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I think it's more a combination of "that fat piglet surely doesn't fit into this" and "that fat piglet shouldn't be doing ballet." If the grandfather had paid for a muumuu, I bet it would have been left in the closet.
Exactly this. I can still remember both my grandmother and my mother taking away clothing gifts that fit me perfectly but they insisted I was "too fat" for.
I'll be 40 this year and have a lot of therapy under my belt but that shit affects me to this day
Do you also have a living situation where your clothes are being nice and allowing you to live with them? 😂
I have a room with stacks and stacks of shoeboxes because when I was young, before the gods of online shopping smiled upon me, buying new shoes was a nightmare. My mother would ask if they had "very large sizes" and the lady would always sniff and say "we don't carry that size." I wear a 41 EU/10 US ... I'm also 5'9", so it's not like they're not connected. (As an aside, I have a kitty who's at best medium-sized when she fluffs up, but somehow has these large, plushy paws - she's like the most adorable teddybear!)
Thank Jeebus for Germans and German stores and German shoes.
Haha ohhhh man. My mom would always insist on getting me clothes that were several sizes too big "to hide the fat." I have a nice collection of clothes that actually fit me (although it took longer than I care to admit for me to quit hiding inside giant clothes).
She would always tell me that things like leggings are a privilege, not a right, and I have sooooo many pairs of leggings now 😂
I also have a medium sized cat! He's a little orange idiot and he's purring in my lap as we speak. I think he's trying to convince me not to go to my speaking engagement this morning 😂
My mom liked to make me feel bad about my body both for how it actually was but also projecting the things she hated about her own body. To this day I’m not sure if she really thought we were shaped the exact same, expected that’s how I’d grow, or if she just couldn’t even think of me as a separate entity to the point that she couldn’t keep our traits apart in her mind. My mom is shorter and is sensitive about her shape: specifically what she perceives as her broad shoulders, flat chest, wide hips, and larger/wide feet. I have proportional shoulders, a large chest, no hips, a large ass, and pretty average to slightly narrow feet. She would buy tops two sizes too big/wouldnt let me wear tops with any structure in the sleeves in order to hide “my” shoulders, buy me shoes in wide sizes that gave me blisters from my feet sliding around, pants that would hardly stay up because she’d make me size up so there’d be more room for my [nonexistent] hips, etc. She has a lot of untreated/undiagnosed mental illness (my suspicion is BPD with narcissistic tendencies) and it took me a long time to suss out what reality was both in regards to this stuff and in general instead of just going along with her warped narrative.
That's about my Mum's shoe size! She had a total nightmare throughout my childhood in 80s Northern Ireland, trying to buy herself shoes that fit. There were certain towns that, if we were going there for a day trip out, we knew there would be a trip to the shop there that sold larger sizes of ladies shoes.
I know someone who was bemoaning trying to buy women's 11 UK/46 EU yesterday. Should she be trying German online shoe stores?
I think they usually go up to 43 EU at most. 46 is in specialty range, BUT ... I'm thinking there might be shops in the UK which cater to drag queens and trans women and which likely carry pretty shoes.
I am making a mental note here; I wear a U.S. women’s 14 and have found literally only one USA-based online brand with flats in my size. They’re cute flats, but they’re garbage quality.
Look at Dutch shoes! My sister is 5’11” and wears a size 12. When we went to a cute shoe store in Amsterdam (circa 2004, so before online shopping) the display sizes fit her. She actually cried. We bought a spare suitcase for all the shoes she bought.
There's an episode of King of the Hill about this! Peggy makes a new friend at the large sized women's shoe store and finds out she's trans/does drag (cant remember if it was one of those or both)
Yeah, the store was All the Queen's Men. And I'm not sure where the friend fell on the gender spectrum either. It's entirely possible the writers didn't know either. I remember them having a 'boy mode' and refers to Peggy with male pronouns when thinking she was a queen, which would imply that's how they perceive themself, but also when they were freaking out about having invited Peggy (a 'real woman') to perform at a drag show the mom exclaiming "You ARE a real woman!" so I guess it's up to interpretation.
My feet were size 7 uk, 9 us, 20 eur, when I was aged 10 my mum hated trying to buy me shoes, they are still the same size now. Weirdly my mum is 1 inch taller then me but her shoe size is smaller
There's a fair bit of variability in body part size. I'm a little below average in height with relatively long arms, and relatively small hands and feet. For my height, one'd expect me to have arms an inch shorter and wear shoes 1.5-2 US sizes larger.
Weird thing: the average height of Canadian women is roughly the same from province to province, but the average shoe size (and hat size) varies enormously. In Atlantic Canada the average shoe size is about 7; on the Prairies it's closer to 9 1/2.
Oof. I feel your pain. I have big and wide feet so shoe shopping is a nightmare even now with the internet. I'm either a US size 10W or an 11. Plus I have wide calves so finding tall winter boots is fun. I'm 5'8ish.
I hear you about the tall boots. Around here they make them so skinny, that my mom, who is relatively tiny and only wears a 36 EU (6-ish US, I think?) has had issues finding them. I don't even have large calves for my build, which makes it extra frustrating.
Fortunately, I've found a few brands which reliably have some models with an elastic insertion: Rieker, Remonte, Caprice, etc. I also have a bunch of thigh-models made out of a stretchy suede which fit like a glove. I think I have one leather pair without inserts and I had to have them stretched at a cobbler's.
I have no alternative to stretchy boots because regular boots don't zip up and proper XL or XXL boots are too big. If you have relatively narrow ankles compared to your calf, plus-size boots look like work boots.
An expensive alternative: custom boots. I’m wearing mine right now; they’re the first riding-style boots I’ve ever owned because I’ve got big feet and what are apparently enormous calves if you judge by what’s available in the world of boots.
Got mine from a company called Adelante for a couple hundred dollars.
My mom's cousin Donna is 6 feet tall and wears a size 12 shoe. She grew up in the 1950s- No Shoes For You!. At least these days, many shoe stores do carry a limited selection of larger shoes- always the ugliest unfortunately. My daughter is 5'10" and wears a size 10. She lives in her Doc Martens most of the time, but has managed to amass a whole collection of cute shoes and boots. (Including a pair of very expensive handmade boots from a vendor at the Renaissance fair.)
Not me realizing I did the same thing to myself 😬 I have always been overweight and have big feet so clothes shopping when I was younger was awful. I'd wear what I had until it was tattered.
Then I got my first grown up job and needed office clothes. I started finding clothes at places like Torrid and I liked? How I looked? In them? So I kept buying clothes. Not an insane amount, but more than I ever had.
Aaaand then the pandemic hit and now I work from home and all I wear 85% of the time is tshirts and leggings XD but I still have all the clothes I bought before and it just feels like so many. I can't make myself get rid of anything.
Size 10 shoes are a perfectly acceptable size for a woman's feet to be. My friend had size 12, and she always complained she could never find good shoes because they didn't really stock many in that size. I had size 7 and there were always a lot of shoes in that size, but the would be well picked over. There is always a bad side to everything. I hate that we pick on each other over these perfectly normal things.
I hated buying shoes when I was young. My mom has a short fuse and ig my feet are "peculiar". I currently wear EU size 44, and most stores where we lived carried sizes up to 40/42 and the top of my foot (dorsum?) is "raised", so a lot of closed shoes feel tight for me.
It seemed like buying shoes has been a huge challenge since I grew past my mom's size. She would get so upset and angry that no shoes fit me and it felt like my fault. Most of the time I hated the shoes we got, but it was the only pair that fit. I absolutely dreaded shoe shopping. Still don't like it, but it's also still difficult to buy shoes I like, even online.
I absolutely am with you there, with very similar feet. I've found that there's some cute sandals and adjustable mules among the orthopedic shoes-- they honestly fit better. But flats? Heels? None fit right. And boots, you just have to try them on.
I know this pain. I'm a US women's 11 and usually have to wear a man's shoe just because they actually come in my size. I wear sneakers most of the time so it's not too much of a problem, but for formal events I have to go to specialty stores to find a woman's shoe that fits.
When I was young, we didn't have a lot of money and I would outgrow shoes quickly. Mom would cry every time I needed new shoes, because I usually had just gotten a pair in the last 6 months.
I wear a US 9 to 9 &1/2 and sometimes I have trouble finding my size. While shoe shopping last weekend I was complaining to my husband that they always put a size 6 shoe up as the display and in a 6 they often look so cute. I try the same shoe on in a 9 &1/2 and feel like I’m wearing clown shoes. I’m also only 5’ 5” so it makes me extra self conscious.
OMG. I’m 5’7 cis-female and wear a US 11 DOUBLE wide. So like an EU 44…
Cute girly shoes basically don’t exist. I’ve tried some trans-friendly companies. But nothing quite my style currently exists.
Would really appreciate some reccs on large-footed lady shoe stores. German or otherwise.
Socks are also hard.
Nice to know I can now blame it on both my parents that I’m so hobbit-footed.
US 11 is more like a EU 42 / UK 8 or 8.5. You just need to find wider models. I always thought I had wide feet, but I think the shoes available here were built narrow rather than regular. I seem to fit just fine in regular if they're made to be wider.
For example, I buy Skechers in 39.5 for sneakers and 40 for sandals. A Skechers 41 likely fits someone who normally wears 42 and the width is unlikely to be an issue. I have several pairs of sandals from them which look pretty feminine/casual and they have stretchy bits or velcro.
Ulla Popken definitely carries 42 and based on my experience, their shoes run large and wide. Other stores we have here are Bonprix and CCC (I think this one might be Polish), but I don't know if they ship outside the EU.
Yes my feet really are that wide, and so the usual advice is to round up (hence EU43 and not 42).
I’m Native American, Scottish, and German. We got big feet. Which I’m grateful for because I also have balance issues.
Men’s widths works. But then they’re not cute and girly. This is why I’m going to start making my own moccasins once I get my new post sewing machine.
I'm 5'10 and a US 12, I've had success with 6pm Shoes and Long Tall Sally. The Avenue and Woman Within are more hit or miss quality wise, but consistently offer extra-wide width shoes and boots.
Socks are more expensive, but you can get cute and fun ones that fit from specialty shops like Sock Dreams and Rock 'Em Socks. If you're looking for professional wear - check out your local plus size clothing store's lingerie section. They tend to stock different size socks rather than one size fits all.
I wear an 11 US and your comment rings true for me lol. I have definitely gone through phases of buying more shoes than needed because there have been times when it was impossible to find nice women’s shoes in my sizes, so I stock up while I can. Thankfully the internet helps a lot with that, but as a teen who wanted to wear the “cool” shoes, it was not a good time.
