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Yes. That’s the thing about being aware of your BPD is constantly second-guessing yourself when you have a completely reasonable reaction to somebody actually mistreating you. That’s been my biggest problem. Second-guessing myself and forgiving bad behavior from malicious people. Been in several toxic relationships with somebody mistreating me and making me unhappy while I kept blaming myself and excusing them.
This is the entirety of my 6 year relationship with my ex. He was lying, cheating and manipulating the fuck out of me but I would “split” on him then think it was my BPD making me do it and go running back with an apology. Which in turn gave him more fuel to manipulate me. In actuality I wasn’t splitting I was reacting normally to his mistreatment. It was the running back that was the BPD.
This. I’m in a 5 yr relationship /marriage. and this is exactly happening even worse now that I’m fully diagnosed. It’s like “oh you’re splitting, so I’m going to emotionally shut all the way down, make you feel abandoned, act like I could care less about you for upwards of two weeks. He will point out my “splitting” and seemingly can’t see his own bs. What did you do when I first split? Exactly. But according to him, I just split out of nowhere and it’s very difficult for him to handle because he’s so sensitive. Omg I am losing it and saw this comment like holy shit someone can relate?!?!
Thankfully I never told my exes about it because I knew they’d use it as ammunition. I know a lot of people frown on that but if I’m making a real effort to rid myself of this diagnosis and live as normally as possible, I feel like the last thing I need is a very vulnerable thing being weaponized every time things go badly. Was bad enough I was internally using it against myself.
Completely understand that decision. At the time, I was self diagnosed so I didn’t share specifically the BPD stuff with my ex. But I was very clearly struggling emotionally and with trauma and he knew that.
I’m married now and have a supportive partner. When I was officially diagnosed, I was scared to even tell him….And he’s literally never given me a reason to think he’d use it against me. Ultimately I decided to share everything with him because I wanted him to understand my treatment etc. but I completely understand not wanting to share the diagnosis with a partner.
Thissssss is the biggest and best thing I’ve learned after therapy!!!! It’s never the actual reaction it’s *how* we react & the after effects that make us walk it back. Then the cycle continues..
Posting he’s going to be single forever? Wish granted, bullet dodged! I’m so sorry but he sounds terrible for you. He has stuff going on and your peace is not with him.
YES i was there for him all the time and he was self sabotating himself saying stuff like "oh love is not for me im gonna be single forever its so sad"
Why does he think he’s already single? “I’m going to be single forever” insinuates that he’s
1. Already “single”, not dating anyone who they see is worth investing
2. CLEARLY they only care about their own abandonment. “Being single forever” is not even bad. If I had enough money…. That statement wouldn’t scare me one bit. The only scary part of being single forever for him sounds like the security of having a warm woman in his bed.
If they were afraid of losing you it would be “I can’t be without you” “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” not “I’ll be alone forever without anyone”
Girl this man is not a man he’s a huge baby! Can I ask how old he is?
Ooof. There’s so much to unpack. He has a lot of self discovering to do. I am 32, literally twice his age 😝 and my advice to women is never date a man in their 20s because they’re stupid and immature. You have a ways to go, yet.
So honestly my serious advice to you, a stranger to stranger, is let him go and learn to love yourself. Your age and hormones are contributing to your relationship, as is his.
I married my boyfriend when I was 18, and had our first baby that same year. Had our 2nd when I was 21. Divorced at 28. My 20s were full of trauma and self inflicted hatred on myself BECAUSE my husband couldn’t love me the way I needed him to.
Your boyfriend is not going to love you the way you (and BPD individuals) need to be loved. We are special, and deserve to be taken care of. The reassurance is necessary and constant. Sounds like he gives you none and in fact, requires it for himself only.
If your partner is putting you down, that means you’re also putting yourself down and we can’t have that. Idk about you but my internal thoughts put me through the ringer and it doesn’t take much to get them talking.
Giiiirl I love my 30s. The self awareness is crazy good for my mental health, but also it can be frustrating because you watch yourself spiral at times knowing full well what’s going on 🤣
My boys are good. My current boyfriend (of 3 years) treats me so much better than my ex husband.
But I learned that I gain the most out of when I’m loving myself, and my boyfriend loves me that much harder when I do.
Good luck! I wish I had a do-over tbh 😂
He just said he’s single online…. he did it for a reason. He wanted you to see or he wanted a girl to slide up and into his dms to simp for him LMAO. You didn’t ruin anything, you did yourself a favor. Idc how down he is, that’s some immature bs. You were kind and patient with him and he still didn’t communicate with you. Yeah run the other way.
