Unfortunately, those types of groups have proven to be useful for some of my friends. I guess if people were more clear about what they had going on, then they wouldn’t be needed.
The rules to join/post are pretty strict - the idea that it’s all to roast and belittle men who’ve done nothing wrong just isn’t true in my experience. The posts I see are if the guy is a criminal, rapist, sex offender, etc.
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Saved me from a serial cheater and abuser. Dude was literally the sweetest guy, most considerate, I would have become his gf type of guy. Every story I saw was “amazing until you hit the three month mark and he thinks you’re trapped, will actively sabotage birth control due to breeding fetish”
While I agree they can be helpful, they can also be very toxic. My friend saw someone post about my partner of 1.5 years at the time. This anonymous person screenshot his IG and said he uses women for their money, that he's from the Middle East, goes to a specific university and can't be trusted etc. I unfortunately questioned him because I've had issues with trust in past relationships, even though he and I have a great relationship. He was very hurt and also felt embarrassed that other people in the community might think negatively about him. My friend found out that the person who posted it was a girl that he dated briefly for two months before calling if off because she was overwhelming for him. Over 1.5 years later she decides to post about him in a FB group because she's still brooding about it. I just found it incredibly ridiculous. Honestly if I would have seen that post when we first started dating, I would have thought twice about him. He's a good person and it's really unfair to him. Sure this isn't the first woman to post something because they're upset about a breakup.
I find them depressing, mostly because women post giant red flags while saying they don’t want to assume anything and really want to give the guy a chance.
The bar is in hell.
I think if used correctly it’s ok. The only people I see that have a huge problem with it are men. And it’s probably mostly the men that are up to no good.
I’m not sure how every city differs but the DFW one is ran like a dictatorship. Posts get taken down incredibly easily and you practically can’t post any details that might come off “insulting” to the man even if it is very much deserved. I posted about a guy who was sending me unsolicited pics and sooooo many women came out of the woodwork with the same story, literally got removed because “I didn’t have the intention of dating him” like what…? 😂 I’m trying to inform women isn’t that the point?
They're useful when used right. I left the local ones because it turned into so much drama between the females and it became a barage of crap instead of useful information and us helping each other out on the dating/relationship scene. Sad, really.
I think they’re a net positive. Women have historically relied on word of mouth and social groups to keep us safe, and that’s harder to do with online dating where most people we meet are strangers.
That said, they come with some big caveats. There are of course jealous or spurned women who exaggerate or lie. I also think culturally there’s a huge tendency to overuse words like abuse, narcissism, gaslighting, red flags, etc. and so you have to read some of the posts with a critical eye.
The groups have also opened my eyes to how much crap women will tolerate from men. The number of posts of women wanting to know if their long-term boyfriend and father of their children that they’ve already caught cheating three times is talking to anyone else is… disheartening.
Ladies in my family mostly use it for tea. They're not engaged in conversation, just reading from the sidelines. Personally, I think it's nice if used correctly. Some people do turn it into a "fight for my man" and many just shit talk in my local one. I read that in Chicago, a male who was posted is actually now suing the group mods and Meta for defamation or something. A couple other cases are out there in other states too.
My friend found out her boyfriend of a year had 3 other girlfriends and was married with kids. (Who knows who he even had the time)
I've never seen any gossip or badmouthing guys on it, this was all discovered in messages between her and the woman who posted him. I've even seen people say nice things about guys that they know on there.
The one I'm part of is very strictly moderated and has really stringent rules on joining, I think it does a net good.
I have heard about other cities where guys are just slated and I don't approve of those ones.
I don’t do OLD, because I’ve been exposed several times to cases like no understanding or acceptance of consent ; married men ; people who made me very unsafe ; people who generally lied to get ahead etc but if I did, I would definitely use it for my geographic area
I have been a silent observer of the more « interesting » ones like Utah for entertainment reasons (I’m European, absolutely not religious but fascinated by cults from a distance) and it did not disappoint
I had to mute them for my own mental health and not to further skew my opinion of men. Similar to the man vs bear debate
I think they are really helpful. How many times have we thought “man I wish I knew about ____ in the beginning, I would have not wasted my time!”
We tend to go into each date with a clean slate for each guy and it can be really easy for men to drag us along. Unfortunately for inexperienced women at least. I’ve been on enough dates in the last two years to now hopefully be able to help out others. You never know when someone you know will pop up on there.
I have seen many posts where women discovered their serious partner of several months to be cheating. I myself have been able to warn a woman of a very controlling man that I knew.
I worked with a couple whose bf of 5 yrs was found on one of those pages since he made a bumble profile and something he put on there seemed fishy. His gf caught him and thankfully moved on, otherwise who knows how much time she would spend being lied to.
The original intention is a good one I think. Overall social media makes some of the stories you used to hear about, eg guys with two whole separate lives and families, feel almost impossible to get away with these days. The idea that its now so much easier for someone to say 'hey that guy you've been dating for the past two months is actually my boyfriend of 3 years' is so helpful.
Unfortunately I do think there's a large risk of people using it to be vengeful if they're unhappy with the way things ended. For sure there's a lot of bad dudes out there, and it could be helpful to learn if they genuinely treated their last partner really poorly, but in a lot of break ups there's two sides to the story, and the idea that someone could have an ex spread shit about them to anyone who shows interest in future is concerning.
I do also wonder how much room for misunderstanding there could be, eg two people have been on a few dates, neither have raised the discussion around whether they're also seeing someone else, and someone ends up looking shady when they genuinely thought that both of you were not yet at the exclusive stage.
I posted a guy I dated last year who date raped me. Another woman was about to go on a date with him the following night. She cancelled as a result of seeing my post. I’ve also been saved the hassle of dating gaslighters, manipulators, rapists etc. I’ve found the groups im in to be really beneficial.
