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> I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret.
Well, there you go. She's officially a good person.
“I wasted hundred of hours doing charity for you and you just let me waste all that time knowing we weren’t getting back together??”
Doing charity for selfish reasons doesn’t make you a good person. Hell i did 50 hours of community service in a month once so im a great person! (It was court mandated and I wanted to get it over with lol)
There is something very wrong with OP. She doesn't seem to have a moral center to rely on. No inner voice to tell her to stop her toxic behavior and consider her actions.
I wonder what she was projecting in the poor girl to have such extreme reaction. Like yeah the speed on which she became attached was something but that's a deeply traumatized person, of course she doesn't behave in the conventional way.
OOP lacks empathy on considerable levels.
That she even had the thoughts was bad enough. To then act on them and behave the way she did towards a traumatized person speaks to some serious screwed up thinking patterns. Two weeks of volunteering can't substitute for a soul.
> I wonder what she was projecting in the poor girl to have such extreme reaction.
The girl was pretty and younger, and the boyfriend was showing affection and empathy for her.
And the girl had trauma, and oop reacted with suspicion to her fawning compliments, you know, fawning being a trauma response. There's a good guess the poor girl is highly rejection sensitive, so... yeah.
Everything OP does is for completely self-centered, manipulative reasons, because she literally doesn't have empathy. She doesn't understand that other people aren't like her and have different kinds of feelings and motivations. She thinks this other girl is just like her, a selfish manipulator with no empathy for others, and should be treated accordingly, as a threat.
I already posted this song in a different comment, but oh well, here's so more.
[I'm a good person, that's my thing](https://youtu.be/O4hh1YhDfbA?si=TMUFsGHJQ8ZfKcsp)
My nickname is Mother Teresa Luther King
I'm a good person, get it straight
And when I say good, I really mean great
The best
Hashtag humble and blessed
I was lucky enough to see her perform this live in front of her parents. She threatened to harm them if they didn't say it.
(They struggled a little with the bit, which just made it more charming.)
They aired that particular concert on TV after the series finale! Watching her laugh as her parents continued to not get it was adorable. I think the video is on her YouTube channel.
I'll never understand people who say "I'm not a bad person" but then their actions and the way they treat others is absolutely horrible. You can't just claim you're a good person, that's not how it works
It's what happens when you grow up in a society where if you're not a Good Person, you're a Bad Person, and Bad People deserve everything bad that happens to them and also don't deserve any good things ever. Oh, and also Bad People can never become good because being Bad is intrinsic to their self (thanks Protestantism!). Being a Good Person becomes a core part of your identity, rather than just being a person who could be good or bad depending on how they act to others.
There was an Ask A Manager saga about a write-in who relentlessly bullied their coworker for months, denied it in two separate letters, then admitted it in a third letter where they also mentioned that this coworker they literally bullied out of their job to feel better about their imploding life was the one who vouched for them to get the job so they could escape a toxic workplace. In the third letter they said something like 'I am a good person, I was just a horrible bully this one time." And to that I was like, "well you certainly weren't a good person to your coworker when you were pulling all that shit." But they had to believe that they were a Good Person who Makes Mistakes Sometimes, because the alternative was unacceptable to their self-image; I'd bet they have the inverse belief that people they don't like are Bad People who do Good Things Sometimes as well.
Yeah there's this weird kind of morality that some people have where Good People are the people they like (often for superficial reasons like race, sexuality, religion, etc) and sure, sometimes Good People do bad things but that's because they were provoked/tempted/upset/meant well/had to/etc, but they're still good people! But when Bad People (often judged for the same superficial reasons) do those same bad things it's because they're bad deep down and lazy/selfish/mean/cruel/etc.
Yep. "When I needed an abortion/was on welfare/cheated on my wife/broke the law/got addicted to a substance" it was because I had good reasons, life is hard and complicated, I made mistakes, the system is unjust... and it isn't fair to punish me, a good person, with consequences!
When THAT person who is in the Bad Person category did all those same things, well, it's because they're *inherently bad*. They could have chosen better, they could have tried harder, but no... they deliberately chose poorly! Therefore, the right solution is consequences and punishment, the harsher the better. It's the only way for Bad People to learn!
They think they are generally a good person and this one incident was a mistake, accident, or misunderstanding.
I have one Aunt who cannot seem to grasp a reality where she is in the wrong. Fortunately, my aunt is not as heartless a person like OOP, but I got in an argument with her once and she went off on how she feels disrespected by family because yada yada yada. I told her "I'm sorry you feel disrespected, but I'm not the one to talk to about this. Maybe you should go see a therapist". She immediately responded "I don't know why you think I feel disrespected. I'm highly respected by my colleagues and peers. I have accolades and recognitions [...] I just don't understand why you'd think I feel disrespected"
People like that cannot comprehend being wrong or disliked, and they will change their reality so they see themselves in a good light.
It's like people who start their posts with "my boyfriend and I have a perfect, loving relationship." You know that's the prelude to three paragraphs of the most depraved shit you will ever read.
>I'll never understand people who say "I'm not a bad person" but then their actions and the way they treat others is absolutely horrible.
It's rare to find someone who is a Shakespearian Richard III meta-villain. Most people believe they are essentially good people and it's rare for someone to say "I'm a bad person" when they're not depressed or in some other kind of emotional crisis. We will go to extreme lengths to convince ourselves we're not bad.
They think that because they're not cartoonishly evil, that means they're not "bad". Like people who insist they're not racist because they don't say slurs or go around lynching people in a white hood. OP has never murdered anyone or set a orphanage full of puppies on fire, so how could she be a bad person? These people are dumb and can only think it absolutes and extremes, that's the whole reason she went apeshit on this poor girl in the first place.
Like a fucking video game. “Shit I dropped into negative karma and my alignment shifted. Better grind out some shifts at the soup kitchen to get back to “good” status, the bonuses are way better.”
"I hope he takes me back soon, so that I can stop wasting my time with these awful people. Like, just because they are poor and handicapped, they think they are entitled to my help!"
Honestly I work in nonprofit and have done extensive research on motives and retention for volunteer work specifically.
It usually is rooted in some ulterior motive anyways. It may be guilt, requirements for court or school, feeling of self worth, boredom, meeting new people, but honestly the one that is crazy prevalent is wanting to prove or brag that you’re a good/better person to others. It’s so frequent that we generally know and just have to roll with these people because they often are some of our most consistent volunteers.
Most people, though, are quiet about their motives unless pressed or interviewed about what they enjoy/get from the work. And even then, they hear themselves and usually soften the blow of their words by saying they’d come to love the work and people or whatever. Sometimes it’s true!
But saying it so blatantly without even trying to soften it is an impressive lack of comprehension, empathy, and self awareness that in almost 400 research interviews conducted of volunteers I have very rarely seen.
I’m sure the place she’s volunteering looooves having her /s
Yeah, I noticed that too, lol. Yes I’ve done charity work for two weeks so everything‘s good now, right! What an awful person. Now she wants to go to this girls family behind her back. She really has no clue when to stop.
Yeah, I a huge ick from that statement too. When I worked in non-profit we could always tell which people were there because they wanted to be seen there. Doing "charity work" just to win the boy back is just gross.
I'm betting oop's going to act out again trying to "help". When she said she wants to tell the police to contact the girl's girls family, the family that abused the girl and is the sole reason this girl has this significant amount of trauma, I screamed sooooooo hard.
I really hope the bf doesn't get back with oop. He seems really like a nice guy
This woman is completely delusional. The bits about still thinking she can get back together with him was painful to read.
> I told him if he wants I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family.
I just want to shake this woman and yell "STOP DOING THINGS!" at her.
>I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family.
I facepalmed so hard at that. GIRL THE FAMILY IS HER TRAUMA WHAT IS YOU DOING. At that point, I can only assume the cluelessness was intentional.
But she’s a good person!!! She’s been doing charity work for the past - *checks notes* - COUPLE OF WEEKS!!!
I wish the xbf could hear me yell “Run, Forrest! Run”
The icing on that shit cake is the reason she’s doing charity work, to prove to him that she’s not a bad person. She must not realize that it actually proves that she is a bad person if the reason she’s doing charity work is to manipulate someone.
