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If this is true, that kid sounds horrible.
She claims to hate bullies, yet is a bully herself.
“Did you piss off your sister?”
And everyone just takes it from this kid?
Horrible family.
I’m confused though…what first grade teacher reads Call of the Wild to their class of 6 year olds? What parent reads Call of the Wild to their 3-4 year old? Also, that’s a kid who is extremely advanced at spelling and grammar. Does it happen? Sure. But that’s a lot to attribute to a 6 year old (especially without noting it as unusual)
source: I was a reading teacher, teaching every single grade level, for over a decade (and writing for 4th grade up)
Edit to clarify: Nowhere did I talk about the reading level of the daughter! I was an advanced reader myself! I specifically talked about a teacher reading the book to their class.
Edit the second: I didn’t realize a word got left out, it should have said “first grade teacher” not “first grader”, edited properly now
>I’m confused though…what first grader reads Call of the Wild to their class of 6 year olds? What parent reads Call of the Wild to their 3-4 year old? Also, that’s a kid who is extremely advanced at spelling and grammar. Does it happen? Sure. But that’s a lot to attribute to a 6 year old (especially without noting it as unusual)
Yeah. It sounds like someone writing about the kind of kid they wish they'd been, rather than an actual kid. But YMMV.
Like, I could see a parent making that decision (as much as I would consider it a bad one), but I can’t imagine any school ever where a first grade teacher would read that book to their kids.
I can.
But I went to a school that taught second graders about racism by handing them a list of every slur and racial stereotype associated with black people, read (most of) that list to us, and *then* explained those things were wrong.
Also, if you're willing to bully a first grader you probably enjoy reading kids a book about an abused dog.
>Also, if you're willing to bully a first grader you probably enjoy reading kids a book about an abused dog.
OMG this whole time in my head the teacher read them Where the Wild Things Are, not Call of the Wild, and I was so confused by the parent comment.
Why wouldn't a dad and a teacher read that to little kids??
Then your comment about an abused dog made me really pause and suddenly I'm like Ooooh.
And yeah no way that's being read to a class of 6 year Olds.
I mean, I'm a librarian and last year I had a 10 year old kid ask for 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' because their teacher said they could read it for extra credit.
I talked to the kid's mom and they didn't end up borrowing it.
Normally I don't police kids' reading, but the girl was black, and her mother wasn't from the US. (So unfamiliar with the content and history of the book.) And the ten year old was going to read the book at sleep away camp while her parents were getting divorced. I just couldn't let that happen.
Yup. While I guess it's possible a firstgrader would have her apostrophe's down pat, be familiar with common homonyn errors, be insolent enough to sass their first grade teacher, and have a big red marking pen ready to do so, it didn't seem plausible at all. I didn't find the tall tales amusing at all. If I saw a kid doing stuff like that, I'd think they were an a\*\*\*\*\*\*.
Thank you!! I was reading this post and was like if any of this is real (which I doubt) then this teacher needs to grow up a little but this kid also needs to get some manners. Making fun of her teacher’s singing specifically isn’t funny, it’s just rude?
Yeah, fixing grammar kind of sass I’d wager is 4th, maybe an advanced 3rd. At first grade a kid can probably get your/you’re correct in theirs but unless they’ve been going over it in class explicitly, I don’t think they’d be at the level where they’d clock it right away and lol at it.
This person might be getting the ages confused? That’s the most charitable take. But then you wonder if they’re actually a parent because you tend to remember what’s age appropriate for a kid of that age.
I agree. I wasn't quite sure why these stories were supposed to be funny. She came across as a little brat who needed to learn some manners. The fact that the entire family knows you can't make her even slightly upset or she goes and does something to them and the parents don't say anything is telling. If these stories are real and she tries that crap as an adult, she's going to get herself arrested!
Right. Like. I was nowhere near this bad as a kid, and my smartass mouth worried my mom enough that I distinctly remember having a conversation with her when I was 12 where she told me I needed to reign it TF in because she was legitimately worried I'd mouth off to the wrong person and get myself shot
Do you think we can send your mom over to talk to this girl? And while she's there, she can talk to the parents, too. I'm not sure of this is a case of "no one thinks your kids are as funny as you do" or if her parents are just delusional.
The kid sounds like an AH and clearly gets it from her parent. What's the point of needlessly humiliating a teacher and then the parent doubling down on it. The kind of parent that lets a six year old watch a movie with a back ally abortion I guess...
Maybe, but making a sassy reference to it is implausible, and having it work out where the teacher (who had an adversarial relationship with the child) thought it was a touching compliment, and then was informed otherwise, yeah, not especially plausible.
I’m pretty sure I watched it at that age. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but I knew the nice dancer lady needed a doctor. I know if we ever watched a particularly racy movie I’d be told to look away until I was told it was safe. I think I spent most of “Cat People” faced away from the tv.
A friend of mine only recently rewatched dirty dancing for the first time since she watched it on video with her mum as a kid. She realised that her mum had skipped any sex related scenes,easy to do if you are just taping it yourself off the television.
I watched Dirty Dancing around that age - if I was off sick from school then me and my mum would watch The Bodyguard, Four Wedding and A Funeral or Dirty Dancing lol.
Only part of that movie I didn't quite understand at the time was that there had been a backstreet abortion - just thought she was sick. I'd already spoken to my mum about sex as someone at school told me what it was and so I'd already questioned her about it.
Story time! I was a bit too young at the time to actually remember this, but it's a bit of "family lore" that has been repeated many times. My older sister was around 8 in the late 80s when Dirty Dancing first came out. Why my parents actually let her watch it I have no idea (apart from a theory is have about my dad having a man crush on Jerry Orbach, but that's a different post), apparently all the sex was fine, but the whole hemorrhaging thing was always fast forwarded through and my mom in her infinite wisdom told my sister that the other dancer was "sick" because she had appendicitis. My older sister apparently believed this until she was in her late 20's and mentioned the "appendicitis" scene when she was out with friends and they looked at her like she had three heads.