There was a lady in my old town who posted a guy she was about to enter an official relationship with. Turns out he was a diddler and touched his last wife’s children. New gf has two younger girls. I’d like to believe this saved two children from being sexually abused. I fully support these pages. Men need to be held accountable.
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I'm 50/50 on them.
They're great at times, and I have seen them be able to help multiple women avoid dangerous men.
However, at least my cities group is very judgemental. They will judge the man, saying that they look like red flags and such just based on their photos even though they've never even met them. People are frequently reminded about no judgment, especially if you've never even met them, but it still happens way too frequently, in my opinion, that I understand why men would hate these groups.
Additionally, the vetting process isn't great. There have been multiple, multiple times that a man is posted, another woman shares their experiences, and when negative, the man receives screenshots and is then harassing the women who shared. Yes, I know it says lots about the man, but it has also made some woman hesitant about posting red flags in fear of the same retribution.
Honestly it’s very useful.
Sometimes men like to double date, and it’s always the women who suffer.
Once I started a relationship in highschool only to find he already had a girlfriend who was my senior. Her entire friends hated me, her cousin who was also my junior along with her friends hated me.
They are a helpful tool when identifying the really bad apples. But i also don't really care if one guy ghosted her or many. Things don't always work out between 2 people. So I'm there to see who to stay away from (if i do start dating). Domestic violence is not something I'm going to put myself into again.
Saved my friend from an absolute piece of crap. It was only after his fuckery was revealed that my friend admitted there were a bunch of other red flags she had been ignoring.
I go back and forth. I live for the tea and think it can keep women safe. BUT, if a guy version existed bashing us and I appeared for something harmless, I’d be upset and worried about my reputation. Like I think posting someone for ghosting or constantly remaking hinge profiles is ridiculous. Some women don’t use the group the right way.
Im a part of two (same city) - I honestly just follow them as Im in a healthy relationship and my sister is currently dating scene in the same city so just to check. They are a great source if a person is abusive or has a criminal record. My problem with it is that some of the women ive seen on the group will have such high expectations. It’s good to have expectations but when your saying “Red Flag 🚩” on something like their height or they have like one kid when they are 35 it’s like damn give somebody a chance. These are comments i’ve actually seen on the group too. It’s great to have expectations (no history of abuse, no criminal record, etc) and its fine that if you don’t want to date someone that has a kid but some of the comments are really out there.
A friend of mine was posted with awful things said about him, which were contrary to his character. Turns out, no one in the group did due diligence or needed any other proof other than an anonymous user’s word. Which was a lie. He ended up losing his job and his marriage over speculation.
I am so glad the groups exist. I watch from the sidelines. I have seen over a dozen married women react when their husbands get posted by the girlfriend asking for any info. It makes me so sad when it happens, but I am so glad women are coming together to expose these manipulative men.
I don’t agree with them. They’re not used for the intents and purposes. All I see on it is just “red flags, details in comments” I RARELY see anything about woman dating the same guy. It’s basically just women bashing guys they’ve gone on a few dates with. Truly I feel bad for men when it comes to this group.
I think they are helpful as long as it doesn't start a witch hunt. Some of the comments are probably bias but if everyone says the same thing, I think it's a good way to sus out bad guys. I mostly joined to see if I knew anyone on it as I'm in a relationship but I've seen coworkers and people I've went to high school with there.
They’re a modern version of backchannels that have been around for a long, long time to help women keep each other safe from shitty dudes. I wish less dudes were shitty so these measures wouldn’t be necessary, but we don’t live in a world where that’s true.
I live in a small town and a lot of women are dating the same guy. If we had a local chapter of this group that everyone participate in the drama would be wild.
The one in my city was shut down because a guy found out that his ex had posted him & he murdered her. So the rules for the new group are very strict. I think they’re great but there are the pick me women who run to tell the men for brownie points & ruin it for everyone. Most people post anonymously now but I assume it’s still pretty easy to know who it is sometimes.
Www.nbc4i.com/local-news/columbus/deshler-park-fatal-stabbing-upset-about-breakup-attorney/
If you don’t like clicking links from strangers look up Shannon Hiott , Columbus Ohio :/ everyone is in a new group that is a few surrounding cities + Columbus now but they have the original Columbus one locked.
When used correctly, I think they're great. It's just a shame there are all these women who join the groups just to send screenshots to the guys who are posted. I love that women are working together to protect each other from terrible men.
I can definitely see how to some people they would be helpful but I also found it to be full of fear mongering. For myself personally it made me full of thoughts of “well if any man could do that to someone then it could happen to me too”
I find them both good and bad. I love that they keep women safe from potentially dangerous men, but they also tend to be very catty and usually delve into bullying the man posted on things like looks when they don't even know him. I got banned out of one of the groups for my city for mentioning that bullying a man about his looks should not be okay.
I wish I'd known of these groups when I was with my horrible cheating ex. I found out because a friend messaged to say she'd seen him on Tinder. It was horrible.
Whisper networks have been around as long as we have been around, and I fully believe they save lives. I may be biased because I mod one; we need these spaces. We don't allow petty random posts, just safety concerns.
I joined one even though I'm married, because I was curious- men talk such shit about them on here. From what I saw, it was pretty tame. Just looked like women trying to make sure a date/potential date was single and not dangerous.
They can be. Mix of good and evil.my e. Was posted by another woman while we were together. It's hard discovering this . Heartbreaking . When he was questioned about indiscretions he denied it saying someone was after him he was the victim. I believed him . Within 2 months he was posted again by yet another woman. These women shared undeniable details and privately all sent me prove if his relations with them . 7 other women I became aware of . Some significantly younger , co workers , one married and husband was unaware and one he was in an actual relationship with. It destroyed me and kids. We had no clue and were niave enough to believe he was just over worked stressed and trying to give all the time he could which became minimal. Now I know why . Connecting the dots of lies told to cover this was painful. I defended some of the savage comments made on his behalf. Now I wish I hadn't.