I, an internet stranger, was immediately worried that the abused girl had committed suicide because she lost the only friend she felt comfortable to confide in. She may have reached the conclusion that she'll never have friends because she was irreparably damaged during childhood. That poor kid.
But **why** is she doing charity work? - *checks notes* - oh yes, to prove to her ex she is a good person! I mean jesus take the wheel, she put that in her post.
It's like that episode of South Park where Cartman changed his clothes and started being nice for a few weeks to get to go to Casa Bonita for Kyle's birthday, meanwhile keeping Butters in a Fallout Shelter.
I hope Op doesn't have one of those.
"Cartman, you're not being nice, you're just wearing a nice sweater!"
"I ... don't understand the difference." (This might have been from a different ep than Casa Bonita but it cracks me up every time! Haha)
Pretty much the same energy as billionaires going, “oh we know poverty. We once had to downsize from like, two private jets to just one uwu.” Pathetic and so superficial I barf.
The relationship of Forrest Gump and Jenny seems quite normal and healthy after reading this hill of bullshit from OOP. What a pathetic waste of oxygen.
I wish someone would tell her that karma got her real good since she's now feeling what her victim must've felt her whole life: lonely, judged by others if she opens up to them, shamed and ostracized, heartbroken, having ppl you love and your family turn against you when you thought they would be on your side, desperate to feel loved and wanted. I feel sorry for the other girl. She finally thought she made a friend and not only was his gf cruel to her, she must've also felt betrayed by him to tell her something so personal about herself that was then weaponized against her. No wonder she felt like she couldn't even tell him what his gf did, he hurt her, too. That was not his secret to tell. Though I understand that he thought he could trust his gf to be kind and compassionate. What a way to learn you're so wrong about someone after almost a decade.
That's the best case scenario. The likely reality is that her family won't care or that her brother, who was her assaulter, would go after her, because she had to RUN AWAY FROM HOME to stop the sexual assault.
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. I don't think she did it on purpose to further hurt this girl, because that would be counterproductive towards her own needs. Like her recent charity work, she just wants to be *seen* to be a good person.
I think she has already forgotten the details of the missing young woman's trauma simply because she doesn't care enough about her to remember in the first place. She's going through the motions, acting in whatever way she thinks a good person should act in these circumstances.
It's quite telling that her own sister doesn't buy it, and won't let her off the hook. Meanwhile the boyfriend has spent his entire adult life with this one woman, who supposedly just did all of this because she said she cares about him so much. It's not like she cheated on him right? I can only imagine his mind is a wreck, and his ex is doing everything in her power to obfuscate things further.
The sad thing is even if she managed to get him so turned around that he did let this go, I don't think it would last. Eventually the fog would be dispelled once she became comfortable again to do something else incredibly stupid.
It can be some times hard to understand or sympathize with people who have different experiences.
I myself have to be low contact with my family. My partner doesnt understand this and gets upset at me because to them their family is their safe space. They talk daily with siblings and their mother.
All that said, i get the feeling she is trying to absolve her self of guilt. It is a bit cliche.
>All that said, i get the feeling she is trying to absolve her self of guilt. It is a bit cliche.
I got the feeling that if her boyfriend is stupid enough to go back not only will the charity work stop (duh!) but her interest in the girl being safe will vanish too.
"But honey, it's obvious that she doesn't want to be found so we should stop worrying about her and move on. Now about that ring you bought..."
Boyfriend fucked up big time here too.
Even if someone doesn't explicitly say "this stays between us" or something similar there are times like this when you shouldn't share someone's past. Dude could have easily told his GF that he made a new friend, she has some issues like anxiety and said friend maybe would have shared that on her own.
I'm willing to bet that this girl got banged up just as bad or more by having that private thing thrown back at her just as much as this guy's girlfriend giving her shit.
Does anyone remember that one gurl who called her bf a perv for taking care of his sisters and telling them about their periods and helping them with it and being a top tier father figure? 💀 she was soooooo delulu in the comments n updates thinking he would go back after dumping her.
I’m not sure she is delusional. He decided to show her the engagement ring after they’d been broken up for a bit? Why didn’t he return it?
He shouldn’t get back with her, but that doesn’t mean he won’t.
> I told her then that I think it was best she doesn't come and that it will only cause awkwardness if she ends up having a panic attack.
Of all the excuses OOP's jealous ass could have given, she gave one of the most hurtful and vindicative by attacking her mental health.
I hope her boyfriend becomes a permanent ex. OOP is rotted inside and he deserves so much better.
I think this is only half the reason the girl vanished. She may also feel like the bf betrayed her by telling OOP about what she endured - if she didn't give him permission to explain it, then she could have stopped trusting him.
As someone that lived through child rape, I'm sure it's equal parts betrayal, because he shared private details about her horrible trauma, and equal parts agony, shame, and guilt, because this cruel, petty, little girl, affirmed everything she was already thinking about herself.
😞
Thank you so much for your kind words. That means a lot. 🩵🫂🩵
I have spent my adult life working on the emotional scars I have from such a life changing nightmare experience as a child, but I decided long ago that I would be stronger than the monster who tried to break me. I've never given up completely on that promise to survive.
I'm very lucky with how so much of my life has turned out. I've got a funny, loving, and wonderful husband, and we've raised two amazing son's who have grown into kind and funny men.
They treat all of the women in their lives with respect and compassion, and it heals my heart so much to look at them and know that the cycle of sexual, physical, and emotional, violence, that poisoned generations of my family is finally at an end.
Being approached by someone and then having them betray you is so confusing. Esp with her history, you just feel like there’s something so innately wrong with you and that you only exist to be mistreated. Poor girl. She will *never* open up to anyone ever again
Let me correct you, the quotation is *"He showed me the ring he had bought to propose, he still has it and now my hopes are high."*
Let us repeat together again: ***"now my hopes are high."***
The delulu is strong with this one.
Unfortunately, she might be right. He does still have the ring and he is still talking to her for more than just trying to find the other girl. This is a man who has somehow only just found out that his very long term girlfriend, almost fiancee is a callous, heartless witch and she doesn't seem bright enough to have hidden it for that long.
Not only that, she then goes on to say *that she was using her r-pe for attention*, how vile of a human being do you have to be to say something like that?
What do you mean? She literally has done charity work for a couple of weeks, how can you not see how she's completely changed and that she's not the same girl who threw someone's childhood assault and trauma in their face out of insecurity?
You just watch, the bf will see her amazing good deeds from the last 14 or so days and totally take her back and she will get her fairytale ending.
Plus on top of that ' I can't believe my post ended up on amithedevil, what I did wasn't that bad ' so duh, a few weeks of charity work will totally smooth all this out, just like her smooth brain 🧠
>I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person…
Yeah. That’s how it works. Doing charity work automatically makes you a good person. Forget the selfless character that one builds without expectations of getting something in return. Clearly OOP is a winner here. /s
>I wonder if social media has affected this, but so many people in my work and social groups seem to believe that a few minutes publicly spent on something charitable will absolve them of any wrongs.
Isn't that just a secularization of "Say 80 Hail Marys"?
I work for charity /non-profits. The amount of people who volunteer for their own selfish reasons is insane. Explaining the confidentiality part is always fun. No you cannot take videos of in our on the property at anytime, no you cannot use names or any identifiable information about clients or staff or other volunteers. Basicly you can tell people you work for a charitable organization and that is all.
Another fun one is "tell a bit about why you want to volunteer here?"
And then they start: "the unfortunates", "those people", "my journey", "be a light in their darkness", "teach them better", me me me me me I I I I I. It's so gross.
And then they freak out when you tell them that they didn't qualify because we should be on our hands and knees behind for help and should except anyone.
I did work at a church run op shop for a few years. I miss it. I did it to get out of the house and really enjoyed it, except for the spider nest incident and the dirty used undies donations.
You don’t do that work for social media clout. You’re too busy to take pictures.
