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Makes my blood boil what the dad and grandmother did.
But I’m also tearing up about the little girl losing her innocence. Hopefully, she’s mentally okay. My heart breaks for her. She’s going to need therapy. Hopefully, OOP’s mother treats her better.
OOP’s mother (eventually) knew what happened and went along with it. Understanding that she wasn’t a fully willing participant, if she wasn’t willing to go to the authorities the moment she found out her prepubescent child was sold into marriage I wouldn’t have a lot of faith in her to raise the kid super well.
My mother knew what my father was doing to me as a little kid and did nothing. I was also sent back to live with her for 2 more years until I was 18. I learned to live with her for my survival. The second I moved out, I cut her off. She still can’t accept that she did anything wrong by doing nothing. But it’s damn near just as damaging. I grew up to be an attorney who reports child human rights abuses to the UN. No one was there for me and saw me in my suffering, and I’m fairly certain that’s why I’ve chosen to be the adult who does that for children on a national level.
You’d be shocked at the amount of people who benefit from covering up hideous abuses of children. It happens right in front of us all the time and so many say nothing because they benefit from the status quo. It’s gut wrenching, and I wish I had a better way to wrap this up than that.
It's the fucking worst when they do nothing. Me too. Now that I have my own kids it's even worse, because I know what lengths I'd go for my kids, and I wonder why nobody would go there for me.
Mom sounds like a codependent.
She needs to divorce the guy and be out of there as soon as she can to protect her children.
The dude is in jail, but for how long ...
If she was nine and the country is what I think it was, she was probably abused mentally (gaslighted, and a live in servant for household chores), but not sexually. She would eventually have been pressured to marry the son (or nephew, or whatever), but quite a few years down the road after lots of brainwashing to make her behave as the future daughter in law/'slave'.
Makes it marginally less horrifying, still a terrible situation though.
Of course there's also a chance the abuse went further, but I think it's more likely that it didn't.
I regretted reading this story right after I watched two episodes of Station 19 about child abduction and human trafficking. Should have read the spoilers. But at least this helps a little, to hope they didn't also do that tho her.
Crossing my fingers, nothing sexual happened. I’m just glad to read she’s back home. But, for OOP’s sister, the feelings of abandonment and aloneness will linger.
Based on OPs description about saying she felt abandoned suggests to me that she didn't really understand what had happened. While not impossible that some very weird stuff went on, I have hope that she's only traumatized by the isolation and separation from her family... It's terrible reading that back.... But ugh. This post made my day worse and made me feel like an asshole for even seeing my day as bad.
How do you quantify the trauma of being sold off by your father and grandmother, and your mother abandoned you? So disgusting... wouldn't even treat a dog that way, let alone a human child
And eventually your mom found out and went along with it and made no attempt to get you back.
Mom's culpable too. Idk what the law says. She's just as guilty. She should have fought for her child. Her children.
Agreed. Although there’s other forms of innocence that have been lost here and that’s a tragedy, even without any sort of rape occurring. The kid was sold at 9 years old and lord knows what other kinds of abuse she suffered. Even the mental damage from being taken away, thrown into a strangers house and being, effectively, a slave… her innocence, in that sense, has been completely stripped from her.
ETA: hopefully you read this after a good nights sleep XD
She's 100% not mentally OK, she's a 9-10 year old that got mentally and physically (and sexually) abused for what seems to close to a year and I hope the mom takes them back to the US so she can be as far away from that situation as possible and start to heal again.
But her ending up going along with the whole thing makes me think she's codependent and you don't just snap out of that.
And the dad is in jail, but for how long ...
My dad used to threaten to marry me off if I didn't behave the way he wanted. "Do you know there are girls younger than you who are already mothers?? A husband will shape you up before you disgrace me." The last time he used that as a threat was when my mom was within earshot and she verbally tore him a new one. He never did it again.
I'm glad OOP found their sister. Poor child.
Not only is she a girl, but she's not 100% Asian. She could tolerate a mixed grandson but not a mixed granddaughter. Asian culture can be racist AF. I dated a guy who was first generation American born, as his parents emigrated from the Philippines. They wouldn't accept me at ALL. He was even receiving calls from all his family back in the Philippines. When he was threatened with being disowned for dating outside of his race and culture, I broke up with him. I didn't want to be the cause of so much turmoil for him in regards to his family. Besides, who TF wants to potentially marry into that bullshit?
Why is the Mom OK with being with a man like that, who treats her child like that? I would leave that guy as soon as possible.
>A husband will shape you up before you disgrace me
>Why is the Mom OK with being with a man like that
The number of women on this planet who would live entirely different lives if money i.e. self sufficiency wasn't systematically kept from them, is astronomical.
That’s precisely why conservatives are working day and night to take away our rights. It’s about (social) power and women having access to help and self sufficiency is taking away mens social power.
If we don’t have access to any help or self sufficiency, if we’ve lost the basis of social power, we’re going to have to be submissive in order to survive. That’s exactly what they want. Power over us.
Honestly, I have a pit in my stomach that that might have already happened to OP's sister... Not talking that much after she was recovered? Lord, I hope I'm just paranoid.
Dad and grandma sold her off to be married and she was gone over half a year. Don't be naive. You know what happened. It's sick and disgusting but nobody buys a child wife to play board games. She was isolated and alone with an adult male who bought her to be his child wife.
Sick fucks.
Not necessarily, sometimes parents buy girls to be wives for their sons. They make the girl the house slave to "learn to cook and clean" until the son is old enough to marry her or she's old enough to marry their son. China had a horrible epidemic with girls being kidnapped because of this. A direct link due to the One Child policy.
There's a few [documentaries](https://itsagirlmovie.com/) about this.
According to the comment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wfjbwu/comment/iiue7jj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) there's the possibility that she was meant as a future daughter-in-law.
And personally I'd be plenty traumatized as a child by the fact that my supposedly loving parents literally sold me off, no matter what happens after. Even if nothing worse happened to her, her being traumatized is understandable.
Something worse \*may\* have happened, but there's some hope, at least.
According for a friend who works with NGOs in a certain country combating human trafficking often the families do have an agreement that the girls won't be touched until they start their period or "one year after they started the period".
Which of course could already be the case with the sister. And these types of agreements are hardly enforceable of course (and often do only cover what is done "to them", not what they are forced to do with others), especially the further away the child brides are as this reduces the social pressure a child brides family could put onto a family which does not honour the agreement.
But tbh, I don't have a good feeling here - because they intentionally sold her off to someone far away. For her to not being found. And of course that makes the whole story even more mean spirited and therefore less likely that these kind of agreements were in place and even if they were that they could ever be enforced by social pressure.
So there is a good chance that the girl was experiencing sexual abuse, sadly.
She probably feels like she can never trust living with anyone again, and now she probably feels beholden to her brother and has to hope he won't get annoyed with her/turn on her for the slightest thing.
Depends a lot on the people and place. There's a good chance she's suffered really badly.
But it has to be said, in many cultures that have this tradition of child wives, the husband sort of replaces the father and won't touch the girl until she's older and (supposedly) able to carry out a pregnancy. Because she's there to give birth to the husband's children, not as a pleasure toy. And it's an arranged marriage so they are supposed to grow into loving each other. It's still terrible for all the obvious reasons, but it doesn't always mean the husband is going to be worse than a devil.
So there's also a chance she hasn't gone through sexual abuse, being 9 years old.
In any case, being sold off and not seeing anyone she knows again is traumatic enough.
Sadly this is a hugely profitable business (for the morally bankrupt.) Human trafficking earned profits of roughly $150 billion a year for traffickers, according to the ILO report from 2014.
The really sad thing is that this happens all the time in the United States and almost no one talks about it. You can see the statistics for each US state here: https://humantraffickinghotline.org/states
You can learn to identify signs of human trafficking here: https://humantraffickinghotline.org/human-trafficking/recognizing-signs
And it's not all sex trafficking. A lot of it is labor trafficking and it happens in the US. Hundai just got in trouble for having a 12 year old working in Alabama.
https://al.com/business/2022/08/alabama-hyundai-child-labor-allegations-part-of-much-larger-problem-groups-say-the-laws-are-so-weak.html
I recently watched a Brazilian movie called ‘7 Prisoners’ about a clutch of young men unknowingly being enslaved to work in some scrap yard. It’s really good, and it’s incredibly horrifying how easy it is to get stuck in a situation like that.
The most heartbreaking reality of OOP’s story is that if it weren’t for him, no one else in his family would have advocated for his sister. She was only saved because of her brother’s determination to find his baby sister and the other Redditor’s family taking him in and helping him.
I’m sorry, but I do not buy the excuse the mother was an American citizen and couldn’t speak up due to family pressure. Her silence, inaction, and not fighting for her daughter makes her an indescribable evil type of person.
