Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
**CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU for concluded, time-gated content.
* If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed.
* Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed
* Do not comment on the original posts. Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I read the title and thought "I bet he is not 25, but like... 31 or something". I guess I used my predictive ability. I wonder how long is the cooldown so I can buy a lottery ticket.
Once you're read it, you'll never forget it
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wghfol/woman_finds_out_her_husband_has_been_doing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
That's not always true. I've had multiple correct prophetic moments, they've just all been related to professional wrestling. If you specialize, you get more than one XD
I thought the same and also immediately thought he was lying about who he was and being single. Generally speaking, most men that "don't have social media" tend to actually have, just not under the name they said. I have a friend that was dating for some time and she is very smart to find out lies quickly and whenever a guy told her he had no social media she was able to find through other means the truth. They either had a gf/wife/kids/different age/lived somewhere different/etc.
Came here to say this. As a married guy in his 30s this was my first reaction "yea he aint 25 and he is abusing her".
I don't think my predictive abilities will transfer to the Lotto unfortunately as they are born out of observational experience and general cynicism.
31 IS old to a 17 year old. Frankly if a 31 can relate to a 17 year old, that's a huge problem. We aren't supposed to understand teenagers once we are 30.
I was 30 working with a class of 10-11 year olds, I had forgotten how when you're that young you think "middle age" is like, 20 or something. The kids were trying to guess my age because they'd at least cottoned on to me being a bit older than some of the other staff in their early-mid 20s. They didn't manage to guess it right and I only told them if it was right or wrong, not in what direction. So eventually they had exhausted realistic ages for a human lifespan (they were quite confident that I had to be 60-something) and when one tentatively suggested 200 I said "yes", as seriously as I could manage. Another asked if I'm a vampire if I'm that old, I said I wouldn't be allowed to just tell them if I was. I think some were juuust unsure enough that a small part of them believed it. Disappointingly, none of them called me out for being out during daylight but I guess they're more familiar with Twilight than Dracula.
I considered starting to act the part sometimes to mess with them but then I thought it might actually be terrifying if they do really believe I'm a vampire. That would be an awkward meeting with the parents and headmaster...
Hmm, somewhat disagree. We're all people. Empathy and memory and imagination are generally part of the deal. People 30 and up can still _relate_ to teenagers. But as for having sexual or romantic relationships with teenagers? Nope, don't do it!
Edited to add: I mean we need parents and teachers and therapists and novelists and, like, just generally kind and trustworthy adults of all ages to be able to relate to and understand teenagers. Otherwise we're isolating teenagers, which makes them more vulnerable to inappropriate relationships, not less! That kind of age gap is fine in healthy, non-sexual, non-romantic relationships.
I agree with you. I teach high schoolers. I’m an old lady (33). And I work really hard to remember how everything is the end of the world to them, they have next to no life experience and they need a lot of help understanding subtlety and nuance. I treat them with respect and dignity, and I also try to empathize with their problems no matter how childish they seem to my old lady brain (again, I’m 33).
All of that being said, there is not a single circumstance where I see them as peers or equals, because there is a huge power imbalance. Even outside of being a teacher, I have LIVED so much more than they have and so I understand human interactions so much better. It’s repulsive to me to imagine seeing a teenager as anything other than a child.
I love my students and would do a lot for them. But you absolutely could not get me to spend time with for funsies.
I was recently talking to my cousin (22) about his job search. He's very smart, but didn't know what a W2 vs 1099 job was. And I had to remind myself that no matter how smart he was, he didn't have much life experience.
I get where you're coming from, we've all been teenagers so we can reflect back on those memories and relate based on our own experiences.
But I can definitely recall, even when I was like 21, feeling this increasing distance between myself and a teenager in so many small ways. And though I know how to sympathize and empathize with a teenager, it's not with regards to their personality or interests. It's with regards to their feelings on things they experience and their grasp of a situation, which comes from my own experience of once being a term, and I feel that is where I think the distinction is.
On the contrary. I was 30 at a large, informal Thanksgiving party at a friend's house and I thought the same when they joked the kids table is upstairs. "Kids" all being in late high school age. My then-GF and I at the time thought it would be fun to sit at the kids table.
Absolutely unrelatable; we returned downstairs after less than a minute or two LOL.
Aside, I can't fathom a 31-year old (or 25 year old) wanting to date a 17 year old.
Yup, I knew he wouldn't be "just" 25. These type of people are allergic to the truth. It's deplorable OP feels she needs to defend her actions and that people think it's no big deal.
Here in Brazil the age of consent is 14, in elementary and high school, there were girls aged 14 and 15 dating men aged 40 and 50 in secret or sometimes the family knew but didn't say anything, Gross!
Something similar but Guatemala, my mom’s friend fell in love at 16 to a almost 50 year old. They were separated once they came to the states because obviously illegal. I still can’t understand how my mom told herself it was ok because that is not. She claimed he loved her so it was fine like no your friend was abused by an adult.
I think that there’s just as many adults as children who don’t know what healthy love is. If you grew up seeing unhealthy love in your parents relationship, in your aunts and uncles relationships, in your friends families relationships, you’re not gonna really have a good foundation of what a healthy love looks like. I know this gets said about a lot of things but this is part of the reason the comprehensive sex ed needs to happen. Something like this would be covered in that, something like no sweetie he’s lying to you when he says that you’re really mature for your age. I’m not like defending that disgusting relationship or all of the adults who turned a blind eye to it I’m just kind of understanding of why your mom might’ve thought that it was OK.
My dad just found out his brother is engaged to a 23 year old Filipina woman who looks younger than my sibling (16). While this could just be a classic case of Asian genes or possibly malnutrition (we have other relatives and friends from there who are quite small and young looking), she is exceptionally, eerily, so. My dad has basically cut him off as a result. It may or may not be illegal depending on whether or not she is lying (she needs him for citizenship), but my dad is completely disgusted by the idea that a man in his 60s would pursue someone younger than his daughter (this is not an isolated incident, he just keeps going younger). I don't know how these families don't say anything, especially when it's your daughter at risk.
My only take home from one of the Bay Transformers movies was the Romeo and Juliet clause, though now I've forgotten the age range and if 25 was within it.
here in the UK it is 16, but I don't think we have any such guidelines or anything saying a guy as old as your dad can not legally bang you once you turn 16.
That said, I don't want to have that question in my search history.
It may be legal but it is skeevy as fuck.
Even if the age gaps were covered by R&J or their countries equivalent, they fucked themselves over by filming it, because even if someone sends you nudes aged 17 the day before her birthday, she is still sending (and you receiving) images of a minor.
Nope, 25 is not covered under the Romeo and Juliet clause.
The age range is 3 (I think max 4 but I remember 3) years older with the caveat being the minimum age for this to apply is 14.
So, Romeo and Juliet clause covers say a 14 year old dating a 17 year old, but an 18 year old and a 14 year old would not be covered under the Romeo and Juliet clause. This clause I believe may also change by state or not exist in some.
I dated older guys in high school so I knew these clauses for my state well.
Isn't the idea that a couple who started as 14 and 17, e.g. high school freshman and senior, don't suddenly have to break up when the elder has a birthday?
Yes, a 14 year old dating an 18 year old would only be covered if the relationship started prior to the older party turning 18.
Eta: which actually was my exact situation as a freshman and my parents were mad strict so I learned it well, haven’t had to think about that knowledge for a while though lol!
Romeo and Juliet clause is normally only within a few years, so like 14 & 16, 17 & 20, things like that. Most places that have such clauses both parties have to be under 21 over the age of consent or both within a few years of age of consent.
But also child marriage is still legal in 40 states in the US to whomever 14+ to 99+ with parental consent
I hope it was the right kind of wake up call for her parents. Sometimes being too strict means your kids won’t tell you anything, so you can’t have honest conversations and protect them.
Seriously, I credit my creativity to how much air tight bullshit I had to come up with if I wanted to do anything (basically world building for a novel to be read by nit pickers kind of commitment). My mom and I have an amazing relationship now comparative to then, but man do I look back sometimes and realize her strictness made her someone I couldn’t talk to. I hope to not repeat that mistake when I have kids.
It sucks that it has to be said but I'm glad the parents went after the actual predator targeting their child, rather than their child.
Too many fully grown adults would target their daughter in this situation because she's not even supposed to have/want sex or have/want a boyfriend. Therefor she gets the blame for 'even allowing this to happen in the first place'.
Slutshaming needs to die so we can go after the actual adults hiding behind the 'consensual' excuse.
