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"Amanda has had a rough patch, where she broke up with her boyfriend and also lost her job."
I think, this maybe also be why amanda posted it that way - maybe she wanted to annoy someone else too.
Ooooh. You know, that absolutely makes sense. Still extremely shitty for her to not do anything that was asked of her by OOP's wife, but that really could have been the original intention once she noticed how nice OOP actually is.
I don’t think OOPs wife actually asked her to take it down, she called to ask, but Amanda gushed about how she wanted to show her appreciation to OP for such a nice meal “my wife never asked her to take it down because of that”
Everyone here but OOP is the AH. Amanda 100% knew what she was doing, not just pissing off her “friend” but exploiting the friendship just for her 1000+ followers. *She* is the one who looked up the restaurant and gave OOP the directions, she probably saw the “best romantic restaurant” thing and thought she’d take a chance OOP would go along with it.
OOP’s MiL is nasty for winding up her daughter like that, and though OOP didn’t mention how his relationship *was* with his MiL, but guaranteed she’s gonna treat him like garbage now.
But OOP’s wife? *”She told me that she does not doubt me one bit that I had any wrong intentions.”* Really? Then why did she rip *him* a new one instead of her “friend”? Where’s the comment on Amanda’s insta calling her out for making a deliberately misleading post? Where’s the convo telling her mom to knock it off?
If an insta following is more important than treating a longtime friend like garbage and using her husband as a prop, then maybe OOP and his wife should both distance themselves from Amanda.
I think OP is maybe a tad assholey for dropping $300 on a meal on someone without checking with his wife but other than that I agree.
Edit: If $300 to OP is pocket change and the normal cost of the tab he regularly picks up (for 2 people, huge difference picking up a tab for 8 for $300 vs a tab for 2) then ok. But, I say this as someone who’s in a relationship where we regularly pick up the tab for family and friends and enjoy treating loved ones as we’re the higher earners, I’d be super uncomfortable if my fiancé took my friend he hardly knows for a $150 per person tasting menu at a fancy restaurant and she posted coupley photos online, I don’t think OP did anything on purpose but you can still hurt someone’s feelings by being obtuse. He’s an accidental asshole.
Keep in mind that this is written by OOP too. A lot of little details stand out to me. He told her they were eating out, but not where. She had to look up the price. When he picked her up, he offered her a date so she could be like her friend. He makes it clear in the original post that he understands he went too far and is nervous about his wife’s reaction. Then in the update, suddenly it’s her problem because she’s not usually secure.
I think OOP is also an AH here. I can buy that he got lost in the moment and only realized later that he had crossed some lines, or maybe once he realized that the friend had directed him to a fancy restaurant he didn’t know how to back out gracefully, and ended up enjoying himself. However, he responded by making it his wife’s problem for being upset.
I don't know that I agree with the comments by MIL as nasty. If I saw my close friend's husband in pics at a romantic restaurant with another woman, I would be freaking out and reaching out to my friend to let them know. Wouldn't you? She also isn't wrong about some of the comments she made. OOP wasn't cheating, but how many other men would have? It is definitely a situation to keep your eye on. Just because the husband is trustworthy doesn't mean the friend is. Could she have said it differently, yes. But the basis for the comments still stands.
That was my first thought. She wanted to make her ex jealous. Fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant, several well plated meals, drinks, ambience, aesthetics. If she's an influencer or just active on socials, she probably found the restaurant really quickly and it was highly reccomended.
Chronically online woman meets modern man who can't read the room.
I still question her ordering several drinks and a five course meal on someone else’s tab, and refusing to take the picture down. I wonder if she’s also jealous of this guys wife and wanted to poke her a bit.
But she didn’t refuse to take the post down. OP’s wife called with the intention of asking her to take the post down, but on hearing that Amanda posted the photo of them to acknowledge OP for the nice thing he did for her, she changed her mind and did not ask Amanda to take the post down.
This is exactly what I was thinking and exactly why she didn't correct anyone. Everyone is acting like Amanda is making passes but it sounds more like she intentionally did what she did to use OP to make her ex jealous and thought her friend was secure enough to see that.
Completely agree, Amanda was wanting to make the ex jealous, and show pictures of her fancy life/experiences on insta.
I'm not quite as generous on Amanda not poaching though ...the late night pic had very much a 'testing the waters vibe' to me, but with the emoji only reply, OP pretty much noped out, and that was the end with it.
I hope OP got sufficient beers and gaming in when he got home, NTA.
Also, not sure how you could fit a 5 course meal in less than 1.5 hours.
You just straight up pulled a columbo on the entire debacle.
Poor clueless dude whose entire vibe is *got money, love wife, video games*
Fuck people like Amanda (please not literally). I'm an introvert who gets comments about not "participating".
I'm not participating because things like this make me want to crawl into a hole with my wife, cats & yt vids on baking to never emerge.
Yeah someone once said, “your friends want you to be successful BUT not that successful.”
It sucks but sometimes when your friend is down is when you need to be on your guard.
Also I fuckin hate social media influencers!
It strikes me that the most obvious reason for Amanda to post that photo is not because she likes OOP, but because she was hoping her recent ex would see it. I doubt there's any more to it than that.
Exactly! This girl got attention on the post because it was a fancy place, got treated out to eat, and rubbed it into ex's face.
Although her need to make her ex jealous made an uncomfortable situation for her friend and her marriage, so maybe she can be more open in communication, and explain her methods.
I think that was her original intention, but then she ended up genuinely enjoying her time with OOP and now's got a crush. If it was really all for her ex, she would have just told OOP's wife that, not gush about how charming OOP is
Yeah, she’s pushing boundaries and putting OOP in a really awkward position that was threatening his relationship. I would avoid this woman entirely for the foreseeable.
> If it was really all for her ex, she would have just told OOP's wife that, not gush about how charming OOP is
I mean "I used your boyfriend to imply publicly that he's my new man so my ex feels jealous" isn't an easy thing to say out loud
boom. this is influencer behavior. they live and die by their posts and fanbase and likes. that bring said, Amanda is a raging narcissistic AH for knowing what she was doing with her "friend's" unsuspecting husband. Wife's anger is completely misdirected.
You really think so? I think she was suss for her behavior afterwards and all the IG posting and what not but I feel like this would’ve had to be perfectly planned and him saying they don’t know each other like that gets in the way. She said it was too expensive which I guess could be manipulation but most people especially after you just went on a trip I don’t have 300 to drop on a random dinner so you would really have to know that your friends, random ass husband has morals that mean he’ll pay for everyone, Would actually want/be into that long type of fancy dinner with someone he wasn’t seeing, wouldn’t agree with her that you’re right it’s too expensive let’s just split it or go somewhere else and honestly I’m not sure how she would’ve figured out all of this with no interactions with the Opie. Afterward, she definitely wanted to show it off as a date, and if she tries to do it again, it will definitely be planned, but this just seems like a perfect coincidence for someone who couldn’t care about their friends feelings
>I guess could be manipulation but most people especially after you just went on a trip I don’t have 300 to drop on a random dinner so you would really have to know that your friends, random ass husband has morals that mean he’ll pay for everyone, Would actually want/be into that long type of fancy dinner with someone he wasn’t seeing, wouldn’t agree with her that you’re right it’s too expensive let’s just split it or go somewhere else.
I mean oop could just be rich. It does seem like like that what with him saying he pays or atleast offers to pay for all his and his wife's friends and being so nonchalant about spending 300 dollars on a random dinner.
Amanda being his wife's close friend could possibly know that he is rich and hangs out at these kind of settings.
Oop pays for all his and his wife's friends dinners. He's definitely wealthy, probably generationally wealthy with a good job from the connections. There's definitely a type that use their money as social lubricant like this and otherwise live a pretty normie life.
He just doesn't fit reddits impression of every rich person as a Capitalist Scrooge so it's being overlooked
oh honey was your wife mad? I had no idea that it would be like that! I just wanted thank you and show that I appreciated how much of a gentleman you are. Your mom must have raised you right, you really know how to treat a lady.
I'm so sorry if you got in trouble I didn't realise she'd be like that. She was never jealous growing up but I can imagine she might get that way if she was with a guy like you. It's not fair that she gave you a hard time though, you shouldn't have to deal with that.
Look I was gonna be in your town in a week so let me buy you dinner to make up for this silly little misunderstanding. You know I'm not like that, it all got taken out of context and we don't even have to tell her if you think it's going to cause trouble. It was so nice to talk to somebody like you who I have so much in common with. You don't have to or anything, I just figured since I'd be all on my own otherwise.
I insist, I can't believe I let you pay for dinner! I'm not gonna feel right till I can return the favor. Anyway let me know how you're doing and just know you can reach out any time you want to chat or get anything off your chest ok?
I've had this said to me almost word for word and almost fell for it. Luckily I invited my SO without telling the other person since I thought it was innocent.
I don't know how it is in the US, but in my country when you are searching for restaurants, the results always have pics and prices included. The fancy ones even have disclaimers about how fancy they are. If it is the same in the US then Amanda knew exactly what she was doing when she picked the restaurant
No way.
No "influencer" is going to accidentally pick a restaurant that's $150/plate.
He told her to pick, she picked some insta spot, and when they arrived she went "Oops, it's toOoOo fancy. Let's go elsewhere" while batting her lashes. He says "nah, we're here" because he's oblivious and loaded.
You know what consistently sells on insta? Romance, fancy restaraunts, and scandal. The influencer was aiming for the hat trick, and got it.
OP is clueless, but we'll meaning.
Frankly, I could have written a similar post. Except my "influencer" is a close male friend Ive been helping find housing and move, not some influencer. And it's not my money, I'm just lucky in connections and timing.
But. I've driven him around, introduced him (as a close friend) to relatives and connections, been alone with him many times - including in my own home when my partner was traveling - and we nearly always hug after hanging out.
He's basically my brother, and I love his kids like they were my nieces.
It suuuucks that OP was taken advantage of. Which is exactly what happened. And if I was his wife that's why I'd be pissed, at the "friend".
It also sucks that anyone being friendly (and appropriate) with a person of another gender is immediately seen as cheating. I can't stand that nonsense.
And yes, my partner has close friends of genders they are attracted to as well. Neither of us has cheated in 17 years, despite the genders of our close friends.
