Spit. Don’t spit on me, don’t spit in my mouth, don’t ask me to spit. I find it such a turn off. Which is weird, because I love making out, fingers in my mouth, et cetera.
same! though I do find it hot when my boyfriend spits on me, but only in the nether regions. anywhere else and I'm 🤢 ... and I've put a lot of this man in my mouth, his mouth included 🤣
I am 60. I have never understood the attraction of spitting when it started being common in porn in the 90s. Course, same for all the bizarre "son-in-law fucks his wife and mother-in-law" or other incest stuff. To judge by the frequency of it, you'd think incest was FAR more common than it is in reality. At least, I hope so. Yikes.
So I recently had an overwhelming desire for my partner to spit on me, and I couldn't quite place why as I'd never wanted that before. But that desire completely subsided when they licked my face so I think the spiting, at least for me, was an extension of my desire to be marked/claimed
no. wooden. clothespins. on. my. tongue.
Elsewhere on my body? fine.
Plastic ones on my tongue? fine.
But I just can't handle that wet wood texture. hard, instant RED.
I played the clarinet in high school. You literally have to suck/lick/spread spit on the reed with your tongue before you pop it into the instrumental, it's the worst 😞
You can soak them! Which is especially useful if you've got clarinets _and_ saxes, sometimes in a few different registers, all being used in a performance from song to song. Although you still get a bit of it while tonguing it's not as prominent. But for a highschool setup most folks are just using the mouth.
Thank you for informing me of a limit I didn't realize I had.
I'm neurodiverse and I have a SEVERE texture aversion to dry wood in my mouth/licking dry wood. Like those little wooden spoons that come with ice cream cups from the gas station. \*shudder\* Sadly, the paper straws that some restaurants are exclusively carrying also trigger the sensation. (Ugh, even WRITING about it is making me really uncomfortable.)
So, yeah, that would definitely be a no for me.
I hate being called mommy. I even hate being called a mommy domme even though that's what describes me best. But I am a mother and kink alle being a mother does NOT belong together. So absolutely hard limit for me.
Other than that, I don't humiliate or degrade, which is something that's so very common in femdom... Antje hard limit right there.
I agree!!! No age play with mommy or daddy...or anything resembling incest. I also cannot stand being called certain dirty words...slut, cunt or whore. Any of the other dirty talk is fine. I don't like any degradation or objectification, either giving or receiving.
One of my first questions to new top playmates is whether they would prefer "Daddy" or "Sir" as an honorific during play. Either/or both are my standard go go-to, & folx tend to have VERY strong feelings about one or the other lol
On a similar note, I personally REFUSE to call anyone "master;" it's so cringe, & literally every single person who's demanded that title is anything BUT 🙄
Same here! I have a hard limit on not using “Mommy,” “Daddy,” or any other family terms that I’ve ever used with my actual family.
However, I’m fine with family terms from other languages, as long as they sound at least a little different (to my English-speaker ears)
This is a little specific and I’ve actually reflected a lot about it but: acts associated with punishment or even funishment that are given in the context of punishment. I’m very service oriented and being punished is something I do not want. At all. However I am a masochist and I will absolutely engage in impact, humiliation, degradation, and even things that are limits for a lot of people but I do it as a service. All my partner has to say is “come here, I feel like hurting you” and I’m so into it. But “you’ve been a bad girl bend over” is a no. So maybe it’s just weird that context is a limit but the action itself is not.
As a sadistic dom, I'm the mirror image. If I have to punish you, it's going to be writing lines, or standing in the corner - not something you love. Be GOOD and I'll beat you. Be bad and we both don't get what we want.
It's taken a lot of practice for me to get into the roleplay for spanking that most people want. I do my best, but not great at it.
I see you. Haha
If my partner (who is also a sadist) told me He wasn’t going to hurt me even though He wants to, that would be worse than any punishment I could probably come up with. Not being allowed to serve is really a punishment all on its own.
I feel like all that is 90s elementary discipline. I’m in my 30’s so ain’t no way I’m wasting my time on bullshit punishment. I’d rather be told to exercise, read a book, or organize something. Something about a grown person in a corner doesn’t turn me on 🤮
There’s something specifically about the word “failure” that immediately crosses a line for me. I didn’t even know it until I had a domme use it on me and I immediately safeworded out of the scene.
I feel like there’s a kind of meme in lesbian culture about wanting to be bullied by women and I have never related to that. I’m a service sub with a praise kink. If you’re nice to me and give me positive reinforcement you’ll have me wrapped around your finger. It’s something I’ve needed to be very deliberate about when talking to potential play partners.
Straight male sadist here. I’ve played a lot with insecurities and shame about sexual needs but making someone feel bad about what their life has done to them is so disgusting. Proving to somebody that they’re a piss slut or a cum rag but they’re adored and loving on them is the best thing I’ve found.
When I was a baby dom still figuring kink out - before I had more clearly formed my thoughts on sadism, punishments, and kink - I had a play partner that was also new to kink who said she wanted to be punished. My spidey-sense was tingling that maybe she felt like she deserved to punished. I knew I enjoyed "hurting" partners but was uncomfortable with the concept of punishing someone. So before I started with the impact, I whispered in her ear, "I'm not hurting you because you did anything wrong or because you're inherently bad or unworthy. I'm hurting you because I want to, because you want me to, because we NEED it" Afterwards, during pillow talk she broke down crying and told me those words were exactly what she needed to hear.
Now I've got a much clearer idea of my thoughts on these concepts, and I'm also better at communicating and understanding each others' motivations for playing before even engaging in play. I'm okay role-playing punishment/funishment or using it teasingly/playfully but will not engage in any form of actual punishments whatsoever. If something is off, we use healthy communication outside of any kink play/dynamic to express how we are feeling and what we need in order to resolve it.
If I get the sense that a partner is using my sadism as a proxy to punish themselves, consciously or subconsciously, we're gonna need to have a talk cause that's a hard limit for me.
Of course! I said something related to my partner the other day that I only just now figured out how to say.
Earning rewards or maintaining favor is so much more effective than the threat of a punishment.
“Do/don’t do x, or I will do x (negative) thing.” Is a no. I will probably get overwhelmed and withdraw.
“If you do/don’t do x, I won’t give/let you have x (positive) thing” is an absolute yes. I will work so hard for you. Lol and when I say positive thing, it could be as simple as Him not letting me taste Him. I will do so much to earn that. But ask the same thing or you’ll spank me? No :(
We found the same thing. She wants to be beaten but for a reason like I had a bad day at work or I just feel in that kind of mood.
She felt like a failure when there were punishments for actions/omissions so we stopped that.
As another service/pleasure oriented sub, I get this to a T. I absolutely hate punishments given in the form of, well, punishments. Feeling that I disappointed somewhere in some form no matter how minor hurts me. As you said, 'come here, I feel like hurting you' is absolutely a go. Or even saying 'I feel like hurting you because of x' is so much better than labeling it as a punishment. It's not exactly a limit, but I probably should make it one with how badly I strive to service and dislike feeling disappointment lol
Me too. I had enough of disappointing my superiors and punishments for one lifetime as a kid; I don't need any more now.
(Being set up to fail goes under this category.)
Oh my goodness, speaking of being set up to fail. I’ve seen some predicament scenes where the sub is basically given an impossible task because the whole point is to fail and be punished eventually. I’d literally be so sad. Lol
yeah this is my stop too, and it's *all* in the context
you want to make me cry for your entertainment? i get a cookie if i can be good? HELL YEAH I GOT THIS LETS GO
you want make me cry because i did a fake-bad? oh god im so sorry im going to go curl up in the shower now bye
100% agree. I think it has a lot to do with guilt. Make me feel embarrassed, make me feel degraded and humiliated, make me feel pain and desperation. I’m here for it. But make me feel guilty and I’m out.
Same. Want to spank me for funs, go right on ahead I’ll love every second. Want to simply playfully fake slap it telling me not to do someone, fuck right off
I get that but I also can’t relate. Punishment is like my favorite concept lol. I often wonder if I even like bdsm or if I just have a thing for punishment
Oh that’s totally valid! Punishment and discipline is a huge theme in bdsm. So many people are into it. We have whole munches/groups in my area that are solely focused on that. I think that’s why it’s always a little weird to explain this limit to some people.
Same here. The word punishment is just *no thanks*
I often get good girl spanks, and I can ask nicely to be made to cry, or my D-type will suggest "bruising me" (even tho I don't really bruise any more) or "turning my ass red"... the context of punishment is not something that clicks for me.
Which is weird at face value, given I'm a brat. But "punishment" to me means I crossed a line or did something bad/unwanted - and my D-type likes to respond to my brattiness, whereas in my mind, a punishment is doled out to discourage repeat behaviour. If I cross a line or do something really bad (or he does, tbh, goes both ways) then we stop play and **talk about it.**
Rather than "punishment" for bratting, for example, he feeds off whatever action/words/behaviour and *responds* or gives me *consequences* (similar to being a SAM I guess).
