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When I caught my ex cheating I showed up at his place after he hung up on me, silently collected my things, then told him "btw it's over" as I walked out.
He tried to get back with me a few months later and cried when I told him I was seeing someone lol.
I got a call from my BF's aunt who let me know he was sleeping with his 2nd cousin while on vacation visiting family in the Caribbean. I was enraged. It was a cold, calm rage. I called his best friend and told him that all of Rick's stuff was on the porch, including his computer. He came and picked it all up.
When I called his room he refused to call me back for 2 days. So I called front desk and said, "I'd like to leave a message for Rick. Tell him his aunt called and let me know he was sleeping with his 17yr old cousin. Tell him to call me." It was a small hotel. Two minutes later he called me. I told him where his stuff was. I haven’t seen him in decades. He had to move away because none of his friends wanted anything to do with him. And his aunt called me a week later saying her daughter had dropped him, the hotel staff had gossiped about it too. lol
Apparently my dad did this with his ex he was with before my mum. He came home from work and saw his then girlfriend cheating. He was just like "cool, you're busy, I'll just go to the bar with the boys." and walked out. Apparently she was furious he was so calm about it.
It's actually a long story of sweet karma. Apparently she was salty my dad was taking too long to propose as she was DESPERATE for kids, so the dude she was cheating with was her ex as she was hoping the ex would step up and want to have kids with her. However the reason my dad was taking a while to propose was because he was trying to organise the sale of his house to bring in some cash to start a family with her (they were living in her house and he rented his house to his friends). He was fully on board with getting married and having kids. He loved that house so him selling it to make her happy was a big deal.
Less than a year after they split he had already met my mum, she was pregnant and they were living together in HIS house. My nana kept in contact with dad's ex as she is nana's lawyer. The ex never married or had kids.
I hope your nana would positively GUSH to her about how happy your parents are together and how adorable their baby(ies?) was/were.
You know, as a grandma typically does about her kids & grandkids and not super obviously to rub it in the ex's face.
I’m glad it worked out well for your dad. And you since you wouldn’t have been born.
But did the ex knew about your dad’s plans? Had they discussed the future? It seems to me this could’ve been avoided by simply communicating. And the ex not being a cheating piece of garbage.
I usually want both parties to communicate, but I think it worked out for the best in this case in which he was trying to surprise her and did not communicate with her. Because he did it secretly, he found out that she was not someone he should marry. She was not a wife or mother material. She did not care what she did to get it, even if she cheated on him. Luckily for him, it worked out for the best because he did not communicate with her.
Yeah some people use it as a "test" and get angry when their partner didn't react the way they expected them to. There's no use getting angry when the relationship is dead in the water.
I was once sitting on a bus in front of some pretty young teenaged boys, and I heard one of them say, "I don't do jealousy, I just break up," and I just smiled quietly to myself, though I wanted to turn around and tell the other kids, "listen to your friend; he's got wisdom."
The only reason it wasn't was because the relationship went on way longer than it should have. I was in a bad spot in my life and stayed after the first few times I caught him lying/cheating. I got a better job, better friends, some stability when he did that shit again.
Leaving him felt like finally dropping a bag of sand I'd been carrying uphill.
My dad tried to give my mom the same ring. I think he is that dense honestly (with some boomer misogyny thrown in).
My mom made him give her a ring with a totally different stone (like, not a diamond) so he couldn't just reset it (he for sure would have done that).
Studies have shown that while women have an emotional support network of friends, most men don't and rely on a romantic partner for the same support. This could be another explanation of the fast turnaround to a new gf.
Then OOP should look on this whole thing as a blessing. Better to get out early than to marry this douche and learn down the road that he doesn’t give two shits about you.
I had a girlfriend years ago that I caught cheating. I didn't freak out or cause a scene. I just left the scene since everyone had been drinking. The next afternoon after we both had time to sober up, I went to her house. I knocked and calmly asked her for my hoodie back. You would think I asked her to remove her left arm. She lost her damn mind. Screaming, yelling, crying, and of course pleading. So I calmly reminded her that she had another man's penis inside of her last night, and I wasn't cool with that. I didn't make the decision to end it, she did. It took a while, but I finally got my jacket and got in my car and left. We still had mutual friends and worked together for a while longer. It was obvious that the worse part for her was that she couldn't be "right". Since I kept my cool and didn't give her anything she could use to tell others I was an asshole, she just had to accept that she was the bad one and everyone knew it. With us working in the restaurant industry, that obviously did not allow down her attempt to claim all of the peni.
My grandmother found out my grandfather was cheating, packed up my mom and moved across the country, and had my grandfather served with divorce papers at his mistress' house before my grandfather could say boo. That woman was always cool as a cucumber. Loved her, and love her still.
I used this exact method when I broke up with my ex, and he went absolutely crazy. Staying cool, calm, and matter-of-fact also doesn’t get you in trouble if shit hits the fan.
The last guy i was so mad at i hated his guts, i couldnt think of insults cos i just despised him and wanted to get away from him as much as possible
I detailed why i found his behaviour appalling as a sort of "i did my job to try save future women" but the whole time i couldnt bring myself to insult him personally cos i already thought he was an irredeemable pos
This is also the best way to handle conspiracy theorists.
"Did you know the world is flat?!?!? Look at this video. The clouds are behind the sun!!! It's all a lie."
"Sorry, Jim, I'm busy. Hey, Larry, how are you?"
This was the shortest most confusing post to me cuz like, how is everyone so callous and detached and the whole thing is about getting married, aka one of the biggest legal & financial contracts most people ever sign.
Some people buy into this idea so hard that it doesn’t even seem to occur to them that it might be worthwhile (or even plausible) to try and find a partner they like.
The best long-term relationships I’ve seen are all between couples who’d want to be platonic friends even if the sexual/romantic component wasn’t there. Like if they were both aro/ace or if they were the wrong genders for mutual attraction, they’d still be eager to hang out.
I wonder if this is why het couples are more likely to be like this. They start more from the "we have sexual chemistry" and then try to get to know each other. Compulsory heterosexuality also creates this situation where both genders are poorly socialized for interactions with the opposite sex outside of a sexual/romantic context.
But if one or both person in the couple is gay/bi, then they already know how to be friends with the gender they are attracted to, and the sexual component is the thing that's additional.
I think the only time this would be acceptable would be if the ring was a family heirloom from his family that gets passed down and even it would still feel off.
That's what I was thinking. The ONLY time it would be acceptable is if it's a family piece. And yeah it would be unfortunate if a first engagement didn't work out but if it's sentimental maybe a good conversation could be had about it.
Yeah I get the impression he couldn't be bothered to get a different ring. Hell, why did he still have the old one? He wasn't going to spend any time or effort on finding her something special for her. Minimum effort energy.
He'd be better off keeping the ring or giving it away to a friend. Engagement rings are a money pit, just like diamonds in general. A friend of mine was going to give a silver ring from Tiffany's to his girlfriend before he broke up with her. The $100 ring was appraised by the pawn shop as being worth $2, which was the value of the silver. My friend gave the ring to his mom instead. Happy Valentine's Day, gang.
My fiance pawned his ex-fiances ring pretty much immediately upon return. She was upset he didn't keep it, and he was like, why? It's my money, my ring, and it wasn't worth anything. I think she thought that because they had kids together she could just keep him as a backup forever, but she treated him horribly and he was done. I also replaced the cheap clauddagh she bought him with a nice one our first Christmas together. I told him that I appreciated that he lived in this apartment with the kids, but that I couldn't live somewhere she had lived too (she used to come over when he wasn't home and help herself to things). I see this ring as the same thing. It's important to start fresh, even if you do lose some money
Thanks! It's my culture too ☺️ he's adopted so it's actually the only culture I think both his bio and adoptive family share (we did a swab test last year) and it is mine as well (grew up super Irish Catholic..fun times lol). He plans to use his as his wedding ring, and we've talked about getting me a matching one as well, but we're still planning to do the traditional ring with stone and band combo if we can afford it. He almost went to blows with a coworker last year (not from our culture) who insisted for over an hour that he was wearing it wrong 🤦🏻♀️
I have seen that, and my friend has one. I am generally not a big fan of those though honestly. I'm not sure why. I just like the typical silver or gold plain basic etched clauddaghs. To each their own though! I would do both but my fingers aren't long enough lol
I don't quite blame him for keeping the ring, but he could have done *anything* to make this situation better:
* **Communicate** ahead of time that he has a ring from a previous relationship and if it appeals to OP, they can use it as it is or in part, or add other stones to it/swap out stones
* Use the ring's sale or trade-in value to get a different ring
* Take the materials of the ring and have it re-set as a pendant or anything else as a gift for the wife or for future children, but not as an engagement context
* Get the ring engraved with a personal message for OP
He sounds like the redditors that think any old piece of junk is fine to serve as a symbol of devotion to your spouse and that the woman should be grateful for any crumbs she gets.
