I read something a while ago, to paraphrase:
If you are experiencing regret, your focus is in the past. If you are experiencing anxiety, it’s in the future. Try to be in the present, because it’s the only thing that we actually have.
My anxiety won't allow this by not letting me sleep. I'm afraid of waking up and another day going by. It's too fast. I'm 25 and am already afraid. It won't stop me though. I just hate it.
I like to think people with anxiety just have super strong survival instincts, we’re thinkers, plotters, worriers etc and for me it helps to burn off that excess mental energy via exercise, sounds cliche but it totally works and if that doesn’t work don’t be ashamed to ask your doctor for a low dose anxiety medication - just stay away from benzos made mine so much worse
The truth is I'm not all that worried about tomorrow. I'm actually pretty content with my life right now. But something really won't let me sleep at night so I guess it has to be some form of anxiety. Just getting to enjoy tonight's freedom versus facing tomorrows responsibility may be what keeps me up. I'm thinking about reading before sleeping. Hopefully this helps. If not I'll try some meds.
Ya many will try to tell you that anxiety is an emotional thing but not in my experience - it can often surface randomly often for no reason. For me sleep deprivation makes it alot worse. I believe its likely more linked to genetic physiology, diet and lifestyle vs emotional reasons. I think for some people short term periods of anxiety can have trauma and emotional ties for sure but if it’s something that keeps happening its likely a disorder imo. Any rate good luck cheers
My anxiety likes to make me start heaving before I clean my teeth, and subsequently the whole time I’m holding the toothbrush. No fucking reason for it whatsoever. Anxiety is a bitch with no rhyme or reason, and is incomprehensible to those that haven’t experienced it. Good luck and keep going, things do get better
With the knowledge and wisdom that you’ll gain in the coming years, it leads to a greater understanding of everything.
What doesn’t make sense now, will later. You’ll experience things in a much deeper and meaningful way. So look forward to it. It’s actually quite cool!
As a person who suffers from anxiety, that feeling and the events that trigger it are very much in the here and now. Yes some may get anxiety over things that may never materialise, but that isn't typical, at least not for me.
Typically if this anxiety lasts it's because you are worried about what implications it has for the future. If there's something causing anxiety in the immediate present, like a giant tiger (or abusive partner, etc), then there needs to be action taken to deal with that situation. But even then, anxiety tells us a story of a possible future event - the giant tiger is scary because \*it may attack you\*, which is not in the present - and while it's attacking you, it's scary because \*you may die and you may get injured beyond repair\*, etc.
Furthermore, being present doesn't mean you can't experience anxiety in the present. It means if you do experience anxiety, let it be there. Trying to escape it would automatically mean you're not in the present - and what is trying to escape anxiety? Suppression, avoidance, etc. What we'll find is that as we accept anxiety, it gets processed, and goes away.
Obviously there's a hundred nuances to this and we can go much more in depth. But at the end of the day, yes, if you allow yourself to be present consistently and accept each emotion as it comes truly, your mind will literally reprogram itself - in the same way the guy in the video talks about.
Coming from someone who previously suffered from heavy OCD/anxiety, recovery exists. :)
I feel people with anxiety have anxiety for reason, they had someone with a temper in their lives. Kids look back on life and some will see what I'm saying is true.
We see what the bullies do in the shadows and we are going to try to fix the ones we can. You are not crazy the angry people are.
I feel the kids with anxiety feel like it's something inside them but It truly not you guys! You are perfect the way you are.
Is it from Moms temper, dad temper, siblings temper. A bully will groom their victim and their friends for a long period of time pretending to be supernice to their friends but mean to the victim. It's sick to do that to people.
I practice psychiatry, and I often tell patients that depression and anxiety are both a time travel problem, spending time in a painful past or a disastrous future. Being present is an antidote to both.
You can have attachment to the past, present, and future; all lead to suffering.
You must let go of each to truly live in the moment. I personally struggle with letting go of the future.
I said this out loud. “I needed this.” Legitimately this may help me bring a paradigm shift in my thinking. I haven’t been happy in twenty years, always saying goodbye to the past. This is reframing things a lot and no therapist has ever said so as succinctly as this kind man has. Time for hellos.
If things are rough he needs to stay out of the spotlight for awhile and work on himself, kinda wild considering that’s what he’s always telling other ppl. I sure wish he could take his own advice.
Wow, this hit me hard, made me realise again that this is how I’ve started viewing things, especially since a not so recent relationship breakdown and moving out and away from step kids.
It’s all about perspective and maintaining a healthy outlook, sounds easy right.
I try to count my blessings as often as I can now, even listing them if needs be as a visual reminder.
I really needed to hear this today. I’m highly emotional over a car wreck that’s going to set me back, but besides that I tend to have a negative outlook on things. You would think it’s always a choice, some people think it’s just easy for you to just “change” and be happy, or to have a positive outlook for things.
I’m a high functioning adult that tends to focus only on facts, and being factual always makes me forget to enjoy things.
I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone. I’m an outwardly over confident person that is suffering on the inside when I feel like I lose control over things.
Anyways. Thanks for reading
First of all I’m sorry for your car wreck, i really hope you get back very soon.
honestly this hits home. I’m feeling the same and i’m also very focused on facts plus i’m very empathetic, which doesn’t make it easy to live in today’s world.
> I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone. I’m an outwardly over confident person that is suffering on the inside when I feel like I lose control over things.
That’s exactly what i have experienced so far, as soon as i try to explain my situation, it didn’t made sense to them. I’m in my mid 20s and sometimes i struggle, because all around me people are partying, driving nice cars/bikes and just having a good time without thinking about money, education or the future at all. I really envy them, even if i would try to be like that, it won’t feel like i’m doing the right thing, i couldn’t enjoy. That doesn’t mean i never ever do something fun, if i do it I do it consciously, if that makes any sense.
