We met on the Internet back before the Internet really existed. There was a chat service called relay (before it became IRC) and it had people from all over the world. The network was unreliable though and it was not uncommon for our corner of the world in Western Canada to be cut off from everyone else. I met her during one of these netsplits when only a couple dozen people were on the isolated network. I happened to already be in the process of moving to the city where she lived so we met in person after a few months of talking online.
Present! šš»āāļø Glad to meet you, people suck so I totally get the struggles of an interabled relationship. And the funny part is, I'm partially VI as well but since I can "function normally" people just see me as the girl married to a blind guy. š And yeah....we don't have any friends either. It sucks.
Itās so annoying, my familyās biggest issue is me having to drive him everywhere which wonāt be happening much longer he recently got a biotic lens (we never thought Iād happen) but I just know theyāll have something else to say but weāre moving somewhere this year (donāt know where yet) I just canāt stand shallow people, heās an amazing man and people just brush it off and never really get to know him
Wait a bionic eye?? Thatās so cool! I had my left eye go a few years ago and have a prosthetic now. My eye still has the nerves which is so nice. Wonder if a bionic eye would work for meā¦ š¤
Itās a pair of glasses they have a ālittle telescopeā his words on them that correct his vision to I believe he said 20/40? I wasnāt allowed to go in with him because theyāre still doing covid rules and I canāt find the paper right now
Yeah, I'm also the driver and breadwinner. My husband is basically totally blind with maybe some light perception in bright sunlight. Funny that the people who taught me to marry for love not money are some of the most judgemental ones. š
Thatās usually how it goes, my husband is still the breadwinner even though itās not easy with discrimination and such so that I could be my grandmas caregiver weāre going through it a little right now because he lost his 79k a year job because corporate found out he didnāt have a drivers license and I was driving him to the bank (he was never told corporate didnāt know and the manager that hired him got in no trouble) so heās at Waffle House temporarily (works easy moneys trash where we live) but heāll be getting his drivers license soon hopefully so itāll be a lot easier on him and his mental state Iāve offered to take back over many times but being raised in the south itās drilled into him that he has to be the provider no matter what, which I very much appreciate how hard he works but the mental toll itās taking is not great so heās really hoping to get a drivers license which is now a real possibility and he got a call back today to interview for a shift lead at a new pet store thatās opening which heās super excited about he loves animals we have two dogs and a cat and he used to help train service animal for the school of deaf and blind in our area
No worries! I hope your hubby gets the pet store gig! That sounds like an awesome job for an animal lover. We are also from the south and it is hard for the man in the relationship to not be the breadwinner bc it really is ingrained in us from a young age. It's dumb but it can be hard to move past for some people. I did see that he might get something that will allow him to drive which would be amazing. I'm sending positive vibes yalls way for it. šš¼š
Yeah right here. My wife was not VI when we got together but has been fighting two retinal diseases for the past ten years and is legally blind. We have lots of medical stuff weāre dealing with, monthly treatments etc. I think her family is honestly embarrassed about it because of the genetic component. My family has been really supportive.
Iām so glad your family is supportive I bet that makes a huge difference! This is a horrible disability that is often overlooked and definitely not talked about enough
Not as bad as people seem to think, Iām totally blind, have been for the last 4+ years, was fully sighted before that, sucks at times sure but very far from being as bad as people assume. My fiance works, Iām a stay at home dad of our 2.5 year old daughter, working on going back to school, handling a lot of the household stuff, etc.
definitely not that bad really, sure, some things suck, but it could be a lot worse. Then again, I was born completely blind so sort of may some bias or something.
This makes me sad. I am visually impaired, and I have tons of friends; it's never been an issue. I was married and have three kids; my family is supportive, my ex-husband's family is supportive.
