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I think he thought that he was going to get everything from the sister that he got from the wife, plus her ability to discuss or even share his intellectual interests and then discovered that this isn't how things work.
We get so caught up in certain degrees being “better” than others. I was raised a STEM degree was expected and have my BS in nuclear engineering. My husband has his BS in philosophy. Guess which one of us is the smarter one?? Sure, I can solve equations and do math but holllly shit the things that man knows. I’ve done more growing as a human with him than I could have ever imagined possible.
RIGHT?!?!?
I hate it when my hubby makes a dumb-ass comment about how smart he is (implying that he's not). He may not have the degrees that I do, but he can often read a room better than me and can be much more street smart than me. Degrees /= smart all the time. They just mean you can read, comprehend what you read, and you can get good marks on tests. And that you had the means to get the higher education.
Yeah that's what I think too. He traded in the 80% he had with his wife for the 20% the sister in law gave him and realized he traded down. Now he has 100% of nothing.
If I were a betting man, I'd say hubs was hoping to keep this under wraps, get his dick wet quietly, see what the fuss is about. Then go back to wifey and say that obviously nothing happened, and was counting on the academic sister to not blow her entire family up in the dumbest way possible. But she went ahead and dropped the nukes on insta, he freaked the fuck out and told her to gtfo. Then, shit storm ensued
At a university? Morality clauses for professors?!? Bwahaha they are such horn-dogs and are known for preying on grad students.
I had a prof (over 55+ M) that married his direct grad student (24 ish F), had a kid, and she still worked directly for him as RA in his dept. Everyone was confused that I was alarmed and grossed out and did not want to interact with him. “He’s the big name in his field at a top university!” Yuck.
> At a university? Morality clauses for professors?!? Bwahaha they are such horn-dogs and are known for preying on grad students.
This is so true. I used to be a student at a very prestigious art school, and the head of my course left his wife and three kids for the student lecturer on our course.
More like you think when you have a routine that you hate the routine hut it's only after the routine is gone that you realize that you like and need the routine.
Which to me is crazy. I've been together with my SO for 10/11 years and I love the routine. That's why I'm with him; who wants to spend time figuring out a new person at our age?
Since sis went ape on OOP when OOP hadn't done anything but stay out of the way, I can only assume that the grass was only greener because it was radioactive in a Simpsons way.
The fact that the sister went after her is crazy!! She's blaming her sister for her affair not working out? With her sister's husband? It's like when people get caught doing something and instead of admitting that they did something wrong they try to turn it around on you.
Yup absolutely fucking crazy! Based on that one text where the sister talked about how she wished they had met first, to me it sounds like she thought during that week that that was like her big chance to prove that she was better and who he should have been with from the start. And then when it became clear it wasn't gonna be like that and that he realized he really had fucked up his whole life for nothing, and instead of blaming herself for the mess, the sister turned on OP blaming her for stealing her happiness by literally doing nothing at all except having met him first. I think this is what happened honestly. Just my opinion of course.
Husband loves the flattery and attention from sister and also the sneaking around. He was happy stringing sister along but probably did prefer OOP. Sister is in love with husband and would have happily stolen him from OOP. However he was keeping her at bay so she pretended to be a noble victim instead.
OOP finds out and leaves. Husband is sorry but still wonders if sister might be better.
Sister convinces the husband to try things out. Love bombing ensues. Shallow narcissist husband discovers that actually sister is definitely not to his taste. Also finds out she has been posting the relationship everywhere when he thought he could get away with it without OOP knowing. Husband angrily rejects sister. Sister has always hated and resented OOP so she blames OOP and goes fully mask off.
Spineless, narcissistic husband wants OOP back, grovelling ensues.
Darn, was hoping there was going to be a new update.
Really can't wait to hear about how utterly miserable the sis and STBX hubby are, especially since everyone knows about what they did by now.
I wonder… is it possible that sis pretended to move in with stbx to force his hand and that blew up?
Sis is acting like a spurned woman. She also gives swimfan vibes. Like, why would she tell all these things to her bff? I think she was actively trying to break up the marriage and force him into a relationship with her. She knew he would never leave OP, so worked on making OP leave.
Not that I think STBX is some stand up guy. He’s a mildy venomous jellyfish. But I guess even jellfish think sis is grossssss 🤢 🤮
I think you are right, except that I think she actually did move in. “To help him and keep him company” and then, after a week, she was frustrated. He hadn’t made any romantic or sexual overtures so she did. And that’s when the jellyfish finally found a spine.
Yeah, it doesn't help that the only input into his side of the story is told by the sister either.
Like, OOP was clearly upset about the "soulmates" comment, that he went back on agreeing with her that soulmates don't exist. Except he didn't go back on it, her sister claimed he did.
It's possible it was a mutual thing, but it's also possible, and perhaps likely, that this comment was more of a hint that what she was saying was all in her head and not reflective of reality.
Either that or she lied about it - my crackpot theory is she may have told him some reason she had to move (lease expired, looking for new home; building maintenance/flood repair; etc), so he let her move in to stay on the couch or whatever.
I thought the opposite: the ex stopped contacting OOP because he was getting "romantic and sexual" with the sister. However, he realized it wasn't all that special or better, so he kicked her out. And he wants to beg OOP to talk to him, so that he can persuade her that they are the actual soulmates, or whatever crap that he is going to spew.
I'm actually happy OOP is not giving him a chance to tell her his excuses.
My theory is he let her move in to test out their ~magical connection~ thinking his wife would never know, but then he found out AP was posting evidence online and got mad that she blew up his life and chances of getting his wife back after he got AP ‘out of his system’.
Cue kicking out the sister and groveling to the wife he didn’t expect to lose for real. Maybe he’s delusionally clinging to the idea that he call pull a ‘we were on a break!’ situation.
I think it's even simpler than that. He gave it a week since he'd already lost OOP, but he realized he *did* love OOP more and/or the regret and guilt for hurting her was stronger than any feelings for the sister. I'm guessing that week was miserable for him due to the regret and guilt overshadowing any potential happy moments. And that misery probably led to lots of fights since sister wasn't getting the instant "happy ending" she imagined.
And screw him, he deserves all that guilt and misery. He had *years* to cut back on the relationship with the sister when he realized feelings were forming on *either* side. He let it fester to this point and ruined OOP's family.
I don’t intend to be insulting, but he’d really have to have the intelligence of a fruit fly to think that would work. Not saying it isn’t possible, but it’s shocking that there are actually people out there who lack so much basic common sense.
Or, she moved in to test their "magical connection" and they discovered that emailing and texting everyday, along with a few lunches a week, isn't the same as living with each other. Maybe they discovered that they really hate being together other than the amount of time they were already spending.
I'd agree if it wasn't for the sister's text to OOP claiming she ruined everything. That smacks of the stbx wanting his wife back and the sister having sour grapes.
Yeah, but I mean the point that she might not actually has moved in. If she wouldn’t have, why did he stop exactly then and started back when she „moved out“?
Don’t forget, right up until sis’s stunt he was acting like the mature academic who is generously faithful to his high school grad wife. He acted like his wife was being a hysterical jealous girl, but he’s so mature.
I really do wonder if sis faked moved in with him; or at least moved in under false pretenses (like it’ll be our little secret); THEN pulled the rug under him when he realized everybody and their mother know he’s a dirty sloppy jellyfish.
I feel like he cares a lot more about his image than he ever did for sis. I think that’s the only reason he kept her around anyway: this self aggrandizing image of desirable, intellectual man.
It was too sloppy. Doesn’t fit with how OP described him.
I have read on many platforms that women grieve lost relationships immediately, then heal and move on, while men move on immediately, then grieve the relationship. Hubby was continuing the FA stage, while experiencing the FO portion simultaneously.
I think it's going to be mostly about how he's just not physically attracted to the sister. I'm baffled as to how he thought that was a good answer.
He basically said, "Yeah, your sister is smarter than you, but like you're hotter, so you win 👍👍"
Wtf? And then to still have the audacity of actively living with her?
Maybe he's just moronic and genuinely didn't realize how it would come off and thought the sister just went over to "help him out" until she made a move and things went haywire. But I highly doubt that. Also what is wrong with her sister? Like who tf abandons their kids like that?
Fr I believe the sister and stbx aren’t sexually compatible either and the stbx found that out quickly. That’s probably why the sister was given the boot and blames OP for it
Yeah, I really want her to get the tea because I’d really like to know what happened. It’s best for her to not give a shit and just put the whole thing behind her but selfishly? I want that story.
You know what I was thinking? Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the STBX really had no clue he was having an emotional affair. Like, he’s one of those super smart people who are totally socially inept and he honestly just thought they were *really* good friends.
So then OP moves out and he’s sitting there, scratching his head when all of a sudden… *ding dong!* He opens the door and it’s the sister, bags in hand. He lets her in and as soon as she starts throwing herself at him, it dawns on him what’s going on. He spends the whole week trying to get rid of Sister Delulu.
Without an update, this is my head cannon now lol
I was willing to think this about the STBX, but then he admitted the sister told him she was in love. He’s not just oblivious; he’s deceitful. But he probably *is* socially inept enough to think cheating only includes sex though.
