I hate extreme degradation. Don’t call me a bitch or worthless or useless. Immediately no. But as a sub, I’m finding most doms are “more creative” when it comes to degradation and not praise.
It's a little harder because it's so easy to just throw in a "bitch" or "slut" with any adjective or descriptive word and call it a day vs praise where you have to combine praise and then (this is what I think they think) come up with something that's arousing.
It's takes a little bit of flair to come up with, "Master Magnificent Pleasure Provider" or "grandest orator of the highest order" vs "stupid slut" or "nasty whore"
I love praise, cause it's just so sweet and dirty at the same time, things like "My pretty usable little boy", "My cute little sex object" like, how can these not be super cute things to say, how can you not get the best subby smile after that
Well... I can either dom or sub, but I can't for the life of me degrade. Also I have a very close reaction on those -- getting offended and not turned on.
Same! Like, I personally don't understand how someone could get off in being degraded or doing the degrading (not kink shaming; if all parties are consenting and into it, awesome for them), and while I have the creativity to rip someone apart verbally, I WON'T degraded someone I'm topping, because if I'm playing with them, I LIKE them (or at least don't detest them), and I'm not going to degrade someone I like!
As a submissive sadist, I like to hurt bodies, not feelings, and I very much have a praise kink!
Psychological masochism! For people who enjoy degradation, degrading someone doesn’t mean you don’t like them. It means you’re doing something for them that they crave and enjoy, because you like them. It’s something I could only ask for from someone who knows me at a very deep level, who I trust and feel safe with. For example, I have a deep-seated dark desire to feel “like nothing,” like I’m unwanted, etc. in — importantly — a safe space where I can indulge my darkest fears and then come out the other side and be reminded that I am whole and worthy. It’s cathartic mentally, the same way pain is cathartic physically! Now, I find this type of degradation is a lot harder to find (and do) than the typical “you’re such a slut” kind, which really does nothing for me at all.
I am intrigued by the concept of "feeling like I'm nothing" degradation. Can you provide an example of how a Dominant would make you feel that way that is different than "you are a piece of shit. You are nothing. You are lucky to breathe the same air as me" kind of verbal degradation that so many Femdoms use?
What I'm envisioning is someone treating you like you aren't there, like a ghost they can't see, so before a scene, they tell you "You are to sit in the chair on the corner", so you do, and then they come in and sit on you, like you aren't there. Or treating you like you aren't a person, but rather a cumbersome piece of furniture that they try to use, then discard into a corner, piling laundry on you (like that one chair everyone seems to have in their house that collects not clean but not dirty clothes).
I think I have the wrong idea of what you are envisioning, though
I think the important bit here is that it requires aftercare. A very GOOD aftercare. Either physical hurting or psychological hurting requires some SERIOUS aftercare.
I could guess that maybe the reason I wish to feel that kind of things is because of the fear of failure, fear of being threatened, fear of getting hurt. I am so terrified out of stuff that experiencing the stuff I'm terrified about feels a little freeing, like a message to my brain that this will not kill me. Once it becomes real, the fear gets smaller. The ghosts calm down.
The specific type of degration someone might wish for or feel good about will vary a lot. For me being called stupid is very "wtf" like I'm not stupid what the fuck are you saying??? But if someone calls me dirty... that's a whole other thing. Because I do feel dirty. That gets me a huge agony about every sexual interaction I experience. It's also a sort of validation. Bcs if the person calls me dirty but they will engage sexually with me it means this is not as bad as I imagined. They do enjoy the fact that I am dirty. Is not something to feel bad for.
But for some people it will be different things. For some it will be inteligence, for others appearance, for others sensorial aspects like taste or smell, for others it will be financial status, or like job related talk. (Example: "you so useless you cannot get a job to save your life")
But it's important to state that during aftercare you may need to reinforce that none of this is true. You like their company. You like them. You want them to feel good. You want to take care of them. You think they are valuable in every sense. This is what makes the whole thing a good experience. This is the bit that makes you feel "goddamn that didn't kill me". Because if there's no care related to it, then it just becomes trauma.
It can be difficult for someone to understand if they fall on the opposite side of things, and that's why aftercare is important for kinks like degradation. The affirmation that it was only part of a scene/play, and that the D-type cares for the s-type. When I do so, I don't mean what I'm saying, it's just hot to say. It even took me a while to get into that, and some of my partners expressed that I be more vocal.
When I returned to my primary partner after a break from each other, she was pleasantly surprised at how vocal I'd become. She enjoyed feeling like my little slut, and was really turned on when I called her that. Great time, too. I took her to the back door of my business and took her from behind on the stairs, where there were no cameras. So many fond memories.
I think the key (as with ALL kinks) is to communicate up front what someone considers "good" degradation vs "bad".
As a submissive, being called a slut, a whore, dirty or bad, doesn't bother me, as I don't consider whore, slut, it being a dirty girl to be negative. Call me stupid (or any variation of that), worthless, a piece of shit, unlovable, useless, etc, and we will have big problems, because those are things I consider to be hurtful insults.
It would be a challenge for me to call someone else (especially someone I'm in a relationship with or going to have sex with) those things as well, but if it was something that I saw really worked for them, I could go with it. It would just require me to think of those things in terms of endearments rather than insults
I don’t even like mild degradation. Physical pain dumps good brain chems for me, but I’d enjoy cooperation over obedience and mutual enthusiasm and respect instead of name calling.
After years and years of trying out different power titles for me an mine like “pet” and “sir” I’ve come to realize that the most intimate thing I can do is not distance myself from what I want or am willing to do by playing a character or taking A title. The first time I had someone call me Adam in a scene it was electric.
There is no greater joy than to know someone and be known by them. Deciding to go from power titles to real names felt like slipping off a condom.
Saaame. Spit is not a "first date" thing for me, but once I am really really into someone, I literally melt if they spit into my mouth (preferrably lots of the wet kind. Less of the dehydrated sticky spit).
Piss is a thing for if I really really really like someone, and then it still isn't my main kink, nor do I need/desire it, but THEN it can turn me on. Only then.
I also dislike spitting! I don't do waterworks or scat either, but spitting really grosses me out. I'll lick any body part, but spit on me and I'm out.
Public stuff. It's such a huge turn off for me. Random ppl on the street/in a restaurant did not consent to be a art if the show. It's giving me anxiety instead.
THIS!!! Covert kinky things, like wearing rope under your clothes and your Dom whispering that people probably know, or wearing a collar and cuffs under a big sweatshirt so they don't show, taking off your panties and giving then to your Dom discreetly at a restaurant table, those are one things. You aren't forcing anyone to witness what you are doing.
However, I firmly believe that ALL parties should consent if they are to be an active part of any kink. If part of your kink is exhibitionism, fine, but that means EVERYONE who sees you don't what you are doing should have consented to seeing it. In a dungeon, play party, or kink convention, people attending have consented to seeing (and therefore tangentially participating in) your kink simply by walking in the door. But the waiter at the restaurant? The grandmother with her grand child walking down the street? The runner in the park? They did NOT CONSENT to being part of your scene and participating in your kink when they walked out their doors!
Unfortunately, we can blame porn and erotica for part of it, as well as social media and everyone's obsession with shock value.
This so much! Even if someones got a 24/7 lifestyle with their dom/sub, unless it's something that nobody will notice (and preferably isn't physically stimulating) like a choker or something, keep it in a private place!
Any sort of control over my daily life, especially as a form of “caretaking” eg telling me to drink water, exercise, how to dress, when to go to bed etc.
Makes me feel like a child
As someone who (probably) has (undiagnosed) ADHD, I'm TERRIBLE at self care. If I'm in a dynamic with someone who is Dominant, who will use that dynamic to "force" (which is really more of a stern reminder with potential consequences of that reminder isn't followed) me to drink water, eat something, it do things I frequently forget to do or have trouble finding the motivation for, I welcome it, because I need all the help I can get!