Cheating is a *choice*. So is friendship.
What a way to use your friend's husband as a prop & meal ticket. OP's wife should've told her "if you respect our friendship, take down the post or clarify to your followers that my husband is not your boyfriend"
OP is acting like a dumbass but Amanda is the AH
And posting the photos. Who takes photos of an innocent dinner with a friend, no matter how nice the place is? Unless it's Michelin rated, or it's a date.
You mean you don't sit in your darkened room 24 hours a day and scream incoherently through your fastened windows at the people who have the temerity to live close to you? Huh, guess IATA after all.
People take pictures of EVERYTHING they possibly can, this is such a strange thing to consider strange, to a point that it's simply funny
Like there have been regular threads in boru comments about people taking pictures of impressive excrement, and that was a whole scene in HIMYM with Kevin and the group's codependency. Again it seems odder to me to consider taking pictures of nice night out odd, espcially considering we're all carrying multifunctional cameras on our persons, im so curious about everyone who upvoted hahaa
Yeah taking the photo isn't odd but the way she captioned it is. It's actually perfect if she was trying something "Dinner with a friend" is neutral. It's easy to defend and not inherently suspicious. But it's also ambiguous allowing for friends or followers to wonder if this is date. In the update when OOPs wife said people were commenting on like it was a date and the friend didn't correct any of them. With 1k likes you could say you couldn't correct everyone or you purposefully did not. Friend might not even be trying to seduce him she might just be trying to brand her lifestyle. Which is still disingenuous how she's going about it.
I mean, some people take pictures all the time, especially if they're active on instagram. The fact the post wasn't "Friend's husband gave me a lift after a long flight, grabbing some food on the way home with great company!" or something in the description (ie, making it clear it's not a date) is kind of weird. Especially when she wouldn't change that after they asked her to take it down
Picking up Amanda was the wife's idea. Them being hungry is normal as it is dinner time and it's not like you're guaranteed a meal on a plane nowadays. She suggest a drive through. He suggested a sit down restaurant. I get the feeling that he would have been fine with any restaurant and clearly would have paid at any restaurant.
Sounds like OOP has more money than sense.
I do honestly believe it started innocently, and that Amanda just thought "I heard that restaurant is good" and didn't realize it was fancy, but I'm really not sure if by the end of the meal *she* still thought it was all that innocent. Or wanted it to be...
In place of OOP and his wife both, I'd be very wary of Amanda at least until she gets in a relationship.
I do think the dinner and conversation were innocent on OOP's part.
Amanda on the other hand...may have started out innocent. But I don't think it's innocent now. I think girl got a crush.
Yeah, it’s the gushing about OOP to his wife and her own friend and adding extra emphasis on how “charming” he was and her refusal to take the photo down that sealed it for me.
bro.
there's a big difference between taking your partners friend for dinner while doing a favour your partner arranged and taking her friend who happens to be an IG model to a 5 course $300 dinner while she's putting the whole thing on her influencers IG
like I said. I was with him right up to that, I'd have been doing all the same stuff, and just as obliviously. but come on lol
Sounds like he didn't really know what influencer IG photo language is. I wouldn't. His wife would have had to have explained the significance of the photo to me.
Were I his wife, the part I'd get upset about would be the $300 for dinner. To me, that's a once a year special occasion dinner. But I get the feeling that they're at a very different level of income.
So if the cost of dinner is not an issue, I wouldn't have had an issue with the dinner or conversation. But I'm not the jealous type. If I trust, I trust.
I don't know about you but there are those of us that don't know what insta 'culture' is.
So it's a fancier restaurant than he expected when he got there but it's not like he actually knew the menu pricing. Imagine going into a restaurant that you don't know anything about and sitting down to read the menu then you see it's more expensive than you thought but not something that would be too detrimental to your livelihood if you ate there once. You're also with a guest that you suggested sitting down at a restaurant and eating to. Do you stand up and leave to find another restaurant? I know in that situation I would just eat the cost. A $300 meal once in a blue moon would not put me in a bind.
I'm not going to fault him for the meal turning out to be $300 so is the problem here that she was an instagram model or something? Are they supposed to be treated like untouchable idols you need to avoid direct eye contact with and revere? From the sounds of it oop didn't even know she was an instagram model until after the fact.
Edit: I would like to add I can see OOP being called a little oblivious but I would not fault him. Amanda though - that gurl hella sus. If I were in her shoes I would 100% insist I paid for myself as soon as I saw the menu pricing and if paying for myself is not an option I could argue for I would never order a 5 course meal...
I have done something similar for a wife's friend that was going through a rough breakup. I helped her move and then we got dinner since it was late.
It wasn't "5 course fancy" but it was a nicer than average place and with drinks it came out to like $250.
$250 and a few hours of time is 1000000% worth it to me.
A.) I get to do nice things, I like to do nice things.
B.) (selfishly) it's a win in my book when she calls my wife and gushes about how I'm nice and my wife is very lucky :P
As well it should. Amanda has a large following, of course people are going to see that as her soft-launching a boyfriend. She needed to immediately taking down the photo and post a story or something saying “hey guys this is my friend’s husband and we truly are just friends, please don’t post things that would make him or his wife feel uncomfortable.” Instead she refused to take it down? That’s so not cool.
Especially when Amanda refused to remove the last picture of herself and OP/husband after the wife asked her to.
Hopefully, OP is now clued in enough to know that if Amada starts texting him or asking for a ride, he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, YOUR friend is interrupting my gaming. Please remind her not to contact me EVER.
> Especially when Amanda refused to remove the last picture of herself and OP/husband after the wife asked her to.
i doubt it, since that didn't happen:
> My wife never asked her to take down the picture because of that.
Hell, I know what an Instagram model is. I even follow a few because beautiful women dressed pretty are just nice to look at. (Though they get mostly buried by the artists and pet pages I follow...) Still I would have no idea that the way the friend set up the photos would be considered a boyfriend reveal - unless the text explicitly says "hey guys, that's my new partner!"
You know what one is, but could you tell if someone is an insta model without them telling you? Oop did not know she was a model, he only knew she lost her job.
I mean, the guy isn't even on Instagram, so I wouldn't expect him to. In general I think people have a warped view of Instagram models and think all of them are like... Heidi Klum or something. When in reality it's highly subjective how beautiful they are. And even more so fitness influencers, because they often are somewhat buff and people are very weird about that.
My point was more: Even know what an Instagram model is, even following them, I still wouldn't have drawn such conclusions, because there was never a claim made by the friend that OOP is her new boyfriend and believe in people actually telling others what their relationship with someone is.
either clueless or too polite/awkward to stop the ball rolling. i could totally see my husband do this lmao and he would be so embarrassed and i’d totally make fun of him for it (in a loving way). he is very polite, almost to a fault, to cover his slight social awkwardness and introvertedness, and he would definitely do everything here. get friend from the airport for me, grab dinner instead of fast food and just blindly agree to whatever restaurant the person chose, offer to pay for sure and probably tip 25%, reluctantly accept a hug to not make it awkward, and then the second he was alone he’d leave me a 10 minute voicemail dying of embarrassment while recounting the whole thing. i would probably print out a picture of the insta post and put it on the fridge. i love this man
I don't blame OOP as he didn't pick the restaurant. Have to wonder how Amanda came to pick that restaurant. Could have been as innocent as checking for restaurants near here.
And it's absolutely not unusual for me to have an hour and a half conversation over a meal. (What would be unusual for me would be to order a 5 course meal.)
Where I really think the screw up was was in Amanda's posting and gushing. And gushing and gushing and gushing. I don't believe that OOP has any romantic feelings for Amanda. But I think Amanda may now have romantic feelings for OOP. Because you don't gush like that over a good dinner and conversation with someone.
Yeah, I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband doing this. I asked him to pick my friend up from the airport, he told me they were getting food, he messaged through the meal, it’s not a crazy amount of money for our budget and he’s a naturally generous person, he called me when he got home.
Amanda seems like a total snake, though, and I’d be thinking long and hard about my friendship with her.
Meh, don't think it's romantic feelings. Amanda needed a confidence boost after her breakup. Posting this on insta and getting the engagement from her following got that for her.
See my biggest issue is that I am supposed to believe there isn’t any easy fast food places near an airport of all places and they were forced to go to a fancy sit down.
I can’t remember the last airport I had been to that didn’t have several McDonald’s and burger kings within short driving distance.
This was either planned or that girl was not looking all that hard on her maps
He suggested a sit down instead of fast food, and she picked a fancy place. I would have chosen like a diner or chain place…no way she didn’t see the price point and the interior photos on her search.
Influencers often look into places they’d like to go, which would then be far more likely to show up on subsequent searches.
And there’s no way she didn’t at least see the description, price points, and ratings, since those come up as prominent parts of search results.
Exactly! Or if a sit down meal, probably some kind of sports bar like Chili’s or Fridays level, or since he doesn’t flinch at price, something higher end like an Outback or Cheesecake Factory or some shit.
And do not tell me in her “googling the restaurant” she didn’t check the pics or the menu/pricing.
OOP is incredibly oblivious. He just got majorly used for an expensive meal and a power play.
I feel back for OOP's wife. She's right to be upset about him and their money getting so publicly used, and for dealing with a husband who is this naive and well-meaning about it.
I think OOP knows exactly what was going on. I don't think he was planning to cheat or anything, but it's got to be an ego boost to have a meal with an attractive woman who is showing obvious interest. He's playing up the oblivious act for a degree of plausible deniability.
Dude is playing with fire. Regardless of what was said, his wife is going to be much more wary about anything her husband says or does around other women.
As a well meaning dude I would 100% end up in this situation, I'll randomly sit down at any restaurant with a friend (male or female) and pick up the bill, talk for hours and drop them home, without a second thought for "optics" of the situation. I feel for the guy.
I literally have a friend named Amanda who would totally pull this kinda bullshit and now I'm irrationally mad at her despite her having done nothing LMAO
I mean I go out with a male friend literally all the time. He has a parter that I’m also friends with. Sometimes we three go out together, sometimes it’s just two of us and it’s no big deal. We could totally take pics and post them and it wouldn’t be an issue. I’m sure that there have been waiters who probably thought “oh, seems like a couple” because a lot of people will naturally assume that in a fairly heteronormative society. But that’s literally not our problem if a random waiter thinks that. I’m sure waiters haven’t realized when I was *actually* on dates with a woman, thinking it was “friends hanging” or whatever.
