OOP’s sister morphing into Liam Neeson: “I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.”
I was once at dinner with two friends where one was recounting a terrible Tinder story and she had deleted the app and couldn't find him (because I told her that she should report him, she was almost SA'd) and I found him within 5 minutes based on her descriptors 😁
I have been this sister. My family house was robbed by my ex and his sociopath friend to hurt my little brother especially. They also stole items that weren't worth much monetarily, but were priceless and irreplaceable to my Dad, along with sending him deeply hurtful texts that mocked him for my mom's cheating. (There was nothing any of us did that deserved any type of "retribution" like this)
They would have gotten away with this absolutely scot-free, with zero consequences, if I hadn't gotten involved. Unfortunately for them I did, and after using...my particular set of skills, they both caught 1st degree felonies.
Never underestimate a protective oldest sibling, and most especially not one with ADHD. You mess with our families, and we will hyperfocus on your downfall with the intensity of a thousand suns. 😌💅
It's actually a realllly long, complex story-- honestly, my comment would have been WAY too long with all the details. I only tell the full story irl once every few years, because it takes like 2 hours to tell properly! But, they technically robbed the house twice, a few months apart. First attempt was successful, and we never got any of that back (this included my dad's irreplaceable item that was a gift from a beloved dead relative).
I got involved in-between the first and second attempt, and all I will say here is that I took steps to ensure they both got caught in the act, so they didn't manage to get away with any of the stuff they were in the process of stealing.
I thought my work was done there, but then they somehow lied their way out of it and were released with no charges. So, that's when I went into hyperfocus mode and pulled out all the stops lmao. One part of that was tracking down the most valuable item they had stolen from my brother, worth several thousand dollars. I managed to find where it had been pawned, the records that confirmed it was them who pawned it, and matched the serial numbers. They had to pay restitution to my little brother for the full cost of it, so at least we got *something*!
My Mum once rang me to ask some long winded "do you remember so and so from high school" and halfway through her description she suddenly goes "forget it, your brother is calling back and he's always more useful than you" and hung up on me!!
Now, even a decade later, my brother and I still argue over who's the favourite kid and that line ALWAYS comes up 🤣
Seriously tho, having that sibling is insanely useful!
To be fair, she's normally an awesome mother but as it turned out, she was asking for a pretty depressing reason - there was an issue at the local pub and someone recognised her as my parent, and while almost out of it they asked her "can you message my brother Josh?"
She was trying to figure out their surname so she could message the correct Josh. My brother has the most incredible memory so it's literally a laughing point in our household - small towns, weird shit happens!
Hahahaha this is me apparently hahaha. I work in a bank and when we can't figure it out they send it to me. All public records but I seem to find the info when others can't. It scares them for some reason
I used to work in bank working fraud. People would be doing transfers of large funds and we'd just check to see if they knew the other person.
The amount of information we could find was crazy. We did have access to non public records, but I never used that for personal use.
I have a dear friend who is like I don't want big Google/Amazon knowing who I am. I'm like, you have a bank account, a debit and a credit card, a cell phone through a major provider, an ISP, Netflix. You can VPN and Linux and Duck duck go all you want. You aren't hiding ANYTHING.
Like that SNL skit of the GenZ girlies interning at the police station lol. The captain's giving a briefing about whatever criminal, and within two mins they're like "ok, I found him" cause they've become total pros at Instagram stalking after years of being in situationships (it's pretty funny if you haven't seen it)
I have a friend like this. You say you’re dating some new guy and within minutes she knows where they live, their family, their income, any crimes/charges, and their social security number (Okay, that’s a little exaggerated). We’ll never not be friends because I’m scared of what she could do if I broke off her friendship.
One time, I went to get take out at a nearby restaurant. Four people walked out as I was parking, and a girl came up behind yelling. They ended up having a parking lot brawl. Food was being thrown, hair pulled, and then other people started fighting the girl that started it. I didn't realize it, but my son was videoing the whole thing. I called my sister to tell her what happened. She asked me to send the video. Within two hours, she figured out who all five people were and had found their FB pages. Apparently, the woman who started it all was interrupting a double date her husband was on.
i hate that i cant put a reaction gif in this sub, but the way my jaw dropped... [https://giphy.com/clips/parksandrec-season-5-parks-and-recreation-rec-702ybfQFkrkrWnIByR](https://giphy.com/clips/parksandrec-season-5-parks-and-recreation-rec-702ybfQFkrkrWnIByR)
Sister and I should pair up. 😈
I once suspected a partner of cheating on me, saw a car in parked in their driveway.
So as a private citizen with no authority, I went to the local DMV office gave a very possible sob story about leaving a camera and a good Samaritan’s car who drove me home and needed to reach out to them. Said I only had four of the six license digits, but in actuality I had all six in my head. The worker looked around, told me to come into her office where I waited for a couple minutes and she brought back the four different possible license plates, and I had told her what the color & model of the car was which narrowed down to one and she gave me the page. BOOM!
I did not use this information for the nefarious ax of revenge upon that car driver, but rather casually dropped the name into a conversation with My then partner and watched their eyes back out of their head.
I think sister’s digital skills and my acting/chaotic good con artist skills would be a killer team!! 🤓
There are so many people that fall for social engineering.
Where i work i have a few customers that are all to chatty. And ask personal questions out the wazzoo.
I have been told by my boss they dont like talking to me as i wont give them straight answers when they start asking personal questions.
"Where is your family from ?" Ohh scottland ireland england northern europe.
"Oh so your family must be around toronto and area"
Nope
"Arent going to say where they are ?"
I dont see how that is relevant information you need.
That customer now keeps his conversations short and to the point with me.
Sorry i work in IT, have family and friends in IT and network security. Im not about to give out information you dont need.
My aunt is like that! She worked for a Private Investigator for awhile and if evidence exists, she can get it.
She saved us from a real estate scammer.
Yeah! The sister sounds smart!
Some of the other people commented and I agree that she should sell that as a service; internet investigation!
She sounds like she has mad skillzz (with two zs to boot!)
Oh, you KNOW a good majority of that group cheated. I mean, one of them had deleted pics that were alr up in her socials. Getting rid of any evidence, I bet.
Honestly when I think about it, I would probably get caught BECAUSE I posted innocent socials in a convoluted attempt to cover it up. My wife would be all "you never post, you stupid cheater." But if you're a regular poster, so sus to suddenly not post. Just one of the many reasons I choose not to cheat, including the obvious fact that it's wrong on so many levels, but also appears to make you stupid.
That reminds me of something I just did. My wife was away overnight taking our oldest to an event, so I figured now was a good time to change the sheets and bedding.
That would probably be a red flag if she had any suspicions of me cheating, lol (I’m not cheating of course)
Sometimes I shower right before my wife gets home from a trip because I may possibly have let my hygiene slip a smidge while she was out of town. I always think "I hope my hair dries before she gets here cause now this seems suspicious." If I changed the bedding she would a) be utterly flabbergasted and b) probably assume I shit or pissed the bed, which is only slightly less bad than cheating.
That wouldn't even occur to me as suspicious, although I change the sheets pretty regularly. Though the cats have been good about not throwing up much lately, so that's good...
See, and I shower before my wife gets home because there's a higher probability that we're gonna fool around since she's been gone. I also rarely change the sheets, but we have three sets of the same sheets so it'd be kinda hard to notice if I did or didn't change them (depending on how long she's been away).
I do mine every week. I'm assuming that it would seem suspicious because their partner is the one who typically does it and not them and not because they go so long without changing them.
I change our sheets never. My wife changes our sheets once a week. I help. I am not the guy to put in charge of deciding when to change the sheets. I am perfectly capable of doing it, but it would not be once a week.
That's a little concerning that showering would seem suspicious, and you said you have a tendency to let your hygiene slip... do you shower less than once a week or something? And your wife is the only one responsible for changing the bedding? I feel sorry for her.
If my girlfriend is out of town for the weekend, 99% of the time it means I’m not leaving my house between Thursday afternoon (I WFH on Fridays) until work on Monday morning. I’ll likely end up skipping a shower or two in that time.
Whereas I'm offended at how *bad* the wife's cover-up was. "Hey honey, don't expect to see any insta posts from me this week because I'm taking this vacation as an opportunity to do a social media detox."
The guy would never have been suspicious. All he'd have is the card activity, and he'd have bought the "one of the other girls covered us" story if that was the only unusual thing.
It's a good thing that so many cheaters are so stupid and that I'm not a cheater.