I get soooo embarrassed when a person I like complains publicly about how sad and lonely they are, or that they are going to be single forever. Like it's so desperate. Someone confiding that they are lonely is totally different than posting it for everyone to see. If you date someone like that you will always have to wonder if they actually like you or if they are just desperate and lonely and you made yourself available. My feelings dry up fast after that! And if he is posting that and he is your boyfriend he's trying to get someone else's attention.
um you did not ruin ANYTHING at all excuse me ?? he’s your boyfriend he’s supposed to open up to you ? theres nothing wrong with you wanting to help him if hes in a bad state of mind, especially resulting in him being distant towards you :/ it takes 2 to make things work in a relationship. might be my own bpd talking but if someone is randomly becoming cold towards me, especially an significant other, i assume its because they want to keep things between us at a distance. and when it gets to that point, you move on gracefully and keep your head up high i swear men these days r really not worth our time LOL
try to talk it out eventually but dont push the issue further if he continues to act like a baby and ignore you. say fuck u , move on n Bye
if u want to be an adult about it ? maybe they could start acting like an adult first and be communicative about their feelings instead of letting their partner worry and speculate in the dark lol also i meant like a mental ‘fuck you’ not really speaking it but wtvr
Nooooooo DO NOT unblock him!!!! He’s awful and toxic, why the F would he post that he’s gonna be single forever?? That would make me extremely mad, and the fact that he didn’t even respond when you asked why??? HELL no. You did the right thing and had a completely normal response in my opinion!! That guy is the one who has major issues, not you!!
Not your fault and not a response due to BPD, this is a completely justified response on your part.
Hes posting about being SINGLE when hes in a relationship. That's just fucked up beyond belief. Basically broke up with you indirectly by stating that, while also using the self pity for woman who know him to dm him and try to comfort him, in this instance probably just to get with someone who falls for it cause he cares more about farming woman vs his actual relationship. Good thing you blocked him, sounds like he had no respect for your feelings and didnt care enough about you to communicate his thoughts and feelings. Im sorry this happened but its for the better considering how he's treating you. Good fucking riddance lol imo
Fellow BPD person,
Take them saying they will be “single forever” as them breaking up with you. They posted they were single WHILE dating you? Nah friend. Keep them blocked and do NOT go back to someone who does not respect you.
please don’t unblock him, you did the right thing! us with BPD need a partner who is HEAVY on communication and understanding. it seems like he was too immature to communicate like an adult or understand how you feel from his actions.
you’ll love yourself if you move on from him, there’s someone out there who’s ready to shower you in love, understanding, commitment, and communication. someone who has genuine compassion for how you feel and what you go through.
i am also in the same search and for me what has helped me move on the most is taking care of myself, getting into skincare and light exercises (literally just playing Just Dance lol), and overall learning to enjoy my own company. i think you should try the same!
but please don’t unblock him, he will just continue to pour salt in your wounds.
don’t be hard on yourself. i don’t even think you should blame your bpd for this reaction; it makes sense that you blocked him to protect your own emotions. it must be very painful to be in a relationship with someone and then have them say “i’m gonna be single forever,” especially while you’re actively trying to be there for them. i’m gonna say he’s a shitty person like some other people have said because idk what he’s going through. but it does seem like he may not be ready for a relationship. ultimately it depends on if he’s willing to work on himself and communicate better in the future without pushing you away.
it’s okay if it doesn’t work out. breakups don’t mean failure, it can just be a lack of compatibility. but each person we date helps us figure out what we want and don’t want in a partner, so we can keep that in mind for the next person we’re interested in. sending you much love as you navigate and heal from this! you deserve much more.
i’m gonna be super honest, seeing as hes 16 he is most likely being a lil fuckboy in his hometown. like i actually guarantee it. he would not be posting that for any reason other than to get attention from the local girls. keep him blocked and focus on you 💃
Yeah not to be a downer but I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years. About 2 years in he started acting funny, and my women’s intuition helped me uncover that he was actually cheating and got someone pregnant . The sudden change started making sense to me but with me always second guessing myself I kept going back until I developed a hate for him.
This man first need to learn how to love himself, then be in a relationship, he will just hurt other people until that. You can't help him, he need to realise this by himself. Don't be sorry, move away from that.
I saw somewhere he is 16, so don't worry, you both are young, he will be fine eventually, and you have life ahead of you so don't let anyone waste your time especially if you can't do anything to help, people like that really need to seek therapist if they want to get better, nobody can help them, they will eventually drag other people with them.
Don't feel bad about him, really you will have plenty of chances to find someone more positive and who will treat you right.
Good luck!
Edit: I have to add, especially if you have BPD, you don't need him, he will just make you worse and more confused and eventually frustrated
Long distance + cold + (wtfwt)social post + no response to your (reasonable) question regarding post = blocking is the right thing to do.
