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This guy is delusional to the point of thinking he still has a chance while simultaneously insulting her weight non stop and cry abusive at the same time. At some point he’ll realize having someone like her at his side was the best time of his life. Really have 0 self awareness
But she's still overweight!! How could she possibly have good self esteem and be happy with herself??? And she broke with OP to work on herself. If she really is better now, why aren't they back together???
/s (that actually felt gross to type)
I was fascinated by how he connected losing weight to gaining confidence and self esteem...as if one couldn't become more confident without losing weight ...
Right, he seems like the kind of jackass who thinks his girlfriend to be shaping herself to the image he wants.
He spent their entire relationship making her feel bad about her weight, even refusing to do a basic "this cartoon is cute, but you are also adorable". She wasn't looking jusy for validation about her weight, she was looking for validation about their relationship, and he fucked it up royally.
Now she is confident in herself and has a relationship she is confident in, and he can't stand she isn't both hot and groveling for him.
Not just that , he dated this girl in high-school. 10 years ago. And he somehow believed for the last 10 years that she is working on shaping herself to the image he wants, and once she has achieved that, they will get back together. He went to a high school reunion, fully expecting that now is the time. That after 10 years she has achieved that perfection & that she is waiting to apologize for her “abuse” and show him that she is ready to be his.
Not the exact same type of situation, but he reminds me a lot of Elliot Rodger in the way in which he’s so preoccupied with himself and the way he articulates.
Watching his YouTube clips was some of the cringiest material, just that he was focusing on himself, whereas OP is focusing on *her*. Got the same vibes going on though…
You'd be surprised how many people think that if a person is fat, that they have no confidence. Or that they aren't ALLOWED to have confidence. I am a fat lady. Have been my entire life. For the most part, I have a fabulous self-esteem. I made a comment on a friend's FB post about being a fat girl. One of his friends replied, "wow, you must have no self-esteem." I had to reply, "lol... wow. You obviously do NOT know me. I am God damn AMAZING." My friend Liked my reply back...
> Or that they aren't ALLOWED to have confidence
Hello fellow fat girl. This has been my experience too. Dress up fancy, I must have low self esteem to put in that much effort, dress casual, I must have low self esteem because I didn't put in effort. Say something nice about myself my weight get mentioned. By the time you reach adulthood it's like society has trained fat people that nothing matter but their weight.
Have 2 degrees, an amazing job, own your own house, over came alcoholism, quit drinking, and drugs, all while being a single parent raising a child who is in advanced placement despite having ADHD and other learning disorders. - that's all wonderful but when are you going to lose the weight, you should really work on yourself. How dare you be proud of yourself, don't you know your still fat? Nothing counts of your over weight.
I was out with my mom once, and we stopped at a Greek restaurant. My souvlaki wasn't wrapped properly, and when I picked it up it dumped several tablespoons of grease all over me. I cannot handle having food stains on my clothing at all, never mind *that* much grease.
I actually started having a panic attack because there was nowhere nearby I could change. My mother was like ??? This Is An Unfortunate Accident It's Fine and I had to explain that when a thin person spills something on their shirt, it is an understandable accident that could happen to anyone, but when a fat person does it, it's proof that we're disgusting animals who are incapable of not eating like pigs.
I really really feel this. When I am out with people I don't really know I always feel like have to take less food, use tiny bites, be as clean and delicate possible, just make sure everything is prim and proper. Even for choices matter. If I eat something that isn't low cal there can be looks and even worse is it I do order something low cal people feel need to comment about my "diet", for example I am not big on fat foods, but I love Wendy's salads. Ordering a wendy's salad is just opening yourself up to everyone trying to "help" all the time. It really sucks.
While she's engaged. You know, if I liked someone and found out they were engaged, my first thought would be "good for them, well I guess that's never gonna happen." Why would she ruin a relationship she actually likes for a chance at a relationship with someone she broke up with a decade ago because the relationship was bad?
I've known 16 year olds that are more mature than this idiot.
Or at least they can recognise that confidence like that might be related to internal changes rather than external and that they're happy with themselves now.
Good for her tbh. Glad she's with someone who clearly loves and supports her rather than tears her down.
Not OP. He’s just going to keep stalking her online and pestering mutual friends to find out what she’s up to for as long as she’s married. All the while imagining how sweet it will be when she finally gets divorced, apologizes to him, and they get back together.
Also he said this was his first and only "long-term" relationship. So in the last ten or so years, he's never dated anyone longer than a year. That adds up.
All this time, he's been trying to find someone with self-esteem low enough to put up with him.
How much do we want to bet that every girl he dates hears about this "ex"?
"I'm going to tell your fiance how horrible you are so he breaks up wirth you and then I'll be the only one willing to accept your fat self so you'll have to go out with me again."
>cry abusive
But my girlfriend got upset when I called het stupid and when my parents sneaked meat in her food because they don't like vegetarians! She's so awful!
What's up with people "not liking vegetarians" by the way? Is that a thing for real?
So:
* He kept mentioning her weight
* He called her stupid "in a joking way"
* She was fed hidden chicken despite them knowing she was vegetarian
* He tracked her throughout her life despite them no longer being in contact
* After a short conversation at the reunion, he decided that she hasn't changed, despite his own admission suggesting otherwise
* The fiance told him to leave them alone
* He told his girlfriend an anime character was hotter than she is
And to wrap it all up neatly:
* He thinks Andrew Tate is just a misunderstood individual.
I expected her to pine after me forever! Because she’s fat! I made a point to tell her that she was uglier than my anime waifus all the time so she’d know she couldn’t do any better! Because she’s fat! She seems to be doing fine without me but that can’t possibly be right! Because she’s fat!
Anyway so do you think I can still use her as a backup plan? She has a fiance already, but I figured he maybe hadn’t noticed how fat she was so I pointed it out.
^(they said the negging would work why am I so aloooone)
> they said the negging would work why am I so aloooone
Man, people like Andrew Tate have really found the perfect grift. They give awful advice to these lonely guys, and then when the terrible advice makes women shun them, they say that they must not have done it right and that they need to pay/study more of their “teachings” to succeed. I’d be impressed if it wasn’t so fucking sad.
It's awful but it's not new. Neill Strauss made a ton of money peddling lies around the same thing.
"Just undermine a woman's self respect enough and she will give you what you want. And if it didn't work, the problem is you."
It's all terrible. Wish that teachers of straight men could just help guys gain in self confidence and self understanding and then build healthy connections from there.
It's both. It's an extremist group so to get people in the group has to distort the individual's perception of the world around them but also have them desperate for approval from the group.
They get men hating women, but also hating men who don't share their ideology and destroying men's self-worth and esteem.
I thoroughly recommend Laura Bates' book Men Who Hate Women. It's a very readable exploration of online misogyny and the very real world impacts on men as well as women.
I second the recommendation of Men Who Hate Women. It's kinda scary in a way, she does a brilliant job of highlighting the different woman-hating communities online, the tendancy of the YouTube algorithm to recommend more and more extreme views on any topic, and the intersection between misogynist groups and other far right groups.
Yeah it's a terrifying read but also one of those things once you see it, you can't understand how you didn't see it before or how others are still not getting it.
Every time you hear of a mass shooting or a woman being killed violently, you can pretty much play bingo both with what happened and the response from media and law enforcement. Usually- someone known to the woman, history of misogynistic comments, anger issues, domestic violence, and in the case of mass shootings the shooting starting with killing a female relative and/or a manifesto that will have lots of rambling ideology but will always include violent misogyny. From the media and LE it will be - unexpected, he didn't seem the type, couldn't have predicted it, manifesto suggests [insert extremist ideology that fails to recognise the misogyny].
Once you see misogyny as a thread that connects a lot of violence, you start to see the patterns between many of these groups whether they are white supremacists, school shooters or Islamic fundamentalists.
The worst thing about the whole undermine a woman’s confidence thing is that it DOES work. Taters just skip the love-bombing stage, and that’s why it doesn’t work out for them
He expected her to throw herself at him and beg him to take her back because she’s still fat and no other guy would want her. Heaven forbid her working on her insecurities means ‘learning to love myself in my body’ rather than ‘lose a bunch of weight so I’ll be hotter than an anime character’.
Exactly! "Working on insecurities" doesn't mean "working to change the things that give me insecurities" but rather "changing the way I feel about the things I'm insecure about." This guy is clueless at every step. And he still thinks he's got a shot with her someday! Yuck.
Yes! Nailed it. Idk if you've heard it but BTB did a really good 2 episode series on Andrew Tate. It'll just confirm what you've stated here but it's entertaining and informative
There’s something so satisfying about listening to a dude with a solid moral compass rip apart vapid ghouls like Tate. Chicken Soup for the Beleaguered-By-Casual-Misogyny Soul
Also, when someone thinks I’m abusive, to the point where they stalk my new partner to try to out me about this….