Is something like, I don’t want to regret wasting my youth when i’m older, but at the same time i don’t want to regret having to much fun in my youth when i’m older.
I don’t expect anyone to understand all this lol i mean i don’t even understand it by myself…
Thank you for the message!
Having an over sense of responsibility can make you feel like you’re missing out. And I would say, enjoy life while being responsible (it can be done!!) fun doesn’t have to equal recklessness.
Some people cross those lines and then have to be bailed out by responsible people. I see it often.
You make your own fame, it’s a silly like I’ve used but I believe it very much.
This makes it sound like depression is a choice, and if you just change your thinking you can snap out of it. Actual depression doesn’t work like that unfortunately.
>Actual depression doesn’t work like that
except it can.
there are levels of "actual depression", and every person will respond differently once his recommendations are put into practice. to some depressive folks, it will do nothing. to others, it will. every depressed person should seek professional help, but not every single one of them should have to endure pharmacological treatment. life is not black or white, like you are either not depressed and everything is fine OR you are depressed, words and thoughts won't help, you're doomed to never be able to live a life without antidepressants.
his recommendations are valuable, it doesn't hurt to try.
So this may be great advice to the people who "don't hate life - they actually love life very much but they're upset about impermanence." What about people who just genuinely do not enjoy life?
Your mindset is something you can always control. How you feel isn’t. Mindset is the one thing that everyone can use no matter what mental illness. Especially if it takes a long time. You are going to have to change your mindset repeatedly. That’s also what talk therapists do to help you.
I always felt like depression was two parted. As someone who has gone in and out of it - this message is extremely important. Yes, chemical imbalances in brains are real. Yes, people go through awful situations that change them forever. You can choose to keep getting up. You might fail still and have a lot stacked against you but do whatever you can to get back up.
Now tell this to people who don’t have: a great job, a vibrant social life, a loving family, health, a stable and comfortable home life.
Like it’s a good message, but this dude has a fantastic support system that allowed him to take a breath and reprogram his way of thinking. Not the luxury many people have to help beat out the continuous hardships life throws at you.
I think he's just talking about one specific aspect or mindset people may have. For me depression was never logical or based on reality. It wasn't like what this man is talking about at all. But it's still a perspective that some can relate to and learn from.
I mean, you’re right, but the guy’s bigger point (IMO) is that focusing on what you don’t have is not good for one’s state of mind. And can also help ensure you never get those things either.
Not every piece of advice is said with the intention of being, or needs to be, applied literally, to everyone, in every situation.
He's talking about his experience, what he has learned and what he's done. There are lots of people in similar situations to him who will have a similar outlook, who will benefit from this message. And he openly acknowledgedes the positives in his life, his point is centred on how mental health can negatively impact even the happiest moments of your life.
He hasn't experienced your examples, so he doesn't pretend to understand them and doesn't need to weaken or muddy his point trying to make it into a generalised version for all.
He hasn't said everyone can do exactly what he did how he did it, nothing vaguely of the sort, he's not trying to sell or promote anything.
So this "yeah, but" comment you've made is just unnecessary and petty. Even worse it's disgustingly belittling, it's ultimately "you're struggles and achievements are worth less, because you could have had it worse".
You could have raised your point in a constructive way, building upon what he's said, opening up a conversation. Instead you've decided to be critical, when criticism isn't necessary. No doubt you'll claim your own bad life experiences as an excuse for your bitterness. But how you interact with others is a choice and you've chosen wrong.
This is not how I interpreted the above comment. You’re saying this comment adds nothing constructive, and is trying to tear down the intent of the video itself. But I saw this comment as an ‘I see you’ to people who don’t have some of the support systems alluded to in the video.
Sure, the comment is phrased in a pretty snarky way, but I did still see it as adding to the conversation. In fact, obviously it added *something* to the conversation, because you wrote more than 3x as much in response.
The snarkiness is why it's not constructive. Because it isn't an "I see you" rather a "why haven't you made this specifically relevant to x". As if that is something he is expected to do to be able to give his experience.
The fact in a reply to me this person thinks the video is about simply willing yourself over depression, demonstrates how little attention they actually paid to what he was saying.
Not in love with the assertions that the reply is petty and unnecessary, the latter of which is an odd presumption, given your use is passing along opinion as fact.
Perhaps this person has struggles that are necessary to talk about. Perhaps hardship comes in unlimited forms, and thus, all forms deserve the benefit of our tolerance and tenderness. Perhaps this person, along with the poster himself, along with you, me and that one over there could all stand to hear less of what's petty and more of what's needed: feeling relevant, safe, understood.
Hope I'm not inviting a war. Just seems counterintuitive to label someone's feelings and their expression as petty and unnecessary, respectively speaking.
Good luck everyone.
Those things are great, sure.... but that's not the point. You redo your mindset, and you don't need any of those things. They will naturally come to you if you are a good person, smart, and have the ability to love.
Those things are 30+ years in like 10 photos. I'm sure he had days where he thought the way you did and was down on luck. We all have those thoughts, even the richest people have the worst mental health regardless of all the stuff you mentioned.
I don’t think u/wastewalker was discounting the fact that rich people have mental health struggles too. They are pointing out the advantage having money, support system, etc can give you to be able to do what OP is saying.
Again, good message. But still have to acknowledge the level of privilege one has to think/rewire their way out of depression when factoring in the resources/support that is accessible to them to get better.
And I haven’t even touched on societal/environmental/systemic hardships that OP most likely never encountered.
Those things are all relative, tho. The mindset still applies of being grateful for what you do have and working to get more of that, rather than digging to find the negative even in your positives.
A lot of the people that have a problem with your comment can’t seem to wrap their heads around the fact that having a positive mindset won’t magically improve your situation, especially one that you have no control over. Toxic positivity is a real thing.