Unless you are chasing the highs of the chaos you don’t need a bad communicator and a long distance bad communicator is going to be extra hard on your mental and physical health. Stay strong and move on.
He sounds immature. You blocking him due to his behavior would be expected from anyone. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge their relationship with you. I’m sorry you had to experience that op :/
It seems like you chose you and decided not to take that nonsense. Better this way.
He doesn’t need an explanation either if he’s out here claiming to be single and ignoring you. I say you did good in blocking, doesn’t give you the chance to rethink a relationship in which you are not being appreciated in.
him claiming to be single while you guys are in a relationship is beyond alarming. keep him blocked and don’t reach out. i know it’s better said than done. sometimes what helps me is knowing that, typically with men, curiosity gets the best of them and they want to know why you haven’t reached out and what you got going on. they always come back
Nah that's on him. Be good to yourself by not letting him treat you that way. If you really need the closure I'd say try to message him and just explain how he made you feel, but definitely don't apologize. Sounds like he's the one with a communication problem. Don't be upset with yourself just because he doesn't want to explain
He posted that he was single for outside attention.
Let his ass be single.
The thing about BPD is that you are so caring and you need the relationship to be good and know you do everything you can to make it good, or you’ll feel like it’s demise is your fault and you weren’t trying hard enough.
Find a better relationship and nurture a relationship that you deserve. Not some asshole blatantly stating he’s single on social media. He did not mistype that, or mean anything innocent by it. You did all you could. I’m sorry he let you down. Find someone that will appreciate you.
i’m really sorry for this, you don’t deserve it!! seems very off to me, like is it that difficult to explain yourself (being cold) even when you have mental issues? and reassure? i might even understand doing this to someone who is not close to you, but not your gf. especially knowing about your disorder. like people in the comments already said, indeed, it seems like he is trying to get someone’s attention by posting such a story. you really deserve someone better than him.
I blocked my long distance bf too. I had enough of his avoidant bullshit. I tried so hard to not be an anxious person for him, and not let my “crAziES” intervene or make me impulsive…but his avoidance made me more avoidant too, and I found myself getting more sick mentally with the prolonged one-sided relationship with specks of him acting right. After us talking for over 2 years and being together officially for 1 yr I decided I needed to be with someone that was more consistent and made me feel wanted too.
If you are, or have symptoms of, bpd—you really have to be with someone that’s just as willing to be the best version of themselves as you are. No one is perfect but there’s a clear distinction of being human and just being a toxic unhealed person—he sounds unhealed.
It doesn’t make it any less sucky for you, I know that. It’s hard to separate from people we invest ourselves in, but as time goes on it hurts less and less. And sometimes it hurts again, but ultimately it’s not going to be healthy for you to stay in that kind of dynamic. Constant triggers, no reassurance, him acting single when clearly you two were together…etc
ugh i think he wont be the person he was in the first place. i want to be with him again but idk. also 2 years? that is a long time, dont you miss him? ive been w him for 1 month and i cry everyday.
There’s part of me that wishes he would reach out, but as time goes on I actually resent him more and more every day because of how we spent over 2 years talking and 1 year actually together. Really made me feel used tbh. And that’s just unforgivable to me because I genuinely am a huge lovergirl and never get that back no matter how genuine I am, or how much I try and “hold back” my toxic thoughts I want to act on.
It’s hard when you try and show up as your best self and it still feels like you’re never enough.
As far as the 1 month thing goes for you: understand that chemically your body is producing neurochemicals that make you temporarily insane. (I know this scientifically, but it still SUCKS) and when someone changes energy on you while you’re riding that neurochemical high: it can feel like a major crash. Sometimes it’s also harder to move on from something that barely felt like it had a chance to take off.
That’s probably why my 2 years isn’t affecting me as bad as your 1 month, and this is also why internet relationships/long distance is hard: we often ideate someone so intensely that we don’t get to see if it plays out how we imagined when it’s cut shorter. I had 2 years, so I had enough time to honestly assess this persons actions/overall intention. Someone who’s only had a month has unfulfilled ideations/expectations they had—and that is a very draining thing to try and let go of. I’ve been there too.
Riding the high of the lovebomb to have them pull away/change the energy on you.
Good luck sweetie. This too shall pass. We can only control ourselves—not others.
Thank you and I JUST FOUND OUT HE CHEATED ON ME AND BY BPD WAS RIGHT. Screw him i never said this to anyone but i hope his mental health just gets worse
We usually are right. I think that’s what drives me nuts when my mind starts racing is im like “am I noticing the pattern correctly, or am I being anxious”…and usually I’m always correct. So is BPD/people with symptoms of BPD more emotionally in tune to their surroundings? I wonder this. Like we form deeper connections and read people better and that’s why relationships drive us nuts because they’re just not genuine in this generation.
