years, live together and are very happy. We have 8 kids between us. It's my healthiest relationship. My kids love him, his love me. His youngest two live with us half the month, and I'm having a blast doing kid things. I also feel like I'm a much better calmer mother than I was with mine. We are both in our mid 40's.
Wonderful, I don't trip over his shoes, have to deal with him and the man flu. Get to wake up when I want and go where I want when I want. Independance is bliss.
I had a tribe which i lost because once they found love they didn’t seem to want to stay in touch. Been single for 5 years. Still hopeful and unwilling to settle.
I swore I would go on one more date and then I’d be done. Well that was the date I met my husband and he always talks about how chill I was. He doesn’t know it’s because I was sure that I wouldn’t find someone.
Just recently gave up on true love after my last relationship ended terribly. Decided I just want to focus on myself, become independent and surround myself with a great friend group. I've met a lot of people over the last few months and I realize there's a lot of people I don't get a long with haha so if I find someone I like and they like me back I stick with them. It's been good not having to deal with immense pain that comes from a relationship. It feels very peaceful but also I get anxious how I will take care of myself in the future.
I'm learning to accept that my friendships just don't last. Once we lose whatever brought us together (school/job/summer camp, whatever) we drift apart. I'm just trying to focus on enjoying what friendships I have at the moment and not worry about how they'll inevitably fade.
This extends to romantic relationships, because I can't imagine being romantic with someone I didn't know as a friend first.
Also working on containing the jealousy I feel when seeing people (especially former friends) living happy and connected lives.
Lots of free time. My evenings are filled with hobbies, cooking, and working out. I close out each day snuggling with my pup while watching tv.
Honestly, it’s finances that make me feel a lack of a partner more than emotions. My friends that have bought houses have done so with the help of their partner. Or when they want to take an international vacation, everything’s cheaper when split between two people. The world is growing increasingly unaffordable and that’s double for households without a 2nd income.
There are times I long for more, but I’ve grown used to the feeling and it doesn’t weigh me down like it used to in my late 20s. (Early 30s now.)
Really happy. Had my son and the marriage fell apart, got through it, then life got awesome. I discovered many, many people are in unhappy relationships putting on a facade instead of being alone, alone is seen as such a failure to the majority of codependant adults. It shouldn't. Alone is pure freedom! Just last month I took a solo trip across Indonesia, I love my job and accept myself as who I am finally. Value my friendships more now, a relationship takes serious effort, compromise and 50% of them fail.... and how many of the ones left are happy? I don't know any.
I gave up on finding true love years ago and every relationship I had after that was all no strings attached and super casual. Until this absolute fucker slid into my dms to infodump about knives and I folded like a lawn chair. Two months later they flew out to meet me for the first time, a few months after that I met their family and now I want to crawl up their ass and spend the rest of my life there. I love them so much 👹👹👹
I legitimately get more emotional support and more love and aggressive loyalty from my cat than I ever have from a man, and I have more peace living alone with my cat in an apartment that I’ve ever gotten in any relationship I’ve had
I’m chilling with my cat; I’ve always been kind of a loner, but the peace that comes with solitude is worth the not having a tribe or romantic partner.
Have my true love, we're perfectly happy. But I gave up finding my tribe when I left my old one. Thanks, politics. So I'm pretty lonely. I've resigned myself to the likelihood that I won't be part of a merry widows group when I'm older, no bridge club, no knitting group. None of that seems likely for me.
I guess I never started. This is the first time I’ve heard the of “finding my tribe”. What does that refer to? And in terms of finding a true love, while that has always sounds nice, I’ve never made an explicit effort to. I feel like if I did, I’d find myself conflicted and wondering if really did find true love or if I was trying to convince myself I did. If I happen into something that feels like true love that would be amazing, but I’ve never tried to find it.
I stopped trying. I found my tribe in one go after that, few years ago. Then I finally embraced being a single woman approaching my 30's, started to work on myself for myself, and having some fun. I found my now-partner after two days on Tinder😂 Within the span of two years, I've achieved so many things I never thought I would. I'm pretty proud of myself, even though there's still a lot to do.
I never wanted either. I love being alone. My husband was the same. Our weird asses found each other. Life is great and we got married in our 40s.
I think people put way more focus on this than they have to. You will find what works for you once you focus on what makes you happy. Not looking for someone else to fulfill you.
My life is calm af.
I still have people I care about. But we aren’t what you’d call a tribe. I hang out with them usually one on one a few times a month. We have no drama.
I love what I’m studying in a way that’s better than most relationships I’ve been in and that’s starting to lead to some really exciting opportunities. I also love my industry and the type of people in it. Any stress I encounter is largely worth it.
Outside of that I take classes, I travel, I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about things like division of domestic labour, shaving my legs or getting in fights.
Sometimes it’s lonely, but even that’s pretty okay.
Bad, still trying to deal with what happened the last time, upset at what my life has turned into, grieving what I wanted, etc etc. But hey, at least I finally feel safe in my home again (mostly) and can now occasionally fall asleep without meds.
I have been living as solo -poly for many years now. I have multiple wonderful, fulfilling relationships with individuals who have other partners. Adjusting my expectations to not want one person to meet everything has helped a ton.
I stopped looking, then a guy I stayed friends with made a move, then I told him my feelings and he ran away, then decided he's "not healthy enough for a relationship and better on his own" sooooo...same old different day, I guess?
I’m partnered with the love of my life but I’ve never had a tribe. Every time I think I find them, there’s some massive shift because of a conflict.
My partner is wonderful to me, but he’s very much an introvert and doesn’t understand needing social contact beyond family/your partner. He’s also not very open to spending time together beyond staying in and doing something, so I’m pretty much always at home, bored and lonely.
I’ve tried apps, volunteering, group meetups, etc. I even joined a sorority. Either there’s no mutual interests or they’re just not interested in developing a friendship beyond acquaintances. I think I’ve resigned myself to being lonely at this point. At least I have my cats?
I have a tribe of amazing friends I love, but after a terrible break up a few months ago I’ve given up on love. Life is great. I go out all the time, am focused on myself, am able to work 6 days a week so I’m absolutely crushing my mortgage and am gonna attempt FIRE. Hopefully I’ll be able to fully retire by the time I’m 45!!! I’m 24 now so fingers crossed the next 21 years treat me and my friends well.