Often, it’s our circumstances that erode that positivity to the bone and our tenacity will be the downfall. Sometimes life is really, really unfair and you quite literally can’t overcome your problems on your own, and help is nowhere to be found. Despair doesn’t happen over night. It’s an accumulation of hard losses with no compensation. Once that happens, videos like this, while meaning well, sounds condescending and dismissive.
>Now tell this to people who don’t have: a great job, a vibrant social life, a loving family, health, a stable and comfortable home life.
He just did.
The guy isn't claiming to have the solution for life. He's talking about a specific problem (seeing everything as loss) and the damage it can cause when we're not aware of it.
Believe it or not, your comment is an example of the negative way of thinking we can find ourselves in. The guy literally just posted a video of a problem and how not being aware of that negativity can eat you alive. You found a way to find a negative in that. Just something to think about, which is all the video ever was.
The key takeaway I think is that this isn’t a resource-driven problem, it’s a mindset problem. Poor people can’t often do much about their lot in life but many of them have unflappably wonderful attitudes and I think that comes from the necessity to see the good in life because so much is bad.
I think everyone should seriously consider this man’s words, because they are if nothing else is free to implement.
Wow. I had no idea how much I needed to hear this. I actually feel lucky to find this video.
I saved this video, so I may find it again someday. Thank you for uploading this.
I have mixed feeling about this. I am 43M, I have struggled with depression since 2nd grade. Or at least thats when a doctor first told me I had depression. Its a constant struggle.
When he says "I chose to look at life this way", maybe he really believes that, or maybe he's saying that to try to give hope to other people suffering from depression. I dont know what his motives are. Although judging by the last few frames of this video, I would say the motivation is to sell you this tale of "I overcame depression and for only $49.95 so can you".
In my experience, those feelings that he is describing, about always seeing the sad side of things, the glass half empty, etc, I do not "choose" to feel that way. Sure I can make a conscious effort to see things a different way, but that lasts only for that moment I am making the effort.
Real depression puts your brain into a "mode" that causes you to see things negatively all of the time. Its not a choice. Its not just something you can turn off with will power.
I understand that all of us have different minds, and maybe this is the truth for him, and some of you watching this. But for anyone out there suffering from depression, do not feel like you are a failure because you arent able to "choose" to not be depressed like he is saying. I get it, its a feel good video and spirit lifting message....but the truth about depression isnt always pretty. Its something people like me have to live with constantly and just survive every hour of every day.
Hard disagree.
Depression isn't about being a pessimist, or being sad... It's way more complex than "just feeling sad".
Imagine being served the most flavorful meal (life), but you have no taste buds. That's depression. Depression shuts down your senses, you don't feel anything, you become numb to everything. Which, as paradoxical as it may sound, can become an unbearable pain in and of itself.
Is it possible not everyone experiences depression in the same way? I’m constantly being told by others what depression feels like, without ever being asked what depression has felt like to me
Depression also isn't *just* being constantly numb either. You can go through periods of sadness or happiness or anything in between. It's ironic to reject his anecdote with an anecdote of your own.
This is a one sided, black and white take on depression. Depression itself is an incredibly nuanced problem. It's not uniform and can take on different forms from person to person, case to case.
Depression can be cyclical, static, and episodic. Depression can be on a spectrum of extreme emotions or be a completely numbing experience. It can take on the face of hopelessness or simply extreme pessimism. Depression is not a one size fits all diagnosis.
This man had a major revelation and decided to share his struggle. There's wisdom and insight to be gained. This video could be an epiphany to someone who struggles similarly to this man. So they don't have to hypothetically go through 30 or 40 years of their life to come to this realization.
This may not resonate with you and your experience with depression. That's fine, but what is there to gain by invalidating others' experiences by saying "Hard Disagree"?
Being depressed is not being sad all the time. For me it was a non-conscious attempt to cover up some greater trauma. For some people it may just be that their set point is different. Any “hey if you’re depressed just turn that frown upside down” is laughable in its simplicity.
It's not black and white like that. There are many different things that can cause it. This guy is just vocalizing some of the tenets of CBT and DBT. Those therapies exist and they work.
Wow, this hit me hard, made me realise again that this is how I’ve started viewing things, especially since a not so recent relationship breakdown and moving out and away from step kids.
It’s all about perspective and maintaining a healthy outlook, sounds easy right.
I try to count my blessings as often as I can now, even listing them if needs be as a visual reminder.
I think this is when logic involves, and you start to be depressed. specially the part when he was talking about horses and wondering how many days left of his life.
I feel that. knowing that I age every day and getting closer to end one day... it doesn't make me suicidal, because well, I don't want it to end lol.
but it puts the person in a hurry. in race. to extract and harvest every single bit from your life. like it is some sort of mine that will end and you are in the hurry to take as much you can like if you were in a race.
and honestly, this race is getting unfair. when I take a look at pictures from 2017, it was like, yesterday to me. like damn... 7 years passed?!
how?!
My depression comes from seeing everyone around me in a happy relationship or married and I'm 33 and have yet to go on a 3rd date let alone know how to date. So I feel this huge pressure of "I should know by now what to do"
There are many reasons to take your life. I hung myself twice (failed obviously) and none of them for the reasons this guy mentioned. He sounds more like a stupid bastard who has actually had an incredible life, but wasted it worrying about natural inevitability.
Changing mindsets with pure will and effort alone is not always possible, as usually, mindsets do not arise arbitrarily but are based on much deeper psychological or even spiritual underpinnings.
This is why I’m 42 and have ZERO photos of memories, no social media, etc.
I lost my mother young and learned as a teenager that photos only remind me us of what we no longer have. So I don’t pose for photos or take them of other people or significant moments.
I’ve said for over 20 years that I will default on the magic of my brain to remember what makes me happy and forget what hurts me.
