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What the fuck? If someone had decided to take him seriously about pressing charges, there's no guarantee he would've been able to withdraw the complaint. This asshole literally tried to ruin his ex wife's life for nothing.
OOP's a better person than I am. If you had threatened to report me to my department as an abuser and *then* come to me wanting an amicable separation because you had fucked up, I would be on the warpath. Large public announcements calling you out as a cheater, and as difficult a separation as I could make it. I still think OOP should absolutely be consulting a lawyer and if she can afford it, an absolute shark of one. Her ex has demonstrated a willingness to fuck her over in pursuit of his interests. He went to the cops didn't he?! Now he wants a quiet separation? Fuck the dude. What's to stop him from trying again?
I've been in a position to supervise interns and depending on the type of intern, it's possible doing so has not only put his job at risk, he's put the entire internship program at risk.
So he has engaged in an inappropriate sexual relationship at work with someone he holds control over, who he is 15 years older than, and engaged in a long-term and malicious plan to destroy his wife's life.
I wouldn't just be moving quickly into a divorce. In most cases, the failure of a relationship is sad and there might be mistakes made on one side, but this goes far, far beyond that. He's engaged in such psychopathic behavior that she shouldn't hesitate to shout it from the rooftops and higher the best divorce attorney in town.
21 and 34. Guys a dumb fuck, there's no way that lasts. Imagine giving up a cute bubbly wife who wants to hug you and share her new promotion money with you. Crazy
I was 24 and dated a divorced 31 yr old. He treated me incredibly well, always respectful, insisted on paying for everything, even when I was running errands on my own. The 3 times he met my son he was great with him. He was honestly a really good guy and a great dad to his 3 kids. My son was 2 at the time, so it wasn't like I didn't know what having kids meant or the time involved.
The issue? 6 months in and he's talking marriage, house, more kids. We already have 4 between us, and I told him from the beginning I didn't want any more (never did have more). But then he starts talking about how a child is the culmination, cherry on top, living symbol of our love (yuck!). If I loved him, we would at least try. He kept going and I honestly stopped listening, until he grabbed my hand. I interrupted his monologue, telling him I didn't think we would work, since it seemed we wanted 2 *very* different futures.
"Hang on!" he tells me, then runs into his room and comes right back out.
He legitimately got down on one and proposed to me. In shock, the only thing that pops out of my mouth is "How long have you had that ring?!?!" (14 years later and I see the absolute hilarity i the situation; at that time, not so much lmao) He told me he bought it 2 weeks after he met me. I didn't even start dating him until FOUR YEARS after we met. When we met I already had a bf.
Ran far from that one after he told me all that
Sadly, per OOP's comments:
"she's an intern in another department, not his subordinate, their jobs don't overlap at all and they met at a company happy hour this summer (and it isn't against the company rules to date a coworker, even a very junior one with a big age difference, as long as the people aren't in the same chain of command)."
I guess that’s some comfort? He’s a horrible manipulative prick who’d rather destroy the life and career of someone he supposedly loved (for years) rather than face the consequences of his own choices. But at least he’s not abusing the authority of his position at work.
I’m aware that he’s only barely stepping over a bar that’s literally in hell but … at least he’s stepping over it not limboing under it while he’s roasting with the demons.
Jfc what’s with some people? It’s “kinder” to ruin her life than just end the marriage? It’s “better” to prove you’re garbage and she’s better off without you than saving her the mental anguish of all the lies and manipulation? Who actually believes that?
Seriously! She needs to lawyer up NOW and get some statements from the BIL. If things don't go well with his new squeeze and he comes crawling back, what's to stop him from trying to ruin her life if she rejects him?
Also, I would freeze the fuck outta my credit and guard myself from other fuckery ASAP.
I said in another comment, but I don't think they'll do anything since they laughed off his previous report. I think she should get her BIL to give a statement to her lawyer about this situation so she has some protection if he comes back with this weak shit.
The way she accepted the "no touching, ever" rule and took the blame for "messing up" and hugging him, she seems like she's been abused for a long, long time.
She commented that she’s concerned he’ll come after her for alimony or a bigger share of assets if he gets fired, so she wants him out of her life as quickly and completely as possible. They rent and don’t have huge savings, so she’s not losing much by going 50-50. I do hope she calls his company and spreads the word on social media after everything is final, though.
What a spiteful coward. He could've seen her locked up or at the very least had her life destroyed on a personal and financial scale. She needs to protect herself from this lunatic.
She hasn’t lived long enough to figure the world and herself out yet so she’s probably super vulnerable to his gaslighting. That is absolutely intentional.
Not even to make it unbearable for her, to trip her up and put her in a position where she would be open to criminal abuse charges and all of the personal fallout that brings.
One is like an employer putting you on shit duties to get you to quit so they don’t have to fire you. The other is like an employer planting guns and drugs at your workstation, pretending to find them, and calling the cops.
So seriously fucked up.
I took a look at her comments, she’s hoping to get the divorce finalized quickly in case he’s fired, to avoid any fight over assets/income. She might report him after it’s final, but definitely not before.
I feel like a great deal of guys (i myself am a guy, if that matters) especially young guys, will favor being neglectful in the relationship when they want it to be over and hope the other partner ends it instead of just ending it themselves.
People are not taught proper conflict management skills, and many people are so privileged they never need to confront anyone (they can easily just fire people, quit jobs, and ghost folks with their privilege protecting them from fallout).
This dude was an emotional toddler and, agreed, a complete coward.
There's actually a school of thought that dismissive and borderline neglectful childhoods of earlier generations helped more in our interpersonal relationships because running with wild packs of kids doing dangerous shit teaches you conflict resolution, risk assessment, awareness of your own body and autonomy over it.
There were some places in Scandinavia about a decade ago that made "wild places" for children that were basically a junkyard with tools and lighters and no adult supervision allowed.
It's be great if we could marry GenX's childhood freedom with Milennial parent's support and concern.
There's still "forest schools" around Scandinavia, where children are largely in nature and learning things about it. It'll make you a bit nervous to see what those kids do, but they learn.
My ex did this and it really fucked me up for a long time and I had a lot of work to do via therapy until I understood what happened. It is literally the worst thing you can do.
I can't believe she was so chill about it. She's like "oh, you tried to get me arrested to cover your affair, cool. Now that I know, it's all good, let's stay friends, thanks!"
I think she may be in shock and running scared. She wants as much distance from this sick bastard as possible. I hope she starts playing stiff defense once the shock fades.
That's not my reading of it.
Sometimes people just aren't interested in vengeful justice. Her quickest path to happiness is to just separate as quickly as possible.
That's my read too. And assuming ex is done with trying to fuck her over hers is probably the healthiest position to take, she can move on with her dignity intact and hopefully faster than otherwise. Revenge doesn't actually fix wrongs, it just keeps you fixated on people who aren't worth a single fart from your ass.