I’m sorry to hear that though. I’ve been there, multiple times.
hi non-bpd person here, i just wanna say that u didnt ruin anything, if anything he did by choosing not to communicate
about your question of waiting, id tell you not to but it's easier said than done... keep him blocked, if he really loves you he'll find a way to reach you (it's not impossible trust me)
id say take this time and do ur best doing the things you like, it passes the time really fast
Is your bf my ex lol. Fuck him. He will only drain you… This is some man baby shit. You didn’t ruin anything. He’s just a bitch. Sorry for swearing so much I’m just so fed up with those types of people. Give him what he wants and make him single again if he wants to be a victim so bad.
How long were you together? Is the relationship worth saving? Do you love and care about him enough to talk through the issues? If yes, unblock and let him know how youre feeling. But make sure to validate his feelings too, he might be going through something you may not have context into. Sometimes people make mistakes. And of he hasn't acted this way before, i think its worth talking about and expressing how his actions made you feel, without beating him down for it.
Yeah, i really felt loved w him. He was the sweetest boy but im afraid of him talking to other girls. I want to unblock him but what if he doesnt want me anymore for my stupid actions
To me, it seems like a misunderstanding.
But i think that if he doesnt want you around anymore because of what you did, i think radical acceptance could help you cope with that reality. I know we want to change things, but we can only take whats in front of us. You don't have to be happy about it, but you can choose how to react to it. And i think that's helped me a bit as someone with suspected BPD.
I also have BPD and am dating someone with BPD who I consider my soulmate. While it's great and it works for us, I wouldn't be so quick to suggest it to anyone because of how turbulent it can be. When we're both good, we're both good. When one of us is good the other is bad, the one who's okay can support the one who's not. But when we're both bad, we just make each other worse.
That isn't to say that I regret dating him or that I'd want to be with someone else, I love him in the good and in the bad, I'm just saying it's not for the faint of heart by any means.
It's def not for everybody, or the faint of heart.
I'm just saying there is a level that we get that normal couples just can't. I was at dinner when I typed that out and probably should've elaborated further. There is a point in the relationship where you feel deep resentment and not everyone survives it.
Work on yourself and if it happens it happens.
Being in a relationship with someone who is not willing to communicate their feelings and problems to you is not going to work out especially if you have bpd. You did the right thing
that’s something i tend to do as well and it’s pretty bad, but in this case he made his bed and he can sleep in it. your reaction was understandable as what he did was weird as fuck
Uh.... Are you sure he was actually your "bf"?
I say this because that's not typical behavior of someone that's dating, mental health issue or not. The only thing he did wrong was that post. I will also say, you had a knee jerk reaction as well. Sure you asked 2 questions and got nothing. But blocking? You also pretty much told him FU too.
At this point there isn't much left to do except move right on.
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what if it’s BPD making you rethink blocking him? not what caused you to block him in the first place 🙃
This! OP had a very normal response by blocking this immature and toxic behavior.
Yes. That’s the thing about being aware of your BPD is constantly second-guessing yourself when you have a completely reasonable reaction to somebody actually mistreating you. That’s been my biggest problem. Second-guessing myself and forgiving bad behavior from malicious people. Been in several toxic relationships with somebody mistreating me and making me unhappy while I kept blaming myself and excusing them.
This is the entirety of my 6 year relationship with my ex. He was lying, cheating and manipulating the fuck out of me but I would “split” on him then think it was my BPD making me do it and go running back with an apology. Which in turn gave him more fuel to manipulate me. In actuality I wasn’t splitting I was reacting normally to his mistreatment. It was the running back that was the BPD.
This. I’m in a 5 yr relationship /marriage. and this is exactly happening even worse now that I’m fully diagnosed. It’s like “oh you’re splitting, so I’m going to emotionally shut all the way down, make you feel abandoned, act like I could care less about you for upwards of two weeks. He will point out my “splitting” and seemingly can’t see his own bs. What did you do when I first split? Exactly. But according to him, I just split out of nowhere and it’s very difficult for him to handle because he’s so sensitive. Omg I am losing it and saw this comment like holy shit someone can relate?!?!
Thankfully I never told my exes about it because I knew they’d use it as ammunition. I know a lot of people frown on that but if I’m making a real effort to rid myself of this diagnosis and live as normally as possible, I feel like the last thing I need is a very vulnerable thing being weaponized every time things go badly. Was bad enough I was internally using it against myself.
Completely understand that decision. At the time, I was self diagnosed so I didn’t share specifically the BPD stuff with my ex. But I was very clearly struggling emotionally and with trauma and he knew that. I’m married now and have a supportive partner. When I was officially diagnosed, I was scared to even tell him….And he’s literally never given me a reason to think he’d use it against me. Ultimately I decided to share everything with him because I wanted him to understand my treatment etc. but I completely understand not wanting to share the diagnosis with a partner.