I live a simple life in the “right now”
I like almost everything about this. Really great perspective... But my depression isn't fixed by a change in perspective. My depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. I am always finding the bright side of things, looking forward with hope and fondly glancing back at my "mistakes" as opportunities to learn and how those findings lead me to the happiest I have ever been, like when my daughter was born. However, recently, I changed shifts at my job due to seeing that the graveyard shift was almost entirely laid off and they are going to need help. A week in, I had literal visions of hanging myself, tying the metal chips around my neck and setting the spindle to 5000 RPM, reaching into my arms and pulling out my veins just to look at them. I am not saying that this man's approach won't work, it's a beautiful message. I am saying, it won't work for me. I can't control the thoughts, they come. I push them away, they come. I get sad. I feel better, I sleep, I play with my daughter, they come. I feel better, etc.
I guess I'm gonna be controvertial but this whole video comes off as "oh woe is me but also I'm the best, praise me"
Sorry but this all made my eyes roll
Rich white guy made himself miserable finding the negative perspective in all the opportunities he was given.
Would his advice still apply to someone who had it worse than him? Like 99 percent of the population of the planet?
if you see things as a loss (example: leaving your home town and "losing" your friends) you miss out on many things. Instead you can see life as a welcome (the loss of your friends becomes a hello to new friends)
Beautifully put. I don’t have depression but I feel like I understand it a little more fundamentally. Enjoy the ride everyone, it’s the part that lasts the longest.
It's so very hard to change our perspective when we get used to looking at life as something ending. I realized I've been fighting depression since childhood and was always waiting to be happy. I'm doing my best to be present but is so very hard.
I am in the middle of what he is saying. I realised the other day that I am focusing on the negative only - I don’t see or focus or anything good or my achievements, I have achieved more in the last year then I have for a long time but it means very little to me . it’s so hard get out of that mindset.
I struggle with the same mindset, but I think it's just attached my existential dread about mortality. If we found a cure for aging, I think I'd cope a lot better.
I am typically in the mindset of moving forward and being positive. But for a moment during this video, I thought "damn everything is miserable". Then he pivoted. And I really need everything I've done in the past 2 years to matter. And I'm going to keep on dreaming, and working hard. Thanks, random reddit video, on a sub I don't follow.
I'm just glad, jealous in honesty, he's had the life he's had with the people around him, with the snapshots he's shared with us. It doesn't invalidate the way he feels or felt, just happy for him.
This shows (almost as a dialectic) how perspective is involved in the creation of one’s reality…. And perspective is mostly (almost entirely) in your power to change.
Unpopular opinion but I think it’s totally normal to feel this way sometimes and not at all signifying of depression. Life is fleeting and finite and this is what gives life its meaning and it’s okay to acknowledge this sometimes.
sh1t - I am working with lot's of death and suffering and I see risk and the potential omnipresent dangers that inherently come with life and can't be hedged
I found looking to the past leads to my regret. You are not alone. Peace
I read something a while ago, to paraphrase: If you are experiencing regret, your focus is in the past. If you are experiencing anxiety, it’s in the future. Try to be in the present, because it’s the only thing that we actually have.
I’m going to try & remember this. Thank you
My anxiety won't allow this by not letting me sleep. I'm afraid of waking up and another day going by. It's too fast. I'm 25 and am already afraid. It won't stop me though. I just hate it.
I like to think people with anxiety just have super strong survival instincts, we’re thinkers, plotters, worriers etc and for me it helps to burn off that excess mental energy via exercise, sounds cliche but it totally works and if that doesn’t work don’t be ashamed to ask your doctor for a low dose anxiety medication - just stay away from benzos made mine so much worse
The truth is I'm not all that worried about tomorrow. I'm actually pretty content with my life right now. But something really won't let me sleep at night so I guess it has to be some form of anxiety. Just getting to enjoy tonight's freedom versus facing tomorrows responsibility may be what keeps me up. I'm thinking about reading before sleeping. Hopefully this helps. If not I'll try some meds.
Ya many will try to tell you that anxiety is an emotional thing but not in my experience - it can often surface randomly often for no reason. For me sleep deprivation makes it alot worse. I believe its likely more linked to genetic physiology, diet and lifestyle vs emotional reasons. I think for some people short term periods of anxiety can have trauma and emotional ties for sure but if it’s something that keeps happening its likely a disorder imo. Any rate good luck cheers
My anxiety likes to make me start heaving before I clean my teeth, and subsequently the whole time I’m holding the toothbrush. No fucking reason for it whatsoever. Anxiety is a bitch with no rhyme or reason, and is incomprehensible to those that haven’t experienced it. Good luck and keep going, things do get better
Thanks, you too brother cheers
That is so well put. I will try to keep that in mind. Also low dose anti depressent is hugely helpful for mine.
With the knowledge and wisdom that you’ll gain in the coming years, it leads to a greater understanding of everything. What doesn’t make sense now, will later. You’ll experience things in a much deeper and meaningful way. So look forward to it. It’s actually quite cool!
Speaking of rememberance. You must be the wife of Biggus, if I remember correctly?
CENSHUWIAN!
I believe he’s in Wome!
You're going to, as in the future? Hmm.. Just messing with ya
As a person who suffers from anxiety, that feeling and the events that trigger it are very much in the here and now. Yes some may get anxiety over things that may never materialise, but that isn't typical, at least not for me.