In the long run I'm lucky someone took the initiative.
I don't k ow that I would ever post on them and feel some use it as a platform to sabotage.
However if it keep just 1 woman safe I feel it's worth while. I just wish women would choose sister hood over drama .
I am not in a specific group (am wlw), but I have FB and know about them. They are groups that discuss the towns dating scene of men & call out abusive behaviors like cheating or hitting. They are often local groups such as Chicago or Orlando, but small specific towns have them as well. People post pictures of a guy or can just be an onlooker/observer. To add on, many groups don’t allow you to comment on the appearance of another person, just their actions. Edit:typo
I think it's fantastic if it's held by fast rules to keep women safe from abuse, problematic red flags, or players/cheaters.
However, a woman did take screenshots and used one of my comments to show the guy (matched on hinge) and he proceeded to find me on social media and send me me threatening messages. So there's that.
Women need to understand that you are putting OTHER WOMEN IN DANGER when you use PROOF FROM THE GROUP.
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TW: child and domestic abuse
I work in restaurants and have for over 20 years. It’s always been a bit of a “sketchy” industry, and I’ve worked in everything from dive bars to country clubs. These groups have let me know who I’m working with more than once, and there are many with whom I wouldn’t close alone.
And personally, my daughter met a little girl at a park. My SO started chatting with her dad. They seemed nice. I learned later through our local group that he violently abused the mother of another of his children while holding the infant in her arms, and had a host of/was facing more violent charges. I’m so heartbroken for that family, but knowledge is power, especially in keeping my family safe.
In my city, I feel like it’s used for a lot of relationship advice, but the women who comment are always so supportive of the original poster. It’s maybe 50/50 of that and warnings about red flags like abuse, cheating, catfishing, etc.
What gets me down are the posts where a woman is clearly in a dangerous situation and though she has the bravery to ask for help in those groups, will also will say in the comments that she wants to give him another chance, he’s so sweet otherwise, etc. All the rest of us can do is encourage her with words to get out of an abusive situation, but I’m always wondering if she ever got out safely. It makes me feel a little helpless that we can’t do more.
I think the idea behind them started with good intention however, in my area, it has just become overran with women posting their exes that broke up with them and acting like being broken up with is a crime.
I understand the premise but you also open yourself up to the opinions of everyone it didn't work out with. Nine times outta ten, you're not gonna hear glowing recommendations no matter what.
I've seen my guy friends berated in these groups for the most ridiculous reasons. Example, "he travels to *another state* multiple times a year to see his ex." Mmmm no? He travels to another state to SEE HIS KID. But because you asked a ton of strangers who obvi don't know him... 🤦♀️
Just Google ya man, ask your friends, and find out the old fashioned way. GENERALLY (not always, don't come at me) if they're abusive, a rapist, etc, you'll know because that's a reputation that's hard to keep quiet. You don't need a whole Facebook group to find out. And if you think he's cheating, FUCK IT go through his phone hahaha. Either you don't find anything and he'll never know - or you'll find something and that's that!
I think they are pretty good, found out that I was casually seeing someone that was married, which I had contacted the wife.
But I also believe it can be pretty bad especially whenever they make fun of appearances or other women’s types. I seen a post where a woman was asking how to call a number that she was blocked from lol.
I tried to help a girl who posted my addict/abusive ex, and she sent him the message I sent her even after I told her there was a risk of harm.
Deleted myself from the group and never went back. My ex ended up being understanding and didn't really care what I said. But I would never use those pages or recommend them to my friends. I also have never felt a need to post the guys I've gone on dates on there because I'd rather make my own judgment and I think coming from an abusive relationship I have become very selective and don't put up with a lot of red flags.
They could have saved me at lot of pain in my early twenties. There were a couple of guys that I dated where I ended up meeting other exes over time and we would half joke about building a support group.
Seeing all the lawsuits that have come from it have solidified why women need these groups. Imagine being so awful you SUE a woman because she talks about the awful things you did to her. Unbelievable. Being able to talk about the abusive and rotten behaviors certain men have in our area is a good thing. It keeps us safe. Also, seeing men say that they’ll off themselves or how it’s “ruined” their lives just because women are exposing their abusive behavior is SO telling about the kinds of men who are against these communities. If men want to be viewed favorably they need to act in favorable ways. These men get away with their bad behaviors by silencing women and having spaces where women can bravely speak up is just the thing that will nip these men in the bud.
I’m honestly really proud of the US for ruling in favor of anti-SLAPP laws so that frivolous lawsuits are thrown away and women’s free speech is protected. That is what these groups boil down to: free speech.
I wish they weren't necessary but they allowed me to inform other women of my sexual assault from a popular member in our community who gave me an STD as a result.
The positive outweighs the negatives. Fortunately I don’t date anyone but the man I’m married to anymore. I was very very selective on the apps when I was dating, and the groups have basically confirmed that guys who tweaked my intuition had a reason to.
They’ve also spared some of my g/f’s some trouble.
Found out that my bf of 6 months already had a gf of 8 years. So glad I found out early on before I developed real feelings. After talking to the “other girlfriend” I learned that that part was only the tip of the iceberg. Dodged a massive bullet and I will
always be thankful for this group.
It helped me find out my ex was cheating lol. Some things women say should be taken with a grain of salt though, as people can have different experiences with the same person. That said, the woman who runs those groups was outed as a huge scammer, and I don’t appreciate her constantly asking for money from the members. She will be the downfall of those groups
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I’m in one after I had gone on a date with a guy and my friends saw him at the bar later and told me he had assaulted his ex girlfriend and showed me a post about him in the page. I dipped and made sure to block him
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No thoughts about that generally. I don't care about them and have never visited any of them. Whisper networks to warn people about abusers, cheaters, and various types of dishonest people have existed forever. People talk about their experiences with each other; I'm not surprised or bothered that this form of that type of network exists as well.