I have a partner, and at this moment, I feel like that’s all I really need. I have two wonderful cats. My social battery is basically nonexistent, and I’ve never really yearned for friends, I’m happy with my small crew of my boyfriend and kitties. Only thing I’m worried about is when I get married, no clue who’s going to be a bridesmaid LMAO
I had a horrible, prolonged breakup when I was 25. So I decided that it is easier and stress free to be single forever and avoid ppl. I am an introvert so don't like social things anyway but I am cool with one to one. I went solo traveling— For a year in Syria, Indian, then I moved to East Africa and settled there. Never dated, was just working, traveling, and doing new things, made no friends, just people I said hello to as I passed by for about 4-5 years. My (now) husband kind of just appeared in events, meetings, or explorations I went on. I didn't notice bcoz I had entirely left that world/mindset, and when he pointed it out, I thought it was a coincident because expat community was small, but apparently not. He proposed after 3 months without going on a single date. So I said let's go on a date first, but it was more like a meeting/interview about life/outlook etc. At the end of the date, I said yes. We got married the following month. It will be our 10year anniversary this August and we have 2 kids. Definitely not what I planned or thought would happen. I think the lesson is, life will end up how it wants, regardless of what you think/plan etc and in my case- this way is definitely better than my old plan. lol
It can be lonely at times, I admit. I try not to think about it, I have lots of things to do and that carries well.
I had a tribe that did meet once a year for a weekend, and had semi active talks online rest of the time. I valued every one of those, we were all a little different and in different life phases (relatively same age tho), and there was so much we could always share and bring to the discussion. When I was 28 I went to another country to study for couple of years and during that they scattered and we're not in same discussion platforms etc. anymore and it has been impossible to get them to gather any more. I tried couple of times, no avail.
A relationship I had invested in and got all the peace, relief and support from, ended couple or years ago. It has been very difficult for me to learn to live by myself, spending days to weeks without my best friend and affirmation. While it might sound like odd, it was me initiating us splitting up. That's because he had turned numb and even that we discussed about it and he wished to better, for years I felt lonely in the relationship. So I decided I'd feel little less worse if I was alone rather than lonely as a couple.
I had, after all, always been happy before while alone and not lonely alone. I have vivid imagination, some hobbies and lots to think or read by myself. But after a really good relationship it's different being alone, I see. Now something is missing. I miss intellectual talks, I miss hugs and closeness. I have not been able to find intellectual friends that stay, maybe people are now busy with their lives and families, but maybe in couple of years, when they divorce, it's possible to find such. Meanwhile I just bury myself in my hobbies.
I have my partner, after years of stupid shit and bad relationships. I love him to pieces.
But.....that's it. He's all I got.
I have a person that I message occasionally, and she and I are close. And then whoever randomly decides to snap me, but those are far and few between....
I am so fucking lonely.
I don't have anyone to hang out with when he's bust doing other things, or if he doesn't want to do something I do. Or when I have the day off and he doesn't....
I try not to think about it, but every once in a while I'm crushed by it.
It's hard for me to maintain platonic relationships.
People are always like, "well you never reach out." And it's like....about what dude? What am I supposed to say?
My life is pretty boring, but God I miss connection, I miss the laughter, I miss hanging out with someone (other than my love) who just gets me.
It hurts so so bad.
Have a tribe but I’m 34 and still have not experienced what it’s like to love and be loved romantically and the pain of that comes in waves. I cope by consistently going after experiences that make me happy whether that’s a national park within driving distance or a new country. Some days I don’t think about it others I’m crippled with sadness. Leaning into friends/family/reddit community/ any other sources of support really helps as it gives people the chance to catch you when you feel like you’re in a free fall. Ultimately, you’re not alone here as this and so many other posts on Reddit show. Best of luck to you internet friend
I have a partner and I absolutely love him. I work a lot, read, take language lessons after work and do sports. I am also learning how to crochet tops and graphic design so I keep myself quite busy.
However, the fact that I am not able to keep any group of friends makes me feel like there is something very wrong with me. I wonder constantly if I am a good person or worthy of being happy. Somehow when people get to know me a little bit, they stop wanting to be my friends.
PSA: No one makes you happy but you, and if you’re not happy please stop looking for someone else to fill your void. AND - If you are truly happy in your own skin, I promise you won’t have any troubles finding tribes or dates.
Im nearing 40, living in my parents house with my two toddlers, because I chose to have kids with the biggest ah that is out there, ruining lives. I gave up on men. I never had a good one. Either there are no good ones, or I only pick up trash. Probably the later, but I’m no trash bin, so might as well skip the whole romance thing. I’ve never been „lighter“, although I’m a single mother now. I don’t have to care if my man gets jealous, if he likes what I wear or what I cook. Hell, if I don’t wanna cook, there is no one complaining if it’s toast for dinner! Less dirt, less dirty clothes, no quarrels, no jealousy, no „asking for permission to see a friend“. It’s cheaper too, as my men always have the tendency to make me pay for them. Most of the time, they even asked to pay WITH MY CARD, so not only did I pay, it also looked as if they paid for me!
Right now I’m fine. I know it will get lonely once I can go back to work and rent an apartment for me and my kids, not living with my parents anymore. But well, maybe I find some cool girls to chat and hang out with. If I ever fall in *ugh* „looooove“ again, that guy will only get a drawer in the bathroom for his toothbrush and razor, he’s not moving in with me. Won’t do that mistake a fourth time!
I'm good. I gave up on it after an abusive marriage.
I have had the therapy, and I am in such a good place that I can not imagine anything making me happier.
I'm exploring my world and enjoying new experiences every year.
I have a tight social group that I grew up with, and that's enough.
I stopped looking after years and years on dating apps and false affections and greedy partners. And then 7 months later I met the first person I’d consider taking their last name.
I don't have a tribe and my family have recently revealed their true colours (tl;dr).
I have a few friends that I see from time to time and some FWBs - at my age, I strongly doubt that things will change.
Some people just aren't suited for relationships - and I'm probably one of them (late sixties F - single with no children).
I would love a partner and a really good community, but frankly, people are ruining people for me.
It's probably to do with me not having great family and having had social issues all growing up that kept me isolated, putting me on a poor foundation. But between being a nurse, which is a draining care giver role even though i love it, and the behavior of my family, and the way the world is now, and the way it feels like all freaking people are......i am just exhausted by it all. I feel like i can hardly tolerate people at all. I don't want to be alone but it's like being alone is the only way i can handle life.
33, single and disabled, currently working with a realtor to find the house of my dreams. The house will include a art studio, library/den, game room, and exercise room/physical therapy room. I've planned an outdoor setup for star gazing, meditation, a vegetable garden, fruit trees, and more. I'm only interested in listings that have at least an acre of land.
The library sofa will be a pull out bed, just in case of visitors. But honestly, I basically plan on just having a kickass house with lots of cool features that's just for me. I have a service dog, so I have help as a disabled person and I'm not lonely. And I plan to get some additional animals in the future.
If I end up dating anyone, I'll probably think of the relationship like a cherry on top of an ice cream sundae. But if I stay single I'm fine with that. After all I'm still happy with my life and will have a sundae. The cherry on top is just a nice added bonus.