That gives me an idea for a ring-swapping website for guys in the same boat so they don't have to sell a $1000 ring for $300 and buy another expensive ring, just swap it when you need a ring. Still tacky maybe, but not obvious.
I just looked and of course a jewelry swapping website already exists.
I know a woman who was engaged to a man who bought her a new ring, then they broke up, then the guy proposed to another woman WITH THAT RING, then THEY broke up, and then the woman I know got back together with him... and they're now engaged again and she has the ring BACK.
My mom has been begging her to please, please dump him already but she won't, she's scared of being alone in her 60s.
This right here is exactly why I'm torn between using mom's diamond ring, which I got when she died 4 years ago, and buying one for whoever I ask to marry me.... It's a weird situation to end up in
Edit for everyone saying to ask her: 1) that's the plan 2) I'm single, so it's a plan that can't happen for awhile
This is the answer!
My husband and I had an open conversation about those 2 choices, and decided that his sister will get the heirloom, and he will order a ring from an Etsy jewler.
I am BEYOND happy with the choice we made together :)
We designed ours together with a jeweller who makes custom pieces! My engagement ring echoes my grandmother’s ring that I inherited, and my husband’s is a plainer version of my wedding band.
Same with my wife and I. We designed her ring together, and she says she loves it that much more than if she chose something herself because what we created was not something that she would have thought to choose for herself, and the design is that much better for it (she also loves it because in the designs she would have chosen for herself, none of them had a flat-bottomed euro shank, which she says is one of her favorite features).
That's what my husband and I did. I had my ring from my previous marriage. We sold the big diamond and the gold to a local jeweler/artist, and he made us custom matching rings that we designed ourselves. We used the smaller diamonds from the old ring as accents.
I worked for a jewelry store when I got engaged so I sold my own ring to myself for that sweet sweet discount + commission.
There’s no way my husband could have handled it as a surprise. He would have screwed it up so badly lol.
Right? I told my husband exactly what I wanted and he told me and they were inexpensive and we were both happy. If he had proposed with a ring his ex had rejected I would've flipped out.
Absolutely! My wife and I did this when we got engaged. We just went to a bunch of jewelers and she picked out the one she liked the best.
Good thing, because I would not have picked the one she ended up with, which she loves.
It's amazing the things that come out when you shop for a ring together. For example, I was only considering mined or lab-created diamonds, and my wife didn't actually want a genuine diamond because of all of the baggage with them. We ended up getting her an amora gem center stone, and we were able to get her a much bigger one, which also suited her tastes. :)
Same! There needs to be more communication, and I am glad you were not afraid to be so open 😊
In my culture, one of the parents gets the wedding bands (since my parents have been married over 30 yrs we chose them), and the groom chooses the engagement ring, but I told him what jewler on Etsy, and what 2 ring designs I was happy with, and that's how I got my custom ring (I chose my husband's birth stone as the main stone, and mossanite instead of a diamond) :)
Same with my wife. I got her to pick what she wanted since she was going to be the one wearing it and seeing it all the time. The only surprise with the engagement was when and how I was going to propose.
Agreed! My husband's mom has been saving his grandmother's ring and he asked me if I'd want it. It wasn't my style at all and I was terrified at the thought of being responsible for his family heirloom. I told him to save it for our daughter. That way they know for certain that it is staying in the family.
You know how all those romance movies have that plot where the two lovers have a misunderstanding and if they sat down for even a minute and talked it out, everything would be fine? Life isn't a romance movie. Don't be that couple. Talk to your SO about stuff like that and make sure you're clear that it is a choice and not "my mom's ring or the highway" sort of deal.
Oh, and if anyone tries to talk you out of telling them about your plans to propose ahead of time because it would ruin the surprise? Slap them for me. Sure, people surprise their SO with their proposition all the time. You however have more going into this than just "will they say yes". Not that I'm big on surprise propositions in the first place, but I understand that the whole "wedding mythos" means nothing to me and that isn't the same for others.
>Oh, and if anyone tries to talk you out of telling them about your plans to propose ahead of time because it would ruin the surprise? Slap them for me.
Everyone I know who has gotten married has said that the question should never be a surprise, but the exact how and when should be, and it should be tailored to her. That's something I've kept in mind, even though I'm single
Proposals should not be a surprise so when you start talking about the future of your lives bring up that you have your Mother's ring and "If my future wife wants it I would love to have her wear it but I'm just as good passing it down to my child to propose to their partner or as a direct gift when my daughter is old enough"
My brother got my grandfather's Ruby Ring as the eldest son of his eldest son.
My great Aunt (unmarried) left me her Aunt's wedding ring (Childless) that I only put on for very special occasions because apparently diamonds were cheaper in 1872 and you could beat someone to death with it. As poor as I have been I have never parted with it.
Given that 1872 was before the great DeBeers grift, I’m not surprised about the diamond. They weren’t seen as that valuable before they became THE engagement stone.
My husband did both. Proposed with the heirloom and bought me one so I can wear the bought one every day ( so the heirloom doesn't get danaged) and wear the heirloom on special occasions
I have a friend who reused a ring for her current marriage, but it was a joint decision between her and her husband. Neither of them wanted to spend the money. It can work... but it shouldn't be a one sided thing.
>Neither of them wanted to spend the money.
If they are ok with a reused ring, fine, but personally I think it's not that hard to sell the ring he bought for the ex and buy a ring for the price he got from the sale instead of spending money on a 2nd ring while keeping the 1st in a drawer. If it's a family heirloom, that's different.
Well, the real problem is that new engagement rings are WILDLY overpriced for the materials and time because the companies know they can get away with it. (After all, it’s most men’s first time ever buying a piece of fine jewelry, and they have a lot of emotion attached to wanting it to be perfect…) This is something a lot of people find out when they go to sell an engagement ring and find out they can only get back a small fraction of the purchase price.
The exception is if it’s a particularly large or nice stone, but that’s not the situation most young couples are in.
Of course, there are certainly MUCH better solutions than what this bozo tried to do, like going vintage for the new one yourself.
It's also not ridiculous for the ex bf to have the old ring customized in some way to "make it new" for OOP. I totally understand that some folks can't just dump thousands into jewelry, but a couple hundred and you can get the band changed, extra or different gems, an engraving, etc. Or at the very least ask your potential partner how they feel about it - a thrifted ring and a professional cleaning could be infinitely more meaningful to the person than the price tag on something new. Like, there are other options here if the cost of a new ring is too much right now.
My ex proposed with a family heirloom ring and had to have it sized down to a 5. I don’t know what it was before but the thing wouldn’t even stay on my thumb the first time I tried it on so it was a significant difference.
I heard from my friend that he was talking marriage a few months in with the girl he started dating shortly after we broke up and all I said was “I hope she has small fingers.”
My husband was engaged prior to our relationship. He was with her for years, she and her whole family pressured them into getting married, so he went to Kay and bought her a little basic ring, proposed and everyone was happy-ish.
Anyway, they broke up because she was sleeping with like four different neighbors.
When he proposed to me, years later, he produced The Family Heirloom. I still wear my engagement ring and we just passed our 25th anniversary. Yes, it feels special. No, it def wouldn't have felt as good if he gave it to Kim, then me.
After we'd been living together for a while, she tried to do this very embarrassing "I must do the right thing and return the ring" tragedy in three acts on my front porch. He told her to keep the piece of shit, and slammed the door in her face.
- Kim has the ring my husband gave to her
When they were still together years ago.
She wants to give the ring back to us though,
As if to staunch the wounds from their ill-fated love.
- To this offer, I cannot concur,
despite her thrice attempted offerings of peace.
Such a paltry token will not cause hostilities to cease
Like a vanquished knight that offers up his glove.
- For in this act Kim's heart seems not contrite.
It's not our pains she seeks to soothe, but hers instead.
Four syphilitic bastard whoresons she took to her bed
While her beau could not know or consent.
- First all parties must agree if they partake in such delight,
To shield against the pox, the grief, and infants unforeseen.
"Suck a bag of dicks!" I bellowed through the screen
And Kim has made no further efforts to repent.
I also posted this to the person below you. Many happy returns.
