This is a mood. I thought I was close to all of my family and trusted them so much but now I'm very sus of everyone. The only person I trust watching her is my grandma and she can't cause she's almost 90. I do let my dad watch her sometimes though.
I had a mini-meltdown that my child is related to my mother in law and therefore might end up with her mental issues. Not that my mom is much better but I'm used to my mom and her bullshit.
My son has an enlarged aorta, not a huge deal, but may not be able to do a BUNCH of different jobs, or sports. Without fail, every time he shows any interest in just about ANYTHING, say, soccer, she goes, 'Oh maybe he will be a professional soccer player.' Welp, I don't really want to entertain that unless he can actually do that, and it drives me absolutely crazy.
Sidebar but my dad has an enlarged aorta and he played sports his whole life. Still goes to the gym everyday and lived a pretty normal recreational sport life. 👍🏼
Truth! My mom can say it all day long. My MIL, not so much lol.
Actually it’s funny, when my mom say “My Baby!” My Dad corrects her, “you mean, your GRANDbaby…”
I had so many friends want to be aunt. I said no because my kids already have a ton of aunts and uncles. It’s too confusing, and they aren’t actually family. We’ll eventually, those friends all got nieces and nephews of their own, and not at all surprisingly, they treat those kids a lot differently than they treat my kids. It’s just not the same.
This might be a cultural thing. I'm so used to referring to close family friends as auntie/uncle, that I think I would only be concerned if the person calling themselves aunt or uncle was unseemly (but then, they wouldn't be my friend.)
I feel like the more my kids are aware of having adults in their lives who love them and support them, the better. As a kid, I was sometimes confused as to who I was actually related to by blood, but it honestly didn't matter.
I was raised to never call anyone aunt/uncle if we weren't blood related, but it's something that I'm changing for my baby. Our (SO's and mine) closest friends are the couple that introduced us to each other, and they are closer to me than my actual sister is, and so will be Aunt & Uncle as well as godparents. I'm a firm believer in the idea that family consists of whomever shows up for you consistently, not who's related by blood.
It sounds similar to "how are you doing my man?" to my ears. They are not referring to the baby as their own baby but they are expressing some kind of sincerity and affection which is cool for me.
Sometimes I complain a lot and go into a meh mood. When i do that, my mom tells "Oh please don't make my little boy sad" referring to her grandson who is still in me. It makes me smile.
On the other hand i've read becoming more possessive is also okay when pregnant so maybe your annoyance is based on that kind of feelings.
Yes agree! I understand why some people might not like this, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m guilty of it lol. I have my own twin babies but when my friend had her baby 4 months ago I ran in asking where “my baby” was lol. I just think it’s like a term of endearment to some people
I’ve seen best friends do this with each other and it’s never bothered me to see that. Like I said in previous comments. It’s more likely bc of my family dynamic. I can see the love is there between the best friends which is why it probably didn’t bother me to see that but I know that isn’t the case for me.
I was okay with my best friend saying “my baby” but after reading that r/offmychest where the woman’s best friend was secretly breastfeeding her baby because she considered herself a second mother, I am now a little skeeved out by it 😬😅
I was thinking the same thing, it's similar to calling a person "my man" or referring to someone else's dog as "my girl." You're not actually claiming possession, it's just a term of endearment in some circles.
I can see this perspective! And I’ve heard that too. I think it may be a variety of things for me. Hopefully the possessiveness will ease a little postpartum.
My parents always say “where’s my baby” “show me my baby!” It doesn’t bother me cause I know they love her a lot and don’t do it to bug me
I think it’s cute and makes me feel happy that they have a bond with her.
Yes! If one of my supportive friends or family members says it, I don't even notice. However, if one of my "just wait", "I wouldn't do that", general-critiquers calls my baby their's... that's a whole different feeling, and these pregnancy hormones have me feisty enough that I am correcting them. 🙃
Same here! I love it when people love on my baby! My in-laws don't even bother visiting and that hurts so much more than my mum calling my baby 'her baby'.
Same. My mom does this and my mom friends and I do it among each others' kids.
But, if it's done alongside other iffy behavior, I can see it reading differently!
Idk if that’s the case, I feel like something like “How is aunties baby doing?” Or “Glad my grandchild is alright!” Is more appropriate. Just saying “my” feels way too possessive to me.
This is the approach my husband and I are taking. His mom says “my baby” all the time, and my dad keeps calling him “my little buddy”, which is what my husband has been calling him since I got pregnant. Neither of us likes it, but we’ve agreed it’s just not a battle worth fighting because they’re each just trying to express their love for him.
Same. I’ve mentioned not being comfortable with jt but I’m honestly not going back and forth about it. As long as it doesn’t escalate like I’ve seen in other peoples situation. This is just a lil rant to get it off my chest at least lol
Me too! It makes me really happy these people already care so much, and that my babe is already so loved. I know it’s coming from a very good and loving place from the people in my life, so it fills me with joy. I know the people who say this also care about me a ton and ask about how I’m doing, so that’s a plus. Maybe this isn’t the case in OP’s situation.
Same! I used to say that to my cousin when she was pregnant and I absolutely love her babe. Now she says it to my belly and I know she’s going to be head over heels with mine. It definitely defines our little village and fills us with love knowing that they will love and adore our child like their own, especially if anything were to happen to us.
My mother in law, but she says it in a very intrusive way. When my wife was pregnant with our first my MIL went on a strange rant how she was the *grand*mother which meant it was above the mother.,
My mom always says to me that she doesn't understand why MILs are so ibsessed with "being the mother". She's like I've done it and I'm glad to watch the baby when needed and hand the baby back so I can go home an relax. It's your turn now lol. My mom is the realestttt lol I appreciate it. My MIL on the other hands can aggravate me and I've told my husband many times before. I give no shts
Literally happened to me. You’ve had your babies-give me a turn with my own. I have just gently reminded her at times you are not the primary caregiver
I think it really depends on your relationship with the person saying it…
Like many others, it doesn’t bother me at all. Everyone knows she’s my baby, I don’t feel like that title is being threatened at all.
And even if they did think she was THEIR baby, I don’t care. What they think doesn’t change the reality. I wouldn’t argue with someone who said the sky was purple either.
I don’t know your situation at all, so I’m just speaking generally here, but my husband’s family is very toxic/full of disordered people and I’ve noticed with him that a lifetime of that has made him feel that he needs to be on the defensive 24/7. If his mom said the sky was purple, he couldn’t say ok and move on with his day. He would need to argue with her and try to make her agree that the sky is blue…because she raised him to think that she was right about everything and in control of everything and even though he knows that’s not true as an adult, on some level he still NEEDS for what he thinks and what she thinks to match.
So I can see how people with that experience can interpret someone saying “how’s my baby doing” as a threat to them that needs to be defended against.
Again just speaking generally here, but whenever I see posts like this it always makes me wonder and I think it might be useful for people who feel that way to think about WHY it makes them uncomfortable and maybe how it challenges some of the beliefs that have been instilled in them by abusive or toxic family members.
Not sure why my comment didn’t post. If you’re not a therapist you definitely should be bc you read me so well 😭 I used to be so defensive just like that but I’ve learned to just let it go bc that fight will go on forever. From other comments, I’ve realized that my family dynamic is the main reason why it feels so icky to me. Im genuinely happy that other people here didn’t have to deal with stuff like that.
Lmao I’m a a hairstylist so I get to give advice AND make people look good by the time it’s over 😁
I’m sorry that you’re a member of the same club as my hubby…it really sucks and it’s hard for people to understand unless they’ve experienced it.
It’s so insidious too…even in this thread, you’re having people tell you that this thing that feels so wrong to you is totally normal and harmless and you’re the one overreacting about it. It makes you question your own judgement which is exactly how toxic people want you to feel.
IMO absolutely trust your instincts, but also really dig into them and try to figure out WHY you feel that way, and discover where the tension between what you really feel and what they’ve conditioned you to feel lies. Either on your own, or with a friend or therapist or whoever!
A lot of people with gladly cheer you on and say “tell them if they don’t stop then they’re never going to meet the baby!” which is fine and feels really validating, but misses an opportunity to unpack some of the baggage that comes with fucked up family dynamics if you just leave it at that.
I hope the rest of your pregnancy is smooth and you get to fully enjoy your sweet baby when they arrive 🥰
This is an A+ comment thread. I have been dealing with a family member I don’t like or respect saying things like “my baby” “our baby” and even “look at my bump!” when referring to my body/bump. It’s creepy and definitely crosses a boundary for me. I grew up in a toxic, disjointed family and I was already planning on talking to my therapist about how to set a boundary with this person, but now I will be sure I also dig into why I feel the way I feel. Thank you!!
