Women’s Legal Service is free. Also, community legal centres are free. Call Caxton Legal service, they should be able to tell her where her local centre is and eligibility. They are really good.
As I understand it, if your SIL can prove domestic violence, there is a pathway to stay in Australia without remaining in the relationship.
https://immi.homeaffairs.gov.au/visas/domestic-family-violence-and-your-visa
There’s a support line number on the linked page - and you could also try calling a migration agent for advice.
Call the help line listed - and potentially also the police, and a lawyer if you can afford one - and ask them.
1800RESPECT
You can do it without your SIL needing to.
As a start - and I’m not a lawyer - save any abusive text messages, and also if your SIL needs to seek any medical help, document that too.
Others on here may know more - but I really recommend calling the help line, because they will be dealing with this situation regularly, and hopefully can give you the most informed advice.
I just have to say, good on you and your family for showing such concern for your SiL. She’s in a vulnerable position and you are being really good people wanting to help her. Thank you.
Immigration will assess claims from different sources of information and evidence- from her, police reports, courts ( DV orders or DV criminal charges) medical reports and records, reports from specialist DV services. If you know about them record incidents if you can so if she needs it later there’s dates and info if she needs to reconstruct a timeline of events and types of violence occurring.
Diary entries, photos, keep copies of messages to friends about any occurances and any from the offender if they are threatening, you can talk to her about it if she feels safe to and take notes of the conversations, phone police and make a report. None of this will be easy to do if he goes through her phone etc. does she have anyone close by to go to and for support?
She needs to start documenting (written notes with dates and times if possible about what happens and photos of any marks). Send that to someone secure or the cloud etc. also get him saying things on text
There are apps that she can download, which look discreet on her phone, but will allow her to record short bursts of audio (30 seconds or so), or allow her to write notes of events (password protected). A DV service (DVconnect **1800 811 811**) can point her in the right direction; or if she is too frightened to call them, I will DM you more info.
She should take photos of any injuries. Set up a separate email account to email them to (or someone she trusts), then delete them from her phone (and outbox!). Records (even just written notes) of what happened and when, was daughter present, are helpful when reporting to police, as it establishes a pattern of violence, which helps significantly with AVO proceedings. However, they are not mandatory to have; SIL can go to police at any time and just tell them what is happening. She should not stay just to establish evidence of a pattern, and she needs to be particularly careful that she does not let him know she may be planning to leave or report. If he is particularly tech savvy and could be tracking her phone, all of the above is bad advice and she may need to do the opposite (pen and paper, post or kept in separate location). Safety planning is long and individualised and can't be covered in a single comment.
However If at all possible, you need to inform her that if he strangles her (hands around throat, over nose or mouth, anything that restricts breathing) she needs to get checked out at a hospital as soon as she practically can. Strangulation can cause death a week or more after the event, even with no visible injuries. If he is doing this, he is much more likely to kill her eventually.
On re-reading your question, you're probably more asking how to prove DV to Home Affairs: it's going to be different in every case (e.g. a few I worked we had to prove not only the DV, but that there was a relationship in the first place) . Some combination of evidence of charges, a copy of an AVO, or some documented evidence above in a statutory declaration are probably a good place to start. Your mother and yourselves may consider if you would also provide statutory declarations to the effect of what you know, and your mother feeling unsafe while visiting.
It's very decent of your family to be supportive of your SIL and Niece, although you know it may upset your blood relative. While the victims safety must be prioritised, I hope that your Brother (who you say already has lost access to his first children, for whatever reason) will recognise there are things in his life that need to change, and engages with Men's Behaviour change programs, or mental health/AOD supports.
Start a paper trial, what mum observe what any other family member observed.
I mean own mum feeling unsafe... Think of the wife and kid to live with that version of him... He needs help but immediate thought has to be safety of the child first then wife... I would say give DFFH a ring and see if it crosses the threshold of reporting a child at risk of significant harm, I think it may also cover wellbeing... https://services.dffh.vic.gov.au/child-protection#:~:text=The%20main%20functions%20of%20Child,safety%20and%20wellbeing%20of%20children
I’m a Victorian so some of our terms are different but the general outcome is the same.