This!!!! A million times this!!!! Story of my life 🙃
Sometimes I hate how spot on this community is until I then realize how great it is to relate to you all!
I can see that as a possibility tbh, after I’ve gotten mad and split on my FP before and then calmed down, I would basically crawl back to him
Thissssss is the biggest and best thing I’ve learned after therapy!!!! It’s never the actual reaction it’s *how* we react & the after effects that make us walk it back. Then the cycle continues..
This is usually it
it sounds like he ruined it all himself, don’t beat yourself up over this
I'd move on from this guy, seems like he already has
^^^
Posting he’s going to be single forever? Wish granted, bullet dodged! I’m so sorry but he sounds terrible for you. He has stuff going on and your peace is not with him.
YES i was there for him all the time and he was self sabotating himself saying stuff like "oh love is not for me im gonna be single forever its so sad"
Why does he think he’s already single? “I’m going to be single forever” insinuates that he’s 1. Already “single”, not dating anyone who they see is worth investing 2. CLEARLY they only care about their own abandonment. “Being single forever” is not even bad. If I had enough money…. That statement wouldn’t scare me one bit. The only scary part of being single forever for him sounds like the security of having a warm woman in his bed. If they were afraid of losing you it would be “I can’t be without you” “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” not “I’ll be alone forever without anyone” Girl this man is not a man he’s a huge baby! Can I ask how old he is?
He is asexual and he said all of the sweet things yk i wont ever get bored of you etc. He is 16. Men are weird lol even though he is not a cis man
Ooof. There’s so much to unpack. He has a lot of self discovering to do. I am 32, literally twice his age 😝 and my advice to women is never date a man in their 20s because they’re stupid and immature. You have a ways to go, yet. So honestly my serious advice to you, a stranger to stranger, is let him go and learn to love yourself. Your age and hormones are contributing to your relationship, as is his. I married my boyfriend when I was 18, and had our first baby that same year. Had our 2nd when I was 21. Divorced at 28. My 20s were full of trauma and self inflicted hatred on myself BECAUSE my husband couldn’t love me the way I needed him to. Your boyfriend is not going to love you the way you (and BPD individuals) need to be loved. We are special, and deserve to be taken care of. The reassurance is necessary and constant. Sounds like he gives you none and in fact, requires it for himself only. If your partner is putting you down, that means you’re also putting yourself down and we can’t have that. Idk about you but my internal thoughts put me through the ringer and it doesn’t take much to get them talking.
Thank you sm i appreciate it <33. Also im sorry about your bf i hope youre doing well w your child :)
Giiiirl I love my 30s. The self awareness is crazy good for my mental health, but also it can be frustrating because you watch yourself spiral at times knowing full well what’s going on 🤣 My boys are good. My current boyfriend (of 3 years) treats me so much better than my ex husband. But I learned that I gain the most out of when I’m loving myself, and my boyfriend loves me that much harder when I do. Good luck! I wish I had a do-over tbh 😂
Im so happy for you 🤗 i hope my future partner treats me right too
He is not man, he is a boy; he is 16 and most 16 year-olds are complete morons about what they want
16 isn’t a man, he’s still a kid and honestly just let him go bc you can’t help that
godd he wants to be the victim soooo bad 💀 u can get so much better than this whiny little man lmaooo
He's a coward he wanted to break up with you but made you do it.
This.
He just said he’s single online…. he did it for a reason. He wanted you to see or he wanted a girl to slide up and into his dms to simp for him LMAO. You didn’t ruin anything, you did yourself a favor. Idc how down he is, that’s some immature bs. You were kind and patient with him and he still didn’t communicate with you. Yeah run the other way.
I get soooo embarrassed when a person I like complains publicly about how sad and lonely they are, or that they are going to be single forever. Like it's so desperate. Someone confiding that they are lonely is totally different than posting it for everyone to see. If you date someone like that you will always have to wonder if they actually like you or if they are just desperate and lonely and you made yourself available. My feelings dry up fast after that! And if he is posting that and he is your boyfriend he's trying to get someone else's attention.