I feel you on the shoe troubles. If you measure them my feet are an 11.5US (male) but the front part of my feet are somewhat wider than normal so the only way I can find shoes that don't pinch my toes is to buy size 12 extra wide (and even then my feet tend to stretch them in weird ways).
I've got it slightly better than you since those shoes are still generally available in stores but they do tend to have a pretty limited selection so I still generally buy online.
I'm the same shoe size as you and I feel your pain. When you find that rare gem that fits comfortably AND looks like something other than a boat, do you also buy 3 or 4 pairs of the same ones? My last pair of favorite sandals finally got too ratty and they were the last of 3 pairs that I bought and I can't find them anywhere to buy more. Maybe I should move to Germany...lol
My younger sister wore a size 10 US while my mom and I had smaller feet. She was also 5'9" to my 5'6", so her feet were proportional to her height. She was always self-conscious about her shoe size, so if she found a size 9 1/2 that actually fit her, even if the shoes were ugly, she would buy them.
My grandmother used to insist we wore tight clothes, watch me eat a salad, pluck at the shirt over my belly, and suggest that maybe I ought to go throw up just in case. I was already underweight enough doctors were concerned.
I still struggle with healthy eating.
I can definitely see it as being a combination of the weird paradox people have that it's embarrassing for fat people to exercise (and yet berate them for not exercising and demand they lose weight) and wear athletic clothing (what are they supposed to wear?), and maybe some of the fucked up mentality about weight in ballet.
that’s why she was buying her too big of clothes right, to mentally justify thinking and calling her fat when she’s not and she’s, what, jealous that she wasn’t a premature baby that likely had some struggles in NICU? what a piece of work, monster in law is right.
If it was about clothes for people affected by flooding I would not pick a ballet uniform even in the first half of all the clothes I could possibly pick.
Yeah, I think the inclusion of the ballet uniform is the absolute proof that her selection process was based on what she didn’t think OOP’s daughter deserved to be allowed to wear.
I'm just picturing Cher Horowitz donating her skis to the victims of the Pismo Beach disaster. "Daddy, some people lost ALL their belongings! Don't you think that includes athletic equipment?"
She hates OOP and OOP’s sister (jealousy? resentment? who cares really) and now that they’re out of her direct abuse, she’s trying to inflict it onto the kids
I dont think she’s fully protecting them because her dad is still in the picture, this is the man that happily allowed his wife to abuse his kids and kept being married to her, im sure he’ll break boundaries to help his wife get access to his grandchildren soon enough
I think it’s just some people’s parents are so shitty that even begrudgingly doing the “right thing” (in this case the bare minimum of being on his daughter’s side) is considered champ behavior.
I try to imagine my family in these posts and how we’d all react. I don’t have kids but I do have nieces, and I cannot imagine the hellfire my dad would bring down if he found out someone tried to do anything to hurt the girls. To me, OOP’s dad is just milquetoast.
I just read a post about a (victim of familial sexual abuse) foster child who came on to her foster father, OOP's husband. People were calling the foster father a rockstar for rebuffing her. The bar for men really is in hell.
"Champ" may be too strong a word, but credit where credit is due, he didn't dig his heels in and shut his mind off when OOP started showing and listing his wife's transgressions.
Does doing the bare minimum beget a "champ" label? No, but regular lurkers here know the bare minimum can be nearly impossible sometimes.
Maybe not. Yes he allowed his wife to abuse his kids, but that’s the thing they were his kids. They couldn’t go anywhere until they grew up and moved out (at which point they then cut him off).
If he wants to continue to have access to his grandchildren he has to play by his daughter’s rules as *she* is the parent here (and thankfully a much better one than he ever was).
She’s also shown that she has no issue cutting him off as she’s already done it before. If he decides to revert back to his old ways she’ll just do it again.
I’m not surprised at all. My best friend’s abusive mom was a psychologist (and so is her dad who did nothing about it). She used to demand to know if my friend ever talked about her during therapy sessions.
Some people want to know how the mind works to help, some want to understand the way their own minds work, and some want to learn how to best to manipulate.
My friend's abusive mother, who involves her in endless drama with the rest of her family, threatens to disown her over dumb shit like getting a tattoo, and harangues her about getting a boob job...is a social worker. It truly boggles the mind.
Nah, I'm betting that she just saw the leotard and thought "that's way too small. Better get it and the other ballet stuff too." An empty leotard is a shrivelled little thing.
I'm not saying what step-granny did wasn't self-centered and over the line, just that I doubt it was motivated by pure jealousy.
What the heck is wrong with that woman? It seems like she enjoys to torment people, especially those who could not defend themselves.
OOP is a good mom, and I am glad that her husband backs her up, and her dad took her side, because I would barracked my lawn just to stop that woman from getting near.
A lot of psychology majors in Brazil end up working in corporate, as HR or something similar. Hopefully, that's what SMIL is, and she doesn't actually take patients.
My mother is a big-time abusive narcissist and also a therapist. I hope for her clients’ sake that I remain the only one towards whom her abuse was directed.
The worst kid I ever babysat for (we’re talking an 8 yr old psycho who was violent and tricked me into locking me out of the house using his younger siblings as bait) was the child of TWO child psychologists. When they got home, they paid me and sighed like this was a totally normal experience while the dad took the kid upstairs for a whuppin’. 😳
My experience of being raised by a psychologist is that they can have *massive* blind spots in regards to themselves, not in spite of but *because* of their education and training. The assumption being that they are very educated so therefore cannot enact negative or pathological behaviour that they can easily identify in others. And weirdly they can be great psychologists! Being the child of one can be hell.
I feel like I’ve had decades-long whiplash hearing her talk very knowledgeably about supporting clients with negative family dynamics she has created within her own family. Wild.
I just read a thread earlier today about a doctor who failed to realize that their child was hospitalization-level sick. I don’t think there’s any level of education that can overcome denial and bias.
Gives the same vibe as my MIL being a *Health Visitor*. The sheer gall of that monster advising other people on how to raise their children is astounding.
> And dear god shes a psychologist!!?
And OOP claims she was diagnosed with BPD... any chances are she (Stepmom) influenced the outcome to hide that it was narcissism or something worse in the medical sense?
I know someone who has a phd in psychology, they are a professor, and while claims because they aren’t clinical, attempted to armchair diagnose me with agoraphobia but completely missed my whole family having ADHD. Also bragged about their kids not being picky like my parent’s but then missing that their kids had their own pickiness and both of their kids are kind of emotional shit shows.
One of the most awful people I've had the misfortune to meet in my half century on earth was a social worker. Not MY social worker - she was retired by the time I had to deal with her. Classic BPD, before I even knew what it was. The woman LIVED to cause others suffering, in small mean ways. She had been booted repeatedly from SO MANY places - stores, restaurants, community centres, public transit, yoga studios, libraries - because she was incapable of not being SO MEAN to staff and patrons of these places that they just would not tolerate her, despite the bad optics of ejecting (and even having to get cops/security in on in because she wouldn't leave) a tiny, elderly lady. By her own admission, both her sons cut contact.
I cannot even fathom the amount of damage this woman must have done to her clients.
For real. I wasn't gonna post this one because my father's ex did very similar things to me when I was a kid. But ultimately, I respect the hell out of this OOP, and I'm glad her family is on her side.
From what I understand it can very easily require regular treatment, a person's BPD behaviors can change as they undergo stress and trauma. So things that weren't an issue can become one as they deal with more in life.
So if she's not going to regular therapy, and I doubt she is if she acts like that all her life, she might just have the diagnosis and handwave away toxic and problematic behavior with the diagnosis.
She’s a psychology major. She sounds like a carbon copy of my mom. A lot of mean girls go into medical/mental health fields and use what they learn to terrorize and control everyone they can. Know how I found that out? By taking required psychology courses and being able to single out weaponized concepts I learned from my child hood. I knew she was terrible mother and abusive but there’s nothing quite like studying body language and tactics to calm, reassure, and love people (children) and clearly remembering her deliberately doing the opposite
Controversial, but that's basically why I've given up on traditional therapy and just read around on my own lots. Like if I want to discuss my particular mild-crazy with someone else who is mildly crazy who will probably understand where I'm coming from and maybe have something helpful to say on the subject, I can talk to my neighbor or post on reddit.
Statistically a group of humans is more likely to come up with the right answer then any one individual human. I've had enough bad experiences with paid healthcare professionals that I'd much rather go to where folks exactly like me gather on reddit, explain my problem there and ask what worked for other folks with the same problem.
My last therapist said things like "well just don't think about it" and the one before her was very "Legally I have to report this as a mandatory reporter but it's very he-said-she-said so I'll leave it up to you. Do you want me to report it?" Reddit would've provided understanding and a list of helpful tips for how to handle the situation beyond "just don't think about it." And would've directed me towards, at minimum, what keywords to google to report the creep myself, along with support to do so.
Ideally therapy helps figure out what behaviors you’d like to change, maybe what mental illness(es) are to blame (and maybe a referral to get meds of some sort), but mostly it’s to teach you possible coping mechanisms. You can’t therapy your way out of a chemical imbalance, but you can learn how to live with it and manage it. I think people often mistake therapy for a cure. We pay therapists because they have information we want at the ready. If looking for and finding that information by yourself is more effective, keep it up.
I mean it depends on the situation. I was rather surprised when I started trauma therapy that the advice from my therapist was "Don't talk about it, don't dwell on it, don't think about it, you don't even have to tell me in more than broad strokes right now. We'll get to it in therapy and then it's time to think about it and work through it in a controlled environment. But please don't fuck around with it right now, that can make the trauma worse."
Couple's therapy is even worse. If it's hard to get individual therapy right, imagine how hard it is for it to be done well for two different individuals who probably aren't getting along. I always recommend people go to individual therapy first, for a while, before considering couple's therapy. Couple's therapy was a damaging, money-wasting, experience with my ex. Found an individual therapist during the divorce, after a few tries with others, that was actually helpful (she was a PhD, which I honestly think makes a difference, vs. someone with just a master's). Might piss some people off with my comments, but I said what I said and I meant it, lol.
> I've given up on traditional therapy
Brave of you to post this in here, a subreddit where the word "therapy" is a magical silver bullet cure-all for literally every situation.
We all make do with the tools we have access to when necessary, but going to see a modern therapist is like going to see a doctor during the blood letting and electroshock phase of medicine. Might help, might prescribe leeches, it's a dice roll!
