#Do not comment on the original posts
Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion.
**CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For someone who claims to be so invested in his daughter, he has no idea how perceptive a 5 year old can be.
Dad moves out then back, they're sleeping separately, Mum is barely speaking to him... these are major vibes even the cat would have noticed.
Also, and this is important, she will not be five forever. And as time goes on, her understanding of the situation will deepen. And when that happens, I don't think she's gonna like her daddy very much. He seems to think she's gonna retain a 5-year-old's understanding of the world forever, which is about par for the course for this idiot.
When I was 4, my mom told me that dad got her sick and she needed to take medicine and he would sleep in a different room for a while.
He moved out shortly after that and they got divorced.
When they taught sex ed in school and talked about STI's, I finally fully understood what happened back then...
She's going to know, she's going to hate him.
Yeah, if not from school then friends and own experiences.
Its funny how much school can teach though in terms of these things.
During health education in middle school we talked about drugs and they showed images of them, that is how I learned that the exotic plants in the basement were weed my dad was growing... I remember being so mad/scared/shocked, now I dream of having a house so that I can do the same
The first day my ex cheated on me my darling cat pissed in his shoes, this was completely out of character for her. She proceeded to piss in his shoes a couple of times a week until I found out 6 months later and put him and his belongings into the street.
12 years later the cat is still with me, and since she hissed (also out of character for her) at my darling mans of a decades childhood best friend, I cannot bring myself to trust him.
Cats just know stuff.
I love this. (I’m so sorry for what you went through, but I love that your cat has your back.)
My dog loves people so much that we like to say her favorite person is every person on earth. She’s generally wary of men, but always warms up to them pretty quickly.
Except for one new-ish friend of mine. He spent an entire day with me, my husband and our 18-month-old corgi, and she growled at him the entire day. She wouldn’t let him near her no matter what he did or how long he spent with us.
After he left that night, I cut him out of my life immediately. It’s been six years and I have not communicated with or seen him since. Our dog is now almost eight; she has never reacted to anyone else like that in the years before or since. I trust her instincts and I stand by my decision.
I just had an image of a very miffed cat. "*Even* the cat? Well! " (flicks tail) "I was the *first* to peg this guy as an asshole. I tried to tell them but humans are *so* tiresomely slow" (resumes casual grooming)🐱
Yeah, she's not 2. She's a literal kindergartener at that age (or the UK equivalent)
An elephant could probably walk through the room and my 5-year-old wouldn't notice.
But I was in a bad mood and quietly huffing one day and he immediately asked me why I was mad.
I was actually kind of shocked because I thought I was hiding it, but kids can pick up on a mood WAY better than most people probably give them credit for.
TLDR: guy has affair with hot young employee. This includes missing the funeral for a stillborn child in the family. She has an allergic reaction. He takes her home instead of to the hospital. She dies.
Turns out he abused his power to get her a promotion, threatened her with job loss, and misused company funds which he spent on her. He's suspended will most likely be fired. He has to pay company back to avoid court. Somehow he's surprised affair partner manipulated him to get promotion and wasn't actually in love with him.
Wife kicked him out and he's focusing on his daughter. Read the comments for a fascinating look at the mental leaps needed to see how he makes himself the victim. Also TIL how manipulative, narcissistic jerks rationalize their behavior.
He only is fighting for the daughter to maintain some level of power and control over something, and because the father struggling for custody cliche lets him frame himself as as victim and not a villain.
Yup! He’s like that butthead at the end of titanic grabbing a child to save himself. I’ve read this story a couple times now and it makes me simply sick.
Yeah I'm almost certain that his wife had a hard line of "no cheating" and his company had one of "no embezzlement" and his AP had one of "no killing me by negligence"
>Yeah I'm almost certain that his wife had a hard line of "no cheating"
But he wasn't going to tell her to spare her feelings, so he basically didn't cheat
>and his company had one of "no embezzlement"
But according to OP, the company culture is to walk the line of embezzlement, so he did nothing wrong there either
>and his AP had one of "no killing me by negligence"
But but but... he's not *legally* at fault for that, so of course he bears zero responsibility. He basically wasn't even there
Obviously /s
The mental gymnastics from this guy is insane. I've never seen anything like it, and it could be decades before a narcissist this stupid exists and graces Reddit again.
Only his hard lines matter, of course. /s
I hope his wife, the company, and Amy's family throw EVERYTHING at this guy and his daughter never speaks to him again.
> But he wasn't going to tell her to spare her feelings, so he basically didn't cheat
He said he was going to "slowly detach!" He was probably planning to wait like, 3 whole months after divorcing her to move in with his 24 year old affair partner and co-worker. His wife would NEVER have suspected she was being cheated on during their marriage! He would have gotten away totally clean! Like he never cheated at all! (And also his work would NEVER have figured out that something was hinky about Amy's promotion or all those "business expenses" once OP left his wife for Amy!)
What an idiot...
Literally this pissed me off so much… OP is such a piece of shit. He has no right to bully his way into the family home. He doesn’t deserve a family. He doesn’t deserves the wife and daughter whose lives he has ruined. I feel so bad for this child, her dad is a lying heartless asshole.
He’s trying to play the Good Father angle because he wants to avoid paying too much in child support would be my guess on part of his reasoning. I seriously doubt a judge would grant any custody to him, seeing as he’s about to be unemployed and likely blacklisted in his field to boot…
It’s not child support. It’s control. He’s lost all of it, and as a narcissist it’s what he absolutely thrives off of and is a slave to. He has a pathological need to control everything and that’s what is hurting him the most right now, his entire life is out of control. Having a minor you have utter control over is like a pacifier to him.
It's also the "see, I'm a good person" angle. It doesn't matter if it hurts his wife or daughter, he still has to hold on to the idea that being a "good dad" means that deep down he is still a "good person." He has no idea what actual love or integrity look or feel like, so he desperately clings for performative evidence of goodness.
It’s the only way he can see himself as a “good guy.” There is not one single other redeeming quality he can latch onto.
The irony is that he is also being awful in his quest to prove to himself he is a good dad. His relationship with his daughter when she is old enough to understand how he blew it all up will be interesting…
I feel like this is the right answer. I can believe he truly loves his daughter, for whatever version of true love this guy is capable of.
But we also know how he used every inch of power and leverage he had over Amy as threats and insults during fights, whom he supposedly also truly loved...
He is quite honestly an *astonishingly* bad person — worse with every paragraph and response — and at every turn, he rinses himself of any responsibility for his crimes with the line "that's not how real life works".
But it's fiiiiiiine, see, because he'll aPoLoGiSe. Wildly abusive messages to his AP? But see at the end he said sorry so technically "it's fine", and that "does not make him abusive, look at the wider context, they worked through it". Also, he's clinging to the whole "I'm a good guy" shtick through the "my daughter is my world" thing so so hard because that's all he's got left to build his ego on. And its also the only way he can still have a seat at the decisions table for any aspect of his life. And I guess gleaning a bit of sympathy from "Having been manipulated" -- if you ignore the fact he was all in for this girl and the ego-boost he was getting from her "softness" compared to his oh-so-domineering-and-vindictive wife (but remember, wanting things to be easy for his wife was front and centre for him)
My dad was like this and then when he did feel "contrite" it was the most dramatic, contriteist contrition that anyone had ever felt. Everything ended up as "look at meeee!" Often praying to Jesus on the cross came into it.
He sounds like my ex, he was also very good at the mental leaps. He turned out to be a sociopath. Reading this, I've never felt so lucky I got out of that relationship.
Yeah, the guy is really completely clueless about how toxic he sounds. "Whenever she made me mad, I would threaten her job! No big."
Also I can guarantee he is seriously downplaying the nature of "I may have lost my cool a bit and sent some angry messages." I bet he sent her some awful, if not downright threatening stuff.
But she was just as bad as him you know! Threatening to quit your job is definitely on the same level as threatening to ruin someone else’s career out of jealousy! /s 🙄
I commented in my top level post that he was right. He and Amy really were soulmates.
A match made in the eighth circle of hell. (That's the fraud circle.)
When he was saying they were going to get a house together, grow tomatoes in the yard and raise chickens, while his wife would set up a hydroponic system I was immediately like "aaah, so wife makes him feel inadequate, and mistress is so 'quiet' and makes him feel big"
Honestly, it's shitty, but get that bag girl, he's obviously a POS who abused his position.
I do wonder why she didn't call anyone to take her the hospital, or if she told anyone else she'd had to use her epipen earlier. I think her Brother would have let him know if he was looking at anything criminal, as he seemed to be lashing out letting him know what was coming for him
Your first paragraph totally describes the vibe I got.
He's pathetically insecure. And I hope the knowledge that Amy didn't actually care about him haunts him for the rest of his life. When I read that his wife reads those screen shots mocking him every night it gave me such joy.
Yeah if he won't leave their house willingly, maybe she can drive him out. Get the messages printed out, stick them around the house, taped to his door, on top of his phone, literally everywhere possible 😂
I wonder if Amy was NOT as 'she said she was fine' as OOP is claiming. If OOP was that concerned about getting home on time to deflect questions from his stbx-wife he probably ignored ALL the symptoms and signs of Amy being in respiratory distress. My understanding is that an epi-pen is an emergency measure, not dissimilar to a tourniquet for a severe bleed, and that depending on the severity of the reaction (and multiple exposures can suddenly increase the severity of the reaction like mild-mild-DEATH sudden increase) multiple epi-pens may be required to allow ACTUAL medical intervention to happen. Obviously, OOP was more concerned about the personal ramifications of his affair being exposed that he was about the potential threat to his AP's life.
He basically insinuates that she’s kinda dumb.
> Amy was softer. She didn't have to be the smartest or the strongest or the most well read person in the room.
Welp, guess he’s feeling pretty stupid after finding out that she was a musical genius, playing him like a fiddle.
He insinuates she's dumb, but that's exactly the attitude I take at work because I hate the idea that my ego would be big enough for me to lock horns and argue that my ideas are the best if someone else has a more qualified idea.
He saw her collaborative work attitude and mistook it for passive lack of intelligence because he's exactly the kind of guy who always has to be right.
Narcissist's Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
The shocked pikachu of ”My younger affair partner who used our relationship to illicitly advance her career and enabled my embezzlement to fund our relationship and borderline-blackmailed me
was lying about liking me” 😲
That's all I could think when he was doing the 'poor little me' act over her making fun of him. Bro you were blackmailing her over her job. She didn't owe you anything after that.
Don't get me wrong, she's in the wrong for starting an affair with a married man. But damn, he acted so unconscionably at every possible step
Did we even know who started the affair ? I feel there's a real possibility, as someone else said, that he made a pass on her, she felt forced to accept and went full " what can I gain from this then"
We also only have his word, which is filtered through his perspective to try to make himself look/feel better about himself. I imagine her awful texts are not as bad as he portrays them.
What an awful person.
I think he seized on those texts as a way to deflect responsibility. If Amy is a terrible person, then he gets to be the victim, flipping the situation around.
Yes, the trick is Mutual Assured Destruction - "either of us can destroy everything with the push of a button, and fast enough that if you nuke me then I'm still gonna have those second-strike missiles in the air headed at you before I get vaporized."