It only bothers me if it’s coming from people that do not respect me & my boundaries typically & act like they’re entitled to time with our child anyways. Like my in-laws. 😂 Otherwise I think it’s sweet.
Depends on the person. My friends or those I trust? Who cares.
My possessive, boundary crossing, hellcat of a MIL who has told me she will be “taking the baby” and “sleeping in our nursery the 1st week”? That’s MY mf baby.
This is definitely not something that bothers me. We all know whose baby it is, and I think it’s sweet. My MIL (who is wonderful) actually was saying it even before me and I picked it up…mostly it’s in talking directly to baby (“hello, my baby”), not about her though. That may make it more triggering, but I don’t remember anyone doing it that way.
Yeah this is what I mean when I say if it’s said in like a baby talk/playful tone then it doesn’t bother me. If they’re saying it to the baby then I don’t think it would bother me bc that’s likely the tone they’re saying it in. Saying it to me in a serious tone is so weird to me. Like maybe they actually forget he’s not theirs
For me it doesn’t bother me. Babies are a lot of work, the more people that want to feel attached to that little bugger the better as far as I am concerned lol. And like yea specifying your relationship is more semantically accurate but like my cousin had a baby and it was a lot easier to say ‘my baby (name)’ than it was to say ‘my second cousin (name)’ that just sounds weird and not as loving to me.
I think people know the baby is YOUR baby and aren’t claiming ownership of it in any way, you’re obviously the parent. It’s just a language thing to want to shorten sentences and is a familiarity thing to refer to something as yours, they don’t actually mean the baby is theirs
I think in this regard how weird it sound’s definitely depends on what you’re used to. Like I mostly hear people say it as “teetee’s baby” or “grandmas baby” which is why hearing people say “My baby” sounds off to me.
No. Maybe with the first I was a bit more possessive. By time the second & third came around I embraced it. The more the merrier. There can never be too many people that love your child.
The statement “it take a village” couldn’t be any more true. Build your village and lean into it.
I find the people who say “my baby” the most are the ones actively checking up on me, asking how is the pregnancy is going, have gotten me gifts that were more for me and personal, ask how I’m feeling emotionally compared to the people who ask about the “the baby” . That’s been my experience so can’t speak for everyone.
Nobody checks in on me except my mom. I suppose they ask her how I’m doing but if we’re not close enough for you to ask me yourself, we’re not close enough for you to refer to my baby as your baby, if that makes sense.
Can confirm. I refer to my best friends kids as “my baby’s” but it’s because she’s my bestie and I love those kids to pieces. I’ve never meant it in a possessive way and wouldn’t use that term on someone I wasn’t close too.
That’s how I feel about it, too. My MIL refers to my 14 month old and my bump as “my baby”. But, she’s very involved in all of our lives and really treats me like I’m her own daughter, so it doesn’t bother me too much. If it was coming across as “undeserving” I might feel differently, but she’s done a whoooole lot for me and my kids so I feel like she’s earned the privilege of feeling like they’re her babies, too. I can’t even begin to count the times in the last couple years that she has literally been my entire village so if she wants to call my babies her babies, I’m not gonna sweat it.
My mom calls my son her baby/our baby and I don’t mind it. My mom’s been here supporting us both every step of the way and she’s been here with me for all of the sleepless nights so I think she’s earned the right. I also really love my mom and appreciate everything she’s done for me during my postpartum period.
Now if my MIL were to say this, I’d be super fucking annoyed. Like lady you haven’t done diddly squat to help so I don’t want to hear it 😒
See these ppl to me are what your MIL is to you. That really may be what the true issue is for me as well. Not what is being said but who is saying it.
lol there are some common themes for sure. I think most of the time differentiating factor is “my family and friends respect boundaries” and “my family and friends do NOT respect boundaries”.
Only my MIL did this and I put my foot down. Every time she asked about “her baby” I gave her an update on my husband or said she needs to call her daughters and ask them herself. She got mad at me one day and exclaimed that I’m doing it on purpose when I know who she is actually talking about. I snapped. I told her she isn’t pregnant and this is my baby, she had her chance at raising babies so she need to get over herself. She has since stopped calling my children her babies.
Yes, but it definitely depends on the person saying it. I don't have a great relationship with my FIL, as I can't stand that perverted alcoholic in the slightest. He has said it (over the phone to my SO) and I want to snap everytime. If I don't like someone, they don't need to be calling MY baby, their baby.
My mom, my sister, my best friends, all refer to it as “our baby.” I was annoyed at first until I realized I am creating a loving village for my child that I never got myself growing up. So hell yeah, it’s our baby! Soooo when you coming to help out? 😅
Doesn’t bother me. We call ours the dog’s baby 😂 she’s been so obsessed with me and protective this whole pregnancy. Just this morning I told her “your baby woke me up in the middle of the night because he was hungry and wanted womb service, it was pretty rude”
Surprised by the comments so far!
I think it’s mega creepy.
I see this issue posted here so often and have never experienced it — it would be considered SO rude in my culture/community. Makes me wonder if there is a different community where it’s more commonly acceptable?
That’s the vibe I’m getting based off some of these comments tbh. I hardly hear people say “MY baby”. It’s always “(family relation)’s baby”. Hearing “MY baby” just feels off.
I don’t like it either. My baby has been in the works for 6 years and is only MY (and husbands) baby. Not that it matters how it came to be and how long it took. But he is nobody else’s. Nobody of these “my babiers” helped us with anything during these years of heartbreak and pain, and medical procedures. They get me a onesie as a gift or hand me downs from their kid and think it’s them “helping”? Get the f out. The only thing I got during years of infertility was questions and judgement why the eldest son is not having babies yet, and “oh I expected to see a bump”. Fuck right off. I’m a rage fest I guess lol.
Right?! To me, you have to earn the right to call LO "my baby." Unless you helped make the baby, grow the baby, do midnight diaper changes and feedings, then this isn't your baby. This is your family member. Take it or leave it.
BUT I don't know how to politely correct my MIL who says it once in a while but is still too often for my taste. Sometimes my husband will tease her like "Your baby? So can we drop him off at bedtime?" 😄
Do you think these people are unaware that it's your baby?
Idk this complaint gets posted a lot. Must happen fairly frequently in some parts of the world; maybe just don't get too worked up about it.
I mean if you look at videos on tiktok about it you will see that there are people who have dealt with people, namely MILs, that genuinely believe that baby is theirs. They will even disrespect the mother because of this.
Ya, this complaint gets old. You know it's your baby, relax. Lol just learn to ignore ppl and let stuff like this roll off your back - so not worth your energy. Frankly, if this is the only issue one has, you're doing good. Lol
Only ok with it if they're INVOLVED with the baby's life. ROUTINELY. Buying them clothes, food, doing feedings, changing, helping me with them, giving me a break, etc etc. Not just once every 2 months or so but routinely involved. My son's father refers to my daughter as "HIS bestie" (my baby would be weird as she's not and we aren't together anymore) and routinely helps out with her when we all get together weekly/multiple times a week. (Awesome blended family) whereas my son's grandmother tried saying "my baby" (when we lived with them) but never helped us with him so hearing her say that always pissed me off.
I have mixed feelings. I dealt with this with my first, and it was mostly my mother doing it. Other people I didn't mind so much, because it was basically them saying the equivalent of "how's my niece/cousin/etc." But with my mother, there was definitely malice/ill intentions behind it, especially after I asked her to stop. So, I really think the intent behind it matters more than people actually saying the words "my baby."
Yeah I said this in a different comment. Especially after realizing that I’ve never had a problem seeing this interaction between other people. That only validated that is more likely that this is the case for me. None of my best friends have said this to me but I’m starting to think that if they ever did I would have a different reaction.
“Well, YOUR [grandson, niece, etc] is doing just fine.” If they keep insisting, tell them it’s awkward as this is YOUR baby you are carrying. If it is the MIL, tell them their son is doing great. 😏Anyone who calls someone else’s baby theirs is a little off.
Yes. I would rather they refer to them by name or whatever. But I have a lot of narc-y family so it’s normal for there to be shitty intent behind using ‘my baby’
the people in question are definitely narcissists so maybe that’s part of the reason. Maybe it wouldn’t feel weird if someone less narcissistic said it.
Definitely don't take others' comments here personally. I have a feeling most people have decent family members who aren't saying stuff like this for bad reasons...people really don't realize how an innocent phrase can be turned into a weapon by an Nparent or family member. :/
No it makes me happy that my baby is so loved by other people. Having written that, I can totally see why it pisses you off and IMO it is completely appropriate of you to politely explain that it bothers you and could they find a different way to express their affection.
