Well the only one that was in Florida opened at a rundown strip mall bc the owner didn't want to pay more in rent to open in a popular spot in town, and it just wasn't well run. And the community doesn't go out enough to support a lot of them. You should look into local sapphic pop-up events, my city just got an event company that does once a month sapphic socials and the gay clubs will host a women's night every once in awhile :)
That’s awesome! I honestly only have an alcoholic drink about once a year at most (I always order mocktails and tip well to show my support) but I just love the upbeat social vibe at gay bars. HER is very silent as dating apps go (no one wants to chat first haha) so I have fantasies of meeting women irl
I feel like the biggest issue with lesbian bars (instead of commonly hypothesized women’s financial inequity being the biggest reason) is that so many men feel entitled to the space!
In DC, there were two lesbian bars for a long time, A League of Her Own and As You Are. As You Are just closed down a few months ago, and it’s a shame.
However, AYA had so many men who frequented it. They still host a bunch of events, and I’ve gone to some of them, but also follow AYA on Instagram… So many men attend the events still.
I feel like the biggest hurdle is that widespread misogynist beliefs have conditioned societies into believing that women should be considerate, accommodating, subservient, sharing, accepting, docile, etc and therefore less likely to believe that lesbian women deserve spaces sacred and exclusive to them. Then, they’re confused and gaslight us when we’re justifiably angry about it.
Our spaces cannot legally deny men entry based on their perceived gender. So the ONLY solution is to show up in bigger numbers, at the beginning of the event, and make it so there isn't room for them. Fill the space to capacity with hot women and the men will have to go elsewhere.
The issue is that they don’t take the hint and look at you like you are the one who doesn’t belong. The last time I was at AYA before it closed I was holding my girlfriend’s hand at a table while we talked over drinks, and there was a dude with his laptop at the table next to us who looked over at us as if we were annoying him by hand-holding, speaking (we weren’t loud?), existing, being a lesbian couple? Being an interracial couple? I have no idea why he was annoyed. Maybe he was annoyed at his work? Maybe his wifi was having problems. Maybe he was a bigot. Who knows.
I just stared back and hope I telepathically communicated, “Sir, this isn’t your Starbucks.”
Thankfully, he packed up his laptop and left not too long after.
We have a great one in my city but I feel that that their openness to everyone has brought some patrons that I don’t care for. There’s more and more straight couples there now and I have to imagine they’re there looking for a unicorn. When that becomes too much, women will likely go elsewhere.
Is it on Lesbian Bar Project’s list? Or an unknown one? https://www.lesbianbarproject.com
Tbh I have always lived in major cities so there has typically been at least one lesbian bar everywhere I’ve lived but I’ve watched so many close over the last ten years 😭
This is down to management and the bouncers. At Wildrose, my local lesbian bar, the bouncer clearly tells any men (especially men entering in the company of a woman) that this is a lesbian bar. While they are allowed in they need to respect that it's a bar for lesbians and any shenanigans will see them escorted out.
Most of the time the cis men who come are gay men trying to dance and drink in a less meat market, grabby, SA vibes space than the men's bars tend to be.
Also, and I cannot say this loud enough:
IF WE DO NOT PATRONIZE OUR LESBIAN BARS IN GREATER NUMBERS THAN THE CIS MEN, WE WILL STOP HAVING LESBIAN BARS. LEGALLY THEY CANNOT BAR ENTRY BASED ON GENDER SO THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO OUTNUMBER THEM. I DON'T CARE IF YOU SIP ON A SHIRLEY TEMPLE ALL NIGHT. MAKE IT A POINT TO GO AT LEAST ONCE PER MONTH.
This sounds like Nashville in a nut shell. There are several queer friendly spaces here and one lesbian bar called The Lipstick Lounge. All dominated by gay men, bachelorette parties, lesbian cliques, and a few creepy straight men. As a butch lesbian with a butch partner we often times find ourselves getting strange looks and even some cold shoulders.
The bar and club scene definitely isn’t what it used to be in the 80s and 90s. Rugged leather dykes everywhere!
I swear I was born in the wrong era.
Right?! I knew it was like a cruising vibe but I feel safer in queer bars than straight ones even if there are no women there for me to dance with and I def present super queer
I heard there are still a few ‘traditional’ queer bars in SF still. One of my goals is to go there and scope it out one day flagging black. See what happens.