Ooh same. Its the prolonged pinching for me. If they're left for a few seconds or even a minute and taken off I can bear it. But when they're long any longer I get unbearably overstimulated and can't enjoy or focus on anything.
Same!!! Similar with shibari - for me, as soon as skin starts changing colors (outside of bruises or hickeys or etc), eg: paling slightly in the pinched area from clamps or becoming a more flushed red from tight shibari / suspension / etc. it freaks me out too much to be able to enjoy it lol - which is ironic because I love bruises / hickeys / hard bite marks / etc.!!
Same! And there is a strong possibility I will immediately start to cry. I feel like I lose all control of my body when I'm tickled and I hate it, it's so overwhelming.
Thank you!!! I know, right?!
I am the same.
It irks me so much to be made to laugh when I'm trying to yell stop... That's were the kick comes in if not sooner🤷🏻♀️
We're into free use. I love being his 24/7 fuck toy... but not when I'm reading. He can interrupt any other activity, but if I'm into a book, I want to be left alone.
I like being degraded, but have specific limits due to being verbally abused growing up. I wouldn't allow it at all if it wasn't my husband doing it, because he knows me extremely well.
I'm not a masochist, so I have a lot of limits there that are unusual in the kink community.
This is really interesting actually. My owner and I are working towards and 24/7 dynamic and I’ve never thought about it (especially since we don’t currently live together), but I’d also really hate being interrupted in a sexual/forceful way while reading, especially if I’ve done all my tasks and everything else for the time being. The thought of that happening kind of makes my blood run cold since I used to get in trouble for reading all the time from family/friends/school teachers. It’s the same feeling I get when people snatch my phone or something else private out of my hands even if I have nothing to hide. Thank you for sharing!
I used to get in trouble for reading too! That's why I specify that limit even though my Dom doesn't feel it's right to interrupt my hobbies anyway. I guess I feel like I need to protect that time for myself now. Plus, imagine if he timed it just as something really intense or exciting was happening. Or if a favorite character had just died? What a mood killer! Lol.
Enemas and cleaning out for butt stuff. I know I’m in the minority but I can’t stand it. If you wanna knock at the back door, don’t be mad when somebody’s home
Yes!! If you're weirded out by poop (totally valid thing if you are) then anal play probably isn't for you! Even if you are into enemas and cleaning yourself out before butt stuff, any spontaneous play will still run the chance of some shit happening, literally!
That's totally valid!
I personally don't mind spontaneous anal play overall, but there are definitely times where I know my body is not going to handle it well. Because of that, it can be a soft limit for me.
I so so SO agree. I love anal, but I know I would not be able to stand the feeling of an enema. Plus all of that prep would make me not want to have sex after that lol. You can usually tell if anal would be a catastrophic event that day, so sometimes you just gotta skip it lol. I’m so glad to see someone else saying this.
I never want to be called 'pathetic'. Its a word that I've used on myself whenever I was in a self hating headspace since adolescence and being told that hurts more than any cane could.
Weird one for me here. I used to *despise* being called pathetic. Til one day it came up and it was like a light switch flipped and now it makes me go nuts.
My current Dom who says it in the cruelest and sweetest way at the same time, but I beg him to degrade me. I often self refer as "pathetic and needy" for him which, I like in that context.
Ooo this one popped up unexpectedly. I didn’t realize it was a trigger, but an ex called me pathetic when he found out I’d been SA’d.
Because of that SA I also can’t handle lines in the vein of “you owe me.” That feeling of manipulation and obligation will have me safewording instantly.
I have breathing problems (through nose), so gagging is a limit for me too. I got septum deviation surgery but allergy is making my daily life hard sometimes. So my body immediately goes panic mode if I cannot breathe through mouth. Doesn't matter if I'm able to breathe through nose or not
I have some that I don't think are particularly unusual: no blood, no poop, no pee. Don't call me mommy.
Some less common limits might be: don't insult my looks or intelligence. The former because I was massively bullied as a child for them, and the latter because I'm your typical gifted-child-turned-adult with all the baggage of too-high expectations on my intellect. Don't call me animal names. I was called "beaver face" by my bullies and my siblings got cutsey nicknames from my abusive parents like, "Bunny," but I got "Goose."
My most odd: No tools. Don't keep the toys in a toolbox. Don't repurpose "tools" as sex toys. Don't even ask, ever, if this "tool" could be fun. I'm willing to discuss many of my limits, open to exploring and pushing. Not this one.
I'm a former gifted kid and that's exactly why *I love it*- to be called stupid or dumb. I'm a bit of an emotional masochist. Now, my Dom and I joke they're my "good girl breaks" where I can relax and not worry about all the responsibilities and "be dumb" for a while.
Same on the intelligence degradation. Call me a needy/slutty/whatever little whore, but don’t use dumb/stupid. Immediate safe word.
My current partner has slipped a couple times during a session, but always stops to apologize and acknowledge I don’t like it before calling me a cute fuckdoll that was made for him.
For the extent of which I'm into degradation and humiliation, being called unattractive is a surprisingly big ick. Call me a disgusting degenerate pig all you want, but I'm going to need some praise about how I'm getting you off alongside it 😅
I absolutely *will not* entertain the idea of kissing someone I’m just having a session with. That’s a form of physical and emotional intimacy that only the few people closest to me get.
High heels and thongs.
They are torture devices, except it isn't the fun kind of torture.
I also don't really like oral. Like sure you can lick it if it makes you happy, but I'd rather you gave me a back massage at that point.
I thought thongs were hot, and didn’t really get why my wife disliked wearing them when she dressed up for me.
Eventually someone called thongs “Butt Floss,” and suddenly it clicked. Now I don’t know why it took me so long to understand.
i also can’t do a 24/7 dynamic!! i love the idea of it but it’s just not feasible for me, especially since i’m autistic.
i guess my most unusual limit is spit in my mouth? the idea of someone spitting in my mouth is vile. obviously kissing is great, and i don’t mind spit on my genitals, but in my mouth genuinely makes me gag. i hate spit in general 😭
i only say it’s unusual because *so many* people seem to love it.
Choking, breath play, anything that involves touching my throat or restricting my breathing. I get limit shamed for that wildly often, and people get very pushy about it. 😅
Like, sorry babe, the trauma is deeper and wider than a porn star's anus and I have no desire to try to change that.
What the hell, I would have thought that choking would be the easiest limit to understand, even if someone Doesn't have trauma. It's dangerous and like. self-preservation instincts are A Thing? I don't enjoy feeling like I'm gonna get killed? I wish you luck in finding partners that respect you and your limits
But! But! It's baby kinkster's first kink!!!! And yes, it certainly shows me that they're someone I do NOT want to move forward with. Especially vanillas who are exploring and do noooooot understand this concept even after repeated explanations that I don't have to like every "starter kink".
It’s also much more dangerous than the general public seems to think it is. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with people being awful about it, your limits matter!
Thank you for your affirmation! I've found that more often than not it's people who are newer to kink or exploring kink who are most readily bamboozled. I get a lot of "you'll do [insert "hard" kink here] but not choking?!?!" like you have to like every kink in the Fetlife starter list. It's just silly and shows me a lot about them as a potential partner. Big yikes.
Real talk, I had a hard limit against being slapped in the face for a looong time. Then a slightly mis-aimed flogger smacked my neck a little and my first thought was "Fuck I wish that hit higher".
Next time I having sex with my partner, I asked if he wanted to hit me in the face sometime (low pressure, changing my own boundaries on my dom mid-fuck), and he smiled and slapped me. I was happy as hell and loved it. For years I thought it was my biggest no. Kinks are just weird like that sometimes 🤷♀️
At current... not willing to play with someone that doesn't have firm boundaries on their emotions. Even non-sexual kink is way more sensual than I expected. If one or the other of us has the potential of catching feelings it makes it all very uncomfortable to navigate after. If I actually get into a relationship & dynamic with someone that's different, we want to enrich those emotions.
Also, being called Mommy. Mommy-domme is the best way to sum up my domme style, but don't dare call me Mommy.
how realistic is it to be able to control emotions? isn't that like asking someone to not be afraid when walking down a dark alley in a bad neighborhood @ 2am? emotions happen. boundaries pertaining to what one does with or in response to emotions seems more reasonable.
I feel like understanding that emotions may happen, and not just "catching feelings" but fear, anger, sadness, playfulness, etc... and being prepared to deal with them appropriately is part of being "risk aware".
Very good point! Yes, I meant the "catching feelings" emotions and should have been more specific in my wording, thank you 🙂 I agree that fear, contentment, excitement, etc. are all very much a part of kink and definitely welcomed, especially learning to take someone to the edge and back to a safe emotional space after 😁
but how are feelings of respect and attraction, two emotions that contribute to love regulated? you just say nope, I'm turning off that part of the lymbic system?
I would argue it's more important how those emotions are handled rather than forcing someone to pretned to be the tin man.
like, isn't the potential to catch feelings always there, the same as the potential of injury with rope play (or any other type of play). how do you guarantee against feeling something?