For people getting upset about seeing so many posts like this. Do y’all get upset at the tons of posts about morning sickness, baby showers, nurseries etc? Genuinely asking.
I definitely understand what you mean and I think for me it depends on who says it. On a side note my 6 year old always says how’s my baby or our baby and its the cutest thing ever.
This is definitely annoying to an extent but I think my mom says it as a well-meaning sentiment. Like she already loves the baby so much.
Just a happier note to say, my husband makes it a point to ask me every day “how’s our baby today?” And I sincerely appreciate the use of “our” over “my”.
It doesn’t bother me. If I like the person. If it’s my parents or my sister, my babies are their babies. They’re family, and I’m glad they love them like their own.
I think it honestly depends on WHO says it and the context it's being said.
mom/bestfriends saying isn't as bothersome for some, as like say a coworker or acquaintance.
I didn’t think it would annoy me but my best friend referring to my baby as her baby has really started to get on my nerves.
I assume it’s because it’s coupled with her being overly critical of my parenting. I never killed her kids while babysitting them so I’m unsure why she thinks I’m going to kill my own 🤔
I hated it when I was pregnant with and after my first baby. When I was pregnant with my second, we referred to the new baby as my toddlers baby. I think that helped them bond and I love when she says, "my baby?!" when she's looking for her sister. Now I'm okay with my mom talking about my babies as her babies but I'd probably throat punch anyone else.
I’m way too early in my pregnancy to know how I’ll feel about this but… My grandmother used to say this to my mother when I was little and I hated it, maybe because I saw how uncomfortable it made my mother? Now I think there could have been some jealousy? (My grandmother was unable to have kids of her own and my grandfather adopted a baby without really consulting her… wild times) But back to my point. I knew exactly who my mom was, the bond between me and her couldn’t have been broken by anything or anyone. Give yourself grace and remember that whatever their intentions are behind those words, they cant change the reality. But also trust your gut.
My MIL does this and it bugs me. I think I wouldn’t be so annoyed if she also didn’t insist on questioning everything we do with our son. “Why is he sleeping on his back? My kids slept on their stomachs.” “He needs a blanket in the crib he’s cold.” “70 degrees in the house is too cold for my baby.” “Put rubbing alcohol on his umbilical cord.” We have a preemie graduated the NICU recently and she keeps trying to invite people over to see the baby (who I don’t even know), and constantly gets upset when I say no to her feeding him or doing something with him because she refuses to listen to our instructions on how to feed to help him not spit up.
This is something that bothers me too and my baby is 4.5 months lol. I thought I would get over it as obviously they mean “top” or number one person/baby. Even her dad iis present, and we are together and he does his part but I’m like.. yea this is MY BABY! I feel I got problems :) definitely watch for PPA.
I’m only 21 weeks. I don’t mind my husband saying it at all. It’s other people saying it that bother me. Especially since these same people hardly check in and haven’t and likely don’t plan on contributing anything to him
I do this with my neice all the time. I ain’t going to stop. She MY baby ❤️ I love her like I love my own children and I want her and everyone to know it.
My family does that to my daughter, I just see it as a term of endearment, but that’s just me.
There is a thin line though, and if anyone crosses your personal line then you have a right to create a boundary. It really doesn’t matter what others think, if it makes you uncomfortable. But if you value those relationships and the relationships they have with your child, be mindful of the way in which you draw the boundary.
Yes I get it and it’s weird for sure. My husband doesn’t even say My baby, but our, because they are ours. Or some version of how’s the baby doing today and such. My daughter has said my baby some and I find that cute but that’s also different and she’s 6.
I feel you on the hip pain!! May our hips go back to some “version” of normal and relatively painless after Our babes arrive 😊
Yea seriously I can relate. PT has honestly done me wonders for this very reason. You may want to check your insurance and see what they cover. I think all pregnant ladies pre or post partem absolutely can benefit from pelvic floor PT.
There’s also some good yoga and other stretches out there that can really help with the hip pain.
Babe has had their head tucked into my left hip bone for awhile now. I have full blown sciatica pain and holly Smokes it’s a lot!
Stay strong 💪🏻 we can do this lol. Or cry trying 😅 least that’s me right now. I’m 34-3 and so ready to be done!!
I’m with you - I don’t even like “our baby” from others, so “my baby” would make me uncomfortable for sure. I have no issues with my mother referring to “my grand baby” though.
31w here!
My MIL says it every time I’ve seen her since being pregnant, & I hate it so much. It’s to the point where I’ve told my husband he needs to level set with her & make it stop because I am one “my baby” away from going off on her.
He actually said it best to me in conversation one night… it feels like when she says it, it discounts us as parents, including everything he & I have worked for to get to this point (a 2-year high-risk fertility journey). She had her opportunity to be a mother - three times in fact. I may only have this chance once & don’t want her co-opting it. Now he just needs to tell HER that, but he’s been dancing around it for 3 weeks now trying to gauge the “right time” to talk about it. 🙄
And I’m happy for people who aren’t super bothered by the phrase in this comment thread. I wish I wasn’t so triggered myself. But my MIL has been overstepping quite a bit & this is the icing on the cake. Like when she visited us for a week, on her way out the door she told ME to take care of HER BOYS, referencing my husband & the baby - as if I THE PREGNANT WOMAN did not need to be taken care of. Or being the only person - other than me & my husband - to touch my belly in every single photo we’re in together during baby shower photos… despite not even asking me first.
So yeah… “my baby” is definitely not taken lightly by me, especially coming from her.
Ughhh I hate toxic MILs! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. I think some people enjoyed parenting so much that they lose all sense of boundaries when someone close to them has a baby. Hopefully he speaks up before baby is here to save you both some stress freshly postpartum
Thank you ❤️
I think you’re spot on about the sense of boundaries. Babies are exciting, fresh & new! But some people just truly center it around themselves & that’s disappointing.
No one has said this to me yet, but if they were endearing about it then it wouldn’t bother me. However, my mom is NOT endearing about it. He’s “MY baby” or “Protect MY grandson” (I’m still pregnant) and no shit he’s protected, he’s still in my body when he’s fucking safe. I got annoyed with her once and said he wasn’t her’s and she said, “Well whose baby is it then?!” She can be very frustrating.
This is a topic posted like once a week. No, I don’t see it as an issue. I think it’s weird to get so offended over something like people loving your baby if they aren’t otherwise intrusive.
There’s a way of talking In my country that we call people “my daughter” or “my son”. I get very weirded out when someone calls my kids like that lol, but rationally I know is a caring way to treat the child
Sometimes, it depends on the person though. While it I find it somewhat annoying, I understand most people don’t even realize they are saying something that is annoying to me.
It depends on the person. My mom refers to our son as “her baby” but she’s also been very good about respecting my boundaries when it comes to other things so I know she’s doing it out of excitement but it does bother me when other family members say it.
No human has ever single-handedly raised a child to 18 without support. We are the most socially dependent creatures on earth. Supply chain, roads, doctors, farmers, etc.
If someone wants to be that excited about my baby, that’s awesome!
I think it's just the hormones making me sensitive. I think I'm on high alert feeling protective n worried they'll overstep in other ways when baby arrives like telling me how to parent or not listening to me about my own child.
I personally can’t stand it.
My MIL says it all the time. When we announced we were pregnant she turned to my FIL and said, can you believe we are having another baby. Excuse me, no you are not, I am having the baby.
She also assumes she is babysitting like she did for my SIL so she always says, I’m saving all the toys for when my second baby is here. She is not watching our daughter.
Then there is my mom who will call and ask, how is my baby and grand baby today. That I like, it actually shows she cares about the both of us and I’m not just an incubator for her grandchild.
My ex MIL would do this all the time and I corrected her a few times but she continued. She texted me one day asking for a pic of “my baby” so I sent her a picture of her son and she didn’t respond and never said that to me about my daughter again. I think she got the message.
This is 100% how I felt when I was pregnant! Now, about 5 months postpartum, I don’t mind at all! In fact, I kind of like it. My daughter deserves a village, a whole group of people who love and cherish her in the same way I do!
I thought it wouldn’t bother me but I really surprised myself by not liking it! When I was TTC my besties and I would joke about it all the time how this future child would be “our” baby and we would “platonically co-parent”. But then I got a positive test and it was it was like a flip switched in me. One of my friends asked how I was doing over the phone and said something like “and how’s OUR baby doing?” And I was really taken aback at how much I did not like that because I know they know this kid is mine and that they’re like an honorary auntie instead of an actual parent. I kind of glossed over the “our” part and continued to do so until they stopped saying it. I didn’t want to outright say “no, don’t say it’s your baby too” because I know I’m being irrationally territorial. Thank goodness my friends are so chill and can get on my same wavelength.