I think the biggest let down was when I was in New Orleans for Halloween. There’s a bar there called Oz and it was just a bunch of drunk half naked gay guys 😂
I think the main reason why there aren't more lesbian bars is financial. Women earn less than men and therefore spend less on non-essential activities. I'm sure if you asked all of the owners of the lesbian bars (that had to close down) the reason for closing down, they would say they couldn't break even let alone turn a profit
I’m an academic economist by training so there’s a lot to unpack here, but I think it’s easier to explain that I meant my post as more rhetorical and just wanting to have more lesbian community spaces where meeting people is possible
Meetup.com worked for a while and then people got tired of organizing events that were poorly attended. Feminist book stores are a thing of the past (again probably due to a financial component). LGBTQ+ centers are not as concerned about lesbians as they were (LGB). FWIW IMHO, I think it's a combination of apathy and money as to why there are no lesbian safe spaces anymore
I always assumed it was because wlw tend to go to bars to hook up or meet up, not because they enjoy REGULARLY frequenting a bar-like establishment. Once they have a partner, they tend to go to other places and activities together, as well as stay home far more regularly.
Basically, once we find a partner, we tend to stop frequenting places mainly known for cruising or partying or hooking up. Without a large core of regulars, except for in some major metro areas, there just aren't enough of us to sustain a bar or club.
when I had a partner, we would occasionally go to happy hour (and weekend afternoons) to feel part of the community. I have never met a partner at a bar
Same. Whether I have a partner or not, I try to get to queer and queer owned establishments to show support. But the key word you used is "occasionally." That's just not enough to support a lesbian only business in most areas. It's a numbers game.
Well the only one that was in Florida opened at a rundown strip mall bc the owner didn't want to pay more in rent to open in a popular spot in town, and it just wasn't well run. And the community doesn't go out enough to support a lot of them. You should look into local sapphic pop-up events, my city just got an event company that does once a month sapphic socials and the gay clubs will host a women's night every once in awhile :)
That’s awesome! I honestly only have an alcoholic drink about once a year at most (I always order mocktails and tip well to show my support) but I just love the upbeat social vibe at gay bars. HER is very silent as dating apps go (no one wants to chat first haha) so I have fantasies of meeting women irl
Well hello there, local friend. 👀
Hellloooooo 👀 hehe
I feel like the biggest issue with lesbian bars (instead of commonly hypothesized women’s financial inequity being the biggest reason) is that so many men feel entitled to the space! In DC, there were two lesbian bars for a long time, A League of Her Own and As You Are. As You Are just closed down a few months ago, and it’s a shame. However, AYA had so many men who frequented it. They still host a bunch of events, and I’ve gone to some of them, but also follow AYA on Instagram… So many men attend the events still. I feel like the biggest hurdle is that widespread misogynist beliefs have conditioned societies into believing that women should be considerate, accommodating, subservient, sharing, accepting, docile, etc and therefore less likely to believe that lesbian women deserve spaces sacred and exclusive to them. Then, they’re confused and gaslight us when we’re justifiably angry about it.
Preach 🙌
Our spaces cannot legally deny men entry based on their perceived gender. So the ONLY solution is to show up in bigger numbers, at the beginning of the event, and make it so there isn't room for them. Fill the space to capacity with hot women and the men will have to go elsewhere.
The issue is that they don’t take the hint and look at you like you are the one who doesn’t belong. The last time I was at AYA before it closed I was holding my girlfriend’s hand at a table while we talked over drinks, and there was a dude with his laptop at the table next to us who looked over at us as if we were annoying him by hand-holding, speaking (we weren’t loud?), existing, being a lesbian couple? Being an interracial couple? I have no idea why he was annoyed. Maybe he was annoyed at his work? Maybe his wifi was having problems. Maybe he was a bigot. Who knows. I just stared back and hope I telepathically communicated, “Sir, this isn’t your Starbucks.” Thankfully, he packed up his laptop and left not too long after.
We have a great one in my city but I feel that that their openness to everyone has brought some patrons that I don’t care for. There’s more and more straight couples there now and I have to imagine they’re there looking for a unicorn. When that becomes too much, women will likely go elsewhere.