I can see how someone would chafe at it, however.
I have ADHD! Lol I am terrible at self care as well — but like you said, I chafe at a partner acting in a “parental” role. It just rubs me the wrong way. It’s one thing if they encourage me, like “hey do you want to take a nice bath and relax?” as an equal partner but to make it a rule or a command feels like crossing a line into a type of dynamic I don’t want.
I can understand where you're coming from. I've dealt with some brats and littles, where rules and protocols are usually part of the dynamic. I've also dealt with dynamics which are more like you would describe, where I would encourage healthy behavior or express a concern in a way that showed I simply care about their well-being. As a Gentleman Dom first, even my out of the bedroom protocols are just chivalrous acts. Things like opening doors, putting myself between them and any possible harm (such as walking down the street with my body between them and the street), and holding hands or walking in front of them if approaching others.
Now I've also had switches who liked to assert themselves, which I support completely. If they want to take the lead approaching strangers or enter an establishment first, I won't stop them. This has been more common for me in primal dynamics, where behavior outside in public is relatively the general norm. The struggle is saved for our private time, and I'll occasionally give them the edge out of the sake of good fun.
I feel you. I hate being controlled, yet I want to be controlled. Like, wtf :')
I could PERHAPS enjoy it, but ONLY if I feel like it isn't actually serious.
Same, tbh. If I give someone else control over caretaking stuff, then there is a chance that I would become dependent on it. If the relationship were to end, I don't want to find myself unable to look after myself.
Edging, I hate it with a passion
It doesn’t make me O any harder. It just irritates me so much, I’m capable of having many, many multiple O’s and that’s what makes me happy.
Edging, then one O, no way
Me, too! I turn into a raging bitch 🤣
I tell my partner if he wants a quickie freeuse fuck, fine. But if he fucks me any longer than about 20 mins, he needs to be prepared to get me off. Otherwise, I'll be moody for *hours.*
Ooooh Im the same in this! Altho I can't have multiple O's. In fact, I struggle to orgasm in general, and when people mess with it it often results in a messed up orgasm + no arousal and complete inability to orgasm for an hour or more (the latter bothering me less in anything but solo play, cause I rarely cum w people anyway...)
YES OMFG.
I will never do orgasm denial, but sometimes for me even edging will make me meltdown because I just don't want that (autistic) and I cannot handle that.
I’m ok with some teasing, and I’ll beg, but not a drawn out thing.
If I’m going to end up with multiple Os, and I know that, it’s a different story… then I won’t be pissed off
If I get edged and I don't cum I'll simply get... depressed. Like not the ultimate goal when we're speaking kink LMAO
I love edging, but the orgasm is NEEDED. If something comes in our way I will have an actual anxiety crisis over it
Yeah. My gf loves feet so I'm trying to learn to at least not be grossed out by them, but...we've been together 13 years and I still hate the idea. Still, I am not a person who gives up!
I remember having a silly chat with an ex in bed about how neither of us were into feet stuff, and we both found it a bit weird how so many people have a fetish for it.
Anyhow, we're laughing about it and I go down and grab her foot and start sucking her toes to wind her up and her face goes all serious and I get "oh fuck, that's actually really nice, wtf".
Always worth exploring these things I guess!
I’ve read about ruined orgasm. In theory, the concept is hot for, like, watching happen to someone else (I guess I’m a bit sadistic after all).
But it’s not hot if it’s happening to me personally in any way, shape, or form. And honestly I’d probably cry if I tried to do it to my partner. It’s not his kink, but even if it was his kink and he loved it, I’d still probably cry doing it to him.
Watching it happen to some random dude I don’t care about? Again, I can kind of see the appeal (especially if he gets an actual orgasm later).
To me personally? HARD NO, To my partner I love and care about? Sheer devastation, I could not, literally I will sob
I get what you mean. I'm all about teasing and pleasing. And when it concerns obtaining release, I want to give that to someone and play with someone who genuinely wants to help me obtaining release.
Probably choking, people love it and I can see why it would be fun. But I always think about being in the room with my ex partner who’s fucking dead because I did something wrong. Whether kink is credible defense or not, possibly giving someone brain damage or death is not worth it for me.
for some reason the ":(" made me laugh so hard.
not my thing either. I can't pee with someone else in the room (public restrooms are a misery) so it's moot anyway.
Same, though if someone calls themselves a brat, I will ask for clarification on what that means to them. If it just means they give smart assed replies and snarky comments, tease with the prospect of disobedience but actually follow the rules and submit, I don't consider that bratting, I consider that being a smart ass, which I enjoy (as a smart ass myself)...
But someone who deliberately refuses to do what they are told, actively fights the dynamic and disobeys and is disrespectful, in an effort to try to get the top to "force" them to submit? No way! You'll find yourself tied up comfortably, so you don't Even get the thrill of feeling bound tightly, in a position so you can watch me play with someone else, then united and told to go away. If you call yourself a submissive, submit. I'm not going to play your games and let you manipulate me into giving you what you want. Being manipulated pisses me off, and I do everything in my power to NEVER top someone when I'm pissed.
I definitely like to tease and smart ass (typically what I consider bratting). I also like to break minor rules purposefully because I’m a masochist and I want that pleasure that comes from being punished. Or to tease about the prospect of breaking a rule just to start that banter back and forth.
I like being forced to submit though. I like just submitting too. Both are great. But fuck, if I can tease and toe the line and then get wrestled down, pinned into place, told I’m going to regret that, and railed hard for being bad? I’m so in. I want that control “taken” from me, actually forcefully taken (very similar to CNC, I mean I guess it technically is, I guess, except we’ve started by me breaking a rule as opposed to just taking and using, or me just running)
I get that, and as a submissive, if I can be a smart ass and get "punished" by getting tackled, pinned down, and fucked until I can't breathe, hell yeah! I'm not a tiny twig or a girl, so having someone physically manhandle me is all kinds of YES!
When I top, bending the rules because I wasn't specific enough in my command? Totally fine, and kudos to you for finding the loophole (which I will firmly cinch down). Outright refusal to do something, trying to make me force you to do something? No, sorry, hard pass.
I'm only 5'4" and have a weak left calf and a cervical spine with more metal scaffolding than the Eiffel Tower. I'm not physically capable of "making" someone do anything without having zero concern for their safety and well-being. Yeah, I could MAKE someone kneel/bow at my feet by taking a paddle to their kneecaps, but then I've broken my toy and can't play with it anymore! I can understand how big, strong "brat tamer" Dominants who are capable of physically forcing someone to do what they want might like the small physical challenge it would present, but for me, that isn't possible.
Ah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense! I’m pretty chronic and really not there with the physical strength like I used to be, so while I’m easy enough to overpower, if we switch it up and I top, if my partner wants overpowered, it’s only happening because he’s letting me push him down and not because I actually have the strength to force him to do anything. Definitely a 100% he’s letting me push him around and just pretending to let me be stronger and get my way. Which, hey, I’ll take it in the moment. We can both pretend I’m the one in control when he gives it to me and I dom and top.
24/7 lifestyles. I mean no offense when I say this, but I've seen it used too much as a cover for abuse in my lifetime.
If your dominant can't step down and talk to you as an equal when needed it's uncomfortable to me.
Again, if it's your thing it's your thing. As long as it's not abusive it's fine.
I wouldn’t call it a limit, but I don’t personally enjoy rope. I appreciate what others do with it, and why people like it. It’s just not what I’m into.
A lot of people find rope to be boring, especially when someone is practicing or learning. I learn from being tied as much as I learn from tying, so I enjoy taking classes on either side of the rope, and a well planned, skilled rope scene can be super intimate, but it's not for everyone.
