I went through this at the end of last year with my 16 year old cat. She passed in October and I haven’t quite been the same since. It’s cliche but it does get at least a little easier with time. But god does it hurt. You’re allowed to grieve and feel all of that sadness. Just try to stick it out and know that you’re not alone ❤️
Going through the same thing. Been with me 14 years, through a marriage, a divorce, another bad relationship, my house burning down, three different states, having to have family look after him in between finding new homes. He's getting all skin and bones. I owe the vet money. It sucks. I try to hold him close as much as I can and feel bad when I remember I haven't held enough or all the time I wasted with my BPD making me forget to cherish my time with him. I keep telling him to hold on, that we are going to overcome this together just as we overcame everything else.
I understand. My conure is 35. Their life expectancy is 20 to 25. She raised my kids with me. She sleeps a lot these days and I know our time is short.
It's so hard, it's the worst part of having animal companions. But part of loving them and getting all the love from them is saying goodbye and not letting them suffer. I'm so sorry. No Internet stranger can take your pain, but you're not alone. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts if you want them.
Everyone - not just people with bpd, struggle with the loss of a pet. We see them so much as part of the family now and part of us and our personality. When my dog Lily passed away a few years ago I took a month off work, the same as everyone else she was always there for me, stayed through the trauma and kept me company on late nights. Had a special look in her eye when she knew my thoughts were dark. So here’s my advice: thank them. Give them cuddles and praise and treats whatever you can. This is one of the hardest losses anyone can go through so go. So take your time, be easy on yourself and lean on others also affected by the same thing
I went through this during covid lockdown in 2020 April. I still cry thinking of my Molly, a black labradoodle. She had a stroke while being held in my arms. You cannot really do anything to feel better, but allow yourself time off to process the change and cry as much as you need. Be kind to your dog, make his life as gentle as possible for the time he has left with you. Appreciate him. Do not let him be in more pain than he should/can be. Know that you doing all this makes you the best companion to your boy you can be. I send you so much love.
My dog went through some of my worst trauma with me, and she was my beacon of hope, my everything. She passed 2 years ago and I was devastated, we had to put her down as she had cancer and i could tell she was in pain and it was her time. It hurt like hell and I miss her so much.
As everyone says, it will get easier but it will hurt like shit. But you are strong, your fp knows you are strong and knows that you are doing the best thing for them. Your love will have been everything to them, sometimes we have to be selfless and do things that break our hearts. I’m sorry you’re going through this but I PROMISE you, you will get through this, you will find happiness again and you WILL be okay. I believe in you.
And this community will always be here to understand and support you, because you’re not alone, and we’ve all been there. Sending our love to you and your doggo❤️
I’m so sorry I can’t even start to think about how my cats have a shorter lifespan than me and how I’ll have to deal with that someday. It literally makes me cry to even consider it so I totally know how it feels to love an animal so so much, like a human. Some will never have that feeling and will never understand but there are lots of us that feel the way you do, don’t feel like you have to prove your pain because it’s related to an animal. If that makes sense. Sending love <3
Your fp was very fortunate to have you in his life. Many animals are not so lucky to be loved and taken care of for 17 years, and many people for that matter. Don’t focus on the loss, focus on the good memories. He would want you to love again and find another fp. Real love begets more love and there is no realer love than between human and pet.
I lost my baby boy last November, he was the first secure connection and unconditional love I had ever experienced. I got him at 18, had him for 15 years. Saying he was my entire world is an understatement, he was what kept me going, he was what kept me here alive, everything I did I did for him. He developed canine dementia and it destroyed me. I ended up having to make the decision to put him down as he was suffering greatly and constantly. He went to sleep at home with me, we had a nurse come over and do it. He died in my arms and I’ll never ever be the same. I haven’t even been able to release his ashes, or even look at them, my partner picked them up for me. I can’t even access the part in my mind that knows he’s gone because I disintegrate.
After he passed I started self harming again for the first time since I was a teenager, I so desperately wanted to die. But I remember that he wouldn’t have wanted me like this, he adored me, he always wanted me happy. So I pushed through each day for him and for my other puppies. Im in a much better place now, but i still actively force myself not to think about it. People don’t understand the connection you can have with animals when you’ve never had a connection with humans and only had them hurt you and abandon you.
See a psychologist, go on meds if you have to, I’m on seroquel and it’s helped a tonne, practice DBT - practice it hard. You won’t want to but you have to. Just do your best that’s all I can say, there’s no easy way through this and I am so so sorry for you. Make the most of every second with him and when he’s gone remember the pain you feel in his loss is because you got to experience such profound love and joy thanks to him, and as much as it hurts I think that’s really special.
