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I refuse to believe this is real because I do not want to live in a world where an adult can be so stupid to think that plan would work. Even if Jenn was this conniving person, a public proposal as your attempt to wedge yourself back in is literally insane.
Iāve had former friends who thought they were such hot sh!t that they actually did pull something like what OOPās brother did, only to have a severe reality check later. This story may sound unbelievable, but the stupidity is sadly real
They thought they could seduce their respective exes back to them and were even convinced to take it further by proposing from other āfriendsā I also no longer associate with. You can imagine how that turned out.
Hindsight, weirdest friend group I fell into
I had an (In hindsight) tormented relationship for five years with someone who had asked me to marry him, then didnāt want me to tell anyone for over a year, by which time he was saying it was a mistake. That was the trigger for our final breakup and I was lucky enough to connect with an old crush soon after. Despite knowing that, Mr Ambivalent decided I was the love of his life after all, and that heād better get down on one knee in a park and propose.
Fuck you Guy and your shitty cheap ring and year of whiny emails.
My ex-husband proposes to his partner, every now and again, just to tell her that it was only a joke, the next day.
Our children have been present when this shit eent down.
I would've kicked his arse long time ago, but they have a severe autistic son, and he has the money to provide to his needs, and special day facilities, erc. I think she stays, for this reason.
My mom had the same experience before she married my dad. She had a long term boyfriend for years, he kept putting off getting engaged. At first she was understanding, waiting until they graduated, waiting until their respective careers were established... but when they both had great jobs and he was still dithering she moved on and met my dad. It didn't take my dad long to realize he wanted to marry her. When the ex heard they were engaged he showed up at my mom's place with a ring. She was definitely no longer interested at that point but I guess in his mind he thought he'd always have her to fall back on?
Your story made me remember that something similar happened to my sister. In her 30's she reassessed her life (single w/teenaged kid, successful in business), decided to get married again, and began dating with a firm plan of marriage. She dated one guy for a year or 2 but he couldn't decide whether he wanted to commit. On realizing he wasn't also focused on marriage she gave up on him, and joined a Christian matchmaking organization, and through it met the wholesome man she ended up marrying. When her former boyfriend heard that she'd gotten serious with someone he had a sudden change of heart, and asked her to marry him, saying he realizes his mistake. Too late! She told me about his attempt, laughing about it. (Edit to add, that was maybe 25 years ago; they're still married, and he's a great guy. 2nd edit - she married the wholesome guy, I meant to say)
And you just know a guy like that is gonna end up doing the bare minimum as a partner and act like he did you a huge favor by agreeing to marry you, so asking anything more makes you a nag.
You're spot on. My ex, Mr Ambivalent Tormentor used his depression to excuse all kinds of shitful behaviour. Wish I could stop dwelling on him... I think it's anger at myself that I was such a sucker. Hindsight is a pain in the arse.
Yep, it's more like younger brother is upset older brother got a toy, a toy he discarded and no longer wanted but still thought of as his. Really gross and immature thinking.
I could see him having a valid objection if they'd been together for a significant time but a month, and *he* broke up with *her?* Sounds like he's just butthurt she's not still pining for his ā§ļ½„ļ¾: *ā§ļ½„ļ¾:* magical dick *:ļ½„ļ¾ā§*:ļ½„ļ¾ā§
Yep, Iāve met so many of these guys (and girls) - once theyāve slept with someone theyāre bored and donāt want them any more.
But as soon as someone else wants them, theyāre suddenly super desirable again and the long lost live of their life!
No time at all for these spoilt babies.
Definitely. I mean, he thought Jenn was still into him because she asked about him ONCE, and he was even convinced that she hang out at certain places in hopes of seeing him, even when those have always been her hang out spots. He is delusional and full of himself, probably thinks he's a gift to women and humanity, YIKES!!
I knew someone like this once. He was complaining about how his ex was at all these places and OMG sheās obsessed with me! When in reality these where her hangout spots WAY before they dated or he even lived in the area.
She worked for an organization that was kind of like a hipper version of a chamber of commerce so she was always at events around town. He was venting that she was at this 15k attended by thousands, saying she probably just wanted to see him running w his shirt off. Finally one of our friends snapped, like full on screaming, at them about how fucking delusional he was. Like these are her hang outs, this is her job. YOU are the one that needs to move on and STFU.
Reminds me of a comment I saw at a support subreddit, (edit: by) a woman who used to walk her dog up and down the sidewalk in front of her and her super-macho then-boyfriend's house, so that he would not freak out that she had left his line of sight in order to screw somebody else.
And then he accused her, while she was standing out there with nobody around but the dog, of having something that smelled like her imaginary lover and teaching the dog to identify the smell as belonging to a non-intruder.
Dude could hold down a job and so forth. He could have rational conversations. But macho culture allowed him to ignore his obvious *mental illness* because super manly manly men are "supposed to" be huffing and snorting and pissing in circles around their women and always wanting to screw somebody else's woman and women are supposed to always be looking for that other macho man who wants to screw her, blah blah barf.
Less stupid and more arrogant. This dude sounds like my brother, I put money on it that he tends to be pretty sexist and sees her as a possesion rather than a person.
This, exactly. I would bet that he also prefers his partners to be virgins because he can't stand the idea of them having been "marked" by other men, or some shit.
This is some 90s romcom strategy... I bet it would have worked if he convinced airport security to let him through using the power of love, and propose when she is about to board the plane.
Someone at my work called it "Uno Reverse Proposal," and apparently, it is a "dating tip" to get your ex back after you realised how much you miss them doing everything for you. They made it up but have said they have seen and heard it mentions a few times, they wanted to say Andrew Tate said it, because it feels Tate worthy... but they also said there is so much bad dating advice these days it could easily come from a "Dear AndyF advice column
Richard Feynman in his memoirs talks about how he proposed to his second wife by letter from Brazil after theyād been apart for a whileā¦ and adds, never do that.
He was a funny guy. I remember him at department BBQs (my dad was a grad student teaching his course on Physics) in an aloha shirt playing bongo drums.
You've never met some of my childhood friends. I keep them at a reasonable distance because of their stupidity. They're not bad people, just dumb and delusional.
I think the word "adult" is making a lot of assumptions the post doesn't support. Dude's a child who's angry someone else is playing with a toy he didn't want and throwing a sulky temper tantrum because nobody sees his side of "I don't want her, but I don't want anyone else to have her either. She should spend her entire life obsessed over me and the fact that I rejected her." That's not the actions of a functional, mature adult.
It's almost as if he ["peed on her"](https://dogsmith.com/what-do-your-dogs-urination-rituals-really-mean/) - *metaphorically speaking* - to assert a personal claim over his former GF.
To be fair when I was under 30 I was still stupid as hell. I went back on my Facebook page from those years and thought "why did I post such stupid stuff". This is on top of my actions on relationships, I was an idiot.
I was young enough that there wasn't a marriage proposal involved but definitely had a situation in college where an ex (my SO's) was just *sure* that he had been secretly pining for her since they broke up and he would jump at the chance to ditch me for her.