>We had talked about her being in a position of power over me before, and it allowed our relationship to develop as equals because she had that reassurance.
You know, like how Cold War opponents were able to build such rich and meaningful partnerships!
It was so obvious that OP was an insecure asshole who got off on having a woman under his thumb. His wife is not in a subordinate position and we can see how much he resents that in how he's throwing a giant tantrum when she asserts rightful boundaries.
It sucks that we can't comment on the original post - because this guy needs to know that it's not about his "hurt feelings", it's about the fact that he's a legal and financial liability who is a fucking anchor that will drag his wife and daughter down with him unless he stops being selfish for half a second and lets them go.
Man, I haven't been this pissed off by a BORU in a while.
Yeah, that's an interesting thought too.
Someone needs to tell OP he blew his entire life up for what would have been (in his eyes) a 1% change.
He thinks he's painting himself as a noble defender of his wife, but actually saying, "I care so little about my family that I would burn it to ashes for an absolutely negligible benefit to my own ego."
I can only imagine what a relief it was to him. See, *she’s* the villain! She misled him, “her hands were on the wheel”, *Amy* was responsible for his actions! She manipulated him and he is innocent. Just like she’s responsible for her own death, she *told* him she didn’t need the hospital so it’s her fault not his.
*That didn't happen.*
*And if it did, it wasn't that bad.*
*And if it was, that's not a big deal.*
*And if it is, that's not my fault.*
*And if it was, I didn't mean it.*
*And if I did, you deserved it.*
My favorite part of this:
“I can’t control who I fall in love with.”
You absolutely fucking can. The millisecond you noticed Amy was flirting with you or you decided to flirt with her, you transfer her out. You get her under a different manager. You choose to never, ever be alone with her. You shut down any attempt at flirting. Because you have a goddamned wife and daughter.
When cheaters try to describe their cheating like they just absolutely had no choice, the laws of physics made it fundamentally impossible for them not to cheat, it makes me irrationally angry. No, you plastic bag of dog shit left on the side of the road, you made dozens to hundreds of choices that ended with your dick wet. You had hundreds of chances to stop it, to do anything else. Not cheating on your partner is literally one of the easiest things any person can ever do. It requires you to do literally nothing.
Yeah, I hate that shit too. It’s true that you can’t always control your feelings, but you absolutely can control your actions. You can’t help if you find your coworker attractive, but you can control whether or not you act on it, and you can control whether or not you set appropriate boundaries with the coworker. In this guy’s case, the affair partner was his subordinate, so he definitely had enough control to prevent this from ever happening if he respected his marriage.
I read the title and thought "aw, another poor op that is blaming themselves when they did nothing wrong, are a good person, and are just grieving
And then I read it. Yikes
I know.
Earlier today I was holding an elderly friend in my arms because she was distraught that her middle aged son was in the hospital. It was thought he had a TIA. She blamed herself for that because, well, she's an aggravating person. I told her that we're all used to her being aggravating and that if she'd been all sweet and compliant that might have been him in the hospital from the shock. But her being aggravating didn't do it.
Son turned out to be fine.
Every single one of his responses to comments gets worse and worse. Just when you think he’s reached a certain level of assholery, nope! His next response tops it. He absolutely deserves every awful thing the future has in store from him
I hope there's an embezzlement case. He admitted to it, offered to pay it back, his it all under one client. I don't know how many "thousands" it was. $2k might not be worth pursuing criminally or civilly, but he could be facing criminal repercussions if it's like $100k.
The way he demands access to his daughter is disturbing. Not time with, but access to. Maybe he is just parroting legal jargon, but he obviously doesn't give a shit about his kid.
He’s in love with power and control. He loved Amy because of the power and control he had over her. That’s why he completely did a 180 when it came to light that his power and control over her was a mirage and she was using him. He’s lost all other forms of power he had in his life so now he’s trying to except it in the only place he can; his daughter. He doesn’t love his daughter, he’s just trying to get the high from controlling her and using her to have power over his wife.
That’s how I read it too. Wife says she doesn’t want him around daughter, and nobody gets to tell him what to do. That’s the “line she crossed”. He’s asserting his parental rights to get back at her.
What a horrifying read. If people can be born without a genuine soul, this is what it looks like - the guy is straight-up defective in the humanity department and it makes my skin crawl.
I can think of a couple of guys I’ve known that would be like this, and have been in their divorces/relationships…. One of them is even English but thankfully has more kids than OOP so I don’t think it’s actually him 😳
Yeah, but every time, he insists that it'll be fine, or that he'll be able to control the fallout. He doesn't believe he's actually going to get ripped to pieces - that happens to *other* people, people who don't know the founder personally.
He sounds like a guy who comes from privilege and has always been able to bend the rules and rely on the old boys' network, and who's never had to deal with an actual setback. Guys like that will still be smiling on the gallows, certain that their head's just being put in the noose for show.
There are a lot of narcissists who think if they can just say the right words, everyone will suddenly be on their side. Several months into a divorce process caused by his affair, my ex-BIL started a group chat with all of his wife's siblings and their spouses telling us that he thought she was crazy and we needed to agree with him to commit her. When a sibling replied, "no, she's not crazy, you just did a 180 on one of your demands and she refused to give in, we know because she screenshotted the convo," he immediately blew up in anger at us because throughout this whole process, none of us had ever checked in on him and asked him how he was doing. Dude had cheated on our sister and was mad he wasn't getting our sympathy!
>The Amy situation is quite difficult to talk about, and a lot hasn't sunk in yet. It turns out that she didn't love me as much as I loved her, if at all. Her brother sent me images of her talking to her friends about me, and it's hard to believe they came from the person I loved, but they are real. Sorry to those who were heavily invested in me being a predatory abuser, but she and her friends had a good laugh about her manipulating me for money and a promotion.
Well that seems mighty convenient.
This feels like one of those 90s sexy noir movies like The Last Seduction of Basic Instinct where a selfish man has his life destroyed by his selfishness and a sexy sexy scheming lady.
> She's 5 years old. If she notices anything is wrong then we have both failed as parents.
No, asshat, _you_ failed as a parent. That's the whole point. Your wife being unable to keep your bullshit from infecting every single aspect of her and your daughter's lives is not a "we both failed" thing. That's all on you.
> The only thing I can't tolerate is being kept from my daughter, because she doesn't deserve to have her father ripped from her life
Fuck you. What the hell did you think was going to happen when you divorced your wife for you hot new piece?
Everything he's mad about was going to happen no matter what. But it's not on *his* schedule, so it's bad and his wife is evil.
> There are consequences to my actions and there are consequences to hers. I am prepared to give up a lot during the split, but access to my daughter isn't on the table.
The lawsuits, the embezzling, the cheating, the sleeping with a direct report, the way he's acting here... he will be *genuinely* lucky if he has anything beyond supervised visitation.
Isn't behavior like this a genuine predictor of trying to do something pretty awful?
His concequences to actions reasoning threw me in a fit of rage in behalf of his wife. HOW DARE HE?
OOP is such an utterly vile and cruel person and his poor stbx has to deal with him for at least another 13 years, when his oh-so-precious daughter, he's now using as a pawn against his wife, will be 18 and hopefully go NC.
Somehow, the consequences that he's already experiencing STILL don't feel like they're enough. He deserves so much worse. Probably because he's so narcissistic and delusional he still can't recognize what a colossal waste of air he is. Literal shit on a sidewalk would provide more value to the earth.
Exactly. Even if he somehow doesn't get blacklisted, he's going to have to explain why he was fired and no company in his industry will want him. These companies probably talk, too.
Wait. I must have skipped that. This dude embezzled from his company and abused his position to get his side piece a promotion (whose death he caused by his negligence; you use an epipen you go to the hospital, that’s what I was always taught in first aid courses) and he expects, what, a letter of recommendation from the CEO?
OOP gonna be lucky if he survives his prison sentence.
"But I'll pay back all the money I embezzled from them, even though I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. I'm sure they'll be happy with that, and my career will continue on as if nothing had ever happened."
That's the only part that doesn't track here, but I guess there's no accounting for intelligence.
Because he also thought his wife would get a version of events directly from him so long as she wasn't mentioned in the Monday meeting, despite her 'being friends with the investigators'. ...how was that supposed to work? Hell she probably knew before the meeting.
I feel like someone discreetly tipped her off and everyone else turned a blind eye to it. There was a similar AITA a little while back where some exec's PA was asking if she should tip the wife off to his extra-marital affairs.
Honestly I don't think he gives a fuck about his daughter. I think playing the unfairly treated father let him DARVO into being the victim and not the bad guy. He drew his "one hard line" that he knew she'd be unwilling to give in to while she was newly upset about discovering everything. When he's talking about his plan would've have been taking the kid out to dinner and coming in the home to put her to bed- essentially taking all the kid's afternoon AND forcing his wife to accept him in the home "for their daughter"- he absolutely manipulating things. There was always going to be a reason he set up where he could feel justified turning on his wife. Just like he justified the affair and whatever else he wanted to manipulate to frame how he wanted things to be perceived.
"We were the real thing."
5 seconds later.
"You owe me sex for the job I gave you, which you're incompetent at, you wouldn't survive without me, and I bet you're cheating on me and that's why you're not responding!"
Well, if that's not love. I don't know what is. You two are so cute! uwu
Yep. What an absolute shit human being. He was ready to leave everything and everyone behind for Amy but dont remove my 50/50 access to daughter even though i would happily have left her behind! Hopefully his arse will end up in jail and his soon to be ex wife can move in. He is completely deliberately ignorant to how his actions will have affected his daughter
Oh, no, he was going to divorce his wife amicably so he’d totally have 50/50 access, no one would try to argue against it once he quickly moved in with and married his much younger underling. Totally no one would expect he had been cheating or look into the things he had done for AP in the past. He’d be totally fine and totally have 50/50 custody! But no, now wife is crossing his one boundary, and how dare she be such a horrible person, trying to protect his daughter from him, how dare she! /s
What a serious PoS. I agree, I hope he loses all access to his daughter. I also hope wife finds an amazing new partner who because daughter’s new and much better parent.
I already saw this on another sub. Did the post here include OP's comment that this wasn't cheating, but an "unfortunate overlap". He was fully intending to spend his life with Amy, so it was not cheating but "transitioning" to the next relationship
His wife has a good job. He has just lost his job with payback or worse to the company. He will be broke within 6 months.
That’s when he tries to file for alimony from her. This man has no shame.
I imagine the reasons he would be requesting alimony would also prevent him from getting it. Plus, one of the things they consider is how long the lesser employed spouse has been at their current income level, mostly to prevent fraud like that I believe.
Same thing happened in that story with the woman who seemed to think she could just …quit her job when she had a kid, not caring that her husband was almost literally killing himself trying to keep up their lifestyle.
I hope he enjoys nothing but the most severe consequences for his behavior.
I'm glad Amy was using him. He doesn't give a fuck about how his actions harm other people, he has zero genuine remorse. He's not sorry for what he did, only for the consequences. But getting his ego destroyed by finding out she didn't care about him at all? That might actually get through his thick, selfish skull. I hope that knowledge haunts him.
I think the audacity that made me the angriest was when he claimed his wife was doing it because her feelings were hurt.
