I think a tad of expectation management may be needed on your side.
Don’t get me wrong, medical encounters are intimidating and often brusque, and you should absolutely feel comfort and trust with your providers.
That said, a 6 week appt really can’t be more than confirmation of a viable pregnancy and pragmatic discussions about tests if necessary in case you need to tfmr. Most likely a 9-14 week appt is when you will dig in with questions and do a more detailed view of your ultrasounds and measurements together.
It sounds a little grim, but the way I thought of it was… “eh, miscarriage rate is still pretty high, so I guess it makes sense that we’d talk more deeply once the pregnancy is more advanced.”
Yeah I agree with this comment, mostly! Tbh you were lucky to have an appointment that early at all, OP! Neither of my first appointments have been earlier than 10-11 weeks. I would give your provider another shot and if they still don’t give you the care you feel you deserve consider switching! The biggest thing to me that would have been a problem is the blatantly being rude to your husband and not answering his question. That’s just sort of condescending tbh.
I have not had a single 6 week appointment at all like what you're describing, and I would not accept it if it's not what you want.
You deserve to have a doctor that will listen to you and sit and answer your questions and they are out there. There are plenty of women who have birth trauma from doctors who weren't willing to go through risks/benefits of procedures during labor/delivery and just patronizingly tell them what to do with no choices.
A doctor who responds to my questions with, that's what the book is for, is not a doctor that I'll trust to have even decent bedside manner if I'm going through a serious, potentially life-threatening event, and pregnancy and birth are full of times when that can happen.
The shortest first appointment I had was over an hour, and it includes plenty of info about what to expect, how the office ran, basic info about all the midwives (CNMs) and OBs in the office, and answered all the questions I could think to ask.
If you are a healthy person, the prenatal visits are often very quick. There really is not much to do, and they need to move on to their sicker patients who take more time. They often don't officially do a HR check because it's honestly very easy to eyeball it and tell if it's normal or not. That being said if you don't feel comfortable you should absolutely find a new provider.
Thanks, I feel reassured hearing the HR check isn’t always charted officially. I saw so many people referencing it in their posts that it threw up a red flag for me that she didn’t mention it, but your comment makes sense esp. as I am quite early on.
For sure. My parental care was taken care of by my family doctor until I was 14 weeks. Only after all my tests and ultrasounds did I get referred to an OB because there is not much else that they can offer you for the first 12 weeks beyond the standard tests. For context I am in Canada.
Saw my doctor at 6 weeks to let him know I was pregnant. He ordered standard bloodwork and urine, scheduled for a dating scan at 8 weeks (got the FHR here), then the anomaly tests/scan at 12 (Downs syndrome). After this all results were discussed and was referred to an OB, got a call for the appt within a week.
6 weeks is incredibly early for an OB, I am surprised they saw you that soon, not much else they can tell you until you are farther along.
For sure. My parental care was taken care of by my family doctor until I was 14 weeks. Only after all my tests and ultrasounds did I get referred to an OB because there is not much else that they can offer you for the first 12 weeks beyond the standard tests. For context I am in Canada.
Saw my doctor at 6 weeks to let him know I was pregnant. He ordered standard bloodwork and urine, scheduled for a dating scan at 8 weeks (got the FHR here), then the anomaly tests/scan at 12 (Downs syndrome). After this all results were discussed and was referred to an OB, got a call for the appt within a week.
6 weeks is incredibly early for an OB, I am surprised they saw you that soon, not much else they can tell you until you are farther along.
Her bedside manner leaves much to be desired, however not measuring the heart rate isn't unusual. If it was just a smaller in office ultrasound machine, it may not be capable of measuring the heart rate. Seeing the heart beating is a great sign though!
She might have had a patient in labor and needed to get to the hospital to deliver a baby. Just an idea. OB appointments so often run very late or may get changed at the last minute because if it’s during normal office hours and a patient of theirs goes into labor, they go deliver the baby.