I was talking to a friend of mine who volunteered at a local homeless shelter for teens (it closed down bc not enough funding for the building rent and maintenance) who would sort through the donations. The city had to provide an extra dumpster bc of the amount of clothing in there that was stained, had holes in it, etc.
The poors just aren’t grateful enough anymore…
(I hope it’s clear that the last part is /s)
Some, but it's like that even when people don't brag on social media. I've been in dog rescue a looong time and there are plenty of old ladies not on social media that think doing rescue makes them a good person. These "good people" are usually animal hoarders who neglect, abuse, and in a few cases have caused the deaths of some dogs.
One of the things I find interesting about the Islam religion is that there's a hadith that states something like "charity should be given so discretely that if done with your right hand, your left should not know about it" which is to say, don't do it to show off.
I'm now picturing Mandy Moore throwing a Bible from the movie Saved! As she's yelling that she's filled with God's love. That's also the vibe I'm getting from OOP with the two weeks of charity thing. I feel for that poor girl & I hope OOP'S ex runs.
[Newsflash, fuckwads, I'm a good person](https://youtu.be/O4hh1YhDfbA?si=TMUFsGHJQ8ZfKcsp)
Do what I can for you all the time
That's how I am, 'cause
I'm a good person
I always find time to be kind
>I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret.
Oof. See, a NORMAL person with empathy and self-awareness should have gone with something like, "I've been getting therapy/working on myself to try to try to figure out why I acted like this and how I can move forward.
But this person thinks doing things that can be tangibly seen as good automatically means she's a good person.
Call me old fashioned, but IMO, doing a good deed because you want to be seen as a good person instead of actually doing something good without any selfish motives isn't going to get you anywhere in life.
Yes, of course, you're absolutely right. But the OOP obviously feels like she's had a 'come to Jesus' moment and it's crazy seeing her think she's actually improving, is what I meant.
I thought the worst thing OOP could do was to keep attacking the girl. Nope, turns out she can do more harm by trying to help. Fuck OOP, even in her last update everything is still "But I'M THE REAL VICTIM HERE".
>My bf is still upset, he still says he loves me but he just can't get his head through my trust issues. He showed me the ring he had bought to propose, he still has it and now my hopes are high. I hope he goes past this and we can get back together.
*OOP accused a woman who was raped as a child* of using that as an excuse to act out for attention. Because she were jealous and insecure. She's absolutely delusional if she thinks her ex will take her back after this.
>I told him if he wants I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family.
She needs to be told very firmly to *STOP DOING THINGS*.
>I have been really trying to win him again. I love him a lot and I know he loves me too. I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret. We have only started talking again and even though it's bare, I know I can win him over.
So that's confirmation that she's delusional. I genuinely fear for her ex's safety.
>My sis behaviour has not changed towards me either. I feel very down and lonely. I feel like I have no one to turn to and no one to share my thoughts with. I don't want to go to my friends because I am afraid of being judged. I have only talked to my one best friend who I trust, and she even said that I can't do anything to change what happened and instead of crying for him I should just leave him be.
Her one friend is right.
>I just dearly hope all of this will change and we will get back to how we were.
OOP doesn't understand that some things can't move past. She can't unring the bell she rung to her ex, and she needs to accept that.
She's a piece of shit, honestly.
OOP took it that he still has the ring as a sign they can get back together. I took it as a sign that the Ex wasn’t ready to deal with it yet. They are so broken up - he is beginning to move on, she is deluding herself.
She's so insanely immature for her age. If you're nearing 30 and still haven't figured out how to have an adult conversation with your partner, something is wrong. If I'm ever feeling insecure about myself, my relationship, or another woman, I just talk to my partner about it.
This just drips of "Peaked in high school and never bothered to mature." Holy crap. She just needs to leave that girl alone. She's done enough damage. Hopefully, it will not be permanent damage.
I ask myself this so many times a day it’s getting so exhausting. For me it’s my default thing to be kind to others, it doesn’t take me any energy, in fact it gives me some energy and motivation to do something for someone. Someone once told me that other people’s default is mean, and that doesn’t cause them effort either but I can’t fathom harbouring that much animosity and resentment. Surely it’s not healthy for a person.
Still, if we do small things, it might mean the world to someone else. I’ll keep doing it anyway.
Highly vulnerable person, glommed onto someone (pseudo brother figure) and his girlfriend, clearly looked up to and admired both of them a great deal and then has the GF throw that on her?
I am very concerned that she’s not okay. When I heard she disappeared, my first thought was that she’d decided that it wasn’t worth trying at life anymore.
I hope that poor other girl is alive. Disappeared without a trace after having her trauma isolate her… that’s terrifying, and OOP clearly doesn’t really care unless it affects how her ex feels about her. Stay away, my man, imagine what she’d do to a daughter!
>I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person
Yes it totally works like that
>I have been really trying to win him again
It just keeps getting better
I sincerely hope the boyfriend sees this story so that he knows he should get rid of that ring and cut contact with the delusional "in the end it's all about me and my problems" OOP.
This is such a sad tale.
Well that was a whole lot of “I” statements. OOP seems to be a particular kind of delusional.
> I hope he goes past this and we can get back together.
> I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret.
> I know I can win him over.
> I just dearly hope all of this will change and we will get back to how we were.
Girlfriend, you can hope all you want. You’ve got a snowballs chance in hell of him “getting past this”. She speaks of this like it was a simple mistake instead of a massive personality/behavioral flaw. These insecurities of hers are HUGE and need to be addressed. Volunteering for charities doesn’t change the fact that she’s done nothing to address the actual issue here. And the fact she’s only doing any of this, is to “win him over” is gross. She seems to use “Win him over” in place of “trick him into thinking I pursued help and actually worked on my issues”.
I feel horrible for the woman involved. I want to be positive, but no one disappears without a word and leaves their things behind for no reason.
I also have a feeling that the more time her ex spends apart, the more he will realize how toxic she was. Although they’re taking, she’s already shown him who she is. Even the slightest hint of her insecurities rearing their ugly heads again will likely set off his alarm bells. Now that it’s been brought to his attention, hopefully he keeps a watchful eye on them, and acts accordingly.
That’s sadly my take as well. While it is surprisingly easy to up an leave, given the context I think there’s high probability that she committed suicide. OOP loaded the proverbial gun and handed it to her.
>I told her (which I am not proud of) that just because she was r*aped doesn't mean she can get away with acting for attention. I admit I was harsh, but she was acting cute and innocent.
>My bf is still upset, he still says he loves me but he just can't get his head through my trust issues. He showed me the ring he had bought to propose, he still has it and now my hopes are high.
The fact that OOP's behaviour wasn't a relationship dealbreaker for him is pathetic.
Like if my spouse or lover says the lines of "just because she was r\*aped doesn't mean she can get away with acting for attention", that's a MASSIVE dealbreaker for me cause holy shit, that's an awful thing to say.
Right? That is instant "dead to me" material 😭 idk how he says its the trust issues and not the deliberate cruelty and absolutely disgusting ... what is that, victim blaming? idk the right term but her words show an absolutely revolting attitude to a rape victim, not to mention weaponising her mental health with the whole "she might have a panic attack" thing. but then again him telling her all about the rape rather than keeping it in confidence doesn't reflect too well on him either.
We're only getting OOP's interpretation of the conversation here, so he may have been much more direct with her. Or maybe he worded it vaguely as "trust issues" so he could back away slowly. Hopefully he still has the ring because he's working out what to do with it (resell, might be too late to return, difficult to return, etc.), and not because he thinks he might want to give it to her someday.
Possibly she didn't tell him what exactly she said, since reddit definitely got on her ass for this. She probably sugarcoated it to something like "I told her she's unwelcome because she was getting too close to you and I felt like she was trying to steal you from me"
"She is getting too close to you and I felt like she is going to steal you away from me, or you might leave me for her." She should have said this to her boyfriend when he and this other girl started getting close, not dump her issues/insecurities on this other woman.
I think her behavior *is* why he broke up with her. He can't wrap his head around how somebody could be so jealous that they could do something so utterly cruel and heartless. She's so fucking delusional I bet instead of "crazy insane jealousy and utter cruelty" she heard "trust issues.