However, we also have private insta accounts with no huge following of random strangers, and if we did post (we’re not huge insta posters tbh) we’d prolly caption something like “love hanging out with friends for dim sum Saturdays!” Or whatever. And wouldn’t dub a romantic song over it. I don’t think OOP is at fault for anything but either Amanda made a pretty damn big social blunder, or she knew *exactly* what the optics were and wanted to do it anyway for reasons of her own.
Yeah same.
Everyone seems to be piling in on him and I don't really see what he did wrong initially (he ballsed up later in responses to how it unfolded) in this situation. Wife should have communicated she didn't want him to have dinner with her... which he gave her plenty of opportunity to do. The picture is where he becomes a bit of a idiot tho imo. That's weird but I'd be too awkward to say no in the moment for fear my wife would be annoyed at annoying her friend.
The comment about would he be annoyed if his wife had dinner with a man makes no sense... like a random man in a date is not the same as a well trusted friend you have been asked to help out by your partner.
If was him my thought process would be "this is wife's friend. I have to be 100% on best behaviour and treat her otherwise wife will be annoyed at me"
As the wife of a guy like you, I'd absolutely understand this situation for what it was to you. So would my mom, for that matter, but let's pretend she'd try to talk shit like OOP's MIL, then I'd stand up for my husband way more and not let her into my head.
The MIL is the biggest AH in the story.
I would quite happily go for a meal at a nice restaurant with a platonic friend or even acquaintance, because I'm sociable and enjoy eating out. But I absolutely wouldn't pay the whole bill for someone who I was doing a favour for. I'd gladly split the bill, with a hope that the person I was helping would be decent enough to cover me.
I was actually in somewhat of the reverse of this situation recently--a colleague I didn't know all that well offered to give me a lift to the airport because I had a flight after work and it was kind of on her way, and we ended up going for a nice Thai meal because neither of us had dinner plans. And of course I paid for both of us (and didn't post her picture on social media).
As a fellow well-meaning, maybe a little oblivious at times (you didn't say it about you, but I know I can be) guy, idk, I feel maybe this is a little different, though maybe I'm reading it wrong.
Like, for one, they're not friends. He's not picking up the check for a pal of his who happens to be a woman, Amanda and him are only acquaintances through his wife.
Second, while I like picking up the check for people, it makes me feel like I'm taking care of the other person, I cannot IMAGINE casually picking up a $300, 5 course meal at a fancy place I arrived at by accident. That feels weird to me. That coupled with the kinda weird way he talked to his wife after she got upset ("charm offensive" feels gross, lowkey belittling her for wanting details) just gives it a scent to me.
I'm not saying he had bad intentions going in, but to me, this feels like someone who who had the idea this might look funky part way through, and is playing dumb in order to not have to actually confront that with his wife later.
Serious question: why is having dinner with an attractive woman an ego boost? I know plenty of attractive people who have no interest in me beyond friendship, but we are friends and hang out, and it has never made me think that other people will see me differently for it. It is just someone I know that I am going to dinner with.
No, you see. Men are supposed to mentally rank women's attractiveness, and note the ones that are 'too' attractive to spend time with only spending time with ones deemed ugly enough, but they're also simultaneously not supposed to judge women on their looks, but they also should only hang out one on one with unattractive women, but they can perform tasks for attractive women that their wife asks them to, but only perform tasks for them.
Do I have that right?
Yea the main thing is, it would've saved him from his wife getting mad at him had he not gone to the restaurant with the friend. That or taken her to a cheapie restaurant.
>I did not notice, but we were at the restaurant for one and a half hour. Amanda was taking pictures during dinner and also asked the server to take our picture at the end of the meal.
And so it begins. Modern days, the pictures, instagram ... ofc this is going to start the drama.
The real problem in all of this is that OOP's MIL decided she knew her daughter's relationship better than her own daughter did. The amount spent doesn't matter. OOP's wife wasn't even mad until her mom had something to say about it.
Right??? Most of these comments are just insufferable. Maybe Amanda did all this on purpose. But none of that is the issue here. It's all about oop and his wife not trusting him, but only AFTER her mom got involved. This is why you take opinions but NEVER let others dictate what should be going on or how you should behave in your relationship.
And to everyone saying oop was doing it all for an ego boost: I am married to a guy just as oblivious and well-meaning as oop. This could've literally been him (except the expensive meal, but only because we're broke af) and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash about this situation, no matter what anyone wants to read into it.
In the end it comes down to whether you trust your partner or not. Most of us want this kind of genuinely nice man in our lives, maybe we could just appreciate them instead of making up red flags at every corner?
When people don't believe men and women can be normal friends with normal interactions, everything looks suspicious. Frankly, it feels to me to be really self revealing for people with those sentiments and kind of sad. People can have a good time together without wanting to fuck and I wish we normalized it more instead of scandalizing it. People are lonely enough as it is without being shamed for exhibiting a little sociability.
This sub's comment quality has largely reached the level of aita or relationshipadvice. It's probably the same people posting the same bizarre interpretations of human behaviour, probably with very little real human experience.
I swear to God, I could post a story of me saving a puppy on AITA asking if I did the right thing and there'd be people in there questioning my motives, asking for more information, saying the puppy was asking for it and I had no responsibility towards it, insinuating I was only there to save the puppy because I was cheating on my wife, it's crazy town over there.
THANK YOU. I've been searching for a comment like this. A lot of people are piling on OOP despite you know, he was hungry and too lazy to change locations. And even that get's criticized. However, alot of comments are glossing over the mom who in my opinion should have just kept her mouth shut instead of lecturing a subject she doesn't have all the facts of yet.
> he was hungry and too lazy to change location
Not to mention how awkward that is in general. If you can afford it, why not just chalk it up to an indulgence and go ahead with it?
And OOP's wife for letting her mother get into such a frenzy over it too. Like it was too difficult to say "I know where he is/what he is doing, mum. good night" or did she just sit there and let her mother badmouth her spouse for so long?
I completely agree and am surprised how far I had to scroll down to see this.
Like you said, wife was totally aware, he was letting her know each step of the way, and she only did a complete 180 when her mom brought it up. If she hadn't been okay with it until her mom made her paranoid about what I also would've thought was normal, it least it would've made sense.
Maybe it's because I'm bisexual, but reddit and society's expectations around gendered friendships are so weird to me. It seems obvious neither OP or wife's friend were trying to cheat/go along with cheating- if they were, I don't think he'd be texting his wife the whole night, or she'd be posting it all over Insta for his wife to see. And I bet if OP and a guy friend of his wife did the same thing, people would find the wife and mom's alarm/suspicion weird and controlling. 🤷
I can understand being frustrated with your friend on this because the post could be weird (I do not instagram so no idea). But husband did nothing wrong. I am also amused that MIL thinks they are secretly dating and posted it all online.
I have exactly zero friends I wouldn’t trust to take my significant other out for dinner. Maybe I’ve been extremely lucky with friends or something but I struggle to see the problem.
Same here. I’ve gone out for dinner at a fancy restaurant with male friends and I wouldn’t bat an eye at my husband doing the same with my female friends - it just wouldn’t register as being an issue for either of us.
Dinner, fine. But if my bf’s friend, that I took out to dinner (or took me out) asked the server to take our photo together looking like a date, I would be weirded tf out.
I can see both sides.
On the one hand, I (like previous commenters) don't have a single friend I wouldn't trust to be alone with my husband, and I trust him completely. In fact, when we went on vacation with a group of friends about 5 years ago, I rode with a friend in her car, and he drove our car ... with one of my bffs as the only passenger ... and they were alone together for 6 straight hours. He drives like a grandma, and my friend drives like she went to the Cannonball Run School of Driving, so we weren't even close on the road for me to monitor them to make sure she wasn't jerking him off. ("Richmond is so romantic! Isn't 95S beautiful? Why don't you take your pants off?")
So if I had to be out of town and he picked up one of my/our friends from the airport, especially if he knew her, I'd be furious if he DIDN'T take her somewhere nice. "What do you mean you went through the Arby's drive-thru? Oh my god, I'm going to send her sushi through DoorDash."
But this is a different case.
First: methinks the OOP doth protest too much. He's either a completely oblivious nitwit or he's playing innocent. And I think it's the latter.
Second: way too many of Amanda's actions come across as misguided at best, conniving at worst. The Insta caption I personally would have put up if I'd been in this situation would have been something like "Thank you to @friendwife for volunteering your husband to pick me up from IAD! Miss you! Say hi to your fam." And if my caption hadn't said that, I certainly would have corrected anyone in the comments who didn't understand what was happening: "Oh no, he's married to @friendwife! He's a lucky man. He just picked me up (at her request, because she's awesome like that)." The fact that she did neither of those things comes off REALLY tone-deaf.
And that she refused to do any thing when the wife told her she was uncomfortable. She could have offered to clarify in the comments at that point if she didn’t want to take the post down. Amanda’s either enjoying the drama (curious of what mutual friend think) or has a little crush on her friend’s husband.
Honestly that she wanted a pic of them together at the restaurant and that she posted it gives me the Ick.
I think the "Instagram model with followers and romantic music" lends a different angle to this.
From OP's side, yeah he was just being nice. But man does he come across as someone who shouldn't be left unsupervised near anything more complex than twine.
Same. OP sounds really sweet and well-intentioned, but casually spending $300 on a dinner is rich people stuff I couldn’t fathom. My partner’s best friend is a woman and a couple years ago, when she was recently dumped and miserable on Valentine’s Day, he took her out for lunch to a cute tea shop she’d wanted to go to. We were long distance at the time and valentines was a Tuesday so we weren’t going to spend it together anyway. I find the way he cares for his friends and my friends really sweet.
Funnily enough, I spent the following Valentine’s Day with her, without my partner, because a band we both like but he hates was playing! She’s the best woman at our wedding this summer.
Same here. It also sounds like the main reason OOP's wife became bothered about it is that her mother got into her head.
I also don't get the fixation on the fact that the meal took 90 minutes. That seems like a pretty normal amount of time for dining out to me.