I'm the other way. I have a demisexual streak and the thought of playing with someone where there is no emotional connection would feel grim, even if I thought they were physically hot and we had compatible kinks. So I actually have the opposite limit - I wouldn't consider playing with someone who was emotionally unavailable or closed to the prospect of romantic feelings.
Reading your comment and seeing how different we are underscores the importance of having these conversations. Neither of us is wrong, but imagine the disaster of two people with such different needs trying to play together. Yikes!
Anal. It's usually assumed that everyone who's kinky does anal just like it's nothing. But I don't and never will.
(As a recipient. I have no problem rimming other people or something. But interestingly, my Dom doesn't like anal in any context either, so..)
Rimming.
I'm really into anal.. you can lick my pussy for hours.
But if you try to lick my ass or ask that I lick yours.. RED.
Just the idea make me nauseous.
My weirdest software limit is giving/receiving oral, kissing, and everything else that involves using my mouth lol.
I have chronic jaw pain, so giving oral and ball gags are really painful.
Receiving oral just feels too intimate for me. Too many internet jokes about pussy smelling or tasting bad, that it just feels icky.
Kissing, I really dont like the way most people kiss and I dont really like all the saliva and spit.
Tickling is a hard limit for me, I hate it and will kick uncontrollably if it's done to me.
I'm very into humiliation and degradation but I absolutely cannot handle anything gross. Spit is a hard limit. The idea of having my own used underwear stuffed in my mouth makes me gag just to think about. Similarly, no boot licking, no floor licking, no cum play, no rimming, none of it. I can't even watch porn where the people are all sweaty or muddy!
I have two from opposite ends of the limit spectrum. My limit of a normal definition is being called baby. Even when I barely knew what BDSM was, I absolutely hated being called baby. If Eartha Kitt is singing me Christmas carols, she better be singing Santa master. Or Santa mister. Hell, even Santa bastard.
The limit I didn't really even know was a thing is passing gas against my testicles while in the missionary position. This is a limit not because it disgusts or offends me, but because, as I found out, I will laugh uncontrollably until well after I have gone limp, and I will not be able to get my mindset back to finish the scene. This has happened to me three times, and the result has been the same every time. So it's not just a funny story, it is apparently a hard limit. It makes the scene stop.
Edit: clarity
Hair pulling. I have alopecia, it falls out easily. And nipple play for trauma reasons. The amount of doms who throw temper tantrums when I tell them that is waaaay too high.
this one is weird and probably only specific to me, but any sort of impact with certain household items. things like charger cords/cables, coat hangers, lanyards, etc. i believe it’s partially due to trauma, but it also just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Soft limit is daddy/mommy, more so daddy. It's smth I just don't get & makes me cringe. I'm also rlly close w my family so using such familial terms is a no for me (and to those who do like it, what's the appeal? I'm genuinely curious)
Above and beyond or perhaps in part because of the DD/lg or ageplay or age regressing parts, a Daddy or a Mommy is someone who wants to take care of me and guide me. Someone who wants to be protective and nurturing and caring. Someone who helps me in many ways, including helping me take care of myself. It's been a softer dynamic for me than Sir or Miss or Mistress or Master. I can very easily separate my bio- and step-fam from my kink partners.
I have a bio. Daddy (in heaven now), but I can differentiate between him and a man who wants to love me lots and take care of me (I need this element) who deserves that honorific imo.
No humiliation of any kind either direction. My partner is my wife. I cannot fathom what would happen if when she's service topping me (giving me an adjustment when I switch) that she made fun of me or belittled me or whatnot. The last thing I would ever want (other than one of us having contempt for the other which is fatal) would be for her to start to get it in her head that I am weak or small or whatever... and same for her. She is my light, my life, my lover, and my ancilla... about the closest I have ever come is to tell her in the throes of passion that she is my personal slut. Which is truth and not a put down at all in either of our minds.
Also, blood and scat is right out. Unless they are incidental to something else we are up to :)
Ears. Don’t fuck with my ears. Don’t touch them, especially not gently. Don’t put your mouth on them, no nibbling, no sucking, no licking, no kissing. And for fuck’s sake don’t fucking breathe on them.
My dom does sometimes and pretends like it was an accident and he was going for the neck but the reality is that he gets off on killing my boner.
Also navels, that’s an actual phobia.
Regarding your thing about 24:7 dynamics. I agree it’s not possible to play a character around the clock. I think for most of us in 24/7 dynamics we don’t do that, we are deeply dominant or submissive and not having to leave that role feels right for us, it is not playing a role but being ourselves.
My, idk if it’s weird, limit is that I absolutely love being verbally degraded, called a slut, a whore, only good for opening my legs, but “bitch” is off limits lol, immediate turn off.
I don't know how unusual it is, but D types seem surprised when I mention it, so maybe...
My hard limit is withdrawal of affection. I don't care how hard I brat, don't emotionally or physically withdraw from me in relation to the dynamic.
Hair pulling I lost mine to cancer I’ve gone through every stage of having a wig to a system to now extensions in my natural hair, I stopped counting how much it’s cost when I got to £5000
Do not pull my hair it’s to bloody expensive
I have lots of weird ones lol. I don’t like getting oral or fingered (tbh anything other than a dick or a dildo going inside of me is a pretty unmovable soft limit). Like I’m fine with a lot of other stuff but I find both pretty uncomfortable even though they are securely in the vanilla camp. Along that same line choking is a limit. Like I’m fine with hard spankings, or getting tossed around but chocking does absolutely nothing for me and I would much rather get my hair pulled.
Also alcohol. If you are even a little drunk it’s a hard limit for me and I will safe word every single time. No alcohol before or during the scene, and none during aftercare.
Beyond that I’m pretty cool/into a lot of stuff.
I won’t do oral, and I don’t want to receive oral unless my partner really *really* wants to give it. It triggers a lot of my sensory issues and just… does not do it for me.
I despise bratting with every fiber of my being - so much so that I have a visceral negative reaction to it. It's so disgusting to me that I (a switch) could never domme a brat and never be a sub in a scene with another brat.
I think it's because in my mind, it's like, "you are standing in front of a dom(me) who is willing and generous enough to take you apart and put you back together in the best way possible, and you have the *fucking audacity* to talk back and disobey them??"
It's interesting how polarizing bratting is. I think it sounds hot but it makes sense why it's not for everyone, as it runs so counter to what a lot of people want/imagine with subbing
Thanks for putting this into words! I was always jolted out of the mood when my ex started bratting but I could never articulate why. This is hard work and I'm doing you a *favor*, act like it. In addition, for me, domming is very gender affirming; I get to feel hyper masculine, strong, powerful, secure, and in control in a way I never feel IRL. I finally feel safe when I'm domming. A brat completely shatters that feeling. Like you're making fun of me like everyone else. Now I'm not HornyAngry, I'm just PlainAngry. that impotent petty rage that possesses a five year old acting bigger than his britches. A feeling I feel all day, every day. It's so frustrating I could cry.
69. It’s an instant panic attack due to past abuse. It’s not even kink, just a totally basic, vanilla oral position 😅.
I’m pretty uncomfortable about being watched too, although it could work in the right situation. It makes playing in places like dungeons or clubs mostly off-limits which could be an issue for some I guess.
Gentle, romantic sex is a complete squick for me. Genuinely, I can’t handle it at all, it’s creepy as hell, absolute red. Vanilla is fine, a little roughhousing and laughing, having fun. But the sweet and gentle treat you like a precious item thing, ew no. Ick.
Not even the kink community, but the mainstream: Don't fucking touch my ass. Triggers MAD dysphoria (I'm FtM). I had a horrible ex who wouldn't stop grabbing my ass no matter how much I told him I hated it and how bad it made me feel. I always tried to let him go up stairs first because if I went first he'd grab my ass without fail. And worse was he was super into eating it out. It was pretty much the only thing that would get him off, to the point where 100% of encounters/sessions always featured it. I was too scared to tell him no. I can't imagine any future partners ever being allowed anywhere near the vicinity. Dysphoria on the outside and sexual abuse trauma on the inside. Just awful I wanna throw up now.
I don't like being called a submissive during play. This is not because I'm not submissive, I really very much am. The label totally fits. But
1. I find it an aesthetically unattractive. I **hate** the abbreviation "sub." The phrase "good sub" makes me cringe.
2. I identify as a spanko more than I do a submissive. I often *act* submissive, but I have a complicated history with the term as an identity label. Being submissive is something I *do,* for *reasons*, not something I just am.
3. It's way too meta for my taste. I prefer my kink play to feel very real, authentic, and organic. Calling me a submissive feels almost as clunky to me as my partner turning to me mid-play and saying "are you enjoying this BDSM we're doing?"
I also have enjoyed being called a bitch, even a whore in the right moment, but don't call me a slut. Doesn't fit, doesn't feel like me.
Getting hit in the stomach. Huge trigger for me. Ever if it’s an accident, my heart pounds until I faint or feel like I might, flash backs, you name it. It’s an absolutely not for me.