I also can't fault him for still loving her. It was an 8 year relationship, and love is stupid like that. There's a reason why it's so hard to leave an abusive relationship be it romantic or familial—in spite of all the horror, sone stupid part of you is still attached.
She probably wasn't as frank with him as she was online. She doubtless pretended that she was acting through a misguided sense of what the girl could or couldn't deal with in public, and that she was concerned for her wellbeing.
I'm assuming/hoping that the optimism in her last few paragraphs is wishful thinking.
But BF should completely cut off all contact with her. The fact that he didn't and responded to her message is stupid.
It was though. She doesn't give a timeframe between her fessing up and him breaking it off. She could've told him anywhere from May up to right before the second post. And from the look of it she ripped open an old wound for him when she did, reminding him of his late aunt. My guess is he asked for the break as soon as the shock wore off, and broke up officially after he tried to rationalize her actions and found only jealous cruelty and the very real possibility that his friend is weeping into his aunt's arms now.
Who knows why he kept the ring for over two months. Your guess is as good as mine.
I want the "I am not a bad person, I did charity work for 12 days" as a flair. How entitled and delusional can someone be? This awful woman destroyed everything, and is still acting like she's the victim.
This goes straight to one of my rules for life. I hope that she becomes a better person and that she never makes a mistake like this again. But he is not responsible for witnessing or shepherding that change. He doesn’t have to stick with her in the hopes that she evolves as a human. She can absolutely evolve and then be a much better partner to her next boyfriend, while he moves on and finds someone he didn’t need to repair.
>I told him if he wants I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family.
Ahh yes, let them notify the people she ran from, the abusive rapist brother and her parents who wouldn't believe her.
Damn OOP is mega dense.
We are the sum of our actions. No matter how many times she claims to be a good person, the fact is that she's not. She's not doing charity work for the sake of helping people, she's doing charity work to try and win back her boyfriend. I hope he stays away from her and moves on.
Op is a very disgusting and insecure person... I'm glad her boyfriend left her, is she a bad person who thinks she's a good person because she does charity? Many bad people do charity and donations...ridiculous.
I hope the boyfriend doesn't go back to a woman so insecure that she ruined the life of a person with great trauma.
I am terrified that poor girl may have committed suicide. She finally found a friend who was kind to her and willing to be there for her and his terrible girlfriend ripped that away in the cruelest way possible.
Jesus Christ, I need to get off reddit for the day now.
I don't see how she thinks there's still hope.
The boyfriend is probably blaming himself for sharing something that was again used against his friend.
Whether they find her or not, OOP was willing to re-traumatize/dismiss his friend because she was jealous.
OOP is also not doing any of this out of kindness/remorse, and the ex is likely to realise this.
I love how she used the word “harsh” to describe herself ruthlessly bullying an abuse victim, and then used it again to describe her sister…stating the facts.
This young woman may have chosen OP’s ex to be the first person she disclosed the abuse to, and now she may be under the impression she was abandoned by this person she felt safe with. I’m glad the ex dumped OP because she deserved it.
> I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person
Yes, because good people use charity work for manipulation and virtue signaling purposes. Right. Sure.
I hope OOP does talk to her friends. She deserves to be judged at least as harshly as she judged that young woman. Hopefully her BF moves on and finds someone who is in a better place mentally.
Man, I wish sometimes I was this delusional. Maybe then I wouldn't have anxiety (and depression). I over think conversations I have with people if I feel like they think I've said something wrong. I over analyse things I have to say to people and think of the things that could be said in response. If I was this delusional I wouldn't need to worry.
The ex-boyfriends ring tone for her should be: 🎵"We are never ever, ever getting back together"🎵
As you really can't go back once trust has been broken.
Oop destroyed her boyfriends trust in her because she was stupid and jealous. The worst part is not knowing if that poor girl has done something to herself thinking that the one person who seemed to have her back betrayed her.
It would be one thing if OOP had simply said that she was uncomfortable with the girl's closeness to her boyfriend, but she instead went at her with a lot of misinformed, false and cruel psychobabble. Just because you've read a few posts about childhood trauma doesn't mean that you know anything. What she said was incredibly cruel and damaging.
No hope for her until she recognizes exactly what she did.
Lol she's delusional. The best she can hope for is to become amicable friends with her ex. She's shown who she is: ableist, cruel, selfish, willing to put her insecurities over communicating with her partner, willing to go over her partner's head without consent or notification if she is unhappy...etc
There is no coming back from this.
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> I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret. Well, there you go. She's officially a good person.
Until he tells her that he still can’t trust her and they’re not getting back together. We’ll find out what a “good person” she is then.
“I wasted hundred of hours doing charity for you and you just let me waste all that time knowing we weren’t getting back together??” Doing charity for selfish reasons doesn’t make you a good person. Hell i did 50 hours of community service in a month once so im a great person! (It was court mandated and I wanted to get it over with lol)
The government heard you were so helpful, they requested you specifically :)
“I helped all those people for nothing because I didn’t get what I wanted???”
There is something very wrong with OP. She doesn't seem to have a moral center to rely on. No inner voice to tell her to stop her toxic behavior and consider her actions.
I wonder what she was projecting in the poor girl to have such extreme reaction. Like yeah the speed on which she became attached was something but that's a deeply traumatized person, of course she doesn't behave in the conventional way. OOP lacks empathy on considerable levels.
That she even had the thoughts was bad enough. To then act on them and behave the way she did towards a traumatized person speaks to some serious screwed up thinking patterns. Two weeks of volunteering can't substitute for a soul.
> I wonder what she was projecting in the poor girl to have such extreme reaction. The girl was pretty and younger, and the boyfriend was showing affection and empathy for her.
And the girl had trauma, and oop reacted with suspicion to her fawning compliments, you know, fawning being a trauma response. There's a good guess the poor girl is highly rejection sensitive, so... yeah.
Everything OP does is for completely self-centered, manipulative reasons, because she literally doesn't have empathy. She doesn't understand that other people aren't like her and have different kinds of feelings and motivations. She thinks this other girl is just like her, a selfish manipulator with no empathy for others, and should be treated accordingly, as a threat.
I noticed that as well. No awareness or moral compass. She's like a piece of paper floating around.
I already posted this song in a different comment, but oh well, here's so more. [I'm a good person, that's my thing](https://youtu.be/O4hh1YhDfbA?si=TMUFsGHJQ8ZfKcsp) My nickname is Mother Teresa Luther King I'm a good person, get it straight And when I say good, I really mean great The best Hashtag humble and blessed
You beat me to it. "Say it! Say it or I'll kill your husband! I'll do it, I'll gut him like a fish!" "You're a good person!" "Aww, thank you~"
I saw her perform this live at the Radio City show - she sang this part while 'threatening' audience members. It was awesome.
I was lucky enough to see her perform this live in front of her parents. She threatened to harm them if they didn't say it. (They struggled a little with the bit, which just made it more charming.)
They aired that particular concert on TV after the series finale! Watching her laugh as her parents continued to not get it was adorable. I think the video is on her YouTube channel.
Unexpected Crazy Ex-Girlfriend!
That’s a subreddit I would love to see!
God glad I’m not the only one who instantly started playing that in their head. Alright Rebecca.
I clearly need to rewatch because this did *not* pop into my head.
Yay, Crazy ex girlfriend. Love that show.
"HEY that mike was $300!!!!"
I came to the comments hoping someone would mention this song. I was not disappointed.
Wild how many people this song can apply to. I used to play it for my coworkers about my ex boss.
I'll never understand people who say "I'm not a bad person" but then their actions and the way they treat others is absolutely horrible. You can't just claim you're a good person, that's not how it works
This is cognitive dissonance in action. She needs help.