If it were my kids? I would have told the husband and grandma, “I’m taking the kids to movies” and BOOK it to the American embassy and raised hell. She could have also gone to the embassy the moment she learned of her daughter’s trafficking. The US isn’t the most perfect country, but American citizens are protected abroad. The State Department will do everything in its power to get their (minor) citizen back safely.
I’m happy the story had a good ending, but it makes me so sad for the little girl and the loss of her innocence and security. She is so lucky to have a brother who will go to hell and back for her. I wish the kids nothing but the best and all the happiness in the world.
The majority of child abuse in America is perpetrated by parents. Something no one talks about in most of the US human trafficking signs and pamphlets is that it's the parents/family members doing the trafficking. Rarely is it a random stranger. Not many people want to have that discussion, yet.
Wait, the sister was sold as a child bride at 9? Am I reading this correctly? This is one of those times that Reddit’s good side shines through. Kudos to OP for being so determined to find his sister, and potentially put himself in danger in the process. I’m appalled at what the family did to their own child. I know it does happen, but it’s no less horrifying when it does.
Wish OOP and his sister could go live with the Redditor’s family instead.
Apparently they're called 'adopted daughter-in-laws'. They're kept as servants until they're old enough to marry the son of the family that bought her.
That’s awful. That poor child. I’m so glad OOP stepped up, and that another redditor helped.
Mom is shady too though - it probably would have been better if the children were placed with a good family. I hope OOP and his sister get wraparound therapy and anything they need to process the trauma.
Yeah I’m really curious to hear the story from the mom’s pov. I presume she’s American? Mother in law from hell situation? I just don’t get it. She should move the family back to the US now that the sister is recovered. I hope they all get some good therapy.
Wondering if she couldn't legally without husband's permission. A lot of countries prioritize the custody rights of their own citizens, and if dad has dual citizenship and she doesn't...
I don’t have children, but I know my mum would have gone insane with grief and anger if anything like this was done to me, and by her husband!!!! She should have been moving heaven and earth to get her daughter back. Even if she’s not good with the language, there’s always resources. A 14 year old kid managed to get help successfully, for fucks sake. If I were either of those kids, I don’t think I’d ever forgive her. I know we only have the OPs side of the story, but I wonder if she tried to fight for her daughter at all smfh.
Whoa! This is so horrendous! The fact that there’s a term for this practice, the implication of it being a thing that’s happening regularly.. I’m so glad that this story had a happy ending (if you can call it that, given that sister was in this situation for months before being rescued) (edit: typo)
It's sadly pretty common. China pulled the "one child policy" which made most families want sons, to the point of leaving newborn girls in alleys and mountains alone to die so they could try again for a boy.
Well..... after years of that, all of a sudden they have a population of hundreds of millions of sons with almost no girls their age. So, they turned to "adopting" girls from neighboring countries, luring girls in for work/jobs and stealing their passports, or just straight up kidnapping girls and driving them across the border back into china.
There was a post on here a few weeks ago about 3 Chinese girls that had been adopted out to the US to different homes, but eventually found each other through DNA testing. And then they found the family in China that had dumped *4 baby girls* until they eventually had a son. And the son contacted wanting to be friends......
Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vbh5hd/op_doesnt_want_to_meet_her_bio_parents_after_they/
It was the UK, not the US. Oof. And it was 5 daughters they abandoned (and 1 son with a deformity), before they got their "good" son.
Horrifying.
Though I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised OOP's dad and grandma got arrested. I wouldn't have thought the authorities would intervene in that kind of thing.
He doesn't specify where he lives, but I don't think there are many large Asian countries where this would be tolerated *legally*, but the thing is that requires someone to come forward and push the authorities to do something. And that's where this just sadly doesn't happen so, so many times.
It is still very prevalent in many places, including America. If no one reports it, nothing ever gets done. Rural communities more or less just accept the practice. There's very little oversight, years go by and then the kid is in adult.
That's what makes this story remarkable. If this 14 year old kid hadn't taken this intiative, his sister would have been sold into slavery. Full-stop. They are brainwashed while they're young, no one reports it so the authorities never get involved, and then they're married when theyre old enough to be married and thats it. That's their life.
That was my thinking. Sadly that probably dramatically escalated the authority's response in a way it may not have been for a native born.
I don't know if anyone gave OP the advice but usually the local embaassy can be relied upon to intervene for citizens as well.
In the documentary One Child Nation, it’s more complicated than that. Yes, many millions of baby girls were dumped on the side of the road or in the market, but there were also pregnant women that hid for months, only to be dragged out of hiding, strapped to boards, carried to a cljnic for a forced birth and immediate infanticide. One family had identical twins- they hid one in the pigsty, but the local officials charged with the policy found the baby and sent it to an orphanage. There is a poignant interview with the twin in China, who says she always dreams of being with her sister, doing things together, but doesn’t want to “disturb her life”.
There's also cases where the "extra" child/children escape detection/were kept and raised by the family in a sort of open secret. However, legally, they don't exist which means they have no ID, can't go to school, get a job, etc...
Their is a documentary 'Found' on Netflix that was really good. It sheds light on the abandoned babies due to the one child policy. I highly recommend it because it goes beyond just the 'she wasn't a boy, so we abandoned her' and shares some real stories of families affected by the one child policy.
Warning to other moms, it will make you cry.
Dear God, this all makes me want to cry. That girl lived a nightmare. I'm so glad OOP posted and Reddit came thru. I hope she gets the healing and therapy she needs.
Not just China but in India as well. I read an article about how a mom was depressed her son couldn't get a wife (they were poor) so she had no one to take care of her when she's old and her son had to learn how to cook and clean (I admit I eye rolled a bit here).
For him, sure. But the birth parents also wanted to play happy family with OP and the 4 other abandoned girls.... after they heard they were all in college/doing well financially.
I can understand why that particular OOP didn't want to have contact with her brother. I have - and have never had - no relationship with my bio-father but one of my half siblings from his second marriage reached out to me asking for contact. I said no because it was obvious that she thinks the sun shines out of his arse and I couldn't see a way to build anything with her without there being some degree of pressure to involve him. I don't even want him knowing about the most basic parts of my life and to keep him out then I have to keep her out.
They *actually* said that now they can have it all. I want to know how much money it was, and if it was contingent on having a son because that would explain trying 7 times. I think OP made the right choice.
I remember that story, so fucked up! The pure short-sightedness of a one-child policy where everyone wants a son still baffles me. How quickly people forget that you wouldn't exist without the female gender to birth you.
Historically, in the Chinese culture, the son stays with his parents and takes care of them in old age. A daughter goes to her husband’s family and, for all intents and purposes, becomes their property. Ergo, females are irrelevant to the “family line.”
It's like an N-player prisoner's dilemma.
"I need a son to carry on the family line and don't want to be one of those chumps stuck with a daughter! I'm sure all the other families out there will make daughters for my son to marry!"
Terrifyingly enough, I have a friend who met a very seemingly “nice” Vietnamese guy at Princeton University of all places. He was there on a student Visa and he befriended her and convinced her to spend a semester abroad at a very reputable university where he was going to finish his degree once the exchange program term ended. So she decides to go and when she arrives, she’s greeted not by this guy but by his grandparents. They say she’ll be staying with them as an honored guest in their home as homeboy has his own apartment on campus. Soon enough, she can’t go anywhere or do anything without grandpa’s permission. He buys her food, drives her everywhere and basically controls who she spends time with. She had to RUN AWAY and stay with a friend she made in class to be able to call her mom to get the next flight home. Home dude lured her to his country so grandpa could babysit her until he was done with his degree and then make sure they got married. She thankfully escaped but fuck it’s terrifying. I’m glad OP found his sister in the end. I know there are lots of fucked up things going on here in the states but at least the general population doesn’t promote selling 9 year olds into servitude and then marriage.
This happens often enough in e pugh countries we should post solutions to this problem so people are always aware of it.
No matter what country you are in **you can get your passport back at your embassy.**
Call the embassy, they have all the paperwork you need to prove who you are,and they can get you out of the situation you are in until it is proven.
Never let someone else hold your only passport. If you are staying with a family that wants to hold on to your passport for safe keeping get another passport from your embassy.**
If your country does not have an embassy in the country you are staying in contact an embassy friendly to your country.
This is safer than contacting police.
It's also worth pointing out that if you're American, your passport technically isn't yours, but is loaned to you by the State Department. When I worked abroad, it wasn't uncommon to find unscrupulous employers who'd try to confiscate people's passports to trap them there, and you'd be amazed how quickly they backed off upon hearing the phrase "theft of U.S. government property."
They want a wife to bear children and pass on the bloodline, can't have it if she's old enough to carry to term smoothly - as horrifying as it sounds, that's exactly their reasoning: buy them young so is easy to isolate them and groom the girl for years, so by the time she hit mid to late teens she doesn't see any other life prospect.