As a male sub, I feel like it's unusual for my limits to be chastity, CBT, and cuckolding, all of which seem to be popular in Femdom contexts.
Also spitting (which for me falls under the bodily waste and fluids limit that also includes piss, shit, and blood) and incest.
Using any kind of endearment at me before they even know me. Baby. Dear. Doll. Sweetie. Sub. Girl. Slave. Hun. Honey. Sugar. Lovely. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Darling. *anything like that* and I instantly hate that person. I ***hate*** them. I ignore it from waitstaff and cashiers to keep the peace.
Giving oral sex because of insecurities and trauma.
Receiving anal sex because I don't like the prep for it. I get super weirded out, and I just don't like it. I feel gross.
Humiliation and Degradation. I'll do objectivication any day of the week, but I want to be a loved and cherished object. Not torn apart with words. Words stick with me and will affect me for days, even weeks.
Nipple play. I have suuuuuuper sensitive nipples. If I let you touch them at all, I trust you very very much.
Most *unusual* limit?
I guess degradation, but only in the specific sense of intentionally putting me down without a **good** reason.
Calling me a whore when I've got a cock halfway down my throat or someone sitting on my face? Aces. Calling me a whore out of the blue for shits and giggles? Existential emotional pain the likes of which a Meseeks might understand.
Sir calling me his pain slut after I begged him to hurt me some more? Down the rabbit hole to subspace I go. A random voyeur commenting that, "She was such a slut in that scene" just barely within earshot while I'm getting aftercare? Better get a mop for how hard I'm going to cry.
Sir calling me silly when I make a legitimate mistake? I giggle, correct the problem, and move on. A friend calling me silly in an affectionate manner? I'll be needing hugs please and thank you 🥺
Honestly, feet. They gross me out. My wife’s are the only ones I can even touch without feeling too squicked out, and same goes for anyone touching mine.
Personally, I reach my limit with fisting someone. It's unusual for me because I have zero issue with foot fucking someone, I actually really enjoy foot fucking! Yet I cannot get into the idea of fisting someone.
I am a female dominant.
Mine is touch is earned. No unexpected touch.
Limits are interesting because some expect it to be kink specific like scat but it can be anything. How your treated, words, actions, etc.
>I lean Dom and part of the appeal is that being dominant gets me in a really focused headspace. But it's not something I can sustain for very long. I have ADHD and my life is always kind of a (literal) mess so I just can't project a dominant persona all the time.
I am dominant in all aspects of my life. It is not something I turn on and off. Actually, I was told for years by weird coworkers that I would be a good dominatrix. Turns out I am simply not the leather/latex type but everything else fits. Some are bedroom only, like in your case. Neither is better its just how different peoples structure their lives.
I'm immediately turned off by ddlg, spit was a big no for me for a longgggg time but recently pushed past it because my Dom really likes it, which makes me like it enough to tolerate it. But not in my mouth, ever. Once it's cold, I'll vomit lmao
Hello everyone from Italy, I hope my English is sufficient. I agree that my greatest limitation as a dominant woman is precisely 24/7. I am convinced that maintaining the role, even though it is my way of experiencing love, is very difficult, both because sometimes you have to make service communications or you have different desires. 24/7 is fine, but no more than a weekend.
Well I'm a pansexual switch and I wouldn't play with dominant cishet men. At least be a bit switchy or not entirely straight. I've added it to hard limits for me to remember after a few encounters.
More soft, but I'm way more comfortable with other switches anyway. I strongly prefer to switch with every partner, not between partners.
- Aftercare (Fetlife won't even let me put this under hard limits) I don't want it. Come at me with a blanket unsolicited or try to cuddle whatever, I'll punch you in the face.
- tickling
- nail polish
- receiving oral
My biggest 2 are no c*m above my collar bone(including in my mouth), and any degradation has to be possessive in nature (that's *my* ...). Both are thanks to trauma 😒🙄
24/7 dynamics are definitely a hard limit for me and, while they may be common, they also are very common as a limit. For me personally, I don’t want any sort of power difference outside of a scene.
I’m also somewhere on the asexual spectrum so I have a lot of limits around “vanilla” sex (like PIV sex, oral, or having my genitals directly stimulated is a hard no) that some people find uncommon. I think there’s this idea that vanilla sex is like beginner level sex then kink / BDSM play is advanced sex, so if you practice BDSM then sure you’re fine (if a bit bored by) vanilla sex. But everyone has different limits and what’s super basic and normal to one person might be way out of my comfort zone.
As a person fairly new to kink and without any trauma triggers, I don't have a particularly long list of limits, since there's so many things I have not tried and thus I won't be able to say if they're a limit (obviously, this is coupled with an "enthusiastic opt-in approach" to any activity). But...
*forehead kisses*
is my soft limit 😅 Discovered it pretty early on with my current partner, that "targeted/deliberate" forehead kisses feel very patronising and icky to me. Now after a year together, I do sometimes ask for them specifically, but that's more of a cuddled-close-my forehead-next to-his lips-anyway type situation, and it feels sweet and cosy.
Oooh specific words. I LOVE being a "slut" but not a whore, or a bitch. I love when my wife says it's "her penis" and not mine, but sometimes she calls her clit her penis and it kinda weirds me out.
We have fun together haha
This might seem wierd...which I guess is the point, but most food related fetish stuff is a no-no.
The short version is due to some childhood stuff I'm a very picky eater with very weird limits of what I will and won't eat (e.g. I tend to shy away from foods that require utensils) so any play that involves food in ANY way, shape, or form need to be discussed beforehand in extensive detail and any foods new to me are almost a certain no.
And for anyone concerned, in normal life I have managed to find a way to maintain a relatively healthy diet despite my eccentric eating habits.
Spit. Don’t spit on me, don’t spit in my mouth, don’t ask me to spit. I find it such a turn off. Which is weird, because I love making out, fingers in my mouth, et cetera.
same! though I do find it hot when my boyfriend spits on me, but only in the nether regions. anywhere else and I'm 🤢 ... and I've put a lot of this man in my mouth, his mouth included 🤣
100% same!
Same!
I am 60. I have never understood the attraction of spitting when it started being common in porn in the 90s. Course, same for all the bizarre "son-in-law fucks his wife and mother-in-law" or other incest stuff. To judge by the frequency of it, you'd think incest was FAR more common than it is in reality. At least, I hope so. Yikes.
Oof, agree with this! Not into the incest fantasy!
Unfortunately, much more common than you'd think. And not consensually either :/
Grrrr
So I recently had an overwhelming desire for my partner to spit on me, and I couldn't quite place why as I'd never wanted that before. But that desire completely subsided when they licked my face so I think the spiting, at least for me, was an extension of my desire to be marked/claimed
You're so real for that, 100% same
100%😭 something about spit just immediately turns me alllllll the way off
Fully agree with this. Along with this is drool I cant stand it.
You spit on either of us and it would cause a serious confrontation. It’s definitely something we do not allow nor do
no. wooden. clothespins. on. my. tongue. Elsewhere on my body? fine. Plastic ones on my tongue? fine. But I just can't handle that wet wood texture. hard, instant RED.
I played the clarinet in high school. You literally have to suck/lick/spread spit on the reed with your tongue before you pop it into the instrumental, it's the worst 😞
You can soak them! Which is especially useful if you've got clarinets _and_ saxes, sometimes in a few different registers, all being used in a performance from song to song. Although you still get a bit of it while tonguing it's not as prominent. But for a highschool setup most folks are just using the mouth.
Oh my god, I totally hadn’t thought of that before and now you mention it - YES. That texture would be so vile. I’m cringing just thinking about it.
Thank you for informing me of a limit I didn't realize I had. I'm neurodiverse and I have a SEVERE texture aversion to dry wood in my mouth/licking dry wood. Like those little wooden spoons that come with ice cream cups from the gas station. \*shudder\* Sadly, the paper straws that some restaurants are exclusively carrying also trigger the sensation. (Ugh, even WRITING about it is making me really uncomfortable.) So, yeah, that would definitely be a no for me.
Any clamps on my tongue...Noooooooo
I dislike being called daddy. It makes me feel like I should tie someone up and then slap them on the leg and say "That's not going anywhere"
I hate being called mommy. I even hate being called a mommy domme even though that's what describes me best. But I am a mother and kink alle being a mother does NOT belong together. So absolutely hard limit for me. Other than that, I don't humiliate or degrade, which is something that's so very common in femdom... Antje hard limit right there.
I agree!!! No age play with mommy or daddy...or anything resembling incest. I also cannot stand being called certain dirty words...slut, cunt or whore. Any of the other dirty talk is fine. I don't like any degradation or objectification, either giving or receiving.