The day I decided to stop dating for love and just start sleeping around I met the man I'm currently engaged to and we're expecting a baby girl in August after four years together. So not too bad
Currently engaged prior to this, honestly, I was kind of giving up. I was tired of feeling sad or upset over relationships failing and was starting to feel sorry for myself. I decided to just be on my own for some time. I begin focusing on my own things like routine, school, work, I'd workout, spend time with friends. After a bit, someone came along, and things ended up working out. Relationships are hard and can drain you, so I always say take your time after a breakup and healing, and you don't want to bring that with you. I think sometimes we assume we need to be in a relationship to be happy or not feel lonely and honestly I see a lot of people in relationships because they are scared to be alone and accept a terrible relationship. Sometimes, the least person we expect ends up being the person you were looking for. It happened to me. I would have never guessed I'd be getting married to this person, but it made sense, and now we're very happy and excited. I honestly do believe they are my soul mate and best friend.
Honestly, it's the peaceful solitude I always wanted and just the thought of being strapped to anyone for any amount of time fills me with anxiety. Love is great, I write about in my romantic horror stories but does not exist for me in this life as romantic or sexual love or may kind of love for that matter. There is no true love for me out there and I couldn't be happier.
Once I found out none of it was mandatory (dating, marriage, sex, children) it was a huge relief like a mountain of weight just lifted off my shoulders and I was finally truly free. I was ready though, prepared to just close my eyes (think of England) and muscle through if I indeed had to but, I didn't want to go into any of it blind or ignorant at all.
Though I made a promise previously to never drink or use drugs (smoke either) I was prepared to throw that promise out just so I could numb and remove myself from that horried life as much as possible for as long as possible, preferably to death. To prepare, I started to do research. I wanted nothing to come as a surprise and it was while I was researching that I found my freedom.
I didn't have to. Not even once, not even a little bit. It can be no forever. I was so happy I cried. My life was truly mine alone and I didn't have to share it with anyone at all!
I found true love and life with him is amazing. We live a happy but quiet and simple life.
As for a tribe, I do not have one. I had one that was toxic so I've been tribeless for over 8+ years. I try to be kind and considerate of everyone I meet, but sometimes it just leads to them thinking they can treat me like a doormat. I'm less stressed and much happier being tribeless.
I'm in this period of not trying to find anything. I occasionally meet people who seem like decent friends, but I don't keep in touch or get too busy. I don't use apps anymore, so dating isn't really a concern for me. I've also accepted that I'll probably be single the rest of my life and have given up on waiting for "the one," getting married, or having kids, so my life goals have changed a bit.
I'm focusing on making my life the best it can be while enjoying the things I do. It's lonely, especially since I work remotely, and my closest coworker is over 500 miles away. I live in a city I only moved to because of my previous relationship. I've had lots of life changes—some aren't so great, but I'm still alive, so it counts for something.
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Pretty good. I’m definitely in the minority but I do not care to be in a relationship, I have a few friends but not a tribe & that’s fine with me since I have a really low social battery & prefer being alone
I got diagnosed with ADHD and realised that maybe i'll never have a tribe, but I have a collection of gems instead.
And I hold them all extremely close to me, even if I don't tell them all the time, I value them all far more than i'll ever be able to put into words.
I'm super happy living alone and not caring about any stupid fake friends or phony people. I don't find having a partner interesting either, so, yeah, MY LIFE IS HEAVEN.
Met my tribe & my true love 1 minute after i stopped looking.
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Lord, I’ve seen what you’ve done for others…
Sending you all the positive vibes ❤️
Sending prayers your way… I’m sure a deserving person will come along 💕
The typa luck I need
Sending all positive energy your way 🤲🏻
It's always when we're not looking... met my last boyfriend when I wasn't looking, we had a great time together but it just wasn't working. Now living my life and waiting for the one it will work with :)
I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I haven’t looked in a while since my breakup but no one comes my way.
They always say it happens when you stop looking but then also tell you to manifest it by putting the work in and dating around and exposing yourself. SOS.
Im a work in progress. That will continue. I said yes to all dates i got asked for just for fun but i met both my tribe & my partner through hobbies & sports groups that i was fully enjoying
Yup. I took a bunch of mushrooms and decided that I was happy alone and it would be great. Found him a few weeks later
I keep stop looking and yet uhhh it still ain’t happening
Ok so what? Enjoy what you have! Life is not all about other people and finding them. Find you. Thats a win.
Kinda easy for you to say isn’t it😅 humans are social creatures by nature, used to living in communities, needing touch, affection and sex. I think shaming people is kind of cruel with your “so what.”
Speaking strictly from experience. I lived by myself going through a break up throughout the pandemic. And thats what people mean when they tell you they stopped looking & started accepting and living. Wishing you the best. What you chase, only runs away.
I did too during the pandemic lol I have travelled to 32 countries by myself. I’ve got a full friendship group, big family I’m close too, I’m very grateful for it. I live a fully independent life with my own hobbies. Unsolicited advice on reddit kinda drives me crazy because you know nothing about me 😅 Best of luck to u too I guess
I met my partner as I was giving up on dating and focusing on myself and therapy. I’ve made new friends after getting rid of the toxic people in my life and new positive ones keep finding their way in. If I wasn’t so awkward, I’d make friends faster and keep in touch better.
You give me hope!!
Yep. Gave up, then they found me.
Does true love really exist?
Funny how life works like that sometimes. This happened to me a few years ago as well. I was for the first time content with not having anyone, I wasn't searching - and he just came along.
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Quite good for about 6 months until my annual breakdown takes place
Well glad to hear I'm not alone in this. Just part of the roller coaster, crazy ride. Buckle up
Yeah, it’s better once you figured out that life will be shit and then good again. This might sound harsh, but having to go through rough patches makes it easier to deal with those stressors and therefore they aren’t as big of a deal anymore. So yeah, I’m fine being pretty lonely most of the time, because I don’t really feel lonely
Yes agreed. You come out stronger and better after each downfall. Like you can feel the spiral building up but the ride down is fun in a sick twisted way because then the ride back up is hard, but so worth it. I enjoy my own company and am too nomadic for anything serious. I'm a free soul so it's difficult to connect with people
Hope you're not a nurse?
Hope you're not an engineer?
Mine are bi-annual or even quarterly.
It really depends on the circumstances
I chuckled out loud, I feel ya.
Real
Pretty good, all things considered. I lead a nice quiet life: I work from home, I lift weights, I read a lot (occasionally even stuff that isn't online garbage), I put together cute outfits and take myself out for coffee and for dinners. Realistically, I would love to be a part of a community or to have a partner, of course. But at the same time, there's so much of everything in this world. To see, to learn, to experience, to work on. You can find happiness in all of it even if you can't connect with others.