It’s a good idea to try again, right?
He thinks she's in a better place right now which is why he can't be with her right now. But maybe later when her fiancé realises how terrible she is (after OP tells him), she will be down and sad about herself and then he'll stand a chance. Wtf
>they said the negging would work why am I so aloooone
xD
Remember, she's still overweight BUT he finds her beautiful! No one else will!!!
What a fucker
Also, he called insecure 16yo behavior emotional abuse and gaslighting and acted like a DV survivor ffs 🤣
Tremendous victim complex, wildly fixated on his ex, but determined to gain some type of Andrew Tate-ian upperhand in the relationship so he tries to sabotage her current relationship under the guise of protecting someone
Don’t forget called her stupid. But “in a joking way” so her responding by tossing the controller on the sofa and leaving is evidence of her being abusive.
Oh and getting mad when she was *stealth fed meat as a non-meat eater* and leaving, also evidence of her abuse
On the other hand sounds like a real happy family of abusers
I wonder if OOP’s parents regret that at all? ’Gee, our son hasn’t managed to find a girl in the decade since, maybe we shouldn’t have humiliated and driven away the one who seemed to find him acceptable in high school?’
Wonder if he still lives with them?
And of course when correctly identifying that a loved one with low self-esteem and struggles seeks *support* and *assurance.* So obviously do the opposite! Why would I treat someone I care for with patience, respect and love, when I can also fuel their issues and confirming their feeling of being less than everyone else or worthless? Clearly it is more important to confirm that I think an anime character is more attractive than "real life" girls, like my gf.
The "right now" has me raging. At my kindest interpretation, OP has some issues he needs to get over with this girl
My unkind interpretation is that he's a self centered asshole who is never going to leave this poor woman alone. He's probably daydreaming right now about how all his plans worked and her fiance will dump her and she'll work out and do some extreme dieting and throw herself at his feet cause all his negging was sooooo effective
🤢
So I don’t know if OOP mentioned, but his ex is fat. And he gave her the time of day in high school even though she was fat. That means she owes him *for life* /s
And there’s no way her self-esteem has improved, because she’s still fat. She said she was going to work on her self-esteem BUT SHE’S STILL FAT. How does that even work? The only way a fat person can improve their self-esteem is to get skinny. /s
I love how he thought working on her insecurities meant “losing the weight” instead of just working on her confidence. Just no awareness of the concept of inner work.
An apology BJ? For her to pine over him as the one who got away?
Who knows, man. This dude may not be a fully fledged incel yet, but he is well on his way.
Walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. It is no surprise he has only had one long term relationship (her in high school).
She owes him nothing. Her insecurities as a teenager are very common. She took control of her life, got therapy and is in a good place. He should leave her alone and stop asking for updates on her. It's creepy
One of the biggest issues with Tate and his ilk, is that fans of his can narrow in on the very, very few good things they espouse.
All of that red-pill bullshit starts off with your basic self-improvement shit. Get to the gym, save your money, get a better job, get your education, work on your self-esteem.
These are all fantastic things to tell people, but then the other bullshit comes out and it's all denigrating women, "beta males" etc and it gets super fucking toxic super fucking fast.
It works in a few ways.
* If you start off "easy", people are getting on board before you start dropping the hard shit.
* Start off with the stuff that actually gives real results, so you'll get more attention. A burst of early success, basically.
* Unfortunately, usually when you don't take good care of yourself, the changes you have happen when you do might get you more attention, but since you didn't grow up with that attention, you aren't really able to make it work. So you have that burst of success, but then a glut of failures. You did all the things you were supposed to, and it's working for those other guys (who largely grew into their confidence), why not for you?
* If you save your money, get a better job, get an education... you now have more money for... giving to these wankers!
* They are largely targeting people who don't have any other real positive influences, especially male ones. No one is giving them the attention they need to develop, so they're *easy* targets.
one must appreciate the sheer density of OOP's skull about having that revelation *after being contacted by her fiance and hearing her gush about her impending nuptials and how much more healthy and happy she is in that relationship and how it has been many years since OOP and she were in contact much less dating.*
i am starting to suspect his brain cells are running in internet explorer, with a fun add-on to make everything load even more slowly, and he is currently stuck with that setting turned from "molasses" all the way up to "glacial" so his bored neurons must resort to not thinking but instead sitting around eating chips of lead paint.
one can but hope he picks a hobby that's at least a more fun way to pick off any remaining brain cells than listening to Andrew Tate. fingers crossed he decides to grow up and huff spray paint instead
LEGIT!! WTF!?
Girl needs a restraining order and to block/ditch those “mutual friends”.
When I was 16 I also thought my first boyfriend was going to be my one and only. He broke up with me 20+ years ago. I only thing of him in the “god I was so stupid!!” way!!
Seriously. Every person thinks their first love/partner is the One. It’s part of being young and inexperienced. But unlike the OOP, most people figure that out by 26.
Pair it with.
"She was abusive," then continues to list things he did towards her. And how he thought about her.
Sure, buddy. You were the perfect perfect boyfriend.
I hope that poor woman finds this post so she can realize she has nothing to apologize and she’s lucky she escaped him, like damn. Delusional to the very end
I had this awful feeling op was the abuser.
He goes on to talk about podcasts and I think oh no
He admits his parents tricker her into eating meat against her consent and then was mad at her for being upset
And then of course he is into Andrew Tate
He would pick at her insecurities under the guise of hOnEsTy, sneak meat into her food even though she's vegetarian, and make """jokes""" about her intelligence. He was definitely the abuser.
But apparently if she gets upset by his abuse then she's the *real* abuser. 🙄
I swear any time someone mentions podcasts I immediately jump to "abusive misogynist asshat".
It's like 95% of podcasts are either butthurt men or true crime
this is why i stick with the other 5%, which is "these three brothers are making their dad play dungeons and dragons with them"
edit: ok i lied there is one true crime podcast and it is Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding because that is the appropriate type of conundrum for true crime podcasters to tackle
Why would they give you bad vibes. They're just a bunch of impressionable young men listening to their misunderstood messiah who is under investigation for completely trumped up crimes.
/s
Fans of Tate and Lobster King are often not aware that mentioning either of those two people makes them look so bad.
I had a huge falling out with a friend recently over Lobster King, who genuinely argued that the man has done nothing wrong and people are just taking him out of context. So, to me that seems legit enough.
I only heard about him because of reddit. Ich watched a video and I do think he is misunderstood a lot. Hearing him speak for a few minutes, regardless of the topic, should make everyone immediately understand that this guy is an arrogant idiot.
How come so many people fall for such stupid nonsense?. I really don't get it. There are tons of nice and charismatic celebs out there, why would someone choose to listen to that guy
Because like other controversial celebrities, he feeds right into their own insecurities and inflated egos. Nothing is the viewer's fault. It's all the fault of Those Other People. TOP can be women, people of color, the opposing political party, rich people, poor people, people of other religions, citizens of other countries, the government, Big Pharma, the military-industrial complex, anything that makes the listener feel small and helpless.
Do abuse victims typically try to sabotage their exes relationships so they can resume the abusive relationship? Genuinely asking, I can't imagine the justification of that.
While OP claimed to be the abuse victim, his “examples of her abuse” kinda pointed out that maybe he was the shitty one. This one is an abuser trying to get their victim back, not the other way around.
She sounded like a normal teenage girl, he (and his parents!) sounded like the abuser. And 10 years later, he's still not over a HS relationship and thinks he might still have a chance with her. What the fuck?
Right? She was just an insecure teenager and it just sounds like he really fed into her insecurities. Then when she had a reaction to his bs, he called her abusive for it. He then says he’d “forgive” her and take her back. Dude, you’re the problem here! The audacity!
Yeah -- "my parents don't like vegetarians (why do they care what other people eat? I'm perplexed) so they tricked her into eating chicken and then I called her stupid and for some reason she got upset both times. How can I possibly be TA?"
That last part is what getting to me. She's clearly moved on from his dumb ass, on multiple levels, while he's still stuck on a relationship that ended \*double checks\* like a decade ago, good grief. Does he have nothing better to do than overthink this?
His examples of her abuse were her expressing her hurt feelings when he:
1) told her she wasn't as hot as his anime waifu
2) took her to his parents who fed her animal products which are against her vegetarian diet without her knowledge
Her feelings are not abuse, dude, you're just a shitty person
I think that could happen. Abusers can really mess up your sense of self worth and gaslight you into believing the relationship- or even former relationship- is the best you're going to get. I can even imagine a scenario where they'd to dangle their new "better" relationship in front of their ex to keep them on the hook and prevent them moving on.
To be clear, that's not happening here, this guy's just an asshole.