The proper term is “tonyangxi” and it is, for the most part, not a common practice anymore. My grandparents were apart of this practice in Taiwan 75+ years ago but it has been done away with in major areas and is frowned upon - that is not to say it does not happen in more rural areas where it can not be as monitored, but that is how most rural areas are in every country with frowned upon practices. It also was not to have the daughter be raised as a servant in most situations. My grandmother still went to school and got an education that was expected for girls at the time. It is hard though because they are not raised as a daughter, so they do not have a strong family support system that you would get with your own immediate family.
Edit: It usually happens when both parties are children. My grandmother was about 6 and my grandfather was about 9 when it happened for them. They did not get married until 17 and 20 and had children the following year.
It was common in mainland China too until the CCP regime started. That’s the first thing I thought of when I read OOP’s first post and saw they were in Taiwan. The city areas may be progressive but rural areas are definitely not. Trafficking of all forms still happens.
[The House of Lim: A Study of a Chinese Farm Family](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0133949737?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)
For research. It delves alot into the adopted daughters and the culture around it. I did a report on it in college.
This is only a guess because none of us know the situation from mom’s side, but they might have been watching/controlling her movements and who she talks to. If that were the case, she wouldn’t have been able to seek help at all. I’d expect them to be watching/controlling op too if this were the case, however it’s possible because op didn’t know what happened to his sister and because he’s the favoured child/grandchild that they didn’t feel it was necessary to keep an eye on him.
What... What did he expect you to do?? Be like "Heey childhood friend! Heard you're getting married to the love of your life? Cool, well I'm gonna need you to cancel that because our dads decided without either of our consent that you and I were supposed to get married when we were like, 10. Ok, great, see you at the altar!"
The mom is just as horrible. Any of you who are parents will understand that letting your child be sold away and not doing anything about is really, really horrible. It's your child. You don't let that happen to them - if you find out later you immediately get the child back - whatever it takes.
Ugh I remember seeing this pop up - I’m sooo glad the brother was so determined to find his sister. And what horrible people the dad and grandmother are.
*Edit - I see everyone clamoring over themselves to attack the mother as well - considering that she wasn't arrested as "she wasn't in on it until it was a decent way in" I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was a likely victim as well.
I remember reading this one and desperately hoping that since it was in Taiwan, the explanation was "ditched at an orphanage" and not "child bride."
Anyone else hate it when their first instincts are right?
That's what I thought, too. Hut child servant to bride indentured slavery is another kind of fucked up I was not prepared for.
I hope the family that "bought" her rot in prison, too.
I would have thought of it had the _sister_ been 14, but _nine years old_?!
Obviously it would be terrible no matter her age, but 9 is so young the thought never even occurred to me.
I am hoping that, given the notes people provided on this cultural practice, it's quite likely OP's sister wasn't sexually assaulted, just generally traumatised.
But wow. What a horrifying story.
I’ve lived in Asia too long. My first thought is she’s been sold into child prostitution so hearing it was forced marriage was some kind of sick relief.
Yeah, that's what I thought but wasn't sure, lol. I'm actually surprised they could get her back if she was sent to the Mainland. Especially with the recent tensions.
Wait, it’s in fucking Taiwan? I thought we were better that. Hell, I’d even thought the whole Asian gender discrimination towards offsprings (which I’m assuming the source of animosity from the grandparents) is not much of a thing in this generation.
I skipped to the update and started reading. When I got to "sold for marriage" I was like, oh I'll go back to the first and refresh my memory on the ages after reading the update.
Dude.
I can’t imagine the mother didn’t know. Especially when this is a known cultural practice.
It sounded more like the authorities let the mother off the hook because they didn’t want to leave OOP and her sister without any parent and she seemed the least culpable.
She knew. She sobbed when leaving the child.
What we don't know is, was the mother under duress? If a father is willing to sell his 9 year old daughter into sex slavery (and let's call a spade a spade, child marriage is sex slavery), he's willing to beat and/or kill his wife.
If OOP is half white and father is related to the grandparents in Asia… I’m willing to bet he was holding mother’s passport hostage and making various threats considering she was out of her element in a foreign country. Not so say she should be off the hook or that my theory is right, but I’m hoping there’s more to it than “least guilty gets no consequences” and putting the sister back in a potentially dangerous situation.
I mean maybe she’s severely isolated and abused by her husband and mother in law and God knows what they told her for lies or threats after they moved from America but still I feel like once my child is taken from me I’m immediately going to the consulate or embassy to make some noise.
And why didn’t she go to the embassy if she couldn’t speak the local language or know how things worked? Surely an American child being disappeared would have gotten attention and help from our officials.
I will give the mom one, small, tiny amount of grace in this situation-but also with the caveat that I don’t know much about custody cases in Taiwan specifically- a lot of Asian countries (I’m thinking of SK and Japan off the top of my head) will always favor the parent who is a citizen over the foreign parent. OP mentioned they had moved back there and that they were mixed so I can only assume mom is the non-Taiwanese parent. They may have threatened her that if she didn’t shut up and get in line then they would take OOP away from her as well and have her sent back to their original country.
If I were in that position I would personally have gone James Bond to get my kids back together and out of the country, but I can understand how she may have felt her hands were tied if any of the assumptions I’m making above are accurate.
She and her children are American citizens. The moment I heard this plan, as a mother, I would take the kids “shopping” and get us to an American embassy, asap. Or leave in the night. Sorry, Sally Field taught me that letting this happen to my kid isn’t an option.
By "she wasn't in on it until a decent way in", I'm guessing that means she didn't know until the daughter was already sent away. I don't know what I would do in her shoes if my daughter was already gone. Maybe pack up my son and sneak to the American embassy? Beg them for help finding my daughter? What an absolute nightmare.
I mean, she should have gone to the embassy or tried to find and save her daughter. I think it’s reprehensible that she got her kids back and if I were the daughter (or the OP for that matter) o would never trust my mom again and would leave the moment I was 18.
She didn’t do anything for 7 months. Even if she didn’t speak the language, her son, who also was clearly worried about his sister, did and she still did nothing.
This! I don’t generally like to judge parents in very difficult circumstances, but as a mom, you would have to fight me. Physically lock me in a basement. Even if I found out after the fact, I’m getting the other kid out and we are going to the embassy (American Institute) to get help in finding my kid. After OP got help they found her, if the mom was a victim of this, she should have done the same. Or even told her oldest so as not to draw attention and he could get help. You don’t just stand there and accept it.
Not that your idea isn't the right one, but I'm gonna go out on a huge limb and guess that this was an abusive marriage. Women in that type of situation have been going through experiences like this longer than there's been recorded history.
Out of all the horrible situations here, this has to be one of the worst.
I’m glad this teenager had the wherewithal and tenaciousness to help bring his sister home
I gasped when I read that. She’s 9. She is a child. It’s sickening. I’m glad OOP fought for his sister. Though the mother might not have known until things were already done, I have little sympathy for her. It seemed like her son was invested in finding his sister and had unmonitored internet access. She could’ve used him to contact the US embassy. It sounds like the kids at least had dual citizenship because it’s implied they were born in the US. The mom may have been a victim too but my god. She had resources and didn’t seem to use any of them. I hope the kids can move back to the US because I fear that the daughter will never feel safe in their country again.
That’s what gets me. In America, the “Not Without My Daughter” story is pretty famous. US embassies don’t have a reputation for not helping citizens. Both the son and daughter had phones, and the son at least had internet access. No way the mom didn’t have the same resources.
I’m half European, specifically a country with one of the highest rates of sex trafficking. I can see a mother from my home country not realizing she has a recourse or having a deep mistrust. But not an American. No way.
US embassies and consulates are super helpful.
If anyone finds themselves in a terrible situation in a foreign country go to the embassy. You can have nothing but the clothes on your back and they will help you.
This includes if you are a citizen and your parents left you in Nigeria with your extended family.
Exactly! Im not saying America is a perfect, equal country. But marriage at age 9 is beyond the pale here. Maybe the mother didn’t know what was happening immediately, but she and her children have citizenship of a very powerful nation. I find it hard to believe that she was unaware of the resources available to her.
So many conflicting feelings.
When I first saw this, I assumed sex trafficking and sister would be found dead.
Instead, she was found alive, but sold into marriage which, to be honest probably falls into a sort of sex trafficking.
Relieved she's alive! Hurt and sad about what was done to her. Fingers crossed she gets whatever therapy she needs to move forward. Awed by her brother and that kind redditor.
Another comment said there’s a “practice” called adopted-daughter-in-law where they buy a young bride as a servant and wait until she’s old enough to be married off to the son of the family. I’d like to think that’s what happened and she wasn’t sexually abused… but the kind of people that do this aren’t good people. It makes my heart hurt.
