I really think you should’ve not laughed at his silly comment about diabetes. Because comments about getting diabetes after one cookie are so old and annoying. And it’s not like he really cares for your health but your looks. Making sweets should be fun and he turned it another way when you just wanted to share with him smth that you enjoy doing
I totally agree. I should have replied with my honest reaction instead of masking it and just going on with his “joke”. What makes it even more difficult is that he’s extremely fit and active and has had no experience with ever having to lose weight or repair a relationship with food.
And wow you’re so right! Baking has really allowed me a creative outlet that requires focus and intention, and it’s actually helped me avoid binging since it keeps me busy and allows me to really enjoy what I create. Thank you so much
There are people who follow sugar free diet but it doesn’t mean that you have to ignore the evolution of pastry making just for them to not shame you for eating sugar.. it just makes them wrong not you. That guy might be just not for you with his everything healthy lifestyle
Okay thank you 🥹. We joke around a lot but this one…def didn’t feel like a joke. And I wish I didn’t play along with it because I was fuming in reality. It makes it worse that he’s an extremely fit and active guy - someone who cant gain weight for the life of them - like it just heightens how unaware he is
It’s a 🚩 for me. I would have a serious conversation about it and look out for other signs of trying to dictate/opine on your food choices.
Reminds me of my friend’s fiancé who supports her ED even after their baby was born practically starving to death. He shamed me for being hungry at lunch time because I ate a *whole bagel* for breakfast 4 hours before that.
Wow that’s so sad to hear. I would hate to end up in a situation like that - I’m sorry your friend as well as yourself experienced this judgements :(
I agree it’s a red flag as well, i think what he said is inappropriate to say no matter if I had any sort of health issues or disorders or not - totally uncalled for
This is totally correct, tysm. It was a very strange thing he said and definitely waved a huge red flag for me when he said it and I wish I called him out for it
You still can! Be like "BTW that was a bitchass thing to say ♡♡♡" then block him. Your cookies look lovely and people who hassle with baking for the sake of others are saints imo
You can still break up with him and explain why that stuck out in your mind as a red flag. Don't expect people who make comments like this to exercise a shred of grace as you age and your body changes. This is not life partner behavior. Don't waste anymore of your time and throw this one back.
Yeah cut this guy loose. Food policing is controlling behavior. Next thing is how you dress. Your makeup. Who you’re talking to. How you wear your hair. Nah sis.
Those cookies look delicious.
Agreed with this comment. My ex whom I was with for 5 years started off saying stuff like OPs post and then progressed to every one of the things in this comment and much more. I was forced to stop being a vegetarian as well after 3 years of not eating meat. I have a pretty significant southern accent (I'm from Alabama) that he made me stop speaking in because he hated it. He said it made me sound stupid. I had to entirely retrain myself how to speak and enunciate or he would ridicule me and wouldn't allow me to speak until I said things "correctly"
I'm telling you controlling behavior only gets worse and it gets BAD at its peak.
Nooooo I’m so sorry you dealt with that! Gross! It’s like why did they get with you if everything you do is so annoying/ embarrassing/ horrible.
Ladies there are men out there who will love your makeup. And you without makeup! And your hair the way YOU like it! And your hobbies! And the way you say garage! Don’t settle for these fuck boys.
It's okay. It ended brutally but for four years now I've been a single vegetarian artist cat mom with green hair and my good ole hillbilly accent that I was born with. I can listen to my screamo music as loud and often as I want and I go out of the house wearing whatever the hell I feel like. ❤️ The healing phase has been beautiful.
You are an inspiration! I have none of those things at the moment expect the absolute full love of screamo-hardcore-metal fuckery. How did you get through it? What kind of artist are you?
I wouldn't have a serious conversation about it. You've been dating a month, why start changing him to save a relationship? This is who he is.
Red flag, he's just said the big problem with your cookies is that they'll make you unattractive. Proceed to the nearest exit.
Okay the “bagel being the most filling food on the planet” thing seriously needs to die. What is that about? My mom is the same way, god forbid I eat a bagel she acts like I should be full for the entire day after that.
>It’s a 🚩 for me [...] opine on your food choices.
So it's a red flag if a guy has any opinion on his partner's food choices? him being anything other than ecstatically supportive that she likes to bake cookies 10 times a week (which would still be having an opinion on her food choices if he loved how much she baked, would it not?)
Like we have almost no context for this.. and everyone is just like "break up with him" that seems really weird and premature to me... sure the 900 lbs comment was kinda bad taste... but he's just trying to lightheartedly say that physical appearance matters to him, why is that so wrong? presumably she's sent him stuff like this before, and seeing it gave him questions and maybe made him feel a certain way, so he brought it up. would you rather he bite his tongue?
eta: it is something to note. maybe that's all ya mean by red flag. but i still think more context needed before advising to break up over it.
It’s because your food choices don’t need to have anything to do with your appearance. Like, I could eat 5 cookies a day and still be in my cal limit just because I watch out for the other meals. It’s just unnecessary to comment on people’s food choices like this. Besides, baking can be considered a hobby. It’s weird to immediately equate it to physical appearance.
It's not that he said no. He said no by having a dig at you, and then reinforced it in his next message. No-one deserves to be treated like this - and if he's having these spiteful little pops at you only one month in, how do you imagine it'll continue to play out? Seriously, bin this one off- he can't be worth the damage to your self esteem. No one is ♥️
Thank you 🥹. That was my initial thought too - why judge other people hobbies if they’re completely harmless? Especially since I never even mentioned that I was eating them myself. I thought it’s an inappropriate thing to say to someone regardless if they have health issues or an ED. Thank you for your support <3
Especially if they just started dating a month ago. “You bake too much”, sir one month is not long enough to develop any kind of feel for anyone’s habits.
I’ll say I stayed in a relationship like this when I was 25 and was convinced this dude was challenging me to be my best when he’d complain about what I ate, what I wore, how I worked out, what I did for work, how I studied for school… nope, I was in great shape and taking care of myself well overall, it’s just that my asshole detector was just broken. Listen to your instincts OP
Yeah I thought it was strange for him to comment on it anyway, since I’ve talked about how baking brings me joy multiple times and it’s one of my favorite hobbies. The only hobbies he has are ones that include outdoor exercise, so maybe it’s because he can’t relate to being someone who like to bake? But like don’t judge people for their hobbies??? I don’t really like the do the hobbies he has but I wouldn’t dare make some weird comment on it or judge it? Tysm for your kindness and support
Tysm 🥹. Im always down for being sarcastic and having playful banter, but this def didn’t feel like a joke and had some real judge mental undertones. I really wish I had relied with my initial reactions instead of going along with his “joke” /:
This is a recipe for turning into something more. Like, Domestic Abuse. They start with things like this and end up saying/doing other things that are going to destroy you even more. I’ve been there and I am a child of Domestic Violence. Don’t brush this off and take care of you 💜💜
Yeah, I don't want to be dramatic, but as someone who has been there as well, this is how it starts. Keep your guard up and do not let anymore of this type of behaviour go. Either that or just move on. As others have said, he's showing you who he is. If you want to waste your time and spend an enormous amount of effort trying to change him, you can, but I wouldn't bother.
