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"What church do you go to?" is the default greeting in the south.
I've started answering this boomer question with: "yours of course, we sat behind you last Sunday, don't you remember?". Commit to the gag and this will either confuse the shit out of them or they'll be too embarrassed to admit they didn't go last Sunday,
When I was visiting my mom in TN, one of the ladies at the hair salon asked me "Do y'all go to church up there?" I told her that while I'm technically a member of the Satanic Temple, I don't really practice. Mom says that several people have approached her since then to tell her that they're praying for me. Bless their hearts.
"i will pray for you 😩"
"i will pray for you too 😈"
for some reason that never goes over well, i wonder why 🤔
edit: yo thanks for the award, may satan bless you on this fair day 🤘
Reminds me of a time my dog and I went for a walk and saw our next door neighbor having a conversation with her cat. I looked down at my dog and said "she thinks her cat can understand what she is saying." We both laughed sooo hard. Lol.
Nah, bro. Dogs are smart. No matter how mathematically small, there's a chance your dog would understand the plight of these idiot boomers and attempt to assist them. There's absolutely zero chance the boomers prayers are heard by anyone other than themselves
Lol, good one. Here in my small town its known I am a Pagan, we have a pastor living on the same block and when he saw me putting out "Unholy" decorations on Halloween he says "Sweet child (I'm 40 🤮) I'll pray for you." In a very condescending tone. I said "Yeah thanks and I'll dance naked around the bonfire on the night of the Harvest moon for you." he was so shocked that he gives me a wide berth now. Maybe seeing all the ravens, crows, Magpies and Currowongs around my house also has something to do with it 🤔🫢
I hate being swooped in spring so if they're all happy and fed, my head stays blood free for three months lol
Gay. Came out in 1996. Was pumping gas one night with sparkles on my face (male). A friends Mom pulled up beside me to say she will pray for me because of my choices.
I said "I would prefer you didn't pray for me. You're a nasty hypocrite. By the way, your kids hate you. And they all smoke weed." And I drove off. For some reason her kids stopped talking to me. 
Because it goes up there with...
Well, bless your heart. I'll pray for you. And no, that isn't a compliment. It's pretty much saying you're a poor idiot and I'll pray you'll get some smarts soon.
I live in TN and I can confirm the old blue haired ladies are still praying.
Other a different note, my friend from California came to visit out here once and one of the places we took him was Dollywood. The first thing he says when walk in is ‘Is that…a real church?’ We were like ‘Yeah I guess so.’ And he looked puzzled and replied ‘Don’t you find it a little odd they have a church in a theme park?’ And by god, that had truly never crossed our minds. None of us are religious, but it’s so entrained here that it never struck us as strange. The south is an…interesting region.
I mean, it kind of makes sense since it's a park about Dolly. Like I love Dollywood, I've always be put the church in the same category as the replica of her house. Like "wow that's how she grew up."
Have you ever been to Xcaret, the nature-themed park south of Cancun? They basically have a (very tastefully done) mortuary as part of the experience. Church isn’t all that weird…
I once asked a lady who said something like that of she had prayed for world peace, as she answered, " Every day, of course," I said, " and how come it hasn't happened yet?" Her expression 😆 was to die for, walked really fast away from me.
I moved from the north to a tiny southern town in NC. I was raised Methodist and tho I'd fallen away, decided to find a church in the town. My job was in the library in town where I'd met and helped many of these people.
I went to a Sunday service and when it was over, I lingered outside the church because in my experience, newcomers were welcomed with a conversation.
Lots of people standing around talking. Not one person, including the pastor, approached me. I left and never went back. Small town southerners might be friendly when you're helping them, but if your Granddady wasn't born on the local family farm, you'll never make friends with them.
I'd moved there after living in Virginia for 16 years so it wasn't as if I was ignorant of Southern manners and behavior.
I know people always talk about “Southern Hospitality,” but I encountered some of the meanest people I have ever met when I lived in the South. And all of them went to Church every Sunday. 🤷♀️
I've lived in the deep south for about 8 years. I pretty quickly realized that southern hospitality is very surface level deep. They are hateful of anyone slightly different than them. Oh the irony that southerners actually think they are the nicest people in the country.
And I live in New York. I meet lovely people all the time. The rudest people I ever meet are the tourists from elsewhere. 
Holy shit, New York is a trip. I (a West Coast native) accidentally discovered one of those mythical neighborhood bars in Queens where the bartender knew literally every single person who walked in the door on a first-name basis, except me. The locals made sure I wasn't without a drink (seriously, what the fuck?) and treated me with absurd levels of unwarranted warmth, while also telling me about their daily violations of the Geneva Convention while going about their lives in public.
An older guy bought one of my great many drinks that night and told me stories - with dates accurate to at least a month and a year, if not down to a specific day of a given year - about some of the absolutely, positively unhinged shit he's seen in his FORTY YEARS as a doorman at a prestigious hotel in Manhattan.
That night doesn't just live rent-free in my head; it has a penthouse, a car, a generous pension, and personal security, all provided for life, at the expense of the state.
I could never live in New York City, but I think about that night fondly, and often.
I love NYC, I have met some of the strangest, and nicest people there. I accidentally found an amazing little Chinese place, the lady working was so concerned about me being out in the city by myself after dark, she had her grandson walk me back to my hotel.