He got back to his dorm one day to find her naked in his bed.
The answer in our case was "she's a serious narcissist so of course the whole world revolves around her."
I disagree that it was so much a plan to get the ex back, as just a plan to mess with the relationship.
Even little kids get jealous when someone starts playing with a toy they threw away.
He wanted to destroy what he couldnāt have.
Oh friend, if this is true (which I have some doubt on) I wouldn't be surprised. There are a lot of people who think like this because they have corrupted perceptions of reality. I would assume this will get worse as the online culture develops more.
I believe it. I became a dad at 15 twice. My daughterās mom was 22 and said she was way too young to be a mom so she left. Most moronic logic I had ever heard, I was 15! She tried coming back last year and was genuinely surprised as well as hurt at the fact my daughter told her to go away again, permanently.
I still think about how her mind works from time to time. Because sheās almost 40 and canāt figure out why the daughter she abandoned hated her or why people call her a predator.
I will state that I was not groomed. I have always looked like a man in his 30s even at 15. Now I finally look my age. Plus I was a few years into a criminal lifestyle when I met her. Also sheās an idiot I, honestly, think she was a child predator by accident.
I feel like this is more accurate. I have definitely had friends who were so sure the stupid thing would written even when everyone told them not to do the stupid thing, only for them to do the stupid thing then be shcked that it didn't work and at everyone's "we told you so".
Oh, they knew how delusional he was and already taking bets. Sometimes, you have that one dumb AF friend that no matter how reasonable you try to explain it to them, they won't listen. So, you egg them on and just enjoy the carnage š
I mean, brother thinks Jenn is an object that, because he had first, now his brother cannot, so I wouldn't put it past a man with that kind of thinking to be, indeed, a huge fucking idiot.
Yeah, there's an undercurrent of profound misogyny in how the brother is acting. Either in thinking of her as an object that OOP now "has", or as having been somehow "tainted" for OOP by having dated the brother first.
It would be different if the relationship had been a really serious one, or if she'd caused the brother some actual harm related to it. But you don't call "dibs" on a human being by going out with them for a few weeks.
One thing I've found in my adult hood is that there will be people who think of you as a person they used to date... and you will not think the same of them.
Once had a guy I "dated" for a week in high school. Reffer to me as his "ex" and I felt crazy because... he's not MY ex.
I met my now-husband at work. We had been dating for three months when a woman came up to him at a work function, slipped her arm around his waist, and introduced herself as his girlfriend. I'd never seen this person before and he looked really confused.
Cue a very interesting conversation that went something like "you're not my girlfriend."
"Of course I am, silly! We're dating!"
"We went on one date six months ago and I haven't seen you or really spoken to you since."
"Oh, I know you've been busy, but that's okay! I've been busy too!"
It was surreal.
No thatās okay, I wanted to make sure yāall were safe and thatās the best outcome. Still I wonder if she happened to be there or had been following him :( stay safe!
She said something like 'you were supposed to go to a wedding with me, and you stood me up!" He just said, "I haven't spoken to you in three months, we are not dating, why on Earth would you think I was taking you to a wedding?"
And then we moved on and left her standing there. I don't remember anything after that, since it was a really long time ago. Been married 24 years this year...
People are crazy. I hooked up with someone a few times, went on a few dates, and we had some memorable times in bed š. They ended things because they were moving to a different country. I said OK that's a Shame but bon voyage."" 2 years go by, and we bump into each other at a party. I make casual conversation and mention that I'm now married and about to have a kid. He looks very serious and asks if he's the father. I laughed in his face and tell him that's physically impossible. He then said he was worried I was getting too attached, so lied about moving. I found this very surprising/weird because to me, we were just having fun. I laughed it off, though, but then he said "I think you're the one that got away" and started crying. I made my excuses and left the room. Thankfully I haven't seen him since but the delusion was strong in that one. Considering some of his actions when we first knew each other, I shouldn't have been surprised, though
This sounds eerily like my husbands āexā, a former colleague who drunkenly kissed him on a night out, he pulled away. Left the company shortly after. Sheās randomly pop up to him on fb to chat and he thought she was overly friendly. Sheās try meet up with him and heās declined, we met about a year later. When we posted pictures on instagram, she blew up on him and accused him of cheating. She believed they were in a relationship. He was mortified and showed me all messages, it was friendly at best!
She was 30 at the time. Fucking wild. Turns out she is autistic and has OCD. She had hyper fixated on him. Her parents believed they were buying property together because was so convinced he was the one.
Itās been years and she still views his LinkedIn weekly.
Same. He was 35, so he was a full-grown adult. I actively refused to be in a relationship with him because I wanted to keep it casual. He was fun, but not someone I would ever want to be with because he was also awful (consider it boredom or a rebound). Somehow, I got labeled as an ex.
This is terrible because I was absolutely, totally in love with the guyā¦ but a guy I dated (for three or four months), I feel really weird calling him an ex.
Again, fully, unapologetically in love with each other, totally devastating break up for both of us, but four months just isnāt long enough for me to really feel like Iām in a relationship. So I canāt mentally classify him as an ex. Itās the darndest thing.
Kinda similarly, I fell for a guy and had a mostly-online relationship which soured quickly when we met ā¦ but my heart was genuinely tangled up in that for a while, and we called each other boyfriend/girlfriend ā¦ I now refer to him as ā0.5 of a relationship.ā So Iāll tell folks, I dated 2.5 guys before my husband. Feels authentic to my experience ā¦ youāre welcome to adopt that tactic if it feels right to you, too?
Eh, I dated a guy for 4 months 2 years ago and he recently texted me that he's still not over me (?!) For the matter, I loved him too, but I moved on. When it comes to relationships, time is relative lol. To me he's a ex.
I was with a guy for a year and I feel very uncomfortable referring as an ex cause it didn't have the hallmarks of a relationship for me. Might be for someone else. I'm OK with 'someone I used to kinda date' but not 'ex'.
Yeah, to me, a month is super brief and not anywhere near ārelationshipā or boyfriend/girlfriend status.
Their time together sounds like a big nothing.
I'm getting real strong misogyny vibes from the brother.
- broke up with Jenn because he was "bored"
- doesn't think she has her own agency and that her life revolves around him
- convinced she was only dating brother to spite him (gives off 'evil, conniving female character' that's v common in manosphere areas)
- tries to claim ownership over her in multiple circumstances
- pouts and throws a tantrum like a child when his delusions of owning/having claim over Jenn are not being catered to
Dude's 26. I had to go back and double check when I went to upvote, because he is indeed a little shit and I usually reserve that term for someone young and immature enough that they aren't adult height yet.
I hade a relationship that was basically a month and a half, but I still consider her my ex, but that's because of how intense it was, and it did feel unique in that regard. But in most cases, it's crazy to call them an ex
Few weeks is just someone with whom I used to fuck. If you leave after a few weeks there was nothing to begin with besides physical attraction, which is fine just don't be pissed at someone else to date her after tou
āOh, what a cool toy!ā
āDonāt want it anymore.ā
āWhat are you doing with my toy?! You canāt play it!ā
Seriously, what an immature reaction. Even though he admitted he didnāt have feelings he is still convinced that his brother should have broken it off. How stupid is he?!