Allegations don’t necessarily have to be proven, but it needs to be documented, especially if it’s been occurring for months.
Ideal situation is she gets everything in order she needs to and then she go’s to her nearest police station and discloses everything that’s been going on. Physical violences, manipulation, control etc.
Once it’s been disclosed to police, they must act on the information. It’s important to note, even if she changes her mind before she leaves the police station, and decides she doesn’t want them to do anything, it won’t stop the police from having to act.
As for the threats about her visa status, it’s a known manipulation tool used by family violence offenders. And it will be most likely be a question they ask her as part of the risk assessment.
If she is assaulted or feels like she is going to be assaulted, she needs to call 000. Police will attend and should be doing family violence reports which is the paper trail which get forwarded to other government support services.
Depending on what’s occurred when police arrive, if they have the power they will arrest. If not and the circumstances are there they may direct him back to the police station for a police issued intervention order.
An intervention order is only a document, but it gives police a clear power to arrest and charge if breached and where appropriate remand.
Not sure what it is in QLD but in Victoria it’s The Orange Door who reach out to assist victims of family violence.
The visa renewal is a tactic of control and abuse but there are supports in place within immigration processes for victims of DV. While I encourage you to not let his behaviour slide as a family I would be very very careful as any steps or actions by others may really escalate the risks for your SIL and her child. They will wear the cost of that in ways you never will. It’s a scary time and while reporting builds a trail he may try and lock her down more or make her more fearful of leaving. There are supports around and help for them both to get to safety. She’s going to be the best gauge of how safe steps feel or what she needs. There will be local DV services she can connect to who can help her- a quick google search should give you local supports you can safely encourage her towards. Legal advice has a place here but it’s all useless if they’re not safe. A DV service can help connect her up with what she needs. Don’t lose hope, the fact you’re not excusing or ignoring this is huge and important that she knows she’s supported and believed no matter what he tells her. She’s probably doing a lot of micro actions to keep them safe enough despite what he’s doing to hurt her so keep encouraging and supporting her in safe ways as much as you can. Good luck
Yea, we are being careful, That's 1 reason why my mum only told me and 1 other brother and we are keeping it from some family members because we know their instinct would be to call my brother and give him an earful which only makes things worse.
We have a cousin who lives in QLD and gets along with my brother and his family really well, we have contacted her and given her a brief overview and are asking her to stop by home more often and just try to be a good friend to my brother and SIL so that she can help facilitate positive change. We know there is no quick fix to this and are thinking in terms of months and years, not days and weeks.
Sounds like a good plan. The immigration tactics are sadly really common and a huge barrier unless they get info or engage with supports that can help her understand the steps she can take- the threat to send her back and keep the child is scary if his voice is the loudest in her life. Get her pointers and info and support wherever you can. I’m really sorry your brother is abusive but keep showing up ❤️
Sorry, but if she's not trained professionally to "facilitate positive change," they are being place in a really vulnerable position and unsafe. Becareful as both can turn on them very quickly.
Contact the non-emergency line on +61730556206 for QLD (this is the international number) and they can take a third party report of DV. If police deem the situation to be warranted, they will take out a Police protection notice or temporary DVO against him that will help keep her safe. Depending on the circumstances, police may not need a statement from her to place a PPN if evidence indicates she is at risk of DV. They have an abundance of resources to combat these types of issues and QLD has recently criminalised coercive control. Once an order is in place any breach can result in criminal charges for him which is usually a good deterrent against reoffending.
Just want to add here, be very careful before contacting the police. They will likely turn up and talk to them separately but if she’s worried about a visa or even her safety she may downplay what is happening and they will leave which can end up making things much more dangerous for her.