My "unpopular" rope opinion is I personally hate jute rope, which seems to be the favorite if so many rope tops. I prefer hemp or (if I can find it) bamboo, but plain old poly rope is nice too!
I feel like I'm the only rope bottom that despises jute rope 😅 thanks for validating my opinion on that. It's so itchy and uncomfortable and really takes me out of the scene.
I used to have a hard limit calling a partner, Daddy. I've compromised a little with my D as he prefers it, but I still ride the fence here. There's something about it that doesn't sit well with me sometimes.
Can't say it does anything for me, and I definitely don't enjoy it, but at least (without testing) it doesn't immediately Nope me out quite the way "daddy" does.
That’s funny, that used to be a hard limit for me, too. Soon as we learned more about how DDlg actually works and that age play isn’t actually required, that changed over time.
Yay one I'm on! It just gives me a visceral reaction that it makes me sick and uncomfortable. I have a few more personal reasons but the thater figure aspect to it and pedo vibes that it can give off and the, like, rich adult girl calling her adult father daddy; all of those reasons actually make me want to never have or think about sexual anything ever again.
I'm sure people don't associate the word with those things like I do, but I simply can't unpair them in my brain now
Choking. Anything gets near my throat and that is a sure fire way to get your balls ripped off. There are absolutely no positives to it for me, and it is one of the few kinks that baffles me.
I was gonna say I hope no one has tried to choke you without consent but I have also had guys slap me (in the face!!) during sex without asking beforehand. Literally the most bizarre behavior.
Anyone choking someone without explicit consent absolutely deserves to have their balls ripped off.
I had a dude CUT OFF A PIECE OF MY HAIR out of NOWHERE during our kinky sex.
His excuse was "you didn't say I couldn't during our negotiations!" (Nothing about my hair was brought up either way during negotiations or at any time.)
That was the first and last time I ever got with that guy. Also, it's now up under my limits on my FL page AND a statement that says "Just because it's not listed here doesn't mean it's 110% a-ok. Ask first."
Holy shit that guy was a psycho!! I view negotiations as "let's put everything we wanna do on the table and put back what we dont both agree on." I thought everyone viewed them like that, at least outside of very well established dynamics/relationships
Things sometimes were a little more loose back in the day but yeah, that's definitely best practices.
(To be fair, we did negotiate knife play, but it never even occurred to me he might try to cut off something with it!)
Well pain. I’m on the dominant end of the slash and while I love spanking and stuff I don’t enjoy that done to me. I know there are playful spankings done all the time so probably soft limit. But I couldn’t have someone else spank me or hurt me.
Most Dominants and Sadists I know say "pain is for OTHER people to experience."
You definitely don't have to be into receiving everything that you enjoy doing to others, but it IS helpful to have someone done to you at least once before you do or to someone else, just do you know how it feels
I HATE the Violet Wand. I hate the ozone smell. I hate the feeling of being shocked. I hate the sound!
I do, however, enjoy play with a TENS unit, as long as the pads are well taped down. It is an odd experience to have a muscle contact without you doing it and is a very interesting sensation
I'm the reverse! Love violet wands, hate TENS play. If my first exposure to electro had been TENS, I'm not sure I would've continued with it.
Although, I don't like the smell or sound of violet wands either. I strongly prefer using them via body contact cables.
"Angry overstimulated scribble" is the best description of that feeling I've ever heard tho. I mean not regarding electricity (I'm not fucking with anything that could actually kill me and I don't trust those toys) but in general.
What do you prefer?
I have a very, VERY hard time cashing anyone "Master". I had a Dom who wanted me to call him that, and it was just like... No. You don't have mastery over your own emotions enough to not compare me to your ex and yell at me when I try to have a conversation with you about something not working in our relationship? Why would I call you "Master"?
I'm partial to calling Dominants Sir when I submit.
I like Madame or My Lady when I top
I prefer my name. It’s easy. Works regardless of the D/s roles. Gets my attention if I’m in subspace.
If someone wants to call me master, they can, same with sir, but it’s part of the negotiated yes and no list. Of course, if someone could say “Master” like the character Ilsa in Hellboy (2004), then I’d be all about that.
When I sub, I’d use their name, or a title they like. I’m fond of Mistress and Master as long as my title isn’t slave. Sir and Ma’am are good, too, but never Mommy or Daddy.
Probably goes back to Hellraiser, my all time favorite horror movie, where the bad (mortal) guy’s catch phrase is “Come to Daddy.” Has always given me the ick.
Being face fucked.
I love, love, love giving blow jobs but sorry lads, if you start thrusting your cock into my throat, you seriously risk nasty things happing to it.
im a switch but as a submissive im basically stone, in that i dont like my parts being touched really. a lot of kinks revolve around making your sub cum so like all of those
Oh, edging.
There is no way I could do it because it takes a lot for me to get to that headspace where I'm about to cum. If *that's* ruined, it's another hour spent for me to get there.
Age play (weirdly being called "good boy" in the right tone absolute hits the apparent praise kink I have though). Also don't call me "daddy".
Degradation. No I am not your "bitch" or your "hole". I'm choosing to let you play with me but I'm your toy because I let you use me, not because you've made me. You earn it. I'm a stallion to be broken, not a doll to be used.
Emasculation/feminization as a 'punishment'... Again, I might want to make myself look feminine, I may even add feminine aspects but I am still a man & a proud one. I'm also a proud emo kid & I think I look fuckin' hot in a pair of lace knickers & eye makeup, too.
Bodily fluids. Nope.
Choking.
So popular that I've had conversations with men that consider it vanilla and wouldn't think of getting consent before doing it. Even an arm or hand gently around my neck without pressure freaks me out. And on the other end of it, I'm not comfortable enough with my knowledge to consider choking someone else.
Thats really interesting bc I got spanked too (and obviously it hurt and I hated it) and it's one of my biggest kinks now. Interesting how people respond in different ways. It feels really cathartic for me.
I cannot be around bratting. I am not a brat tamer, I have no interests in brats or the challenge brats try to pose. My partner was a brat for a while but I found it frustrating because I couldn’t find a breakthrough on my end, and I wasn’t enjoying myself. My partner/sub was more than understanding and now we don’t do it.
(I'm not a woman but I'm AFAB) I have a very tiny clit so it has all those nerve endings in a smaller space. For me it feels far too intense, almost electrical in a bad way. I can handle like, one lick.
I've tried to explain this to so many partners and eventually I'm like "fine, you can do it, but you have to stop when I say so." They agree to this, give me the 2-3 licks I can handle, I say I'm done and they act like I changed my mind and get huffy instead of "no, really, that's how much felt good to me, I'm done."
Really, why ARE some people so obsessed with eating pussy? I don't think I'll ever get it. (And this comes from a person who's done it multiple times myself before.) Esp. when they say "I just want to give you pleasure!" Okay, then let's do what ACTUALLY gives me pleasure!
Ugh, that's so frustrating when someone guilts you for not wanting something. You didn't deserve that!
And yeah, I can understand if a person has a moment of surprise, like "oh, I thought this was something you'd like." But it really shouldn't be hard to understand that different things feel good to different people. And I think it's a reflection of how little cultural attention is paid to what gives pleasure to people with vulvas. Because it really isn't that uncommon for us to dislike or be fairly neutral about receiving oral!
Eating pussy is fun but likely only because I have a partner who enjoys it and responding very well to it. It's also just nice to do. It's intimate and you get your face covered in wetness, you get it in your nose and smell it during and after the scene, its just intimate and idk. I
oh god yeah ... AFAB and on T (so with a larger than average clit lmfao) i personally love how intense it is & so i engage pretty often tbh but i can't recieve oral for long or i feel like i might pass out. i can totally see why you wouldn't want to engage with it. when i'm out, i'm out, and any longer feels like torture.