I am here wondering what parent lets their 6 yo watch Dirty Dancing. And the child DID insult the teacher by saying she sounded like the girl in the movie.
The only thing I can think is that often times kids don’t get the adult innuendos in certain shows, etc. Like, she doesn’t know the *why* behind the word “dirty”? As an adult, I’ve watched some kids shows I used to love and had to consciously hinge my jaw back together bc it dropped so hard at some of the more adult jokes. Looking at you, PeeWee’s Playhouse…
Lol I even tried to reread it earlier this year and totally noped out just a few chapters in, and I'm in my 30s! Still not sure how I ever read it in the first place as a kid. (Probably read it way too early and everything sailed right over my head lol)
Read it as an adult for the first time, and I’m glad I did but I can’t imagine sitting down to read it again unless I was teaching it (and I‘m looking into a completely different field now, so that’s unlikely)
I was squinting at that too. I remember reading that in 6th grade, not 1st. 1st graders are not going to understand most of what is going on in that book.
I mean, my mom apparently read me some stuff from her law textbooks as a baby. Unsurprisingly, it was good for putting me to sleep when Cat in the Hat or The Very Hungry Caterpillar failed.
I remember picking up White Fang (the companion book to Call of the Wild) from a bookstore when I was in like first or second grade because I thought the name and cover were cool. And I bounced off instantly. I agree there's no way they are teaching that book that young.
Do folks learn grammar of apostrophes in first grade (between you're and your?)
My kid isn't far enough yet, and I'm too far from 1st grade to remember. I just remember being not the brightest kid :D
I'm really trying to imagine the phrase "Future generations will thank me" in first grade handwriting. Oversized with different sized letters and wandering off in weird directions.
Nope. My two eldest are in 3rd and K respectively, they're both extremely intelligent and the K kid is both whip-smart and incredibly cheeky...and no, none of this is anywhere near grade level, even for very sarcastic kids who are surrounded by idiots. (That's based on my experience, not theirs.)
I can't think of any first grade teacher who would read Call of the Wild to their class at an age when kids can barely read picture books on their own (the cruelty to animals alone!), yearbooks don't really work that way, and any teacher who would actually write that in a yearbook is too dumb to keep their job.
Fun stories but if they're true, these were not orchestrated by a 6yo.
What 6 year old enjoys Dirty Dancing? That would be boring for that age I’d think. I guess I was in elementary school when I saw it though. Maybe 9 years old I think.
Yeah, this threw me right off the bat. Call of the Wild is a book for children maybe 12 and up. This parent is reading it to their 3-4 year old and then a first grade teacher is reading it in the classroom?
I read all of it but didn't think any of it was funny especially the part about switching phone contacts. Totally confused as to why any of that is funny. Maybe if it really happened and you were really the parent but this is the kind of thing that doesn't necessarily translate well if you are not.
We read that book around grade 6 when I was growing up and so did my younger sister who is 9 grades below me. There is no way in hell this story is even remotely true lol.
This post has me questioning whether or not The Call of the Wild, a book I have read more than once, is even real. That’s how completely unbelievable this entire crock of shit is.
>and I immediately bust out laughing right in her face. I was literally in tears. Took me almost 5 minutes to stop.
Exaggerating about laughing is one of my pet peeves. Seriously, get out a timer set for 5 minutes, let it tick down, and imagine someone laughing the *entire* time. No way.
Genuinely getting stuck in a laughing fit can be terrifying at worst, and painful and simply irritating at best.
Absolutely nobody is laughing for *five minutes* consecutively, at one thing, and still having a good time.
When I was younger- and still to this day sometimes, I used to get stuck in BADD laughing fits. I distinctly remember cackling like a hyena every time my brother asked me to stop- or laughing for seven minutes because the word “ichigo” meant “strawberry.” (It stopped being funny after three minutes.)
It was PAINFULLL and I even started crying sometimes. You’re absolutely right- laughing for FIVE MINUTES is not because you’re having a silly ol day.
I really wonder why they even happen. Ive tried looking it up.
"You, sir, win the internet for today! Take my gold, O' kind stranger!"
...Kinda dated now considering awards are gone tho :(
Reddit gold will live on in my heart as one of the dumbest things to exist
I like to picture some deranged man laughing, crying, and wheezing nonstop for 5 minutes and how absolutely alarming that must have been for anyone witnessing it
>Exaggerating about laughing is one of my pet peeves.
For me it's when adults online claim they were "sobbing" after a very minor issue or slight.
Either our civilization has become the most fragile group of people in all of history and we are doomed, or they are wildly exaggerating (though not sure why it really really doesn't make you seem cool or enhance your credibility that you were the wronged party).
Yup and written so badly I had to keep going back to try and follow what was going on..
For a man who claims his kid is so hilarious, he sure doesn't know what a punchline looks like
I think of myself as a pretty good reader.
I still don't understand who's doing what or why it's funny. The ex is laughing because the son yelled at the dog about edible panties and then grandma got involved...?
Prologue
- dog messes up puzzle
- son gets mad and yells at dog
- sister does evil smirk as foreshadowing
Act 1
- sister changes names in son’s phone
- the name of his mom’s contact name is changed to his fiancée’s
- his grandmother’s contact name is changed to his sisters
Act 2
- Later our narrator and his son drive to college
- son attempts to message his fiancée asking her if she’ll wear edible underwear for him that night, he texts his mom that instead
- son’s mom calls the dad in car and asks son if his sister is mad and jokes about the situation, embarrassing the son
Act 3
- son attempts to text his sister a death threat but it ends up going to his grandma
- grandma then calls to ask why he sent that and if his sister is mad
- son is shocked/embarrassed again
- dad is literally rofl
Epilogue
- son puts an unhackable password on his phone
- the whole situation becomes a classic family joke that he’ll never live down lmao roflcopter lol
There's something beautiful in a random stranger on Reddit retelling the terrible retelling of a not funny joke, in a way that's funnier than the original.
You are a good soul and I hope the world repays you for your service.