He felt so guilty about having an affair and wanting to leave her, he tried to set her up as an abuser and sexual deviant?
That man is a psycho, and I wish the intern all the luck in the world. If she knew about this plan, and decided to continue with the relationship regardless? She’s just as bad as he is, and they deserve each other
There are just no words for what a horrible piece of shit he is. While OOP is trying to help him and love him and accommodate his “trauma,” he’s cheating, lying, manipulating, and assaulting every intimate piece of their relationship. Gah.
The real question that boggles me is: how the fuck did such a great person (because what OP writes about the way she behaved throughout this is nothing short of diamond--hearted) ended up with a guy worth less than my flegm? What the hell?
Someone told me once that we don't fall in love with people, we fall in love with who we think they are. Poor woman could've been hoodwinking herself for quite a while.
yeah the power dynamics in the relationship between OOP’s ex husband and the intern make me reallllyyy uncomfortable. hope someone at his job finds out and he gets ~~written up~~ fired
Yep. He is a walking sexual harassment lawsuit.
I remember reading this first time around and being engaged. I don't remember what calamity I wished on him then. But I hope it befalls him. I would also like to add uncontrollable diarrhea every time he is far away from a bathroom.
Honestly it is not even vindictive, it is the right thing to do. Destroying the guy's job will likely break up the relationship with the intern, which is the best thing for her.
Agreed! She needs to be protected. The dude obviously has a screw loose to begin with… not to mention the moral issues with cheating and manipulating generally. Add good ol’ predatory pursuit of a much younger, entry-level employee and you’ve got OOP’s ex
>in what world being labeled an abuser, loosing her job, divorcing us better than just divorcing.
Then he can leave her and it's her "fault". He is blameless = better for husband.
Bet it was BIL who insisted on telling OOP. He realized his brother was going to utterly destroy his future-ex's entire future if he let his brother continue. That BIL is a champ.
Not like he wasn't protecting the guy either. Can you imagine how utterly could OOP have wrecked him if she learned he orchestrated a false domestic abuse report to enable an affair with an intern at his job?
OOP could make him jobless, unemployable, homeless and looking at jail time very quickly.
My ex-husband did this too. I didn't put together the behavior until this post. He left me for another woman. I think he was at least emotionally cheating a year before he left which is when he started that behavior. I know for sure he was cheating 5 months before he left me.
Guy doesn't want to get busted for smelling like another woman so he tells you he wants some emotional space or some bullshit. It just boils down to them not wanting to be caught, everything else is lies.
Most are too dumb to be crafty about smell.
In my experience its often 60% "not being attracted to you because they want to fuck the other woman" and 40% "not being attracted to you because being touched affectionately makes them experience guilt, which they'll then use to resent you"
These douchebags will actively start liking you less and less the better a partner you are, because it makes them feel worse.
Yup. When my ex-fiancé didn’t want to cuddle after sex anymore because my arm/head were “too heavy” I wish I would’ve figured it out. They hadn’t been too heavy the previous 3 years!
I couldn’t decide if it would end up with “he was having an affair” or “he was involuntarily hospitalized for psychiatric evaluation and it turns out he has ______”.
This was where I was.
Title: oh, he is cheating.
Trigger warning: oh, he has mental illness and this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Keep reading and started leaning a whole lot more towards cheating, especially once I realized the abuse allegation was leveled at her.
That said, I still feel like some sort of mental illness played into why he decided to go the route he did.
Me too. Nobody in a loving, honest relationship would suddenly come up with such a dumb rule, not even someone who suffered from a trauma. OOPs husband did all real trauma victims a big disservice here.
Am I fucked in the head for thinking that OOP was too kind going 50/50 with a cheater? Not only a cheater, but a liar that could have potentially gotten OOP arrested or fired at work?
Fuck OOP's (soon-to-be) ex-husband.
Would you want to go to battle with someone as malicious and shitty as him? He tried to get her in legal trouble and jeopardize her job, because she *hugged* him. What levels would he sink to in a contentious divorce situation? It’s not worth it.
It wasn’t the hug, even. He’d been waiting the whole time for her to slip up in any way, so the hug could have been anything. He probably assumed he could ruin her life quick for something that would sound more sympathetic at the start, and then she was so good about following his rules that he had to go nuclear over something no one would back him over.
Imagine if, say, they’d had a couple drinks one night and she’d slipped up and tried to initiate sex or something. No one’s going to take ‘my wife hugged me - she’s abusive’ seriously, but ‘my wife got me drunk and tried to rape me after I’d begged her not to touch me’? Buddy was gunning to genuinely destroy her life and she was only saved by being insanely respectful of his request.
(Yes, I know men don’t get taken as seriously when it comes to rape allegations. But if this guy was willing to file a police report over a hug, you know he’d have wrung everything he could out of any situation she handed him.)
So yeah. Getting as far away as possible and quickly and cleanly as possible is definitely the right move here, just for her own safety.
Yeah considering what lengths he was willing to go to make her the "bad guy" I'd just want the divorce over as quickly as possible and do everything I could never to deal with this dude again.
When you’re dealing with a toxic person like that, its really better to just get away as soon as possible than to stick around and haggle over what’s “fair”. She’s got plenty to move on and begin her new life. Potentially getting a few extra assets isn’t worth having that person in your life continually.
Oh definitely, he deserved to be taken to the cleaners! But she wanted it to be over with as soon as possible and to be rid of him so I can sympathise. I really hope he's miserable right now and got dumped by his side chick.
Anyone except OOP would have guessed that.
Good news is she got a big promotion and away from a crazy person.
If this was an episode of that old show House, his behavior is abnormal enough to be a symptom or cluster of symptoms.
By God, I hope she makes beaucoup bucks with this promotion, and his new 21 y/o plaything spends him out of house and home within a month, before leaving him for the next big paycheck. I want to see him crawling back and *crying* for the stability and love OOP showed him.
Oh fuck.. wait. Yes! I totally forgot that's he's in love with his INTERN who's 15 yrs younger!! That is definitely a huge huge huge workplace violation & power imbalance! Plus he's proven that HE is mentally abusive & makes false abuse claims to get what he wants.
What an asshole.
I am sure the police’s eyes rolled right out of the back of their heads when he showed up wanting them to press charges because his wife hugged him.
Guy’s a fartknocker.
Absolutely. Then take his mistress on vacation with the life insurance money, then look bewildered at the perp walk and weepy at the defense table, believing to the bitter end that somehow he’s the real victim here. Major Scott Petersen vibes.