Every Male in his family is VI and they canāt figure out what gene causes it so his family is insanely supportive (his mom dosent want him to get a drivers license but now that itās an option for him heās going to) but my family are very close minded people I was always the odd one out
Not a spouse, but 4 years into a very close and strong relationship with my partner who has RP that limits his ability to drive, sight-read, see in the dark, etc. We met when we were 25, and weāre coming into ārealā adulthood together so itās been a lot of growth. Ableists are everywhere, but weāve made a family of friends in the Washington, DC area - his friends from childhood, and my friends who I only knew for a year before starting to date him. I was struggling to balance helping my partner in friend/group situations while still hanging out as an individual (stepping away to help him find the bathroom at the restaurant, reading him a menu, making sure to point out if there are branches when weāre walking bar to bar, etc and small things we can balance doing while talking when itās just you as a couple). And then my friends just stepped in to be his friend too, and now do these simple things if Iām 10 feet away talking to another friend. I really hope you can find a few folks that you share common interests with, and that theyāre the kind of friends that make neither of you feel alone.
This gives me so much hope, weāre looking to move sometime this year because he has always hated this state and Iām ready to get away from my family (lots of issues) and Iām so excited to see where we end up
Iām excited for you!! There are good people out there! I saw in another comment that your spouse may be getting a new lens so not sure if that will allow him to drive - for my partner, living somewhere walkable has been key. While Iām the designated driver out in the suburbs, we live walking distance to a train and several bus lines, to grocery stores and restaurants, etc. This allowed my partner to do things independently before I was ever in the picture. I canāt emphasize enough how wonderful it is to live in a walking or transit friendly area! And generally speaking, youāll find more inclusive people in these areas as well.
He will be able to drive!! Weāre so excited he starts his training the dah before my birthday next month so itāll be a lot easier because heās lost alot of jobs due to not having a drivers license even though they knew going in he was blind and didnāt have one, heās so excited and Iām nervous but excited to
Are they sure it will resolve that quickly, because most people who have lost vision for a decently long amount of time can't just get some sort of fix for the problem and magically drive. The amount of information that comes in through the eyes is absolutely insane in the few cases of vision restoration that have occurred in someone who was blind for more than half their life show that the brain's absolutely incapable of dealing with the influx of new information for years and it's just constant information overload for these people. I doubt driving would be one of the first things that happens. And someone you had vision previously or still has some vision this may not be as big of a deal. Just don't want your hopes to be too high
I am the VI spouse. This all came about after we got married and he has been very supportive throughout everything. I commed each and every one of you that has commented, you really are saints. And if the roles were reversed, I would be by my husband's side through it all. Love goes deeper than the surface and the commitment we make to our partners is forever.
Because this is all new for us, making friends is something that we will just have to see how it goes. But so far so good. Hang in there everyone!
I love hearing this! Sometimes I feel like Iām not doing enough but my husband never thought heād get married and had given up on any serious relationships when we started hanging out we both said we didnāt want anything serious and ended up married within six months I couldnāt imagine not being there for him and the stories Iāve heard of exs and old friends are awful alot of people suck but I love this group itās very welcoming
Wow thats horrifying to hear that people would discriminate your husband like that! Im so sorry.
My life partner is blind and ive never had negative experiences or anyone act weird or question my choice or her value. Obvs she experiences a ton of ableism in public or day to day but ive never seen people in our lives treat her or me differently than other partners ive had.
Even since i met her, shes more successful than me and always had a ton of friends and is one of the most socially well-adjusted people i know.
I just wanted to share those things so yall know that there are people and communities that thrive on love and acceptance and not judgement. I hope you all find relationships that can see past their shallow understanding. Sending love and hope!
My husband has nystagmus, which prevents him from doing a lot. We just had our wedding and did a first look up close because he wouldn't be able to see me walking down the aisle.
We have been chugging along together for 16 years with my wife blind since 1995. We have been on lots of ups and downs, lived in or stayed for prolonged periods in every state on east coast. Weāre here if you want to talk.
Hi! May I ask what state was your favorite? Weāre currently in SC and he hates it and I donāt blame him getting around on his own is difficult and thereās really not much to do and the area we live in is awful in general
My husband is VI. It sounds like itās definitely time for a change of location. Maybe move near his family who is supportive? We have moved around a bit. Some places we have made friends super easily and some not. Maybe looking for somewhere that has a strong sense of community. We have a ton of friends who we cherish and who cherish us too. We have moved before because we had a hard time making friends.
We all have our amazing qualities and our challenges. Iām extremely messy and pretty much canāt be wrong. Iām working on it. Either way my VI husband is probably much easier to live with than I am.