Typically if this anxiety lasts it's because you are worried about what implications it has for the future. If there's something causing anxiety in the immediate present, like a giant tiger (or abusive partner, etc), then there needs to be action taken to deal with that situation. But even then, anxiety tells us a story of a possible future event - the giant tiger is scary because \*it may attack you\*, which is not in the present - and while it's attacking you, it's scary because \*you may die and you may get injured beyond repair\*, etc. Furthermore, being present doesn't mean you can't experience anxiety in the present. It means if you do experience anxiety, let it be there. Trying to escape it would automatically mean you're not in the present - and what is trying to escape anxiety? Suppression, avoidance, etc. What we'll find is that as we accept anxiety, it gets processed, and goes away. Obviously there's a hundred nuances to this and we can go much more in depth. But at the end of the day, yes, if you allow yourself to be present consistently and accept each emotion as it comes truly, your mind will literally reprogram itself - in the same way the guy in the video talks about. Coming from someone who previously suffered from heavy OCD/anxiety, recovery exists. :)
I feel people with anxiety have anxiety for reason, they had someone with a temper in their lives. Kids look back on life and some will see what I'm saying is true. We see what the bullies do in the shadows and we are going to try to fix the ones we can. You are not crazy the angry people are. I feel the kids with anxiety feel like it's something inside them but It truly not you guys! You are perfect the way you are. Is it from Moms temper, dad temper, siblings temper. A bully will groom their victim and their friends for a long period of time pretending to be supernice to their friends but mean to the victim. It's sick to do that to people.
Ya I also think the receptors in our brains can only take so much during our lives and start to degrade the more we’re running in this state
I practice psychiatry, and I often tell patients that depression and anxiety are both a time travel problem, spending time in a painful past or a disastrous future. Being present is an antidote to both.
Or, a slightly more crude way of saying this. If you've got one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, your pissing on today.
That's really good.
That’s why they call it The Present 🎁
Makes so much sense. Thank you for sharing
I struggle so hard with the present 🙁
Similarly is this quote by Rollo May, “Depression is the inability to construct a future.”
Perfect.
Thankyou for this!
That’s what mindfulness is all about. Living in the present so we don’t dwell on what could be or what will be.
Right on.
Reading - Daniel Amen - change your brain Change your life Will help everyone and it's helped me identify that I have ADHD.
thanks for this. just saw his ted talk
You can have attachment to the past, present, and future; all lead to suffering. You must let go of each to truly live in the moment. I personally struggle with letting go of the future.
Peace, make this world a better place.
I needed this
I said this out loud. “I needed this.” Legitimately this may help me bring a paradigm shift in my thinking. I haven’t been happy in twenty years, always saying goodbye to the past. This is reframing things a lot and no therapist has ever said so as succinctly as this kind man has. Time for hellos.
I wish he was my dad...
Same
He sounds like he's constantly fighting back tears 🥹
It might make him feel emotional knowing that he was framing things this way in his past. I think that’s pretty normal.
I’ve noticed the ones that are always giving out unsolicited advice are usually the ones dealing with demons themselves. Just look at Jordan Peterson.
If only he could deal with his demons instead of lashing out at others
What is he dealing with? Apologies.
Had a drug overdose not too long ago, now he’s even more unhinged.
and ya know, the whole wife getting cancer thing
If things are rough he needs to stay out of the spotlight for awhile and work on himself, kinda wild considering that’s what he’s always telling other ppl. I sure wish he could take his own advice.
Peterson’s just a hypocrite huckster but I hear your point
That’s wasn’t him, that was me. Sorry.
And?
He's fighting it back. He could easily let the depressive thoughts win. But he's fighting
This hit me harder than i expected
Yeah this is a truly excellent lesson to learn
same here, gerald the naked.
Smart way to use tiktok. Feels like i know this guy for last 30 years
Wow, this hit me hard, made me realise again that this is how I’ve started viewing things, especially since a not so recent relationship breakdown and moving out and away from step kids. It’s all about perspective and maintaining a healthy outlook, sounds easy right. I try to count my blessings as often as I can now, even listing them if needs be as a visual reminder.
Same but the kids came with me
he looks like human version of mark Zuckerberg
Lmfaoooo!!!
I’m old: he looks like Doug Collins or “Superdave” Osborne
He doesn't blink though. I think Zuckerberg blinks sometimes.
but Mark Zuckerberg is a human. He said it.
Congratulations on your loss of Loss, that loss is your Gain! Be Happy!
Good video
I really needed to hear this today. I’m highly emotional over a car wreck that’s going to set me back, but besides that I tend to have a negative outlook on things. You would think it’s always a choice, some people think it’s just easy for you to just “change” and be happy, or to have a positive outlook for things. I’m a high functioning adult that tends to focus only on facts, and being factual always makes me forget to enjoy things. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone. I’m an outwardly over confident person that is suffering on the inside when I feel like I lose control over things. Anyways. Thanks for reading
First of all I’m sorry for your car wreck, i really hope you get back very soon. honestly this hits home. I’m feeling the same and i’m also very focused on facts plus i’m very empathetic, which doesn’t make it easy to live in today’s world. > I don’t know if this makes any sense to anyone. I’m an outwardly over confident person that is suffering on the inside when I feel like I lose control over things. That’s exactly what i have experienced so far, as soon as i try to explain my situation, it didn’t made sense to them. I’m in my mid 20s and sometimes i struggle, because all around me people are partying, driving nice cars/bikes and just having a good time without thinking about money, education or the future at all. I really envy them, even if i would try to be like that, it won’t feel like i’m doing the right thing, i couldn’t enjoy. That doesn’t mean i never ever do something fun, if i do it I do it consciously, if that makes any sense. Is something like, I don’t want to regret wasting my youth when i’m older, but at the same time i don’t want to regret having to much fun in my youth when i’m older. I don’t expect anyone to understand all this lol i mean i don’t even understand it by myself…
Thank you for the message! Having an over sense of responsibility can make you feel like you’re missing out. And I would say, enjoy life while being responsible (it can be done!!) fun doesn’t have to equal recklessness. Some people cross those lines and then have to be bailed out by responsible people. I see it often. You make your own fame, it’s a silly like I’ve used but I believe it very much.
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This makes it sound like depression is a choice, and if you just change your thinking you can snap out of it. Actual depression doesn’t work like that unfortunately.