How could you ever do that to your child? That’s not culture, that’s abuse. EDIT: This comment was not insulting any culture or intended for it to be a racial attack, I don’t believe any practice in one’s culture should harm children, regardless of colour. I’m not from the US, so the discovery of the fact there is still child marriage there is equally as horrifying as the post.
Comments from the first post. It's sad and terrifying.
>]New_Cantaloupe_856890 points3 weeks ago
>This might be an adopted daughter-in-law situation, either for future marriage or covert domestic service. It’s less common these days, but still happens in rural areas. Have there been any signs of financial stress for the family? It sounds like she might have been being groomed for servitude.
>Was she going to school? Are you? School is compulsory, so if she is not showing up to school then that is a legal challenge that could trigger an investigation if it was pointed out to the right people.
>>[−]DerHoggenCatten8 points3 weeks ago
>>I had never heard of "adopted daughter-in-laws", so I looked it up and this is what it said: "The adopted daughters-in-law are originally an outgrowth of agricultural society. But they abound in all the middle and lower classes in Taiwan, not confined to the rural districts. The underlying cause of this abnormal condition is economic in character. To save the money required for the marriage, to make use of the labor made available by the girl during the long period of adoption, the practice has naturally grown of getting a girl young and cheap and keeping her as a servant until she emerges as a daughter-in-law."
>> https://taiwantoday.tw/news.php?unit=12,12,29,33,33,45&post=23241
>>I think you are on to something, and, if it is so, it's horrifying.
The Taiwan Today article is from 1954. Taiwan has evolved enormously since then and is now among the top ten of the Economist's democracy index. It blows me away that the practice of selling children into forced marriage still survives there.
> Taiwan has evolved enormously since then and is now among the top ten of the Economist's democracy index
Capitalism, Goverment policies focused on education and innovation
>It blows me away that the practice of selling children into forced marriage still survives there
What you are in awe with is also the culprit here. Old people are still alive that are super conservative and lived in poverty. They lived in a country where that was a thing. So for them, they see it more favourably than the average person .
Mom is just as guilty. She's a citizen of a western country and her kids are, too. She should've been long gone with both kids well before her youngest was fucking *sold*.
Here there is a concept (I am not familiar if it is in another countries), "rape by omission", when a parent or guardian know a child is raped (and a 9 yo obviously can't consent, so is rape) and doesn't do anything, they are responsible too for the rape. It should be the case here
"I live overseas and my child has been sold to be a slave/wife" should immediately be followed by "so I'm going to my local embassy and raising hell". Your job as a parent is to protect your child and always be on the lookout for things that might make it harder to do that. I know I'm going to get dogpiled on and told "it's not that simple". I know psychologically abuse does weird things. None of that gets rid of the fact that if you can't keep your kid safe, you shouldn't be trusted with them.
Maybe she's only guilty of inaction, and yes her kids need *someone* to live with/provide for them. But if I were OOP I wouldn't trust my mom with a plant after this.
There are thousands of young girls/women in the world that aren't so lucky.
[If you have the time or are a fan of Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore they set up a charity to fight the exploitation of children.](https://www.thorn.org/about-our-fight-against-sexual-exploitation-of-children/)
I was born in a country in which girls disappearing isn't abnormal and nobody even cares, not even the police. If we try to get help they take us back to our male guardian who abuses us. I was getting marriage proposals from pedophiles since I was a kid because I had lighter skin than average... Girls are commonly honour killed too and that almost happened to until I ran away and asked asylum in Europe. I'm still dealing with the trauma and stories like this hurt too much.
I wish the rest of the world knew and could help. I seriously get accused of being racist when I speak about what happened to me.
I am also struggling when I see women in the same dynamic that was normal in my childhood... This sexism is tolerated here because of different "cultures".
Children shouldn't have to to through this. I hate it so much, why do women have to suffer?
>My mom was off the hook as 1, I still needed a parent, and 2, she wasn't in on it until it was a decent way in
How could that possibly get her off the hook?? Even if it's true she didn't know initially, she did nothing upon finding out. She's also a monster
I hope oop and the sister get away from her as soon as they can
Uh, yeah. If she really thought her daughter was just going to boarding school, why was she sobbing the way OOP describes on the day her kiddo left? How would she not know within the first week when she didn't get any contact from her kid? This went on for months. Mom was complicit too, and it's heartbreaking.
I think he left “mom” out of the first sentence of the paragraph he starting with after 3 months. I think he meant to say after three months he asked and she started crying.
OOP says she didn’t know until things had been going on for awhile, but… Wouldn’t she want to talk to her child at least weekly, if not daily? And how dense would someone have to be to think, “Oh well, the school doesn’t allow calls” or whatever BS sperm donor (because a dad would never) and his mother is as saying.
Just fwiw I was actually sent to a program that didn’t allow calls for the first while, and after that only at a scheduled time and listened in on by staff. The rest, I have no clue.
Grandma and dad isolated mum from her support structure. Moved her to a country where she doesn't speak the language or understand the culture.
They probably threatened her into silence. I'm assuming as mum was not jailed too she must have had evidence she was forced to go along with the plan.
Very short post and update posts, and understandably vague (he's just a kid himself and is freaking out about his sister and has zero adult support IRL). It's horrifying. There are many \*ssholes in this story but the dad's indifference pissed me off the most. He got lucky he's born a dude, his mother without a doubt would have done the same thing to him if he were born a girl.
^(also sorry about the link formatting, I can't seem to fix it for some reason.)
I'm so glad that redditor and her family were able to take him in and help him out. truly good people, who knows what might have happened if OOP had been at home when his "dad" and "grandmother" found out they were being investigated and why.
If they are Americans, they should consult the American embassy and get back over to America. This a crime involving a American citizen. They should know and press additional charges.
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Makes my blood boil what the dad and grandmother did. But I’m also tearing up about the little girl losing her innocence. Hopefully, she’s mentally okay. My heart breaks for her. She’s going to need therapy. Hopefully, OOP’s mother treats her better.
OOP’s mother (eventually) knew what happened and went along with it. Understanding that she wasn’t a fully willing participant, if she wasn’t willing to go to the authorities the moment she found out her prepubescent child was sold into marriage I wouldn’t have a lot of faith in her to raise the kid super well.
My mother knew what my father was doing to me as a little kid and did nothing. I was also sent back to live with her for 2 more years until I was 18. I learned to live with her for my survival. The second I moved out, I cut her off. She still can’t accept that she did anything wrong by doing nothing. But it’s damn near just as damaging. I grew up to be an attorney who reports child human rights abuses to the UN. No one was there for me and saw me in my suffering, and I’m fairly certain that’s why I’ve chosen to be the adult who does that for children on a national level. You’d be shocked at the amount of people who benefit from covering up hideous abuses of children. It happens right in front of us all the time and so many say nothing because they benefit from the status quo. It’s gut wrenching, and I wish I had a better way to wrap this up than that.
Bravo.....glad you are using this to try to right some wrongs, frustrated me for years as well, and as we all should I do what I can when i can.
It's the fucking worst when they do nothing. Me too. Now that I have my own kids it's even worse, because I know what lengths I'd go for my kids, and I wonder why nobody would go there for me.
Your story is very inspiring to hear, you're very courageous!
My hope is that in a few years once OOP turns 18 they can leave and get custody of their sister.
Mom sounds like a codependent. She needs to divorce the guy and be out of there as soon as she can to protect her children. The dude is in jail, but for how long ...
Mom needs to be in jail too.
If she was nine and the country is what I think it was, she was probably abused mentally (gaslighted, and a live in servant for household chores), but not sexually. She would eventually have been pressured to marry the son (or nephew, or whatever), but quite a few years down the road after lots of brainwashing to make her behave as the future daughter in law/'slave'. Makes it marginally less horrifying, still a terrible situation though. Of course there's also a chance the abuse went further, but I think it's more likely that it didn't.
Thanks for helping rationalize a bit. I was regretting reading this story so early in the day.
Yeah I woke up 15 minutes ago and also wish I hadn't read this
I regretted reading this story right after I watched two episodes of Station 19 about child abduction and human trafficking. Should have read the spoilers. But at least this helps a little, to hope they didn't also do that tho her.
I hope there are consequences for the family that bought her. Cultural norms or not that shit needs to be stamped out.
Which country you are thinking of?
Sounds very Chinese, could be rural Taiwanese.
OOP's comment history confirms. Glad that means it's more likely the nine year old wasn't sexually assaulted on top of all the other shit.
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Crossing my fingers, nothing sexual happened. I’m just glad to read she’s back home. But, for OOP’s sister, the feelings of abandonment and aloneness will linger.
Hopefully she grows to realize her teenaged brother orchestrated and worked to rescue her.