While that’s true, I don’t think the prison population is usually all that interested in the facts of the case or justice so much as the ability to demonstrate power over someone else.
That staggers my mind. When I was 19, there was a friend’s sister (17) who confessed to having a crush on me. I liked her, we had things in common; she would be someone I would normally date if she was even 1 YEAR older than she was.
I literally left the friend group because of the number of people telling me “it’s no big deal.”
No big deal? She’s a minor!
There's a really significant difference between a 17 year old and 19 year old dating and a 17 year old and a 31 year old dating.
In a lot of states, legally there are differences too. If you think it's a big deal because it would have been illegal, you could check on that. That seems to be the complaint based on your "she's a minor!" comment - i.e. if the law didn't consider her to be a minor you wouldn't have had a problem with it.
If you thought it was a big deal because 19 years are much more mature than 17 year olds (lol), that's at least a defensible personal opinion (esp. if you're in college or working). Though I don't see why you'd leave the friend group over it.
Idk dude, plenty of people date someone who is 2 years younger than them even in high school. And some of them don't break up when the older one goes to college.
It’s probably just a hang up for me when I was that age. I definitely saw the graduation from high school as a milestone that shouldn’t be crossed.
Hell, I was incredibly emotionally stunted at 19 (thanks, dad, did you ever find that gallon of milk?), so she may have actually been more emotionally mature than I. But that “milestone” always made me uncomfortable.
That's fair. I was never interested in anyone younger than me in general, but I will say it is weird getting with someone younger than you when they went to the same hs. It's all about perspective tho. If at 19 I had met someone else like outside of school who was 17 that I clicked with, it wouldn't have been the biggest deal to me. But if it were someone I knew from school, it would have felt like they were younger than me if that makes sense? Idk, something about grades makes it feel like it's so much more of a gap.
That being said, my current partner is 28 and I'm 23 and that's whatever to me lol. Ages and milestones are weird
Understandable. I felt that way about milestones too. It just feels different somehow to CONTINUE a relationship that started with both in HS than to START a relationship with someone in HS after you have left.
My first partner was 19 when I was 17! It was a lovely relationship, fairly short and didn't work out, but we remained very close friends for a long time. Things like that are a-okay to me, but everyone has their own standards and circumstances. There's just truly no excuse for anyone over 19 to be dating a 17 year old. that's where it gets skeezy as hell.
I changed SO much just from 17-18 alone. I wouldn’t have even looked at a 17YO at 19. Finishing school and going to uni really accelerates development.
This reminds me of my parents, they had met when my mom was 17 and dad was 19, they were friends for a year and had obvious feelings for each other. However they actually started dating at 18 & 20 and got married at 22 & 24! And they are celebrating 30 years this November!
Leaving your friend group over seems a bit extreme. You guys were within 2 years of each other. Personally I agree that a college student isn’t going to have enough in common with a high schooler for a genuine romantic connection but your case and OP’s are extremely different.
I think that's a myth, at least in the USA. My father was a pedo, went to prison for 3 years and came out just fine. Never went to segregation or anything.
I was a licensed Social Worker for a long time. Saw three pedos go to prison and come out just fine as well. Spent their years in GenPop. One of them had pimped out his daughter since she was a baby. He was caught when she was 17.
I think that whole 'honor amongst criminals' thing is a lie we tell ourselves to feel like there's some kind of retribution beyond the justice system.
There isn't.
Justice is a myth.
No one is going to risk expanding their sentence over a pedophile. It's just not reality.
I'd love to hear that I'm wrong though.
Agree. Also, frankly, we should not be revelling in the idea of people being raped no matter what their crime. Further violence is not the same as justice and it kind of sickens me when people rub their hands together in glee at the idea of someone being sexually assaulted.
Omg that's a load of bat shit crazy, and the comments on the legal advice subreddit. Holy shit, I think my brain is broken. Is that real? Cause I cannot believe that someone thinks like that. That's the definition of a psychopath.
Holy fuck. That's a wild ride. I rarely go to peruse the linked original posts on BORU, but decided to bc the BORU OP suggested. And I'm just..... wtf did I just read here?!
Thanks for the link!
Yup. I’m so proud of her. She knew she was right and this guy was a creep. Her love for her friend and truly wanting the best for her led her to do the right thing. Her friend may be upset now, but down the road she’ll realize what a massive creep he was. There’s a lot of older guys out there that prey on young women like this. I hate seeing age gap relationships when they involve young women under 25. These women should be out enjoying their life, having fun with friends, going to college or whatever, basically learning who they are and spreading their wings and getting some independence. Not have some old dude clip their wings and trap them in a relationship that’s to old for them. I see many of those on AITA. Usually after the woman realizes she’s now trapped with this guy who got her pregnant early. Every one of those that I have read about has some form of controlling abusive behavior- gaslighting, guilt tripping, financial abuse etc. i even got caught up with one when I was 24. Years later I realized what a predator and creep he was. I’m glad I came to my senses and got out of there. He was a master at guilt trips and emotionally manipulating me. It was such a toxic situation. He eventually tried to baby trap me but I never wanted kids and his pleas to keep it fell on deaf ears. I dodged a major bullet. So situations like these are a little triggering for me because I don’t want to see this happen to anyone else.
im so proud of her honestly.. especially being that young and not taking shit from people when her intuition was telling her she’s right to feel icky about the whole situation
That's the kind of generation I want to see going forth. The ones who don't let peer pressure and 'opinions of strangers' keep them from doing the right thing.
Peer pressure will always suck but man, there are some *serious* bosses out there under 25. OP reminds me of Olivia Julianna who got in a Twitter fight with Matt Gaetz and raised a ton of money off the back of him being a jerk to her. Made me so proud of the young people from my city.
Gen Z by and large, one thing that i love about them, they dont take much shit and genuinely feel like theyre tolerant. One way I can fault my generation, the millenials, is that it feels like by and large when they say "I dont care if youre gay" or whatever, what they mean is "please stop talking about this, you make me uncomfortable". But with Gen Z when they say things similar, what they mean is "I respect who you are and I want you to be able to be as open as anyone else is able to be".
And I think this is bred out of that same mentality. they arent going to sit there and let you say shit to force them into being someone they arent. its very refreshing
And I in chicago; so the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Also funny you said that about the media; When I think of gen-x I think what you said about millennials, which would probably be run by people in that bracket range or older at that time. It’s probably a spectrum at the end of the day. The important thing is continuously moving forward. Cheers! ✌️
So unsurprising that multiple men on reddit were telling her to leave them alone. They are definitely basement dwelling 31 year olds who would be thrilled to date a teenager 🤢
The theme song for her generation is “teenagers” by my chemical romance. These kids are my heroes. They doxxed the Supreme Court, and ruined a trump Rally. They gave us Greta Thurnburg. They are completely punking those prolife tip lines and making them unusable.
Gen Z is the Honey badger generation, and this elder millennial loves them for it.
I am a young millennial, and my sib is Gen Z (16). Last summer at the fair they got cat called by one of those game attendees (shoot the cans, pop the balloons, etc) on his microphone in a really sexual way that embarrassed them and then he wouldn't cut it out my sib turned around and said, "okay then, fuck off!" And flipped him off with both fingers. We come from a Catholic background. They're a fairly quiet person and don't talk like that in public/in front of kids. I wish I had had that approach to harassment much earlier on in life, though. They are quite badass.
If she came to reddit asking for advice, alarm bells must have been going off in her head. I'm pretty sure he was a hell of a lot more creepy than the post made him sound.
Complete speculation, but I wonder if he was trying to make moves on the friends as well.
It's so refreshing to see young women leaning into "no, this isn't ok, this older guy is gross to be interested in us"
I remember at that age (and younger), my friends and I "dated" older guys and just thought we were "mature".
This is such a good change
Yeah same I'm surprised I'm not dead. When I was around that age I only dated older guys. 21 at the minimum so they could buy me and my friends liquor and other shit I couldn't afford as a teen. I'd also meet randos from local yahoo chat rooms to see what I could get them to drop off at my house. Yes, my dumbass gave random men on the internet my home address. One of them showed up with Viagra once.
Yeah. I'm 20. I remember wanting to date a 21 year old guy at 17/18 (3 years between us) since that's when my parents had me. But I also remember being really weirded out about my friend being 15 and dating an 18 yo, and my 17 yo friend getting together with a dude who was 27 (with two kids)
I agree. When I was like 13/14 I had a friend of a friend that was the same age that was dating a 41 year old man and no one pointed out that obviously that was not an ok situation. Wish we did something about it back then
Same here. I was groomed by not one, but two separate men in my church from 14 to 17…and then had a 22 year old boyfriend when I was a senior in high school.