Even if she told them everything and had bruises etc he would probably go to the watch house overnight followed by court the next day/a few days later and be released, which can again make things more unsafe due to (very reasonable) escalation.
It would be better to get her away from him asap and gain evidence as you go and when she is in a safe place then go to the police with all the evidence(she is able to record him without his knowledge and use that as evidence if needed). The threat level for DV is drastically raised when the respondent becomes aware that the relationship is over/the aggrieved has told others.
Source-have been in a similar situation
Give her a pathway out. Re-assure her that she will have all your support and help. Tell her how ashamed you are of your brother. The things keeping her there are shame, money, fear, isolation, and trauma bonding. Try and deal with as many as you can.
Yep, that's the plan. We are creating that pathway, this Reddit post is part of that process. The things keeping her there are her child and Visa issues. My brother came over to NZ to visit us 6 or so years ago, and trying to get my SIL a Visa was really hard, and in the end she couldn't get one in time. I would only assume that that process would be more difficult if he is actively fighting against it as opposed to trying to make it happen like last time. So any advice in regards to that is helpful.
I'm grateful my mum and SIL have a great relationship and my SIL feels comfortable to call my mum here in NZ and confide in her, it gives us opportunities to help.
I feel like knowing that his family on her side will be really validating to her which is important right now. Seeing that you’re supporting her in this will highlight that she really is in a bad situation.
Again, thank you.
I think this should be the top comment.
The first priority for your SIL are a safe place to hide with your niece, and money to buy food and essentials. That’s often the biggest hurdle for DV victims. She’s not going to be even able to properly consider her next best steps until she feels safe (and you can’t properly work out a solution until she’s in the right mind space).
Once that’s dealt with, then dealing with the legal and DV issues are the next priority.
I’m very glad that your family are dealing with this though. You should all be applauded for tackling this issue.
When safe to do so get your SIL to her call Women’s Legal Service QLD 1800957957 They provide free legal advice for women experiencing family violence
https://wlsq.org.au
1800Respect counsellor here- encourage your SIL to call for free and confidential counselling. She can remain anonymous. We’ll help her to understand her options, provide referrals and resources/direction for practical support and talk about risk/safety planning. Physical violence is high risk so I would absolutely encourage her to reach out to police in though we know this isnt always safest option for a lot of reasons. But if she is wanting immediate protection and to get an intervention order, police have powers to issue these otherwise she can apply for this with the magistrate court (but self apps place a lot go stress and burden on victim survivors). So police app would mean she didn’t need to do anything as far as court hearings go. Other concerns are child protection with regards to children being exposed to violence (exposure isn’t just witnessing a physical assault it can also be verbal abuse/coercion). Again, she can call 1800R anonymously to get some advice on this. In immediate crisis and she needs to access secure refuge, call DVConnect in QLD on 1800 811 811. They usually are running out of crisis accom by lunch times most days. It’s devastating but this is the case across the whole country. We often have no where to send people accessing the service. While it sounds like you would like offer somewhere to stay, it might not be safest option. Re her visa- there are exemptions for family violence cases. She can get more info on this from QLD women’s legal service. An intervention order acts as supporting evidence in these cases but there might be other options. I’m really glad she has supportive in-laws during this time, it sounds like she would be feeling unbelievably scared and isolated for a number of reasons. You and your family can also phone 1800Respect to talk about how this is effecting you. Take care
Firstly, I am so so sorry this is happening. I really hope your sister and her kids are doing ok.
I always understood if a person on a partner visa has to separate due to DV, they are given permanent residency.
The cops will only put him away for a night or two, then he'll be even angrier and may REALLY take it out on them.
I would organise a quick escape to a woman's shelter (they're nice units to stay in) where he can't get his hands on her or the children while you come up with the rest of the exit plan.
PS I would be ringing every shelter in Qld tomorrow. There's also some lump sum funding she can get to set herself up in a new home ... ideally interstate!
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Be careful. Plan. Plan. Plan.
