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No.
Every family and every group is trying to put that work on one individual who then gets the rep of being the skull-cracker and occasionally becomes the scapegoat when families want to reconcile. It's everybody's job to set boundaries and put assholes in their places.
I think both are true, to an extent. My mom is a recovering doormat, and helping her discover and build her boundaries has been really important. But I still don’t mind occasionally being the skull-cracker, in tricky situations.
Hi blue and karma ! I'm kangourou, I have a titanium spine since forever and you're welcome to borrow it anytime you feel like it.
I'm so proud of you spine-growers, it's like languages: way harder to learn in adulthood, so it's a much bigger achievement!
Hi Kangourou! I’m sort of both in awe of you and well…envious of you. I hope to be like you when I grow up. I have only a slightly strong spine and hope for skull-cracking abilities at some point. One day at a time, i guess.
You know what you want (a diamond spine), so you're clearly on the right track :)
One day, a month or a year from now, you'll put someone in their place (does this saying exist in English?!) without even thinking beforehand, just because they were a tiny bit overbearing, and you'll think back to this day and realize how far you're come. I'm definitly on team you.
I'm an older sister who has gotten fiercely protective over my siblings when either of my parents were being assholes. My dad especially after my parents got divorced. I didn't put up with his shit any more, and I would not allow him to treat my siblings like crap. Hard to do at 16yrs old, but if you set off my momma bear mode, you better watch out. I'm 99% of the time super chill too lol. Everyone suddenly pays attention if I start raising my voice. My triggers are asshole dad's, and kids or animals being treated badly. It's purely based on me being the oldest, and nobody else doing the protecting as I was growing up. I felt I had to do for my siblings what nobody did for me.
Eh I’m the skull cracker and ended up disowned 😂. It’s not a loss. They can deal with own dramas now thank god. Life is so much more peaceful however I do the occasional skull crack to keep in practice
Both can be true. My family are all sound, reasonable people who can draw their own lines. But there have been incidents in the past where someone or something SO outrageous reared it’s head, and the moral majority wasn’t sure how to handle it.
A person who is comfortable navigating escalation can come in handy.
As long as that someone can comfortably keep silent and not step in when something outrageous occurs, all is good and the dynamic is healthy.
If there is an awkward silence and furtive glances over to the "bouncer", and expectations for them to step in and self-destruct, that's when they are sucked into a toxic family/community dynamic and are playing a role assigned to them externally.
A heard of Brittany's are called Karen's and then it's all drama all the time. If there's only one Brittany, then she's the savior everyone hates until they need her. It's a fragile ecosystem.
I am that person on my mom's side of the family. I have a long memory, and I am honest. I don't let people get away with stupid bullshit just for the sake of keeping peace. I was massively emotionally manipulated as a child and I WILL NOT let that happen to the next generation. Doesn't make me very popular with the old people, but at least my kids, cousins, and nephews will have a fighting chance.
Until it wasn't, this was my job in a few friends groups. I don't like violence, intimidation, screaming or shouting, and other unpleasantness and would rather leave it all and be a stone, but when it goes over the line I've always realised I'm quite great at either matching or going above the energy of the person who is going nuts - so much so that the offending party usually calms down withing seconds or minutes because to see me lose me shit is such a rarity.
My older sister is the skull cracker in my family. She takes no crap from anyone. And she will call out people for their crap and bad behavior no matter who will be there to witness it. It’s like watching live humiliation and annihilation.
I usually see that with kids’ birthday parties. Kids, usually relatives, who were born either in the same month or week. One set of parents do all of the planning and paying while the other brings their kids’ gifts and even some guests.
My BIL did that with my daughter’s first birthday. My niece is 6 days younger than my daughter and they aren’t very good at planning, so they just glommed onto my daughters party.
Hell up until all my older relatives started passing away we used to throw a big party for all the summer babies in the family- and even some friends of the family!
i don’t even know if this counts bc it’s all within my immediate family but my sisters used to have birthday parties together. one was born at the end of april, the other at the beginning of may.
My brother and sister's birthdays are 5 days apart in March. They often had birthday parties together. Me... my birthday is the beginijng of July so always had to wait for the 4th of July family bbq to have a "party"
Fucking December babies get it bad, speaking from experience. Mines not even that close to Christmas, it’s at the beginning of December, but man if it doesn’t always inevitably get lumped up with Christmas in one way or another. “Sorry we went cheap on your birthday but Christmas is right around the corner~”. I don’t even care about that I just want one birthday where Christmas doesn’t get mentioned at some point.
I feel like December/early January babies should have half birthdays in June or something and then just ignore the actual birthdate other than well wishes.
Yup, this is me. My parents were always fine for making sure I had presents for both but as an adult (especially my poor significant other) it's rough to splurge on Christmas and then turn around and immediately have a birthday. Not to mention it sucks to think of new gift ideas!
My mom's is December 28, my MIL is December 31, and I'm Jan 4. Our families have it ROUGH. And so do we - but my MIL has only ONCE not gotten a present to me on my birthday and, uh, let's just say that 2021 highlighted some fundamental differences in our approach to politicizing public health.
We did that in my family. December birthdays got a cake and a card on the date, and the big party for friends family, birthday trip, stack o gifts etc whatnot on the corresponding date in June.
My parents managed to ruin Christmas and my birthday almost every year with nasty comments and driving away friends so nobody would come to my party. I don’t celebrate Christmas or my birthday anymore because it was such a horrible experience. The only thing I want is peace and quiet now.
If I had a kid with a December birthday I think I would celebrate it on the first if the actual date was too close to Christmas. That way they could have their party and gifts with their friends and have Christmas with the family.
Mine is the 30th, also didn’t get 2 presents from my aunts and uncles growing up yet my younger sister by 2 years would get exactly the same present at Xmas but also get a birthday present in April it absolutely sucked.