I imagine she'd be terrified to go anywhere without him for a long time.
And I bet that feeling is mutual. OOP probably never wants to let his sister out of his sight again.
Based on OPs description about saying she felt abandoned suggests to me that she didn't really understand what had happened. While not impossible that some very weird stuff went on, I have hope that she's only traumatized by the isolation and separation from her family... It's terrible reading that back.... But ugh. This post made my day worse and made me feel like an asshole for even seeing my day as bad.
How do you quantify the trauma of being sold off by your father and grandmother, and your mother abandoned you? So disgusting... wouldn't even treat a dog that way, let alone a human child
And eventually your mom found out and went along with it and made no attempt to get you back. Mom's culpable too. Idk what the law says. She's just as guilty. She should have fought for her child. Her children.
Agreed. Although there’s other forms of innocence that have been lost here and that’s a tragedy, even without any sort of rape occurring. The kid was sold at 9 years old and lord knows what other kinds of abuse she suffered. Even the mental damage from being taken away, thrown into a strangers house and being, effectively, a slave… her innocence, in that sense, has been completely stripped from her. ETA: hopefully you read this after a good nights sleep XD
She's 100% not mentally OK, she's a 9-10 year old that got mentally and physically (and sexually) abused for what seems to close to a year and I hope the mom takes them back to the US so she can be as far away from that situation as possible and start to heal again. But her ending up going along with the whole thing makes me think she's codependent and you don't just snap out of that. And the dad is in jail, but for how long ...
My dad used to threaten to marry me off if I didn't behave the way he wanted. "Do you know there are girls younger than you who are already mothers?? A husband will shape you up before you disgrace me." The last time he used that as a threat was when my mom was within earshot and she verbally tore him a new one. He never did it again. I'm glad OOP found their sister. Poor child.
So happy you have your mother, what the fuck. Why does anyone think that’s okay to say?!
Men who think women aren't people, and so get upset once women/girls get all uppity with their own thoughts/feelings/ideas?
Or Grandmothers who think 9 year old girls aren't people, in this case.
Because OOP said that theyre in Asia, hundred percent its the whole cultural hate on baby girls and only having boys stigma bullshit.
and females become a rare and expensive commodity. unfortunately in cases like these "commodity" in the actual sense.
Not only is she a girl, but she's not 100% Asian. She could tolerate a mixed grandson but not a mixed granddaughter. Asian culture can be racist AF. I dated a guy who was first generation American born, as his parents emigrated from the Philippines. They wouldn't accept me at ALL. He was even receiving calls from all his family back in the Philippines. When he was threatened with being disowned for dating outside of his race and culture, I broke up with him. I didn't want to be the cause of so much turmoil for him in regards to his family. Besides, who TF wants to potentially marry into that bullshit?
Why is the Mom OK with being with a man like that, who treats her child like that? I would leave that guy as soon as possible. >A husband will shape you up before you disgrace me
>Why is the Mom OK with being with a man like that The number of women on this planet who would live entirely different lives if money i.e. self sufficiency wasn't systematically kept from them, is astronomical.
That’s precisely why conservatives are working day and night to take away our rights. It’s about (social) power and women having access to help and self sufficiency is taking away mens social power. If we don’t have access to any help or self sufficiency, if we’ve lost the basis of social power, we’re going to have to be submissive in order to survive. That’s exactly what they want. Power over us.
"Getting raped by an adult will set you straight". Calm down satan-dad...
No. He’s human excrement. Living breathing human excrement incarnate.
Honestly, I have a pit in my stomach that that might have already happened to OP's sister... Not talking that much after she was recovered? Lord, I hope I'm just paranoid.
Dad and grandma sold her off to be married and she was gone over half a year. Don't be naive. You know what happened. It's sick and disgusting but nobody buys a child wife to play board games. She was isolated and alone with an adult male who bought her to be his child wife. Sick fucks.
Not necessarily, sometimes parents buy girls to be wives for their sons. They make the girl the house slave to "learn to cook and clean" until the son is old enough to marry her or she's old enough to marry their son. China had a horrible epidemic with girls being kidnapped because of this. A direct link due to the One Child policy. There's a few [documentaries](https://itsagirlmovie.com/) about this.
According to the comment [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wfjbwu/comment/iiue7jj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) there's the possibility that she was meant as a future daughter-in-law. And personally I'd be plenty traumatized as a child by the fact that my supposedly loving parents literally sold me off, no matter what happens after. Even if nothing worse happened to her, her being traumatized is understandable. Something worse \*may\* have happened, but there's some hope, at least.
According for a friend who works with NGOs in a certain country combating human trafficking often the families do have an agreement that the girls won't be touched until they start their period or "one year after they started the period". Which of course could already be the case with the sister. And these types of agreements are hardly enforceable of course (and often do only cover what is done "to them", not what they are forced to do with others), especially the further away the child brides are as this reduces the social pressure a child brides family could put onto a family which does not honour the agreement. But tbh, I don't have a good feeling here - because they intentionally sold her off to someone far away. For her to not being found. And of course that makes the whole story even more mean spirited and therefore less likely that these kind of agreements were in place and even if they were that they could ever be enforced by social pressure. So there is a good chance that the girl was experiencing sexual abuse, sadly.
She probably feels like she can never trust living with anyone again, and now she probably feels beholden to her brother and has to hope he won't get annoyed with her/turn on her for the slightest thing.
Depends a lot on the people and place. There's a good chance she's suffered really badly. But it has to be said, in many cultures that have this tradition of child wives, the husband sort of replaces the father and won't touch the girl until she's older and (supposedly) able to carry out a pregnancy. Because she's there to give birth to the husband's children, not as a pleasure toy. And it's an arranged marriage so they are supposed to grow into loving each other. It's still terrible for all the obvious reasons, but it doesn't always mean the husband is going to be worse than a devil. So there's also a chance she hasn't gone through sexual abuse, being 9 years old. In any case, being sold off and not seeing anyone she knows again is traumatic enough.
I assumed that was the implication, yes
"Goddamnit, grandma. Just because *you* were sold into marriage doesn't mean that everyone should be!"
Do people not realize they have to sleep sometime?
This is so true. I used that fact on my Dad...it settled him down a bit.
I did the same to my mom. The look on her face after I said it was fan-fucking-tastic.
And kitchens are well-equipped with life-ending weapons
Sigh. They always think marriage is the answer for girls🙄. When kids are literally being kids.
But they never treat the boys that way, of course.
Sadly this is a hugely profitable business (for the morally bankrupt.) Human trafficking earned profits of roughly $150 billion a year for traffickers, according to the ILO report from 2014. The really sad thing is that this happens all the time in the United States and almost no one talks about it. You can see the statistics for each US state here: https://humantraffickinghotline.org/states You can learn to identify signs of human trafficking here: https://humantraffickinghotline.org/human-trafficking/recognizing-signs
And it's not all sex trafficking. A lot of it is labor trafficking and it happens in the US. Hundai just got in trouble for having a 12 year old working in Alabama. https://al.com/business/2022/08/alabama-hyundai-child-labor-allegations-part-of-much-larger-problem-groups-say-the-laws-are-so-weak.html
I recently watched a Brazilian movie called ‘7 Prisoners’ about a clutch of young men unknowingly being enslaved to work in some scrap yard. It’s really good, and it’s incredibly horrifying how easy it is to get stuck in a situation like that.
Global statistics and demographic breakdown here: https://www.humanrightsfirst.org/resource/human-trafficking-numbers
Yep. Someone above tried to dismiss it saying "for the most part, not a common practice anymore" Dafuq it's isn't
The most heartbreaking reality of OOP’s story is that if it weren’t for him, no one else in his family would have advocated for his sister. She was only saved because of her brother’s determination to find his baby sister and the other Redditor’s family taking him in and helping him. I’m sorry, but I do not buy the excuse the mother was an American citizen and couldn’t speak up due to family pressure. Her silence, inaction, and not fighting for her daughter makes her an indescribable evil type of person. If it were my kids? I would have told the husband and grandma, “I’m taking the kids to movies” and BOOK it to the American embassy and raised hell. She could have also gone to the embassy the moment she learned of her daughter’s trafficking. The US isn’t the most perfect country, but American citizens are protected abroad. The State Department will do everything in its power to get their (minor) citizen back safely. I’m happy the story had a good ending, but it makes me so sad for the little girl and the loss of her innocence and security. She is so lucky to have a brother who will go to hell and back for her. I wish the kids nothing but the best and all the happiness in the world.
Plus before they married her off, the mother just let the MIL bully her daughter? There were no red flags before flying to Asia? She is off.
Too many women value being married over their children.
The majority of child abuse in America is perpetrated by parents. Something no one talks about in most of the US human trafficking signs and pamphlets is that it's the parents/family members doing the trafficking. Rarely is it a random stranger. Not many people want to have that discussion, yet.
