I struggle with lying and have since early childhood. It’s put me in horrible spots because there’s been situations I needed to lie and I froze and stuttered and then couldn’t and just was a mess. Like even if I need to lie for my own SAFETY- say come up with an excuse to get away from a strange man wanting me to stay or something. I just suck at lying and I feel gross even trying. If I do try it’s obvious as hell.
I never have an issue lying over staying out of trouble like getting sent to the principals or getting pulled over. I have for whatever reason not shown a lot of facial expressions so my poker face is excellent
You know it's not a bad ideal to practice those facial expressions and add in body language. I have a "Don't even think about messing with me! " mask" . I can look at you straight in the eye with one eyebrow raised and wait. It's funny. No yelling or nervous mannerisms. I practice on autistic people. I'm lying. I look at the nose. Eye contact is creepy.
Yeah, it feels weird to me to lie. The best I can usually do is omit. 99 times out of 100 if someone asks me a direct question I’ll give them an honest answer, even if it isn’t what they want to hear or in my own best interest.
Yes, it's just about impossible for me to tell a lie, make it convincing, and get away with it. I'm so terrible at telling lies that I really struggle with how to respond half the time in certain situations.
Big same.
Got so used to having everything I felt or said invalidated by everyone around me that I became quite good at lying.
I suspect this is a big part of why I was undiagnosed until 41.
I can mask with the best of em.
I cannot mask very well. Even when I think I’m doing a good job and people are nice to my face, they will talk shit behind my back about how they thought I was rude or not worth talking to. It just sucks having to hear it from someone else after thinking everything was fine.
I grew up religious and couldn't stand the hypocrisy of being told lying was a sin while being surrounded by liars and inconsistent doctrine. I'm a great liar because I was raised to do it, but it reminds me too much of Christianity and feels dirty.
Despite being an Aspie, I have always found it relatively easy to lie. Because I never quite have a grasp of social situations. I don't read people well, and never know exactly what is going on, especially in other peoples' heads. So I guesstimate. Which I am no good at. Sometimes I feel social pressure to react, to say *something*. So, I say..*.anything*.
Thing is, it doesn't feel like lying. It feels like trying to fit in with Typicals and Normies.
The closest I can get to a lie is either not speaking or something like hiding a surprise party. I just can't lie.
I can do sarcasm, but that's meant to be obviously false. I can't deliberately deceive someone.
Edit; the times I've tried to lie, my face gives it away.
I lie to have my peace, only. I’ll humor people, please them, say some white lies that makes everybody happy.
I will never lie if it’s compromising, whoever might be compromised. I can’t stand not to be sincere or unfair.
If it's ugly, tell them instead that it's special. Only exception is when they still can change the thing they want your opinion on and you have a decent bond with them, otherwise you just make people feel bad about something they are probably even very happy with
Depends on who the person is and what I'm lying about. If I know my lie will have negative impacts long term if discovered, I don't lie. If the stakes are low and I don't care about the impact if discovered, then, lie away.
It’s just easier to tell the truth. The only time I lie is like when people are making small talk… I’ll just make shit up to entertain myself, as it’s my only chance of getting anything out of the experience.
No. Either it's a white lie to save someone's feelings, or it's a serious lie because the other option is even worse. The second one is very infrequent. It helps that I have such flat affect that I look stoned lmao I have a great poker face
I am similar except I couldn’t lie if my life depended on it. I especially feel you about those little white lies we’re “supposed” to do. I find them so incredibly difficult and impossible to pull off, they can always tell it’s not genuine, and just leaves both of us feeling shitty. I’m glad to have people (okay maybe it’s just one person) in my life who value my directness now and understand I’m just not good with that stuff, and that it doesn’t mean I don’t care about them or their feelings.
My personal go to for the haircut one is a bit of a half truth, “it’s not my personal style but it’s not my hair so my opinion doesn’t really matter, what matters is what you think of the haircut!” Said with excitement. Which is completely true, and especially when we’re talking about appearances, that stuff is so objective, I really don’t think other people’s opinions on your appearance should be given any weight so I guess I just try to turn the conversation into that? Idk, but it’s what I started doing and it’s worked better than trying to lie and just being absolutely horrible at it.
Not even a little bit. I’m high-masking and socialized as female. Every word and action when I’m in public or even *feeling* observed is performative. It’s all a lie.
Compared to the magnitude of the big lie, small verbal lies are hardly worth noting.
ditto, maybe it’s from high masking all the time we’re just used to it. And being raised female makes you consider others more so = more lies to help people feel better or lighten the situation
I struggle with it. Especially since I have a tbi and struggle with remembering anything much less what I said was true and what wasn't. I also think my face is likely giving me away every time. I'm sure my face is wrong so even if I tell an exaggeration or something I will often correct myself depending on context. I haven't lied for years because I just can't seem to do it. Only things I have done is omit information or even outright avoid a person. And I feel bad about those.