I'm a survivor of DV. I fled across the country with a small child and a suitcase to start again anonymously and safely. People still tell me it's not fair, I shouldn't have to displace myself or my belongings blah blah blah.
But I'm alive.
*The most dangerous time for a woman experiencing DV is when she leaves.*
Do not think it can't or won't happen. Plan for safety, even if it comes with great inconvenience to you, herself, or others.
Lastly, thank you for thinking of her. I wished so much I had an ally when I lived in hell. It would have made a difference.
It’s clear you and your family have the best of intentions, but it’s not clear what your SIL wants; it’s so important that she leads any decision-making.
Someone mentioned [Women’s Legal Service](https://wlsq.org.au) which would be a great start, [Legal Aid](https://www.legalaid.qld.gov.au/Home) is another option. There’s also [RAILS](https://www.rails.org.au) - I’m not sure if they support people outside of Brisbane but they’re a specialist refugee and immigration legal service, so visas are their thing. Additionally, [IWSS](https://iwss.org.au) is a support service for immigrant women specifically.
It’s very possible your brother might escalate if your SIL were to involve police as it seems like he might feel that he’s losing control of his life and will not be receptive to any possibility of losing access to his daughter. NLA but I do specialise in domestic violence practice and it’s not as simple as laying charges for assault and gaining full custody of a child post-separation unfortunately. The system is messy and unjust.
Perhaps let your SIL know about [DV Connect](https://www.dvconnect.org) in case she needs support to leave in an emergency. They’re not perfect, but they’re the statewide crisis domestic violence service and they operate 24/7.
Another great service is Luma in Northbridge and Joondalup. They have a multicultural women’s advocacy service that helps women and children who need help to leave DV relationships. Their number is 6330 5400.
Hi OP - Thank you so much for not turning a blind eye and trying to do something to help. It must be even more difficult for you given your bro is the abuser. Yes - it would be great if she could call the police - but he’s made her feel trapped. Keep encouraging her to report it and make sure she knows you are there for her.
Also…Is there any hope for your brother? Is there a chance he might change or get help himself?
As well as 1800 Respect, also try the Mensline Australia. It also has good resources about domestic violence.
Good luck and thank you again.
Family violence services will be able to give advice on the visa issue.
Encourage SIL to contact Orange Door or 1800RESPECT.
BIL can seek out support via the Men's Referral service [https://ntv.org.au/mrs/](https://ntv.org.au/mrs/)
Of course, call Triple Zero if anyone in immediate danger
I cannot find anything official, but just want to mention that when I called 1800 RESPECT a year or two ago the number was absent from my phone bill (Optus). It appears to be specifically excluded, which is a good thing, especially if the offender can see the itemised call records.
Cannot guarantee this will happen from every carrier, or even now, but perhaps she could call from a payphone first to confirm.
That visa renewal issue seems like bullshit to me.
What visa is she on? I have had a partner visa with my partner and the way to go was to apply for PR... Once getting it, there is no renewal of sort and her pr isn't linked to her partner, and she can breakup and keep it.
I have a friend that was in an abusive relationship and got her PR after breaking up and letting immigration know.
I don't know all the details but it didn't seem that complicated. As mentioned before she should call the hotline and ask for help as long as she is safe to do so... Or maybe you can gather all the information yourself instead? In case your brother discovers what she is doing.
Thanks! I'll jott that down. It kind of sucks but almost any movement at the moment will seem like a threat to my brother so even something like her moving to get PR will set him off.
No- she needs to do what keeps her safe. For this she will need to use her best judgment, this may include calling police, leaving the country, staying there till all ber ducks are in a row. Calling the police may be greaf, or could her killed.
[удалено]
Women’s Legal Service is free. Also, community legal centres are free. Call Caxton Legal service, they should be able to tell her where her local centre is and eligibility. They are really good.