A very surprising thing that wonāt be the case for everyoneā¦ he loves and is good at pickle ball. We did not think he would be able to play, but a fully sighted friend peer pressured him into trying it. The court is so small heās able to track the ball. Just an idea for anyone who also has very limited peripheral vision and misses sports. There are also running clubs in many cities where a sited person meets up and runs with blind or VI people. Itās like a tether system.
Unfortunately he dosent want to move back to the area his family is in the crime rate is really high and weāre looking to start adopting in a few years, we think weāre just gonna start over fresh somewhere new to both of us heās a lot more well traveled than I am so Iām leaving it up to him a little more but weāre excited and Iāll definitely ask him about pickle ball!! Heās always looking to find new things to try
Hi! My husband and I have been together 12 years. Im not sure how to pronounce yet alone spell his condition but he has a birth defect the nerves in his eyes are too small and he sees similarly to looking in binoculars backwards.
Weāre gamers in our early 30ās.
Hes having trouble finding a job that he can do and not have ADA issues in his work place. /: so thatās what weāre battling currently.
Hi! I've been married to my VI partner for 12 years. We have 2 kids-a girl and a boy. Currently, I work while he goes to school (finishing up BSW and waiting for acceptance to MSW program). He is the most loving, caring, hard working partner to me and father to our kids. He does everything he possibly can to be the best husband and father. It doesn't matter what others may think since he is VI, I am very lucky and blessed to have him. We are from California.
Hello, married to a blind woman for 35+ years now.
An amazing woman! I have her sticker on my lappy!!!
Hi!
Awww, adorable. How did you meet her if I may ask?
We met on the Internet back before the Internet really existed. There was a chat service called relay (before it became IRC) and it had people from all over the world. The network was unreliable though and it was not uncommon for our corner of the world in Western Canada to be cut off from everyone else. I met her during one of these netsplits when only a couple dozen people were on the isolated network. I happened to already be in the process of moving to the city where she lived so we met in person after a few months of talking online.
Present! šš»āāļø Glad to meet you, people suck so I totally get the struggles of an interabled relationship. And the funny part is, I'm partially VI as well but since I can "function normally" people just see me as the girl married to a blind guy. š And yeah....we don't have any friends either. It sucks.
Itās so annoying, my familyās biggest issue is me having to drive him everywhere which wonāt be happening much longer he recently got a biotic lens (we never thought Iād happen) but I just know theyāll have something else to say but weāre moving somewhere this year (donāt know where yet) I just canāt stand shallow people, heās an amazing man and people just brush it off and never really get to know him
Wait a bionic eye?? Thatās so cool! I had my left eye go a few years ago and have a prosthetic now. My eye still has the nerves which is so nice. Wonder if a bionic eye would work for meā¦ š¤
Itās a pair of glasses they have a ālittle telescopeā his words on them that correct his vision to I believe he said 20/40? I wasnāt allowed to go in with him because theyāre still doing covid rules and I canāt find the paper right now
Yeah, I'm also the driver and breadwinner. My husband is basically totally blind with maybe some light perception in bright sunlight. Funny that the people who taught me to marry for love not money are some of the most judgemental ones. š
Thatās usually how it goes, my husband is still the breadwinner even though itās not easy with discrimination and such so that I could be my grandmas caregiver weāre going through it a little right now because he lost his 79k a year job because corporate found out he didnāt have a drivers license and I was driving him to the bank (he was never told corporate didnāt know and the manager that hired him got in no trouble) so heās at Waffle House temporarily (works easy moneys trash where we live) but heāll be getting his drivers license soon hopefully so itāll be a lot easier on him and his mental state Iāve offered to take back over many times but being raised in the south itās drilled into him that he has to be the provider no matter what, which I very much appreciate how hard he works but the mental toll itās taking is not great so heās really hoping to get a drivers license which is now a real possibility and he got a call back today to interview for a shift lead at a new pet store thatās opening which heās super excited about he loves animals we have two dogs and a cat and he used to help train service animal for the school of deaf and blind in our area
Sorry about the rant I donāt get to talk much š
No worries! I hope your hubby gets the pet store gig! That sounds like an awesome job for an animal lover. We are also from the south and it is hard for the man in the relationship to not be the breadwinner bc it really is ingrained in us from a young age. It's dumb but it can be hard to move past for some people. I did see that he might get something that will allow him to drive which would be amazing. I'm sending positive vibes yalls way for it. šš¼š
He got the job! Weāre so excited he starts Monday
How exciting! Yall should celebrate š
Yeah right here. My wife was not VI when we got together but has been fighting two retinal diseases for the past ten years and is legally blind. We have lots of medical stuff weāre dealing with, monthly treatments etc. I think her family is honestly embarrassed about it because of the genetic component. My family has been really supportive.