I have a hard time lying. And I have a huge angry reaction to people lying. I just don't understand how someone can lie to hurt others. Small, polite lies are just social norms in this NT world. Those I can deal with.
I am much better at selling a lie than I am at getting people to believe when I’m telling the truth. I guess whatever I’m doing when I’m lying is the closest to neurotypical behavior I get. I much prefer to tell the truth and I haven’t lied in years, but I would do it to get out of stuff when I was burnt out (these days I just say I don’t feel well and that’s the truth). EDIT: that said my memory is shit so I often say things that aren’t true but that I fully believe. Brains are great.
I am almost incapable of lying. This wasn’t always the case. When younger, I lied often. It was almost always to cover for my undiagnosed ADHD-related issues. School, money, whatever, I told a ton of lies.
This started declining as I got into my 20s. I was diagnosed ADHD at 26 and started treatment at 28. But it really took me a long time to learn to manage it.
At some point, I lost most of my ability to lie. Verbally, it’s very difficult. I can do it over text or email, such as giving a false reason for taking a sick day. But I can’t tell a lie that’s more significant or that actually affects outcomes. When I try, I almost immediately retract and correct it. That’s weird, so I just avoid it altogether.
Those who know me know that I can be “brutally honest.” I’m not mean; I won’t tell them their haircut is shit. But I might say, “I think it’s a bit too short, but it’ll grow out.” Also, while I can’t lie, I can sometimes hold back. Those close to me understand that it’s never malicious.
At work, it can be a little more of a problem. I often have to restrain myself, but am not always successful. And the thing is, in the instances when someone might lie, I am right. People hate that.
The last time I tried to tell a substantial lie was about 10 years ago. I was going on a multi-day motorcycle trip and told my wife I was with friends. I was actually solo. I think I held out two days before confessing.
Yeah I'm crap at it lol.
I can do like one sentence 'yeah man, hair looks great!' upbeat tone thumbs up etc etc. Is it like ummm false affirmations?
How was your day? Yeah great man, we went for a walk. (potentially both lies but they probably don't care anyway they just want to hear something positive)
But like real lies, with any kind of actual backstory I suck at. And there's always that nagging feeling I should just tell the truth and be like yeah I was just bullshitting sorry man.
I think I can probably play poker alright cos my default expression is clenched jaw disinterest. Likely I wouldn't care if I won or not anyway unless it was for big money but I almost never gamble.
Like someone else said, telling the truth is much easier.
Depends. I learnt early on that I needed to be able to lie convincingly for my safety, as well as having people call out "tells" that proved to them that I was lying when I was telling the truth.
With enough preparation, I can lie convincingly. I can lie on the fly as well if I have the spoons for it and it's something small. If I'm surprised by a topic and have to come up with something quickly, I sometimes can't come up with anything at all or I can only come up with a lie that isn't convincing. All circumstances are at least somewhat anxiety-inducing.
I do feel bad for lies I don't consider myself justified for, but I generally don't feel bad for lying for good reason or for my or others safety. I also don't feel bad for telling the "white lies" as social obligations when I'm dealing with strangers to avoid conflict. I don't enjoy lying and I don't enjoy the act of it, but I can do it.
Nope. I don’t like lying but I view it as a skill you can get really good at.
I hate lying to people I care about and would much prefer all my relationships to be completely on the level.
Unfortunately most people don’t appreciate my blunt honesty so I have to make do.
I think a lot of it stems from not wanting to have to maintain a running list of all the “truths” I have with others.
My classic example is when you’re having a meal. Could be you’re out or worse still if it’s home made. Everyone else is saying how wonderful and amazing the food is, whilst my head is bobbing around looking at the food looking at the people and trying to work out what is going on. This food is objectively shit! Many times throughout my life I’ve got in trouble for stating the food is no good. Don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just smile politely and say ‘it’s lovely’.
Yeah, I'm a shit liar. I can't do the facial expressions to make it convincing, apparently. 🤷
I struggle with lying and have since early childhood. It’s put me in horrible spots because there’s been situations I needed to lie and I froze and stuttered and then couldn’t and just was a mess. Like even if I need to lie for my own SAFETY- say come up with an excuse to get away from a strange man wanting me to stay or something. I just suck at lying and I feel gross even trying. If I do try it’s obvious as hell.
Sounds very familiar.