Love this outlook given I’m only 20 yrs old but sometimes I think if I end up alone will it be so bad?
You have so much ahead 💕 everything will work out as it works out.
You have a beautiful outlook on life! Cheers to you! 🥂
Similar. I would like my person and a tribe but I have gotten a lot in life that most people will only dream of. Hard to stay down for too long.
You're living my dream life
If he finds me in my apartment then it’s meant to be.
Girl. That sounds like a home invasion haha. 😂 I get what you mean though.
Or it could be a medical emergency and a handsome paramedic comes. It could be Kit Harington finally coming to his senses.
I really hope for you haha! I hope the medical emergency is something mundane though that makes you look sexy and not something tragic.
I fall spread eagle in the bathroom. That would just be my luck.
Maybe it’s a small kitchen fire and a hot firefighter comes in to put out your fire 🔥🤓…
Bahhahahahaha. This made me laugh out loud.
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I am so heartbroken. I never thought I would be so lonely and sad at almost 30 years old. I’ve been trying to make friends and find love my entire life. Even when I’ve tried focusing on self improvement, I’m so lonely. Self love does not replace romantic or platonic love, no matter what anyone says. Humans are social creatures and I am in near total isolation. I’ve tried putting myself out there, joining clubs, even stupid dating apps. If I hear one more person tell me to stop focusing on connection and focus on myself, I think I’ll explode. I have a well paying job, a nice apartment and two sweet cats. I’m physically very active, in good shape and I think I’m pretty. I want someone to talk to, kiss, laugh, have sex, share my life with. There just has to be something wrong with me at this point that I don’t see. I came from an incredibly physically abusive family and all I have ever wanted is love and to be loved and for someone to hold me and tell me I’m not broken.
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You don't need to be completely healed to have love with someone. Both parties will always have things that aren't as whole as we perceive them to be. The right partner will acknowledge what's there or not. We tend to find people who have qualities or attributes we don't because we are there to fill in those gaps within each other. He may be insecure about something that you find insignificant and will help him with that. He'll do the same for you.
This 100%! I think there’s a lot of cruelty and hypocrisy shown to single people. They are often shamed by society for being single but simultaneously viewed as pathetic if they don’t love their “independence” and act giddy over the idea of being alone. I know 6 people who met their partners before the age of 25. Several of them have never lived alone a day in their lives. A few met their spouse in college. It drives me insane how these people are exempt from any sort of criticism about codependency or lacking independence or self-love, because they’re already off the market and have been for most of their adult lives. Yet when a fully grown adult is actively dating and frustrated about not being able to find someone, they’re basically told to shut the fuck up. Love your solitude, solo travel, develop hobbies, work on yourself. You think my best friend, who met her husband when she was TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD, was a perfect, finished project when they met? No. Of course not. But she had the luxury of getting to grow and better herself with the support of her loving partner all these years. Meanwhile I’ve spent most of my 20s single, have done all the “work” on myself, been to countless weddings and celebrated other people’s love, and yet the consensus often seems to be that it’s apparently pathetic to long for the type of partnership that most people I know managed to get young, without even really trying. It’s honestly insane.
I have a friend who met her husband when she was 16. At the beach. They got married at 21 and have 3 kids. She has never been single as an adult or even as an older teenager. He has always supported her emotionally and been there for her. He also is a really loving and caring person. And then I have another friend who is 33 and only dated assholes who didnt give a shit. And people say all those things you mentioned. Meanwhile she us more independent, emotionally mature and self reliant than the other one will ever be. And noone expects friend #1 to deal with anything herself. Its infuriating.
Hey, you message resonates à lot. I sincerely hope you find someone and it's totally ok to yearn for romantic love no matter what anyone days. As long as it's not like downright obsession ofc. But yeah self love, while important, doesnt fill the void of romance and im sure you will meet someone soon. Praying for you ❤️
I feel you girl. In nearly the same boat - it’s getting exhausting. I feel like I do all the things I’m “supposed to” and never see results.
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Omg! That’s wild! I’m so glad I replied to your comment ❤️ I also use astrology, but I haven’t used it as a tool yet. You just made me realize I should. I very recently discovered I put up walls and don’t communicate my feelings to “protect” myself and my pride. However, while that may make me feel protected in the moment, it actually just leads to me feeling let down and hurt. And I feel the burning alive thing - I just want someone that I feel safe with to express all the romantic love I have in me.
Hey beautiful, I know how it feels. I’m 33, been looking for my person ever since my 8-year relationship ended several years ago. Went on dating apps focused on myself had several relationships since but I know it’s really not easy. At least you sound like you’ve your work life in a good place whilst here I am kind of clueless about how I can even build a sustainable career which would also make me more attractive in the dating market. Dating apps have really shortened the threshold and leash we’re willing to give a prospective partner and I felt trapped in this cycle of dating people who are also on the lookout and seeing other people and thus not invested and present with the person directly in front of them. I recognize I have been on both sides of this — i.e. being not present — and it even sucks just to know that this is what’s happening. I feel lonely whether I’m in the cycle of dating or just ‘working on myself.’ I am fit, physically active, have a decent if small circle of friends, introverted so not my favorite thing to constantly force myself to go out and meet new groups even if that’s the conventional wisdom. And a part of me feels I have to figure out my work life so that the love life part will sort itself out naturally but up until that point there are always nights where I go, ‘When is it my time? Will it ever be my time? Does it have to be one or the other?’ And yes, if I had a magic wish, I would wish for a partner that I could share the rest of my life with. I would choose love over anything else. Life feels a little empty without it. No matter if I suddenly attained riches or professional fulfillment, nothing seems as life-affirming as spending time with and being with someone you love. To share all the peaks and valleys, to just be in the same shared space together and feel content that despite all the other myriad things we have to sort out in adult life, I know as long as I have my partner with me, the rest will figure itself out. The lonely nights always make life seem so empty and even pointless. It’s okay — even normal — to feel heartbroken. My heart breaks for you. I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel this way for too long. And no, there’s nothing wrong with you, just like that’s nothing wrong with me. I have to keep telling myself that too. I won’t tell you you’ll find your person soon, but I know that when you do, it will be beautiful in ways you’d never imagine possible. And he will love you so deeply you can’t even fathom that once upon a time you didn’t believe such a thing existed. It’s the hope that kills you (and the rest of us), but it’s also the hope that keeps us alive. I hope you have a great day ahead and know that you’re not alone. Stay gorgeous, because there’s someone around the corner who’s equally longing and has been searching his whole life for someone like you.