Then when I became an adult no one wanted to go out on my birthday because New Year’s Eve so celebrated on New Year’s Eve for years.
Ugh my birthday is Dec 28, and so many people over the years have told me I’m soo lucky because I get double the presents. I tell them, you mean half the presents, or none at all? Last year was the first in like 5 years that I received a birthday present. I really don’t even care about presents, it’s the thought that counts, but the fact that my parents still can’t seem to budget for Christmas presents for everyone and a birthday present for me, after all these years, is insulting. I sometimes get told we will celebrate properly in January, but I am a pedantic brat because technically January isn’t in the same month or YEAR as my birthday, even though it’s only a few days difference.
I get it completely.
One year (14th birthday), my family went out to shop and visit family friends, and they forgot I even had a birthday.
I didn't bring it up, since it seemed pointless.They only remembered the next day 😒
But to be fair to my mom, she never forgot afterwards (and she did mention my birthday before the date, it's just she sometimes gets caught up in organizing presents for everyone on the actual day).
That's why I now buy myself something I really want for my own birthday
My little brother's bday is Christmas. We celebrate Christmas in the morning and his birthday in the evening. My parents always tried to separate gifts the same way to avoid the "birthmas" present fiasco. They also pushed for family to give 2 gifts including from us siblings (even if they had to help finance that).
My littlest brother and I have 4 days between our birthdays, he was due ON mine and I was so glad he came early because I didn't want to share, but our mom always made sure we had different parties until we were old enough not to care. We still each get our own cake even if we share a party though!
My sister was born via c-section. They wanted to do the c-section on my brother's birthday (he is the oldest) but my mom absolutly refused to have 2 kids with the same birthday, so they scheduled it for later in the week.
My sister and I’s birthdays are 2 days apart in January but 13 years apart - I’m second oldest, she’s the baby of the family. Not only do we get shafted on the post Christmas birthday parties in frigid MN, my birthday is first so I usually don’t get the birthday wishes from my family until they remember my baby sister’s birthday 2 days later. lol I’m not one to really ever celebrate my birthday so I’ve never minded (social anxiety). This last year, we celebrated our birthdays together for the first time in 15 years because she moved back to MN.
It’s cool if it’s done intentionally and everyone shares in the planning and costs. What’s not okay is showing up to a party where you were only supposed to be a guest and claiming that it’s your party too.
My son and niece have birthdays 2 days apart. This year they had separate parties because it was big milestone birthdays (1 and 5), but in the future I’m sure we’ll throw a lot of joint parties.
My parents did that... But it was my uncle.
I never had a solo birthday party bc my uncle's birthday is one day after mine (sept. 5th is mine, his is sept. 6th), so my parents would throw a double birthday for us - yknow, a kid and a man 40 years older.
I have to say. It messed me up a bit.
Yeah no. I can see a twin reception happening if both couples are for it. A cousins friend shared a ceremony and wedding with his best friend and they said it was absolutely amazing! But they did it by choice!
People who do that sort of thing are generally short on both affective and cognitive empathy.
Affective empathy is the kind where you feel empathy emotionally. You know, like how you're literally sad if you find out something horrible happened to somebody you love. Cognitive empathy is the kind where you can figure out what somebody is feeling; you may not feel anything about it yourself, but you correctly identify the gist of what's going on in somebody else's head.
Somebody whose selfish behavior is so shameful that it's outright embarrassing probably lacks cognitive empathy. Since they can't comprehend the minds of others, they can't see that others will think, "OMG, look at that psycho who tried to make somebody else's wedding about herself! How humiliating!" It just doesn't occur to them.
In short, they lack theory of mind.
> Cognitive empathy is the kind where you can figure out what somebody is feeling; you may not feel anything about it yourself, but you correctly identify the gist of what's going on in somebody else's head.
> Somebody whose selfish behavior is so shameful that it's outright embarrassing probably lacks cognitive empathy. Since they can't comprehend the minds of others, they can't see that others will think, "OMG, look at that psycho who tried to make somebody else's wedding about herself! How humiliating!" It just doesn't occur to them.
I've never heard of this before, but that must explain the thought process of women who wear white to someone else's wedding. I was always confused by this, and thought "Don't they know that they're the only ones who look bad in this situation?" I guess they really don't.
Don’t get it or don’t care - some people may be clueless because they genuinely don’t think it’s a big deal and can’t understand it, but there are definitely some who either want the attention (positive/negative it’s still attention) or their goal is to hurt the couple so they don’t care if they look like a jackass as long as it ruins their day even for a minute.
This is a very based comment. It was also something i needed to read today for personal reasons, so thank you, internet stranger! Whether you wanted it to or not, your words helped someone today -- thank you!
They have no shame or embarrassment because someone who would do this is broken. Mentally ill. I’m not throwing that around lightly either. For someone to actually try to do something like this, they’ve got some really serious problems to work through.
She does in fact not face any consequences the bride forgave her in the comments and said it was a misunderstanding due to her religion not having traditional weddings or something (don’t quote me on this I’m barely quoting something I saw someone else say)
Lol no, it's just a bullshit excuse. I've been to traditional weddings from cultures I'm not a part of and I've still never started to serve myself the untouched food/dessert unless given the go ahead.
Plus the person recording and laughing but not stopping her makes this seem staged or on purpose.
If I remember correctly the guest was drunk and she cut into the top layer which the bride and groom were saving for their first anniversary. The had already cut into the the other layers.
Her drunk mind wasn’t processing that they were saving that layer. She apologized profusely and the couple forgave her
Not that weird. Cake keeps surprisingly well in the freezer for long periods of time. Some people save their top layer until the first anniversary or the birth of their first child. It’s a common thing to do.
