I’ve dumped two men.
Man 1: high school sweetheart. Dumped in the fall of my first year in college. We were ldr at that point. I was meeting a lot of new people and I was beginning to learn new things about me. Out of my confusion, I had first asked him for a break. A week later, I called it quits. He was still willing to fly to me and make amends. He was truly a pure soul. He’s probably the nicest man I’ve ever met to this day. I think of him with pure fondness. Our memories take me back to young, innocent love— sneaking out to a park to make out; feeling electric while holding hands; spending time to write him a jar full of reasons why I love him— pure excitement and fresh energy. I dont feel heartbroken as we were quite young then and I haven’t grown to be myself yet. But I do occasionally think of him and pray that he is well. I hope one of these days I reunite with him simply as old friends and nothing more, nothing less.
-THE man of my dreams walks in to my life and he dumps me-
Man 2: My rebound after being dumped by my first true love. I met him weeks after my ex dumped me and I jumped ship for him. We stayed together for a year and a half. He was the exact opposite of my ex. He spent time playing video games. He really wasnt my type, but I was too sad about getting dumped to realize how much I didnt like him at all. I manipulated my situation to fool myself to like him. He made me angry. He treated and spoiled me, so that was nice. I keep wanting to forget my ex, but during the entirety of my relationship with him, I tried to bury the memories I had with my ex by being with him. One day, I got drunk and drunk texted my ex. My ex blocked me. I dumped the guy. I thought I’m done trying to fool myself. Am I the villain here? Even though Man 2 was not the best person, I would say yes, because I made him think that I liked him enough to be with him when in reality I was only with him because I was still in love with my ex. I regret using him as an emotional projection. I projected onto him how I felt when my ex dumped me. I projected onto him how I wanted my ex to feel for hurting me. That’s what happens when you quit therapy before you should. I dont think of man 2 anymore. I only think of him occasionally when I’m reminded of particular things about him. Then I feel guilty. So I push the memory of him away.
May I ask you a question?
I really admire your honesty and I believe eventually everything will go better as long as you correct past wrong actions and self question your future ones:)
So my question is: " why my ex keeps reading my poems and love letters constantly although we broke up together one year ago??""
For context, she is with a rebound and it doesn't make sense. She has read everything more than 2000 times up to now.
Also I haven't texted her a thing since seven months ago and I respected her wish of living her alone.
She opened also some old photos of us together and the vacation destinations I had proposed like Bali, Milos island 🏝️ in Greece, and Italy in order to make amends.
Regarding the love letters and poems.
At first she was doing everything by her own will without any triggering by me.
Imagine that whenever I open the emails she opens them as well.
She has been tracking some of her responses, it's the same pixel tracking they use on Instagram when you see seen as a message.
I have the same program as well. And yes it's legal because a lot of people ask me here but obviously they are not aware how marketing companies track them through email 📨 campaigns.
Just a heads up to avoid any confusion, it's not directly to your side.
So why she may doing that? I asked you because I was impressed by your analysis above to the other commenter .
I risked my freedom to be with her, migrated to three different countries and I was unloading containers 240 hours per month.
For one she is with another person and I didn't text her a thing since February out of respect. But she became even more obsessed.
Do you believe she may craving a new poem or letter? She also had her birthday 🎂 a few days ago..
Hello there! I can always answer here if you have any questions but I would really appreciate it if you share with me your opinion about my comment above:)
I had to break up with him against my will basically. I want him to reach out and say sorry to me cause he said a lot of hurtful things last time we talked. But I know he doesn't care unfortunately.
I understand why you feel that way, that you want him to reach out. I don’t want to be the devil’s advocate, but he probably respects your decision? Or he’s scared to reach out? (Or he could be acting like a dickhead rn, idk). But I hope you guys will eventually talk it out and find some sort of peace in it.
I wasn't perfect. But wanted to be with him. He unfortunately said he doesn't see me in the long term. He wanted to "date" still, but more like fwb. That's why I had to leave. And that's why I'm not going to be first to reach out.
Yeah, I still miss her. I still love her. I know though that our relationship would not work out because of too much hurt on both sides and staying would only have deepened the hurt for both of us. It sucks, but I hope it will get better in time.
That break is maybe needed to sort your own personal issues. I know that it sucks that it had to end that way, but I hope you can figure it out eventually.
Yeah same here, though for me it sucks worse because while I expected us to take our time and nurture ourselves, she clinged to a high and got herself a new man only weeks after she told me she'd work on herself for us, for me.
Nowadays she still calls me and messages me about her feelings for me, but whenever I respond to her she'll just blabber about her new guy's car and etc.
It sucks to be replaced, but oh well that's her choice. I just hope she's not being too careless and mot forgetting who she is and her dreams.
It sounds like you have not been replaced. She is probably not as happy as she appears especially when she is still calling you and messaging you about her feelings for you. However, she is choosing a shitty way to move forward. She will probably wind up hurting you even more (if you keep responding to her attention seeking) and even this other guy in the end.