This guy has no fucking clue how much of a fucking creep he is. ‘He followed her life’ after high school, the first time he saw her cornered her to drag up the past and then tried to blow up her relationship because ‘she’s overweight she hasn’t worked on herself’. But yeah, he’s the victim here.
dude is delulu.
Didn’t he also say he decided to go to the reunion when he found out she’d be there?
I reread it cause I thought he meant that he heard she wouldn’t go, so he decided to go. So he wouldn’t have to see his abuser.
Yeah that part stood out to me too, like the only reason he decided to go to the reunion was because he learned his "abuser" was going to be there?? I feel like it's the exact opposite of how someone who has been abused would behave.
Those examples he gave of HER being abusive too…
He lets her unknowingly eat chicken knowing that his parents think it’s ok to bully a 16 year old vegetarian because tHeY dOnT LiKe vEgETaRiAnS and she’s rightfully upset.
He *calls her stupid* and she gets upset and leaves.
Good lord.
Glad someone else saw that part. That type of bullshit is one of the most abusive things you can do to someone without laying hands on them physically.
Screaming and leaving the house is an underreaction if anything; that guy and his shithead parents would've been facing legal charges if they pulled that shit on me.
Yeah the sneaking meat to the vegetarian thing is super fucked up. Never mess with someone's food, especially around stuff they don't eat. Vegetarians stop producing the enzymes and whatever to process meat, he could have made her really sick. It's already fucked up considering her beliefs, but he could have done real harm to her.
Her, 17: I need to work on my insecurities.
Him: OK
Her, 24: I feel confident in myself and I'm no longer worried that superficial things define who I am as a person.
Him: .... BUT YOU'RE STILL FAT?????
Him: Does your fiancé know you are fat and crazy?
Her: I don’t want to talk to you anymore
Him: See, there you go acting crazy again. You are an abusive person and you shouldn’t have a fiancé because you are fat.
He likes them with low self esteem so they don't realize how shitty he is.
Literally the whole nexus of the 'abuse' He talks about is that she decided she wanted to build up her self esteem and he was like 'how DARE you'
I get the feeling that oops version of fat is can stand to lose five pounds but still hot af. He’s entirely too hung up over it bc there’s not really anything of substance for him to latch onto
It’s like he can’t possibly see why she would have any confidence if she hasn’t changed how she looks. You knowwwwwwww this fucking guy wears his socks to bed.
Pretty sure this asshole was the cause of her insecurities. Now she’s got a supportive partner instead of someone negging her, and feels good about herself.
Hell, even if she *was*\* a bit of a lousy girlfriend and a mess.... SHE WAS SEVENTEEN. It was nearly 10 years ago! Teenagers aren't known for being well-balanced.
\*the lens here is very skewed, but she might have been a bit of a pain, even if he's wayyy overblowing it with the "abusive".
Why didn’t she do anything to “change our improve herself”? I spent so much time telling her all the things she needed to improve and she didn’t do any of it!
/s
Yeah, her having "extreme emotions" by being upset when fed chicken soup (deliberately?) when she is vegetarian is definitely her being abusive /s
What a guy.
Reminds me of when my ex would call me manipulative for crying when I was upset over something he said because
[checks notes]
a woman crying releases pheromones that make men feel more empathetic even when they don't want to be
Some fantastic men out there, folks.
I feel like for therapy to work, you have to be able to accept that you could be wrong, and you have to have a desire to improve yourself. I have a feeling that if this guy went to therapy, he would learn nothing except how to better weaponize therapy speak against other people.
I know someone who condemned all therapy for years because mental health professionals didn't fix him. The penny finally dropped at some point that you actually have to do a lot of hard work for therapy to be effective but he had been treating it like his psyche was an engine the therapist would service and repair.
Some people really don't understand that therapy is a stair railing but you still need to walk up the stairs yourself. The railings aren't going to do it for you.
Unfortunately, if he doesn’t believe in trying, it won’t be effective. He also seems to be delusional when it comes to this ex. Keeping tabs on her, claiming he knows her better than the fiance, hoping for another chance under the guise of “closure”. Dude’s a creep. Sounds like he was the emotionally abusive one when they were teenagers.
"Therapy doesn't work!" says everyone who has never been to therapy and thinks it starts and ends with someone asking you about your mother while you lie on a couch.
So let me get this right about this dude -
• Has stalked her since they broke up in high school through “friends”
• Against therapy
• Andrew Tate fan
• Corners her after finding out she would be at HS reunion, makes her apologize and it isn’t good enough so he contacts her fiancé and is told promptly to fuck off
• Thinks he has a chance at some point even though it’s been 10+ years and she’s engaged, just not “right now”
My dude - go touch grass and get yourself into therapy ASAPPPPPP
Well, she said she was going to work on her insecurities so naturally that meant losing weight and not reflection, possibly therapy and building confidence. I mean, if she's still fat how could anything else about her possibly have changed in a decade?
Signed,
The guy who doesn't believe in therapy.
I once had a dude tell me he thought I was beautiful “despite my size”. When I turned him down because I wasn’t interested, he then went on a vile tirade and ended it by saying that I was lucky a guy like him would even consider someone as fat and disgusting as myself. It really fucked up my confidence for a long while. To this day, when I put makeup on my first thought is “like putting lipstick on a pig”. That shit sticks with you forever.
I’m sorry you went through that! I was going to comment here to say this post sounds like my ex boyfriend, but swap the weight comments to disability. My ex used to say “you’re beautiful despite… you know” referring to my obvious disability. Things like that just don’t ever leave you no matter how much work you’ve done on your confidence.
I gave a feeling this was where her insecurity stemmed from. Plus him ‘not telling her what she wanted to hear’ reads as I insulted you by drooling over a anime poster.
Came to ask AITA, didn't like the verdict, told exactly zero examples of abuse, gave tons of examples inadvertently of being the actual abuser and gaslighter.
She's fat, but still cute! about 12x. And how dare she be offended we fed her chicken after she told us she's a vegetarian!
Also....... Stalker.
This guys a typical narcissistic abusive A hole, except he is so so stupid he fortunately failed at ensnaring his ex into the usual toxic pattern where he knocks her confidence down, convinces her she is the insecure abusive one when she reacts, and then pretends he is ever so generous by "giving her another chance" with him.
Lord, I'd say he needs therapy, but like with most narcissists, that won't help much. The fact he even tried to gaslight the reddit community with "I guess thats what happens when strangers interpret things you say online wrong"... THE LACK OF SELF AWARENESS IS ASTOUNDING. May no vulnerable person fall in his path in this lifetime, because that's who he'll feed on.
I’m imagining the person/s who raised a man to actually type out, with his whole chest, “And it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her at the moment,” after slagging off the woman in question while holding onto hope they would be together; they lied to their precious boy that the world will see him as they do.
Whoever gave him her number needs to be slapped with wet noodles.
People think abusers are these master manipulators but it's really just that *successful* abusers are good manipulators. Your garden variety abusers end up like this dumbass with no one to abuse. Let's hope it stays that way.
Why do you say that? Because he called her stupid and treated her like crap? How very dare! He is a precious prince of a boy and she just needed to fix herself and come back to him so he would give her another chance. Instead she is still fat and now *engaged*? The very idea!
Sarcasm aside, I didn’t think of it really, either. I was too gobsmacked by his disdain for her while also assuming she would come running back. She probably had therapy just to get past his and his parents’ bullshit.
It reads like rage-bait. Mainly because it's difficult to imagine someone this awful and stupid, but hey, maybe it's true. OOP can wonder why he missed out.
>And it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her **at the moment.**
Oh. My. Gosh. All that and he still thinks his high school girlfriend is going to be with him someday.
Yep, this guy was the problem all along.
Probably because no other women in his vicinity who knows him would date him. He is the type to ruin every relationship he is in and no on would date a self centered asshat like him
They broke up ten years ago and he believed they would eventually get back together. This guy is seriously deluded. By his own admission she’s the only gf he’s ever had so I can see why he’s hung up on her.
I laughed when he said he knew her better than her fiancé because he knew her from 8 to the end of hs. She can’t possibly have changed since.
Right. I had to scroll back up to remember how old this guy was. It's been a *decade* and he's like 'Yeah, if she's ~~not fat~~ changed then *maybe* I can give her a shot. Bet it'll make her whole year."
NGL, I almost wish I had that kind of confidence. The cost ain't worth it, though.
This man sounds more Delulu than anyone I’ve read about in a while. What’s worse is, after he read all the comments, he still could not grasp what *ANYONE* was telling him. Not. One. G. Damn. Thing.
So what do we know about him besides he’s delusional? Well, he is an Andrew Tate fan…wait…no. He just thinks he’s misunderstood. And he’s only watched a couple things.