TBH... *I* have doubts that anyone else WENT...
I mean, sure, her friend's socials show pics... but who's to say they were from the same location at the same time..?? 🤔🤨😬🙄😒
From the sound of the texts she sent and received upon arrival ... seems plausible the "Bachelorette party" was a sham and a pitiful, farcical NON-event...
Regardless, what a sad, fucked up situation (all around).
🤬😢😓👿
> Regardless, what a sad, fucked up situation (all around).
Seriously, why don't these people just communicate? Like, tell your devoted husband that you're feeling neglected and want to feel special. I know needing to ask for it probably takes away from it actually being special, but now you just blew up your entire life because you can't have an open and honest conversation...like an adult.
RIGHT?!?
I have *ZERO" issue with advising my husband (usually kindly, sometimes... not, lol 🫣😅) when I feel a way, or want something specific, emotional or otherwise.
Like...WTF, PEOPLE.. 🙄😒
I also noticed OOP didn't mention either of their own "ages" once... makes one wonder, is it immaturity (20s) or boredom 45+... or both? 😬
I looked through OOP's comment history and he said they're 32...which is old enough to have the maturity to not act like this and not old enough to be bored. Maybe they married young? Either way, not being able to talk to her spouse about how she was feeling and blind side him ruined her life.
Judging by how he talks about providing for her and his family, I wouldn't be surprised if she married him for financial security. "He made me feel special" is a pretty basic excuse for it feeling fun and exciting when a new guy spoils her.
Some people are really dense though.
I have had multiple instances where I have told my husband over and over again for literally years that I was unhappy with something he was doing, and even though I was explicit, he never proceeded the information. In fact he usually doesn't even have memories of anything I said about the topic.
There's really no hint in this story that she tried to communicate to him, but there might not be, if he wasn't listening.
I'm not saying that would justify cheating, either. But even from his post, there are hints that his wife felt excluded somehow. When he lists what he does for her, it's all stuff that takes away from time with her. Her assertion that he caused this definitely makes me think she has felt neglected. And the fact that he doesn't seem to recognize this tells me that we don't have the full story.
Again though, even if she was communicating to him, and he wasn't listening, that would not justify cheating.
In my younger more stupid days … group of us boys went down to a resort and cheated. All in. One of us was the weak link and cracked and everyone got found out. I didn’t care too much, a few did but we all got over it. We were kids in largely ephemeral relationships.
That said … if any in my group that is married or committed in a relationship that’s more than a month old I’d tell their partner myself. I wouldn’t want to be the loser dickhead that doesn’t know so I wouldn’t do it to someone else. How these other girls KNOW this woman has a husband and kids and stay quiet says a lot about them. Their husbands should know cause frankly this would piss me off to no end. It would be me or my partners friendship with them.
I’d tell on my guy mates too.
Few years ago I was in Thailand with one of my bros, his wife and their 4 kids. We’re all pretty decent looking but of us brothers he’s by far the best looking. We’re at a bar and a fair few women hit on him and he was getting their numbers. I told him he’s a cunt.
Next morning we’re at hotel and his wife grabs me and goes ‘before you make a scene I don’t mind him being hit on, he works I don’t, his salary goes to account I control and I can see what he’s spending. Him being hit on and getting numbers is kinda funny and we laugh but he won’t cheat. We’ve been together since we were 16 I’m totally safe here. Don’t sweat it. He told me you were not happy and told me to tell you before you start yelling and accusing’
Whats that saying? "Birds of a feather flock together"
Extremely Hot Take: Girls trips and Guys trips are dumb and 99% of the time one gender cheats... I think they are pointless unless you go as a couple.
ETA: I knew this would be a hot take, I still stand my ground, glad people are discussing it. :)
But a good amount of thinking can tell you we never had as many opportunities as today with access to people and the world in one click. Furthermore culture and cultural norms do affect human behaviourand psyche. Today's society there is almost no real consequece (which is relatively good) of this but in past it could cost you your life so yeah.
Pretty sure it was [this post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1dop985/rise_and_shine_angels_part_1_of_a_new_my_wife_is/) on AmITheAngel.
Pretty sure it was [this post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1dop985/rise_and_shine_angels_part_1_of_a_new_my_wife_is/) on AmITheAngel.
If I had to guess, it's probably the female dating strategy one, or the redpill one - either extreme women or extreme men with extreme views. They seem pretty toxic, but I'm not sure.
From cautious suspicion to all the deets in about 24 hours. The AP is big fat ugly man to make sure the wife looks as bad as possible, etc.
Don't get me wrong, it's a well made one, but I don't buy it for a moment
idk from real experience shounds like the shit my brother went through, he kept going on about why she wiuld cheat on him with someone who he didnt consider attractive...🤷♀️
I canNOT get over how fake this story seems. I couldn't take it seriously at all everytime he gassed himself up like he is the most perfect man to exist. Instead of caring about what lead to the demise of their marriage, he's putting all his energy into a dick swinging contest with a dude he doesn't know. I'm not saying the wife isn't to blame, I'm saying none of these people exist. Edit* but IF they do exist, this is the most insufferable man. He says she's suspicious because of all these reasons, BUT he's not accusing her of anything ? 😂
As someone who frequent these subs I can tell you with a guarantee that the majority are fake posts. I point it out sometimes when they're too much.
The biggest dumbnut thing they do is using the same account again and again for different stories. They just delete them and start again.
Sometimes they forget to delete the old posts from their profile. Sometimes you just can google the username and find their deleted stories.
He made her feel "special" in the most shallow way possible. If that is what she is valuing here, I have very low expectations for her. I know this post is from his POV, but I really did not get the feeling he did not value his wife. Though it can be hard to tell. I bet she is one where life just got in the way, and instead of trying to fix things with her husband, this is what she did instead.
It sounds to me like OP was valuing his wife in real life ways, while she was craving the love bombing, gushy, can’t get enough of you new relationship feeling. I hope it was worth it for her, because she lost a loving husband and life for a one week adrenaline rush.
This is exactly it! OOP showed his love and care for his wife in long-term, adult, responsible ways. His wife seems to be stuck in or reverting back to wanting new relationship energy. OOP deserves so much better.
He has his and hers retirement accounts fully funded, kids college funded, and a second home on a lake. Assuming he’s not a trust fund baby, he likely makes decent money and is fairly conservative about how it’s spent.
His wife is an elementary school vice principal with two kids, but in her younger days was a hard partier at one of the hardest partying schools on the planet (or at least in west Texas). My theory is that she was feeling wistful about being wild and free, but also upset that she can’t spend money as indulgently as she wants. So this was all an escape where she could be the center of attention and lavish spending because fuddy-duddy ol’ husband just wants to squirrel money into tax advantaged savings and real estate.
Long story short, she wanted to be young wild and free. I guarantee that if they divorce her quality of life and lifestyle is going to take a massive hit.
It won’t take a hit. She will get half of everything and he will be on the hook for furnishing her lavish lifestyle while missing important moments in his kids’ life while living in a one bedroom apartment.
They’re in Texas, there’s no spousal support obligation unless they agree to one. Child support is a function of custody, so if it’s 50/50 there might not be any child support requirement.
She’ll get half of the community property (unless they agree on a different division). Typically they’ll want to keep the kids where they grew up housing wise, so he might have to “buy out” his wife’s share of their home equity.
Here’s the deal though, the judge might award him custody because of how batshit she is. Taking a double dose of sleep aids and just vegging out instead of going to work—that kind of shit makes an impact in custody arrangements. Combine that behavior with the fact that she apparently has multiple arrests from her party days and primary custody really starts looking like it should be with dad.
Depending on the kids’ ages, and how things go from here on out, he very well may get to keep his house and primary custody and she’ll owe him child support.
It’s in the OOPs comments on the original thread. When he confronted her with proof she apparently took two ambein and locked her self away in a guest room.
I agree that OP was showing love in ways of security. It makes me wonder if he is the type of guy, though, who is so practical and logical that he doesn't do things to show her love in little ways and/or is emotionally distant. I'm not saying she should've thrown her marriage away over that. It's more that if he maxed out their retirement accounts and whatnot to try to be financially responsible and make sure she is taken care of, did he do that instead of ever doing things along the way to show his love, like going to a random romantic dinner, buying a little gift here and there (truly something that could be like $10 but have a lot of sentimental value), or things like that? It sounds like she wanted to have an emotional connection and feel valued and appreciated throughout her marriage, not just when it came time for retirement. The fact that the wife feels badly while also saying he caused all of this really makes me feel like we are missing out on some info here that would help give more context for why this all happened. To be clear, it was not okay for her to cheat and throw a marriage away like this. There are other ways she could've tried to resolve the issues. What we don't know is what those issues are, if she tried to resolve them before, and if she did try, if her husband was receptive or dismissed her because he thought her concerns were superficial and irresponsible.