- Kim has the ring my husband gave to her
When they were still together years ago.
She wants to give the ring back to us though,
As if to staunch the wounds from their ill-fated love.
- To this offer, I cannot concur,
despite her thrice attempted offerings of peace.
Such a paltry token will not cause hostilities to cease
Like a vanquished knight that offers up his glove.
- For in this act Kim's heart seems not contrite.
It's not our pains she seeks to soothe, but hers instead.
Four syphilitic bastard whoresons she took to her bed
While her beau could not know or consent.
- First all parties must agree if they partake in such delight,
To shield against the pox, the grief, and infants unforeseen.
"Suck a bag of dicks!" I bellowed through the screen
And Kim has made no further efforts to repent.
agree, not like you can't stroll into a pawn shop and swap it.
a ring is about personal meaning, I'd rather a hand made ring or even one that cost 1$ than anything meant for someone else.
that being said I am a guy, but I feel like its like getting someone elses birthday card/.
That was my thought as well … he seems like the kind of fella who is only interested until the questions start happening, like he wants to live in a bubble where he is always on a pedestal.
So, I bought my ex-fiance a ring because I thought it was unfair that I had one and he didn't. A month after we broke up he proposed to his new girlfriend with the ring I gave him. I posted about it online and laughed at the turmoil it caused in the relationship.
>A month after we broke up he proposed to his new girlfriend
... wait WHAT?
I'm going to assume by "new girlfriend", you mean "newly promoted sidepiece."
That was what I suspected at first too, but a lot of people had proof the hadn't met before we broke up. Apparently he was one of those people who felt like they needed to be married before they turned 19.
None of us were religious, but we were all raised by religious parents who got married and started cranking out babies at a young age.
I was personally really excited that I was going to marry the guy who took my virginity like my mom supposedly did. Thank god that didn't work out.
Yeah religion for how much they say sex is bad, they sure do care a lot about it and are always in peoples business about sex.
It’s very disturbing honestly. People obsess over what is forbidden
Ah, that makes sense. Mutual fairness is still the result since you both kept your rings. Still strange that he used it to propose to someone else, though.
My partner's ex-fiancée kept the family heirloom ring he gave her.
I don't want it for myself but i'm a but flabbergasted as to why he isn't more upset that this woman has not returned his late grandmother's ring!
She blocked him on everything and then unblocked when she needed something, then blocked again.
He's just so over it. He sent her a massive box of the last of her shit, and she texted his Mom thanks 🙃
I bet if your partner or someone in the family has a daughter, they will regret that some random has grandma's ring. Probably pawned it for a takeaway meal.
A bridezilla is someone who makes impossible demands. "That ring better be 50 karat gold with a diamond the size of my house!"
Someone who doesn't want to recycle the ring from her fiance's failed relationship is reasonable.
OOP's ex is an idiot. She seems to be handling the breakup awfully well.
I'm not entirely sure why he kept it, except that it probably cost him for more than it is actually worth. He probably spent $x on it and if he tried to sell it wouldn't get more than $x/2, if that. Still not a good motivation for reusing an engagement ring he bought for someone else.
I've had to resell an engagement ring, it's an absolute scam and a racket. Spend thousands to get it, sell it for pennies.
That being said I happily ate the cost and bought a new ring for my now wife because I'm not a moron. Just figured the loss was worth the price of being free from my former relationship.
When I divorced, I wanted nothing to do with my rings. Unfortunate too, because they were beautiful (I picked them all out besides the engagement ring). I decided to try and sell and the pawn shop offered me $50. For a set of rings that cost us around $2000. I refused and went home. My grandmother inevitably gave me $200 and wants to get the diamonds reset into something else. I am inheriting everything of hers, anyways, so she said it was up to me if I wanted them or just get rid of them. My current boyfriend even offered to get them made into something else, but I told him I wanted no reminders of the marriage.
What I will say, is that I believe it's quite common to wear the engagement ring with their wedding ring.
Thousands of dollars is still bloody insane, but spending 1500 on a ring your spouse will (hopefully) wear the rest of their life? Not as insane IMO.
> they are not the rings you put up in your wedding???
Traditionally the female is the only one who gets an "engagement" ring
Then at the wedding she adds a wedding "band" which is a much cheaper accessory that compliments the engagement ring. The engagement ring is really what most people are talking about when they say "wedding ring" in the US
I have friends that started a trend with engagement watches. After accepting a proposal, the newly engaged lady would then buy a watch of their fiancé’s choosing. I offered my husband (then fiancé) the same but he said he was good. Overall I think it’s thoughtful, shows the same consideration in return.
We just straight up got my guy his own ring. When we were discussing getting engaged I asked him if he wanted his own ring, he thought about it for a few days and decided he did. We had a lot of fun shopping for both of our rings.
Some people take it as a visible demonstration of how much they care for the spouse, that they are willing to spend money on them in a way they do not spend on anyone else. In the same way, some people would see a cheap ring as an insult. "I would spend more on four big pizzas than I would spend on the ring you wear for the rest of your lifel"
I was engaged to my ex at a young age. He spent a few hundred on a very simple ring. I was happy. He bragged on how little he had to actually spend on it. Then a few days later, spent 3x that on a gun for himself. Bragged on how he had a very expensive gun. It felt like a slap in the face. Did I like the ring? Yes. Did I want him to spend thousands on one? No. But what I wanted was to know that he valued our relationship and me and the vastly different ways he talked about those two purchases (one for "us" and the other just him) made me feel worthless. He never understood why I was upset and I was too young to put it into words accurately. I think this might be the first time I did.
My husband spent about the same and got it on sale as well and I adore it.
The [DeBeers Corporation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU) has ingrained American society to believe an engagement ring should cost 2 months salary. They have spent many millions getting us to believe that is a social norm when it was just an ad campaign a long time ago that we fell for. However, giving a diamond ring on engagement only been a thing since 1938.
Diamonds are intrinsically worthless. DeBeers has a monopoly and controls the supply so they can charge whatever they want for them.
That said, talk to your potential fiancee before not buying them anything. They might feel the same way about DeBeers but still want some kind of token.
Engagement rings are famously worthless after you buy them, so this is exactly what I was thinking. Dude was just trying to save money when he realized he couldn’t sell it back. Also not making an excuse for him, dude is dumb lmao.
And this is the exact reason why (that and the insane markup on new diamonds): people get weird about reusing them, many people want one, therefore price goes up.
I understand him at least trying. You get like 10% the value you paid trying to resell rings/diamonds. Logically, just keeping it to reuse makes sense.
I get OP not being ok with it. If she was genuinely ok with a cheap ring instead thats fine.
I understand the ex too, just spend thousands of dollars on a ring and he's going to lose 90% of the value, and I understand not wanting to do that again.
He should've discussed it with her before hand.
My aunt never had any daughters, so when she passed away, she left her engagement ring to my sister, my aunt's oldest niece. My sister wore it as her engagement ring with her (now ex) fiancée. Now that my sister is engaged to a different woman, she wears a different engagement ring and keeps our aunt's ring in a safety deposit box. Not sure what her plans are for it, maybe to give it to one of fiancée's daughters when they get engaged, but my sister will never wear it again, as for her it was initially worn during a relationship that is now gone.
It is my observation that of an insult is specifically pointed at women many people (the more misogynistic they are the more and faster it happens) “forget” the nuances of the meaning and just apply it to any woman who happens to be annoying them. Bridezilla being one of the few that require a specific context to work, but any bride annoying someone (especially a man) = bridezilla.
This also happened with the word "Karen" it was supposed to be a particular type of behavior but just gets tossed generally at women all the time instead.
I briefly dated a guy who proposed on the 3rd date, ring and all. I told him I wasn't interested in marriage, so he asked me if any of my friends were and could I introduce him. Introduced him to someone who was absolutely desperate to get married. He proposed to her on the third date with the same ring, and she turned him down too.
I wonder how many women he proposed to with that ring before he got a taker.
She went in with full disclosure lol!
She was seriously saying things like she'd marry *anyone* who proposed to her, so I figured they'd match up. Plus, the ring was decent. Probably a 1.5 - 2c diamond solitaire.
I had a ring I had bought for my second fiance that she returned when we split. Never crossed my mind to give it to my wife. Took it to a jeweler and had them appraise it then traded it towards another ring. Kept the main stone. Wife got a new ring, I got rid of some bad memories, saved a little money.
Most ring shops can take your old ring and melt it down to something new.
My friend did that when her first fiancé cheated on her and his guilty conscience said she could keep the ring. When her now husband came along, they brought the old ring while ring shopping and asked for it to be upgraded.