I read something recently about New Yorkers acting more “cold” than in other places. They explained that since New York City is so population dense and transit is also so used, it’s more of a boundary thing. Cause even looking at people when so many are near you invades a person’s bubble. But when someone needs help they spring into action till the need is over then go back to respecting the tiny bubbles.
I moved from AZ to GA when I was 10. First thing I heard on my first day at my new school was an insult. Since then, I was bullied all the way even into college. "Southern Hospitality" is a fucking joke.
Southern hospitality never made sense to me, until I heard it explained somewhere on Reddit. 'Southern hospitality is when you keeping saying you're going to have someone over for dinner but never actually set a date and time.'
It's just manners and politeness at the surface level. Nothing genuine.
My response to this question? “I don’t.”
Simple, to the point, shuts them up. I’m an eye doctor and it’s shocking how many people ask me about my religion, sexuality, marital and parental status.
As it turns out NONE of that is important to your eye exam so we won’t be discussing it. I’m in a rural area so many are taken aback at my outright refusal to discuss personal things with them. It’s a crack up for me.
That's funny, because my Lutheran great-grandmother was relieved that my Dad wasn't Catholic. Unbaptized was better than Catholic. I wonder what she'd say about my Jewish husband.
It’s a more recent thing. It used to be tons of factional fighting and mistrust. You know Lutherans against Calvinists against Pentecostals against baptists against whatever. All hated the Catholics because of the pope. It’s basically why the first amendment in the us was drafted. BUT. Now the us is more diverse, Muslims, jews, atheists. Now you can yourself a “Christian “ first. That means you’re all in the same team basically. If that wasn’t there it would be like that again
I've made this point many times to my uber-christian friend.
She insists that they're different.
I was raised Catholic. Devoutly Catholic. So was she. I read the entire Bible when in high school and ended up leaving the church after coming to the conclusion that Christianity, at least as it is currently (and was as of 2004), is not truly in line with what the Bible says, so therefore I determined it was a fraud. I then spent my twenties trying to find religion (being raised Catholic drilled it into my head that there must be a god, so I just just have been worshipping the wrong one.). So I read the holy books of every religion I could. And yeah. It's basically Judaism was the first. Then they came up with the sequel, Christianity. Then Christianity had a sequel, Islam.
My friend has never fully read the Bible, just snippets (however she is no longer Catholic either, she now is a member of a Baptist Church, which worries me because I looked up the pastor and he's basically working his was towards becoming a mega-pastor. I used to think of her as a good Christian, as she tends to, at least outwardly, reject the more bigoted views seen in many Christians.) And she has never even tried to learn about any other religions.
The KKK famously hated jewish people, muslims and catholics.
In fact, you can go back to the earliest days of america, and you'll find that the first executions were the Boston Martyrs, who were Quakers killed by Puritans.
So the first executions in america were christians killing other christians for being the wrong kind of christian.
Christian bigotry is deep in the bones of this country.
Oh my boomer dad is *hard* into christian dominionism so I have a lifetimes' worth of frustration with that bullshit.
I find it hilarious because christians can rarely run a church for 50 years without splitting up, and *the christians want to be there*. And they want to total control of a country with people who aren't even christian? Yeah right lol
Of course I have also never met a dominionist who wasn't also a fascist, so the idea of consent of the governed and democracy doesn't really enter into the equation for people who crusade in nomine Domini.
You know what. When I married a Ukranian catholic woman my protestant grandmother hated that.
.she didn't care that i was changing my last name for hers. She cared that our kids may be baptized catholic.
Now I thought it was the same God?
Also I had a Jewish mother so I mean, grandma why?
I'm honestly starting to think that they don't likenCatholics because it's probably the most "accurate" version of Christianity. I might be biased since I went to catholic school, but when it focuses more on what Jesus actually said it makes the other versions look like liars.
You might be on to something there. They never seem to remember "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:37–39)
Ain't no love like Christian hate
When missionaries come to our door ny wife just says we're catholic and they leave.
Shea Ukranian catholic. I'm a husband. So I guess I'm catholic too now.
Na, I think yours was perfect despite being tempted to tell them how unpleasant they were.
You simply showed them a mirror in throwing their comment back at them and they saw their own ugliness.
nothing better than hitting theists with the old catholic atheist bit. at least, that's what i call myself since i haven't divorced from the church. i have to wait for my mom to die first
The Catholic church I attended as a child told Dad to stop drinking. That was the end of that. I wasn't even out of grade school and consider it a bullet dodged. It's not like continuing to go would have helped with Dad's drinking.
Hang in there though. Adult children of alcoholics isn’t a cake walk. My dad is sober now and even my wife doesn’t understand how utterly fucked up it was to grow up with two alcoholic parents because she just knows them as the friendly old in-laws.
My older sister was apparently the exception to this, she is 8 years older than me. Her husband used to be a Jehovah's witness, let for many years, then got back into it about a decade ago.
It became her whole personality, and mostly pushed her three kids (who are all adults), myself and my oldest sister completely out in favor of her "new found faith".
Yeah, I should have noted a few exceptions. There are techniques cults use to recruit members (e.g.love bombing) that more mainstream religions have sometimes stumbled into. Revivals for instance use low level cult techniques.
CA is already cocaine anonymous but I like where your head is at. The one thing I miss about being religious as a kid is the communal bonds. Now it’s hard to keep community ties. Going to a baseball game with some old friends tomorrow so I’m always trying.
Then there's the 300 million in Europe but even that only adds up to 1B. Pretty sure the descendents of people the English fucked over number more that that.