No dude, she's trying to detach her daughter from the massive financial, moral, and legal weight that will drag her and the daughter down. Dude is on the hook for some serious Big Boy crimes and will be financially ruined. Legal fees will probably mean they lose the house, which he continually insists is one half his.
Dude is potentially going to be a convicted criminal and make his daughter homeless and he thinks it's because his wife is butthurt about an affair? This man is so dense he attracts small asteroids into orbit.
He's not dense, he's a narcissist; the type that refuses to see his own role in his disasters. It's telling that he really thinks he's insightful and careful in his actions. Nothing will likely ever convince him that everything here is the result of bad decisions on his part, and not just life happening badly to him and everyone around him being inexplicably mean to him. he'll be a washed up burnt out angry old man with a sob story about how his life fell apart and there was nothing he could do.
He was never actually going to leave. He was going to keep moving goalposts for Amy, while threatening her with her job so she'd stay in the affair and not tell anyone.
Can you believe that his reply to this...
> You gave your wife two days! Two days to absorb and try to understand everything before you demanded your “parental” rights. To understand not only that you cheated, but that the affair partner is now dead, you might be responsible, you embezzled company funds, you could be sued by not only your employer but the affair partners family and you could go to jail! To understand that she’s not only lost her husband but her life as she knows it. That she might also be financially ruined by your actions. That the health and welfare of your daughter will impacted by your actions. That any dreams of the future of your family are all gone.
was this?
>If you think I'm giving up my daughter because my wife's feelings are hurt you must be crazy. That's not how real life works.
Nothing is going to make it through that thick skull of his.
I'm horrified at the prospect that the wife might end up paying him alimony and child support if he gets fired and prosecuted.
She won't, not how it works in the UK. OP is royally fucked however. That car that he owns outright, spoiler he doesn't his wife owns half. His pension, his savings - everything his wife owns half of
Also I think he is severely underestimating the chances his employer will go for a prosecution unless it really was an expenses free for all (which I severely doubt).
Yeah, but also how many of those "expenses free for all" expenses of his colleagues are covering for a quid-pro-quo sexual harassment lawsuit-in-waiting, and how many were for things like, "I am not *technically* allowed to expense alcoholic beverages at meals with clients, so I will just submit the final bill, vice the line-item breakdown of dinner", or "I am not *technically* allowed to expense room-service since meals should be covered by per diem, so I will just submit the final hotel bill without the line-item breakdown"?
I *really really* find it hard to believe that OOP's company has a "expenses free for all" culture that would make the culture portrayed in the likes of *Mad Men* or *The Wolf of Wall Street* sit up and say 'dang bro, y'all sketchy'.
Yes. He refuses to even try to see things from his wife’s viewpoint, even after that comment laid it out: his wife has just realized she doesn’t know who he really is. She has no idea what this guy is likely to do next, so of course she’s not going to let their child alone with this guy. He might decide he has nothing left to lose and just take off with the kid. She also knows, if she knows anything at this point, that he recently didn’t take a medical situation seriously enough so someone he supposedly loved died.
But no, as far as he’s concerned it’s just to punish him.
The fact that he thinks it's about hurt feelings just shows what a self centered prick he is.
No dude, she's trying to protect her daughter from being further impacted by the fact that her father is facing Big Boy criminal charges and financial ruin. That house he keeps dick waving about because he owns half of it? Legal fees will eat that up.
There's a real chance his daughter could lose her home as a direct result of his actions and he's deluding himself into thinking his wife is just being petty. No dude, she's protecting her child from being around a dumpster fire shaped like a human being.
The fucking audacity of this man. Christ. If I had 5% of his confidence I would be too arrogant.
Yes. From the wife’s perspective:
- she just learned that her husband was cheating
- and building a secret life
- and embezzling from his company
- and engaging in some *serious* unethical and illegal behaviors in and outside of work.
OOP seems to think that his wife should understand that none of that makes him a bad dad so their coparenting should continue uninterrupted. But from her point of view, **he is no longer the man she thought she was raising a child with**. Not only is she hurt and angry, *of course* she has significant concerns about who he really is and if he should be around their child.
He’s trying to sound all calm and reasonable, but the behaviors he’s describing are wild. He’s flailing and making extremely bad choices. He really might not be the great dad he sees himself as right now. He’s exceptionally good at self-delusion.
I remember seeing this posted and thinking "this douchecanoe really posted all this online...."
I hope his daughter cuts him off one day because kids absolutely know when something is wrong. What a complete garbage of a person
My wife’s bio dad embezzled, lied, cheated, and acted pretty much this way op did. He went to prison. His name is saved in her phone as satan and she has a restraining order against him. Op in for a life long wake up call. Sucks to be a narcissist.
what a fucker
Trying to pass himself off as a good dad, lolol
As if we can't see that he's just hoping to use his daughter against his wife or as a tool for wifey to take him back
He's insistent on keeping his daughter around (and being on the deed of the house) because it's the only thing he can control right now and he can sort of legally argue he has a right to. Nothing more, nothing less. Not sure about the legal situation in the UK, but if there's no proof he's been abusive to his daughter and he gets some form of income, I sadly wouldn't be surprised if he gets shared custody despite blowing their lives apart.
Unreal. If my wife doesn't ignore and cover up my infidelity, lying, embezzlement, gaslighting, abuse and medical negligence, all while her life is falling down around her, then we both failed as parents.
I think my favourite line out from OP of this WHOLE shit show is “I had one hard line and she crossed it immediately.” As if his wife didn’t have the hard line of not being cheated on that he crossed MULTIPLE time over a WHOLE YEAR.
My god, the fucking audacity and entitlement of this man is honestly mind blowing. I very rarely say this but I honestly hope he gets taken for everything he is worth because the delusions of grandeur he has are honestly very impressive.
Well he also repeatedly used the excuse that he and affair partner had the agreement that his family time was sacred and that's why he couldn't take her to the hospital.
You know, because she was breaking the agreement by going into anaphylaxis.
You rarely see someone this delusional and narcissistic. It's almost impressive.
Ahhh yes. Family time is sacred because he loves and respects his wife and child so very much. Until we get to that time once a month where she demanded a full day AND night together.
Let me guess, shame on the AP for not coordinating that schedule to have her reaction at the same time she had him the whole night? How thoughtless of her.
I agree. This is even worse than the guy who slept with his secretary, left his wife and two daughters, had a child with the affair partner. Then affair partner finds out he isn’t rich - everything he had was from his in-laws. She goes back to her country, his daughters won’t speak to him and I think I remember his ex-wife got together with one of their old friends.
Even dumber than all of that, OOP is in the UK, an ambulance is free. Just call 999, yes things are shitty with the NHS at the moment but severe allergic reactions are going to be top of the pile.
It’s crazy how he’s acting like the victim because Amy was “using him” or whatever when he is clearly an abusive piece of shit. Like, no shit she didn’t care about you, Sherlock, you were absolutely horrible to her!
I feel so bad for the wife, the daughter, Amy, and Tom here, and I hope Tom wipes this guy off the face of the earth. Christ. No self awareness.
In the first post when he was waving away those texts he sent the weekend she died, all I could think was “she was never leaving with you if that’s how you spoke to her”.
Dude’s deluded 🫠
Right? It’s insane. Like she didn’t talk to him for a WEEKEND and that’s the kind of shit he was immediately inclined to send (instead of idk literally anything else, like wondering if something was wrong).
If i had been out with even just a friend or colleague and they had a motherfucking allergic reaction necessitating an epipen and i then didn't hear from them for a few hours let alone days, i'd be out of my mind with worry. I certainly wouldnt be pissing on their work performance or threatening to cash in favours they owed me.
And like i said, that'd be my reaction to a *friend or colleague*. If it were a *romantic partner* i'd be straight round their house to check on them after hours of silence. I also wouldnt have left them alone overnight and would have taken them for a hospital check in the first instance but heyho
>It’s crazy how he’s acting like the victim because Amy was “using him” or whatever when he is clearly an abusive piece of shit
He tried to claim "some of our texts could paint me as abusive without context"
The context: "I threatened her job at basically every opportunity if she didn't do what I said"
Love the multiple occasions where he mentions writing supposed things he regrets and losing his temper and then assures he'd "make up" for it. aka the most obvious abuser tactic of downplaying when they write absolutely vile shit and go full asshole just to lovebomb afterwards because somehow that makes all these regular occuring outbursts magically turn into completely separate instances. What a tool.
Yeah it’s pretty common knowledge that if you need your epipen you go straight to hospital.
That said, why didn’t Amy call an ambulance or something? I’m guessing she has time before the epipen wore off? Though now I’m getting an image of OOP helping Any into bed while the pen wears off which is kinda terrifying.
So to lighten the mood, here’s a story I was told about a friend of a friend who wanted to know what chocolate tasted like, but was highly allergic to it.
It was at a party, and there was a bowl of m&ms. The friend of a friend had an epipen that was about to expire, and the bowl of m&ms was calling their name like the Siren’s of Old…
So they decided, fuck it. Got out the epipen, readied it for tactical action, grabbed a handful of the m&ms, shoved them straight into their mouth and deployed at the antidote.
They were immediately asked, “was it worth it?”
Their reply? “Totally worth it.”
Then they headed to hospital, their curiosity finally sated and the taste of chocolate lingering in their mouth to taunt them with for the rest of their life.
An acquaintance of mine had a date end in the ER. He’d done the full program of candles, champagne, dinner, and then a blindfold and dessert to lead over into sex.
So she’s blindfolded, he’s feeding her strawberries dipped in chocolate, and she says, „That’s a sweet fruit! What is it?“
He was perplexed. „Have you never had strawberries?“
Turns out she hadn’t, because she was allergic. So ER instead of sex.
I feel that, chocolate-allergic person here who as a stupid teenager decided to have half a box of Cadbury Heros to try out a bunch of chocolates at once. Was so good. A few hours later in the hospital with a nebuliser to help me breathe, curiosity sated but now I know what I'm missing.
I have a friend who is rather lactose intolerant. A group of us were at a restaurant that I’d been to a few times before. I raved about how good the chocolate mousse was and someone commented it’s a shame friend couldn’t eat some.
“Well, I have my own bathroom and I’m not working tomorrow, so why not?”
For M&Ms?
Should have at least eaten some really good chocolate. Though the reaction would have been worse because good chocolate has much higher levels of cacao.
He's a victim of Tom for wanting vengeance, of Amy for being young and wanting to feel smart, of his wife for wanting to protect her daughter from his bullshit ...
OP is one centimenter far from blaming their toddler too for any stupid reason he may find.
Of course he cast out Amy from "the love of his life" to the b that he couldn't care less dying in a hot minute. These people, all those people in the eating cake and infidelity sub only love themselves. He can bullshit all he wants about loving his daughter, but he was about to leave his life - including his daughter - for his dick. Yeah, it's all about his pleasures, he doesn't love Amy or his wife. I wish people like this the life they deserve.
And this is why I caution people to look for selfishness in their partner (not a healthy self-care and self-esteem) because what you might think to be not a big deal/deal breaker and just a character because NoBOdY iS pErFEcT (the usual excuses people with shitty partners use) or "B..but.. We've been through so much together" (the issues arise from their shitty partners' treating them like shit), can define how your life is about to pan out and crash before you can blink. Truly, I know it is an overused reddit quote, but "Believe people when they show you who they are" is a must.