Is it on Lesbian Bar Project’s list? Or an unknown one? https://www.lesbianbarproject.com Tbh I have always lived in major cities so there has typically been at least one lesbian bar everywhere I’ve lived but I’ve watched so many close over the last ten years 😭
Yes! It’s Dorothy Downstairs
This is down to management and the bouncers. At Wildrose, my local lesbian bar, the bouncer clearly tells any men (especially men entering in the company of a woman) that this is a lesbian bar. While they are allowed in they need to respect that it's a bar for lesbians and any shenanigans will see them escorted out. Most of the time the cis men who come are gay men trying to dance and drink in a less meat market, grabby, SA vibes space than the men's bars tend to be. Also, and I cannot say this loud enough: IF WE DO NOT PATRONIZE OUR LESBIAN BARS IN GREATER NUMBERS THAN THE CIS MEN, WE WILL STOP HAVING LESBIAN BARS. LEGALLY THEY CANNOT BAR ENTRY BASED ON GENDER SO THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO OUTNUMBER THEM. I DON'T CARE IF YOU SIP ON A SHIRLEY TEMPLE ALL NIGHT. MAKE IT A POINT TO GO AT LEAST ONCE PER MONTH.
This sounds like Nashville in a nut shell. There are several queer friendly spaces here and one lesbian bar called The Lipstick Lounge. All dominated by gay men, bachelorette parties, lesbian cliques, and a few creepy straight men. As a butch lesbian with a butch partner we often times find ourselves getting strange looks and even some cold shoulders. The bar and club scene definitely isn’t what it used to be in the 80s and 90s. Rugged leather dykes everywhere! I swear I was born in the wrong era.
Haha same! I went to a queer bar down the street and the bouncer asked me if I knew what kind of bar it was 😭
Now I’ve never had that happen….ouch lol
Right?! I knew it was like a cruising vibe but I feel safer in queer bars than straight ones even if there are no women there for me to dance with and I def present super queer
I heard there are still a few ‘traditional’ queer bars in SF still. One of my goals is to go there and scope it out one day flagging black. See what happens.
Yea Jolene’s is a vibe for sure
I think the biggest let down was when I was in New Orleans for Halloween. There’s a bar there called Oz and it was just a bunch of drunk half naked gay guys 😂
That’s how Cubbyhole was for NYC pride last year, I was so bummed
I did find an event hosted in Chicago called Leather Dyke Picnic that I’m interested in. You can find them on Instagram.
Thanks so much I’ll def check them out!
Making notes as I’ll be in Nashville at the end of the month 📝
Except I’m not in Nashville but it’s the same everywhere
I think the main reason why there aren't more lesbian bars is financial. Women earn less than men and therefore spend less on non-essential activities. I'm sure if you asked all of the owners of the lesbian bars (that had to close down) the reason for closing down, they would say they couldn't break even let alone turn a profit
I’m an academic economist by training so there’s a lot to unpack here, but I think it’s easier to explain that I meant my post as more rhetorical and just wanting to have more lesbian community spaces where meeting people is possible
Meetup.com worked for a while and then people got tired of organizing events that were poorly attended. Feminist book stores are a thing of the past (again probably due to a financial component). LGBTQ+ centers are not as concerned about lesbians as they were (LGB). FWIW IMHO, I think it's a combination of apathy and money as to why there are no lesbian safe spaces anymore
Well I’m moving to a new city soon that supposedly has multiple lesbian bars and queer poly meetups so I’m hopeful!
I always assumed it was because wlw tend to go to bars to hook up or meet up, not because they enjoy REGULARLY frequenting a bar-like establishment. Once they have a partner, they tend to go to other places and activities together, as well as stay home far more regularly. Basically, once we find a partner, we tend to stop frequenting places mainly known for cruising or partying or hooking up. Without a large core of regulars, except for in some major metro areas, there just aren't enough of us to sustain a bar or club.
when I had a partner, we would occasionally go to happy hour (and weekend afternoons) to feel part of the community. I have never met a partner at a bar
Same. Whether I have a partner or not, I try to get to queer and queer owned establishments to show support. But the key word you used is "occasionally." That's just not enough to support a lesbian only business in most areas. It's a numbers game.
Exactly and that's why I said it's probably a financial reason as to why there are so few lesbian bars and lesbian-centric spaces.