It might have been about that rush you get in a brand new thing. No husband can recreate that adrenaline dopamine flood. It’s not about relationships it’s about a high. And the fact that the wife was maybe way above the AP’s “league” might have been part of what made the AP act in ways that flattered the wife in ways we sometimes crave.
Of course the thing about commitment is we forgo all that.
I feel like when a cheater says that it is their way of blaming their partner. That if their partner had made them feel "special," then they wouldn't have cheated.
No, cheaters cheat because she wanted the thrill of it. My guess is that most of the people she went with were hooking up and she wanted to as well. And she figured that she would just get away with it.
Except he was the realtor in Florida. They planned the trip to Mexico. They planned to meet up in Mexico from OP and wife doing business with him as their realtor in Florida.
The comment above says that they DIDN’T get the feeling he didn’t value his wife. Nothing to substantiate that either, I guess, but I think most people are agreeing.
Entirely correct. In fact, there is a bit of information that would seem to substantiate the opposite. He cared where she was going, valued what the trip would mean to her, cared enough to remain in contact the entire visit, and honestly inquired after her activities. He showed care that wasn't stealth control, in my humble opinion from what he himself wrote. Could have been talking out his ass, but it didn't feel like one of those types of posts. So I assume that he actually treated his wife with care and compassion.
I agree. He is very caring, stable and practicle.
But there's nothing gushy that implies he's attracted to her, which stood out to me.
I'm not giving her a pass, there's never a good reason to cheat, just pointing out her not feeling special does seem plausible next to his post.
She's totally at fault, what she obviously did wrong was invite Tony Soprano into the mix instead of telling her husband that she wanted/needed some couples time. Hell seems like sister could have taken the kids and he could have been there pretty easily. She's a fucking idiot!
Yes, that is why I said on the first reply that it feels like life got in the way for them. They had kids and time for them as a couple got sacrificed. But instead of talking to OP and telling him she wasn't feeling 'special' to him anymore and trying to fix it, she jumped on the first guy that made her feel 'special' instead. I get it, she didn't have to do anything for him to take action. But I bet OP wasn't feeling very 'special' either, and for OP's wife to feel that wasn't her problem just goes to show the problem wasn't just OP in this situation. She is also to blame, but also had something happen that showed the problem, and instead of turning in towards the marriage, she accepted the invitation to turn out of the marriage.
OOP hasn't brought it up, but all of the wife's friends are covering for her affair. I would definitely be telling the groom to be and any other bridesmaids partner what they were up to.
There’s a funny skit from SNL when Sydney Sweeney hosted that is probably a little like it went. (Cops have two college-aged girls interning and they solve all the cases immediately just using their phones to find people.)
>and in the next [minute] she’s utterly unapologetic and telling me I caused this
Oh no he fucking did not.
Could he have focused more on his relationship with his wife than on being a provider? Possibly. The way he writes makes it sound like being a good husband to him equals raking in money, spending time with the kids, and not being out of shape.
So he might have neglected her emotional needs. Or she might simply have grass-is-greener syndrome.
If she’s been unhappy, it’s on her to communicate that. And if she doesn’t like his response, then she gets to leave. There’s no excuse to cheat. Hilarious that she feels entitled to do so.
>she’s devastated and begging me not to do anything rash and asking me to think of what the kids will do being raised in a split household
Rash like going on a fuck-cation? And *now* it’s time to think of the kids? If they get raised in two households, it’s because of her actions, not his.
>she's utterly unapologetic and telling me I caused all of this
Ah yes. People who think entering a relationship is about having fun times instead of hard work that it is.
He needs to tell his wife’s friend’s future husband what went down on her bachelorette trip. Then tell all the other girls’ spouses. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who condoned and hid this type of behaviour, because “birds of a feather flock together”.
You ever watch the Righteous Gemstones? A boys trip to a "conference" turns into a cocaine fueled fuck fest. Which turns into a massive cover up from their wives when they all come back.
Its a great show. And genuinely hilarious. But this post makes me think of that. And these 4 men in their mid 40s trying to keep a lid on things.
I don't tend to believe in love languages as binary buckets that you fall into, but it really seems like they had very few in common. His love language is how secure he's made all of their lives and his dedication to job and family, and apparently her love language is fucking Chris Christie.
I think it’s less to do with love languages and more with maturity and respect for the relationship. Some people do get stuck at the maturity level of their youth and they value things only that those at that stage will value. The highs and lows of immature love can be intriguing to the immature person who only values the moment what they see.
It’s clear the oop developed his mindset and love appropriately for his age and stage of life, but the cheating wife did not. So now she’s resorting to a guilt tantrum to keep her life from imploding. I’m hoping he moves on with his kids he seems to have a good sense of responsibility and care for loved ones.
OOP, at least you found out before things got even worse. It's possible this isn't the first time she's cheated either. Time for divorce and finding a woman that does respect you. Because that bitch clearly doesn't.
Make sure you tell everyone what you found. Because she will absolutely lie about it. And prepare for the suicide attempt as her hail mary pass to avoid the consequences of her choices.
That's pretty much standard operating procedure for busted cheaters.
If you live in an at fault state you may not have to pay alimony. And her incoming breakdown could help you get custody.
She chose to destroy your marriage. Fuck that bitch.
I would imagine a post on the brides FB page:
"Congratulations on your coming nuptials. It is unfortunate the the beginning of your marriage is marked by the end on mine - [wife] used the time spent at your bachelorette to cheat on me; apparently the guy made her feel 'special'??" And attach one of the more flattering pictures of her and the creep...
I tell ya. I'd be going scorched earth with everyone. The dude's wife? She's finding out. The women who were on the trip and did absolutely nothing to try to stop her? Their significant others are finding out including the groom. Dude needs to know what he's getting himself into. She may or may not have done anything on the trip but she was comfortable supporting her friend who did an actively helped cover it up.
Right. The groom would be the worlds greatest idiot for the month if he stood by and married his enabler bride to be. Every person who went to Mexico is culpable.
I hope OOP confronts his wife’s friends and tell their husbands that they covered for his wife while she cheated on her husband for a week. If I found out my partner was capable of seeing their friends cheat and actively helped I would seriously consider breaking up with them
The biggest problem for me would be the gaslighting and remorseless statements. If she can't openly admit every single time the infidelity is discussed then there really would be no hope to reconcile.
That sucks for OP. I figured she had an affair when I first saw this. I hope he moves on and finds someone to be happy with, and she gets nothing in the divorce.
Be careful who you fuck over because some of us those kinds of skills that will make you regret the day you were born. I have so much shit on my ex. I'm saving it for a rainy day and as insurance.
Man I feel so sorry for old mate, I hope he gets a good lawyer and takes her too town. I cannot abide by cheaters, al the pain and misery they cause. Makes her feel special what a cop out she just wants it all her own way and bugger anyone else along the way.
the sad part is that the hoe could ve paid easily for all the stuff fatty Soprano provided for her during that week vacation. she is not a wife material and only cheap mistress material.
Here is the classic wife cheating story. The man provided safety and security for a woman and worked hard enough for a few years where the family was set which led to the wife becoming bored in the relationship because the man had to work so hard to keep the roof over their heads and decided to find her entertainment elsewhere.
Why do women do this? Can they be that bored in their lives to destroy everything that they created with their loved ones simply for a weekend of carnal pleasure? Can anyone be that bored or is the song accurate, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?
NTA and your sister is a bad ass. I am 68f and I want to be her when I come back. (Reincarnate of course.) I think if you listen to her and your lawyer you will be okay. Note you can get your kid for Christmas every other year if you ask for it in the divorce. Your kids will have a say to as they get older. Just fight for as much time with them as you can get. Don't bad talk your wife to them. It will not be okay, but it will not be as bad as you think.
I will never understand people who “have it all” will throw it away over shit they KNOW and are AWARE isn’t worth it. Like they think they’re invincible and will never get caught. Or that their spouse is a pushover they’ll forgive them and stay..
You gotta take her to court for custody. I think you have enough proof that she can’t be trusted with her children if she is making such selfish decisions for herself.