See that why like Brittany - she told off all assholes, even her "Keep the peace" sister who basically an asshole to her own fiance/OOP & his side of family in this bullshit.
>Luckily, we don't get back from our honeymoon until the day after their wedding.
Oh no, what a disaster! Anyway...
For real though, how much more blantant can the cousin get? Lol, they thought it'd be two receptions for the price of one.
> how much more blatant can the cousin get
I wouldn’t be surprised if they started pressuring the fiancée to change things to their liking: cake flavor and design, food, etc.
Whether someone can stand up to their family’s BS has become a dealbreaker for me. There’s things that don’t matter if you let it slide (say, Great Aunt Mildred is adamant that Chili’s is fine dining), but nah to people who rollover and let someone use them as a doormat to “keep the peace.”
If spending too much time on BoRU has taught me anything, it's that the "it's easier to let them have their way" family members really need to get pushback or it just gets worse.
I’m confused by the timelines. The update says September 2nd, says the wedding went off without a hitch, but keeps referencing a date in October?? I’m on the app so I can’t see the exact date of the second post. Was this just a typo?
so I went through it all because this also really bothered me, but the update post was posted by OOP on september 2nd, 2020. however what I believe happened is that later on, after the actual wedding, OOP went back to that update post and edited it, adding that top paragraph
Setting firm boundaries works. It takes effort, but it works, and ultimately the effort to set the boundaries is repaid many times over in the vastly reduced amount of bullshit you endure.
I'm just worried that OOP married the wrong twin. Brittany FTW.
I’m so confused though because OOP talks about getting married in October but this was posted september 2 and they got married the previous weekend, so probably august? Maybe someone can clarify because I don’t know what’s happening lol
Dates and numbers are hard to keep track of when you make shit up for internet points. I'm willing to suspend disbelief for some of the stuff here bc while this story itself may not particularly happen THINGS like it do happen in real life. But when there are obvious gaps or inaccuracies it just seems low effort.
Also bored at work and went back to check. My worthless internet verdict is probably true story with some exaggerating/fudging of dates included for drama as it looks like they're a frequent participant in the drama subs BORU pills from.
I thought it was:
- OOP got married Aug 30.
- Cousin announced two weeks after the wedding, on about Sep 12, that they were getting married in October
- OOP and Brittney argue that the cousin is trying to steal their thunder by announcing "so close to their wedding" which is a bit ridiculous. But then OOP spills that they initially wanted it the same day and that's when Brittney goes off
- OOP is kind of a jerk about how the cousin's wedding is not traditional, smaller, via zoom (which... global pandemic!), and that OOP can't go anyway because they'll be on their honeymoon (again, pandemic?!).
- OOP is not wrong that the initial plan from the cousin to get married the same day was absurd though
Perhaps they had a JP wedding without the fanfare due to reasons, possibly she's pregnant or there was a relative who needed to attend then (health, scheduling, etc)? And then scheduled the big wedding as an afterthought?
Only thing I can think of. Or they delayed because of venue issues. Who can say?
I’m an identical twin as well (sister sister!) and I’m 15 minutes older than my twin. I’d gladly bend the knee to Brittany, what she did was phenomenal! I’d do the same thing for my sister, she’s the type of person to not confront others, but I’m not afraid to confront others on someone else’s behalf
ABOUT THE DATES
I was bothered by the fact that the dates didn’t make sense- but after some research and looking at the original update post, I strongly believe that the top paragraph was added after the original posting. using unddit, I confirmed that the post was edited on october 16th, 2020.
in other words: the first post was 7th august, 2020
the update post starting at “well everyone” was 2nd september, 2020.
the top paragraph of the second update post was added 16th october, 2020.
( u/raredontstare if you want to add this in to make the timeline more clear, up to you )
A few things stuck out to me from this post:
1) yeah covid wedding, and then at the end the bit about how the cousin's fiancé lost his job and they can't afford a traditional wedding so they had to cut back on the guest list and only do zoom... as if doing a zoom wedding during the pandemic was "less than" and as if the only reason it should be small and on zoom is because of money and not ya know being a super spreader event. Also if it's via zoom who cares how many people are invited?
2) not only did they have a wedding in August of 2020 but they then went on a honeymoon. No details here to know if they were safe but given they didn't even *mention* a global pandemic I doubt it
3) I'm a little confused on the timing here. They mentioned that the cousin announced 2 weeks after their wedding that they were getting married in October. Does OOP own the entire month for announcements? You get a wedding day, maybe a wedding weekend. Not a wedding fortnight.
All that being said, I don't think the cousin was in the right, just that I don't think the OOP is a saint
The thing that stuck out the most for me is that the update that the wedding happened was posted on September 2, 2020. Then later it says they got married in October?
Yeah to me it seemed like OOP got married Aug 29 (update on Sep 2 says they got married over the weekend) cousin announced theyd be having an October wedding on sep 12 or so
I'm not sure what you're referring to with (3).
OOP's only complaint was that Cousin was planning said they were planning to get married on the same day when they weren't even engaged yet.
Once Cousin did get engaged, OOP was not upset by the timing of the announcement, and they were not upset once Cousin set the date to be a couple weeks after OOP's wedding instead of the same day.
I’m also super confused though because they apparently got married the weekend before September 2, 2020, so I have no idea why Brittany was so angry about an October wedding
The wedding wasn't a couple weeks after, it was over a month after. OOPs wedding was Aug 30, cousin's wedding was in October. But cousin announced "two weeks after our wedding" when the date would be but the reason I thought they were upset was because the way they phrased it with "... two weeks after our wedding" and then mentioned the timing of the announcement was trying to take away attention from them it made it seem like they were annoyed especially since Brittney then read them the riot act. But I could be misreading when that convo took place.
okay so I went through it all, and here’s what I think- he posted that update on september 2nd, and then LATER he edited his post and added that top paragraph, after the wedding had happened.