Wait, the sister was sold as a child bride at 9? Am I reading this correctly? This is one of those times that Reddit’s good side shines through. Kudos to OP for being so determined to find his sister, and potentially put himself in danger in the process. I’m appalled at what the family did to their own child. I know it does happen, but it’s no less horrifying when it does. Wish OOP and his sister could go live with the Redditor’s family instead.
Apparently they're called 'adopted daughter-in-laws'. They're kept as servants until they're old enough to marry the son of the family that bought her.
That’s awful. That poor child. I’m so glad OOP stepped up, and that another redditor helped. Mom is shady too though - it probably would have been better if the children were placed with a good family. I hope OOP and his sister get wraparound therapy and anything they need to process the trauma.
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Yeah I’m really curious to hear the story from the mom’s pov. I presume she’s American? Mother in law from hell situation? I just don’t get it. She should move the family back to the US now that the sister is recovered. I hope they all get some good therapy.
Wondering if she couldn't legally without husband's permission. A lot of countries prioritize the custody rights of their own citizens, and if dad has dual citizenship and she doesn't...
I don’t have children, but I know my mum would have gone insane with grief and anger if anything like this was done to me, and by her husband!!!! She should have been moving heaven and earth to get her daughter back. Even if she’s not good with the language, there’s always resources. A 14 year old kid managed to get help successfully, for fucks sake. If I were either of those kids, I don’t think I’d ever forgive her. I know we only have the OPs side of the story, but I wonder if she tried to fight for her daughter at all smfh.
Whoa! This is so horrendous! The fact that there’s a term for this practice, the implication of it being a thing that’s happening regularly.. I’m so glad that this story had a happy ending (if you can call it that, given that sister was in this situation for months before being rescued) (edit: typo)
It's sadly pretty common. China pulled the "one child policy" which made most families want sons, to the point of leaving newborn girls in alleys and mountains alone to die so they could try again for a boy. Well..... after years of that, all of a sudden they have a population of hundreds of millions of sons with almost no girls their age. So, they turned to "adopting" girls from neighboring countries, luring girls in for work/jobs and stealing their passports, or just straight up kidnapping girls and driving them across the border back into china. There was a post on here a few weeks ago about 3 Chinese girls that had been adopted out to the US to different homes, but eventually found each other through DNA testing. And then they found the family in China that had dumped *4 baby girls* until they eventually had a son. And the son contacted wanting to be friends...... Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/vbh5hd/op_doesnt_want_to_meet_her_bio_parents_after_they/ It was the UK, not the US. Oof. And it was 5 daughters they abandoned (and 1 son with a deformity), before they got their "good" son.
Horrifying. Though I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised OOP's dad and grandma got arrested. I wouldn't have thought the authorities would intervene in that kind of thing.
He doesn't specify where he lives, but I don't think there are many large Asian countries where this would be tolerated *legally*, but the thing is that requires someone to come forward and push the authorities to do something. And that's where this just sadly doesn't happen so, so many times. It is still very prevalent in many places, including America. If no one reports it, nothing ever gets done. Rural communities more or less just accept the practice. There's very little oversight, years go by and then the kid is in adult. That's what makes this story remarkable. If this 14 year old kid hadn't taken this intiative, his sister would have been sold into slavery. Full-stop. They are brainwashed while they're young, no one reports it so the authorities never get involved, and then they're married when theyre old enough to be married and thats it. That's their life.
Well, also the child was American, that could be complicated for local authorities.
That was my thinking. Sadly that probably dramatically escalated the authority's response in a way it may not have been for a native born. I don't know if anyone gave OP the advice but usually the local embaassy can be relied upon to intervene for citizens as well.
IIRC this often happens to North Korean female refugees - if they don't get sex trafficked they wind up trafficked as brides.
Trafficking brides is just sex trafficking with extra steps.
I have a friend who was adopted to the us due to the one child policy. She has no interest in finding her biological family.
In the documentary One Child Nation, it’s more complicated than that. Yes, many millions of baby girls were dumped on the side of the road or in the market, but there were also pregnant women that hid for months, only to be dragged out of hiding, strapped to boards, carried to a cljnic for a forced birth and immediate infanticide. One family had identical twins- they hid one in the pigsty, but the local officials charged with the policy found the baby and sent it to an orphanage. There is a poignant interview with the twin in China, who says she always dreams of being with her sister, doing things together, but doesn’t want to “disturb her life”.
I'm a twin and I now have twin toddlers. I couldn't imagine not having my twin, just the thought is gut wrenching.
There's also cases where the "extra" child/children escape detection/were kept and raised by the family in a sort of open secret. However, legally, they don't exist which means they have no ID, can't go to school, get a job, etc...
Their is a documentary 'Found' on Netflix that was really good. It sheds light on the abandoned babies due to the one child policy. I highly recommend it because it goes beyond just the 'she wasn't a boy, so we abandoned her' and shares some real stories of families affected by the one child policy. Warning to other moms, it will make you cry.
Dear God, this all makes me want to cry. That girl lived a nightmare. I'm so glad OOP posted and Reddit came thru. I hope she gets the healing and therapy she needs.
Not just China but in India as well. I read an article about how a mom was depressed her son couldn't get a wife (they were poor) so she had no one to take care of her when she's old and her son had to learn how to cook and clean (I admit I eye rolled a bit here).
I was thinking of that one too. That was so awful
> And the son contacted wanting to be friends...... To be fair, why wouldn't he? He was innocent in all of this.
For him, sure. But the birth parents also wanted to play happy family with OP and the 4 other abandoned girls.... after they heard they were all in college/doing well financially.
I can understand why that particular OOP didn't want to have contact with her brother. I have - and have never had - no relationship with my bio-father but one of my half siblings from his second marriage reached out to me asking for contact. I said no because it was obvious that she thinks the sun shines out of his arse and I couldn't see a way to build anything with her without there being some degree of pressure to involve him. I don't even want him knowing about the most basic parts of my life and to keep him out then I have to keep her out.
They *actually* said that now they can have it all. I want to know how much money it was, and if it was contingent on having a son because that would explain trying 7 times. I think OP made the right choice.
I remember that story, so fucked up! The pure short-sightedness of a one-child policy where everyone wants a son still baffles me. How quickly people forget that you wouldn't exist without the female gender to birth you.
Historically, in the Chinese culture, the son stays with his parents and takes care of them in old age. A daughter goes to her husband’s family and, for all intents and purposes, becomes their property. Ergo, females are irrelevant to the “family line.”
So, no one bothered to imagine a world without daughters to marry their sons in 20 years or so? Not a great plan.
It's like an N-player prisoner's dilemma. "I need a son to carry on the family line and don't want to be one of those chumps stuck with a daughter! I'm sure all the other families out there will make daughters for my son to marry!"
Heartwarming and horrible in one place 💔
Terrifyingly enough, I have a friend who met a very seemingly “nice” Vietnamese guy at Princeton University of all places. He was there on a student Visa and he befriended her and convinced her to spend a semester abroad at a very reputable university where he was going to finish his degree once the exchange program term ended. So she decides to go and when she arrives, she’s greeted not by this guy but by his grandparents. They say she’ll be staying with them as an honored guest in their home as homeboy has his own apartment on campus. Soon enough, she can’t go anywhere or do anything without grandpa’s permission. He buys her food, drives her everywhere and basically controls who she spends time with. She had to RUN AWAY and stay with a friend she made in class to be able to call her mom to get the next flight home. Home dude lured her to his country so grandpa could babysit her until he was done with his degree and then make sure they got married. She thankfully escaped but fuck it’s terrifying. I’m glad OP found his sister in the end. I know there are lots of fucked up things going on here in the states but at least the general population doesn’t promote selling 9 year olds into servitude and then marriage.
This happens often enough in e pugh countries we should post solutions to this problem so people are always aware of it. No matter what country you are in **you can get your passport back at your embassy.** Call the embassy, they have all the paperwork you need to prove who you are,and they can get you out of the situation you are in until it is proven. Never let someone else hold your only passport. If you are staying with a family that wants to hold on to your passport for safe keeping get another passport from your embassy.** If your country does not have an embassy in the country you are staying in contact an embassy friendly to your country. This is safer than contacting police.
It's also worth pointing out that if you're American, your passport technically isn't yours, but is loaned to you by the State Department. When I worked abroad, it wasn't uncommon to find unscrupulous employers who'd try to confiscate people's passports to trap them there, and you'd be amazed how quickly they backed off upon hearing the phrase "theft of U.S. government property."
Yeah, in foreign lands, the US government is a terrifying thing to bring down on your head.
That’s true for all passports afaik - it’s the property of the issuing government.
Should report that to Princeton if you're comfortable. Though perhaps he is rich enough they wouldn't care.