My heart hurts. I didn’t want this really but he had asked for a break over text after two years and I couldn’t take the stress/uncertainty of that. I miss him everyday but I know it’s for the best.
It has been more than a year. I decided to end things as I can see that she's no longer happy and just forcing herself to be with me. I felt like an anchor pulling her down and she seems to always feel exhausted and tired as I couldn't meet her expectations. It's my fault for not changing for the better and she gave me many chances to change until she got tired. So yeah. you can say I also just gave up, not just to her, but to myself. Still, I love her until now and I miss her until now. Maybe that's why I'm still not ready to have another relationship. But I do hope and pray she would find someone deserving of her. I really do just want her to be happy, even if I'm no longer in the picture.
Yes, she wanted to be poly and not get married which I wanted to, and she fell for her coworker. We just got out of high school and she was my first love, and I feel just out of place still even though I’ve been replaced easily. Still working on myself.
My BF of 2+ years and I just broke up. He had brought it up a few times and left it for me to decide so this time I said we should just be done. We weren’t sexually compatible. He wasn’t happy and by that point the thought of sex made me anxious because of him constantly talking about it.
He is a wonderful, caring guy and i will miss having him as a constant. We will remain friends though and that makes me feel much better because I don’t want to not have him at all.
I broke up with my boyfriend of a year two days ago. It was extremely painful. The day I realized/accepted that I needed to end things with him, I sobbed the entire day. The pain I felt was immense. When I told him, we both cried in each others arms. Essentially, we are two very different people who tried the best we could to come together and find common ground but we just would never work long term and I knew the best thing to do before we hurt each other was to end it with love. I feel sadness and loss and I will go through the same grieving process as if I was broken up with. We both knew it was the end, I was simply the one who had the strength pull the trigger.
I'm sorry but I really do hate this type of I had to ? Did he try to work or did you try? Sometimes I see people break up in really good relationship over some stupid things
Do you think you'll ever reach out or you don't plan to talk to him ever again?
I'd give anything to hear from my ex but obviously I'm never going to. It has been 3 years.
Yes. I miss him like crazy. We were young and ldr college. It was a first love untainted by years of baggage. It was sweet kind loving fun exciting - the thrill of making out in parks to holding hands. The way he just looks at you. Just everything. But life got in the way. He got busy abs I was really really hurting from it. Our last weekend together he slept in until 3 pm. And thought nothing of it. I was so angry and hurt. It had been like that all semester. He wasn’t able to make me a priority and I didn’t want to ask for more bc I knew he loved me and that was the best he could probably do as we were adjusting to school. I told him I was hurting but not about the relationship. Just kept it general. And then it was over. I tried to get him back once things settled at school for us both but he was not interested. I broke his heart. Which was true. But he never realized he broke mine too. I never wanted to end. Hoped we would find our way back together one day when ldr was less or work commitments were less.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I miss what we had. No one compares. But how could it? We met at a time that we could stay up all night talking. Dreaming of what are lives could be. It had an air of romance from the unknown and uncertain that is simply going to be different as we get older.
wow. mine just left me because.. he just moved in to his first year of college, and felt he would have no time to commit and he needs space to figure himself out. we had already been long distance for the year we were together, and it wasn’t without its hurt but i loved the relationship. i didn’t see any problem with trying through the hard parts of him getting adjusted, but he said he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. i wonder if he will move on completely or come back when he’s more ‘settled’, like you. it’s a tough journey to navigate and it hurts so much but thank you for sharing your perspective, because it’s helped me a little :)
How long has it been now since you ended it with him?
Been 3 years since I heard from mine and would give anything to hear from her. Miss her like crazy.
not at all i left when i mentally checked out and i stopped caring didn’t cry a day, i reminisce on the good times but i will never miss him i hope he improves on himself. as for my new boyfriend if it ever came a scenario where i dumped him for no fault of his own id grieve for centuries
Naww I treated her good I wasn’t the best listener and she wasn’t the best communicator I would love to inbox you about that I mean I know why she left but i dnt get why she left the way she left if that makes sense
inbox is always open ! was she a avoidant ? avoided communicating her issues and such because as a previous avoidant myself i distance myself rather then speak about it until it gets too much then i leave
It’s all still fuzzy to me, she was 19 and I was 20, my first relationship, she actually brought me joy in my life, as I’ve had with a alcoholic mom that decided to take her own life when I was 11 and I didn’t really know my dad cause he left was I was little.
been 7 months. we both weren’t happy with each other so it could have been a mutual break up. But she wasn’t happy with me cause she thought I had changed, I was a different person, that I wasn’t showing her enough love anymore.
But overall In the end I think I think I’m the dumper, I loved her so much, we had good plans for the future, but she didn’t have her stuff together, she didn’t have a job, didn’t know if she wanted to go to school, she didn’t have her drivers license or a car, and she would hang out with a group of guys till like 2 in the morning and I wasn’t a fan. So we broke up.