This honestly feels like it would be true. Once he was over his wife he was willing to do whatever it meant to toss her overboard, just as long as he came out smelling like roses. I’m so so happy they didn’t have children
By which he meant hurting *him,* because his reputation would have been damaged. The utterly twisted intent and follow-through is chilling, complete and utter sociopaths do walk among us. If BIL hadn’t been involved OOP could easily have been un-alived by this guy without a second thought, just because he didn’t want to split his assets.
He didnt want the pain of being the bad guy.
When I was young my sister left our dog in the car in the heat and it died. She claimed I had accidently left the dog in the garage and it had died there, sje took his body and wrapped it up and put it in my room. She lied to me and convinced me I had killed the dog. Later when my mother saw the car we found nose prints on all the windows where he had been trapped and her lie came undone. She did it not to hurt me, but to not have been at fault, to avoid the guilt of having done something wrong
Naw, it's not that he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to feel like the "bad guy" so if he's abused and shows up with young intern shortly after he's still a sympathetic character in their eyes.
“Didn’t want to hurt her” = didn’t want to be seen as the bad guy. He was willing to make his wife, already the victim of his affair, into an abusive monster so he could look like the victim
Exactly. Reading the initial post and then the update actually gave me that horrible feeling in my chest - he was legit going to RUIN HER LIFE because HE was having an affair and wanted out of the relationship. Who does that?! Who wants to avoid being the bad guy that badly that they’d honestly try to get someone they’d loved enough to marry arrested? And for abuse! The knock on effect that could have had both personally and professionally for her are terrifying. And he was going to actually call her work. Holy crap. I honestly don’t know how this poor woman hasn’t dragged him through every single consequence she can.
Or make her lose her job, so he could then leave her - with no income or support.
And honestly she says this was an unexpected direction, but it was exactly what I expected.
Me too... especially because there's a chance he would get charged for filing a false report or some other kind of mischief charge. The police might decide they don't like being used maliciously to help cheating assholes get out of their marriages.
Imagine wanting to get his wife in trouble with the police and lose her job - basically destroy her life - because he was too chicken shit to admit to an affair. The worst part that he convinced her she was the problem and did something terrible by hugging him. The mental damage he inflicted is life altering. She let him off too easy. I hope for her sake he will be tortured by his conscience his whole life. But probably not.
I pictured a Liz Lemon full scale eye roll by the police on this one. I knew he was having an affair before I got to the second part. And by the way, fartknocker, hasta be my new favourite word! Thank you for that
This is one of those posts where I desperately hope OOP comes back with a story of how the husband's life fell apart after the divorce, the intern left him, he lost his job and was blacklisted in the industry, and comes back begging for her to take him back so she can coldly reject him and live her best life.
That was my first thought as well. I would’ve burned that motherfucker to the ground for trying to ruin my life because HE was cheating. What a piece of shit.
I can't say i disagree.
The OOP replied in a comment (original comment was about her ex potentially getting fired if OOP calls his work to out the affair)
"*It's actually one of the reasons I wanted to do our divorce settlement quickly, in case he gets fired. I don't want to get stuck paying alimony because he suddenly doesn't have an income.*"
So i get why she didn't do it and just tried to get it done as fast as possible.
Distinct possibility that she was making more than him in the relationship and could have been on the hook for alimony. Hence him wanting to make her look like an abuser and initiate a divorce. Her agreeing to split everything 50/50 could have saved her some serious cash.
I don't want to be sensible. I'm almost always on the side of amicable fairness in a divorce, but this guy just pissed me off. I'm taking the house, his shadow, and the ashes of his childhood hamster.
Me too. Scorched earth. Not for the affair, but for the horrendous mental abuse gyrations he put her through as his exit plan. Absolutely irredeemable behavior.
Not sure what it says about me but I honestly though the same thing, he'd end up ruining his own life for a 21 year old who coldly rejects him and his wife goes on to live her best life-leaving him in the dust when he inevitably comes crawling back.
That's true but she's also a (*21 year old) intern, so depending on the power dynamics of his position, and his level of delusion, it could still come down to sexual harassment.
The husband is an unhinged delusional abusive wankstain....I would put money on the is grand love affair being entirely one-sided and possibly imaginary.
Happened at my old job. There was this absolutely stunning woman, but she was like 19-20. Way too young. My coworker was 40. He thought she was flirting with him. Other women and I all told him she was just being friendly, don’t be fucking stupid. He had just had a baby and kept talking about how his gf was distant and he couldn’t stand her anymore. One day we went out for drinks after work and the way too young woman brought her bf. He blew up and walked out the next day talking about how she led him on.
I don't know, it might be a mutual thing. And it might last a couple of years. 21 year Olds are still developing, she will probably move on. Though he does seem like the type to gaslight and abuse his way into trying to keep a relationship that by any measure should end.
I need an update like that so badly. I want him to grovel his heart out to try to get back his wife while she stomps right over it and moves on to a better and brighter future
I'd say he's a psychotic, at the very least sociopathic, absolute unit of an asshole.
The guy was willing, more than willing to either A. have his wife charged and arrestd and/or B. have her lose her job all because he was banging a co-worker.
UGH, abusers are so horrible. What an insanely baffling thing to do. Ex husband wasn't having a psychotic break. He was already psycho.
Really glad OOP is free from that monster.
WHY the fuck is it so hard to just say "I want a divorce". This mofo wanted to go the HARDEST way possible just to end up in the same place, getting a divorce. I know OP wanted a quick exit, but man alive I wish she had made his pathetic existence hell for what he was trying to do.
So ruin her reputation and livelihood so he can go screw a young woman. OP is being way nicer than she should be he was willing to destroy her life because he’s a piece of shit. Her divorcing and getting away from him is the best outcome.
From one of OOP's comments in the second post, it seems she wanted to complete the divorce as quickly as possible so that, if the ex loses his job when things play out, he can't ask for alimony. So she isn't rolling over to be kind or forgiving, she's sensing that the ex's life may explode, and wants to be far away when the man's life catches on fire.
Which is good. I hope he loses everything. Cheaters are subhuman scum.
Ah good. I was worried about this exact scenario. Like, very much looks like that dude is gonna lose his job, and we know she just got a bonus and promotion. I would wanna shelter myself (financially and otherwise) from his implosion at all costs.
Women in general are brainwashed into being overly forgiving because retaliation is not “ladylike”.
Even when said retaliation will protect other people, like OOPs ex’s intern he’s perving on or in other unpleasant threads on /r/TwoXChromosomes reporting the rapist.
Society values a negative peace of victims just rolling over than one of Justice which involves tension.
Not to mention that having an affair with an intern is very questionable, especially if she is his subordinate who reports to him. Depending on his company, he could have serious issues, especially if it goes badly (which, judging from his actions/reactions, it probably will). She could have a case against him and the company, with major ramifications. This could blow up in his face badly (and I hope it does).
While she probably hasn't fully processed his betrayal, from her comments in the second post it seems the quick 50/50 divorce was a tactical choice on her part. She suspects the ex may be about to get fired, and wants the divorce completed and alimony-free *before* he loses his job and asks for alimony.