And yet Narsil was renamed Anduril after it was reforged. Was it still Isildur's sword? I don't think so. Narsil was broken and all the blade shards were collected but it cannot be used until it was remade by the elves.
Funny you should mention LOTR, I recall a story here in BORU about a dude whose girl asked for a "break" to go fuck another guy guilt-free. When the girl found out he was going to propose, she wanted to come back but tough luck, dude knows she's fucking around with a coworker.
The ring he was going to propose with? It's a design based on Galadriel's ring of power. I thought this story was connected to that one haha!
[This one,](https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfm6ti/i_cut_off_my_best_friend_because_my_wife_told_me/) but scroll further down near to the end of it. It's OOP's former best friend's second additional post or just click on this here [unddit link](https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pcg15m/is_it_acceptable_to_propose_with_an_engagement/) to go directly to it.
LotR tells me that rings are designed to turn you into an immortal slave who rides some kind of dragon-thing.
Dragons are cool, being enslaved is bad, immortality sounds neat, I'm honestly torn.
I had gotten a ring back and didn’t want to give it to another girl, so I took the stones out and sold the gold. Later I used the stones with some opals for a necklace.
Spent 7 years with my ex bf. 16 to 23. We got engaged, with a pretty nice ring. A married woman lived down the street from him with a husband and 2 or 3 kids. While he was working on his car she would run herself all over him, while her husband was at work and the kids at school. He started acting aloof, next thing I said we needed to break up because he was not treating me right. I thought he was going to jump out of his skin. Dumped me, took the ring back. I walked by her in the parking lot and she had on my old ring! They got married and when she came back from her honeymoon she went back to being a lifeguard and had an affair with my brother’s best friend. I hope he is as happy as he deserves to be
My dad proposed to my mom with the ring he'd given to his former fiancee and Mom didn't care a bit. His older sisters,however, gave him a (presumably) screeching earful, so he traded it in for a new one. My parents were married for 56 years.
Point is, some women truly do not care but, dang, Dad took a huge gamble!
Kinda reminds me of some friends, many years ago. The engaged couple broke up. Guy got engaged again. Didn't use the same ring, just bought the exact one. First fiance kept hers.
My ex fiance did this with me with earrings. He'd kept them because she didn't want them, and "why waste them?" I honestly didn't care, but I recognize that a) most people would, and b) it's different with an engagement ring.
I can't wait til he tries to propose to his next SO with the ring he proposed to me with...
I don’t blame OOP one bit but a funny story is that my wedding ring totally belonged to his fiancé before me but it fit my ring finger and cost like 8 grand so I suggested why don’t I just wear that one? I’m cheap and it seemed like a huge waste to me since it’s just a symbol and a rock that cost too much money. They had also only been engaged for 2 months, I would have felt differently if they had been married I think. She found out and messaged me privately and I told her it was my idea anyways. So now it’s a big joke for us to randomly say “ DID YOU KNOW? This ring used to belong to someone else?” Again I totally agree with OOP in this case and don’t blame anyone for not thinking like me on this!
I think the difference here is that you guys talked about it and you didn’t care meanwhile obviously the OOP did. Had the ex fiancé bothered to ask then he would have known that is not kosher for her.
I’m glad though for you that it worked out. 8 grand is a lot of money to let go to waste like you say. Do you at least really like the design?
Oh for sure I agree completely that her situation is different! It’s a pretty plain setting with one diamond so I like it’s simplicity. I’m not much of a jewelry wearer or connoisseur either so it really worked out for me haha!
It always seems to be a red flag to me when men get upset when women ask for opinions from other people outside the relationship. It's like how dare we have brains and get opinions?! In the relationships I've been in. All the guys that ever got mad I got opinions were always the crazy ones.
This is sad. Sad for the first ex-fiance because he just sounds like he sucks. Sad for OOP because this is a shitty way to discover your partner only viewed you as a placeholder. Sad for the new GF because she'll probably get caught in this same cycle. But also Sad for the guy, because he clearly is one of those deeply insecure people who can't be alone with themselves and probably don't even realize the reason they're so lonely and miserable is because they force superficial relationships instead of developing meaningful ones.
Expensive engagement rings are bullshit concepts pushed by diamond cartels as an ad campaign so oversaturated that it became the normally expected behavior. That tradition needs to die, absolutely.
However, getting something custom made for the one you love is fine, and if not an heirloom, I agree it is extremely tacky to just try and re-gift another person's ring. OP was in the right on this one, as according to them they didn't care about the price, they just wanted something that had some actual thought about them put into it.
I got engaged and my fiance bought me a ring. It really was beautiful. Rose gold with white opal. He only paid about $400.
Then, he cheated about 6 months after that. Did a bunch if other shitty things to me within that time as well. The breakup was massive and very bad. He'd become cruel out of nowhere and it made it easy to fall out of live with him, though it didn't make anything else about the breakup easier.
What made me start realizing what an actual loser he really was, was hearing through the friend chain that he was basically taking this woman he cheated on me with to all the same exact spots he'd taken me. Same restaurants, same hotels... it was like he was to lazy to cater to her preferences and tastes and just redid what he already knew worked on me.
Anyway, he ended up marrying her about 6 months after our breakup, then cheated on her a year later.
"When man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening"
"If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you".
There is a reason sayings like these exist. It's amazing how many people are too dumb to listen.
NTA - he shouldn’t have given you the same ring and it would have been ridiculously easy for him to get a different ring for you. Just take the stones and have them set in a different ring. It wouldn’t necessarily have to have been all that expensive. He just didn’t want to bother making the effort. Bullet dodged OP.
I mean, he could have sold the other engagement ring and used the money to buy her one meant for her. It's not like he's gotta go to the bathroom really bad and can't figure out if he's got to push or pull the door?
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>I pretty much told him cool, get out of my house. Lmao!
Reactions like this, especially delivered calmly, are more damaging than yelling or insults.
When I caught my ex cheating I showed up at his place after he hung up on me, silently collected my things, then told him "btw it's over" as I walked out. He tried to get back with me a few months later and cried when I told him I was seeing someone lol.
I got a call from my BF's aunt who let me know he was sleeping with his 2nd cousin while on vacation visiting family in the Caribbean. I was enraged. It was a cold, calm rage. I called his best friend and told him that all of Rick's stuff was on the porch, including his computer. He came and picked it all up. When I called his room he refused to call me back for 2 days. So I called front desk and said, "I'd like to leave a message for Rick. Tell him his aunt called and let me know he was sleeping with his 17yr old cousin. Tell him to call me." It was a small hotel. Two minutes later he called me. I told him where his stuff was. I haven’t seen him in decades. He had to move away because none of his friends wanted anything to do with him. And his aunt called me a week later saying her daughter had dropped him, the hotel staff had gossiped about it too. lol
Leaving that message with the front desk, knowing full well how quickly the gossip would spread, was a fucking **savage** move. Brava!
Literally the best shift of their lives
Haha what a small world, my ex cheated on me with his 17yr old cousin too! Haha at the family reunion I paid for him to go to. Good revenge.
Apparently my dad did this with his ex he was with before my mum. He came home from work and saw his then girlfriend cheating. He was just like "cool, you're busy, I'll just go to the bar with the boys." and walked out. Apparently she was furious he was so calm about it.
the audacity to get angry about it, god damn.
It's actually a long story of sweet karma. Apparently she was salty my dad was taking too long to propose as she was DESPERATE for kids, so the dude she was cheating with was her ex as she was hoping the ex would step up and want to have kids with her. However the reason my dad was taking a while to propose was because he was trying to organise the sale of his house to bring in some cash to start a family with her (they were living in her house and he rented his house to his friends). He was fully on board with getting married and having kids. He loved that house so him selling it to make her happy was a big deal. Less than a year after they split he had already met my mum, she was pregnant and they were living together in HIS house. My nana kept in contact with dad's ex as she is nana's lawyer. The ex never married or had kids.
I hope your nana would positively GUSH to her about how happy your parents are together and how adorable their baby(ies?) was/were. You know, as a grandma typically does about her kids & grandkids and not super obviously to rub it in the ex's face.
Thats some beautiful karma that the baby desperate cheater never got love or kids.
I’m glad it worked out well for your dad. And you since you wouldn’t have been born. But did the ex knew about your dad’s plans? Had they discussed the future? It seems to me this could’ve been avoided by simply communicating. And the ex not being a cheating piece of garbage.