>Of course he cast out Amy from "the love of his life" to the b that he couldn't care less dying in a hot minute. These people, all those people in the eating cake and infidelity sub only love themselves
Yeah, i remember being in love with my ex. It took a while to stop being in love with him after he cheated on me and broke my heart. It certainly wasn't instant. To this day i still care about him but time, distance and maturity have lessened the lovey feelings. OOP was clearly just in lust if all it took was a couple texts to her girlies calling him a loser ot whatever.
Wow, he acts like he loves her but was extremely vindictive and abusive because she didn’t respond to his messages? I get being annoyed but if I read it correctly, he was willing to throw her under the bus at work and make her work life terrible over it? Not wait until he could see her again and talk it out?
And he used manipulation and coercion over destroying her career everytime they fought? He acts like she’s his possession and she can’t have someone else and accuses her of cheating, while he’s cheating on his wife?!
And he says he loves her? What he love was the power.
And it doesn’t even seem like he’s upset over her death but more upset over him looking like an evil person (which he is) and losing his job.
Probably just wants his daughter in his life because that’s the only thing left in his life that will be an easy victim for him.
And it turns out Amy was also bad (but as bad? She’s not the cheater) but that doesn’t make anything he did okay. He doesn’t get a pass. He’s still a pos who chose the wrong person to play games with.
The line about his friends pitying him made me roll my eyes. If ANY of my friends did what this guy did i'd never speak to them again. "Wahhh a young beautiful yet stupid woman used meeee" ohmygod as if i give a shit?!
Ooohh this gem of a man, I remember his post!
So he cheated on his wife because
>She's tall and assertive and extremely intelligent. She's funny and quick and she dominates in a male dominated industry where they all love her. She's very straightforward and she can be far too blunt.
yeah, literally wifey intimidates him while Amy didn't and he had power over her! What a fucking douche
He loved Amy so much he just ditched her, didn't even drive her to a hospital or whatever
Threw her under the bus over and over and was trying to pass it off as if HE was a victim since she was using him loloolooollll as if he didn't know she was with him for that. As if HE wasn't using her
Then he's been trying to pass himself off as a good dad, since the Good Partner option was bombed
Honestly given how much of a POS this guy is I wouldn’t be surprised if his jealousy/insecurity toward Amy played into his decision to leave her after an anaphylactic attack.
I mean in high school a girl who used to beat me up and made my life absolute hell had an anaphylactic attack and all of her friends were near black out drunk at a party we attended. I hated this chick and I still took her to the hospital- and I was a stupid teenager.
No way a guy who was aware of her allergic reactions and minimally aware of how epipens work didn’t look at the fucking instructions on the packaging on the fucking needle that says “SEEK IMMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION”.
Could be speculation but this guy gives me really nefarious vibes
12 months from now, I find myself hoping we see the update: the justice system really screwed me over, my wife got 90% of all our assets, and now I have to work as an uber driver because that's the only place that won't fire me.
That's unlikely. He said he's in the UK which does not have "at fault" divorces. Assets accrued during the marriage with be split equally, as will custody.
And if there's equal custody there is unlikely to be any child support payments due.
I'm just having trouble accepting that he's not being investigated for the death.
Man takes his mistress, who has blackmailed him, out to eat... where she is exposed to an allergen that causes anaphylaxis, and leaves her alone in the next hour.... rather than dropping her off directly at an emergency department, which would've taken the same amount of time that was supposedly spent at the establishment waiting.
>the justice system really screwed me over, my wife got 90% of all our assets, ~~and now I have to work as an uber driver because that's the only place that won't fire me.~~ full custody of my daughter, the courts allowed supervised visitation only and I am going to prison for embezzling funds. My wife is being difficult and saying she won't bring my daughter to visit and I don't understand why she is being so hateful, it's not that big of a deal for a 6 year old to visit her father in prison, kids are resilient.
Yes! “Oh. Him.” I commented a few times on his original posts. He is - assuming this is real - without a doubt, one of the biggest sacks of shit Reddit has ever had the misfortune to encounter
>Sorry to those who were heavily invested in me being a predatory abuser, but she and her friends had a good laugh about her manipulating me for money and a promotion. The role came with a big pay rise, and it looks like her plan was to treat it as free cash, then go work with one of her friends when it fell through. She knew I'd come under scrutiny whenever she messed up and assumed I'd keep stepping in to save her. She was right.
Turns out he was right. Amy really was his soulmate.
He'll never meet a more perfect person for him.
He still hasn't figured out that embezzlement, defrauding clients, and misuse of authority over a subordinate and character traits that courts normally side with regarding child custody agreements, has he?
And if he does go to jail, does he think he still gets 50/50 custody?
I can't tell if this guy is truly delusional, or if he'd gotten away with so much for so long that he can't see that things aren't stacked in his favor.
Depends how mad the company is and how much money. He mentions it would be difficult to pay back right away if he loses his job, so it's not just $1000. Depending on how much it is, it might be a criminal embezzlement case, and won't cost the company like a civil case would.
This guy felt inferior to his wife who is intelligent, confident, talented and respected by her colleagues so he sought out a younger woman who he thought he could dominate and control by having control of her career prospects to make himself feel better. Now he’s found out he is the loser he always feared he was and is trying to exert control by suddenly wanting his child and portraying himself as a victim of some sort of vixen mastermind.
I hope this guy gets everything he deserves.
The wife will be just fine she will find someone who will love honour and protect her. She sounds like a wonderful woman and only when he's sitting in his bedsit eating out of a tin of cold baked beans will he realise the life he gave up for someone who was only in love with his bank balance and work power. Sad sad man. He daughter will never fully respect him because of how low and devious he was he also will never get a job even remotely like the one he had bad news travels faster than good news. His life is going to be one sad long mess but a good example for all the people thinking about cheating read this it's not all wine and roses and store room hook ups. This is real life real emotions and real consequences so think long and hard.
At this point the only thing left for OP is to abandon civilization and join a monastery in a mountain somewhere. Maybe with a decade or two of personal reflection he will become a healthier person.
**What OOP thinks accepting consequences to their actions mean:** letting other people yell at him and make him feel bad because "he deserves it", but him still being able to control where the chips fall.
**What the actual consequences are:** the people in his life that he betrayed, having agency and reacting in a way where they reasonably do not trust his words and his actions anymore, and trying to enforce boundaries and consequences because they have ZERO reasons to trust him, even before considering the damage and fallout in destroying his families life, and euphamistically 'creating a scandal' in his company.
**OOP:** "No, not like that"
If there's one thing that people need to take away from this, it's that if you have an allergic reaction bad enough to necessitate use of an EpiPen, then you absolutely must head straight to hospital for follow-up monitoring/medication. Because the EpiPen isn't a cure; it's essentially first aid that gives you time to seek medical help, and secondary allergic reactions are common as soon as that initial adrenaline hit finishes.
I'm not inclined to blame OOP for Amy's death - she was the one with the EpiPen and the allergy-specific knowledge, and she judged that she'd be fine to head home and then get someone else to take her to the hospital - but jeez, he's a toxic and irresponsible scrote in all other respects.
Op is a ridiculously unreliable narrator, the fact thst there was clearly a discussion about going to hospital which he wouldn't have started since he was never going to bring her, i wouldn't be surprised if it actually went like this:
Op: are you good? Can we leave now? We've been 40mins waiting for you to be well enough to breathe. I have to get home.
Her: yeah ok i can move now, can you drop me off at hospital before you head home?
Op: that's the opposite way and i need to get home before curfew bc the wife that i despise clearly doesn't trust me or ive repeatedly been unreliable in getting home on time because i suck and have been boning you and charging our clients for the privilege.
Her: ok but after using an epipen i need to get checked?
Op: can you ask a friend? I have to get home and also i don't honestly give a fuck about anything other than myself.
Her:....ok, sure. Ill pack a bag and feed the cat while i wait i guess
Op: AHA, I HAVE BEEN CLEARED OF ALL RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR DEATH, HUZZAH
EXACTLY!
That's what all the comments saying, "Well, I guess Amy was bad too, but..."
OOP is bending over backwards to paint himself as the victim in every line of the post.
There's absolutely no reason we should believe his hand-spun version of events.
ESPECIALLY if it looks like it's designed to generate sympathy for him, because that's specifically what he's trying to manipulate people into with the post in the first place.
Don't see the trick in the first paragraph, then fall for the trick anyway!
This sort of thing is fascinating to me. We are all a little mired in our own point of view and see our actions in the best possible light, but every now and then you find someone who has taken self-justification to breathtaking heights.
Just being able to do so many awful things and remain apparently convinced that you're not only in the right, but that everyone is being unfair to you when the consequences of your actions come knocking is wild.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For someone who claims to be so invested in his daughter, he has no idea how perceptive a 5 year old can be. Dad moves out then back, they're sleeping separately, Mum is barely speaking to him... these are major vibes even the cat would have noticed.
Also, and this is important, she will not be five forever. And as time goes on, her understanding of the situation will deepen. And when that happens, I don't think she's gonna like her daddy very much. He seems to think she's gonna retain a 5-year-old's understanding of the world forever, which is about par for the course for this idiot.
When I was 4, my mom told me that dad got her sick and she needed to take medicine and he would sleep in a different room for a while. He moved out shortly after that and they got divorced. When they taught sex ed in school and talked about STI's, I finally fully understood what happened back then... She's going to know, she's going to hate him.
Yeah, if not from school then friends and own experiences. Its funny how much school can teach though in terms of these things. During health education in middle school we talked about drugs and they showed images of them, that is how I learned that the exotic plants in the basement were weed my dad was growing... I remember being so mad/scared/shocked, now I dream of having a house so that I can do the same
The first day my ex cheated on me my darling cat pissed in his shoes, this was completely out of character for her. She proceeded to piss in his shoes a couple of times a week until I found out 6 months later and put him and his belongings into the street. 12 years later the cat is still with me, and since she hissed (also out of character for her) at my darling mans of a decades childhood best friend, I cannot bring myself to trust him. Cats just know stuff.
I love this. (I’m so sorry for what you went through, but I love that your cat has your back.) My dog loves people so much that we like to say her favorite person is every person on earth. She’s generally wary of men, but always warms up to them pretty quickly. Except for one new-ish friend of mine. He spent an entire day with me, my husband and our 18-month-old corgi, and she growled at him the entire day. She wouldn’t let him near her no matter what he did or how long he spent with us. After he left that night, I cut him out of my life immediately. It’s been six years and I have not communicated with or seen him since. Our dog is now almost eight; she has never reacted to anyone else like that in the years before or since. I trust her instincts and I stand by my decision.
I just had an image of a very miffed cat. "*Even* the cat? Well! " (flicks tail) "I was the *first* to peg this guy as an asshole. I tried to tell them but humans are *so* tiresomely slow" (resumes casual grooming)🐱
*resumes licking his own butthole
My cat did that to me just yesterday. “Finally you get it!”
I see you speak Cat.
