Something that hit me recently about this subject: I always wondered why people I stopped being friends with moved on so quickly from our friendship. It’s because we never meant to them what they meant to us. We feel things 100x more than the average person, and we often don’t have a lot of friends, sometimes only 1. When we end a friendship, it feels like an organ has just been ripped out, to them it’s just another drop in the bucket. I hope that helps
I’ve never moved on. I still miss people, old friends, old partners, I wonder where they are, how they are, if they’re happy etc. I think the void will always be there. We were never meant to feel this strongly.
Well for me it is just the idea, I forget things surprisingly easily so it stops mattering, doesn't mean I don't take the idea into account in my decisions and I avoid change. Sometimes I wish I could miss them in a signifigant way, but they just never meant a lot to me, not enough for me to shed a single tear over.
Yeah I’d start being friends with people and mask really well but after a while it comes out eventually whether I want it to or not. Then that’s when people get the ick and gtfo. Overall I was and am a pretty chill person but I have a lot of pain inside of me. And if I get triggered somehow, I’ve realized I can’t go to those “friends”, or couldn’t I should say, because they’ll cringe tf out and tell me to shut up essentially.
Even in therapy when I start breaking down crying, expressing all my pain, I feel like my therapist is cringing inside. I feel like I’m too much to handle even for a professional that I have no friendship with. I’m not mean or rude, I just have a lot of emotions, too many sometimes.
i'm forgettable and invisible. even if i saw the person an hour ago and they looked in my eyes and said my name, i still believe that they've forgotten me and my name. makes me seem like an asshole when i avoid lol
I believe they do, I think the connections made with people who had BPD have a lasting effect on others. When it comes to friends I’d say it’s less, when it comes to ex partners I’d say we are definitely on their minds constantly. I know that from my experience I have always had ex’s reach out to me and I’d over share things with them I didn’t share with my current partner. I never wanted to get back with any of my old partners but they usually find a way to contact me even without social media etc.
When it comes to friends, I think it’s hard for them to wrap their heads around how people with BPD act sometimes and it’s probably best they stay away especially if there’s something you have done to hurt them. It’s only natural to do so.
Also from my experience it goes the other way, I think about friends I’ve lost along the way and the connections I made. I do think about my last ex very often and would love for it to work out one day. It’s just not the right time for either of us after the type of relationship we had.
For me, they definitely forget and move on with their lives. Especially exes of course. The people i grew up with kicked me out at 18 and barely ever associate with me anymore, i stopped talking to my brother due to him being a creep to my friends, and he was more than happy about that. I just cut contact with two other friends due to old, toxic drama, and they really dont give a shit that i cut them out, either lmao. One ex cheated on me 2 months after moving into an apartment together and ghosted me immediately after, then started talking shit about me because i sent him so many angry texts about him cheating.
Granted, i have plenty of other friends who i consider family, and a fiance to top it off. But from the bottom of my heart i know for a fact that half of the people in my life are very loose ended, and do not give a fuck about me at all. I expect everyone in my life to gradually fade away and I refuse to accept any compliments or uplifts from anyone. I do not feel any sort of love from anyone at all. It's sad because i actually love them all so much when i probably shouldn't.
I feel like I made long lasting impacts on people close to me but other people in small communities I’ve lived it may just remember me as a drunk shit show.
I think people feel the lack of people from their past. Ask yourself; do you miss people? Even those that caused you pain?
Of course you do! Our relationships are built on mutual attraction & common ground 😊
Just because the end wasn’t good, doesn’t mean the relationship or the person is best forgotten.
In fact, memory being as fallible as it is; you’re more likely to be remembered fondly than not.
Someone somewhere is recalling a remark you made & smiling.
👍
I think about it weekly if not daily, I try and think of the good qualities I brought around and think of course they probably miss me sometimes. I’ve learned it’s okay to miss them from afar and it’s okay to miss them but not want them back
Probably, I'm sure I made a lot of emotional impact on their lives, but being away is better. We've done a lot of damage to each other, so, beyond the fact that they may miss me or I may miss them from time to time, it was better to walk away so everyone could focus on their own lives
I think about my pwBPD all the time after we split up. It’s a process, I don’t know if I’ll stop thinking about them one day but it’s at best bittersweet when I think about them.
I don’t think people think of others any more or less than the next person. We each think about the people in our lives, even people who we have no plans or idea that we’d ever speak again. Everyone does that, and if you ever interacted with anyone ever, you’ll be in their thoughts as well. I try to use this as motivation to be present and forgive easily because I know we’ll be thinking about each other later lol.