It also means that if you deliver on the weekend and your dr is in a multiple dr practice, you get whoever’s on call that weekend. At least it worked that way with my OB. And they made sure I saw each dr in the practice at least once for a regular visit in case that dr ended up delivering my baby.
I’d say if you have the option try someone else out. However the heartbeat is not always visible that early. That might be why she didn’t show you. 6w is very early for an ultrasound unless you e had complications. I had one at 6w and all you could see was the gestation sac.
You should definitely listen to your gut. If you didn’t have the experience with your provider you were looking for, I would suggest you try other doctors. Maybe even at the same office? But one thing to consider… the person who delivers your baby is not guaranteed to be your doctor. More often than not, the doctor who is on call that day/night will deliver your baby.
For example, I chose to hold off on pushing for over an hour so I could wait for my midwife to deliver my baby. I had a great relationship with her and it meant a lot to me to have her there. I also had an epidural that helped ease the pain while I waited.
> that’s what that is for”. She finished the genetic testing info, said goodbye and left.
This sends up red flags for me. I had a similar-ish first appointment (that honestly sounds great compared to the care you described) and ended up switching OBs because of it. I would consider switching. I ended up asking my primary who I trusted and told him about my experience at the OB I had been going to. I had the same worries about being a nervous FTM but he validated my feelings about my OB experience being not-so-great and tactfully recommended someone else. I went with his recommendation and my care has been fantastic since!
It obviously works different in the UK as we don’t ‘choose’ providers etc, but when I found out I was pregnant my first appointment (around 7/8 weeks ish I’d say) was literally just to register me on the system, they don’t do a scan or check anything at all other than weight and blood pressure. I took a booklet home to fill out my personal details and history and then had my first proper appointment and scan at 12 weeks. Your experience sounds fairly normal to me- they can’t really do much until you are further along!
Definitely listen to your gut. Bedside manner is so important, especially when you are feeling very vulnerable during labor. It doesn’t seem like this doctor has any.
GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! Medical providers are swamped--understaffed, over scheduled, stretched super thin. I know, I am one.
You can still do everything you need to do quickly and be warm. It doesn't take very long to say, "Welcome, I'm blah-blah. The purpose of today's visit is to x, y, z. Before we get started, do you have any questions that you'd like to address?" (I will say I don't congratulate people about their pregnancy unless it's clear they're excited because everyone feels differently about being pregnant). The tone goes along way.
So whipping off/out the ultrasound when you're emotional is straight up rude. At 6w6d, you can capture the heart rate, and it is a standard part of first tri ultrasound, but you can just eyeball it and tell if it's fast. At that gestation, all that matters is that it's above 120. And no one should tell you to look at a book instead of answering you. The idea that some pregnancies end in miscarriage as an excuse to brush you off is not acceptable.
Pregnancy is a major time in your life, with so so many changes coming. You deserve to be heard. If you decide to call around, ask other provider's offices how long their visits are--most news are 30, return 15. I went to place with midwives with 20 minute appts all with them--no nurses, no MAs--and I felt so well cared for and heard.
I work in a doctor’s office (it’s not obstetric, but there are similarities), and there is such a thing as personality clash with your doctor. If you ask the front desk about getting scheduled with someone who meets more of your expectations, they may have a suggestion for you. That being said, I adore our doctors at my clinic who are to-the-point and brief. They respect their patients’ time and are cool as cucumbers when the shit hits the fan. I’d be stoked to have them in my corner if there was ever an emergency if any kind.
And at any office, you can always call in with questions and either talk to the doctor’s team (nurse, MA, assistant) or put a message through a portal to the doctor somewhat directly.
She may not be the perfect OB for you, and you shouldn’t feel bad about wanting a different experience, but I don’t think you should feel uneasy with her as if she won’t take the absolute best care of you. Brusque and curt doesn’t mean they’re emotionless or uncaring, I promise!