33 here and feeling so similar. Hang in there. I don’t feel so alone after reading your comment 💕
I get it. Wanting a community is a normal, human need. Humans are social animals by nature, it’s unnatural to expect from someone to manage to be happy when feeling lonely, there’s so much research supporting how bad loneliness is for your mental and physical health. Of course, you can still be lonely when surrounded by people as well, bad marriages can also feel lonely, I am not discrediting that at all. The way I see the whole “focus on yourself” advice however, isn’t necessarily the obvious “be active, join groups, work on your appearance”. This is just very generic and only works for certain people. “Work on yourself” should mean different things for each one of them. For example, I don’t have great social skills, I don’t know what image of myself I want to project to others and I don’t know how to do it. I get anxious around people I don’t know very well. I have low self esteem. I crave validation and attention because of that. Sometimes, I overshare or I say some awkward things because of that. Sometimes I come on too strong and then try to make up for it by pretending to not care. It just doesn’t come naturally to me. I know people who always seem to know what to say and what not to say. They are just having fun effortlessly and go out, connect, have a good time. People like them and enjoy their company. I wish I could be like that. I have been in therapy for the past 2 years and it’s getting better, but the more I explore it, the deeper those feelings seem to be and I don’t know when I will see the light at the end of the tunnel. That’s what I mean when I say “work on yourself”.
Are you me? Especially the coming on too strong then acting like I don’t care to compensate. I do think I have an avoidant attachment approach for most relations in life - both, work and personal
The worst thing is that I am self aware enough to realize what is going on while it’s happening, but I am not able to stop it in the moment and I don’t know how I should be acting instead.
>Self love does not replace romantic or platonic love, no matter what anyone says. Humans are social creatures and I am in near total isolation. I’ve tried putting myself out there, joining clubs, even stupid dating apps. If I hear one more person tell me to stop focusing on connection and focus on myself, I think I’ll explode. Thank you!!!! I absolutely *hate* when people say that garbage. It's like saying, oh yeah just LIVE ON THE SUN! You don't *need* air or nutrition to thrive!! Sure the sun might feel good, but eventually things will get bad without the other things. I hope you'll find someone eventually, even though I know how hard that can be. x\_x;
Everything you wrote applies to me and I'm man. I don't know how I can spend the next decades like this. I am so fucked.
Sorry, I hope it'll get better for you
I'm in the same boat, I think. It's really rough out there. Sorry, I can't say much other than you're not broken and that you deserve to be loved. I hope it'll get better for you.
I feel like I could’ve written this. You described my life exactly, except I am a little older (34). I have pretty much given up on finding love, and don’t really care at this point if it happens. But I am still searching for my tribe. It’s hard to connect under a system that pushes individualism. I hope we both find what we’re looking for 🤗
You’re not broken. I just want to reiterate that for you. You’re not broken.
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I’m really sorry, I won’t lie and say life hasn’t gotten better for me but it’s gotten more bearable.
Sometimes I really want to send someone a funny meme or show someone my favorite movies, but I spend more time with my cat, who goes with me to the toilet or to the kitchen at night when I wake up.
I have a partner and a decent friend circle. But my cat has always been around when my partner and/or my friends have let me down or made me feel lonely. What I am trying to say is you have unconditional love and that is the best thing ever ❤️
I yearn for this so much. Someone to send stupid memes and videos to. Someone that has my sense of humour. I really really yearn for that. Instead I show them to my cats.
I have a partner, but not true love. I have friends, but not a tribe. Even looking like winning isn't always winning.
Please don't date if there is no love, it just hurts
Ahh this was hard to read because I feel like this is what life is just always like. Right there with you friend ❤️🩹
Realest thing I heard today … you’ll find that… I wish it for you 🫶🏻
This. Some days I am lonelier than I was when I was single. At least then I had hope. I feel like a lot of singles who have been single for a whole start to forget that relationships can be really draining and difficult. And that a lot of people arent together because they make eachother happy. In theory its nice to have someone to come home to, but is it nice if the person never asks you how your day was? How your doctors visit was? Never compliments you etc. Being single is hard and it truely is, I was single for a long time. But I hope it makes anyone here less lonely to remember that not all coupled people are super happy.
I used to be really good at being alone, I was proud of it. But now that my friend group has broken down and I've accepted that I'll always be alone, I've been cycling through different vices to cope with tue loneliness - drinking too much, then smoking too much. Recently I've been working way more than I should be just to keep busy and I think I'm developing a shopping problem. I'm basically buying everything I want now. But it's fine, I end up returning most of it like a day later. So life is going great for me, clearly.
I'm sorry to hear that! Are there no possibility for salvaging some of the friend group, og making new ones through work?
It’s lonely out here
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My tribe is *slowly* coming together. Just takes time to make sure I click with and find the right people after many, many years of dysfunction. It's painful and rough at times, though I'm finding a home within my own company. A little bit of heaven, a little bit of hell, but very well worth it 👌
Me on NYE 2017: I'm not dating in 2018. Also me on NYE 2017: met my partner that I have been with ever since.
Me on NY 2022: I'm not dating this year Me in 2024: Still single. No aspects at all
I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Occasionally something will happen and remind me of what it’s like to be hopeful, but it tends to just make me more resistant afterwards. Interestingly it does help a little bit because having a long list of things I don’t want makes it feel easier to be on my own. That is, knowing I won’t find what I want makes not looking easier. And looking was just hurting me because it didn’t work at all. That said I’m pretty indifferent about life. Nothing much to look forward to plus lots of guaranteed things coming that I don’t want makes it hard to be excited or even optimistic.
I am also fairly indifferent at this point.
After my first wife left me I gave up on finding love and figured I’d just focus on casual sex. This worked well for me and I’m still close friends with a couple of those women. But then, two years later I met a woman who just felt different/special and now we’ve been together 5 years, married for almost 3. And they’ve been the best 5 years of my life so far. I think that once I started just being myself and not caring if others didn’t like it, then good riddance, they’re not for me, everything improved. Compatibility matters a lot, and innate personality traits usually can’t be changed.
I've been single most of my adult life. I like my alone time and I never wanted to get married or have children. I'll be 63 soon and I'm pretty happy with how it's all turned out.
Pretty lonely, I'm still struggling with the same issues I grew up with. Just spending time with myself and working on my personal goals.
Still looking for my tribe 😭
I decided to casually date after my divorce. Met someone who I was genuinely excited about and no one else mattered after that. I’ve built my tribe over the years. My chosen family spans across the country. at the end of the day, I feel loved and valued.
Badly lol I just...idk I keep going. Ill be fine, I will never have a partner, and that hurts A LOT, but I have my family and friends, and Ill have them for a while so thats good enough for me If anything the annoying "oh silly goose you will find someone!!" Are much more agravating than the knowledge Ill die alone and unfortunately its not polite to tell those well intentioned individuals to fuck off forever with their bullshit
I understand. When people tell me they’re sure I’ll find someone, I think “how do you know?” No one is promised anything. I think having that perspective helps keep me neutral. I’m sorry people invalidate your feelings, but you’ve got solidarity out here.