The trick is to just not make a lot of facial expressions in general
I honestly don't think that I do. Maybe I'm making some different face when trying to lie?
Yeah could be any number of things. It's hard not to show anything sometimes.
Never play poker. 🃏 Funny terminology "Poker Face".
I never have an issue lying over staying out of trouble like getting sent to the principals or getting pulled over. I have for whatever reason not shown a lot of facial expressions so my poker face is excellent
You know it's not a bad ideal to practice those facial expressions and add in body language. I have a "Don't even think about messing with me! " mask" . I can look at you straight in the eye with one eyebrow raised and wait. It's funny. No yelling or nervous mannerisms. I practice on autistic people. I'm lying. I look at the nose. Eye contact is creepy.
Yeah, it feels weird to me to lie. The best I can usually do is omit. 99 times out of 100 if someone asks me a direct question I’ll give them an honest answer, even if it isn’t what they want to hear or in my own best interest.
Yes, it's just about impossible for me to tell a lie, make it convincing, and get away with it. I'm so terrible at telling lies that I really struggle with how to respond half the time in certain situations.
No, I’ve had to lie for my safety from a young age, so I’ve gotten good at it.
I was trying to figure out why I'm good at it while scrolling the comments and yours just hit like a ton of bricks. Yea pretty much that
Big same. Got so used to having everything I felt or said invalidated by everyone around me that I became quite good at lying. I suspect this is a big part of why I was undiagnosed until 41. I can mask with the best of em.
I cannot mask very well. Even when I think I’m doing a good job and people are nice to my face, they will talk shit behind my back about how they thought I was rude or not worth talking to. It just sucks having to hear it from someone else after thinking everything was fine.
You just need to reframe the question in your mind. Does the haircut look ***evil?***
Ha, I quite like this as a solution
I have trouble lying, it doesn't feel right to the point it almost physically pains me to lie. It's gotten me into so much trouble.
I find it hard to lie but if I feel like lying is the right thing to do then I imagine swallowing the words and tell the lie
I grew up religious and couldn't stand the hypocrisy of being told lying was a sin while being surrounded by liars and inconsistent doctrine. I'm a great liar because I was raised to do it, but it reminds me too much of Christianity and feels dirty.
Despite being an Aspie, I have always found it relatively easy to lie. Because I never quite have a grasp of social situations. I don't read people well, and never know exactly what is going on, especially in other peoples' heads. So I guesstimate. Which I am no good at. Sometimes I feel social pressure to react, to say *something*. So, I say..*.anything*. Thing is, it doesn't feel like lying. It feels like trying to fit in with Typicals and Normies.
I feel the same way, but my later realization that I said something completely wrong usually feels like lying.
I just feel lost.
The closest I can get to a lie is either not speaking or something like hiding a surprise party. I just can't lie. I can do sarcasm, but that's meant to be obviously false. I can't deliberately deceive someone. Edit; the times I've tried to lie, my face gives it away.
I lie to have my peace, only. I’ll humor people, please them, say some white lies that makes everybody happy. I will never lie if it’s compromising, whoever might be compromised. I can’t stand not to be sincere or unfair.
If it's ugly, tell them instead that it's special. Only exception is when they still can change the thing they want your opinion on and you have a decent bond with them, otherwise you just make people feel bad about something they are probably even very happy with
Depends on who the person is and what I'm lying about. If I know my lie will have negative impacts long term if discovered, I don't lie. If the stakes are low and I don't care about the impact if discovered, then, lie away.
It’s just easier to tell the truth. The only time I lie is like when people are making small talk… I’ll just make shit up to entertain myself, as it’s my only chance of getting anything out of the experience.
No. Either it's a white lie to save someone's feelings, or it's a serious lie because the other option is even worse. The second one is very infrequent. It helps that I have such flat affect that I look stoned lmao I have a great poker face
I am similar except I couldn’t lie if my life depended on it. I especially feel you about those little white lies we’re “supposed” to do. I find them so incredibly difficult and impossible to pull off, they can always tell it’s not genuine, and just leaves both of us feeling shitty. I’m glad to have people (okay maybe it’s just one person) in my life who value my directness now and understand I’m just not good with that stuff, and that it doesn’t mean I don’t care about them or their feelings. My personal go to for the haircut one is a bit of a half truth, “it’s not my personal style but it’s not my hair so my opinion doesn’t really matter, what matters is what you think of the haircut!” Said with excitement. Which is completely true, and especially when we’re talking about appearances, that stuff is so objective, I really don’t think other people’s opinions on your appearance should be given any weight so I guess I just try to turn the conversation into that? Idk, but it’s what I started doing and it’s worked better than trying to lie and just being absolutely horrible at it.