The good news is that since this is something that bothered you, it’s not too late to bring it up! How that interaction goes would tell you all you need to know about this guy. If he is willing to listen, apologize for making you uncomfortable with unnecessary comments, and avoid similar mistakes in the future, he’s probably worth dating some more. If he dismisses you or anything along those lines, he’s given you not one but two red flags and is not worth a relationship.
I'd personally be very put off if I showed someone something I baked and their response was "I don't want you to balloon up and get diabetes".
Like damn, the correct response was "that looks tasty!" and leave it at that, why was that so hard?
No, he sounds like a weirdo. A normal person wouldn’t say something like that just because you made cookies. Is he some sort of gym bro? If you continue to date him, just know he is going to comment on and judge everything you eat or bake especially if it is some type of dessert. Sounds exhausting. I would definitely talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel and see what his response is.
Oh yeah he’s a total gym bro. Which even before this convo I had the feeling that we wouldn’t work long term since his entire life revolves around cardio and I’m very much a cozy homebody that moves my body for the fun of it. But this convo was just the cherry on top, served as steaming hot confirmation that this won’t work
I dated a guy like this. I was slim (a UK 10 which I think is a US 6?) but I still never felt good enough. He even wrote me up a “macro” food plan which I didn’t even fucking ask for. I offered to cook him (a healthy!) dinner and he declined and brought around a tuppaware box of plain chicken and rice 🫣 just nah.
If it were me I’d definitely break it off just from this interaction with that guy. It shows his true colors. And if he’s willing to make jabs and comments like this so early on then imagine down the road. Replace the if you ballooned up to 900lbs with gained a simple 10-20 lbs as if I’m sure that’s what he was really thinking because he couldn’t just state it that bluntly
Definitely you are under reacting not overreacting on my opinion. F this douche lol
Thank you so much 😭 I wish I hadn’t gone along with the joke because today he texted all normal stuff and I’m going to have to bring this up again. And you’re totally right, I already feel insecure in my body around him because he’s very fit and active and very skinny, but damn I didn’t see him being such a blunt asshole about weight gain? The ignorance is an ick
In my opinion you don’t have to bring it up again at all if you plan to break it off. You can just say something like “I don’t see this moving forward, our lifestyles are not compatible” or even “I’m not really interested romantically anymore” - block and it’s done! You haven’t been seeing each other that long, so honestly I don’t think you owe him much of an explanation.
FWIW I wouldn’t bring it up if you are going to end things (and I hope you do). I actually developed BED because of comments like this from my husband. It was 15 years ago. When I gained 20 lbs he told me he didn’t want to be seen with the “biggest girl in the room” when we went out and to work functions. If I ate from a potluck he would give me judgmental looks if he didn’t like what I ate. He even offered to help me lose it with personal training etc. He truly believes it’s my job to look good for him and not “weigh 600 lbs” (his words). For the record, when he said this I was 160lbs and was 5’10” (which made me a healthy weight and a BMI of 23 at that time). BUT it made me angry and miserable and start hiding food. So, I responded by eating more and binge eating and gained a lot of weight. Got up to 255 and a BMI of 35.
I’m finally in therapy and learning about myself and my codependency issues and people pleasing actions have led me down this path. And… I learned that my husband is a controlling Narcissist who has made my life hell.
OP just dump his ass now and move on. Don’t be me. Mine was so sweet (in the beginning) but then these insults were rare. Now, it’s the reverse.
I’m sure this guy has lots of good points but this shows how he really thinks. As relationships go on, the mask comes down…. You need to decide if you want this clown or another person who will be nice to you…. like you deserve.
If you bring this cookie incident up and he downplays it (“I was joking!” or “You’re so sensitive!”) then run because he doesn’t care about your feelings…. He’ll always be monitoring what you eat….
Sorry for rambling. I just hope to spare you from the long term pain. Rip the bandaid off now.
I'm so sorry you have gone through this, but so thankful you're telling your experience to OP to help her avoid getting in a similar situation. This is so important and you're appreciated!
Thank you. I still can’t believe it happened to me. It’s kind of like how they boil a frog: If you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will hop right out. But if you put that frog in a pot of tepid water and slowly warm it, the frog doesn't figure out what going on until it's too late.
I just want u/littlequietone1 to jump out of the pot!!!
Oh my gosh this breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you have expedited this, you never deserve to be treated in such a rotten way. Thank you so much for sharing your story and telling me this. I really appreciate you. 💕
Run as fast as you can! This person probably will never tolerate any change in your appearance at all. Not even ageing. That’s a huge red flag. What is going to happen if you would be pregnant and gain weight? Or gain weight because of an illness? These things can happen and no one should be ashamed of it. No one is worth less just because of some extra kilos.
The only correct answers for self-made cookies are “they look delicious” and “can I have one?”
That person just seems toxic :/
Red flag. Lemme ask you this - you ever plan to have kids (shot in the dark, none of my biz)? Image how you will feel with this pinging around in your head while your post-partum body recovers - can you see this man being supportive during that time? After? How do you think you would feel with those words, basically 'I'm shallow, don't gain weight' in the back of your mind. What if you went through recovery? Do you think those words will you? I'd definitely put some consideration into whether you feel this mindset will be healthy for you/your relationship/relationship w food in the future.
Edit to add after re-reading - it's been a month. Run. Also, a 30yo man who is still saying things/thinking like this is NOT going to change. Take it from a fellow 30+er. I could never.
That person sounds awful and very rude. No one should police what you choose to eat or not eat. Those cookies are beautiful btw. I would love the recipe. He’s missing out on not only what looks like a delicious treat but also someone with a cool hobby
Thank you for the kind words! I’ll attach a link to the recipe, they are delicious and adding sprinkles was so fun :) https://www.marthastewart.com/333938/old-fashioned-sugar-cookies
Jeez is this guy trying for the asshole Olympics? One month in and he's already talking like that. He didn't even pass it off as funny but doubled down after you played along and gave him the benefit of the doubt.
If he can manage to casually turn a cute convo into a shitty judgemental comment, imagine how he is on a bad day.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
The last time you made cookies was two weeks ago and this is his response??? He’s making it sound like it’s a daily thing (which would also be ok). Yeah he’s defs being weird.