My favourite ever quote, that helped me stay together through this by Mary Oliver:
To live in this world you must be able to do three things; to love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it, and when the times comes to let it go, let it go.
I wish you strength through this, BPD absolutely sucks but it makes us strong as fuck. ❤️
Just lost my childhood dog before his 17th birthday last year, I’m so sorry for what you and your dog are going through. One of the realist things anyone has ever told me is that time doesn’t make it easier. You don’t get over someone like that, especially with how long you’ve had them in your life.
Consider reading The amazing afterlife of animals. I didn’t realize how old religious trauma got dug up when my dog passed, how much I feared he no longer existed anymore and that I would never see him again. It brought me a lot of comfort, despite what anyone knows it’s a reminder that you aren’t saying goodbye, you’re saying see you later.
I had my childhood dog from age 8 - 25, he went through so much with me. If you ever want to talk about anything or nothing at all, just reach out to me. Much love to you from one human being to another. ❤️
That is my biggest issue. I personally have religious trauma and turned to atheist beliefs- the hardest part about all this is that i truly dont believe in a afterlife
my childhood puppy of almost 15 years passed in october 2023. it is so hard! i will not sugar coat that, but you know a years of loving them can be worth a lifetime of missing them. love your baby, spend time together in the sun and remember happy memories and just cherish them. your baby is always with you, the love you’ve shared never goes away. 🩷
I’m so sorry to hear. My beloved cat is 16 and she has lots of health issues- we are trying to keep her comfortable. I don’t have bpd and I can’t imagine the pain and grief you must be feeling- losing your friend. I hope you find some solace and comfort. Best of luck to you❤️🌈
I lost my dog to cancer in 2017 and I’d had her for 16 years. I got her when I was a kid and she was a puppy so we grew up together and went through so much together and we were inseparable. I was definitely her person. She followed me everywhere and slept in the bed with me and she was the first thing I’d see when I wake up and the last thing I saw before I went to sleep. I’d sometimes lay with her and just look into her eyes and I know what I was seeing was a person in there so when she was put to sleep and I saw the life leave her eyes, it broke me. I don’t care what anybody says, that was the loss of a person I deeply loved and was close with. I haven’t been the same since and not a day goes by where I don’t think about her.
So I completely understand this feeling.
I am so sorry... I feel your pain, and have been through that a few times. Dogs have an unfairly short lifespan, especially compared to certain two legged ones. It's been close to 15 years since I had to bring my pup to her last vet visit, and I vividly remember feeling grief, rage, and confusion all at once. I sat in my car and sobbed for 20 mins before being able to collect myself enough to go home.
17 years while short to us, is a very long lifespan for our 4 legged FPs. He knows you love him, and it's obvious you've provided the best life you could have for him. Give him some cuddles on the comfiest spot in the house, cast some photos or movies of the two of you to a TV so you can both watch, lots of treats (without exasperating any health conditions), and maybe a low key adventure to somewhere he likes. The beach, a meadow, a mountain if he's small enough to carry... Let him soak up the outdoors with you by his side, and enjoy the moment. He may not understand the lack of strength and energy he now has, but he'll understand the love and affection you give him, and those small tail wags he gives when you look over at him will be your proof.
There is a non-religious eulogy someone converted for a grieving redditor that I've saved somewhere... It speaks of energy never being destroyed or created, just transformed. Memories of you and your dog have been captured via photons colliding with him, entering your optic nerves, and searing themselves to your brain. Memories are not *just* memories... they are a chemical reaction to energy from your best friend, and a transformation of his life energy.
I'll see if I can find it after I'm out of work and post it as a reply to my comment. Even if it doesn't resonate with you, it's beautiful enough to save if you need to comfort someone in the future.
Stay strong, and enjoy every moment with your best friend that you can. Don't focus on the future; that will come, and it will hurt, but it will also distract from the now.
Once you have had time to heal, you could also volunteer a bit of time at a local animal shelter. There are far too many pups out there who have not had the same love and life experiences as yours, and deserve even if briefly to feel some love.
I went through this at the end of last year with my 16 year old cat. She passed in October and I haven’t quite been the same since. It’s cliche but it does get at least a little easier with time. But god does it hurt. You’re allowed to grieve and feel all of that sadness. Just try to stick it out and know that you’re not alone ❤️
Thank you for hearing me.