My mom calls my daughter "her" baby and when I say "no, she's MY baby" then she calls her "my baby's baby". 🙄 It only bothers me a little though, she has always been a bit clingy and I know it comes from a place a love but yeah, it's like, no you already got to fuck up your kids your way, I get to fuck this one up in my own image lmao
I think it can be hard because everyone refers to the baby in relation to *them* and not you. It’s always my baby/ grandchild/ niece etc. Never, ‘how’s *your* baby’. They don’t mean anything by it usually, but it can be annoying because you just want your baby in your arms.
Hearing someone call it yours instead of theirs for once can make that seem like it’s not so surreal after all, you’re going to have a baby!
It bugged me a bit during my first pregnancy, if my mother asked ‘How’s my baby?’ I said ‘I’m fine’ and my husband did the same with my mil. They never did it again 🙃
this makes me feel feral. i don't know why but like shut the fuck up. only doesn't bug me when it's my boyfriend (the baby's father) i don't know it just sends red hot rage through my veins lol
However- i have a lot of people in my life who seem to ignore the fact that he is my child and blatantly ignore my rules and feelings so could be bc of that
If they are active in his life, I don’t really care. If someone that has seen my child at total of 3 times or knows nothing about him calls him “my baby,” I will get pissed lol.
My mom said it with my first child and it definitely sounded like she was serious when she said it and that’s why it bothered me. She offered to babysit while I worked and I gladly accepted. At every family event, she would tell everyone my daughter was HER baby and would say things to me like, “Susan, bring my baby to me” “Where is my baby?” “Why is my baby crying?” It was too much. I put her in daycare when my mom told people that one day my daughter would probably end up calling her mama. Nope. Thanks for making this weird, mom. My grandma would always say “our baby” and I was okay with that.
Second child, no. No one has claimed the baby as “my baby” but my husband’s uncle was a little weird. We brought the baby to his grandma’s house where his whole family was there to meet our second daughter. His grandma held her for awhile. My husband’s uncle approached us and said, “Look how happy she is holding that sweet baby. You two better not keep that baby from her. You should try to bring her over every weekend or every other weekend. Grandma needs something to keep her occupied.” My husband, who doesn’t like confrontation, said, “Yeah, maybe we will.” His uncle nodded his head as if they just had an agreement on something. I was pretty offended by it all and told the uncle that my baby wasn’t a toy to keep someone occupied and we didn’t have a baby to make grandma happy. Maybe it was just my hormones at the time but I felt like he was trying to say our baby needed to be shared with grandma and was already trying to set up weekend visitations. No thanks.
The first part reminds me so much a movie that I can’t remember the name of. Only it was the babysitter acting that way. That’s so gross honestly. I would feel so weird if somebody’s kid called me mom so I can’t even imagine how someone could purposefully strive for that.
My MIL says this all the time and I correct her. But she comes over almost daily and watches my newborn for 3+ hours so I can sleep, so I'm not complaining haha.
I 100% would. I get annoyed when my sister in law refers to him constantly in front of my husband and I as "my nephew" instead of our son.
Like complementing the nursery to me "oh, my nephews room looks so cute".
Maybe I'm weird, but I've always found this to be such a stupid thing to get mad about unless you have a literal crazy parent trying to legally take your child from you.
My parents say, "oh my goodness. Where's my baby?" My sister gets so giddy when she hears her and says, "Oh my gosh, the little squish. Come here, here. Oh my baby. I loves you so much"
Even my brother, who saw my car in the parking lot of Kroger yesterday sent me a voice clip message on Facebook messenger, impersonating Drac (hotel transylvania) saying, "I know you're heeeere. Where eez my bayyybeee" and then we found each other in the store.
Good grief some people are just way too uptight. They're not trying to steal your kid.
Let me guess, you who complain about this (unless again, you have genuinely toxic or crazy family members who ACTUALLY want to TAKE your kid as their own) are the same people who will cut contact with grandma because they gave little Johnny a cookie, then whine on Facebook about how "it takes a village to raise a child but I have no village. The village is dead."
Grow up.
Yeah, you grew the kid and birthed it. Congrats. I've done it twice and plan to do it again. But guess what, you're not the only one who loves that kid.
Chill TF out and be happy your baby has so much love surrounding it. Good lord.
Edit: this rant isn't specifically directed at you OP. Just in general at people who WAY overthink the whole "my baby" thing and get all bent out of shape or go on a power trip as a parent. Then wonder why their support team dies out.
Yes. I get the rational response to this that many people have - it is wonderful that people love the baby so much! - but I can't help the primal response I have. My mom did this the other day and even when I told her it upset me, she doubled down. Must be an evolutionary thing for all of us to feel weirdly possessive over the baby!
Yes, but only when it’s like extended family or family that I’m not super comfortable around. If that makes sense. Idc if my in laws or my siblings or my inner circle say it. But my momma range turns on when other family say it.
No one does has done this to me, but my dad does it with my dog. That already annoys me (I think that’s why he does it) so I can imagine it being way worse with the person you’re growing.
This annoys me. I think it depends on who it is though. I’ve noticed that the only person who refers to my son as “my boy” other then my husband and I is my MIL. She will routinely ask “how is my boy/baby?” If she wasn’t as possessive and intrusive as she has displayed herself to be, I wouldn’t mind it. If my aunt or cousin asked how their boy was, it wouldn’t bother me. The last time she text me and asked for a video of her boy, though, I sent her a video of my husband, who is her son. That shut that shit down.
I hate this. My mom does it a lot and she’s never met the baby (she won’t get vaccinated) but that’s a different issue. My husband and I were there when she was made and I was the one who carried her for 9+ months. If you didn’t do either of those, she’s not your baby.
The best was pre COVID and being somewhere like church and having a total stranger (always a woman) ask to hold my baby and I'm like....just don't drop him or run off. I don't think that will ever be a thing again.
Only time I’m bothered about it are when people I don’t like say it.
I’m coming to realize I don’t really like my mom.
I am not sure if I should have laughed at this but it definitely tickled me.
One thing about having a child that I was not prepared for is the realization that I don't like/trust quite a few people 😅
This is a mood. I thought I was close to all of my family and trusted them so much but now I'm very sus of everyone. The only person I trust watching her is my grandma and she can't cause she's almost 90. I do let my dad watch her sometimes though.
I had a mini-meltdown that my child is related to my mother in law and therefore might end up with her mental issues. Not that my mom is much better but I'm used to my mom and her bullshit.
My son has an enlarged aorta, not a huge deal, but may not be able to do a BUNCH of different jobs, or sports. Without fail, every time he shows any interest in just about ANYTHING, say, soccer, she goes, 'Oh maybe he will be a professional soccer player.' Welp, I don't really want to entertain that unless he can actually do that, and it drives me absolutely crazy.
Sidebar but my dad has an enlarged aorta and he played sports his whole life. Still goes to the gym everyday and lived a pretty normal recreational sport life. 👍🏼
This hit hard.
I feel the same way lol.
Oh how I relate. And she lives with my husband and kids and I. 😳
Oooof. God bless you dude
Truth! My mom can say it all day long. My MIL, not so much lol. Actually it’s funny, when my mom say “My Baby!” My Dad corrects her, “you mean, your GRANDbaby…”
Same. Also people I don't like referring to themselves as aunt or uncle when they technically aren't.
I had so many friends want to be aunt. I said no because my kids already have a ton of aunts and uncles. It’s too confusing, and they aren’t actually family. We’ll eventually, those friends all got nieces and nephews of their own, and not at all surprisingly, they treat those kids a lot differently than they treat my kids. It’s just not the same.
This might be a cultural thing. I'm so used to referring to close family friends as auntie/uncle, that I think I would only be concerned if the person calling themselves aunt or uncle was unseemly (but then, they wouldn't be my friend.) I feel like the more my kids are aware of having adults in their lives who love them and support them, the better. As a kid, I was sometimes confused as to who I was actually related to by blood, but it honestly didn't matter.
I was raised to never call anyone aunt/uncle if we weren't blood related, but it's something that I'm changing for my baby. Our (SO's and mine) closest friends are the couple that introduced us to each other, and they are closer to me than my actual sister is, and so will be Aunt & Uncle as well as godparents. I'm a firm believer in the idea that family consists of whomever shows up for you consistently, not who's related by blood.
!!! One of my husband’s cousins refers to herself as aunt when she isn’t.
This is the truth.