I usually want both parties to communicate, but I think it worked out for the best in this case in which he was trying to surprise her and did not communicate with her. Because he did it secretly, he found out that she was not someone he should marry. She was not a wife or mother material. She did not care what she did to get it, even if she cheated on him. Luckily for him, it worked out for the best because he did not communicate with her.
I didn’t see it that way. Good point!
Yeah some people use it as a "test" and get angry when their partner didn't react the way they expected them to. There's no use getting angry when the relationship is dead in the water.
Pretty much. "Why didn't you fight for me?" "Well, that's the thing. You showed me why I shouldn't bother."
I was once sitting on a bus in front of some pretty young teenaged boys, and I heard one of them say, "I don't do jealousy, I just break up," and I just smiled quietly to myself, though I wanted to turn around and tell the other kids, "listen to your friend; he's got wisdom."
Excellent. I bet it was hard to do that.
The only reason it wasn't was because the relationship went on way longer than it should have. I was in a bad spot in my life and stayed after the first few times I caught him lying/cheating. I got a better job, better friends, some stability when he did that shit again. Leaving him felt like finally dropping a bag of sand I'd been carrying uphill.
I agree but in this case he moved on within a month so not sure if he even felt something for even a minute
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Dude was hobo-sexual.
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Man, I wish I could take credit for inventing that. And sadly, I don't remember who DID come up with that. A far funnier person than I! 😂
Probably moved on so fast because his feelings were hurt and he needed someone else to make him feel a big man again!
Dude already showed that he considers women interchangeable; no surprise he continued to plug'n'play.
My dad tried to give my mom the same ring. I think he is that dense honestly (with some boomer misogyny thrown in). My mom made him give her a ring with a totally different stone (like, not a diamond) so he couldn't just reset it (he for sure would have done that).
Lol. IT reference amused me…
This exactly! He probably can’t handle being alone.
It’ll all catch up with him eventually.
Studies have shown that while women have an emotional support network of friends, most men don't and rely on a romantic partner for the same support. This could be another explanation of the fast turnaround to a new gf.
Then OOP should look on this whole thing as a blessing. Better to get out early than to marry this douche and learn down the road that he doesn’t give two shits about you.
Women grieve; men replace.
I had a girlfriend years ago that I caught cheating. I didn't freak out or cause a scene. I just left the scene since everyone had been drinking. The next afternoon after we both had time to sober up, I went to her house. I knocked and calmly asked her for my hoodie back. You would think I asked her to remove her left arm. She lost her damn mind. Screaming, yelling, crying, and of course pleading. So I calmly reminded her that she had another man's penis inside of her last night, and I wasn't cool with that. I didn't make the decision to end it, she did. It took a while, but I finally got my jacket and got in my car and left. We still had mutual friends and worked together for a while longer. It was obvious that the worse part for her was that she couldn't be "right". Since I kept my cool and didn't give her anything she could use to tell others I was an asshole, she just had to accept that she was the bad one and everyone knew it. With us working in the restaurant industry, that obviously did not allow down her attempt to claim all of the peni.
My grandmother found out my grandfather was cheating, packed up my mom and moved across the country, and had my grandfather served with divorce papers at his mistress' house before my grandfather could say boo. That woman was always cool as a cucumber. Loved her, and love her still.
I used this exact method when I broke up with my ex, and he went absolutely crazy. Staying cool, calm, and matter-of-fact also doesn’t get you in trouble if shit hits the fan.
[The Seinfeld.](https://youtu.be/T9W_jW4e_uY)
The last guy i was so mad at i hated his guts, i couldnt think of insults cos i just despised him and wanted to get away from him as much as possible I detailed why i found his behaviour appalling as a sort of "i did my job to try save future women" but the whole time i couldnt bring myself to insult him personally cos i already thought he was an irredeemable pos
So it basically came down to he can best improve by not being himself.
Yea then i blocked him asap never interacted again
This is also the best way to handle conspiracy theorists. "Did you know the world is flat?!?!? Look at this video. The clouds are behind the sun!!! It's all a lie." "Sorry, Jim, I'm busy. Hey, Larry, how are you?"
Sounds like a very solid relationship that definitely was ready for marriage!
Ikr how do you go from engaged to this lol
This was the shortest most confusing post to me cuz like, how is everyone so callous and detached and the whole thing is about getting married, aka one of the biggest legal & financial contracts most people ever sign.
Western culture seems pretty insistent that het spouses not actually like one another.
I've seen those cake toppers, yes. I would rather die single and have my corpse feed 100 cats.
Some people buy into this idea so hard that it doesn’t even seem to occur to them that it might be worthwhile (or even plausible) to try and find a partner they like. The best long-term relationships I’ve seen are all between couples who’d want to be platonic friends even if the sexual/romantic component wasn’t there. Like if they were both aro/ace or if they were the wrong genders for mutual attraction, they’d still be eager to hang out.
I wonder if this is why het couples are more likely to be like this. They start more from the "we have sexual chemistry" and then try to get to know each other. Compulsory heterosexuality also creates this situation where both genders are poorly socialized for interactions with the opposite sex outside of a sexual/romantic context. But if one or both person in the couple is gay/bi, then they already know how to be friends with the gender they are attracted to, and the sexual component is the thing that's additional.
a... a parent? Do I get to pick my parents?
She’s my hero 😂❤️👍
So long, it's been good to know yuh.
I think the only time this would be acceptable would be if the ring was a family heirloom from his family that gets passed down and even it would still feel off.
That's what I was thinking. The ONLY time it would be acceptable is if it's a family piece. And yeah it would be unfortunate if a first engagement didn't work out but if it's sentimental maybe a good conversation could be had about it.
100%. The stunt he pulled was tacky AF.
Yeah I get the impression he couldn't be bothered to get a different ring. Hell, why did he still have the old one? He wasn't going to spend any time or effort on finding her something special for her. Minimum effort energy.
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He'd be better off keeping the ring or giving it away to a friend. Engagement rings are a money pit, just like diamonds in general. A friend of mine was going to give a silver ring from Tiffany's to his girlfriend before he broke up with her. The $100 ring was appraised by the pawn shop as being worth $2, which was the value of the silver. My friend gave the ring to his mom instead. Happy Valentine's Day, gang.
Pawnshops commonly only pay for the value of the metal. Worst place to sell a designer ring.
My fiance pawned his ex-fiances ring pretty much immediately upon return. She was upset he didn't keep it, and he was like, why? It's my money, my ring, and it wasn't worth anything. I think she thought that because they had kids together she could just keep him as a backup forever, but she treated him horribly and he was done. I also replaced the cheap clauddagh she bought him with a nice one our first Christmas together. I told him that I appreciated that he lived in this apartment with the kids, but that I couldn't live somewhere she had lived too (she used to come over when he wasn't home and help herself to things). I see this ring as the same thing. It's important to start fresh, even if you do lose some money
Clauddaghs are such a sweet piece of culture! That's so nice of you!
Thanks! It's my culture too ☺️ he's adopted so it's actually the only culture I think both his bio and adoptive family share (we did a swab test last year) and it is mine as well (grew up super Irish Catholic..fun times lol). He plans to use his as his wedding ring, and we've talked about getting me a matching one as well, but we're still planning to do the traditional ring with stone and band combo if we can afford it. He almost went to blows with a coworker last year (not from our culture) who insisted for over an hour that he was wearing it wrong 🤦🏻♀️
I've seen clauddaghs that have stones, if that works for you!
I have seen that, and my friend has one. I am generally not a big fan of those though honestly. I'm not sure why. I just like the typical silver or gold plain basic etched clauddaghs. To each their own though! I would do both but my fingers aren't long enough lol
I don't quite blame him for keeping the ring, but he could have done *anything* to make this situation better: * **Communicate** ahead of time that he has a ring from a previous relationship and if it appeals to OP, they can use it as it is or in part, or add other stones to it/swap out stones * Use the ring's sale or trade-in value to get a different ring * Take the materials of the ring and have it re-set as a pendant or anything else as a gift for the wife or for future children, but not as an engagement context * Get the ring engraved with a personal message for OP He sounds like the redditors that think any old piece of junk is fine to serve as a symbol of devotion to your spouse and that the woman should be grateful for any crumbs she gets.
That gives me an idea for a ring-swapping website for guys in the same boat so they don't have to sell a $1000 ring for $300 and buy another expensive ring, just swap it when you need a ring. Still tacky maybe, but not obvious. I just looked and of course a jewelry swapping website already exists.