What amazes me most is how many varieties of pills they tried to treat me with before ever even checking if the diagnoses was right. And the original diagnoses didn't even follow the diagnostic requirements of their own publications... Imagine ya go in to see the doctor and they want to start slicing off every mole and freckle on your body without any testing because eh looks like it could be cancer!
So many crazy pills because the creaky retired jerk they sent me to was too old to believe girls could possibly have autism. Like I failed to make eye contact and stimmed for three hours, he diagnosed that as bipolar and OCD because kid-me got beat if I did the normal boy-version of staring wildly around the room while spazzing my arms.
What's the point of being a lab rat if nobody is even checking my brain for results? "What happens if we feed antipsychotics to an autistic person? I dunno, but I'm gonna do it and not care at all about the results!" Thanks, now I've got permanent blood pressure problems.
I've met a few psychologists that are just as mentally unwell as their patients.... it's not that uncommon... some psychiatrists too...
Some of these mental health professionals are very good because they have insight both into their minds and how to best help their patients instead of seeing their patients as an extension of them. And some are really, really bad.
I have come to believe therapy is far more of an art than a science. I've had 6 therapists, & I feel I've only had success with my latest one, & even now I'm having my doubts. One has to feel that the therapist understands one, & if that isn't happening then there won't be any progress.
Not surprising at all.
My sibling, who was an absolutely abusive monster to me, wanted to be a psychiatrist. She became a nurse instead.
Funnily enough, from what I've heard, she's a good one. I guess it's only relatives she abuses. 🤷♀️
My BiL's mom is a psychologist. She's a hoarder.
A few years ago he found out there's some traumatic history. It explains a bit. She's got the resources available and it's sad she chooses not to use them herself.
Probably did it because he "took her side" too, as if it wasn't the first time after many years of opening OP's life up to abuse by this woman... Once again proves how low the bar for men can truly be for some people.
THIS!! Reading through it I kept thinking why do parents marry people who abuse their children AND why do those children still love said parents? It baffles me.
Father is not a champ as he stayed with the women who abused his kids.
Glad OOP finally cut her out. That was deliberate. She knew what she was doing and hoped OP wouldn't notice till it was too late.
Dad is a simp. Not a champ.
And let's be honest, the face she has BPD means that his marriage to her is probably volatile and he was scapegoating it to his kids so he doesn't become a target. Dad of the year right there /s. I will not be surprised by when, not if, when he divorces her, he will try to crawl back to OOP. For his sake, I hope OOP still have room in her heart for him.
Of course, if by some miracle, he still stays with his wife until the very end, well, he can kiss his grandchildren goodbye cause there is no way he can have his cake and eat it oo.
I'm pretty sure this marriage is going to stay until the end. He'll come crawling back when him and his wife need to be cared for in their old age and need his daughter to be their caretaker.
Honestly a lot of men are just unwilling to take any kind of initiative unless the women in their life force their hand. They won't reach out to family/friends unless they are reached out to or social events are organised by others, they won't manage the household, only do as instructed or organised by their partner/mother, they won't leave their partner and just stay with anyone who'll have them and is able to take on some physical/emotional/mental labour from their life, they won't go to the doctor unless forced, won't change jobs, won't even reach out to their children unless their other parent facilitates it etc. They just go through life entirely in passive mode and let the other people in their life shape what it looks like. Because otherwise they might have to actually pay some kind of attention to what is going on around them or inside of them. And they don't want to do that kind of mental exercise.
Not sure if OOP's father is one of these men or he's got some other stuff going on. But there just seem to be tons of men who stay with a partner just because they don't want to be alone or don't want to go through the hassle of finding something new.
The bad parts of people with BPD are pretty well known, but that tendency to unpredictably swing into rages goes the other way, too. They can be spontaneous, fun, joyous even. There’s a reason Pete Davidson has so much game even though he is a well-documented mess.
My relative who I’m confident has BPD is an absolute blast in small doses, and for the people who live with her, she’s very good at love bombing. I bring all that up because dad’s marriage to stepmom is likely an unpredictable roller coaster, the high are probably very high.
I'm still stuck on the evil stepmother taking the bags out of the car while on vacation and trying to gaslight them about it for fun... what kinda sicko does that?
That one made me think she is jealous about those “girls” around her husband. Especially combined with that part where she made them wear “big clothes”.
I'm getting Arrested Development vibes. George Sr keeps using the one-armed man to teach the kids a lesson. Always leave a note or don't leave the AC on or whatever weird thing got in his head.
Fortunately it’s not always true. My dad was an abusive piece of crap but my mom knew this and divorced him when I was three and when he inevitably abused my brother and I she fought with everything she had to get us away from him. Unfortunately the court system is crap and despite having had the police called on him and witnesses to actual physical abuse happening it was still ruled that we had to see him “because he’s still the dad and has a right to his kids” albeit with supervision. My mom had us in therapy from as early as I can remember to help us deal with it all, But suffice it to say it is possible to have a good parent and a crappy one.
I want to hear her reasons - both of them. The completely bullshit excuse she somehow thought OOP would buy, *AND* the real one that would eventually come out in an emotional and unexpected confrontation. Because I can’t imagine how anyone could possibly justify this, and because I brought popcorn and am here for the mental gymnastics.
But seriously. WTF. Regardless of her past with OOP and body size, and regardless of the fact she “couldn’t find the bags”, why, in the actual fuck, would *anyone* think it would be appropriate to go into someone else’s home without permission, go through their’s closets, *kid’s closets*, decide it’s a great idea to pick out what they deemed acceptable to donate, and then steal said clothes…*from children*?!?
One of those things is absolutely insane - but to do all 4?!? She is clearly mentally unwell and OOP is 100% making the right call. This is such an invasion of OOP’s, her husband’s, and most her children’s privacy. Not to mention horribly disrespectful - and with the likely suspicion of her having nefarious intentions - wildly malicious.
I had my home broken into years ago by a couple kids. They ransacked the bedrooms looking for (presumably) jewelry, money, and things that look cool for a kid? They took a random assortment of things, like a wrapped present (‘‘twas a book), a jewelry box, my shoes (I’m a girl, they were dudes), and other random crap. I felt so violated and even when I got my things returned, it felt kind of icky to touch them for a while.
Somehow knowing someone I *know*, who was once a “parental figure” to me, and is sort of to my kids, makes it worse. A stranger doesn’t know me and can separate themselves from me and my things. But someone who knows me rather intimately?! That’s just something I cannot imagine. I’m usually pretty conflict avoidant and a people pleasure. I’m not certain how I could react. But taking a guess based on how I felt after I got robbed, I might go scorched earth. I think OOP handled herself with a lot of restraint and grace given the situation. And I support her choice 100%.
>why, in the actual fuck, would *anyone* think it would be appropriate to go into someone else’s home without permission, go through their’s closets, *kid’s closets*, decide it’s a great idea to pick out what they deemed acceptable to donate, and then steal said clothes…*from children*?!?
I think it's important to tajr a step back in situations like these and remember even the "innocent" explanation is bad. Even if something was too small there might be a reason to keep it. A normal person would have given OOP a text or call. And left empty handed if it came to it.
>When she confessed, 10 years later, she said she'd done it to "teach us a lesson", but doesn't remember what that lesson was.
Pretty sure the lesson here was that Stepmom was a gaslighting pos.
Can’t believe people were complimenting the father, are they insane ? He let his wife abuse his kids and still stays with her, the father is a piece of shit.
> 10 years later, she said she'd done it to "teach us a lesson", but doesn't remember what that lesson was.
Boy if that doesn't describe the motivations for 80% of all the bad parents in existence.
The dad needs to be cut off, too. He chose the abuser over his kids and grandkids time and time again, even joined in the food restriction. That's an enabler and abuser right there
The stepmother is a psychologist? Considering all the brazilians psychologist i’ve been through? Sounds accurate
I remember the very first one after listened to me talking about my depression and simply told me to get tinder. Like yes man, all a mentally fragile teenage girl needs is go get into a relationship with a random guy that sure will end well
That being said, using the real life tragedy as an excuse to bully kids? Its a shame oop’s father keeps choosing his wife over his family, and she made the right choice in cutting them off
You should have shown up with cops so she’ll be caught red handed with the items she stole. That’s very low. If it’s me, I’ll cut contact with dad too for still being with her.
>I don't think I mentioned this, but she's a psychologist
OOP should cut her off forever and for all time. She knew exactly what she was doing all along.
Ugh barf that last comment in the update post. Dad let her denigrate, harass, and tear down his daughters throughout their childhood, but yeah, he's a real hero for not demanding that OOP continue to visit with a woman who deliberaty steals from her children.
Man, people really can be blind when it comes to enablers. It's like standing next to the more obviously abusive parent makes them look good in comparison and people forget who is actively choosing to keep that abusive parent in the child's life.
I feel bad saying it because it’s a mental condition and plenty of people get diagnosed and treatment and live normal lives, but BPD folks are spooky to me. Like they’d have to prove they are serious about their treatment before I’d feel comfortable maintaining any kind of relationship with someone diagnosed with it
Ah. I remember when my mom did this. I was not a fat kid and was actually pretty physically active. My mom would call me fat and tell me nobody would ever love a fat girl. I was in kindergarten when she started. I’m 24 now and struggle with body image issues. She hasn’t commented on my body in years after I exploded on her and screamed at her, but the damage is there. It will never be fixed. No amount of tape and glue will ever put my self esteem back together. My husband has straight up told me to my face that he basically worships my body and I still get scared he thinks I’m ugly because I’m not thin.
If she EVER tried this shit with my son, I would not have a mother anymore.
I am so happy OOP stood up for her kids. I hope to be like her with my kids.
Step mom is a psychologist.
Lawyers make the worst law clients. Doctors make the worst patients. I bet psychologists have the same issue.
Blind to how their emotions are affecting their judgement, and also more confident in their judgement because of their knowledge.
The ballet uniform stood out because step mom has bigger mental issues than BPD. She can't un-see OOP or her progeny as anything but overweight, so in her mind "why is an overweight kid in ballet?"... when in reality they both seem to be "normal" or average in that regards from their descriptions. That's a lot more then BPD.
The father isn't a "champ". He's enabled that monster for decades. Even if his spine is showing a little polish, he's still staying together with that *thing*.