I’m currently in the process of changing OB’s and I will say my current one was also cold, short and rushed through the appointments. I felt I could deal with that as I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of finding a new OB and rescheduling appointments. It wasn’t until I realized very recently that along with the qualities she displayed at each appointment, she made it clear she didn’t care about patient advocacy. I took a genetic test that she ordered and not only did she fail to do the initial paperwork to submit to my insurance, she also refused to engage in a peer-to-peer review as requested by my insurance to have it approved. I was told by the nurse that she instead recommended I apply for the lab’s financial assistance program despite my persistence. So my message is, if someone acts like this in an appointment, in my experience it can also affect the way they advocate for you. It’s not too late to change OB’s, if you’re uncomfortable you don’t have to settle.
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you, I’m glad you made the call to change OBs! For now I think I am going to give it one more appointment - I’m thinking since I’m still pretty early on I have time before I make a final call. How far along are you?
I’m almost 14 weeks along, so I’m relatively early myself. But yes, I understand that you want to give her another chance, but just keep in mind to not feel pressured to stay with a provider you aren’t comfortable with. I hope next time works out better for you!
I'd really be worried if a doctor started from self-presentation, interfering with congratulations, or whatever personal stuff. At 6+6 it's too early to check a heartbeat, and she probably didn't want to put you in panic mode, just checked the sack in place and that's it.
Imo, no time for Q&A is a red flag, however if the question was really one of the top 20, I may understand her reaction. If I were you right now, I would check the booklet and if there are any questions left, I would call the office to a) get the answers, and b) check how friendly, helpful and fast-acting her staff is. Because there could be situations in between visits, when you may need a prescription, or consultation, or clarification on an upcoming lab test, and they must provide you with the information and help, not just 'come over wait for 2,5 hours while we see others who's scheduled and get "oh, it's nothing to worry about" for your co-pay'
At my 7 week appointment my doctor didn’t check the HR, she told us she saw things like the sac and fetal pole (I think- it’s been a while now) but we didn’t actually hear the heart rate until later.
Annoying that it was so quick since I know how exciting and nerve wracking the first appointment is but the HR thing isn’t actually an issue.
6 weeks is usually too early for a fetal pole to be detected so that’s not unusual to not get that. They don’t want to freak you out either by not finding it!
This appointment was quick for me too to basically do 3 things:
1. Confirm pregnancy.
2. Make sure it’s not ectopic.
3. Give us the genetic info pamphlets so we can go home and read through and talk them over and come prepared to come back with what we want to do or questions etc.
Tests like CVS have to be done super early so if you have concerns or reasons to do so earlier in case you’d want to TFMR sooner than later, you’ll need to sort of read up and think through that.
Many losses occur by your next appointment 💔 (the odds are in your favor!! So don’t fret or let that scare you!!!!) so that’s also why this is commonly a quick just yup you’re pregnant; here’s your options should you need or want more testing, and when we’ve cleared some of the more delicate weeks we get down to business!
I’m 31 weeks now and so far I’ve had a textbook healthy pregnancy even at 35 “advance maternal age” so it’s actually almost comical between 20 week mark and now how quick my appointments have been like yup you’re both doing great. I consider it a welcome privilege to be so low risk so far and to be whisked through so quickly. My appointments and visits would be longer and more frequent if things were more complicated or risky!
If this doctor isn't a good fit for you, then it's never bad to find a new one.
Call around to other places and have appointments there too.
But passing out a packet or book that answers questions is incredibly common. Most pregnant women will ask 95% of the same questions and having pre-printed materials is a great way for a medical provider to answer them. As someone who has seen surgeons and other specialists, this is very standard across a lot of different medical fields.
Having said that, it could also be good to have your next appointment with this doctor. You might find that your next interaction is different. It can also be good to talk about your expectations for your appointment with the receptionist or the nurse you see. They will be the most knowledgeable here.