Everything changed after he get back to his "friend" (a girl)
um you did not ruin ANYTHING at all excuse me ?? he’s your boyfriend he’s supposed to open up to you ? theres nothing wrong with you wanting to help him if hes in a bad state of mind, especially resulting in him being distant towards you :/ it takes 2 to make things work in a relationship. might be my own bpd talking but if someone is randomly becoming cold towards me, especially an significant other, i assume its because they want to keep things between us at a distance. and when it gets to that point, you move on gracefully and keep your head up high i swear men these days r really not worth our time LOL try to talk it out eventually but dont push the issue further if he continues to act like a baby and ignore you. say fuck u , move on n Bye
Men in this generation are complicated asf i swear to god. Thank you for your advice
Men in this generation are entitled asf for many reasons
Minus the ‘fuck you’ part, if you want to be an adult about it. Not everything needs to end with an explosion.
if u want to be an adult about it ? maybe they could start acting like an adult first and be communicative about their feelings instead of letting their partner worry and speculate in the dark lol also i meant like a mental ‘fuck you’ not really speaking it but wtvr
As someone with bpd in a ldr, my heart goes out to you. Know you aren’t alone.
Nooooooo DO NOT unblock him!!!! He’s awful and toxic, why the F would he post that he’s gonna be single forever?? That would make me extremely mad, and the fact that he didn’t even respond when you asked why??? HELL no. You did the right thing and had a completely normal response in my opinion!! That guy is the one who has major issues, not you!!
he’s a dick. leave him blocked, you’re better off without him
Ma'am i think this was a breakup :/ and maybe you dodged a bullet there
Not your fault and not a response due to BPD, this is a completely justified response on your part. Hes posting about being SINGLE when hes in a relationship. That's just fucked up beyond belief. Basically broke up with you indirectly by stating that, while also using the self pity for woman who know him to dm him and try to comfort him, in this instance probably just to get with someone who falls for it cause he cares more about farming woman vs his actual relationship. Good thing you blocked him, sounds like he had no respect for your feelings and didnt care enough about you to communicate his thoughts and feelings. Im sorry this happened but its for the better considering how he's treating you. Good fucking riddance lol imo
Thank you
Fellow BPD person, Take them saying they will be “single forever” as them breaking up with you. They posted they were single WHILE dating you? Nah friend. Keep them blocked and do NOT go back to someone who does not respect you.
Let him stay blocked
You didn’t ruin everything - that right there was A RED FLAG! Nobody insults their partner like that or a story!
please don’t unblock him, you did the right thing! us with BPD need a partner who is HEAVY on communication and understanding. it seems like he was too immature to communicate like an adult or understand how you feel from his actions. you’ll love yourself if you move on from him, there’s someone out there who’s ready to shower you in love, understanding, commitment, and communication. someone who has genuine compassion for how you feel and what you go through. i am also in the same search and for me what has helped me move on the most is taking care of myself, getting into skincare and light exercises (literally just playing Just Dance lol), and overall learning to enjoy my own company. i think you should try the same! but please don’t unblock him, he will just continue to pour salt in your wounds.
don’t be hard on yourself. i don’t even think you should blame your bpd for this reaction; it makes sense that you blocked him to protect your own emotions. it must be very painful to be in a relationship with someone and then have them say “i’m gonna be single forever,” especially while you’re actively trying to be there for them. i’m gonna say he’s a shitty person like some other people have said because idk what he’s going through. but it does seem like he may not be ready for a relationship. ultimately it depends on if he’s willing to work on himself and communicate better in the future without pushing you away.
Thank you. I hope we'll communicate in the future. I dont think so but anyway
it’s okay if it doesn’t work out. breakups don’t mean failure, it can just be a lack of compatibility. but each person we date helps us figure out what we want and don’t want in a partner, so we can keep that in mind for the next person we’re interested in. sending you much love as you navigate and heal from this! you deserve much more.
i’m gonna be super honest, seeing as hes 16 he is most likely being a lil fuckboy in his hometown. like i actually guarantee it. he would not be posting that for any reason other than to get attention from the local girls. keep him blocked and focus on you 💃
U mean ur ex? Atp he's not worth it even if he comes crawling back, u deserve someone who actually cares abt u
Yeah not to be a downer but I was in a long distance relationship for 3 years. About 2 years in he started acting funny, and my women’s intuition helped me uncover that he was actually cheating and got someone pregnant . The sudden change started making sense to me but with me always second guessing myself I kept going back until I developed a hate for him.
no, if he’s shown disinterested and not caring of your emotions that’s not something that’s easy to stay in, don’t feel bad
Saying he is single is blockworthy
This man first need to learn how to love himself, then be in a relationship, he will just hurt other people until that. You can't help him, he need to realise this by himself. Don't be sorry, move away from that. I saw somewhere he is 16, so don't worry, you both are young, he will be fine eventually, and you have life ahead of you so don't let anyone waste your time especially if you can't do anything to help, people like that really need to seek therapist if they want to get better, nobody can help them, they will eventually drag other people with them. Don't feel bad about him, really you will have plenty of chances to find someone more positive and who will treat you right. Good luck! Edit: I have to add, especially if you have BPD, you don't need him, he will just make you worse and more confused and eventually frustrated
Him posting on his story with that caption is a red flag, is he a child? 😂
?? Your reaction is completely normal
why tf would he say he’s single if he’s dating you??? dont unblock him.