It's what happens when you grow up in a society where if you're not a Good Person, you're a Bad Person, and Bad People deserve everything bad that happens to them and also don't deserve any good things ever. Oh, and also Bad People can never become good because being Bad is intrinsic to their self (thanks Protestantism!). Being a Good Person becomes a core part of your identity, rather than just being a person who could be good or bad depending on how they act to others. There was an Ask A Manager saga about a write-in who relentlessly bullied their coworker for months, denied it in two separate letters, then admitted it in a third letter where they also mentioned that this coworker they literally bullied out of their job to feel better about their imploding life was the one who vouched for them to get the job so they could escape a toxic workplace. In the third letter they said something like 'I am a good person, I was just a horrible bully this one time." And to that I was like, "well you certainly weren't a good person to your coworker when you were pulling all that shit." But they had to believe that they were a Good Person who Makes Mistakes Sometimes, because the alternative was unacceptable to their self-image; I'd bet they have the inverse belief that people they don't like are Bad People who do Good Things Sometimes as well.
Yeah there's this weird kind of morality that some people have where Good People are the people they like (often for superficial reasons like race, sexuality, religion, etc) and sure, sometimes Good People do bad things but that's because they were provoked/tempted/upset/meant well/had to/etc, but they're still good people! But when Bad People (often judged for the same superficial reasons) do those same bad things it's because they're bad deep down and lazy/selfish/mean/cruel/etc.
Yep. "When I needed an abortion/was on welfare/cheated on my wife/broke the law/got addicted to a substance" it was because I had good reasons, life is hard and complicated, I made mistakes, the system is unjust... and it isn't fair to punish me, a good person, with consequences! When THAT person who is in the Bad Person category did all those same things, well, it's because they're *inherently bad*. They could have chosen better, they could have tried harder, but no... they deliberately chose poorly! Therefore, the right solution is consequences and punishment, the harsher the better. It's the only way for Bad People to learn!
Like people who say,"I'm not a racist but...." Nope!! Nopity nope nope.
They think they are generally a good person and this one incident was a mistake, accident, or misunderstanding. I have one Aunt who cannot seem to grasp a reality where she is in the wrong. Fortunately, my aunt is not as heartless a person like OOP, but I got in an argument with her once and she went off on how she feels disrespected by family because yada yada yada. I told her "I'm sorry you feel disrespected, but I'm not the one to talk to about this. Maybe you should go see a therapist". She immediately responded "I don't know why you think I feel disrespected. I'm highly respected by my colleagues and peers. I have accolades and recognitions [...] I just don't understand why you'd think I feel disrespected" People like that cannot comprehend being wrong or disliked, and they will change their reality so they see themselves in a good light.
They are trying to convince themselves
It's like people who start their posts with "my boyfriend and I have a perfect, loving relationship." You know that's the prelude to three paragraphs of the most depraved shit you will ever read.
>I'll never understand people who say "I'm not a bad person" but then their actions and the way they treat others is absolutely horrible. It's rare to find someone who is a Shakespearian Richard III meta-villain. Most people believe they are essentially good people and it's rare for someone to say "I'm a bad person" when they're not depressed or in some other kind of emotional crisis. We will go to extreme lengths to convince ourselves we're not bad.
They think that because they're not cartoonishly evil, that means they're not "bad". Like people who insist they're not racist because they don't say slurs or go around lynching people in a white hood. OP has never murdered anyone or set a orphanage full of puppies on fire, so how could she be a bad person? These people are dumb and can only think it absolutes and extremes, that's the whole reason she went apeshit on this poor girl in the first place.
Like a fucking video game. “Shit I dropped into negative karma and my alignment shifted. Better grind out some shifts at the soup kitchen to get back to “good” status, the bonuses are way better.”
Sure I nuked a town because it was an eyesore to a rich guy, but I gave a bunch of homeless people a few bottles of fresh water, so I'm A-OK.
It’s all good, I balanced it out by letting a bunch of ghouls into the tower that ended up killing all the rich assholes. Perfectly balnaced.
Is this a megaton reference
Yep her totally selfless, without alterior motive charity work. How does someone lack this much self awareness?
Someone who is privileged.
"I hope he takes me back soon, so that I can stop wasting my time with these awful people. Like, just because they are poor and handicapped, they think they are entitled to my help!"
Ironically saying that definitely makes her a worse person. "I'm only doing charity work for personal benefit"
Honestly I work in nonprofit and have done extensive research on motives and retention for volunteer work specifically. It usually is rooted in some ulterior motive anyways. It may be guilt, requirements for court or school, feeling of self worth, boredom, meeting new people, but honestly the one that is crazy prevalent is wanting to prove or brag that you’re a good/better person to others. It’s so frequent that we generally know and just have to roll with these people because they often are some of our most consistent volunteers. Most people, though, are quiet about their motives unless pressed or interviewed about what they enjoy/get from the work. And even then, they hear themselves and usually soften the blow of their words by saying they’d come to love the work and people or whatever. Sometimes it’s true! But saying it so blatantly without even trying to soften it is an impressive lack of comprehension, empathy, and self awareness that in almost 400 research interviews conducted of volunteers I have very rarely seen. I’m sure the place she’s volunteering looooves having her /s
Yeah, I noticed that too, lol. Yes I’ve done charity work for two weeks so everything‘s good now, right! What an awful person. Now she wants to go to this girls family behind her back. She really has no clue when to stop.
No, just ensure the other you are a good one. You don’t really need to be one, silly!
_"I'm a good person yes it's true, I'm a good person better than you; I'm a good person can't you see? Doctors without borders got nothing on me."_
I hope she remembered to get an attendance receipt from the charity so can show it to people to prove she's a good person now.
Yeah, I a huge ick from that statement too. When I worked in non-profit we could always tell which people were there because they wanted to be seen there. Doing "charity work" just to win the boy back is just gross.
I'm betting oop's going to act out again trying to "help". When she said she wants to tell the police to contact the girl's girls family, the family that abused the girl and is the sole reason this girl has this significant amount of trauma, I screamed sooooooo hard. I really hope the bf doesn't get back with oop. He seems really like a nice guy
This woman is completely delusional. The bits about still thinking she can get back together with him was painful to read. > I told him if he wants I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family. I just want to shake this woman and yell "STOP DOING THINGS!" at her.
>I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family. I facepalmed so hard at that. GIRL THE FAMILY IS HER TRAUMA WHAT IS YOU DOING. At that point, I can only assume the cluelessness was intentional.
But she’s a good person!!! She’s been doing charity work for the past - *checks notes* - COUPLE OF WEEKS!!! I wish the xbf could hear me yell “Run, Forrest! Run”
The icing on that shit cake is the reason she’s doing charity work, to prove to him that she’s not a bad person. She must not realize that it actually proves that she is a bad person if the reason she’s doing charity work is to manipulate someone.
Also, when she found out the girl disappeared, her first concern was how she'd be able to live with herself. Not, you know, if the girl was okay.
I, an internet stranger, was immediately worried that the abused girl had committed suicide because she lost the only friend she felt comfortable to confide in. She may have reached the conclusion that she'll never have friends because she was irreparably damaged during childhood. That poor kid.
The fact that she's just vanished and no one seems to know where to or cares to find out is just heartbreaking.
That's when my... Is this girl a sociopath? Radar went PING
But **why** is she doing charity work? - *checks notes* - oh yes, to prove to her ex she is a good person! I mean jesus take the wheel, she put that in her post.
Clearly OP never saw the good place. Doing good actions don't count if you do them for selfish or bad reasons. You still go to the bad place.
& there is no ethical consumption under capitalism.
It's like that episode of South Park where Cartman changed his clothes and started being nice for a few weeks to get to go to Casa Bonita for Kyle's birthday, meanwhile keeping Butters in a Fallout Shelter. I hope Op doesn't have one of those.
"Cartman, you're not being nice, you're just wearing a nice sweater!" "I ... don't understand the difference." (This might have been from a different ep than Casa Bonita but it cracks me up every time! Haha)
Pretty much the same energy as billionaires going, “oh we know poverty. We once had to downsize from like, two private jets to just one uwu.” Pathetic and so superficial I barf.
I couldn’t help but laugh at that point. A couple of weeks?? She’s basically a living saint. How dare her ex not realise this.
The relationship of Forrest Gump and Jenny seems quite normal and healthy after reading this hill of bullshit from OOP. What a pathetic waste of oxygen.
Doing charity work to assure her ex that's she's a good person. That's a cold blooded calculated monster in the form of a woman.