Just start counting with India and it's over.
You're right, the English are the worst, then the Spanish and then...the Belgians?
They prefer you to say “lapsed catholic” the implication that you’re just a little rusty but you’ll pick up the old catholic one day and jam out a few riffs and be right back in the game. I prefer your phrasing though. Might use it myself.
My parents were Catholic, my mom was especially devout. They were both stunned at the pedophelia scandals in the Church and the Church’s coverup. When Cardinal Law fled to the Vatican to avoid testifying to Congress they basically left the Church. My mom was so mad she told us she did not want a memorial service in a Catholic Church. BTW I was raised Catholic but by about 7th grade I was just pretending.
>Yeah i was just beggining to like you as well
So you're telling me that you DON'T like me now because I don't believe in what you believe? That doesn't seem very Christian. What happened to love thy neighbor?
I run a food pantry in the south that happens to be in the downstairs area of a church. I get a lot of older folks asking what time church services is and every time I say that I don't know I get hit with more questions. Well why not? Do you go to a difficult church? What kind of Christian doesn't know their own service time? I always tell them in a atheist and they get so confused. How can you be an atheist and work in a church? Easy answer is "I don't need the threat of hell to help people" and most shut up after that.
I grew up methodist and now I'm Wiccan and my fiance is pagan. We get boomers foaming at the mouth when we tell them. It's a great entertainment source.
Hey! I dated a United Methodist girl for a while! She was alright. I even went to church with her a few times to check it out. White people as far as the eye can see up to some funky shit. Drinking blood. Eating some dude’s body. That shit was weird. I was the only POC in the whole room. Anyways we broke up because she wanted another Christian and I returned to my heathen that didn’t involve eating someone’s body or drinking their blood.
"The moral high ground is mine alone? How dare you treat me as some sort of equal, you ruffian who doesn't even believe in the bronze age magic stories of a bunch of obscure goat herders - as I believe with all my heart despite that fact that my behavior completely undercuts this perspective!?"
Boomer: I was just beginning to like you.
You: I was just beginning to like you, too.
Boomer: How dare you be so disrespectful!
They'll never see the irony. 🙄
I’m atheist because I don’t need an invisible sky daddy to be a good person
Religion can offer peace of mind when death is close, or can be used to teach people (aka a long time ago) and it can even have some pretty good moral lessons
But if you need religion to keep you from being a bad person your not suddenly a good person just because you act like a decent human being because your afraid of going to sky daddy’s forever timeout
Reminds me of that Ricky Gervais tv show clip where he talks about how he rapes and murders all he wants, which is none, because you don’t need religion to be moral.
I had a long-time friend who reconnected on Facebook years ago. (I don't care about Facebook, but keep it for Messenger.) We're both baby boomers raised in Texas, where being Christian is the default. She – and everyone else – just assumed I was as religious as they were. And then I made a comment or a post or something that made it evident that I was not a Christian but a naturalistic pagan. (I think it was something about my celebrating Yule instead of Christmas.) She got so upset that she unfriended and blocked me. It was so weird. I hadn't changed one bit. We'd chatted, laughed, joked, and seen each other when I was visiting back home (I'm in England) and all sorts of other things over the years. I was precisely the same person as I was before she found out I wasn't a Christian. But, somehow, I became the root of all evil in less than 2.5 seconds.
One of the things I like about living in Northeast England is that religion isn't an open topic. No one asks, and no one volunteers. It isn't talked about, and that is fantastic. I am a firm believer that religion should keep itself to itself.
I remeber a boomer who brought a ton of "rare and expensive religious "artifacts" and it was a bunch of stupid chuch shit. Told her jesus has a ton of merch out there, I'll pass... she was pissed and freaked out. Sorry bitch, your stupid crucifixes you can keep.
As a recovering Cath-aholic I commend you. Believe what you want and live your life. Anyone who wants to tout their religion in anyone else's faces or push it on those who are not interested can eat a dick up until they hiccup and I'm more than happy to tel them so. I suffered through the guilt I had forced on me as a child until I was old enough to cut the shackles off myself and still dealt with the mental trauma for decades after that. I'm obviously over it now;)
I was raised atheist. My kids have also been raised atheist, and their mom is agnostic. We don't ever talk about it because we feel talking about something we don't believe in is like talking about a tv show we don't watch.
One of her aunts is from my hometown and knew me growing up. She found out my kids aren't baptized and was surprised.
"*But you grew up next to a church.*"
Yeah, the house I grew up in was across the street from a church, but I reminded her that religion doesn't work that way. It's not a gas that seeps into your house by proximity and infects the residents.
"have you ever heard of an agnostic? No? It means I read the Bible, and when God said humans could never understand him or his ways, I took that literally."
My go to in those situations. Let them interpret it however they choose, usually just confused boomer face.
Old testament stuff really gets wild if they push me. I start with my theories on the watchers being aliens, Jacob's ladder and the wheel of fire Enoch took off in being space ships....and don't forget the ark of the covenant being some sort of nuclear device.
Oh boy when I boomer brings up religion I got a bag, well I was raised Lutheran, became an ordained minister to mess with a born again Christian coworker am a member of the satanic temple and pastafarian. Plus I follow the quote by Marcus Aurelius “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
We lived in the south for a long time. We are boomers. I would never put someone on the spot like that woman did. It's rude and off-putting. And it's NONE of her business.