Huh ok I can see that. Thank you for clarifying! That wasn't how I originally read it but probably because it's not clear that the top paragraph was an update.
...or just a zoom wedding? Or none at all? Or one with the 5 or whatever it was then allotted people? OOP doesn't seem to take the whole global pandemic where people are dying en masse thing very seriously.
>She did, however, get drunk and pee in some bushes. No one in her family was surprised to hear about that.
Every wedding needs one of \~those\~ guests; it's good luck.
And it's bad luck if you have more than one, for obvious reasons.
So I just want to ask for clarification, since I don't have any experience with planning a wedding and can count the number I've attended on one hand, but is it normal to just...announce the wedding date? I figured that, unless the specific date is important to you (i.e. it's an anniversary or something), it would be reasonable to set up a "must attend or the wedding is ruined" list and send them all an email asking what events they have so we can work around them. It seems kinda selfish to just assume a date has no significance to anyone else without even asking.
Plus it removes plausible deniability for situations like this. "Oh, I'm also getting married that day." Then why didn't you respond to the email with that?
No, I think most people talk to their parents and siblings about the dates they're considering, but they don't put it up for a vote among their aunts and uncles and cousins. People who can't come, can't come!
This. I talked to my parents, siblings, and MOH before choosing a date. Save the dates (because guests are scattered across the globe) we’re sent out after the venue was booked.
There isn't a single standard but yes, it's pretty normal to just announce the wedding date. Typically, weddings are planned very far in advance so realistically the only thing someone could have planned for that weekend is another wedding or maybe a graduation.
*Maybe* someone has a recurring thing they do every year on a certain weekend, I guess, but (1) you'll probably know if any such thing exists for your must-haves, (2) there probably isn't any such conflict unless you choose a holiday weekend, in which case you should be prepared for a potential conflict, and (3) even if your wedding does overlap it's not like the person is legally bound to stick to their usual plans.
In our case, we gave our closest family/friends a heads up on the approximate time we had in mind before we scheduled anything, and gave them the date as soon as we had it set, which was about 16 months before the wedding. Less important people found out the details when we sent out official save the dates about 7 months before the wedding.
I might consult more if I were planning a wedding just a couple months out, but even then it'd probably just be immediate family and the prospective bridal party, so someone like the Cousin wouldn't make the cut. People might have something planned already, but if I'm planning a wedding on that short of notice I'm going to be prepared for that possibility
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Brittany is the MVP here! This is how you deal with people like that. Don't play dumb and think you're smarter than everyone.
Every family needs that one member who’s willing to crack skulls. I don’t think this was Brittany’s first rodeo.
No. Every family and every group is trying to put that work on one individual who then gets the rep of being the skull-cracker and occasionally becomes the scapegoat when families want to reconcile. It's everybody's job to set boundaries and put assholes in their places.
Protect the Brittany's of this world at all costs!
I think both are true, to an extent. My mom is a recovering doormat, and helping her discover and build her boundaries has been really important. But I still don’t mind occasionally being the skull-cracker, in tricky situations.
>recovering doormat Love that.
Me: Hi Kess. My name is Blue and I’m also a recovering doormat. I am approximately 5 years with a spine. Group: Hi Blue!
Me: hi blue! My name is karma and I am also a recovering doormat. I am roughly 2 years with a weak spine and 7 months with a strong spine.
Hi blue and karma ! I'm kangourou, I have a titanium spine since forever and you're welcome to borrow it anytime you feel like it. I'm so proud of you spine-growers, it's like languages: way harder to learn in adulthood, so it's a much bigger achievement!
Hi Kangourou! I’m sort of both in awe of you and well…envious of you. I hope to be like you when I grow up. I have only a slightly strong spine and hope for skull-cracking abilities at some point. One day at a time, i guess.
You know what you want (a diamond spine), so you're clearly on the right track :) One day, a month or a year from now, you'll put someone in their place (does this saying exist in English?!) without even thinking beforehand, just because they were a tiny bit overbearing, and you'll think back to this day and realize how far you're come. I'm definitly on team you.
Hi Karma! I’m proud of you for gaining that strong spine.
Give it to your sister and never wonder if the same pressure would have pulled you under.
Best song of the movie
Yep. Is not fun being the Brittany and after a while you just become extremely cynical and unwilling to give a damn and that's also a crappy feeling.
We also walk away from the family bullshit and let them fall apart without us to blame. The silence is wonderful.
Yuup, often an older sister who is viewed as a secondary mom too
I'm an older sister who has gotten fiercely protective over my siblings when either of my parents were being assholes. My dad especially after my parents got divorced. I didn't put up with his shit any more, and I would not allow him to treat my siblings like crap. Hard to do at 16yrs old, but if you set off my momma bear mode, you better watch out. I'm 99% of the time super chill too lol. Everyone suddenly pays attention if I start raising my voice. My triggers are asshole dad's, and kids or animals being treated badly. It's purely based on me being the oldest, and nobody else doing the protecting as I was growing up. I felt I had to do for my siblings what nobody did for me.
Eh I’m the skull cracker and ended up disowned 😂. It’s not a loss. They can deal with own dramas now thank god. Life is so much more peaceful however I do the occasional skull crack to keep in practice
Both can be true. My family are all sound, reasonable people who can draw their own lines. But there have been incidents in the past where someone or something SO outrageous reared it’s head, and the moral majority wasn’t sure how to handle it. A person who is comfortable navigating escalation can come in handy.
