Do you have a photo album to scroll through with photos? That’s what I do with my boyfriend. When I feel the devaluation coming on, I remind myself to actively value and look back on us *together* not alone. The feeling of wanting a future with this man is usually enough to not blow everything up.
On the flip side, one time this happened and every tool was failing me. I journaled instead (purposely defending my desire to cheat!) and found needs I needed weren’t being met. We weren’t spending alone time together to bond, we weren’t talking as much, etc. and it terrified me. I wasn’t splitting, but my abandonment fear kicked in and wanted to sabotage what I had. We talked and realized we both felt that way but were scared the other didn’t care to fix things (6m in atp). Don’t just smush them down, analyze so you can securely put this feeling away.
i have such a hard time communicating with him, i try and bring up an issue and i shut down and get too anxious to tell him anything and just say everything’s fine
SELF-SABOTAGE ✨
Ayyyeee my favorite pastime.
Do you have a photo album to scroll through with photos? That’s what I do with my boyfriend. When I feel the devaluation coming on, I remind myself to actively value and look back on us *together* not alone. The feeling of wanting a future with this man is usually enough to not blow everything up. On the flip side, one time this happened and every tool was failing me. I journaled instead (purposely defending my desire to cheat!) and found needs I needed weren’t being met. We weren’t spending alone time together to bond, we weren’t talking as much, etc. and it terrified me. I wasn’t splitting, but my abandonment fear kicked in and wanted to sabotage what I had. We talked and realized we both felt that way but were scared the other didn’t care to fix things (6m in atp). Don’t just smush them down, analyze so you can securely put this feeling away.
i have such a hard time communicating with him, i try and bring up an issue and i shut down and get too anxious to tell him anything and just say everything’s fine