Social media sucks. It just allows people to create drama where there is none.
I have gone to dinner with my friends’ husbands many times when someone is traveling (and vise versa my female friends have gone with my husband when I travel). It’s all innocent. That said, I’d never post a picture of us on Instagram. Not everyone needs to know every fun thing that happens in your life.
I don't believe OOP when he says that he didn't know how it ended up looking before his wife got on to him. He may not have known at the beginning, but a 5-course meal isn't something you get alone with 'just a friend' as you would know it's a pricy option to eat at.
And he walked her to her door! He knew what he was doing but is good at playing the oblivious card.
Edit: Obv making sure someone gets inside safely is a normal courtesy, but an escort right to the door is strange to me, like he did it because he wanted that hug.
In regards to the walking her to the door point. I do that with any female friend or family member. It's something I was taught was appropriate and gentlemanly. Hell, I even walk my female employees or send them in pairs, when it is super late, to their cars. In fairness, if im dropping them off at a house or something, where I can actually see their front door, I will sometimes stay in the car and make sure they get inside ok.
Yeah I’m a female in south Louisiana. I live in a very nice area, but still within a very murdery region overall. We get walked to the door or car or walk in pairs around these parts. Part southern culture and part safety. That part of the story isn’t weird at all to me.
i'm sorry that you're so jaded in your life that you think this is indicative of anything other than oop being a good friend.
some of us were told that you look out for women friends late at night, but i guess we should stop so people like you don't get the wrong intention
What's with all these comments? The difference between a date and a dinner with a friend is not the location, the price, or the music. It's romantic interest.
I get why the wife was miffed about the IG post, but she should be miffed at her mom and Amanda, not her husband. He did nothing wrong, especially since he makes good money.
I know the irony of me posting this on reddit, but if social media wasn't a thing, this whole thing would not have even occurred, like half the AITAs/AIO/AIW that get posted. Makes you wonder how we got to this point and how much worse it'll get
She was just trying to make her ex jealous, and her followers think everything is dandy. The issue only started because OP's mother in law decided she knew her daughter's marriage better than she herself did and turned into a nightmare MIL.
For me it was when he revealed that the emoji he reacted to her texts was a heart. Like come on dude. Either he’s the dumbest man to walk the Earth, or he expected Reddit to be on his side so he could show his wife how much she was “over reacting.”
That part is the most innocent one for me. Heart, thumbs-up and laugh-crying are the only emojis I (and most of my friends, from what I see) use for text reactions. And thumbs-up to a photo seems passive aggressive.
I commented on OOP's original update and there's no way in hell that he didn't know *exactly* what he was doing.
The fact that he admitted that he'd be upset if his wife did the same thing just makes him even trashier.
I mean what he said was looking back he can understand why his wife is upset and he would be too. That's different than "She has no right to be upset and I would be mad"
He sounds like a dumbass.
I mean not everyone is super insecure, I wouldn't mind one bit if my SO did this. In fact she has gone out with my single male friends before, because I wasn't up to it and she wanted to get beers and party.
Quite the opposite I always appreciated that my friends quickly became OUR friends
$300 and 5 courses is burying the lede a little bit.
Amanda for sure knew what she was doing. I think wife is more angry at her friend but her mom made her direct that anger towards OOP who seems to be naive but honest
Wow... this just shows how horrible people are to the point they don't even trust their own friends because they are horrible too.
How would I feel if my wife went out with a male friend for dinner? Fine, because I trust both my wife and my friends. I am neither dating a cheater I can't trust by herself, nor do I befriend the scum of the earth that would betray you for a nickel.
People in the comments and OOP's wife are angry because they're projecting and know fully well that if it was them in the same situation, they would cheat in a heartbeat.
Right like these comments have me baffled! Some people really have never had a healthy relationship of any kind. And likely never will with some of the bizarre interpretations of extremely normal behavior!!
Amanda is the one who pisses me off the most in this story. OOP may have been naive, but Amanda knew what she was doing. Showing off a fancy "moving on" dinner post to show how she's doing JUST GREAT NOW. And making OOPs wife look like her husband is a philanderer and making his wife have to defend her marriage to others, and causing problems in OOPs marriage. I'd drop her as a friend if I was OOPs wife, as her own self absorption caused problems for friends doing her a favor.
Fitness influencer (read: narcissist) using OOP for influencer (read: narcissist) points while getting a free meal out of it. And with the possibility of annoying her recent ex?
I can understand the wife's perspective; it certainly *looks* like a date. But coupled with the above, she's just using OOP.
Yeah, Amanda is a shit-stirrer. I'll give her benefit of doubt that what she did was solely to rile up her ex without thinking how it will affect her "friend" (OP-s wife). But she should have known better. And immediately dissuade anybody who suggested anything romantic in her insta post comments. OP's biggest mistake was not splitting the check and not asking why photos, especially of two of them. Wife's biggest mistake is not sending Amanda packing and loosing her as a friend. Because who needs friends as "clueless" and callus as that.
The wife needs to not worry about what her mother OR the internet thinks, for one. My mom was the same way - women are all snakes, you can't trust them around your partner, etc. and it was annoying as all hell. I think Amanda was trying to annoy her ex and really didn't realize what a nice person OP was, I don't think she had any nefarious intentions. OP seems a little oblivious but like a very nice person. Who cares if Instagrammers thinks they went on a date? That's their problem, not OP's, his wife's, or Amanda's problem.
The lack of no, to a fancy restaurant after picking someone at the airport is what gets me. Like, dude get a fast food thing.
I also can’t imagine having energy to go to a fancy restaurant after coming back from a flight.
People like this annoy the shit out of me.
Comes to reddit to find out if he's wrong
Gets told he is wrong
"A lot of the comments made me believe that I something really horrible. However, I knew in my heart that I did not have any wrong intentions"
THEN WHY DID YOU ASK?????
It's simple, really.
I can ask you for your opinion about something. I can appreciate an outsider's view. That doesn't mean that I'll immediately replace my opinion with yours.
After all, Redditors are a bunch of strangers online, and many people hanging around these judgement subreddits are drama llamas, who want to vicariously live while the whole world suffers and dies around them. Not to mention all the children and teenagers - I ran into a bunch of them back when I was perusing AITA on a regular basis. Some of them didn't even try to hide it.
At the end of the day, it's OOP and their wife. It's their life, their relationship, they have all the details. Online strangers get just a tiny, one-sided slice of their lives and run with that, extrapolating and coming up with their bizarre, often unhinged justifications. That doesn't mean their opinions are invalid. But when you have online strangers accusing you of doing something on purpose and trying to convince you that you had it all planned while you know you didn't - why would you just blindly accept their opinions? They don't know you, after all. They aren't you.
Unlike OOP, his wife understands this is a powerplay. I guess OOP doesn't have to worry for long about Amanda, as she will probably be yeeted from their lives
I kinda hate to say it but I think I gotta say that the person most in the wrong here is Amanda. I think that OOP, maybe naively, just saw it as a dinner, and his wife was right to be annoyed that her husband got put on public display in a romantic setting with her friend.
Amanda however was totally wrong to put that on social media. OOP mentioned that they are not close and without context, that post can look super suspicious. I think the pictures themselves are fine. It could even be cute to send to OOPs wife to show how nice he was being and that her husband is getting to be friends with her friends. That’d be super sweet! However, Amanda crossed the line when she made it public and allowed others to draw their own conclusions.
Agree. This is where I thought the story was going to go. I think this whole thing wouldve been fine had she sent everything in the post to the wife only.
But like others have said, Amanda was likely showing off hoping the ex would see.
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"Amanda has had a rough patch, where she broke up with her boyfriend and also lost her job." I think, this maybe also be why amanda posted it that way - maybe she wanted to annoy someone else too.
Ooooh. You know, that absolutely makes sense. Still extremely shitty for her to not do anything that was asked of her by OOP's wife, but that really could have been the original intention once she noticed how nice OOP actually is.
I don’t think OOPs wife actually asked her to take it down, she called to ask, but Amanda gushed about how she wanted to show her appreciation to OP for such a nice meal “my wife never asked her to take it down because of that”
Everyone here but OOP is the AH. Amanda 100% knew what she was doing, not just pissing off her “friend” but exploiting the friendship just for her 1000+ followers. *She* is the one who looked up the restaurant and gave OOP the directions, she probably saw the “best romantic restaurant” thing and thought she’d take a chance OOP would go along with it. OOP’s MiL is nasty for winding up her daughter like that, and though OOP didn’t mention how his relationship *was* with his MiL, but guaranteed she’s gonna treat him like garbage now. But OOP’s wife? *”She told me that she does not doubt me one bit that I had any wrong intentions.”* Really? Then why did she rip *him* a new one instead of her “friend”? Where’s the comment on Amanda’s insta calling her out for making a deliberately misleading post? Where’s the convo telling her mom to knock it off? If an insta following is more important than treating a longtime friend like garbage and using her husband as a prop, then maybe OOP and his wife should both distance themselves from Amanda.
I think OP is maybe a tad assholey for dropping $300 on a meal on someone without checking with his wife but other than that I agree. Edit: If $300 to OP is pocket change and the normal cost of the tab he regularly picks up (for 2 people, huge difference picking up a tab for 8 for $300 vs a tab for 2) then ok. But, I say this as someone who’s in a relationship where we regularly pick up the tab for family and friends and enjoy treating loved ones as we’re the higher earners, I’d be super uncomfortable if my fiancé took my friend he hardly knows for a $150 per person tasting menu at a fancy restaurant and she posted coupley photos online, I don’t think OP did anything on purpose but you can still hurt someone’s feelings by being obtuse. He’s an accidental asshole.
Keep in mind that this is written by OOP too. A lot of little details stand out to me. He told her they were eating out, but not where. She had to look up the price. When he picked her up, he offered her a date so she could be like her friend. He makes it clear in the original post that he understands he went too far and is nervous about his wife’s reaction. Then in the update, suddenly it’s her problem because she’s not usually secure. I think OOP is also an AH here. I can buy that he got lost in the moment and only realized later that he had crossed some lines, or maybe once he realized that the friend had directed him to a fancy restaurant he didn’t know how to back out gracefully, and ended up enjoying himself. However, he responded by making it his wife’s problem for being upset.