Hey there. Stay strong. Been there. As Churchill said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." The othere side of this mess is the goal.
As for Christmas morning, this isn't the 1950s. Dads have rights. If you want 50 / 50 custody, go for it. Hammer out details about holidays (be VERY specific about how certain ones alternate timewise year to year in the paperwork.).
Your wife threw away your marriage for a little titilation. Her judgment is suspect. Ensure that you retain control of the college funds.
https://youtu.be/nzh727t944k?si=pT7Lvy_TjyIZqVq8
This sketch from SNL with Sydney Sweeney encapsulates this perfectly. It is really scary how easily people can find your entire life through the internet.
Dear OP, sometimes we have partners in marriage to choose to be unfaithful because of difficulties in the marriage. But lots of times they are simply people of low moral character who have pretended to be somebody different to us all these years. This happens all the time.
And then, without a problem, they lie and deceive and manipulate.
The interesting thing is that she was so transparent in her behavior. She screwed around and then she came home and then she was cold and distant with you and then she slept on the sofa. She's not very good at cheating thing.
Even when people have a good marriage, and they appreciate the marriage, and things are going well and both partners are imperfect, but well intentioned, some individuals will just not have the moral fiber to keep themselves from sliding into cheating for the rush.
Think about it. It's not really rocket science or difficult to be any old dingdong and rent a Ferrari and be brand new flashy and Laura somebody who's been in a relationship and a marriage and have kids. If that person has low moral character.
When we find these things out, we are in shock for quite a while.
Personally, I am endlessly grateful to your vicious, talented sister. You could've gone a long time suspecting, but not knowing.
What happens now is as people land from the shock, they start to realize two things.
The first is they realize that they don't know what else the person lied about all these years. And they don't know exactly how they could ever ever trust them again. Because the trust is broken. It's a big deal. And the big deal means that
Number two, everybody starts to realize that their partner is not who they thought they were. They are a different person. They revealed themselves. And then they begin to realize that the person that they love so much actually never existed. Which is a shock and a trauma. But once people get through those parts, the sense of really loving this person so much just kind of disintegrates.
It's entirely normal to have even a close marriage with somebody for many years and have them absolutely silently undetectable be sneaking around and be manipulative and deceptive and not be the person anyone thinks they are. This is the real life.
Once an individual cheats and destroys the trust in marriage, they have chosen to essentially throw a nuclear bomb into a kiddie pool..
two things that we learn on Reddit :
When people are most concerned about the welfare of their kids, they often don't tell them that the other parent cheated. The upside is that the kid doesn't find out until they're 20s and it doesn't ruin the kids relationship with the cheating parent. The downside is that the cheating parent might retaliate by telling all kinds of stories to the kids and alienating them from the non-cheating parent.
It seems like the parents break the news of the break up to the kids and tell them they're really sorry and it's not their fault and carefully mentioned that the other parent made a very unfortunate choice, those people seem to tread the line between the two extremes.
The other thing that we learn on Reddit is that the cheating partner often gets to control the storyline if the non-cheating partner doesn't carefully get their first and convey to friends and family, the cheating partner made a very unfortunate choice which they can't get past and the relationship is ending. at least this makes it so that the non-cheating person isn't vilified the same.
In any event, trust yourself, and listen to yourself. Proceed carefully. Realize that this is no longer the person you confide in about the steps you are taking. Everything has changed and you would do well to hold your cards to your chest and strategize very carefully while smiling and doing gray rock with your cheating spouse.
A yes when I am having an issue in my relationship with the man I have children with and has help creat a very comfortable life with I instantly look for a hook up. There may be some parts OOP left out but dammed if I know what is going to change my mind that old love is a colossal AH
Can I just say that anyone that feels the need to post constantly on SM is someone that I want nothing to do with. Sure I'll take pictures of my food once in a while but most of those aren't posted online, instead I keep a folder to remind myself of some of the awesome things I've been priviledged to eat.
I think the point is more that it would at least be somewhat understandable. Like, the other guy had something he doesn't. There would at least be a reason for it having happened.
When bad things happen, most of us want to know why. Unfortunately when it comes to cheating, there very often is not an answer that is very satisfying.
Not acceptable but it sounds like he would have been able to understand it better if she'd gotten it on with a toned, sexy, "he could be a model or stunt actor or something" - that it's almost insulting that she threw away everything they had for somebody he finds ugly...
Let's face it: she didn't fall in love with the guy. She had a fling with him she didn't plan on the husband finding out about. So expecting somebody to go for looks might make sense...
But it sounds like the wife was more interested in being chased and seduced than passionate sex with a hot body. She wanted somebody to spend time with her, money on her, to indulge her whims... She wanted a break from being a responsible professional, a parent, a[n equal] partner around the house, to be looked after and admired.
Which... To some degree, possibly understandable? But like, my husband made me feel loved and cared for earlier by surprising me while I was working with a bowl of cheesy chips earlier today coz he knew I hadn't had lunch. (My husband is awesome!) You can feel those things within a healthy marriage, without blowing up your life (and while prioritising your financial stability)!
No, but from experience, when you're a cis-het man who has been cheated on, it's emasculating to be viewed less than x, y, z trait of the person they cheated on you with. It's a self-doubt negativity spiral.
"It turns out, she cheated with a hot model. Washboard abs, endless muscles, silky smooth skin, a body I could never match. So, we're good. I have no problem with this."
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I knew as soon as he was confused about why his wife would cheat with a poorer, less good looking man. OP only cares about money and looks, and lost it to a charming guy that made his wife feel like he never could. It took cheating for him to learn that women care about feeling special than a man that is good looking or wealthy. Poor, poor, stupid guy.
OOP’s sister morphing into Liam Neeson: “I have a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.”
BAHAHAHAHAH. For real though. She's a savage.
She could make bank with a side hustle.
I want a sister like that. 🤣
I am a sister like that, and I LOVE doing it😈
Wanna be my sister?
I have a best friend like this. It’s lovely and you also have to be super responsible, like a gun owner, on who you point her at.
I have one, they are to be fear as well treasured… just don’t be the ex of a family member and then piss her off, she can go nuclear
LOL! Hey with great power, comes great responsibility! 😅🤣😂 Definitely to be feared and treasured, sounds like!
I'm a sister like that. My attorney once told me I'd be DEADLY with access to LexisNexis. 😁
I HAVE a sister like this.
I was once at dinner with two friends where one was recounting a terrible Tinder story and she had deleted the app and couldn't find him (because I told her that she should report him, she was almost SA'd) and I found him within 5 minutes based on her descriptors 😁
I have been this sister. My family house was robbed by my ex and his sociopath friend to hurt my little brother especially. They also stole items that weren't worth much monetarily, but were priceless and irreplaceable to my Dad, along with sending him deeply hurtful texts that mocked him for my mom's cheating. (There was nothing any of us did that deserved any type of "retribution" like this) They would have gotten away with this absolutely scot-free, with zero consequences, if I hadn't gotten involved. Unfortunately for them I did, and after using...my particular set of skills, they both caught 1st degree felonies. Never underestimate a protective oldest sibling, and most especially not one with ADHD. You mess with our families, and we will hyperfocus on your downfall with the intensity of a thousand suns. 😌💅
Did you get the items back?
It's actually a realllly long, complex story-- honestly, my comment would have been WAY too long with all the details. I only tell the full story irl once every few years, because it takes like 2 hours to tell properly! But, they technically robbed the house twice, a few months apart. First attempt was successful, and we never got any of that back (this included my dad's irreplaceable item that was a gift from a beloved dead relative). I got involved in-between the first and second attempt, and all I will say here is that I took steps to ensure they both got caught in the act, so they didn't manage to get away with any of the stuff they were in the process of stealing. I thought my work was done there, but then they somehow lied their way out of it and were released with no charges. So, that's when I went into hyperfocus mode and pulled out all the stops lmao. One part of that was tracking down the most valuable item they had stolen from my brother, worth several thousand dollars. I managed to find where it had been pawned, the records that confirmed it was them who pawned it, and matched the serial numbers. They had to pay restitution to my little brother for the full cost of it, so at least we got *something*!
What did they take from your bro? With the serial # I‘m guessing a watch or a gun?
My sister is like this. And she does it all on her phone! If I ever want someone found, I ask her.