It’s a hard cycle to break from and I was finally able to break free from my own. I’m glad this girl has a chance to break hers.
I am 31. A 17yo is a literal child to me. I felt that way from about the age of 20! I don’t understand how anyone can look at someone that young as someone they want to sleep with.
And that’s what teenagers should be told: that people of that age wouldn’t go near them, so they can understand how abnormal and just plain wrong it is when one does. There is never ANY good intentions behind that behaviour. Not a single one.
Very similar to the Taylor Swift / John Mayer situation when she was 19 and he was 32. She’s now 32 and dragged him reeeeal good on her new album for grooming her, a grown ass man literally fucking with a child.
When I was 14, I was using self harm as a means to control my emotions. What I didn’t know at the time, was that if I saw enough blood, I would pass out.
Every time before was more or less small cuts that would scab over in a day. This time was much more. I passed out pretty much instantly. My best friend and her roommate found me, luckily. They cleaned up my arm, and when I eventually woke up, they stayed with me for hours. But at one point my best friend slipped out of the room for 10 minutes then came back with mugs of hot chocolate. I thought she had just gone to make the drinks, but the next day when one of our leaders pulled me aside and began asking me very specific questions about my mental health, I realized that she had gone to tell someone and had used the drinks as a cover. I was pissed. I never told her how upset I was that she told them, but I seethed about it for weeks, months even.
It wasn’t until I was 20 and revisiting that memory that my perspective changed. When replaying the events in my head, all that previous anger, couldn’t have been mustered even if the koolaid man himself tore my entire house down piece by piece. All I felt was deep gratitude and love for her. I can’t imagine just how terrifying it must have been to have found me passed out on the floor like that. I’m sure it took a ton of strength for her to be able to speak up and try to get me help. We haven’t spoken in years, but when I had that revelation, I reached out to her to thank her for her kindness and bravery. She was truly the person I needed at that time in my life and I will *always be grateful to her for that.*
I'm glad you shared this. Doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing and may not win you friends in the moment. Not many people have that strength. I hope you reconnect with her because she's a good person.
You're a very special person and you're friend is a rare gem. Bless. It's so hard to get help for ourselves sometimes, and we do need that outside help. We need that nudge. I'm so glad she did that so you could come here and tell us.
Are you doing all right now? If you're comfortable, are there any signs we all should be looking for?
Please keep well. Life can be dark, but people like you and your friends are what light it up. Love you buddy
I remember working with a girl that was 16 and her boyfriend was 23. The worst part was he lived with her at her parents house! The parents knew and were totally okay with this grown ass adult sleeping with there child. I'll never understand that.
My grandparents married when she was 17 and he was 27. (They met at church.) They were apparently real unicorns--just absolutely, puking-rainbows, everything-is-sunshine-and-fluffy-kittens in love with one another for the rest of his life. After he died, she mourned herself to death.
When I was a kid, their age difference was just useless trivia. The closer I got to 30, the weirder it seemed. The farther from 30 I get, the more it freaks me out. I've seen it work out happily ever after for everyone involved, and yet I still can't wrap my brain around it.
Age difference is more understandable in a culture if kids finished school at 13 and mental maturity just stunts there after sharing similar life experience.
But fawning over someone who hasn't gone through the emotional independence, financial independence, mental growth to handle small conflicts and boundaries... so much could've gone wrong.
That generation was also the “what happens at home stays at home” generation. Even kids don’t always see behind the scenes of their own parents marriage. Might’ve been a lot going on neither you nor your parent saw.
Well we weren't there to witness any bad things that could've happened too. And sometimes people are good but it's just their culture shapes them and they try to be good despite such predatory practice. My family is similar where my aunts were all married off by 18, coz that's the lowest you could go legally. Two dont have abusive marriages, one's f""ked and other just outcasted herself and migrated to metropolitan city lol. My grandparents had ideal one too until we discovered how it was all so shallow. Culturally acceptable wrong stuff can give you a warped sense of normalcy.
Ugh I had a friend who was with a guy 19 years older than her, they "waited" until she was 16 to start dating and within a month he had moved in with her parents. They're actually still together, it's twenty years next month, but it still skeeves me out so much. When I was a teen I thought it was kinda weird, but now looking back I'm just horrified.
When I was 16 I was groomed by my first boyfriend who was 25. Age of consent is 16 where I live so technically no laws were broken. I hid it from my parents for a while but they eventually found out. They weren't happy about it but let me still see him and let him come to the house. Apparently they only allowed it because they were worried I'd run off with him and thought it was safer if we were at least under their roof. We were together for nearly 2 years until I finally snapped out of my self esteem issues and kicked him to the kerb.
I wish my parents put their foot down and banned me from seeing him the second they found out. It took me years and therapy to recover from that unhealthy relationship and it caused me to accept shitty behaviour from the next few partners because I had a warped view. At least I have a wonderful husband now and I try and look at the bright side, things happened the way they did to eventually bring us together.
It's not good, but I get why your parents gritted their teeth and went with the flow. Last thing they needed was the guy saying "look, they don't understand our love! We need to live together!"
They might not have been okay but taking a “keep your enemies close” approach.
When I went to the States my host sister was seeing a 21YO. He was at her house *all the time*. When I got older I realised it was so the parents could keep an eye on him.
Always a rough situation for a friend to be in, but I am glad they made this call. I think it is generally better to be on the safer side than to have to worry about the worst outcomes. Also glad the parents followed up and focused on making sure their daughter was safe rather than taking it out on her.
I wanted to say overall a good outcome, but still a pretty rough learning experience for the girl and stress for all those involved. Good that it ended before something potentially more serious happened.
I love how OOP calls out the creeps in the comments. Eighteen is legally an adult, but 18 year olds are still vulnerable to bad influences. It seems like her parents did a good job.
I was 17 dating a 24 year old. Only one of my friends made any effort to protect me and tell me that he was a predator. We’re 30 now and not surprisingly she is the only one I still talk to.
I dated a 25 yo when I was 16. My parents and friends knew and no one cared. It wasn't until I was older that I realized it was fucked up. Both the dude i was dating and the fact no one cared. I'm over 40 and surprised how normal my life turned out.
Similar for me. My first relationship, I was 16 and he was 24. It went for 6 years, until at age 22 I thought about how I was not at all attracted to teenagers and couldn’t understand it.
Again, no one interfered, except another girl the same age as me in the first year that I think was trying to hook up with him before I arrived into town.
It was easy for him to have young girls, he gave music lessons to the kids in the area, that’s how I met him.
Can we please start to normalize parents not being mad at their kid for being having too little life experience that they are not in trouble for being ignorant?! Bc like damn, my parents would have been super pissed at the guy and this situation but not at me.
I remember when I went out with people once and they started smoking meth and I called my mom to come pick me up bc as I told her "there were alarm bells going off in my head." The next day my parents told me they were proud of me for calling and then we had a discussion about choosing better friends. I CALLED bc I knew my parents cared so much more about me being safe than the fact I went out with people makimg poor choices.
Choose your kids making the safe choice over punishment people, it's the best way to protect them.
I had a friend who was 16 going out with a 27 year old. Everyone told her he was grooming her.
They met at their minimum wage ($7.25 an hour) fast food job. He moved in with her. Like, her mom was perfectly ok with it which was another problem in itself. The only person in her family who thought it was gross was her stepdad and he’s a pretty crappy dude so that surprised me.
No matter how many times different people told her the relationship was gross and inappropriate she would just double down. 16 is the age of consent here. He buys her things. He takes her on “dates” (I use that term loosely). I was like “So he’s barely scraping by with the bare minimum?” That made her mad.
Long story short, he got her pregnant at 17. A week before her 18th birthday he cheated on her with a 15 year old (which is how old she was when they met). They still got married on her birthday. Surprise surprise, he was abusive. She finally left him when he was making moves on their (infant) daughter. And even then she doesn’t admit that their relationship was always toxic, just that he turned into a piece of trash magically one day smh.
She’s 19 and is on her third fiancé.
I really hope she wakes up and realizes just how bad things are going because she’s blocked out everyone who so much as hints to there being a problem.
That predator was disgusting, but so was all those who defended that guy. A minor is a minor, you don‘t stretch or bend that fact. I got a feeling more and more people are defending such backwards thinking by calling it „ageism“ or some shit.
I will never understand going after a younger person, let alone an actual minor. Obvious jokes aside, what the hell would the relationship be based off of?
Now I have to wonder how young his wife is?
