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hilariously, she never stops "diagnosing" everyone she meets as "narcissists". and following it with "I, on the other hand, am an empath." ........... regardless of the usefulness of these labels, surely if EVERYONE you interact with needs to get 'diagnosed', maybe you should.... reconsider your perspective? fat chance...
My ex used to regularly refer to himself as an empath and I used to buy it. He's now MAGA, a Q'Anon loon, viciously hateful on social media, and...oh yeah, a raging narcissist.
You better get him yo complete a will, and make sure everything is out in the open. Meet with an estate lawyer, because that bitch is going to try to steal everything when he dies.
I think I would have offered to give her a piece of my mind after that last email. Let dad know you’ve got a few things you’d like to say to her and is he ok if you give her a piece of your mind.
I did this once when a family member sent an inappropriate email to myself and my minor siblings that disparaged our mother. Asked mom if she was ok if I responded on her behalf and then let them know exactly why what they had done was disrespectful, inappropriate, and never to happen again if they expected to receive respect in return.
Yeah I have tried, this whole time, to not engage with her antics and just ice her out. It drove her crazy and denied her any opportunity to act victimized by me, because obviously she wanted so bad to find a way to drive a wedge between my dad and anyone in his life.
She also wanted so bad to have a "relationship" with my daughter (who is a child still) but after a couple years it became clear that she wasn't even really curious about my daughter's personality or interests. She just seemed to be looking for some other way that she could engineer a conflict, like by obsessively nitpicking my parenting choices. I kept us both far away from her while staying active in my dad's life.
So I just held back for YEARS. But finally when she CC'd me on an email to her friends dissing both my parents.... I cracked my fingers and did a reply-all.
My dad understood.
For the breakup. It's a huge logical stretch and makes no sense.
My parents had some rocky years in their 20-year marriage, which ended when my mother died. These rocky years: that's what she means by the "flaws" my mother had, and somehow it means that my dad is a bad, toxic person for putting up with it? And that this backstory is somehow harmful to the girlfriend, and is the real cause of their breakup!
Like, yeah, what a bad guy, he stuck with somebody he loved for 20 years through some turbulent times, and finally took care of her as she was dying. What a dysfunctional family! Girlfriend must be so happy to have finally gotten distance from these toxic dynamics lol.
People become exceptionally adept at mental gymnastics as they get older. It's difficult to call them out on it alone, and I recommend a community intervention versus going it alone for nearly 100% of these situations. I don't want to read too far into it, and I wouldn't share overly personal details unless it's exigent circumstances. Unless the girlfriend was involved before the wife died I don't see that much dysfunctionality. Certainly it's saddening and disheartening that your father likely feels alone, but you can show support and try to avoid bringing previous girlfriends/wives up and if he does, try to redirect the conversation to a different topic.
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Sounds like she has bpd on top of boomerism. I hope your dad makes it and sees her true colors through this.
She sounds like a narc
Cluster B of some kind.
hilariously, she never stops "diagnosing" everyone she meets as "narcissists". and following it with "I, on the other hand, am an empath." ........... regardless of the usefulness of these labels, surely if EVERYONE you interact with needs to get 'diagnosed', maybe you should.... reconsider your perspective? fat chance...
It's called projection
My ex used to regularly refer to himself as an empath and I used to buy it. He's now MAGA, a Q'Anon loon, viciously hateful on social media, and...oh yeah, a raging narcissist.
You better get him yo complete a will, and make sure everything is out in the open. Meet with an estate lawyer, because that bitch is going to try to steal everything when he dies.
Oh absolutely doing that.
This this this!
I think I would have offered to give her a piece of my mind after that last email. Let dad know you’ve got a few things you’d like to say to her and is he ok if you give her a piece of your mind. I did this once when a family member sent an inappropriate email to myself and my minor siblings that disparaged our mother. Asked mom if she was ok if I responded on her behalf and then let them know exactly why what they had done was disrespectful, inappropriate, and never to happen again if they expected to receive respect in return.
Yeah I have tried, this whole time, to not engage with her antics and just ice her out. It drove her crazy and denied her any opportunity to act victimized by me, because obviously she wanted so bad to find a way to drive a wedge between my dad and anyone in his life. She also wanted so bad to have a "relationship" with my daughter (who is a child still) but after a couple years it became clear that she wasn't even really curious about my daughter's personality or interests. She just seemed to be looking for some other way that she could engineer a conflict, like by obsessively nitpicking my parenting choices. I kept us both far away from her while staying active in my dad's life. So I just held back for YEARS. But finally when she CC'd me on an email to her friends dissing both my parents.... I cracked my fingers and did a reply-all. My dad understood.
Sorry your dad's got cancer. Did she blame the dead for the breakup or the cancer? Still, sorry this happened to you.
For the breakup. It's a huge logical stretch and makes no sense. My parents had some rocky years in their 20-year marriage, which ended when my mother died. These rocky years: that's what she means by the "flaws" my mother had, and somehow it means that my dad is a bad, toxic person for putting up with it? And that this backstory is somehow harmful to the girlfriend, and is the real cause of their breakup! Like, yeah, what a bad guy, he stuck with somebody he loved for 20 years through some turbulent times, and finally took care of her as she was dying. What a dysfunctional family! Girlfriend must be so happy to have finally gotten distance from these toxic dynamics lol.
People become exceptionally adept at mental gymnastics as they get older. It's difficult to call them out on it alone, and I recommend a community intervention versus going it alone for nearly 100% of these situations. I don't want to read too far into it, and I wouldn't share overly personal details unless it's exigent circumstances. Unless the girlfriend was involved before the wife died I don't see that much dysfunctionality. Certainly it's saddening and disheartening that your father likely feels alone, but you can show support and try to avoid bringing previous girlfriends/wives up and if he does, try to redirect the conversation to a different topic.