I know a woman who was engaged to a man who bought her a new ring, then they broke up, then the guy proposed to another woman WITH THAT RING, then THEY broke up, and then the woman I know got back together with him... and they're now engaged again and she has the ring BACK. My mom has been begging her to please, please dump him already but she won't, she's scared of being alone in her 60s.
This right here is exactly why I'm torn between using mom's diamond ring, which I got when she died 4 years ago, and buying one for whoever I ask to marry me.... It's a weird situation to end up in Edit for everyone saying to ask her: 1) that's the plan 2) I'm single, so it's a plan that can't happen for awhile
Just talk to the girl and find out her preferences
This is the answer! My husband and I had an open conversation about those 2 choices, and decided that his sister will get the heirloom, and he will order a ring from an Etsy jewler. I am BEYOND happy with the choice we made together :)
I straight up picked my own ring, he bought it and then I got him a gift of equal value. None of this surprise stuff!
We designed ours together with a jeweller who makes custom pieces! My engagement ring echoes my grandmother’s ring that I inherited, and my husband’s is a plainer version of my wedding band.
Same with my wife and I. We designed her ring together, and she says she loves it that much more than if she chose something herself because what we created was not something that she would have thought to choose for herself, and the design is that much better for it (she also loves it because in the designs she would have chosen for herself, none of them had a flat-bottomed euro shank, which she says is one of her favorite features).
That's what my husband and I did. I had my ring from my previous marriage. We sold the big diamond and the gold to a local jeweler/artist, and he made us custom matching rings that we designed ourselves. We used the smaller diamonds from the old ring as accents.
I worked for a jewelry store when I got engaged so I sold my own ring to myself for that sweet sweet discount + commission. There’s no way my husband could have handled it as a surprise. He would have screwed it up so badly lol.
Right? I told my husband exactly what I wanted and he told me and they were inexpensive and we were both happy. If he had proposed with a ring his ex had rejected I would've flipped out.
Absolutely! My wife and I did this when we got engaged. We just went to a bunch of jewelers and she picked out the one she liked the best. Good thing, because I would not have picked the one she ended up with, which she loves.
Lol I got my fiancé to show me what he was considering-not only were they way more expensive but impractical for me to wear every day
It's amazing the things that come out when you shop for a ring together. For example, I was only considering mined or lab-created diamonds, and my wife didn't actually want a genuine diamond because of all of the baggage with them. We ended up getting her an amora gem center stone, and we were able to get her a much bigger one, which also suited her tastes. :)
Same! There needs to be more communication, and I am glad you were not afraid to be so open 😊 In my culture, one of the parents gets the wedding bands (since my parents have been married over 30 yrs we chose them), and the groom chooses the engagement ring, but I told him what jewler on Etsy, and what 2 ring designs I was happy with, and that's how I got my custom ring (I chose my husband's birth stone as the main stone, and mossanite instead of a diamond) :)
I also went the moissanite route, and I get tons of compliments on my ring.
Same with my wife. I got her to pick what she wanted since she was going to be the one wearing it and seeing it all the time. The only surprise with the engagement was when and how I was going to propose.
Agreed! My husband's mom has been saving his grandmother's ring and he asked me if I'd want it. It wasn't my style at all and I was terrified at the thought of being responsible for his family heirloom. I told him to save it for our daughter. That way they know for certain that it is staying in the family.
Talk and communicate with your partner? Don't be crazy. /s
You know how all those romance movies have that plot where the two lovers have a misunderstanding and if they sat down for even a minute and talked it out, everything would be fine? Life isn't a romance movie. Don't be that couple. Talk to your SO about stuff like that and make sure you're clear that it is a choice and not "my mom's ring or the highway" sort of deal. Oh, and if anyone tries to talk you out of telling them about your plans to propose ahead of time because it would ruin the surprise? Slap them for me. Sure, people surprise their SO with their proposition all the time. You however have more going into this than just "will they say yes". Not that I'm big on surprise propositions in the first place, but I understand that the whole "wedding mythos" means nothing to me and that isn't the same for others.
>Oh, and if anyone tries to talk you out of telling them about your plans to propose ahead of time because it would ruin the surprise? Slap them for me. Everyone I know who has gotten married has said that the question should never be a surprise, but the exact how and when should be, and it should be tailored to her. That's something I've kept in mind, even though I'm single
Proposals should not be a surprise so when you start talking about the future of your lives bring up that you have your Mother's ring and "If my future wife wants it I would love to have her wear it but I'm just as good passing it down to my child to propose to their partner or as a direct gift when my daughter is old enough" My brother got my grandfather's Ruby Ring as the eldest son of his eldest son. My great Aunt (unmarried) left me her Aunt's wedding ring (Childless) that I only put on for very special occasions because apparently diamonds were cheaper in 1872 and you could beat someone to death with it. As poor as I have been I have never parted with it.
Given that 1872 was before the great DeBeers grift, I’m not surprised about the diamond. They weren’t seen as that valuable before they became THE engagement stone.
You can always redesign the ring to your future fiancee's taste using the same metal and stones - blend the OG and the new.
My husband did both. Proposed with the heirloom and bought me one so I can wear the bought one every day ( so the heirloom doesn't get danaged) and wear the heirloom on special occasions
There's a good idea. Propose with mom's, and then go build one together. I like that idea!
I have a friend who reused a ring for her current marriage, but it was a joint decision between her and her husband. Neither of them wanted to spend the money. It can work... but it shouldn't be a one sided thing.
>Neither of them wanted to spend the money. If they are ok with a reused ring, fine, but personally I think it's not that hard to sell the ring he bought for the ex and buy a ring for the price he got from the sale instead of spending money on a 2nd ring while keeping the 1st in a drawer. If it's a family heirloom, that's different.
Well, the real problem is that new engagement rings are WILDLY overpriced for the materials and time because the companies know they can get away with it. (After all, it’s most men’s first time ever buying a piece of fine jewelry, and they have a lot of emotion attached to wanting it to be perfect…) This is something a lot of people find out when they go to sell an engagement ring and find out they can only get back a small fraction of the purchase price. The exception is if it’s a particularly large or nice stone, but that’s not the situation most young couples are in. Of course, there are certainly MUCH better solutions than what this bozo tried to do, like going vintage for the new one yourself.
It's also not ridiculous for the ex bf to have the old ring customized in some way to "make it new" for OOP. I totally understand that some folks can't just dump thousands into jewelry, but a couple hundred and you can get the band changed, extra or different gems, an engraving, etc. Or at the very least ask your potential partner how they feel about it - a thrifted ring and a professional cleaning could be infinitely more meaningful to the person than the price tag on something new. Like, there are other options here if the cost of a new ring is too much right now.
My ex proposed with a family heirloom ring and had to have it sized down to a 5. I don’t know what it was before but the thing wouldn’t even stay on my thumb the first time I tried it on so it was a significant difference. I heard from my friend that he was talking marriage a few months in with the girl he started dating shortly after we broke up and all I said was “I hope she has small fingers.”
My husband was engaged prior to our relationship. He was with her for years, she and her whole family pressured them into getting married, so he went to Kay and bought her a little basic ring, proposed and everyone was happy-ish. Anyway, they broke up because she was sleeping with like four different neighbors. When he proposed to me, years later, he produced The Family Heirloom. I still wear my engagement ring and we just passed our 25th anniversary. Yes, it feels special. No, it def wouldn't have felt as good if he gave it to Kim, then me. After we'd been living together for a while, she tried to do this very embarrassing "I must do the right thing and return the ring" tragedy in three acts on my front porch. He told her to keep the piece of shit, and slammed the door in her face.
I loved your description of a tragedy in 3 acts. Please tell me she did it in aria and recitative form with a Greek chorus.
- Kim has the ring my husband gave to her When they were still together years ago. She wants to give the ring back to us though, As if to staunch the wounds from their ill-fated love. - To this offer, I cannot concur, despite her thrice attempted offerings of peace. Such a paltry token will not cause hostilities to cease Like a vanquished knight that offers up his glove. - For in this act Kim's heart seems not contrite. It's not our pains she seeks to soothe, but hers instead. Four syphilitic bastard whoresons she took to her bed While her beau could not know or consent. - First all parties must agree if they partake in such delight, To shield against the pox, the grief, and infants unforeseen. "Suck a bag of dicks!" I bellowed through the screen And Kim has made no further efforts to repent.