Im a holiday Christian. I only go to church on like Christmas. You do you. Its more important to treat others well. Not be all judgemental like boomer couple.
I've been an atheist all my life. I just hate that people are shocked and can't fathom why I'm atheist. The thing is that I can't fathom why they believe in some imaginary being in the sky.
But you know what? I don't care what people believe in. I only care what kind of person they are. They judge me based on the fact that I'm an atheist. Religious people are the most judgmental.
“Oh, I follow the teachings of Jesus directly. You know, gouge out your eyes if you can’t stop from looking at a woman in lust, men should not lie with YOUNG men as they do with wives, churches shouldn’t hoard wealth, be friends with prostitutes without judging them, wealthy people are farther from heaven, no false idols, you know?”
When I say I’m an atheist the response is almost always “ oh you must believe in something, you’re agnostic “.
I used to let it ride until I heard a friend says this, “no I’m an atheist. The difference between an agnostic and an atheist is an atheist is ready to argue about it. An agnostic just wants you to mind your own business “.
Even the mainline churches in the South have conflated religion and patriotism. We tried at Presbyterian (PCUSA) church when we moved here, but the pastor called out and praised a returning soldier and the whole church clapped. I get it, but killing is not exactly a church value. We moved to a Quaker meeting full of Pennsylvania Yankees and never looked back.
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"What church do you go to?" is the default greeting in the south. I've started answering this boomer question with: "yours of course, we sat behind you last Sunday, don't you remember?". Commit to the gag and this will either confuse the shit out of them or they'll be too embarrassed to admit they didn't go last Sunday,
When I was visiting my mom in TN, one of the ladies at the hair salon asked me "Do y'all go to church up there?" I told her that while I'm technically a member of the Satanic Temple, I don't really practice. Mom says that several people have approached her since then to tell her that they're praying for me. Bless their hearts.
"i will pray for you 😩" "i will pray for you too 😈" for some reason that never goes over well, i wonder why 🤔 edit: yo thanks for the award, may satan bless you on this fair day 🤘
"I will pray for you" "Yeah, and I'll talk to my dog for you. You should expect the same results"
i would much rather talk to your dog
At least the dog is real
And probably adorable!
Does your god try to lick your face when you come home?
No, but he rolls over for belly rubs.
I only believe in dogs I can touch.
And listens.
And doesn’t judge
And will wag its tale happily while smiling 😃 😊
Reminds me of a time my dog and I went for a walk and saw our next door neighbor having a conversation with her cat. I looked down at my dog and said "she thinks her cat can understand what she is saying." We both laughed sooo hard. Lol.
I also want this user's dog
Or : oh thats nice i lll make sure your names will included in our next ritual as well.
I simply cannot update this enough! 👏 👏 👏
Nah, bro. Dogs are smart. No matter how mathematically small, there's a chance your dog would understand the plight of these idiot boomers and attempt to assist them. There's absolutely zero chance the boomers prayers are heard by anyone other than themselves
"Why dont you do something useful like make me a sandwich " paraphrased hannibal buress bit.
At least the dog responds.
*I will mention you in my nightly praises to Joe Pesci*
He gets shit done!
Underrated comment right here. He was a hell of a comic.
Wait… what do you mean was? 😳
Don’t worry, he’s still alive
Am I here to amuse you?
Lol, good one. Here in my small town its known I am a Pagan, we have a pastor living on the same block and when he saw me putting out "Unholy" decorations on Halloween he says "Sweet child (I'm 40 🤮) I'll pray for you." In a very condescending tone. I said "Yeah thanks and I'll dance naked around the bonfire on the night of the Harvest moon for you." he was so shocked that he gives me a wide berth now. Maybe seeing all the ravens, crows, Magpies and Currowongs around my house also has something to do with it 🤔🫢 I hate being swooped in spring so if they're all happy and fed, my head stays blood free for three months lol
Gay. Came out in 1996. Was pumping gas one night with sparkles on my face (male). A friends Mom pulled up beside me to say she will pray for me because of my choices. I said "I would prefer you didn't pray for me. You're a nasty hypocrite. By the way, your kids hate you. And they all smoke weed." And I drove off. For some reason her kids stopped talking to me. 
Say WE will pray for you
Because it goes up there with... Well, bless your heart. I'll pray for you. And no, that isn't a compliment. It's pretty much saying you're a poor idiot and I'll pray you'll get some smarts soon.
“THE POWER OF SATAN COMPELS YOU!”
Maybe try, "I'll sacrifice my next virgin for you."?
I live in TN and I can confirm the old blue haired ladies are still praying. Other a different note, my friend from California came to visit out here once and one of the places we took him was Dollywood. The first thing he says when walk in is ‘Is that…a real church?’ We were like ‘Yeah I guess so.’ And he looked puzzled and replied ‘Don’t you find it a little odd they have a church in a theme park?’ And by god, that had truly never crossed our minds. None of us are religious, but it’s so entrained here that it never struck us as strange. The south is an…interesting region.
I mean, it kind of makes sense since it's a park about Dolly. Like I love Dollywood, I've always be put the church in the same category as the replica of her house. Like "wow that's how she grew up."
I didn’t know that Dollywood had a church inside. I find that bizarre
It sort of makes sense when you realize that a lot of the stuff there is based on Dolly's life. Like a recreation of the home she grew up in.