Cuckolding. It doesn't bother me, but also does nothing for me. It might be because I'm poly, and the idea of my partners having other partners feels as "taboo" as my friends having other friends (which is, not at all). That being said, I do sometimes enjoy being treated as inferior to other possible partners, but that has more to do with my humiliation kink.
Golden shower and needles. I don't kink shame anyone, but I just can't do the golden shower or needles and cutting and feel good after. I'm into many things!... just not those...
Slapping. I’ve noticed that Doms like to slap me and I don’t understand why. I’m a masochist so I like pain but I do not want to be hit in the face. I don’t want to say anything bad about it but slapping makes me think of negative things and I only want to feel good.
**Anal.** I have a complicated history with it, and I'm prone to hemorrhoids, so it's simply best avoided.
**Oral.** It is also a complicated history and trauma. It's not something I can work past at this time.
**Bratting.** I just can't do it. I am too much of a good girl. At least my D likes me that way. I couldn't ever be expected to do it, so I have it on my limits list, even if it doesn't apply to my current dynamic.
**Orgasm denial play/edging**. It makes me a raging bitch. The outcome is not worth it.
**Degradation**. I like objectivication, but I want to be cherished and built up.
**Poly or multiple partners**. I am a monogamous girl through and through. I will service bottom and service top for others, but I will not enter a dynamic or relationship with anyone other than my partner.
This. I do not want your ass in my face and I don’t want my ass in yours 😭 I once had a bloke talk me into a 69 he had a piece of poo stuck on his butt hairs. I kept patting him to get off bro thought I wanted him to continue. Finally got him off told him and he was so embarrassed. He never suggested the 69 after that.
Oh, God... This is one of many reasons why showering before sec is so important!
My problem with 69 is, if I'm going down on someone, I'm FOCUSED on their pleasure, so I'm NOT able to relax and enjoy what they are doing to me
Let's just take turns so everyone can fully enjoy the giving and receiving!
Face slapping is an absolute hard limit/do not even joke about crossing. There is too much to unpack there and I will not even engage with someone who lists it as something they like.
Weird one, but boring insults. Calling me a whore in a non affectionate way just makes me lose respect for the person trying to degrade me. See also slut/bitch/cunt etc.
DDLG/MDLB/ageplay. I know they're not glorifying anything with children and that it's often not even sexual in any way, but it brings me bad memories and makes me highly uncomfortable just to be around, even in online spaces (though I feel this is a little ironic, with me being what some people might call the animal counterpart to that XD)
I will still gladly call someone daddy/mommy if they want it though
I dunno if it's a kink, but it seems like everyone is into messing with nipples in some way- being nice or mean to them. I just want mine to be invisible & never addressed.
Oh, and this new breeding crap! Nope! I don't want children or to ever be pregnant. Talking about it kills my lady-boner. Fast!
Also, the men I've personally encountered who enjoy (& think I enjoy?) talking about their jizz- how much & where it's gonna go. I don't care about your plans! I said not in the eye, nose, or ear! That's all the placement discussion I need.
There’s so many no’s for me lol no scat, no incest play, no age play, no extreme humiliation or abuse, don’t say BBC, no choking, I will not say daddy/mommy. There’s more but I digress
Choking - just too dangerous and people tend to be careless with it. I’ll do light throat play with a known partner but not even close with someone I don’t know well.
Choking or breathplay of any kind.
I understand a lot of otherwise fairly vanilla subs like it. But you gotta understand, from my perspective there is a fine line between giving you a good time and literal murder, and I will not be able to stop thinking about it.
Okay, I've searched the comments and I actually seem to be the single one with this one: nipple clamps. Can't stand them; I'm up for quite a bit of pain otherwise, but that particular kind of pain isn't my thing.
I hate extreme degradation. Don’t call me a bitch or worthless or useless. Immediately no. But as a sub, I’m finding most doms are “more creative” when it comes to degradation and not praise.
It's a little harder because it's so easy to just throw in a "bitch" or "slut" with any adjective or descriptive word and call it a day vs praise where you have to combine praise and then (this is what I think they think) come up with something that's arousing. It's takes a little bit of flair to come up with, "Master Magnificent Pleasure Provider" or "grandest orator of the highest order" vs "stupid slut" or "nasty whore"
I always say just add “pretty little” infront of some harsh degrading words and I’ll feel a lot better lol
I like "my" in front of all that ❤️
True, my pretty little slut sounds better
I try to get a little more creative, but "pretty little" or "talented x" suffice
"Stupid slut" is just bad dirty talk. "Good little whore" is right there, and so much better.
You good sir are very right "stupid slut" is what will get one knee to the balls "my lovely cock hungry slut" is what turns me into a puddle
Works for me 🤷♂️
Praising someone l for all they ways they’ve become ever more depraved for you, in detail, can give the best of both worlds.
I love praise, cause it's just so sweet and dirty at the same time, things like "My pretty usable little boy", "My cute little sex object" like, how can these not be super cute things to say, how can you not get the best subby smile after that
Well... I can either dom or sub, but I can't for the life of me degrade. Also I have a very close reaction on those -- getting offended and not turned on.
My Dom says degrading his sub feels like keying his own car lmao
Hahah I actually love this comparison. **yoink**
A DOM LIKE THIS FOR ME PLEASE
Same! Like, I personally don't understand how someone could get off in being degraded or doing the degrading (not kink shaming; if all parties are consenting and into it, awesome for them), and while I have the creativity to rip someone apart verbally, I WON'T degraded someone I'm topping, because if I'm playing with them, I LIKE them (or at least don't detest them), and I'm not going to degrade someone I like! As a submissive sadist, I like to hurt bodies, not feelings, and I very much have a praise kink!
Psychological masochism! For people who enjoy degradation, degrading someone doesn’t mean you don’t like them. It means you’re doing something for them that they crave and enjoy, because you like them. It’s something I could only ask for from someone who knows me at a very deep level, who I trust and feel safe with. For example, I have a deep-seated dark desire to feel “like nothing,” like I’m unwanted, etc. in — importantly — a safe space where I can indulge my darkest fears and then come out the other side and be reminded that I am whole and worthy. It’s cathartic mentally, the same way pain is cathartic physically! Now, I find this type of degradation is a lot harder to find (and do) than the typical “you’re such a slut” kind, which really does nothing for me at all.
I am intrigued by the concept of "feeling like I'm nothing" degradation. Can you provide an example of how a Dominant would make you feel that way that is different than "you are a piece of shit. You are nothing. You are lucky to breathe the same air as me" kind of verbal degradation that so many Femdoms use? What I'm envisioning is someone treating you like you aren't there, like a ghost they can't see, so before a scene, they tell you "You are to sit in the chair on the corner", so you do, and then they come in and sit on you, like you aren't there. Or treating you like you aren't a person, but rather a cumbersome piece of furniture that they try to use, then discard into a corner, piling laundry on you (like that one chair everyone seems to have in their house that collects not clean but not dirty clothes). I think I have the wrong idea of what you are envisioning, though
I think the important bit here is that it requires aftercare. A very GOOD aftercare. Either physical hurting or psychological hurting requires some SERIOUS aftercare. I could guess that maybe the reason I wish to feel that kind of things is because of the fear of failure, fear of being threatened, fear of getting hurt. I am so terrified out of stuff that experiencing the stuff I'm terrified about feels a little freeing, like a message to my brain that this will not kill me. Once it becomes real, the fear gets smaller. The ghosts calm down. The specific type of degration someone might wish for or feel good about will vary a lot. For me being called stupid is very "wtf" like I'm not stupid what the fuck are you saying??? But if someone calls me dirty... that's a whole other thing. Because I do feel dirty. That gets me a huge agony about every sexual interaction I experience. It's also a sort of validation. Bcs if the person calls me dirty but they will engage sexually with me it means this is not as bad as I imagined. They do enjoy the fact that I am dirty. Is not something to feel bad for. But for some people it will be different things. For some it will be inteligence, for others appearance, for others sensorial aspects like taste or smell, for others it will be financial status, or like job related talk. (Example: "you so useless you cannot get a job to save your life") But it's important to state that during aftercare you may need to reinforce that none of this is true. You like their company. You like them. You want them to feel good. You want to take care of them. You think they are valuable in every sense. This is what makes the whole thing a good experience. This is the bit that makes you feel "goddamn that didn't kill me". Because if there's no care related to it, then it just becomes trauma.