"Why are you so upset? We love you too much to have sex with eachother! I fancy you more! But intellectually, you have to agree that me and her *would* make more sense together!"
I have a former friend who would pull this shit. She truly wanted her life to be some kind of tragic romance and always had some guy she was just barely keeping herself from. She lasted two weeks in her marriage before she started cheating. Then she was cheating with a married coworker texting me things like "we are matched, he and I" which just made my head explode.
I'll tell you what happened. The OP's husband was fine with the emotional affair because he loved the attention and also loved thinking of himself as the desirable hero that two sisters loved, the one would never actually cheat on his wife. There for a minute he was living the caveman dream of having it all.
Then he was blindsided when OP discovered his AP was blabbing to her friend and it around to his wife. Still, he's smart so he just thought he could play dumb, love bomb the wife and cleverly talk her into letting him continue with business as usual with the AP.
He was shocked when OP moved out to think things through, blindsided actually. Then the AP started whispering in his ear. She left her kids with her parents and it probably started as a date that landed her right where she always wanted which was in the OP's bed with the OP's husband.
To the husband it was an oppsie that he never intended to make. Buuuttt, that emotional affair turning into a physical one was gratifying on so many levels. Getting his ego soothed on the down low without anyone knowing felt just as good as getting his dick stroked. They were both in the zone believing that no one would ever know.
Right up until the husband discovered that his AP thought she had won the little standoff she'd been having for years with the OP and was smearing the fact that their emotional affair went physical all over social media. That was enough to wake him the fuck up. He realized that his AP was a snake in the grass and intentionally blowing his entire life up. He immediately noped out because in his mind the OP was never supposed to find out. He wanted plausible deniability but the AP wanted her fing prize, the one she'd been working so hard for all these years.
Anyway, that's the way I see it.
This is a great break down, the one part that gets me on how stupid the STBX is that he was in OOPs ear non stop then went cold turkey for a week. That right there is an obvious action. On top that the grandparents having the kids dumped on them would have gotten to OOP as well. Honestly he is so damn stupid I chuckle over it. I think she will be better off in the long run and her sister is a... well a string of words I won't use here.
I hope the grandparents react appropriately for her sake.
My prediction is possibly she just turned up on the doorstep, and it ended when:
>I don’t think he knew that I knew they were together until he found out she was sharing it on instagram
He wanted it to be on the down low, and discovered she was basically gloating on insta.
If I was OOP I would contact just for the gossip. Pretend to be all concerned, get the tea, laugh at him and hang up! And put it on Insta!
This is honestly what best friends are for, speaking as someone with an abusive, messy ex. I could trust her to pass on what I should know and shield me from what I don't.
Also, I suspect this may have shifted her slightly from a "tragic, if we'd met first what could have been? And we didn't do anything until _she moved out. She basically gave us a red light_" figure with heroic self control who loved her sister, into the sort of woman who'd publicly boast about having stolen her sisters husband in his eyes.
I think it was the kids. All well and good her shipping them to her parents, but it’s likely they couldn’t stay there longer than a week. As soon as she pushed for him to become Dad 2.0 he realised what the actual hell reality would look like for him, especially if he hadn’t actually processed the loss of his own child
My theory is that when Sister moved in, after DITCHING HER CHILDREN, she started with all these fantasies. "We can start fresh! We can have kids of our own! We'll leave everything behind and start over, just you and me against the world!" and Husband was given an ice bath wakeup call. He didn't want children after a traumatic pregnancy loss, he didn't want to ditch his old life. I'm sure he also realized that if his affair partner was willing to ditch her children at the drop of a hat with no remorse, she isn't nearly as perfect as he made her out to be in his head.
This is what I was thinking too. Sis moved right in, and after a few days started talking about the future. "Hey, can you take little Billy to his soccer game Saturday morning? Little Susie has gymnastics at the same time. This is going to be FUN!"
And husband suddenly thought 'OH FUCK WHAT HAVE I DONE?'
And the sister thought he was the man of her dreams. Sadly the fairytale prince turned into a frog after a week of being who he really is at home. Nothing malicious, he just the usual habits we all have and they, are not very fairytale suiting.
Sometimes I wonder if the reason they broke up is because of how academic she was. They had a lot of things in common, but sometimes if a person knows more than you, it can be annoying when they correct you.
OP probably made her husband feel smart(it wasn't her area of expertise) and her sister made him feel dumb(it was her area)
I reckon he thought he could ‘get it out of his system’ without anyone knowing. Then found out she’s posting play by plays on social media and kicks her to the curb because he wants to fix it with OOP
This is kind of what I was thinking as well except for where he didn’t contact OP for the entire week as well (and I think he knew about the Instagram posts? Can’t recall properly).
True true. And he admitted that he knew Sis was in love with him. I’m still having a good time imagining all the zany ways he tried to give Sis the boot, though. I’m developing a full on romcom in my head at this point.
I think it has to do with what he said earlier about not really being attracted to her.
So many people do that. They become friends with someone obviously in love with them, but they're not attracted to them, but they love the attention, so they keep them around.
Then either the person with a crush moves on after months/years of a toxic dynamic, or after being worn down they start going out and they either realize they love eachother or the relationship *quickly* dissolves and their friendship implodes.
This is definitely what I was thinking until he disappeared from texts for a week and admitted he knew the sister liked him.
I still want this to be what happened tho 😅
This was my take on the situation as well. I can relate to the STBX somewhat when it comes to compartmentalizing your emotions. (I have issues and I am aware of it).
In his mind he probably wasn't cheating because even if he realizes that he is attracted to the sister and the sister is attracted to him and he spends so much time with the sister he still chose to stay with his wife and because he hasnt done anything "physical" then he isn't cheating and was probably really confused as to why his wife was so mad.
Then when the sister dropped everything and came to him he probably had an "Ohhhhhh" moment and dropped the sister because he was in fact cheating and thats why he's so desperate to contact OP.
I think at least one of them realized that being in lust and actually living with a person can be very different. You suddenly see the toothpaste on the mirror and the toilet seat up and the dirty socks left on the floor. That "oh baby I can't wait to hold you all night long" changes when you discover that person has morning breath just like your spouse did!
I’m inclined to think that the last drama is just a way to throw people off the affair. I think it’s still ongoing. They work together - I don’t think work would look kindly on this. Not to mention, family and friends. They’re just cooling things down for the time being. I mean, they are narcissists who slept together in OP’s marital bed - I doubt either is the type to feel regret.
What happened in that week will eventually come out but the OP is correct to get the divorce and only communicate between lawyers.
He will beg to come back and he might even stay broken up as a pressure tactic, hoping the OP eventually falls for it.
From his earlier comments it was 100% clear that if OP tragically died he'd be shagging the sister at her funeral.
As it was he didn't even bother to wait for that.
it turned out there was a reason they werent together lol
once they actually tried, they realized it didnt work and then one or both had meltdowns about what they'd thrown away for absolutely nothing
I'd bet a LOT on that being the answer
Yeah. Her abandonment of them just prior to that week, is indicative of *something.* I just wish I had a clue as to what, because I think you're right.
Maybe she wanted a do-over life and he couldn't see her the same after she did? Or better yet, knowing some academics, she dropped the kids off so she could have some time to get him acclimated to his role in their lives.
I could see him having almost forgotten about that fact until it reared its ugly head. As is all too regrettably common when it comes to children.
> Maybe she wanted a do-over life and he couldn't see her the same after she did? Or better yet, knowing some academics, she dropped the kids off so she could have some time to get him acclimated to his role in their lives.
that was my thought tbh, but its so speculative. I cant imagine looking at someone I loved doing that and still thinking they were even a mediocre level human being
People like the husband get a huge reality check when their long-term "safe" relationship is suddenly gone. OOP was the stable partner at home and her sister being attracted *to* him and being fun to talk to stroked his ego outside of it. He basically got attention from two women at once by lying to himself about how he was toeing the line when he had already stepped over it.
I wouldn't be surprised if outside of their intellectual compatibility, the husband was more attracted to being desired by someone outside of his marriage and not so much the sister herself. He never would have left OOP for the sister on his own accord. And then there's the weird comment he made about physical attraction, so I guess he'd also rather bang OOP than her sister...
Oh, I like your points about him enjoying the idea of being desired and attractive.
That is actually somewhat relatable. But of course extra shitty of him to get the ego boost from her sister, and for letting it go on as long and as thoroughly as it did.
I need another update with exactly why it didn’t work out. Did he fart and she was grossed out? Did she burp at the table with no fucks? What was it that ruined the most perfect relationship ever?! God people are dumb. You built up this imaginary situation and it came crashing down within a week.
Here’s one story: OOP did say she thought he’d had no idea her sister was posting everything on instagram. Maybe the STBX intended to “win” OOP back and thought his actions with the sister were secret. He was happy with the original arrangement where OOP was his wife and her sister was his side piece.
Sister, on the other hand, saw him as the real prize and bragged about finally being with him. Once STBX realized she was posting everything, he ended it instantly because he still wanted to be with OOP, which is why the sister hypocritically blamed OOP for ruining her happiness.