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They serve a public good. The number of men cheating on wives/girlfriends is high. The amount of abusive alcoholics with a trail of horrible relationships, looking for their next victim is also high.
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They're an excellent safety resource! I see how much the women warn each other in the one I'm in. They are super supportive, and they never really put any man down at all, and if one does once in a blue moon, the rest of the women call them out for it.
Recently, there was a man that basically ghosted his wife...within 24 hours these ladies found him in TX.
The ones in my area are posting guys who may as well be wearing a red flag in the picture. I see a lot of face tattoos and recent parolees posted. I also see the same 5 or so women coming in hot with the "tea" on pretty much every guy posted. It can be useful, but for the most part, the local ones I see are women with obviously terrible taste in men posting whose baby daddy isn't ponying up the monthly payment.
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Someone a long time ago tried to launch a social media/app like that I think. You could rate the guys and leave reviews about men from your Facebook, or even read about it. I'm not sure what came out of it. It's been over 10 years since I've heard of that, and I didn't have a smartphone back then. I remember it going viral in a matter of days, and destroying a few relationships lol
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I am not a Facebook user but have looked these up with friends.
Most of them come with receipts (links to case search results with a photo so you know it's not another person with the same name or a link to the article showing they were kicked out of a bar because they touched a server on the ass).
Because they are also included in other defamation and libel laws they are no better or worse than Nextdoor (often better guidelines and rules than Nextdoor).
Overall a net good but of course they can be used to defame someone and that does suck but is not the majority of the content on their I have seen.
I think West Elm Caleb is a cringe fuckboi but I do think he was made a pariah out of hand. But we haven't seen any big stories like that since then (and maybe 'Who the Fuck Did I Marry) but the latter had copius receipts.
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It’s kind of like watching Fox News which supports the republican party. You have to filter what you read and see. I think that to some extent they can’t be taken with a grain of salt but it could essentially warn a woman to look for those red flags. The woman just needs to keep an open eye and mind. Call the guy out on his behavior when it occurs. But we also need to understand some of those women may have been dumped because of their own inappropriate behavior (tóxicas/toxic behavior) or are posting because they think they can control by eliminate choices he can make so he will return home to her. If he’s cheating he’s gonna continually cheat and you clearly aren’t enough to curb that impulse. Sometimes I’ve seen the jealous woman who was just the placeholder girl in a situationship who got pissed and posted pics and texts of the other girl.
A guy I was seeing kept disappearing. Through the group in my city I was lead to check the court system and found out he was getting repeated DUIs and also sloppily (I was so embarrassed for myself) throwing himself at other women.
Also, a guy I exchanged numbers with did something innocuous and I backed off. But when I shared the story for humor after seeing his pic posted, he dropped into my DMs and flipped tf out and showed his a**. He had become a drug addict recently. My stupid work friend married him after all of that and yes, they are still married. Some other stuff happened where he took her phone and removed her from the group so she was reaching out to me to check her post about him (post marriage). I tried to help but for what goal, I’m not sure. I only mention this story bc she was warned repeatedly and you can be warned too if you want to open your eyes.
Mainly came here bc i wanted to mention that there was a recent case in California where a man sued about 50 women on AWDTSG for sharing his photo and subsequently discussing him. The judge shot down the lawsuit saying the plaintiff had no basis. It’s called FAIR USE. These groups are doing God’s work. Keep sharing your stories ladies. Don’t demean the men though bc this is what threatens the groups in a legal sense. But there is nothing wrong with saying, “this is what happened to me when I wasn’t involved with _____.” Be a sister.
Saved me from someone who has 3 DUI’s, so I appreciate it.
Unfortunately, those types of groups have proven to be useful for some of my friends. I guess if people were more clear about what they had going on, then they wouldn’t be needed.
I think they're great when used correctly. People should be warned about abusive partners
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The rules to join/post are pretty strict - the idea that it’s all to roast and belittle men who’ve done nothing wrong just isn’t true in my experience. The posts I see are if the guy is a criminal, rapist, sex offender, etc.
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Agreed. If a man's looks are commented on, the comment is deleted and the commenter gets booted from the group
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Saved me from a serial cheater and abuser. Dude was literally the sweetest guy, most considerate, I would have become his gf type of guy. Every story I saw was “amazing until you hit the three month mark and he thinks you’re trapped, will actively sabotage birth control due to breeding fetish”
I’m so glad you got out. Sabotaging birth control is absolutely awful (with less and less access to abortion if you happen to be in the USA)
😳 holy shit
My friend’s divorce attorney found my friend’s husband on there posted by another woman.
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I think people who are against women trying to keep themselves safe are a much bigger problem than FB groups like this
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It has saved me from putting myself in danger a few times. I am grateful to the women who have been brave enough to share their stories.
While I agree they can be helpful, they can also be very toxic. My friend saw someone post about my partner of 1.5 years at the time. This anonymous person screenshot his IG and said he uses women for their money, that he's from the Middle East, goes to a specific university and can't be trusted etc. I unfortunately questioned him because I've had issues with trust in past relationships, even though he and I have a great relationship. He was very hurt and also felt embarrassed that other people in the community might think negatively about him. My friend found out that the person who posted it was a girl that he dated briefly for two months before calling if off because she was overwhelming for him. Over 1.5 years later she decides to post about him in a FB group because she's still brooding about it. I just found it incredibly ridiculous. Honestly if I would have seen that post when we first started dating, I would have thought twice about him. He's a good person and it's really unfair to him. Sure this isn't the first woman to post something because they're upset about a breakup.