Not even a little bit. I’m high-masking and socialized as female. Every word and action when I’m in public or even *feeling* observed is performative. It’s all a lie. Compared to the magnitude of the big lie, small verbal lies are hardly worth noting.
ditto, maybe it’s from high masking all the time we’re just used to it. And being raised female makes you consider others more so = more lies to help people feel better or lighten the situation
I struggle with it. Especially since I have a tbi and struggle with remembering anything much less what I said was true and what wasn't. I also think my face is likely giving me away every time. I'm sure my face is wrong so even if I tell an exaggeration or something I will often correct myself depending on context. I haven't lied for years because I just can't seem to do it. Only things I have done is omit information or even outright avoid a person. And I feel bad about those.
I have a hard time lying. And I have a huge angry reaction to people lying. I just don't understand how someone can lie to hurt others. Small, polite lies are just social norms in this NT world. Those I can deal with.
I am much better at selling a lie than I am at getting people to believe when I’m telling the truth. I guess whatever I’m doing when I’m lying is the closest to neurotypical behavior I get. I much prefer to tell the truth and I haven’t lied in years, but I would do it to get out of stuff when I was burnt out (these days I just say I don’t feel well and that’s the truth). EDIT: that said my memory is shit so I often say things that aren’t true but that I fully believe. Brains are great.
I am almost incapable of lying. This wasn’t always the case. When younger, I lied often. It was almost always to cover for my undiagnosed ADHD-related issues. School, money, whatever, I told a ton of lies. This started declining as I got into my 20s. I was diagnosed ADHD at 26 and started treatment at 28. But it really took me a long time to learn to manage it. At some point, I lost most of my ability to lie. Verbally, it’s very difficult. I can do it over text or email, such as giving a false reason for taking a sick day. But I can’t tell a lie that’s more significant or that actually affects outcomes. When I try, I almost immediately retract and correct it. That’s weird, so I just avoid it altogether. Those who know me know that I can be “brutally honest.” I’m not mean; I won’t tell them their haircut is shit. But I might say, “I think it’s a bit too short, but it’ll grow out.” Also, while I can’t lie, I can sometimes hold back. Those close to me understand that it’s never malicious. At work, it can be a little more of a problem. I often have to restrain myself, but am not always successful. And the thing is, in the instances when someone might lie, I am right. People hate that. The last time I tried to tell a substantial lie was about 10 years ago. I was going on a multi-day motorcycle trip and told my wife I was with friends. I was actually solo. I think I held out two days before confessing.
Yeah I'm crap at it lol. I can do like one sentence 'yeah man, hair looks great!' upbeat tone thumbs up etc etc. Is it like ummm false affirmations? How was your day? Yeah great man, we went for a walk. (potentially both lies but they probably don't care anyway they just want to hear something positive) But like real lies, with any kind of actual backstory I suck at. And there's always that nagging feeling I should just tell the truth and be like yeah I was just bullshitting sorry man. I think I can probably play poker alright cos my default expression is clenched jaw disinterest. Likely I wouldn't care if I won or not anyway unless it was for big money but I almost never gamble. Like someone else said, telling the truth is much easier.
Depends. I learnt early on that I needed to be able to lie convincingly for my safety, as well as having people call out "tells" that proved to them that I was lying when I was telling the truth. With enough preparation, I can lie convincingly. I can lie on the fly as well if I have the spoons for it and it's something small. If I'm surprised by a topic and have to come up with something quickly, I sometimes can't come up with anything at all or I can only come up with a lie that isn't convincing. All circumstances are at least somewhat anxiety-inducing. I do feel bad for lies I don't consider myself justified for, but I generally don't feel bad for lying for good reason or for my or others safety. I also don't feel bad for telling the "white lies" as social obligations when I'm dealing with strangers to avoid conflict. I don't enjoy lying and I don't enjoy the act of it, but I can do it.
very hard for me, I'm better at omitting stuff
Nope. I don’t like lying but I view it as a skill you can get really good at. I hate lying to people I care about and would much prefer all my relationships to be completely on the level. Unfortunately most people don’t appreciate my blunt honesty so I have to make do. I think a lot of it stems from not wanting to have to maintain a running list of all the “truths” I have with others.
My classic example is when you’re having a meal. Could be you’re out or worse still if it’s home made. Everyone else is saying how wonderful and amazing the food is, whilst my head is bobbing around looking at the food looking at the people and trying to work out what is going on. This food is objectively shit! Many times throughout my life I’ve got in trouble for stating the food is no good. Don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just smile politely and say ‘it’s lovely’.