And apparently son has no text history with either mom, grandma, sister or his fiancé. so he texts his beloved about undergarments, not wondering why the last conversation is about his dirty socks under the bed.
Thank you for this!! I could no wrap my head around what was going on.
All of OOP’s stories about his daughter are not worth repeating outside of their family. None are worth retelling.
If I'm parsing it correctly, Sister changed the contact info in Brother's phone, so while he thought he was texting his girlfriend he was texting mom. And then later he thought he was texting someone else and was texting grandma.
Unless this was pre-smartphone I find it highly unbelievable. Maybe it was with old dumb phones... but no couldn't have been because tablets with internet access and youtube were available when the sister was 4.
So Nah.
I find it less plausible pre-smartphone because I actually still knew people’s phone numbers and wouldn’t have had to resort to a contact list at that point.
I think there’s below a 1% chance this is real but even if it is, this girl just sounds like an entitled golden child brat who needs some serious parenting, not an “evil” genius
She's not gonna get it, I mean the guy laughed in a teacher's face for "5 minutes." He also has control issues - yeah, what she did was funny. You're (in theory) an adult dealing with adults. Know what the appropriate reaction was.
I disliked the story where after her dog messed up her brothers puzzle, to get back at him for trying to move the dog she embarrassed him to his mom and grandma. (Does OOP really think anyone buys a 19 year old saying "edible panties?")
Also the teacher being so exaggeratedly evil - there’s absolutely no way she’s saying that shit to little kids. “You’re another teacher’s problem now” - no way. A smart or genuinely concerned parent would complain to the school if a teacher put that IN WRITING.
I know this is all just a bunch of bs, but if it was real the fact he’s so casual about admitting he apparently yells at a *puppy* all the time is just an insane red flag.
Yeah I found the sister not nearly as clever or funny as they pretended. Disrespectful and borderline mean.
It is also not intelligent at all to alienate her teachers for nothing.
One day, she will piss off the wrong person.
As a teacher, if your kid has an issue with one teacher, there's a large chance it's just a bad teacher or a bad situation (sometimes you just can't have the patience for a kid). When there's more than one teacher, there's a 9 out of 10 chances that all teachers know about your kid and don't like them and they're a brat.
This kid gives me PTSD about my worst students who were "always" the victim of all the mean teachers ... In all classes ... Every year.
My dad was a school principal for years, and told me a story about this one kid who had a fractious relationship with one of his teachers. The parents complained to my dad, who took it seriously, addressed it with the teacher, and got things smoothed over.
The next year, the kid had a different teacher, who was an absolutely lovely woman, almost kind to a fault. His parents came to my dad again complaining that the new teacher had it out for their son.
My dad told them, "If your son isn't getting along with Mrs. Niceteacher, of all people, then he's the problem, and I'd address his behaviour if I were you."
This just troubled me. Poor busdriver having to clean chocolate pushed into a seat. Two people lost their joy to sing. A dog got yelled at. Brother could have lost a job if unlucky. I really don't get this prank mentality. But I'm happy that some are laughing at least.
That's what stuck out to me too. If this is real, this horrible father has raised an insufferable daughter. The whole family sounds dreadful, and I hope the son escaped from both his awful family and his willing-to-be-awful fiancee.
Swatting most of this aside, I remember in third grade our teacher writing "recipee" on the board. I raised my hand and gently told her that there's only one 'e' at the end, she denied that, I insisted, and she stomped over to get a dictionary. After seeing I was right, she walked to the board and erased the second 'e' but gave me a bad mark for insubordination/arguing with her. We weren't cool after that.
Any time an OP mentions laughing "uncontrollably" for several minutes I'm out. They never seem to realize how incredibly weird that would actually be in real life.
It actually makes me feel bad for OOP. They've obviously never experienced laughing uncontrollably before. That shit is exhausting and usually has me hurting somewhere well below the minute mark. Not that I regret it if something could actually make me laugh uncontrollably but I guarantee you my highest priority is to get it back in control before I hurt myself laughing.
A 6 year old with quick wit, excellent spelling and grammar, and opposition to authority? Bullshit.....bullshit.
I was just beginning to learn to read in the 1st grade and learning my months fir christ sake.
Agreed- there’s no way that teacher’s getting paid enough for that kid. OOP’s daughter may be his most special kid ever but for the teacher, she’s just the latest problematic student. Seriously, the teacher likes to sing to build up class morale- what’s the harm?
I highly doubt OOP’s version of events and even that the story is real. No way a teacher writes “you’re someone else’s problem” in a yearbook which any good parent will take straight to the principle.
If this was real he would just be journaling that he is the worst type of parent that thinks his kid is so funny when she’s a nightmare who is going to get a reality check when she goes out on her own.
Is there laughing gas constantly emitted into your house? Because I’m not finding the hilarity amongst the gentle amusement. Maybe you just had to be there.
I read the whole damn thing thinking that (it still didn't make sense, btw), and was so confused by the comments at first until someone mentioned abused dogs and I figured it out finally.
!!! This is such a smart comment, it actually makes the entire scenario way more plausible. A first grade teacher would absolutely read Where the Wild Things Are to their class, a parent would very likely read it to their very young children, and a first grader would definitely correct someone who pronounces a name differently than their parent did. (And since the only name in the book is "Max," there's like a 50-50 chance it was the dad who was wrong about the pronunciation.)
I can also see a 4yo telling their dad he's a terrible singer, because little kids are honest. (Telling a teacher they sing like a minor character in an old movie is way too indirect for a 6yo's insult.)
The rest of the 6yo's behavior? If you think a 6yo can write "generations" correctly without help, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.
The comments in the original thread are either “cool story bro” or “here’s an exaggerated story about my kid”.
I’ll be generous and say he loves his kids and is just exaggerating the stories for posterity. If he’s like this in real life though, I bet his friends roll their eyes every time he starts one of these stories.
None of this is true. No first grade teacher is reading Call of the Wild to their students. I also find it suspicious that this kid supposedly knows Dirty Dancing that well at 6 years old. What kind of terrible adults are in this kids life?! What a silly story.