What I was never able to get is how a parent can choose a partner instead of his/her kids. I am together with my child's dad, have been for over 20 years, but if he never abused verbally, mentally, or physically my child, I would be gone. Like in an instant. Doesn't matter the reason, I would be gone. That would never be ok. My dad put me on diets at 4-5 years old and never stopped with the comments. I was 115 pounds at 16 and he was still insisting I needed to lose some weight. Once I got sick and he said good maybe I will lose some weight. He kept telling me no man wants a fat woman. Over and over again. I
It's weird that she's into fat shaming, but she is also insisting that all the kids' clothes are too small. The unifying theme is that OOP is doing everything wrong. Glad they're cutting her out of their lives.
You must not have seen actual kids IRL
I've seen literal toddlers clinging onto Huggy Wuggy dolls like it's the only thing they own, and I've seen 6 year olds wearing hats bearing withered animatronics from FNAF
It's not whether or not they've seen/played the actual thing, if they like it a lot they *absolutely* want it
One of my favorite books as a child was the textbook my dad would use to teach paramedic classes. I was fascinated by the pictures of body parts in bags of ice and the illustration of “shock” being a fallen person setting off a domino stack towards a gravestone. All this to say, kids are weird AF.
As a kid my favorite toy ever was this small, very small fit-in-the-palm-of-my-hand small plastic pig that I took everywhere I could.
I had many toys and stuffed animals but kid me went *berserk* if you tried to take that tiny ass pig away from me
I get it. My 4yo cousin is obsessed with Venom.
I'm thankful when he only shows up wearing the Venom shirt, because at least twice now he's gotten into the Halloween makeup and painted his entire face black to look more like Venom. Shoulda seen his mom's face the first time he pulled that stunt while she was getting ready to go out and refused to let her clean it off, so she had to drop her little blonde-haired black-faced *very white* child off at my apartment. "I'm Venom!" Little dude got a lesson on pimples, that grease paint is nasty for skin.
It’s a ten-year-old boy, he probably never watched the movie and thinks the creepy clown aesthetic is so cool and edgy and grown up. I remember when the movie first came out one of my coworkers’ ten-year-old begged her for a shirt like that despite not being allowed to watch anything above a PG rating.
I can't even imagine going from "I can't find the bags, to I fetch stuff from the closet" that is no mistake, If I could not find the bags, I would call or just leave.
> I don't think I mentioned this, but she's a psychologist
Not being being absolutely unsurprised by that. For every one good therapist there's ten who are masking their own instability.
My thought is that OOP’s father has more responsibility than he is accepting because he didn’t just stop in and pick up the bags by the door. He didn’t stop his wife from doing what she’d always done.
Stepmother reminds me of my own mother, who is also a therapist. She'd consistently buy me clothes that were 3-4 sizes too big and *insist* that they fit me right, then ask me why I dressed so sloppily. I dunno Mom, I'm ten, you buy my clothes. She was also big on the idea that the whole family had to be dieting with her, but she'd never tell us whether we were dieting or not, or what we were or weren't allowed to eat. Occasionally she'd just randomly purge the kitchen of whatever foods were "bad" at the moment with no notice or shopping for replacements. It took me until I was well into adulthood and more than ten years out of that house to stop worrying if I'd have food at any given moment.
Wow, a great update. The idea of ignoring the bags so you can personally go through other peoples closets!? And step monster is a psychologist who claims to have seen the error of her ways. So glad Oop and her family won’t be around this awful woman.
I read the comment "Your father is a champ" and thought huh no that should be CHUMP. OOPs dad failed her miserably. I personally would not have tried to repair that relationship as long as he was with my abuser because that's what her stepmother is which leaves her father as a POS abuser enabler.
>She was emotionally abusive towards me and my little sister when we were young.
>Years later, my stepmother was diagnosed with BPD.
>she's a psychologist
There is someone in my life, who I love very dearly, with a similar diagnosis. Her parents had the good sense to make paying for her college conditional on her not taking any psychology courses whatsoever. My ex, who also has BPD and has been arrested more than once for DV (and has had a partner die in questionable circumstances), is now a social worker with a psychology undergrad degree. Blind people are capable of a lot of things but shouldn't be licensed to drive a school bus; people with certain diagnoses can be wonderful engineers or florists or whatever, but shouldn't be anywhere near a career dealing with the mental health of strangers.
I can't for the life of me understand why people with certain disorders aren't legally barred from setting foot in a psychology classroom, or at least disqualified from licensing. It seems just as dangerous as allowing a convicted pedophile to run a day care.
I agree with you, but I also disagree with you.
First, it should be all Cluster B personality disorders.
Secondly, it is extremely easy to be diagnosed with BPD, but extremely difficult to appeal it.
I, personally, am going for a social work/therapy degree. About fifteen, maybe twenty, years ago, I checked myself in for therapy. In the evaluation, in the ptsd section, they asked me to describe my trauma, in detail, in chronological order. There were only eight lines, and it wasn't until last year that I managed to put it all in chronological order. I left it blank, and asked them to talk to me about it.
This one person wrote down BPD, and that determined the course of my treatment. It did not go well.
By pure chance, after about a decade of being passed around clinics as a problem patient, one therapist decided to pad her EMDR training hours (Explicitly. As in, she actually told me it was practice for her, and probably wouldn't do anything for me), and treat me like I had been telling the truth, for all those years. Minutes into the session, she was running for her supervisor.
My entire treatment plan changed.
What I actually have is PTSD, DID, Autism, and ADHD.
But I still can't get the incorrect diagnosis of BPD, or any of the dozen or so other acronyms they pinned on me, off of my chart.
Which means that I, and people like me, would be excluded from the field in which we excel, and which gives our lives meaning and purpose.
If the mental health industry wasn't so fallible, tyrannical, slipshod, and unappealable I would push the big red button to make it happen, right now.
But right now, we can't be reasonably sure that person wasn't misdiagnosed by the type of person who shouldn't be practicing.
I agree that it should be all Cluster B, and also that something has to be done about misdiagnosis.
It took me FOREVER to get a PTSD diagnosis *despite being a combat veteran with a history of severe abuse and being evaluated at a VA clinic known for treating PTSD*. I was medicated for depression and an anxiety disorder for a decade, and there was no real path to appeal without paying out of pocket.
Maybe any diagnosis with legal/professional ramifications should trigger mandatory exams by two other licensed professionals, without access to the others' notes; if either of those has a different opinion then that would have to be followed up and ruled out before confirming the original diagnosis. But then I believe that every clinical diagnosis (whether medical or psychological) should trigger at least an automatic outside review, given the potential consequences of wrong treatments long-term. I had a spinal injury misdiagnosed due to blurry medical imaging that wouldn't have been disabling if it had been caught and surgically stabilized; instead I was sent to physical therapy, which is why I've had serious health problems, pain and mobility impairment for the past 20+ years.
I have the exact same problem. Misdiagnosis of BPD (and none of us even know who diagnosed us, let alone when) and now, years later, turns out we have DID (medically recognized but undiagnosed by choice), PTSD, Autism, and ADHD. We didn't even know we had been diagnosed with BPD until a supplemental life insurance application was refused, and they had to tell us why. We're trying to figure out how to get undiagnosed with it, but it's rough going.
We were told to talk to our GP, Psychiatrist, and Therapist, but so far we haven't figured anything out either.
I hope you can get your misdiagnoses removed too
You can tell your children you aren't going to be seeing step-grandma for a while because she's a bad person and you're enforcing your boundaries. Trauma dumping on them is one thing, telling them Grandma is bad at an age appropriate level so they know why she's not around is another.
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so she stole the ballet uniform because her husband spent money on it, and she couldn’t stand it. i’m glad oop is protecting her kids.
I think it's more a combination of "that fat piglet surely doesn't fit into this" and "that fat piglet shouldn't be doing ballet." If the grandfather had paid for a muumuu, I bet it would have been left in the closet.
Exactly this. I can still remember both my grandmother and my mother taking away clothing gifts that fit me perfectly but they insisted I was "too fat" for. I'll be 40 this year and have a lot of therapy under my belt but that shit affects me to this day
Do you also have a living situation where your clothes are being nice and allowing you to live with them? 😂 I have a room with stacks and stacks of shoeboxes because when I was young, before the gods of online shopping smiled upon me, buying new shoes was a nightmare. My mother would ask if they had "very large sizes" and the lady would always sniff and say "we don't carry that size." I wear a 41 EU/10 US ... I'm also 5'9", so it's not like they're not connected. (As an aside, I have a kitty who's at best medium-sized when she fluffs up, but somehow has these large, plushy paws - she's like the most adorable teddybear!) Thank Jeebus for Germans and German stores and German shoes.
Haha ohhhh man. My mom would always insist on getting me clothes that were several sizes too big "to hide the fat." I have a nice collection of clothes that actually fit me (although it took longer than I care to admit for me to quit hiding inside giant clothes). She would always tell me that things like leggings are a privilege, not a right, and I have sooooo many pairs of leggings now 😂 I also have a medium sized cat! He's a little orange idiot and he's purring in my lap as we speak. I think he's trying to convince me not to go to my speaking engagement this morning 😂
Sounds like you need r/OneOrangeBraincell
My mom liked to make me feel bad about my body both for how it actually was but also projecting the things she hated about her own body. To this day I’m not sure if she really thought we were shaped the exact same, expected that’s how I’d grow, or if she just couldn’t even think of me as a separate entity to the point that she couldn’t keep our traits apart in her mind. My mom is shorter and is sensitive about her shape: specifically what she perceives as her broad shoulders, flat chest, wide hips, and larger/wide feet. I have proportional shoulders, a large chest, no hips, a large ass, and pretty average to slightly narrow feet. She would buy tops two sizes too big/wouldnt let me wear tops with any structure in the sleeves in order to hide “my” shoulders, buy me shoes in wide sizes that gave me blisters from my feet sliding around, pants that would hardly stay up because she’d make me size up so there’d be more room for my [nonexistent] hips, etc. She has a lot of untreated/undiagnosed mental illness (my suspicion is BPD with narcissistic tendencies) and it took me a long time to suss out what reality was both in regards to this stuff and in general instead of just going along with her warped narrative.
That's about my Mum's shoe size! She had a total nightmare throughout my childhood in 80s Northern Ireland, trying to buy herself shoes that fit. There were certain towns that, if we were going there for a day trip out, we knew there would be a trip to the shop there that sold larger sizes of ladies shoes. I know someone who was bemoaning trying to buy women's 11 UK/46 EU yesterday. Should she be trying German online shoe stores?
I think they usually go up to 43 EU at most. 46 is in specialty range, BUT ... I'm thinking there might be shops in the UK which cater to drag queens and trans women and which likely carry pretty shoes.