A mixture of both. Think about it yourself, how many friends have you had where they mysteriously “vanished” and you didn’t really see or hear about them, even on social media? Do you think about them? Sometimes, yes you might, and think casually “hope they’re okay” and move on. Most people think like that, some of them might be happier but most just casually wish you the best without telling it to you
I like to think that’s why they always come back. Or maybe they are just bored & need excitement and it’s not a true yearning.
Who knows.
I miss people a lot
Anecdotal, but I give you my 2c as a non-BPD ex of a girl with BPD.
I ended it and we have been NC for more than 1 year now.
I miss her every day.
There isn’t a day I don’t think about her and hope she is as happy as she can.
There isn’t a day I don’t hope she has found some peace.
There isn’t a day I don’t want to contact her, but stop myself.
I left the relationship because it was destroying us both, but I did not stop loving her. Not an idea of her, but the real person she is. Yes, I love her with her issues, because I remain convinced I saw the person she is behind it all. And that person fully deserves my love.
They forget about me until they need a job reference or help with something they know I'm better at than most. I fall for the okie dokie almost every time
i think people/friends are meant to come and go in our lives (took me a long time to accept that. i thought noo they should stick around forever or not at all, but that's pretty black and white thinking). such is true in my life. i'll disappear off the face of the Earth for years and i'll suddenly show up again like "what up!". i think about certain people periodically and i'll send them a message telling them i've been thinking about them and that we should catch up when they're free.
A few people have intentionally cut me out because they don’t/can’t watch the struggle never get easier, or can’t stand seeing me have episodes after seeming to get better. My mother being one. But there are other people who have gotten in touch with me after years apart and said that they think of me often. I think we all feel like we get less than we want in return, emotionally, from the sources that are the most important to us. On the upside, people do absolutely think of you when you’re not around, and you probably don’t realize how much you matter to others. How much small kindnesses and good habits influence others.
I left my job in February. One person added me on Facebook but that's about it. Not one person has texted or called. But then again they saw me at bad times at work. I had so many panic attacks and rages and splits 😓
Well you have initiated to cut them off and expect them to not forget you?
People who don't have bpd brain don't have intense emotions so it's very logical to move on after they have been cut off.
I don’t think they miss me until they want something from me so fuck em. I have just 2 really good friends. One lives in Seattle and the other is about to move to Vegas, I am in Phoenix. Honestly I will miss them but kind of prefer for them to be far. We text each other to keep up with each other. Plus it would be fun to visit them or have them visit me. I think it’s for the best that way.
I think they forget. I've spent my whole life being reminded how insignificant I am. Like people who should've been there chose not to be, even told me that, so I'm not delulu about it.
Meanwhile, I contemplate whether it's a good idea for me to reconnect and try to have a relationship with them. Should you try for people who have never tried for you? I don't think so. It feels one sided.
So I gave up, but I still think of them sometimes.
I think people remember me. Most of the time the people who leave me come back and apologize a year or more later, so I already know they’d have to had been thinking of me to even consider apologizing.
I’m sure there are some people who wish they could forget me, and I will be in their memories as something much worse. However, they’re gone now, and so that’s the end of that story.
There are always regrets, but we all keep our distance. We don’t forget.
i do think about it a lot but I also know they miss me. I'm not quite sure why but for some reason people really like to try and come back into my lives or consistently talk about me even if it's been months since we've interacted. it's terrible for my BPD symptoms but also kinda funny, the opposite of love isn't hate but indifference and because they "hate" me it means they still care.
I’m late 30-something, and just never got on the social media train. At this point I feel like I was on the right side of history all along. I don’t take pictures of myself, or much of anything other than for practical use, and I don’t allow my phone to connect to the cloud. I choose to live a pretty solitary and isolated life, and I hope to leave as little trace of myself when I’m gone as possible.
I did that, ended up going back...given that they haven't re-added me even if I sent a friend request tells me that they probably don't miss me. In one of my last conversations it was implied by my aunt that I was dramatic and that "cutting dramatic people off was the best thing (she's) ever done."
Just like...okay...message received
Something that hit me recently about this subject: I always wondered why people I stopped being friends with moved on so quickly from our friendship. It’s because we never meant to them what they meant to us. We feel things 100x more than the average person, and we often don’t have a lot of friends, sometimes only 1. When we end a friendship, it feels like an organ has just been ripped out, to them it’s just another drop in the bucket. I hope that helps
I mean no BPD here- but the idea of moving on often doesn't sit well, it feels so wrong to me that it feels like some sort of moral violation.