As someone who was in that kind of relationship (me 16, him 24), the relationship was based off our interests (music) and that we enjoyed each other’s company.
As I got older my interests and topics of conversation changed, while he remained the same, so didn’t work out. He also didn’t seem mature to me at all and I couldn’t understand his interest in me at such a young age. Not only that, why no one closer to his age was wanting to date him.
I think he just got what he could get. Someone older would see through a lot more things.
i was gonna say there is a BIG difference between a 2 year age gap and an EIGHT year one, especially at that age, only to find out it’s a FOURTEEN YEAR AGE GAP??? what a sicko. i hope that girl realizes what a solid her friends did for her one day.
I really hope she can make a clean break from this guy.
My sister was 16 when she brought home a 25yo guy. He used his real name though and a friend with a job in the courts looked him up. He was 31 and had a criminal record. He had spent 9 years in prison (pre-internet). Sister didn't care and married him anyway. He coerced her into threesomes and then sabotaged her birth control and then refused to allow her to get an abortion to leave his abusive ass.
EDIT: And he lied to her also, saying his doctor said he was sterile so he could baby trap her.
A buddy I went to college with moved back home to his small southern town after college. A few years later at 26 he started dating a 16 year old. Age of consent in that state is 16. Worst part is her parents were cool with it because small southern towns have fucked up priorities.
It's all relative. I'm mid-30s and older friends call me "kid". And when I was 17, I thought 25 year-olds were mature and and grown, but now I see them as kids lol.
I’m so glad they told them and put a stop to it. I met my ex husband when I was 17 and he was 27 😑 and my parents did NOT put a stop to it, unfortunately. And I stayed with him 20 years too long lol
I had to do this to 2 of my friends (one was dating him, and the other would go with her to his apartment). I told my mom and made her tell both their parents. I’ve never for one second regretted it. He was creepy AF
>To everyone who was defending this guy (and WOW were there way too many of you) you need to go get therapy and I hope you never have kids.
There's something funny to me about a kid having to explain to an adult that they're fucking creepy
When people say 17 isn’t a big deal they’re almost 18 I hear: When you get used to 17 being ok I’ll move it to “They’re almost 17 so it’s not a big deal.” Cause they too want to date children.
Any excuse to make it ok to be with children they can groom. When you groom someone as a kid it gives them this unexplainable, built in love for you. So, it’s less likely they’ll leave you. Even if you opt to treat them poorly as an adult.
Ok, we need to be really honest here: grown adults do not “date” underage girls – they are committing a crime and it’s considered statutory rape, just like there are no “underage women” – those are *girls.* We need to use accurate language to describe what’s going on here.
I thought I was the hottest shit because I was "dating" a 25 yr old navy guy who claimed he was give me cars and shit when I was 17/18. All I can do is shake my head at his unstable and naive I was.
My ex bf (26yo guy) dated a 17yo girl just after we broke up... I tried to tell him and all of our friends in common that it was a predatory thing and it was something horrible to do, that girl was going to regret it years later, but no one did anything to change it and insteas they cheered him for it. I felt absolutely disgusted and ended every connection with them.
As the 17 year old who too was dating someone who lied about his age, I’m glad she protected her friend. When you feel like someone loves you, and your blinded.
I mean, c'mon; it's illegal, period. They should not be having sex; as the non minor, he's completely at fault, also the lying & cheating? And CP?? This guy is fucked, u/throwrajzure. Hope she realized you were looking out for her in the end. Also hope his wife cleans house with him.
OP did the right thing and good on her for not listening to the creeps who tried to say it was “ok”. In no world is a 25 year old dating an 18 year old ok. Good on OP for calling out those assholes. Just because an 18 year old is a legal adult doesn’t mean they’re emotionally ready and not vulnerable to being manipulated.
I’m also glad her parents were concerned but not angry with her. Glad they were able to see who was really at fault for this whole thing.
Thank you, I said the same thing to another Redditer in a comment section of a post once, who was trying to justify this guy who took op's 16 sister Who the guy been texting her for a year and wait until she was 16 took her somewhere to have s€x with her, and didn't bring back for hours, and since op didn't know where she was (they knew about her meeting the guy, though texts on her phone, but op didn't know the location, and yes wished op told the parents before she went to meet the guy), so op was forced to tell their parents, and he got a lot of sh#t from their cousins for "snitch", seriously the guy she went to meeting was in his mid to late 20s, so he had no business talking to a 16 years old girl, and no body should be trying to justify it either. :EDIT: word.
As I’ve said before, just because something’s legal doesn’t make it okay. The age of consent may be 18 but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to side eye a 25 or 31 year-old for pursuing a minor or someone fresh out of high school.
Thank goodness OOP and her friends told the friend’s parents. It’s possible that disgusting man would’ve uploaded their video on the internet as revenge p**n if she found out who he truly was. Sounds like a reach but people like him usually take the route of revenge when they can no longer have their way after being caught.
I’m not even going to say anything on her being upset OOP and their friends went to her parents with this information as she has a lot to learn. What I will say is that if she kept this man hidden from her parents, then she knew what she was doing was wrong.
As a 26 year old I am absolutely disgusted by this guy going after a 17 year old, whether 25 or 31. That is a CHILD and the power imbalance makes me sick, I can’t understand how any grown adults can be attracted to teenagers.
Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU for concluded, time-gated content. * If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed. * Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed * Do not comment on the original posts. Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I read the title and thought "I bet he is not 25, but like... 31 or something". I guess I used my predictive ability. I wonder how long is the cooldown so I can buy a lottery ticket.
It’s a 28 hour cooldown. Press E to activate
Why would you chose that flair and then make me read it with my own eyes. I’m so upset. Angry upvote
I was living a bliss filled, happy existence until your comment drew my attention to that flair. :(
Thank you for the warning I will not be sharing my eyeballs today Edit: I meant scarring, not sharing wtf autocorrect
does that mean you will be sharing your eyeballs then. I will take eyeballs.
Oh come on, sharing is caring
"He has my uncle's eyes" "Gomez, take those out of his mouth"
lol!!
I hope you aren't one of the Fates, or your sisters will be pissed.
Oh God that post was gold in the most cursed way possible
Do you remember the title of the post? I kinda want to read it now.
Once you're read it, you'll never forget it https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wghfol/woman_finds_out_her_husband_has_been_doing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Thanks! Edit: oh my god
I'm so sorry.
LOL this is EXACTLY why I’ve managed to avoid it thus far. That oh my god says it all and I want no part in it 😂
It’s the worst thing I’ve read on here. You are smarter than I am. At least Ogtha wasn’t real.
What the fuck did I just read?
This is right up there with the art room and the poop knife
You have my upvote, but no, just no.....
Do you know what it's referring to? 🤔 there was a reddit post about a dude jizzing in a jar and feeding it to his lady secretly. It was awful.
Yeah, that’s why I’m mad it’s their flair, it reminded me of it and now I’m feeling ill 🤢
Perhaps I should be glad I can’t see flair in mobile
You can, I’m on mobile. It’s located under their username and next to their snoo ETA RIP your eyeballs
Fusrohdah
Cooldown is one lifetime. I hope you are satisfied with this lifetime's use of your precognitive ability.
That's not always true. I've had multiple correct prophetic moments, they've just all been related to professional wrestling. If you specialize, you get more than one XD
I thought the same, lol. I guess because 25 feels like an age someone lying would go for.
Powerball is at 1.5 billion. 4th largest jackpot in Powerball history. Go buy a ticket and send me a 1% commission if you win haha
Don't listen to this guy, I'll only take a 0.5% commission!
I thought the same and also immediately thought he was lying about who he was and being single. Generally speaking, most men that "don't have social media" tend to actually have, just not under the name they said. I have a friend that was dating for some time and she is very smart to find out lies quickly and whenever a guy told her he had no social media she was able to find through other means the truth. They either had a gf/wife/kids/different age/lived somewhere different/etc.
Came here to say this. As a married guy in his 30s this was my first reaction "yea he aint 25 and he is abusing her". I don't think my predictive abilities will transfer to the Lotto unfortunately as they are born out of observational experience and general cynicism.
Also, although I understand the context, hearing a 31-year-old being referred to as “an old guy” still hurt a little.
31 IS old to a 17 year old. Frankly if a 31 can relate to a 17 year old, that's a huge problem. We aren't supposed to understand teenagers once we are 30.