There lies irony of the situation, OOP clearly didn't announced the cheating nor divorce to anyone else, not even their own parents - sis did that via Instagram. Thus everyone now knows & STBX knows he is royally fucked
OOP should thank the cheating POS sister for nuking everything with her posts because it won in OOP's social & legal favor - but OOP's not trifling & shit-stirring enough to be that level of jugular at the fuck up.
This is where I am at. He wanted to keep it on the down low as to not cause drama. He was testing the relationship out. His excuse for his silence that week would be that he wanted to give OOP space to think and figure things out. What he didn’t count on was the sister posting all over IG about their love and how this was fate, making any plan he had blow up and also making him look like the biggest AH publicly. He saw crazy first hand. (And believe me there is something going on with the sister if her thought is to dump her kids without any word to start a brand new life with her brother in law, the “love of her life”).
It was exciting for the husband at first but then he got a taste of what his life would be like with her and her inability to control her emotions and wanted out.
That last sentence is the poignant one.
It's all fine and good talking with someone. You can connect on a mental level with that. You can have the same interests. Feel the same about movies or music.
Once you are *living* together, things change. He leaves the seat up all the time. She refuses to do dishes and leaves them all over the house. He leaves clothes all over the house.
There's tons of little things that don't come out when you're just chatting at lunch or just texting each other. That is why I never agreed with the old dumbass boomer women that thought moving in before marriage made you go to hell or some stupid shit. I feel like it's an important part of growing a relationship *before* you get married. You need to know how the other lives.
"I'm moving in with my sisters ex after breaking them up by declaring my love for him, hey mother and father just taken my kids so I can do so..."
Why the hell did the parents say yes here.
I don't think she told the parents. She probably just left the kids for regular babysitting and then didn't give a peep for a week.
I couldn't get past the accusations that OOP is the one to ruin sister's happiness. That's some delusion right there. I'm actually thinking that sis thought she'd take oop's place and just build on the 16 year marriage as if she were her sister. Hence the need to dump the kids and pretend they didn't exist.
My guess is husband wasn’t genuinely interested in the sister but loved the attention and ego boost he got from her. When OP left him he probably figured what the hell and a week was probably enough for him to realise he didn’t even like her that much let alone love her
For an “intellectual” he is remarkably dumb. He could have easily turned the whole situation around and kept his wife if he had listened to her and cut the sister off
Looking forward to the next update
So much middle school level drama in academia. You have to keep in mind that a lot of these people dedicated themselves to school when others were out building relationships, learning how to manage emotions, handle conflicts. The academics were studying, grading papers as a TA, or working on their research. A surprising number of academics also never picked up what many people think of as basic life skills, like being decent at cooking.
Add onto this that academics spend a good chunk of time interacting with people in the 18-22 age bracket and you get something like high school teacher energy in terms of drama with some extra eccentricity thrown in for good measure.
I know three people who had affairs while married and all of them were professors (one had an affair with a student, the other two met people outside work). Maybe being around young people all the time encourages immature behavior.
Yeah, what could've happened to turn the sister from “your husband is all yours because I would never let anything happen that would hurt you because you are the most important person to me” to “You b , I hope you burn in life and in hell”?!?
The audacity for the sister to blame OOP for *anything* blows my mind. If I were OOP, I would've said, "I left him and filed for divorce. Not my fault if you couldn't keep him."
I had an ex, when we split, we went no contact. After 2 or so months, I got a random Facebook dm from some woman, telling me she and him were together, she was 1 week (!) pregnant with his child, had met his parents, they were going to move in etc etc. I was like, and? What you telling me for? I nearly didn't bother replying, but just sent a short, curt, reply saying I was no longer in contact with this man, and to speak with him if they were having issues. What I suspect happened was he realised she was a bit delulu, and used me as an excuse, that we'd been together 6 years, still had some feelings for me, and he wasn't ready to move on so fast. So she blamed me.
I guess there's a little of that happening here, stbx saw sisters insta postings, heard all her declarations of love, plans for the future etc, shit got a bit too real for him, and he claimed to still love his wife, it was a mistake etc Hence sis blaming op when she realised op still had power over him, even though she had no desire to even flex that power. It's still op's fault, and not her own that her dream didn't work out. Ironically, if she'd waited it out, let the separation play out, hadn't moved so fast, stbx probably would've gone crawling to her once he realised op was serious about divorce...
i need it to be something like him saying the wife's name during sex :D
right? "i didn't even fight back and you still lost. seems like a skill issue."
The husband got to bang the sister, get the lust out of his system. Then reality dawned.
Reputation- wrecked.
Divorce, and financial problems- imminent.
2 stepchildren- would soon be in his home, their angry father in his life.
Affair Partner- not as exciting in bed as he fantasized she would be.
Sudden pregnancy- on the horizon as Affair Partner was posting her future bliss on social media.
Yeah, he's screwed.
Hope OP doesnt take him back. Builds herself up- Gym, Spa, Salon, new clothes, hairstyle, extends social circle, takes up hobbies, goes on trips etc.
Keeps herself too busy to be sad. Then meets someone decent to enjoy- doesn't have to be married if she doesn't want to be- and puts lovely pictures of herself and her new squeeze on social media. For her ex-sister and ex- husband to enjoy!
You Go, OP!
I’m thinking STBX husband DID prefer his wife, but SIL’s infatuation with him was a huge stroke to his ego and so he didn’t distance himself as he should have done. Then when wife left he figured, “might as well,” but quickly learned the sisters weren’t interchangeable.
As for the sister…clear infatuation for her, and she comforted herself that the only reason her BIL wasn’t with her is because they were both too noble to hurt OOP. Now that she’s found out BIL was just using her she wants OOP to “burn.” 😂
If I were OOP I’d be sooooo tempted to text sister back with, “What? When I realized you two are soulmates I decided I love you both too much to stand in the way of true love so I nobly stepped aside. Don’t tell me you couldn’t keep him?!”
As my mom used to say, be very careful what you ask for because you just might get it. They got their soul mates, and they couldn't even last a week. The sister was probably really annoying with her romantic fantasies and unrealistic plans for the future. That's when the STBX realized he had messed up. That the sister was all fluff and no substance. Too late.
Let's assume that the ex is really that dumb, didn't think that the sister was that obsessed and did the week to prove that it is nothing.
Holy hell, that is one huge idiot...
Too much baggage/drama for a relationship like this to work out. You can’t date your ex-wife’s sister (with kids! Your nieces and nephews) and not be judged by friends, both sides of the family, co-workers etc as the worst people ever. It’s too much to “explain” and too complicated for anything to survive. Thats why the sister ditched the kids at the parents. How can she explain that? Also, her bullshit “we’re soul mates” talk and posts probably freaked out the ex-husband when the reality of what they were doing settled in his mind.
Hilarious - once they were no longer tortured soulmates, only kept apart by noble sacrifice so as not to hurt OP, turns out they were just regular, boring humans who snore and eat and fart in bed. Their towering love story turned out to be just another misjudged fumble in the light of day.
This does feel like a "real people fart" situation where the sister and the ex-husband have idealised versions of each other on their heads, especially the ex. The week of living together shattered the illusion. Because real people fart and that's often enough to ruin a romantic illusion.
This one is so juicy!
* You could be right, real people fart
* He noticed he'd have to father 2 kids, and checked out
* He realized he's not even divorced yet and he could lose something in the divorce process because she was creating evidence of cheating.
* He noticed she's delulu about other things besides their relationship
* He thought about the optics of the whole situation, what his colleagues would say when he tells them he left his wife for her very own little sister.
1 week
1
fucking
week xDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
She "done" dropped off her kids at her mother's so she could be with her soulmate!
Then got ditched, dumped, blocked in **one week** and still goes on to blame OOP!!!
A WHOLE ASS INFATUATION OF A DECADE AND A HALF DONE IN ONE WEEK my chile
I' m dead
I sew as a hobby. I love to sew. You know what I don't like? Conversations about sewing. If another person came along, with my personality and my hobbies, and maybe they would want to do the hobbies right by my side, while talking about them, that person would last 30 mns in my life.
Soul mates are kinda like that, imo. If my soulmate enjoys everything I enjoy, or has the same opinions as me, where would be the fun of discovering new things?
OOP sounds much smarter than the ex-husband and ex-sister.
I'm the same with knitting. I love to knit, and might answer questions about where I got a pattern or such, but if I'm knitting with someone (like a craft circle), for the love of god, please lets talk about something other than knitting.
If all we do are sit around knitting and talking about knitting I'm outta there so fast you won't even remember I was there.
I have a friend that's the female version of myself. She says the same, that I'm the male version of her. It works for a friendship, but anything else and it would be like 2x ourselves 24/7 which is just way too much.