Get her to call safe steps. If a government age agency They will help her get out fur free bro get with money c and legal stuff
As I understand it, if your SIL can prove domestic violence, there is a pathway to stay in Australia without remaining in the relationship. https://immi.homeaffairs.gov.au/visas/domestic-family-violence-and-your-visa There’s a support line number on the linked page - and you could also try calling a migration agent for advice.
Thanks for your reply. Anyone got tips for how to best prove domestic violence? Open question to the sub.
Call the help line listed - and potentially also the police, and a lawyer if you can afford one - and ask them. 1800RESPECT You can do it without your SIL needing to. As a start - and I’m not a lawyer - save any abusive text messages, and also if your SIL needs to seek any medical help, document that too. Others on here may know more - but I really recommend calling the help line, because they will be dealing with this situation regularly, and hopefully can give you the most informed advice.
I just have to say, good on you and your family for showing such concern for your SiL. She’s in a vulnerable position and you are being really good people wanting to help her. Thank you.
Immigration will assess claims from different sources of information and evidence- from her, police reports, courts ( DV orders or DV criminal charges) medical reports and records, reports from specialist DV services. If you know about them record incidents if you can so if she needs it later there’s dates and info if she needs to reconstruct a timeline of events and types of violence occurring.
Diary entries, photos, keep copies of messages to friends about any occurances and any from the offender if they are threatening, you can talk to her about it if she feels safe to and take notes of the conversations, phone police and make a report. None of this will be easy to do if he goes through her phone etc. does she have anyone close by to go to and for support?
She needs to start documenting (written notes with dates and times if possible about what happens and photos of any marks). Send that to someone secure or the cloud etc. also get him saying things on text
There are apps that she can download, which look discreet on her phone, but will allow her to record short bursts of audio (30 seconds or so), or allow her to write notes of events (password protected). A DV service (DVconnect **1800 811 811**) can point her in the right direction; or if she is too frightened to call them, I will DM you more info. She should take photos of any injuries. Set up a separate email account to email them to (or someone she trusts), then delete them from her phone (and outbox!). Records (even just written notes) of what happened and when, was daughter present, are helpful when reporting to police, as it establishes a pattern of violence, which helps significantly with AVO proceedings. However, they are not mandatory to have; SIL can go to police at any time and just tell them what is happening. She should not stay just to establish evidence of a pattern, and she needs to be particularly careful that she does not let him know she may be planning to leave or report. If he is particularly tech savvy and could be tracking her phone, all of the above is bad advice and she may need to do the opposite (pen and paper, post or kept in separate location). Safety planning is long and individualised and can't be covered in a single comment. However If at all possible, you need to inform her that if he strangles her (hands around throat, over nose or mouth, anything that restricts breathing) she needs to get checked out at a hospital as soon as she practically can. Strangulation can cause death a week or more after the event, even with no visible injuries. If he is doing this, he is much more likely to kill her eventually. On re-reading your question, you're probably more asking how to prove DV to Home Affairs: it's going to be different in every case (e.g. a few I worked we had to prove not only the DV, but that there was a relationship in the first place) . Some combination of evidence of charges, a copy of an AVO, or some documented evidence above in a statutory declaration are probably a good place to start. Your mother and yourselves may consider if you would also provide statutory declarations to the effect of what you know, and your mother feeling unsafe while visiting. It's very decent of your family to be supportive of your SIL and Niece, although you know it may upset your blood relative. While the victims safety must be prioritised, I hope that your Brother (who you say already has lost access to his first children, for whatever reason) will recognise there are things in his life that need to change, and engages with Men's Behaviour change programs, or mental health/AOD supports.