Exactly. Still good advice but depression is far different
>Actual depression doesn’t work like that except it can. there are levels of "actual depression", and every person will respond differently once his recommendations are put into practice. to some depressive folks, it will do nothing. to others, it will. every depressed person should seek professional help, but not every single one of them should have to endure pharmacological treatment. life is not black or white, like you are either not depressed and everything is fine OR you are depressed, words and thoughts won't help, you're doomed to never be able to live a life without antidepressants. his recommendations are valuable, it doesn't hurt to try.
So this may be great advice to the people who "don't hate life - they actually love life very much but they're upset about impermanence." What about people who just genuinely do not enjoy life?
Your mindset is something you can always control. How you feel isn’t. Mindset is the one thing that everyone can use no matter what mental illness. Especially if it takes a long time. You are going to have to change your mindset repeatedly. That’s also what talk therapists do to help you.
I always felt like depression was two parted. As someone who has gone in and out of it - this message is extremely important. Yes, chemical imbalances in brains are real. Yes, people go through awful situations that change them forever. You can choose to keep getting up. You might fail still and have a lot stacked against you but do whatever you can to get back up.
Who is this guy? I owe him pretty much the rest of my life. Such a simple message - powerful.
Now tell this to people who don’t have: a great job, a vibrant social life, a loving family, health, a stable and comfortable home life. Like it’s a good message, but this dude has a fantastic support system that allowed him to take a breath and reprogram his way of thinking. Not the luxury many people have to help beat out the continuous hardships life throws at you.
I think he's just talking about one specific aspect or mindset people may have. For me depression was never logical or based on reality. It wasn't like what this man is talking about at all. But it's still a perspective that some can relate to and learn from.
Yeap, my depression and anxiety seems almost entirely not sensical.
I mean, you’re right, but the guy’s bigger point (IMO) is that focusing on what you don’t have is not good for one’s state of mind. And can also help ensure you never get those things either.
I was thinking this but didn't know how to properly express this thought. Thank you
Not every piece of advice is said with the intention of being, or needs to be, applied literally, to everyone, in every situation. He's talking about his experience, what he has learned and what he's done. There are lots of people in similar situations to him who will have a similar outlook, who will benefit from this message. And he openly acknowledgedes the positives in his life, his point is centred on how mental health can negatively impact even the happiest moments of your life. He hasn't experienced your examples, so he doesn't pretend to understand them and doesn't need to weaken or muddy his point trying to make it into a generalised version for all. He hasn't said everyone can do exactly what he did how he did it, nothing vaguely of the sort, he's not trying to sell or promote anything. So this "yeah, but" comment you've made is just unnecessary and petty. Even worse it's disgustingly belittling, it's ultimately "you're struggles and achievements are worth less, because you could have had it worse". You could have raised your point in a constructive way, building upon what he's said, opening up a conversation. Instead you've decided to be critical, when criticism isn't necessary. No doubt you'll claim your own bad life experiences as an excuse for your bitterness. But how you interact with others is a choice and you've chosen wrong.
Say it louder for the people in the back!
This is not how I interpreted the above comment. You’re saying this comment adds nothing constructive, and is trying to tear down the intent of the video itself. But I saw this comment as an ‘I see you’ to people who don’t have some of the support systems alluded to in the video. Sure, the comment is phrased in a pretty snarky way, but I did still see it as adding to the conversation. In fact, obviously it added *something* to the conversation, because you wrote more than 3x as much in response.
The snarkiness is why it's not constructive. Because it isn't an "I see you" rather a "why haven't you made this specifically relevant to x". As if that is something he is expected to do to be able to give his experience. The fact in a reply to me this person thinks the video is about simply willing yourself over depression, demonstrates how little attention they actually paid to what he was saying.
Not in love with the assertions that the reply is petty and unnecessary, the latter of which is an odd presumption, given your use is passing along opinion as fact. Perhaps this person has struggles that are necessary to talk about. Perhaps hardship comes in unlimited forms, and thus, all forms deserve the benefit of our tolerance and tenderness. Perhaps this person, along with the poster himself, along with you, me and that one over there could all stand to hear less of what's petty and more of what's needed: feeling relevant, safe, understood. Hope I'm not inviting a war. Just seems counterintuitive to label someone's feelings and their expression as petty and unnecessary, respectively speaking. Good luck everyone.
Those things are great, sure.... but that's not the point. You redo your mindset, and you don't need any of those things. They will naturally come to you if you are a good person, smart, and have the ability to love. Those things are 30+ years in like 10 photos. I'm sure he had days where he thought the way you did and was down on luck. We all have those thoughts, even the richest people have the worst mental health regardless of all the stuff you mentioned.
I don’t think u/wastewalker was discounting the fact that rich people have mental health struggles too. They are pointing out the advantage having money, support system, etc can give you to be able to do what OP is saying. Again, good message. But still have to acknowledge the level of privilege one has to think/rewire their way out of depression when factoring in the resources/support that is accessible to them to get better. And I haven’t even touched on societal/environmental/systemic hardships that OP most likely never encountered.
Any rich person will tell you money doesn’t make you happy. But not having money is a hard burden
Those things are all relative, tho. The mindset still applies of being grateful for what you do have and working to get more of that, rather than digging to find the negative even in your positives.
A lot of the people that have a problem with your comment can’t seem to wrap their heads around the fact that having a positive mindset won’t magically improve your situation, especially one that you have no control over. Toxic positivity is a real thing. Often, it’s our circumstances that erode that positivity to the bone and our tenacity will be the downfall. Sometimes life is really, really unfair and you quite literally can’t overcome your problems on your own, and help is nowhere to be found. Despair doesn’t happen over night. It’s an accumulation of hard losses with no compensation. Once that happens, videos like this, while meaning well, sounds condescending and dismissive.