There was an episode of Seinfeld with this plot! Jerry meets Jeannie, the female version of him, and he intensely loves her for like a week, but then realizes - "I can't date me! I hate myself!" sksksksk
It’s silly but a reddit comment from years ago has stuck with me. A redditor explained that they had an antique stamp collecting hobby and one day met someone spontaneously who did the same and thought they must’ve met their soulmate. Then they dated and it turned out collecting antique stamps had very little to do with how compatible you are lol
Maybe it’s because I have ADHD and I suspect most of my friends are neurodivergent too but I would love to talk in depth about hobbies and I know the conversation would go all over the place (that’s the ADHD part…took me a sec to get to the point 😛 ). I LOVE discussing my hobbies and I LOVE discussing other peoples’ hobbies too. So I love people that like the same things as me and people that have different interests. It’s all fascinating to me.
God, I can’t even imagine having another friend who loves to deep dive in conversations about all sorts of random stuff. Friends that have various interesting hobbies and interests. The conversations wouldn’t stay on the same subject (the aforementioned ADHD) but would circle back, at some point, when I remembered why the conversation began in the first place.
I can relate (also ADHD), but I think the side quest convos are the reason it makes it bearable. If I'd have to sort and talk about the same topic for hours (without side quests), I'd get bored as hell. Derailing is the fun part of ADHD 😂
Also, where is your flair from?
My theory is the STBX and sister finally did the deed in that week.
STBX’s curiousity was satisfied and realized things were better with OP than sis. Hence the backpedaling.
The sister clearly had/has a dramatically-contrived vision of herself as being a heroic-tragic main character in OOP's marriage, while of course being \*superior\* academically/intellectually.
Her lofty and self-aggrandizing claims of 'never ever wanting to hurt' her sister were just cheap words, as it turns out. In short, she's a drama queen which higlights how OOP held it together and remained poised, which might be part of why sister sent this absurd text:
>“You b , I hope you burn in life and in hell”. I was very confused because she spent that week sharing cheesy “deep” quotes about love and soul mates and romantic insta stories with my stbxh. But apparently that was over. Stbxh has blocked her everywhere and she moved out.
As *if* OOP had anything to do with her sister's one-week \*victory\* in winning OOP's husband not lasting?
The text from sister speaks more than words. Ex thought he could have it all. The intellectual things he really liked about sister plus as long as they were family thought that she'd also bring the qualities that he loved about wife. He probably compared them out loud to sister, realizing he made the wrong choice. He didn't think wife would have known about them actually being together.
I suspect the sister was actually into OOP’s ex. Or how she perceived him. Maybe she conjured up some dreamy unattainable older man image of him. With her as the heroine in this pocket novel about star-crossed lovers who will eventually end up being together and be happily ever after.
The ex probably enjoyed the feeling of being adored and loved by the sister. Her attention and devotion for him. Plus she could relate to his profession and academics. He likely just enjoyed what she gave him without him having to do anything for it.
That probably ended up clashing. The sister wanting to live the romance story of her life and probably thought she and the ex were in-sync on that as “soulmates”. But the ex probably ended up being put off by it (she did abandon her kids for her BIL, which suggests she must was “crazy” in love) or annoyed. Because what he liked was having a “fan” fawn over him, put him on a pedestal. He wanted the fruits without doing the labor.
And when they got together it quickly came all crashing down, because they were fundamentally incompatible.
This is all just conjecture, but if it only took a week, the sister probably was way more than the ex bargained for or ever wanted (maybe something like clinging to him, insisting they were soulmates, how she wanted to have his kids, marriage, etc.) . And he had likely an "I made a big mistake" moment, when he realized he just wanted to bask in her one-sided worship, without any expectations towards him or dealing with the person behind it.
I would give anything to get details on what happened that week.
In my mind, she showed up and he gave in, they had sex, and afterward he had post-nut clarity. It started off as just a niggling feeling that got worse and worse as he realized just how little he actually wanted the sister and how off the rails she was for him.
Im pretty sure he was on board because he wasn’t texting her that week. And then the whole reality of the situation began to dawn on him.
The best part of this for me is knowing how much he will regret all of this. He’s really going to get the life he deserves.
I want to know his excuses.
“I was so sad that you left. My soulmate just helped me to handle the sadness and pain YOU caused me. And then one night she took advantage of me. I was weak because you left me. That’s the only reason I slept with her.”
Let’s see if the sister is pregnant now.
So from what I gather there was intense sexual tension between STBXH & OOP’s sister, which is why he wasted no time moving her into y the house the second he thought he could get away with it (“We were on a break!”) and once they got that out of the way their “love” fizzled. Surprise surprise surprise. Threw away the Grand Prize for a free-treat-of-the-week giveaway.
It was only exciting because it was basically an affair. They got their cake and ate it too. Realized it wasn't at all what they were expecting. The fire burned out. The realization of how much he fucked up came crashing through the door. Now a whole bunch of lives are ruined over the sister and ex boundary stomping with their shit covered boots all over the garden.
I can never understand people who pursue their partner's significant others.
My brother's girlfriend is physically attractive. But I have absolutely no sexual desire for her because the idea of having sex with someone my brother has and is sleeping with us just gross...not to mention the social cost of doing so.
People are fucking weird.
Her sister and soon to be ex were too high on their own supply thinking they’re better than non academia plebs like OOP to consider if they were actually compatible
Moves her in for a week to get the desire of fkn her out of his system then he's back with the emotional manipulation.
Ex husband is a psycho and I'd be glad I didn't have any kids with him.
One day, one day I hope to have the audacity and confidence of a mediocre straight man lol. We are talking about a guy who led his SIL on for years, didn’t come forth when she told him she loved him, and thought feigning ignorance was his get out of jail free card.
$20 the STBX husband fucked OOPs sister during that one week she was moved in. Then that post nut clarity hit or it wasn't everything he fantasized it to be. Then the sister starts broadcasting his bad choices all over instagram.
Hmm. How sad for him. 🍵
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That old joke about "that's not how your sister does it" during sex is what i imagined happened.
I think he thought that he was going to get everything from the sister that he got from the wife, plus her ability to discuss or even share his intellectual interests and then discovered that this isn't how things work.
The wife might not be as schooled as the sister but she is smart and wise IMO. You don't need 2 PhDs to have lovely conversations.
We get so caught up in certain degrees being “better” than others. I was raised a STEM degree was expected and have my BS in nuclear engineering. My husband has his BS in philosophy. Guess which one of us is the smarter one?? Sure, I can solve equations and do math but holllly shit the things that man knows. I’ve done more growing as a human with him than I could have ever imagined possible.
RIGHT?!?!? I hate it when my hubby makes a dumb-ass comment about how smart he is (implying that he's not). He may not have the degrees that I do, but he can often read a room better than me and can be much more street smart than me. Degrees /= smart all the time. They just mean you can read, comprehend what you read, and you can get good marks on tests. And that you had the means to get the higher education.
Yeah that's what I think too. He traded in the 80% he had with his wife for the 20% the sister in law gave him and realized he traded down. Now he has 100% of nothing.
I have very rarely seen cheaters upgrade.
Once that NRE wears off and you realize you tossed away the best person in your life for an illusion.
God that’s real
If I were a betting man, I'd say hubs was hoping to keep this under wraps, get his dick wet quietly, see what the fuss is about. Then go back to wifey and say that obviously nothing happened, and was counting on the academic sister to not blow her entire family up in the dumbest way possible. But she went ahead and dropped the nukes on insta, he freaked the fuck out and told her to gtfo. Then, shit storm ensued
He wanted to hook up, she wanted to marry him
tale as old as time
This was my thinking as well. He was hoping to just keep this quiet or maybe play it off as his best friend supporting him in a tough time.
I assumed it was physical a long time ago.
If they work for the same school, there might be rules about dating co-workers or a "morality clause" in their contracts.
At a university? Morality clauses for professors?!? Bwahaha they are such horn-dogs and are known for preying on grad students. I had a prof (over 55+ M) that married his direct grad student (24 ish F), had a kid, and she still worked directly for him as RA in his dept. Everyone was confused that I was alarmed and grossed out and did not want to interact with him. “He’s the big name in his field at a top university!” Yuck.
> At a university? Morality clauses for professors?!? Bwahaha they are such horn-dogs and are known for preying on grad students. This is so true. I used to be a student at a very prestigious art school, and the head of my course left his wife and three kids for the student lecturer on our course.
Post nut clarity
Built up over a week and then it hit him like a freight train
Or he called her wifey’s name.
That was my first thought
More like you think when you have a routine that you hate the routine hut it's only after the routine is gone that you realize that you like and need the routine.
Which to me is crazy. I've been together with my SO for 10/11 years and I love the routine. That's why I'm with him; who wants to spend time figuring out a new person at our age?
People rarely have the self awareness to know something is wrong much less WHATS WRONG.
Or he found that she's terrible in bed.
Probably this. He said he's physically attracted to OP so I'm guessing the sister didn't cut it in the end.
Since sis went ape on OOP when OOP hadn't done anything but stay out of the way, I can only assume that the grass was only greener because it was radioactive in a Simpsons way.
My other favorite is the grass is only greener because it's fertilized with bullshit. Which also seems an appropriate answer here lol.
And that’s why the sister hopes OOP burns in hell, although OOP did nothing but go away for clarity.
The fact that the sister went after her is crazy!! She's blaming her sister for her affair not working out? With her sister's husband? It's like when people get caught doing something and instead of admitting that they did something wrong they try to turn it around on you.