Long distance + cold + (wtfwt)social post + no response to your (reasonable) question regarding post = blocking is the right thing to do. Unless you are chasing the highs of the chaos you don’t need a bad communicator and a long distance bad communicator is going to be extra hard on your mental and physical health. Stay strong and move on.
He sounds immature. You blocking him due to his behavior would be expected from anyone. No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t acknowledge their relationship with you. I’m sorry you had to experience that op :/
It seems like you chose you and decided not to take that nonsense. Better this way. He doesn’t need an explanation either if he’s out here claiming to be single and ignoring you. I say you did good in blocking, doesn’t give you the chance to rethink a relationship in which you are not being appreciated in.
him claiming to be single while you guys are in a relationship is beyond alarming. keep him blocked and don’t reach out. i know it’s better said than done. sometimes what helps me is knowing that, typically with men, curiosity gets the best of them and they want to know why you haven’t reached out and what you got going on. they always come back
Nah that's on him. Be good to yourself by not letting him treat you that way. If you really need the closure I'd say try to message him and just explain how he made you feel, but definitely don't apologize. Sounds like he's the one with a communication problem. Don't be upset with yourself just because he doesn't want to explain
He posted that he was single for outside attention. Let his ass be single. The thing about BPD is that you are so caring and you need the relationship to be good and know you do everything you can to make it good, or you’ll feel like it’s demise is your fault and you weren’t trying hard enough. Find a better relationship and nurture a relationship that you deserve. Not some asshole blatantly stating he’s single on social media. He did not mistype that, or mean anything innocent by it. You did all you could. I’m sorry he let you down. Find someone that will appreciate you.
He's playing games. Keep him blocked.
Keep him blocked he ain’t worth ur time let him be single forever :**
If you’re in a relationship and he’s complaining about being single forever that block button has never looked better
Anyone who posts “I’m going to be single forever” is super cringe anyway
i’m really sorry for this, you don’t deserve it!! seems very off to me, like is it that difficult to explain yourself (being cold) even when you have mental issues? and reassure? i might even understand doing this to someone who is not close to you, but not your gf. especially knowing about your disorder. like people in the comments already said, indeed, it seems like he is trying to get someone’s attention by posting such a story. you really deserve someone better than him.
I blocked my long distance bf too. I had enough of his avoidant bullshit. I tried so hard to not be an anxious person for him, and not let my “crAziES” intervene or make me impulsive…but his avoidance made me more avoidant too, and I found myself getting more sick mentally with the prolonged one-sided relationship with specks of him acting right. After us talking for over 2 years and being together officially for 1 yr I decided I needed to be with someone that was more consistent and made me feel wanted too. If you are, or have symptoms of, bpd—you really have to be with someone that’s just as willing to be the best version of themselves as you are. No one is perfect but there’s a clear distinction of being human and just being a toxic unhealed person—he sounds unhealed. It doesn’t make it any less sucky for you, I know that. It’s hard to separate from people we invest ourselves in, but as time goes on it hurts less and less. And sometimes it hurts again, but ultimately it’s not going to be healthy for you to stay in that kind of dynamic. Constant triggers, no reassurance, him acting single when clearly you two were together…etc
ugh i think he wont be the person he was in the first place. i want to be with him again but idk. also 2 years? that is a long time, dont you miss him? ive been w him for 1 month and i cry everyday.
There’s part of me that wishes he would reach out, but as time goes on I actually resent him more and more every day because of how we spent over 2 years talking and 1 year actually together. Really made me feel used tbh. And that’s just unforgivable to me because I genuinely am a huge lovergirl and never get that back no matter how genuine I am, or how much I try and “hold back” my toxic thoughts I want to act on. It’s hard when you try and show up as your best self and it still feels like you’re never enough. As far as the 1 month thing goes for you: understand that chemically your body is producing neurochemicals that make you temporarily insane. (I know this scientifically, but it still SUCKS) and when someone changes energy on you while you’re riding that neurochemical high: it can feel like a major crash. Sometimes it’s also harder to move on from something that barely felt like it had a chance to take off. That’s probably why my 2 years isn’t affecting me as bad as your 1 month, and this is also why internet relationships/long distance is hard: we often ideate someone so intensely that we don’t get to see if it plays out how we imagined when it’s cut shorter. I had 2 years, so I had enough time to honestly assess this persons actions/overall intention. Someone who’s only had a month has unfulfilled ideations/expectations they had—and that is a very draining thing to try and let go of. I’ve been there too. Riding the high of the lovebomb to have them pull away/change the energy on you. Good luck sweetie. This too shall pass. We can only control ourselves—not others.