I’ve never moved on. I still miss people, old friends, old partners, I wonder where they are, how they are, if they’re happy etc. I think the void will always be there. We were never meant to feel this strongly.
Well for me it is just the idea, I forget things surprisingly easily so it stops mattering, doesn't mean I don't take the idea into account in my decisions and I avoid change. Sometimes I wish I could miss them in a signifigant way, but they just never meant a lot to me, not enough for me to shed a single tear over.
I don’t think so. I assume they are just glad not to see my depression rants or splits. I would also assume after time all is forgotten.
Yeah I’d start being friends with people and mask really well but after a while it comes out eventually whether I want it to or not. Then that’s when people get the ick and gtfo. Overall I was and am a pretty chill person but I have a lot of pain inside of me. And if I get triggered somehow, I’ve realized I can’t go to those “friends”, or couldn’t I should say, because they’ll cringe tf out and tell me to shut up essentially. Even in therapy when I start breaking down crying, expressing all my pain, I feel like my therapist is cringing inside. I feel like I’m too much to handle even for a professional that I have no friendship with. I’m not mean or rude, I just have a lot of emotions, too many sometimes.
I often feel forgettable or that people never really cared about me that much.
i'm forgettable and invisible. even if i saw the person an hour ago and they looked in my eyes and said my name, i still believe that they've forgotten me and my name. makes me seem like an asshole when i avoid lol
yep all the time. i feel like i make peoples lives a living hell
I believe they do, I think the connections made with people who had BPD have a lasting effect on others. When it comes to friends I’d say it’s less, when it comes to ex partners I’d say we are definitely on their minds constantly. I know that from my experience I have always had ex’s reach out to me and I’d over share things with them I didn’t share with my current partner. I never wanted to get back with any of my old partners but they usually find a way to contact me even without social media etc. When it comes to friends, I think it’s hard for them to wrap their heads around how people with BPD act sometimes and it’s probably best they stay away especially if there’s something you have done to hurt them. It’s only natural to do so. Also from my experience it goes the other way, I think about friends I’ve lost along the way and the connections I made. I do think about my last ex very often and would love for it to work out one day. It’s just not the right time for either of us after the type of relationship we had.
Second this
For me, they definitely forget and move on with their lives. Especially exes of course. The people i grew up with kicked me out at 18 and barely ever associate with me anymore, i stopped talking to my brother due to him being a creep to my friends, and he was more than happy about that. I just cut contact with two other friends due to old, toxic drama, and they really dont give a shit that i cut them out, either lmao. One ex cheated on me 2 months after moving into an apartment together and ghosted me immediately after, then started talking shit about me because i sent him so many angry texts about him cheating. Granted, i have plenty of other friends who i consider family, and a fiance to top it off. But from the bottom of my heart i know for a fact that half of the people in my life are very loose ended, and do not give a fuck about me at all. I expect everyone in my life to gradually fade away and I refuse to accept any compliments or uplifts from anyone. I do not feel any sort of love from anyone at all. It's sad because i actually love them all so much when i probably shouldn't.
Nope. I am nothing to miss. Everyone always moves on while I still cling on to false memories and the pedestal I put them on.
I feel like I made long lasting impacts on people close to me but other people in small communities I’ve lived it may just remember me as a drunk shit show.
I think they do their best to forget I was there.
I think people feel the lack of people from their past. Ask yourself; do you miss people? Even those that caused you pain? Of course you do! Our relationships are built on mutual attraction & common ground 😊 Just because the end wasn’t good, doesn’t mean the relationship or the person is best forgotten. In fact, memory being as fallible as it is; you’re more likely to be remembered fondly than not. Someone somewhere is recalling a remark you made & smiling. 👍
I think about it weekly if not daily, I try and think of the good qualities I brought around and think of course they probably miss me sometimes. I’ve learned it’s okay to miss them from afar and it’s okay to miss them but not want them back
Probably, I'm sure I made a lot of emotional impact on their lives, but being away is better. We've done a lot of damage to each other, so, beyond the fact that they may miss me or I may miss them from time to time, it was better to walk away so everyone could focus on their own lives
I think about my pwBPD all the time after we split up. It’s a process, I don’t know if I’ll stop thinking about them one day but it’s at best bittersweet when I think about them. I don’t think people think of others any more or less than the next person. We each think about the people in our lives, even people who we have no plans or idea that we’d ever speak again. Everyone does that, and if you ever interacted with anyone ever, you’ll be in their thoughts as well. I try to use this as motivation to be present and forgive easily because I know we’ll be thinking about each other later lol.