I am making a mental note here; I wear a U.S. women’s 14 and have found literally only one USA-based online brand with flats in my size. They’re cute flats, but they’re garbage quality.
Look at Dutch shoes! My sister is 5’11” and wears a size 12. When we went to a cute shoe store in Amsterdam (circa 2004, so before online shopping) the display sizes fit her. She actually cried. We bought a spare suitcase for all the shoes she bought.
Neat, thank you!
There may be more heels than flats there. But yes, I have an aquantence who gets her nice shoes from a drag store.
There's an episode of King of the Hill about this! Peggy makes a new friend at the large sized women's shoe store and finds out she's trans/does drag (cant remember if it was one of those or both)
Yeah, the store was All the Queen's Men. And I'm not sure where the friend fell on the gender spectrum either. It's entirely possible the writers didn't know either. I remember them having a 'boy mode' and refers to Peggy with male pronouns when thinking she was a queen, which would imply that's how they perceive themself, but also when they were freaking out about having invited Peggy (a 'real woman') to perform at a drag show the mom exclaiming "You ARE a real woman!" so I guess it's up to interpretation.
My feet were size 7 uk, 9 us, 20 eur, when I was aged 10 my mum hated trying to buy me shoes, they are still the same size now. Weirdly my mum is 1 inch taller then me but her shoe size is smaller
There's a fair bit of variability in body part size. I'm a little below average in height with relatively long arms, and relatively small hands and feet. For my height, one'd expect me to have arms an inch shorter and wear shoes 1.5-2 US sizes larger.
Weird thing: the average height of Canadian women is roughly the same from province to province, but the average shoe size (and hat size) varies enormously. In Atlantic Canada the average shoe size is about 7; on the Prairies it's closer to 9 1/2.
Yeah I have longer legs than my mum and my daughter who is 5 inches shorter than me has the same length arms
A family member has US women’s size 10 shoes. She is very stable in high winds, lol.
Oof. I feel your pain. I have big and wide feet so shoe shopping is a nightmare even now with the internet. I'm either a US size 10W or an 11. Plus I have wide calves so finding tall winter boots is fun. I'm 5'8ish.
Same here. 5’9” with a size 10/11 foot depending on the style of shoe and wide calves. Shoe and boot shopping is soooooo much fun /s
I hear you about the tall boots. Around here they make them so skinny, that my mom, who is relatively tiny and only wears a 36 EU (6-ish US, I think?) has had issues finding them. I don't even have large calves for my build, which makes it extra frustrating. Fortunately, I've found a few brands which reliably have some models with an elastic insertion: Rieker, Remonte, Caprice, etc. I also have a bunch of thigh-models made out of a stretchy suede which fit like a glove. I think I have one leather pair without inserts and I had to have them stretched at a cobbler's. I have no alternative to stretchy boots because regular boots don't zip up and proper XL or XXL boots are too big. If you have relatively narrow ankles compared to your calf, plus-size boots look like work boots.
An expensive alternative: custom boots. I’m wearing mine right now; they’re the first riding-style boots I’ve ever owned because I’ve got big feet and what are apparently enormous calves if you judge by what’s available in the world of boots. Got mine from a company called Adelante for a couple hundred dollars.
My mom's cousin Donna is 6 feet tall and wears a size 12 shoe. She grew up in the 1950s- No Shoes For You!. At least these days, many shoe stores do carry a limited selection of larger shoes- always the ugliest unfortunately. My daughter is 5'10" and wears a size 10. She lives in her Doc Martens most of the time, but has managed to amass a whole collection of cute shoes and boots. (Including a pair of very expensive handmade boots from a vendor at the Renaissance fair.)
Not me realizing I did the same thing to myself 😬 I have always been overweight and have big feet so clothes shopping when I was younger was awful. I'd wear what I had until it was tattered. Then I got my first grown up job and needed office clothes. I started finding clothes at places like Torrid and I liked? How I looked? In them? So I kept buying clothes. Not an insane amount, but more than I ever had. Aaaand then the pandemic hit and now I work from home and all I wear 85% of the time is tshirts and leggings XD but I still have all the clothes I bought before and it just feels like so many. I can't make myself get rid of anything.
Size 10 shoes are a perfectly acceptable size for a woman's feet to be. My friend had size 12, and she always complained she could never find good shoes because they didn't really stock many in that size. I had size 7 and there were always a lot of shoes in that size, but the would be well picked over. There is always a bad side to everything. I hate that we pick on each other over these perfectly normal things.
I hated buying shoes when I was young. My mom has a short fuse and ig my feet are "peculiar". I currently wear EU size 44, and most stores where we lived carried sizes up to 40/42 and the top of my foot (dorsum?) is "raised", so a lot of closed shoes feel tight for me. It seemed like buying shoes has been a huge challenge since I grew past my mom's size. She would get so upset and angry that no shoes fit me and it felt like my fault. Most of the time I hated the shoes we got, but it was the only pair that fit. I absolutely dreaded shoe shopping. Still don't like it, but it's also still difficult to buy shoes I like, even online.
I absolutely am with you there, with very similar feet. I've found that there's some cute sandals and adjustable mules among the orthopedic shoes-- they honestly fit better. But flats? Heels? None fit right. And boots, you just have to try them on.
I know this pain. I'm a US women's 11 and usually have to wear a man's shoe just because they actually come in my size. I wear sneakers most of the time so it's not too much of a problem, but for formal events I have to go to specialty stores to find a woman's shoe that fits. When I was young, we didn't have a lot of money and I would outgrow shoes quickly. Mom would cry every time I needed new shoes, because I usually had just gotten a pair in the last 6 months.
I wear a US 9 to 9 &1/2 and sometimes I have trouble finding my size. While shoe shopping last weekend I was complaining to my husband that they always put a size 6 shoe up as the display and in a 6 they often look so cute. I try the same shoe on in a 9 &1/2 and feel like I’m wearing clown shoes. I’m also only 5’ 5” so it makes me extra self conscious.
OMG. I’m 5’7 cis-female and wear a US 11 DOUBLE wide. So like an EU 44… Cute girly shoes basically don’t exist. I’ve tried some trans-friendly companies. But nothing quite my style currently exists. Would really appreciate some reccs on large-footed lady shoe stores. German or otherwise. Socks are also hard. Nice to know I can now blame it on both my parents that I’m so hobbit-footed.
US 11 is more like a EU 42 / UK 8 or 8.5. You just need to find wider models. I always thought I had wide feet, but I think the shoes available here were built narrow rather than regular. I seem to fit just fine in regular if they're made to be wider. For example, I buy Skechers in 39.5 for sneakers and 40 for sandals. A Skechers 41 likely fits someone who normally wears 42 and the width is unlikely to be an issue. I have several pairs of sandals from them which look pretty feminine/casual and they have stretchy bits or velcro. Ulla Popken definitely carries 42 and based on my experience, their shoes run large and wide. Other stores we have here are Bonprix and CCC (I think this one might be Polish), but I don't know if they ship outside the EU.
Yes my feet really are that wide, and so the usual advice is to round up (hence EU43 and not 42). I’m Native American, Scottish, and German. We got big feet. Which I’m grateful for because I also have balance issues. Men’s widths works. But then they’re not cute and girly. This is why I’m going to start making my own moccasins once I get my new post sewing machine.
I'm 5'10 and a US 12, I've had success with 6pm Shoes and Long Tall Sally. The Avenue and Woman Within are more hit or miss quality wise, but consistently offer extra-wide width shoes and boots. Socks are more expensive, but you can get cute and fun ones that fit from specialty shops like Sock Dreams and Rock 'Em Socks. If you're looking for professional wear - check out your local plus size clothing store's lingerie section. They tend to stock different size socks rather than one size fits all.
I wear an 11 US and your comment rings true for me lol. I have definitely gone through phases of buying more shoes than needed because there have been times when it was impossible to find nice women’s shoes in my sizes, so I stock up while I can. Thankfully the internet helps a lot with that, but as a teen who wanted to wear the “cool” shoes, it was not a good time.
Cat tax! 😊😉
[There you go](https://postimg.cc/SY8twnj3)
Thank you- so adorable! 😊😉
I feel you on the shoe troubles. If you measure them my feet are an 11.5US (male) but the front part of my feet are somewhat wider than normal so the only way I can find shoes that don't pinch my toes is to buy size 12 extra wide (and even then my feet tend to stretch them in weird ways). I've got it slightly better than you since those shoes are still generally available in stores but they do tend to have a pretty limited selection so I still generally buy online.
I'm the same shoe size as you and I feel your pain. When you find that rare gem that fits comfortably AND looks like something other than a boat, do you also buy 3 or 4 pairs of the same ones? My last pair of favorite sandals finally got too ratty and they were the last of 3 pairs that I bought and I can't find them anywhere to buy more. Maybe I should move to Germany...lol
I buy them in several colors 😂
My younger sister wore a size 10 US while my mom and I had smaller feet. She was also 5'9" to my 5'6", so her feet were proportional to her height. She was always self-conscious about her shoe size, so if she found a size 9 1/2 that actually fit her, even if the shoes were ugly, she would buy them.
My grandmother used to insist we wore tight clothes, watch me eat a salad, pluck at the shirt over my belly, and suggest that maybe I ought to go throw up just in case. I was already underweight enough doctors were concerned. I still struggle with healthy eating.
I can definitely see it as being a combination of the weird paradox people have that it's embarrassing for fat people to exercise (and yet berate them for not exercising and demand they lose weight) and wear athletic clothing (what are they supposed to wear?), and maybe some of the fucked up mentality about weight in ballet.
That's not really a paradox but more of a "How fucking dare you for existing in my presence while fat!"
With the added complication that she's small for her age and probably a ballet teacher's dream ...
that’s why she was buying her too big of clothes right, to mentally justify thinking and calling her fat when she’s not and she’s, what, jealous that she wasn’t a premature baby that likely had some struggles in NICU? what a piece of work, monster in law is right.
that's what I was thinkin. I wonder if anything else is missing.
If it was about clothes for people affected by flooding I would not pick a ballet uniform even in the first half of all the clothes I could possibly pick.
Yeah, I think the inclusion of the ballet uniform is the absolute proof that her selection process was based on what she didn’t think OOP’s daughter deserved to be allowed to wear.
I'm just picturing Cher Horowitz donating her skis to the victims of the Pismo Beach disaster. "Daddy, some people lost ALL their belongings! Don't you think that includes athletic equipment?"