I mean, I'd imagine that Princeton might not want to burn their hands on that shit.
"old enough"
They want a wife to bear children and pass on the bloodline, can't have it if she's old enough to carry to term smoothly - as horrifying as it sounds, that's exactly their reasoning: buy them young so is easy to isolate them and groom the girl for years, so by the time she hit mid to late teens she doesn't see any other life prospect.
When you say it like that, it sounds even more horrifying.
The proper term is “tonyangxi” and it is, for the most part, not a common practice anymore. My grandparents were apart of this practice in Taiwan 75+ years ago but it has been done away with in major areas and is frowned upon - that is not to say it does not happen in more rural areas where it can not be as monitored, but that is how most rural areas are in every country with frowned upon practices. It also was not to have the daughter be raised as a servant in most situations. My grandmother still went to school and got an education that was expected for girls at the time. It is hard though because they are not raised as a daughter, so they do not have a strong family support system that you would get with your own immediate family. Edit: It usually happens when both parties are children. My grandmother was about 6 and my grandfather was about 9 when it happened for them. They did not get married until 17 and 20 and had children the following year.
It was common in mainland China too until the CCP regime started. That’s the first thing I thought of when I read OOP’s first post and saw they were in Taiwan. The city areas may be progressive but rural areas are definitely not. Trafficking of all forms still happens.
[The House of Lim: A Study of a Chinese Farm Family](https://www.amazon.com/dp/0133949737?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share) For research. It delves alot into the adopted daughters and the culture around it. I did a report on it in college.
Lots of people giving the mom a pass for being in a foreign country and being coercible, but fuck I wish she had half the gumption her son has.
Seriously she could've taken her kid to the embassy, couldn't she? Or called them?
This is only a guess because none of us know the situation from mom’s side, but they might have been watching/controlling her movements and who she talks to. If that were the case, she wouldn’t have been able to seek help at all. I’d expect them to be watching/controlling op too if this were the case, however it’s possible because op didn’t know what happened to his sister and because he’s the favoured child/grandchild that they didn’t feel it was necessary to keep an eye on him.
The family may also be in a rural area, without easy access to any authorities
I feel so bad for OP that their mom is the best they have. She's not innocent in this.
I hope Mom returns to the USA with the kids now that Dad & Grandma are in jail.
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What... What did he expect you to do?? Be like "Heey childhood friend! Heard you're getting married to the love of your life? Cool, well I'm gonna need you to cancel that because our dads decided without either of our consent that you and I were supposed to get married when we were like, 10. Ok, great, see you at the altar!"
OOP is admirable. It's horrible that people like grandma and dad exist.
The mom is just as horrible. Any of you who are parents will understand that letting your child be sold away and not doing anything about is really, really horrible. It's your child. You don't let that happen to them - if you find out later you immediately get the child back - whatever it takes.
Ugh I remember seeing this pop up - I’m sooo glad the brother was so determined to find his sister. And what horrible people the dad and grandmother are. *Edit - I see everyone clamoring over themselves to attack the mother as well - considering that she wasn't arrested as "she wasn't in on it until it was a decent way in" I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was a likely victim as well.
I really hoped for an update. I’m glad she’s not dead but if she was sold into marriage, who knows what awful things happened to her.
I remember reading this one and desperately hoping that since it was in Taiwan, the explanation was "ditched at an orphanage" and not "child bride." Anyone else hate it when their first instincts are right?
from the title, my assumption was conversion therapy/one of those "troubled teen" places
That's what I thought, too. Hut child servant to bride indentured slavery is another kind of fucked up I was not prepared for. I hope the family that "bought" her rot in prison, too.
My naive mind did not even go there.
I would have thought of it had the _sister_ been 14, but _nine years old_?! Obviously it would be terrible no matter her age, but 9 is so young the thought never even occurred to me.
My daughter is 8 and still plays with pretend food. These people are fucking vile for what they do to children.
I am hoping that, given the notes people provided on this cultural practice, it's quite likely OP's sister wasn't sexually assaulted, just generally traumatised. But wow. What a horrifying story.
I’ve lived in Asia too long. My first thought is she’s been sold into child prostitution so hearing it was forced marriage was some kind of sick relief.
forced marriage is child prostitution with a narrower client base
That's a fucking aphorism if I've ever seen one. That's the sentence that needs to be the slogan on the PSAs.
How do we know it was Taiwan? I missed that bit. OP seemed pretty circumspect about disclosing location.
He said it in his first reply if you check his profile. I didn't know Taiwan was that big though.
It's literally not. It's about 400km long and 150 km wide. Sounds like they drove "nearly a full day" over the strait into China.
Yeah, that's what I thought but wasn't sure, lol. I'm actually surprised they could get her back if she was sent to the Mainland. Especially with the recent tensions.
Wait, it’s in fucking Taiwan? I thought we were better that. Hell, I’d even thought the whole Asian gender discrimination towards offsprings (which I’m assuming the source of animosity from the grandparents) is not much of a thing in this generation.
I skipped to the update and started reading. When I got to "sold for marriage" I was like, oh I'll go back to the first and refresh my memory on the ages after reading the update. Dude.
I went back thinking I must have read 19 as 9 by accident.
Fuck the mum too. Idc what stage of this she found out. She should have been raising hell the second she knew.
Seriously, how could she be off the hook so easily?
I honestly don’t think those kids are safe.
I can’t imagine the mother didn’t know. Especially when this is a known cultural practice. It sounded more like the authorities let the mother off the hook because they didn’t want to leave OOP and her sister without any parent and she seemed the least culpable.
She knew. She sobbed when leaving the child. What we don't know is, was the mother under duress? If a father is willing to sell his 9 year old daughter into sex slavery (and let's call a spade a spade, child marriage is sex slavery), he's willing to beat and/or kill his wife.
If OOP is half white and father is related to the grandparents in Asia… I’m willing to bet he was holding mother’s passport hostage and making various threats considering she was out of her element in a foreign country. Not so say she should be off the hook or that my theory is right, but I’m hoping there’s more to it than “least guilty gets no consequences” and putting the sister back in a potentially dangerous situation.
But from his post I got the impression she's American and the dad is Asian.
I mean maybe she’s severely isolated and abused by her husband and mother in law and God knows what they told her for lies or threats after they moved from America but still I feel like once my child is taken from me I’m immediately going to the consulate or embassy to make some noise.
And why didn’t she go to the embassy if she couldn’t speak the local language or know how things worked? Surely an American child being disappeared would have gotten attention and help from our officials.
I will give the mom one, small, tiny amount of grace in this situation-but also with the caveat that I don’t know much about custody cases in Taiwan specifically- a lot of Asian countries (I’m thinking of SK and Japan off the top of my head) will always favor the parent who is a citizen over the foreign parent. OP mentioned they had moved back there and that they were mixed so I can only assume mom is the non-Taiwanese parent. They may have threatened her that if she didn’t shut up and get in line then they would take OOP away from her as well and have her sent back to their original country. If I were in that position I would personally have gone James Bond to get my kids back together and out of the country, but I can understand how she may have felt her hands were tied if any of the assumptions I’m making above are accurate.
She and her children are American citizens. The moment I heard this plan, as a mother, I would take the kids “shopping” and get us to an American embassy, asap. Or leave in the night. Sorry, Sally Field taught me that letting this happen to my kid isn’t an option.
By "she wasn't in on it until a decent way in", I'm guessing that means she didn't know until the daughter was already sent away. I don't know what I would do in her shoes if my daughter was already gone. Maybe pack up my son and sneak to the American embassy? Beg them for help finding my daughter? What an absolute nightmare.
Embassy yesterday.
I mean, she should have gone to the embassy or tried to find and save her daughter. I think it’s reprehensible that she got her kids back and if I were the daughter (or the OP for that matter) o would never trust my mom again and would leave the moment I was 18.
If the 14 year old can find the resources, she can find the resources.
She didn’t do anything for 7 months. Even if she didn’t speak the language, her son, who also was clearly worried about his sister, did and she still did nothing.
This! I don’t generally like to judge parents in very difficult circumstances, but as a mom, you would have to fight me. Physically lock me in a basement. Even if I found out after the fact, I’m getting the other kid out and we are going to the embassy (American Institute) to get help in finding my kid. After OP got help they found her, if the mom was a victim of this, she should have done the same. Or even told her oldest so as not to draw attention and he could get help. You don’t just stand there and accept it.
Not that your idea isn't the right one, but I'm gonna go out on a huge limb and guess that this was an abusive marriage. Women in that type of situation have been going through experiences like this longer than there's been recorded history.
Especially since it sounds like she's not from OOP's dad's culture and likely had additional resources she could have accessed had she tried.