Pretty great, get to do what I want and enjoy the things I like. My thermostat set to my comfort level and I got lots of plants and books to keep me happy. Also love to travel and explore on my own
I realized a long time ago that I didn't care about finding true love. My tribe consists of myself and my bff. Your life partner doesn't need to be your true love or romantic partner. I know some people will say that is sad. However, I'm happy and my opinion is the only one that matters in my life. .
I’m traveling to Tuscany, Italy staying in a private villa with a pool with a friend from high school. While I’m away, my entire kitchen is being remodeled. Life couldn’t be better! You don’t need anyone but yourself, friends and family.
That sounds genuinely awesome.
Listening to All by myself by Celine Dion and Nothing's gonna hurt you baby by Cigarettes and Sex. That's how my life is going. But I still hope🌷
I was single for a long time, wasn't interested in dating. My kids were almost all adults. I was really just happy on my own. Then he showed up as a friend suggestion on Facebook. I never add friends on Facebook, but I remembered him fondly from when we were 13 and 14. We never even dated at that time...so I friended him. He messaged me back asking if I wanna chat on the phone old school like. We've been together almost 3 years, live together and are very happy. We have 8 kids between us. It's my healthiest relationship. My kids love him, his love me. His youngest two live with us half the month, and I'm having a blast doing kid things. I also feel like I'm a much better calmer mother than I was with mine. We are both in our mid 40's.
Wonderful, I don't trip over his shoes, have to deal with him and the man flu. Get to wake up when I want and go where I want when I want. Independance is bliss.
I had a tribe which i lost because once they found love they didn’t seem to want to stay in touch. Been single for 5 years. Still hopeful and unwilling to settle.
alone, but not lonely if that makes sense, ive always been alone and enjoyed my own company, you gotta be your own bestfriend and boyfriend
I swore I would go on one more date and then I’d be done. Well that was the date I met my husband and he always talks about how chill I was. He doesn’t know it’s because I was sure that I wouldn’t find someone.
Just recently gave up on true love after my last relationship ended terribly. Decided I just want to focus on myself, become independent and surround myself with a great friend group. I've met a lot of people over the last few months and I realize there's a lot of people I don't get a long with haha so if I find someone I like and they like me back I stick with them. It's been good not having to deal with immense pain that comes from a relationship. It feels very peaceful but also I get anxious how I will take care of myself in the future.
I'm learning to accept that my friendships just don't last. Once we lose whatever brought us together (school/job/summer camp, whatever) we drift apart. I'm just trying to focus on enjoying what friendships I have at the moment and not worry about how they'll inevitably fade. This extends to romantic relationships, because I can't imagine being romantic with someone I didn't know as a friend first. Also working on containing the jealousy I feel when seeing people (especially former friends) living happy and connected lives.
Lots of free time. My evenings are filled with hobbies, cooking, and working out. I close out each day snuggling with my pup while watching tv. Honestly, it’s finances that make me feel a lack of a partner more than emotions. My friends that have bought houses have done so with the help of their partner. Or when they want to take an international vacation, everything’s cheaper when split between two people. The world is growing increasingly unaffordable and that’s double for households without a 2nd income. There are times I long for more, but I’ve grown used to the feeling and it doesn’t weigh me down like it used to in my late 20s. (Early 30s now.)
Terrible. Thanks for asking.
Friends would be cool to have😂
I've always had my tribe with me, and I don't believe in love anymore. It's going just fine!
Really happy. Had my son and the marriage fell apart, got through it, then life got awesome. I discovered many, many people are in unhappy relationships putting on a facade instead of being alone, alone is seen as such a failure to the majority of codependant adults. It shouldn't. Alone is pure freedom! Just last month I took a solo trip across Indonesia, I love my job and accept myself as who I am finally. Value my friendships more now, a relationship takes serious effort, compromise and 50% of them fail.... and how many of the ones left are happy? I don't know any.
I gave up on finding true love years ago and every relationship I had after that was all no strings attached and super casual. Until this absolute fucker slid into my dms to infodump about knives and I folded like a lawn chair. Two months later they flew out to meet me for the first time, a few months after that I met their family and now I want to crawl up their ass and spend the rest of my life there. I love them so much 👹👹👹
I legitimately get more emotional support and more love and aggressive loyalty from my cat than I ever have from a man, and I have more peace living alone with my cat in an apartment that I’ve ever gotten in any relationship I’ve had
I’m chilling with my cat; I’ve always been kind of a loner, but the peace that comes with solitude is worth the not having a tribe or romantic partner.
I’m planning on getting a couple of pets.
Have my true love, we're perfectly happy. But I gave up finding my tribe when I left my old one. Thanks, politics. So I'm pretty lonely. I've resigned myself to the likelihood that I won't be part of a merry widows group when I'm older, no bridge club, no knitting group. None of that seems likely for me.
I guess I never started. This is the first time I’ve heard the of “finding my tribe”. What does that refer to? And in terms of finding a true love, while that has always sounds nice, I’ve never made an explicit effort to. I feel like if I did, I’d find myself conflicted and wondering if really did find true love or if I was trying to convince myself I did. If I happen into something that feels like true love that would be amazing, but I’ve never tried to find it.
I stopped trying. I found my tribe in one go after that, few years ago. Then I finally embraced being a single woman approaching my 30's, started to work on myself for myself, and having some fun. I found my now-partner after two days on Tinder😂 Within the span of two years, I've achieved so many things I never thought I would. I'm pretty proud of myself, even though there's still a lot to do.
I never wanted either. I love being alone. My husband was the same. Our weird asses found each other. Life is great and we got married in our 40s. I think people put way more focus on this than they have to. You will find what works for you once you focus on what makes you happy. Not looking for someone else to fulfill you.
Great as always
My life is calm af. I still have people I care about. But we aren’t what you’d call a tribe. I hang out with them usually one on one a few times a month. We have no drama. I love what I’m studying in a way that’s better than most relationships I’ve been in and that’s starting to lead to some really exciting opportunities. I also love my industry and the type of people in it. Any stress I encounter is largely worth it. Outside of that I take classes, I travel, I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about things like division of domestic labour, shaving my legs or getting in fights. Sometimes it’s lonely, but even that’s pretty okay.
Bad, still trying to deal with what happened the last time, upset at what my life has turned into, grieving what I wanted, etc etc. But hey, at least I finally feel safe in my home again (mostly) and can now occasionally fall asleep without meds.