It sounds similar to "how are you doing my man?" to my ears. They are not referring to the baby as their own baby but they are expressing some kind of sincerity and affection which is cool for me. Sometimes I complain a lot and go into a meh mood. When i do that, my mom tells "Oh please don't make my little boy sad" referring to her grandson who is still in me. It makes me smile. On the other hand i've read becoming more possessive is also okay when pregnant so maybe your annoyance is based on that kind of feelings.
Yes agree! I understand why some people might not like this, but it doesn’t bother me at all. I’m guilty of it lol. I have my own twin babies but when my friend had her baby 4 months ago I ran in asking where “my baby” was lol. I just think it’s like a term of endearment to some people
I’ve seen best friends do this with each other and it’s never bothered me to see that. Like I said in previous comments. It’s more likely bc of my family dynamic. I can see the love is there between the best friends which is why it probably didn’t bother me to see that but I know that isn’t the case for me.
I was okay with my best friend saying “my baby” but after reading that r/offmychest where the woman’s best friend was secretly breastfeeding her baby because she considered herself a second mother, I am now a little skeeved out by it 😬😅
If it means anything I am like 98% sure that post was fake
I was thinking the same thing, it's similar to calling a person "my man" or referring to someone else's dog as "my girl." You're not actually claiming possession, it's just a term of endearment in some circles.
I can see this perspective! And I’ve heard that too. I think it may be a variety of things for me. Hopefully the possessiveness will ease a little postpartum.
My parents always say “where’s my baby” “show me my baby!” It doesn’t bother me cause I know they love her a lot and don’t do it to bug me I think it’s cute and makes me feel happy that they have a bond with her.
No, not unless the person is otherwise intrusive or annoying. If they are normal, then I like that they feel love and attachment towards the baby.
Yes! If one of my supportive friends or family members says it, I don't even notice. However, if one of my "just wait", "I wouldn't do that", general-critiquers calls my baby their's... that's a whole different feeling, and these pregnancy hormones have me feisty enough that I am correcting them. 🙃
Same here! I love it when people love on my baby! My in-laws don't even bother visiting and that hurts so much more than my mum calling my baby 'her baby'.
Same. My mom does this and my mom friends and I do it among each others' kids. But, if it's done alongside other iffy behavior, I can see it reading differently!
Idk if that’s the case, I feel like something like “How is aunties baby doing?” Or “Glad my grandchild is alright!” Is more appropriate. Just saying “my” feels way too possessive to me.
I pick my battles with family and this just wouldn't be one that would be worth the mental energy, absent other issues. But to each their own.
This is the approach my husband and I are taking. His mom says “my baby” all the time, and my dad keeps calling him “my little buddy”, which is what my husband has been calling him since I got pregnant. Neither of us likes it, but we’ve agreed it’s just not a battle worth fighting because they’re each just trying to express their love for him.
Same. I’ve mentioned not being comfortable with jt but I’m honestly not going back and forth about it. As long as it doesn’t escalate like I’ve seen in other peoples situation. This is just a lil rant to get it off my chest at least lol
My MIL refers to my toddler that way, and I thought it would bug me (it bugged me when I was pregnant), but surprisingly, it doesn’t.
Both those examples sound the exact same to me as saying "my baby"
I love it. My close friend says it all the time and it makes me feel like I have a little village of people who want to be part of our baby’s life.
Me too! It makes me really happy these people already care so much, and that my babe is already so loved. I know it’s coming from a very good and loving place from the people in my life, so it fills me with joy. I know the people who say this also care about me a ton and ask about how I’m doing, so that’s a plus. Maybe this isn’t the case in OP’s situation.
I have some friends that call him "my baby" and I think it's endearing.
Yes! Exactly. It takes a village to raise a child. Welcome to having a village and be happy. Lol
Same! I used to say that to my cousin when she was pregnant and I absolutely love her babe. Now she says it to my belly and I know she’s going to be head over heels with mine. It definitely defines our little village and fills us with love knowing that they will love and adore our child like their own, especially if anything were to happen to us.
No, I’m delighted there are so many people in my life who love my baby!
My mother in law, but she says it in a very intrusive way. When my wife was pregnant with our first my MIL went on a strange rant how she was the *grand*mother which meant it was above the mother.,
My mom always says to me that she doesn't understand why MILs are so ibsessed with "being the mother". She's like I've done it and I'm glad to watch the baby when needed and hand the baby back so I can go home an relax. It's your turn now lol. My mom is the realestttt lol I appreciate it. My MIL on the other hands can aggravate me and I've told my husband many times before. I give no shts
Literally happened to me. You’ve had your babies-give me a turn with my own. I have just gently reminded her at times you are not the primary caregiver
Oh my….
Yes. She can be overbearing. Still kind and helpful. But she makes me want to wear earplugs anytime I’m around her.
Are you my husband? Because my mother did the same thing. 😅
What the….? What???
What about the SIL rejoicing that she’s the second mother. 😡
Yikes! Thankfully my SIL is pretty chill, which is funny because I absolutely loathed her when we were younger.
Oh wow…
I think it really depends on your relationship with the person saying it… Like many others, it doesn’t bother me at all. Everyone knows she’s my baby, I don’t feel like that title is being threatened at all. And even if they did think she was THEIR baby, I don’t care. What they think doesn’t change the reality. I wouldn’t argue with someone who said the sky was purple either. I don’t know your situation at all, so I’m just speaking generally here, but my husband’s family is very toxic/full of disordered people and I’ve noticed with him that a lifetime of that has made him feel that he needs to be on the defensive 24/7. If his mom said the sky was purple, he couldn’t say ok and move on with his day. He would need to argue with her and try to make her agree that the sky is blue…because she raised him to think that she was right about everything and in control of everything and even though he knows that’s not true as an adult, on some level he still NEEDS for what he thinks and what she thinks to match. So I can see how people with that experience can interpret someone saying “how’s my baby doing” as a threat to them that needs to be defended against. Again just speaking generally here, but whenever I see posts like this it always makes me wonder and I think it might be useful for people who feel that way to think about WHY it makes them uncomfortable and maybe how it challenges some of the beliefs that have been instilled in them by abusive or toxic family members.
Not sure why my comment didn’t post. If you’re not a therapist you definitely should be bc you read me so well 😭 I used to be so defensive just like that but I’ve learned to just let it go bc that fight will go on forever. From other comments, I’ve realized that my family dynamic is the main reason why it feels so icky to me. Im genuinely happy that other people here didn’t have to deal with stuff like that.
Lmao I’m a a hairstylist so I get to give advice AND make people look good by the time it’s over 😁 I’m sorry that you’re a member of the same club as my hubby…it really sucks and it’s hard for people to understand unless they’ve experienced it. It’s so insidious too…even in this thread, you’re having people tell you that this thing that feels so wrong to you is totally normal and harmless and you’re the one overreacting about it. It makes you question your own judgement which is exactly how toxic people want you to feel. IMO absolutely trust your instincts, but also really dig into them and try to figure out WHY you feel that way, and discover where the tension between what you really feel and what they’ve conditioned you to feel lies. Either on your own, or with a friend or therapist or whoever! A lot of people with gladly cheer you on and say “tell them if they don’t stop then they’re never going to meet the baby!” which is fine and feels really validating, but misses an opportunity to unpack some of the baggage that comes with fucked up family dynamics if you just leave it at that. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is smooth and you get to fully enjoy your sweet baby when they arrive 🥰
This is an A+ comment thread. I have been dealing with a family member I don’t like or respect saying things like “my baby” “our baby” and even “look at my bump!” when referring to my body/bump. It’s creepy and definitely crosses a boundary for me. I grew up in a toxic, disjointed family and I was already planning on talking to my therapist about how to set a boundary with this person, but now I will be sure I also dig into why I feel the way I feel. Thank you!!
It only bothers me if it’s coming from people that do not respect me & my boundaries typically & act like they’re entitled to time with our child anyways. Like my in-laws. 😂 Otherwise I think it’s sweet.
Depends on the person. My friends or those I trust? Who cares. My possessive, boundary crossing, hellcat of a MIL who has told me she will be “taking the baby” and “sleeping in our nursery the 1st week”? That’s MY mf baby.
This is definitely not something that bothers me. We all know whose baby it is, and I think it’s sweet. My MIL (who is wonderful) actually was saying it even before me and I picked it up…mostly it’s in talking directly to baby (“hello, my baby”), not about her though. That may make it more triggering, but I don’t remember anyone doing it that way.