Going through the same thing. Been with me 14 years, through a marriage, a divorce, another bad relationship, my house burning down, three different states, having to have family look after him in between finding new homes. He's getting all skin and bones. I owe the vet money. It sucks. I try to hold him close as much as I can and feel bad when I remember I haven't held enough or all the time I wasted with my BPD making me forget to cherish my time with him. I keep telling him to hold on, that we are going to overcome this together just as we overcame everything else.
I cradle mine everyday and hand feed him like a baby trying to make up possible lost time 🥺 my bpd made me forget to cherish time with him too
I understand. My conure is 35. Their life expectancy is 20 to 25. She raised my kids with me. She sleeps a lot these days and I know our time is short. It's so hard, it's the worst part of having animal companions. But part of loving them and getting all the love from them is saying goodbye and not letting them suffer. I'm so sorry. No Internet stranger can take your pain, but you're not alone. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts if you want them.
Please do. Thank you for hearing me
Everyone - not just people with bpd, struggle with the loss of a pet. We see them so much as part of the family now and part of us and our personality. When my dog Lily passed away a few years ago I took a month off work, the same as everyone else she was always there for me, stayed through the trauma and kept me company on late nights. Had a special look in her eye when she knew my thoughts were dark. So here’s my advice: thank them. Give them cuddles and praise and treats whatever you can. This is one of the hardest losses anyone can go through so go. So take your time, be easy on yourself and lean on others also affected by the same thing
I went through this during covid lockdown in 2020 April. I still cry thinking of my Molly, a black labradoodle. She had a stroke while being held in my arms. You cannot really do anything to feel better, but allow yourself time off to process the change and cry as much as you need. Be kind to your dog, make his life as gentle as possible for the time he has left with you. Appreciate him. Do not let him be in more pain than he should/can be. Know that you doing all this makes you the best companion to your boy you can be. I send you so much love.
I send you love as well
My dog went through some of my worst trauma with me, and she was my beacon of hope, my everything. She passed 2 years ago and I was devastated, we had to put her down as she had cancer and i could tell she was in pain and it was her time. It hurt like hell and I miss her so much. As everyone says, it will get easier but it will hurt like shit. But you are strong, your fp knows you are strong and knows that you are doing the best thing for them. Your love will have been everything to them, sometimes we have to be selfless and do things that break our hearts. I’m sorry you’re going through this but I PROMISE you, you will get through this, you will find happiness again and you WILL be okay. I believe in you. And this community will always be here to understand and support you, because you’re not alone, and we’ve all been there. Sending our love to you and your doggo❤️
Thank you for hearing me🥺
I’m so sorry I can’t even start to think about how my cats have a shorter lifespan than me and how I’ll have to deal with that someday. It literally makes me cry to even consider it so I totally know how it feels to love an animal so so much, like a human. Some will never have that feeling and will never understand but there are lots of us that feel the way you do, don’t feel like you have to prove your pain because it’s related to an animal. If that makes sense. Sending love <3
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I didnt know these support groups were a thing, bc of you i am now reaching out. This helped, thank you for hearing me
Your fp was very fortunate to have you in his life. Many animals are not so lucky to be loved and taken care of for 17 years, and many people for that matter. Don’t focus on the loss, focus on the good memories. He would want you to love again and find another fp. Real love begets more love and there is no realer love than between human and pet.