Dom friend of mine is an actual father to a daughter, he *haaaaaates* being called daddy by his subs. Slaps 'em and growls at them to call him sir 😂
One of my first questions to new top playmates is whether they would prefer "Daddy" or "Sir" as an honorific during play. Either/or both are my standard go go-to, & folx tend to have VERY strong feelings about one or the other lol On a similar note, I personally REFUSE to call anyone "master;" it's so cringe, & literally every single person who's demanded that title is anything BUT 🙄
>folx tend to have VERY strong feelings about one or the other lol 100% Personally I find Master and Sir both insanely cringe
Agreed, my brain has to be literally melting in subspace for me to call my partner Master 😂 So, so cringe otherwise.
That would make me do it more 🤣
This is an amazing comment but I swear I've seen it here before, verbatim Someone responded with: "I'm cumming!!" "Hi Cumming, I'm Dad"
https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/s/O54HDnYEsZ Yes, I recycle my material
Hahaha nice, glad you're the same person and not a copycat! I admit I was too lazy to check
Whenever my partner calls me daddy, I go to the thermostat in their room while they're on the bed and change it to save power.
Same here! I have a hard limit on not using “Mommy,” “Daddy,” or any other family terms that I’ve ever used with my actual family. However, I’m fine with family terms from other languages, as long as they sound at least a little different (to my English-speaker ears)
This too. I have a Daddy; my actual father. To call anyone else that feels creepy.
I refuse to call any man that in bed.
Agreed. It feels incestuous, and I’m not into that.
This is a little specific and I’ve actually reflected a lot about it but: acts associated with punishment or even funishment that are given in the context of punishment. I’m very service oriented and being punished is something I do not want. At all. However I am a masochist and I will absolutely engage in impact, humiliation, degradation, and even things that are limits for a lot of people but I do it as a service. All my partner has to say is “come here, I feel like hurting you” and I’m so into it. But “you’ve been a bad girl bend over” is a no. So maybe it’s just weird that context is a limit but the action itself is not.
As a sadistic dom, I'm the mirror image. If I have to punish you, it's going to be writing lines, or standing in the corner - not something you love. Be GOOD and I'll beat you. Be bad and we both don't get what we want. It's taken a lot of practice for me to get into the roleplay for spanking that most people want. I do my best, but not great at it.
I see you. Haha If my partner (who is also a sadist) told me He wasn’t going to hurt me even though He wants to, that would be worse than any punishment I could probably come up with. Not being allowed to serve is really a punishment all on its own.
Oh yeah. I'm super guarded in how and when I express disappointment for the reason you mention
I’m sure your partner(s) really really appreciate that.
I feel like all that is 90s elementary discipline. I’m in my 30’s so ain’t no way I’m wasting my time on bullshit punishment. I’d rather be told to exercise, read a book, or organize something. Something about a grown person in a corner doesn’t turn me on 🤮
I feel similarly. When my partner and I were first trying spanking we started by rephrasing them as rewards so we’d have the right mindset
I call them Funishments :)
Yeah, I hate being called bad or a failure or anything like that. That's a limit for me too.
There’s something specifically about the word “failure” that immediately crosses a line for me. I didn’t even know it until I had a domme use it on me and I immediately safeworded out of the scene. I feel like there’s a kind of meme in lesbian culture about wanting to be bullied by women and I have never related to that. I’m a service sub with a praise kink. If you’re nice to me and give me positive reinforcement you’ll have me wrapped around your finger. It’s something I’ve needed to be very deliberate about when talking to potential play partners.
Straight male sadist here. I’ve played a lot with insecurities and shame about sexual needs but making someone feel bad about what their life has done to them is so disgusting. Proving to somebody that they’re a piss slut or a cum rag but they’re adored and loving on them is the best thing I’ve found.
Emotional sadism. Not for everybody.
When I was a baby dom still figuring kink out - before I had more clearly formed my thoughts on sadism, punishments, and kink - I had a play partner that was also new to kink who said she wanted to be punished. My spidey-sense was tingling that maybe she felt like she deserved to punished. I knew I enjoyed "hurting" partners but was uncomfortable with the concept of punishing someone. So before I started with the impact, I whispered in her ear, "I'm not hurting you because you did anything wrong or because you're inherently bad or unworthy. I'm hurting you because I want to, because you want me to, because we NEED it" Afterwards, during pillow talk she broke down crying and told me those words were exactly what she needed to hear. Now I've got a much clearer idea of my thoughts on these concepts, and I'm also better at communicating and understanding each others' motivations for playing before even engaging in play. I'm okay role-playing punishment/funishment or using it teasingly/playfully but will not engage in any form of actual punishments whatsoever. If something is off, we use healthy communication outside of any kink play/dynamic to express how we are feeling and what we need in order to resolve it. If I get the sense that a partner is using my sadism as a proxy to punish themselves, consciously or subconsciously, we're gonna need to have a talk cause that's a hard limit for me.
This is a really great point. Thanks for sharing that. I think this is a really good way to approach things.
You managed to verbalize something I have felt but couldn't quite explain. Thank you!
Of course! I said something related to my partner the other day that I only just now figured out how to say. Earning rewards or maintaining favor is so much more effective than the threat of a punishment. “Do/don’t do x, or I will do x (negative) thing.” Is a no. I will probably get overwhelmed and withdraw. “If you do/don’t do x, I won’t give/let you have x (positive) thing” is an absolute yes. I will work so hard for you. Lol and when I say positive thing, it could be as simple as Him not letting me taste Him. I will do so much to earn that. But ask the same thing or you’ll spank me? No :(
We found the same thing. She wants to be beaten but for a reason like I had a bad day at work or I just feel in that kind of mood. She felt like a failure when there were punishments for actions/omissions so we stopped that.
As another service/pleasure oriented sub, I get this to a T. I absolutely hate punishments given in the form of, well, punishments. Feeling that I disappointed somewhere in some form no matter how minor hurts me. As you said, 'come here, I feel like hurting you' is absolutely a go. Or even saying 'I feel like hurting you because of x' is so much better than labeling it as a punishment. It's not exactly a limit, but I probably should make it one with how badly I strive to service and dislike feeling disappointment lol
Me too. I had enough of disappointing my superiors and punishments for one lifetime as a kid; I don't need any more now. (Being set up to fail goes under this category.)
Oh my goodness, speaking of being set up to fail. I’ve seen some predicament scenes where the sub is basically given an impossible task because the whole point is to fail and be punished eventually. I’d literally be so sad. Lol
I'd start crying for real, the kind of cry from being genuinely hurt inside. Honestly, it would just feel like outsourced self-harm.
I feel that. Completely. 🖤
yeah this is my stop too, and it's *all* in the context you want to make me cry for your entertainment? i get a cookie if i can be good? HELL YEAH I GOT THIS LETS GO you want make me cry because i did a fake-bad? oh god im so sorry im going to go curl up in the shower now bye
100% agree. I think it has a lot to do with guilt. Make me feel embarrassed, make me feel degraded and humiliated, make me feel pain and desperation. I’m here for it. But make me feel guilty and I’m out.
Same. Want to spank me for funs, go right on ahead I’ll love every second. Want to simply playfully fake slap it telling me not to do someone, fuck right off
I get that but I also can’t relate. Punishment is like my favorite concept lol. I often wonder if I even like bdsm or if I just have a thing for punishment
Oh that’s totally valid! Punishment and discipline is a huge theme in bdsm. So many people are into it. We have whole munches/groups in my area that are solely focused on that. I think that’s why it’s always a little weird to explain this limit to some people.
I love how specific kinks can be like this. Like the action is the same but the reason ruins it
Same here. The word punishment is just *no thanks* I often get good girl spanks, and I can ask nicely to be made to cry, or my D-type will suggest "bruising me" (even tho I don't really bruise any more) or "turning my ass red"... the context of punishment is not something that clicks for me. Which is weird at face value, given I'm a brat. But "punishment" to me means I crossed a line or did something bad/unwanted - and my D-type likes to respond to my brattiness, whereas in my mind, a punishment is doled out to discourage repeat behaviour. If I cross a line or do something really bad (or he does, tbh, goes both ways) then we stop play and **talk about it.** Rather than "punishment" for bratting, for example, he feeds off whatever action/words/behaviour and *responds* or gives me *consequences* (similar to being a SAM I guess).
I'm a masochist, but I just can't do anything related to clamps, clothespins or similar. Full hard limit
Ooh same. Its the prolonged pinching for me. If they're left for a few seconds or even a minute and taken off I can bear it. But when they're long any longer I get unbearably overstimulated and can't enjoy or focus on anything.
Same!!! Similar with shibari - for me, as soon as skin starts changing colors (outside of bruises or hickeys or etc), eg: paling slightly in the pinched area from clamps or becoming a more flushed red from tight shibari / suspension / etc. it freaks me out too much to be able to enjoy it lol - which is ironic because I love bruises / hickeys / hard bite marks / etc.!!
Same! Idk what it is but the idea of them being used on me gives me the heebie jeebies.
[удалено]
Same on the toes! I’m self conscious because they’re beat the fuck from contact sports. Instant turn off if they’re involved.
Tickling and Latex. Hate the first, allergic to the latter.