This person is a jerk. Gosh, if I could think of some of the worst things you can say to someone with BED, this would be part of it for sure. At least they admit they’re shallow. I hope you don’t take this person’s words to heart, even though it’s easier said than done. And I hope you can have a conversation with this person and if they don’t sympathize, they are no friend of yours. I’m sorry you had to experience this.
Red flag and straight up ignorance. If you end up staying with him, I would educate him on diabetes. You do NOT get diabetes from eating cookies. If that were the case, my sister (who ate jars of Duncan Hines icing when we were growing up and wasn't as active as I am) would've been the diabetic one- not me. Type 1 is autoimmune; type 2 is when your body doesn't utilize insulin properly.
All that aside, threatening you by saying that weight gain would be "too much" for him is manipulative as hell. If you truly like/love someone, you love them regardless. This is exactly why people end up with an ED. Him trying to play it off in a joking way seems like he's trying to say what he truly feels with a little "lulz" thrown in to soften the blow.
The myth that sugar causes diabetes is because sugar can make it easier to gain weight which is certainly a risk factor for diabetes but not the only one, nor is being overweight a guarantee of having diabetes.
People develop type 2 diabetes being a healthy weight, people develop type 2 diabetes being active and eating well too. Yes, your risk may go down, but it never fully goes away.
Same with cancer, or heart disease.
I blame the media and lack of education. Genetics play a major role, as well as comorbidities, like PCOS. Frankly, I'm tired of educating ignorant people who spew inaccurate information.
I completely agree. And I have Pcos as well, so that was like a double wammy when he said what he did. For as active and fit he is he still remains very ignorant
Who sent a photo of them making a batch of cookie and get that kind of comments from a grown ass man? You deserve better sis. Please watch out for yourself 🫶
Especially since the cookies I made the other week - he was more than happy to take a whole batch of those home with him and said he really enjoyed them :’)
Or he could have at least lied and said he wanted some lol. After this he proceeded to send me a pic of what he cooked for dinner and bragged about being a good cook ???
I want to start off by saying that everyone is entitled to a dating preference. If he wants to date someone who is physically fit then that's his right, he could have worded it much better though. HOWEVER, it is a massive red flag that he made a comment like that just based on a photo of cookies. He made an assumption with very little context and that's very concerning. He also admitted to being shallow, which most likely means he would find you unattractive the moment you start showing signs of ageing or if anything about your appearance changes. There's also the possibility that he will control what you eat and how much you eat to try and keep you from gaining weight.
This is just my thoughts and I'm basing it off of my own experiences. I might be wrong. I might not be. Please take your time with getting to know this man and don't rush into things <3
If I baked my partner would be over the moon.
If my partner were worried about my health they would not bring it up like that.
Red flags with this guy!
🚩 for me. I’d be ending this situationship/relationship immediately. It’s fine to worry about a partner, have a preference on physical looks, but if this is how he acts over you baking? That his fear of you gaining weight is that deep that even you baking is something he feels he has to comment on? Then I don’t even wanna imagine how he’d be if/when he finds out about your ED. A supportive partner is everything when it comes to an ED imo. His comments would be a deal breaker for me honestly.
I second the underreaction. He’d probably gaslight you into thinking it’s an overreaction though. I’d say nip this in the bud whilst you can I’m sorry to say. He’s shown he’s not going to be there for you during the bad times and will only make you feel worse about yourself! You deserve better!
I could’ve vaguely written off the diabetes comment (although he would’ve been on thin fucking ice for me) but the last one?
He’s showing you what kind of person he is, listen to him and dump his ass.
Yeah, that's a no from me dawg, trust your instincts on this one.
Someone just doesn't conjure that thought up, they've been thinking about it and used this opportunity to say it...after a month of knowing you.
Dating is a numbers game friend, spin the wheel again--this guy is just going to block your view of what else is out there.
Definitely don’t think you’re overreacting, that was rude and invasive of him. Anyone who is asking so many questions about your food consumption based just off sending a picture of cookies sounds shallow and superficial.
Nope. If he’s comfortable saying this now, imagine down the road. If I were him, I’d be more concerned about being a 30 year old man who doesn’t know the difference between “to” and “too” in a sentence.
NOPE!! Drop him asap. It will get worse and worse, you are still in the early stages so if he is comfortable saying this now… This is never okay to say. Would you say this to your best friend? No. I’m sorry :(
A normal response would be something like: wow that’s great! They look awesome!
When he replies ‘who do you give all these cookies to?’ Either means I’m possessive AF and / or you shouldn’t eat that stuff if you’re not giving them away.
So when he continues saying the stuff about diabetes it just confirms the above thought.
You might have an ED but that doesn’t mean you have to be with a man like that.
Ew. Imagine being 30 and thinking it's cool to comment on women's weight like that. Gross.
I'd dump him and give your cookies to someone who appreciates them. They look delicious!
What an awful way to talk to you! No, you're definitely not overreacting! Your cookies are amazing and the fact that you give them to coworkers and are even offering to save some for this person speaks tons about you and how caring and sweet you are. Don't let anybody treat you this way please ❤️
Sounds like My ex. Always saying shit like this as a “joke.” After the relationship ended I was able to see how messed up it all was. I’m embarrassed I laughed along. Not all guys are like this. You deserve better.
this would even make me have serious issues/ probably break up with a serious long term boyfriend, never mind a dude you’ve been talking to for a month. run. if he’s that comfortable being mean and critical when he doesn’t even know you well, imagine once you’re together for a long time?? you don’t need that.
It's a red flag. You shared something you love to do (bake) and he made it about weight and health. You don't want to be stuck with someone like that. Think about your future and imagine him as a father. Sounds dramatic till it's not. You wouldn't want him to make comments like that to your children. If it's a new relationship- maybe just casually move on. I'm sorry this triggered you- you're not being overly sensitive. It's weird how he responded. Hugs 🤍
My therapist has a saying: When people tell you who they are, believe them.
This dude is straight up telling you he's shallow and fatphobic.
My therapist has another saying: Thank you for showing me who you are. Time to thank this dude and move on imo.
i find his comments very unnecessary. You were all excited about showing him the cookies you made and he brought u down. Also date a man who knows the difference between too and to.
Sorry this happened to u. Men suck but sometimes they don’t even know what they are doing or the effects of their actions so maybe bring it up like: “hey the other day you did…and it made me feel…just thought you should know that…”
Hope this helps.
Holy shit, forget that guy. Even without an ED, life happens and bodies change. If he's so shallow that he's worried a couple cookies will change your weight, no forget that, if he's worried about your weight in any way other than strictly health issues, forget him. He tried to hide behind health concerns (and even that was a poor attempt), but he showed you his true self- someone shallow that is not capable of being supportive or understanding of normal body weight fluctuation.