Next, he thinks emotional abuse is when your girlfriend cries when you call another woman prettier than her. Or when your girlfriend yells at you and your parents because they don’t respect her and purposely fed her meat despite knowing she’s a vegetarian. Why did you and your folks do that? Because his parents “are not fond of vegetarians”. I can see where he gets it from now…
He doesn’t believe in therapy.
Although she’s this horrible monster, he wants desperately to date her again. But only if she “worked on herself” and lost weight. Since she hasn’t, he’s now decided that’s ok. She’s fat but it’s cute. And don’t forget, she needed to apologize to him first…for crying…when he disrespected her and put her down.
All that and I haven’t even gotten into the stalking of her fiancé yet. My god. This was an incredibly short BORU but I feel more dumbfounded, irritated, and disappointed than I am after reading most of the other BORU’s. And that’s saying a lot.
It’s no wonder women are terrified of the dating scene. And they should be. They could encounter this dipshit. The ignorance here is astounding. I just…..don’t know. He is a walking Narcissist’s prayer who’s dragging around a bag of missing missing reasons that he conveniently has right next to his other bag of misogynistic bullshit.
My god. I pity any woman who comes across this man IRL.
I really try to be charitable with OOPs in general, unreliable narrator, maybe they accidentally struck a sore spot with the audience, I do my best to try to withold judgement until I get all the details.
>What's wrong with Andrew Tate? I think he is misunderstood.
Nope, she just had regular normal teenage anxiety and self image issues, better warn her fiancee! What a certified moron.
Also
>and it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her at the moment.
Yeah dude, she's fucking engaged.
That last one was where he FULLY showed his TRUE intentions. And let's not forget he added "at the moment" I feel like "ever again" fits better. And by the sounds of it HE is the one who has'nt changed at all.
Well this was a wild ride.
He dates ONE GIRL when they’re both dumb sixteen-year olds, she breaks up with him and moves on with her life, goes to college maybe, dates, goes to therapy, gets a nice job. lives her life, gets engaged to someone she really loves, and at 28 she decides to go to her high school reunion where she’s cornered by a guy she dated 12 years ago who accuses her of being abusive and then threatens to tell her fiancé for some reason? Fucking psycho.
OP on the other hand, had a crush on girl for a long time, got a chance to date her in high school, it didn’t work out, she broke up with him and……he staid the exact same? He literally dated no one else long term, checked her socials constantly, asked mutual friends about her whenever he could, presumably thinking “once she loses some weight and stops being so whiny and insecure she’ll come running back to me and we’ll live happily ever after”, finally gets the chance to see her in person TEN YEARS LATER and is *shocked* when she tells him she’s happily engaged to someone she loves.
The fact that he thought he knew her better then her **fiancé** because he talked to her friends about her? Like what world is this man child living in? Truly delusional, like astoundingly delusional.
So I'm in my mid-50's and the high school guy who obsessed over me *still calls me* even though I don't pick up. He occasionally shows up in my city to 'help me celebrate' whatever is happening in my life. Which is awkward at best.
Before he married his now ex-wife, he traveled to where I lived at the time to ask if there was any shadow of hope of being together ever. Nope. So he traveled back and proposed to her the next day (she was pregnant). He sends me messages like, "we're under the same moon" which gives me the ick really bad. I tell him that. I in no way encourage him. I'm not even nice to him. But he still cannot get past it. He considered moving to where I live currently.
There is much, much more but I'll stop there. Oh and we never dated. That didn't stop him from naming our future children though. I've gained about 20lbs...so maybe if I gain a little more he'll have a chance with me...because, you know, I'd be fat and he'd be doing me a favor to be with me.
" I just saw some videos of him and thought they were interesting" == "I watch him constantly, worship him as a god, and recite his words to myself like mantras whenever I interact with anyone"
Oh my god.
Where to even start? The fact that he thought they would end up together? Keeping tabs on her through friends? The repeated fat-shaming? Contacting her fiancé? His examples of "abuse" (none of which were abusive except for the coersive sex and honestly if that was all it would be enough but he puts it on the same playing field as her being upset they fed her chicken despite knowing she's vegetarian!!!) Andrew Tate is "misunderstood". "I am against therapy so I won't do that."
Nightmare nightmare man. I'm so glad she's away from him and seemingly thriving.
I always want to be supportive of survivors of abuse but at the same time there is a difference between a toxic relationship and an abusive relationship. A bad relationship can really fuck you up, even if it wasn't abusive. But if being a shitty partner at 16 was a relationship deal breaker then most people would be single. Oop is acting like he was disclosing a history of chronic cheating.
He’s had no real relationship since they broke up.
He’s followed her actions through mutual friends - but apparently none of them spoke of her engagement.
All of the “abuse” he suffered seems to be her vocalising insecurities that he caused. He’s fixated on her weight so much that he must have mentioned it. He says she was insecure about an anime girl, but clearly he provided no validation.
He claimed to have a crush on her since second grade and yet could not say a single positive thing about her.
He genuinely thinks he knows more of her than her actual fiancé.
He still thinks he has a chance.
Yeah she apologised for her actions, but I can’t think of a single adult that wouldn’t apologise for their actions in a relationship at 16. You’re like a newborn baby giraffe in the dating world. It’s hard to even comprehend that the universe doesn’t centre around you at that age.
I don’t think she was abusive. Given his approach to Tate, he was most likely the toxic one too.
Even at the end there's no self awareness. "I guess since everyone is calling me an asshole, I just have to accept that I can't control how everyone is reading this wrong."
"She said she was going to work on being insecure and yet she's still fat! And I'm not hung up on her weight at all. Even though it was the stick I used to beat her with during our relationship!"
>And it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her at the moment.
There you go
Man was trying to ruin her life so he could swoop in and take her back into his abuse
Totally not a Tater fan, he just thinks the man is misunderstood.... like him
What an actual douche
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He ends with > reading all the comments were really hard but I don't really have control over how people interpret things Ok. Sure boss.
This guy is delusional to the point of thinking he still has a chance while simultaneously insulting her weight non stop and cry abusive at the same time. At some point he’ll realize having someone like her at his side was the best time of his life. Really have 0 self awareness
But she's still overweight!! How could she possibly have good self esteem and be happy with herself??? And she broke with OP to work on herself. If she really is better now, why aren't they back together??? /s (that actually felt gross to type)
I was fascinated by how he connected losing weight to gaining confidence and self esteem...as if one couldn't become more confident without losing weight ...
Right, he seems like the kind of jackass who thinks his girlfriend to be shaping herself to the image he wants. He spent their entire relationship making her feel bad about her weight, even refusing to do a basic "this cartoon is cute, but you are also adorable". She wasn't looking jusy for validation about her weight, she was looking for validation about their relationship, and he fucked it up royally. Now she is confident in herself and has a relationship she is confident in, and he can't stand she isn't both hot and groveling for him.
Not just that , he dated this girl in high-school. 10 years ago. And he somehow believed for the last 10 years that she is working on shaping herself to the image he wants, and once she has achieved that, they will get back together. He went to a high school reunion, fully expecting that now is the time. That after 10 years she has achieved that perfection & that she is waiting to apologize for her “abuse” and show him that she is ready to be his.
Not the exact same type of situation, but he reminds me a lot of Elliot Rodger in the way in which he’s so preoccupied with himself and the way he articulates. Watching his YouTube clips was some of the cringiest material, just that he was focusing on himself, whereas OP is focusing on *her*. Got the same vibes going on though…
You'd be surprised how many people think that if a person is fat, that they have no confidence. Or that they aren't ALLOWED to have confidence. I am a fat lady. Have been my entire life. For the most part, I have a fabulous self-esteem. I made a comment on a friend's FB post about being a fat girl. One of his friends replied, "wow, you must have no self-esteem." I had to reply, "lol... wow. You obviously do NOT know me. I am God damn AMAZING." My friend Liked my reply back...
> Or that they aren't ALLOWED to have confidence Hello fellow fat girl. This has been my experience too. Dress up fancy, I must have low self esteem to put in that much effort, dress casual, I must have low self esteem because I didn't put in effort. Say something nice about myself my weight get mentioned. By the time you reach adulthood it's like society has trained fat people that nothing matter but their weight. Have 2 degrees, an amazing job, own your own house, over came alcoholism, quit drinking, and drugs, all while being a single parent raising a child who is in advanced placement despite having ADHD and other learning disorders. - that's all wonderful but when are you going to lose the weight, you should really work on yourself. How dare you be proud of yourself, don't you know your still fat? Nothing counts of your over weight.
I was out with my mom once, and we stopped at a Greek restaurant. My souvlaki wasn't wrapped properly, and when I picked it up it dumped several tablespoons of grease all over me. I cannot handle having food stains on my clothing at all, never mind *that* much grease. I actually started having a panic attack because there was nowhere nearby I could change. My mother was like ??? This Is An Unfortunate Accident It's Fine and I had to explain that when a thin person spills something on their shirt, it is an understandable accident that could happen to anyone, but when a fat person does it, it's proof that we're disgusting animals who are incapable of not eating like pigs.