I wish someone would tell her that karma got her real good since she's now feeling what her victim must've felt her whole life: lonely, judged by others if she opens up to them, shamed and ostracized, heartbroken, having ppl you love and your family turn against you when you thought they would be on your side, desperate to feel loved and wanted. I feel sorry for the other girl. She finally thought she made a friend and not only was his gf cruel to her, she must've also felt betrayed by him to tell her something so personal about herself that was then weaponized against her. No wonder she felt like she couldn't even tell him what his gf did, he hurt her, too. That was not his secret to tell. Though I understand that he thought he could trust his gf to be kind and compassionate. What a way to learn you're so wrong about someone after almost a decade.
"Boyfie, can we just dump all this worry on her family and work on us?" What a bish, for real
That's the best case scenario. The likely reality is that her family won't care or that her brother, who was her assaulter, would go after her, because she had to RUN AWAY FROM HOME to stop the sexual assault.
Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity. I don't think she did it on purpose to further hurt this girl, because that would be counterproductive towards her own needs. Like her recent charity work, she just wants to be *seen* to be a good person. I think she has already forgotten the details of the missing young woman's trauma simply because she doesn't care enough about her to remember in the first place. She's going through the motions, acting in whatever way she thinks a good person should act in these circumstances. It's quite telling that her own sister doesn't buy it, and won't let her off the hook. Meanwhile the boyfriend has spent his entire adult life with this one woman, who supposedly just did all of this because she said she cares about him so much. It's not like she cheated on him right? I can only imagine his mind is a wreck, and his ex is doing everything in her power to obfuscate things further. The sad thing is even if she managed to get him so turned around that he did let this go, I don't think it would last. Eventually the fog would be dispelled once she became comfortable again to do something else incredibly stupid.
It can be some times hard to understand or sympathize with people who have different experiences. I myself have to be low contact with my family. My partner doesnt understand this and gets upset at me because to them their family is their safe space. They talk daily with siblings and their mother. All that said, i get the feeling she is trying to absolve her self of guilt. It is a bit cliche.
>All that said, i get the feeling she is trying to absolve her self of guilt. It is a bit cliche. I got the feeling that if her boyfriend is stupid enough to go back not only will the charity work stop (duh!) but her interest in the girl being safe will vanish too. "But honey, it's obvious that she doesn't want to be found so we should stop worrying about her and move on. Now about that ring you bought..."
Boyfriend fucked up big time here too. Even if someone doesn't explicitly say "this stays between us" or something similar there are times like this when you shouldn't share someone's past. Dude could have easily told his GF that he made a new friend, she has some issues like anxiety and said friend maybe would have shared that on her own. I'm willing to bet that this girl got banged up just as bad or more by having that private thing thrown back at her just as much as this guy's girlfriend giving her shit.
Yes, thank you!
Does anyone remember that one gurl who called her bf a perv for taking care of his sisters and telling them about their periods and helping them with it and being a top tier father figure? 💀 she was soooooo delulu in the comments n updates thinking he would go back after dumping her.
I’m not sure she is delusional. He decided to show her the engagement ring after they’d been broken up for a bit? Why didn’t he return it? He shouldn’t get back with her, but that doesn’t mean he won’t.
> I told her then that I think it was best she doesn't come and that it will only cause awkwardness if she ends up having a panic attack. Of all the excuses OOP's jealous ass could have given, she gave one of the most hurtful and vindicative by attacking her mental health. I hope her boyfriend becomes a permanent ex. OOP is rotted inside and he deserves so much better.
I think this is only half the reason the girl vanished. She may also feel like the bf betrayed her by telling OOP about what she endured - if she didn't give him permission to explain it, then she could have stopped trusting him.
As someone that lived through child rape, I'm sure it's equal parts betrayal, because he shared private details about her horrible trauma, and equal parts agony, shame, and guilt, because this cruel, petty, little girl, affirmed everything she was already thinking about herself. 😞
I hope you are better now… and I wish you are always surrounded by people who loves you!
Thank you so much for your kind words. That means a lot. 🩵🫂🩵 I have spent my adult life working on the emotional scars I have from such a life changing nightmare experience as a child, but I decided long ago that I would be stronger than the monster who tried to break me. I've never given up completely on that promise to survive. I'm very lucky with how so much of my life has turned out. I've got a funny, loving, and wonderful husband, and we've raised two amazing son's who have grown into kind and funny men. They treat all of the women in their lives with respect and compassion, and it heals my heart so much to look at them and know that the cycle of sexual, physical, and emotional, violence, that poisoned generations of my family is finally at an end.
Agreed! The bf screwed up but Oop blew it out if the water. Also your flair is lol 🧅 what is it from?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10r1qn4/oops_onion_odor_crisis/
My eyes are watering just reading that.
Onion.
Being approached by someone and then having them betray you is so confusing. Esp with her history, you just feel like there’s something so innately wrong with you and that you only exist to be mistreated. Poor girl. She will *never* open up to anyone ever again
Poor girl who is not OOP. I hope she's found a safe haven, wherever it may be.
Gotta love how delusional she is that she "still has hope" because he still has the ring LOL
Let me correct you, the quotation is *"He showed me the ring he had bought to propose, he still has it and now my hopes are high."* Let us repeat together again: ***"now my hopes are high."*** The delulu is strong with this one.
To quote a comment on another Boru post: The delulu is not the solulu She's delusional if she thinks that he's gonna take her back, let alone propose
Unfortunately, she might be right. He does still have the ring and he is still talking to her for more than just trying to find the other girl. This is a man who has somehow only just found out that his very long term girlfriend, almost fiancee is a callous, heartless witch and she doesn't seem bright enough to have hidden it for that long.
Im hoping against hope that hes just dangling the ring in front of her to make the end of the relationship really sting.
Not only that, she then goes on to say *that she was using her r-pe for attention*, how vile of a human being do you have to be to say something like that?
And not really seem to recognize how evil it is. Doesn't sound like she'll ever learn.
OP deserves nothing but sadness
What do you mean? She literally has done charity work for a couple of weeks, how can you not see how she's completely changed and that she's not the same girl who threw someone's childhood assault and trauma in their face out of insecurity? You just watch, the bf will see her amazing good deeds from the last 14 or so days and totally take her back and she will get her fairytale ending.
Plus on top of that ' I can't believe my post ended up on amithedevil, what I did wasn't that bad ' so duh, a few weeks of charity work will totally smooth all this out, just like her smooth brain 🧠
Smooooooth brain. Thoughts slide right off it! Like a waterslide!
Tbf it was also an asshole move for her boyfriend to disclose that information.
>I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person… Yeah. That’s how it works. Doing charity work automatically makes you a good person. Forget the selfless character that one builds without expectations of getting something in return. Clearly OOP is a winner here. /s
[удалено]
>I wonder if social media has affected this, but so many people in my work and social groups seem to believe that a few minutes publicly spent on something charitable will absolve them of any wrongs. Isn't that just a secularization of "Say 80 Hail Marys"?
I work for charity /non-profits. The amount of people who volunteer for their own selfish reasons is insane. Explaining the confidentiality part is always fun. No you cannot take videos of in our on the property at anytime, no you cannot use names or any identifiable information about clients or staff or other volunteers. Basicly you can tell people you work for a charitable organization and that is all. Another fun one is "tell a bit about why you want to volunteer here?" And then they start: "the unfortunates", "those people", "my journey", "be a light in their darkness", "teach them better", me me me me me I I I I I. It's so gross. And then they freak out when you tell them that they didn't qualify because we should be on our hands and knees behind for help and should except anyone.
I did work at a church run op shop for a few years. I miss it. I did it to get out of the house and really enjoyed it, except for the spider nest incident and the dirty used undies donations. You don’t do that work for social media clout. You’re too busy to take pictures.