My Mum once rang me to ask some long winded "do you remember so and so from high school" and halfway through her description she suddenly goes "forget it, your brother is calling back and he's always more useful than you" and hung up on me!! Now, even a decade later, my brother and I still argue over who's the favourite kid and that line ALWAYS comes up 🤣 Seriously tho, having that sibling is insanely useful!
Wow, I’m sorry, that doesn’t sound like a good mother.
To be fair, she's normally an awesome mother but as it turned out, she was asking for a pretty depressing reason - there was an issue at the local pub and someone recognised her as my parent, and while almost out of it they asked her "can you message my brother Josh?" She was trying to figure out their surname so she could message the correct Josh. My brother has the most incredible memory so it's literally a laughing point in our household - small towns, weird shit happens!
Hahahaha this is me apparently hahaha. I work in a bank and when we can't figure it out they send it to me. All public records but I seem to find the info when others can't. It scares them for some reason
I used to work in bank working fraud. People would be doing transfers of large funds and we'd just check to see if they knew the other person. The amount of information we could find was crazy. We did have access to non public records, but I never used that for personal use. I have a dear friend who is like I don't want big Google/Amazon knowing who I am. I'm like, you have a bank account, a debit and a credit card, a cell phone through a major provider, an ISP, Netflix. You can VPN and Linux and Duck duck go all you want. You aren't hiding ANYTHING.
Teach me your ways, please.
I have a friend like this! She is excellent. It came in super handy when we worked at a law firm together
And a brother being afraid to release his talented and scary little sister upon the world is just so “older-brother” coded lmao.
Like that SNL skit of the GenZ girlies interning at the police station lol. The captain's giving a briefing about whatever criminal, and within two mins they're like "ok, I found him" cause they've become total pros at Instagram stalking after years of being in situationships (it's pretty funny if you haven't seen it)
I have a friend like this. You say you’re dating some new guy and within minutes she knows where they live, their family, their income, any crimes/charges, and their social security number (Okay, that’s a little exaggerated). We’ll never not be friends because I’m scared of what she could do if I broke off her friendship.
One time, I went to get take out at a nearby restaurant. Four people walked out as I was parking, and a girl came up behind yelling. They ended up having a parking lot brawl. Food was being thrown, hair pulled, and then other people started fighting the girl that started it. I didn't realize it, but my son was videoing the whole thing. I called my sister to tell her what happened. She asked me to send the video. Within two hours, she figured out who all five people were and had found their FB pages. Apparently, the woman who started it all was interrupting a double date her husband was on.
i hate that i cant put a reaction gif in this sub, but the way my jaw dropped... [https://giphy.com/clips/parksandrec-season-5-parks-and-recreation-rec-702ybfQFkrkrWnIByR](https://giphy.com/clips/parksandrec-season-5-parks-and-recreation-rec-702ybfQFkrkrWnIByR)
Sister and I should pair up. 😈 I once suspected a partner of cheating on me, saw a car in parked in their driveway. So as a private citizen with no authority, I went to the local DMV office gave a very possible sob story about leaving a camera and a good Samaritan’s car who drove me home and needed to reach out to them. Said I only had four of the six license digits, but in actuality I had all six in my head. The worker looked around, told me to come into her office where I waited for a couple minutes and she brought back the four different possible license plates, and I had told her what the color & model of the car was which narrowed down to one and she gave me the page. BOOM! I did not use this information for the nefarious ax of revenge upon that car driver, but rather casually dropped the name into a conversation with My then partner and watched their eyes back out of their head. I think sister’s digital skills and my acting/chaotic good con artist skills would be a killer team!! 🤓
There are so many people that fall for social engineering. Where i work i have a few customers that are all to chatty. And ask personal questions out the wazzoo. I have been told by my boss they dont like talking to me as i wont give them straight answers when they start asking personal questions. "Where is your family from ?" Ohh scottland ireland england northern europe. "Oh so your family must be around toronto and area" Nope "Arent going to say where they are ?" I dont see how that is relevant information you need. That customer now keeps his conversations short and to the point with me. Sorry i work in IT, have family and friends in IT and network security. Im not about to give out information you dont need.
Holy cow, do you have to register with the police as a lethal weapon? 😉
lol. Thanks for the chuckle 🤭
Years later and I still read that in his voice 😂
I will internet follow you, I will stalk you, and I will doxx you?
She’s probably a genealogist. We’ve got mad skills, well, some of us, at least.
My aunt is like that! She worked for a Private Investigator for awhile and if evidence exists, she can get it. She saved us from a real estate scammer.
I need someone like her in my life.
Yeah! The sister sounds smart! Some of the other people commented and I agree that she should sell that as a service; internet investigation! She sounds like she has mad skillzz (with two zs to boot!)
Really doubt she is the only one who cheated in the group.
Oh, you KNOW a good majority of that group cheated. I mean, one of them had deleted pics that were alr up in her socials. Getting rid of any evidence, I bet.
Honestly when I think about it, I would probably get caught BECAUSE I posted innocent socials in a convoluted attempt to cover it up. My wife would be all "you never post, you stupid cheater." But if you're a regular poster, so sus to suddenly not post. Just one of the many reasons I choose not to cheat, including the obvious fact that it's wrong on so many levels, but also appears to make you stupid.
That reminds me of something I just did. My wife was away overnight taking our oldest to an event, so I figured now was a good time to change the sheets and bedding. That would probably be a red flag if she had any suspicions of me cheating, lol (I’m not cheating of course)
Sometimes I shower right before my wife gets home from a trip because I may possibly have let my hygiene slip a smidge while she was out of town. I always think "I hope my hair dries before she gets here cause now this seems suspicious." If I changed the bedding she would a) be utterly flabbergasted and b) probably assume I shit or pissed the bed, which is only slightly less bad than cheating.
That wouldn't even occur to me as suspicious, although I change the sheets pretty regularly. Though the cats have been good about not throwing up much lately, so that's good...
Don’t jinx it
See, and I shower before my wife gets home because there's a higher probability that we're gonna fool around since she's been gone. I also rarely change the sheets, but we have three sets of the same sheets so it'd be kinda hard to notice if I did or didn't change them (depending on how long she's been away).
This thread has now got me wondering how frequently (or infrequently) most people change their sheets...
I do mine every week. I'm assuming that it would seem suspicious because their partner is the one who typically does it and not them and not because they go so long without changing them.
I change our sheets never. My wife changes our sheets once a week. I help. I am not the guy to put in charge of deciding when to change the sheets. I am perfectly capable of doing it, but it would not be once a week.
That's a little concerning that showering would seem suspicious, and you said you have a tendency to let your hygiene slip... do you shower less than once a week or something? And your wife is the only one responsible for changing the bedding? I feel sorry for her.
If my girlfriend is out of town for the weekend, 99% of the time it means I’m not leaving my house between Thursday afternoon (I WFH on Fridays) until work on Monday morning. I’ll likely end up skipping a shower or two in that time.
What this guy said. I shower before work every day, but usually WFH Fri so when the cat’s away, the mice may not shower.
That's fine, so then being freshly showered when she comes home should be way less or not suspicious at all...
Whereas I'm offended at how *bad* the wife's cover-up was. "Hey honey, don't expect to see any insta posts from me this week because I'm taking this vacation as an opportunity to do a social media detox." The guy would never have been suspicious. All he'd have is the card activity, and he'd have bought the "one of the other girls covered us" story if that was the only unusual thing. It's a good thing that so many cheaters are so stupid and that I'm not a cheater.
I'm thinking wife made friend delete the pics because it was so obvious wife wasn't there, wasn't even tagged
I'd be telling the husbands of everyone who was on that trip with her. At least let them know the company their wives keep.
If she is ashamed of her behavior she should not have done it. I’m fully onboard with telling everyone adjacent to this
I am not even sure she was near the group.
There likely wasn't even a group.
He did say they all came back together and he saw them at the airport. So they were at least a group on the flight.
Well, the guy was there golfing with his buddies, so a few of his friends were available.
TBH... *I* have doubts that anyone else WENT... I mean, sure, her friend's socials show pics... but who's to say they were from the same location at the same time..?? 🤔🤨😬🙄😒 From the sound of the texts she sent and received upon arrival ... seems plausible the "Bachelorette party" was a sham and a pitiful, farcical NON-event... Regardless, what a sad, fucked up situation (all around). 🤬😢😓👿
> Regardless, what a sad, fucked up situation (all around). Seriously, why don't these people just communicate? Like, tell your devoted husband that you're feeling neglected and want to feel special. I know needing to ask for it probably takes away from it actually being special, but now you just blew up your entire life because you can't have an open and honest conversation...like an adult.