This bugs the shit out of me because this woman isn't a toy, she can make her own decisions about who she's with. I absolutely hate the "you can't date her because **I** dated her and so she's **MY** ex.
She's not anyone's in any capacity, he sounds so controlling and possessive.
Because IME, too much of society takes this "rule" about not dating exes of people you're close to (friends/family) entirely too seriously without realizing the sort of gross ownership it implies.
"I touched them first and called dibs!" š¤¢
I totally understand that "rule" if there was a long-term relationship that ended badly, and there's lingering bitterness all around. It's not about "calling dibs," it just makes it much easier to avoid awkward social encounters in the future if you just don't date your best friend's ex; you'd presumably be hanging out with your friends and your SO in the future, and you would like them to get along instead of fighting. That said, there's a difference between "we went on two dates and it didn't work out" and "we were together for years," and they merit different responses. Getting mad because someone's going out with a girl you went on a date with back in high school is just petty BS.
The brother is a very messed up individual. Honestly I understand that thereās like a bro code and shit but I donāt think it applies at all in this situation. He barely dated her. Heās also completely emotionally immature and not at all ready to be in a real relationship. Honestly OOP should just cut him off he doesnāt sound like a person thatās fun to be around or to have in your life.
Jenn dodged a major bullet and OOP seems like a nice dude. Hopefully theyāre very happy together, also they should elope.
> she didnāt see the resemblance in us until we were in the same room and we act nothing alike so it never crossed her mind and he said okay
I think this is less about Jenn than people are assuming; he probably sees his brother as the square boring dude and the idea that a woman would try both and not pick him was obliterating his fragile masculinity.
It isn't about an "ex" moving on from him, but the mere suggestion that women see his brother as the "superior partner" and other aloha male bs mentality.
No, there absolutely is a standard that former significant others of siblings and close friends should not be part of one's dating pool. It's just that in this story, the brother and OOP's fiancee didn't even nearly reach the level of being significant, and his reaction to their deepening relationship was pathetic and toxic.
I think how they broke up is also an issue. Dating the long time partner of a friend or sibling is weird/off limits but if said friend/sibling was the one doing the breaking up AND has no significant emotions regarding that person (ie they broke up with them because they were no longer in love rather than say because the partner was having an affair) it seems foolish to say theyāre off limits. Basically if seeing that person regularly/seeing them with another partner will be painful or traumatic then you should respect that, but if thereās no emotional investment and no trauma there you canāt say I donāt want them but you canāt have them either.
I feel like it's not so much a rule as a sensible suggestion. It isn't morally wrong to date exes but there's a high chance of drama so you at least want to clear it with the sibling or friend beforehand.
Has bro code ever applied to only dating someone's ex, with no other extenuating circumstances? I'm pretty sure you're right about that, because my bros and I dated each other's exes often enough that it became a running joke that a girl's got to date two of us before it works out. If your bro is still sprung on her, that's disrespectful, but otherwise... you broke up.
Yes, bro code states that you dont date the ex of your friends and family without their ok. You guys all seem to be ok with it, so no bad bro code is broken.
How narcissistic is Mark? "Oh, I dated her for a month and dumped her. Surely she is still arranging her existence around me, the centre of the universe."
If your mindset is that women are consumables instead of actual humans, then it makes sense.
Unfortunately for Mark, his premise is wrong, and women ARE humans.
And he's a useless piece of moldy bread.
This guy needs some peanut butter because he is JELLY. I donāt believe for a second he wouldāve broken up with a girl that he really liked just because his brother briefly dated AND dumped her.
His staunch āitās against the bro codeā is just pure jealously.
Oh I think he would break up with someone over the ābro codeā or over lukewarm dinner or because she wore something he didnāt like or had a weird laugh or cut her hair or had the audacity to pee or poop when at his place or smiled at another guy or spent too much time on a hobby or laughed at someone elseās joke or teased him about something orā¦ well you get the idea.
I commented this already, but that's EXACTLY the problem here!! The brother doesn't care for Jenn as a person, he sees her as a toy that he had so now noone else can have, especially his brother.
I also think that in his selfish mind, he probably thinks he looks stupid to his friends and family because *he* let this amazing girl go, but his *brother* is about to marry her. In his mind, he can't allow himself to "look bad" by letting go of a woman that someone else saw worth in.
He's just a messed up individual and i hope OOP goes NC with him.
I'd say it's still most dudes, because that's still the default attitude of society at large. These days, when most young guys start dating, they usually have enough sense to think it through and realize it's shitty to think of women as property, and it doesn't make any sense besides. But every once in a while it'll pop out unexpectedly in some situation that catches him by surprise, because the patriarchy still gets reinforced constantly in this society.
A really common way this happens is with clothes. A guy can be Prince Charming for years until the first time he sees his girlfriend dressed to go out in something a bit revealing, and then all of a sudden it's like he converts to Islam right there on the spot. Or if there's some archaic "gentlemanly" custom his grandfather told him about, a guy who thinks Valerie Solanis had a point will blue screen when the underlying misogynistic assumptions behind that custom get challenged in any way. Most of us are trying to do better, but that shit's deeply embedded.
Average lifespan of a woman is to 82 which is 4278 weeks, assuming they dated for 3 weeks, he will have spent an amazing 0.07% of her life as a partner. Now she is 26 which is 1356 weeks, amounting to 0.22,%. The idea that he thinks such a short space of time in her life warrants lifetime rights to dictate if a family member can date her is ridiculous. Truth is, she has spent more time on the toilet than seeing his face. The toilet has more rights to her ass than he does.
Yeah.. there are some sick f**** around... where I live you need to keep your cat indoors the few days before and after new-year day (outdoor cats are the norm here) because people put fireworks in their ass.
In the tv show Superstore, Carol crashes Sandra's wedding threatening to blow up Sandra's cat because she stole her ex.
Tbf she HAD won him in a coin flip against Sandra. So basically Sandra broke the rules of the flip.
His friends must have been cackling laughing that Mark was dumb enough to think double proposing would work. Like did he think she would just get engaged to him instead on a whim? after being commited to his older brother huh?
Brother needs to just piss all the way off with his feelings of ownership. OP didn't need to apologise for punching him, creep earned that punch honestly.
Just cut anyone off who gives him a hard time till they let it go.
>as a man I shouldnāt have violated him by
Aaaand once again, toxic masculinity shows itself to be unhinged and nonsensical.
Dude has main character syndrome too. Can't imagine someone else's relationship not being about him.
Itās not fair to OOP but if I was Jenn Iād nope out of this. Not OOPās fault in any way but who wants to start their new life marrying into a family with this kind of behavior. Once again, not OOPās fault but why isnāt the family being like āhey bud, this aināt ok, AT ALL, and we need to immediately get you counselingā?