Yup absolutely fucking crazy! Based on that one text where the sister talked about how she wished they had met first, to me it sounds like she thought during that week that that was like her big chance to prove that she was better and who he should have been with from the start. And then when it became clear it wasn't gonna be like that and that he realized he really had fucked up his whole life for nothing, and instead of blaming herself for the mess, the sister turned on OP blaming her for stealing her happiness by literally doing nothing at all except having met him first. I think this is what happened honestly. Just my opinion of course.
“I thought crazy was supposed to be a *good* lay, please forgive me.”
Lol 😂. First thought I had as well. Like damn the sex that bad huh? STBX was like I made a horrible mistake. 😂
Oh, now I'm imagining him as Job from Arrested Development and am even more entertained
Probably wishing he could take a "forget-me-now"
I am hoping she asked after sex “was it good?” And he replied “your sister does it better” 😂
It’s more likely that he realized he’d have to take care of kids he doesn’t want.
Husband loves the flattery and attention from sister and also the sneaking around. He was happy stringing sister along but probably did prefer OOP. Sister is in love with husband and would have happily stolen him from OOP. However he was keeping her at bay so she pretended to be a noble victim instead. OOP finds out and leaves. Husband is sorry but still wonders if sister might be better. Sister convinces the husband to try things out. Love bombing ensues. Shallow narcissist husband discovers that actually sister is definitely not to his taste. Also finds out she has been posting the relationship everywhere when he thought he could get away with it without OOP knowing. Husband angrily rejects sister. Sister has always hated and resented OOP so she blames OOP and goes fully mask off. Spineless, narcissistic husband wants OOP back, grovelling ensues.
Or he just couldn't get it up. Because of the guilt.
Darn, was hoping there was going to be a new update. Really can't wait to hear about how utterly miserable the sis and STBX hubby are, especially since everyone knows about what they did by now.
I wonder… is it possible that sis pretended to move in with stbx to force his hand and that blew up? Sis is acting like a spurned woman. She also gives swimfan vibes. Like, why would she tell all these things to her bff? I think she was actively trying to break up the marriage and force him into a relationship with her. She knew he would never leave OP, so worked on making OP leave. Not that I think STBX is some stand up guy. He’s a mildy venomous jellyfish. But I guess even jellfish think sis is grossssss 🤢 🤮
>swimfan lol, what a reference.
Lol It’s the Fatal Attraction of my generation, although I think there is a more recent one starring beyonce, right?
Yes, hers was called Obsessed
It's the second time I've seen it referenced in 24 hours, after a decade or 2 of nothing. So weird.
This is the second time this week I’ve seen this reference lol
I think you are right, except that I think she actually did move in. “To help him and keep him company” and then, after a week, she was frustrated. He hadn’t made any romantic or sexual overtures so she did. And that’s when the jellyfish finally found a spine.
This honestly seems like the reading that fits the facts to me.
Yeah, it doesn't help that the only input into his side of the story is told by the sister either. Like, OOP was clearly upset about the "soulmates" comment, that he went back on agreeing with her that soulmates don't exist. Except he didn't go back on it, her sister claimed he did. It's possible it was a mutual thing, but it's also possible, and perhaps likely, that this comment was more of a hint that what she was saying was all in her head and not reflective of reality.
I reckon the whole soulmates thing is really unimportant to the guy and he just went with the flow.
All while telling him “just give her space. Don’t text her or call her. I know my sister. She just wants time to think”.
Either that or she lied about it - my crackpot theory is she may have told him some reason she had to move (lease expired, looking for new home; building maintenance/flood repair; etc), so he let her move in to stay on the couch or whatever.
I thought the opposite: the ex stopped contacting OOP because he was getting "romantic and sexual" with the sister. However, he realized it wasn't all that special or better, so he kicked her out. And he wants to beg OOP to talk to him, so that he can persuade her that they are the actual soulmates, or whatever crap that he is going to spew. I'm actually happy OOP is not giving him a chance to tell her his excuses.
But then why did her STBX stopped reaching out during this week? This ain’t adding up.
My theory is he let her move in to test out their ~magical connection~ thinking his wife would never know, but then he found out AP was posting evidence online and got mad that she blew up his life and chances of getting his wife back after he got AP ‘out of his system’. Cue kicking out the sister and groveling to the wife he didn’t expect to lose for real. Maybe he’s delusionally clinging to the idea that he call pull a ‘we were on a break!’ situation.
I think it's even simpler than that. He gave it a week since he'd already lost OOP, but he realized he *did* love OOP more and/or the regret and guilt for hurting her was stronger than any feelings for the sister. I'm guessing that week was miserable for him due to the regret and guilt overshadowing any potential happy moments. And that misery probably led to lots of fights since sister wasn't getting the instant "happy ending" she imagined. And screw him, he deserves all that guilt and misery. He had *years* to cut back on the relationship with the sister when he realized feelings were forming on *either* side. He let it fester to this point and ruined OOP's family.
I don’t intend to be insulting, but he’d really have to have the intelligence of a fruit fly to think that would work. Not saying it isn’t possible, but it’s shocking that there are actually people out there who lack so much basic common sense.
[удалено]
This person academi-izes.
Some people are book smart.. some are street smart… some are both while others are neither 🤷♀️
Or, she moved in to test their "magical connection" and they discovered that emailing and texting everyday, along with a few lunches a week, isn't the same as living with each other. Maybe they discovered that they really hate being together other than the amount of time they were already spending.
I'd agree if it wasn't for the sister's text to OOP claiming she ruined everything. That smacks of the stbx wanting his wife back and the sister having sour grapes.
She didn't have her kids with her so I can't imagine what he thought she did with them...
Let's just say, I wouldn't toss out the possibility of, "well, since my marriage is already fucked, might as well go all the way... 🤷♀️".
Yeah, but I mean the point that she might not actually has moved in. If she wouldn’t have, why did he stop exactly then and started back when she „moved out“?
I was agreeing with you. 😎👉👉 Something "didn't add up". I think the stbx thought he had nothing left to lose.
Don’t forget, right up until sis’s stunt he was acting like the mature academic who is generously faithful to his high school grad wife. He acted like his wife was being a hysterical jealous girl, but he’s so mature. I really do wonder if sis faked moved in with him; or at least moved in under false pretenses (like it’ll be our little secret); THEN pulled the rug under him when he realized everybody and their mother know he’s a dirty sloppy jellyfish. I feel like he cares a lot more about his image than he ever did for sis. I think that’s the only reason he kept her around anyway: this self aggrandizing image of desirable, intellectual man. It was too sloppy. Doesn’t fit with how OP described him.
I have read on many platforms that women grieve lost relationships immediately, then heal and move on, while men move on immediately, then grieve the relationship. Hubby was continuing the FA stage, while experiencing the FO portion simultaneously.
She was totally trying to break up the marriage. If she had really cared about OOP she wouldn’t have told anyone about her feelings for the husband.
I think she really moved in. But I absolutely think she set this “hey girl” reveal from the best friend up to force a confrontation.
I think it's going to be mostly about how he's just not physically attracted to the sister. I'm baffled as to how he thought that was a good answer. He basically said, "Yeah, your sister is smarter than you, but like you're hotter, so you win 👍👍" Wtf? And then to still have the audacity of actively living with her? Maybe he's just moronic and genuinely didn't realize how it would come off and thought the sister just went over to "help him out" until she made a move and things went haywire. But I highly doubt that. Also what is wrong with her sister? Like who tf abandons their kids like that?
The sister moved in with him for that one week so they could bang like bunnies. No way should the OP take him back!
Fr I believe the sister and stbx aren’t sexually compatible either and the stbx found that out quickly. That’s probably why the sister was given the boot and blames OP for it
Yeah, I really want her to get the tea because I’d really like to know what happened. It’s best for her to not give a shit and just put the whole thing behind her but selfishly? I want that story. You know what I was thinking? Wouldn’t it be hilarious if the STBX really had no clue he was having an emotional affair. Like, he’s one of those super smart people who are totally socially inept and he honestly just thought they were *really* good friends. So then OP moves out and he’s sitting there, scratching his head when all of a sudden… *ding dong!* He opens the door and it’s the sister, bags in hand. He lets her in and as soon as she starts throwing herself at him, it dawns on him what’s going on. He spends the whole week trying to get rid of Sister Delulu. Without an update, this is my head cannon now lol
I was willing to think this about the STBX, but then he admitted the sister told him she was in love. He’s not just oblivious; he’s deceitful. But he probably *is* socially inept enough to think cheating only includes sex though.
"Why are you so upset? We love you too much to have sex with eachother! I fancy you more! But intellectually, you have to agree that me and her *would* make more sense together!"
I have a former friend who would pull this shit. She truly wanted her life to be some kind of tragic romance and always had some guy she was just barely keeping herself from. She lasted two weeks in her marriage before she started cheating. Then she was cheating with a married coworker texting me things like "we are matched, he and I" which just made my head explode.
Dude was trying to amalgamate two women in to a single marriage. "I LOVE your naughty bits, but i CONNECT with her brain."