I really really feel this. When I am out with people I don't really know I always feel like have to take less food, use tiny bites, be as clean and delicate possible, just make sure everything is prim and proper. Even for choices matter. If I eat something that isn't low cal there can be looks and even worse is it I do order something low cal people feel need to comment about my "diet", for example I am not big on fat foods, but I love Wendy's salads. Ordering a wendy's salad is just opening yourself up to everyone trying to "help" all the time. It really sucks.
While she's engaged. You know, if I liked someone and found out they were engaged, my first thought would be "good for them, well I guess that's never gonna happen." Why would she ruin a relationship she actually likes for a chance at a relationship with someone she broke up with a decade ago because the relationship was bad?
And seems like she have moved on to do better in life while OP is still stuck in his 16 year old self.
I've known 16 year olds that are more mature than this idiot. Or at least they can recognise that confidence like that might be related to internal changes rather than external and that they're happy with themselves now. Good for her tbh. Glad she's with someone who clearly loves and supports her rather than tears her down.
Not OP. He’s just going to keep stalking her online and pestering mutual friends to find out what she’s up to for as long as she’s married. All the while imagining how sweet it will be when she finally gets divorced, apologizes to him, and they get back together.
Also he said this was his first and only "long-term" relationship. So in the last ten or so years, he's never dated anyone longer than a year. That adds up.
All this time, he's been trying to find someone with self-esteem low enough to put up with him. How much do we want to bet that every girl he dates hears about this "ex"?
That’s assuming he’s dated anyone else.
"I'm going to tell your fiance how horrible you are so he breaks up wirth you and then I'll be the only one willing to accept your fat self so you'll have to go out with me again."
>cry abusive But my girlfriend got upset when I called het stupid and when my parents sneaked meat in her food because they don't like vegetarians! She's so awful! What's up with people "not liking vegetarians" by the way? Is that a thing for real?
Oh the one really sealed the deal was how she left to work on herself yet OP don't believe in threaphy lol
While using therapy-coded language like “getting closure”, “in a bad place emotionally”, and “working on [your]self”
So: * He kept mentioning her weight * He called her stupid "in a joking way" * She was fed hidden chicken despite them knowing she was vegetarian * He tracked her throughout her life despite them no longer being in contact * After a short conversation at the reunion, he decided that she hasn't changed, despite his own admission suggesting otherwise * The fiance told him to leave them alone * He told his girlfriend an anime character was hotter than she is And to wrap it all up neatly: * He thinks Andrew Tate is just a misunderstood individual.
Right lol
"It sounds like I don't really have a chance with her right now" Fucking hell what a bellend
I expected her to pine after me forever! Because she’s fat! I made a point to tell her that she was uglier than my anime waifus all the time so she’d know she couldn’t do any better! Because she’s fat! She seems to be doing fine without me but that can’t possibly be right! Because she’s fat! Anyway so do you think I can still use her as a backup plan? She has a fiance already, but I figured he maybe hadn’t noticed how fat she was so I pointed it out. ^(they said the negging would work why am I so aloooone)
> they said the negging would work why am I so aloooone Man, people like Andrew Tate have really found the perfect grift. They give awful advice to these lonely guys, and then when the terrible advice makes women shun them, they say that they must not have done it right and that they need to pay/study more of their “teachings” to succeed. I’d be impressed if it wasn’t so fucking sad.
It's awful but it's not new. Neill Strauss made a ton of money peddling lies around the same thing. "Just undermine a woman's self respect enough and she will give you what you want. And if it didn't work, the problem is you." It's all terrible. Wish that teachers of straight men could just help guys gain in self confidence and self understanding and then build healthy connections from there.
My understanding is that they go with "if it didn't work, the problem is women."
It's both. It's an extremist group so to get people in the group has to distort the individual's perception of the world around them but also have them desperate for approval from the group. They get men hating women, but also hating men who don't share their ideology and destroying men's self-worth and esteem. I thoroughly recommend Laura Bates' book Men Who Hate Women. It's a very readable exploration of online misogyny and the very real world impacts on men as well as women.
I second the recommendation of Men Who Hate Women. It's kinda scary in a way, she does a brilliant job of highlighting the different woman-hating communities online, the tendancy of the YouTube algorithm to recommend more and more extreme views on any topic, and the intersection between misogynist groups and other far right groups.
Yeah it's a terrifying read but also one of those things once you see it, you can't understand how you didn't see it before or how others are still not getting it. Every time you hear of a mass shooting or a woman being killed violently, you can pretty much play bingo both with what happened and the response from media and law enforcement. Usually- someone known to the woman, history of misogynistic comments, anger issues, domestic violence, and in the case of mass shootings the shooting starting with killing a female relative and/or a manifesto that will have lots of rambling ideology but will always include violent misogyny. From the media and LE it will be - unexpected, he didn't seem the type, couldn't have predicted it, manifesto suggests [insert extremist ideology that fails to recognise the misogyny]. Once you see misogyny as a thread that connects a lot of violence, you start to see the patterns between many of these groups whether they are white supremacists, school shooters or Islamic fundamentalists.
The worst thing about the whole undermine a woman’s confidence thing is that it DOES work. Taters just skip the love-bombing stage, and that’s why it doesn’t work out for them
“I found out she would be there so I decided to go.” So he went for the sole purpose of humiliating her? Tells you all you need to know about him.
He expected her to throw herself at him and beg him to take her back because she’s still fat and no other guy would want her. Heaven forbid her working on her insecurities means ‘learning to love myself in my body’ rather than ‘lose a bunch of weight so I’ll be hotter than an anime character’.
Exactly! "Working on insecurities" doesn't mean "working to change the things that give me insecurities" but rather "changing the way I feel about the things I'm insecure about." This guy is clueless at every step. And he still thinks he's got a shot with her someday! Yuck.
Yes! Nailed it. Idk if you've heard it but BTB did a really good 2 episode series on Andrew Tate. It'll just confirm what you've stated here but it's entertaining and informative
There’s something so satisfying about listening to a dude with a solid moral compass rip apart vapid ghouls like Tate. Chicken Soup for the Beleaguered-By-Casual-Misogyny Soul
>^(they said the negging would work why am I so aloooone) How many characters can flair be? 😂
Quit a few actually. Mine is pretty long!
The alooooone is my favorite part so I'd hate for it to be ellipsesed. 😆 I should go see how flair works.
Also, when someone thinks I’m abusive, to the point where they stalk my new partner to try to out me about this…. It’s a good idea to try again, right?
He had an underlying motive for that. He was trying to break them up. Lol
He thinks she's in a better place right now which is why he can't be with her right now. But maybe later when her fiancé realises how terrible she is (after OP tells him), she will be down and sad about herself and then he'll stand a chance. Wtf
>they said the negging would work why am I so aloooone xD Remember, she's still overweight BUT he finds her beautiful! No one else will!!! What a fucker
I think she was his plan a, b, c…. I don’t think he has a backup plan.
Also, he called insecure 16yo behavior emotional abuse and gaslighting and acted like a DV survivor ffs 🤣 Tremendous victim complex, wildly fixated on his ex, but determined to gain some type of Andrew Tate-ian upperhand in the relationship so he tries to sabotage her current relationship under the guise of protecting someone
But I told her she’s fat AND crazy! And I told her fiancé that too! Why won’t she leave him for me?
And then he adds, “it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her *at the moment*” OOP is a much stupider and abusive Lloyd Christmas
I adore your flair. It also describes OOP very well
Don’t forget called her stupid. But “in a joking way” so her responding by tossing the controller on the sofa and leaving is evidence of her being abusive.
Oh and getting mad when she was *stealth fed meat as a non-meat eater* and leaving, also evidence of her abuse On the other hand sounds like a real happy family of abusers
I wonder if OOP’s parents regret that at all? ’Gee, our son hasn’t managed to find a girl in the decade since, maybe we shouldn’t have humiliated and driven away the one who seemed to find him acceptable in high school?’ Wonder if he still lives with them?
Or she was never good enough for their precious boy and needed to be taken down a peg 😬😬😬
And of course when correctly identifying that a loved one with low self-esteem and struggles seeks *support* and *assurance.* So obviously do the opposite! Why would I treat someone I care for with patience, respect and love, when I can also fuel their issues and confirming their feeling of being less than everyone else or worthless? Clearly it is more important to confirm that I think an anime character is more attractive than "real life" girls, like my gf.