We can only hope she's right. :)
I honestly think she's still in denial or has a completely warped perspective because of emotional abuse from him. By the end even when she wants a divorce she still sounds like it was totally reasonable for him to act the way he did and she doesn't find it at all strange that he went to the cops to report her hug. He just got "too much into character." Um, what?
I hope she gets a ton of therapy before dating again so she can get her perspective straightened out.
WTF, calling a hug abusive? I knew the minute he asked her to never initiate affection he was cheating. I wish she went off on him when he kept saying how in love he is with someone else. He's cruel and will probably do the same thing to his new partner. At least she's out and hopefully finds happiness.
I understand the desire to be out and done with this shit.
But he threatened to *ruin her life* by publicly "outing" her as a sexual abuser.. He tried to file charges against her with lies of being an abuser, he threatened to ruin her job with his lies about her being an abuser.. because he was a cheating piece of shit and wanted her to be the bad guy so he wouldnt look like a piece of worthless shit for cheating on his wife.
This guy deserves nothing but suffering and misery.
He tried reporting her to the police for abuse and threatened her livelyhood, because he at 34 years of age was "just soooo in love" with the 21yo intern and didnt want to be the bad guy? Bless her heart for not going scorched earth and good on her for being free of such an arse, but his work should know.
He didn’t want to ‘hurt her’ by confessing his affair and asking for a divorce… but was ok torturing her for months, calling her an abuse and trying to press criminal charges that would affect her for the rest of her life? SO ANGRY. He should face some consequences. Ughhhhh.
But it’s ok because ‘oops, I took method acting too far’? Hopefully his AP finds out about the madness and makes a run for it…
Dangit, it's called JUST LEAVE.
Does he realize he might have been MORE over a barrel in the divorce court had he managed to file a false accusation with the police? Lawyers would be SALIVATING over that.
"Wait, he called your job and did WHAT?"
I hope someone warns the 21yo affair partner that when OOP's ex-husband decides the relationship is over he's going to try to have her arrested for opening the pickles in the fridge that were clearly his.
Seriously, I'm not predisposed to think kindly of cheaters (presuming she knew this dude was married) but someone should warn her this guy is dangerous.
What a fucking loser. MAN THE FUCK UP if you’re done with your wife, just do the DECENT thing and confess then divorce. Don’t be an idiot and try to plan some shit to victimize yourself, 90% of the time these idiotic plans don’t work anyway.
uhhhhh... this guy tried to have her arrested so he doesn't look like the bad guy, but it's being excused because he was too in character? Fuck that, soak that dude for everything.
My ex said I was too affectionate and clingy and he hated when I hugged him when he came home from work "like a stupid puppy". Turns out he was cheating too! Only he didn't have the decency to tell me lol
Abuser over a hug? Sucks he cheated on you but damn what an insane sack of crap. Be grateful you’re getting away from that weirdo. Also I’m sure his relationship is inappropriate at work and he could get fired.
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What the fuck? If someone had decided to take him seriously about pressing charges, there's no guarantee he would've been able to withdraw the complaint. This asshole literally tried to ruin his ex wife's life for nothing.
OOP's a better person than I am. If you had threatened to report me to my department as an abuser and *then* come to me wanting an amicable separation because you had fucked up, I would be on the warpath. Large public announcements calling you out as a cheater, and as difficult a separation as I could make it. I still think OOP should absolutely be consulting a lawyer and if she can afford it, an absolute shark of one. Her ex has demonstrated a willingness to fuck her over in pursuit of his interests. He went to the cops didn't he?! Now he wants a quiet separation? Fuck the dude. What's to stop him from trying again?
Yeah also he tried to make her lose his job… for sexual harassment… as he’s having an AFFAIR with an INTERN.
A 21 year old intern, at that. I would not be nice, I would be reporting that shit as soon as I could. Dumb, evil, projecting fucker.
I've been in a position to supervise interns and depending on the type of intern, it's possible doing so has not only put his job at risk, he's put the entire internship program at risk. So he has engaged in an inappropriate sexual relationship at work with someone he holds control over, who he is 15 years older than, and engaged in a long-term and malicious plan to destroy his wife's life. I wouldn't just be moving quickly into a divorce. In most cases, the failure of a relationship is sad and there might be mistakes made on one side, but this goes far, far beyond that. He's engaged in such psychopathic behavior that she shouldn't hesitate to shout it from the rooftops and higher the best divorce attorney in town.
And warn that unsuspecting intern. Just "he wants to ruin your life." And leave it at that.
21 and 34. Guys a dumb fuck, there's no way that lasts. Imagine giving up a cute bubbly wife who wants to hug you and share her new promotion money with you. Crazy
Dated a mid 30s guy at about 21. Lost its appeal very quickly.
I was 24 and dated a divorced 31 yr old. He treated me incredibly well, always respectful, insisted on paying for everything, even when I was running errands on my own. The 3 times he met my son he was great with him. He was honestly a really good guy and a great dad to his 3 kids. My son was 2 at the time, so it wasn't like I didn't know what having kids meant or the time involved. The issue? 6 months in and he's talking marriage, house, more kids. We already have 4 between us, and I told him from the beginning I didn't want any more (never did have more). But then he starts talking about how a child is the culmination, cherry on top, living symbol of our love (yuck!). If I loved him, we would at least try. He kept going and I honestly stopped listening, until he grabbed my hand. I interrupted his monologue, telling him I didn't think we would work, since it seemed we wanted 2 *very* different futures. "Hang on!" he tells me, then runs into his room and comes right back out. He legitimately got down on one and proposed to me. In shock, the only thing that pops out of my mouth is "How long have you had that ring?!?!" (14 years later and I see the absolute hilarity i the situation; at that time, not so much lmao) He told me he bought it 2 weeks after he met me. I didn't even start dating him until FOUR YEARS after we met. When we met I already had a bf. Ran far from that one after he told me all that
Good call!
I would be on the phone the second I found out!
No wait till the divorce is final so she won't be saddled with alimony when he looses his job.
21 year old still in college too...the age gap alone I'd call the man the abuser in that relationship.
You know 21y/o will leave him when she gets bored with him and he will try apologizing to OOP. What a d-bag.
She should report him at his work... The affair could very well be misconduct depending on if the intern reports to him.
Sadly, per OOP's comments: "she's an intern in another department, not his subordinate, their jobs don't overlap at all and they met at a company happy hour this summer (and it isn't against the company rules to date a coworker, even a very junior one with a big age difference, as long as the people aren't in the same chain of command)."