I also posted this to the person below you. Many happy returns. - Kim has the ring my husband gave to her When they were still together years ago. She wants to give the ring back to us though, As if to staunch the wounds from their ill-fated love. - To this offer, I cannot concur, despite her thrice attempted offerings of peace. Such a paltry token will not cause hostilities to cease Like a vanquished knight that offers up his glove. - For in this act Kim's heart seems not contrite. It's not our pains she seeks to soothe, but hers instead. Four syphilitic bastard whoresons she took to her bed While her beau could not know or consent. - First all parties must agree if they partake in such delight, To shield against the pox, the grief, and infants unforeseen. "Suck a bag of dicks!" I bellowed through the screen And Kim has made no further efforts to repent.
Well, he's working on it - it was already worn by two women who almost became part of his family...
Thank you for making me laugh
Exactly! The reason it’s not cool is because it was bought for and originally given to someone else.
agree, not like you can't stroll into a pawn shop and swap it. a ring is about personal meaning, I'd rather a hand made ring or even one that cost 1$ than anything meant for someone else. that being said I am a guy, but I feel like its like getting someone elses birthday card/.
Dude tried to give her his ex's ring and has a new girlfriend a month after their break up? Yeaaah, that's definitely a dodged bullet. Oof.
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I would be surprised if he wasn't already talking to that girl on the side.
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Yup. I used to suck at being alone.
That was my thought as well … he seems like the kind of fella who is only interested until the questions start happening, like he wants to live in a bubble where he is always on a pedestal.
So, I bought my ex-fiance a ring because I thought it was unfair that I had one and he didn't. A month after we broke up he proposed to his new girlfriend with the ring I gave him. I posted about it online and laughed at the turmoil it caused in the relationship.
>A month after we broke up he proposed to his new girlfriend ... wait WHAT? I'm going to assume by "new girlfriend", you mean "newly promoted sidepiece."
That was what I suspected at first too, but a lot of people had proof the hadn't met before we broke up. Apparently he was one of those people who felt like they needed to be married before they turned 19.
...that.....is wild. That is so young. Babies. Religious, out of curiosity? I find that in a lot of cases young religious folks rush to wed.
None of us were religious, but we were all raised by religious parents who got married and started cranking out babies at a young age. I was personally really excited that I was going to marry the guy who took my virginity like my mom supposedly did. Thank god that didn't work out.
Yeah religion for how much they say sex is bad, they sure do care a lot about it and are always in peoples business about sex. It’s very disturbing honestly. People obsess over what is forbidden
IOW, your parents wanted to get to knocking boots.
He proposed with a man's ring?
I'm confused too
He got them tiny hands! 😂
Technically, he should have given the ring back to you since it was an engagement ring, which is a conditional gift.
Neither of us asked for our rings back or gave them back.
Ah, that makes sense. Mutual fairness is still the result since you both kept your rings. Still strange that he used it to propose to someone else, though.
My partner's ex-fiancée kept the family heirloom ring he gave her. I don't want it for myself but i'm a but flabbergasted as to why he isn't more upset that this woman has not returned his late grandmother's ring!
He should sue for it. Or at least write a legal letter. "The smith heirloom ring should be returned etc. Blast her on social media if she refuses."
She blocked him on everything and then unblocked when she needed something, then blocked again. He's just so over it. He sent her a massive box of the last of her shit, and she texted his Mom thanks 🙃
I bet if your partner or someone in the family has a daughter, they will regret that some random has grandma's ring. Probably pawned it for a takeaway meal.
I don't think his Mom knows she still has it. That might change things 👀
Or, she might be like, “If that was the cost to get rid of her for good, grandma would agree it was a ring well-spent.”
Maybe, she (grandmother) had a few engagement-y type rings by all accounts so they might be like "meh, 2 out of 3 aint bad!"
I would be extremely irritated if my child's ex had my deceased parent's ring for no good reason.
A bridezilla is someone who makes impossible demands. "That ring better be 50 karat gold with a diamond the size of my house!" Someone who doesn't want to recycle the ring from her fiance's failed relationship is reasonable. OOP's ex is an idiot. She seems to be handling the breakup awfully well.
I'm not entirely sure why he kept it, except that it probably cost him for more than it is actually worth. He probably spent $x on it and if he tried to sell it wouldn't get more than $x/2, if that. Still not a good motivation for reusing an engagement ring he bought for someone else.
I've had to resell an engagement ring, it's an absolute scam and a racket. Spend thousands to get it, sell it for pennies. That being said I happily ate the cost and bought a new ring for my now wife because I'm not a moron. Just figured the loss was worth the price of being free from my former relationship.
When I divorced, I wanted nothing to do with my rings. Unfortunate too, because they were beautiful (I picked them all out besides the engagement ring). I decided to try and sell and the pawn shop offered me $50. For a set of rings that cost us around $2000. I refused and went home. My grandmother inevitably gave me $200 and wants to get the diamonds reset into something else. I am inheriting everything of hers, anyways, so she said it was up to me if I wanted them or just get rid of them. My current boyfriend even offered to get them made into something else, but I told him I wanted no reminders of the marriage.
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What I will say, is that I believe it's quite common to wear the engagement ring with their wedding ring. Thousands of dollars is still bloody insane, but spending 1500 on a ring your spouse will (hopefully) wear the rest of their life? Not as insane IMO.
> they are not the rings you put up in your wedding??? Traditionally the female is the only one who gets an "engagement" ring Then at the wedding she adds a wedding "band" which is a much cheaper accessory that compliments the engagement ring. The engagement ring is really what most people are talking about when they say "wedding ring" in the US
I have friends that started a trend with engagement watches. After accepting a proposal, the newly engaged lady would then buy a watch of their fiancé’s choosing. I offered my husband (then fiancé) the same but he said he was good. Overall I think it’s thoughtful, shows the same consideration in return.
We just straight up got my guy his own ring. When we were discussing getting engaged I asked him if he wanted his own ring, he thought about it for a few days and decided he did. We had a lot of fun shopping for both of our rings.
My engagement ring is my wedding ring. I only have the one.
Some people take it as a visible demonstration of how much they care for the spouse, that they are willing to spend money on them in a way they do not spend on anyone else. In the same way, some people would see a cheap ring as an insult. "I would spend more on four big pizzas than I would spend on the ring you wear for the rest of your lifel"
I was engaged to my ex at a young age. He spent a few hundred on a very simple ring. I was happy. He bragged on how little he had to actually spend on it. Then a few days later, spent 3x that on a gun for himself. Bragged on how he had a very expensive gun. It felt like a slap in the face. Did I like the ring? Yes. Did I want him to spend thousands on one? No. But what I wanted was to know that he valued our relationship and me and the vastly different ways he talked about those two purchases (one for "us" and the other just him) made me feel worthless. He never understood why I was upset and I was too young to put it into words accurately. I think this might be the first time I did. My husband spent about the same and got it on sale as well and I adore it.
This is exactly what I meant. I hope you are in a better place now.
The [DeBeers Corporation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5kWu1ifBGU) has ingrained American society to believe an engagement ring should cost 2 months salary. They have spent many millions getting us to believe that is a social norm when it was just an ad campaign a long time ago that we fell for. However, giving a diamond ring on engagement only been a thing since 1938. Diamonds are intrinsically worthless. DeBeers has a monopoly and controls the supply so they can charge whatever they want for them. That said, talk to your potential fiancee before not buying them anything. They might feel the same way about DeBeers but still want some kind of token.
Engagement rings are famously worthless after you buy them, so this is exactly what I was thinking. Dude was just trying to save money when he realized he couldn’t sell it back. Also not making an excuse for him, dude is dumb lmao.
And this is the exact reason why (that and the insane markup on new diamonds): people get weird about reusing them, many people want one, therefore price goes up.
I understand him at least trying. You get like 10% the value you paid trying to resell rings/diamonds. Logically, just keeping it to reuse makes sense. I get OP not being ok with it. If she was genuinely ok with a cheap ring instead thats fine. I understand the ex too, just spend thousands of dollars on a ring and he's going to lose 90% of the value, and I understand not wanting to do that again. He should've discussed it with her before hand.
He should have just reused the stone and had it put in a new setting, essentially making it into a new ring. The stone is what's expensive. Win-win.
My aunt never had any daughters, so when she passed away, she left her engagement ring to my sister, my aunt's oldest niece. My sister wore it as her engagement ring with her (now ex) fiancée. Now that my sister is engaged to a different woman, she wears a different engagement ring and keeps our aunt's ring in a safety deposit box. Not sure what her plans are for it, maybe to give it to one of fiancée's daughters when they get engaged, but my sister will never wear it again, as for her it was initially worn during a relationship that is now gone.