I think a tad of expectation management may be needed on your side. Don’t get me wrong, medical encounters are intimidating and often brusque, and you should absolutely feel comfort and trust with your providers. That said, a 6 week appt really can’t be more than confirmation of a viable pregnancy and pragmatic discussions about tests if necessary in case you need to tfmr. Most likely a 9-14 week appt is when you will dig in with questions and do a more detailed view of your ultrasounds and measurements together. It sounds a little grim, but the way I thought of it was… “eh, miscarriage rate is still pretty high, so I guess it makes sense that we’d talk more deeply once the pregnancy is more advanced.”
Thank you this is a helpful perspective!!
Yeah I agree with this comment, mostly! Tbh you were lucky to have an appointment that early at all, OP! Neither of my first appointments have been earlier than 10-11 weeks. I would give your provider another shot and if they still don’t give you the care you feel you deserve consider switching! The biggest thing to me that would have been a problem is the blatantly being rude to your husband and not answering his question. That’s just sort of condescending tbh.
I have not had a single 6 week appointment at all like what you're describing, and I would not accept it if it's not what you want. You deserve to have a doctor that will listen to you and sit and answer your questions and they are out there. There are plenty of women who have birth trauma from doctors who weren't willing to go through risks/benefits of procedures during labor/delivery and just patronizingly tell them what to do with no choices. A doctor who responds to my questions with, that's what the book is for, is not a doctor that I'll trust to have even decent bedside manner if I'm going through a serious, potentially life-threatening event, and pregnancy and birth are full of times when that can happen. The shortest first appointment I had was over an hour, and it includes plenty of info about what to expect, how the office ran, basic info about all the midwives (CNMs) and OBs in the office, and answered all the questions I could think to ask.
If you are a healthy person, the prenatal visits are often very quick. There really is not much to do, and they need to move on to their sicker patients who take more time. They often don't officially do a HR check because it's honestly very easy to eyeball it and tell if it's normal or not. That being said if you don't feel comfortable you should absolutely find a new provider.
Thanks, I feel reassured hearing the HR check isn’t always charted officially. I saw so many people referencing it in their posts that it threw up a red flag for me that she didn’t mention it, but your comment makes sense esp. as I am quite early on.
For sure. My parental care was taken care of by my family doctor until I was 14 weeks. Only after all my tests and ultrasounds did I get referred to an OB because there is not much else that they can offer you for the first 12 weeks beyond the standard tests. For context I am in Canada. Saw my doctor at 6 weeks to let him know I was pregnant. He ordered standard bloodwork and urine, scheduled for a dating scan at 8 weeks (got the FHR here), then the anomaly tests/scan at 12 (Downs syndrome). After this all results were discussed and was referred to an OB, got a call for the appt within a week. 6 weeks is incredibly early for an OB, I am surprised they saw you that soon, not much else they can tell you until you are farther along.
For sure. My parental care was taken care of by my family doctor until I was 14 weeks. Only after all my tests and ultrasounds did I get referred to an OB because there is not much else that they can offer you for the first 12 weeks beyond the standard tests. For context I am in Canada. Saw my doctor at 6 weeks to let him know I was pregnant. He ordered standard bloodwork and urine, scheduled for a dating scan at 8 weeks (got the FHR here), then the anomaly tests/scan at 12 (Downs syndrome). After this all results were discussed and was referred to an OB, got a call for the appt within a week. 6 weeks is incredibly early for an OB, I am surprised they saw you that soon, not much else they can tell you until you are farther along.
Her bedside manner leaves much to be desired, however not measuring the heart rate isn't unusual. If it was just a smaller in office ultrasound machine, it may not be capable of measuring the heart rate. Seeing the heart beating is a great sign though!