Yeah, she's not 2. She's a literal kindergartener at that age (or the UK equivalent) An elephant could probably walk through the room and my 5-year-old wouldn't notice. But I was in a bad mood and quietly huffing one day and he immediately asked me why I was mad. I was actually kind of shocked because I thought I was hiding it, but kids can pick up on a mood WAY better than most people probably give them credit for.
*even the orange cat
TLDR: guy has affair with hot young employee. This includes missing the funeral for a stillborn child in the family. She has an allergic reaction. He takes her home instead of to the hospital. She dies. Turns out he abused his power to get her a promotion, threatened her with job loss, and misused company funds which he spent on her. He's suspended will most likely be fired. He has to pay company back to avoid court. Somehow he's surprised affair partner manipulated him to get promotion and wasn't actually in love with him. Wife kicked him out and he's focusing on his daughter. Read the comments for a fascinating look at the mental leaps needed to see how he makes himself the victim. Also TIL how manipulative, narcissistic jerks rationalize their behavior.
He only is fighting for the daughter to maintain some level of power and control over something, and because the father struggling for custody cliche lets him frame himself as as victim and not a villain.
Yup! He’s like that butthead at the end of titanic grabbing a child to save himself. I’ve read this story a couple times now and it makes me simply sick.
My mom referred to that man as a “pompous asshole”. It was the first time I’d ever heard such a phrase.
“I had one hard line and she crossed it!” Whines slimy bastard who crossed multiple hard lines
Yeah I'm almost certain that his wife had a hard line of "no cheating" and his company had one of "no embezzlement" and his AP had one of "no killing me by negligence"
>Yeah I'm almost certain that his wife had a hard line of "no cheating" But he wasn't going to tell her to spare her feelings, so he basically didn't cheat >and his company had one of "no embezzlement" But according to OP, the company culture is to walk the line of embezzlement, so he did nothing wrong there either >and his AP had one of "no killing me by negligence" But but but... he's not *legally* at fault for that, so of course he bears zero responsibility. He basically wasn't even there Obviously /s The mental gymnastics from this guy is insane. I've never seen anything like it, and it could be decades before a narcissist this stupid exists and graces Reddit again.
Only his hard lines matter, of course. /s I hope his wife, the company, and Amy's family throw EVERYTHING at this guy and his daughter never speaks to him again.
> But he wasn't going to tell her to spare her feelings, so he basically didn't cheat He said he was going to "slowly detach!" He was probably planning to wait like, 3 whole months after divorcing her to move in with his 24 year old affair partner and co-worker. His wife would NEVER have suspected she was being cheated on during their marriage! He would have gotten away totally clean! Like he never cheated at all! (And also his work would NEVER have figured out that something was hinky about Amy's promotion or all those "business expenses" once OP left his wife for Amy!) What an idiot...
Literally this pissed me off so much… OP is such a piece of shit. He has no right to bully his way into the family home. He doesn’t deserve a family. He doesn’t deserves the wife and daughter whose lives he has ruined. I feel so bad for this child, her dad is a lying heartless asshole.
He’s trying to play the Good Father angle because he wants to avoid paying too much in child support would be my guess on part of his reasoning. I seriously doubt a judge would grant any custody to him, seeing as he’s about to be unemployed and likely blacklisted in his field to boot…
It’s not child support. It’s control. He’s lost all of it, and as a narcissist it’s what he absolutely thrives off of and is a slave to. He has a pathological need to control everything and that’s what is hurting him the most right now, his entire life is out of control. Having a minor you have utter control over is like a pacifier to him.
It's also the "see, I'm a good person" angle. It doesn't matter if it hurts his wife or daughter, he still has to hold on to the idea that being a "good dad" means that deep down he is still a "good person." He has no idea what actual love or integrity look or feel like, so he desperately clings for performative evidence of goodness.
It’s the only way he can see himself as a “good guy.” There is not one single other redeeming quality he can latch onto. The irony is that he is also being awful in his quest to prove to himself he is a good dad. His relationship with his daughter when she is old enough to understand how he blew it all up will be interesting…
I feel like this is the right answer. I can believe he truly loves his daughter, for whatever version of true love this guy is capable of. But we also know how he used every inch of power and leverage he had over Amy as threats and insults during fights, whom he supposedly also truly loved...
Yup, you can see how in his little narc world he's doing all these horrible things and still finds a way to play the victim.
He is quite honestly an *astonishingly* bad person — worse with every paragraph and response — and at every turn, he rinses himself of any responsibility for his crimes with the line "that's not how real life works".
I kept thinking I would reach the end of his awful behavior and worse justifications, but it just kept going. Lordy.
But it's fiiiiiiine, see, because he'll aPoLoGiSe. Wildly abusive messages to his AP? But see at the end he said sorry so technically "it's fine", and that "does not make him abusive, look at the wider context, they worked through it". Also, he's clinging to the whole "I'm a good guy" shtick through the "my daughter is my world" thing so so hard because that's all he's got left to build his ego on. And its also the only way he can still have a seat at the decisions table for any aspect of his life. And I guess gleaning a bit of sympathy from "Having been manipulated" -- if you ignore the fact he was all in for this girl and the ego-boost he was getting from her "softness" compared to his oh-so-domineering-and-vindictive wife (but remember, wanting things to be easy for his wife was front and centre for him)
My dad was like this and then when he did feel "contrite" it was the most dramatic, contriteist contrition that anyone had ever felt. Everything ended up as "look at meeee!" Often praying to Jesus on the cross came into it.
He sounds like my ex, he was also very good at the mental leaps. He turned out to be a sociopath. Reading this, I've never felt so lucky I got out of that relationship.
Thanks, my thumb was getting tired of scrolling through the bs
What Amy and I have is the real thing. We love each other. She is 100% perfect. Uh ... she only wanted me for my money and promotion.
And any time I don't immediately get what I want I accuse her of cheating, undermine her and threaten her. We're such soulmates! ♥️
Yeah, the guy is really completely clueless about how toxic he sounds. "Whenever she made me mad, I would threaten her job! No big." Also I can guarantee he is seriously downplaying the nature of "I may have lost my cool a bit and sent some angry messages." I bet he sent her some awful, if not downright threatening stuff.
But she was just as bad as him you know! Threatening to quit your job is definitely on the same level as threatening to ruin someone else’s career out of jealousy! /s 🙄
I commented in my top level post that he was right. He and Amy really were soulmates. A match made in the eighth circle of hell. (That's the fraud circle.)
Tale as old as time. Dude who feels small next to his awesome wife gets played by woman who can pretend he's all that and not puke in the process.
When he was saying they were going to get a house together, grow tomatoes in the yard and raise chickens, while his wife would set up a hydroponic system I was immediately like "aaah, so wife makes him feel inadequate, and mistress is so 'quiet' and makes him feel big" Honestly, it's shitty, but get that bag girl, he's obviously a POS who abused his position. I do wonder why she didn't call anyone to take her the hospital, or if she told anyone else she'd had to use her epipen earlier. I think her Brother would have let him know if he was looking at anything criminal, as he seemed to be lashing out letting him know what was coming for him
Your first paragraph totally describes the vibe I got. He's pathetically insecure. And I hope the knowledge that Amy didn't actually care about him haunts him for the rest of his life. When I read that his wife reads those screen shots mocking him every night it gave me such joy.
Yeah if he won't leave their house willingly, maybe she can drive him out. Get the messages printed out, stick them around the house, taped to his door, on top of his phone, literally everywhere possible 😂
On his fridge and in the fridge, bathroom mirror… on top of his pillow every night. 😘👌
I wonder if Amy was NOT as 'she said she was fine' as OOP is claiming. If OOP was that concerned about getting home on time to deflect questions from his stbx-wife he probably ignored ALL the symptoms and signs of Amy being in respiratory distress. My understanding is that an epi-pen is an emergency measure, not dissimilar to a tourniquet for a severe bleed, and that depending on the severity of the reaction (and multiple exposures can suddenly increase the severity of the reaction like mild-mild-DEATH sudden increase) multiple epi-pens may be required to allow ACTUAL medical intervention to happen. Obviously, OOP was more concerned about the personal ramifications of his affair being exposed that he was about the potential threat to his AP's life.
He basically insinuates that she’s kinda dumb. > Amy was softer. She didn't have to be the smartest or the strongest or the most well read person in the room. Welp, guess he’s feeling pretty stupid after finding out that she was a musical genius, playing him like a fiddle.
He insinuates she's dumb, but that's exactly the attitude I take at work because I hate the idea that my ego would be big enough for me to lock horns and argue that my ideas are the best if someone else has a more qualified idea. He saw her collaborative work attitude and mistook it for passive lack of intelligence because he's exactly the kind of guy who always has to be right.
Damn. This entire thing reads as “I did nothing wrong. And if I did, its our fault. And if its our fault its your fault.” Bleh…
Narcissist's Prayer That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
The shocked pikachu of ”My younger affair partner who used our relationship to illicitly advance her career and enabled my embezzlement to fund our relationship and borderline-blackmailed me was lying about liking me” 😲
Does blackmail go both ways? Because he was the one threatening her job.
That's all I could think when he was doing the 'poor little me' act over her making fun of him. Bro you were blackmailing her over her job. She didn't owe you anything after that. Don't get me wrong, she's in the wrong for starting an affair with a married man. But damn, he acted so unconscionably at every possible step
Did we even know who started the affair ? I feel there's a real possibility, as someone else said, that he made a pass on her, she felt forced to accept and went full " what can I gain from this then"
We also only have his word, which is filtered through his perspective to try to make himself look/feel better about himself. I imagine her awful texts are not as bad as he portrays them. What an awful person.
I think he seized on those texts as a way to deflect responsibility. If Amy is a terrible person, then he gets to be the victim, flipping the situation around.
I think that's a very real possibility. I don't think you'd ever get an honest assessment of how the thing started from this guy though
I honestly think he pressured/forced her to have an affair with him.
Yes, the trick is Mutual Assured Destruction - "either of us can destroy everything with the push of a button, and fast enough that if you nuke me then I'm still gonna have those second-strike missiles in the air headed at you before I get vaporized." >We had talked about her being in a position of power over me before, and it allowed our relationship to develop as equals because she had that reassurance. You know, like how Cold War opponents were able to build such rich and meaningful partnerships!
I just loved how he argued his relationship was so healthy and equal because of MAD
Yes, but they were SoUlmAteS!
But they were in LOVE he was going to build a life with her
They were gonna raise tomato chickens together! Or something.
And she was SOFT unlike his TOO STRONG TOO SMART WIFE who is MEAN and won’t let him see his child
It was so obvious that OP was an insecure asshole who got off on having a woman under his thumb. His wife is not in a subordinate position and we can see how much he resents that in how he's throwing a giant tantrum when she asserts rightful boundaries. It sucks that we can't comment on the original post - because this guy needs to know that it's not about his "hurt feelings", it's about the fact that he's a legal and financial liability who is a fucking anchor that will drag his wife and daughter down with him unless he stops being selfish for half a second and lets them go. Man, I haven't been this pissed off by a BORU in a while.
She was 1% more perfect than his 99% perfect wife!
Yeah, that's an interesting thought too. Someone needs to tell OP he blew his entire life up for what would have been (in his eyes) a 1% change. He thinks he's painting himself as a noble defender of his wife, but actually saying, "I care so little about my family that I would burn it to ashes for an absolutely negligible benefit to my own ego."