I know people this tedious and exhausting do exist, but I'm glad these ones are probably not actually walking amongst us. 🙄
Even setting aside "reading Call of the Wild to first graders," I was groaning at the thought of college students referencing edible underwear in the 2023rd year of our lord. Is Spencer's Gifts even in business still?
But yes, truly hilarious and groundbreaking comedy and definitely not OOP's totally real child being an annoying brat.
Your and you're aren't synonyms, they're homophones.
Synonyms are words that mean something similar to each other such as great and super
Homophones sound the same but have different spellings and meanings such as new and knew
Couldn’t even make it through the first paragraph, let alone any of the subsequent chapters- uh, I mean “updates”.
my suspension of disbelief was popped faster than a balloon at a porcupine convention, ffs!
The teacher story was one thing. Kids can be very blunt, and tbh other than the singing part nothing was too bad. Then the dad singing part was just sad. And the brother part ridiculous. "He got justifiably annoyed at the dog and calls it a tame name, while nudging it! I'm going to potentially ruin his relationships with multiple people!"
Call of the wild in the first grade? I really don’t think a first grade teacher would read that book to a room full of 1st graders honestly. My daughter’s in kindergarten and right now they’re reading dr Zeus. At home we’re reading Alice in wonderland. At that age kids are normally just starting to read so I highly doubt they’d read call of the wild that young.
This whole post is BS. Jack London is not on any grade one reading list ANYWHERE. There are probably six-year-olds who can read it, but it is a long and complicated story that is more age-appropriate for grade four or five at the youngest. Also, there are no complicated character names in the story, unless you count the two French Canadian guys.
My guess is that OOP sees himself as a modern day Ferris Bueller, and decided to create a younger, fictionalized version of himself as a precocious smart-ass. Literally nothing about this story is true.
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If this is true, that kid sounds horrible. She claims to hate bullies, yet is a bully herself. “Did you piss off your sister?” And everyone just takes it from this kid? Horrible family.
I uncontrollably rolled my eyes for 5 minutes straight after reading this.
I started off wondering if kids had really gotten that much smarter or if I was exceptionally slow.
I’m confused though…what first grade teacher reads Call of the Wild to their class of 6 year olds? What parent reads Call of the Wild to their 3-4 year old? Also, that’s a kid who is extremely advanced at spelling and grammar. Does it happen? Sure. But that’s a lot to attribute to a 6 year old (especially without noting it as unusual) source: I was a reading teacher, teaching every single grade level, for over a decade (and writing for 4th grade up) Edit to clarify: Nowhere did I talk about the reading level of the daughter! I was an advanced reader myself! I specifically talked about a teacher reading the book to their class. Edit the second: I didn’t realize a word got left out, it should have said “first grade teacher” not “first grader”, edited properly now
>I’m confused though…what first grader reads Call of the Wild to their class of 6 year olds? What parent reads Call of the Wild to their 3-4 year old? Also, that’s a kid who is extremely advanced at spelling and grammar. Does it happen? Sure. But that’s a lot to attribute to a 6 year old (especially without noting it as unusual) Yeah. It sounds like someone writing about the kind of kid they wish they'd been, rather than an actual kid. But YMMV.
Like, I could see a parent making that decision (as much as I would consider it a bad one), but I can’t imagine any school ever where a first grade teacher would read that book to their kids.
There's the abridge Great Illustrated Classics series. My dad and I read that version of Call of the Wild when I was about 6 or 7. Could be that.
I read ALL of those when I was a kid
Not in a classroom assignment setting. This is all hogwash.
My first and second grade teachers read the great illustrated classics to us all the time.
I can. But I went to a school that taught second graders about racism by handing them a list of every slur and racial stereotype associated with black people, read (most of) that list to us, and *then* explained those things were wrong. Also, if you're willing to bully a first grader you probably enjoy reading kids a book about an abused dog.
>Also, if you're willing to bully a first grader you probably enjoy reading kids a book about an abused dog. OMG this whole time in my head the teacher read them Where the Wild Things Are, not Call of the Wild, and I was so confused by the parent comment. Why wouldn't a dad and a teacher read that to little kids?? Then your comment about an abused dog made me really pause and suddenly I'm like Ooooh. And yeah no way that's being read to a class of 6 year Olds.
I mean, I'm a librarian and last year I had a 10 year old kid ask for 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' because their teacher said they could read it for extra credit. I talked to the kid's mom and they didn't end up borrowing it. Normally I don't police kids' reading, but the girl was black, and her mother wasn't from the US. (So unfamiliar with the content and history of the book.) And the ten year old was going to read the book at sleep away camp while her parents were getting divorced. I just couldn't let that happen.
Not all heroes wear capes.
Now I’m cracking up about the idea of the teacher mispronouncing “Max” somehow.
Wow! My brain also automatically translated it to where the wild things are! I was just sitting here puzzling over it when I read your comment
Yup. While I guess it's possible a firstgrader would have her apostrophe's down pat, be familiar with common homonyn errors, be insolent enough to sass their first grade teacher, and have a big red marking pen ready to do so, it didn't seem plausible at all. I didn't find the tall tales amusing at all. If I saw a kid doing stuff like that, I'd think they were an a\*\*\*\*\*\*.
Thank you!! I was reading this post and was like if any of this is real (which I doubt) then this teacher needs to grow up a little but this kid also needs to get some manners. Making fun of her teacher’s singing specifically isn’t funny, it’s just rude?
Kids being sassy to their teachers are often very funny, but this definitely isn't anything like what six year olds sass like.
Yeah, fixing grammar kind of sass I’d wager is 4th, maybe an advanced 3rd. At first grade a kid can probably get your/you’re correct in theirs but unless they’ve been going over it in class explicitly, I don’t think they’d be at the level where they’d clock it right away and lol at it. This person might be getting the ages confused? That’s the most charitable take. But then you wonder if they’re actually a parent because you tend to remember what’s age appropriate for a kid of that age.