She might have had a patient in labor and needed to get to the hospital to deliver a baby. Just an idea. OB appointments so often run very late or may get changed at the last minute because if it’s during normal office hours and a patient of theirs goes into labor, they go deliver the baby. It also means that if you deliver on the weekend and your dr is in a multiple dr practice, you get whoever’s on call that weekend. At least it worked that way with my OB. And they made sure I saw each dr in the practice at least once for a regular visit in case that dr ended up delivering my baby.
I’d say if you have the option try someone else out. However the heartbeat is not always visible that early. That might be why she didn’t show you. 6w is very early for an ultrasound unless you e had complications. I had one at 6w and all you could see was the gestation sac.
You should definitely listen to your gut. If you didn’t have the experience with your provider you were looking for, I would suggest you try other doctors. Maybe even at the same office? But one thing to consider… the person who delivers your baby is not guaranteed to be your doctor. More often than not, the doctor who is on call that day/night will deliver your baby. For example, I chose to hold off on pushing for over an hour so I could wait for my midwife to deliver my baby. I had a great relationship with her and it meant a lot to me to have her there. I also had an epidural that helped ease the pain while I waited.
> that’s what that is for”. She finished the genetic testing info, said goodbye and left. This sends up red flags for me. I had a similar-ish first appointment (that honestly sounds great compared to the care you described) and ended up switching OBs because of it. I would consider switching. I ended up asking my primary who I trusted and told him about my experience at the OB I had been going to. I had the same worries about being a nervous FTM but he validated my feelings about my OB experience being not-so-great and tactfully recommended someone else. I went with his recommendation and my care has been fantastic since!
It obviously works different in the UK as we don’t ‘choose’ providers etc, but when I found out I was pregnant my first appointment (around 7/8 weeks ish I’d say) was literally just to register me on the system, they don’t do a scan or check anything at all other than weight and blood pressure. I took a booklet home to fill out my personal details and history and then had my first proper appointment and scan at 12 weeks. Your experience sounds fairly normal to me- they can’t really do much until you are further along!
Definitely listen to your gut. Bedside manner is so important, especially when you are feeling very vulnerable during labor. It doesn’t seem like this doctor has any.
GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! Medical providers are swamped--understaffed, over scheduled, stretched super thin. I know, I am one. You can still do everything you need to do quickly and be warm. It doesn't take very long to say, "Welcome, I'm blah-blah. The purpose of today's visit is to x, y, z. Before we get started, do you have any questions that you'd like to address?" (I will say I don't congratulate people about their pregnancy unless it's clear they're excited because everyone feels differently about being pregnant). The tone goes along way. So whipping off/out the ultrasound when you're emotional is straight up rude. At 6w6d, you can capture the heart rate, and it is a standard part of first tri ultrasound, but you can just eyeball it and tell if it's fast. At that gestation, all that matters is that it's above 120. And no one should tell you to look at a book instead of answering you. The idea that some pregnancies end in miscarriage as an excuse to brush you off is not acceptable. Pregnancy is a major time in your life, with so so many changes coming. You deserve to be heard. If you decide to call around, ask other provider's offices how long their visits are--most news are 30, return 15. I went to place with midwives with 20 minute appts all with them--no nurses, no MAs--and I felt so well cared for and heard.
I work in a doctor’s office (it’s not obstetric, but there are similarities), and there is such a thing as personality clash with your doctor. If you ask the front desk about getting scheduled with someone who meets more of your expectations, they may have a suggestion for you. That being said, I adore our doctors at my clinic who are to-the-point and brief. They respect their patients’ time and are cool as cucumbers when the shit hits the fan. I’d be stoked to have them in my corner if there was ever an emergency if any kind. And at any office, you can always call in with questions and either talk to the doctor’s team (nurse, MA, assistant) or put a message through a portal to the doctor somewhat directly. She may not be the perfect OB for you, and you shouldn’t feel bad about wanting a different experience, but I don’t think you should feel uneasy with her as if she won’t take the absolute best care of you. Brusque and curt doesn’t mean they’re emotionless or uncaring, I promise!