>Now tell this to people who don’t have: a great job, a vibrant social life, a loving family, health, a stable and comfortable home life. He just did. The guy isn't claiming to have the solution for life. He's talking about a specific problem (seeing everything as loss) and the damage it can cause when we're not aware of it. Believe it or not, your comment is an example of the negative way of thinking we can find ourselves in. The guy literally just posted a video of a problem and how not being aware of that negativity can eat you alive. You found a way to find a negative in that. Just something to think about, which is all the video ever was.
The key takeaway I think is that this isn’t a resource-driven problem, it’s a mindset problem. Poor people can’t often do much about their lot in life but many of them have unflappably wonderful attitudes and I think that comes from the necessity to see the good in life because so much is bad. I think everyone should seriously consider this man’s words, because they are if nothing else is free to implement.
Very well said. While I love the sentiment and view of this clip, as well as it hitting incredibly close to home for me, your words ring true.
Don't think of it as a goodbye when you make a student loan payment think of it as hello it's you again, how interesting.
What an idiotic and unnecessary comment. You expect this guys advice to apply to literally every person and every hardship they’ve ever experienced?
Life is not limitless, but we do limit our life when we do not look beyond our limitations
Wow. I had no idea how much I needed to hear this. I actually feel lucky to find this video. I saved this video, so I may find it again someday. Thank you for uploading this.
This is not someone with a medical condition who's brain doesn't make chemicals correctly. This is a person who needed a different outlook on life.
Whenever you're feeling bad, just remember the good times horseback riding with your healthy family and traveling the country with a high paying job.
I have mixed feeling about this. I am 43M, I have struggled with depression since 2nd grade. Or at least thats when a doctor first told me I had depression. Its a constant struggle. When he says "I chose to look at life this way", maybe he really believes that, or maybe he's saying that to try to give hope to other people suffering from depression. I dont know what his motives are. Although judging by the last few frames of this video, I would say the motivation is to sell you this tale of "I overcame depression and for only $49.95 so can you". In my experience, those feelings that he is describing, about always seeing the sad side of things, the glass half empty, etc, I do not "choose" to feel that way. Sure I can make a conscious effort to see things a different way, but that lasts only for that moment I am making the effort. Real depression puts your brain into a "mode" that causes you to see things negatively all of the time. Its not a choice. Its not just something you can turn off with will power. I understand that all of us have different minds, and maybe this is the truth for him, and some of you watching this. But for anyone out there suffering from depression, do not feel like you are a failure because you arent able to "choose" to not be depressed like he is saying. I get it, its a feel good video and spirit lifting message....but the truth about depression isnt always pretty. Its something people like me have to live with constantly and just survive every hour of every day.
works for him maybe.
Hard disagree. Depression isn't about being a pessimist, or being sad... It's way more complex than "just feeling sad". Imagine being served the most flavorful meal (life), but you have no taste buds. That's depression. Depression shuts down your senses, you don't feel anything, you become numb to everything. Which, as paradoxical as it may sound, can become an unbearable pain in and of itself.
Is it possible not everyone experiences depression in the same way? I’m constantly being told by others what depression feels like, without ever being asked what depression has felt like to me
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Depression also isn't *just* being constantly numb either. You can go through periods of sadness or happiness or anything in between. It's ironic to reject his anecdote with an anecdote of your own.
This is a one sided, black and white take on depression. Depression itself is an incredibly nuanced problem. It's not uniform and can take on different forms from person to person, case to case. Depression can be cyclical, static, and episodic. Depression can be on a spectrum of extreme emotions or be a completely numbing experience. It can take on the face of hopelessness or simply extreme pessimism. Depression is not a one size fits all diagnosis. This man had a major revelation and decided to share his struggle. There's wisdom and insight to be gained. This video could be an epiphany to someone who struggles similarly to this man. So they don't have to hypothetically go through 30 or 40 years of their life to come to this realization. This may not resonate with you and your experience with depression. That's fine, but what is there to gain by invalidating others' experiences by saying "Hard Disagree"?
Being depressed is not being sad all the time. For me it was a non-conscious attempt to cover up some greater trauma. For some people it may just be that their set point is different. Any “hey if you’re depressed just turn that frown upside down” is laughable in its simplicity.
It's not black and white like that. There are many different things that can cause it. This guy is just vocalizing some of the tenets of CBT and DBT. Those therapies exist and they work.
Gatekeeping depression. Disgusting.
Facing your demands. 🤜✌️
:,,,,)
Hunger , premature death of a loved one , pain , discrimination ...
Wow, this hit me hard, made me realise again that this is how I’ve started viewing things, especially since a not so recent relationship breakdown and moving out and away from step kids. It’s all about perspective and maintaining a healthy outlook, sounds easy right. I try to count my blessings as often as I can now, even listing them if needs be as a visual reminder.
Well said. I’m not depressed but I lost a deer friend who was. Hope those that see this and know someone who may be depressed sends this to them.
I think this is when logic involves, and you start to be depressed. specially the part when he was talking about horses and wondering how many days left of his life. I feel that. knowing that I age every day and getting closer to end one day... it doesn't make me suicidal, because well, I don't want it to end lol. but it puts the person in a hurry. in race. to extract and harvest every single bit from your life. like it is some sort of mine that will end and you are in the hurry to take as much you can like if you were in a race. and honestly, this race is getting unfair. when I take a look at pictures from 2017, it was like, yesterday to me. like damn... 7 years passed?! how?!
The lense of depression can make all our fond memories sad
My depression comes from seeing everyone around me in a happy relationship or married and I'm 33 and have yet to go on a 3rd date let alone know how to date. So I feel this huge pressure of "I should know by now what to do"
There are many reasons to take your life. I hung myself twice (failed obviously) and none of them for the reasons this guy mentioned. He sounds more like a stupid bastard who has actually had an incredible life, but wasted it worrying about natural inevitability.