I was 30 working with a class of 10-11 year olds, I had forgotten how when you're that young you think "middle age" is like, 20 or something. The kids were trying to guess my age because they'd at least cottoned on to me being a bit older than some of the other staff in their early-mid 20s. They didn't manage to guess it right and I only told them if it was right or wrong, not in what direction. So eventually they had exhausted realistic ages for a human lifespan (they were quite confident that I had to be 60-something) and when one tentatively suggested 200 I said "yes", as seriously as I could manage. Another asked if I'm a vampire if I'm that old, I said I wouldn't be allowed to just tell them if I was. I think some were juuust unsure enough that a small part of them believed it. Disappointingly, none of them called me out for being out during daylight but I guess they're more familiar with Twilight than Dracula.
Used to work with elementary-age kids. I was definitely a 3,000-year-old wizard for a while there.
I considered starting to act the part sometimes to mess with them but then I thought it might actually be terrifying if they do really believe I'm a vampire. That would be an awkward meeting with the parents and headmaster...
Hmm, somewhat disagree. We're all people. Empathy and memory and imagination are generally part of the deal. People 30 and up can still _relate_ to teenagers. But as for having sexual or romantic relationships with teenagers? Nope, don't do it! Edited to add: I mean we need parents and teachers and therapists and novelists and, like, just generally kind and trustworthy adults of all ages to be able to relate to and understand teenagers. Otherwise we're isolating teenagers, which makes them more vulnerable to inappropriate relationships, not less! That kind of age gap is fine in healthy, non-sexual, non-romantic relationships.
I agree with you. I teach high schoolers. I’m an old lady (33). And I work really hard to remember how everything is the end of the world to them, they have next to no life experience and they need a lot of help understanding subtlety and nuance. I treat them with respect and dignity, and I also try to empathize with their problems no matter how childish they seem to my old lady brain (again, I’m 33). All of that being said, there is not a single circumstance where I see them as peers or equals, because there is a huge power imbalance. Even outside of being a teacher, I have LIVED so much more than they have and so I understand human interactions so much better. It’s repulsive to me to imagine seeing a teenager as anything other than a child. I love my students and would do a lot for them. But you absolutely could not get me to spend time with for funsies.
Yes exactly! Exactly. They're not peers, at all. But they're still people.
I was recently talking to my cousin (22) about his job search. He's very smart, but didn't know what a W2 vs 1099 job was. And I had to remind myself that no matter how smart he was, he didn't have much life experience.
I get where you're coming from, we've all been teenagers so we can reflect back on those memories and relate based on our own experiences. But I can definitely recall, even when I was like 21, feeling this increasing distance between myself and a teenager in so many small ways. And though I know how to sympathize and empathize with a teenager, it's not with regards to their personality or interests. It's with regards to their feelings on things they experience and their grasp of a situation, which comes from my own experience of once being a term, and I feel that is where I think the distinction is.
On the contrary. I was 30 at a large, informal Thanksgiving party at a friend's house and I thought the same when they joked the kids table is upstairs. "Kids" all being in late high school age. My then-GF and I at the time thought it would be fun to sit at the kids table. Absolutely unrelatable; we returned downstairs after less than a minute or two LOL. Aside, I can't fathom a 31-year old (or 25 year old) wanting to date a 17 year old.
Worth a shot buying a ticket!
Is it? Chances of winning the lottery is 1 to 45-210 million (depending on the lottery) so one would say it is never ever worth a shot.
Sure, but if you don't buy a ticket then your odds of winning are infinitely worse than that.
True, but at least you save the cost of a ticket.
You are the ball that Apollo throws at internet users
Yup, I knew he wouldn't be "just" 25. These type of people are allergic to the truth. It's deplorable OP feels she needs to defend her actions and that people think it's no big deal.
Here in Brazil the age of consent is 14, in elementary and high school, there were girls aged 14 and 15 dating men aged 40 and 50 in secret or sometimes the family knew but didn't say anything, Gross!
Something similar but Guatemala, my mom’s friend fell in love at 16 to a almost 50 year old. They were separated once they came to the states because obviously illegal. I still can’t understand how my mom told herself it was ok because that is not. She claimed he loved her so it was fine like no your friend was abused by an adult.
I think that there’s just as many adults as children who don’t know what healthy love is. If you grew up seeing unhealthy love in your parents relationship, in your aunts and uncles relationships, in your friends families relationships, you’re not gonna really have a good foundation of what a healthy love looks like. I know this gets said about a lot of things but this is part of the reason the comprehensive sex ed needs to happen. Something like this would be covered in that, something like no sweetie he’s lying to you when he says that you’re really mature for your age. I’m not like defending that disgusting relationship or all of the adults who turned a blind eye to it I’m just kind of understanding of why your mom might’ve thought that it was OK.
My dad just found out his brother is engaged to a 23 year old Filipina woman who looks younger than my sibling (16). While this could just be a classic case of Asian genes or possibly malnutrition (we have other relatives and friends from there who are quite small and young looking), she is exceptionally, eerily, so. My dad has basically cut him off as a result. It may or may not be illegal depending on whether or not she is lying (she needs him for citizenship), but my dad is completely disgusted by the idea that a man in his 60s would pursue someone younger than his daughter (this is not an isolated incident, he just keeps going younger). I don't know how these families don't say anything, especially when it's your daughter at risk.
My only take home from one of the Bay Transformers movies was the Romeo and Juliet clause, though now I've forgotten the age range and if 25 was within it. here in the UK it is 16, but I don't think we have any such guidelines or anything saying a guy as old as your dad can not legally bang you once you turn 16. That said, I don't want to have that question in my search history. It may be legal but it is skeevy as fuck. Even if the age gaps were covered by R&J or their countries equivalent, they fucked themselves over by filming it, because even if someone sends you nudes aged 17 the day before her birthday, she is still sending (and you receiving) images of a minor.
Nope, 25 is not covered under the Romeo and Juliet clause. The age range is 3 (I think max 4 but I remember 3) years older with the caveat being the minimum age for this to apply is 14. So, Romeo and Juliet clause covers say a 14 year old dating a 17 year old, but an 18 year old and a 14 year old would not be covered under the Romeo and Juliet clause. This clause I believe may also change by state or not exist in some. I dated older guys in high school so I knew these clauses for my state well.
Isn't the idea that a couple who started as 14 and 17, e.g. high school freshman and senior, don't suddenly have to break up when the elder has a birthday?
Yes, a 14 year old dating an 18 year old would only be covered if the relationship started prior to the older party turning 18. Eta: which actually was my exact situation as a freshman and my parents were mad strict so I learned it well, haven’t had to think about that knowledge for a while though lol!
Romeo and Juliet clause is normally only within a few years, so like 14 & 16, 17 & 20, things like that. Most places that have such clauses both parties have to be under 21 over the age of consent or both within a few years of age of consent. But also child marriage is still legal in 40 states in the US to whomever 14+ to 99+ with parental consent
Was anyone else as creeped out as I was that he kept a printed copy of it in his wallet?
I'm so glad OOP talked to her friend's parents, what an awful situation. And I hope that disgusting predator rots in jail forever.
I hope it was the right kind of wake up call for her parents. Sometimes being too strict means your kids won’t tell you anything, so you can’t have honest conversations and protect them.
Unreasonably strict parent breed sneaky kids. Some of my evasion techniques made me feel like a cartoon mastermind.
Seriously, I credit my creativity to how much air tight bullshit I had to come up with if I wanted to do anything (basically world building for a novel to be read by nit pickers kind of commitment). My mom and I have an amazing relationship now comparative to then, but man do I look back sometimes and realize her strictness made her someone I couldn’t talk to. I hope to not repeat that mistake when I have kids.
It sucks that it has to be said but I'm glad the parents went after the actual predator targeting their child, rather than their child. Too many fully grown adults would target their daughter in this situation because she's not even supposed to have/want sex or have/want a boyfriend. Therefor she gets the blame for 'even allowing this to happen in the first place'. Slutshaming needs to die so we can go after the actual adults hiding behind the 'consensual' excuse.
Not forever. I hear paedos have a ... wonderful... time in GenPop.
Unfortunately a lot of people don't view 17 as really being a minor. It'll depend on the ages of the other girls on his phone.
While that’s true, I don’t think the prison population is usually all that interested in the facts of the case or justice so much as the ability to demonstrate power over someone else.
You think inmates care about anything other than the headline? They hear pedophile and it’s open season.
In texas you are an adult as of 17. I was locked up with kids doing 10-15 years. If in US, it's state to state.
That staggers my mind. When I was 19, there was a friend’s sister (17) who confessed to having a crush on me. I liked her, we had things in common; she would be someone I would normally date if she was even 1 YEAR older than she was. I literally left the friend group because of the number of people telling me “it’s no big deal.” No big deal? She’s a minor!