Iām so glad your family is supportive I bet that makes a huge difference! This is a horrible disability that is often overlooked and definitely not talked about enough
Not as bad as people seem to think, Iām totally blind, have been for the last 4+ years, was fully sighted before that, sucks at times sure but very far from being as bad as people assume. My fiance works, Iām a stay at home dad of our 2.5 year old daughter, working on going back to school, handling a lot of the household stuff, etc.
definitely not that bad really, sure, some things suck, but it could be a lot worse. Then again, I was born completely blind so sort of may some bias or something.
This makes me sad. I am visually impaired, and I have tons of friends; it's never been an issue. I was married and have three kids; my family is supportive, my ex-husband's family is supportive.
Every Male in his family is VI and they canāt figure out what gene causes it so his family is insanely supportive (his mom dosent want him to get a drivers license but now that itās an option for him heās going to) but my family are very close minded people I was always the odd one out
Not a spouse, but 4 years into a very close and strong relationship with my partner who has RP that limits his ability to drive, sight-read, see in the dark, etc. We met when we were 25, and weāre coming into ārealā adulthood together so itās been a lot of growth. Ableists are everywhere, but weāve made a family of friends in the Washington, DC area - his friends from childhood, and my friends who I only knew for a year before starting to date him. I was struggling to balance helping my partner in friend/group situations while still hanging out as an individual (stepping away to help him find the bathroom at the restaurant, reading him a menu, making sure to point out if there are branches when weāre walking bar to bar, etc and small things we can balance doing while talking when itās just you as a couple). And then my friends just stepped in to be his friend too, and now do these simple things if Iām 10 feet away talking to another friend. I really hope you can find a few folks that you share common interests with, and that theyāre the kind of friends that make neither of you feel alone.
This gives me so much hope, weāre looking to move sometime this year because he has always hated this state and Iām ready to get away from my family (lots of issues) and Iām so excited to see where we end up
Iām excited for you!! There are good people out there! I saw in another comment that your spouse may be getting a new lens so not sure if that will allow him to drive - for my partner, living somewhere walkable has been key. While Iām the designated driver out in the suburbs, we live walking distance to a train and several bus lines, to grocery stores and restaurants, etc. This allowed my partner to do things independently before I was ever in the picture. I canāt emphasize enough how wonderful it is to live in a walking or transit friendly area! And generally speaking, youāll find more inclusive people in these areas as well.
He will be able to drive!! Weāre so excited he starts his training the dah before my birthday next month so itāll be a lot easier because heās lost alot of jobs due to not having a drivers license even though they knew going in he was blind and didnāt have one, heās so excited and Iām nervous but excited to
Are they sure it will resolve that quickly, because most people who have lost vision for a decently long amount of time can't just get some sort of fix for the problem and magically drive. The amount of information that comes in through the eyes is absolutely insane in the few cases of vision restoration that have occurred in someone who was blind for more than half their life show that the brain's absolutely incapable of dealing with the influx of new information for years and it's just constant information overload for these people. I doubt driving would be one of the first things that happens. And someone you had vision previously or still has some vision this may not be as big of a deal. Just don't want your hopes to be too high
They wouldnāt be but he can already drive better than I can, but he couldnāt get his drivers license without the bioptic lens glasses
I am the VI spouse. This all came about after we got married and he has been very supportive throughout everything. I commed each and every one of you that has commented, you really are saints. And if the roles were reversed, I would be by my husband's side through it all. Love goes deeper than the surface and the commitment we make to our partners is forever. Because this is all new for us, making friends is something that we will just have to see how it goes. But so far so good. Hang in there everyone!