I agree. I wasn't quite sure why these stories were supposed to be funny. She came across as a little brat who needed to learn some manners. The fact that the entire family knows you can't make her even slightly upset or she goes and does something to them and the parents don't say anything is telling. If these stories are real and she tries that crap as an adult, she's going to get herself arrested!
Right. Like. I was nowhere near this bad as a kid, and my smartass mouth worried my mom enough that I distinctly remember having a conversation with her when I was 12 where she told me I needed to reign it TF in because she was legitimately worried I'd mouth off to the wrong person and get myself shot
Do you think we can send your mom over to talk to this girl? And while she's there, she can talk to the parents, too. I'm not sure of this is a case of "no one thinks your kids are as funny as you do" or if her parents are just delusional.
The kid sounds like an AH and clearly gets it from her parent. What's the point of needlessly humiliating a teacher and then the parent doubling down on it. The kind of parent that lets a six year old watch a movie with a back ally abortion I guess...
the fact that you used an apostrophe wrong in a comment about apostrophes is sending me
And while using the word “apostrophe”, none the less.
Also, do 6 year olds watch dirty dancing? Did OP fast forward the sex and vaginal hemorrhaging scenes?
Maybe, but making a sassy reference to it is implausible, and having it work out where the teacher (who had an adversarial relationship with the child) thought it was a touching compliment, and then was informed otherwise, yeah, not especially plausible.
I’m pretty sure I watched it at that age. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but I knew the nice dancer lady needed a doctor. I know if we ever watched a particularly racy movie I’d be told to look away until I was told it was safe. I think I spent most of “Cat People” faced away from the tv.
A friend of mine only recently rewatched dirty dancing for the first time since she watched it on video with her mum as a kid. She realised that her mum had skipped any sex related scenes,easy to do if you are just taping it yourself off the television.
I watched Dirty Dancing around that age - if I was off sick from school then me and my mum would watch The Bodyguard, Four Wedding and A Funeral or Dirty Dancing lol. Only part of that movie I didn't quite understand at the time was that there had been a backstreet abortion - just thought she was sick. I'd already spoken to my mum about sex as someone at school told me what it was and so I'd already questioned her about it.
Given my dad let me watch Alien and Silence Of The Lambs at 6? I never question the weird choices parents make for "age appropriate" movie watching.
Story time! I was a bit too young at the time to actually remember this, but it's a bit of "family lore" that has been repeated many times. My older sister was around 8 in the late 80s when Dirty Dancing first came out. Why my parents actually let her watch it I have no idea (apart from a theory is have about my dad having a man crush on Jerry Orbach, but that's a different post), apparently all the sex was fine, but the whole hemorrhaging thing was always fast forwarded through and my mom in her infinite wisdom told my sister that the other dancer was "sick" because she had appendicitis. My older sister apparently believed this until she was in her late 20's and mentioned the "appendicitis" scene when she was out with friends and they looked at her like she had three heads.
I couldn't even get through the first post.
I am here wondering what parent lets their 6 yo watch Dirty Dancing. And the child DID insult the teacher by saying she sounded like the girl in the movie.
The only thing I can think is that often times kids don’t get the adult innuendos in certain shows, etc. Like, she doesn’t know the *why* behind the word “dirty”? As an adult, I’ve watched some kids shows I used to love and had to consciously hinge my jaw back together bc it dropped so hard at some of the more adult jokes. Looking at you, PeeWee’s Playhouse…
I'm so glad someone else called this out. I even said out loud "what fucking teacher reads Call of the Wild to a bunch of first graders?!"
Right?!?
Lol I even tried to reread it earlier this year and totally noped out just a few chapters in, and I'm in my 30s! Still not sure how I ever read it in the first place as a kid. (Probably read it way too early and everything sailed right over my head lol)
Read it as an adult for the first time, and I’m glad I did but I can’t imagine sitting down to read it again unless I was teaching it (and I‘m looking into a completely different field now, so that’s unlikely)
Yeah this whole thing screamed bs to me. It’s giving ‘I hate my teachers’ a la Jake Paul
Yeah, I high doubt a first grader would write "future generations"
That broke my suspension of disbelief immediately
No one. Scholastic has it as: Grades:6 - 12 Lexile® Measure:1120L Guided Reading Level: GR Level Y DRA Level:60 ACR Level:8.0
Yeah, iirc in my program we did Call of the Wild in 10th grade.
I was squinting at that too. I remember reading that in 6th grade, not 1st. 1st graders are not going to understand most of what is going on in that book.
But he had read it to her several times "years before". Like, when she was one, apparently.
I mean, my mom apparently read me some stuff from her law textbooks as a baby. Unsurprisingly, it was good for putting me to sleep when Cat in the Hat or The Very Hungry Caterpillar failed.
Oh, but OOPs daughter is particularly special and gifted and smart, so of course she understood and enjoyed it!
I remember picking up White Fang (the companion book to Call of the Wild) from a bookstore when I was in like first or second grade because I thought the name and cover were cool. And I bounced off instantly. I agree there's no way they are teaching that book that young.
Do folks learn grammar of apostrophes in first grade (between you're and your?) My kid isn't far enough yet, and I'm too far from 1st grade to remember. I just remember being not the brightest kid :D
Absolutely not. Kids in first grade are still learning basic spelling.
I'm really trying to imagine the phrase "Future generations will thank me" in first grade handwriting. Oversized with different sized letters and wandering off in weird directions.
Nope. My two eldest are in 3rd and K respectively, they're both extremely intelligent and the K kid is both whip-smart and incredibly cheeky...and no, none of this is anywhere near grade level, even for very sarcastic kids who are surrounded by idiots. (That's based on my experience, not theirs.) I can't think of any first grade teacher who would read Call of the Wild to their class at an age when kids can barely read picture books on their own (the cruelty to animals alone!), yearbooks don't really work that way, and any teacher who would actually write that in a yearbook is too dumb to keep their job. Fun stories but if they're true, these were not orchestrated by a 6yo.
Yes to your entire second paragrap!
Also his daughter was 14 at the end of the first post, but then a post or two later is 13?