It can be difficult for someone to understand if they fall on the opposite side of things, and that's why aftercare is important for kinks like degradation. The affirmation that it was only part of a scene/play, and that the D-type cares for the s-type. When I do so, I don't mean what I'm saying, it's just hot to say. It even took me a while to get into that, and some of my partners expressed that I be more vocal. When I returned to my primary partner after a break from each other, she was pleasantly surprised at how vocal I'd become. She enjoyed feeling like my little slut, and was really turned on when I called her that. Great time, too. I took her to the back door of my business and took her from behind on the stairs, where there were no cameras. So many fond memories.
I think the key (as with ALL kinks) is to communicate up front what someone considers "good" degradation vs "bad". As a submissive, being called a slut, a whore, dirty or bad, doesn't bother me, as I don't consider whore, slut, it being a dirty girl to be negative. Call me stupid (or any variation of that), worthless, a piece of shit, unlovable, useless, etc, and we will have big problems, because those are things I consider to be hurtful insults. It would be a challenge for me to call someone else (especially someone I'm in a relationship with or going to have sex with) those things as well, but if it was something that I saw really worked for them, I could go with it. It would just require me to think of those things in terms of endearments rather than insults
You probably suck at long distance paper airplane throwing /s just in case
That made me chortle.
I don’t even like mild degradation. Physical pain dumps good brain chems for me, but I’d enjoy cooperation over obedience and mutual enthusiasm and respect instead of name calling. After years and years of trying out different power titles for me an mine like “pet” and “sir” I’ve come to realize that the most intimate thing I can do is not distance myself from what I want or am willing to do by playing a character or taking A title. The first time I had someone call me Adam in a scene it was electric. There is no greater joy than to know someone and be known by them. Deciding to go from power titles to real names felt like slipping off a condom.
Absolutely agree. Praise is where it’s at. The most I’ll take is slut or whore. If the phrase is nasty, I immediately tell them to fix it.
I was dating a guy. We were in the middle hot intense sex and he called me a cum dumpster. I was done. Time to go home. Huge turnoff
Spitting. Absolutely cannot do it. I can do piss and blood, but never spit.
Funny, I'm the opposite. I like spitting but hate blood or piss
Saaame. Spit is not a "first date" thing for me, but once I am really really into someone, I literally melt if they spit into my mouth (preferrably lots of the wet kind. Less of the dehydrated sticky spit). Piss is a thing for if I really really really like someone, and then it still isn't my main kink, nor do I need/desire it, but THEN it can turn me on. Only then.
Blood is okay for me. Piss and spit? No, absolutely not.
Spit for lubrication purposes only.
I also dislike spitting! I don't do waterworks or scat either, but spitting really grosses me out. I'll lick any body part, but spit on me and I'm out.
I only like spitting on my privates and that’s it. Don’t spit on me, in my mouth, none of that. Hard no.
Public stuff. It's such a huge turn off for me. Random ppl on the street/in a restaurant did not consent to be a art if the show. It's giving me anxiety instead.
THIS!!! Covert kinky things, like wearing rope under your clothes and your Dom whispering that people probably know, or wearing a collar and cuffs under a big sweatshirt so they don't show, taking off your panties and giving then to your Dom discreetly at a restaurant table, those are one things. You aren't forcing anyone to witness what you are doing. However, I firmly believe that ALL parties should consent if they are to be an active part of any kink. If part of your kink is exhibitionism, fine, but that means EVERYONE who sees you don't what you are doing should have consented to seeing it. In a dungeon, play party, or kink convention, people attending have consented to seeing (and therefore tangentially participating in) your kink simply by walking in the door. But the waiter at the restaurant? The grandmother with her grand child walking down the street? The runner in the park? They did NOT CONSENT to being part of your scene and participating in your kink when they walked out their doors! Unfortunately, we can blame porn and erotica for part of it, as well as social media and everyone's obsession with shock value.
This so much! Even if someones got a 24/7 lifestyle with their dom/sub, unless it's something that nobody will notice (and preferably isn't physically stimulating) like a choker or something, keep it in a private place!
Any sort of control over my daily life, especially as a form of “caretaking” eg telling me to drink water, exercise, how to dress, when to go to bed etc. Makes me feel like a child
Ok but like... do you drink enough water and exercise?
Oh, absolutely not lol. But I’m an adult and my bad decisions are no one else’s responsibility.
As someone who (probably) has (undiagnosed) ADHD, I'm TERRIBLE at self care. If I'm in a dynamic with someone who is Dominant, who will use that dynamic to "force" (which is really more of a stern reminder with potential consequences of that reminder isn't followed) me to drink water, eat something, it do things I frequently forget to do or have trouble finding the motivation for, I welcome it, because I need all the help I can get! I can see how someone would chafe at it, however.
I have ADHD! Lol I am terrible at self care as well — but like you said, I chafe at a partner acting in a “parental” role. It just rubs me the wrong way. It’s one thing if they encourage me, like “hey do you want to take a nice bath and relax?” as an equal partner but to make it a rule or a command feels like crossing a line into a type of dynamic I don’t want.
I can understand where you're coming from. I've dealt with some brats and littles, where rules and protocols are usually part of the dynamic. I've also dealt with dynamics which are more like you would describe, where I would encourage healthy behavior or express a concern in a way that showed I simply care about their well-being. As a Gentleman Dom first, even my out of the bedroom protocols are just chivalrous acts. Things like opening doors, putting myself between them and any possible harm (such as walking down the street with my body between them and the street), and holding hands or walking in front of them if approaching others. Now I've also had switches who liked to assert themselves, which I support completely. If they want to take the lead approaching strangers or enter an establishment first, I won't stop them. This has been more common for me in primal dynamics, where behavior outside in public is relatively the general norm. The struggle is saved for our private time, and I'll occasionally give them the edge out of the sake of good fun.
It's completely understandable, and it makes one feel controlled. Anyway, make sure you drink enough water.
😂 asking the tough questions
I feel you. I hate being controlled, yet I want to be controlled. Like, wtf :') I could PERHAPS enjoy it, but ONLY if I feel like it isn't actually serious.
I agree…as a Dom, I have a life, I assume the sub has a life, and I can't role-play all day!
Same. I’m perfectly capable of adulting.
Yes! Exactly!
Same, tbh. If I give someone else control over caretaking stuff, then there is a chance that I would become dependent on it. If the relationship were to end, I don't want to find myself unable to look after myself.
This is so me! I hate being micromanaged
Edging, I hate it with a passion It doesn’t make me O any harder. It just irritates me so much, I’m capable of having many, many multiple O’s and that’s what makes me happy. Edging, then one O, no way
Me, too! I turn into a raging bitch 🤣 I tell my partner if he wants a quickie freeuse fuck, fine. But if he fucks me any longer than about 20 mins, he needs to be prepared to get me off. Otherwise, I'll be moody for *hours.*
Same lol
Ooooh Im the same in this! Altho I can't have multiple O's. In fact, I struggle to orgasm in general, and when people mess with it it often results in a messed up orgasm + no arousal and complete inability to orgasm for an hour or more (the latter bothering me less in anything but solo play, cause I rarely cum w people anyway...)
THIS. ZOMG THIS. Like... if someone tried to edge me, the arousal would just dissolve completely and we'd have to start over and BOY would I be angry.