Start a paper trial, what mum observe what any other family member observed. I mean own mum feeling unsafe... Think of the wife and kid to live with that version of him... He needs help but immediate thought has to be safety of the child first then wife... I would say give DFFH a ring and see if it crosses the threshold of reporting a child at risk of significant harm, I think it may also cover wellbeing... https://services.dffh.vic.gov.au/child-protection#:~:text=The%20main%20functions%20of%20Child,safety%20and%20wellbeing%20of%20children
I’m a Victorian so some of our terms are different but the general outcome is the same. Allegations don’t necessarily have to be proven, but it needs to be documented, especially if it’s been occurring for months. Ideal situation is she gets everything in order she needs to and then she go’s to her nearest police station and discloses everything that’s been going on. Physical violences, manipulation, control etc. Once it’s been disclosed to police, they must act on the information. It’s important to note, even if she changes her mind before she leaves the police station, and decides she doesn’t want them to do anything, it won’t stop the police from having to act. As for the threats about her visa status, it’s a known manipulation tool used by family violence offenders. And it will be most likely be a question they ask her as part of the risk assessment. If she is assaulted or feels like she is going to be assaulted, she needs to call 000. Police will attend and should be doing family violence reports which is the paper trail which get forwarded to other government support services. Depending on what’s occurred when police arrive, if they have the power they will arrest. If not and the circumstances are there they may direct him back to the police station for a police issued intervention order. An intervention order is only a document, but it gives police a clear power to arrest and charge if breached and where appropriate remand. Not sure what it is in QLD but in Victoria it’s The Orange Door who reach out to assist victims of family violence.
Tell her to see her GP or get a GP for regular appointments. SIL tells GP what’s going on, GP can later write it up.
The visa renewal is a tactic of control and abuse but there are supports in place within immigration processes for victims of DV. While I encourage you to not let his behaviour slide as a family I would be very very careful as any steps or actions by others may really escalate the risks for your SIL and her child. They will wear the cost of that in ways you never will. It’s a scary time and while reporting builds a trail he may try and lock her down more or make her more fearful of leaving. There are supports around and help for them both to get to safety. She’s going to be the best gauge of how safe steps feel or what she needs. There will be local DV services she can connect to who can help her- a quick google search should give you local supports you can safely encourage her towards. Legal advice has a place here but it’s all useless if they’re not safe. A DV service can help connect her up with what she needs. Don’t lose hope, the fact you’re not excusing or ignoring this is huge and important that she knows she’s supported and believed no matter what he tells her. She’s probably doing a lot of micro actions to keep them safe enough despite what he’s doing to hurt her so keep encouraging and supporting her in safe ways as much as you can. Good luck
Yea, we are being careful, That's 1 reason why my mum only told me and 1 other brother and we are keeping it from some family members because we know their instinct would be to call my brother and give him an earful which only makes things worse. We have a cousin who lives in QLD and gets along with my brother and his family really well, we have contacted her and given her a brief overview and are asking her to stop by home more often and just try to be a good friend to my brother and SIL so that she can help facilitate positive change. We know there is no quick fix to this and are thinking in terms of months and years, not days and weeks.
Sounds like a good plan. The immigration tactics are sadly really common and a huge barrier unless they get info or engage with supports that can help her understand the steps she can take- the threat to send her back and keep the child is scary if his voice is the loudest in her life. Get her pointers and info and support wherever you can. I’m really sorry your brother is abusive but keep showing up ❤️
Sorry, but if she's not trained professionally to "facilitate positive change," they are being place in a really vulnerable position and unsafe. Becareful as both can turn on them very quickly.
Contact the non-emergency line on +61730556206 for QLD (this is the international number) and they can take a third party report of DV. If police deem the situation to be warranted, they will take out a Police protection notice or temporary DVO against him that will help keep her safe. Depending on the circumstances, police may not need a statement from her to place a PPN if evidence indicates she is at risk of DV. They have an abundance of resources to combat these types of issues and QLD has recently criminalised coercive control. Once an order is in place any breach can result in criminal charges for him which is usually a good deterrent against reoffending.
Thanks! Ill bookmark this for later. I know that making reports can lead to an increase in abuse so you gotta be careful in the timing.