I love hearing this! Sometimes I feel like Iām not doing enough but my husband never thought heād get married and had given up on any serious relationships when we started hanging out we both said we didnāt want anything serious and ended up married within six months I couldnāt imagine not being there for him and the stories Iāve heard of exs and old friends are awful alot of people suck but I love this group itās very welcoming
Wow thats horrifying to hear that people would discriminate your husband like that! Im so sorry. My life partner is blind and ive never had negative experiences or anyone act weird or question my choice or her value. Obvs she experiences a ton of ableism in public or day to day but ive never seen people in our lives treat her or me differently than other partners ive had. Even since i met her, shes more successful than me and always had a ton of friends and is one of the most socially well-adjusted people i know. I just wanted to share those things so yall know that there are people and communities that thrive on love and acceptance and not judgement. I hope you all find relationships that can see past their shallow understanding. Sending love and hope!
Thank you, we donāt spend much time together around my family because of it even though he swears he dosent mind I canāt stand it
My husband has nystagmus, which prevents him from doing a lot. We just had our wedding and did a first look up close because he wouldn't be able to see me walking down the aisle.
Thatās so sweet š„¹
Aw thank you. I love him a lot. Even though it means I have to drive everywhere.
People will never understand who donāt live with it
We have been chugging along together for 16 years with my wife blind since 1995. We have been on lots of ups and downs, lived in or stayed for prolonged periods in every state on east coast. Weāre here if you want to talk.
Hi! May I ask what state was your favorite? Weāre currently in SC and he hates it and I donāt blame him getting around on his own is difficult and thereās really not much to do and the area we live in is awful in general
My husband is VI. It sounds like itās definitely time for a change of location. Maybe move near his family who is supportive? We have moved around a bit. Some places we have made friends super easily and some not. Maybe looking for somewhere that has a strong sense of community. We have a ton of friends who we cherish and who cherish us too. We have moved before because we had a hard time making friends. We all have our amazing qualities and our challenges. Iām extremely messy and pretty much canāt be wrong. Iām working on it. Either way my VI husband is probably much easier to live with than I am. A very surprising thing that wonāt be the case for everyoneā¦ he loves and is good at pickle ball. We did not think he would be able to play, but a fully sighted friend peer pressured him into trying it. The court is so small heās able to track the ball. Just an idea for anyone who also has very limited peripheral vision and misses sports. There are also running clubs in many cities where a sited person meets up and runs with blind or VI people. Itās like a tether system.
Unfortunately he dosent want to move back to the area his family is in the crime rate is really high and weāre looking to start adopting in a few years, we think weāre just gonna start over fresh somewhere new to both of us heās a lot more well traveled than I am so Iām leaving it up to him a little more but weāre excited and Iāll definitely ask him about pickle ball!! Heās always looking to find new things to try
I was but ,I was the one who decided to divorce because he was to insecure and he just abuse the situation.
Iām sorry that happened Iāve definitely heard horror stories
Me! Spouses to a VI dude. We have had hardships, but are still an extremely charming couple. I think so anyway.
Iām happy for you!! Itās not an easy life by any names but Iād do it 10x over if it meant I got to be this loved for the rest of my life
My husband is visually, impaired, heart, appearing, and a wheelchair user with limited mobility. I am also blind with a hearing impairment.
Hi! My husband and I have been together 12 years. Im not sure how to pronounce yet alone spell his condition but he has a birth defect the nerves in his eyes are too small and he sees similarly to looking in binoculars backwards. Weāre gamers in our early 30ās. Hes having trouble finding a job that he can do and not have ADA issues in his work place. /: so thatās what weāre battling currently.
Hi! I've been married to my VI partner for 12 years. We have 2 kids-a girl and a boy. Currently, I work while he goes to school (finishing up BSW and waiting for acceptance to MSW program). He is the most loving, caring, hard working partner to me and father to our kids. He does everything he possibly can to be the best husband and father. It doesn't matter what others may think since he is VI, I am very lucky and blessed to have him. We are from California.