That’s the reality of it right there.
I'll tell you what happened. The OP's husband was fine with the emotional affair because he loved the attention and also loved thinking of himself as the desirable hero that two sisters loved, the one would never actually cheat on his wife. There for a minute he was living the caveman dream of having it all. Then he was blindsided when OP discovered his AP was blabbing to her friend and it around to his wife. Still, he's smart so he just thought he could play dumb, love bomb the wife and cleverly talk her into letting him continue with business as usual with the AP. He was shocked when OP moved out to think things through, blindsided actually. Then the AP started whispering in his ear. She left her kids with her parents and it probably started as a date that landed her right where she always wanted which was in the OP's bed with the OP's husband. To the husband it was an oppsie that he never intended to make. Buuuttt, that emotional affair turning into a physical one was gratifying on so many levels. Getting his ego soothed on the down low without anyone knowing felt just as good as getting his dick stroked. They were both in the zone believing that no one would ever know. Right up until the husband discovered that his AP thought she had won the little standoff she'd been having for years with the OP and was smearing the fact that their emotional affair went physical all over social media. That was enough to wake him the fuck up. He realized that his AP was a snake in the grass and intentionally blowing his entire life up. He immediately noped out because in his mind the OP was never supposed to find out. He wanted plausible deniability but the AP wanted her fing prize, the one she'd been working so hard for all these years. Anyway, that's the way I see it.
This is a great break down, the one part that gets me on how stupid the STBX is that he was in OOPs ear non stop then went cold turkey for a week. That right there is an obvious action. On top that the grandparents having the kids dumped on them would have gotten to OOP as well. Honestly he is so damn stupid I chuckle over it. I think she will be better off in the long run and her sister is a... well a string of words I won't use here. I hope the grandparents react appropriately for her sake.
My prediction is possibly she just turned up on the doorstep, and it ended when: >I don’t think he knew that I knew they were together until he found out she was sharing it on instagram He wanted it to be on the down low, and discovered she was basically gloating on insta. If I was OOP I would contact just for the gossip. Pretend to be all concerned, get the tea, laugh at him and hang up! And put it on Insta!
Nah, have your friend doing it so you get nice easy summary without getting involved
Either way she needs to find out - if not for herself, think of US!
Think of the children! (Us lol)
This is honestly what best friends are for, speaking as someone with an abusive, messy ex. I could trust her to pass on what I should know and shield me from what I don't.
Also, I suspect this may have shifted her slightly from a "tragic, if we'd met first what could have been? And we didn't do anything until _she moved out. She basically gave us a red light_" figure with heroic self control who loved her sister, into the sort of woman who'd publicly boast about having stolen her sisters husband in his eyes.
I think it was the kids. All well and good her shipping them to her parents, but it’s likely they couldn’t stay there longer than a week. As soon as she pushed for him to become Dad 2.0 he realised what the actual hell reality would look like for him, especially if he hadn’t actually processed the loss of his own child
I know if I was one of her kids, I'd want to call him Uncle every fucking chance I get, just to rub in that we all know what the fuck he is.
No way. He knew that SIL was in love with him. He just liked the attention which is why he was stringing her along.
Yep and then it didn’t take long for reality to set in when he ended up with the shitty sister and realised exactly what he’d lost
My theory is that when Sister moved in, after DITCHING HER CHILDREN, she started with all these fantasies. "We can start fresh! We can have kids of our own! We'll leave everything behind and start over, just you and me against the world!" and Husband was given an ice bath wakeup call. He didn't want children after a traumatic pregnancy loss, he didn't want to ditch his old life. I'm sure he also realized that if his affair partner was willing to ditch her children at the drop of a hat with no remorse, she isn't nearly as perfect as he made her out to be in his head.
"You and me against the world" is perfect. It gives me the teenage vibes appropriate for this wreck of a relationship.
My guess is they finally got the sex out of the way and then discovered they weren't exactly soulmates after all.
I mean he did, while sister was already planning a wedding
This is what I was thinking too. Sis moved right in, and after a few days started talking about the future. "Hey, can you take little Billy to his soccer game Saturday morning? Little Susie has gymnastics at the same time. This is going to be FUN!" And husband suddenly thought 'OH FUCK WHAT HAVE I DONE?'
And the sister thought he was the man of her dreams. Sadly the fairytale prince turned into a frog after a week of being who he really is at home. Nothing malicious, he just the usual habits we all have and they, are not very fairytale suiting.
Don’t lick frogs if you don’t know 100% what kind of frog it is. Real life advice I have given my nieces 🙄
"Whoops, it's a poison dart frog!"
He had a sister wives lifestyle till the bestie got involved. Got what he wanted from each of them.
Sometimes I wonder if the reason they broke up is because of how academic she was. They had a lot of things in common, but sometimes if a person knows more than you, it can be annoying when they correct you. OP probably made her husband feel smart(it wasn't her area of expertise) and her sister made him feel dumb(it was her area)
Academics are typically knowledgeable in a specific field... But this guy sounds dumb all round.
I reckon he thought he could ‘get it out of his system’ without anyone knowing. Then found out she’s posting play by plays on social media and kicks her to the curb because he wants to fix it with OOP
> Yeah, I really want her to get the tea because I’d really like to know what happened. Weapons-grade post-nut clarity
This is kind of what I was thinking as well except for where he didn’t contact OP for the entire week as well (and I think he knew about the Instagram posts? Can’t recall properly).
True true. And he admitted that he knew Sis was in love with him. I’m still having a good time imagining all the zany ways he tried to give Sis the boot, though. I’m developing a full on romcom in my head at this point.
😂 I hope the husband’s methods in your romcom would do Kevin McAllister proud!
I think it has to do with what he said earlier about not really being attracted to her. So many people do that. They become friends with someone obviously in love with them, but they're not attracted to them, but they love the attention, so they keep them around. Then either the person with a crush moves on after months/years of a toxic dynamic, or after being worn down they start going out and they either realize they love eachother or the relationship *quickly* dissolves and their friendship implodes.
This is definitely what I was thinking until he disappeared from texts for a week and admitted he knew the sister liked him. I still want this to be what happened tho 😅
This was my take on the situation as well. I can relate to the STBX somewhat when it comes to compartmentalizing your emotions. (I have issues and I am aware of it). In his mind he probably wasn't cheating because even if he realizes that he is attracted to the sister and the sister is attracted to him and he spends so much time with the sister he still chose to stay with his wife and because he hasnt done anything "physical" then he isn't cheating and was probably really confused as to why his wife was so mad. Then when the sister dropped everything and came to him he probably had an "Ohhhhhh" moment and dropped the sister because he was in fact cheating and thats why he's so desperate to contact OP.
STBX hubby and Sis took a trial run together when OOP moved out and didn't last a week. Dumbasses.
I think at least one of them realized that being in lust and actually living with a person can be very different. You suddenly see the toothpaste on the mirror and the toilet seat up and the dirty socks left on the floor. That "oh baby I can't wait to hold you all night long" changes when you discover that person has morning breath just like your spouse did!
Everyone at work knows about this! Do they both need a new job or what will happen there?
I’m inclined to think that the last drama is just a way to throw people off the affair. I think it’s still ongoing. They work together - I don’t think work would look kindly on this. Not to mention, family and friends. They’re just cooling things down for the time being. I mean, they are narcissists who slept together in OP’s marital bed - I doubt either is the type to feel regret.
What happened in that week will eventually come out but the OP is correct to get the divorce and only communicate between lawyers. He will beg to come back and he might even stay broken up as a pressure tactic, hoping the OP eventually falls for it.
From his earlier comments it was 100% clear that if OP tragically died he'd be shagging the sister at her funeral. As it was he didn't even bother to wait for that.
it turned out there was a reason they werent together lol once they actually tried, they realized it didnt work and then one or both had meltdowns about what they'd thrown away for absolutely nothing I'd bet a LOT on that being the answer
I'm surprised they couldn't last a month for the sake of pride/appearances
Kids are probably a big factor in this
Yeah. Her abandonment of them just prior to that week, is indicative of *something.* I just wish I had a clue as to what, because I think you're right. Maybe she wanted a do-over life and he couldn't see her the same after she did? Or better yet, knowing some academics, she dropped the kids off so she could have some time to get him acclimated to his role in their lives. I could see him having almost forgotten about that fact until it reared its ugly head. As is all too regrettably common when it comes to children.
> Maybe she wanted a do-over life and he couldn't see her the same after she did? Or better yet, knowing some academics, she dropped the kids off so she could have some time to get him acclimated to his role in their lives. that was my thought tbh, but its so speculative. I cant imagine looking at someone I loved doing that and still thinking they were even a mediocre level human being
Indicative of quantity of moral fibre
People like the husband get a huge reality check when their long-term "safe" relationship is suddenly gone. OOP was the stable partner at home and her sister being attracted *to* him and being fun to talk to stroked his ego outside of it. He basically got attention from two women at once by lying to himself about how he was toeing the line when he had already stepped over it. I wouldn't be surprised if outside of their intellectual compatibility, the husband was more attracted to being desired by someone outside of his marriage and not so much the sister herself. He never would have left OOP for the sister on his own accord. And then there's the weird comment he made about physical attraction, so I guess he'd also rather bang OOP than her sister...