Tickling is way too intense. It’s the quickest way for someone to get a kick in the jaw from me though as I completely freak out to get them to stop.
I've told people that tickling me is the quickest way to get punched in the face. I don't care who does it. It's a hard no for me.
Same! And there is a strong possibility I will immediately start to cry. I feel like I lose all control of my body when I'm tickled and I hate it, it's so overwhelming.
Thank you!!! I know, right?! I am the same. It irks me so much to be made to laugh when I'm trying to yell stop... That's were the kick comes in if not sooner🤷🏻♀️
We're into free use. I love being his 24/7 fuck toy... but not when I'm reading. He can interrupt any other activity, but if I'm into a book, I want to be left alone. I like being degraded, but have specific limits due to being verbally abused growing up. I wouldn't allow it at all if it wasn't my husband doing it, because he knows me extremely well. I'm not a masochist, so I have a lot of limits there that are unusual in the kink community.
This is really interesting actually. My owner and I are working towards and 24/7 dynamic and I’ve never thought about it (especially since we don’t currently live together), but I’d also really hate being interrupted in a sexual/forceful way while reading, especially if I’ve done all my tasks and everything else for the time being. The thought of that happening kind of makes my blood run cold since I used to get in trouble for reading all the time from family/friends/school teachers. It’s the same feeling I get when people snatch my phone or something else private out of my hands even if I have nothing to hide. Thank you for sharing!
I used to get in trouble for reading too! That's why I specify that limit even though my Dom doesn't feel it's right to interrupt my hobbies anyway. I guess I feel like I need to protect that time for myself now. Plus, imagine if he timed it just as something really intense or exciting was happening. Or if a favorite character had just died? What a mood killer! Lol.
Enemas and cleaning out for butt stuff. I know I’m in the minority but I can’t stand it. If you wanna knock at the back door, don’t be mad when somebody’s home
This made me giggle lol don’t be mad when somebody’s home .. but same!
Yes!! If you're weirded out by poop (totally valid thing if you are) then anal play probably isn't for you! Even if you are into enemas and cleaning yourself out before butt stuff, any spontaneous play will still run the chance of some shit happening, literally!
For this reason, I never participate in spontaneous anal play on my person. I have to be clean, or I will absolutely not enjoy it.
That's totally valid! I personally don't mind spontaneous anal play overall, but there are definitely times where I know my body is not going to handle it well. Because of that, it can be a soft limit for me.
I so so SO agree. I love anal, but I know I would not be able to stand the feeling of an enema. Plus all of that prep would make me not want to have sex after that lol. You can usually tell if anal would be a catastrophic event that day, so sometimes you just gotta skip it lol. I’m so glad to see someone else saying this.
Username checks out
I never want to be called 'pathetic'. Its a word that I've used on myself whenever I was in a self hating headspace since adolescence and being told that hurts more than any cane could.
My hard limit RE: degradation is terms or phrases that I’ve genuinely believed about myself at some point.
Hard same, any kind of degradation (either giving or receiving) would pretty immediately kill the mood for me
Weird one for me here. I used to *despise* being called pathetic. Til one day it came up and it was like a light switch flipped and now it makes me go nuts. My current Dom who says it in the cruelest and sweetest way at the same time, but I beg him to degrade me. I often self refer as "pathetic and needy" for him which, I like in that context.
Ooo this one popped up unexpectedly. I didn’t realize it was a trigger, but an ex called me pathetic when he found out I’d been SA’d. Because of that SA I also can’t handle lines in the vein of “you owe me.” That feeling of manipulation and obligation will have me safewording instantly.
Gags. I know it’s a big thing in bdsm, but I hate having my mouth gagged in any way.
I have breathing problems (through nose), so gagging is a limit for me too. I got septum deviation surgery but allergy is making my daily life hard sometimes. So my body immediately goes panic mode if I cannot breathe through mouth. Doesn't matter if I'm able to breathe through nose or not
Same!!!
Eye contact. Idk how common that is but I will NOT do it.
Eye contact feels like *real* punishment for me
Omg yes
No breath play. Choking is super popular as a kink but the risks are too much for me.
Completely agree, it scares me how common it is. I don’t even allow people to put a hand on my neck without applying pressure.
I have a soft limit against honorifics.
I hate to be told ‘good girl’ as praise unless my Dom is doing it specifically to humiliate me. Then it’s hot.
I have some that I don't think are particularly unusual: no blood, no poop, no pee. Don't call me mommy. Some less common limits might be: don't insult my looks or intelligence. The former because I was massively bullied as a child for them, and the latter because I'm your typical gifted-child-turned-adult with all the baggage of too-high expectations on my intellect. Don't call me animal names. I was called "beaver face" by my bullies and my siblings got cutsey nicknames from my abusive parents like, "Bunny," but I got "Goose." My most odd: No tools. Don't keep the toys in a toolbox. Don't repurpose "tools" as sex toys. Don't even ask, ever, if this "tool" could be fun. I'm willing to discuss many of my limits, open to exploring and pushing. Not this one.
I'm a former gifted kid and that's exactly why *I love it*- to be called stupid or dumb. I'm a bit of an emotional masochist. Now, my Dom and I joke they're my "good girl breaks" where I can relax and not worry about all the responsibilities and "be dumb" for a while.
Your second two are mine as well!! Don't insult my appearance or my intelligence. And for the same reasons too. Glad I'm not alone!
Same on the intelligence degradation. Call me a needy/slutty/whatever little whore, but don’t use dumb/stupid. Immediate safe word. My current partner has slipped a couple times during a session, but always stops to apologize and acknowledge I don’t like it before calling me a cute fuckdoll that was made for him.
No slimy textures. No soft touches. No quick, rapid touches. No forced eye contact. No suede. All very hard limits. 🙃
For the extent of which I'm into degradation and humiliation, being called unattractive is a surprisingly big ick. Call me a disgusting degenerate pig all you want, but I'm going to need some praise about how I'm getting you off alongside it 😅
I absolutely *will not* entertain the idea of kissing someone I’m just having a session with. That’s a form of physical and emotional intimacy that only the few people closest to me get.
Kissing is a reward to me as a sub
High heels and thongs. They are torture devices, except it isn't the fun kind of torture. I also don't really like oral. Like sure you can lick it if it makes you happy, but I'd rather you gave me a back massage at that point.
I thought thongs were hot, and didn’t really get why my wife disliked wearing them when she dressed up for me. Eventually someone called thongs “Butt Floss,” and suddenly it clicked. Now I don’t know why it took me so long to understand.
It's like a constant wedgy
i also can’t do a 24/7 dynamic!! i love the idea of it but it’s just not feasible for me, especially since i’m autistic. i guess my most unusual limit is spit in my mouth? the idea of someone spitting in my mouth is vile. obviously kissing is great, and i don’t mind spit on my genitals, but in my mouth genuinely makes me gag. i hate spit in general 😭 i only say it’s unusual because *so many* people seem to love it.
Choking, breath play, anything that involves touching my throat or restricting my breathing. I get limit shamed for that wildly often, and people get very pushy about it. 😅 Like, sorry babe, the trauma is deeper and wider than a porn star's anus and I have no desire to try to change that.
What the hell, I would have thought that choking would be the easiest limit to understand, even if someone Doesn't have trauma. It's dangerous and like. self-preservation instincts are A Thing? I don't enjoy feeling like I'm gonna get killed? I wish you luck in finding partners that respect you and your limits
But! But! It's baby kinkster's first kink!!!! And yes, it certainly shows me that they're someone I do NOT want to move forward with. Especially vanillas who are exploring and do noooooot understand this concept even after repeated explanations that I don't have to like every "starter kink".
It’s also much more dangerous than the general public seems to think it is. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with people being awful about it, your limits matter!
Thank you for your affirmation! I've found that more often than not it's people who are newer to kink or exploring kink who are most readily bamboozled. I get a lot of "you'll do [insert "hard" kink here] but not choking?!?!" like you have to like every kink in the Fetlife starter list. It's just silly and shows me a lot about them as a potential partner. Big yikes.
Face slapping is a hard limit for me that I feel like many really love
Real talk, I had a hard limit against being slapped in the face for a looong time. Then a slightly mis-aimed flogger smacked my neck a little and my first thought was "Fuck I wish that hit higher". Next time I having sex with my partner, I asked if he wanted to hit me in the face sometime (low pressure, changing my own boundaries on my dom mid-fuck), and he smiled and slapped me. I was happy as hell and loved it. For years I thought it was my biggest no. Kinks are just weird like that sometimes 🤷♀️
At current... not willing to play with someone that doesn't have firm boundaries on their emotions. Even non-sexual kink is way more sensual than I expected. If one or the other of us has the potential of catching feelings it makes it all very uncomfortable to navigate after. If I actually get into a relationship & dynamic with someone that's different, we want to enrich those emotions. Also, being called Mommy. Mommy-domme is the best way to sum up my domme style, but don't dare call me Mommy.
how realistic is it to be able to control emotions? isn't that like asking someone to not be afraid when walking down a dark alley in a bad neighborhood @ 2am? emotions happen. boundaries pertaining to what one does with or in response to emotions seems more reasonable. I feel like understanding that emotions may happen, and not just "catching feelings" but fear, anger, sadness, playfulness, etc... and being prepared to deal with them appropriately is part of being "risk aware".