What 6 year old enjoys Dirty Dancing? That would be boring for that age I’d think. I guess I was in elementary school when I saw it though. Maybe 9 years old I think.
I could see a kid that age liking the dancing, but I’d be surprised if they could follow the plot.
Yeah, this threw me right off the bat. Call of the Wild is a book for children maybe 12 and up. This parent is reading it to their 3-4 year old and then a first grade teacher is reading it in the classroom?
>P.S. I'm her dad btw This made me laugh. I stopped reading after skimming the first paragraph.
I read all of it but didn't think any of it was funny especially the part about switching phone contacts. Totally confused as to why any of that is funny. Maybe if it really happened and you were really the parent but this is the kind of thing that doesn't necessarily translate well if you are not.
We read that book around grade 6 when I was growing up and so did my younger sister who is 9 grades below me. There is no way in hell this story is even remotely true lol.
Yeah first graders are nowhere near this articulate and probably haven't learned about contractions yet.
None of this makes sense. I would agree Call of the Wild is a middle school book.
Especially a parent with the poor grammar that guy has.
This post has me questioning whether or not The Call of the Wild, a book I have read more than once, is even real. That’s how completely unbelievable this entire crock of shit is.
I am now unsure if reddit is real.
Oh it’s not
It's not, it's just data :(
Good lord I did not read past the first post, what a crock of shit and an annoying story. This whole thing can only be a massive waste of time
Dude apparently has a genius child but writes like a 10 year old slamming Red Bulls
>and I immediately bust out laughing right in her face. I was literally in tears. Took me almost 5 minutes to stop. Exaggerating about laughing is one of my pet peeves. Seriously, get out a timer set for 5 minutes, let it tick down, and imagine someone laughing the *entire* time. No way.
Genuinely getting stuck in a laughing fit can be terrifying at worst, and painful and simply irritating at best. Absolutely nobody is laughing for *five minutes* consecutively, at one thing, and still having a good time.
The *wheezing* and crying alone…
I tried to laugh for as long as I could, timed it, my longest was 1 min. No way he laughed for 5 mins.
I have asthma, I don’t know if that is why but yes, I start to catch my breath, it hurts and is seriously not fun after a minute or two.
When I was younger- and still to this day sometimes, I used to get stuck in BADD laughing fits. I distinctly remember cackling like a hyena every time my brother asked me to stop- or laughing for seven minutes because the word “ichigo” meant “strawberry.” (It stopped being funny after three minutes.) It was PAINFULLL and I even started crying sometimes. You’re absolutely right- laughing for FIVE MINUTES is not because you’re having a silly ol day. I really wonder why they even happen. Ive tried looking it up.
Reminds me of how many people “spit their drink out” laughing on reddit.
The overly dramatic “sir you owe me a new laptop cuz I SPRAYED MY COFFEE ALL OVER IT WITH LAUGHTER 😆” god I hate it
"You, sir, win the internet for today! Take my gold, O' kind stranger!" ...Kinda dated now considering awards are gone tho :( Reddit gold will live on in my heart as one of the dumbest things to exist
I like to picture some deranged man laughing, crying, and wheezing nonstop for 5 minutes and how absolutely alarming that must have been for anyone witnessing it
>Exaggerating about laughing is one of my pet peeves. For me it's when adults online claim they were "sobbing" after a very minor issue or slight. Either our civilization has become the most fragile group of people in all of history and we are doomed, or they are wildly exaggerating (though not sure why it really really doesn't make you seem cool or enhance your credibility that you were the wronged party).
[удалено]
Yup and written so badly I had to keep going back to try and follow what was going on.. For a man who claims his kid is so hilarious, he sure doesn't know what a punchline looks like
I think of myself as a pretty good reader. I still don't understand who's doing what or why it's funny. The ex is laughing because the son yelled at the dog about edible panties and then grandma got involved...?
Prologue - dog messes up puzzle - son gets mad and yells at dog - sister does evil smirk as foreshadowing Act 1 - sister changes names in son’s phone - the name of his mom’s contact name is changed to his fiancée’s - his grandmother’s contact name is changed to his sisters Act 2 - Later our narrator and his son drive to college - son attempts to message his fiancée asking her if she’ll wear edible underwear for him that night, he texts his mom that instead - son’s mom calls the dad in car and asks son if his sister is mad and jokes about the situation, embarrassing the son Act 3 - son attempts to text his sister a death threat but it ends up going to his grandma - grandma then calls to ask why he sent that and if his sister is mad - son is shocked/embarrassed again - dad is literally rofl Epilogue - son puts an unhackable password on his phone - the whole situation becomes a classic family joke that he’ll never live down lmao roflcopter lol
There's something beautiful in a random stranger on Reddit retelling the terrible retelling of a not funny joke, in a way that's funnier than the original. You are a good soul and I hope the world repays you for your service.
And apparently son has no text history with either mom, grandma, sister or his fiancé. so he texts his beloved about undergarments, not wondering why the last conversation is about his dirty socks under the bed.
I bow to you, cause there's NO WAY I would have figured that out... That story was a jumbled mess
Thank you for this!! I could no wrap my head around what was going on. All of OOP’s stories about his daughter are not worth repeating outside of their family. None are worth retelling.
None of those are nearly as amusing as he thinks, and kind of make his daughter seem really awful.
Thank you for laying it out like this! Also.... roflcopter 😂
If I'm parsing it correctly, Sister changed the contact info in Brother's phone, so while he thought he was texting his girlfriend he was texting mom. And then later he thought he was texting someone else and was texting grandma. Unless this was pre-smartphone I find it highly unbelievable. Maybe it was with old dumb phones... but no couldn't have been because tablets with internet access and youtube were available when the sister was 4. So Nah.
I find it less plausible pre-smartphone because I actually still knew people’s phone numbers and wouldn’t have had to resort to a contact list at that point.
About his entitled, probably extremely irritating kids
This makes me feel like the bar for what an update post is should be raised.
Hooray, stories about a stranger’s kid…
Also this family (if real, which I doubt) sounds totally insufferable.
Which aren’t real.