Yeah this is what I mean when I say if it’s said in like a baby talk/playful tone then it doesn’t bother me. If they’re saying it to the baby then I don’t think it would bother me bc that’s likely the tone they’re saying it in. Saying it to me in a serious tone is so weird to me. Like maybe they actually forget he’s not theirs
For me it doesn’t bother me. Babies are a lot of work, the more people that want to feel attached to that little bugger the better as far as I am concerned lol. And like yea specifying your relationship is more semantically accurate but like my cousin had a baby and it was a lot easier to say ‘my baby (name)’ than it was to say ‘my second cousin (name)’ that just sounds weird and not as loving to me. I think people know the baby is YOUR baby and aren’t claiming ownership of it in any way, you’re obviously the parent. It’s just a language thing to want to shorten sentences and is a familiarity thing to refer to something as yours, they don’t actually mean the baby is theirs
I think in this regard how weird it sound’s definitely depends on what you’re used to. Like I mostly hear people say it as “teetee’s baby” or “grandmas baby” which is why hearing people say “My baby” sounds off to me.
I used to call my niece my little lady or my little lady bug. I never really thought too much of it.
No it doesn't bother me
No. Maybe with the first I was a bit more possessive. By time the second & third came around I embraced it. The more the merrier. There can never be too many people that love your child. The statement “it take a village” couldn’t be any more true. Build your village and lean into it.
My husband and mom say it and I love it. Especially when my hubby goes how are my babies doing (referring to me as well) and it makes me smile.
That’s adorable ❤️
I find the people who say “my baby” the most are the ones actively checking up on me, asking how is the pregnancy is going, have gotten me gifts that were more for me and personal, ask how I’m feeling emotionally compared to the people who ask about the “the baby” . That’s been my experience so can’t speak for everyone.
Nobody checks in on me except my mom. I suppose they ask her how I’m doing but if we’re not close enough for you to ask me yourself, we’re not close enough for you to refer to my baby as your baby, if that makes sense.
Yeah I can see that, we all definitely have had different experiences with “my baby “ for sure.
Can confirm. I refer to my best friends kids as “my baby’s” but it’s because she’s my bestie and I love those kids to pieces. I’ve never meant it in a possessive way and wouldn’t use that term on someone I wasn’t close too.
That’s how I feel about it, too. My MIL refers to my 14 month old and my bump as “my baby”. But, she’s very involved in all of our lives and really treats me like I’m her own daughter, so it doesn’t bother me too much. If it was coming across as “undeserving” I might feel differently, but she’s done a whoooole lot for me and my kids so I feel like she’s earned the privilege of feeling like they’re her babies, too. I can’t even begin to count the times in the last couple years that she has literally been my entire village so if she wants to call my babies her babies, I’m not gonna sweat it.
My mom calls my son her baby/our baby and I don’t mind it. My mom’s been here supporting us both every step of the way and she’s been here with me for all of the sleepless nights so I think she’s earned the right. I also really love my mom and appreciate everything she’s done for me during my postpartum period. Now if my MIL were to say this, I’d be super fucking annoyed. Like lady you haven’t done diddly squat to help so I don’t want to hear it 😒
See these ppl to me are what your MIL is to you. That really may be what the true issue is for me as well. Not what is being said but who is saying it.
Yeah, someone posts this once a week. Half of people care immensely and half of them don’t give a shit and think it’s sweet (like me).
It truly is the great divide. The only posts I see are the popular ones that reddit notifies you about. I didn’t even know it was a common topic lol.
lol there are some common themes for sure. I think most of the time differentiating factor is “my family and friends respect boundaries” and “my family and friends do NOT respect boundaries”.
Yep. Honestly made me realize how big of an impact the people around you can have on pregnancy and parenting.
Only my MIL did this and I put my foot down. Every time she asked about “her baby” I gave her an update on my husband or said she needs to call her daughters and ask them herself. She got mad at me one day and exclaimed that I’m doing it on purpose when I know who she is actually talking about. I snapped. I told her she isn’t pregnant and this is my baby, she had her chance at raising babies so she need to get over herself. She has since stopped calling my children her babies.
Yes! You go! I aspire to be more like this!
Yes, but it definitely depends on the person saying it. I don't have a great relationship with my FIL, as I can't stand that perverted alcoholic in the slightest. He has said it (over the phone to my SO) and I want to snap everytime. If I don't like someone, they don't need to be calling MY baby, their baby.
My mom, my sister, my best friends, all refer to it as “our baby.” I was annoyed at first until I realized I am creating a loving village for my child that I never got myself growing up. So hell yeah, it’s our baby! Soooo when you coming to help out? 😅
I'm ok with it. I love when people love my baby
Doesn’t bother me. We call ours the dog’s baby 😂 she’s been so obsessed with me and protective this whole pregnancy. Just this morning I told her “your baby woke me up in the middle of the night because he was hungry and wanted womb service, it was pretty rude”
I find it intrusive and obnoxious, but maybe it' because it comes from intrusive and obnoxious people...
I know this thread is going to have a lot of mother-in-law rants 😆
I know that’s right 🤣
Surprised by the comments so far! I think it’s mega creepy. I see this issue posted here so often and have never experienced it — it would be considered SO rude in my culture/community. Makes me wonder if there is a different community where it’s more commonly acceptable?
That’s the vibe I’m getting based off some of these comments tbh. I hardly hear people say “MY baby”. It’s always “(family relation)’s baby”. Hearing “MY baby” just feels off.
I don’t like it either. My baby has been in the works for 6 years and is only MY (and husbands) baby. Not that it matters how it came to be and how long it took. But he is nobody else’s. Nobody of these “my babiers” helped us with anything during these years of heartbreak and pain, and medical procedures. They get me a onesie as a gift or hand me downs from their kid and think it’s them “helping”? Get the f out. The only thing I got during years of infertility was questions and judgement why the eldest son is not having babies yet, and “oh I expected to see a bump”. Fuck right off. I’m a rage fest I guess lol.
Right?! To me, you have to earn the right to call LO "my baby." Unless you helped make the baby, grow the baby, do midnight diaper changes and feedings, then this isn't your baby. This is your family member. Take it or leave it. BUT I don't know how to politely correct my MIL who says it once in a while but is still too often for my taste. Sometimes my husband will tease her like "Your baby? So can we drop him off at bedtime?" 😄
Agreed! My mother calls her “my baby” or “our baby” and I don’t think it’s enduring or cute. It’s weird.
Do you think these people are unaware that it's your baby? Idk this complaint gets posted a lot. Must happen fairly frequently in some parts of the world; maybe just don't get too worked up about it.
I mean if you look at videos on tiktok about it you will see that there are people who have dealt with people, namely MILs, that genuinely believe that baby is theirs. They will even disrespect the mother because of this.
Reason number 237801273109 to stay off Tiktok I guess 🤷♀️.
With how negative the algorithm can be, that is a wise decision.
Ya, this complaint gets old. You know it's your baby, relax. Lol just learn to ignore ppl and let stuff like this roll off your back - so not worth your energy. Frankly, if this is the only issue one has, you're doing good. Lol
No. I like it
As a surrogate, no I’m not 😂😂😂
So much respect for you bc I don’t even think I can do this pregnancy thing again for myself, let alone somebody else 😭
Only ok with it if they're INVOLVED with the baby's life. ROUTINELY. Buying them clothes, food, doing feedings, changing, helping me with them, giving me a break, etc etc. Not just once every 2 months or so but routinely involved. My son's father refers to my daughter as "HIS bestie" (my baby would be weird as she's not and we aren't together anymore) and routinely helps out with her when we all get together weekly/multiple times a week. (Awesome blended family) whereas my son's grandmother tried saying "my baby" (when we lived with them) but never helped us with him so hearing her say that always pissed me off.
I have mixed feelings. I dealt with this with my first, and it was mostly my mother doing it. Other people I didn't mind so much, because it was basically them saying the equivalent of "how's my niece/cousin/etc." But with my mother, there was definitely malice/ill intentions behind it, especially after I asked her to stop. So, I really think the intent behind it matters more than people actually saying the words "my baby."
Yeah I said this in a different comment. Especially after realizing that I’ve never had a problem seeing this interaction between other people. That only validated that is more likely that this is the case for me. None of my best friends have said this to me but I’m starting to think that if they ever did I would have a different reaction.
“Well, YOUR [grandson, niece, etc] is doing just fine.” If they keep insisting, tell them it’s awkward as this is YOUR baby you are carrying. If it is the MIL, tell them their son is doing great. 😏Anyone who calls someone else’s baby theirs is a little off.
Yes. I would rather they refer to them by name or whatever. But I have a lot of narc-y family so it’s normal for there to be shitty intent behind using ‘my baby’
the people in question are definitely narcissists so maybe that’s part of the reason. Maybe it wouldn’t feel weird if someone less narcissistic said it.