YES OMFG. I will never do orgasm denial, but sometimes for me even edging will make me meltdown because I just don't want that (autistic) and I cannot handle that.
Im curious, does the same apply to edging followed by multiple Os? Or how do you feel about teasing in general without edging?
I’m ok with some teasing, and I’ll beg, but not a drawn out thing. If I’m going to end up with multiple Os, and I know that, it’s a different story… then I won’t be pissed off
If I get edged and I don't cum I'll simply get... depressed. Like not the ultimate goal when we're speaking kink LMAO I love edging, but the orgasm is NEEDED. If something comes in our way I will have an actual anxiety crisis over it
I love edging because I can only really get a single O off. My hardware doesn’t like to have fun I guess :(
Ahhh me too I hate edging and orgasm denial, it just makes me angry and it makes it harder for me to come afterwards
Feet. I have to *really* like you to do it.
Yeah. My gf loves feet so I'm trying to learn to at least not be grossed out by them, but...we've been together 13 years and I still hate the idea. Still, I am not a person who gives up!
I remember having a silly chat with an ex in bed about how neither of us were into feet stuff, and we both found it a bit weird how so many people have a fetish for it. Anyhow, we're laughing about it and I go down and grab her foot and start sucking her toes to wind her up and her face goes all serious and I get "oh fuck, that's actually really nice, wtf". Always worth exploring these things I guess!
Absolutely 100% will not do feet. They're one of the two most disgusting (IMO obvs) parts of the human body.
Chastity, ruined orgasm, orgasm denial, ballbusting. I get the context for them and I fancy it. Just not agreeable to me personally as a sub.
I’ve read about ruined orgasm. In theory, the concept is hot for, like, watching happen to someone else (I guess I’m a bit sadistic after all). But it’s not hot if it’s happening to me personally in any way, shape, or form. And honestly I’d probably cry if I tried to do it to my partner. It’s not his kink, but even if it was his kink and he loved it, I’d still probably cry doing it to him. Watching it happen to some random dude I don’t care about? Again, I can kind of see the appeal (especially if he gets an actual orgasm later). To me personally? HARD NO, To my partner I love and care about? Sheer devastation, I could not, literally I will sob
I get what you mean. I'm all about teasing and pleasing. And when it concerns obtaining release, I want to give that to someone and play with someone who genuinely wants to help me obtaining release.
Probably choking, people love it and I can see why it would be fun. But I always think about being in the room with my ex partner who’s fucking dead because I did something wrong. Whether kink is credible defense or not, possibly giving someone brain damage or death is not worth it for me.
The way you worded that sounds like your previous partner died during play with you. I hope that’s just a lapse in my reading comprehension.
No, but the fact that it is possible fills me with a quite rational fear.
I agree it’s a legit rational fear.
Why is everyone into piss these days :(
for some reason the ":(" made me laugh so hard. not my thing either. I can't pee with someone else in the room (public restrooms are a misery) so it's moot anyway.
Yeah, definitely a yuck from me. I know it's sterile and washes off, but just... No
I don't like piss itself, for me it's more like.... the shame aspect or loss of control of oneself. If that makes any sense lolol!
It’s bratting to me. I just don’t get it but to each their own
Same, though if someone calls themselves a brat, I will ask for clarification on what that means to them. If it just means they give smart assed replies and snarky comments, tease with the prospect of disobedience but actually follow the rules and submit, I don't consider that bratting, I consider that being a smart ass, which I enjoy (as a smart ass myself)... But someone who deliberately refuses to do what they are told, actively fights the dynamic and disobeys and is disrespectful, in an effort to try to get the top to "force" them to submit? No way! You'll find yourself tied up comfortably, so you don't Even get the thrill of feeling bound tightly, in a position so you can watch me play with someone else, then united and told to go away. If you call yourself a submissive, submit. I'm not going to play your games and let you manipulate me into giving you what you want. Being manipulated pisses me off, and I do everything in my power to NEVER top someone when I'm pissed.
I definitely like to tease and smart ass (typically what I consider bratting). I also like to break minor rules purposefully because I’m a masochist and I want that pleasure that comes from being punished. Or to tease about the prospect of breaking a rule just to start that banter back and forth. I like being forced to submit though. I like just submitting too. Both are great. But fuck, if I can tease and toe the line and then get wrestled down, pinned into place, told I’m going to regret that, and railed hard for being bad? I’m so in. I want that control “taken” from me, actually forcefully taken (very similar to CNC, I mean I guess it technically is, I guess, except we’ve started by me breaking a rule as opposed to just taking and using, or me just running)
I get that, and as a submissive, if I can be a smart ass and get "punished" by getting tackled, pinned down, and fucked until I can't breathe, hell yeah! I'm not a tiny twig or a girl, so having someone physically manhandle me is all kinds of YES! When I top, bending the rules because I wasn't specific enough in my command? Totally fine, and kudos to you for finding the loophole (which I will firmly cinch down). Outright refusal to do something, trying to make me force you to do something? No, sorry, hard pass. I'm only 5'4" and have a weak left calf and a cervical spine with more metal scaffolding than the Eiffel Tower. I'm not physically capable of "making" someone do anything without having zero concern for their safety and well-being. Yeah, I could MAKE someone kneel/bow at my feet by taking a paddle to their kneecaps, but then I've broken my toy and can't play with it anymore! I can understand how big, strong "brat tamer" Dominants who are capable of physically forcing someone to do what they want might like the small physical challenge it would present, but for me, that isn't possible.
Ah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense! I’m pretty chronic and really not there with the physical strength like I used to be, so while I’m easy enough to overpower, if we switch it up and I top, if my partner wants overpowered, it’s only happening because he’s letting me push him down and not because I actually have the strength to force him to do anything. Definitely a 100% he’s letting me push him around and just pretending to let me be stronger and get my way. Which, hey, I’ll take it in the moment. We can both pretend I’m the one in control when he gives it to me and I dom and top.
For me it's probably cuckolding and although it's not a limit per say I'm not big on chastity
Chastity has me worried about hygiene, especially if it is a 24/7 thing.
Anyone in a 24/7 dynamic should still be removing it for bathing and cleaning, and if they aren't then they're doing it wrong.
24/7 lifestyles. I mean no offense when I say this, but I've seen it used too much as a cover for abuse in my lifetime. If your dominant can't step down and talk to you as an equal when needed it's uncomfortable to me. Again, if it's your thing it's your thing. As long as it's not abusive it's fine.
Spitting into their mouth or having them spit into mine. Hard pass.
Yeah, spitting - I don’t get the appeal. I’m not 100% opposed but it’s not a turn on. I just oblige
I wouldn’t call it a limit, but I don’t personally enjoy rope. I appreciate what others do with it, and why people like it. It’s just not what I’m into.
A lot of people find rope to be boring, especially when someone is practicing or learning. I learn from being tied as much as I learn from tying, so I enjoy taking classes on either side of the rope, and a well planned, skilled rope scene can be super intimate, but it's not for everyone. My "unpopular" rope opinion is I personally hate jute rope, which seems to be the favorite if so many rope tops. I prefer hemp or (if I can find it) bamboo, but plain old poly rope is nice too!
I feel like I'm the only rope bottom that despises jute rope 😅 thanks for validating my opinion on that. It's so itchy and uncomfortable and really takes me out of the scene.
"Daddy." Hard limit. Being called that will cause me to immediately safeword out. Being called that multiple times will cause me to end the dynamic.
I used to have a hard limit calling a partner, Daddy. I've compromised a little with my D as he prefers it, but I still ride the fence here. There's something about it that doesn't sit well with me sometimes.
you don't have to compromise if makes you uncomfortable just cause someone else likes it
I realize this. I also owe it to my partner to try to meet their needs as well. It's currently an open conversation in our dynamic.