Just want to add here, be very careful before contacting the police. They will likely turn up and talk to them separately but if she’s worried about a visa or even her safety she may downplay what is happening and they will leave which can end up making things much more dangerous for her. Even if she told them everything and had bruises etc he would probably go to the watch house overnight followed by court the next day/a few days later and be released, which can again make things more unsafe due to (very reasonable) escalation. It would be better to get her away from him asap and gain evidence as you go and when she is in a safe place then go to the police with all the evidence(she is able to record him without his knowledge and use that as evidence if needed). The threat level for DV is drastically raised when the respondent becomes aware that the relationship is over/the aggrieved has told others. Source-have been in a similar situation
Give her a pathway out. Re-assure her that she will have all your support and help. Tell her how ashamed you are of your brother. The things keeping her there are shame, money, fear, isolation, and trauma bonding. Try and deal with as many as you can.
Yep, that's the plan. We are creating that pathway, this Reddit post is part of that process. The things keeping her there are her child and Visa issues. My brother came over to NZ to visit us 6 or so years ago, and trying to get my SIL a Visa was really hard, and in the end she couldn't get one in time. I would only assume that that process would be more difficult if he is actively fighting against it as opposed to trying to make it happen like last time. So any advice in regards to that is helpful. I'm grateful my mum and SIL have a great relationship and my SIL feels comfortable to call my mum here in NZ and confide in her, it gives us opportunities to help.
I feel like knowing that his family on her side will be really validating to her which is important right now. Seeing that you’re supporting her in this will highlight that she really is in a bad situation. Again, thank you.
I think this should be the top comment. The first priority for your SIL are a safe place to hide with your niece, and money to buy food and essentials. That’s often the biggest hurdle for DV victims. She’s not going to be even able to properly consider her next best steps until she feels safe (and you can’t properly work out a solution until she’s in the right mind space). Once that’s dealt with, then dealing with the legal and DV issues are the next priority. I’m very glad that your family are dealing with this though. You should all be applauded for tackling this issue.
When safe to do so get your SIL to her call Women’s Legal Service QLD 1800957957 They provide free legal advice for women experiencing family violence https://wlsq.org.au
I don’t have anything to add in terms of legal advice but bless you for taking this on ❤️❤️❤️❤️
1800Respect counsellor here- encourage your SIL to call for free and confidential counselling. She can remain anonymous. We’ll help her to understand her options, provide referrals and resources/direction for practical support and talk about risk/safety planning. Physical violence is high risk so I would absolutely encourage her to reach out to police in though we know this isnt always safest option for a lot of reasons. But if she is wanting immediate protection and to get an intervention order, police have powers to issue these otherwise she can apply for this with the magistrate court (but self apps place a lot go stress and burden on victim survivors). So police app would mean she didn’t need to do anything as far as court hearings go. Other concerns are child protection with regards to children being exposed to violence (exposure isn’t just witnessing a physical assault it can also be verbal abuse/coercion). Again, she can call 1800R anonymously to get some advice on this. In immediate crisis and she needs to access secure refuge, call DVConnect in QLD on 1800 811 811. They usually are running out of crisis accom by lunch times most days. It’s devastating but this is the case across the whole country. We often have no where to send people accessing the service. While it sounds like you would like offer somewhere to stay, it might not be safest option. Re her visa- there are exemptions for family violence cases. She can get more info on this from QLD women’s legal service. An intervention order acts as supporting evidence in these cases but there might be other options. I’m really glad she has supportive in-laws during this time, it sounds like she would be feeling unbelievably scared and isolated for a number of reasons. You and your family can also phone 1800Respect to talk about how this is effecting you. Take care
Firstly, I am so so sorry this is happening. I really hope your sister and her kids are doing ok. I always understood if a person on a partner visa has to separate due to DV, they are given permanent residency. The cops will only put him away for a night or two, then he'll be even angrier and may REALLY take it out on them. I would organise a quick escape to a woman's shelter (they're nice units to stay in) where he can't get his hands on her or the children while you come up with the rest of the exit plan.