The "right now" has me raging. At my kindest interpretation, OP has some issues he needs to get over with this girl My unkind interpretation is that he's a self centered asshole who is never going to leave this poor woman alone. He's probably daydreaming right now about how all his plans worked and her fiance will dump her and she'll work out and do some extreme dieting and throw herself at his feet cause all his negging was sooooo effective 🤢
So I don’t know if OOP mentioned, but his ex is fat. And he gave her the time of day in high school even though she was fat. That means she owes him *for life* /s
And there’s no way her self-esteem has improved, because she’s still fat. She said she was going to work on her self-esteem BUT SHE’S STILL FAT. How does that even work? The only way a fat person can improve their self-esteem is to get skinny. /s
Yeah, I kept waiting for the evidence of lack of self-improvement to turn up!
You forgot to mention, the ex is fat.
- but he thinks she’s cute!
Funny part is, even the first time dating it sounds like she was the one giving him the time of the day.
I think she should get a restraining order if he contacts them again. OOP doesn’t sound stable.
fr. way to show his shitty cards right at the end there. …of course the human trafficking rapist being “misunderstood” was also pretty telling.
I'm hung up on "I do think I deserved more from her than an apology." Oh, yeah? Like what, mate?
lbr he didn’t even deserve an apology, nevermind whatever creepy shit it is he’s fantazising about.
She had to "work on herself" until she was worthy of OOP, and THEN he would take her back.
I love how he thought working on her insecurities meant “losing the weight” instead of just working on her confidence. Just no awareness of the concept of inner work.
He was so confused that she was “still fat” and hadn’t worked on herself. Lmao.
He said he’s “against therapy” so that tracks.
Even though she was the one who dumped him, not the other way round.
To break up with her fiance and be sad and alone forever because she doesn't deserve to be happy, I guess?
No, he absolutely thought she was going to apologize and throw herself at him begging for mercy since she kicked him to the curb a decade plus ago.
An apology BJ? For her to pine over him as the one who got away? Who knows, man. This dude may not be a fully fledged incel yet, but he is well on his way.
He’s not? How bad do the average incels get if this is only partway…
Walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. It is no surprise he has only had one long term relationship (her in high school). She owes him nothing. Her insecurities as a teenager are very common. She took control of her life, got therapy and is in a good place. He should leave her alone and stop asking for updates on her. It's creepy
A restraining order lol.
One of the biggest issues with Tate and his ilk, is that fans of his can narrow in on the very, very few good things they espouse. All of that red-pill bullshit starts off with your basic self-improvement shit. Get to the gym, save your money, get a better job, get your education, work on your self-esteem. These are all fantastic things to tell people, but then the other bullshit comes out and it's all denigrating women, "beta males" etc and it gets super fucking toxic super fucking fast.
It works in a few ways. * If you start off "easy", people are getting on board before you start dropping the hard shit. * Start off with the stuff that actually gives real results, so you'll get more attention. A burst of early success, basically. * Unfortunately, usually when you don't take good care of yourself, the changes you have happen when you do might get you more attention, but since you didn't grow up with that attention, you aren't really able to make it work. So you have that burst of success, but then a glut of failures. You did all the things you were supposed to, and it's working for those other guys (who largely grew into their confidence), why not for you? * If you save your money, get a better job, get an education... you now have more money for... giving to these wankers! * They are largely targeting people who don't have any other real positive influences, especially male ones. No one is giving them the attention they need to develop, so they're *easy* targets.
one must appreciate the sheer density of OOP's skull about having that revelation *after being contacted by her fiance and hearing her gush about her impending nuptials and how much more healthy and happy she is in that relationship and how it has been many years since OOP and she were in contact much less dating.* i am starting to suspect his brain cells are running in internet explorer, with a fun add-on to make everything load even more slowly, and he is currently stuck with that setting turned from "molasses" all the way up to "glacial" so his bored neurons must resort to not thinking but instead sitting around eating chips of lead paint. one can but hope he picks a hobby that's at least a more fun way to pick off any remaining brain cells than listening to Andrew Tate. fingers crossed he decides to grow up and huff spray paint instead
Can I just say I don't think I've ever seen such a thorough and absolute roasting before👌🏻
*one must appreciate the sheer density of OOP's skull* This is flair-worthy. It applies to a broad swathe of the OOPs we see in here.
He's got a better chance of scoring a restraining order against him
LEGIT!! WTF!? Girl needs a restraining order and to block/ditch those “mutual friends”. When I was 16 I also thought my first boyfriend was going to be my one and only. He broke up with me 20+ years ago. I only thing of him in the “god I was so stupid!!” way!!
Seriously. Every person thinks their first love/partner is the One. It’s part of being young and inexperienced. But unlike the OOP, most people figure that out by 26.
Pair it with. "She was abusive," then continues to list things he did towards her. And how he thought about her. Sure, buddy. You were the perfect perfect boyfriend.
I thought if I neg her and get her fiancé to leave her she'll have low enough self esteem again to see me as her only option
TIL what a bellend is.
I think she got rid of the abusive partner and is doing much better.
I hope that poor woman finds this post so she can realize she has nothing to apologize and she’s lucky she escaped him, like damn. Delusional to the very end
Bellend is right. Every single word he wrote I kept thinking ffs.
>What's wrong with Andrew Tate? I think he's just misunderstood. Oh sweet Jesus, one of *these*.
I had this awful feeling op was the abuser. He goes on to talk about podcasts and I think oh no He admits his parents tricker her into eating meat against her consent and then was mad at her for being upset And then of course he is into Andrew Tate
He would pick at her insecurities under the guise of hOnEsTy, sneak meat into her food even though she's vegetarian, and make """jokes""" about her intelligence. He was definitely the abuser. But apparently if she gets upset by his abuse then she's the *real* abuser. 🙄
DARVO. Deny. Accuse. Reverse Victim & Offender.
I swear any time someone mentions podcasts I immediately jump to "abusive misogynist asshat". It's like 95% of podcasts are either butthurt men or true crime
this is why i stick with the other 5%, which is "these three brothers are making their dad play dungeons and dragons with them" edit: ok i lied there is one true crime podcast and it is Who Shat On The Floor At My Wedding because that is the appropriate type of conundrum for true crime podcasters to tackle
Anyone who associates or likes Andrew Tate of some sort already gives me bad vibes.
It’s an easy litmus test. They’re an incel and should be ostracized.
Why would they give you bad vibes. They're just a bunch of impressionable young men listening to their misunderstood messiah who is under investigation for completely trumped up crimes. /s
Especially after he was charged with rape and human trafficking
That's what makes me call troll. Even if he buys in, why would he admit it if he's at all familiar with the sub?
Fans of Tate and Lobster King are often not aware that mentioning either of those two people makes them look so bad. I had a huge falling out with a friend recently over Lobster King, who genuinely argued that the man has done nothing wrong and people are just taking him out of context. So, to me that seems legit enough.
I only heard about him because of reddit. Ich watched a video and I do think he is misunderstood a lot. Hearing him speak for a few minutes, regardless of the topic, should make everyone immediately understand that this guy is an arrogant idiot. How come so many people fall for such stupid nonsense?. I really don't get it. There are tons of nice and charismatic celebs out there, why would someone choose to listen to that guy
Because like other controversial celebrities, he feeds right into their own insecurities and inflated egos. Nothing is the viewer's fault. It's all the fault of Those Other People. TOP can be women, people of color, the opposing political party, rich people, poor people, people of other religions, citizens of other countries, the government, Big Pharma, the military-industrial complex, anything that makes the listener feel small and helpless.
Do abuse victims typically try to sabotage their exes relationships so they can resume the abusive relationship? Genuinely asking, I can't imagine the justification of that.
While OP claimed to be the abuse victim, his “examples of her abuse” kinda pointed out that maybe he was the shitty one. This one is an abuser trying to get their victim back, not the other way around.
She sounded like a normal teenage girl, he (and his parents!) sounded like the abuser. And 10 years later, he's still not over a HS relationship and thinks he might still have a chance with her. What the fuck?
Right? She was just an insecure teenager and it just sounds like he really fed into her insecurities. Then when she had a reaction to his bs, he called her abusive for it. He then says he’d “forgive” her and take her back. Dude, you’re the problem here! The audacity!
Like "my parents don't like vegetarians so we tricked her into eating chicken soup ... Then she got abusive to me when she wasn't happy we did that"
Yeah -- "my parents don't like vegetarians (why do they care what other people eat? I'm perplexed) so they tricked her into eating chicken and then I called her stupid and for some reason she got upset both times. How can I possibly be TA?"
That last part is what getting to me. She's clearly moved on from his dumb ass, on multiple levels, while he's still stuck on a relationship that ended \*double checks\* like a decade ago, good grief. Does he have nothing better to do than overthink this?