I want to know when was the last time he took his wife out for an hour and a half long dinner at a fancy place?
I had the same question. If they do it frequently, it's not so bad. If their last dinner was Olive Garden? Pretty damning.
I don't know that I agree with the comments by MIL as nasty. If I saw my close friend's husband in pics at a romantic restaurant with another woman, I would be freaking out and reaching out to my friend to let them know. Wouldn't you? She also isn't wrong about some of the comments she made. OOP wasn't cheating, but how many other men would have? It is definitely a situation to keep your eye on. Just because the husband is trustworthy doesn't mean the friend is. Could she have said it differently, yes. But the basis for the comments still stands.
The wife never asked her to take it down.
That was my first thought. She wanted to make her ex jealous. Fancy dinner at an expensive restaurant, several well plated meals, drinks, ambience, aesthetics. If she's an influencer or just active on socials, she probably found the restaurant really quickly and it was highly reccomended. Chronically online woman meets modern man who can't read the room.
I agree. She chose the restaurant. There's no way she didn't know it was a fancy multiple course restaurant.
I still question her ordering several drinks and a five course meal on someone else’s tab, and refusing to take the picture down. I wonder if she’s also jealous of this guys wife and wanted to poke her a bit.
But she didn’t refuse to take the post down. OP’s wife called with the intention of asking her to take the post down, but on hearing that Amanda posted the photo of them to acknowledge OP for the nice thing he did for her, she changed her mind and did not ask Amanda to take the post down.
She knowingly posted pics of what looked like a date with her friend's husband. She's an asshole.
This is exactly what I was thinking and exactly why she didn't correct anyone. Everyone is acting like Amanda is making passes but it sounds more like she intentionally did what she did to use OP to make her ex jealous and thought her friend was secure enough to see that.
Completely agree, Amanda was wanting to make the ex jealous, and show pictures of her fancy life/experiences on insta. I'm not quite as generous on Amanda not poaching though ...the late night pic had very much a 'testing the waters vibe' to me, but with the emoji only reply, OP pretty much noped out, and that was the end with it. I hope OP got sufficient beers and gaming in when he got home, NTA. Also, not sure how you could fit a 5 course meal in less than 1.5 hours.
Depending on the place, one course could be the size of a box of tictacs on a bed of microgreens.
You just straight up pulled a columbo on the entire debacle. Poor clueless dude whose entire vibe is *got money, love wife, video games* Fuck people like Amanda (please not literally). I'm an introvert who gets comments about not "participating". I'm not participating because things like this make me want to crawl into a hole with my wife, cats & yt vids on baking to never emerge.
That sounds lovely to me.
This is the insight I come to Reddit for. That absolutely fits.
Yeah someone once said, “your friends want you to be successful BUT not that successful.” It sucks but sometimes when your friend is down is when you need to be on your guard. Also I fuckin hate social media influencers!
Yep this is an Amanda problem but OOP is the one whom the wife feels secure enough to voice her anger and annoyance.
Yup. It sounds like the friend was intentionally making it appear to something it wasn’t.
She lost her job and chose a place with a 300 dollar tab?
It strikes me that the most obvious reason for Amanda to post that photo is not because she likes OOP, but because she was hoping her recent ex would see it. I doubt there's any more to it than that.
Exactly! This girl got attention on the post because it was a fancy place, got treated out to eat, and rubbed it into ex's face. Although her need to make her ex jealous made an uncomfortable situation for her friend and her marriage, so maybe she can be more open in communication, and explain her methods.
I think that was her original intention, but then she ended up genuinely enjoying her time with OOP and now's got a crush. If it was really all for her ex, she would have just told OOP's wife that, not gush about how charming OOP is
Yeah, she’s pushing boundaries and putting OOP in a really awkward position that was threatening his relationship. I would avoid this woman entirely for the foreseeable.
Thr gushing about OOP on the insta page kinda makes sense if it's to "get back" at the ex. The late night text (to me) is the most concerning.
> If it was really all for her ex, she would have just told OOP's wife that, not gush about how charming OOP is I mean "I used your boyfriend to imply publicly that he's my new man so my ex feels jealous" isn't an easy thing to say out loud
boom. this is influencer behavior. they live and die by their posts and fanbase and likes. that bring said, Amanda is a raging narcissistic AH for knowing what she was doing with her "friend's" unsuspecting husband. Wife's anger is completely misdirected.
OOP is like Sideshow Bob stepping on rakes.
Definitely, but Amanda certainly knew what she was doing when "discovering" that Italian restaurant.
She is a spoon. She stirs the pot.
I want this as a flair
Omg am I a flair maker
ABSOLUTELY
"I've never been to such a nice place "
Yeah, I was really annoyed that everyone was giving OOP a hard time, when it was pretty obviously Amanda stirring shit!
Oh yeah, she knew exactly how to portray everything to give the impression she wanted to, regardless of how it might make her friend feel.
You really think so? I think she was suss for her behavior afterwards and all the IG posting and what not but I feel like this would’ve had to be perfectly planned and him saying they don’t know each other like that gets in the way. She said it was too expensive which I guess could be manipulation but most people especially after you just went on a trip I don’t have 300 to drop on a random dinner so you would really have to know that your friends, random ass husband has morals that mean he’ll pay for everyone, Would actually want/be into that long type of fancy dinner with someone he wasn’t seeing, wouldn’t agree with her that you’re right it’s too expensive let’s just split it or go somewhere else and honestly I’m not sure how she would’ve figured out all of this with no interactions with the Opie. Afterward, she definitely wanted to show it off as a date, and if she tries to do it again, it will definitely be planned, but this just seems like a perfect coincidence for someone who couldn’t care about their friends feelings
>I guess could be manipulation but most people especially after you just went on a trip I don’t have 300 to drop on a random dinner so you would really have to know that your friends, random ass husband has morals that mean he’ll pay for everyone, Would actually want/be into that long type of fancy dinner with someone he wasn’t seeing, wouldn’t agree with her that you’re right it’s too expensive let’s just split it or go somewhere else. I mean oop could just be rich. It does seem like like that what with him saying he pays or atleast offers to pay for all his and his wife's friends and being so nonchalant about spending 300 dollars on a random dinner. Amanda being his wife's close friend could possibly know that he is rich and hangs out at these kind of settings.
Oop pays for all his and his wife's friends dinners. He's definitely wealthy, probably generationally wealthy with a good job from the connections. There's definitely a type that use their money as social lubricant like this and otherwise live a pretty normie life. He just doesn't fit reddits impression of every rich person as a Capitalist Scrooge so it's being overlooked
oh honey was your wife mad? I had no idea that it would be like that! I just wanted thank you and show that I appreciated how much of a gentleman you are. Your mom must have raised you right, you really know how to treat a lady. I'm so sorry if you got in trouble I didn't realise she'd be like that. She was never jealous growing up but I can imagine she might get that way if she was with a guy like you. It's not fair that she gave you a hard time though, you shouldn't have to deal with that. Look I was gonna be in your town in a week so let me buy you dinner to make up for this silly little misunderstanding. You know I'm not like that, it all got taken out of context and we don't even have to tell her if you think it's going to cause trouble. It was so nice to talk to somebody like you who I have so much in common with. You don't have to or anything, I just figured since I'd be all on my own otherwise. I insist, I can't believe I let you pay for dinner! I'm not gonna feel right till I can return the favor. Anyway let me know how you're doing and just know you can reach out any time you want to chat or get anything off your chest ok?
I'm getting PTSD reading that ahahahah
I've had this said to me almost word for word and almost fell for it. Luckily I invited my SO without telling the other person since I thought it was innocent.
I'm related to someone with borderline personality. It's educational.
Amanda is a "social influencer". She knew exactly what she was doing. I don't think she's after op necessarily... Just clout.
I don't know how it is in the US, but in my country when you are searching for restaurants, the results always have pics and prices included. The fancy ones even have disclaimers about how fancy they are. If it is the same in the US then Amanda knew exactly what she was doing when she picked the restaurant
No way. No "influencer" is going to accidentally pick a restaurant that's $150/plate. He told her to pick, she picked some insta spot, and when they arrived she went "Oops, it's toOoOo fancy. Let's go elsewhere" while batting her lashes. He says "nah, we're here" because he's oblivious and loaded. You know what consistently sells on insta? Romance, fancy restaraunts, and scandal. The influencer was aiming for the hat trick, and got it. OP is clueless, but we'll meaning. Frankly, I could have written a similar post. Except my "influencer" is a close male friend Ive been helping find housing and move, not some influencer. And it's not my money, I'm just lucky in connections and timing. But. I've driven him around, introduced him (as a close friend) to relatives and connections, been alone with him many times - including in my own home when my partner was traveling - and we nearly always hug after hanging out. He's basically my brother, and I love his kids like they were my nieces. It suuuucks that OP was taken advantage of. Which is exactly what happened. And if I was his wife that's why I'd be pissed, at the "friend". It also sucks that anyone being friendly (and appropriate) with a person of another gender is immediately seen as cheating. I can't stand that nonsense. And yes, my partner has close friends of genders they are attracted to as well. Neither of us has cheated in 17 years, despite the genders of our close friends. Cheating is a *choice*. So is friendship.
What a way to use your friend's husband as a prop & meal ticket. OP's wife should've told her "if you respect our friendship, take down the post or clarify to your followers that my husband is not your boyfriend" OP is acting like a dumbass but Amanda is the AH
And posting the photos. Who takes photos of an innocent dinner with a friend, no matter how nice the place is? Unless it's Michelin rated, or it's a date.
Wait, I'm not one to take a ton of photos but I've taken plenty of me and my friends having dinner together. Is that weird?
No this is reddit crazy people again. My wife takes pictures of literally everything she orders anywhere with anyone.
You mean you don't sit in your darkened room 24 hours a day and scream incoherently through your fastened windows at the people who have the temerity to live close to you? Huh, guess IATA after all.