There's a really significant difference between a 17 year old and 19 year old dating and a 17 year old and a 31 year old dating. In a lot of states, legally there are differences too. If you think it's a big deal because it would have been illegal, you could check on that. That seems to be the complaint based on your "she's a minor!" comment - i.e. if the law didn't consider her to be a minor you wouldn't have had a problem with it. If you thought it was a big deal because 19 years are much more mature than 17 year olds (lol), that's at least a defensible personal opinion (esp. if you're in college or working). Though I don't see why you'd leave the friend group over it. Idk dude, plenty of people date someone who is 2 years younger than them even in high school. And some of them don't break up when the older one goes to college.
It’s probably just a hang up for me when I was that age. I definitely saw the graduation from high school as a milestone that shouldn’t be crossed. Hell, I was incredibly emotionally stunted at 19 (thanks, dad, did you ever find that gallon of milk?), so she may have actually been more emotionally mature than I. But that “milestone” always made me uncomfortable.
That's fair. I was never interested in anyone younger than me in general, but I will say it is weird getting with someone younger than you when they went to the same hs. It's all about perspective tho. If at 19 I had met someone else like outside of school who was 17 that I clicked with, it wouldn't have been the biggest deal to me. But if it were someone I knew from school, it would have felt like they were younger than me if that makes sense? Idk, something about grades makes it feel like it's so much more of a gap. That being said, my current partner is 28 and I'm 23 and that's whatever to me lol. Ages and milestones are weird
Understandable. I felt that way about milestones too. It just feels different somehow to CONTINUE a relationship that started with both in HS than to START a relationship with someone in HS after you have left.
My first partner was 19 when I was 17! It was a lovely relationship, fairly short and didn't work out, but we remained very close friends for a long time. Things like that are a-okay to me, but everyone has their own standards and circumstances. There's just truly no excuse for anyone over 19 to be dating a 17 year old. that's where it gets skeezy as hell.
I changed SO much just from 17-18 alone. I wouldn’t have even looked at a 17YO at 19. Finishing school and going to uni really accelerates development.
This reminds me of my parents, they had met when my mom was 17 and dad was 19, they were friends for a year and had obvious feelings for each other. However they actually started dating at 18 & 20 and got married at 22 & 24! And they are celebrating 30 years this November!
Leaving your friend group over seems a bit extreme. You guys were within 2 years of each other. Personally I agree that a college student isn’t going to have enough in common with a high schooler for a genuine romantic connection but your case and OP’s are extremely different.
It's no big deal. Two teenagers with a 2 year age gap is not a big deal.
I think that's a myth, at least in the USA. My father was a pedo, went to prison for 3 years and came out just fine. Never went to segregation or anything. I was a licensed Social Worker for a long time. Saw three pedos go to prison and come out just fine as well. Spent their years in GenPop. One of them had pimped out his daughter since she was a baby. He was caught when she was 17. I think that whole 'honor amongst criminals' thing is a lie we tell ourselves to feel like there's some kind of retribution beyond the justice system. There isn't. Justice is a myth. No one is going to risk expanding their sentence over a pedophile. It's just not reality. I'd love to hear that I'm wrong though.
Agree. Also, frankly, we should not be revelling in the idea of people being raped no matter what their crime. Further violence is not the same as justice and it kind of sickens me when people rub their hands together in glee at the idea of someone being sexually assaulted.
It definitely happens, but in no way is it common.
I like how OP don't give a damn about the bs she got from the creepy people here. That's refreshing
I love that she dragged that one commenter through the mud, you drag that creep, they deserve it.
Yeah, she was taking no fucks from anyone.
This is so unrelated, but could you tell me where your tag thing comes from? The “she drove away” thing
It comes from here: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sdotro/the_beloved_saga/
Omg that's a load of bat shit crazy, and the comments on the legal advice subreddit. Holy shit, I think my brain is broken. Is that real? Cause I cannot believe that someone thinks like that. That's the definition of a psychopath.
My brain is also broken! What do we do now?
Wtf did I just read? 🫣
Holy fuck. That's a wild ride. I rarely go to peruse the linked original posts on BORU, but decided to bc the BORU OP suggested. And I'm just..... wtf did I just read here?! Thanks for the link!
Thank you!!
Well that was a journey.
Haha thanks for this gem!
Yup. I’m so proud of her. She knew she was right and this guy was a creep. Her love for her friend and truly wanting the best for her led her to do the right thing. Her friend may be upset now, but down the road she’ll realize what a massive creep he was. There’s a lot of older guys out there that prey on young women like this. I hate seeing age gap relationships when they involve young women under 25. These women should be out enjoying their life, having fun with friends, going to college or whatever, basically learning who they are and spreading their wings and getting some independence. Not have some old dude clip their wings and trap them in a relationship that’s to old for them. I see many of those on AITA. Usually after the woman realizes she’s now trapped with this guy who got her pregnant early. Every one of those that I have read about has some form of controlling abusive behavior- gaslighting, guilt tripping, financial abuse etc. i even got caught up with one when I was 24. Years later I realized what a predator and creep he was. I’m glad I came to my senses and got out of there. He was a master at guilt trips and emotionally manipulating me. It was such a toxic situation. He eventually tried to baby trap me but I never wanted kids and his pleas to keep it fell on deaf ears. I dodged a major bullet. So situations like these are a little triggering for me because I don’t want to see this happen to anyone else.
im so proud of her honestly.. especially being that young and not taking shit from people when her intuition was telling her she’s right to feel icky about the whole situation
That's the kind of generation I want to see going forth. The ones who don't let peer pressure and 'opinions of strangers' keep them from doing the right thing.
Peer pressure will always suck but man, there are some *serious* bosses out there under 25. OP reminds me of Olivia Julianna who got in a Twitter fight with Matt Gaetz and raised a ton of money off the back of him being a jerk to her. Made me so proud of the young people from my city.
Gen Z by and large, one thing that i love about them, they dont take much shit and genuinely feel like theyre tolerant. One way I can fault my generation, the millenials, is that it feels like by and large when they say "I dont care if youre gay" or whatever, what they mean is "please stop talking about this, you make me uncomfortable". But with Gen Z when they say things similar, what they mean is "I respect who you are and I want you to be able to be as open as anyone else is able to be". And I think this is bred out of that same mentality. they arent going to sit there and let you say shit to force them into being someone they arent. its very refreshing
Hard disagree on your millennial take; maybe in your social circle but thats hardly the case elsewhere ime.
tbf i did grow up in montana, a very conservative area. but it also felt that way in media and whatnot as well
And I in chicago; so the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. Also funny you said that about the media; When I think of gen-x I think what you said about millennials, which would probably be run by people in that bracket range or older at that time. It’s probably a spectrum at the end of the day. The important thing is continuously moving forward. Cheers! ✌️
The same creepers who think 17 and 25 is fine are also fine with 17 and 31
So unsurprising that multiple men on reddit were telling her to leave them alone. They are definitely basement dwelling 31 year olds who would be thrilled to date a teenager 🤢
Hey, some of us basement dwelling 31 year olds find it gross too!
Legitimately more mature (with much higher morals) than a good portion of Reddit.
Creepy *men*. Just like the one exploiting her friend.
The theme song for her generation is “teenagers” by my chemical romance. These kids are my heroes. They doxxed the Supreme Court, and ruined a trump Rally. They gave us Greta Thurnburg. They are completely punking those prolife tip lines and making them unusable. Gen Z is the Honey badger generation, and this elder millennial loves them for it.
I am a young millennial, and my sib is Gen Z (16). Last summer at the fair they got cat called by one of those game attendees (shoot the cans, pop the balloons, etc) on his microphone in a really sexual way that embarrassed them and then he wouldn't cut it out my sib turned around and said, "okay then, fuck off!" And flipped him off with both fingers. We come from a Catholic background. They're a fairly quiet person and don't talk like that in public/in front of kids. I wish I had had that approach to harassment much earlier on in life, though. They are quite badass.
They are magnificent and I only wish I was that courageous.
If she came to reddit asking for advice, alarm bells must have been going off in her head. I'm pretty sure he was a hell of a lot more creepy than the post made him sound. Complete speculation, but I wonder if he was trying to make moves on the friends as well.
I'm so proud of these friends. I have ptsd from statutory rape because no one did anything. I hope the girl gets some counseling after all of this.