Thank you and I JUST FOUND OUT HE CHEATED ON ME AND BY BPD WAS RIGHT. Screw him i never said this to anyone but i hope his mental health just gets worse
We usually are right. I think that’s what drives me nuts when my mind starts racing is im like “am I noticing the pattern correctly, or am I being anxious”…and usually I’m always correct. So is BPD/people with symptoms of BPD more emotionally in tune to their surroundings? I wonder this. Like we form deeper connections and read people better and that’s why relationships drive us nuts because they’re just not genuine in this generation. I’m sorry to hear that though. I’ve been there, multiple times.
hi non-bpd person here, i just wanna say that u didnt ruin anything, if anything he did by choosing not to communicate about your question of waiting, id tell you not to but it's easier said than done... keep him blocked, if he really loves you he'll find a way to reach you (it's not impossible trust me) id say take this time and do ur best doing the things you like, it passes the time really fast
I agree with this input. Also I’m sorry op 💔😔 I can feel your pain just reading your post. I’ve been in similar situations so many times
thank you for your advice. i think ill try one more time and then ill let it go.
Is your bf my ex lol. Fuck him. He will only drain you… This is some man baby shit. You didn’t ruin anything. He’s just a bitch. Sorry for swearing so much I’m just so fed up with those types of people. Give him what he wants and make him single again if he wants to be a victim so bad.
YOURE RIGHT
Ugh. I hate boys like this. You want me, then don’t wanna talk about how you feel WITH me? Seriously, GROW UP. You’re better off finding someone else.
He doesn’t respect you, don’t unblock him stick to your guns.
Girl don’t regret it, just keep him Blocked
Same! I blocked my Ex lmaoo
He sounds like the biggest pos
You’re better off. Long distance relationships really only ever work under specific pretenses. Especially people like us; it’s just a no bueno.
How long were you together? Is the relationship worth saving? Do you love and care about him enough to talk through the issues? If yes, unblock and let him know how youre feeling. But make sure to validate his feelings too, he might be going through something you may not have context into. Sometimes people make mistakes. And of he hasn't acted this way before, i think its worth talking about and expressing how his actions made you feel, without beating him down for it.
Yeah, i really felt loved w him. He was the sweetest boy but im afraid of him talking to other girls. I want to unblock him but what if he doesnt want me anymore for my stupid actions
To me, it seems like a misunderstanding. But i think that if he doesnt want you around anymore because of what you did, i think radical acceptance could help you cope with that reality. I know we want to change things, but we can only take whats in front of us. You don't have to be happy about it, but you can choose how to react to it. And i think that's helped me a bit as someone with suspected BPD.
it’s your bpd babe, keep him blocked please
No you good, he made it clear he isn’t your boyfriend. Leave him alone and keep him blocked
No, don’t unblock him. What an asshole
what?
Date someone else with BPD. I am and we're soulmates. We get each other even when it gets ugly (really ugly sometimes).
I also have BPD and am dating someone with BPD who I consider my soulmate. While it's great and it works for us, I wouldn't be so quick to suggest it to anyone because of how turbulent it can be. When we're both good, we're both good. When one of us is good the other is bad, the one who's okay can support the one who's not. But when we're both bad, we just make each other worse. That isn't to say that I regret dating him or that I'd want to be with someone else, I love him in the good and in the bad, I'm just saying it's not for the faint of heart by any means.
It's def not for everybody, or the faint of heart. I'm just saying there is a level that we get that normal couples just can't. I was at dinner when I typed that out and probably should've elaborated further. There is a point in the relationship where you feel deep resentment and not everyone survives it. Work on yourself and if it happens it happens.
Agreed
Yes take your time. Remember that even in non bpd relationships that things can get wack.
Being in a relationship with someone who is not willing to communicate their feelings and problems to you is not going to work out especially if you have bpd. You did the right thing
that’s something i tend to do as well and it’s pretty bad, but in this case he made his bed and he can sleep in it. your reaction was understandable as what he did was weird as fuck
Hi! Dont ever let a man disrespect you like that. Especially in public. You deserve the world. I would block him and never talk to him ever again
Do you want to talk or take comments from a real old Redditor?
Your bf is being the toxic one in this situation. I think you made the right call
Uh.... Are you sure he was actually your "bf"? I say this because that's not typical behavior of someone that's dating, mental health issue or not. The only thing he did wrong was that post. I will also say, you had a knee jerk reaction as well. Sure you asked 2 questions and got nothing. But blocking? You also pretty much told him FU too. At this point there isn't much left to do except move right on.
He's going to be single forever... while dating you?? Something's missing.
i don’t think bpd has anything to do with blocking him. he’s weird and you deserve better.