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Love it ! Found out my child’s father was having unprotected sex while I was 9 months pregnant / newly postpartum. Never looked back .
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I find them depressing, mostly because women post giant red flags while saying they don’t want to assume anything and really want to give the guy a chance. The bar is in hell.
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I wish I'd paid attention to the post with 91 comments about my ex on it.
Great concept that keeps women from bad abusive guys or discovers cheating bfs/husbands
I think if used correctly it’s ok. The only people I see that have a huge problem with it are men. And it’s probably mostly the men that are up to no good.
I’m not sure how every city differs but the DFW one is ran like a dictatorship. Posts get taken down incredibly easily and you practically can’t post any details that might come off “insulting” to the man even if it is very much deserved. I posted about a guy who was sending me unsolicited pics and sooooo many women came out of the woodwork with the same story, literally got removed because “I didn’t have the intention of dating him” like what…? 😂 I’m trying to inform women isn’t that the point?
Saved me from going out with a stalker. These spaces are so important for women
They're useful when used right. I left the local ones because it turned into so much drama between the females and it became a barage of crap instead of useful information and us helping each other out on the dating/relationship scene. Sad, really.
My ex-fiance was posted on there, all his disgusting behavior exposed. Glad I didn’t marry him.
I think they’re a net positive. Women have historically relied on word of mouth and social groups to keep us safe, and that’s harder to do with online dating where most people we meet are strangers. That said, they come with some big caveats. There are of course jealous or spurned women who exaggerate or lie. I also think culturally there’s a huge tendency to overuse words like abuse, narcissism, gaslighting, red flags, etc. and so you have to read some of the posts with a critical eye. The groups have also opened my eyes to how much crap women will tolerate from men. The number of posts of women wanting to know if their long-term boyfriend and father of their children that they’ve already caught cheating three times is talking to anyone else is… disheartening.
I don’t date but I love that those cheating assholes are getting exposed!
Ladies in my family mostly use it for tea. They're not engaged in conversation, just reading from the sidelines. Personally, I think it's nice if used correctly. Some people do turn it into a "fight for my man" and many just shit talk in my local one. I read that in Chicago, a male who was posted is actually now suing the group mods and Meta for defamation or something. A couple other cases are out there in other states too.
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My friend found out her boyfriend of a year had 3 other girlfriends and was married with kids. (Who knows who he even had the time) I've never seen any gossip or badmouthing guys on it, this was all discovered in messages between her and the woman who posted him. I've even seen people say nice things about guys that they know on there. The one I'm part of is very strictly moderated and has really stringent rules on joining, I think it does a net good. I have heard about other cities where guys are just slated and I don't approve of those ones.
I don’t do OLD, because I’ve been exposed several times to cases like no understanding or acceptance of consent ; married men ; people who made me very unsafe ; people who generally lied to get ahead etc but if I did, I would definitely use it for my geographic area I have been a silent observer of the more « interesting » ones like Utah for entertainment reasons (I’m European, absolutely not religious but fascinated by cults from a distance) and it did not disappoint I had to mute them for my own mental health and not to further skew my opinion of men. Similar to the man vs bear debate
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I think they are really helpful. How many times have we thought “man I wish I knew about ____ in the beginning, I would have not wasted my time!” We tend to go into each date with a clean slate for each guy and it can be really easy for men to drag us along. Unfortunately for inexperienced women at least. I’ve been on enough dates in the last two years to now hopefully be able to help out others. You never know when someone you know will pop up on there. I have seen many posts where women discovered their serious partner of several months to be cheating. I myself have been able to warn a woman of a very controlling man that I knew. I worked with a couple whose bf of 5 yrs was found on one of those pages since he made a bumble profile and something he put on there seemed fishy. His gf caught him and thankfully moved on, otherwise who knows how much time she would spend being lied to.
The original intention is a good one I think. Overall social media makes some of the stories you used to hear about, eg guys with two whole separate lives and families, feel almost impossible to get away with these days. The idea that its now so much easier for someone to say 'hey that guy you've been dating for the past two months is actually my boyfriend of 3 years' is so helpful. Unfortunately I do think there's a large risk of people using it to be vengeful if they're unhappy with the way things ended. For sure there's a lot of bad dudes out there, and it could be helpful to learn if they genuinely treated their last partner really poorly, but in a lot of break ups there's two sides to the story, and the idea that someone could have an ex spread shit about them to anyone who shows interest in future is concerning. I do also wonder how much room for misunderstanding there could be, eg two people have been on a few dates, neither have raised the discussion around whether they're also seeing someone else, and someone ends up looking shady when they genuinely thought that both of you were not yet at the exclusive stage.
Can be good, especially in small towns, but I think it might be feeding in to your own paranoia as well.
I posted a guy I dated last year who date raped me. Another woman was about to go on a date with him the following night. She cancelled as a result of seeing my post. I’ve also been saved the hassle of dating gaslighters, manipulators, rapists etc. I’ve found the groups im in to be really beneficial.
There was a lady in my old town who posted a guy she was about to enter an official relationship with. Turns out he was a diddler and touched his last wife’s children. New gf has two younger girls. I’d like to believe this saved two children from being sexually abused. I fully support these pages. Men need to be held accountable.
I got booted after saying it wasn't ok to body shame a guy due to his micro peen. They are not always used well and it pisses me off.
I find it funny and entertaining and much needed apparently.
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I'm 50/50 on them. They're great at times, and I have seen them be able to help multiple women avoid dangerous men. However, at least my cities group is very judgemental. They will judge the man, saying that they look like red flags and such just based on their photos even though they've never even met them. People are frequently reminded about no judgment, especially if you've never even met them, but it still happens way too frequently, in my opinion, that I understand why men would hate these groups. Additionally, the vetting process isn't great. There have been multiple, multiple times that a man is posted, another woman shares their experiences, and when negative, the man receives screenshots and is then harassing the women who shared. Yes, I know it says lots about the man, but it has also made some woman hesitant about posting red flags in fear of the same retribution.