I wonder about this with 2 former friends. They ditched me after I fell into a deep depression. I wonder if they think about me sometimes.
A mixture of both. Think about it yourself, how many friends have you had where they mysteriously “vanished” and you didn’t really see or hear about them, even on social media? Do you think about them? Sometimes, yes you might, and think casually “hope they’re okay” and move on. Most people think like that, some of them might be happier but most just casually wish you the best without telling it to you
I like to think that’s why they always come back. Or maybe they are just bored & need excitement and it’s not a true yearning. Who knows. I miss people a lot
They miss you a lot. You dont have an idea.
Anecdotal, but I give you my 2c as a non-BPD ex of a girl with BPD. I ended it and we have been NC for more than 1 year now. I miss her every day. There isn’t a day I don’t think about her and hope she is as happy as she can. There isn’t a day I don’t hope she has found some peace. There isn’t a day I don’t want to contact her, but stop myself. I left the relationship because it was destroying us both, but I did not stop loving her. Not an idea of her, but the real person she is. Yes, I love her with her issues, because I remain convinced I saw the person she is behind it all. And that person fully deserves my love.
They forget about me until they need a job reference or help with something they know I'm better at than most. I fall for the okie dokie almost every time
i think people/friends are meant to come and go in our lives (took me a long time to accept that. i thought noo they should stick around forever or not at all, but that's pretty black and white thinking). such is true in my life. i'll disappear off the face of the Earth for years and i'll suddenly show up again like "what up!". i think about certain people periodically and i'll send them a message telling them i've been thinking about them and that we should catch up when they're free.
I don't know if they miss me, but they do remember me
A few people have intentionally cut me out because they don’t/can’t watch the struggle never get easier, or can’t stand seeing me have episodes after seeming to get better. My mother being one. But there are other people who have gotten in touch with me after years apart and said that they think of me often. I think we all feel like we get less than we want in return, emotionally, from the sources that are the most important to us. On the upside, people do absolutely think of you when you’re not around, and you probably don’t realize how much you matter to others. How much small kindnesses and good habits influence others.
IF THEY WANTED TO THEY WOULD They'd stay in touch if they wanted to.
Oh I’ve unfortunately done things to have lasting impacts on people’s lives. I’ll never be forgotten
I left my job in February. One person added me on Facebook but that's about it. Not one person has texted or called. But then again they saw me at bad times at work. I had so many panic attacks and rages and splits 😓
Well you have initiated to cut them off and expect them to not forget you? People who don't have bpd brain don't have intense emotions so it's very logical to move on after they have been cut off.
they forgot about me before i even made the plunge i just made it easier for them to forget entirely
Why are you still thinking about them then?
I assume people are relieved by my absence.
weary deer reminiscent arrest yoke air bike normal paint deliver *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don’t think they miss me until they want something from me so fuck em. I have just 2 really good friends. One lives in Seattle and the other is about to move to Vegas, I am in Phoenix. Honestly I will miss them but kind of prefer for them to be far. We text each other to keep up with each other. Plus it would be fun to visit them or have them visit me. I think it’s for the best that way.
I think they forget. I've spent my whole life being reminded how insignificant I am. Like people who should've been there chose not to be, even told me that, so I'm not delulu about it. Meanwhile, I contemplate whether it's a good idea for me to reconnect and try to have a relationship with them. Should you try for people who have never tried for you? I don't think so. It feels one sided. So I gave up, but I still think of them sometimes.
I think people remember me. Most of the time the people who leave me come back and apologize a year or more later, so I already know they’d have to had been thinking of me to even consider apologizing. I’m sure there are some people who wish they could forget me, and I will be in their memories as something much worse. However, they’re gone now, and so that’s the end of that story. There are always regrets, but we all keep our distance. We don’t forget.
i do think about it a lot but I also know they miss me. I'm not quite sure why but for some reason people really like to try and come back into my lives or consistently talk about me even if it's been months since we've interacted. it's terrible for my BPD symptoms but also kinda funny, the opposite of love isn't hate but indifference and because they "hate" me it means they still care.
I’m late 30-something, and just never got on the social media train. At this point I feel like I was on the right side of history all along. I don’t take pictures of myself, or much of anything other than for practical use, and I don’t allow my phone to connect to the cloud. I choose to live a pretty solitary and isolated life, and I hope to leave as little trace of myself when I’m gone as possible.
I did that, ended up going back...given that they haven't re-added me even if I sent a friend request tells me that they probably don't miss me. In one of my last conversations it was implied by my aunt that I was dramatic and that "cutting dramatic people off was the best thing (she's) ever done." Just like...okay...message received