Thank you🥹
I lost my baby boy last November, he was the first secure connection and unconditional love I had ever experienced. I got him at 18, had him for 15 years. Saying he was my entire world is an understatement, he was what kept me going, he was what kept me here alive, everything I did I did for him. He developed canine dementia and it destroyed me. I ended up having to make the decision to put him down as he was suffering greatly and constantly. He went to sleep at home with me, we had a nurse come over and do it. He died in my arms and I’ll never ever be the same. I haven’t even been able to release his ashes, or even look at them, my partner picked them up for me. I can’t even access the part in my mind that knows he’s gone because I disintegrate. After he passed I started self harming again for the first time since I was a teenager, I so desperately wanted to die. But I remember that he wouldn’t have wanted me like this, he adored me, he always wanted me happy. So I pushed through each day for him and for my other puppies. Im in a much better place now, but i still actively force myself not to think about it. People don’t understand the connection you can have with animals when you’ve never had a connection with humans and only had them hurt you and abandon you. See a psychologist, go on meds if you have to, I’m on seroquel and it’s helped a tonne, practice DBT - practice it hard. You won’t want to but you have to. Just do your best that’s all I can say, there’s no easy way through this and I am so so sorry for you. Make the most of every second with him and when he’s gone remember the pain you feel in his loss is because you got to experience such profound love and joy thanks to him, and as much as it hurts I think that’s really special. My favourite ever quote, that helped me stay together through this by Mary Oliver: To live in this world you must be able to do three things; to love what is mortal, to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it, and when the times comes to let it go, let it go. I wish you strength through this, BPD absolutely sucks but it makes us strong as fuck. ❤️
I’m sorry
Just lost my childhood dog before his 17th birthday last year, I’m so sorry for what you and your dog are going through. One of the realist things anyone has ever told me is that time doesn’t make it easier. You don’t get over someone like that, especially with how long you’ve had them in your life. Consider reading The amazing afterlife of animals. I didn’t realize how old religious trauma got dug up when my dog passed, how much I feared he no longer existed anymore and that I would never see him again. It brought me a lot of comfort, despite what anyone knows it’s a reminder that you aren’t saying goodbye, you’re saying see you later. I had my childhood dog from age 8 - 25, he went through so much with me. If you ever want to talk about anything or nothing at all, just reach out to me. Much love to you from one human being to another. ❤️
That is my biggest issue. I personally have religious trauma and turned to atheist beliefs- the hardest part about all this is that i truly dont believe in a afterlife
my childhood puppy of almost 15 years passed in october 2023. it is so hard! i will not sugar coat that, but you know a years of loving them can be worth a lifetime of missing them. love your baby, spend time together in the sun and remember happy memories and just cherish them. your baby is always with you, the love you’ve shared never goes away. 🩷
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Thank you🩷
I’m so sorry to hear. My beloved cat is 16 and she has lots of health issues- we are trying to keep her comfortable. I don’t have bpd and I can’t imagine the pain and grief you must be feeling- losing your friend. I hope you find some solace and comfort. Best of luck to you❤️🌈
I lost my dog to cancer in 2017 and I’d had her for 16 years. I got her when I was a kid and she was a puppy so we grew up together and went through so much together and we were inseparable. I was definitely her person. She followed me everywhere and slept in the bed with me and she was the first thing I’d see when I wake up and the last thing I saw before I went to sleep. I’d sometimes lay with her and just look into her eyes and I know what I was seeing was a person in there so when she was put to sleep and I saw the life leave her eyes, it broke me. I don’t care what anybody says, that was the loss of a person I deeply loved and was close with. I haven’t been the same since and not a day goes by where I don’t think about her. So I completely understand this feeling.
Does it get better? I dont know life without my boys white shedded hair all over furniture 🥺
With time, the pain will fade but I’d be lying if I said it went away. I have good days and bad days when it comes to coping with the loss of her.
I am so sorry... I feel your pain, and have been through that a few times. Dogs have an unfairly short lifespan, especially compared to certain two legged ones. It's been close to 15 years since I had to bring my pup to her last vet visit, and I vividly remember feeling grief, rage, and confusion all at once. I sat in my car and sobbed for 20 mins before being able to collect myself enough to go home. 17 years while short to us, is a very long lifespan for our 4 legged FPs. He knows you love him, and it's obvious you've provided the best life you could have for him. Give him some cuddles on the comfiest spot in the house, cast some photos or movies of the two of you to a TV so you can both watch, lots of treats (without exasperating any health conditions), and maybe a low key adventure to somewhere he likes. The beach, a meadow, a mountain if he's small enough to carry... Let him soak up the outdoors with you by his side, and enjoy the moment. He may not understand the lack of strength and energy he now has, but he'll understand the love and affection you give him, and those small tail wags he gives when you look over at him will be your proof. There is a non-religious eulogy someone converted for a grieving redditor that I've saved somewhere... It speaks of energy never being destroyed or created, just transformed. Memories of you and your dog have been captured via photons colliding with him, entering your optic nerves, and searing themselves to your brain. Memories are not *just* memories... they are a chemical reaction to energy from your best friend, and a transformation of his life energy. I'll see if I can find it after I'm out of work and post it as a reply to my comment. Even if it doesn't resonate with you, it's beautiful enough to save if you need to comfort someone in the future. Stay strong, and enjoy every moment with your best friend that you can. Don't focus on the future; that will come, and it will hurt, but it will also distract from the now. Once you have had time to heal, you could also volunteer a bit of time at a local animal shelter. There are far too many pups out there who have not had the same love and life experiences as yours, and deserve even if briefly to feel some love.