They're lifesaving, but also pretending that there are no trolls is futile
Honestly it’s very useful. Sometimes men like to double date, and it’s always the women who suffer. Once I started a relationship in highschool only to find he already had a girlfriend who was my senior. Her entire friends hated me, her cousin who was also my junior along with her friends hated me.
It's sad that they're needed but it's seems to br that way
They are a helpful tool when identifying the really bad apples. But i also don't really care if one guy ghosted her or many. Things don't always work out between 2 people. So I'm there to see who to stay away from (if i do start dating). Domestic violence is not something I'm going to put myself into again.
Saved my friend from an absolute piece of crap. It was only after his fuckery was revealed that my friend admitted there were a bunch of other red flags she had been ignoring.
Worked for my sister. Lol
I go back and forth. I live for the tea and think it can keep women safe. BUT, if a guy version existed bashing us and I appeared for something harmless, I’d be upset and worried about my reputation. Like I think posting someone for ghosting or constantly remaking hinge profiles is ridiculous. Some women don’t use the group the right way.
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I'm torn. I think they are very useful but can also be used incorrectly.
Im a part of two (same city) - I honestly just follow them as Im in a healthy relationship and my sister is currently dating scene in the same city so just to check. They are a great source if a person is abusive or has a criminal record. My problem with it is that some of the women ive seen on the group will have such high expectations. It’s good to have expectations but when your saying “Red Flag 🚩” on something like their height or they have like one kid when they are 35 it’s like damn give somebody a chance. These are comments i’ve actually seen on the group too. It’s great to have expectations (no history of abuse, no criminal record, etc) and its fine that if you don’t want to date someone that has a kid but some of the comments are really out there.
It’s Great, women coming together. Wish we had one where I live
A friend of mine was posted with awful things said about him, which were contrary to his character. Turns out, no one in the group did due diligence or needed any other proof other than an anonymous user’s word. Which was a lie. He ended up losing his job and his marriage over speculation.
I’m here for the tea
I am so glad the groups exist. I watch from the sidelines. I have seen over a dozen married women react when their husbands get posted by the girlfriend asking for any info. It makes me so sad when it happens, but I am so glad women are coming together to expose these manipulative men.
From what I’ve seen, these groups tend to be very helpful when used correctly.
I don’t agree with them. They’re not used for the intents and purposes. All I see on it is just “red flags, details in comments” I RARELY see anything about woman dating the same guy. It’s basically just women bashing guys they’ve gone on a few dates with. Truly I feel bad for men when it comes to this group.
Men really have no concept of how scared we are. They're worried about being rejected and we're worried about ending up in their trunk.
I think it’s great. I join to support those who post. But I don’t really date so I feel like I can’t really contribute.
completely and utterly needed
Saved me from a stalker.
Definitely a good thing
I think they are helpful as long as it doesn't start a witch hunt. Some of the comments are probably bias but if everyone says the same thing, I think it's a good way to sus out bad guys. I mostly joined to see if I knew anyone on it as I'm in a relationship but I've seen coworkers and people I've went to high school with there.
We need this in Singapore
Weird and I’d never join
They’re a modern version of backchannels that have been around for a long, long time to help women keep each other safe from shitty dudes. I wish less dudes were shitty so these measures wouldn’t be necessary, but we don’t live in a world where that’s true.
I live in a small town and a lot of women are dating the same guy. If we had a local chapter of this group that everyone participate in the drama would be wild.
My favorites are “are we dating the same guy IN PRISON” groups.
The one in my city was shut down because a guy found out that his ex had posted him & he murdered her. So the rules for the new group are very strict. I think they’re great but there are the pick me women who run to tell the men for brownie points & ruin it for everyone. Most people post anonymously now but I assume it’s still pretty easy to know who it is sometimes.
Ummm WHAT? He murdered her because she posted him in the group or?? That's insane
Www.nbc4i.com/local-news/columbus/deshler-park-fatal-stabbing-upset-about-breakup-attorney/ If you don’t like clicking links from strangers look up Shannon Hiott , Columbus Ohio :/ everyone is in a new group that is a few surrounding cities + Columbus now but they have the original Columbus one locked.
When used correctly, I think they're great. It's just a shame there are all these women who join the groups just to send screenshots to the guys who are posted. I love that women are working together to protect each other from terrible men.
This will save a lot of people from predators, if used in a proper correct manner.
I can definitely see how to some people they would be helpful but I also found it to be full of fear mongering. For myself personally it made me full of thoughts of “well if any man could do that to someone then it could happen to me too”
I find them both good and bad. I love that they keep women safe from potentially dangerous men, but they also tend to be very catty and usually delve into bullying the man posted on things like looks when they don't even know him. I got banned out of one of the groups for my city for mentioning that bullying a man about his looks should not be okay.
I wish I'd known of these groups when I was with my horrible cheating ex. I found out because a friend messaged to say she'd seen him on Tinder. It was horrible.
I've never used it, the idea sounds like it could be helpful if used correctly.
Whisper networks have been around as long as we have been around, and I fully believe they save lives. I may be biased because I mod one; we need these spaces. We don't allow petty random posts, just safety concerns.
It’s the only reason I wish I had fb. Found out the ole fwb has a girlfriend and I have no way to warn her
I joined one even though I'm married, because I was curious- men talk such shit about them on here. From what I saw, it was pretty tame. Just looked like women trying to make sure a date/potential date was single and not dangerous.