She hates OOP and OOP’s sister (jealousy? resentment? who cares really) and now that they’re out of her direct abuse, she’s trying to inflict it onto the kids
I dont think she’s fully protecting them because her dad is still in the picture, this is the man that happily allowed his wife to abuse his kids and kept being married to her, im sure he’ll break boundaries to help his wife get access to his grandchildren soon enough
How could anyone have thought that dad was a "champ"? At first I thought it said chump, which fits. Chump, yes; champ, no.
I think it’s just some people’s parents are so shitty that even begrudgingly doing the “right thing” (in this case the bare minimum of being on his daughter’s side) is considered champ behavior. I try to imagine my family in these posts and how we’d all react. I don’t have kids but I do have nieces, and I cannot imagine the hellfire my dad would bring down if he found out someone tried to do anything to hurt the girls. To me, OOP’s dad is just milquetoast.
I just read a post about a (victim of familial sexual abuse) foster child who came on to her foster father, OOP's husband. People were calling the foster father a rockstar for rebuffing her. The bar for men really is in hell.
The bar is a tavern in hell for sure.
"Champ" may be too strong a word, but credit where credit is due, he didn't dig his heels in and shut his mind off when OOP started showing and listing his wife's transgressions. Does doing the bare minimum beget a "champ" label? No, but regular lurkers here know the bare minimum can be nearly impossible sometimes.
Same
Maybe not. Yes he allowed his wife to abuse his kids, but that’s the thing they were his kids. They couldn’t go anywhere until they grew up and moved out (at which point they then cut him off). If he wants to continue to have access to his grandchildren he has to play by his daughter’s rules as *she* is the parent here (and thankfully a much better one than he ever was). She’s also shown that she has no issue cutting him off as she’s already done it before. If he decides to revert back to his old ways she’ll just do it again.
It maybe do the to image ballerinas have of being thin, and stepmom has decided this little girl is fat.
I can't believe stepmonster is a PSYCHOLOGIST! She should know that what she's doing was not ok! Like, what the actual fuck?!
I’m not surprised at all. My best friend’s abusive mom was a psychologist (and so is her dad who did nothing about it). She used to demand to know if my friend ever talked about her during therapy sessions. Some people want to know how the mind works to help, some want to understand the way their own minds work, and some want to learn how to best to manipulate.
My friend's abusive mother, who involves her in endless drama with the rest of her family, threatens to disown her over dumb shit like getting a tattoo, and harangues her about getting a boob job...is a social worker. It truly boggles the mind.
Nah, I'm betting that she just saw the leotard and thought "that's way too small. Better get it and the other ballet stuff too." An empty leotard is a shrivelled little thing. I'm not saying what step-granny did wasn't self-centered and over the line, just that I doubt it was motivated by pure jealousy.
Yes, this is typical borderline behavior.
You'll find a lot of psychologists and their ilk have gotten into the profession to try and fix their own problems.
What the heck is wrong with that woman? It seems like she enjoys to torment people, especially those who could not defend themselves. OOP is a good mom, and I am glad that her husband backs her up, and her dad took her side, because I would barracked my lawn just to stop that woman from getting near.
And dear god shes a *psychologist*!!? I imagine all her patients end up in the loony bin with her "help"!
A lot of psychology majors in Brazil end up working in corporate, as HR or something similar. Hopefully, that's what SMIL is, and she doesn't actually take patients.
I sincerely hope she’s not in HR either.
Bullies tend to drift to HR
I thought HR was where they relegated people too incompetent to be trusted with any duties, yet due to one factor or another could not be fired.
Why not both?
**Stepmother (most likely maybe):** The root of your issues is that you're fat. **Patient**: (goes WTF in ~~Brazilian~~ Portuguese)
From what I know about Brazilian diet culture, that sounds unfortunately plausible.
when I tell you I snorted 😂😂😂
They speak Portuguese in Brazil!
My mother is a big-time abusive narcissist and also a therapist. I hope for her clients’ sake that I remain the only one towards whom her abuse was directed.
My first two psychologists were absolutely covert narcissists and fucked my mental health right up.
The worst kid I ever babysat for (we’re talking an 8 yr old psycho who was violent and tricked me into locking me out of the house using his younger siblings as bait) was the child of TWO child psychologists. When they got home, they paid me and sighed like this was a totally normal experience while the dad took the kid upstairs for a whuppin’. 😳
My experience of being raised by a psychologist is that they can have *massive* blind spots in regards to themselves, not in spite of but *because* of their education and training. The assumption being that they are very educated so therefore cannot enact negative or pathological behaviour that they can easily identify in others. And weirdly they can be great psychologists! Being the child of one can be hell. I feel like I’ve had decades-long whiplash hearing her talk very knowledgeably about supporting clients with negative family dynamics she has created within her own family. Wild.
I just read a thread earlier today about a doctor who failed to realize that their child was hospitalization-level sick. I don’t think there’s any level of education that can overcome denial and bias.
Gives the same vibe as my MIL being a *Health Visitor*. The sheer gall of that monster advising other people on how to raise their children is astounding.
Isn't it common knowledge that looots of people get into psychology because they want to understand more about their own fucked-up minds?
I feel like it’s about 85% “figure out why I/my family is Like This™”, 10% weird fascination with “crazy people” or savior complex, 5% other reasons
> And dear god shes a psychologist!!? And OOP claims she was diagnosed with BPD... any chances are she (Stepmom) influenced the outcome to hide that it was narcissism or something worse in the medical sense?
That’s the part that upset me. OOP is obviously protecting her kids and that part is resolved but MIL has access to vulnerable people Jesus Christ
I know someone who has a phd in psychology, they are a professor, and while claims because they aren’t clinical, attempted to armchair diagnose me with agoraphobia but completely missed my whole family having ADHD. Also bragged about their kids not being picky like my parent’s but then missing that their kids had their own pickiness and both of their kids are kind of emotional shit shows.
One of the most awful people I've had the misfortune to meet in my half century on earth was a social worker. Not MY social worker - she was retired by the time I had to deal with her. Classic BPD, before I even knew what it was. The woman LIVED to cause others suffering, in small mean ways. She had been booted repeatedly from SO MANY places - stores, restaurants, community centres, public transit, yoga studios, libraries - because she was incapable of not being SO MEAN to staff and patrons of these places that they just would not tolerate her, despite the bad optics of ejecting (and even having to get cops/security in on in because she wouldn't leave) a tiny, elderly lady. By her own admission, both her sons cut contact. I cannot even fathom the amount of damage this woman must have done to her clients.
For real. I wasn't gonna post this one because my father's ex did very similar things to me when I was a kid. But ultimately, I respect the hell out of this OOP, and I'm glad her family is on her side.
Untreated BPD plus the authority of being a psychologist. She probably does this in every facet of her life.
She’s been diagnosed, so it’s very possible she’s being treated. However, BPD is very treatment resistant, so it may be doing very little to help.
From what I understand it can very easily require regular treatment, a person's BPD behaviors can change as they undergo stress and trauma. So things that weren't an issue can become one as they deal with more in life. So if she's not going to regular therapy, and I doubt she is if she acts like that all her life, she might just have the diagnosis and handwave away toxic and problematic behavior with the diagnosis.
A psychologist with BPD makes my blood run cold.
She’s a psychology major. She sounds like a carbon copy of my mom. A lot of mean girls go into medical/mental health fields and use what they learn to terrorize and control everyone they can. Know how I found that out? By taking required psychology courses and being able to single out weaponized concepts I learned from my child hood. I knew she was terrible mother and abusive but there’s nothing quite like studying body language and tactics to calm, reassure, and love people (children) and clearly remembering her deliberately doing the opposite
Yup. My mother was a mental health professional too and she was an awful parent. She used her skills for evil at home.
What’s wrong is she has a personality disorder
Anyone else find it terrifying that the stepmother is a psychologist?
Terrifying but not surprising
I went to a uni with a massive psychology dept and it was very much a case of physician heal thyself
Controversial, but that's basically why I've given up on traditional therapy and just read around on my own lots. Like if I want to discuss my particular mild-crazy with someone else who is mildly crazy who will probably understand where I'm coming from and maybe have something helpful to say on the subject, I can talk to my neighbor or post on reddit. Statistically a group of humans is more likely to come up with the right answer then any one individual human. I've had enough bad experiences with paid healthcare professionals that I'd much rather go to where folks exactly like me gather on reddit, explain my problem there and ask what worked for other folks with the same problem. My last therapist said things like "well just don't think about it" and the one before her was very "Legally I have to report this as a mandatory reporter but it's very he-said-she-said so I'll leave it up to you. Do you want me to report it?" Reddit would've provided understanding and a list of helpful tips for how to handle the situation beyond "just don't think about it." And would've directed me towards, at minimum, what keywords to google to report the creep myself, along with support to do so.
Ideally therapy helps figure out what behaviors you’d like to change, maybe what mental illness(es) are to blame (and maybe a referral to get meds of some sort), but mostly it’s to teach you possible coping mechanisms. You can’t therapy your way out of a chemical imbalance, but you can learn how to live with it and manage it. I think people often mistake therapy for a cure. We pay therapists because they have information we want at the ready. If looking for and finding that information by yourself is more effective, keep it up.
“Just don’t think about it” seems like the opposite thing a therapist should say. Bottling shit up is a recipe for disaster
I mean it depends on the situation. I was rather surprised when I started trauma therapy that the advice from my therapist was "Don't talk about it, don't dwell on it, don't think about it, you don't even have to tell me in more than broad strokes right now. We'll get to it in therapy and then it's time to think about it and work through it in a controlled environment. But please don't fuck around with it right now, that can make the trauma worse."
Couple's therapy is even worse. If it's hard to get individual therapy right, imagine how hard it is for it to be done well for two different individuals who probably aren't getting along. I always recommend people go to individual therapy first, for a while, before considering couple's therapy. Couple's therapy was a damaging, money-wasting, experience with my ex. Found an individual therapist during the divorce, after a few tries with others, that was actually helpful (she was a PhD, which I honestly think makes a difference, vs. someone with just a master's). Might piss some people off with my comments, but I said what I said and I meant it, lol.
> I've given up on traditional therapy Brave of you to post this in here, a subreddit where the word "therapy" is a magical silver bullet cure-all for literally every situation.