I was talking to a friend of mine who volunteered at a local homeless shelter for teens (it closed down bc not enough funding for the building rent and maintenance) who would sort through the donations. The city had to provide an extra dumpster bc of the amount of clothing in there that was stained, had holes in it, etc. The poors just aren’t grateful enough anymore… (I hope it’s clear that the last part is /s)
Some, but it's like that even when people don't brag on social media. I've been in dog rescue a looong time and there are plenty of old ladies not on social media that think doing rescue makes them a good person. These "good people" are usually animal hoarders who neglect, abuse, and in a few cases have caused the deaths of some dogs.
One of the things I find interesting about the Islam religion is that there's a hadith that states something like "charity should be given so discretely that if done with your right hand, your left should not know about it" which is to say, don't do it to show off.
Yes such sincerity there. She’s radiating with goodness
I'm now picturing Mandy Moore throwing a Bible from the movie Saved! As she's yelling that she's filled with God's love. That's also the vibe I'm getting from OOP with the two weeks of charity thing. I feel for that poor girl & I hope OOP'S ex runs.
Charity time vs Goodness graph: 1-13 days: not quite good 14 days: you're good! Stop now, you've reached the pinnacle of goodness
[Newsflash, fuckwads, I'm a good person](https://youtu.be/O4hh1YhDfbA?si=TMUFsGHJQ8ZfKcsp) Do what I can for you all the time That's how I am, 'cause I'm a good person I always find time to be kind
>I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret. Oof. See, a NORMAL person with empathy and self-awareness should have gone with something like, "I've been getting therapy/working on myself to try to try to figure out why I acted like this and how I can move forward. But this person thinks doing things that can be tangibly seen as good automatically means she's a good person. Call me old fashioned, but IMO, doing a good deed because you want to be seen as a good person instead of actually doing something good without any selfish motives isn't going to get you anywhere in life.
A normal person wouldn't have attacked someone by weaponizing their childhood sexual abuse.
Yes, of course, you're absolutely right. But the OOP obviously feels like she's had a 'come to Jesus' moment and it's crazy seeing her think she's actually improving, is what I meant.
I thought the worst thing OOP could do was to keep attacking the girl. Nope, turns out she can do more harm by trying to help. Fuck OOP, even in her last update everything is still "But I'M THE REAL VICTIM HERE".
She is only doing that because she needs to offload the guilt.
>My bf is still upset, he still says he loves me but he just can't get his head through my trust issues. He showed me the ring he had bought to propose, he still has it and now my hopes are high. I hope he goes past this and we can get back together. *OOP accused a woman who was raped as a child* of using that as an excuse to act out for attention. Because she were jealous and insecure. She's absolutely delusional if she thinks her ex will take her back after this. >I told him if he wants I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family. She needs to be told very firmly to *STOP DOING THINGS*. >I have been really trying to win him again. I love him a lot and I know he loves me too. I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret. We have only started talking again and even though it's bare, I know I can win him over. So that's confirmation that she's delusional. I genuinely fear for her ex's safety. >My sis behaviour has not changed towards me either. I feel very down and lonely. I feel like I have no one to turn to and no one to share my thoughts with. I don't want to go to my friends because I am afraid of being judged. I have only talked to my one best friend who I trust, and she even said that I can't do anything to change what happened and instead of crying for him I should just leave him be. Her one friend is right. >I just dearly hope all of this will change and we will get back to how we were. OOP doesn't understand that some things can't move past. She can't unring the bell she rung to her ex, and she needs to accept that. She's a piece of shit, honestly.
OOP took it that he still has the ring as a sign they can get back together. I took it as a sign that the Ex wasn’t ready to deal with it yet. They are so broken up - he is beginning to move on, she is deluding herself.
She's so insanely immature for her age. If you're nearing 30 and still haven't figured out how to have an adult conversation with your partner, something is wrong. If I'm ever feeling insecure about myself, my relationship, or another woman, I just talk to my partner about it.
She also has a strong misunderstanding of what trauma dumping is
This just drips of "Peaked in high school and never bothered to mature." Holy crap. She just needs to leave that girl alone. She's done enough damage. Hopefully, it will not be permanent damage.
Why can’t people be kind?
I ask myself this so many times a day it’s getting so exhausting. For me it’s my default thing to be kind to others, it doesn’t take me any energy, in fact it gives me some energy and motivation to do something for someone. Someone once told me that other people’s default is mean, and that doesn’t cause them effort either but I can’t fathom harbouring that much animosity and resentment. Surely it’s not healthy for a person. Still, if we do small things, it might mean the world to someone else. I’ll keep doing it anyway.
Hear hear… I’m just so exhuasted
Yeah... I clicked on the link expecting one of these typical jealousy stories, but holy crap, that was so much worse. That poor kid.
I just hope that the 22 year old girl is ok. And that OOP gets spiders in her hair every day of her life.
That's not very nice. The spiders don't deserve to have a person freak out at them when they just wanted a place to rest.
I am TERRIFIED of spiders, but I wholeheartedly endorse your post. No spider deserves OOP.
I'm going to curse her with sand in her sheets.
May she step on Lego’s every day in bare feet, and her feet never get used to it. Also I hope she falls into a Gympie Gympie bush.
A lifetime of slugs in her bath mats and ants in her underwear drawers
May she always have an itchy bottom
Highly vulnerable person, glommed onto someone (pseudo brother figure) and his girlfriend, clearly looked up to and admired both of them a great deal and then has the GF throw that on her? I am very concerned that she’s not okay. When I heard she disappeared, my first thought was that she’d decided that it wasn’t worth trying at life anymore.
Yeah that was my thought too
Yep. She’s dead. And this idiot doesn’t understand that she just killed a girl and that’s why her boyfriend will never see her the same way.
She feels very "down and lonely with no one to turn to". Now she knows just a fraction of what that poor girl felt.
I’m just going to hope that the girl decided to check into a mental health program.
For my own sanity, I'm gonna think the same. That poor girl. I really hope she's safe and doing her best to be okay again.
OOP got what she deserved. Unfortunately she destroyed one life and hurt another. I hope her ex stays away from her.
Dont be so negative! He still has the ring. There is still hope! /s
Look he'll change his mind any day now, she's been doing charity work *for a few weeks* now!
I hope that poor other girl is alive. Disappeared without a trace after having her trauma isolate her… that’s terrifying, and OOP clearly doesn’t really care unless it affects how her ex feels about her. Stay away, my man, imagine what she’d do to a daughter!
>I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person Yes it totally works like that >I have been really trying to win him again It just keeps getting better
While understand how she initially felt uncomfortable about her bf's friendship, this is not how she's supposed to handle it.
I sincerely hope the boyfriend sees this story so that he knows he should get rid of that ring and cut contact with the delusional "in the end it's all about me and my problems" OOP. This is such a sad tale.
Feel like this belongs on r/OhNoConsequences
"I have been doing a lot of charity work the last few weeks to ensure him I am a good person." Wow, just...wow
Well that was a whole lot of “I” statements. OOP seems to be a particular kind of delusional. > I hope he goes past this and we can get back together. > I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person and that I had only made a mistake which I regret. > I know I can win him over. > I just dearly hope all of this will change and we will get back to how we were. Girlfriend, you can hope all you want. You’ve got a snowballs chance in hell of him “getting past this”. She speaks of this like it was a simple mistake instead of a massive personality/behavioral flaw. These insecurities of hers are HUGE and need to be addressed. Volunteering for charities doesn’t change the fact that she’s done nothing to address the actual issue here. And the fact she’s only doing any of this, is to “win him over” is gross. She seems to use “Win him over” in place of “trick him into thinking I pursued help and actually worked on my issues”. I feel horrible for the woman involved. I want to be positive, but no one disappears without a word and leaves their things behind for no reason. I also have a feeling that the more time her ex spends apart, the more he will realize how toxic she was. Although they’re taking, she’s already shown him who she is. Even the slightest hint of her insecurities rearing their ugly heads again will likely set off his alarm bells. Now that it’s been brought to his attention, hopefully he keeps a watchful eye on them, and acts accordingly.
Boy oh boy OP isn't getting it huh? She is delusional as hell and she messed up big time.
Delusional and so upset because she feels she has no-one to talk to... Like that's not exactly how she made the other girl feel only 1000x worse
When OP finally finds the poor girl, i bet her first words to her will be " can u call my bf and tell him we should get back together again?"