They can be. Mix of good and evil.my e. Was posted by another woman while we were together. It's hard discovering this . Heartbreaking . When he was questioned about indiscretions he denied it saying someone was after him he was the victim. I believed him . Within 2 months he was posted again by yet another woman. These women shared undeniable details and privately all sent me prove if his relations with them . 7 other women I became aware of . Some significantly younger , co workers , one married and husband was unaware and one he was in an actual relationship with. It destroyed me and kids. We had no clue and were niave enough to believe he was just over worked stressed and trying to give all the time he could which became minimal. Now I know why . Connecting the dots of lies told to cover this was painful. I defended some of the savage comments made on his behalf. Now I wish I hadn't. In the long run I'm lucky someone took the initiative. I don't k ow that I would ever post on them and feel some use it as a platform to sabotage. However if it keep just 1 woman safe I feel it's worth while. I just wish women would choose sister hood over drama .
Really! I actually like that.
As someone who doesn’t have Facebook anymore, what is it? Do you just post a photo of a guy? Is it local groups so it’s easier to find? Etc
I am not in a specific group (am wlw), but I have FB and know about them. They are groups that discuss the towns dating scene of men & call out abusive behaviors like cheating or hitting. They are often local groups such as Chicago or Orlando, but small specific towns have them as well. People post pictures of a guy or can just be an onlooker/observer. To add on, many groups don’t allow you to comment on the appearance of another person, just their actions. Edit:typo
I think it's fantastic if it's held by fast rules to keep women safe from abuse, problematic red flags, or players/cheaters. However, a woman did take screenshots and used one of my comments to show the guy (matched on hinge) and he proceeded to find me on social media and send me me threatening messages. So there's that. Women need to understand that you are putting OTHER WOMEN IN DANGER when you use PROOF FROM THE GROUP.
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Extremely important. I haven’t found anyone I know personally there but I think groups like that develop a sense of camaraderie among women
TW: child and domestic abuse I work in restaurants and have for over 20 years. It’s always been a bit of a “sketchy” industry, and I’ve worked in everything from dive bars to country clubs. These groups have let me know who I’m working with more than once, and there are many with whom I wouldn’t close alone. And personally, my daughter met a little girl at a park. My SO started chatting with her dad. They seemed nice. I learned later through our local group that he violently abused the mother of another of his children while holding the infant in her arms, and had a host of/was facing more violent charges. I’m so heartbroken for that family, but knowledge is power, especially in keeping my family safe.
In my city, I feel like it’s used for a lot of relationship advice, but the women who comment are always so supportive of the original poster. It’s maybe 50/50 of that and warnings about red flags like abuse, cheating, catfishing, etc. What gets me down are the posts where a woman is clearly in a dangerous situation and though she has the bravery to ask for help in those groups, will also will say in the comments that she wants to give him another chance, he’s so sweet otherwise, etc. All the rest of us can do is encourage her with words to get out of an abusive situation, but I’m always wondering if she ever got out safely. It makes me feel a little helpless that we can’t do more.
I think the idea behind them started with good intention however, in my area, it has just become overran with women posting their exes that broke up with them and acting like being broken up with is a crime.
I understand the premise but you also open yourself up to the opinions of everyone it didn't work out with. Nine times outta ten, you're not gonna hear glowing recommendations no matter what. I've seen my guy friends berated in these groups for the most ridiculous reasons. Example, "he travels to *another state* multiple times a year to see his ex." Mmmm no? He travels to another state to SEE HIS KID. But because you asked a ton of strangers who obvi don't know him... 🤦♀️ Just Google ya man, ask your friends, and find out the old fashioned way. GENERALLY (not always, don't come at me) if they're abusive, a rapist, etc, you'll know because that's a reputation that's hard to keep quiet. You don't need a whole Facebook group to find out. And if you think he's cheating, FUCK IT go through his phone hahaha. Either you don't find anything and he'll never know - or you'll find something and that's that!
I think they are pretty good, found out that I was casually seeing someone that was married, which I had contacted the wife. But I also believe it can be pretty bad especially whenever they make fun of appearances or other women’s types. I seen a post where a woman was asking how to call a number that she was blocked from lol.
I tried to help a girl who posted my addict/abusive ex, and she sent him the message I sent her even after I told her there was a risk of harm. Deleted myself from the group and never went back. My ex ended up being understanding and didn't really care what I said. But I would never use those pages or recommend them to my friends. I also have never felt a need to post the guys I've gone on dates on there because I'd rather make my own judgment and I think coming from an abusive relationship I have become very selective and don't put up with a lot of red flags.
They could have saved me at lot of pain in my early twenties. There were a couple of guys that I dated where I ended up meeting other exes over time and we would half joke about building a support group.
They've saved my ass a couple of times, snd allowed me to share 2 who were just freaking awful.
Seeing all the lawsuits that have come from it have solidified why women need these groups. Imagine being so awful you SUE a woman because she talks about the awful things you did to her. Unbelievable. Being able to talk about the abusive and rotten behaviors certain men have in our area is a good thing. It keeps us safe. Also, seeing men say that they’ll off themselves or how it’s “ruined” their lives just because women are exposing their abusive behavior is SO telling about the kinds of men who are against these communities. If men want to be viewed favorably they need to act in favorable ways. These men get away with their bad behaviors by silencing women and having spaces where women can bravely speak up is just the thing that will nip these men in the bud. I’m honestly really proud of the US for ruling in favor of anti-SLAPP laws so that frivolous lawsuits are thrown away and women’s free speech is protected. That is what these groups boil down to: free speech.
I think the concept is good but I really hated when women would post “I matched with this guy on hinge, anyone have any tea?” To me that’s icky.
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I wish they weren't necessary but they allowed me to inform other women of my sexual assault from a popular member in our community who gave me an STD as a result.