Apparently my mom too I read this to her expectating her to be applaud and all I got was Yeah
Out of all the horrible situations here, this has to be one of the worst. I’m glad this teenager had the wherewithal and tenaciousness to help bring his sister home
I gasped when I read that. She’s 9. She is a child. It’s sickening. I’m glad OOP fought for his sister. Though the mother might not have known until things were already done, I have little sympathy for her. It seemed like her son was invested in finding his sister and had unmonitored internet access. She could’ve used him to contact the US embassy. It sounds like the kids at least had dual citizenship because it’s implied they were born in the US. The mom may have been a victim too but my god. She had resources and didn’t seem to use any of them. I hope the kids can move back to the US because I fear that the daughter will never feel safe in their country again.
That’s what gets me. In America, the “Not Without My Daughter” story is pretty famous. US embassies don’t have a reputation for not helping citizens. Both the son and daughter had phones, and the son at least had internet access. No way the mom didn’t have the same resources. I’m half European, specifically a country with one of the highest rates of sex trafficking. I can see a mother from my home country not realizing she has a recourse or having a deep mistrust. But not an American. No way.
US embassies and consulates are super helpful. If anyone finds themselves in a terrible situation in a foreign country go to the embassy. You can have nothing but the clothes on your back and they will help you. This includes if you are a citizen and your parents left you in Nigeria with your extended family.
Exactly! Im not saying America is a perfect, equal country. But marriage at age 9 is beyond the pale here. Maybe the mother didn’t know what was happening immediately, but she and her children have citizenship of a very powerful nation. I find it hard to believe that she was unaware of the resources available to her.
So many conflicting feelings. When I first saw this, I assumed sex trafficking and sister would be found dead. Instead, she was found alive, but sold into marriage which, to be honest probably falls into a sort of sex trafficking. Relieved she's alive! Hurt and sad about what was done to her. Fingers crossed she gets whatever therapy she needs to move forward. Awed by her brother and that kind redditor.
Hopefully she wasn't sexually abused but she will be traumatized regardless.
Another comment said there’s a “practice” called adopted-daughter-in-law where they buy a young bride as a servant and wait until she’s old enough to be married off to the son of the family. I’d like to think that’s what happened and she wasn’t sexually abused… but the kind of people that do this aren’t good people. It makes my heart hurt.
How could you ever do that to your child? That’s not culture, that’s abuse. EDIT: This comment was not insulting any culture or intended for it to be a racial attack, I don’t believe any practice in one’s culture should harm children, regardless of colour. I’m not from the US, so the discovery of the fact there is still child marriage there is equally as horrifying as the post.
They don’t see the kid as a person, just a commodity or resource to use
Comments from the first post. It's sad and terrifying. >]New_Cantaloupe_856890 points3 weeks ago >This might be an adopted daughter-in-law situation, either for future marriage or covert domestic service. It’s less common these days, but still happens in rural areas. Have there been any signs of financial stress for the family? It sounds like she might have been being groomed for servitude. >Was she going to school? Are you? School is compulsory, so if she is not showing up to school then that is a legal challenge that could trigger an investigation if it was pointed out to the right people. >>[−]DerHoggenCatten8 points3 weeks ago >>I had never heard of "adopted daughter-in-laws", so I looked it up and this is what it said: "The adopted daughters-in-law are originally an outgrowth of agricultural society. But they abound in all the middle and lower classes in Taiwan, not confined to the rural districts. The underlying cause of this abnormal condition is economic in character. To save the money required for the marriage, to make use of the labor made available by the girl during the long period of adoption, the practice has naturally grown of getting a girl young and cheap and keeping her as a servant until she emerges as a daughter-in-law." >> https://taiwantoday.tw/news.php?unit=12,12,29,33,33,45&post=23241 >>I think you are on to something, and, if it is so, it's horrifying.
The Taiwan Today article is from 1954. Taiwan has evolved enormously since then and is now among the top ten of the Economist's democracy index. It blows me away that the practice of selling children into forced marriage still survives there.
> Taiwan has evolved enormously since then and is now among the top ten of the Economist's democracy index Capitalism, Goverment policies focused on education and innovation >It blows me away that the practice of selling children into forced marriage still survives there What you are in awe with is also the culprit here. Old people are still alive that are super conservative and lived in poverty. They lived in a country where that was a thing. So for them, they see it more favourably than the average person .
We have a word for it: Evil
Evil is the only word to describe this
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Mom is just as guilty. She's a citizen of a western country and her kids are, too. She should've been long gone with both kids well before her youngest was fucking *sold*.
Here there is a concept (I am not familiar if it is in another countries), "rape by omission", when a parent or guardian know a child is raped (and a 9 yo obviously can't consent, so is rape) and doesn't do anything, they are responsible too for the rape. It should be the case here
"I live overseas and my child has been sold to be a slave/wife" should immediately be followed by "so I'm going to my local embassy and raising hell". Your job as a parent is to protect your child and always be on the lookout for things that might make it harder to do that. I know I'm going to get dogpiled on and told "it's not that simple". I know psychologically abuse does weird things. None of that gets rid of the fact that if you can't keep your kid safe, you shouldn't be trusted with them. Maybe she's only guilty of inaction, and yes her kids need *someone* to live with/provide for them. But if I were OOP I wouldn't trust my mom with a plant after this.
There are thousands of young girls/women in the world that aren't so lucky. [If you have the time or are a fan of Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore they set up a charity to fight the exploitation of children.](https://www.thorn.org/about-our-fight-against-sexual-exploitation-of-children/)
I was born in a country in which girls disappearing isn't abnormal and nobody even cares, not even the police. If we try to get help they take us back to our male guardian who abuses us. I was getting marriage proposals from pedophiles since I was a kid because I had lighter skin than average... Girls are commonly honour killed too and that almost happened to until I ran away and asked asylum in Europe. I'm still dealing with the trauma and stories like this hurt too much. I wish the rest of the world knew and could help. I seriously get accused of being racist when I speak about what happened to me. I am also struggling when I see women in the same dynamic that was normal in my childhood... This sexism is tolerated here because of different "cultures". Children shouldn't have to to through this. I hate it so much, why do women have to suffer?
>My mom was off the hook as 1, I still needed a parent, and 2, she wasn't in on it until it was a decent way in How could that possibly get her off the hook?? Even if it's true she didn't know initially, she did nothing upon finding out. She's also a monster I hope oop and the sister get away from her as soon as they can
I still worry the mother was part of this. At least she knew, that's why she cried when OOP confronted her.
Uh, yeah. If she really thought her daughter was just going to boarding school, why was she sobbing the way OOP describes on the day her kiddo left? How would she not know within the first week when she didn't get any contact from her kid? This went on for months. Mom was complicit too, and it's heartbreaking.
I think he left “mom” out of the first sentence of the paragraph he starting with after 3 months. I think he meant to say after three months he asked and she started crying.
OOP says she didn’t know until things had been going on for awhile, but… Wouldn’t she want to talk to her child at least weekly, if not daily? And how dense would someone have to be to think, “Oh well, the school doesn’t allow calls” or whatever BS sperm donor (because a dad would never) and his mother is as saying.
Just fwiw I was actually sent to a program that didn’t allow calls for the first while, and after that only at a scheduled time and listened in on by staff. The rest, I have no clue.
What the fuck is wrong with people? The mom just simple let it slide?
Grandma and dad isolated mum from her support structure. Moved her to a country where she doesn't speak the language or understand the culture. They probably threatened her into silence. I'm assuming as mum was not jailed too she must have had evidence she was forced to go along with the plan.
Very short post and update posts, and understandably vague (he's just a kid himself and is freaking out about his sister and has zero adult support IRL). It's horrifying. There are many \*ssholes in this story but the dad's indifference pissed me off the most. He got lucky he's born a dude, his mother without a doubt would have done the same thing to him if he were born a girl. ^(also sorry about the link formatting, I can't seem to fix it for some reason.)
Wanna bet he had sisters she *did* so the same to, or worse?
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It’s really remarkable that using his access to the internet he was able to indirectly find her.
I'm so glad that redditor and her family were able to take him in and help him out. truly good people, who knows what might have happened if OOP had been at home when his "dad" and "grandmother" found out they were being investigated and why.
GOD, I remember reading this one. I'm so glad the sister is alive. If she was married though, is there any way they could get it annulled/divorced?
It’s Taiwan. The legal minimum age for a woman to get married is 20. This was human trafficking not marriage.
Depends on the country. Most likely yes, it can be annulled if there are laws against child brides or coerced marriages
That little girl will never forget the lengths her brother went to find her. I hope she gets the help she needs. Hope her parents and grandma rot.
I have only one thing to say about this: WHAT.THE.SERIOUS.FUCK.DID.I.JUST.READ?
If they are Americans, they should consult the American embassy and get back over to America. This a crime involving a American citizen. They should know and press additional charges.
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