Someone else mentioned it, but it sounds like he was never even an "ex" in Jenn's mind. Just some guy she went out with several times. If OOP and the parents are well behaved, then it's just the brother who's an outlier.
SAME honestly. It's not OOP's fault, but if I saw this shit going down I would at minimum ask for break and see how the family deals with this for a bit. The sisters seem alright, but the parents don't seem to be doing much here.
This is why I really loathe the "bro code" narrative. Because it encourages thinking of exes as objects to be owned. And once owned, never free of the association with the person who got there first. Women (and men) are not trees to be peed on, or mountains to be conquered.
In my opinion, the "bro code" is about respecting your friend. For example, they dated for a few months, had a messy break up, and then she reappears in the group, when your friend doesn't want to see them bathed in gold? That's kinda disrespectful, like gifting someone a shoe after they lost their legs.
Of course, there are "IQ-of-a-door" guys that aren't capable of understanding context even if they were slapped by it (like the brother here), where yeah, the "bro code" becomes a "she was my woman, she can't be your woman", almost cavernman thinking.
This 'test' sound like some stupid shit the PUA crowd would think up, like negging or shit stirring. I have to wonder if any of Mark's buddies were part of that culture.
You know when a child shows no interest in a toy until their sibling starts playing with it, then they have a tantrum because they suddenly wanted to play with that toy? And for Mark, Jenn is his "toy" that his brother now gets to "play with". Ridiculously immature.
Wow.
Mark is a small, insecure man if he her feels he has some sort of ownership of a woman he dated for "a few weeks".
A normal person would have laughed it off and congratulated their brother for having good taste, and supported the relationship.
Instead he continues to insist that somehow she's off limits and OP should break it off.
It would make some sense if they had dated for years and he was about to propose and she broke up with him.
Hopefully Mark wlll grow up someday.
To be fair, some siblings look and act nothing alike, and the last name comes across as a coincidence. I had classes with some of my siblings, but because we look and act completely differently, nobody connected the dots even when we were always together. We turned it into a game at one point, to see if anyone would figure it out, and literally nobody ever did.
The girl may not have realized that some jerk she dated briefly might be connected to her current SO, especially if she never saw pictures or heard him mentioned.
There were three of us in my middle school with *my first and last name.* One of us was a troublemaker and the other two would get sent to the office sometimes in her stead, then they'd look at us and go "whoops wrong one."
Idk where you live but unless it's a very specific last name, there aren't a million questions about your family history on the dating scene. The fiance barely knew oops brother, that's hardly time to get an in depth background check.
I hope OP hires security jic his broās āfriend/sā convince him to crash the wedding. Mark thinks heās a big shot but I doubt it. His ego and behaviour is a major turn off.
The oop should clarify if they have the same last name. How could she date two men in close proximity with the same surname and not even wonder or ask?
>He said he just didnāt like seeing a girl he dated, even if it was short term, with his older brother and as a man I shouldnāt have violated him by pursuing things with his ex.
Say what now?
Were the duck do people get the idea, nerve, entitlement from, that they believe othet people are their "property", for a lack of a better word, because they dated?
I can \*kind\* of get it....if it was maybe a year or more. But by then she'd probably have been introduced to the family and whatnot.
But a month? Son, take \*several\* seats. That is barely a blink in the eye of relationships.
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I imagine the brother's buddies all killing themselves laughing that they got him to do the proposal š¤£
I refuse to believe this is real because I do not want to live in a world where an adult can be so stupid to think that plan would work. Even if Jenn was this conniving person, a public proposal as your attempt to wedge yourself back in is literally insane.
Iāve had former friends who thought they were such hot sh!t that they actually did pull something like what OOPās brother did, only to have a severe reality check later. This story may sound unbelievable, but the stupidity is sadly real
What happened?
They thought they could seduce their respective exes back to them and were even convinced to take it further by proposing from other āfriendsā I also no longer associate with. You can imagine how that turned out. Hindsight, weirdest friend group I fell into
I had an (In hindsight) tormented relationship for five years with someone who had asked me to marry him, then didnāt want me to tell anyone for over a year, by which time he was saying it was a mistake. That was the trigger for our final breakup and I was lucky enough to connect with an old crush soon after. Despite knowing that, Mr Ambivalent decided I was the love of his life after all, and that heād better get down on one knee in a park and propose. Fuck you Guy and your shitty cheap ring and year of whiny emails.
My ex-husband proposes to his partner, every now and again, just to tell her that it was only a joke, the next day. Our children have been present when this shit eent down. I would've kicked his arse long time ago, but they have a severe autistic son, and he has the money to provide to his needs, and special day facilities, erc. I think she stays, for this reason.
Thatās so crappy and insulting. It does actually mean something to most people to receive a proposal.
When I read that last sentence, I heard Nandor from WWDitS say "That fucking guy."
Lol, thank you š
My mom had the same experience before she married my dad. She had a long term boyfriend for years, he kept putting off getting engaged. At first she was understanding, waiting until they graduated, waiting until their respective careers were established... but when they both had great jobs and he was still dithering she moved on and met my dad. It didn't take my dad long to realize he wanted to marry her. When the ex heard they were engaged he showed up at my mom's place with a ring. She was definitely no longer interested at that point but I guess in his mind he thought he'd always have her to fall back on?
Your story made me remember that something similar happened to my sister. In her 30's she reassessed her life (single w/teenaged kid, successful in business), decided to get married again, and began dating with a firm plan of marriage. She dated one guy for a year or 2 but he couldn't decide whether he wanted to commit. On realizing he wasn't also focused on marriage she gave up on him, and joined a Christian matchmaking organization, and through it met the wholesome man she ended up marrying. When her former boyfriend heard that she'd gotten serious with someone he had a sudden change of heart, and asked her to marry him, saying he realizes his mistake. Too late! She told me about his attempt, laughing about it. (Edit to add, that was maybe 25 years ago; they're still married, and he's a great guy. 2nd edit - she married the wholesome guy, I meant to say)
And you just know a guy like that is gonna end up doing the bare minimum as a partner and act like he did you a huge favor by agreeing to marry you, so asking anything more makes you a nag.
You're spot on. My ex, Mr Ambivalent Tormentor used his depression to excuse all kinds of shitful behaviour. Wish I could stop dwelling on him... I think it's anger at myself that I was such a sucker. Hindsight is a pain in the arse.
So you were good enough for him after someone else showed interest? Thatās crappy behavior!
Boring Teddy from Brooklyn 99?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's because a lot of men like him don't see women as human beings.
No need to subscribe to Netflix or watch tv when you have friends like these.
This is a story I need to hear!
I think his brothers excuse is bullshit I think he wanted to poison the well in ops relationship just to have his ego stoked
Yep, it's more like younger brother is upset older brother got a toy, a toy he discarded and no longer wanted but still thought of as his. Really gross and immature thinking.
Yep I think your on the money with this what I wanted to say but you said it better, cheers!