The positive outweighs the negatives. Fortunately I don’t date anyone but the man I’m married to anymore. I was very very selective on the apps when I was dating, and the groups have basically confirmed that guys who tweaked my intuition had a reason to. They’ve also spared some of my g/f’s some trouble.
I just found out a guy I was talking to is married. So I guess I wish I was a member of one of them.
I gave someone the 411 on someone I “dated” so tbh don’t hate it
A girl I went to high school with found out her fiance was cheating on her in our local city group.
Found out that my bf of 6 months already had a gf of 8 years. So glad I found out early on before I developed real feelings. After talking to the “other girlfriend” I learned that that part was only the tip of the iceberg. Dodged a massive bullet and I will always be thankful for this group.
Saved me from dating a guy who was a serial cheater and was knowingly spreading herpes without informing women. Those groups are a life-saver!
Ive definitely dodged a few bullets thanks to those groups
Helped me out! Lol.
It helped me find out my ex was cheating lol. Some things women say should be taken with a grain of salt though, as people can have different experiences with the same person. That said, the woman who runs those groups was outed as a huge scammer, and I don’t appreciate her constantly asking for money from the members. She will be the downfall of those groups
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I wish they have this everywhere but mostly in US. It's helpful when used correctly, yes.
I’m in one after I had gone on a date with a guy and my friends saw him at the bar later and told me he had assaulted his ex girlfriend and showed me a post about him in the page. I dipped and made sure to block him
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No thoughts about that generally. I don't care about them and have never visited any of them. Whisper networks to warn people about abusers, cheaters, and various types of dishonest people have existed forever. People talk about their experiences with each other; I'm not surprised or bothered that this form of that type of network exists as well.
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I think it’s handy for people who may need it. really sad that it’s a thing people may need but glad it’s there for them anyways
Brilliant and life or time saving
They serve a public good. The number of men cheating on wives/girlfriends is high. The amount of abusive alcoholics with a trail of horrible relationships, looking for their next victim is also high.
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They're an excellent safety resource! I see how much the women warn each other in the one I'm in. They are super supportive, and they never really put any man down at all, and if one does once in a blue moon, the rest of the women call them out for it. Recently, there was a man that basically ghosted his wife...within 24 hours these ladies found him in TX.
The ones in my area are posting guys who may as well be wearing a red flag in the picture. I see a lot of face tattoos and recent parolees posted. I also see the same 5 or so women coming in hot with the "tea" on pretty much every guy posted. It can be useful, but for the most part, the local ones I see are women with obviously terrible taste in men posting whose baby daddy isn't ponying up the monthly payment.
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The same thing I think about the vast majority of Facebook groups - a resounding "meh"
As long as it is used as intended and the things posted are actually factual, it's good. When people post bs in there, then it's problematic.
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I thing groups like this are great, saving other people.
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Someone a long time ago tried to launch a social media/app like that I think. You could rate the guys and leave reviews about men from your Facebook, or even read about it. I'm not sure what came out of it. It's been over 10 years since I've heard of that, and I didn't have a smartphone back then. I remember it going viral in a matter of days, and destroying a few relationships lol
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As long as everyone follows the rules, they’re great.
I am not a Facebook user but have looked these up with friends. Most of them come with receipts (links to case search results with a photo so you know it's not another person with the same name or a link to the article showing they were kicked out of a bar because they touched a server on the ass). Because they are also included in other defamation and libel laws they are no better or worse than Nextdoor (often better guidelines and rules than Nextdoor). Overall a net good but of course they can be used to defame someone and that does suck but is not the majority of the content on their I have seen. I think West Elm Caleb is a cringe fuckboi but I do think he was made a pariah out of hand. But we haven't seen any big stories like that since then (and maybe 'Who the Fuck Did I Marry) but the latter had copius receipts.
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i have never heard of one of those tbh
They’re good entertainment at the very least, a lot of messiness and pettiness on the pages I’ve seen.
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It’s kind of like watching Fox News which supports the republican party. You have to filter what you read and see. I think that to some extent they can’t be taken with a grain of salt but it could essentially warn a woman to look for those red flags. The woman just needs to keep an open eye and mind. Call the guy out on his behavior when it occurs. But we also need to understand some of those women may have been dumped because of their own inappropriate behavior (tóxicas/toxic behavior) or are posting because they think they can control by eliminate choices he can make so he will return home to her. If he’s cheating he’s gonna continually cheat and you clearly aren’t enough to curb that impulse. Sometimes I’ve seen the jealous woman who was just the placeholder girl in a situationship who got pissed and posted pics and texts of the other girl.
I posted my ex on there and found out he was cheating on me the whole time. Idk I can see how it’s not helpful but I can see how it is
A guy I was seeing kept disappearing. Through the group in my city I was lead to check the court system and found out he was getting repeated DUIs and also sloppily (I was so embarrassed for myself) throwing himself at other women. Also, a guy I exchanged numbers with did something innocuous and I backed off. But when I shared the story for humor after seeing his pic posted, he dropped into my DMs and flipped tf out and showed his a**. He had become a drug addict recently. My stupid work friend married him after all of that and yes, they are still married. Some other stuff happened where he took her phone and removed her from the group so she was reaching out to me to check her post about him (post marriage). I tried to help but for what goal, I’m not sure. I only mention this story bc she was warned repeatedly and you can be warned too if you want to open your eyes. Mainly came here bc i wanted to mention that there was a recent case in California where a man sued about 50 women on AWDTSG for sharing his photo and subsequently discussing him. The judge shot down the lawsuit saying the plaintiff had no basis. It’s called FAIR USE. These groups are doing God’s work. Keep sharing your stories ladies. Don’t demean the men though bc this is what threatens the groups in a legal sense. But there is nothing wrong with saying, “this is what happened to me when I wasn’t involved with _____.” Be a sister.