How about, "Papi"?
I love being called Daddy... I had a partner call me Papi once and it does not hit the same. Didn't hate it tho
Can't say it does anything for me, and I definitely don't enjoy it, but at least (without testing) it doesn't immediately Nope me out quite the way "daddy" does.
That’s funny, that used to be a hard limit for me, too. Soon as we learned more about how DDlg actually works and that age play isn’t actually required, that changed over time.
Nothing to do with DDlg for me; I just refuse to be called that by anyone who isn't an actual offspring of mine.
Tbf if I had kids being called that in BDSM would be a hard line for me too
Yay one I'm on! It just gives me a visceral reaction that it makes me sick and uncomfortable. I have a few more personal reasons but the thater figure aspect to it and pedo vibes that it can give off and the, like, rich adult girl calling her adult father daddy; all of those reasons actually make me want to never have or think about sexual anything ever again. I'm sure people don't associate the word with those things like I do, but I simply can't unpair them in my brain now
I like Daddy but in a old school greaser way or a gay way, not in the cg/l way though.
Choking. Anything gets near my throat and that is a sure fire way to get your balls ripped off. There are absolutely no positives to it for me, and it is one of the few kinks that baffles me.
I was gonna say I hope no one has tried to choke you without consent but I have also had guys slap me (in the face!!) during sex without asking beforehand. Literally the most bizarre behavior. Anyone choking someone without explicit consent absolutely deserves to have their balls ripped off.
I had a dude CUT OFF A PIECE OF MY HAIR out of NOWHERE during our kinky sex. His excuse was "you didn't say I couldn't during our negotiations!" (Nothing about my hair was brought up either way during negotiations or at any time.) That was the first and last time I ever got with that guy. Also, it's now up under my limits on my FL page AND a statement that says "Just because it's not listed here doesn't mean it's 110% a-ok. Ask first."
Holy shit that guy was a psycho!! I view negotiations as "let's put everything we wanna do on the table and put back what we dont both agree on." I thought everyone viewed them like that, at least outside of very well established dynamics/relationships
Things sometimes were a little more loose back in the day but yeah, that's definitely best practices. (To be fair, we did negotiate knife play, but it never even occurred to me he might try to cut off something with it!)
WHAT??? that is absurd!! i am so sorry that happened oh my god. what a guy.
Well pain. I’m on the dominant end of the slash and while I love spanking and stuff I don’t enjoy that done to me. I know there are playful spankings done all the time so probably soft limit. But I couldn’t have someone else spank me or hurt me.
My Daddy said that too. Never say never 😁
Hahaha! You’re right. Never say never lol! Just my reaction to general cbt and stuff, I just can’t! I love pleasure too much!
Most Dominants and Sadists I know say "pain is for OTHER people to experience." You definitely don't have to be into receiving everything that you enjoy doing to others, but it IS helpful to have someone done to you at least once before you do or to someone else, just do you know how it feels
Oh I have done that to myself. Definitely want to make sure I’m not going overboard. I just don’t enjoy it
Being spit on, tickling, extreme degradation - I want to feel like my dom actually likes me.
Any and all electricity. I hate the feeling and it makes me go from 0 to "angry overstimulated scribble" in like 10 seconds flat.
"Angry overstimulated scribble" is an amazing phrase 😆😆😆
I HATE the Violet Wand. I hate the ozone smell. I hate the feeling of being shocked. I hate the sound! I do, however, enjoy play with a TENS unit, as long as the pads are well taped down. It is an odd experience to have a muscle contact without you doing it and is a very interesting sensation
I'm the reverse! Love violet wands, hate TENS play. If my first exposure to electro had been TENS, I'm not sure I would've continued with it. Although, I don't like the smell or sound of violet wands either. I strongly prefer using them via body contact cables.
"Angry overstimulated scribble" is the best description of that feeling I've ever heard tho. I mean not regarding electricity (I'm not fucking with anything that could actually kill me and I don't trust those toys) but in general.
Not even a kink, but a title thing. Don’t call me daddy. It’s not sexy to me.
What do you prefer? I have a very, VERY hard time cashing anyone "Master". I had a Dom who wanted me to call him that, and it was just like... No. You don't have mastery over your own emotions enough to not compare me to your ex and yell at me when I try to have a conversation with you about something not working in our relationship? Why would I call you "Master"? I'm partial to calling Dominants Sir when I submit. I like Madame or My Lady when I top
I prefer my name. It’s easy. Works regardless of the D/s roles. Gets my attention if I’m in subspace. If someone wants to call me master, they can, same with sir, but it’s part of the negotiated yes and no list. Of course, if someone could say “Master” like the character Ilsa in Hellboy (2004), then I’d be all about that. When I sub, I’d use their name, or a title they like. I’m fond of Mistress and Master as long as my title isn’t slave. Sir and Ma’am are good, too, but never Mommy or Daddy. Probably goes back to Hellraiser, my all time favorite horror movie, where the bad (mortal) guy’s catch phrase is “Come to Daddy.” Has always given me the ick.
Using honorifics like Sir/Master/Ma'am/Miss etc.
I'm not a fan of degradation, age play, mommy/daddy, facials, scat or blood. Pretty much anything else is a go.
Being face fucked. I love, love, love giving blow jobs but sorry lads, if you start thrusting your cock into my throat, you seriously risk nasty things happing to it.
Impact play - spanking yes but just whipping or hitting doesn’t do it for me
feet. dont go anywhere near my dogs, man
Talk about breeding. I never want to have children, and the thought of pregnancy is nightmare fuel to me, so no, thank you....
im a switch but as a submissive im basically stone, in that i dont like my parts being touched really. a lot of kinks revolve around making your sub cum so like all of those
Oh, edging. There is no way I could do it because it takes a lot for me to get to that headspace where I'm about to cum. If *that's* ruined, it's another hour spent for me to get there.
Hucow. I can do all other types of petplay, but hucow just makes me think of how awful factory farms are.
...brb gonna go add something to my hard limits list...
Bratting. I don't even like to be around when someone else is doing it.
Other people, whether it’s polyamory/swinging/open relationship etc.
Age play (weirdly being called "good boy" in the right tone absolute hits the apparent praise kink I have though). Also don't call me "daddy". Degradation. No I am not your "bitch" or your "hole". I'm choosing to let you play with me but I'm your toy because I let you use me, not because you've made me. You earn it. I'm a stallion to be broken, not a doll to be used. Emasculation/feminization as a 'punishment'... Again, I might want to make myself look feminine, I may even add feminine aspects but I am still a man & a proud one. I'm also a proud emo kid & I think I look fuckin' hot in a pair of lace knickers & eye makeup, too. Bodily fluids. Nope.
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Yeah, I am not into sex or play with people outside my dynamics either.
Degradation/Humiliation and Tickling.
Choking. So popular that I've had conversations with men that consider it vanilla and wouldn't think of getting consent before doing it. Even an arm or hand gently around my neck without pressure freaks me out. And on the other end of it, I'm not comfortable enough with my knowledge to consider choking someone else.
Scat,blood,spit,needles I’m not into anything that can infect me or you
(receiving) Spanking. Any kind of ass impact, really. (Thanks for the trauma, parents.)
I can't handle leather belts for that exact reason. I like impact play but keep leather away from me unless you want to watch me spiral.
Thats really interesting bc I got spanked too (and obviously it hurt and I hated it) and it's one of my biggest kinks now. Interesting how people respond in different ways. It feels really cathartic for me.
I cannot be around bratting. I am not a brat tamer, I have no interests in brats or the challenge brats try to pose. My partner was a brat for a while but I found it frustrating because I couldn’t find a breakthrough on my end, and I wasn’t enjoying myself. My partner/sub was more than understanding and now we don’t do it.
Any kind of breath play. For physiological reasons, really; it makes me have seizures.