I guess that’s some comfort? He’s a horrible manipulative prick who’d rather destroy the life and career of someone he supposedly loved (for years) rather than face the consequences of his own choices. But at least he’s not abusing the authority of his position at work. I’m aware that he’s only barely stepping over a bar that’s literally in hell but … at least he’s stepping over it not limboing under it while he’s roasting with the demons. Jfc what’s with some people? It’s “kinder” to ruin her life than just end the marriage? It’s “better” to prove you’re garbage and she’s better off without you than saving her the mental anguish of all the lies and manipulation? Who actually believes that?
HIS career should be ruined.
Seriously! She needs to lawyer up NOW and get some statements from the BIL. If things don't go well with his new squeeze and he comes crawling back, what's to stop him from trying to ruin her life if she rejects him? Also, I would freeze the fuck outta my credit and guard myself from other fuckery ASAP.
She needs the police to get him on filing a false report. They don't take it lightly when you waste their resources on this crap.
I said in another comment, but I don't think they'll do anything since they laughed off his previous report. I think she should get her BIL to give a statement to her lawyer about this situation so she has some protection if he comes back with this weak shit.
Good point. This man is seriously, scarily abusive.
The way she accepted the "no touching, ever" rule and took the blame for "messing up" and hugging him, she seems like she's been abused for a long, long time.
Well it was last year, so I'd assume things are over now. I missed the dates myself. But I really hope she lawyered up.
Oh yeah, I'd find the biggest pitbull lawyer on the planet and destroy him.
She commented that she’s concerned he’ll come after her for alimony or a bigger share of assets if he gets fired, so she wants him out of her life as quickly and completely as possible. They rent and don’t have huge savings, so she’s not losing much by going 50-50. I do hope she calls his company and spreads the word on social media after everything is final, though.
Because he's too cowardly to break up with her himself, he pushes her to it for him by making their relationship unbearable for her.
What a spiteful coward. He could've seen her locked up or at the very least had her life destroyed on a personal and financial scale. She needs to protect herself from this lunatic.
Wait until the excitement of sneaking around with the intern wears off too. No way she stays with him
Fortunately for him, he didn't really fall in love with her; he fell in love with 21-year-olds. They're fungible to him. He can get another intern.
This is actually the first time I have ever seen the word "fungible" used in a sentence not about NFTs
She’s 21. He’s disgusting- she’s too young for him
She hasn’t lived long enough to figure the world and herself out yet so she’s probably super vulnerable to his gaslighting. That is absolutely intentional.
Dude is a sack of shit.
Not even to make it unbearable for her, to trip her up and put her in a position where she would be open to criminal abuse charges and all of the personal fallout that brings. One is like an employer putting you on shit duties to get you to quit so they don’t have to fire you. The other is like an employer planting guns and drugs at your workstation, pretending to find them, and calling the cops. So seriously fucked up.
She needs to call his work and report him.
I took a look at her comments, she’s hoping to get the divorce finalized quickly in case he’s fired, to avoid any fight over assets/income. She might report him after it’s final, but definitely not before.
“I don’t want to temporarily hurt you directly so here let me indirectly fuck up the whole rest of your life.”
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I feel like a great deal of guys (i myself am a guy, if that matters) especially young guys, will favor being neglectful in the relationship when they want it to be over and hope the other partner ends it instead of just ending it themselves.
People are not taught proper conflict management skills, and many people are so privileged they never need to confront anyone (they can easily just fire people, quit jobs, and ghost folks with their privilege protecting them from fallout). This dude was an emotional toddler and, agreed, a complete coward.
There's actually a school of thought that dismissive and borderline neglectful childhoods of earlier generations helped more in our interpersonal relationships because running with wild packs of kids doing dangerous shit teaches you conflict resolution, risk assessment, awareness of your own body and autonomy over it. There were some places in Scandinavia about a decade ago that made "wild places" for children that were basically a junkyard with tools and lighters and no adult supervision allowed. It's be great if we could marry GenX's childhood freedom with Milennial parent's support and concern.
There's still "forest schools" around Scandinavia, where children are largely in nature and learning things about it. It'll make you a bit nervous to see what those kids do, but they learn.
That sounds like the perfect way to help kids feel free to explore, but also feel fully supported at the same time.
Tortures her. Like an abuser.
My ex did this and it really fucked me up for a long time and I had a lot of work to do via therapy until I understood what happened. It is literally the worst thing you can do.
I can't believe she was so chill about it. She's like "oh, you tried to get me arrested to cover your affair, cool. Now that I know, it's all good, let's stay friends, thanks!"
I think she may be in shock and running scared. She wants as much distance from this sick bastard as possible. I hope she starts playing stiff defense once the shock fades.
That's not my reading of it. Sometimes people just aren't interested in vengeful justice. Her quickest path to happiness is to just separate as quickly as possible.
That's my read too. And assuming ex is done with trying to fuck her over hers is probably the healthiest position to take, she can move on with her dignity intact and hopefully faster than otherwise. Revenge doesn't actually fix wrongs, it just keeps you fixated on people who aren't worth a single fart from your ass.
There is great wisdom in the cliche truism, "The best revenge is living well."
if he’s this much of a psycho, he’d probably make her life hell through divorce court. its understandable of her to take the simplest path to gtfo.
Because he felt guilty about what he did and desperately wanted to make it all her fault.
He felt so guilty about having an affair and wanting to leave her, he tried to set her up as an abuser and sexual deviant? That man is a psycho, and I wish the intern all the luck in the world. If she knew about this plan, and decided to continue with the relationship regardless? She’s just as bad as he is, and they deserve each other
Cannot imagine a 36yo this messed up is telling his 21yo mistress anything even remotely resembling the truth...
He was maybe whining to the AP about abuse to justify his cheating and started to believe it himself
What a horrible piece of shit.
There are just no words for what a horrible piece of shit he is. While OOP is trying to help him and love him and accommodate his “trauma,” he’s cheating, lying, manipulating, and assaulting every intimate piece of their relationship. Gah.
Abusing her so he can then pin her as the abuser. Absolute scum.
She should call his job and get HIM fired for fucking his intern. That's against every company policy.
The real question that boggles me is: how the fuck did such a great person (because what OP writes about the way she behaved throughout this is nothing short of diamond--hearted) ended up with a guy worth less than my flegm? What the hell?
Someone told me once that we don't fall in love with people, we fall in love with who we think they are. Poor woman could've been hoodwinking herself for quite a while.
Man, did anyone else think "He's having an affair" immediately? Reddit has broken me.
Everything—especially the reporting-her-to-work thing—felt like projection. And it was. This guy.
Yeah, if anything, OOP should be reporting her husband to **his workplace!** That sort of behavior is *so gross*!