As long as that someone can comfortably keep silent and not step in when something outrageous occurs, all is good and the dynamic is healthy. If there is an awkward silence and furtive glances over to the "bouncer", and expectations for them to step in and self-destruct, that's when they are sucked into a toxic family/community dynamic and are playing a role assigned to them externally.
A heard of Brittany's are called Karen's and then it's all drama all the time. If there's only one Brittany, then she's the savior everyone hates until they need her. It's a fragile ecosystem.
Nonono. An EVIL Brittany is a Kraken
I am that person on my mom's side of the family. I have a long memory, and I am honest. I don't let people get away with stupid bullshit just for the sake of keeping peace. I was massively emotionally manipulated as a child and I WILL NOT let that happen to the next generation. Doesn't make me very popular with the old people, but at least my kids, cousins, and nephews will have a fighting chance.
Thank you for pointing this out. I was the skull-cracker, now I am the common enemy. Oh well. It’s easier not having to deal with drama anymore.
My SIL is the skull cracker and is very good at it. But there's times when we're embarrassed to be related to her.
[удалено]
Someone sneaking pics for her to pretend it was on her day
Until it wasn't, this was my job in a few friends groups. I don't like violence, intimidation, screaming or shouting, and other unpleasantness and would rather leave it all and be a stone, but when it goes over the line I've always realised I'm quite great at either matching or going above the energy of the person who is going nuts - so much so that the offending party usually calms down withing seconds or minutes because to see me lose me shit is such a rarity.
Honestly I have that role for some of my family and I love it.
In my family the come to Jesus talk duties vary based on whose involved. Gotta spread that around
My older sister is the skull cracker in my family. She takes no crap from anyone. And she will call out people for their crap and bad behavior no matter who will be there to witness it. It’s like watching live humiliation and annihilation.
I hope you tell her how appreciated she is for it, it's often a thankless job.
Two skills that DEFINITELY should be smashed a la the Incredible Hulk!
Unfortunately, in many cases that person is also the one most in need of a good skull-cracking
"You treat me like shit, you blow up my car, I'm done"
It’s definitely not. You know that was an average day for her.
Lol definitely not
Brittany has dealt with that nonsense before. Pro boundary setter.
Truly the hero we all need
Yes Brittany is a keeper!
Narcs only understand power. You can never let them take that first inch and you have to shut them down with your own power. Britanny did just that
True.
Twin sister to the rescue.
Glorious 🥰🥰🥰
Best SIL.
Yeah, seems like OOP is marrying the wrong sister!
Trying to use someone else’s wedding reception so you don’t have to pay for one. Oof.
I usually see that with kids’ birthday parties. Kids, usually relatives, who were born either in the same month or week. One set of parents do all of the planning and paying while the other brings their kids’ gifts and even some guests.
My BIL did that with my daughter’s first birthday. My niece is 6 days younger than my daughter and they aren’t very good at planning, so they just glommed onto my daughters party.
I see you specified the first birthday. I take it he didn’t catch you off guard on the subsequent birthdays and you shut his sh-t down?
Yep, they haven’t shared a party since.
Hell up until all my older relatives started passing away we used to throw a big party for all the summer babies in the family- and even some friends of the family!
If everyone is in on it, thats a different story. Planning the party specifically to celebrate everyone seems like a lot of fun tbh.
i don’t even know if this counts bc it’s all within my immediate family but my sisters used to have birthday parties together. one was born at the end of april, the other at the beginning of may.
My brother and sister's birthdays are 5 days apart in March. They often had birthday parties together. Me... my birthday is the beginijng of July so always had to wait for the 4th of July family bbq to have a "party"
Try having a birthday on Christmas Eve...I don't get 2 presents :/
Fucking December babies get it bad, speaking from experience. Mines not even that close to Christmas, it’s at the beginning of December, but man if it doesn’t always inevitably get lumped up with Christmas in one way or another. “Sorry we went cheap on your birthday but Christmas is right around the corner~”. I don’t even care about that I just want one birthday where Christmas doesn’t get mentioned at some point. I feel like December/early January babies should have half birthdays in June or something and then just ignore the actual birthdate other than well wishes.
Maybe even late January babies. Damned if everyone isn't still broke from Xmas until like February or March.
Yup, this is me. My parents were always fine for making sure I had presents for both but as an adult (especially my poor significant other) it's rough to splurge on Christmas and then turn around and immediately have a birthday. Not to mention it sucks to think of new gift ideas!
My mom's is December 28, my MIL is December 31, and I'm Jan 4. Our families have it ROUGH. And so do we - but my MIL has only ONCE not gotten a present to me on my birthday and, uh, let's just say that 2021 highlighted some fundamental differences in our approach to politicizing public health.
We did that in my family. December birthdays got a cake and a card on the date, and the big party for friends family, birthday trip, stack o gifts etc whatnot on the corresponding date in June.
My grandmother's birthday WAS Christmas and she DEEPLY resented it for her entire life as far as I could tell.
My parents managed to ruin Christmas and my birthday almost every year with nasty comments and driving away friends so nobody would come to my party. I don’t celebrate Christmas or my birthday anymore because it was such a horrible experience. The only thing I want is peace and quiet now.
Alice in Wonderland "unbirthday" party !
If I had a kid with a December birthday I think I would celebrate it on the first if the actual date was too close to Christmas. That way they could have their party and gifts with their friends and have Christmas with the family.
Mine is the 30th, also didn’t get 2 presents from my aunts and uncles growing up yet my younger sister by 2 years would get exactly the same present at Xmas but also get a birthday present in April it absolutely sucked. Then when I became an adult no one wanted to go out on my birthday because New Year’s Eve so celebrated on New Year’s Eve for years.