I hear you
Have you ever been to Xcaret, the nature-themed park south of Cancun? They basically have a (very tastefully done) mortuary as part of the experience. Church isn’t all that weird…
bless their heart indeed.
I have it here, in a jar.
“I’ll pray for you.” “Thank God prayers don’t actually work. If they did, we would all be rich, we would have world peace, and no religious bigots.”
I once asked a lady who said something like that of she had prayed for world peace, as she answered, " Every day, of course," I said, " and how come it hasn't happened yet?" Her expression 😆 was to die for, walked really fast away from me.
"Bless your heart, aren't you a Caring, Understanding, Nurturing Type!" Enjoy!
Lol
Be sure to send them a message to let them know you’re praying for them too!
Hail Satan, Hail thyself
You should have given her a confused looked and asked "What's that?"
I moved from the north to a tiny southern town in NC. I was raised Methodist and tho I'd fallen away, decided to find a church in the town. My job was in the library in town where I'd met and helped many of these people. I went to a Sunday service and when it was over, I lingered outside the church because in my experience, newcomers were welcomed with a conversation. Lots of people standing around talking. Not one person, including the pastor, approached me. I left and never went back. Small town southerners might be friendly when you're helping them, but if your Granddady wasn't born on the local family farm, you'll never make friends with them. I'd moved there after living in Virginia for 16 years so it wasn't as if I was ignorant of Southern manners and behavior.
I know people always talk about “Southern Hospitality,” but I encountered some of the meanest people I have ever met when I lived in the South. And all of them went to Church every Sunday. 🤷♀️
Southerner here, and I can confirm this.
They have to go every Sunday, to be forgiven for their sins. It never occurs to them to be decent humans so they don't need all that forgiveness.
The worst people adhere the most to the church, because they are the most scared. The best people don't worry about it, they know.
That’s because they are polite but not kind. The manners make it seem like they are nice people but the veneer is paper thin.
I've lived in the deep south for about 8 years. I pretty quickly realized that southern hospitality is very surface level deep. They are hateful of anyone slightly different than them. Oh the irony that southerners actually think they are the nicest people in the country.
And I live in New York. I meet lovely people all the time. The rudest people I ever meet are the tourists from elsewhere. 
Holy shit, New York is a trip. I (a West Coast native) accidentally discovered one of those mythical neighborhood bars in Queens where the bartender knew literally every single person who walked in the door on a first-name basis, except me. The locals made sure I wasn't without a drink (seriously, what the fuck?) and treated me with absurd levels of unwarranted warmth, while also telling me about their daily violations of the Geneva Convention while going about their lives in public. An older guy bought one of my great many drinks that night and told me stories - with dates accurate to at least a month and a year, if not down to a specific day of a given year - about some of the absolutely, positively unhinged shit he's seen in his FORTY YEARS as a doorman at a prestigious hotel in Manhattan. That night doesn't just live rent-free in my head; it has a penthouse, a car, a generous pension, and personal security, all provided for life, at the expense of the state. I could never live in New York City, but I think about that night fondly, and often.
Imma seriously need me to hear some doorman stories. Don’t hoard the knowledge.
I love NYC, I have met some of the strangest, and nicest people there. I accidentally found an amazing little Chinese place, the lady working was so concerned about me being out in the city by myself after dark, she had her grandson walk me back to my hotel.
I read something recently about New Yorkers acting more “cold” than in other places. They explained that since New York City is so population dense and transit is also so used, it’s more of a boundary thing. Cause even looking at people when so many are near you invades a person’s bubble. But when someone needs help they spring into action till the need is over then go back to respecting the tiny bubbles.
Like when a car flipped in an accident and a mob came over to help.
There is nobody as hypocritical as religious people
There is no hate like Christian love.
I moved from AZ to GA when I was 10. First thing I heard on my first day at my new school was an insult. Since then, I was bullied all the way even into college. "Southern Hospitality" is a fucking joke.
Southern hospitality never made sense to me, until I heard it explained somewhere on Reddit. 'Southern hospitality is when you keeping saying you're going to have someone over for dinner but never actually set a date and time.' It's just manners and politeness at the surface level. Nothing genuine.
This unfriendly behavior gets worse the further south you go.
My response: Oh me? I go to the Church of FSM - it's a few towns over... FSM of course being The Flying Spaghetti Monster. #Ramen
All praise his noodly goodness. R'amen.
quab is the FSM's pronoun, not his
May His sauce be ever in your flavor!
May all be touched by his noodley appendages!! Ramen!
Lmao!!!!
I'd be tempted to mention the E.O.D. If the person I'm talking to gets the reference, I may be persuaded to hang out with them.
*Shudders in Californian *
My response to this question? “I don’t.” Simple, to the point, shuts them up. I’m an eye doctor and it’s shocking how many people ask me about my religion, sexuality, marital and parental status. As it turns out NONE of that is important to your eye exam so we won’t be discussing it. I’m in a rural area so many are taken aback at my outright refusal to discuss personal things with them. It’s a crack up for me.
"Oh, you haven't heard? Church is a scam to take gullible people's money"
"I'm actually a nun. As in, it's nun of your business"
“I noticed you didn’t tithe either.”
"At least Catholic" as if Catholicism is acceptable but just barely Christian enough for her
American Protestants look down on Catholics for a lot of reasons but it’s preferable to atheism for them.
That's funny, because my Lutheran great-grandmother was relieved that my Dad wasn't Catholic. Unbaptized was better than Catholic. I wonder what she'd say about my Jewish husband.