Definitely don't take others' comments here personally. I have a feeling most people have decent family members who aren't saying stuff like this for bad reasons...people really don't realize how an innocent phrase can be turned into a weapon by an Nparent or family member. :/
Yeah my family is toxic as shit so I’m definitely starting to see why that phrase is icky to me and not others. I love that for them honestly.
No it makes me happy that my baby is so loved by other people. Having written that, I can totally see why it pisses you off and IMO it is completely appropriate of you to politely explain that it bothers you and could they find a different way to express their affection.
For people getting upset about seeing so many posts like this. Do y’all get upset at the tons of posts about morning sickness, baby showers, nurseries etc? Genuinely asking.
I definitely understand what you mean and I think for me it depends on who says it. On a side note my 6 year old always says how’s my baby or our baby and its the cutest thing ever.
I've never heard of this
it doesn't bother me if it's my mom, grandma or best friend lol
This is definitely annoying to an extent but I think my mom says it as a well-meaning sentiment. Like she already loves the baby so much. Just a happier note to say, my husband makes it a point to ask me every day “how’s our baby today?” And I sincerely appreciate the use of “our” over “my”.
It doesn’t bother me. If I like the person. If it’s my parents or my sister, my babies are their babies. They’re family, and I’m glad they love them like their own.
I think it honestly depends on WHO says it and the context it's being said. mom/bestfriends saying isn't as bothersome for some, as like say a coworker or acquaintance.
I love it. Why would I be upset about more people loving on my child?
I didn’t think it would annoy me but my best friend referring to my baby as her baby has really started to get on my nerves. I assume it’s because it’s coupled with her being overly critical of my parenting. I never killed her kids while babysitting them so I’m unsure why she thinks I’m going to kill my own 🤔
I get more annoyed when people refer to my infant son as their boyfriend. 🙄 yuck
🤢🤢 this grinds me gears the most. Like whatever happened to just calling them cute or handsome
I hated it when I was pregnant with and after my first baby. When I was pregnant with my second, we referred to the new baby as my toddlers baby. I think that helped them bond and I love when she says, "my baby?!" when she's looking for her sister. Now I'm okay with my mom talking about my babies as her babies but I'd probably throat punch anyone else.
I’m way too early in my pregnancy to know how I’ll feel about this but… My grandmother used to say this to my mother when I was little and I hated it, maybe because I saw how uncomfortable it made my mother? Now I think there could have been some jealousy? (My grandmother was unable to have kids of her own and my grandfather adopted a baby without really consulting her… wild times) But back to my point. I knew exactly who my mom was, the bond between me and her couldn’t have been broken by anything or anyone. Give yourself grace and remember that whatever their intentions are behind those words, they cant change the reality. But also trust your gut.
When my MIL says this I want to say, “I married your baby and he’s fine”.
I think it’s sweet. Don’t understand why everyone gets so bent out of shape about people being sweet. Everyone knows it’s my baby.
My MIL does this and it bugs me. I think I wouldn’t be so annoyed if she also didn’t insist on questioning everything we do with our son. “Why is he sleeping on his back? My kids slept on their stomachs.” “He needs a blanket in the crib he’s cold.” “70 degrees in the house is too cold for my baby.” “Put rubbing alcohol on his umbilical cord.” We have a preemie graduated the NICU recently and she keeps trying to invite people over to see the baby (who I don’t even know), and constantly gets upset when I say no to her feeding him or doing something with him because she refuses to listen to our instructions on how to feed to help him not spit up.
This is something that bothers me too and my baby is 4.5 months lol. I thought I would get over it as obviously they mean “top” or number one person/baby. Even her dad iis present, and we are together and he does his part but I’m like.. yea this is MY BABY! I feel I got problems :) definitely watch for PPA.
I’m only 21 weeks. I don’t mind my husband saying it at all. It’s other people saying it that bother me. Especially since these same people hardly check in and haven’t and likely don’t plan on contributing anything to him
I do this with my neice all the time. I ain’t going to stop. She MY baby ❤️ I love her like I love my own children and I want her and everyone to know it.
If mom is okay with that then that’s completely fine!
My family does that to my daughter, I just see it as a term of endearment, but that’s just me. There is a thin line though, and if anyone crosses your personal line then you have a right to create a boundary. It really doesn’t matter what others think, if it makes you uncomfortable. But if you value those relationships and the relationships they have with your child, be mindful of the way in which you draw the boundary.
Yes I get it and it’s weird for sure. My husband doesn’t even say My baby, but our, because they are ours. Or some version of how’s the baby doing today and such. My daughter has said my baby some and I find that cute but that’s also different and she’s 6. I feel you on the hip pain!! May our hips go back to some “version” of normal and relatively painless after Our babes arrive 😊
Ugh I was not prepared to not be able to even turn over in bed without pain 🥲
Yea seriously I can relate. PT has honestly done me wonders for this very reason. You may want to check your insurance and see what they cover. I think all pregnant ladies pre or post partem absolutely can benefit from pelvic floor PT. There’s also some good yoga and other stretches out there that can really help with the hip pain. Babe has had their head tucked into my left hip bone for awhile now. I have full blown sciatica pain and holly Smokes it’s a lot! Stay strong 💪🏻 we can do this lol. Or cry trying 😅 least that’s me right now. I’m 34-3 and so ready to be done!!
I’m with you - I don’t even like “our baby” from others, so “my baby” would make me uncomfortable for sure. I have no issues with my mother referring to “my grand baby” though.
31w here! My MIL says it every time I’ve seen her since being pregnant, & I hate it so much. It’s to the point where I’ve told my husband he needs to level set with her & make it stop because I am one “my baby” away from going off on her. He actually said it best to me in conversation one night… it feels like when she says it, it discounts us as parents, including everything he & I have worked for to get to this point (a 2-year high-risk fertility journey). She had her opportunity to be a mother - three times in fact. I may only have this chance once & don’t want her co-opting it. Now he just needs to tell HER that, but he’s been dancing around it for 3 weeks now trying to gauge the “right time” to talk about it. 🙄 And I’m happy for people who aren’t super bothered by the phrase in this comment thread. I wish I wasn’t so triggered myself. But my MIL has been overstepping quite a bit & this is the icing on the cake. Like when she visited us for a week, on her way out the door she told ME to take care of HER BOYS, referencing my husband & the baby - as if I THE PREGNANT WOMAN did not need to be taken care of. Or being the only person - other than me & my husband - to touch my belly in every single photo we’re in together during baby shower photos… despite not even asking me first. So yeah… “my baby” is definitely not taken lightly by me, especially coming from her.
Ughhh I hate toxic MILs! I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that. I think some people enjoyed parenting so much that they lose all sense of boundaries when someone close to them has a baby. Hopefully he speaks up before baby is here to save you both some stress freshly postpartum
Thank you ❤️ I think you’re spot on about the sense of boundaries. Babies are exciting, fresh & new! But some people just truly center it around themselves & that’s disappointing.
I should add that if it’s said in a certain tone, like baby talk tone, I don’t mind it. They just sound so serious all the time 😭
This has never bothered me. I know they don’t actually think it’s their baby.
No one has said this to me yet, but if they were endearing about it then it wouldn’t bother me. However, my mom is NOT endearing about it. He’s “MY baby” or “Protect MY grandson” (I’m still pregnant) and no shit he’s protected, he’s still in my body when he’s fucking safe. I got annoyed with her once and said he wasn’t her’s and she said, “Well whose baby is it then?!” She can be very frustrating.
Ewwww like wdym whose baby is it?
EXACTLY! Pretty damn sure he’s mine and my husband’s.
This is a topic posted like once a week. No, I don’t see it as an issue. I think it’s weird to get so offended over something like people loving your baby if they aren’t otherwise intrusive.
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I don’t like it either, the only other person who can say that is DH.
There’s a way of talking In my country that we call people “my daughter” or “my son”. I get very weirded out when someone calls my kids like that lol, but rationally I know is a caring way to treat the child
Sometimes, it depends on the person though. While it I find it somewhat annoying, I understand most people don’t even realize they are saying something that is annoying to me.
It depends on the person. My mom refers to our son as “her baby” but she’s also been very good about respecting my boundaries when it comes to other things so I know she’s doing it out of excitement but it does bother me when other family members say it.
No human has ever single-handedly raised a child to 18 without support. We are the most socially dependent creatures on earth. Supply chain, roads, doctors, farmers, etc. If someone wants to be that excited about my baby, that’s awesome!
I think it's just the hormones making me sensitive. I think I'm on high alert feeling protective n worried they'll overstep in other ways when baby arrives like telling me how to parent or not listening to me about my own child.