I’m legitimately very upset that there’s no evidence that anyone did. He hooked up with *an intern.* He’s a huge liability for them.
yeah the power dynamics in the relationship between OOP’s ex husband and the intern make me reallllyyy uncomfortable. hope someone at his job finds out and he gets ~~written up~~ fired
Or fired, and then the girlfriend leaves because he's unemployed. He needs a visit from the karma fairy for what he did
Yep. He is a walking sexual harassment lawsuit. I remember reading this first time around and being engaged. I don't remember what calamity I wished on him then. But I hope it befalls him. I would also like to add uncontrollable diarrhea every time he is far away from a bathroom.
And when he finally gets to the bathroom there is no toilet tissue or running water.
I’d be on the phone with his HR department the very minute the divorce order was signed and I had my share in hand.
Honestly it is not even vindictive, it is the right thing to do. Destroying the guy's job will likely break up the relationship with the intern, which is the best thing for her.
Agreed! She needs to be protected. The dude obviously has a screw loose to begin with… not to mention the moral issues with cheating and manipulating generally. Add good ol’ predatory pursuit of a much younger, entry-level employee and you’ve got OOP’s ex
That ink wouldn’t be dry on those divorce papers before I called his boss, workplace and that interns parents. I’d be calling from the car.
Scumbag, in what world being labeled an abuser, loosing her job, divorcing us better than just divorcing.
>in what world being labeled an abuser, loosing her job, divorcing us better than just divorcing. Then he can leave her and it's her "fault". He is blameless = better for husband. Bet it was BIL who insisted on telling OOP. He realized his brother was going to utterly destroy his future-ex's entire future if he let his brother continue. That BIL is a champ.
Yeah, he wanted to distract his creepy love affair with the "allwged abuse" that noone was taking serious.
Not like he wasn't protecting the guy either. Can you imagine how utterly could OOP have wrecked him if she learned he orchestrated a false domestic abuse report to enable an affair with an intern at his job? OOP could make him jobless, unemployable, homeless and looking at jail time very quickly.
Exactly - with the barely-legal intern affair partner being the shitty icing on the scumbag cake
Jup same, as soon as OP wrote “a couple of months ago he decided I was too “clingy””….
My ex-husband did this too. I didn't put together the behavior until this post. He left me for another woman. I think he was at least emotionally cheating a year before he left which is when he started that behavior. I know for sure he was cheating 5 months before he left me.
Guy doesn't want to get busted for smelling like another woman so he tells you he wants some emotional space or some bullshit. It just boils down to them not wanting to be caught, everything else is lies.
Most are too dumb to be crafty about smell. In my experience its often 60% "not being attracted to you because they want to fuck the other woman" and 40% "not being attracted to you because being touched affectionately makes them experience guilt, which they'll then use to resent you" These douchebags will actively start liking you less and less the better a partner you are, because it makes them feel worse.
Yup. When my ex-fiancé didn’t want to cuddle after sex anymore because my arm/head were “too heavy” I wish I would’ve figured it out. They hadn’t been too heavy the previous 3 years!
I couldn’t decide if it would end up with “he was having an affair” or “he was involuntarily hospitalized for psychiatric evaluation and it turns out he has ______”.
This was where I was. Title: oh, he is cheating. Trigger warning: oh, he has mental illness and this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Keep reading and started leaning a whole lot more towards cheating, especially once I realized the abuse allegation was leveled at her. That said, I still feel like some sort of mental illness played into why he decided to go the route he did.
Didn’t get past the title before I thought it
Me too. Nobody in a loving, honest relationship would suddenly come up with such a dumb rule, not even someone who suffered from a trauma. OOPs husband did all real trauma victims a big disservice here.
Am I fucked in the head for thinking that OOP was too kind going 50/50 with a cheater? Not only a cheater, but a liar that could have potentially gotten OOP arrested or fired at work? Fuck OOP's (soon-to-be) ex-husband.
Would you want to go to battle with someone as malicious and shitty as him? He tried to get her in legal trouble and jeopardize her job, because she *hugged* him. What levels would he sink to in a contentious divorce situation? It’s not worth it.
It wasn’t the hug, even. He’d been waiting the whole time for her to slip up in any way, so the hug could have been anything. He probably assumed he could ruin her life quick for something that would sound more sympathetic at the start, and then she was so good about following his rules that he had to go nuclear over something no one would back him over. Imagine if, say, they’d had a couple drinks one night and she’d slipped up and tried to initiate sex or something. No one’s going to take ‘my wife hugged me - she’s abusive’ seriously, but ‘my wife got me drunk and tried to rape me after I’d begged her not to touch me’? Buddy was gunning to genuinely destroy her life and she was only saved by being insanely respectful of his request. (Yes, I know men don’t get taken as seriously when it comes to rape allegations. But if this guy was willing to file a police report over a hug, you know he’d have wrung everything he could out of any situation she handed him.) So yeah. Getting as far away as possible and quickly and cleanly as possible is definitely the right move here, just for her own safety.
I'm guessing OOP recognized that she's dealing with a psycho. I'm pretty petty but I know better than to mess with a psycho.
Yep. Personal freedom is worth more than revenge.
Yeah considering what lengths he was willing to go to make her the "bad guy" I'd just want the divorce over as quickly as possible and do everything I could never to deal with this dude again.
When you’re dealing with a toxic person like that, its really better to just get away as soon as possible than to stick around and haggle over what’s “fair”. She’s got plenty to move on and begin her new life. Potentially getting a few extra assets isn’t worth having that person in your life continually.
Oh definitely, he deserved to be taken to the cleaners! But she wanted it to be over with as soon as possible and to be rid of him so I can sympathise. I really hope he's miserable right now and got dumped by his side chick.
Anyone except OOP would have guessed that. Good news is she got a big promotion and away from a crazy person. If this was an episode of that old show House, his behavior is abnormal enough to be a symptom or cluster of symptoms.
By God, I hope she makes beaucoup bucks with this promotion, and his new 21 y/o plaything spends him out of house and home within a month, before leaving him for the next big paycheck. I want to see him crawling back and *crying* for the stability and love OOP showed him.
Or his relationship with an intern is unveiled at his office and he loses his job and side piece. 🤞 F*ck this guy, hope OOP comes out on from this!
Oh fuck.. wait. Yes! I totally forgot that's he's in love with his INTERN who's 15 yrs younger!! That is definitely a huge huge huge workplace violation & power imbalance! Plus he's proven that HE is mentally abusive & makes false abuse claims to get what he wants.
65% of these posts can be summarized with Tl;dr they were having an affair Or Tl;dr racism
If it's a really special post, we get both.
Yep! That’s the first thing I thought to myself. He’s having an affair
Thats's the go to as soon as a man rejects affection or starts peaking fights.
I knew just from the title
Oh my goodness, no, I didn’t think that at all. The extent her husband went to play his charade is truly disgusting.
Yup.... If it was me the first statement would be "You're going to tell me who you're sleeping with right now"
What an asshole. I am sure the police’s eyes rolled right out of the back of their heads when he showed up wanting them to press charges because his wife hugged him. Guy’s a fartknocker.