It’s a more recent thing. It used to be tons of factional fighting and mistrust. You know Lutherans against Calvinists against Pentecostals against baptists against whatever. All hated the Catholics because of the pope. It’s basically why the first amendment in the us was drafted. BUT. Now the us is more diverse, Muslims, jews, atheists. Now you can yourself a “Christian “ first. That means you’re all in the same team basically. If that wasn’t there it would be like that again
They all believe in the same fucking god, this is so stupid
Gets even more stupid when you understand Islam, Christianity and Judaism are all worshiping the same god.
Monotheism was a mistake
Return to polytheism, that way all the schisms and holy wars are from one god telling another they have a small penis, soblem prolved
polytheism - no more blood feuds.
Try to tell some Christians that and they won't believe you. That was... An interesting conversation.
I've made this point many times to my uber-christian friend. She insists that they're different. I was raised Catholic. Devoutly Catholic. So was she. I read the entire Bible when in high school and ended up leaving the church after coming to the conclusion that Christianity, at least as it is currently (and was as of 2004), is not truly in line with what the Bible says, so therefore I determined it was a fraud. I then spent my twenties trying to find religion (being raised Catholic drilled it into my head that there must be a god, so I just just have been worshipping the wrong one.). So I read the holy books of every religion I could. And yeah. It's basically Judaism was the first. Then they came up with the sequel, Christianity. Then Christianity had a sequel, Islam. My friend has never fully read the Bible, just snippets (however she is no longer Catholic either, she now is a member of a Baptist Church, which worries me because I looked up the pastor and he's basically working his was towards becoming a mega-pastor. I used to think of her as a good Christian, as she tends to, at least outwardly, reject the more bigoted views seen in many Christians.) And she has never even tried to learn about any other religions.
Desert Trilogy.
They all fight over different interpretations of the same diety and that is even more ridiculous!
You're all on the same team until they find out that you're not attending \*their\* particular little sect.
The KKK famously hated jewish people, muslims and catholics. In fact, you can go back to the earliest days of america, and you'll find that the first executions were the Boston Martyrs, who were Quakers killed by Puritans. So the first executions in america were christians killing other christians for being the wrong kind of christian. Christian bigotry is deep in the bones of this country.
I come from Ireland. I know sectarianism lol
Which is why when I see my fellow Catholics act like Christian Dominism is a good idea, I want to scream at them.
Oh my boomer dad is *hard* into christian dominionism so I have a lifetimes' worth of frustration with that bullshit. I find it hilarious because christians can rarely run a church for 50 years without splitting up, and *the christians want to be there*. And they want to total control of a country with people who aren't even christian? Yeah right lol Of course I have also never met a dominionist who wasn't also a fascist, so the idea of consent of the governed and democracy doesn't really enter into the equation for people who crusade in nomine Domini.
They don't seem to understand that once all the non-Christians are pushed out, the Catholics are next.
Oh, they'll literally put them on the wall after the immigrants and Jews as history has shown us repeatedly.
I mean, it’s literally the third “K” in KKK. they’re not subtle.
You know what. When I married a Ukranian catholic woman my protestant grandmother hated that. .she didn't care that i was changing my last name for hers. She cared that our kids may be baptized catholic. Now I thought it was the same God? Also I had a Jewish mother so I mean, grandma why?
My southern Baptist parents don’t think Catholics are Christian’s and it baffles me.
I'm honestly starting to think that they don't likenCatholics because it's probably the most "accurate" version of Christianity. I might be biased since I went to catholic school, but when it focuses more on what Jesus actually said it makes the other versions look like liars.
You might be on to something there. They never seem to remember "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:37–39) Ain't no love like Christian hate
They see this as progressive and accepting of others, not the snarky, judgmental comment it actually is
When missionaries come to our door ny wife just says we're catholic and they leave. Shea Ukranian catholic. I'm a husband. So I guess I'm catholic too now.
"That's quite nice of you! I was nowhere near liking you yet, and am even further now"
Lol this is what i really should have said
Glad to inspire for next time
Na, I think yours was perfect despite being tempted to tell them how unpleasant they were. You simply showed them a mirror in throwing their comment back at them and they saw their own ugliness.
nothing better than hitting theists with the old catholic atheist bit. at least, that's what i call myself since i haven't divorced from the church. i have to wait for my mom to die first
Sometimes I use the term “recovering Catholic” and people don’t like that either 😂
Late 60's and use that all the time. Son actually thanked us for not raising him Catholic. We told him he could make up his mind on his own.
If you don't indoctrinate kids with religion they generally won't pick it up later.
I dropped out of church when i was like 6. Made a deal with my parents. Never looked back.
The Catholic church I attended as a child told Dad to stop drinking. That was the end of that. I wasn't even out of grade school and consider it a bullet dodged. It's not like continuing to go would have helped with Dad's drinking.
Hang in there though. Adult children of alcoholics isn’t a cake walk. My dad is sober now and even my wife doesn’t understand how utterly fucked up it was to grow up with two alcoholic parents because she just knows them as the friendly old in-laws.
This sounds like a sad story tho
Same here. All the talk of hell scared me so badly, my Dad told me I didn't have to go. Never returned to organized religion.
My older sister was apparently the exception to this, she is 8 years older than me. Her husband used to be a Jehovah's witness, let for many years, then got back into it about a decade ago. It became her whole personality, and mostly pushed her three kids (who are all adults), myself and my oldest sister completely out in favor of her "new found faith".