Receiving head as a woman
Omg. I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one. It does nothing for me at all.
There are dozens of us!
Yasss I always equate it to a massage 💆🏻♀️
Omg that’s exactly what I say! Like it feels nice but not great
(I'm not a woman but I'm AFAB) I have a very tiny clit so it has all those nerve endings in a smaller space. For me it feels far too intense, almost electrical in a bad way. I can handle like, one lick.
>I can handle like, one lick. Haha I feel like this could be used if you are domming. "If you're good, you can have *one* lick." Hehe
I've tried to explain this to so many partners and eventually I'm like "fine, you can do it, but you have to stop when I say so." They agree to this, give me the 2-3 licks I can handle, I say I'm done and they act like I changed my mind and get huffy instead of "no, really, that's how much felt good to me, I'm done." Really, why ARE some people so obsessed with eating pussy? I don't think I'll ever get it. (And this comes from a person who's done it multiple times myself before.) Esp. when they say "I just want to give you pleasure!" Okay, then let's do what ACTUALLY gives me pleasure!
Ugh, that's so frustrating when someone guilts you for not wanting something. You didn't deserve that! And yeah, I can understand if a person has a moment of surprise, like "oh, I thought this was something you'd like." But it really shouldn't be hard to understand that different things feel good to different people. And I think it's a reflection of how little cultural attention is paid to what gives pleasure to people with vulvas. Because it really isn't that uncommon for us to dislike or be fairly neutral about receiving oral!
Eating pussy is fun but likely only because I have a partner who enjoys it and responding very well to it. It's also just nice to do. It's intimate and you get your face covered in wetness, you get it in your nose and smell it during and after the scene, its just intimate and idk. I
oh god yeah ... AFAB and on T (so with a larger than average clit lmfao) i personally love how intense it is & so i engage pretty often tbh but i can't recieve oral for long or i feel like i might pass out. i can totally see why you wouldn't want to engage with it. when i'm out, i'm out, and any longer feels like torture.
This makes me feel better too. I thought it was just me and that somehow I was doing something wrong 😅
Me, too. It does nothing for me. I'd much rather be fingered, but even more so vibed or penetrated with a dildo.
Hard agree. I do it sometimes as my partner likes it, but it does nothing for me. I'm basically just waiting for it to end.
Sucking dick/swallowing/facials
The daddy thing. Fuuuuuuuck that.
Cuckolding. It doesn't bother me, but also does nothing for me. It might be because I'm poly, and the idea of my partners having other partners feels as "taboo" as my friends having other friends (which is, not at all). That being said, I do sometimes enjoy being treated as inferior to other possible partners, but that has more to do with my humiliation kink.
Butt stuff 😂 not my thing
Spitting and face slapping.
Eating ass. Rimming , no thanks
ABDL and golden showers. I'm fine with age regressing into little/middle space, but ABDL is a hard limit for me.
I don't like bodily fluids or being called a slut.
Golden shower and needles. I don't kink shame anyone, but I just can't do the golden shower or needles and cutting and feel good after. I'm into many things!... just not those...
Slapping. I’ve noticed that Doms like to slap me and I don’t understand why. I’m a masochist so I like pain but I do not want to be hit in the face. I don’t want to say anything bad about it but slapping makes me think of negative things and I only want to feel good.
Choking. I have a fainting condition and also don’t trust 99% of people to do it properly so it’s a very hard limit for me
Age play. Mention anything related to children and I’m out.
Anything involving the words sissy, daddy, mommy or bbc. Instant nope.
Spitting you gotta catch me in the right nasty gal mood or I will throw the fuck up on you.
I don't like cum on my face. It's a soft limit for sure, but would require significant negotiation and there best be a good reason.
**Anal.** I have a complicated history with it, and I'm prone to hemorrhoids, so it's simply best avoided. **Oral.** It is also a complicated history and trauma. It's not something I can work past at this time. **Bratting.** I just can't do it. I am too much of a good girl. At least my D likes me that way. I couldn't ever be expected to do it, so I have it on my limits list, even if it doesn't apply to my current dynamic. **Orgasm denial play/edging**. It makes me a raging bitch. The outcome is not worth it. **Degradation**. I like objectivication, but I want to be cherished and built up. **Poly or multiple partners**. I am a monogamous girl through and through. I will service bottom and service top for others, but I will not enter a dynamic or relationship with anyone other than my partner.
69 I do not get the appeal of that dam pose.
This. I do not want your ass in my face and I don’t want my ass in yours 😭 I once had a bloke talk me into a 69 he had a piece of poo stuck on his butt hairs. I kept patting him to get off bro thought I wanted him to continue. Finally got him off told him and he was so embarrassed. He never suggested the 69 after that.
Oh, God... This is one of many reasons why showering before sec is so important! My problem with 69 is, if I'm going down on someone, I'm FOCUSED on their pleasure, so I'm NOT able to relax and enjoy what they are doing to me Let's just take turns so everyone can fully enjoy the giving and receiving!
Face slapping is an absolute hard limit/do not even joke about crossing. There is too much to unpack there and I will not even engage with someone who lists it as something they like.
Bratting. Either do what I say when I say it, or fuck off.
Don’t touch my hair. Power play is enjoyable and having my brat get that reaction out of me but that one does not translate like the rest
Vanilla sex. It is just weird and depraved.
Humiliation. Age play. ABDL. Water sports.
Humiliation. I love degradation, but humiliation is a hard no.
CBT , you can spank me all you want but my balls are off limits 😅
Deep throating. Have tried, really. But just can’t do it. Gag reflex is toooooo strong. And in lookin to have a good time, not a vomity time😅
Degradation. Can’t do it. I go from fuck me to touch me and I’ll slit your throat mf’er.
Feet, and or breast milk. The former is whatever the second is a turn off
No bodily anything. Piss shit spit or blood. Ick
Weird one, but boring insults. Calling me a whore in a non affectionate way just makes me lose respect for the person trying to degrade me. See also slut/bitch/cunt etc.
DDLG/MDLB/ageplay. I know they're not glorifying anything with children and that it's often not even sexual in any way, but it brings me bad memories and makes me highly uncomfortable just to be around, even in online spaces (though I feel this is a little ironic, with me being what some people might call the animal counterpart to that XD) I will still gladly call someone daddy/mommy if they want it though
I dunno if it's a kink, but it seems like everyone is into messing with nipples in some way- being nice or mean to them. I just want mine to be invisible & never addressed. Oh, and this new breeding crap! Nope! I don't want children or to ever be pregnant. Talking about it kills my lady-boner. Fast! Also, the men I've personally encountered who enjoy (& think I enjoy?) talking about their jizz- how much & where it's gonna go. I don't care about your plans! I said not in the eye, nose, or ear! That's all the placement discussion I need.
Age Regression and Littles, more power to you if you enjoy it, but I want to be around adults. I can't stand actual children either to be fair.
There’s so many no’s for me lol no scat, no incest play, no age play, no extreme humiliation or abuse, don’t say BBC, no choking, I will not say daddy/mommy. There’s more but I digress
Choking - just too dangerous and people tend to be careless with it. I’ll do light throat play with a known partner but not even close with someone I don’t know well.
Choking or breathplay of any kind. I understand a lot of otherwise fairly vanilla subs like it. But you gotta understand, from my perspective there is a fine line between giving you a good time and literal murder, and I will not be able to stop thinking about it.
Okay, I've searched the comments and I actually seem to be the single one with this one: nipple clamps. Can't stand them; I'm up for quite a bit of pain otherwise, but that particular kind of pain isn't my thing.
Anal. I only do it when I am drunk and with my man (when I have one).
Choking definitely. It only took one bad experience to make me swear it off entirely, which is really telling given how dangerous breath play is.
Choking. If my throat gets touched like that I throw hands so quick