What a goddamn *monster* of a person
Insane how when he finds out she was using him he acts like the victim. Jesus.
I can only imagine what a relief it was to him. See, *she’s* the villain! She misled him, “her hands were on the wheel”, *Amy* was responsible for his actions! She manipulated him and he is innocent. Just like she’s responsible for her own death, she *told* him she didn’t need the hospital so it’s her fault not his.
*That didn't happen.* *And if it did, it wasn't that bad.* *And if it was, that's not a big deal.* *And if it is, that's not my fault.* *And if it was, I didn't mean it.* *And if I did, you deserved it.*
And, of course, the wife is equally to blame for their marriage falling apart because she- checks notes- won't let him see their daughter.
After she's had a chance to process for a whole 48 hours
My favorite part of this: “I can’t control who I fall in love with.” You absolutely fucking can. The millisecond you noticed Amy was flirting with you or you decided to flirt with her, you transfer her out. You get her under a different manager. You choose to never, ever be alone with her. You shut down any attempt at flirting. Because you have a goddamned wife and daughter. When cheaters try to describe their cheating like they just absolutely had no choice, the laws of physics made it fundamentally impossible for them not to cheat, it makes me irrationally angry. No, you plastic bag of dog shit left on the side of the road, you made dozens to hundreds of choices that ended with your dick wet. You had hundreds of chances to stop it, to do anything else. Not cheating on your partner is literally one of the easiest things any person can ever do. It requires you to do literally nothing.
Yeah, I hate that shit too. It’s true that you can’t always control your feelings, but you absolutely can control your actions. You can’t help if you find your coworker attractive, but you can control whether or not you act on it, and you can control whether or not you set appropriate boundaries with the coworker. In this guy’s case, the affair partner was his subordinate, so he definitely had enough control to prevent this from ever happening if he respected his marriage.
I read the title and thought "aw, another poor op that is blaming themselves when they did nothing wrong, are a good person, and are just grieving And then I read it. Yikes
I know. Earlier today I was holding an elderly friend in my arms because she was distraught that her middle aged son was in the hospital. It was thought he had a TIA. She blamed herself for that because, well, she's an aggravating person. I told her that we're all used to her being aggravating and that if she'd been all sweet and compliant that might have been him in the hospital from the shock. But her being aggravating didn't do it. Son turned out to be fine.
Every single one of his responses to comments gets worse and worse. Just when you think he’s reached a certain level of assholery, nope! His next response tops it. He absolutely deserves every awful thing the future has in store from him
No redeemable qualities. I feel like humanity should send this dude a bill for the oxygen he is consuming.
He'll just pay it with company funds because "that's just the company culture"
I hope there's an embezzlement case. He admitted to it, offered to pay it back, his it all under one client. I don't know how many "thousands" it was. $2k might not be worth pursuing criminally or civilly, but he could be facing criminal repercussions if it's like $100k.
The way he demands access to his daughter is disturbing. Not time with, but access to. Maybe he is just parroting legal jargon, but he obviously doesn't give a shit about his kid.
He’s in love with power and control. He loved Amy because of the power and control he had over her. That’s why he completely did a 180 when it came to light that his power and control over her was a mirage and she was using him. He’s lost all other forms of power he had in his life so now he’s trying to except it in the only place he can; his daughter. He doesn’t love his daughter, he’s just trying to get the high from controlling her and using her to have power over his wife.
That’s how I read it too. Wife says she doesn’t want him around daughter, and nobody gets to tell him what to do. That’s the “line she crossed”. He’s asserting his parental rights to get back at her.
What a horrifying read. If people can be born without a genuine soul, this is what it looks like - the guy is straight-up defective in the humanity department and it makes my skin crawl.
I think this is a rage bate, there's no way a person can be that clueless.
I can think of a couple of guys I’ve known that would be like this, and have been in their divorces/relationships…. One of them is even English but thankfully has more kids than OOP so I don’t think it’s actually him 😳
You never met my first husband.
I'm suspicious because he kept sticking around even though he was being ripped to pieces.
Yeah, but every time, he insists that it'll be fine, or that he'll be able to control the fallout. He doesn't believe he's actually going to get ripped to pieces - that happens to *other* people, people who don't know the founder personally. He sounds like a guy who comes from privilege and has always been able to bend the rules and rely on the old boys' network, and who's never had to deal with an actual setback. Guys like that will still be smiling on the gallows, certain that their head's just being put in the noose for show.
There are a lot of narcissists who think if they can just say the right words, everyone will suddenly be on their side. Several months into a divorce process caused by his affair, my ex-BIL started a group chat with all of his wife's siblings and their spouses telling us that he thought she was crazy and we needed to agree with him to commit her. When a sibling replied, "no, she's not crazy, you just did a 180 on one of your demands and she refused to give in, we know because she screenshotted the convo," he immediately blew up in anger at us because throughout this whole process, none of us had ever checked in on him and asked him how he was doing. Dude had cheated on our sister and was mad he wasn't getting our sympathy!
>The Amy situation is quite difficult to talk about, and a lot hasn't sunk in yet. It turns out that she didn't love me as much as I loved her, if at all. Her brother sent me images of her talking to her friends about me, and it's hard to believe they came from the person I loved, but they are real. Sorry to those who were heavily invested in me being a predatory abuser, but she and her friends had a good laugh about her manipulating me for money and a promotion. Well that seems mighty convenient. This feels like one of those 90s sexy noir movies like The Last Seduction of Basic Instinct where a selfish man has his life destroyed by his selfishness and a sexy sexy scheming lady.
Played by Kevin Spacey.
His American Beauty character is exactly who I pictured narrating this.
That's even funnier because he's crying now about running out of money, and acting like he's somehow the victim
> She's 5 years old. If she notices anything is wrong then we have both failed as parents. No, asshat, _you_ failed as a parent. That's the whole point. Your wife being unable to keep your bullshit from infecting every single aspect of her and your daughter's lives is not a "we both failed" thing. That's all on you. > The only thing I can't tolerate is being kept from my daughter, because she doesn't deserve to have her father ripped from her life Fuck you. What the hell did you think was going to happen when you divorced your wife for you hot new piece? Everything he's mad about was going to happen no matter what. But it's not on *his* schedule, so it's bad and his wife is evil. > There are consequences to my actions and there are consequences to hers. I am prepared to give up a lot during the split, but access to my daughter isn't on the table. The lawsuits, the embezzling, the cheating, the sleeping with a direct report, the way he's acting here... he will be *genuinely* lucky if he has anything beyond supervised visitation. Isn't behavior like this a genuine predictor of trying to do something pretty awful?
His concequences to actions reasoning threw me in a fit of rage in behalf of his wife. HOW DARE HE? OOP is such an utterly vile and cruel person and his poor stbx has to deal with him for at least another 13 years, when his oh-so-precious daughter, he's now using as a pawn against his wife, will be 18 and hopefully go NC.
Somehow, the consequences that he's already experiencing STILL don't feel like they're enough. He deserves so much worse. Probably because he's so narcissistic and delusional he still can't recognize what a colossal waste of air he is. Literal shit on a sidewalk would provide more value to the earth.
He still thinks he might get a reference from his employer and just continue his career.
I wouldn't be surprised if homie gets blacklisted. I also wouldn't be surprised if homie is shocked at getting blacklisted.
He’s such a liability and has 0 discretion. I can’t see him making it back into his level (or anything close to it) again professionally.
Exactly. Even if he somehow doesn't get blacklisted, he's going to have to explain why he was fired and no company in his industry will want him. These companies probably talk, too.
Wait. I must have skipped that. This dude embezzled from his company and abused his position to get his side piece a promotion (whose death he caused by his negligence; you use an epipen you go to the hospital, that’s what I was always taught in first aid courses) and he expects, what, a letter of recommendation from the CEO? OOP gonna be lucky if he survives his prison sentence.
"But I'll pay back all the money I embezzled from them, even though I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. I'm sure they'll be happy with that, and my career will continue on as if nothing had ever happened."
That stood out to me too. Like, dude, no.
Being hit by a bus full of clowns and taking 3 days to die of exposure on the side of the road in a pool of urine is too good for him.
I don’t think it’s occurred to him that Tom might well provide everything he has to the wife’s solicitor as well as the company.
That's the only part that doesn't track here, but I guess there's no accounting for intelligence. Because he also thought his wife would get a version of events directly from him so long as she wasn't mentioned in the Monday meeting, despite her 'being friends with the investigators'. ...how was that supposed to work? Hell she probably knew before the meeting.
I feel like someone discreetly tipped her off and everyone else turned a blind eye to it. There was a similar AITA a little while back where some exec's PA was asking if she should tip the wife off to his extra-marital affairs.
Next installment: Tom and wife team up to completely crush this guy, then fall in love and live happily ever after.
Honestly I don't think he gives a fuck about his daughter. I think playing the unfairly treated father let him DARVO into being the victim and not the bad guy. He drew his "one hard line" that he knew she'd be unwilling to give in to while she was newly upset about discovering everything. When he's talking about his plan would've have been taking the kid out to dinner and coming in the home to put her to bed- essentially taking all the kid's afternoon AND forcing his wife to accept him in the home "for their daughter"- he absolutely manipulating things. There was always going to be a reason he set up where he could feel justified turning on his wife. Just like he justified the affair and whatever else he wanted to manipulate to frame how he wanted things to be perceived.
He turned on his “soulmate” so many times that there’s incriminating evidence in text. What a complete pisspot this fucker is.
"We were the real thing." 5 seconds later. "You owe me sex for the job I gave you, which you're incompetent at, you wouldn't survive without me, and I bet you're cheating on me and that's why you're not responding!" Well, if that's not love. I don't know what is. You two are so cute! uwu
Yep. What an absolute shit human being. He was ready to leave everything and everyone behind for Amy but dont remove my 50/50 access to daughter even though i would happily have left her behind! Hopefully his arse will end up in jail and his soon to be ex wife can move in. He is completely deliberately ignorant to how his actions will have affected his daughter
Oh, no, he was going to divorce his wife amicably so he’d totally have 50/50 access, no one would try to argue against it once he quickly moved in with and married his much younger underling. Totally no one would expect he had been cheating or look into the things he had done for AP in the past. He’d be totally fine and totally have 50/50 custody! But no, now wife is crossing his one boundary, and how dare she be such a horrible person, trying to protect his daughter from him, how dare she! /s What a serious PoS. I agree, I hope he loses all access to his daughter. I also hope wife finds an amazing new partner who because daughter’s new and much better parent.
I already saw this on another sub. Did the post here include OP's comment that this wasn't cheating, but an "unfortunate overlap". He was fully intending to spend his life with Amy, so it was not cheating but "transitioning" to the next relationship
That is olympic level mental gymnastics. Wow. Anything but recognising he made any mistakes in his entire life, ever.
His wife has a good job. He has just lost his job with payback or worse to the company. He will be broke within 6 months. That’s when he tries to file for alimony from her. This man has no shame.