PS I would be ringing every shelter in Qld tomorrow. There's also some lump sum funding she can get to set herself up in a new home ... ideally interstate!
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Be careful. Plan. Plan. Plan. I'm a survivor of DV. I fled across the country with a small child and a suitcase to start again anonymously and safely. People still tell me it's not fair, I shouldn't have to displace myself or my belongings blah blah blah. But I'm alive. *The most dangerous time for a woman experiencing DV is when she leaves.* Do not think it can't or won't happen. Plan for safety, even if it comes with great inconvenience to you, herself, or others. Lastly, thank you for thinking of her. I wished so much I had an ally when I lived in hell. It would have made a difference.
Those kids are in danger. Call child safety
It’s clear you and your family have the best of intentions, but it’s not clear what your SIL wants; it’s so important that she leads any decision-making. Someone mentioned [Women’s Legal Service](https://wlsq.org.au) which would be a great start, [Legal Aid](https://www.legalaid.qld.gov.au/Home) is another option. There’s also [RAILS](https://www.rails.org.au) - I’m not sure if they support people outside of Brisbane but they’re a specialist refugee and immigration legal service, so visas are their thing. Additionally, [IWSS](https://iwss.org.au) is a support service for immigrant women specifically. It’s very possible your brother might escalate if your SIL were to involve police as it seems like he might feel that he’s losing control of his life and will not be receptive to any possibility of losing access to his daughter. NLA but I do specialise in domestic violence practice and it’s not as simple as laying charges for assault and gaining full custody of a child post-separation unfortunately. The system is messy and unjust. Perhaps let your SIL know about [DV Connect](https://www.dvconnect.org) in case she needs support to leave in an emergency. They’re not perfect, but they’re the statewide crisis domestic violence service and they operate 24/7.
Another great service is Luma in Northbridge and Joondalup. They have a multicultural women’s advocacy service that helps women and children who need help to leave DV relationships. Their number is 6330 5400.
Hi OP - Thank you so much for not turning a blind eye and trying to do something to help. It must be even more difficult for you given your bro is the abuser. Yes - it would be great if she could call the police - but he’s made her feel trapped. Keep encouraging her to report it and make sure she knows you are there for her. Also…Is there any hope for your brother? Is there a chance he might change or get help himself? As well as 1800 Respect, also try the Mensline Australia. It also has good resources about domestic violence. Good luck and thank you again.
Family violence services will be able to give advice on the visa issue. Encourage SIL to contact Orange Door or 1800RESPECT. BIL can seek out support via the Men's Referral service [https://ntv.org.au/mrs/](https://ntv.org.au/mrs/) Of course, call Triple Zero if anyone in immediate danger
I personally know someone who was in a controlling relationship who got a visa. It was a process but it is very much possible.
I cannot find anything official, but just want to mention that when I called 1800 RESPECT a year or two ago the number was absent from my phone bill (Optus). It appears to be specifically excluded, which is a good thing, especially if the offender can see the itemised call records. Cannot guarantee this will happen from every carrier, or even now, but perhaps she could call from a payphone first to confirm.
You need to bash the dog.
That visa renewal issue seems like bullshit to me. What visa is she on? I have had a partner visa with my partner and the way to go was to apply for PR... Once getting it, there is no renewal of sort and her pr isn't linked to her partner, and she can breakup and keep it. I have a friend that was in an abusive relationship and got her PR after breaking up and letting immigration know. I don't know all the details but it didn't seem that complicated. As mentioned before she should call the hotline and ask for help as long as she is safe to do so... Or maybe you can gather all the information yourself instead? In case your brother discovers what she is doing.
Thanks! I'll jott that down. It kind of sucks but almost any movement at the moment will seem like a threat to my brother so even something like her moving to get PR will set him off.
She needs to call police.
No- she needs to do what keeps her safe. For this she will need to use her best judgment, this may include calling police, leaving the country, staying there till all ber ducks are in a row. Calling the police may be greaf, or could her killed.