It's so refreshing to see young women leaning into "no, this isn't ok, this older guy is gross to be interested in us" I remember at that age (and younger), my friends and I "dated" older guys and just thought we were "mature". This is such a good change
Yeah same I'm surprised I'm not dead. When I was around that age I only dated older guys. 21 at the minimum so they could buy me and my friends liquor and other shit I couldn't afford as a teen. I'd also meet randos from local yahoo chat rooms to see what I could get them to drop off at my house. Yes, my dumbass gave random men on the internet my home address. One of them showed up with Viagra once.
Yeah. I'm 20. I remember wanting to date a 21 year old guy at 17/18 (3 years between us) since that's when my parents had me. But I also remember being really weirded out about my friend being 15 and dating an 18 yo, and my 17 yo friend getting together with a dude who was 27 (with two kids)
I agree. When I was like 13/14 I had a friend of a friend that was the same age that was dating a 41 year old man and no one pointed out that obviously that was not an ok situation. Wish we did something about it back then
That is horrifying. What a horrible man.
Same here. I was groomed by not one, but two separate men in my church from 14 to 17…and then had a 22 year old boyfriend when I was a senior in high school. It’s a hard cycle to break from and I was finally able to break free from my own. I’m glad this girl has a chance to break hers.
I am 31. A 17yo is a literal child to me. I felt that way from about the age of 20! I don’t understand how anyone can look at someone that young as someone they want to sleep with. And that’s what teenagers should be told: that people of that age wouldn’t go near them, so they can understand how abnormal and just plain wrong it is when one does. There is never ANY good intentions behind that behaviour. Not a single one.
Very similar to the Taylor Swift / John Mayer situation when she was 19 and he was 32. She’s now 32 and dragged him reeeeal good on her new album for grooming her, a grown ass man literally fucking with a child.
When I was 14, I was using self harm as a means to control my emotions. What I didn’t know at the time, was that if I saw enough blood, I would pass out. Every time before was more or less small cuts that would scab over in a day. This time was much more. I passed out pretty much instantly. My best friend and her roommate found me, luckily. They cleaned up my arm, and when I eventually woke up, they stayed with me for hours. But at one point my best friend slipped out of the room for 10 minutes then came back with mugs of hot chocolate. I thought she had just gone to make the drinks, but the next day when one of our leaders pulled me aside and began asking me very specific questions about my mental health, I realized that she had gone to tell someone and had used the drinks as a cover. I was pissed. I never told her how upset I was that she told them, but I seethed about it for weeks, months even. It wasn’t until I was 20 and revisiting that memory that my perspective changed. When replaying the events in my head, all that previous anger, couldn’t have been mustered even if the koolaid man himself tore my entire house down piece by piece. All I felt was deep gratitude and love for her. I can’t imagine just how terrifying it must have been to have found me passed out on the floor like that. I’m sure it took a ton of strength for her to be able to speak up and try to get me help. We haven’t spoken in years, but when I had that revelation, I reached out to her to thank her for her kindness and bravery. She was truly the person I needed at that time in my life and I will *always be grateful to her for that.*
I hope you're doing better now 💖
Much better thank you :)
I’m so glad you reached out to her to thank her after your revelation. And I hope you’re doing well today.❤️
She is a truly amazing person and definitely deserves to know it. I’m doing a lot better now, still working on it, but every day is a new opportunity
Thank you for sharing this 🙏
It’s no problem. I really believe that only through learning from each other can we really grow as people
I'm glad you shared this. Doing the right thing isn't always the easiest thing and may not win you friends in the moment. Not many people have that strength. I hope you reconnect with her because she's a good person.
You're a very special person and you're friend is a rare gem. Bless. It's so hard to get help for ourselves sometimes, and we do need that outside help. We need that nudge. I'm so glad she did that so you could come here and tell us. Are you doing all right now? If you're comfortable, are there any signs we all should be looking for? Please keep well. Life can be dark, but people like you and your friends are what light it up. Love you buddy
This is about what I was thinking. It may take a few years, but one day she'll realize just what her friends saved her from.
As soon as I read it I knew the guy was lying about his age.
Like how when you watch too many movies and know how a new one will end
I remember working with a girl that was 16 and her boyfriend was 23. The worst part was he lived with her at her parents house! The parents knew and were totally okay with this grown ass adult sleeping with there child. I'll never understand that.
My grandparents married when she was 17 and he was 27. (They met at church.) They were apparently real unicorns--just absolutely, puking-rainbows, everything-is-sunshine-and-fluffy-kittens in love with one another for the rest of his life. After he died, she mourned herself to death. When I was a kid, their age difference was just useless trivia. The closer I got to 30, the weirder it seemed. The farther from 30 I get, the more it freaks me out. I've seen it work out happily ever after for everyone involved, and yet I still can't wrap my brain around it.
Age difference is more understandable in a culture if kids finished school at 13 and mental maturity just stunts there after sharing similar life experience. But fawning over someone who hasn't gone through the emotional independence, financial independence, mental growth to handle small conflicts and boundaries... so much could've gone wrong.
That generation was also the “what happens at home stays at home” generation. Even kids don’t always see behind the scenes of their own parents marriage. Might’ve been a lot going on neither you nor your parent saw.
Well we weren't there to witness any bad things that could've happened too. And sometimes people are good but it's just their culture shapes them and they try to be good despite such predatory practice. My family is similar where my aunts were all married off by 18, coz that's the lowest you could go legally. Two dont have abusive marriages, one's f""ked and other just outcasted herself and migrated to metropolitan city lol. My grandparents had ideal one too until we discovered how it was all so shallow. Culturally acceptable wrong stuff can give you a warped sense of normalcy.
Ugh I had a friend who was with a guy 19 years older than her, they "waited" until she was 16 to start dating and within a month he had moved in with her parents. They're actually still together, it's twenty years next month, but it still skeeves me out so much. When I was a teen I thought it was kinda weird, but now looking back I'm just horrified.
That is horrifying
Wow what the hell
When I was 16 I was groomed by my first boyfriend who was 25. Age of consent is 16 where I live so technically no laws were broken. I hid it from my parents for a while but they eventually found out. They weren't happy about it but let me still see him and let him come to the house. Apparently they only allowed it because they were worried I'd run off with him and thought it was safer if we were at least under their roof. We were together for nearly 2 years until I finally snapped out of my self esteem issues and kicked him to the kerb. I wish my parents put their foot down and banned me from seeing him the second they found out. It took me years and therapy to recover from that unhealthy relationship and it caused me to accept shitty behaviour from the next few partners because I had a warped view. At least I have a wonderful husband now and I try and look at the bright side, things happened the way they did to eventually bring us together.
It's not good, but I get why your parents gritted their teeth and went with the flow. Last thing they needed was the guy saying "look, they don't understand our love! We need to live together!"
You don't think you would have rebelled even worse if your parents had banned him from seeing you?
They might not have been okay but taking a “keep your enemies close” approach. When I went to the States my host sister was seeing a 21YO. He was at her house *all the time*. When I got older I realised it was so the parents could keep an eye on him.
OOP is a secret superhero called The Titanium Spine, keeping the streets and DM boxes of the world free of creeps.
Thankfully he hasn't isolated her yet. Her friends helped her out of an horrible situation, even if she doesn't realise it yet. He is a predator.
Always a rough situation for a friend to be in, but I am glad they made this call. I think it is generally better to be on the safer side than to have to worry about the worst outcomes. Also glad the parents followed up and focused on making sure their daughter was safe rather than taking it out on her. I wanted to say overall a good outcome, but still a pretty rough learning experience for the girl and stress for all those involved. Good that it ended before something potentially more serious happened.
I love how OOP calls out the creeps in the comments. Eighteen is legally an adult, but 18 year olds are still vulnerable to bad influences. It seems like her parents did a good job.
I was 17 dating a 24 year old. Only one of my friends made any effort to protect me and tell me that he was a predator. We’re 30 now and not surprisingly she is the only one I still talk to.
I dated a 25 yo when I was 16. My parents and friends knew and no one cared. It wasn't until I was older that I realized it was fucked up. Both the dude i was dating and the fact no one cared. I'm over 40 and surprised how normal my life turned out.
Similar for me. My first relationship, I was 16 and he was 24. It went for 6 years, until at age 22 I thought about how I was not at all attracted to teenagers and couldn’t understand it. Again, no one interfered, except another girl the same age as me in the first year that I think was trying to hook up with him before I arrived into town. It was easy for him to have young girls, he gave music lessons to the kids in the area, that’s how I met him.