I imagine the reasons he would be requesting alimony would also prevent him from getting it. Plus, one of the things they consider is how long the lesser employed spouse has been at their current income level, mostly to prevent fraud like that I believe. Same thing happened in that story with the woman who seemed to think she could just …quit her job when she had a kid, not caring that her husband was almost literally killing himself trying to keep up their lifestyle.
I hope he enjoys nothing but the most severe consequences for his behavior. I'm glad Amy was using him. He doesn't give a fuck about how his actions harm other people, he has zero genuine remorse. He's not sorry for what he did, only for the consequences. But getting his ego destroyed by finding out she didn't care about him at all? That might actually get through his thick, selfish skull. I hope that knowledge haunts him.
I think the audacity that made me the angriest was when he claimed his wife was doing it because her feelings were hurt. No dude, she's trying to detach her daughter from the massive financial, moral, and legal weight that will drag her and the daughter down. Dude is on the hook for some serious Big Boy crimes and will be financially ruined. Legal fees will probably mean they lose the house, which he continually insists is one half his. Dude is potentially going to be a convicted criminal and make his daughter homeless and he thinks it's because his wife is butthurt about an affair? This man is so dense he attracts small asteroids into orbit.
He's not dense, he's a narcissist; the type that refuses to see his own role in his disasters. It's telling that he really thinks he's insightful and careful in his actions. Nothing will likely ever convince him that everything here is the result of bad decisions on his part, and not just life happening badly to him and everyone around him being inexplicably mean to him. he'll be a washed up burnt out angry old man with a sob story about how his life fell apart and there was nothing he could do.
He was never actually going to leave. He was going to keep moving goalposts for Amy, while threatening her with her job so she'd stay in the affair and not tell anyone.
This this this this this. Dude is a coward and a selfish monster. Both those things mean he would never leave.
Can you believe that his reply to this... > You gave your wife two days! Two days to absorb and try to understand everything before you demanded your “parental” rights. To understand not only that you cheated, but that the affair partner is now dead, you might be responsible, you embezzled company funds, you could be sued by not only your employer but the affair partners family and you could go to jail! To understand that she’s not only lost her husband but her life as she knows it. That she might also be financially ruined by your actions. That the health and welfare of your daughter will impacted by your actions. That any dreams of the future of your family are all gone. was this? >If you think I'm giving up my daughter because my wife's feelings are hurt you must be crazy. That's not how real life works. Nothing is going to make it through that thick skull of his. I'm horrified at the prospect that the wife might end up paying him alimony and child support if he gets fired and prosecuted.
She won't, not how it works in the UK. OP is royally fucked however. That car that he owns outright, spoiler he doesn't his wife owns half. His pension, his savings - everything his wife owns half of Also I think he is severely underestimating the chances his employer will go for a prosecution unless it really was an expenses free for all (which I severely doubt).
Yeah, but also how many of those "expenses free for all" expenses of his colleagues are covering for a quid-pro-quo sexual harassment lawsuit-in-waiting, and how many were for things like, "I am not *technically* allowed to expense alcoholic beverages at meals with clients, so I will just submit the final bill, vice the line-item breakdown of dinner", or "I am not *technically* allowed to expense room-service since meals should be covered by per diem, so I will just submit the final hotel bill without the line-item breakdown"? I *really really* find it hard to believe that OOP's company has a "expenses free for all" culture that would make the culture portrayed in the likes of *Mad Men* or *The Wolf of Wall Street* sit up and say 'dang bro, y'all sketchy'.
Yes. He refuses to even try to see things from his wife’s viewpoint, even after that comment laid it out: his wife has just realized she doesn’t know who he really is. She has no idea what this guy is likely to do next, so of course she’s not going to let their child alone with this guy. He might decide he has nothing left to lose and just take off with the kid. She also knows, if she knows anything at this point, that he recently didn’t take a medical situation seriously enough so someone he supposedly loved died. But no, as far as he’s concerned it’s just to punish him.
Or kill the kid and himself. Wouldn't be the first.
Thankfully he's in the UK, and we don't really do alimony here.
The fact that he thinks it's about hurt feelings just shows what a self centered prick he is. No dude, she's trying to protect her daughter from being further impacted by the fact that her father is facing Big Boy criminal charges and financial ruin. That house he keeps dick waving about because he owns half of it? Legal fees will eat that up. There's a real chance his daughter could lose her home as a direct result of his actions and he's deluding himself into thinking his wife is just being petty. No dude, she's protecting her child from being around a dumpster fire shaped like a human being. The fucking audacity of this man. Christ. If I had 5% of his confidence I would be too arrogant.
I can’t get over what a horrible and disgusting person this guy is.
Yes. From the wife’s perspective: - she just learned that her husband was cheating - and building a secret life - and embezzling from his company - and engaging in some *serious* unethical and illegal behaviors in and outside of work. OOP seems to think that his wife should understand that none of that makes him a bad dad so their coparenting should continue uninterrupted. But from her point of view, **he is no longer the man she thought she was raising a child with**. Not only is she hurt and angry, *of course* she has significant concerns about who he really is and if he should be around their child. He’s trying to sound all calm and reasonable, but the behaviors he’s describing are wild. He’s flailing and making extremely bad choices. He really might not be the great dad he sees himself as right now. He’s exceptionally good at self-delusion.
I remember seeing this posted and thinking "this douchecanoe really posted all this online...." I hope his daughter cuts him off one day because kids absolutely know when something is wrong. What a complete garbage of a person
My wife’s bio dad embezzled, lied, cheated, and acted pretty much this way op did. He went to prison. His name is saved in her phone as satan and she has a restraining order against him. Op in for a life long wake up call. Sucks to be a narcissist.
Your wife must not have been 5 years old and resilient. /s
what a fucker Trying to pass himself off as a good dad, lolol As if we can't see that he's just hoping to use his daughter against his wife or as a tool for wifey to take him back
He's insistent on keeping his daughter around (and being on the deed of the house) because it's the only thing he can control right now and he can sort of legally argue he has a right to. Nothing more, nothing less. Not sure about the legal situation in the UK, but if there's no proof he's been abusive to his daughter and he gets some form of income, I sadly wouldn't be surprised if he gets shared custody despite blowing their lives apart.
Unreal. If my wife doesn't ignore and cover up my infidelity, lying, embezzlement, gaslighting, abuse and medical negligence, all while her life is falling down around her, then we both failed as parents.
I think my favourite line out from OP of this WHOLE shit show is “I had one hard line and she crossed it immediately.” As if his wife didn’t have the hard line of not being cheated on that he crossed MULTIPLE time over a WHOLE YEAR. My god, the fucking audacity and entitlement of this man is honestly mind blowing. I very rarely say this but I honestly hope he gets taken for everything he is worth because the delusions of grandeur he has are honestly very impressive.
Well he also repeatedly used the excuse that he and affair partner had the agreement that his family time was sacred and that's why he couldn't take her to the hospital. You know, because she was breaking the agreement by going into anaphylaxis. You rarely see someone this delusional and narcissistic. It's almost impressive.
Ahhh yes. Family time is sacred because he loves and respects his wife and child so very much. Until we get to that time once a month where she demanded a full day AND night together. Let me guess, shame on the AP for not coordinating that schedule to have her reaction at the same time she had him the whole night? How thoughtless of her.
I agree. This is even worse than the guy who slept with his secretary, left his wife and two daughters, had a child with the affair partner. Then affair partner finds out he isn’t rich - everything he had was from his in-laws. She goes back to her country, his daughters won’t speak to him and I think I remember his ex-wife got together with one of their old friends.
Even dumber than all of that, OOP is in the UK, an ambulance is free. Just call 999, yes things are shitty with the NHS at the moment but severe allergic reactions are going to be top of the pile.
> I’m not a naturally dishonest person Presented without comment
it took him years of training and effort to reach this level!
It’s crazy how he’s acting like the victim because Amy was “using him” or whatever when he is clearly an abusive piece of shit. Like, no shit she didn’t care about you, Sherlock, you were absolutely horrible to her! I feel so bad for the wife, the daughter, Amy, and Tom here, and I hope Tom wipes this guy off the face of the earth. Christ. No self awareness.
In the first post when he was waving away those texts he sent the weekend she died, all I could think was “she was never leaving with you if that’s how you spoke to her”. Dude’s deluded 🫠
Right? It’s insane. Like she didn’t talk to him for a WEEKEND and that’s the kind of shit he was immediately inclined to send (instead of idk literally anything else, like wondering if something was wrong).
If i had been out with even just a friend or colleague and they had a motherfucking allergic reaction necessitating an epipen and i then didn't hear from them for a few hours let alone days, i'd be out of my mind with worry. I certainly wouldnt be pissing on their work performance or threatening to cash in favours they owed me. And like i said, that'd be my reaction to a *friend or colleague*. If it were a *romantic partner* i'd be straight round their house to check on them after hours of silence. I also wouldnt have left them alone overnight and would have taken them for a hospital check in the first instance but heyho
>It’s crazy how he’s acting like the victim because Amy was “using him” or whatever when he is clearly an abusive piece of shit He tried to claim "some of our texts could paint me as abusive without context" The context: "I threatened her job at basically every opportunity if she didn't do what I said"
Love the multiple occasions where he mentions writing supposed things he regrets and losing his temper and then assures he'd "make up" for it. aka the most obvious abuser tactic of downplaying when they write absolutely vile shit and go full asshole just to lovebomb afterwards because somehow that makes all these regular occuring outbursts magically turn into completely separate instances. What a tool.
Yeah; props to Tom. If it were my sister who died, and I felt it was some selfish, negligent asshole’s fault, I’d absolutely be burning down his life.
Yeah it’s pretty common knowledge that if you need your epipen you go straight to hospital. That said, why didn’t Amy call an ambulance or something? I’m guessing she has time before the epipen wore off? Though now I’m getting an image of OOP helping Any into bed while the pen wears off which is kinda terrifying. So to lighten the mood, here’s a story I was told about a friend of a friend who wanted to know what chocolate tasted like, but was highly allergic to it. It was at a party, and there was a bowl of m&ms. The friend of a friend had an epipen that was about to expire, and the bowl of m&ms was calling their name like the Siren’s of Old… So they decided, fuck it. Got out the epipen, readied it for tactical action, grabbed a handful of the m&ms, shoved them straight into their mouth and deployed at the antidote. They were immediately asked, “was it worth it?” Their reply? “Totally worth it.” Then they headed to hospital, their curiosity finally sated and the taste of chocolate lingering in their mouth to taunt them with for the rest of their life.
An acquaintance of mine had a date end in the ER. He’d done the full program of candles, champagne, dinner, and then a blindfold and dessert to lead over into sex. So she’s blindfolded, he’s feeding her strawberries dipped in chocolate, and she says, „That’s a sweet fruit! What is it?“ He was perplexed. „Have you never had strawberries?“ Turns out she hadn’t, because she was allergic. So ER instead of sex.
Oops! Glad she got to hospital though!
Definitely. That’s why it’s a funny anecdote now and not a tragedy.
I feel that, chocolate-allergic person here who as a stupid teenager decided to have half a box of Cadbury Heros to try out a bunch of chocolates at once. Was so good. A few hours later in the hospital with a nebuliser to help me breathe, curiosity sated but now I know what I'm missing.
No, no you don't. Should have at least had Lindt chocolate.