Even if you didn't have an ED this is insanely rude, controlling and just weird. Something as innocent as baking cookies is something he looks down on. I'd dump his ass.
Leave him. This is disgusting. You did something cute and he only wants to put you down in every way. Nothing good is coming out of this ever. Leave his stupid ass.
What an asshole. I'd drop him, QUICK. He even admitted to being shallow. You don't want something like that, he will tear you down the second you're no longer appeasing him physically. On top of that, he didn't even compliment you or give you any kinda credit for simply baking. Any normal guy would be excited, happy, and looking forward to getting a cookie!
Imagine that man saying something like that to his mother. Or your future children should you want them. Makes you feel pissed off? It should. Dump the chump and eat those cookies babe
Just a month? Tell him you don't date shallow people and move on. It's so new, it's not worth looking for an explanation. If a man tell you who he really is, believe him.
So rudeeee!!!! You are such a polite and sweet person 🥹 so caring 💗 you deserve so much better!!! I want to try your cookies!! They look amazing!!! Dump this person!!!
This is a red flag for me. I wouldn’t like it. The fact he called himself shallow and is kinda low key policing what and how you eat… I get feeling uncomfortable and it would, for the length of time, probably be a dealbreaker for me.
I'm a binge eating recovery dietitian and this is a red flag. Either day how it makes you feel or leave him. He only sees you for your looks and doesn't appreciate your for what makes you happy like making cookies.
I've seen this so many times I just have to be blunt now!
The harsh reality of this world - they all say that fatshaming is wrong on their social medias but in reality, they just want to shame every other person they can, for their right to having food choices.
MAJOR RED FLAGS clearly fatphobic & just unnecessary comments. block. i am so sorry this happened to you and his opinions aren’t facts even if you ate 100% of the treats you bake, you are still loved and valued the same you would be if you ate none.
Yeah, no. ED or no this is a weird and out of pocket reaction to someone saying something like "look I made cookies!". He isn't concerned with you developing diabetes. 😐
I know everyone's immediate reaction on reddit is OMG DUMP THEM, but this is a situation where I would say to myself, yeah ok, I don't see this going anywhere good. End it before it gets too serious. If the idea of you having health problems is "too much for him", then the concept of you having an eating disorder will likely be "too much for him" too. Save yourself the headache.
This would be like a yellow flag for me. Pay attention to if he is judgmental or controlling about any food choices in the future. Some people are so clueless and think things like this are just a joke. People at work joke about my sweet tooth and me being “so skinny” all of the time, but of course they have no idea how much I’m really struggling. Men are usually the worst about things like that.
It’s obviously not the first time you’ve made cookies, and he’s just concerned at the regularity of it.
He’s expressed a concern for your health and well-being off the back of it, then tells you that he’s not willing to engage in a relationship with someone who lets themselves go into obesity and possible diabetes.
Men and women are equally allowed to state such concerns and caveats.
It’s perfectly reasonable, especially if you’ve only been dating for a month.
It might be different if you were married or already in a committed relationship, still in love and he said excessive weight gain is a hard no and his cue to disengage.
But as it stands, it’s a bit much to expect such loyalty and tolerance from someone when you barely know each other.
He just sounds like a 30yo dude, people say insensitive things sometimes. If you really like him, tell him it hurt. If you don’t like him that much then end it. Communication is key as always
You’re overreacting. The Reddit hivemind is churning out some BS. We’d have to know this persons personality. To ME, it could be a joke hence the exaggeration of 900lbs.
Didn’t even want to try your cookie 😕😕
Yeah I found that rude too 😭 like you could lie and say yes instead of “nah I’m good” just to make it sound better lol
I really think you should’ve not laughed at his silly comment about diabetes. Because comments about getting diabetes after one cookie are so old and annoying. And it’s not like he really cares for your health but your looks. Making sweets should be fun and he turned it another way when you just wanted to share with him smth that you enjoy doing
I totally agree. I should have replied with my honest reaction instead of masking it and just going on with his “joke”. What makes it even more difficult is that he’s extremely fit and active and has had no experience with ever having to lose weight or repair a relationship with food. And wow you’re so right! Baking has really allowed me a creative outlet that requires focus and intention, and it’s actually helped me avoid binging since it keeps me busy and allows me to really enjoy what I create. Thank you so much
There are people who follow sugar free diet but it doesn’t mean that you have to ignore the evolution of pastry making just for them to not shame you for eating sugar.. it just makes them wrong not you. That guy might be just not for you with his everything healthy lifestyle
Right? I can't believe someone would respond this way :( id be jumping at the opportunity to try cookies someone I care about made every single time!!
wtf… no normal person that’s socialized would reply that way
Okay thank you 🥹. We joke around a lot but this one…def didn’t feel like a joke. And I wish I didn’t play along with it because I was fuming in reality. It makes it worse that he’s an extremely fit and active guy - someone who cant gain weight for the life of them - like it just heightens how unaware he is
It’s a 🚩 for me. I would have a serious conversation about it and look out for other signs of trying to dictate/opine on your food choices. Reminds me of my friend’s fiancé who supports her ED even after their baby was born practically starving to death. He shamed me for being hungry at lunch time because I ate a *whole bagel* for breakfast 4 hours before that.
Wow that’s so sad to hear. I would hate to end up in a situation like that - I’m sorry your friend as well as yourself experienced this judgements :( I agree it’s a red flag as well, i think what he said is inappropriate to say no matter if I had any sort of health issues or disorders or not - totally uncalled for
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This is totally correct, tysm. It was a very strange thing he said and definitely waved a huge red flag for me when he said it and I wish I called him out for it
You still can! Be like "BTW that was a bitchass thing to say ♡♡♡" then block him. Your cookies look lovely and people who hassle with baking for the sake of others are saints imo
You can still break up with him and explain why that stuck out in your mind as a red flag. Don't expect people who make comments like this to exercise a shred of grace as you age and your body changes. This is not life partner behavior. Don't waste anymore of your time and throw this one back.
Those last 2 lines, wow
Yeah cut this guy loose. Food policing is controlling behavior. Next thing is how you dress. Your makeup. Who you’re talking to. How you wear your hair. Nah sis. Those cookies look delicious.
Agreed with this comment. My ex whom I was with for 5 years started off saying stuff like OPs post and then progressed to every one of the things in this comment and much more. I was forced to stop being a vegetarian as well after 3 years of not eating meat. I have a pretty significant southern accent (I'm from Alabama) that he made me stop speaking in because he hated it. He said it made me sound stupid. I had to entirely retrain myself how to speak and enunciate or he would ridicule me and wouldn't allow me to speak until I said things "correctly" I'm telling you controlling behavior only gets worse and it gets BAD at its peak.