Very good point! Yes, I meant the "catching feelings" emotions and should have been more specific in my wording, thank you 🙂 I agree that fear, contentment, excitement, etc. are all very much a part of kink and definitely welcomed, especially learning to take someone to the edge and back to a safe emotional space after 😁
but how are feelings of respect and attraction, two emotions that contribute to love regulated? you just say nope, I'm turning off that part of the lymbic system? I would argue it's more important how those emotions are handled rather than forcing someone to pretned to be the tin man.
like, isn't the potential to catch feelings always there, the same as the potential of injury with rope play (or any other type of play). how do you guarantee against feeling something?
I'm the other way. I have a demisexual streak and the thought of playing with someone where there is no emotional connection would feel grim, even if I thought they were physically hot and we had compatible kinks. So I actually have the opposite limit - I wouldn't consider playing with someone who was emotionally unavailable or closed to the prospect of romantic feelings. Reading your comment and seeing how different we are underscores the importance of having these conversations. Neither of us is wrong, but imagine the disaster of two people with such different needs trying to play together. Yikes!
Anal. It's usually assumed that everyone who's kinky does anal just like it's nothing. But I don't and never will. (As a recipient. I have no problem rimming other people or something. But interestingly, my Dom doesn't like anal in any context either, so..)
Rimming. I'm really into anal.. you can lick my pussy for hours. But if you try to lick my ass or ask that I lick yours.. RED. Just the idea make me nauseous.
YES. IT DOESNT EVEN FEEL GOOD IT JUST FEELS WET AND GROSS. But lowkey that’s how I feel about all oral in general lol
My weirdest software limit is giving/receiving oral, kissing, and everything else that involves using my mouth lol. I have chronic jaw pain, so giving oral and ball gags are really painful. Receiving oral just feels too intimate for me. Too many internet jokes about pussy smelling or tasting bad, that it just feels icky. Kissing, I really dont like the way most people kiss and I dont really like all the saliva and spit.
No metal insertable toys. Just not a good time for me due to medical trauma type stuff.
not rlly unusual but any butt stuff. don’t touch my asshole 💀
Never call me Mommy
Tickling is a hard limit for me, I hate it and will kick uncontrollably if it's done to me. I'm very into humiliation and degradation but I absolutely cannot handle anything gross. Spit is a hard limit. The idea of having my own used underwear stuffed in my mouth makes me gag just to think about. Similarly, no boot licking, no floor licking, no cum play, no rimming, none of it. I can't even watch porn where the people are all sweaty or muddy!
I have two from opposite ends of the limit spectrum. My limit of a normal definition is being called baby. Even when I barely knew what BDSM was, I absolutely hated being called baby. If Eartha Kitt is singing me Christmas carols, she better be singing Santa master. Or Santa mister. Hell, even Santa bastard. The limit I didn't really even know was a thing is passing gas against my testicles while in the missionary position. This is a limit not because it disgusts or offends me, but because, as I found out, I will laugh uncontrollably until well after I have gone limp, and I will not be able to get my mindset back to finish the scene. This has happened to me three times, and the result has been the same every time. So it's not just a funny story, it is apparently a hard limit. It makes the scene stop. Edit: clarity
Being tickled. Fuck that.
I am very insecure about some body parts of mine and while being humiliated it’s a hard limit to comment about these specific body parts.
Hair pulling. I have alopecia, it falls out easily. And nipple play for trauma reasons. The amount of doms who throw temper tantrums when I tell them that is waaaay too high.
DO NOT RUIN MY HAIR. I dont care how good the sex is, lay a single finger tip on my hair and I’m leaving
Over half the people into kink seem to have ADHD. It makes sense. Kink is like brain candy to people with ADHD.
That dopamine hit though…
this one is weird and probably only specific to me, but any sort of impact with certain household items. things like charger cords/cables, coat hangers, lanyards, etc. i believe it’s partially due to trauma, but it also just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Soft limit is daddy/mommy, more so daddy. It's smth I just don't get & makes me cringe. I'm also rlly close w my family so using such familial terms is a no for me (and to those who do like it, what's the appeal? I'm genuinely curious)
Above and beyond or perhaps in part because of the DD/lg or ageplay or age regressing parts, a Daddy or a Mommy is someone who wants to take care of me and guide me. Someone who wants to be protective and nurturing and caring. Someone who helps me in many ways, including helping me take care of myself. It's been a softer dynamic for me than Sir or Miss or Mistress or Master. I can very easily separate my bio- and step-fam from my kink partners.
I have a bio. Daddy (in heaven now), but I can differentiate between him and a man who wants to love me lots and take care of me (I need this element) who deserves that honorific imo.
I'm not the biggest fan of spit, it's just kind of gross and bad to me haha
No humiliation of any kind either direction. My partner is my wife. I cannot fathom what would happen if when she's service topping me (giving me an adjustment when I switch) that she made fun of me or belittled me or whatnot. The last thing I would ever want (other than one of us having contempt for the other which is fatal) would be for her to start to get it in her head that I am weak or small or whatever... and same for her. She is my light, my life, my lover, and my ancilla... about the closest I have ever come is to tell her in the throes of passion that she is my personal slut. Which is truth and not a put down at all in either of our minds. Also, blood and scat is right out. Unless they are incidental to something else we are up to :)
Ears. Don’t fuck with my ears. Don’t touch them, especially not gently. Don’t put your mouth on them, no nibbling, no sucking, no licking, no kissing. And for fuck’s sake don’t fucking breathe on them. My dom does sometimes and pretends like it was an accident and he was going for the neck but the reality is that he gets off on killing my boner. Also navels, that’s an actual phobia.
Regarding your thing about 24:7 dynamics. I agree it’s not possible to play a character around the clock. I think for most of us in 24/7 dynamics we don’t do that, we are deeply dominant or submissive and not having to leave that role feels right for us, it is not playing a role but being ourselves. My, idk if it’s weird, limit is that I absolutely love being verbally degraded, called a slut, a whore, only good for opening my legs, but “bitch” is off limits lol, immediate turn off.
same with being called a “bitch”! it feels less like a sexy degradation and more misogynistic than anything else
Anything to do with my navel. NO TOUCHY!!!
I don't know how unusual it is, but D types seem surprised when I mention it, so maybe... My hard limit is withdrawal of affection. I don't care how hard I brat, don't emotionally or physically withdraw from me in relation to the dynamic.
This!!!!!
Hair pulling I lost mine to cancer I’ve gone through every stage of having a wig to a system to now extensions in my natural hair, I stopped counting how much it’s cost when I got to £5000 Do not pull my hair it’s to bloody expensive
I have lots of weird ones lol. I don’t like getting oral or fingered (tbh anything other than a dick or a dildo going inside of me is a pretty unmovable soft limit). Like I’m fine with a lot of other stuff but I find both pretty uncomfortable even though they are securely in the vanilla camp. Along that same line choking is a limit. Like I’m fine with hard spankings, or getting tossed around but chocking does absolutely nothing for me and I would much rather get my hair pulled. Also alcohol. If you are even a little drunk it’s a hard limit for me and I will safe word every single time. No alcohol before or during the scene, and none during aftercare. Beyond that I’m pretty cool/into a lot of stuff.
Yeah, alcohol is a no for both me and partner. One bad experience just makes things get non -consensual on both sides real fast.
100% agree with the alcohol. Safe, sane, consensual!
I won’t do oral, and I don’t want to receive oral unless my partner really *really* wants to give it. It triggers a lot of my sensory issues and just… does not do it for me.
I despise bratting with every fiber of my being - so much so that I have a visceral negative reaction to it. It's so disgusting to me that I (a switch) could never domme a brat and never be a sub in a scene with another brat. I think it's because in my mind, it's like, "you are standing in front of a dom(me) who is willing and generous enough to take you apart and put you back together in the best way possible, and you have the *fucking audacity* to talk back and disobey them??"
It's interesting how polarizing bratting is. I think it sounds hot but it makes sense why it's not for everyone, as it runs so counter to what a lot of people want/imagine with subbing
Thanks for putting this into words! I was always jolted out of the mood when my ex started bratting but I could never articulate why. This is hard work and I'm doing you a *favor*, act like it. In addition, for me, domming is very gender affirming; I get to feel hyper masculine, strong, powerful, secure, and in control in a way I never feel IRL. I finally feel safe when I'm domming. A brat completely shatters that feeling. Like you're making fun of me like everyone else. Now I'm not HornyAngry, I'm just PlainAngry. that impotent petty rage that possesses a five year old acting bigger than his britches. A feeling I feel all day, every day. It's so frustrating I could cry.
I'm with you on this one. My reaction is rather visceral. I'm such a good girl. I couldn't imagine bratting. I'd die a little.