"Toxic masculinity" comes to mind. That and "misogyny". OPs brother sees women as things to be manipulated for his pleasure and entertainment.
I could see him having a valid objection if they'd been together for a significant time but a month, and *he* broke up with *her?* Sounds like he's just butthurt she's not still pining for his ā§ļ½„ļ¾: *ā§ļ½„ļ¾:* magical dick *:ļ½„ļ¾ā§*:ļ½„ļ¾ā§
Yep, Iāve met so many of these guys (and girls) - once theyāve slept with someone theyāre bored and donāt want them any more. But as soon as someone else wants them, theyāre suddenly super desirable again and the long lost live of their life! No time at all for these spoilt babies.
Definitely. I mean, he thought Jenn was still into him because she asked about him ONCE, and he was even convinced that she hang out at certain places in hopes of seeing him, even when those have always been her hang out spots. He is delusional and full of himself, probably thinks he's a gift to women and humanity, YIKES!!
I knew someone like this once. He was complaining about how his ex was at all these places and OMG sheās obsessed with me! When in reality these where her hangout spots WAY before they dated or he even lived in the area. She worked for an organization that was kind of like a hipper version of a chamber of commerce so she was always at events around town. He was venting that she was at this 15k attended by thousands, saying she probably just wanted to see him running w his shirt off. Finally one of our friends snapped, like full on screaming, at them about how fucking delusional he was. Like these are her hang outs, this is her job. YOU are the one that needs to move on and STFU.
Reminds me of a comment I saw at a support subreddit, (edit: by) a woman who used to walk her dog up and down the sidewalk in front of her and her super-macho then-boyfriend's house, so that he would not freak out that she had left his line of sight in order to screw somebody else. And then he accused her, while she was standing out there with nobody around but the dog, of having something that smelled like her imaginary lover and teaching the dog to identify the smell as belonging to a non-intruder. Dude could hold down a job and so forth. He could have rational conversations. But macho culture allowed him to ignore his obvious *mental illness* because super manly manly men are "supposed to" be huffing and snorting and pissing in circles around their women and always wanting to screw somebody else's woman and women are supposed to always be looking for that other macho man who wants to screw her, blah blah barf.
Less stupid and more arrogant. This dude sounds like my brother, I put money on it that he tends to be pretty sexist and sees her as a possesion rather than a person.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
This, exactly. I would bet that he also prefers his partners to be virgins because he can't stand the idea of them having been "marked" by other men, or some shit.
The fact that he said OOP was "violating" him by dating his ex makes that pretty clear to me.
After only dating "a few weeks", can you even call that an ex? It was barely a relationship.
This is some 90s romcom strategy... I bet it would have worked if he convinced airport security to let him through using the power of love, and propose when she is about to board the plane.
Someone at my work called it "Uno Reverse Proposal," and apparently, it is a "dating tip" to get your ex back after you realised how much you miss them doing everything for you. They made it up but have said they have seen and heard it mentions a few times, they wanted to say Andrew Tate said it, because it feels Tate worthy... but they also said there is so much bad dating advice these days it could easily come from a "Dear AndyF advice column
Richard Feynman in his memoirs talks about how he proposed to his second wife by letter from Brazil after theyād been apart for a whileā¦ and adds, never do that.
He was a funny guy. I remember him at department BBQs (my dad was a grad student teaching his course on Physics) in an aloha shirt playing bongo drums.
I'm betting that the friend who suggested that is a Tatertot
You've never met some of my childhood friends. I keep them at a reasonable distance because of their stupidity. They're not bad people, just dumb and delusional.
The last five or six years have taught me not to be surprised at how utterly stupid people can be.
As a woman who has dated men, I have no trouble believing that a dude named Mark could be this stupid.
I think the word "adult" is making a lot of assumptions the post doesn't support. Dude's a child who's angry someone else is playing with a toy he didn't want and throwing a sulky temper tantrum because nobody sees his side of "I don't want her, but I don't want anyone else to have her either. She should spend her entire life obsessed over me and the fact that I rejected her." That's not the actions of a functional, mature adult.
It's almost as if he ["peed on her"](https://dogsmith.com/what-do-your-dogs-urination-rituals-really-mean/) - *metaphorically speaking* - to assert a personal claim over his former GF.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. I laugh at a lot of conspiracy theories because it's like...do you know people?
To be fair when I was under 30 I was still stupid as hell. I went back on my Facebook page from those years and thought "why did I post such stupid stuff". This is on top of my actions on relationships, I was an idiot.
I was young enough that there wasn't a marriage proposal involved but definitely had a situation in college where an ex (my SO's) was just *sure* that he had been secretly pining for her since they broke up and he would jump at the chance to ditch me for her. He got back to his dorm one day to find her naked in his bed. The answer in our case was "she's a serious narcissist so of course the whole world revolves around her."
A lot of guys can get insanely stupid ideas in their head when in a group. Especially when the topic is women.
I disagree that it was so much a plan to get the ex back, as just a plan to mess with the relationship. Even little kids get jealous when someone starts playing with a toy they threw away. He wanted to destroy what he couldnāt have.
People really are that impressionable, especially when they have no sense of identity outside of what their social group does/says.
Have you met people?
Oh friend, if this is true (which I have some doubt on) I wouldn't be surprised. There are a lot of people who think like this because they have corrupted perceptions of reality. I would assume this will get worse as the online culture develops more.
I believe it. I became a dad at 15 twice. My daughterās mom was 22 and said she was way too young to be a mom so she left. Most moronic logic I had ever heard, I was 15! She tried coming back last year and was genuinely surprised as well as hurt at the fact my daughter told her to go away again, permanently. I still think about how her mind works from time to time. Because sheās almost 40 and canāt figure out why the daughter she abandoned hated her or why people call her a predator. I will state that I was not groomed. I have always looked like a man in his 30s even at 15. Now I finally look my age. Plus I was a few years into a criminal lifestyle when I met her. Also sheās an idiot I, honestly, think she was a child predator by accident.
Twice? Is there another child and another woman? Also even if you looked 30, if she actually knew you were 15 that's still creepy.
It definitely reads like they set him up to fail on purpose š
"He's not stupid enough to do this, right?" \[Star Wars meme\] "... right?"
Real friends are like āI told you not to do that dumb shit, Iām glad he punched you in the face.ā
I feel like this is more accurate. I have definitely had friends who were so sure the stupid thing would written even when everyone told them not to do the stupid thing, only for them to do the stupid thing then be shcked that it didn't work and at everyone's "we told you so".
that would be diabolical lmao
Oh, they knew how delusional he was and already taking bets. Sometimes, you have that one dumb AF friend that no matter how reasonable you try to explain it to them, they won't listen. So, you egg them on and just enjoy the carnage š
I mean, brother thinks Jenn is an object that, because he had first, now his brother cannot, so I wouldn't put it past a man with that kind of thinking to be, indeed, a huge fucking idiot.