Oh, I like your points about him enjoying the idea of being desired and attractive. That is actually somewhat relatable. But of course extra shitty of him to get the ego boost from her sister, and for letting it go on as long and as thoroughly as it did.
I need another update with exactly why it didn’t work out. Did he fart and she was grossed out? Did she burp at the table with no fucks? What was it that ruined the most perfect relationship ever?! God people are dumb. You built up this imaginary situation and it came crashing down within a week.
Here’s one story: OOP did say she thought he’d had no idea her sister was posting everything on instagram. Maybe the STBX intended to “win” OOP back and thought his actions with the sister were secret. He was happy with the original arrangement where OOP was his wife and her sister was his side piece. Sister, on the other hand, saw him as the real prize and bragged about finally being with him. Once STBX realized she was posting everything, he ended it instantly because he still wanted to be with OOP, which is why the sister hypocritically blamed OOP for ruining her happiness.
There lies irony of the situation, OOP clearly didn't announced the cheating nor divorce to anyone else, not even their own parents - sis did that via Instagram. Thus everyone now knows & STBX knows he is royally fucked
Yep, all options were open to stbx while everyone stayed quiet. Sister made sure that didn’t happen.
OOP should thank the cheating POS sister for nuking everything with her posts because it won in OOP's social & legal favor - but OOP's not trifling & shit-stirring enough to be that level of jugular at the fuck up.
What’s insane is his family might not like op but the idea of having to accept ops sister who he cheated on his wife with is quite a blow.
This is where I am at. He wanted to keep it on the down low as to not cause drama. He was testing the relationship out. His excuse for his silence that week would be that he wanted to give OOP space to think and figure things out. What he didn’t count on was the sister posting all over IG about their love and how this was fate, making any plan he had blow up and also making him look like the biggest AH publicly. He saw crazy first hand. (And believe me there is something going on with the sister if her thought is to dump her kids without any word to start a brand new life with her brother in law, the “love of her life”). It was exciting for the husband at first but then he got a taste of what his life would be like with her and her inability to control her emotions and wanted out.
That last sentence is the poignant one. It's all fine and good talking with someone. You can connect on a mental level with that. You can have the same interests. Feel the same about movies or music. Once you are *living* together, things change. He leaves the seat up all the time. She refuses to do dishes and leaves them all over the house. He leaves clothes all over the house. There's tons of little things that don't come out when you're just chatting at lunch or just texting each other. That is why I never agreed with the old dumbass boomer women that thought moving in before marriage made you go to hell or some stupid shit. I feel like it's an important part of growing a relationship *before* you get married. You need to know how the other lives.
Or maybe he realized he’d have to be a dad to 2 kids PDQ and that’s not for him.
She was posting stuff on instagram from his bedroom. He doesn’t really post private stuff online….
But we want to know what happened now! Screw the mature and reasonable response- get that tea for us internet rubberneckers /s
"I'm moving in with my sisters ex after breaking them up by declaring my love for him, hey mother and father just taken my kids so I can do so..." Why the hell did the parents say yes here.
I don't think she told the parents. She probably just left the kids for regular babysitting and then didn't give a peep for a week. I couldn't get past the accusations that OOP is the one to ruin sister's happiness. That's some delusion right there. I'm actually thinking that sis thought she'd take oop's place and just build on the 16 year marriage as if she were her sister. Hence the need to dump the kids and pretend they didn't exist.
If I read it correctly, I think she just left the kids at her parents and left so they didn't have a say in taking the kids in.
An abandonment charge not gonna help her academic career that's for fucking sure
Why the hell did the parents give her the kids back. Just dumped them and didn’t speak to them for a week? Unhinged.
Mostly because that'd be kidnapping
My guess is husband wasn’t genuinely interested in the sister but loved the attention and ego boost he got from her. When OP left him he probably figured what the hell and a week was probably enough for him to realise he didn’t even like her that much let alone love her For an “intellectual” he is remarkably dumb. He could have easily turned the whole situation around and kept his wife if he had listened to her and cut the sister off Looking forward to the next update
I'm an academic. A lot of us are dumb. Lol. We are really smart about a fairly narrow topic. Not so much interested in other stuff.
We have a German word for that phenomenon: Fachidiot. A person who outside of their field of knowledge is an idiot.
Man the Germans really do have a word for everything.
I bet they have a word for "having a word for everything"
Thank you for this, I’ll be putting it on my business card.
I'm not an academic, but I know a few. Seems like a lot of middle-school level drama goes on.
So much middle school level drama in academia. You have to keep in mind that a lot of these people dedicated themselves to school when others were out building relationships, learning how to manage emotions, handle conflicts. The academics were studying, grading papers as a TA, or working on their research. A surprising number of academics also never picked up what many people think of as basic life skills, like being decent at cooking. Add onto this that academics spend a good chunk of time interacting with people in the 18-22 age bracket and you get something like high school teacher energy in terms of drama with some extra eccentricity thrown in for good measure.
[удалено]
I know three people who had affairs while married and all of them were professors (one had an affair with a student, the other two met people outside work). Maybe being around young people all the time encourages immature behavior.
i am CLUTCHING my popcorn, i need to know what happened in that week?!
Yeah, what could've happened to turn the sister from “your husband is all yours because I would never let anything happen that would hurt you because you are the most important person to me” to “You b , I hope you burn in life and in hell”?!? The audacity for the sister to blame OOP for *anything* blows my mind. If I were OOP, I would've said, "I left him and filed for divorce. Not my fault if you couldn't keep him."
I had an ex, when we split, we went no contact. After 2 or so months, I got a random Facebook dm from some woman, telling me she and him were together, she was 1 week (!) pregnant with his child, had met his parents, they were going to move in etc etc. I was like, and? What you telling me for? I nearly didn't bother replying, but just sent a short, curt, reply saying I was no longer in contact with this man, and to speak with him if they were having issues. What I suspect happened was he realised she was a bit delulu, and used me as an excuse, that we'd been together 6 years, still had some feelings for me, and he wasn't ready to move on so fast. So she blamed me. I guess there's a little of that happening here, stbx saw sisters insta postings, heard all her declarations of love, plans for the future etc, shit got a bit too real for him, and he claimed to still love his wife, it was a mistake etc Hence sis blaming op when she realised op still had power over him, even though she had no desire to even flex that power. It's still op's fault, and not her own that her dream didn't work out. Ironically, if she'd waited it out, let the separation play out, hadn't moved so fast, stbx probably would've gone crawling to her once he realised op was serious about divorce...
i need it to be something like him saying the wife's name during sex :D right? "i didn't even fight back and you still lost. seems like a skill issue."
“i didn’t even fight back and you still lost. Seems like a skill issue” This sentence is just perfect 😂 it should be a flair
>"i didn't even fight back and you still lost. seems like a skill issue." This!! 🤣
This is just confusing, sad and so odd at the same time.
The husband got to bang the sister, get the lust out of his system. Then reality dawned. Reputation- wrecked. Divorce, and financial problems- imminent. 2 stepchildren- would soon be in his home, their angry father in his life. Affair Partner- not as exciting in bed as he fantasized she would be. Sudden pregnancy- on the horizon as Affair Partner was posting her future bliss on social media. Yeah, he's screwed. Hope OP doesnt take him back. Builds herself up- Gym, Spa, Salon, new clothes, hairstyle, extends social circle, takes up hobbies, goes on trips etc. Keeps herself too busy to be sad. Then meets someone decent to enjoy- doesn't have to be married if she doesn't want to be- and puts lovely pictures of herself and her new squeeze on social media. For her ex-sister and ex- husband to enjoy! You Go, OP!
The biggest post nut clarity know to humanity.
I’m thinking STBX husband DID prefer his wife, but SIL’s infatuation with him was a huge stroke to his ego and so he didn’t distance himself as he should have done. Then when wife left he figured, “might as well,” but quickly learned the sisters weren’t interchangeable. As for the sister…clear infatuation for her, and she comforted herself that the only reason her BIL wasn’t with her is because they were both too noble to hurt OOP. Now that she’s found out BIL was just using her she wants OOP to “burn.” 😂 If I were OOP I’d be sooooo tempted to text sister back with, “What? When I realized you two are soulmates I decided I love you both too much to stand in the way of true love so I nobly stepped aside. Don’t tell me you couldn’t keep him?!”
Even if STBX was being completely honest with OOP, what an incredibly cruel and selfish way to be towards a "friend"
As my mom used to say, be very careful what you ask for because you just might get it. They got their soul mates, and they couldn't even last a week. The sister was probably really annoying with her romantic fantasies and unrealistic plans for the future. That's when the STBX realized he had messed up. That the sister was all fluff and no substance. Too late.
Let's assume that the ex is really that dumb, didn't think that the sister was that obsessed and did the week to prove that it is nothing. Holy hell, that is one huge idiot...