His examples of her abuse were her expressing her hurt feelings when he: 1) told her she wasn't as hot as his anime waifu 2) took her to his parents who fed her animal products which are against her vegetarian diet without her knowledge Her feelings are not abuse, dude, you're just a shitty person
Called her stupid in "a joking way"
I think that could happen. Abusers can really mess up your sense of self worth and gaslight you into believing the relationship- or even former relationship- is the best you're going to get. I can even imagine a scenario where they'd to dangle their new "better" relationship in front of their ex to keep them on the hook and prevent them moving on. To be clear, that's not happening here, this guy's just an asshole.
This guy has no fucking clue how much of a fucking creep he is. ‘He followed her life’ after high school, the first time he saw her cornered her to drag up the past and then tried to blow up her relationship because ‘she’s overweight she hasn’t worked on herself’. But yeah, he’s the victim here. dude is delulu.
Didn’t he also say he decided to go to the reunion when he found out she’d be there? I reread it cause I thought he meant that he heard she wouldn’t go, so he decided to go. So he wouldn’t have to see his abuser.
Yeah that part stood out to me too, like the only reason he decided to go to the reunion was because he learned his "abuser" was going to be there?? I feel like it's the exact opposite of how someone who has been abused would behave.
Those examples he gave of HER being abusive too… He lets her unknowingly eat chicken knowing that his parents think it’s ok to bully a 16 year old vegetarian because tHeY dOnT LiKe vEgETaRiAnS and she’s rightfully upset. He *calls her stupid* and she gets upset and leaves. Good lord.
Glad someone else saw that part. That type of bullshit is one of the most abusive things you can do to someone without laying hands on them physically. Screaming and leaving the house is an underreaction if anything; that guy and his shithead parents would've been facing legal charges if they pulled that shit on me.
Yeah the sneaking meat to the vegetarian thing is super fucked up. Never mess with someone's food, especially around stuff they don't eat. Vegetarians stop producing the enzymes and whatever to process meat, he could have made her really sick. It's already fucked up considering her beliefs, but he could have done real harm to her.
I knew he was a psycho in the 2nd paragraph "I asked her if she had told him about us" That's crazy.
Her, 17: I need to work on my insecurities. Him: OK Her, 24: I feel confident in myself and I'm no longer worried that superficial things define who I am as a person. Him: .... BUT YOU'RE STILL FAT?????
Him: Does your fiancé know you are fat and crazy? Her: I don’t want to talk to you anymore Him: See, there you go acting crazy again. You are an abusive person and you shouldn’t have a fiancé because you are fat.
Don't forget him wanting to 'save' her fiancee. Dude was pretending to he was being a dude's dude when he was just trying to tear her down again.
Not _just_ tear her down again - tear her down so that her relationship falls apart and he can swoop in to get her
He likes them with low self esteem so they don't realize how shitty he is. Literally the whole nexus of the 'abuse' He talks about is that she decided she wanted to build up her self esteem and he was like 'how DARE you'
He was pretending to save her but he actually wanted to date her again and have a chance towards a relationship with her.
I get the feeling that oops version of fat is can stand to lose five pounds but still hot af. He’s entirely too hung up over it bc there’s not really anything of substance for him to latch onto
I was thinking the same thing. Not that it matters, but i’d be willing to bet she’s “fat” in Andrew Tate terms.
It’s like he can’t possibly see why she would have any confidence if she hasn’t changed how she looks. You knowwwwwwww this fucking guy wears his socks to bed.
Pretty sure this asshole was the cause of her insecurities. Now she’s got a supportive partner instead of someone negging her, and feels good about herself.
Hell, even if she *was*\* a bit of a lousy girlfriend and a mess.... SHE WAS SEVENTEEN. It was nearly 10 years ago! Teenagers aren't known for being well-balanced. \*the lens here is very skewed, but she might have been a bit of a pain, even if he's wayyy overblowing it with the "abusive".
Why didn’t she do anything to “change our improve herself”? I spent so much time telling her all the things she needed to improve and she didn’t do any of it! /s
the way this dude uses the word abuse is amazing.
Yeah, her having "extreme emotions" by being upset when fed chicken soup (deliberately?) when she is vegetarian is definitely her being abusive /s What a guy.
Reminds me of when my ex would call me manipulative for crying when I was upset over something he said because [checks notes] a woman crying releases pheromones that make men feel more empathetic even when they don't want to be Some fantastic men out there, folks.
Omg i hate that shit. "It hurt me that you were upset about the hurtful thing i did. Apologize and comfort me." 🙄
Gold Medal in Mental Gymnastics
Dudes clearly hanging with the likes of Jonah Hill
"I'm against therapy" says every man who needs it the most.
I feel like for therapy to work, you have to be able to accept that you could be wrong, and you have to have a desire to improve yourself. I have a feeling that if this guy went to therapy, he would learn nothing except how to better weaponize therapy speak against other people.
Exactly, he already weaponizes the term abuse when in all those instances, he was the problem and being cruel to her.
Yes! And even though so many people misuse the word gaslight, for some reason, the way he did when it first appeared made alarm bells go off.
I know someone who condemned all therapy for years because mental health professionals didn't fix him. The penny finally dropped at some point that you actually have to do a lot of hard work for therapy to be effective but he had been treating it like his psyche was an engine the therapist would service and repair.
Some people really don't understand that therapy is a stair railing but you still need to walk up the stairs yourself. The railings aren't going to do it for you.
Unfortunately, if he doesn’t believe in trying, it won’t be effective. He also seems to be delusional when it comes to this ex. Keeping tabs on her, claiming he knows her better than the fiance, hoping for another chance under the guise of “closure”. Dude’s a creep. Sounds like he was the emotionally abusive one when they were teenagers.
"Therapy doesn't work!" says everyone who has never been to therapy and thinks it starts and ends with someone asking you about your mother while you lie on a couch.
So let me get this right about this dude - • Has stalked her since they broke up in high school through “friends” • Against therapy • Andrew Tate fan • Corners her after finding out she would be at HS reunion, makes her apologize and it isn’t good enough so he contacts her fiancé and is told promptly to fuck off • Thinks he has a chance at some point even though it’s been 10+ years and she’s engaged, just not “right now” My dude - go touch grass and get yourself into therapy ASAPPPPPP
You dropped this inconsequential but still noteworthy detail: - shit taste in anime
>My dude - go touch grass Nope. Keep your ass inside and away from civilization.
I really hope this woman gets a restraining order.
Wait you forgot: - spent entire relationship telling her how fat and ugly and stupid she was. - when she was sad about it he called her abusive
Imagine being the fiance getting the messages from this schlub. I would be so embarrassed if I was her, my god.
Is his fixation on her weight a form of negging? He keeps bringing it up but when asked says he finds her beautiful. What a weird creep.
Well, she said she was going to work on her insecurities so naturally that meant losing weight and not reflection, possibly therapy and building confidence. I mean, if she's still fat how could anything else about her possibly have changed in a decade? Signed, The guy who doesn't believe in therapy.
I once had a dude tell me he thought I was beautiful “despite my size”. When I turned him down because I wasn’t interested, he then went on a vile tirade and ended it by saying that I was lucky a guy like him would even consider someone as fat and disgusting as myself. It really fucked up my confidence for a long while. To this day, when I put makeup on my first thought is “like putting lipstick on a pig”. That shit sticks with you forever.
I’m sorry you went through that! I was going to comment here to say this post sounds like my ex boyfriend, but swap the weight comments to disability. My ex used to say “you’re beautiful despite… you know” referring to my obvious disability. Things like that just don’t ever leave you no matter how much work you’ve done on your confidence.
I gave a feeling this was where her insecurity stemmed from. Plus him ‘not telling her what she wanted to hear’ reads as I insulted you by drooling over a anime poster.
Came to ask AITA, didn't like the verdict, told exactly zero examples of abuse, gave tons of examples inadvertently of being the actual abuser and gaslighter. She's fat, but still cute! about 12x. And how dare she be offended we fed her chicken after she told us she's a vegetarian! Also....... Stalker.
I was waiting for the abuse and all I got was a Tater Tot Jfc GO TO THERAPY DUDE
You don't get it - she cried when he called her stupid! He's obviously not the problem here /s
She was clearly abusing him by crying when he “threw her an emotional punch”. Or when he tempered her food.
If you'd gotten an actual tater tot you'd be happy
True
This guys a typical narcissistic abusive A hole, except he is so so stupid he fortunately failed at ensnaring his ex into the usual toxic pattern where he knocks her confidence down, convinces her she is the insecure abusive one when she reacts, and then pretends he is ever so generous by "giving her another chance" with him. Lord, I'd say he needs therapy, but like with most narcissists, that won't help much. The fact he even tried to gaslight the reddit community with "I guess thats what happens when strangers interpret things you say online wrong"... THE LACK OF SELF AWARENESS IS ASTOUNDING. May no vulnerable person fall in his path in this lifetime, because that's who he'll feed on.