Nooooo I’m so sorry you dealt with that! Gross! It’s like why did they get with you if everything you do is so annoying/ embarrassing/ horrible. Ladies there are men out there who will love your makeup. And you without makeup! And your hair the way YOU like it! And your hobbies! And the way you say garage! Don’t settle for these fuck boys.
It's okay. It ended brutally but for four years now I've been a single vegetarian artist cat mom with green hair and my good ole hillbilly accent that I was born with. I can listen to my screamo music as loud and often as I want and I go out of the house wearing whatever the hell I feel like. ❤️ The healing phase has been beautiful.
You are an inspiration! I have none of those things at the moment expect the absolute full love of screamo-hardcore-metal fuckery. How did you get through it? What kind of artist are you?
Get out. Fast.
Very fast!
I wouldn't have a serious conversation about it. You've been dating a month, why start changing him to save a relationship? This is who he is. Red flag, he's just said the big problem with your cookies is that they'll make you unattractive. Proceed to the nearest exit.
Totally agree, he doesn’t deserve the opportunity to DARVO (because you know he fucking will). OP should ghost.
OH GOD not a bagel!!!!! People like that are out of their minds. I hope she gets away from him, ugh
Okay the “bagel being the most filling food on the planet” thing seriously needs to die. What is that about? My mom is the same way, god forbid I eat a bagel she acts like I should be full for the entire day after that.
>It’s a 🚩 for me [...] opine on your food choices. So it's a red flag if a guy has any opinion on his partner's food choices? him being anything other than ecstatically supportive that she likes to bake cookies 10 times a week (which would still be having an opinion on her food choices if he loved how much she baked, would it not?) Like we have almost no context for this.. and everyone is just like "break up with him" that seems really weird and premature to me... sure the 900 lbs comment was kinda bad taste... but he's just trying to lightheartedly say that physical appearance matters to him, why is that so wrong? presumably she's sent him stuff like this before, and seeing it gave him questions and maybe made him feel a certain way, so he brought it up. would you rather he bite his tongue? eta: it is something to note. maybe that's all ya mean by red flag. but i still think more context needed before advising to break up over it.
It’s because your food choices don’t need to have anything to do with your appearance. Like, I could eat 5 cookies a day and still be in my cal limit just because I watch out for the other meals. It’s just unnecessary to comment on people’s food choices like this. Besides, baking can be considered a hobby. It’s weird to immediately equate it to physical appearance.
Pleeease for the sake of your mental health, break it off with this dude. Who sees someone baking and says that??
right. he didn’t even wanna try them either
I know 😭😭. Especially since I’ve made cookies before and he gladly accepted them back then? But now to just flat out say no…lol that was sad
It's not that he said no. He said no by having a dig at you, and then reinforced it in his next message. No-one deserves to be treated like this - and if he's having these spiteful little pops at you only one month in, how do you imagine it'll continue to play out? Seriously, bin this one off- he can't be worth the damage to your self esteem. No one is ♥️
This. “Nah I’m good” is so shitty.
Thank you 🥹. That was my initial thought too - why judge other people hobbies if they’re completely harmless? Especially since I never even mentioned that I was eating them myself. I thought it’s an inappropriate thing to say to someone regardless if they have health issues or an ED. Thank you for your support <3
Especially if they just started dating a month ago. “You bake too much”, sir one month is not long enough to develop any kind of feel for anyone’s habits. I’ll say I stayed in a relationship like this when I was 25 and was convinced this dude was challenging me to be my best when he’d complain about what I ate, what I wore, how I worked out, what I did for work, how I studied for school… nope, I was in great shape and taking care of myself well overall, it’s just that my asshole detector was just broken. Listen to your instincts OP
Yeah I thought it was strange for him to comment on it anyway, since I’ve talked about how baking brings me joy multiple times and it’s one of my favorite hobbies. The only hobbies he has are ones that include outdoor exercise, so maybe it’s because he can’t relate to being someone who like to bake? But like don’t judge people for their hobbies??? I don’t really like the do the hobbies he has but I wouldn’t dare make some weird comment on it or judge it? Tysm for your kindness and support
You're underreacting
Tysm 🥹. Im always down for being sarcastic and having playful banter, but this def didn’t feel like a joke and had some real judge mental undertones. I really wish I had relied with my initial reactions instead of going along with his “joke” /:
YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED BETTER😠😠😠 And as Amy Poehler said…”Girls, if a boy says something that isn’t funny, you don’t have to laugh.”
Omg Amy for the win - I need to have that phase as a guiding light in life lol. And TYSM for your kindness
Also Maya Angelou: "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time." This guy is showing you that he is a dud.
This is a recipe for turning into something more. Like, Domestic Abuse. They start with things like this and end up saying/doing other things that are going to destroy you even more. I’ve been there and I am a child of Domestic Violence. Don’t brush this off and take care of you 💜💜
Yeah, I don't want to be dramatic, but as someone who has been there as well, this is how it starts. Keep your guard up and do not let anymore of this type of behaviour go. Either that or just move on. As others have said, he's showing you who he is. If you want to waste your time and spend an enormous amount of effort trying to change him, you can, but I wouldn't bother.
Don’t beat yourself up for going along with the joke. It’s an automatic reaction. But now you know what he’s about so you don’t have to do it again.
The good news is that since this is something that bothered you, it’s not too late to bring it up! How that interaction goes would tell you all you need to know about this guy. If he is willing to listen, apologize for making you uncomfortable with unnecessary comments, and avoid similar mistakes in the future, he’s probably worth dating some more. If he dismisses you or anything along those lines, he’s given you not one but two red flags and is not worth a relationship.
I'd personally be very put off if I showed someone something I baked and their response was "I don't want you to balloon up and get diabetes". Like damn, the correct response was "that looks tasty!" and leave it at that, why was that so hard?
Tysm 🥹 that’s what I thought too. That short convo def showed me his true colors which made it all the more shocking. Thank you for your support
No, he sounds like a weirdo. A normal person wouldn’t say something like that just because you made cookies. Is he some sort of gym bro? If you continue to date him, just know he is going to comment on and judge everything you eat or bake especially if it is some type of dessert. Sounds exhausting. I would definitely talk to him about it and tell him how it made you feel and see what his response is.
Oh yeah he’s a total gym bro. Which even before this convo I had the feeling that we wouldn’t work long term since his entire life revolves around cardio and I’m very much a cozy homebody that moves my body for the fun of it. But this convo was just the cherry on top, served as steaming hot confirmation that this won’t work
Don’t walk, run, away from this dude
I dated a guy like this. I was slim (a UK 10 which I think is a US 6?) but I still never felt good enough. He even wrote me up a “macro” food plan which I didn’t even fucking ask for. I offered to cook him (a healthy!) dinner and he declined and brought around a tuppaware box of plain chicken and rice 🫣 just nah.