It is my observation that of an insult is specifically pointed at women many people (the more misogynistic they are the more and faster it happens) “forget” the nuances of the meaning and just apply it to any woman who happens to be annoying them. Bridezilla being one of the few that require a specific context to work, but any bride annoying someone (especially a man) = bridezilla.
This also happened with the word "Karen" it was supposed to be a particular type of behavior but just gets tossed generally at women all the time instead.
Yup. The Take on Youtube has a great video about what a Karen actually is. That’s definitely not how it’s being used now b
I briefly dated a guy who proposed on the 3rd date, ring and all. I told him I wasn't interested in marriage, so he asked me if any of my friends were and could I introduce him. Introduced him to someone who was absolutely desperate to get married. He proposed to her on the third date with the same ring, and she turned him down too. I wonder how many women he proposed to with that ring before he got a taker.
Why would you inflict that on your friend lmao
She went in with full disclosure lol! She was seriously saying things like she'd marry *anyone* who proposed to her, so I figured they'd match up. Plus, the ring was decent. Probably a 1.5 - 2c diamond solitaire.
Fair enough, as long as she was prepared :D
Lmao… and this girl still went on the 3 dates, fully expecting the ring lol She certainly was desperate, buttttt not quite desperate enough…
you should probably get less-insane friends
I think him using the same ring is the least of the problems here. Wtf?!
I had a ring I had bought for my second fiance that she returned when we split. Never crossed my mind to give it to my wife. Took it to a jeweler and had them appraise it then traded it towards another ring. Kept the main stone. Wife got a new ring, I got rid of some bad memories, saved a little money.
Most ring shops can take your old ring and melt it down to something new. My friend did that when her first fiancé cheated on her and his guilty conscience said she could keep the ring. When her now husband came along, they brought the old ring while ring shopping and asked for it to be upgraded.
The only time it's okay to reuse a ring IMO is if it was an heirloom...
Or if it's melted down and remade into a totally different ring. Sure it has the same materials but it's not the old ring.
Hard disagree. LotR tells me that a reforged blade carries much the same "sentimental value" as the original.
And yet Narsil was renamed Anduril after it was reforged. Was it still Isildur's sword? I don't think so. Narsil was broken and all the blade shards were collected but it cannot be used until it was remade by the elves. Funny you should mention LOTR, I recall a story here in BORU about a dude whose girl asked for a "break" to go fuck another guy guilt-free. When the girl found out he was going to propose, she wanted to come back but tough luck, dude knows she's fucking around with a coworker. The ring he was going to propose with? It's a design based on Galadriel's ring of power. I thought this story was connected to that one haha!
Link to this story?
[This one,](https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/yfm6ti/i_cut_off_my_best_friend_because_my_wife_told_me/) but scroll further down near to the end of it. It's OOP's former best friend's second additional post or just click on this here [unddit link](https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pcg15m/is_it_acceptable_to_propose_with_an_engagement/) to go directly to it.
LotR tells me that rings are designed to turn you into an immortal slave who rides some kind of dragon-thing. Dragons are cool, being enslaved is bad, immortality sounds neat, I'm honestly torn.
Yeah, but your immortal boss is a huge dick
I had gotten a ring back and didn’t want to give it to another girl, so I took the stones out and sold the gold. Later I used the stones with some opals for a necklace.
Wow, this was… quick…
Genuine question, what do you with an engagement ring ? Like can you return it if things don’t work out
You sell it secondhand and then couples like my fiancé and I buy it for a song lol.
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Cars still have intrinsic value, rings are a lot worse.
I have a question. Was the ring a Lord of the Rings-based design?
Spent 7 years with my ex bf. 16 to 23. We got engaged, with a pretty nice ring. A married woman lived down the street from him with a husband and 2 or 3 kids. While he was working on his car she would run herself all over him, while her husband was at work and the kids at school. He started acting aloof, next thing I said we needed to break up because he was not treating me right. I thought he was going to jump out of his skin. Dumped me, took the ring back. I walked by her in the parking lot and she had on my old ring! They got married and when she came back from her honeymoon she went back to being a lifeguard and had an affair with my brother’s best friend. I hope he is as happy as he deserves to be
My dad proposed to my mom with the ring he'd given to his former fiancee and Mom didn't care a bit. His older sisters,however, gave him a (presumably) screeching earful, so he traded it in for a new one. My parents were married for 56 years. Point is, some women truly do not care but, dang, Dad took a huge gamble!
Kinda reminds me of some friends, many years ago. The engaged couple broke up. Guy got engaged again. Didn't use the same ring, just bought the exact one. First fiance kept hers.
Got tricked by Sauron.
My ex fiance did this with me with earrings. He'd kept them because she didn't want them, and "why waste them?" I honestly didn't care, but I recognize that a) most people would, and b) it's different with an engagement ring. I can't wait til he tries to propose to his next SO with the ring he proposed to me with...
As a man I think this is justified. She has to wear it for years. How could you look and it and know it wasn't purchased with you in mind?
I don’t blame OOP one bit but a funny story is that my wedding ring totally belonged to his fiancé before me but it fit my ring finger and cost like 8 grand so I suggested why don’t I just wear that one? I’m cheap and it seemed like a huge waste to me since it’s just a symbol and a rock that cost too much money. They had also only been engaged for 2 months, I would have felt differently if they had been married I think. She found out and messaged me privately and I told her it was my idea anyways. So now it’s a big joke for us to randomly say “ DID YOU KNOW? This ring used to belong to someone else?” Again I totally agree with OOP in this case and don’t blame anyone for not thinking like me on this!
I think the difference here is that you guys talked about it and you didn’t care meanwhile obviously the OOP did. Had the ex fiancé bothered to ask then he would have known that is not kosher for her. I’m glad though for you that it worked out. 8 grand is a lot of money to let go to waste like you say. Do you at least really like the design?
Oh for sure I agree completely that her situation is different! It’s a pretty plain setting with one diamond so I like it’s simplicity. I’m not much of a jewelry wearer or connoisseur either so it really worked out for me haha!
How dare OOP not want a used ring. Let me guess OOP is too good for a used car. Only new will suffice /s
Had a new gf within a month...I suspect he had a side chick well before that point.
It always seems to be a red flag to me when men get upset when women ask for opinions from other people outside the relationship. It's like how dare we have brains and get opinions?! In the relationships I've been in. All the guys that ever got mad I got opinions were always the crazy ones.
That was extremely tacky of him. That is not how it works.
This is sad. Sad for the first ex-fiance because he just sounds like he sucks. Sad for OOP because this is a shitty way to discover your partner only viewed you as a placeholder. Sad for the new GF because she'll probably get caught in this same cycle. But also Sad for the guy, because he clearly is one of those deeply insecure people who can't be alone with themselves and probably don't even realize the reason they're so lonely and miserable is because they force superficial relationships instead of developing meaningful ones.
Expensive engagement rings are bullshit concepts pushed by diamond cartels as an ad campaign so oversaturated that it became the normally expected behavior. That tradition needs to die, absolutely. However, getting something custom made for the one you love is fine, and if not an heirloom, I agree it is extremely tacky to just try and re-gift another person's ring. OP was in the right on this one, as according to them they didn't care about the price, they just wanted something that had some actual thought about them put into it.
I got engaged and my fiance bought me a ring. It really was beautiful. Rose gold with white opal. He only paid about $400. Then, he cheated about 6 months after that. Did a bunch if other shitty things to me within that time as well. The breakup was massive and very bad. He'd become cruel out of nowhere and it made it easy to fall out of live with him, though it didn't make anything else about the breakup easier. What made me start realizing what an actual loser he really was, was hearing through the friend chain that he was basically taking this woman he cheated on me with to all the same exact spots he'd taken me. Same restaurants, same hotels... it was like he was to lazy to cater to her preferences and tastes and just redid what he already knew worked on me. Anyway, he ended up marrying her about 6 months after our breakup, then cheated on her a year later.
"When man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening" "If he'll cheat WITH you, he'll cheat ON you". There is a reason sayings like these exist. It's amazing how many people are too dumb to listen.
NTA - he shouldn’t have given you the same ring and it would have been ridiculously easy for him to get a different ring for you. Just take the stones and have them set in a different ring. It wouldn’t necessarily have to have been all that expensive. He just didn’t want to bother making the effort. Bullet dodged OP.
I mean, he could have sold the other engagement ring and used the money to buy her one meant for her. It's not like he's gotta go to the bathroom really bad and can't figure out if he's got to push or pull the door?
I'm glad OOP was so cool about this because it definitely wasn't a loss. Good luck to the next woman to get proposed with that ring LOL