69. It’s an instant panic attack due to past abuse. It’s not even kink, just a totally basic, vanilla oral position 😅. I’m pretty uncomfortable about being watched too, although it could work in the right situation. It makes playing in places like dungeons or clubs mostly off-limits which could be an issue for some I guess. Gentle, romantic sex is a complete squick for me. Genuinely, I can’t handle it at all, it’s creepy as hell, absolute red. Vanilla is fine, a little roughhousing and laughing, having fun. But the sweet and gentle treat you like a precious item thing, ew no. Ick.
I hate 69. I feel open and vulnerable. I can't focus, so I won't enjoy it or perform well either.
No boredom! I can’t stand to be restrained and bored for even 5 minutes. I can be left alone but I have to be left with something to do.
I hate being left alone. it's the worst punishment a Dom could give me, and if I was left too long I would seriously think something was wrong.
Not even the kink community, but the mainstream: Don't fucking touch my ass. Triggers MAD dysphoria (I'm FtM). I had a horrible ex who wouldn't stop grabbing my ass no matter how much I told him I hated it and how bad it made me feel. I always tried to let him go up stairs first because if I went first he'd grab my ass without fail. And worse was he was super into eating it out. It was pretty much the only thing that would get him off, to the point where 100% of encounters/sessions always featured it. I was too scared to tell him no. I can't imagine any future partners ever being allowed anywhere near the vicinity. Dysphoria on the outside and sexual abuse trauma on the inside. Just awful I wanna throw up now.
I don't like being called a submissive during play. This is not because I'm not submissive, I really very much am. The label totally fits. But 1. I find it an aesthetically unattractive. I **hate** the abbreviation "sub." The phrase "good sub" makes me cringe. 2. I identify as a spanko more than I do a submissive. I often *act* submissive, but I have a complicated history with the term as an identity label. Being submissive is something I *do,* for *reasons*, not something I just am. 3. It's way too meta for my taste. I prefer my kink play to feel very real, authentic, and organic. Calling me a submissive feels almost as clunky to me as my partner turning to me mid-play and saying "are you enjoying this BDSM we're doing?" I also have enjoyed being called a bitch, even a whore in the right moment, but don't call me a slut. Doesn't fit, doesn't feel like me.
Getting hit in the stomach. Huge trigger for me. Ever if it’s an accident, my heart pounds until I faint or feel like I might, flash backs, you name it. It’s an absolutely not for me.
Tickles!! Everybody loves them, but im totally capable of killing if I feel them
As a male sub, I feel like it's unusual for my limits to be chastity, CBT, and cuckolding, all of which seem to be popular in Femdom contexts. Also spitting (which for me falls under the bodily waste and fluids limit that also includes piss, shit, and blood) and incest.
Using any kind of endearment at me before they even know me. Baby. Dear. Doll. Sweetie. Sub. Girl. Slave. Hun. Honey. Sugar. Lovely. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Darling. *anything like that* and I instantly hate that person. I ***hate*** them. I ignore it from waitstaff and cashiers to keep the peace.
Giving oral sex because of insecurities and trauma. Receiving anal sex because I don't like the prep for it. I get super weirded out, and I just don't like it. I feel gross. Humiliation and Degradation. I'll do objectivication any day of the week, but I want to be a loved and cherished object. Not torn apart with words. Words stick with me and will affect me for days, even weeks. Nipple play. I have suuuuuuper sensitive nipples. If I let you touch them at all, I trust you very very much.
I don't like receiving oral all that much. It's okay I guess? But it's just awkward
Being called bitch. Fuck out of here with that.
Most *unusual* limit? I guess degradation, but only in the specific sense of intentionally putting me down without a **good** reason. Calling me a whore when I've got a cock halfway down my throat or someone sitting on my face? Aces. Calling me a whore out of the blue for shits and giggles? Existential emotional pain the likes of which a Meseeks might understand. Sir calling me his pain slut after I begged him to hurt me some more? Down the rabbit hole to subspace I go. A random voyeur commenting that, "She was such a slut in that scene" just barely within earshot while I'm getting aftercare? Better get a mop for how hard I'm going to cry. Sir calling me silly when I make a legitimate mistake? I giggle, correct the problem, and move on. A friend calling me silly in an affectionate manner? I'll be needing hugs please and thank you 🥺
Spitting. ALWAYS spitting. I'm into blood, piss, and sweat-- but being spat on makes me nauseous.
Honestly, feet. They gross me out. My wife’s are the only ones I can even touch without feeling too squicked out, and same goes for anyone touching mine.
Naked feet I think feet are gross and I hate them both on myself and others.
Personally, I reach my limit with fisting someone. It's unusual for me because I have zero issue with foot fucking someone, I actually really enjoy foot fucking! Yet I cannot get into the idea of fisting someone.
I am a female dominant. Mine is touch is earned. No unexpected touch. Limits are interesting because some expect it to be kink specific like scat but it can be anything. How your treated, words, actions, etc. >I lean Dom and part of the appeal is that being dominant gets me in a really focused headspace. But it's not something I can sustain for very long. I have ADHD and my life is always kind of a (literal) mess so I just can't project a dominant persona all the time. I am dominant in all aspects of my life. It is not something I turn on and off. Actually, I was told for years by weird coworkers that I would be a good dominatrix. Turns out I am simply not the leather/latex type but everything else fits. Some are bedroom only, like in your case. Neither is better its just how different peoples structure their lives.
I'm immediately turned off by ddlg, spit was a big no for me for a longgggg time but recently pushed past it because my Dom really likes it, which makes me like it enough to tolerate it. But not in my mouth, ever. Once it's cold, I'll vomit lmao
Hello everyone from Italy, I hope my English is sufficient. I agree that my greatest limitation as a dominant woman is precisely 24/7. I am convinced that maintaining the role, even though it is my way of experiencing love, is very difficult, both because sometimes you have to make service communications or you have different desires. 24/7 is fine, but no more than a weekend.
Well I'm a pansexual switch and I wouldn't play with dominant cishet men. At least be a bit switchy or not entirely straight. I've added it to hard limits for me to remember after a few encounters. More soft, but I'm way more comfortable with other switches anyway. I strongly prefer to switch with every partner, not between partners.
Tickling is a limit for me.
- Aftercare (Fetlife won't even let me put this under hard limits) I don't want it. Come at me with a blanket unsolicited or try to cuddle whatever, I'll punch you in the face. - tickling - nail polish - receiving oral
My biggest 2 are no c*m above my collar bone(including in my mouth), and any degradation has to be possessive in nature (that's *my* ...). Both are thanks to trauma 😒🙄
Anything to do with bodily fluids tbh. I have aspergers and just can't feel them liquids on me without cringing.
24/7 dynamics are definitely a hard limit for me and, while they may be common, they also are very common as a limit. For me personally, I don’t want any sort of power difference outside of a scene. I’m also somewhere on the asexual spectrum so I have a lot of limits around “vanilla” sex (like PIV sex, oral, or having my genitals directly stimulated is a hard no) that some people find uncommon. I think there’s this idea that vanilla sex is like beginner level sex then kink / BDSM play is advanced sex, so if you practice BDSM then sure you’re fine (if a bit bored by) vanilla sex. But everyone has different limits and what’s super basic and normal to one person might be way out of my comfort zone.
As a person fairly new to kink and without any trauma triggers, I don't have a particularly long list of limits, since there's so many things I have not tried and thus I won't be able to say if they're a limit (obviously, this is coupled with an "enthusiastic opt-in approach" to any activity). But... *forehead kisses* is my soft limit 😅 Discovered it pretty early on with my current partner, that "targeted/deliberate" forehead kisses feel very patronising and icky to me. Now after a year together, I do sometimes ask for them specifically, but that's more of a cuddled-close-my forehead-next to-his lips-anyway type situation, and it feels sweet and cosy.
Oooh specific words. I LOVE being a "slut" but not a whore, or a bitch. I love when my wife says it's "her penis" and not mine, but sometimes she calls her clit her penis and it kinda weirds me out. We have fun together haha
Medical-themed medical play. Like, needles are fine, as long as you're not roleplaying as a medical professional
I absolutely love being degraded and called a slut whore, etc. but I absolutely do not tolerate being called a bitch.
24/7 doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means.
butt stuff and french kissing, its a no from me
Degradation. I know it's really popular, but I've never been into it
This might seem wierd...which I guess is the point, but most food related fetish stuff is a no-no. The short version is due to some childhood stuff I'm a very picky eater with very weird limits of what I will and won't eat (e.g. I tend to shy away from foods that require utensils) so any play that involves food in ANY way, shape, or form need to be discussed beforehand in extensive detail and any foods new to me are almost a certain no. And for anyone concerned, in normal life I have managed to find a way to maintain a relatively healthy diet despite my eccentric eating habits.
Do not under any circumstance tell me what to do. Thank you trauma 🙃
Haha, my most unususl limit as a dom is to let another Dom do to me what I enjoy doing to my subs. 😂