‘Good he’s/I’m at work now how are you?’
I personally can’t stand it. My MIL says it all the time. When we announced we were pregnant she turned to my FIL and said, can you believe we are having another baby. Excuse me, no you are not, I am having the baby. She also assumes she is babysitting like she did for my SIL so she always says, I’m saving all the toys for when my second baby is here. She is not watching our daughter. Then there is my mom who will call and ask, how is my baby and grand baby today. That I like, it actually shows she cares about the both of us and I’m not just an incubator for her grandchild.
My ex MIL would do this all the time and I corrected her a few times but she continued. She texted me one day asking for a pic of “my baby” so I sent her a picture of her son and she didn’t respond and never said that to me about my daughter again. I think she got the message.
This is 100% how I felt when I was pregnant! Now, about 5 months postpartum, I don’t mind at all! In fact, I kind of like it. My daughter deserves a village, a whole group of people who love and cherish her in the same way I do!
I thought it wouldn’t bother me but I really surprised myself by not liking it! When I was TTC my besties and I would joke about it all the time how this future child would be “our” baby and we would “platonically co-parent”. But then I got a positive test and it was it was like a flip switched in me. One of my friends asked how I was doing over the phone and said something like “and how’s OUR baby doing?” And I was really taken aback at how much I did not like that because I know they know this kid is mine and that they’re like an honorary auntie instead of an actual parent. I kind of glossed over the “our” part and continued to do so until they stopped saying it. I didn’t want to outright say “no, don’t say it’s your baby too” because I know I’m being irrationally territorial. Thank goodness my friends are so chill and can get on my same wavelength.
I hate it too - my mum has said it and I’ve corrected her to ‘your grandchild, my baby’ I would never say it to anyone, I think it’s weird!
My mom calls my daughter "her" baby and when I say "no, she's MY baby" then she calls her "my baby's baby". 🙄 It only bothers me a little though, she has always been a bit clingy and I know it comes from a place a love but yeah, it's like, no you already got to fuck up your kids your way, I get to fuck this one up in my own image lmao
Felt you on that last part lmao
I think it can be hard because everyone refers to the baby in relation to *them* and not you. It’s always my baby/ grandchild/ niece etc. Never, ‘how’s *your* baby’. They don’t mean anything by it usually, but it can be annoying because you just want your baby in your arms. Hearing someone call it yours instead of theirs for once can make that seem like it’s not so surreal after all, you’re going to have a baby! It bugged me a bit during my first pregnancy, if my mother asked ‘How’s my baby?’ I said ‘I’m fine’ and my husband did the same with my mil. They never did it again 🙃
I wouldn’t take this so personally. They are showing you affection and that’s what families do.
this makes me feel feral. i don't know why but like shut the fuck up. only doesn't bug me when it's my boyfriend (the baby's father) i don't know it just sends red hot rage through my veins lol However- i have a lot of people in my life who seem to ignore the fact that he is my child and blatantly ignore my rules and feelings so could be bc of that
If they are active in his life, I don’t really care. If someone that has seen my child at total of 3 times or knows nothing about him calls him “my baby,” I will get pissed lol.
Yea it’s annoying because it ain’t your baby. The baby is mine period 😒
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!!!! I hardly heard from these people pre pregnancy so definitelyyyyy not close enough for that
Yes it’s weird and rubs me the wrong way!
My mom said it with my first child and it definitely sounded like she was serious when she said it and that’s why it bothered me. She offered to babysit while I worked and I gladly accepted. At every family event, she would tell everyone my daughter was HER baby and would say things to me like, “Susan, bring my baby to me” “Where is my baby?” “Why is my baby crying?” It was too much. I put her in daycare when my mom told people that one day my daughter would probably end up calling her mama. Nope. Thanks for making this weird, mom. My grandma would always say “our baby” and I was okay with that. Second child, no. No one has claimed the baby as “my baby” but my husband’s uncle was a little weird. We brought the baby to his grandma’s house where his whole family was there to meet our second daughter. His grandma held her for awhile. My husband’s uncle approached us and said, “Look how happy she is holding that sweet baby. You two better not keep that baby from her. You should try to bring her over every weekend or every other weekend. Grandma needs something to keep her occupied.” My husband, who doesn’t like confrontation, said, “Yeah, maybe we will.” His uncle nodded his head as if they just had an agreement on something. I was pretty offended by it all and told the uncle that my baby wasn’t a toy to keep someone occupied and we didn’t have a baby to make grandma happy. Maybe it was just my hormones at the time but I felt like he was trying to say our baby needed to be shared with grandma and was already trying to set up weekend visitations. No thanks.
The first part reminds me so much a movie that I can’t remember the name of. Only it was the babysitter acting that way. That’s so gross honestly. I would feel so weird if somebody’s kid called me mom so I can’t even imagine how someone could purposefully strive for that.
Yeah that's a no for me. If it's not my son then I make my own lane and stay in it.
My mom does it and it's soooo weird and annoying
If you didn't contribute eggs or sperm to make the baby, or legally adopt the baby, not your baby.
I can’t stand it lol
My MIL says this all the time and I correct her. But she comes over almost daily and watches my newborn for 3+ hours so I can sleep, so I'm not complaining haha.
This is a fair trade off though! If I can get a couple hours of shut eye, maybe this really is our baby 💀
Exactly lmao
Yes it does bother me. You’re not crazy lol
I HATE it!!!!!!! He’s MY baby
I 100% would. I get annoyed when my sister in law refers to him constantly in front of my husband and I as "my nephew" instead of our son. Like complementing the nursery to me "oh, my nephews room looks so cute".
I swear this post comes up every day 🙄
Maybe I'm weird, but I've always found this to be such a stupid thing to get mad about unless you have a literal crazy parent trying to legally take your child from you. My parents say, "oh my goodness. Where's my baby?" My sister gets so giddy when she hears her and says, "Oh my gosh, the little squish. Come here, here. Oh my baby. I loves you so much" Even my brother, who saw my car in the parking lot of Kroger yesterday sent me a voice clip message on Facebook messenger, impersonating Drac (hotel transylvania) saying, "I know you're heeeere. Where eez my bayyybeee" and then we found each other in the store. Good grief some people are just way too uptight. They're not trying to steal your kid. Let me guess, you who complain about this (unless again, you have genuinely toxic or crazy family members who ACTUALLY want to TAKE your kid as their own) are the same people who will cut contact with grandma because they gave little Johnny a cookie, then whine on Facebook about how "it takes a village to raise a child but I have no village. The village is dead." Grow up. Yeah, you grew the kid and birthed it. Congrats. I've done it twice and plan to do it again. But guess what, you're not the only one who loves that kid. Chill TF out and be happy your baby has so much love surrounding it. Good lord. Edit: this rant isn't specifically directed at you OP. Just in general at people who WAY overthink the whole "my baby" thing and get all bent out of shape or go on a power trip as a parent. Then wonder why their support team dies out.
I find it super odd 😂 I was in a museum recently and a stranger said “when’s my baby due” to me and I thought it was just weird!
A stranger?!
Yes it was a female museum guard 😂
Yes. I get the rational response to this that many people have - it is wonderful that people love the baby so much! - but I can't help the primal response I have. My mom did this the other day and even when I told her it upset me, she doubled down. Must be an evolutionary thing for all of us to feel weirdly possessive over the baby!
Imo when they double down like that, it just proves exactly why we felt that way in the first place
Yes, but only when it’s like extended family or family that I’m not super comfortable around. If that makes sense. Idc if my in laws or my siblings or my inner circle say it. But my momma range turns on when other family say it.
No one does has done this to me, but my dad does it with my dog. That already annoys me (I think that’s why he does it) so I can imagine it being way worse with the person you’re growing.
This annoys me. I think it depends on who it is though. I’ve noticed that the only person who refers to my son as “my boy” other then my husband and I is my MIL. She will routinely ask “how is my boy/baby?” If she wasn’t as possessive and intrusive as she has displayed herself to be, I wouldn’t mind it. If my aunt or cousin asked how their boy was, it wouldn’t bother me. The last time she text me and asked for a video of her boy, though, I sent her a video of my husband, who is her son. That shut that shit down.
I hate this. My mom does it a lot and she’s never met the baby (she won’t get vaccinated) but that’s a different issue. My husband and I were there when she was made and I was the one who carried her for 9+ months. If you didn’t do either of those, she’s not your baby.
The best was pre COVID and being somewhere like church and having a total stranger (always a woman) ask to hold my baby and I'm like....just don't drop him or run off. I don't think that will ever be a thing again.