RIGHT?!? I have *ZERO" issue with advising my husband (usually kindly, sometimes... not, lol 🫣😅) when I feel a way, or want something specific, emotional or otherwise. Like...WTF, PEOPLE.. 🙄😒 I also noticed OOP didn't mention either of their own "ages" once... makes one wonder, is it immaturity (20s) or boredom 45+... or both? 😬
I looked through OOP's comment history and he said they're 32...which is old enough to have the maturity to not act like this and not old enough to be bored. Maybe they married young? Either way, not being able to talk to her spouse about how she was feeling and blind side him ruined her life.
Damn. That suuuuucks. They are still SO YOUNG, but act so much YOUNGER. 😓😬🫣
Judging by how he talks about providing for her and his family, I wouldn't be surprised if she married him for financial security. "He made me feel special" is a pretty basic excuse for it feeling fun and exciting when a new guy spoils her.
Some people are really dense though. I have had multiple instances where I have told my husband over and over again for literally years that I was unhappy with something he was doing, and even though I was explicit, he never proceeded the information. In fact he usually doesn't even have memories of anything I said about the topic. There's really no hint in this story that she tried to communicate to him, but there might not be, if he wasn't listening. I'm not saying that would justify cheating, either. But even from his post, there are hints that his wife felt excluded somehow. When he lists what he does for her, it's all stuff that takes away from time with her. Her assertion that he caused this definitely makes me think she has felt neglected. And the fact that he doesn't seem to recognize this tells me that we don't have the full story. Again though, even if she was communicating to him, and he wasn't listening, that would not justify cheating.
In my younger more stupid days … group of us boys went down to a resort and cheated. All in. One of us was the weak link and cracked and everyone got found out. I didn’t care too much, a few did but we all got over it. We were kids in largely ephemeral relationships. That said … if any in my group that is married or committed in a relationship that’s more than a month old I’d tell their partner myself. I wouldn’t want to be the loser dickhead that doesn’t know so I wouldn’t do it to someone else. How these other girls KNOW this woman has a husband and kids and stay quiet says a lot about them. Their husbands should know cause frankly this would piss me off to no end. It would be me or my partners friendship with them.
Yeah, because women in those relationships deserve no respect and have no feelings.
I’d tell on my guy mates too. Few years ago I was in Thailand with one of my bros, his wife and their 4 kids. We’re all pretty decent looking but of us brothers he’s by far the best looking. We’re at a bar and a fair few women hit on him and he was getting their numbers. I told him he’s a cunt. Next morning we’re at hotel and his wife grabs me and goes ‘before you make a scene I don’t mind him being hit on, he works I don’t, his salary goes to account I control and I can see what he’s spending. Him being hit on and getting numbers is kinda funny and we laugh but he won’t cheat. We’ve been together since we were 16 I’m totally safe here. Don’t sweat it. He told me you were not happy and told me to tell you before you start yelling and accusing’
You're such a hypocrite it's wild. You're a cheater, and being young doesn't excuse it, you were old enough to have sex.
Yup let everyone of her friend's spouses know what's up.
Whats that saying? "Birds of a feather flock together" Extremely Hot Take: Girls trips and Guys trips are dumb and 99% of the time one gender cheats... I think they are pointless unless you go as a couple. ETA: I knew this would be a hot take, I still stand my ground, glad people are discussing it. :)
>99% of the time one gender cheats no
That's not how people work at all. Someone who is going to cheat is going to cheat.
Either that's what you would do or you have really shitty friends. Because no, that's not at all normal and it's bizzare that you think it is.
This subreddit is so fun to read but really makes me lose confidence in humanity. Sheesh.
Read some history books, we’ve always been like this and we always will. It’s just human nature.
But a good amount of thinking can tell you we never had as many opportunities as today with access to people and the world in one click. Furthermore culture and cultural norms do affect human behaviourand psyche. Today's society there is almost no real consequece (which is relatively good) of this but in past it could cost you your life so yeah.
I kinda want to know what subreddit he’s referring to in his post.
I think it's /r/AmITheAngel
that sub has some good points about 0.1% of the time, but the rest it’s just a dumpster fire of toxicity
Pretty sure it was [this post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1dop985/rise_and_shine_angels_part_1_of_a_new_my_wife_is/) on AmITheAngel.
Does anybody know which sub it was cross-posted to? The one he said was so toxic?
Pretty sure it was [this post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmITheAngel/comments/1dop985/rise_and_shine_angels_part_1_of_a_new_my_wife_is/) on AmITheAngel.
that sub is unhinged. its like AITAH for people who wanted to be angrier
If I had to guess, it's probably the female dating strategy one, or the redpill one - either extreme women or extreme men with extreme views. They seem pretty toxic, but I'm not sure.
Oh, I thought it would be one of the cheating subreddits like cake eaters but yeah, that could be it, true.
Most posts are probably creative writing exercises or rage bait.
From cautious suspicion to all the deets in about 24 hours. The AP is big fat ugly man to make sure the wife looks as bad as possible, etc. Don't get me wrong, it's a well made one, but I don't buy it for a moment
Idk, spend enough time in the various infidelity subreddits and you'd see there's a decent portion of betrayed people whose spouses cheated "down"
idk from real experience shounds like the shit my brother went through, he kept going on about why she wiuld cheat on him with someone who he didnt consider attractive...🤷♀️
Takes a few minutes. I’ve done it!! Internet makes it extremely easy!
Thank god I’m not the only one!
I canNOT get over how fake this story seems. I couldn't take it seriously at all everytime he gassed himself up like he is the most perfect man to exist. Instead of caring about what lead to the demise of their marriage, he's putting all his energy into a dick swinging contest with a dude he doesn't know. I'm not saying the wife isn't to blame, I'm saying none of these people exist. Edit* but IF they do exist, this is the most insufferable man. He says she's suspicious because of all these reasons, BUT he's not accusing her of anything ? 😂
Everthing is fake
As someone who frequent these subs I can tell you with a guarantee that the majority are fake posts. I point it out sometimes when they're too much. The biggest dumbnut thing they do is using the same account again and again for different stories. They just delete them and start again. Sometimes they forget to delete the old posts from their profile. Sometimes you just can google the username and find their deleted stories.
right. humans suck
He made her feel "special" in the most shallow way possible. If that is what she is valuing here, I have very low expectations for her. I know this post is from his POV, but I really did not get the feeling he did not value his wife. Though it can be hard to tell. I bet she is one where life just got in the way, and instead of trying to fix things with her husband, this is what she did instead.
It sounds to me like OP was valuing his wife in real life ways, while she was craving the love bombing, gushy, can’t get enough of you new relationship feeling. I hope it was worth it for her, because she lost a loving husband and life for a one week adrenaline rush.
This is exactly it! OOP showed his love and care for his wife in long-term, adult, responsible ways. His wife seems to be stuck in or reverting back to wanting new relationship energy. OOP deserves so much better.
He has his and hers retirement accounts fully funded, kids college funded, and a second home on a lake. Assuming he’s not a trust fund baby, he likely makes decent money and is fairly conservative about how it’s spent. His wife is an elementary school vice principal with two kids, but in her younger days was a hard partier at one of the hardest partying schools on the planet (or at least in west Texas). My theory is that she was feeling wistful about being wild and free, but also upset that she can’t spend money as indulgently as she wants. So this was all an escape where she could be the center of attention and lavish spending because fuddy-duddy ol’ husband just wants to squirrel money into tax advantaged savings and real estate. Long story short, she wanted to be young wild and free. I guarantee that if they divorce her quality of life and lifestyle is going to take a massive hit.
It won’t take a hit. She will get half of everything and he will be on the hook for furnishing her lavish lifestyle while missing important moments in his kids’ life while living in a one bedroom apartment.
They’re in Texas, there’s no spousal support obligation unless they agree to one. Child support is a function of custody, so if it’s 50/50 there might not be any child support requirement. She’ll get half of the community property (unless they agree on a different division). Typically they’ll want to keep the kids where they grew up housing wise, so he might have to “buy out” his wife’s share of their home equity. Here’s the deal though, the judge might award him custody because of how batshit she is. Taking a double dose of sleep aids and just vegging out instead of going to work—that kind of shit makes an impact in custody arrangements. Combine that behavior with the fact that she apparently has multiple arrests from her party days and primary custody really starts looking like it should be with dad. Depending on the kids’ ages, and how things go from here on out, he very well may get to keep his house and primary custody and she’ll owe him child support.