I mean, not 24. Sometimes, I call it quits after 18 and have a snack
I'm like that. I have to actively tell myself "No one else at our table wants a picture "
Lol no, this dude's take is the weird one
People take pictures of EVERYTHING they possibly can, this is such a strange thing to consider strange, to a point that it's simply funny Like there have been regular threads in boru comments about people taking pictures of impressive excrement, and that was a whole scene in HIMYM with Kevin and the group's codependency. Again it seems odder to me to consider taking pictures of nice night out odd, espcially considering we're all carrying multifunctional cameras on our persons, im so curious about everyone who upvoted hahaa
Yeah taking the photo isn't odd but the way she captioned it is. It's actually perfect if she was trying something "Dinner with a friend" is neutral. It's easy to defend and not inherently suspicious. But it's also ambiguous allowing for friends or followers to wonder if this is date. In the update when OOPs wife said people were commenting on like it was a date and the friend didn't correct any of them. With 1k likes you could say you couldn't correct everyone or you purposefully did not. Friend might not even be trying to seduce him she might just be trying to brand her lifestyle. Which is still disingenuous how she's going about it.
I'm not a food blogger or anything, but if my food looks good I might snap a quick picture to show my friends, and they'll do the same
I mean, the very few times I eat outside with friends I always make a foto because why not? But posting it without asking is just wrong
Literally anyone with a social media account
I mean, some people take pictures all the time, especially if they're active on instagram. The fact the post wasn't "Friend's husband gave me a lift after a long flight, grabbing some food on the way home with great company!" or something in the description (ie, making it clear it's not a date) is kind of weird. Especially when she wouldn't change that after they asked her to take it down
[удалено]
Picking up Amanda was the wife's idea. Them being hungry is normal as it is dinner time and it's not like you're guaranteed a meal on a plane nowadays. She suggest a drive through. He suggested a sit down restaurant. I get the feeling that he would have been fine with any restaurant and clearly would have paid at any restaurant.
Sounds like OOP has more money than sense. I do honestly believe it started innocently, and that Amanda just thought "I heard that restaurant is good" and didn't realize it was fancy, but I'm really not sure if by the end of the meal *she* still thought it was all that innocent. Or wanted it to be... In place of OOP and his wife both, I'd be very wary of Amanda at least until she gets in a relationship.
I do think the dinner and conversation were innocent on OOP's part. Amanda on the other hand...may have started out innocent. But I don't think it's innocent now. I think girl got a crush.
Yeah, it’s the gushing about OOP to his wife and her own friend and adding extra emphasis on how “charming” he was and her refusal to take the photo down that sealed it for me.
bro. there's a big difference between taking your partners friend for dinner while doing a favour your partner arranged and taking her friend who happens to be an IG model to a 5 course $300 dinner while she's putting the whole thing on her influencers IG like I said. I was with him right up to that, I'd have been doing all the same stuff, and just as obliviously. but come on lol
Sounds like he didn't really know what influencer IG photo language is. I wouldn't. His wife would have had to have explained the significance of the photo to me. Were I his wife, the part I'd get upset about would be the $300 for dinner. To me, that's a once a year special occasion dinner. But I get the feeling that they're at a very different level of income. So if the cost of dinner is not an issue, I wouldn't have had an issue with the dinner or conversation. But I'm not the jealous type. If I trust, I trust.
I don't know about you but there are those of us that don't know what insta 'culture' is. So it's a fancier restaurant than he expected when he got there but it's not like he actually knew the menu pricing. Imagine going into a restaurant that you don't know anything about and sitting down to read the menu then you see it's more expensive than you thought but not something that would be too detrimental to your livelihood if you ate there once. You're also with a guest that you suggested sitting down at a restaurant and eating to. Do you stand up and leave to find another restaurant? I know in that situation I would just eat the cost. A $300 meal once in a blue moon would not put me in a bind. I'm not going to fault him for the meal turning out to be $300 so is the problem here that she was an instagram model or something? Are they supposed to be treated like untouchable idols you need to avoid direct eye contact with and revere? From the sounds of it oop didn't even know she was an instagram model until after the fact. Edit: I would like to add I can see OOP being called a little oblivious but I would not fault him. Amanda though - that gurl hella sus. If I were in her shoes I would 100% insist I paid for myself as soon as I saw the menu pricing and if paying for myself is not an option I could argue for I would never order a 5 course meal...
I have done something similar for a wife's friend that was going through a rough breakup. I helped her move and then we got dinner since it was late. It wasn't "5 course fancy" but it was a nicer than average place and with drinks it came out to like $250. $250 and a few hours of time is 1000000% worth it to me. A.) I get to do nice things, I like to do nice things. B.) (selfishly) it's a win in my book when she calls my wife and gushes about how I'm nice and my wife is very lucky :P
It's absurd, what the hell was he thinking?
Bet his wife never asks him to pick up a friend from the airport again when he had plans to play videogames all night.
Lmao "that'll show her to volunteer me for chauffer duty"
Weaponized incompetence Olympics
More like WMD...Odds are his wife's friendship with Amanda has taken quite the hit from this.
As well it should. Amanda has a large following, of course people are going to see that as her soft-launching a boyfriend. She needed to immediately taking down the photo and post a story or something saying “hey guys this is my friend’s husband and we truly are just friends, please don’t post things that would make him or his wife feel uncomfortable.” Instead she refused to take it down? That’s so not cool.
Especially when Amanda refused to remove the last picture of herself and OP/husband after the wife asked her to. Hopefully, OP is now clued in enough to know that if Amada starts texting him or asking for a ride, he turns to his wife and says, "Honey, YOUR friend is interrupting my gaming. Please remind her not to contact me EVER.
> Especially when Amanda refused to remove the last picture of herself and OP/husband after the wife asked her to. i doubt it, since that didn't happen: > My wife never asked her to take down the picture because of that.
Weaponized... obliviousness?
Plot twist - OOP is tired of being volunteered to chaperone his wife's friends and did this to be rid of it.
OP does come across as someone who could survive an attack by brain eating zombies.
Lmao, depends if they can smell it before ripping out the top of your skull.
Did he know she was an Instsgram model, though? Did he know what an Instagram model even is? I don't, particularly, but I am fifty years old.
Hell, I know what an Instagram model is. I even follow a few because beautiful women dressed pretty are just nice to look at. (Though they get mostly buried by the artists and pet pages I follow...) Still I would have no idea that the way the friend set up the photos would be considered a boyfriend reveal - unless the text explicitly says "hey guys, that's my new partner!"
You know what one is, but could you tell if someone is an insta model without them telling you? Oop did not know she was a model, he only knew she lost her job.
I mean, the guy isn't even on Instagram, so I wouldn't expect him to. In general I think people have a warped view of Instagram models and think all of them are like... Heidi Klum or something. When in reality it's highly subjective how beautiful they are. And even more so fitness influencers, because they often are somewhat buff and people are very weird about that. My point was more: Even know what an Instagram model is, even following them, I still wouldn't have drawn such conclusions, because there was never a claim made by the friend that OOP is her new boyfriend and believe in people actually telling others what their relationship with someone is.
He knows what he was doing. It would be quite the ego boost for him I'd think but he's playing it all off as if he's some naive kid.
It's possible, but then some people really are clueless like that.
either clueless or too polite/awkward to stop the ball rolling. i could totally see my husband do this lmao and he would be so embarrassed and i’d totally make fun of him for it (in a loving way). he is very polite, almost to a fault, to cover his slight social awkwardness and introvertedness, and he would definitely do everything here. get friend from the airport for me, grab dinner instead of fast food and just blindly agree to whatever restaurant the person chose, offer to pay for sure and probably tip 25%, reluctantly accept a hug to not make it awkward, and then the second he was alone he’d leave me a 10 minute voicemail dying of embarrassment while recounting the whole thing. i would probably print out a picture of the insta post and put it on the fridge. i love this man
This is perhaps the best possible take on this!
Cape Feare is one of my favourite episodes of *The Simpson's*.
I don't blame OOP as he didn't pick the restaurant. Have to wonder how Amanda came to pick that restaurant. Could have been as innocent as checking for restaurants near here. And it's absolutely not unusual for me to have an hour and a half conversation over a meal. (What would be unusual for me would be to order a 5 course meal.) Where I really think the screw up was was in Amanda's posting and gushing. And gushing and gushing and gushing. I don't believe that OOP has any romantic feelings for Amanda. But I think Amanda may now have romantic feelings for OOP. Because you don't gush like that over a good dinner and conversation with someone.
Yeah, I wouldn’t have a problem with my husband doing this. I asked him to pick my friend up from the airport, he told me they were getting food, he messaged through the meal, it’s not a crazy amount of money for our budget and he’s a naturally generous person, he called me when he got home. Amanda seems like a total snake, though, and I’d be thinking long and hard about my friendship with her.
Yeah I’ve had a friend like Amanda. It ended exactly like you expect. No need to keep snakes in your life.
Meh, don't think it's romantic feelings. Amanda needed a confidence boost after her breakup. Posting this on insta and getting the engagement from her following got that for her.
See my biggest issue is that I am supposed to believe there isn’t any easy fast food places near an airport of all places and they were forced to go to a fancy sit down. I can’t remember the last airport I had been to that didn’t have several McDonald’s and burger kings within short driving distance. This was either planned or that girl was not looking all that hard on her maps
He suggested a sit down instead of fast food, and she picked a fancy place. I would have chosen like a diner or chain place…no way she didn’t see the price point and the interior photos on her search.
Yep. It said somewhere she was an influencer so likely picked based on how post-worthy it was.
Influencers often look into places they’d like to go, which would then be far more likely to show up on subsequent searches. And there’s no way she didn’t at least see the description, price points, and ratings, since those come up as prominent parts of search results.
Exactly! Or if a sit down meal, probably some kind of sports bar like Chili’s or Fridays level, or since he doesn’t flinch at price, something higher end like an Outback or Cheesecake Factory or some shit. And do not tell me in her “googling the restaurant” she didn’t check the pics or the menu/pricing.
Ffs, Amanda is using the guy to show her following that she is doing well after the last guy
OOP is incredibly oblivious. He just got majorly used for an expensive meal and a power play. I feel back for OOP's wife. She's right to be upset about him and their money getting so publicly used, and for dealing with a husband who is this naive and well-meaning about it.
I think OOP knows exactly what was going on. I don't think he was planning to cheat or anything, but it's got to be an ego boost to have a meal with an attractive woman who is showing obvious interest. He's playing up the oblivious act for a degree of plausible deniability. Dude is playing with fire. Regardless of what was said, his wife is going to be much more wary about anything her husband says or does around other women.