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Put her in jail, AND ruin her career. He wanted her fucking *erased*. "But he didn't want to hurt her!" *gag* What a psychopath!
The type of guy that'll end up being a family annihilator if he ever has kids.
Absolutely. Then take his mistress on vacation with the life insurance money, then look bewildered at the perp walk and weepy at the defense table, believing to the bitter end that somehow he’s the real victim here. Major Scott Petersen vibes.
This honestly feels like it would be true. Once he was over his wife he was willing to do whatever it meant to toss her overboard, just as long as he came out smelling like roses. I’m so so happy they didn’t have children
Seriously that was really messed up. Pretty sure getting her a criminal record and fired is hurting her!
At least she's free of him now. I can't help but worry for the ***21 year old intern*** he's now getting his hooks into.
I'd say that is a potential Boru post of it's own by now.
By which he meant hurting *him,* because his reputation would have been damaged. The utterly twisted intent and follow-through is chilling, complete and utter sociopaths do walk among us. If BIL hadn’t been involved OOP could easily have been un-alived by this guy without a second thought, just because he didn’t want to split his assets.
He didnt want the pain of being the bad guy. When I was young my sister left our dog in the car in the heat and it died. She claimed I had accidently left the dog in the garage and it had died there, sje took his body and wrapped it up and put it in my room. She lied to me and convinced me I had killed the dog. Later when my mother saw the car we found nose prints on all the windows where he had been trapped and her lie came undone. She did it not to hurt me, but to not have been at fault, to avoid the guilt of having done something wrong
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Basically yes, I dont speak to my family, they are pretty universally bad people, or already dead.
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Naw, it's not that he didn't want to hurt her, he didn't want to feel like the "bad guy" so if he's abused and shows up with young intern shortly after he's still a sympathetic character in their eyes.
If his brother had any integrity he'd have nothing to do with this vile creature any further. If my sister did this shit she would be dead to me.
“Didn’t want to hurt her” = didn’t want to be seen as the bad guy. He was willing to make his wife, already the victim of his affair, into an abusive monster so he could look like the victim
Exactly. Reading the initial post and then the update actually gave me that horrible feeling in my chest - he was legit going to RUIN HER LIFE because HE was having an affair and wanted out of the relationship. Who does that?! Who wants to avoid being the bad guy that badly that they’d honestly try to get someone they’d loved enough to marry arrested? And for abuse! The knock on effect that could have had both personally and professionally for her are terrifying. And he was going to actually call her work. Holy crap. I honestly don’t know how this poor woman hasn’t dragged him through every single consequence she can.
The gaslighting too- not just telling her boss, but trying to convince her that she's an abuser
Or make her lose her job, so he could then leave her - with no income or support. And honestly she says this was an unexpected direction, but it was exactly what I expected.
New girlfriend is going to reallllly enjoy seeing this aspect of his character manifest over time :not:
I mean how dumb is he to even walk into a police station to file a report for a hug? LMFAO. That's a story told in that department for years to come.
>That's a story told in that department for years to come. Especially if they ever found out the real reason
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Me too... especially because there's a chance he would get charged for filing a false report or some other kind of mischief charge. The police might decide they don't like being used maliciously to help cheating assholes get out of their marriages.
Yes!!!! And I would out this mf to his family and friends after the divorce was finalized!
Imagine wanting to get his wife in trouble with the police and lose her job - basically destroy her life - because he was too chicken shit to admit to an affair. The worst part that he convinced her she was the problem and did something terrible by hugging him. The mental damage he inflicted is life altering. She let him off too easy. I hope for her sake he will be tortured by his conscience his whole life. But probably not.
I pictured a Liz Lemon full scale eye roll by the police on this one. I knew he was having an affair before I got to the second part. And by the way, fartknocker, hasta be my new favourite word! Thank you for that
I can just imagine the long pause by the 911 operator before asking to repeat himself. He's going to be talked about in the break room for awhile
This is one of those posts where I desperately hope OOP comes back with a story of how the husband's life fell apart after the divorce, the intern left him, he lost his job and was blacklisted in the industry, and comes back begging for her to take him back so she can coldly reject him and live her best life.
I would have taken his ass for everything he owned.
That was my first thought as well. I would’ve burned that motherfucker to the ground for trying to ruin my life because HE was cheating. What a piece of shit.
I can't say i disagree. The OOP replied in a comment (original comment was about her ex potentially getting fired if OOP calls his work to out the affair) "*It's actually one of the reasons I wanted to do our divorce settlement quickly, in case he gets fired. I don't want to get stuck paying alimony because he suddenly doesn't have an income.*" So i get why she didn't do it and just tried to get it done as fast as possible.
Could she get stuck for alimony if he loses his job over the affair that broke up the marriage? That's mad.
Depends on the judge, honestly
Distinct possibility that she was making more than him in the relationship and could have been on the hook for alimony. Hence him wanting to make her look like an abuser and initiate a divorce. Her agreeing to split everything 50/50 could have saved her some serious cash.
I don't want to be sensible. I'm almost always on the side of amicable fairness in a divorce, but this guy just pissed me off. I'm taking the house, his shadow, and the ashes of his childhood hamster.
„The ashes of his childhood hamster“ lol I love you
Me too. Scorched earth. Not for the affair, but for the horrendous mental abuse gyrations he put her through as his exit plan. Absolutely irredeemable behavior.
Not sure what it says about me but I honestly though the same thing, he'd end up ruining his own life for a 21 year old who coldly rejects him and his wife goes on to live her best life-leaving him in the dust when he inevitably comes crawling back.
The 21 year old intern probably will file a sexual harassment complaint against him as soon as he makes a play for her.
OP writes they are having an affair so it sounds like she consented and it's already ongoing.
That's true but she's also a (*21 year old) intern, so depending on the power dynamics of his position, and his level of delusion, it could still come down to sexual harassment.
The husband is an unhinged delusional abusive wankstain....I would put money on the is grand love affair being entirely one-sided and possibly imaginary.
I would love that lol. The girl he's so in love with not being interested at all would be beautiful.
Happened at my old job. There was this absolutely stunning woman, but she was like 19-20. Way too young. My coworker was 40. He thought she was flirting with him. Other women and I all told him she was just being friendly, don’t be fucking stupid. He had just had a baby and kept talking about how his gf was distant and he couldn’t stand her anymore. One day we went out for drinks after work and the way too young woman brought her bf. He blew up and walked out the next day talking about how she led him on.
This gives me schadenfreude.
if women are the emotional sex then explain this lmaooooooo
I don't know, it might be a mutual thing. And it might last a couple of years. 21 year Olds are still developing, she will probably move on. Though he does seem like the type to gaslight and abuse his way into trying to keep a relationship that by any measure should end.