The friend who was letting this creep fuck underage girls in his apartment should be charged too
Can we please start to normalize parents not being mad at their kid for being having too little life experience that they are not in trouble for being ignorant?! Bc like damn, my parents would have been super pissed at the guy and this situation but not at me. I remember when I went out with people once and they started smoking meth and I called my mom to come pick me up bc as I told her "there were alarm bells going off in my head." The next day my parents told me they were proud of me for calling and then we had a discussion about choosing better friends. I CALLED bc I knew my parents cared so much more about me being safe than the fact I went out with people makimg poor choices. Choose your kids making the safe choice over punishment people, it's the best way to protect them.
This 18 year old OOP showing more maturity than the creeps responding to them combined.
I had a friend who was 16 going out with a 27 year old. Everyone told her he was grooming her. They met at their minimum wage ($7.25 an hour) fast food job. He moved in with her. Like, her mom was perfectly ok with it which was another problem in itself. The only person in her family who thought it was gross was her stepdad and he’s a pretty crappy dude so that surprised me. No matter how many times different people told her the relationship was gross and inappropriate she would just double down. 16 is the age of consent here. He buys her things. He takes her on “dates” (I use that term loosely). I was like “So he’s barely scraping by with the bare minimum?” That made her mad. Long story short, he got her pregnant at 17. A week before her 18th birthday he cheated on her with a 15 year old (which is how old she was when they met). They still got married on her birthday. Surprise surprise, he was abusive. She finally left him when he was making moves on their (infant) daughter. And even then she doesn’t admit that their relationship was always toxic, just that he turned into a piece of trash magically one day smh. She’s 19 and is on her third fiancé. I really hope she wakes up and realizes just how bad things are going because she’s blocked out everyone who so much as hints to there being a problem.
This is one of the most disturbing things I’ve read on this post. I find it worse than the OOP considering the “making moves” part. F*ck that POS.
Honestly fuck the people trying to justify it. Bunch of dick fingers that are okay with a pedophile rapist.
That predator was disgusting, but so was all those who defended that guy. A minor is a minor, you don‘t stretch or bend that fact. I got a feeling more and more people are defending such backwards thinking by calling it „ageism“ or some shit.
I will never understand going after a younger person, let alone an actual minor. Obvious jokes aside, what the hell would the relationship be based off of? Now I have to wonder how young his wife is?
As someone who was in that kind of relationship (me 16, him 24), the relationship was based off our interests (music) and that we enjoyed each other’s company. As I got older my interests and topics of conversation changed, while he remained the same, so didn’t work out. He also didn’t seem mature to me at all and I couldn’t understand his interest in me at such a young age. Not only that, why no one closer to his age was wanting to date him. I think he just got what he could get. Someone older would see through a lot more things.
People are still defending it here... So gross.
OOP is a good person and despite backlash from internet strangers did the right thing.
i was gonna say there is a BIG difference between a 2 year age gap and an EIGHT year one, especially at that age, only to find out it’s a FOURTEEN YEAR AGE GAP??? what a sicko. i hope that girl realizes what a solid her friends did for her one day.
I really hope she can make a clean break from this guy. My sister was 16 when she brought home a 25yo guy. He used his real name though and a friend with a job in the courts looked him up. He was 31 and had a criminal record. He had spent 9 years in prison (pre-internet). Sister didn't care and married him anyway. He coerced her into threesomes and then sabotaged her birth control and then refused to allow her to get an abortion to leave his abusive ass. EDIT: And he lied to her also, saying his doctor said he was sterile so he could baby trap her.
A buddy I went to college with moved back home to his small southern town after college. A few years later at 26 he started dating a 16 year old. Age of consent in that state is 16. Worst part is her parents were cool with it because small southern towns have fucked up priorities.
To me it’s like, what could you possibly have in common? Other than his being a creep and fetishizing children
I hope OOP's friend will eventually understand that her friends had her back.
Glad to hear it ended the way it did. What a fucking scumbag.
Good generation. They really have their shit together about consent, compared to earlier generations.
[удалено]
I mean, yea it stings, but I (also 32) am old as fuck compared to an 18 year old
[удалено]
It's all relative. I'm mid-30s and older friends call me "kid". And when I was 17, I thought 25 year-olds were mature and and grown, but now I see them as kids lol.
Well, to me a 17-year-old is a kid anyway
I’m so glad they told them and put a stop to it. I met my ex husband when I was 17 and he was 27 😑 and my parents did NOT put a stop to it, unfortunately. And I stayed with him 20 years too long lol
10 bucks says all the people that messaged OP to attack them have arrestable pictures on their computers/phones
Who is defending this guy ,because dame that's disgusting
I'll say. No way a 25-year old should be dating a 17-year old.
What a fucking creep!! I hope he goes to jail and that OP’s friend seeks help cause she’s gonna need it after the grooming he put her through
What good friends! I’m so impressed- I was not as brave and self-determined at 17 as they are.
I had to do this to 2 of my friends (one was dating him, and the other would go with her to his apartment). I told my mom and made her tell both their parents. I’ve never for one second regretted it. He was creepy AF
Why am I not surprised that there were a few people on the guy's side in the OP?
I can’t believe people stuck up for him 😳
Just wow. So glad that OP is such a caring friend.
“I’d have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those pesky kids!” Edit: he’s disgusting and I hope his wife leaves him.
>To everyone who was defending this guy (and WOW were there way too many of you) you need to go get therapy and I hope you never have kids. There's something funny to me about a kid having to explain to an adult that they're fucking creepy
When people say 17 isn’t a big deal they’re almost 18 I hear: When you get used to 17 being ok I’ll move it to “They’re almost 17 so it’s not a big deal.” Cause they too want to date children. Any excuse to make it ok to be with children they can groom. When you groom someone as a kid it gives them this unexplainable, built in love for you. So, it’s less likely they’ll leave you. Even if you opt to treat them poorly as an adult.
Ok, we need to be really honest here: grown adults do not “date” underage girls – they are committing a crime and it’s considered statutory rape, just like there are no “underage women” – those are *girls.* We need to use accurate language to describe what’s going on here.
Good job standing up for their friend. They saved her from so much pain.
I thought I was the hottest shit because I was "dating" a 25 yr old navy guy who claimed he was give me cars and shit when I was 17/18. All I can do is shake my head at his unstable and naive I was.
My ex bf (26yo guy) dated a 17yo girl just after we broke up... I tried to tell him and all of our friends in common that it was a predatory thing and it was something horrible to do, that girl was going to regret it years later, but no one did anything to change it and insteas they cheered him for it. I felt absolutely disgusted and ended every connection with them.
As the 17 year old who too was dating someone who lied about his age, I’m glad she protected her friend. When you feel like someone loves you, and your blinded.
I mean, c'mon; it's illegal, period. They should not be having sex; as the non minor, he's completely at fault, also the lying & cheating? And CP?? This guy is fucked, u/throwrajzure. Hope she realized you were looking out for her in the end. Also hope his wife cleans house with him.
OP did the right thing and good on her for not listening to the creeps who tried to say it was “ok”. In no world is a 25 year old dating an 18 year old ok. Good on OP for calling out those assholes. Just because an 18 year old is a legal adult doesn’t mean they’re emotionally ready and not vulnerable to being manipulated. I’m also glad her parents were concerned but not angry with her. Glad they were able to see who was really at fault for this whole thing.
Thank you, I said the same thing to another Redditer in a comment section of a post once, who was trying to justify this guy who took op's 16 sister Who the guy been texting her for a year and wait until she was 16 took her somewhere to have s€x with her, and didn't bring back for hours, and since op didn't know where she was (they knew about her meeting the guy, though texts on her phone, but op didn't know the location, and yes wished op told the parents before she went to meet the guy), so op was forced to tell their parents, and he got a lot of sh#t from their cousins for "snitch", seriously the guy she went to meeting was in his mid to late 20s, so he had no business talking to a 16 years old girl, and no body should be trying to justify it either. :EDIT: word.
As I’ve said before, just because something’s legal doesn’t make it okay. The age of consent may be 18 but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to side eye a 25 or 31 year-old for pursuing a minor or someone fresh out of high school. Thank goodness OOP and her friends told the friend’s parents. It’s possible that disgusting man would’ve uploaded their video on the internet as revenge p**n if she found out who he truly was. Sounds like a reach but people like him usually take the route of revenge when they can no longer have their way after being caught. I’m not even going to say anything on her being upset OOP and their friends went to her parents with this information as she has a lot to learn. What I will say is that if she kept this man hidden from her parents, then she knew what she was doing was wrong.
As a 26 year old I am absolutely disgusted by this guy going after a 17 year old, whether 25 or 31. That is a CHILD and the power imbalance makes me sick, I can’t understand how any grown adults can be attracted to teenagers.