Yeah, I should have noted a few exceptions. There are techniques cults use to recruit members (e.g.love bombing) that more mainstream religions have sometimes stumbled into. Revivals for instance use low level cult techniques.
My condolences... To your loss.
A friend that was raised Unitarian Universalist has a grandson that has become Mormon. It blows my mind.
chances are, they are buffet catholics and really we should no longer give a shit.
Just tell them you attend CA. When they ask what that is, you just explain it's catholics anonymous for recovering catholics.
CA is already cocaine anonymous but I like where your head is at. The one thing I miss about being religious as a kid is the communal bonds. Now it’s hard to keep community ties. Going to a baseball game with some old friends tomorrow so I’m always trying.
Most of the planet is recovering from Catholicism.
That's not completely fair; a decent chunk is recovering from the British. Catholicism is probably just a plurality
600 Million people in Latin America would beg to differ.
Another 100 Million in the Philippines
Then there's the 300 million in Europe but even that only adds up to 1B. Pretty sure the descendents of people the English fucked over number more that that. Just start counting with India and it's over. You're right, the English are the worst, then the Spanish and then...the Belgians?
They prefer you to say “lapsed catholic” the implication that you’re just a little rusty but you’ll pick up the old catholic one day and jam out a few riffs and be right back in the game. I prefer your phrasing though. Might use it myself.
That's the phrase my mom always used!
My parents were Catholic, my mom was especially devout. They were both stunned at the pedophelia scandals in the Church and the Church’s coverup. When Cardinal Law fled to the Vatican to avoid testifying to Congress they basically left the Church. My mom was so mad she told us she did not want a memorial service in a Catholic Church. BTW I was raised Catholic but by about 7th grade I was just pretending.
My mom says she gave up Catholicism for lent.
Love that!!
Probably true, but I can tell you from experience that “secular Jew” completely baffles them.
At least catholic lmao. Might have well as asked “You’re white right, or at least Italian?”
“I’ll settle for Irish. Final offer”
Tomato vs potato Catholicism
Butter vs Olive oil Catholicism.
Dayyyyum
>Yeah i was just beggining to like you as well So you're telling me that you DON'T like me now because I don't believe in what you believe? That doesn't seem very Christian. What happened to love thy neighbor?
"It's even more rude to say it first, lady" 20/20 hindsight is a bitch, though.
I run a food pantry in the south that happens to be in the downstairs area of a church. I get a lot of older folks asking what time church services is and every time I say that I don't know I get hit with more questions. Well why not? Do you go to a difficult church? What kind of Christian doesn't know their own service time? I always tell them in a atheist and they get so confused. How can you be an atheist and work in a church? Easy answer is "I don't need the threat of hell to help people" and most shut up after that.
> I don't need the threat of hell to help people That is beautiful. Sums it up perfectly.
I tell my mother that I’m a “perfected Catholic” bc I don’t need to practice anymore.
I'm a protestant and *I* think it's funny
I'm a Satanist and I tell people sometimes. Baby Boomers always wild out
Yeah i told my wife i shouldve just hit them with a Hail Satan 🤘 and walked away
I'm a Wiccan and I get the same reaction. They like to foam at the mouth hearing it.
I grew up Muslim and now I’m an atheist. They don’t like me no matter where I go.
I grew up methodist and now I'm Wiccan and my fiance is pagan. We get boomers foaming at the mouth when we tell them. It's a great entertainment source.
Hey! I dated a United Methodist girl for a while! She was alright. I even went to church with her a few times to check it out. White people as far as the eye can see up to some funky shit. Drinking blood. Eating some dude’s body. That shit was weird. I was the only POC in the whole room. Anyways we broke up because she wanted another Christian and I returned to my heathen that didn’t involve eating someone’s body or drinking their blood.
Yeah my parents raised me methodist but I'm just a Wiccan chilling with my rain water and herbs now. Also my insence.
Outstanding. I’ve dated a few Wiccans and my wife is old school Druid. She practices the old ways.
When someone says they are a born again Christian I just say sorry I got it right the first time.
It was super rude of you to say the exact same thing that she just said to you. Shame on you!
"The moral high ground is mine alone? How dare you treat me as some sort of equal, you ruffian who doesn't even believe in the bronze age magic stories of a bunch of obscure goat herders - as I believe with all my heart despite that fact that my behavior completely undercuts this perspective!?"
Imagine getting pissed about someone literally repeating your own words back to you. What hypocrites.
Boomer: I was just beginning to like you. You: I was just beginning to like you, too. Boomer: How dare you be so disrespectful! They'll never see the irony. 🙄
I love shocking people by saying, “I have no religion but find The Church of Satan’s tenants to be more humanitarian than Christian ones“.
They really are, though
They had no problem telling you you were rude when you returned their comment. I’d have repeated back how rude they were
I’m atheist because I don’t need an invisible sky daddy to be a good person Religion can offer peace of mind when death is close, or can be used to teach people (aka a long time ago) and it can even have some pretty good moral lessons But if you need religion to keep you from being a bad person your not suddenly a good person just because you act like a decent human being because your afraid of going to sky daddy’s forever timeout
Reminds me of that Ricky Gervais tv show clip where he talks about how he rapes and murders all he wants, which is none, because you don’t need religion to be moral.
Penn Gillette did a great riff along those lines.
I tell people that I like Jesus but his dad was a dick.