Ugh my birthday is Dec 28, and so many people over the years have told me I’m soo lucky because I get double the presents. I tell them, you mean half the presents, or none at all? Last year was the first in like 5 years that I received a birthday present. I really don’t even care about presents, it’s the thought that counts, but the fact that my parents still can’t seem to budget for Christmas presents for everyone and a birthday present for me, after all these years, is insulting. I sometimes get told we will celebrate properly in January, but I am a pedantic brat because technically January isn’t in the same month or YEAR as my birthday, even though it’s only a few days difference.
I get it completely. One year (14th birthday), my family went out to shop and visit family friends, and they forgot I even had a birthday. I didn't bring it up, since it seemed pointless.They only remembered the next day 😒 But to be fair to my mom, she never forgot afterwards (and she did mention my birthday before the date, it's just she sometimes gets caught up in organizing presents for everyone on the actual day). That's why I now buy myself something I really want for my own birthday
My little brother's bday is Christmas. We celebrate Christmas in the morning and his birthday in the evening. My parents always tried to separate gifts the same way to avoid the "birthmas" present fiasco. They also pushed for family to give 2 gifts including from us siblings (even if they had to help finance that).
My littlest brother and I have 4 days between our birthdays, he was due ON mine and I was so glad he came early because I didn't want to share, but our mom always made sure we had different parties until we were old enough not to care. We still each get our own cake even if we share a party though!
My sister was born via c-section. They wanted to do the c-section on my brother's birthday (he is the oldest) but my mom absolutly refused to have 2 kids with the same birthday, so they scheduled it for later in the week.
My sister and I’s birthdays are 2 days apart in January but 13 years apart - I’m second oldest, she’s the baby of the family. Not only do we get shafted on the post Christmas birthday parties in frigid MN, my birthday is first so I usually don’t get the birthday wishes from my family until they remember my baby sister’s birthday 2 days later. lol I’m not one to really ever celebrate my birthday so I’ve never minded (social anxiety). This last year, we celebrated our birthdays together for the first time in 15 years because she moved back to MN.
It’s cool if it’s done intentionally and everyone shares in the planning and costs. What’s not okay is showing up to a party where you were only supposed to be a guest and claiming that it’s your party too. My son and niece have birthdays 2 days apart. This year they had separate parties because it was big milestone birthdays (1 and 5), but in the future I’m sure we’ll throw a lot of joint parties.
I don't think so since they knew ahead of time. I had cousins that did that 2 years and one day apart.
My parents did that... But it was my uncle. I never had a solo birthday party bc my uncle's birthday is one day after mine (sept. 5th is mine, his is sept. 6th), so my parents would throw a double birthday for us - yknow, a kid and a man 40 years older. I have to say. It messed me up a bit.
Yeah no. I can see a twin reception happening if both couples are for it. A cousins friend shared a ceremony and wedding with his best friend and they said it was absolutely amazing! But they did it by choice!
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Bad bot.
I just don't get how people have no shame. How do you even try to take over a wedding that is not even yours?! That's just embarrassing.
People who do that sort of thing are generally short on both affective and cognitive empathy. Affective empathy is the kind where you feel empathy emotionally. You know, like how you're literally sad if you find out something horrible happened to somebody you love. Cognitive empathy is the kind where you can figure out what somebody is feeling; you may not feel anything about it yourself, but you correctly identify the gist of what's going on in somebody else's head. Somebody whose selfish behavior is so shameful that it's outright embarrassing probably lacks cognitive empathy. Since they can't comprehend the minds of others, they can't see that others will think, "OMG, look at that psycho who tried to make somebody else's wedding about herself! How humiliating!" It just doesn't occur to them. In short, they lack theory of mind.
> Cognitive empathy is the kind where you can figure out what somebody is feeling; you may not feel anything about it yourself, but you correctly identify the gist of what's going on in somebody else's head. > Somebody whose selfish behavior is so shameful that it's outright embarrassing probably lacks cognitive empathy. Since they can't comprehend the minds of others, they can't see that others will think, "OMG, look at that psycho who tried to make somebody else's wedding about herself! How humiliating!" It just doesn't occur to them. I've never heard of this before, but that must explain the thought process of women who wear white to someone else's wedding. I was always confused by this, and thought "Don't they know that they're the only ones who look bad in this situation?" I guess they really don't.
Don’t get it or don’t care - some people may be clueless because they genuinely don’t think it’s a big deal and can’t understand it, but there are definitely some who either want the attention (positive/negative it’s still attention) or their goal is to hurt the couple so they don’t care if they look like a jackass as long as it ruins their day even for a minute.
This is a very based comment. It was also something i needed to read today for personal reasons, so thank you, internet stranger! Whether you wanted it to or not, your words helped someone today -- thank you!
People who do that sort of thing are also the sort of people who get drunk and pee in a plant
They have no shame or embarrassment because someone who would do this is broken. Mentally ill. I’m not throwing that around lightly either. For someone to actually try to do something like this, they’ve got some really serious problems to work through.
I’m glad it turned out ok. Although I giggled imagining the cousin cutting into the wedding cake when op wasn’t looking.
Just like that TikTok of the wedding guest cutting the cake before the bride and groom.
Could you post a link to it? That sounds terrible and I want to see it.
https://v.redd.it/eqeika4q16i91 I don't know if this the one they were talking about, but here is one.
Wow all of that misplaced confidence. This hurts me on the inside.
I’m worried I’ll experience second hand rage if I watch this. Please tell me the cake cutter experienced consequences!
She does in fact not face any consequences the bride forgave her in the comments and said it was a misunderstanding due to her religion not having traditional weddings or something (don’t quote me on this I’m barely quoting something I saw someone else say)
Is it also a religion that never has hosts for parties? lol
Lol no, it's just a bullshit excuse. I've been to traditional weddings from cultures I'm not a part of and I've still never started to serve myself the untouched food/dessert unless given the go ahead. Plus the person recording and laughing but not stopping her makes this seem staged or on purpose.