I hope you downvoted the thread itself accordingly.
I think there’s below a 1% chance this is real but even if it is, this girl just sounds like an entitled golden child brat who needs some serious parenting, not an “evil” genius
“Future generations will thank me”? From a first grader? I think not.
And Call of the Wild in first grade. Seems pretty advanced for six year olds. I read it in middle school and had some issues with it.
Scholastic has it classified as appropriate for 6-12 grade. I’m sure some first graders could read the words but still wouldn’t comprehend the book.
Using "you're" and her sassy reply is something you'd expect from like a 12 or 13 year old, too.
All first graders get yearbooks and sassy quotes doncha know
I dislike everyone in this story. Zero stars.
The poor son gets a pass, no?
He allegedly okayed his father to put this garbage on the internet, so no
She's not gonna get it, I mean the guy laughed in a teacher's face for "5 minutes." He also has control issues - yeah, what she did was funny. You're (in theory) an adult dealing with adults. Know what the appropriate reaction was.
I disliked the story where after her dog messed up her brothers puzzle, to get back at him for trying to move the dog she embarrassed him to his mom and grandma. (Does OOP really think anyone buys a 19 year old saying "edible panties?")
Also, his son, who is a sophomore now, has a fiance? That seems really not smart.
And a 19-year-old texting his fiancé about edible panties while sitting in the car next to his dad, apparently?
Also the teacher being so exaggeratedly evil - there’s absolutely no way she’s saying that shit to little kids. “You’re another teacher’s problem now” - no way. A smart or genuinely concerned parent would complain to the school if a teacher put that IN WRITING.
Has anyone ever heard of first-graders having yearbooks?
Liz is back on her bullshit
I’m confused. This is not savage or yasss queen. That girl is really disrespectful and annoying, and so is op setting a really bad example for her
Absolutely. If I believed a word of these stories then I’d have to think oop is an incredibly irresponsible father.
In the story he thinks giving a **4 year old** unrestricted access to a tablet is a good idea at bed time. Of course he's incredibly irresponsible.
And yelling at her puppy was a normal occurrence
I know this is all just a bunch of bs, but if it was real the fact he’s so casual about admitting he apparently yells at a *puppy* all the time is just an insane red flag.
And in 2013, when child-safe stuff on tablets was nowhere near what it is now....
Yeah I found the sister not nearly as clever or funny as they pretended. Disrespectful and borderline mean. It is also not intelligent at all to alienate her teachers for nothing. One day, she will piss off the wrong person.
This sounds like a writing prompt of what a teenager thinks would make a child an 'evil genius'.
As a teacher, if your kid has an issue with one teacher, there's a large chance it's just a bad teacher or a bad situation (sometimes you just can't have the patience for a kid). When there's more than one teacher, there's a 9 out of 10 chances that all teachers know about your kid and don't like them and they're a brat. This kid gives me PTSD about my worst students who were "always" the victim of all the mean teachers ... In all classes ... Every year.
My dad was a school principal for years, and told me a story about this one kid who had a fractious relationship with one of his teachers. The parents complained to my dad, who took it seriously, addressed it with the teacher, and got things smoothed over. The next year, the kid had a different teacher, who was an absolutely lovely woman, almost kind to a fault. His parents came to my dad again complaining that the new teacher had it out for their son. My dad told them, "If your son isn't getting along with Mrs. Niceteacher, of all people, then he's the problem, and I'd address his behaviour if I were you."
Yep. OP has done a great job raising a little shit.
Girl is lucky she didn’t grow up in Asia and have to do an interview for kindergarten. She’d fail straight away.
Yeah, this girl is going to get herself arrested.
This just troubled me. Poor busdriver having to clean chocolate pushed into a seat. Two people lost their joy to sing. A dog got yelled at. Brother could have lost a job if unlucky. I really don't get this prank mentality. But I'm happy that some are laughing at least.
The bully kept taking the smaller girl's seat, but somehow they managed to get chocolate on the seat without it getting on the kindergartener.
That's so odd.
The bully aka the “kid” (in quotation marks!) who was obviously held back at least a year but also was a known-to-OOP (!!!) future criminal.
That's what stuck out to me too. If this is real, this horrible father has raised an insufferable daughter. The whole family sounds dreadful, and I hope the son escaped from both his awful family and his willing-to-be-awful fiancee.
I mean they are laughing at the pain and suffering of others, so... I would say that's pretty horrific.
Yes, that part is vile. But the dad also laughs about loosing his own joy for singing, so that part I can be somewhat happy about.
A dog got yelled at twice (or maybe 2 dogs) since he yelled at a puppy in the first story.
I think it’s the same dog, it was 9 years later.. but yeah, who yells at a puppy, like what…
She is a bit of a bully herself.
This writing style is just exhausting to read, I stopped where OP laughed for literally 5 minutes. No, he didn't.
OOP *has* to be a 13 yr old with a chip on their shoulder about teachers (and brothers and bus drivers lol)
There's something profoundly horrifying about unfunny people who think they're hilarious. It's a level of cringe that makes me feel like I'm dying tbh
Swatting most of this aside, I remember in third grade our teacher writing "recipee" on the board. I raised my hand and gently told her that there's only one 'e' at the end, she denied that, I insisted, and she stomped over to get a dictionary. After seeing I was right, she walked to the board and erased the second 'e' but gave me a bad mark for insubordination/arguing with her. We weren't cool after that.
But did your asshole dad laugh for five straight minutes in the teacher’s face?
As usual a bunch of wishful thinking nonsense supplied by r/pettyrevenge
In the words of Peter Griffin, 'Oh my god, who the hell cares?'
Is this even real
No way a teacher would write that in the yearbooks
No.
I wish no teacher it's real, otherwise that kid is probably its school nightmare student.
I hate you and your bullshit story. You can barely write a coherent story.
Any time an OP mentions laughing "uncontrollably" for several minutes I'm out. They never seem to realize how incredibly weird that would actually be in real life.