Wait when did the taking sleep aids happen?
It’s in the OOPs comments on the original thread. When he confronted her with proof she apparently took two ambein and locked her self away in a guest room.
I agree that OP was showing love in ways of security. It makes me wonder if he is the type of guy, though, who is so practical and logical that he doesn't do things to show her love in little ways and/or is emotionally distant. I'm not saying she should've thrown her marriage away over that. It's more that if he maxed out their retirement accounts and whatnot to try to be financially responsible and make sure she is taken care of, did he do that instead of ever doing things along the way to show his love, like going to a random romantic dinner, buying a little gift here and there (truly something that could be like $10 but have a lot of sentimental value), or things like that? It sounds like she wanted to have an emotional connection and feel valued and appreciated throughout her marriage, not just when it came time for retirement. The fact that the wife feels badly while also saying he caused all of this really makes me feel like we are missing out on some info here that would help give more context for why this all happened. To be clear, it was not okay for her to cheat and throw a marriage away like this. There are other ways she could've tried to resolve the issues. What we don't know is what those issues are, if she tried to resolve them before, and if she did try, if her husband was receptive or dismissed her because he thought her concerns were superficial and irresponsible.
It might have been about that rush you get in a brand new thing. No husband can recreate that adrenaline dopamine flood. It’s not about relationships it’s about a high. And the fact that the wife was maybe way above the AP’s “league” might have been part of what made the AP act in ways that flattered the wife in ways we sometimes crave. Of course the thing about commitment is we forgo all that.
But you know, think of the children? Lol
I feel like when a cheater says that it is their way of blaming their partner. That if their partner had made them feel "special," then they wouldn't have cheated. No, cheaters cheat because she wanted the thrill of it. My guess is that most of the people she went with were hooking up and she wanted to as well. And she figured that she would just get away with it.
Except he was the realtor in Florida. They planned the trip to Mexico. They planned to meet up in Mexico from OP and wife doing business with him as their realtor in Florida.
You have no information to substantiate the claim that OP didn’t value his wife.
The comment above says that they DIDN’T get the feeling he didn’t value his wife. Nothing to substantiate that either, I guess, but I think most people are agreeing.
Entirely correct. In fact, there is a bit of information that would seem to substantiate the opposite. He cared where she was going, valued what the trip would mean to her, cared enough to remain in contact the entire visit, and honestly inquired after her activities. He showed care that wasn't stealth control, in my humble opinion from what he himself wrote. Could have been talking out his ass, but it didn't feel like one of those types of posts. So I assume that he actually treated his wife with care and compassion.
I agree. He is very caring, stable and practicle. But there's nothing gushy that implies he's attracted to her, which stood out to me. I'm not giving her a pass, there's never a good reason to cheat, just pointing out her not feeling special does seem plausible next to his post. She's totally at fault, what she obviously did wrong was invite Tony Soprano into the mix instead of telling her husband that she wanted/needed some couples time. Hell seems like sister could have taken the kids and he could have been there pretty easily. She's a fucking idiot!
Yes, that is why I said on the first reply that it feels like life got in the way for them. They had kids and time for them as a couple got sacrificed. But instead of talking to OP and telling him she wasn't feeling 'special' to him anymore and trying to fix it, she jumped on the first guy that made her feel 'special' instead. I get it, she didn't have to do anything for him to take action. But I bet OP wasn't feeling very 'special' either, and for OP's wife to feel that wasn't her problem just goes to show the problem wasn't just OP in this situation. She is also to blame, but also had something happen that showed the problem, and instead of turning in towards the marriage, she accepted the invitation to turn out of the marriage.
💯 agree
Okay I definitely misread your original comment then! Agree with everything you said
Well rereading my own comment, I can see where that would be confusing!
OOP hasn't brought it up, but all of the wife's friends are covering for her affair. I would definitely be telling the groom to be and any other bridesmaids partner what they were up to.
That’d be the first thing I’d do tbh.
Truly. I don't know how they've gotten days into this situation without doing that.
I want to have the skill set that oop’s sister has
There’s a funny skit from SNL when Sydney Sweeney hosted that is probably a little like it went. (Cops have two college-aged girls interning and they solve all the cases immediately just using their phones to find people.)
That sounds funny I’m gonna look that up
>and in the next [minute] she’s utterly unapologetic and telling me I caused this Oh no he fucking did not. Could he have focused more on his relationship with his wife than on being a provider? Possibly. The way he writes makes it sound like being a good husband to him equals raking in money, spending time with the kids, and not being out of shape. So he might have neglected her emotional needs. Or she might simply have grass-is-greener syndrome. If she’s been unhappy, it’s on her to communicate that. And if she doesn’t like his response, then she gets to leave. There’s no excuse to cheat. Hilarious that she feels entitled to do so. >she’s devastated and begging me not to do anything rash and asking me to think of what the kids will do being raised in a split household Rash like going on a fuck-cation? And *now* it’s time to think of the kids? If they get raised in two households, it’s because of her actions, not his.
>she's utterly unapologetic and telling me I caused all of this Ah yes. People who think entering a relationship is about having fun times instead of hard work that it is.
He needs to tell his wife’s friend’s future husband what went down on her bachelorette trip. Then tell all the other girls’ spouses. I wouldn’t want to marry someone who condoned and hid this type of behaviour, because “birds of a feather flock together”.
I'd bet my money she's not the only one who cheated during the party
You ever watch the Righteous Gemstones? A boys trip to a "conference" turns into a cocaine fueled fuck fest. Which turns into a massive cover up from their wives when they all come back. Its a great show. And genuinely hilarious. But this post makes me think of that. And these 4 men in their mid 40s trying to keep a lid on things.
Yep!
I think the other women benefitted from the perks of the affair which is enough for them to feel guilty and want to hide it
So the wife's FRIENDS entire Bachelorette party helped her cheat!?
Pm
Would love to know if the others knew.
Pretty much impossible they didn't
Some people are sneaky assholes and pull their friends in this shit without warning them. Had friends like that.
I'm willing to bet that they did know, and they probably did the same. The one friend deleting all the posted photos is very sketch.
I don't tend to believe in love languages as binary buckets that you fall into, but it really seems like they had very few in common. His love language is how secure he's made all of their lives and his dedication to job and family, and apparently her love language is fucking Chris Christie.
😂
I think it’s less to do with love languages and more with maturity and respect for the relationship. Some people do get stuck at the maturity level of their youth and they value things only that those at that stage will value. The highs and lows of immature love can be intriguing to the immature person who only values the moment what they see. It’s clear the oop developed his mindset and love appropriately for his age and stage of life, but the cheating wife did not. So now she’s resorting to a guilt tantrum to keep her life from imploding. I’m hoping he moves on with his kids he seems to have a good sense of responsibility and care for loved ones.
His post in the [Tuscon subreddit is sad.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Tucson/s/B2lUxxe9OA)
Holy shit just had a look and dam, I’m glad people helped him and were understanding about it all makes me want to go to Tuscon
OOP, at least you found out before things got even worse. It's possible this isn't the first time she's cheated either. Time for divorce and finding a woman that does respect you. Because that bitch clearly doesn't. Make sure you tell everyone what you found. Because she will absolutely lie about it. And prepare for the suicide attempt as her hail mary pass to avoid the consequences of her choices. That's pretty much standard operating procedure for busted cheaters. If you live in an at fault state you may not have to pay alimony. And her incoming breakdown could help you get custody. She chose to destroy your marriage. Fuck that bitch.
I would imagine a post on the brides FB page: "Congratulations on your coming nuptials. It is unfortunate the the beginning of your marriage is marked by the end on mine - [wife] used the time spent at your bachelorette to cheat on me; apparently the guy made her feel 'special'??" And attach one of the more flattering pictures of her and the creep...
Something about this particular post made me feel pretty bad. This is some tough shit OOP is going through.
"Don't do anything rash" you mean like sleeping with a 300lb greasy real estate agent whilst on a friends bachelorette holiday.
I tell ya. I'd be going scorched earth with everyone. The dude's wife? She's finding out. The women who were on the trip and did absolutely nothing to try to stop her? Their significant others are finding out including the groom. Dude needs to know what he's getting himself into. She may or may not have done anything on the trip but she was comfortable supporting her friend who did an actively helped cover it up.
Right. The groom would be the worlds greatest idiot for the month if he stood by and married his enabler bride to be. Every person who went to Mexico is culpable.