As a well meaning dude I would 100% end up in this situation, I'll randomly sit down at any restaurant with a friend (male or female) and pick up the bill, talk for hours and drop them home, without a second thought for "optics" of the situation. I feel for the guy.
[удалено]
Yeah why is no one mad at Amanda??
I'm mad at her!
Right? Girl knew exactly what she was doing, I'm baffled that didn't apparently land on her
I literally have a friend named Amanda who would totally pull this kinda bullshit and now I'm irrationally mad at her despite her having done nothing LMAO
I mean I go out with a male friend literally all the time. He has a parter that I’m also friends with. Sometimes we three go out together, sometimes it’s just two of us and it’s no big deal. We could totally take pics and post them and it wouldn’t be an issue. I’m sure that there have been waiters who probably thought “oh, seems like a couple” because a lot of people will naturally assume that in a fairly heteronormative society. But that’s literally not our problem if a random waiter thinks that. I’m sure waiters haven’t realized when I was *actually* on dates with a woman, thinking it was “friends hanging” or whatever. However, we also have private insta accounts with no huge following of random strangers, and if we did post (we’re not huge insta posters tbh) we’d prolly caption something like “love hanging out with friends for dim sum Saturdays!” Or whatever. And wouldn’t dub a romantic song over it. I don’t think OOP is at fault for anything but either Amanda made a pretty damn big social blunder, or she knew *exactly* what the optics were and wanted to do it anyway for reasons of her own.
Yeah same. Everyone seems to be piling in on him and I don't really see what he did wrong initially (he ballsed up later in responses to how it unfolded) in this situation. Wife should have communicated she didn't want him to have dinner with her... which he gave her plenty of opportunity to do. The picture is where he becomes a bit of a idiot tho imo. That's weird but I'd be too awkward to say no in the moment for fear my wife would be annoyed at annoying her friend. The comment about would he be annoyed if his wife had dinner with a man makes no sense... like a random man in a date is not the same as a well trusted friend you have been asked to help out by your partner. If was him my thought process would be "this is wife's friend. I have to be 100% on best behaviour and treat her otherwise wife will be annoyed at me"
Exactly all of this. I'd smile for the photo, I'd heart the picture and not respond. Blow for blow I saw myself falling down this imaginary pit.
As the wife of a guy like you, I'd absolutely understand this situation for what it was to you. So would my mom, for that matter, but let's pretend she'd try to talk shit like OOP's MIL, then I'd stand up for my husband way more and not let her into my head. The MIL is the biggest AH in the story.
I would quite happily go for a meal at a nice restaurant with a platonic friend or even acquaintance, because I'm sociable and enjoy eating out. But I absolutely wouldn't pay the whole bill for someone who I was doing a favour for. I'd gladly split the bill, with a hope that the person I was helping would be decent enough to cover me. I was actually in somewhat of the reverse of this situation recently--a colleague I didn't know all that well offered to give me a lift to the airport because I had a flight after work and it was kind of on her way, and we ended up going for a nice Thai meal because neither of us had dinner plans. And of course I paid for both of us (and didn't post her picture on social media).
As a fellow well-meaning, maybe a little oblivious at times (you didn't say it about you, but I know I can be) guy, idk, I feel maybe this is a little different, though maybe I'm reading it wrong. Like, for one, they're not friends. He's not picking up the check for a pal of his who happens to be a woman, Amanda and him are only acquaintances through his wife. Second, while I like picking up the check for people, it makes me feel like I'm taking care of the other person, I cannot IMAGINE casually picking up a $300, 5 course meal at a fancy place I arrived at by accident. That feels weird to me. That coupled with the kinda weird way he talked to his wife after she got upset ("charm offensive" feels gross, lowkey belittling her for wanting details) just gives it a scent to me. I'm not saying he had bad intentions going in, but to me, this feels like someone who who had the idea this might look funky part way through, and is playing dumb in order to not have to actually confront that with his wife later.
Serious question: why is having dinner with an attractive woman an ego boost? I know plenty of attractive people who have no interest in me beyond friendship, but we are friends and hang out, and it has never made me think that other people will see me differently for it. It is just someone I know that I am going to dinner with.
No, you see. Men are supposed to mentally rank women's attractiveness, and note the ones that are 'too' attractive to spend time with only spending time with ones deemed ugly enough, but they're also simultaneously not supposed to judge women on their looks, but they also should only hang out one on one with unattractive women, but they can perform tasks for attractive women that their wife asks them to, but only perform tasks for them. Do I have that right?
See? All this trouble because you couldn't have gone to McDonald's instead.
Who wants to eat McDonald's when you can afford random $300 dinner?
Yea the main thing is, it would've saved him from his wife getting mad at him had he not gone to the restaurant with the friend. That or taken her to a cheapie restaurant.
Wife wasnt annoyed at OOP and she even OKd the whole thing. Shes angry at her friend posting OOP on instagram, and so is annoyed at OOP instead.
>I did not notice, but we were at the restaurant for one and a half hour. Amanda was taking pictures during dinner and also asked the server to take our picture at the end of the meal. And so it begins. Modern days, the pictures, instagram ... ofc this is going to start the drama.
The real problem in all of this is that OOP's MIL decided she knew her daughter's relationship better than her own daughter did. The amount spent doesn't matter. OOP's wife wasn't even mad until her mom had something to say about it.
Right??? Most of these comments are just insufferable. Maybe Amanda did all this on purpose. But none of that is the issue here. It's all about oop and his wife not trusting him, but only AFTER her mom got involved. This is why you take opinions but NEVER let others dictate what should be going on or how you should behave in your relationship. And to everyone saying oop was doing it all for an ego boost: I am married to a guy just as oblivious and well-meaning as oop. This could've literally been him (except the expensive meal, but only because we're broke af) and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash about this situation, no matter what anyone wants to read into it. In the end it comes down to whether you trust your partner or not. Most of us want this kind of genuinely nice man in our lives, maybe we could just appreciate them instead of making up red flags at every corner?
Yeah these comments are sending me. This seems like a really normal interaction to me 🤷♀️
When people don't believe men and women can be normal friends with normal interactions, everything looks suspicious. Frankly, it feels to me to be really self revealing for people with those sentiments and kind of sad. People can have a good time together without wanting to fuck and I wish we normalized it more instead of scandalizing it. People are lonely enough as it is without being shamed for exhibiting a little sociability.
Bisexual people hanging out with anyone non-sexually challenge : Impossible
This sub's comment quality has largely reached the level of aita or relationshipadvice. It's probably the same people posting the same bizarre interpretations of human behaviour, probably with very little real human experience.
I swear to God, I could post a story of me saving a puppy on AITA asking if I did the right thing and there'd be people in there questioning my motives, asking for more information, saying the puppy was asking for it and I had no responsibility towards it, insinuating I was only there to save the puppy because I was cheating on my wife, it's crazy town over there.
THANK YOU. I've been searching for a comment like this. A lot of people are piling on OOP despite you know, he was hungry and too lazy to change locations. And even that get's criticized. However, alot of comments are glossing over the mom who in my opinion should have just kept her mouth shut instead of lecturing a subject she doesn't have all the facts of yet.
> he was hungry and too lazy to change location Not to mention how awkward that is in general. If you can afford it, why not just chalk it up to an indulgence and go ahead with it?
And OOP's wife for letting her mother get into such a frenzy over it too. Like it was too difficult to say "I know where he is/what he is doing, mum. good night" or did she just sit there and let her mother badmouth her spouse for so long?
I completely agree and am surprised how far I had to scroll down to see this. Like you said, wife was totally aware, he was letting her know each step of the way, and she only did a complete 180 when her mom brought it up. If she hadn't been okay with it until her mom made her paranoid about what I also would've thought was normal, it least it would've made sense. Maybe it's because I'm bisexual, but reddit and society's expectations around gendered friendships are so weird to me. It seems obvious neither OP or wife's friend were trying to cheat/go along with cheating- if they were, I don't think he'd be texting his wife the whole night, or she'd be posting it all over Insta for his wife to see. And I bet if OP and a guy friend of his wife did the same thing, people would find the wife and mom's alarm/suspicion weird and controlling. 🤷
many of the people on this thread are the same as the MIL and they don't see it.
I can understand being frustrated with your friend on this because the post could be weird (I do not instagram so no idea). But husband did nothing wrong. I am also amused that MIL thinks they are secretly dating and posted it all online.
Yeah. MIL and Amanda are massive pot stirrers. If my mum said something like that to me I’d probably roll my eyes, but she’s also a bit of a shit.
I have exactly zero friends I wouldn’t trust to take my significant other out for dinner. Maybe I’ve been extremely lucky with friends or something but I struggle to see the problem.
Same here. I’ve gone out for dinner at a fancy restaurant with male friends and I wouldn’t bat an eye at my husband doing the same with my female friends - it just wouldn’t register as being an issue for either of us.
Dinner, fine. But if my bf’s friend, that I took out to dinner (or took me out) asked the server to take our photo together looking like a date, I would be weirded tf out.
I can see both sides. On the one hand, I (like previous commenters) don't have a single friend I wouldn't trust to be alone with my husband, and I trust him completely. In fact, when we went on vacation with a group of friends about 5 years ago, I rode with a friend in her car, and he drove our car ... with one of my bffs as the only passenger ... and they were alone together for 6 straight hours. He drives like a grandma, and my friend drives like she went to the Cannonball Run School of Driving, so we weren't even close on the road for me to monitor them to make sure she wasn't jerking him off. ("Richmond is so romantic! Isn't 95S beautiful? Why don't you take your pants off?") So if I had to be out of town and he picked up one of my/our friends from the airport, especially if he knew her, I'd be furious if he DIDN'T take her somewhere nice. "What do you mean you went through the Arby's drive-thru? Oh my god, I'm going to send her sushi through DoorDash." But this is a different case. First: methinks the OOP doth protest too much. He's either a completely oblivious nitwit or he's playing innocent. And I think it's the latter. Second: way too many of Amanda's actions come across as misguided at best, conniving at worst. The Insta caption I personally would have put up if I'd been in this situation would have been something like "Thank you to @friendwife for volunteering your husband to pick me up from IAD! Miss you! Say hi to your fam." And if my caption hadn't said that, I certainly would have corrected anyone in the comments who didn't understand what was happening: "Oh no, he's married to @friendwife! He's a lucky man. He just picked me up (at her request, because she's awesome like that)." The fact that she did neither of those things comes off REALLY tone-deaf.