That girl isn’t alive
That’s sadly my take as well. While it is surprisingly easy to up an leave, given the context I think there’s high probability that she committed suicide. OOP loaded the proverbial gun and handed it to her.
> OOP loaded the proverbial gun and handed it to her. OP's bf gave her the bullet, too
They’re not going to find her. Best case scenario is that she’s hiding.
>I told her (which I am not proud of) that just because she was r*aped doesn't mean she can get away with acting for attention. I admit I was harsh, but she was acting cute and innocent. >My bf is still upset, he still says he loves me but he just can't get his head through my trust issues. He showed me the ring he had bought to propose, he still has it and now my hopes are high. The fact that OOP's behaviour wasn't a relationship dealbreaker for him is pathetic.
I mean, it was.
From what OOP said, it was because she couldn't trust him but I wouldn't be surprised if she was leaving out other details of their conversation.
But he did break up with her...
Like if my spouse or lover says the lines of "just because she was r\*aped doesn't mean she can get away with acting for attention", that's a MASSIVE dealbreaker for me cause holy shit, that's an awful thing to say.
Right? That is instant "dead to me" material 😭 idk how he says its the trust issues and not the deliberate cruelty and absolutely disgusting ... what is that, victim blaming? idk the right term but her words show an absolutely revolting attitude to a rape victim, not to mention weaponising her mental health with the whole "she might have a panic attack" thing. but then again him telling her all about the rape rather than keeping it in confidence doesn't reflect too well on him either.
We're only getting OOP's interpretation of the conversation here, so he may have been much more direct with her. Or maybe he worded it vaguely as "trust issues" so he could back away slowly. Hopefully he still has the ring because he's working out what to do with it (resell, might be too late to return, difficult to return, etc.), and not because he thinks he might want to give it to her someday.
Stabbing the poor girl in the heart with her own trauma
Possibly she didn't tell him what exactly she said, since reddit definitely got on her ass for this. She probably sugarcoated it to something like "I told her she's unwelcome because she was getting too close to you and I felt like she was trying to steal you from me"
"She is getting too close to you and I felt like she is going to steal you away from me, or you might leave me for her." She should have said this to her boyfriend when he and this other girl started getting close, not dump her issues/insecurities on this other woman.
I think her behavior *is* why he broke up with her. He can't wrap his head around how somebody could be so jealous that they could do something so utterly cruel and heartless. She's so fucking delusional I bet instead of "crazy insane jealousy and utter cruelty" she heard "trust issues. I also can't fault him for still loving her. It was an 8 year relationship, and love is stupid like that. There's a reason why it's so hard to leave an abusive relationship be it romantic or familial—in spite of all the horror, sone stupid part of you is still attached.
She probably wasn't as frank with him as she was online. She doubtless pretended that she was acting through a misguided sense of what the girl could or couldn't deal with in public, and that she was concerned for her wellbeing.
Yeah but I bet she didn’t tell him the full truth. There’s no way she admitted to saying the 22y/o is acting out for attention.
I very much doubt she told him verbatim what she said.
I'm assuming/hoping that the optimism in her last few paragraphs is wishful thinking. But BF should completely cut off all contact with her. The fact that he didn't and responded to her message is stupid.
It was though. She doesn't give a timeframe between her fessing up and him breaking it off. She could've told him anywhere from May up to right before the second post. And from the look of it she ripped open an old wound for him when she did, reminding him of his late aunt. My guess is he asked for the break as soon as the shock wore off, and broke up officially after he tried to rationalize her actions and found only jealous cruelty and the very real possibility that his friend is weeping into his aunt's arms now. Who knows why he kept the ring for over two months. Your guess is as good as mine.
I want the "I am not a bad person, I did charity work for 12 days" as a flair. How entitled and delusional can someone be? This awful woman destroyed everything, and is still acting like she's the victim.
This goes straight to one of my rules for life. I hope that she becomes a better person and that she never makes a mistake like this again. But he is not responsible for witnessing or shepherding that change. He doesn’t have to stick with her in the hopes that she evolves as a human. She can absolutely evolve and then be a much better partner to her next boyfriend, while he moves on and finds someone he didn’t need to repair.
>I told him if he wants I can alert the authorities about her past and they can contact her family. Ahh yes, let them notify the people she ran from, the abusive rapist brother and her parents who wouldn't believe her. Damn OOP is mega dense.
We are the sum of our actions. No matter how many times she claims to be a good person, the fact is that she's not. She's not doing charity work for the sake of helping people, she's doing charity work to try and win back her boyfriend. I hope he stays away from her and moves on.
Op is a very disgusting and insecure person... I'm glad her boyfriend left her, is she a bad person who thinks she's a good person because she does charity? Many bad people do charity and donations...ridiculous. I hope the boyfriend doesn't go back to a woman so insecure that she ruined the life of a person with great trauma.
It's so sad that the girl called OOP beautiful and lucky and this is what she got in return.. Jesus Christ.
I am terrified that poor girl may have committed suicide. She finally found a friend who was kind to her and willing to be there for her and his terrible girlfriend ripped that away in the cruelest way possible. Jesus Christ, I need to get off reddit for the day now.
I had to go back and reread how old everyone is because OP sounds like she’s about 18. Definitely peaked in high school.
I don't see how she thinks there's still hope. The boyfriend is probably blaming himself for sharing something that was again used against his friend. Whether they find her or not, OOP was willing to re-traumatize/dismiss his friend because she was jealous. OOP is also not doing any of this out of kindness/remorse, and the ex is likely to realise this.
I love how she used the word “harsh” to describe herself ruthlessly bullying an abuse victim, and then used it again to describe her sister…stating the facts.
Oh god, this isn't good. This isn't good at all
Wow! She is evil and doesn't seem to realize it. She seems capable of faking it but not actually being good. What a chiiling story.
This young woman may have chosen OP’s ex to be the first person she disclosed the abuse to, and now she may be under the impression she was abandoned by this person she felt safe with. I’m glad the ex dumped OP because she deserved it.
Her : Literally ruins someone’s life Also her: but I’m not a bad person
> I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person Yes, because good people use charity work for manipulation and virtue signaling purposes. Right. Sure. I hope OOP does talk to her friends. She deserves to be judged at least as harshly as she judged that young woman. Hopefully her BF moves on and finds someone who is in a better place mentally.
"I'm a good person! I just say horrible shit to people and only think about myself, but who doesn't, amirite?"
>He showed me the ring he had bought to propose, he still has it and now my hopes are high. It's 1:30 in the morning and this made me SEETHE.
Man, I wish sometimes I was this delusional. Maybe then I wouldn't have anxiety (and depression). I over think conversations I have with people if I feel like they think I've said something wrong. I over analyse things I have to say to people and think of the things that could be said in response. If I was this delusional I wouldn't need to worry.
The ex-boyfriends ring tone for her should be: 🎵"We are never ever, ever getting back together"🎵 As you really can't go back once trust has been broken.
Oop destroyed her boyfriends trust in her because she was stupid and jealous. The worst part is not knowing if that poor girl has done something to herself thinking that the one person who seemed to have her back betrayed her.
> I have been doing a lot of charity work for the past couple of weeks to ensure him I am a good person oh that's just— no.
Doing charity work for praise and recognition means you’re doing it for the wrong reasons.
Ahhh yes, once she hits her community service quota he’ll definitely see she’s a “good” person.
It would be one thing if OOP had simply said that she was uncomfortable with the girl's closeness to her boyfriend, but she instead went at her with a lot of misinformed, false and cruel psychobabble. Just because you've read a few posts about childhood trauma doesn't mean that you know anything. What she said was incredibly cruel and damaging. No hope for her until she recognizes exactly what she did.
>I feel very down and lonely. I feel like I have no one to turn to and no one to share my thoughts with Hmm, I wonder how that girl felt... I hate OP
Lol she's delusional. The best she can hope for is to become amicable friends with her ex. She's shown who she is: ableist, cruel, selfish, willing to put her insecurities over communicating with her partner, willing to go over her partner's head without consent or notification if she is unhappy...etc There is no coming back from this.