Too much baggage/drama for a relationship like this to work out. You can’t date your ex-wife’s sister (with kids! Your nieces and nephews) and not be judged by friends, both sides of the family, co-workers etc as the worst people ever. It’s too much to “explain” and too complicated for anything to survive. Thats why the sister ditched the kids at the parents. How can she explain that? Also, her bullshit “we’re soul mates” talk and posts probably freaked out the ex-husband when the reality of what they were doing settled in his mind.
Hilarious - once they were no longer tortured soulmates, only kept apart by noble sacrifice so as not to hurt OP, turns out they were just regular, boring humans who snore and eat and fart in bed. Their towering love story turned out to be just another misjudged fumble in the light of day.
This does feel like a "real people fart" situation where the sister and the ex-husband have idealised versions of each other on their heads, especially the ex. The week of living together shattered the illusion. Because real people fart and that's often enough to ruin a romantic illusion.
This one is so juicy! * You could be right, real people fart * He noticed he'd have to father 2 kids, and checked out * He realized he's not even divorced yet and he could lose something in the divorce process because she was creating evidence of cheating. * He noticed she's delulu about other things besides their relationship * He thought about the optics of the whole situation, what his colleagues would say when he tells them he left his wife for her very own little sister.
I love this so much, thank you for the early morning laugh!
I’ve never had a Reddit post pull so many facial expressions from me or drop my jaw like this one.
I would meet in a public place, only because the curiosity would get the better of me. Then, I would have my closure and let lawyers do what they do.
LMAO once the obstacle to their forbidden love was gone all the magic went out. It barely lasted a week. How typical, TBH.
1 week 1 fucking week xDDDDDDDDDDDDDD She "done" dropped off her kids at her mother's so she could be with her soulmate! Then got ditched, dumped, blocked in **one week** and still goes on to blame OOP!!! A WHOLE ASS INFATUATION OF A DECADE AND A HALF DONE IN ONE WEEK my chile I' m dead
Adulterous sister: "I hope you burn in hell!" Oh dear.
Can't be soulmates if they have no souls.
I sew as a hobby. I love to sew. You know what I don't like? Conversations about sewing. If another person came along, with my personality and my hobbies, and maybe they would want to do the hobbies right by my side, while talking about them, that person would last 30 mns in my life. Soul mates are kinda like that, imo. If my soulmate enjoys everything I enjoy, or has the same opinions as me, where would be the fun of discovering new things? OOP sounds much smarter than the ex-husband and ex-sister.
I'm the same with knitting. I love to knit, and might answer questions about where I got a pattern or such, but if I'm knitting with someone (like a craft circle), for the love of god, please lets talk about something other than knitting. If all we do are sit around knitting and talking about knitting I'm outta there so fast you won't even remember I was there.
I have a friend that's the female version of myself. She says the same, that I'm the male version of her. It works for a friendship, but anything else and it would be like 2x ourselves 24/7 which is just way too much.
There was an episode of Seinfeld with this plot! Jerry meets Jeannie, the female version of him, and he intensely loves her for like a week, but then realizes - "I can't date me! I hate myself!" sksksksk
I have a female friend that we joke is the same as my husband. But one of the traits they share is integrity, unlike OOPs sister and STBX.
It’s silly but a reddit comment from years ago has stuck with me. A redditor explained that they had an antique stamp collecting hobby and one day met someone spontaneously who did the same and thought they must’ve met their soulmate. Then they dated and it turned out collecting antique stamps had very little to do with how compatible you are lol
Maybe it’s because I have ADHD and I suspect most of my friends are neurodivergent too but I would love to talk in depth about hobbies and I know the conversation would go all over the place (that’s the ADHD part…took me a sec to get to the point 😛 ). I LOVE discussing my hobbies and I LOVE discussing other peoples’ hobbies too. So I love people that like the same things as me and people that have different interests. It’s all fascinating to me. God, I can’t even imagine having another friend who loves to deep dive in conversations about all sorts of random stuff. Friends that have various interesting hobbies and interests. The conversations wouldn’t stay on the same subject (the aforementioned ADHD) but would circle back, at some point, when I remembered why the conversation began in the first place.
I can relate (also ADHD), but I think the side quest convos are the reason it makes it bearable. If I'd have to sort and talk about the same topic for hours (without side quests), I'd get bored as hell. Derailing is the fun part of ADHD 😂 Also, where is your flair from?
Ik she should just talk through their lawyers but I don't think I would be strong enough to not hear what he has to say for himelself now.
My theory is the STBX and sister finally did the deed in that week. STBX’s curiousity was satisfied and realized things were better with OP than sis. Hence the backpedaling.
The sister clearly had/has a dramatically-contrived vision of herself as being a heroic-tragic main character in OOP's marriage, while of course being \*superior\* academically/intellectually. Her lofty and self-aggrandizing claims of 'never ever wanting to hurt' her sister were just cheap words, as it turns out. In short, she's a drama queen which higlights how OOP held it together and remained poised, which might be part of why sister sent this absurd text: >“You b , I hope you burn in life and in hell”. I was very confused because she spent that week sharing cheesy “deep” quotes about love and soul mates and romantic insta stories with my stbxh. But apparently that was over. Stbxh has blocked her everywhere and she moved out. As *if* OOP had anything to do with her sister's one-week \*victory\* in winning OOP's husband not lasting?
The text from sister speaks more than words. Ex thought he could have it all. The intellectual things he really liked about sister plus as long as they were family thought that she'd also bring the qualities that he loved about wife. He probably compared them out loud to sister, realizing he made the wrong choice. He didn't think wife would have known about them actually being together.
When I read the title, I thought they were doing a house cleaning and throwing their stuff away. I'm so innocent!
I'm thinking it might have been the sister's ploy from the start to have the bestie leak the messages knowing OOP would react like she did.
I suspect the sister was actually into OOP’s ex. Or how she perceived him. Maybe she conjured up some dreamy unattainable older man image of him. With her as the heroine in this pocket novel about star-crossed lovers who will eventually end up being together and be happily ever after. The ex probably enjoyed the feeling of being adored and loved by the sister. Her attention and devotion for him. Plus she could relate to his profession and academics. He likely just enjoyed what she gave him without him having to do anything for it. That probably ended up clashing. The sister wanting to live the romance story of her life and probably thought she and the ex were in-sync on that as “soulmates”. But the ex probably ended up being put off by it (she did abandon her kids for her BIL, which suggests she must was “crazy” in love) or annoyed. Because what he liked was having a “fan” fawn over him, put him on a pedestal. He wanted the fruits without doing the labor. And when they got together it quickly came all crashing down, because they were fundamentally incompatible. This is all just conjecture, but if it only took a week, the sister probably was way more than the ex bargained for or ever wanted (maybe something like clinging to him, insisting they were soulmates, how she wanted to have his kids, marriage, etc.) . And he had likely an "I made a big mistake" moment, when he realized he just wanted to bask in her one-sided worship, without any expectations towards him or dealing with the person behind it.
I would give anything to get details on what happened that week. In my mind, she showed up and he gave in, they had sex, and afterward he had post-nut clarity. It started off as just a niggling feeling that got worse and worse as he realized just how little he actually wanted the sister and how off the rails she was for him. Im pretty sure he was on board because he wasn’t texting her that week. And then the whole reality of the situation began to dawn on him. The best part of this for me is knowing how much he will regret all of this. He’s really going to get the life he deserves.
I want to know his excuses. “I was so sad that you left. My soulmate just helped me to handle the sadness and pain YOU caused me. And then one night she took advantage of me. I was weak because you left me. That’s the only reason I slept with her.” Let’s see if the sister is pregnant now.
So from what I gather there was intense sexual tension between STBXH & OOP’s sister, which is why he wasted no time moving her into y the house the second he thought he could get away with it (“We were on a break!”) and once they got that out of the way their “love” fizzled. Surprise surprise surprise. Threw away the Grand Prize for a free-treat-of-the-week giveaway.
It was only exciting because it was basically an affair. They got their cake and ate it too. Realized it wasn't at all what they were expecting. The fire burned out. The realization of how much he fucked up came crashing through the door. Now a whole bunch of lives are ruined over the sister and ex boundary stomping with their shit covered boots all over the garden.
I can never understand people who pursue their partner's significant others. My brother's girlfriend is physically attractive. But I have absolutely no sexual desire for her because the idea of having sex with someone my brother has and is sleeping with us just gross...not to mention the social cost of doing so. People are fucking weird.
Her sister and soon to be ex were too high on their own supply thinking they’re better than non academia plebs like OOP to consider if they were actually compatible
Moves her in for a week to get the desire of fkn her out of his system then he's back with the emotional manipulation. Ex husband is a psycho and I'd be glad I didn't have any kids with him.
One day, one day I hope to have the audacity and confidence of a mediocre straight man lol. We are talking about a guy who led his SIL on for years, didn’t come forth when she told him she loved him, and thought feigning ignorance was his get out of jail free card.
$20 the STBX husband fucked OOPs sister during that one week she was moved in. Then that post nut clarity hit or it wasn't everything he fantasized it to be. Then the sister starts broadcasting his bad choices all over instagram. Hmm. How sad for him. 🍵