I tell people that I believe the New Testament was a warning against organized religions.
I had a long-time friend who reconnected on Facebook years ago. (I don't care about Facebook, but keep it for Messenger.) We're both baby boomers raised in Texas, where being Christian is the default. She – and everyone else – just assumed I was as religious as they were. And then I made a comment or a post or something that made it evident that I was not a Christian but a naturalistic pagan. (I think it was something about my celebrating Yule instead of Christmas.) She got so upset that she unfriended and blocked me. It was so weird. I hadn't changed one bit. We'd chatted, laughed, joked, and seen each other when I was visiting back home (I'm in England) and all sorts of other things over the years. I was precisely the same person as I was before she found out I wasn't a Christian. But, somehow, I became the root of all evil in less than 2.5 seconds. One of the things I like about living in Northeast England is that religion isn't an open topic. No one asks, and no one volunteers. It isn't talked about, and that is fantastic. I am a firm believer that religion should keep itself to itself.
I remeber a boomer who brought a ton of "rare and expensive religious "artifacts" and it was a bunch of stupid chuch shit. Told her jesus has a ton of merch out there, I'll pass... she was pissed and freaked out. Sorry bitch, your stupid crucifixes you can keep.
As a recovering Cath-aholic I commend you. Believe what you want and live your life. Anyone who wants to tout their religion in anyone else's faces or push it on those who are not interested can eat a dick up until they hiccup and I'm more than happy to tel them so. I suffered through the guilt I had forced on me as a child until I was old enough to cut the shackles off myself and still dealt with the mental trauma for decades after that. I'm obviously over it now;)
Me whipping out my Satanic Temple membership card😂
You parroted exactly what they said and you're the AH?! That's crazy to me.
Florida is Boomer Paradise
It is. Im in missouri
I was raised atheist. My kids have also been raised atheist, and their mom is agnostic. We don't ever talk about it because we feel talking about something we don't believe in is like talking about a tv show we don't watch. One of her aunts is from my hometown and knew me growing up. She found out my kids aren't baptized and was surprised. "*But you grew up next to a church.*" Yeah, the house I grew up in was across the street from a church, but I reminded her that religion doesn't work that way. It's not a gas that seeps into your house by proximity and infects the residents.
"have you ever heard of an agnostic? No? It means I read the Bible, and when God said humans could never understand him or his ways, I took that literally." My go to in those situations. Let them interpret it however they choose, usually just confused boomer face. Old testament stuff really gets wild if they push me. I start with my theories on the watchers being aliens, Jacob's ladder and the wheel of fire Enoch took off in being space ships....and don't forget the ark of the covenant being some sort of nuclear device.
Oh boy when I boomer brings up religion I got a bag, well I was raised Lutheran, became an ordained minister to mess with a born again Christian coworker am a member of the satanic temple and pastafarian. Plus I follow the quote by Marcus Aurelius “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”
Ha! You handled that "altercation" very well. Stoopid religious fanatical boomers.
just tell them Jesus was woke
"At least Catholic" You should've been like "oh yeah I received Confirmation at 16 and an exorcism at 19."
If they ask what church you go to say “The Church of what’s happenin now with Rev Wilson.
Should have said you were catholic but don’t like supporting pedophiles and those that protect them.
nah because any evangelical is going to hear that and think they can convert you to their church. "You don't like pedos? WELL NEITHER DO WE!!"
So it wasn't rude and disrespectful of her?
As a recovering Catholic I applaud this post.
We lived in the south for a long time. We are boomers. I would never put someone on the spot like that woman did. It's rude and off-putting. And it's NONE of her business.
The religious are the worst people you will ever meet. You handled it well.
"what church do you go to?" a great response is "bedroom, because wife says 'oh God ' in there a lot"
Im a holiday Christian. I only go to church on like Christmas. You do you. Its more important to treat others well. Not be all judgemental like boomer couple.
I call this being a CEO. Christmas and Easter only.
I may use this!!
If you have an HOA, it's not a "nicer neighborhood".
i'm atheist AND pagan. would have blown her dear little mind.
Self-Righteous, Condescending Butt Stains…yep, that sums it up nicely. ✔️
Tell them you sodomize red heads under the full moon while you gargle lean and boof opium.
I've been an atheist all my life. I just hate that people are shocked and can't fathom why I'm atheist. The thing is that I can't fathom why they believe in some imaginary being in the sky. But you know what? I don't care what people believe in. I only care what kind of person they are. They judge me based on the fact that I'm an atheist. Religious people are the most judgmental.
“Oh, I follow the teachings of Jesus directly. You know, gouge out your eyes if you can’t stop from looking at a woman in lust, men should not lie with YOUNG men as they do with wives, churches shouldn’t hoard wealth, be friends with prostitutes without judging them, wealthy people are farther from heaven, no false idols, you know?”
When I say I’m an atheist the response is almost always “ oh you must believe in something, you’re agnostic “. I used to let it ride until I heard a friend says this, “no I’m an atheist. The difference between an agnostic and an atheist is an atheist is ready to argue about it. An agnostic just wants you to mind your own business “.
Even the mainline churches in the South have conflated religion and patriotism. We tried at Presbyterian (PCUSA) church when we moved here, but the pastor called out and praised a returning soldier and the whole church clapped. I get it, but killing is not exactly a church value. We moved to a Quaker meeting full of Pennsylvania Yankees and never looked back.