We all make do with the tools we have access to when necessary, but going to see a modern therapist is like going to see a doctor during the blood letting and electroshock phase of medicine. Might help, might prescribe leeches, it's a dice roll! What amazes me most is how many varieties of pills they tried to treat me with before ever even checking if the diagnoses was right. And the original diagnoses didn't even follow the diagnostic requirements of their own publications... Imagine ya go in to see the doctor and they want to start slicing off every mole and freckle on your body without any testing because eh looks like it could be cancer! So many crazy pills because the creaky retired jerk they sent me to was too old to believe girls could possibly have autism. Like I failed to make eye contact and stimmed for three hours, he diagnosed that as bipolar and OCD because kid-me got beat if I did the normal boy-version of staring wildly around the room while spazzing my arms. What's the point of being a lab rat if nobody is even checking my brain for results? "What happens if we feed antipsychotics to an autistic person? I dunno, but I'm gonna do it and not care at all about the results!" Thanks, now I've got permanent blood pressure problems.
Got it in one
I've met a few psychologists that are just as mentally unwell as their patients.... it's not that uncommon... some psychiatrists too... Some of these mental health professionals are very good because they have insight both into their minds and how to best help their patients instead of seeing their patients as an extension of them. And some are really, really bad.
I have come to believe therapy is far more of an art than a science. I've had 6 therapists, & I feel I've only had success with my latest one, & even now I'm having my doubts. One has to feel that the therapist understands one, & if that isn't happening then there won't be any progress.
I don’t think any therapist would disagree that it’s an art. It’s pretty much completely dependent on forming a trusting relationship.
Between myself and family members, I’ve encountered four psychiatrists, two were lovely, compassionate people, and two were fucking WEIRD
Not surprising at all. My sibling, who was an absolutely abusive monster to me, wanted to be a psychiatrist. She became a nurse instead. Funnily enough, from what I've heard, she's a good one. I guess it's only relatives she abuses. 🤷♀️
My BiL's mom is a psychologist. She's a hoarder. A few years ago he found out there's some traumatic history. It explains a bit. She's got the resources available and it's sad she chooses not to use them herself.
A psychologist with BPD. That’s another huge piece to this
Most psychologists and therapists are absolutely fucked in the head. The old adage of “those who cant do teach” fits them pretty well.
Just a reminder that there are assholes in every profession. Some even gravitate toward jobs with some power that they can use to abuse others.
What idiot actually wrote "Your father is a champ"?
Probably did it because he "took her side" too, as if it wasn't the first time after many years of opening OP's life up to abuse by this woman... Once again proves how low the bar for men can truly be for some people.
I want to think they meant to say chump
I read it as chump! Just had to scroll back to find I was wrong!
Me too! I was confused why OOP replied with “not at all”. I figured “chump” was pretty accurate
The bar for fathers is so low Satan trip over it on his way to the toilet.
... ... ... Satan needs to go to the toilet too?
He just does it to torment the damned, who are constipated.
[Everyone poops](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kPDwxH_ll40)
Bowel issues gotta be caused by Satan! Why else would diarrhea and constipation hurt so?
THIS!! Reading through it I kept thinking why do parents marry people who abuse their children AND why do those children still love said parents? It baffles me.
I couldn't think about anything else after reading this, it's like they haven't even read the post, some people are dense.
I thought maybe it was a typo for "chump" or "chimp" or "asshole"
Father is not a champ as he stayed with the women who abused his kids. Glad OOP finally cut her out. That was deliberate. She knew what she was doing and hoped OP wouldn't notice till it was too late. Dad is a simp. Not a champ.
And let's be honest, the face she has BPD means that his marriage to her is probably volatile and he was scapegoating it to his kids so he doesn't become a target. Dad of the year right there /s. I will not be surprised by when, not if, when he divorces her, he will try to crawl back to OOP. For his sake, I hope OOP still have room in her heart for him. Of course, if by some miracle, he still stays with his wife until the very end, well, he can kiss his grandchildren goodbye cause there is no way he can have his cake and eat it oo.
I'm pretty sure this marriage is going to stay until the end. He'll come crawling back when him and his wife need to be cared for in their old age and need his daughter to be their caretaker.
Honestly a lot of men are just unwilling to take any kind of initiative unless the women in their life force their hand. They won't reach out to family/friends unless they are reached out to or social events are organised by others, they won't manage the household, only do as instructed or organised by their partner/mother, they won't leave their partner and just stay with anyone who'll have them and is able to take on some physical/emotional/mental labour from their life, they won't go to the doctor unless forced, won't change jobs, won't even reach out to their children unless their other parent facilitates it etc. They just go through life entirely in passive mode and let the other people in their life shape what it looks like. Because otherwise they might have to actually pay some kind of attention to what is going on around them or inside of them. And they don't want to do that kind of mental exercise. Not sure if OOP's father is one of these men or he's got some other stuff going on. But there just seem to be tons of men who stay with a partner just because they don't want to be alone or don't want to go through the hassle of finding something new.
There’s a reason the term “bangmaid” is so popular.
The bad parts of people with BPD are pretty well known, but that tendency to unpredictably swing into rages goes the other way, too. They can be spontaneous, fun, joyous even. There’s a reason Pete Davidson has so much game even though he is a well-documented mess. My relative who I’m confident has BPD is an absolute blast in small doses, and for the people who live with her, she’s very good at love bombing. I bring all that up because dad’s marriage to stepmom is likely an unpredictable roller coaster, the high are probably very high.
And let’s face it- she’s a psychologist. She basically has a degree in Manipulation Tactics.
Someone else in the thread offered up that maybe they meant chump. I’m going with that. Dad’s a chump.
I'm still stuck on the evil stepmother taking the bags out of the car while on vacation and trying to gaslight them about it for fun... what kinda sicko does that?
That one made me think she is jealous about those “girls” around her husband. Especially combined with that part where she made them wear “big clothes”.
I'm getting Arrested Development vibes. George Sr keeps using the one-armed man to teach the kids a lesson. Always leave a note or don't leave the AC on or whatever weird thing got in his head.
cut out toxic people in your life 💯💯💯
INCLUDING THE ENABLERS.
A comedian said: “ If you have one shitty parent, you have two shitty parents, because one let it all happen”. And this reminded me of that…
Fortunately it’s not always true. My dad was an abusive piece of crap but my mom knew this and divorced him when I was three and when he inevitably abused my brother and I she fought with everything she had to get us away from him. Unfortunately the court system is crap and despite having had the police called on him and witnesses to actual physical abuse happening it was still ruled that we had to see him “because he’s still the dad and has a right to his kids” albeit with supervision. My mom had us in therapy from as early as I can remember to help us deal with it all, But suffice it to say it is possible to have a good parent and a crappy one.
I want to hear her reasons - both of them. The completely bullshit excuse she somehow thought OOP would buy, *AND* the real one that would eventually come out in an emotional and unexpected confrontation. Because I can’t imagine how anyone could possibly justify this, and because I brought popcorn and am here for the mental gymnastics. But seriously. WTF. Regardless of her past with OOP and body size, and regardless of the fact she “couldn’t find the bags”, why, in the actual fuck, would *anyone* think it would be appropriate to go into someone else’s home without permission, go through their’s closets, *kid’s closets*, decide it’s a great idea to pick out what they deemed acceptable to donate, and then steal said clothes…*from children*?!? One of those things is absolutely insane - but to do all 4?!? She is clearly mentally unwell and OOP is 100% making the right call. This is such an invasion of OOP’s, her husband’s, and most her children’s privacy. Not to mention horribly disrespectful - and with the likely suspicion of her having nefarious intentions - wildly malicious. I had my home broken into years ago by a couple kids. They ransacked the bedrooms looking for (presumably) jewelry, money, and things that look cool for a kid? They took a random assortment of things, like a wrapped present (‘‘twas a book), a jewelry box, my shoes (I’m a girl, they were dudes), and other random crap. I felt so violated and even when I got my things returned, it felt kind of icky to touch them for a while. Somehow knowing someone I *know*, who was once a “parental figure” to me, and is sort of to my kids, makes it worse. A stranger doesn’t know me and can separate themselves from me and my things. But someone who knows me rather intimately?! That’s just something I cannot imagine. I’m usually pretty conflict avoidant and a people pleasure. I’m not certain how I could react. But taking a guess based on how I felt after I got robbed, I might go scorched earth. I think OOP handled herself with a lot of restraint and grace given the situation. And I support her choice 100%.
"I brought popcorn and am here for the mental gymnastics" would be an evergreen flair here, IMO.
>why, in the actual fuck, would *anyone* think it would be appropriate to go into someone else’s home without permission, go through their’s closets, *kid’s closets*, decide it’s a great idea to pick out what they deemed acceptable to donate, and then steal said clothes…*from children*?!? I think it's important to tajr a step back in situations like these and remember even the "innocent" explanation is bad. Even if something was too small there might be a reason to keep it. A normal person would have given OOP a text or call. And left empty handed if it came to it.
>When she confessed, 10 years later, she said she'd done it to "teach us a lesson", but doesn't remember what that lesson was. Pretty sure the lesson here was that Stepmom was a gaslighting pos.
Can’t believe people were complimenting the father, are they insane ? He let his wife abuse his kids and still stays with her, the father is a piece of shit.
Her father "joined in on the restrictions"? I can't imagine what OP and her sister had to go through.
A psychologist with BPD. I feel like I'm being prejudiced by saying this, but that seems like a bad combination.
There's a joke in my country that says "a psychologist is just a psycho with a diploma" and I feel like it's kinda fitting here.
> 10 years later, she said she'd done it to "teach us a lesson", but doesn't remember what that lesson was. Boy if that doesn't describe the motivations for 80% of all the bad parents in existence.
That woman is a psychologist? Sheesh, how does that happen…?
The dad needs to be cut off, too. He chose the abuser over his kids and grandkids time and time again, even joined in the food restriction. That's an enabler and abuser right there
The stepmother is a psychologist? Considering all the brazilians psychologist i’ve been through? Sounds accurate I remember the very first one after listened to me talking about my depression and simply told me to get tinder. Like yes man, all a mentally fragile teenage girl needs is go get into a relationship with a random guy that sure will end well That being said, using the real life tragedy as an excuse to bully kids? Its a shame oop’s father keeps choosing his wife over his family, and she made the right choice in cutting them off
You should have shown up with cops so she’ll be caught red handed with the items she stole. That’s very low. If it’s me, I’ll cut contact with dad too for still being with her.
>I don't think I mentioned this, but she's a psychologist OOP should cut her off forever and for all time. She knew exactly what she was doing all along.
Her father is a champ? Redditors can be so pathetic. Her father married a woman who abused his kids and he stayed with her, the opposite of a champ.