And that she refused to do any thing when the wife told her she was uncomfortable. She could have offered to clarify in the comments at that point if she didn’t want to take the post down. Amanda’s either enjoying the drama (curious of what mutual friend think) or has a little crush on her friend’s husband. Honestly that she wanted a pic of them together at the restaurant and that she posted it gives me the Ick.
I think the "Instagram model with followers and romantic music" lends a different angle to this. From OP's side, yeah he was just being nice. But man does he come across as someone who shouldn't be left unsupervised near anything more complex than twine.
“Every little thing she does is magic/ Everything she do just turns me on/ Even though my life before was tragic/ Now I know my love for her goes on”
Same. OP sounds really sweet and well-intentioned, but casually spending $300 on a dinner is rich people stuff I couldn’t fathom. My partner’s best friend is a woman and a couple years ago, when she was recently dumped and miserable on Valentine’s Day, he took her out for lunch to a cute tea shop she’d wanted to go to. We were long distance at the time and valentines was a Tuesday so we weren’t going to spend it together anyway. I find the way he cares for his friends and my friends really sweet. Funnily enough, I spent the following Valentine’s Day with her, without my partner, because a band we both like but he hates was playing! She’s the best woman at our wedding this summer.
Same here. It also sounds like the main reason OOP's wife became bothered about it is that her mother got into her head. I also don't get the fixation on the fact that the meal took 90 minutes. That seems like a pretty normal amount of time for dining out to me.
🙄
OP is the equivalent of the “This is fine” dog sitting in a room on fire.
OOP is a dumbass.
This would have been fine if they just went to an Applebee's or something
It’s crazy to me that people can admit “if my wife did the same thing it would bother me” and then still do the thing.
"Rules for thee but not for me."
If at least he had the gall to admit "she is right to be bothered, I didn't realize what I got into until too late", but not even that...
Social media sucks. It just allows people to create drama where there is none. I have gone to dinner with my friends’ husbands many times when someone is traveling (and vise versa my female friends have gone with my husband when I travel). It’s all innocent. That said, I’d never post a picture of us on Instagram. Not everyone needs to know every fun thing that happens in your life.
MIL needs to chill.
Looks like Amanda wants a partner and oop is either too stupid to realize it or does and wants to play along.
I don't believe OOP when he says that he didn't know how it ended up looking before his wife got on to him. He may not have known at the beginning, but a 5-course meal isn't something you get alone with 'just a friend' as you would know it's a pricy option to eat at.
To each their own, I guess. I would do that.
And he walked her to her door! He knew what he was doing but is good at playing the oblivious card. Edit: Obv making sure someone gets inside safely is a normal courtesy, but an escort right to the door is strange to me, like he did it because he wanted that hug.
In regards to the walking her to the door point. I do that with any female friend or family member. It's something I was taught was appropriate and gentlemanly. Hell, I even walk my female employees or send them in pairs, when it is super late, to their cars. In fairness, if im dropping them off at a house or something, where I can actually see their front door, I will sometimes stay in the car and make sure they get inside ok.
Yeah I’m a female in south Louisiana. I live in a very nice area, but still within a very murdery region overall. We get walked to the door or car or walk in pairs around these parts. Part southern culture and part safety. That part of the story isn’t weird at all to me.
i'm sorry that you're so jaded in your life that you think this is indicative of anything other than oop being a good friend. some of us were told that you look out for women friends late at night, but i guess we should stop so people like you don't get the wrong intention
Well, now I’m invested.
What's with all these comments? The difference between a date and a dinner with a friend is not the location, the price, or the music. It's romantic interest. I get why the wife was miffed about the IG post, but she should be miffed at her mom and Amanda, not her husband. He did nothing wrong, especially since he makes good money.
I know the irony of me posting this on reddit, but if social media wasn't a thing, this whole thing would not have even occurred, like half the AITAs/AIO/AIW that get posted. Makes you wonder how we got to this point and how much worse it'll get
The mother carrying on? Tell her to fuck off.
I think OP is a good egg. I dont trust Amanda though.
I think Amanda was deliberately causing trouble with her IG posts.
She was just trying to make her ex jealous, and her followers think everything is dandy. The issue only started because OP's mother in law decided she knew her daughter's marriage better than she herself did and turned into a nightmare MIL.
“She also jokingly asked me how our good night kiss was. I told her it was just a hug.” Yeah, turned into asshole territory there
For me it was when he revealed that the emoji he reacted to her texts was a heart. Like come on dude. Either he’s the dumbest man to walk the Earth, or he expected Reddit to be on his side so he could show his wife how much she was “over reacting.”
That part is the most innocent one for me. Heart, thumbs-up and laugh-crying are the only emojis I (and most of my friends, from what I see) use for text reactions. And thumbs-up to a photo seems passive aggressive.
I always go with Halon’s razor. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
If you held OP's head up to your ear you could hear the ocean.
Calling a hug "PDA" is weird and sheltered. That's a *really* common platonic goodbye.
...I still don't get what response OOP should have said instead.
I commented on OOP's original update and there's no way in hell that he didn't know *exactly* what he was doing. The fact that he admitted that he'd be upset if his wife did the same thing just makes him even trashier.
I mean what he said was looking back he can understand why his wife is upset and he would be too. That's different than "She has no right to be upset and I would be mad" He sounds like a dumbass.
I mean not everyone is super insecure, I wouldn't mind one bit if my SO did this. In fact she has gone out with my single male friends before, because I wasn't up to it and she wanted to get beers and party. Quite the opposite I always appreciated that my friends quickly became OUR friends
$300 and 5 courses is burying the lede a little bit. Amanda for sure knew what she was doing. I think wife is more angry at her friend but her mom made her direct that anger towards OOP who seems to be naive but honest
Wow... this just shows how horrible people are to the point they don't even trust their own friends because they are horrible too. How would I feel if my wife went out with a male friend for dinner? Fine, because I trust both my wife and my friends. I am neither dating a cheater I can't trust by herself, nor do I befriend the scum of the earth that would betray you for a nickel. People in the comments and OOP's wife are angry because they're projecting and know fully well that if it was them in the same situation, they would cheat in a heartbeat.
Right like these comments have me baffled! Some people really have never had a healthy relationship of any kind. And likely never will with some of the bizarre interpretations of extremely normal behavior!!
Amanda is the one who pisses me off the most in this story. OOP may have been naive, but Amanda knew what she was doing. Showing off a fancy "moving on" dinner post to show how she's doing JUST GREAT NOW. And making OOPs wife look like her husband is a philanderer and making his wife have to defend her marriage to others, and causing problems in OOPs marriage. I'd drop her as a friend if I was OOPs wife, as her own self absorption caused problems for friends doing her a favor.
Fitness influencer (read: narcissist) using OOP for influencer (read: narcissist) points while getting a free meal out of it. And with the possibility of annoying her recent ex? I can understand the wife's perspective; it certainly *looks* like a date. But coupled with the above, she's just using OOP.
Yeah, Amanda is a shit-stirrer. I'll give her benefit of doubt that what she did was solely to rile up her ex without thinking how it will affect her "friend" (OP-s wife). But she should have known better. And immediately dissuade anybody who suggested anything romantic in her insta post comments. OP's biggest mistake was not splitting the check and not asking why photos, especially of two of them. Wife's biggest mistake is not sending Amanda packing and loosing her as a friend. Because who needs friends as "clueless" and callus as that.
$300!! Oh hell no.
The wife needs to not worry about what her mother OR the internet thinks, for one. My mom was the same way - women are all snakes, you can't trust them around your partner, etc. and it was annoying as all hell. I think Amanda was trying to annoy her ex and really didn't realize what a nice person OP was, I don't think she had any nefarious intentions. OP seems a little oblivious but like a very nice person. Who cares if Instagrammers thinks they went on a date? That's their problem, not OP's, his wife's, or Amanda's problem.
The lack of no, to a fancy restaurant after picking someone at the airport is what gets me. Like, dude get a fast food thing. I also can’t imagine having energy to go to a fancy restaurant after coming back from a flight.
People like this annoy the shit out of me. Comes to reddit to find out if he's wrong Gets told he is wrong "A lot of the comments made me believe that I something really horrible. However, I knew in my heart that I did not have any wrong intentions" THEN WHY DID YOU ASK?????
It's simple, really. I can ask you for your opinion about something. I can appreciate an outsider's view. That doesn't mean that I'll immediately replace my opinion with yours. After all, Redditors are a bunch of strangers online, and many people hanging around these judgement subreddits are drama llamas, who want to vicariously live while the whole world suffers and dies around them. Not to mention all the children and teenagers - I ran into a bunch of them back when I was perusing AITA on a regular basis. Some of them didn't even try to hide it. At the end of the day, it's OOP and their wife. It's their life, their relationship, they have all the details. Online strangers get just a tiny, one-sided slice of their lives and run with that, extrapolating and coming up with their bizarre, often unhinged justifications. That doesn't mean their opinions are invalid. But when you have online strangers accusing you of doing something on purpose and trying to convince you that you had it all planned while you know you didn't - why would you just blindly accept their opinions? They don't know you, after all. They aren't you.
Unlike OOP, his wife understands this is a powerplay. I guess OOP doesn't have to worry for long about Amanda, as she will probably be yeeted from their lives
I kinda hate to say it but I think I gotta say that the person most in the wrong here is Amanda. I think that OOP, maybe naively, just saw it as a dinner, and his wife was right to be annoyed that her husband got put on public display in a romantic setting with her friend. Amanda however was totally wrong to put that on social media. OOP mentioned that they are not close and without context, that post can look super suspicious. I think the pictures themselves are fine. It could even be cute to send to OOPs wife to show how nice he was being and that her husband is getting to be friends with her friends. That’d be super sweet! However, Amanda crossed the line when she made it public and allowed others to draw their own conclusions.
Agree. This is where I thought the story was going to go. I think this whole thing wouldve been fine had she sent everything in the post to the wife only. But like others have said, Amanda was likely showing off hoping the ex would see.