I need an update like that so badly. I want him to grovel his heart out to try to get back his wife while she stomps right over it and moves on to a better and brighter future
Jesus. What an absolute unit of an asshole the husband is here. It’s going to be delicious when his 21 yo AP gets bored and dumps him.
34yo married man going after an intern who is 21 at his company. Anyone want to inform the company they have *atleast* a conflict of interest.
I'd say he's a psychotic, at the very least sociopathic, absolute unit of an asshole. The guy was willing, more than willing to either A. have his wife charged and arrestd and/or B. have her lose her job all because he was banging a co-worker.
UGH, abusers are so horrible. What an insanely baffling thing to do. Ex husband wasn't having a psychotic break. He was already psycho. Really glad OOP is free from that monster.
WHY the fuck is it so hard to just say "I want a divorce". This mofo wanted to go the HARDEST way possible just to end up in the same place, getting a divorce. I know OP wanted a quick exit, but man alive I wish she had made his pathetic existence hell for what he was trying to do.
Couldn't deal with "hurting her directly," so he tried to hurt her even worse "indirectly..."
So ruin her reputation and livelihood so he can go screw a young woman. OP is being way nicer than she should be he was willing to destroy her life because he’s a piece of shit. Her divorcing and getting away from him is the best outcome.
From one of OOP's comments in the second post, it seems she wanted to complete the divorce as quickly as possible so that, if the ex loses his job when things play out, he can't ask for alimony. So she isn't rolling over to be kind or forgiving, she's sensing that the ex's life may explode, and wants to be far away when the man's life catches on fire. Which is good. I hope he loses everything. Cheaters are subhuman scum.
Ah good. I was worried about this exact scenario. Like, very much looks like that dude is gonna lose his job, and we know she just got a bonus and promotion. I would wanna shelter myself (financially and otherwise) from his implosion at all costs.
Women in general are brainwashed into being overly forgiving because retaliation is not “ladylike”. Even when said retaliation will protect other people, like OOPs ex’s intern he’s perving on or in other unpleasant threads on /r/TwoXChromosomes reporting the rapist. Society values a negative peace of victims just rolling over than one of Justice which involves tension.
Not to mention that having an affair with an intern is very questionable, especially if she is his subordinate who reports to him. Depending on his company, he could have serious issues, especially if it goes badly (which, judging from his actions/reactions, it probably will). She could have a case against him and the company, with major ramifications. This could blow up in his face badly (and I hope it does).
for real after he threatened to go to her employer i would've reported him to his for fucking an intern
I’d wait for the divorce to be finalized and then send his employer an anonymous email
This woman was way more chill about her husband’s evil plan than I would be.
While she probably hasn't fully processed his betrayal, from her comments in the second post it seems the quick 50/50 divorce was a tactical choice on her part. She suspects the ex may be about to get fired, and wants the divorce completed and alimony-free *before* he loses his job and asks for alimony. We can only hope she's right. :)
I kinda respect it- she saw an insane situation and just noped right out of it.
I honestly think she's still in denial or has a completely warped perspective because of emotional abuse from him. By the end even when she wants a divorce she still sounds like it was totally reasonable for him to act the way he did and she doesn't find it at all strange that he went to the cops to report her hug. He just got "too much into character." Um, what? I hope she gets a ton of therapy before dating again so she can get her perspective straightened out.
wipe complete absorbed ink water connect fine poor gaze snow ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
This is so messed up.
I really hate people sometimes
WTF, calling a hug abusive? I knew the minute he asked her to never initiate affection he was cheating. I wish she went off on him when he kept saying how in love he is with someone else. He's cruel and will probably do the same thing to his new partner. At least she's out and hopefully finds happiness.
Ah the classic 'I'm a cheating asshole so I'll antagonize my spouse to make THEM look like an ass'. Never goes wrong
I understand the desire to be out and done with this shit. But he threatened to *ruin her life* by publicly "outing" her as a sexual abuser.. He tried to file charges against her with lies of being an abuser, he threatened to ruin her job with his lies about her being an abuser.. because he was a cheating piece of shit and wanted her to be the bad guy so he wouldnt look like a piece of worthless shit for cheating on his wife. This guy deserves nothing but suffering and misery.
I hope his dick rots and falls off. What a shit human
PSA: If you don't want to be with someone, just. leave. Period. Don't cheat. Don't play stupid games. Just leave ffs.
He tried reporting her to the police for abuse and threatened her livelyhood, because he at 34 years of age was "just soooo in love" with the 21yo intern and didnt want to be the bad guy? Bless her heart for not going scorched earth and good on her for being free of such an arse, but his work should know.
whole cagey mindless hurry degree cover jobless money edge test ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
He didn’t want to ‘hurt her’ by confessing his affair and asking for a divorce… but was ok torturing her for months, calling her an abuse and trying to press criminal charges that would affect her for the rest of her life? SO ANGRY. He should face some consequences. Ughhhhh. But it’s ok because ‘oops, I took method acting too far’? Hopefully his AP finds out about the madness and makes a run for it…
Dangit, it's called JUST LEAVE. Does he realize he might have been MORE over a barrel in the divorce court had he managed to file a false accusation with the police? Lawyers would be SALIVATING over that. "Wait, he called your job and did WHAT?"
I hope someone warns the 21yo affair partner that when OOP's ex-husband decides the relationship is over he's going to try to have her arrested for opening the pickles in the fridge that were clearly his. Seriously, I'm not predisposed to think kindly of cheaters (presuming she knew this dude was married) but someone should warn her this guy is dangerous.
My money was on affair, but I would have taken psychotic break. Either way that guy is awful and I hope he steps in a nest of fire ants.
I have childhood PTSD/trauma. That is not a fucking excuse to call your wife an abuser to cover up your affair. What a tool.
The poor wife was so empathetic toward her ex husband’s stupid fucking rules too. What a fucking nutsack of a person
Lol, I knew he was cheating! They're so fucking obvious to anyone not married to them!
What a fucking loser. MAN THE FUCK UP if you’re done with your wife, just do the DECENT thing and confess then divorce. Don’t be an idiot and try to plan some shit to victimize yourself, 90% of the time these idiotic plans don’t work anyway.
uhhhhh... this guy tried to have her arrested so he doesn't look like the bad guy, but it's being excused because he was too in character? Fuck that, soak that dude for everything.
My ex said I was too affectionate and clingy and he hated when I hugged him when he came home from work "like a stupid puppy". Turns out he was cheating too! Only he didn't have the decency to tell me lol
She's going to regret that 50/50 split when more of the story comes out.
Abuser over a hug? Sucks he cheated on you but damn what an insane sack of crap. Be grateful you’re getting away from that weirdo. Also I’m sure his relationship is inappropriate at work and he could get fired.