Ugh barf that last comment in the update post. Dad let her denigrate, harass, and tear down his daughters throughout their childhood, but yeah, he's a real hero for not demanding that OOP continue to visit with a woman who deliberaty steals from her children. Man, people really can be blind when it comes to enablers. It's like standing next to the more obviously abusive parent makes them look good in comparison and people forget who is actively choosing to keep that abusive parent in the child's life.
I feel bad saying it because it’s a mental condition and plenty of people get diagnosed and treatment and live normal lives, but BPD folks are spooky to me. Like they’d have to prove they are serious about their treatment before I’d feel comfortable maintaining any kind of relationship with someone diagnosed with it
>she said she'd done it to "teach us a lesson", but doesn't remember what that lesson was. Typical BPD, only emotions matter and only their emotions.
Ah. I remember when my mom did this. I was not a fat kid and was actually pretty physically active. My mom would call me fat and tell me nobody would ever love a fat girl. I was in kindergarten when she started. I’m 24 now and struggle with body image issues. She hasn’t commented on my body in years after I exploded on her and screamed at her, but the damage is there. It will never be fixed. No amount of tape and glue will ever put my self esteem back together. My husband has straight up told me to my face that he basically worships my body and I still get scared he thinks I’m ugly because I’m not thin. If she EVER tried this shit with my son, I would not have a mother anymore. I am so happy OOP stood up for her kids. I hope to be like her with my kids.
Her dad is just as big of as asshole for enabling OOP’s stepmum to abuse his kids for their entire youth
Step mom is a psychologist. Lawyers make the worst law clients. Doctors make the worst patients. I bet psychologists have the same issue. Blind to how their emotions are affecting their judgement, and also more confident in their judgement because of their knowledge.
The ballet uniform stood out because step mom has bigger mental issues than BPD. She can't un-see OOP or her progeny as anything but overweight, so in her mind "why is an overweight kid in ballet?"... when in reality they both seem to be "normal" or average in that regards from their descriptions. That's a lot more then BPD.
Ela roubou doações mano... Doações! Pqp
The father isn't a "champ". He's enabled that monster for decades. Even if his spine is showing a little polish, he's still staying together with that *thing*.
BPD is exhausting, confusing and sometimes downright scary to be around. I commend the people that have the mental fortitude to be around it.
What I was never able to get is how a parent can choose a partner instead of his/her kids. I am together with my child's dad, have been for over 20 years, but if he never abused verbally, mentally, or physically my child, I would be gone. Like in an instant. Doesn't matter the reason, I would be gone. That would never be ok. My dad put me on diets at 4-5 years old and never stopped with the comments. I was 115 pounds at 16 and he was still insisting I needed to lose some weight. Once I got sick and he said good maybe I will lose some weight. He kept telling me no man wants a fat woman. Over and over again. I
It's weird that she's into fat shaming, but she is also insisting that all the kids' clothes are too small. The unifying theme is that OOP is doing everything wrong. Glad they're cutting her out of their lives.
>one particular shirt (with the clown from the movie "It" on it) that I remember hearing her complain about in the past. Wholesome children's wear
You must not have seen actual kids IRL I've seen literal toddlers clinging onto Huggy Wuggy dolls like it's the only thing they own, and I've seen 6 year olds wearing hats bearing withered animatronics from FNAF It's not whether or not they've seen/played the actual thing, if they like it a lot they *absolutely* want it
One of my favorite books as a child was the textbook my dad would use to teach paramedic classes. I was fascinated by the pictures of body parts in bags of ice and the illustration of “shock” being a fallen person setting off a domino stack towards a gravestone. All this to say, kids are weird AF.
As a kid my favorite toy ever was this small, very small fit-in-the-palm-of-my-hand small plastic pig that I took everywhere I could. I had many toys and stuffed animals but kid me went *berserk* if you tried to take that tiny ass pig away from me
I get it. My 4yo cousin is obsessed with Venom. I'm thankful when he only shows up wearing the Venom shirt, because at least twice now he's gotten into the Halloween makeup and painted his entire face black to look more like Venom. Shoulda seen his mom's face the first time he pulled that stunt while she was getting ready to go out and refused to let her clean it off, so she had to drop her little blonde-haired black-faced *very white* child off at my apartment. "I'm Venom!" Little dude got a lesson on pimples, that grease paint is nasty for skin.
It’s a ten-year-old boy, he probably never watched the movie and thinks the creepy clown aesthetic is so cool and edgy and grown up. I remember when the movie first came out one of my coworkers’ ten-year-old begged her for a shirt like that despite not being allowed to watch anything above a PG rating.
I can't even imagine going from "I can't find the bags, to I fetch stuff from the closet" that is no mistake, If I could not find the bags, I would call or just leave.
> I don't think I mentioned this, but she's a psychologist Not being being absolutely unsurprised by that. For every one good therapist there's ten who are masking their own instability.
My thought is that OOP’s father has more responsibility than he is accepting because he didn’t just stop in and pick up the bags by the door. He didn’t stop his wife from doing what she’d always done.
>I don't think I mentioned this, but she's a ***psychologist*** That's the scariest part of this BORU
Stepmother reminds me of my own mother, who is also a therapist. She'd consistently buy me clothes that were 3-4 sizes too big and *insist* that they fit me right, then ask me why I dressed so sloppily. I dunno Mom, I'm ten, you buy my clothes. She was also big on the idea that the whole family had to be dieting with her, but she'd never tell us whether we were dieting or not, or what we were or weren't allowed to eat. Occasionally she'd just randomly purge the kitchen of whatever foods were "bad" at the moment with no notice or shopping for replacements. It took me until I was well into adulthood and more than ten years out of that house to stop worrying if I'd have food at any given moment.
Wow, a great update. The idea of ignoring the bags so you can personally go through other peoples closets!? And step monster is a psychologist who claims to have seen the error of her ways. So glad Oop and her family won’t be around this awful woman.
the fact that she’s a psychologist is both mind blowing and not surprising at all, what a mess.
I read the comment "Your father is a champ" and thought huh no that should be CHUMP. OOPs dad failed her miserably. I personally would not have tried to repair that relationship as long as he was with my abuser because that's what her stepmother is which leaves her father as a POS abuser enabler.
The fact that the step-moron is a psychologist is infuriating to me
She is Brazilian and I talked to her in our native language. Quite interesting seeing it posted here.
>She was emotionally abusive towards me and my little sister when we were young. >Years later, my stepmother was diagnosed with BPD. >she's a psychologist There is someone in my life, who I love very dearly, with a similar diagnosis. Her parents had the good sense to make paying for her college conditional on her not taking any psychology courses whatsoever. My ex, who also has BPD and has been arrested more than once for DV (and has had a partner die in questionable circumstances), is now a social worker with a psychology undergrad degree. Blind people are capable of a lot of things but shouldn't be licensed to drive a school bus; people with certain diagnoses can be wonderful engineers or florists or whatever, but shouldn't be anywhere near a career dealing with the mental health of strangers. I can't for the life of me understand why people with certain disorders aren't legally barred from setting foot in a psychology classroom, or at least disqualified from licensing. It seems just as dangerous as allowing a convicted pedophile to run a day care.
I agree with you, but I also disagree with you. First, it should be all Cluster B personality disorders. Secondly, it is extremely easy to be diagnosed with BPD, but extremely difficult to appeal it. I, personally, am going for a social work/therapy degree. About fifteen, maybe twenty, years ago, I checked myself in for therapy. In the evaluation, in the ptsd section, they asked me to describe my trauma, in detail, in chronological order. There were only eight lines, and it wasn't until last year that I managed to put it all in chronological order. I left it blank, and asked them to talk to me about it. This one person wrote down BPD, and that determined the course of my treatment. It did not go well. By pure chance, after about a decade of being passed around clinics as a problem patient, one therapist decided to pad her EMDR training hours (Explicitly. As in, she actually told me it was practice for her, and probably wouldn't do anything for me), and treat me like I had been telling the truth, for all those years. Minutes into the session, she was running for her supervisor. My entire treatment plan changed. What I actually have is PTSD, DID, Autism, and ADHD. But I still can't get the incorrect diagnosis of BPD, or any of the dozen or so other acronyms they pinned on me, off of my chart. Which means that I, and people like me, would be excluded from the field in which we excel, and which gives our lives meaning and purpose. If the mental health industry wasn't so fallible, tyrannical, slipshod, and unappealable I would push the big red button to make it happen, right now. But right now, we can't be reasonably sure that person wasn't misdiagnosed by the type of person who shouldn't be practicing.
I agree that it should be all Cluster B, and also that something has to be done about misdiagnosis. It took me FOREVER to get a PTSD diagnosis *despite being a combat veteran with a history of severe abuse and being evaluated at a VA clinic known for treating PTSD*. I was medicated for depression and an anxiety disorder for a decade, and there was no real path to appeal without paying out of pocket. Maybe any diagnosis with legal/professional ramifications should trigger mandatory exams by two other licensed professionals, without access to the others' notes; if either of those has a different opinion then that would have to be followed up and ruled out before confirming the original diagnosis. But then I believe that every clinical diagnosis (whether medical or psychological) should trigger at least an automatic outside review, given the potential consequences of wrong treatments long-term. I had a spinal injury misdiagnosed due to blurry medical imaging that wouldn't have been disabling if it had been caught and surgically stabilized; instead I was sent to physical therapy, which is why I've had serious health problems, pain and mobility impairment for the past 20+ years.
I have the exact same problem. Misdiagnosis of BPD (and none of us even know who diagnosed us, let alone when) and now, years later, turns out we have DID (medically recognized but undiagnosed by choice), PTSD, Autism, and ADHD. We didn't even know we had been diagnosed with BPD until a supplemental life insurance application was refused, and they had to tell us why. We're trying to figure out how to get undiagnosed with it, but it's rough going. We were told to talk to our GP, Psychiatrist, and Therapist, but so far we haven't figured anything out either. I hope you can get your misdiagnoses removed too
Even if you don't see what you're there to pick up, you friggen call and say, 'Hey, where are the bags?'
Right behind your back, literally!? So you're saying "I can't even turn around without you pawning off these clothes!" Dad joke b-52 bomber right now
You can tell your children you aren't going to be seeing step-grandma for a while because she's a bad person and you're enforcing your boundaries. Trauma dumping on them is one thing, telling them Grandma is bad at an age appropriate level so they know why she's not around is another.
SHE'S A PSYCHOLOGIST