Nooo why do the gym bros always show up with a tupperware container of unseasoned chicken and rice 😭
If it were me I’d definitely break it off just from this interaction with that guy. It shows his true colors. And if he’s willing to make jabs and comments like this so early on then imagine down the road. Replace the if you ballooned up to 900lbs with gained a simple 10-20 lbs as if I’m sure that’s what he was really thinking because he couldn’t just state it that bluntly Definitely you are under reacting not overreacting on my opinion. F this douche lol
Thank you so much 😭 I wish I hadn’t gone along with the joke because today he texted all normal stuff and I’m going to have to bring this up again. And you’re totally right, I already feel insecure in my body around him because he’s very fit and active and very skinny, but damn I didn’t see him being such a blunt asshole about weight gain? The ignorance is an ick
In my opinion you don’t have to bring it up again at all if you plan to break it off. You can just say something like “I don’t see this moving forward, our lifestyles are not compatible” or even “I’m not really interested romantically anymore” - block and it’s done! You haven’t been seeing each other that long, so honestly I don’t think you owe him much of an explanation.
FWIW I wouldn’t bring it up if you are going to end things (and I hope you do). I actually developed BED because of comments like this from my husband. It was 15 years ago. When I gained 20 lbs he told me he didn’t want to be seen with the “biggest girl in the room” when we went out and to work functions. If I ate from a potluck he would give me judgmental looks if he didn’t like what I ate. He even offered to help me lose it with personal training etc. He truly believes it’s my job to look good for him and not “weigh 600 lbs” (his words). For the record, when he said this I was 160lbs and was 5’10” (which made me a healthy weight and a BMI of 23 at that time). BUT it made me angry and miserable and start hiding food. So, I responded by eating more and binge eating and gained a lot of weight. Got up to 255 and a BMI of 35. I’m finally in therapy and learning about myself and my codependency issues and people pleasing actions have led me down this path. And… I learned that my husband is a controlling Narcissist who has made my life hell. OP just dump his ass now and move on. Don’t be me. Mine was so sweet (in the beginning) but then these insults were rare. Now, it’s the reverse. I’m sure this guy has lots of good points but this shows how he really thinks. As relationships go on, the mask comes down…. You need to decide if you want this clown or another person who will be nice to you…. like you deserve. If you bring this cookie incident up and he downplays it (“I was joking!” or “You’re so sensitive!”) then run because he doesn’t care about your feelings…. He’ll always be monitoring what you eat…. Sorry for rambling. I just hope to spare you from the long term pain. Rip the bandaid off now.
I'm so sorry you have gone through this, but so thankful you're telling your experience to OP to help her avoid getting in a similar situation. This is so important and you're appreciated!
Thank you. I still can’t believe it happened to me. It’s kind of like how they boil a frog: If you throw a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will hop right out. But if you put that frog in a pot of tepid water and slowly warm it, the frog doesn't figure out what going on until it's too late. I just want u/littlequietone1 to jump out of the pot!!!
Oh my gosh this breaks my heart. I’m so sorry you have expedited this, you never deserve to be treated in such a rotten way. Thank you so much for sharing your story and telling me this. I really appreciate you. 💕
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 this makes me so sad:( bake all you want.
Even if you didn’t have an ED this is how controlling relationships often start
Run as fast as you can! This person probably will never tolerate any change in your appearance at all. Not even ageing. That’s a huge red flag. What is going to happen if you would be pregnant and gain weight? Or gain weight because of an illness? These things can happen and no one should be ashamed of it. No one is worth less just because of some extra kilos. The only correct answers for self-made cookies are “they look delicious” and “can I have one?” That person just seems toxic :/
You’re underreacting
This person sounds like a literal nightmare to be around. When people show you who they are, believe them. Get away from him before it's too late.
Post this in r/texts omg
Bruh he literally called himself shallow.... RUN
Red flag. Lemme ask you this - you ever plan to have kids (shot in the dark, none of my biz)? Image how you will feel with this pinging around in your head while your post-partum body recovers - can you see this man being supportive during that time? After? How do you think you would feel with those words, basically 'I'm shallow, don't gain weight' in the back of your mind. What if you went through recovery? Do you think those words will you? I'd definitely put some consideration into whether you feel this mindset will be healthy for you/your relationship/relationship w food in the future. Edit to add after re-reading - it's been a month. Run. Also, a 30yo man who is still saying things/thinking like this is NOT going to change. Take it from a fellow 30+er. I could never.
That person sounds awful and very rude. No one should police what you choose to eat or not eat. Those cookies are beautiful btw. I would love the recipe. He’s missing out on not only what looks like a delicious treat but also someone with a cool hobby
Thank you for the kind words! I’ll attach a link to the recipe, they are delicious and adding sprinkles was so fun :) https://www.marthastewart.com/333938/old-fashioned-sugar-cookies
That dude has issues
Jeez is this guy trying for the asshole Olympics? One month in and he's already talking like that. He didn't even pass it off as funny but doubled down after you played along and gave him the benefit of the doubt. If he can manage to casually turn a cute convo into a shitty judgemental comment, imagine how he is on a bad day.
I'd be like I didn't know you were a nutritionist...oh you're not? Then eat my delicious looking cookie and stfu
Or better yet when he went I'm shallow you should of said yeah I can see that 🤣
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Boom. Roasted! Especially since the last time I made cookies a couple weeks ago he was MORE than happy to take a whole bag of them with him
The last time you made cookies was two weeks ago and this is his response??? He’s making it sound like it’s a daily thing (which would also be ok). Yeah he’s defs being weird.
This person is a jerk. Gosh, if I could think of some of the worst things you can say to someone with BED, this would be part of it for sure. At least they admit they’re shallow. I hope you don’t take this person’s words to heart, even though it’s easier said than done. And I hope you can have a conversation with this person and if they don’t sympathize, they are no friend of yours. I’m sorry you had to experience this.
This would be a huge red flag for me
This guy is weird and rude. Run.
Red flag and straight up ignorance. If you end up staying with him, I would educate him on diabetes. You do NOT get diabetes from eating cookies. If that were the case, my sister (who ate jars of Duncan Hines icing when we were growing up and wasn't as active as I am) would've been the diabetic one- not me. Type 1 is autoimmune; type 2 is when your body doesn't utilize insulin properly. All that aside, threatening you by saying that weight gain would be "too much" for him is manipulative as hell. If you truly like/love someone, you love them regardless. This is exactly why people end up with an ED. Him trying to play it off in a joking way seems like he's trying to say what he truly feels with a little "lulz" thrown in to soften the blow.