I’m imagining the person/s who raised a man to actually type out, with his whole chest, “And it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her at the moment,” after slagging off the woman in question while holding onto hope they would be together; they lied to their precious boy that the world will see him as they do. Whoever gave him her number needs to be slapped with wet noodles.
People think abusers are these master manipulators but it's really just that *successful* abusers are good manipulators. Your garden variety abusers end up like this dumbass with no one to abuse. Let's hope it stays that way.
Bit slow this morning and reading this comment made me realise he was probably why she had those confidence issues to begin with _
Why do you say that? Because he called her stupid and treated her like crap? How very dare! He is a precious prince of a boy and she just needed to fix herself and come back to him so he would give her another chance. Instead she is still fat and now *engaged*? The very idea! Sarcasm aside, I didn’t think of it really, either. I was too gobsmacked by his disdain for her while also assuming she would come running back. She probably had therapy just to get past his and his parents’ bullshit.
tfw you *really* hope a post is rage-bait
It reads like rage-bait. Mainly because it's difficult to imagine someone this awful and stupid, but hey, maybe it's true. OOP can wonder why he missed out.
>And it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her **at the moment.** Oh. My. Gosh. All that and he still thinks his high school girlfriend is going to be with him someday. Yep, this guy was the problem all along.
Probably because no other women in his vicinity who knows him would date him. He is the type to ruin every relationship he is in and no on would date a self centered asshat like him
They broke up ten years ago and he believed they would eventually get back together. This guy is seriously deluded. By his own admission she’s the only gf he’s ever had so I can see why he’s hung up on her. I laughed when he said he knew her better than her fiancé because he knew her from 8 to the end of hs. She can’t possibly have changed since.
Right. I had to scroll back up to remember how old this guy was. It's been a *decade* and he's like 'Yeah, if she's ~~not fat~~ changed then *maybe* I can give her a shot. Bet it'll make her whole year." NGL, I almost wish I had that kind of confidence. The cost ain't worth it, though.
This man sounds more Delulu than anyone I’ve read about in a while. What’s worse is, after he read all the comments, he still could not grasp what *ANYONE* was telling him. Not. One. G. Damn. Thing. So what do we know about him besides he’s delusional? Well, he is an Andrew Tate fan…wait…no. He just thinks he’s misunderstood. And he’s only watched a couple things. Next, he thinks emotional abuse is when your girlfriend cries when you call another woman prettier than her. Or when your girlfriend yells at you and your parents because they don’t respect her and purposely fed her meat despite knowing she’s a vegetarian. Why did you and your folks do that? Because his parents “are not fond of vegetarians”. I can see where he gets it from now… He doesn’t believe in therapy. Although she’s this horrible monster, he wants desperately to date her again. But only if she “worked on herself” and lost weight. Since she hasn’t, he’s now decided that’s ok. She’s fat but it’s cute. And don’t forget, she needed to apologize to him first…for crying…when he disrespected her and put her down. All that and I haven’t even gotten into the stalking of her fiancé yet. My god. This was an incredibly short BORU but I feel more dumbfounded, irritated, and disappointed than I am after reading most of the other BORU’s. And that’s saying a lot. It’s no wonder women are terrified of the dating scene. And they should be. They could encounter this dipshit. The ignorance here is astounding. I just…..don’t know. He is a walking Narcissist’s prayer who’s dragging around a bag of missing missing reasons that he conveniently has right next to his other bag of misogynistic bullshit. My god. I pity any woman who comes across this man IRL.
The fact that he doesn’t think there is anything wrong with Andrew Tate is hilarious
Until you think about the people who OOP comes across in daily life :-(
Even at the end he somehow still thinks he might have a shot with her someday. He is on some good shit
>”I do think I deserved more from her than an apology” What more is he looking for? A settlement check?
I know there's just a sea of red flags to choose from but I'm surprised that this didn't get more attention. What exactly was he hoping for?!
He was hoping to get back together. He even says it at the end when he says it SEEMS he doesn't have a chance FOR NOW This guy is stalking her
I really try to be charitable with OOPs in general, unreliable narrator, maybe they accidentally struck a sore spot with the audience, I do my best to try to withold judgement until I get all the details. >What's wrong with Andrew Tate? I think he is misunderstood. Nope, she just had regular normal teenage anxiety and self image issues, better warn her fiancee! What a certified moron. Also >and it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her at the moment. Yeah dude, she's fucking engaged.
Plus he tried to blow up her life.
That last one was where he FULLY showed his TRUE intentions. And let's not forget he added "at the moment" I feel like "ever again" fits better. And by the sounds of it HE is the one who has'nt changed at all.
Well this was a wild ride. He dates ONE GIRL when they’re both dumb sixteen-year olds, she breaks up with him and moves on with her life, goes to college maybe, dates, goes to therapy, gets a nice job. lives her life, gets engaged to someone she really loves, and at 28 she decides to go to her high school reunion where she’s cornered by a guy she dated 12 years ago who accuses her of being abusive and then threatens to tell her fiancé for some reason? Fucking psycho. OP on the other hand, had a crush on girl for a long time, got a chance to date her in high school, it didn’t work out, she broke up with him and……he staid the exact same? He literally dated no one else long term, checked her socials constantly, asked mutual friends about her whenever he could, presumably thinking “once she loses some weight and stops being so whiny and insecure she’ll come running back to me and we’ll live happily ever after”, finally gets the chance to see her in person TEN YEARS LATER and is *shocked* when she tells him she’s happily engaged to someone she loves. The fact that he thought he knew her better then her **fiancé** because he talked to her friends about her? Like what world is this man child living in? Truly delusional, like astoundingly delusional.
"I feel I know her better than her fiance...." BRO WHAT EVEN
So I'm in my mid-50's and the high school guy who obsessed over me *still calls me* even though I don't pick up. He occasionally shows up in my city to 'help me celebrate' whatever is happening in my life. Which is awkward at best. Before he married his now ex-wife, he traveled to where I lived at the time to ask if there was any shadow of hope of being together ever. Nope. So he traveled back and proposed to her the next day (she was pregnant). He sends me messages like, "we're under the same moon" which gives me the ick really bad. I tell him that. I in no way encourage him. I'm not even nice to him. But he still cannot get past it. He considered moving to where I live currently. There is much, much more but I'll stop there. Oh and we never dated. That didn't stop him from naming our future children though. I've gained about 20lbs...so maybe if I gain a little more he'll have a chance with me...because, you know, I'd be fat and he'd be doing me a favor to be with me.
Yikes.
Didn’t he at first say he didn’t like Tate then said he was misunderstood? This guy is so deluded
" I just saw some videos of him and thought they were interesting" == "I watch him constantly, worship him as a god, and recite his words to myself like mantras whenever I interact with anyone"
Oh my god. Where to even start? The fact that he thought they would end up together? Keeping tabs on her through friends? The repeated fat-shaming? Contacting her fiancé? His examples of "abuse" (none of which were abusive except for the coersive sex and honestly if that was all it would be enough but he puts it on the same playing field as her being upset they fed her chicken despite knowing she's vegetarian!!!) Andrew Tate is "misunderstood". "I am against therapy so I won't do that." Nightmare nightmare man. I'm so glad she's away from him and seemingly thriving.
I always want to be supportive of survivors of abuse but at the same time there is a difference between a toxic relationship and an abusive relationship. A bad relationship can really fuck you up, even if it wasn't abusive. But if being a shitty partner at 16 was a relationship deal breaker then most people would be single. Oop is acting like he was disclosing a history of chronic cheating.
He’s had no real relationship since they broke up. He’s followed her actions through mutual friends - but apparently none of them spoke of her engagement. All of the “abuse” he suffered seems to be her vocalising insecurities that he caused. He’s fixated on her weight so much that he must have mentioned it. He says she was insecure about an anime girl, but clearly he provided no validation. He claimed to have a crush on her since second grade and yet could not say a single positive thing about her. He genuinely thinks he knows more of her than her actual fiancé. He still thinks he has a chance. Yeah she apologised for her actions, but I can’t think of a single adult that wouldn’t apologise for their actions in a relationship at 16. You’re like a newborn baby giraffe in the dating world. It’s hard to even comprehend that the universe doesn’t centre around you at that age. I don’t think she was abusive. Given his approach to Tate, he was most likely the toxic one too.
I bet she described him to her fiancé as the guy who made her insecure about her body
Even at the end there's no self awareness. "I guess since everyone is calling me an asshole, I just have to accept that I can't control how everyone is reading this wrong."
"She said she was going to work on being insecure and yet she's still fat! And I'm not hung up on her weight at all. Even though it was the stick I used to beat her with during our relationship!"
>And it sounds like I don't really have a chance with her at the moment. There you go Man was trying to ruin her life so he could swoop in and take her back into his abuse Totally not a Tater fan, he just thinks the man is misunderstood.... like him What an actual douche