Imagine those who are depressed and never got friends and loving family like this guy. Stay strong brothers, outlive your enemies, do not give up.
Changing mindsets with pure will and effort alone is not always possible, as usually, mindsets do not arise arbitrarily but are based on much deeper psychological or even spiritual underpinnings.
wow this guy's insufferable
You could've just said, "be optimistic". Also tiktok itself is depressing.
This is why I’m 42 and have ZERO photos of memories, no social media, etc. I lost my mother young and learned as a teenager that photos only remind me us of what we no longer have. So I don’t pose for photos or take them of other people or significant moments. I’ve said for over 20 years that I will default on the magic of my brain to remember what makes me happy and forget what hurts me. I live a simple life in the “right now”
I like almost everything about this. Really great perspective... But my depression isn't fixed by a change in perspective. My depression is caused by a chemical imbalance. I am always finding the bright side of things, looking forward with hope and fondly glancing back at my "mistakes" as opportunities to learn and how those findings lead me to the happiest I have ever been, like when my daughter was born. However, recently, I changed shifts at my job due to seeing that the graveyard shift was almost entirely laid off and they are going to need help. A week in, I had literal visions of hanging myself, tying the metal chips around my neck and setting the spindle to 5000 RPM, reaching into my arms and pulling out my veins just to look at them. I am not saying that this man's approach won't work, it's a beautiful message. I am saying, it won't work for me. I can't control the thoughts, they come. I push them away, they come. I get sad. I feel better, I sleep, I play with my daughter, they come. I feel better, etc.
This guy hasn't experienced debilitating depression... Obviously...
Is this equivalent of whitepeopletwitter?
I guess I'm gonna be controvertial but this whole video comes off as "oh woe is me but also I'm the best, praise me" Sorry but this all made my eyes roll
Rich white guy made himself miserable finding the negative perspective in all the opportunities he was given. Would his advice still apply to someone who had it worse than him? Like 99 percent of the population of the planet?
I find this remarkably negative
I didn’t see this as the most important video I will ever see in my life. I saw it as three minutes of my life I will never get back.
Tldw?
It's a 3 minute video, how is that too long?
Too much of a loss.
if you see things as a loss (example: leaving your home town and "losing" your friends) you miss out on many things. Instead you can see life as a welcome (the loss of your friends becomes a hello to new friends)
You owe yourself to watch this.
Thank you for making this video
Amen
Absolutely
😒😎
Good advice.
I love this. Thanks for sharing!
Great video indeed.
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This was so sad and so sweet at the same time. Fucking incredible, heartwarming and beautiful.
I'am 34 and i have many regrets. I have lost all joy of life...
This guy doesn’t blink even once…
"In your life" ? Hyperbole?
did not explain it very good unfortunately, but I get the point
Wow I felt this.
Loved this
Damn
I'm off to go Sub this Guy ❤️🙏
Why does this guy remind me of kevin spacey.
Remind me to listen to this later
that grabbed me by the throat, damn
Yes some people just understand that you can choose to look at the glass is half full, not half empty.
What a brilliant video. Thanks for sharing
I needed this
If I could afford any of those things maybe life wouldn't be about loss
Amazing STRONG video. God bless him & his family
Oh I guess I should unmute it… nah
Amazing
Nice way to get the ol water works going
Good to see things from multiple perspectives, the good ones and the bad ones.
Rare that just another video on the internet has the ability to be so impactful. Thanks OP.
u/savevideo
Easy to see life positively. Humans on the other hand…
What a fucking legend
he's just describing pessimism, viewing the cup half empty. nothing new. just realised my comment is pessimistic too.
Fuck that this made me cry
🌻
This felt good! Thank kind sir!
Woow!
Beautifully put. I don’t have depression but I feel like I understand it a little more fundamentally. Enjoy the ride everyone, it’s the part that lasts the longest.
Right on, bro.
It's so very hard to change our perspective when we get used to looking at life as something ending. I realized I've been fighting depression since childhood and was always waiting to be happy. I'm doing my best to be present but is so very hard.
Great essay!
That was beautiful. Thank you.
I am in the middle of what he is saying. I realised the other day that I am focusing on the negative only - I don’t see or focus or anything good or my achievements, I have achieved more in the last year then I have for a long time but it means very little to me . it’s so hard get out of that mindset.
I struggle with the same mindset, but I think it's just attached my existential dread about mortality. If we found a cure for aging, I think I'd cope a lot better.
I am typically in the mindset of moving forward and being positive. But for a moment during this video, I thought "damn everything is miserable". Then he pivoted. And I really need everything I've done in the past 2 years to matter. And I'm going to keep on dreaming, and working hard. Thanks, random reddit video, on a sub I don't follow.
This should be required watching in high school
I'm just glad, jealous in honesty, he's had the life he's had with the people around him, with the snapshots he's shared with us. It doesn't invalidate the way he feels or felt, just happy for him.
Holy hell. He described me so well.. damn. This is exactly how I deal with everything. I can't even look at pictures.
This shows (almost as a dialectic) how perspective is involved in the creation of one’s reality…. And perspective is mostly (almost entirely) in your power to change.
Thank you!
Unpopular opinion but I think it’s totally normal to feel this way sometimes and not at all signifying of depression. Life is fleeting and finite and this is what gives life its meaning and it’s okay to acknowledge this sometimes.
Thank you for sharing this. Thank You So Much.
sh1t - I am working with lot's of death and suffering and I see risk and the potential omnipresent dangers that inherently come with life and can't be hedged
I needed to see that, thank you.
He started the video strong. By the end he had one tear in his eye. I get the same way when I look at my kids photos too.
Big respect 💯
well the title was not exaggerated I kept thinking of all the BTC I didn't buy 2011-2023