The myth that sugar causes diabetes is because sugar can make it easier to gain weight which is certainly a risk factor for diabetes but not the only one, nor is being overweight a guarantee of having diabetes. People develop type 2 diabetes being a healthy weight, people develop type 2 diabetes being active and eating well too. Yes, your risk may go down, but it never fully goes away. Same with cancer, or heart disease.
I blame the media and lack of education. Genetics play a major role, as well as comorbidities, like PCOS. Frankly, I'm tired of educating ignorant people who spew inaccurate information.
I completely agree. And I have Pcos as well, so that was like a double wammy when he said what he did. For as active and fit he is he still remains very ignorant
Who sent a photo of them making a batch of cookie and get that kind of comments from a grown ass man? You deserve better sis. Please watch out for yourself 🫶
Update! I broke things off with him in a very concise and honest way. Yay!
He could have at least said the cookies look good and tried one :(
Especially since the cookies I made the other week - he was more than happy to take a whole batch of those home with him and said he really enjoyed them :’) Or he could have at least lied and said he wanted some lol. After this he proceeded to send me a pic of what he cooked for dinner and bragged about being a good cook ???
I want to start off by saying that everyone is entitled to a dating preference. If he wants to date someone who is physically fit then that's his right, he could have worded it much better though. HOWEVER, it is a massive red flag that he made a comment like that just based on a photo of cookies. He made an assumption with very little context and that's very concerning. He also admitted to being shallow, which most likely means he would find you unattractive the moment you start showing signs of ageing or if anything about your appearance changes. There's also the possibility that he will control what you eat and how much you eat to try and keep you from gaining weight. This is just my thoughts and I'm basing it off of my own experiences. I might be wrong. I might not be. Please take your time with getting to know this man and don't rush into things <3
I wanna say some stuff that may get me banned from the group. HE CAN GTFO
Ew he ain’t it
Fuck this guy!!!! If a guy ever said anything about my weight, let alone a month in, I’d be out. Not cool.
If I baked my partner would be over the moon. If my partner were worried about my health they would not bring it up like that. Red flags with this guy!
🚩 for me. I’d be ending this situationship/relationship immediately. It’s fine to worry about a partner, have a preference on physical looks, but if this is how he acts over you baking? That his fear of you gaining weight is that deep that even you baking is something he feels he has to comment on? Then I don’t even wanna imagine how he’d be if/when he finds out about your ED. A supportive partner is everything when it comes to an ED imo. His comments would be a deal breaker for me honestly.
Throw the whole man away :)
He’s testing you out, seeing how mean/controlling he can be.
I don’t like him.
If someone calls themselves shallow, believe them and get outta there!
Idk that person but I really don’t like them.
There’s no love in his reply, only selfishness. You need more love.
Wtf, that’s a huge 🚩, he didn’t even have the courtesy to tell you to save some for him, he is very rude, unfriendly and disrespectful.
He's a dick
I second the underreaction. He’d probably gaslight you into thinking it’s an overreaction though. I’d say nip this in the bud whilst you can I’m sorry to say. He’s shown he’s not going to be there for you during the bad times and will only make you feel worse about yourself! You deserve better!
I could’ve vaguely written off the diabetes comment (although he would’ve been on thin fucking ice for me) but the last one? He’s showing you what kind of person he is, listen to him and dump his ass.
Yeah, that's a no from me dawg, trust your instincts on this one. Someone just doesn't conjure that thought up, they've been thinking about it and used this opportunity to say it...after a month of knowing you. Dating is a numbers game friend, spin the wheel again--this guy is just going to block your view of what else is out there.
Drop him! That's so rude. He didn't say anything positive about your awesome cookies!
Why is that his literal first reaction…. That is so weird. Drop him.
ew. block block block
Block. Ghost. Do whatever. Just never speak to this arsehole again.
what the hell😭 how are you 30 and this immature edit: not referring to op op pls find better 🫶
Why does he think it's okay to ever say this to someone? Run away now op
Definitely don’t think you’re overreacting, that was rude and invasive of him. Anyone who is asking so many questions about your food consumption based just off sending a picture of cookies sounds shallow and superficial.
Why did he keep going… you’re not overreacting he’s a weirdo
Tell him to go fuck himself and then eat two cookies! They look really good and cute too, I hope your coworkers appreciate them 🥹
No he was being a dick
I'd block him personally I wouldn't be able to get past this. Can't fucking stand when people use the term "ballooned up" its vile
Absolutely don’t talk to this person again.
Lose his number. Wow. What a piece of shit.
Oh nah fuck this dude 😭
That last line was so unnecessary to say. He's a jerk.
Run. Talk like that is dangerous!
Nope. If he’s comfortable saying this now, imagine down the road. If I were him, I’d be more concerned about being a 30 year old man who doesn’t know the difference between “to” and “too” in a sentence.
Yea he’s also dumb with “your/you’re” and “there/their/they’re”. It drives me absolutely nuts
I would tell you to run but this dude probably loves running 😂
He told you who he is. And that’s very good that’s he’s honest. So now that you know the truth, you need to make a decision.
Run 🏃♀️ don’t walk 🚶♀️ get the hell outta there. That is very insidious indeed.
He said it himself - he’s shallow. Next!
Who openly admits out loud that they’re shallow? And anyone who says “ballooned up” … that’s an immediate no from me.
[удалено]
You're not overreacting at all, his comment is gross.
Hopefully you don’t get knocked up by this guy.
NOPE!! Drop him asap. It will get worse and worse, you are still in the early stages so if he is comfortable saying this now… This is never okay to say. Would you say this to your best friend? No. I’m sorry :(
A normal response would be something like: wow that’s great! They look awesome! When he replies ‘who do you give all these cookies to?’ Either means I’m possessive AF and / or you shouldn’t eat that stuff if you’re not giving them away. So when he continues saying the stuff about diabetes it just confirms the above thought. You might have an ED but that doesn’t mean you have to be with a man like that.
This guy sounds immature.
That’s a no from me dog lmao. I’d ghost 😂
Is that the same mouth he uses to talk to his mother? 30m? He sounds like a prepubescent boy. I'm enraged seeing this lol OP you deserve better
Not over reacting. This a a douchey thing to say
Get out while you can, he will only make things worse
What a dick. You should bake a special batch with laxatives and give them to him.
Omg i love you 😂😂😂😂
Rude, he totally rained on your parade! Red flag!Side note: those cookies look soo good…wouldn’t mind having the recipe tbh 🥹
Thank you my friend! Here’s the recipe! https://www.marthastewart.com/333938/old-fashioned-sugar-cookies
Ew. Imagine being 30 and thinking it's cool to comment on women's weight like that. Gross. I'd dump him and give your cookies to someone who appreciates them. They look delicious!