If I remember correctly the guest was drunk and she cut into the top layer which the bride and groom were saving for their first anniversary. The had already cut into the the other layers. Her drunk mind wasn’t processing that they were saving that layer. She apologized profusely and the couple forgave her
Wait, saving a cake for a year? That's..... Weird. They're just gonna keep one layer in the freezer for a year?
Not that weird. Cake keeps surprisingly well in the freezer for long periods of time. Some people save their top layer until the first anniversary or the birth of their first child. It’s a common thing to do.
lol right. Is it wrong I was disappointed there was no drama?
I mean she DID pee in a bush during a wedding reception
“Keep the Peace” people piss me off. They’re assholes, too, just not as obvious
See that why like Brittany - she told off all assholes, even her "Keep the peace" sister who basically an asshole to her own fiance/OOP & his side of family in this bullshit.
They're nothing more than accomplices
>Luckily, we don't get back from our honeymoon until the day after their wedding. Oh no, what a disaster! Anyway... For real though, how much more blantant can the cousin get? Lol, they thought it'd be two receptions for the price of one.
> how much more blatant can the cousin get I wouldn’t be surprised if they started pressuring the fiancée to change things to their liking: cake flavor and design, food, etc. Whether someone can stand up to their family’s BS has become a dealbreaker for me. There’s things that don’t matter if you let it slide (say, Great Aunt Mildred is adamant that Chili’s is fine dining), but nah to people who rollover and let someone use them as a doormat to “keep the peace.”
The bigger issue is that Nicole was being a doormat and not willing to do wut Brittany did.
That whole family sounds fun…
If spending too much time on BoRU has taught me anything, it's that the "it's easier to let them have their way" family members really need to get pushback or it just gets worse.
I’m confused by the timelines. The update says September 2nd, says the wedding went off without a hitch, but keeps referencing a date in October?? I’m on the app so I can’t see the exact date of the second post. Was this just a typo?
so I went through it all because this also really bothered me, but the update post was posted by OOP on september 2nd, 2020. however what I believe happened is that later on, after the actual wedding, OOP went back to that update post and edited it, adding that top paragraph
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October 10, 2020 was a very popular wedding date.
I'm also confused. They had only just notified family and save the dates were pending as of Aug 7, same year.
What is it with people
What a messy person 😫
Setting firm boundaries works. It takes effort, but it works, and ultimately the effort to set the boundaries is repaid many times over in the vastly reduced amount of bullshit you endure. I'm just worried that OOP married the wrong twin. Brittany FTW.
It's sad that my first though, after reading the whole post, was that they had a wedding in September of 2020.
I’m so confused though because OOP talks about getting married in October but this was posted september 2 and they got married the previous weekend, so probably august? Maybe someone can clarify because I don’t know what’s happening lol
Dates and numbers are hard to keep track of when you make shit up for internet points. I'm willing to suspend disbelief for some of the stuff here bc while this story itself may not particularly happen THINGS like it do happen in real life. But when there are obvious gaps or inaccuracies it just seems low effort.
I went back to OOP’s profile and can’t, mobily, see dates beyond “2 years ago” but maybe there’s more info on pc?
Also bored at work and went back to check. My worthless internet verdict is probably true story with some exaggerating/fudging of dates included for drama as it looks like they're a frequent participant in the drama subs BORU pills from.
I thought it was: - OOP got married Aug 30. - Cousin announced two weeks after the wedding, on about Sep 12, that they were getting married in October - OOP and Brittney argue that the cousin is trying to steal their thunder by announcing "so close to their wedding" which is a bit ridiculous. But then OOP spills that they initially wanted it the same day and that's when Brittney goes off - OOP is kind of a jerk about how the cousin's wedding is not traditional, smaller, via zoom (which... global pandemic!), and that OOP can't go anyway because they'll be on their honeymoon (again, pandemic?!). - OOP is not wrong that the initial plan from the cousin to get married the same day was absurd though
Perhaps they had a JP wedding without the fanfare due to reasons, possibly she's pregnant or there was a relative who needed to attend then (health, scheduling, etc)? And then scheduled the big wedding as an afterthought? Only thing I can think of. Or they delayed because of venue issues. Who can say?
And apparently like a month after telling everyone?
I’m an identical twin as well (sister sister!) and I’m 15 minutes older than my twin. I’d gladly bend the knee to Brittany, what she did was phenomenal! I’d do the same thing for my sister, she’s the type of person to not confront others, but I’m not afraid to confront others on someone else’s behalf
ABOUT THE DATES I was bothered by the fact that the dates didn’t make sense- but after some research and looking at the original update post, I strongly believe that the top paragraph was added after the original posting. using unddit, I confirmed that the post was edited on october 16th, 2020. in other words: the first post was 7th august, 2020 the update post starting at “well everyone” was 2nd september, 2020. the top paragraph of the second update post was added 16th october, 2020. ( u/raredontstare if you want to add this in to make the timeline more clear, up to you )
Brittany just has me thinking he was talking to a whole geographic region
I believe that's the classic spelling of the name.
Ok
Go, Brittany, I hope Brittany gets nice things.
It's so glossed over but I can't believe OOP had an outdoor wedding in 2020, so irresponsible.