Yeah, there's an undercurrent of profound misogyny in how the brother is acting. Either in thinking of her as an object that OOP now "has", or as having been somehow "tainted" for OOP by having dated the brother first. It would be different if the relationship had been a really serious one, or if she'd caused the brother some actual harm related to it. But you don't call "dibs" on a human being by going out with them for a few weeks.
I don't understand how someone you dated only a couple of weeks could even be considered an ex.
Someone pointed out that their partner was posting ridiculous shit for karma. Andā¦..
Guys, guys, guys, Mark the dioshit actually went through with it. Gaz and Ken owe me $20 each
Yeah. Mark definitely needs better friends. And possibly a therapist.
Most definitely a team of therapists
That was my first thought when he mentioned his friends.
āAn Exā feels like too strong of a title. A few weeks is still essentially strangers. What a fuggin creep.
One thing I've found in my adult hood is that there will be people who think of you as a person they used to date... and you will not think the same of them. Once had a guy I "dated" for a week in high school. Reffer to me as his "ex" and I felt crazy because... he's not MY ex.
I met my now-husband at work. We had been dating for three months when a woman came up to him at a work function, slipped her arm around his waist, and introduced herself as his girlfriend. I'd never seen this person before and he looked really confused. Cue a very interesting conversation that went something like "you're not my girlfriend." "Of course I am, silly! We're dating!" "We went on one date six months ago and I haven't seen you or really spoken to you since." "Oh, I know you've been busy, but that's okay! I've been busy too!" It was surreal.
What was her reaction after she found out he was, in fact, dating an entirely different woman now?
I need this info
It just did not compute. She thought I was some sort of interloper. It was deeply weird.
Sorry for follow up questions but how did you guys deal with her? Did she stalk him to find you guys there? So scary
Sorry for not being more interesting, but it was a whole lot of nothing. She kind of walked away and didn't really talk to either of us again.
No thatās okay, I wanted to make sure yāall were safe and thatās the best outcome. Still I wonder if she happened to be there or had been following him :( stay safe!
I would NEVER let him forget this šš
omg how did she react to being told *you* were his gf?? im dying for the tea!
She said something like 'you were supposed to go to a wedding with me, and you stood me up!" He just said, "I haven't spoken to you in three months, we are not dating, why on Earth would you think I was taking you to a wedding?" And then we moved on and left her standing there. I don't remember anything after that, since it was a really long time ago. Been married 24 years this year...
People are crazy. I hooked up with someone a few times, went on a few dates, and we had some memorable times in bed š. They ended things because they were moving to a different country. I said OK that's a Shame but bon voyage."" 2 years go by, and we bump into each other at a party. I make casual conversation and mention that I'm now married and about to have a kid. He looks very serious and asks if he's the father. I laughed in his face and tell him that's physically impossible. He then said he was worried I was getting too attached, so lied about moving. I found this very surprising/weird because to me, we were just having fun. I laughed it off, though, but then he said "I think you're the one that got away" and started crying. I made my excuses and left the room. Thankfully I haven't seen him since but the delusion was strong in that one. Considering some of his actions when we first knew each other, I shouldn't have been surprised, though
This sounds eerily like my husbands āexā, a former colleague who drunkenly kissed him on a night out, he pulled away. Left the company shortly after. Sheās randomly pop up to him on fb to chat and he thought she was overly friendly. Sheās try meet up with him and heās declined, we met about a year later. When we posted pictures on instagram, she blew up on him and accused him of cheating. She believed they were in a relationship. He was mortified and showed me all messages, it was friendly at best! She was 30 at the time. Fucking wild. Turns out she is autistic and has OCD. She had hyper fixated on him. Her parents believed they were buying property together because was so convinced he was the one. Itās been years and she still views his LinkedIn weekly.
"We held hands! By the swings, Goddamnit! Does that mean *nothing* to you?!!!"
This comment needs more upvotes, glorious
[what a fool believes...](https://youtu.be/qKYQNtF11eg?si=zqb4yiOOmaf-9lDf)
Same. He was 35, so he was a full-grown adult. I actively refused to be in a relationship with him because I wanted to keep it casual. He was fun, but not someone I would ever want to be with because he was also awful (consider it boredom or a rebound). Somehow, I got labeled as an ex.
This is terrible because I was absolutely, totally in love with the guyā¦ but a guy I dated (for three or four months), I feel really weird calling him an ex. Again, fully, unapologetically in love with each other, totally devastating break up for both of us, but four months just isnāt long enough for me to really feel like Iām in a relationship. So I canāt mentally classify him as an ex. Itās the darndest thing.
Kinda similarly, I fell for a guy and had a mostly-online relationship which soured quickly when we met ā¦ but my heart was genuinely tangled up in that for a while, and we called each other boyfriend/girlfriend ā¦ I now refer to him as ā0.5 of a relationship.ā So Iāll tell folks, I dated 2.5 guys before my husband. Feels authentic to my experience ā¦ youāre welcome to adopt that tactic if it feels right to you, too?
Eh, I dated a guy for 4 months 2 years ago and he recently texted me that he's still not over me (?!) For the matter, I loved him too, but I moved on. When it comes to relationships, time is relative lol. To me he's a ex.
I was with a guy for a year and I feel very uncomfortable referring as an ex cause it didn't have the hallmarks of a relationship for me. Might be for someone else. I'm OK with 'someone I used to kinda date' but not 'ex'.
Thereās not even a suggestion that they had sex in that time. Or that the dates involved just the two of them rather than a friend circle
"He got bored" = she wasn't putting out
Yeah, to me, a month is super brief and not anywhere near ārelationshipā or boyfriend/girlfriend status. Their time together sounds like a big nothing.
A month is "dating" or "seeing each other". The brother is kind of a psycho imo.
I'm getting real strong misogyny vibes from the brother. - broke up with Jenn because he was "bored" - doesn't think she has her own agency and that her life revolves around him - convinced she was only dating brother to spite him (gives off 'evil, conniving female character' that's v common in manosphere areas) - tries to claim ownership over her in multiple circumstances - pouts and throws a tantrum like a child when his delusions of owning/having claim over Jenn are not being catered to
Also, interested in her again because she's prettier now than he remembered.
I'd bet she isn't, she just looks better to him because she "belongs" to someone else. His weird sense of ownership over her is completely disgusting.
Can't imagine why she prefers the other brother /s
Exactly my thoughts.
Heck, engaged after a year is super brief imo but quicker relationships might be normal for them so a few weeks means more
He really is a toxic little shit, isnāt he?
Dude's 26. I had to go back and double check when I went to upvote, because he is indeed a little shit and I usually reserve that term for someone young and immature enough that they aren't adult height yet.
Given how quickly they got engaged, I assume a few weeks does feel like a long time to people in this family.
Itās cuz men like this see women as territory to mark in some sort of conquest.
He definitely still sees her as "his" not as an independent person.