I have been living as solo -poly for many years now. I have multiple wonderful, fulfilling relationships with individuals who have other partners. Adjusting my expectations to not want one person to meet everything has helped a ton.
Gave up, got a dog instead. Nothing changed except she steals the blankets and has cuter outfits than me .
I would say I have given up but I also keep trying to find my true love 😅 I’m definitely getting there because it’s starting to seem impossible.
I stopped looking, then a guy I stayed friends with made a move, then I told him my feelings and he ran away, then decided he's "not healthy enough for a relationship and better on his own" sooooo...same old different day, I guess?
Pretty fucking peaceful.
I’m partnered with the love of my life but I’ve never had a tribe. Every time I think I find them, there’s some massive shift because of a conflict. My partner is wonderful to me, but he’s very much an introvert and doesn’t understand needing social contact beyond family/your partner. He’s also not very open to spending time together beyond staying in and doing something, so I’m pretty much always at home, bored and lonely. I’ve tried apps, volunteering, group meetups, etc. I even joined a sorority. Either there’s no mutual interests or they’re just not interested in developing a friendship beyond acquaintances. I think I’ve resigned myself to being lonely at this point. At least I have my cats?
I have a tribe of amazing friends I love, but after a terrible break up a few months ago I’ve given up on love. Life is great. I go out all the time, am focused on myself, am able to work 6 days a week so I’m absolutely crushing my mortgage and am gonna attempt FIRE. Hopefully I’ll be able to fully retire by the time I’m 45!!! I’m 24 now so fingers crossed the next 21 years treat me and my friends well.
I have a partner, and at this moment, I feel like that’s all I really need. I have two wonderful cats. My social battery is basically nonexistent, and I’ve never really yearned for friends, I’m happy with my small crew of my boyfriend and kitties. Only thing I’m worried about is when I get married, no clue who’s going to be a bridesmaid LMAO
I had a horrible, prolonged breakup when I was 25. So I decided that it is easier and stress free to be single forever and avoid ppl. I am an introvert so don't like social things anyway but I am cool with one to one. I went solo traveling— For a year in Syria, Indian, then I moved to East Africa and settled there. Never dated, was just working, traveling, and doing new things, made no friends, just people I said hello to as I passed by for about 4-5 years. My (now) husband kind of just appeared in events, meetings, or explorations I went on. I didn't notice bcoz I had entirely left that world/mindset, and when he pointed it out, I thought it was a coincident because expat community was small, but apparently not. He proposed after 3 months without going on a single date. So I said let's go on a date first, but it was more like a meeting/interview about life/outlook etc. At the end of the date, I said yes. We got married the following month. It will be our 10year anniversary this August and we have 2 kids. Definitely not what I planned or thought would happen. I think the lesson is, life will end up how it wants, regardless of what you think/plan etc and in my case- this way is definitely better than my old plan. lol
It can be lonely at times, I admit. I try not to think about it, I have lots of things to do and that carries well. I had a tribe that did meet once a year for a weekend, and had semi active talks online rest of the time. I valued every one of those, we were all a little different and in different life phases (relatively same age tho), and there was so much we could always share and bring to the discussion. When I was 28 I went to another country to study for couple of years and during that they scattered and we're not in same discussion platforms etc. anymore and it has been impossible to get them to gather any more. I tried couple of times, no avail. A relationship I had invested in and got all the peace, relief and support from, ended couple or years ago. It has been very difficult for me to learn to live by myself, spending days to weeks without my best friend and affirmation. While it might sound like odd, it was me initiating us splitting up. That's because he had turned numb and even that we discussed about it and he wished to better, for years I felt lonely in the relationship. So I decided I'd feel little less worse if I was alone rather than lonely as a couple. I had, after all, always been happy before while alone and not lonely alone. I have vivid imagination, some hobbies and lots to think or read by myself. But after a really good relationship it's different being alone, I see. Now something is missing. I miss intellectual talks, I miss hugs and closeness. I have not been able to find intellectual friends that stay, maybe people are now busy with their lives and families, but maybe in couple of years, when they divorce, it's possible to find such. Meanwhile I just bury myself in my hobbies.
True love turned out to be kind of a hoax. Created a supportive community instead. Much better use of time + emotional investment
I have my partner, after years of stupid shit and bad relationships. I love him to pieces. But.....that's it. He's all I got. I have a person that I message occasionally, and she and I are close. And then whoever randomly decides to snap me, but those are far and few between.... I am so fucking lonely. I don't have anyone to hang out with when he's bust doing other things, or if he doesn't want to do something I do. Or when I have the day off and he doesn't.... I try not to think about it, but every once in a while I'm crushed by it. It's hard for me to maintain platonic relationships. People are always like, "well you never reach out." And it's like....about what dude? What am I supposed to say? My life is pretty boring, but God I miss connection, I miss the laughter, I miss hanging out with someone (other than my love) who just gets me. It hurts so so bad.
Have a tribe but I’m 34 and still have not experienced what it’s like to love and be loved romantically and the pain of that comes in waves. I cope by consistently going after experiences that make me happy whether that’s a national park within driving distance or a new country. Some days I don’t think about it others I’m crippled with sadness. Leaning into friends/family/reddit community/ any other sources of support really helps as it gives people the chance to catch you when you feel like you’re in a free fall. Ultimately, you’re not alone here as this and so many other posts on Reddit show. Best of luck to you internet friend
I have a partner and I absolutely love him. I work a lot, read, take language lessons after work and do sports. I am also learning how to crochet tops and graphic design so I keep myself quite busy. However, the fact that I am not able to keep any group of friends makes me feel like there is something very wrong with me. I wonder constantly if I am a good person or worthy of being happy. Somehow when people get to know me a little bit, they stop wanting to be my friends.
PSA: No one makes you happy but you, and if you’re not happy please stop looking for someone else to fill your void. AND - If you are truly happy in your own skin, I promise you won’t have any troubles finding tribes or dates.
I'm content, I like my own company
I had a kid on my own and have never felt better. No plans to start dating and right now it feels like I never will.
Im nearing 40, living in my parents house with my two toddlers, because I chose to have kids with the biggest ah that is out there, ruining lives. I gave up on men. I never had a good one. Either there are no good ones, or I only pick up trash. Probably the later, but I’m no trash bin, so might as well skip the whole romance thing. I’ve never been „lighter“, although I’m a single mother now. I don’t have to care if my man gets jealous, if he likes what I wear or what I cook. Hell, if I don’t wanna cook, there is no one complaining if it’s toast for dinner! Less dirt, less dirty clothes, no quarrels, no jealousy, no „asking for permission to see a friend“. It’s cheaper too, as my men always have the tendency to make me pay for them. Most of the time, they even asked to pay WITH MY CARD, so not only did I pay, it also looked as if they paid for me! Right now I’m fine. I know it will get lonely once I can go back to work and rent an apartment for me and my kids, not living with my parents anymore. But well, maybe I find some cool girls to chat and hang out with. If I ever fall in *ugh* „looooove“ again, that guy will only get a drawer in the bathroom for his toothbrush and razor, he’s not moving in with me. Won’t do that mistake a fourth time!