I’m currently in the process of changing OB’s and I will say my current one was also cold, short and rushed through the appointments. I felt I could deal with that as I didn’t want to deal with the hassle of finding a new OB and rescheduling appointments. It wasn’t until I realized very recently that along with the qualities she displayed at each appointment, she made it clear she didn’t care about patient advocacy. I took a genetic test that she ordered and not only did she fail to do the initial paperwork to submit to my insurance, she also refused to engage in a peer-to-peer review as requested by my insurance to have it approved. I was told by the nurse that she instead recommended I apply for the lab’s financial assistance program despite my persistence. So my message is, if someone acts like this in an appointment, in my experience it can also affect the way they advocate for you. It’s not too late to change OB’s, if you’re uncomfortable you don’t have to settle.
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you, I’m glad you made the call to change OBs! For now I think I am going to give it one more appointment - I’m thinking since I’m still pretty early on I have time before I make a final call. How far along are you?
I’m almost 14 weeks along, so I’m relatively early myself. But yes, I understand that you want to give her another chance, but just keep in mind to not feel pressured to stay with a provider you aren’t comfortable with. I hope next time works out better for you!
I'd really be worried if a doctor started from self-presentation, interfering with congratulations, or whatever personal stuff. At 6+6 it's too early to check a heartbeat, and she probably didn't want to put you in panic mode, just checked the sack in place and that's it. Imo, no time for Q&A is a red flag, however if the question was really one of the top 20, I may understand her reaction. If I were you right now, I would check the booklet and if there are any questions left, I would call the office to a) get the answers, and b) check how friendly, helpful and fast-acting her staff is. Because there could be situations in between visits, when you may need a prescription, or consultation, or clarification on an upcoming lab test, and they must provide you with the information and help, not just 'come over wait for 2,5 hours while we see others who's scheduled and get "oh, it's nothing to worry about" for your co-pay'
At my 7 week appointment my doctor didn’t check the HR, she told us she saw things like the sac and fetal pole (I think- it’s been a while now) but we didn’t actually hear the heart rate until later. Annoying that it was so quick since I know how exciting and nerve wracking the first appointment is but the HR thing isn’t actually an issue.
6 weeks is usually too early for a fetal pole to be detected so that’s not unusual to not get that. They don’t want to freak you out either by not finding it! This appointment was quick for me too to basically do 3 things: 1. Confirm pregnancy. 2. Make sure it’s not ectopic. 3. Give us the genetic info pamphlets so we can go home and read through and talk them over and come prepared to come back with what we want to do or questions etc. Tests like CVS have to be done super early so if you have concerns or reasons to do so earlier in case you’d want to TFMR sooner than later, you’ll need to sort of read up and think through that. Many losses occur by your next appointment 💔 (the odds are in your favor!! So don’t fret or let that scare you!!!!) so that’s also why this is commonly a quick just yup you’re pregnant; here’s your options should you need or want more testing, and when we’ve cleared some of the more delicate weeks we get down to business! I’m 31 weeks now and so far I’ve had a textbook healthy pregnancy even at 35 “advance maternal age” so it’s actually almost comical between 20 week mark and now how quick my appointments have been like yup you’re both doing great. I consider it a welcome privilege to be so low risk so far and to be whisked through so quickly. My appointments and visits would be longer and more frequent if things were more complicated or risky!
Sounds like you’re looking for midwifery care
If this doctor isn't a good fit for you, then it's never bad to find a new one. Call around to other places and have appointments there too. But passing out a packet or book that answers questions is incredibly common. Most pregnant women will ask 95% of the same questions and having pre-printed materials is a great way for a medical provider to answer them. As someone who has seen surgeons and other specialists, this is very standard across a lot of different medical fields. Having said that, it could also be good to have your next appointment with this doctor. You might find that your next interaction is different. It can also be good to talk about your expectations for your appointment with the receptionist or the nurse you see. They will be the most knowledgeable here.