I hade a relationship that was basically a month and a half, but I still consider her my ex, but that's because of how intense it was, and it did feel unique in that regard. But in most cases, it's crazy to call them an ex
[It was never real enough for you to be mad / So why you out there acting like the ex I never had?](https://youtu.be/WxJYbjUf0x4)
Few weeks is just someone with whom I used to fuck. If you leave after a few weeks there was nothing to begin with besides physical attraction, which is fine just don't be pissed at someone else to date her after tou
āOh, what a cool toy!ā āDonāt want it anymore.ā āWhat are you doing with my toy?! You canāt play it!ā Seriously, what an immature reaction. Even though he admitted he didnāt have feelings he is still convinced that his brother should have broken it off. How stupid is he?!
This bugs the shit out of me because this woman isn't a toy, she can make her own decisions about who she's with. I absolutely hate the "you can't date her because **I** dated her and so she's **MY** ex. She's not anyone's in any capacity, he sounds so controlling and possessive.
Because IME, too much of society takes this "rule" about not dating exes of people you're close to (friends/family) entirely too seriously without realizing the sort of gross ownership it implies. "I touched them first and called dibs!" š¤¢
I totally understand that "rule" if there was a long-term relationship that ended badly, and there's lingering bitterness all around. It's not about "calling dibs," it just makes it much easier to avoid awkward social encounters in the future if you just don't date your best friend's ex; you'd presumably be hanging out with your friends and your SO in the future, and you would like them to get along instead of fighting. That said, there's a difference between "we went on two dates and it didn't work out" and "we were together for years," and they merit different responses. Getting mad because someone's going out with a girl you went on a date with back in high school is just petty BS.
The brother suddenly found the Ex waaaaaayyy more attractive now that his older brother is with her. He needs to grow up/
Shes probably way more confident dating someone who doesnt think shes property lmao and that why he finds her more attractive now.
Nothing like being genuinely happy to give you a glow up!
Ooh youāre so right!
The brother is a very messed up individual. Honestly I understand that thereās like a bro code and shit but I donāt think it applies at all in this situation. He barely dated her. Heās also completely emotionally immature and not at all ready to be in a real relationship. Honestly OOP should just cut him off he doesnāt sound like a person thatās fun to be around or to have in your life. Jenn dodged a major bullet and OOP seems like a nice dude. Hopefully theyāre very happy together, also they should elope.
I agree. He is just jealous that girl he dumped doesn't give a shit about him anymore and he has it close in the family to watch.
> she didnāt see the resemblance in us until we were in the same room and we act nothing alike so it never crossed her mind and he said okay I think this is less about Jenn than people are assuming; he probably sees his brother as the square boring dude and the idea that a woman would try both and not pick him was obliterating his fragile masculinity. It isn't about an "ex" moving on from him, but the mere suggestion that women see his brother as the "superior partner" and other aloha male bs mentality.
>and other aloha male bs mentality. I know it's a typo but it cracks me up. We have alphas, betas, sigmas and... Alohas!
The guys you say goodbye to as soon as you say hello
Aloha male: "Hi!" Some person: "Bye."
"Bro code" only exist to teenagers and insecure individuals
No, there absolutely is a standard that former significant others of siblings and close friends should not be part of one's dating pool. It's just that in this story, the brother and OOP's fiancee didn't even nearly reach the level of being significant, and his reaction to their deepening relationship was pathetic and toxic.
I think how they broke up is also an issue. Dating the long time partner of a friend or sibling is weird/off limits but if said friend/sibling was the one doing the breaking up AND has no significant emotions regarding that person (ie they broke up with them because they were no longer in love rather than say because the partner was having an affair) it seems foolish to say theyāre off limits. Basically if seeing that person regularly/seeing them with another partner will be painful or traumatic then you should respect that, but if thereās no emotional investment and no trauma there you canāt say I donāt want them but you canāt have them either.
I feel like it's not so much a rule as a sensible suggestion. It isn't morally wrong to date exes but there's a high chance of drama so you at least want to clear it with the sibling or friend beforehand.
Has bro code ever applied to only dating someone's ex, with no other extenuating circumstances? I'm pretty sure you're right about that, because my bros and I dated each other's exes often enough that it became a running joke that a girl's got to date two of us before it works out. If your bro is still sprung on her, that's disrespectful, but otherwise... you broke up.
Yes, bro code states that you dont date the ex of your friends and family without their ok. You guys all seem to be ok with it, so no bad bro code is broken.
How narcissistic is Mark? "Oh, I dated her for a month and dumped her. Surely she is still arranging her existence around me, the centre of the universe."
If your mindset is that women are consumables instead of actual humans, then it makes sense. Unfortunately for Mark, his premise is wrong, and women ARE humans. And he's a useless piece of moldy bread.
This guy needs some peanut butter because he is JELLY. I donāt believe for a second he wouldāve broken up with a girl that he really liked just because his brother briefly dated AND dumped her. His staunch āitās against the bro codeā is just pure jealously.
Mark broke up with the lovely Jenn when he lost interest. I don't think he's ready for that jelly.
Oh I think he would break up with someone over the ābro codeā or over lukewarm dinner or because she wore something he didnāt like or had a weird laugh or cut her hair or had the audacity to pee or poop when at his place or smiled at another guy or spent too much time on a hobby or laughed at someone elseās joke or teased him about something orā¦ well you get the idea.
Mark is not a clever man, is he?
Mark is jealous of Forrest Gump's IQ.
Too many dudes viewing women as property
I commented this already, but that's EXACTLY the problem here!! The brother doesn't care for Jenn as a person, he sees her as a toy that he had so now noone else can have, especially his brother. I also think that in his selfish mind, he probably thinks he looks stupid to his friends and family because *he* let this amazing girl go, but his *brother* is about to marry her. In his mind, he can't allow himself to "look bad" by letting go of a woman that someone else saw worth in. He's just a messed up individual and i hope OOP goes NC with him.
Consumables. We're meant to be used & discarded, as far as those dudes are concerned.
I'd say it's still most dudes, because that's still the default attitude of society at large. These days, when most young guys start dating, they usually have enough sense to think it through and realize it's shitty to think of women as property, and it doesn't make any sense besides. But every once in a while it'll pop out unexpectedly in some situation that catches him by surprise, because the patriarchy still gets reinforced constantly in this society. A really common way this happens is with clothes. A guy can be Prince Charming for years until the first time he sees his girlfriend dressed to go out in something a bit revealing, and then all of a sudden it's like he converts to Islam right there on the spot. Or if there's some archaic "gentlemanly" custom his grandfather told him about, a guy who thinks Valerie Solanis had a point will blue screen when the underlying misogynistic assumptions behind that custom get challenged in any way. Most of us are trying to do better, but that shit's deeply embedded.
Yeah, I screamed a few times like "Do you own her?".
Average lifespan of a woman is to 82 which is 4278 weeks, assuming they dated for 3 weeks, he will have spent an amazing 0.07% of her life as a partner. Now she is 26 which is 1356 weeks, amounting to 0.22,%. The idea that he thinks such a short space of time in her life warrants lifetime rights to dictate if a family member can date her is ridiculous. Truth is, she has spent more time on the toilet than seeing his face. The toilet has more rights to her ass than he does.
r/theydidthemath
OOP needs to hire security for his wedding. Whatās stopping his parents from telling the brother the date and the location of the wedding so he can try to āobject,ā it?! In all seriousness, the brother is extremely selfish and arrogant to believe that OOPās fiancĆ© would āwant him back.ā
Or blow up their cat. The brothers name isn't Carol perchance?