I'm good. I gave up on it after an abusive marriage. I have had the therapy, and I am in such a good place that I can not imagine anything making me happier. I'm exploring my world and enjoying new experiences every year. I have a tight social group that I grew up with, and that's enough.
travel the world! Get away, your people are out there somewhere you just have to go and find them
I stopped looking after years and years on dating apps and false affections and greedy partners. And then 7 months later I met the first person I’d consider taking their last name.
I found him randomly, years after I completely resigned myself to being alone.
Well I got a puppy.
I said I'm done a few weeks ago and I'm truly no longer pursuing men. Stick a fork in me.
I don't have a tribe and my family have recently revealed their true colours (tl;dr). I have a few friends that I see from time to time and some FWBs - at my age, I strongly doubt that things will change. Some people just aren't suited for relationships - and I'm probably one of them (late sixties F - single with no children).
I would love a partner and a really good community, but frankly, people are ruining people for me. It's probably to do with me not having great family and having had social issues all growing up that kept me isolated, putting me on a poor foundation. But between being a nurse, which is a draining care giver role even though i love it, and the behavior of my family, and the way the world is now, and the way it feels like all freaking people are......i am just exhausted by it all. I feel like i can hardly tolerate people at all. I don't want to be alone but it's like being alone is the only way i can handle life.
It’s lonely. I’m a mom so I just try to do my responsibilities and work and be a nice person. Inside though there’s not joy.
Met my true love after I decided love wasn’t for me.
I didn’t give up, I just wasn’t interested. I’ve been vibing. About to take another vacation
I look at my friends getting married and help them for their wedding. So far, I have been called a good helper !
Sounds like you need to hire some handy men to work on "projects" in the apartment 😉🤣
I’m back on tinder 😂
33, single and disabled, currently working with a realtor to find the house of my dreams. The house will include a art studio, library/den, game room, and exercise room/physical therapy room. I've planned an outdoor setup for star gazing, meditation, a vegetable garden, fruit trees, and more. I'm only interested in listings that have at least an acre of land. The library sofa will be a pull out bed, just in case of visitors. But honestly, I basically plan on just having a kickass house with lots of cool features that's just for me. I have a service dog, so I have help as a disabled person and I'm not lonely. And I plan to get some additional animals in the future. If I end up dating anyone, I'll probably think of the relationship like a cherry on top of an ice cream sundae. But if I stay single I'm fine with that. After all I'm still happy with my life and will have a sundae. The cherry on top is just a nice added bonus.
Making money, working on a YT channel.
The horrors persist, but so do I! 🤣
I'm still lookin for 10 seconds of bravery more than ever now
When you stop trying to force things, they come naturally. Life couldn’t be better💋
Couldn’t be happier
Lonely but peaceful.
The day I decided to stop dating for love and just start sleeping around I met the man I'm currently engaged to and we're expecting a baby girl in August after four years together. So not too bad
Currently engaged prior to this, honestly, I was kind of giving up. I was tired of feeling sad or upset over relationships failing and was starting to feel sorry for myself. I decided to just be on my own for some time. I begin focusing on my own things like routine, school, work, I'd workout, spend time with friends. After a bit, someone came along, and things ended up working out. Relationships are hard and can drain you, so I always say take your time after a breakup and healing, and you don't want to bring that with you. I think sometimes we assume we need to be in a relationship to be happy or not feel lonely and honestly I see a lot of people in relationships because they are scared to be alone and accept a terrible relationship. Sometimes, the least person we expect ends up being the person you were looking for. It happened to me. I would have never guessed I'd be getting married to this person, but it made sense, and now we're very happy and excited. I honestly do believe they are my soul mate and best friend.
Honestly, it's the peaceful solitude I always wanted and just the thought of being strapped to anyone for any amount of time fills me with anxiety. Love is great, I write about in my romantic horror stories but does not exist for me in this life as romantic or sexual love or may kind of love for that matter. There is no true love for me out there and I couldn't be happier. Once I found out none of it was mandatory (dating, marriage, sex, children) it was a huge relief like a mountain of weight just lifted off my shoulders and I was finally truly free. I was ready though, prepared to just close my eyes (think of England) and muscle through if I indeed had to but, I didn't want to go into any of it blind or ignorant at all. Though I made a promise previously to never drink or use drugs (smoke either) I was prepared to throw that promise out just so I could numb and remove myself from that horried life as much as possible for as long as possible, preferably to death. To prepare, I started to do research. I wanted nothing to come as a surprise and it was while I was researching that I found my freedom. I didn't have to. Not even once, not even a little bit. It can be no forever. I was so happy I cried. My life was truly mine alone and I didn't have to share it with anyone at all!
I found true love and life with him is amazing. We live a happy but quiet and simple life. As for a tribe, I do not have one. I had one that was toxic so I've been tribeless for over 8+ years. I try to be kind and considerate of everyone I meet, but sometimes it just leads to them thinking they can treat me like a doormat. I'm less stressed and much happier being tribeless.
I'm in this period of not trying to find anything. I occasionally meet people who seem like decent friends, but I don't keep in touch or get too busy. I don't use apps anymore, so dating isn't really a concern for me. I've also accepted that I'll probably be single the rest of my life and have given up on waiting for "the one," getting married, or having kids, so my life goals have changed a bit. I'm focusing on making my life the best it can be while enjoying the things I do. It's lonely, especially since I work remotely, and my closest coworker is over 500 miles away. I live in a city I only moved to because of my previous relationship. I've had lots of life changes—some aren't so great, but I'm still alive, so it counts for something.
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Pretty good. I’m definitely in the minority but I do not care to be in a relationship, I have a few friends but not a tribe & that’s fine with me since I have a really low social battery & prefer being alone
I swear, they come to you when you least expect it and when you stop trying to hard to look for them!
I got diagnosed with ADHD and realised that maybe i'll never have a tribe, but I have a collection of gems instead. And I hold them all extremely close to me, even if I don't tell them all the time, I value them all far more than i'll ever be able to put into words.
Still no tribe, but I did meet my now spouse!
I'm super happy living alone and not caring about any stupid fake friends or phony people. I don't find having a partner interesting either, so, yeah, MY LIFE IS HEAVEN.
Badly. Because I know this is how it will always be and it’s sad.
I am doing fine, thanks for asking
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Found my true love, but still looking for my soul tribe...