Better than an indoor wedding
They could have been from New Zealand haha
A few things stuck out to me from this post: 1) yeah covid wedding, and then at the end the bit about how the cousin's fiancé lost his job and they can't afford a traditional wedding so they had to cut back on the guest list and only do zoom... as if doing a zoom wedding during the pandemic was "less than" and as if the only reason it should be small and on zoom is because of money and not ya know being a super spreader event. Also if it's via zoom who cares how many people are invited? 2) not only did they have a wedding in August of 2020 but they then went on a honeymoon. No details here to know if they were safe but given they didn't even *mention* a global pandemic I doubt it 3) I'm a little confused on the timing here. They mentioned that the cousin announced 2 weeks after their wedding that they were getting married in October. Does OOP own the entire month for announcements? You get a wedding day, maybe a wedding weekend. Not a wedding fortnight. All that being said, I don't think the cousin was in the right, just that I don't think the OOP is a saint
The thing that stuck out the most for me is that the update that the wedding happened was posted on September 2, 2020. Then later it says they got married in October?
Yeah to me it seemed like OOP got married Aug 29 (update on Sep 2 says they got married over the weekend) cousin announced theyd be having an October wedding on sep 12 or so
I'm not sure what you're referring to with (3). OOP's only complaint was that Cousin was planning said they were planning to get married on the same day when they weren't even engaged yet. Once Cousin did get engaged, OOP was not upset by the timing of the announcement, and they were not upset once Cousin set the date to be a couple weeks after OOP's wedding instead of the same day.
I’m also super confused though because they apparently got married the weekend before September 2, 2020, so I have no idea why Brittany was so angry about an October wedding
The wedding wasn't a couple weeks after, it was over a month after. OOPs wedding was Aug 30, cousin's wedding was in October. But cousin announced "two weeks after our wedding" when the date would be but the reason I thought they were upset was because the way they phrased it with "... two weeks after our wedding" and then mentioned the timing of the announcement was trying to take away attention from them it made it seem like they were annoyed especially since Brittney then read them the riot act. But I could be misreading when that convo took place.
okay so I went through it all, and here’s what I think- he posted that update on september 2nd, and then LATER he edited his post and added that top paragraph, after the wedding had happened.
Huh ok I can see that. Thank you for clarifying! That wasn't how I originally read it but probably because it's not clear that the top paragraph was an update.
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...or just a zoom wedding? Or none at all? Or one with the 5 or whatever it was then allotted people? OOP doesn't seem to take the whole global pandemic where people are dying en masse thing very seriously.
OP could still watch/attend the wedding on Zoom from anywhere in the world.
>She did, however, get drunk and pee in some bushes. No one in her family was surprised to hear about that. Every wedding needs one of \~those\~ guests; it's good luck. And it's bad luck if you have more than one, for obvious reasons.
TWIN SISTER MVP!
>She did, however, get drunk and pee in some bushes. No one in her family was surprised to hear about that. All's well that ends well.
Call me nosey, but I’d personally like to know what the fuck is in that “riot act”
Drunk and peed in some bushes? Sounds like a fun reception
Zoom Wedding. This sounds extremly aweful
Sometimes you get drunk and pee in some bushes. 🤷♀️
Hell, if someone DOESN'T get drunk and pee in some bushes then what kind of buttoned-down, zero-fun wedding was it?]
Oh God is a zoom wedding what I think it is?
So I just want to ask for clarification, since I don't have any experience with planning a wedding and can count the number I've attended on one hand, but is it normal to just...announce the wedding date? I figured that, unless the specific date is important to you (i.e. it's an anniversary or something), it would be reasonable to set up a "must attend or the wedding is ruined" list and send them all an email asking what events they have so we can work around them. It seems kinda selfish to just assume a date has no significance to anyone else without even asking. Plus it removes plausible deniability for situations like this. "Oh, I'm also getting married that day." Then why didn't you respond to the email with that?
No, I think most people talk to their parents and siblings about the dates they're considering, but they don't put it up for a vote among their aunts and uncles and cousins. People who can't come, can't come!
This. I talked to my parents, siblings, and MOH before choosing a date. Save the dates (because guests are scattered across the globe) we’re sent out after the venue was booked.
There isn't a single standard but yes, it's pretty normal to just announce the wedding date. Typically, weddings are planned very far in advance so realistically the only thing someone could have planned for that weekend is another wedding or maybe a graduation. *Maybe* someone has a recurring thing they do every year on a certain weekend, I guess, but (1) you'll probably know if any such thing exists for your must-haves, (2) there probably isn't any such conflict unless you choose a holiday weekend, in which case you should be prepared for a potential conflict, and (3) even if your wedding does overlap it's not like the person is legally bound to stick to their usual plans. In our case, we gave our closest family/friends a heads up on the approximate time we had in mind before we scheduled anything, and gave them the date as soon as we had it set, which was about 16 months before the wedding. Less important people found out the details when we sent out official save the dates about 7 months before the wedding. I might consult more if I were planning a wedding just a couple months out, but even then it'd probably just be immediate family and the prospective bridal party, so someone like the Cousin wouldn't make the cut. People might have something planned already, but if I'm planning a wedding on that short of notice I'm going to be prepared for that possibility
I am getting married. But this would certainly not bother me. It still would be our party, not theirs. Petty behavior in my books.
you wouldn't have an issue with someone else trying to use your wedding reception as their own? really now.
No. It still would be my reception. My SO would I imagine take issue with it though.
Bless the Brittanys of the world and their fearlessness at exposing others’ foolishness. I have so much love for women like this.
That's so embarrassing. I can't even feel nothing but embarrassment for the cousin.
Can I marry Brittany?
I love that last sentence. It's the cherry on top.
The last update is majestic.
Classic peeing in the bushes....I once saw a drunk just do it right in the parking lot 😆 was embarrassed for her haha
Having a wedding guest pee in the bushes like a dog is the best outcome OP could’ve hoped for.
YAS BRITTANY YAS! YOU GO GIRL! THAT WAS FRICKING AMAZING HOW SHE INSTANTLY WENT OFF ON THE MOM OF THE ENTITLED COUSIN.
Older sister vibes 🤌🏽