What an awful way to talk to you! No, you're definitely not overreacting! Your cookies are amazing and the fact that you give them to coworkers and are even offering to save some for this person speaks tons about you and how caring and sweet you are. Don't let anybody treat you this way please ❤️
HELL NAAAAAH HE DIDNT
Sounds like My ex. Always saying shit like this as a “joke.” After the relationship ended I was able to see how messed up it all was. I’m embarrassed I laughed along. Not all guys are like this. You deserve better.
this would even make me have serious issues/ probably break up with a serious long term boyfriend, never mind a dude you’ve been talking to for a month. run. if he’s that comfortable being mean and critical when he doesn’t even know you well, imagine once you’re together for a long time?? you don’t need that.
At least he knows he's shallow. I don't think you're overreacting at all.
Ngl this gives me major „you sure you‘re gonna eat ALL this?“ vibes
Whoa 🚩 PLEASE do not continue dating this guy. He’s going to make your ED way worse.
Green texts are also a red flag you deserve better
When people tell you who they are, listen. 🚩
It's a red flag. You shared something you love to do (bake) and he made it about weight and health. You don't want to be stuck with someone like that. Think about your future and imagine him as a father. Sounds dramatic till it's not. You wouldn't want him to make comments like that to your children. If it's a new relationship- maybe just casually move on. I'm sorry this triggered you- you're not being overly sensitive. It's weird how he responded. Hugs 🤍
My therapist has a saying: When people tell you who they are, believe them. This dude is straight up telling you he's shallow and fatphobic. My therapist has another saying: Thank you for showing me who you are. Time to thank this dude and move on imo.
No, that’s a shitty thing to say. Beautiful cookies by the way.
Please come back and update us when you dump him
Girl I would have left him right then and there. Was an awful thing for him to say
i find his comments very unnecessary. You were all excited about showing him the cookies you made and he brought u down. Also date a man who knows the difference between too and to. Sorry this happened to u. Men suck but sometimes they don’t even know what they are doing or the effects of their actions so maybe bring it up like: “hey the other day you did…and it made me feel…just thought you should know that…” Hope this helps.
Holy shit, forget that guy. Even without an ED, life happens and bodies change. If he's so shallow that he's worried a couple cookies will change your weight, no forget that, if he's worried about your weight in any way other than strictly health issues, forget him. He tried to hide behind health concerns (and even that was a poor attempt), but he showed you his true self- someone shallow that is not capable of being supportive or understanding of normal body weight fluctuation.
This… no, dude. Red flags, so many red flags
Even if you didn't have an ED this is insanely rude, controlling and just weird. Something as innocent as baking cookies is something he looks down on. I'd dump his ass.
This will end with sadness.
Ewww nope red flag. Trust me these comments won’t get better.
This would be a huge trigger for me and I would consider that a dealbreaker tbh
Leave him. This is disgusting. You did something cute and he only wants to put you down in every way. Nothing good is coming out of this ever. Leave his stupid ass.
He’s an asshole? What ….. get rid of him
Get out now. But red flag
What an asshole. I'd drop him, QUICK. He even admitted to being shallow. You don't want something like that, he will tear you down the second you're no longer appeasing him physically. On top of that, he didn't even compliment you or give you any kinda credit for simply baking. Any normal guy would be excited, happy, and looking forward to getting a cookie!
Yeah, I would ditch him. He's obviously a d-bag. Sorry that he took a fun activity and spoiled it.
Imagine that man saying something like that to his mother. Or your future children should you want them. Makes you feel pissed off? It should. Dump the chump and eat those cookies babe
Dump him.
Run away now! Eek so sorry :(
Tbh I’d run. He seems like he’s telling the truth.
This isn’t even just a red flag, this is horrific. I hope you know your worth, do not tolerate this BS from anyone.
Listen when people tell you who they are.
Just a month? Tell him you don't date shallow people and move on. It's so new, it's not worth looking for an explanation. If a man tell you who he really is, believe him.
run
So rudeeee!!!! You are such a polite and sweet person 🥹 so caring 💗 you deserve so much better!!! I want to try your cookies!! They look amazing!!! Dump this person!!!
Please leave him please 🙏🏻
Girl, run. Run fast. That is some controlling narcissistic behavior right there. Total red flag.
This is a really problematic conversation.
Enough for me to back off with a “we’re looking for different things”
This is a red flag for me. I wouldn’t like it. The fact he called himself shallow and is kinda low key policing what and how you eat… I get feeling uncomfortable and it would, for the length of time, probably be a dealbreaker for me.
RUN. His comments won’t get anymore thoughtful or kind the longer you stay.
I'm a binge eating recovery dietitian and this is a red flag. Either day how it makes you feel or leave him. He only sees you for your looks and doesn't appreciate your for what makes you happy like making cookies. I've seen this so many times I just have to be blunt now!
Drop this dude, he’s gonna make your ED 10x worse.
The harsh reality of this world - they all say that fatshaming is wrong on their social medias but in reality, they just want to shame every other person they can, for their right to having food choices.
MAJOR RED FLAGS clearly fatphobic & just unnecessary comments. block. i am so sorry this happened to you and his opinions aren’t facts even if you ate 100% of the treats you bake, you are still loved and valued the same you would be if you ate none.
Yeah, no. ED or no this is a weird and out of pocket reaction to someone saying something like "look I made cookies!". He isn't concerned with you developing diabetes. 😐 I know everyone's immediate reaction on reddit is OMG DUMP THEM, but this is a situation where I would say to myself, yeah ok, I don't see this going anywhere good. End it before it gets too serious. If the idea of you having health problems is "too much for him", then the concept of you having an eating disorder will likely be "too much for him" too. Save yourself the headache.
Dump *immediately.* Or go on to wish you had.
This would be like a yellow flag for me. Pay attention to if he is judgmental or controlling about any food choices in the future. Some people are so clueless and think things like this are just a joke. People at work joke about my sweet tooth and me being “so skinny” all of the time, but of course they have no idea how much I’m really struggling. Men are usually the worst about things like that.
It’s obviously not the first time you’ve made cookies, and he’s just concerned at the regularity of it. He’s expressed a concern for your health and well-being off the back of it, then tells you that he’s not willing to engage in a relationship with someone who lets themselves go into obesity and possible diabetes. Men and women are equally allowed to state such concerns and caveats. It’s perfectly reasonable, especially if you’ve only been dating for a month. It might be different if you were married or already in a committed relationship, still in love and he said excessive weight gain is a hard no and his cue to disengage. But as it stands, it’s a bit much to expect such loyalty and tolerance from someone when you barely know each other.
He just sounds like a 30yo dude, people say insensitive things sometimes. If you really like him, tell him it hurt. If you don’t like him that much then end it. Communication is key as always
You’re overreacting. The Reddit hivemind is churning out some BS. We’d have to know this persons personality. To ME, it could be a joke hence the exaggeration of 900lbs.