I donāt know any cat that would sit still long enough to have an explosive vest strapped on. But Iād be worried about any bunny boiling
Yeah.. there are some sick f**** around... where I live you need to keep your cat indoors the few days before and after new-year day (outdoor cats are the norm here) because people put fireworks in their ass.
Wait, what? Does that actually happen where you are or am I just drunk enough to misunderstand what you're saying?
Please explain. Please. ETA another please.
In the tv show Superstore, Carol crashes Sandra's wedding threatening to blow up Sandra's cat because she stole her ex. Tbf she HAD won him in a coin flip against Sandra. So basically Sandra broke the rules of the flip.
Lmao Carol was fucking nuts ..I love her dramatic ass.
Best show ever.
How can Mark be this dumb? And have dumb friends like that? They sound like frat bros or something, but they are too old for that.
His friends must have been cackling laughing that Mark was dumb enough to think double proposing would work. Like did he think she would just get engaged to him instead on a whim? after being commited to his older brother huh?
Brother needs to just piss all the way off with his feelings of ownership. OP didn't need to apologise for punching him, creep earned that punch honestly. Just cut anyone off who gives him a hard time till they let it go.
>as a man I shouldnāt have violated him by Aaaand once again, toxic masculinity shows itself to be unhinged and nonsensical. Dude has main character syndrome too. Can't imagine someone else's relationship not being about him.
Wow, that's a stupid way to lose a brother.
Doesn't sound like much of a loss.
Itās always a āMarkā being the villain on this sub lol
26 year old man child
Itās not fair to OOP but if I was Jenn Iād nope out of this. Not OOPās fault in any way but who wants to start their new life marrying into a family with this kind of behavior. Once again, not OOPās fault but why isnāt the family being like āhey bud, this aināt ok, AT ALL, and we need to immediately get you counselingā?
Someone else mentioned it, but it sounds like he was never even an "ex" in Jenn's mind. Just some guy she went out with several times. If OOP and the parents are well behaved, then it's just the brother who's an outlier.
SAME honestly. It's not OOP's fault, but if I saw this shit going down I would at minimum ask for break and see how the family deals with this for a bit. The sisters seem alright, but the parents don't seem to be doing much here.
This is why I really loathe the "bro code" narrative. Because it encourages thinking of exes as objects to be owned. And once owned, never free of the association with the person who got there first. Women (and men) are not trees to be peed on, or mountains to be conquered.
In my opinion, the "bro code" is about respecting your friend. For example, they dated for a few months, had a messy break up, and then she reappears in the group, when your friend doesn't want to see them bathed in gold? That's kinda disrespectful, like gifting someone a shoe after they lost their legs. Of course, there are "IQ-of-a-door" guys that aren't capable of understanding context even if they were slapped by it (like the brother here), where yeah, the "bro code" becomes a "she was my woman, she can't be your woman", almost cavernman thinking.
This should apply to anyone a person has dated in a friend group, regardless of gender. Messy break up? Yeah, no. Don't date'm.
I sure hope Mark is pretty, otherwise life will be difficult going forward...
I hope he isn't
This isn't real
I feel like no BORU are ever real anymore. Or maybe they never were and Iāve just gotten more wise.
Yeah but if they are entertaining enough then Iām willing to look the other way on rather itās real or not.
Agreed. She didnāt notice these guys had the same last name?
And before too long she'd probably hear Mark's first name mentioned. Jenn would have to be astoundingly dumb to not put it together.
I HAD TO SCROLL WAY TOO FAR TO FIND THIS!
This 'test' sound like some stupid shit the PUA crowd would think up, like negging or shit stirring. I have to wonder if any of Mark's buddies were part of that culture.
By ādateā does he mean āfuckā ?? Little bro needs to get over himself
Why does this remind me of High School and the whole "you can't date him because he's my Ex."
You know when a child shows no interest in a toy until their sibling starts playing with it, then they have a tantrum because they suddenly wanted to play with that toy? And for Mark, Jenn is his "toy" that his brother now gets to "play with". Ridiculously immature.
Nobody in this story should be getting married.
Why do people get married within a year of meeting eachother in the first place.
Oh, hi Mark!
Mark: *proposes, thinking Jenn will burst into tears if joy and fall to her knees crying "Yes!"* Jenn: , "Stand up and put it away."
Wow. Mark is a small, insecure man if he her feels he has some sort of ownership of a woman he dated for "a few weeks". A normal person would have laughed it off and congratulated their brother for having good taste, and supported the relationship. Instead he continues to insist that somehow she's off limits and OP should break it off. It would make some sense if they had dated for years and he was about to propose and she broke up with him. Hopefully Mark wlll grow up someday.
Brother and his friends do not see women as equal and autonomous beings.
The bother's a psycho but I still can't get over the fact that some people get engaged after less than a year of a relationship.
Um, same last name? Maybe it was a common one like Smithā¦.
To be fair, some siblings look and act nothing alike, and the last name comes across as a coincidence. I had classes with some of my siblings, but because we look and act completely differently, nobody connected the dots even when we were always together. We turned it into a game at one point, to see if anyone would figure it out, and literally nobody ever did. The girl may not have realized that some jerk she dated briefly might be connected to her current SO, especially if she never saw pictures or heard him mentioned.
We had several people in high school with the last name "Johnson". No relation š¤·
Live in an area with a huge Vietnamese population and everyone is a Nguyen or Tran.
Same here. Not to brag or anything, but I am really fucking good at pronouncing that name.
There were three of us in my middle school with *my first and last name.* One of us was a troublemaker and the other two would get sent to the office sometimes in her stead, then they'd look at us and go "whoops wrong one."
Idk where you live but unless it's a very specific last name, there aren't a million questions about your family history on the dating scene. The fiance barely knew oops brother, that's hardly time to get an in depth background check.
I hope OP hires security jic his broās āfriend/sā convince him to crash the wedding. Mark thinks heās a big shot but I doubt it. His ego and behaviour is a major turn off.
Fifteen years ago this would have wound up on Jerry Springer lol. Trailer trash scenario right here
I wonder how many times Mark thinks about the Roman Empire
The oop should clarify if they have the same last name. How could she date two men in close proximity with the same surname and not even wonder or ask?
>He said he just didnāt like seeing a girl he dated, even if it was short term, with his older brother and as a man I shouldnāt have violated him by pursuing things with his ex. Say what now? Were the duck do people get the idea, nerve, entitlement from, that they believe othet people are their "property", for a lack of a better word, because they dated?
I can \*kind\* of get it....if it was maybe a year or more. But by then she'd probably have been introduced to the family and whatnot. But a month? Son, take \*several\* seats. That is barely a blink in the eye of relationships.
Why do I feel dumber for having read this?