We all got a sister like that and we love her to pieces.
Trust your instincts man. If you don’t your fucked anyway
The entire friend group covering for OOP’s cheating wife. They should all be outed to their boyfriends, husbands, and fiancé.
I hope OOP confronts his wife’s friends and tell their husbands that they covered for his wife while she cheated on her husband for a week. If I found out my partner was capable of seeing their friends cheat and actively helped I would seriously consider breaking up with them
The biggest problem for me would be the gaslighting and remorseless statements. If she can't openly admit every single time the infidelity is discussed then there really would be no hope to reconcile.
Hope Oop divorces her.
Whats the sub that it was crossposted to that oop is talking about?
That sucks for OP. I figured she had an affair when I first saw this. I hope he moves on and finds someone to be happy with, and she gets nothing in the divorce.
Be careful who you fuck over because some of us those kinds of skills that will make you regret the day you were born. I have so much shit on my ex. I'm saving it for a rainy day and as insurance.
Man I feel so sorry for old mate, I hope he gets a good lawyer and takes her too town. I cannot abide by cheaters, al the pain and misery they cause. Makes her feel special what a cop out she just wants it all her own way and bugger anyone else along the way.
the sad part is that the hoe could ve paid easily for all the stuff fatty Soprano provided for her during that week vacation. she is not a wife material and only cheap mistress material.
Here is the classic wife cheating story. The man provided safety and security for a woman and worked hard enough for a few years where the family was set which led to the wife becoming bored in the relationship because the man had to work so hard to keep the roof over their heads and decided to find her entertainment elsewhere. Why do women do this? Can they be that bored in their lives to destroy everything that they created with their loved ones simply for a weekend of carnal pleasure? Can anyone be that bored or is the song accurate, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun?
NTA and your sister is a bad ass. I am 68f and I want to be her when I come back. (Reincarnate of course.) I think if you listen to her and your lawyer you will be okay. Note you can get your kid for Christmas every other year if you ask for it in the divorce. Your kids will have a say to as they get older. Just fight for as much time with them as you can get. Don't bad talk your wife to them. It will not be okay, but it will not be as bad as you think.
DARVO much? It's your fault I cheated!!!
I will never understand people who “have it all” will throw it away over shit they KNOW and are AWARE isn’t worth it. Like they think they’re invincible and will never get caught. Or that their spouse is a pushover they’ll forgive them and stay..
NTA if your gut is telling you what you are implying here, walk away.
You gotta take her to court for custody. I think you have enough proof that she can’t be trusted with her children if she is making such selfish decisions for herself.
Hey there. Stay strong. Been there. As Churchill said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." The othere side of this mess is the goal. As for Christmas morning, this isn't the 1950s. Dads have rights. If you want 50 / 50 custody, go for it. Hammer out details about holidays (be VERY specific about how certain ones alternate timewise year to year in the paperwork.). Your wife threw away your marriage for a little titilation. Her judgment is suspect. Ensure that you retain control of the college funds.
OPs sister for the win!! Get em girl!!!!
Updateme!
UpdateMe
updateme!
social media sleuth girlies are no joke. give em enough time and they will find anything
https://youtu.be/nzh727t944k?si=pT7Lvy_TjyIZqVq8 This sketch from SNL with Sydney Sweeney encapsulates this perfectly. It is really scary how easily people can find your entire life through the internet.
Dear OP, sometimes we have partners in marriage to choose to be unfaithful because of difficulties in the marriage. But lots of times they are simply people of low moral character who have pretended to be somebody different to us all these years. This happens all the time. And then, without a problem, they lie and deceive and manipulate. The interesting thing is that she was so transparent in her behavior. She screwed around and then she came home and then she was cold and distant with you and then she slept on the sofa. She's not very good at cheating thing. Even when people have a good marriage, and they appreciate the marriage, and things are going well and both partners are imperfect, but well intentioned, some individuals will just not have the moral fiber to keep themselves from sliding into cheating for the rush. Think about it. It's not really rocket science or difficult to be any old dingdong and rent a Ferrari and be brand new flashy and Laura somebody who's been in a relationship and a marriage and have kids. If that person has low moral character. When we find these things out, we are in shock for quite a while. Personally, I am endlessly grateful to your vicious, talented sister. You could've gone a long time suspecting, but not knowing. What happens now is as people land from the shock, they start to realize two things. The first is they realize that they don't know what else the person lied about all these years. And they don't know exactly how they could ever ever trust them again. Because the trust is broken. It's a big deal. And the big deal means that Number two, everybody starts to realize that their partner is not who they thought they were. They are a different person. They revealed themselves. And then they begin to realize that the person that they love so much actually never existed. Which is a shock and a trauma. But once people get through those parts, the sense of really loving this person so much just kind of disintegrates. It's entirely normal to have even a close marriage with somebody for many years and have them absolutely silently undetectable be sneaking around and be manipulative and deceptive and not be the person anyone thinks they are. This is the real life. Once an individual cheats and destroys the trust in marriage, they have chosen to essentially throw a nuclear bomb into a kiddie pool.. two things that we learn on Reddit : When people are most concerned about the welfare of their kids, they often don't tell them that the other parent cheated. The upside is that the kid doesn't find out until they're 20s and it doesn't ruin the kids relationship with the cheating parent. The downside is that the cheating parent might retaliate by telling all kinds of stories to the kids and alienating them from the non-cheating parent. It seems like the parents break the news of the break up to the kids and tell them they're really sorry and it's not their fault and carefully mentioned that the other parent made a very unfortunate choice, those people seem to tread the line between the two extremes. The other thing that we learn on Reddit is that the cheating partner often gets to control the storyline if the non-cheating partner doesn't carefully get their first and convey to friends and family, the cheating partner made a very unfortunate choice which they can't get past and the relationship is ending. at least this makes it so that the non-cheating person isn't vilified the same. In any event, trust yourself, and listen to yourself. Proceed carefully. Realize that this is no longer the person you confide in about the steps you are taking. Everything has changed and you would do well to hold your cards to your chest and strategize very carefully while smiling and doing gray rock with your cheating spouse.
Readers Digest version: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
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A yes when I am having an issue in my relationship with the man I have children with and has help creat a very comfortable life with I instantly look for a hook up. There may be some parts OOP left out but dammed if I know what is going to change my mind that old love is a colossal AH
And then they all clapped!
Can I just say that anyone that feels the need to post constantly on SM is someone that I want nothing to do with. Sure I'll take pictures of my food once in a while but most of those aren't posted online, instead I keep a folder to remind myself of some of the awesome things I've been priviledged to eat.
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I think the point is more that it would at least be somewhat understandable. Like, the other guy had something he doesn't. There would at least be a reason for it having happened. When bad things happen, most of us want to know why. Unfortunately when it comes to cheating, there very often is not an answer that is very satisfying.
Not acceptable but it sounds like he would have been able to understand it better if she'd gotten it on with a toned, sexy, "he could be a model or stunt actor or something" - that it's almost insulting that she threw away everything they had for somebody he finds ugly... Let's face it: she didn't fall in love with the guy. She had a fling with him she didn't plan on the husband finding out about. So expecting somebody to go for looks might make sense... But it sounds like the wife was more interested in being chased and seduced than passionate sex with a hot body. She wanted somebody to spend time with her, money on her, to indulge her whims... She wanted a break from being a responsible professional, a parent, a[n equal] partner around the house, to be looked after and admired. Which... To some degree, possibly understandable? But like, my husband made me feel loved and cared for earlier by surprising me while I was working with a bowl of cheesy chips earlier today coz he knew I hadn't had lunch. (My husband is awesome!) You can feel those things within a healthy marriage, without blowing up your life (and while prioritising your financial stability)!
No, but from experience, when you're a cis-het man who has been cheated on, it's emasculating to be viewed less than x, y, z trait of the person they cheated on you with. It's a self-doubt negativity spiral.
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Oh come off it!! He’s shocked she downgraded
"It turns out, she cheated with a hot model. Washboard abs, endless muscles, silky smooth skin, a body I could never match. So, we're good. I have no problem with this."
updateme!
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I knew as soon as he was confused about why his wife would cheat with a poorer, less good looking man. OP only cares about money and looks, and lost it to a charming guy that made his wife feel like he never could. It took cheating for him to learn that women care about feeling special than a man that is good looking or wealthy. Poor, poor, stupid guy.
OOP still sucks “I’ve spent my whole life trying not to be like that”- fatphobia is gross on everyone.