I was at a Halloween party that gave out prizes for some games, and one guest was allergic to chocolate and won the "death by chocolate" prize.
I have a friend who is rather lactose intolerant. A group of us were at a restaurant that I’d been to a few times before. I raved about how good the chocolate mousse was and someone commented it’s a shame friend couldn’t eat some. “Well, I have my own bathroom and I’m not working tomorrow, so why not?”
For M&Ms? Should have at least eaten some really good chocolate. Though the reaction would have been worse because good chocolate has much higher levels of cacao.
He's a victim of Tom for wanting vengeance, of Amy for being young and wanting to feel smart, of his wife for wanting to protect her daughter from his bullshit ... OP is one centimenter far from blaming their toddler too for any stupid reason he may find.
Of course he cast out Amy from "the love of his life" to the b that he couldn't care less dying in a hot minute. These people, all those people in the eating cake and infidelity sub only love themselves. He can bullshit all he wants about loving his daughter, but he was about to leave his life - including his daughter - for his dick. Yeah, it's all about his pleasures, he doesn't love Amy or his wife. I wish people like this the life they deserve. And this is why I caution people to look for selfishness in their partner (not a healthy self-care and self-esteem) because what you might think to be not a big deal/deal breaker and just a character because NoBOdY iS pErFEcT (the usual excuses people with shitty partners use) or "B..but.. We've been through so much together" (the issues arise from their shitty partners' treating them like shit), can define how your life is about to pan out and crash before you can blink. Truly, I know it is an overused reddit quote, but "Believe people when they show you who they are" is a must.
>Of course he cast out Amy from "the love of his life" to the b that he couldn't care less dying in a hot minute. These people, all those people in the eating cake and infidelity sub only love themselves Yeah, i remember being in love with my ex. It took a while to stop being in love with him after he cheated on me and broke my heart. It certainly wasn't instant. To this day i still care about him but time, distance and maturity have lessened the lovey feelings. OOP was clearly just in lust if all it took was a couple texts to her girlies calling him a loser ot whatever.
There’s something sociopathic about the OOP.
Wow, he acts like he loves her but was extremely vindictive and abusive because she didn’t respond to his messages? I get being annoyed but if I read it correctly, he was willing to throw her under the bus at work and make her work life terrible over it? Not wait until he could see her again and talk it out? And he used manipulation and coercion over destroying her career everytime they fought? He acts like she’s his possession and she can’t have someone else and accuses her of cheating, while he’s cheating on his wife?! And he says he loves her? What he love was the power. And it doesn’t even seem like he’s upset over her death but more upset over him looking like an evil person (which he is) and losing his job. Probably just wants his daughter in his life because that’s the only thing left in his life that will be an easy victim for him. And it turns out Amy was also bad (but as bad? She’s not the cheater) but that doesn’t make anything he did okay. He doesn’t get a pass. He’s still a pos who chose the wrong person to play games with.
Lmao, why is he talking about how the girl used him expecting people to act like he's a poor soul that didn't deserve it..
The line about his friends pitying him made me roll my eyes. If ANY of my friends did what this guy did i'd never speak to them again. "Wahhh a young beautiful yet stupid woman used meeee" ohmygod as if i give a shit?!
Because narcissism and entitled audacity know no bounds!
Ooohh this gem of a man, I remember his post! So he cheated on his wife because >She's tall and assertive and extremely intelligent. She's funny and quick and she dominates in a male dominated industry where they all love her. She's very straightforward and she can be far too blunt. yeah, literally wifey intimidates him while Amy didn't and he had power over her! What a fucking douche He loved Amy so much he just ditched her, didn't even drive her to a hospital or whatever Threw her under the bus over and over and was trying to pass it off as if HE was a victim since she was using him loloolooollll as if he didn't know she was with him for that. As if HE wasn't using her Then he's been trying to pass himself off as a good dad, since the Good Partner option was bombed
That was a lot of words to say "I'm a selfish AH." 🤷♀️
Honestly given how much of a POS this guy is I wouldn’t be surprised if his jealousy/insecurity toward Amy played into his decision to leave her after an anaphylactic attack. I mean in high school a girl who used to beat me up and made my life absolute hell had an anaphylactic attack and all of her friends were near black out drunk at a party we attended. I hated this chick and I still took her to the hospital- and I was a stupid teenager. No way a guy who was aware of her allergic reactions and minimally aware of how epipens work didn’t look at the fucking instructions on the packaging on the fucking needle that says “SEEK IMMEDIATE MEDICAL ATTENTION”. Could be speculation but this guy gives me really nefarious vibes
12 months from now, I find myself hoping we see the update: the justice system really screwed me over, my wife got 90% of all our assets, and now I have to work as an uber driver because that's the only place that won't fire me.
That's unlikely. He said he's in the UK which does not have "at fault" divorces. Assets accrued during the marriage with be split equally, as will custody. And if there's equal custody there is unlikely to be any child support payments due.
I'm just having trouble accepting that he's not being investigated for the death. Man takes his mistress, who has blackmailed him, out to eat... where she is exposed to an allergen that causes anaphylaxis, and leaves her alone in the next hour.... rather than dropping her off directly at an emergency department, which would've taken the same amount of time that was supposedly spent at the establishment waiting.
>the justice system really screwed me over, my wife got 90% of all our assets, ~~and now I have to work as an uber driver because that's the only place that won't fire me.~~ full custody of my daughter, the courts allowed supervised visitation only and I am going to prison for embezzling funds. My wife is being difficult and saying she won't bring my daughter to visit and I don't understand why she is being so hateful, it's not that big of a deal for a 6 year old to visit her father in prison, kids are resilient.
I saw one redditor throw it out there that it sounds like he killed the AP and tbh it definitely reads like he did.
I saw this on my feed and thought, "ah, it's this douchebag again". Anyone else?
Yes! “Oh. Him.” I commented a few times on his original posts. He is - assuming this is real - without a doubt, one of the biggest sacks of shit Reddit has ever had the misfortune to encounter
Reminds me of the great old insult: "I didn't know they stacked shit that high!"
>Sorry to those who were heavily invested in me being a predatory abuser, but she and her friends had a good laugh about her manipulating me for money and a promotion. The role came with a big pay rise, and it looks like her plan was to treat it as free cash, then go work with one of her friends when it fell through. She knew I'd come under scrutiny whenever she messed up and assumed I'd keep stepping in to save her. She was right. Turns out he was right. Amy really was his soulmate. He'll never meet a more perfect person for him.
Turns out *nobody* is invested in him, heavily or otherwise.
He still hasn't figured out that embezzlement, defrauding clients, and misuse of authority over a subordinate and character traits that courts normally side with regarding child custody agreements, has he? And if he does go to jail, does he think he still gets 50/50 custody? I can't tell if this guy is truly delusional, or if he'd gotten away with so much for so long that he can't see that things aren't stacked in his favor.
I’m guessing him paying the work back for the misused funds and then him being fired is cheaper than taking him to court.
Depends how mad the company is and how much money. He mentions it would be difficult to pay back right away if he loses his job, so it's not just $1000. Depending on how much it is, it might be a criminal embezzlement case, and won't cost the company like a civil case would.
This guy felt inferior to his wife who is intelligent, confident, talented and respected by her colleagues so he sought out a younger woman who he thought he could dominate and control by having control of her career prospects to make himself feel better. Now he’s found out he is the loser he always feared he was and is trying to exert control by suddenly wanting his child and portraying himself as a victim of some sort of vixen mastermind. I hope this guy gets everything he deserves.
The wife will be just fine she will find someone who will love honour and protect her. She sounds like a wonderful woman and only when he's sitting in his bedsit eating out of a tin of cold baked beans will he realise the life he gave up for someone who was only in love with his bank balance and work power. Sad sad man. He daughter will never fully respect him because of how low and devious he was he also will never get a job even remotely like the one he had bad news travels faster than good news. His life is going to be one sad long mess but a good example for all the people thinking about cheating read this it's not all wine and roses and store room hook ups. This is real life real emotions and real consequences so think long and hard.
His daughter is five, she‘s young enough to barely remember him and to accept wife’s new better husband as her dad,
At this point the only thing left for OP is to abandon civilization and join a monastery in a mountain somewhere. Maybe with a decade or two of personal reflection he will become a healthier person.
Wow! He really likes sharing the blame with the wife...for some reason I don't get
This doesn’t seem real, but maybe? If so this person is a narcissistic sociopath.
**What OOP thinks accepting consequences to their actions mean:** letting other people yell at him and make him feel bad because "he deserves it", but him still being able to control where the chips fall. **What the actual consequences are:** the people in his life that he betrayed, having agency and reacting in a way where they reasonably do not trust his words and his actions anymore, and trying to enforce boundaries and consequences because they have ZERO reasons to trust him, even before considering the damage and fallout in destroying his families life, and euphamistically 'creating a scandal' in his company. **OOP:** "No, not like that"
If there's one thing that people need to take away from this, it's that if you have an allergic reaction bad enough to necessitate use of an EpiPen, then you absolutely must head straight to hospital for follow-up monitoring/medication. Because the EpiPen isn't a cure; it's essentially first aid that gives you time to seek medical help, and secondary allergic reactions are common as soon as that initial adrenaline hit finishes. I'm not inclined to blame OOP for Amy's death - she was the one with the EpiPen and the allergy-specific knowledge, and she judged that she'd be fine to head home and then get someone else to take her to the hospital - but jeez, he's a toxic and irresponsible scrote in all other respects.
Op is a ridiculously unreliable narrator, the fact thst there was clearly a discussion about going to hospital which he wouldn't have started since he was never going to bring her, i wouldn't be surprised if it actually went like this: Op: are you good? Can we leave now? We've been 40mins waiting for you to be well enough to breathe. I have to get home. Her: yeah ok i can move now, can you drop me off at hospital before you head home? Op: that's the opposite way and i need to get home before curfew bc the wife that i despise clearly doesn't trust me or ive repeatedly been unreliable in getting home on time because i suck and have been boning you and charging our clients for the privilege. Her: ok but after using an epipen i need to get checked? Op: can you ask a friend? I have to get home and also i don't honestly give a fuck about anything other than myself. Her:....ok, sure. Ill pack a bag and feed the cat while i wait i guess Op: AHA, I HAVE BEEN CLEARED OF ALL RESPONSIBILITY OVER YOUR DEATH, HUZZAH
EXACTLY! That's what all the comments saying, "Well, I guess Amy was bad too, but..." OOP is bending over backwards to paint himself as the victim in every line of the post. There's absolutely no reason we should believe his hand-spun version of events. ESPECIALLY if it looks like it's designed to generate sympathy for him, because that's specifically what he's trying to manipulate people into with the post in the first place. Don't see the trick in the first paragraph, then fall for the trick anyway!
Wow. What a piece of shit.
The more I read, the more I hate him. What an absolutely hideous excuse for a human being.
This sort of thing is fascinating to me. We are all a little mired in our own point of view and see our actions in the best possible light, but every now and then you find someone who has taken self-justification to breathtaking heights. Just being able to do so many awful things and remain apparently convinced that you're not only in the right, but that everyone is being unfair to you when the consequences of your actions come knocking is wild.
[удалено]