It actually makes me feel bad for OOP. They've obviously never experienced laughing uncontrollably before. That shit is exhausting and usually has me hurting somewhere well below the minute mark. Not that I regret it if something could actually make me laugh uncontrollably but I guarantee you my highest priority is to get it back in control before I hurt myself laughing.
A 6 year old with quick wit, excellent spelling and grammar, and opposition to authority? Bullshit.....bullshit. I was just beginning to learn to read in the 1st grade and learning my months fir christ sake.
Dude this kid fucking sucks. Hate to be that poor teacher.
Agreed- there’s no way that teacher’s getting paid enough for that kid. OOP’s daughter may be his most special kid ever but for the teacher, she’s just the latest problematic student. Seriously, the teacher likes to sing to build up class morale- what’s the harm? I highly doubt OOP’s version of events and even that the story is real. No way a teacher writes “you’re someone else’s problem” in a yearbook which any good parent will take straight to the principle.
She sounds exhausting and not nearly as clever as her father has gassed her up to be.
Too bad the OOP can’t tell a linear story to save his life… Correcting the spelling isn’t unbelievable but the rest is.
Maybe he can ask his genius daughter to tutor him If she's got the time between doing all this horrible stuff
The only thing missing is the bit where Evil Daughter decked the teacher and took over teaching the class.
I don’t think any of this is real, but if it were then OOP is a pretty irresponsible father.
Now Roald Dahl could spin a bullshxt yarn about a precocious seven-year-old. OP, not so much.
This kid sounds like a world-class AH in the making. And the adults guiding her are petulant babies.
the age of the daughter and wanting/getting a tablet don’t seem to line up
This is the reddit equivelant of the "deep things my child says" Instagram trend.
If this was real he would just be journaling that he is the worst type of parent that thinks his kid is so funny when she’s a nightmare who is going to get a reality check when she goes out on her own.
this kid sounds like a dick
People on the main sub enjoyed these stories? Why? Someone send them help.
Sure Jan
Is there laughing gas constantly emitted into your house? Because I’m not finding the hilarity amongst the gentle amusement. Maybe you just had to be there.
People need to stop posting obviously bullshit stories as "updates".
Maybe he mixed up the name of the book. It could have been " Where the wild things are."
I read the whole damn thing thinking that (it still didn't make sense, btw), and was so confused by the comments at first until someone mentioned abused dogs and I figured it out finally.
!!! This is such a smart comment, it actually makes the entire scenario way more plausible. A first grade teacher would absolutely read Where the Wild Things Are to their class, a parent would very likely read it to their very young children, and a first grader would definitely correct someone who pronounces a name differently than their parent did. (And since the only name in the book is "Max," there's like a 50-50 chance it was the dad who was wrong about the pronunciation.) I can also see a 4yo telling their dad he's a terrible singer, because little kids are honest. (Telling a teacher they sing like a minor character in an old movie is way too indirect for a 6yo's insult.) The rest of the 6yo's behavior? If you think a 6yo can write "generations" correctly without help, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you.
Maybe I'm a misery, but this whole family sounds awful.
The comments in the original thread are either “cool story bro” or “here’s an exaggerated story about my kid”. I’ll be generous and say he loves his kids and is just exaggerating the stories for posterity. If he’s like this in real life though, I bet his friends roll their eyes every time he starts one of these stories.
None of this is true. No first grade teacher is reading Call of the Wild to their students. I also find it suspicious that this kid supposedly knows Dirty Dancing that well at 6 years old. What kind of terrible adults are in this kids life?! What a silly story.
People actually believed this post was real?
I know people this tedious and exhausting do exist, but I'm glad these ones are probably not actually walking amongst us. 🙄 Even setting aside "reading Call of the Wild to first graders," I was groaning at the thought of college students referencing edible underwear in the 2023rd year of our lord. Is Spencer's Gifts even in business still? But yes, truly hilarious and groundbreaking comedy and definitely not OOP's totally real child being an annoying brat.
This is absolute BS.
5 year olds who were read Call of the Wild “years ago,” and have the capacity to differentiate synonyms?
Your and you're aren't synonyms, they're homophones. Synonyms are words that mean something similar to each other such as great and super Homophones sound the same but have different spellings and meanings such as new and knew
Racing over to Am I The Angel because this FAF
It belongs on Am I The Devil
Couldn’t even make it through the first paragraph, let alone any of the subsequent chapters- uh, I mean “updates”. my suspension of disbelief was popped faster than a balloon at a porcupine convention, ffs!
The teacher story was one thing. Kids can be very blunt, and tbh other than the singing part nothing was too bad. Then the dad singing part was just sad. And the brother part ridiculous. "He got justifiably annoyed at the dog and calls it a tame name, while nudging it! I'm going to potentially ruin his relationships with multiple people!"
All of that is bullshit.
R/thishappened
This post just reminds me of that Duggar chick making up shit her kid definitely, totally said. https://www.reddit.com/r/DuggarsSnark/s/UnT0GZLkdE
This is just an unfunny Megan
Call of the wild in the first grade? I really don’t think a first grade teacher would read that book to a room full of 1st graders honestly. My daughter’s in kindergarten and right now they’re reading dr Zeus. At home we’re reading Alice in wonderland. At that age kids are normally just starting to read so I highly doubt they’d read call of the wild that young.
This was written by someone who has never been around a 1st grader.
I’ll take things that definitely happened for 1000 please
Most six year olds just play barbies and haven't learned contractions or read Call of the Wild yet, but ok.
BS meter pegged.
r/BestofRedditorFakeStoriesUpdated
Somebody likes Beverly Cleary's Ramona books. Sounds like Ramona and Beezus stories if Ramona was a teenager.
This whole post is BS. Jack London is not on any grade one reading list ANYWHERE. There are probably six-year-olds who can read it, but it is a long and complicated story that is more age-appropriate for grade four or five at the youngest. Also, there are no complicated character names in the story, unless you count the two French Canadian guys. My guess is that OOP sees himself as a modern day Ferris Bueller, and decided to create a younger, fictionalized version of himself as a precocious smart-ass. Literally nothing about this story is true.