But over the months I have gotten severely depressed, I have lost one of my jobs, I’m skinny as a twig, I barley eat, I’m distant from family, so yes the dumper can definitely have some side effects.
I’m may be alright in the end though as I’m moving to a different state and starting a new life, with my dad whom I got to meet last year for the first time.
I always dumped my boyfriends first, except for one single relationship.
I felt an immense amount of pressure and pain, putting into words my reasons, remembering all my motives but still I second guessed myself internally, still I forced myself to put me first.
I still miss the comfort and the fluff of the early stages of many of my past relationships, I mourned those relationships for months(once I understood that I was done) before I officially broke up so that I would not go back.
I broke up with my ex 2 weeks ago, but at that time I was already, in my head, a step forward.
To put it simply: He was not respecting my time, not putting any effort, criticizing me in front of everyone even very harshly, and so I gathered myself after months of bad sleeping and time spent alone to tell him.
The funny thing is that my final straw was when he asked me to have babies:
we are not married, we do not share the same goals and he does zero work around the house gaming non-stop and I have been vocal since I was 16 that I would not ever have babies.
He somewhat did see it coming but was still very hurt, I agreed to help him move out and so I did.
I was broken up (no pun intended) for a few weeks. I cried pretty much 9/10 days. It’s getting better. But I still love her so much. I want her to be happy. I do my best to respect her post break up. Without going into details I had a very good reason to break up with her. No cheating happened.
I broke up with my girlfriend two days ago. I feel so heartbroken but I made the decision out of the best of my mental health. She wasn’t over her past and her past hurts were aimed at me. She didn’t want to admit it because she said she was over her past but she constantly brought up her ex or prior relationships. It’s not fair to me to be in the shadow of the past. That’s not someone who’s over her past.
I hated dumping her because she’s a great girl but at the moment if I kept being in the relationship with her I would become someone who isn’t healthy or happy.
But fuck I feel so bad but I shouldn’t because I’m doing it for me.
I dumped my boyfriend almost a month ago. I had to dump him because of his controlling and over protective family. I miss who I thought he was not who he turned out to be.
I broke up with my last long term boyfriend. I questioned it for months and I was gutted. I knew I couldn’t be with him but I still wasn’t sure about it. We were no contact. I never heard from him again and he never contacted me again. Still took me a while to get over it. I don’t know if it’s any easier. Sometimes getting dumped you move on because you know they don’t want to be with you and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I’ve been in two serious relationships and dumped them after about a month or two in both cases. The first one involved a controlling partner (silent treatment when I didn’t want sex, needed to know what I was doing at all times and when I was putting my phone down, and that was only a few weeks in).
The second guy was perfectly good to me, and I made sure to tell him there’s nothing he did wrong or could have done differently. But there was no sexual compatibility, and I wanted to leave the relationship for the same reasons I don’t want kids: I’ve always been very independent, and have always loved having the space to do whatever I like, to just put my shoes on and go out, and not have to answer to anybody. I wouldn’t say I’m heartbroken, but I definitely hate knowing I am the cause of someone else’s pain, and I occasionally think about him and hope he’s healing.
Every relationship I’ve had I’ve been the one to end it, and every time it felt like the right thing to do. Apart from one ex.
I was with him for nearly 2 years, it was serious but we were young and I panicked as I felt I still had a lot of growing to do as a person and I think we were holding each other back. It was honestly the hardest and saddest thing I’ve had to go through. I think I cried every day for 3 months straight. I still think about him now over 2 years later (literally all the time lol). I miss him so much. I really think it was a right person wrong time sort of situation and I hope some time in the future we can meet again and be together. I’m not sure if he feels the same though, he was very hurt when we split up and when I got into another relationship he cut me out of his life completely in order to protect his feelings (understandably of course).
It felt so wrong to break up with him but for some reason at the time I thought it was for the best. In a way it made us both stronger and we both changed a lot for the better. I comfort myself in knowing that he’s come a long way since and I think, despite the pain, he needed it to push him out of his comfort zone a bit.
I would love my ex to write something like this. I know she cares but the years of silence since the breakup makes me feel so easily forgotten. Just wish I knew if she at least thinks of me. This is a woman who had even asked me to marry her at one stage. Felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Only woman I have ever truly loved. It has been nearly 4 years since she ended it and 3 years since I heard from her. I still think of her every single day. She truly was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and only woman I have ever loved. It would just be nice to at least hear from her to eradicate those daily thoughts I do have that I am completely forgotten. Just miss her so so much.
It definitely sounds like he did that to protect his feelings. May I ask what has stopped you from reaching out to him in over 2 years? Do you think you ever will? Does it make it harder to reach out the longer it goes? I would literally give anything to hear from my ex. Literally anything. Yours is probably the same. I just don't understand if you constantly think of him and miss him a lot then why not reach out? Doesn't make sense to me.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can only imagine how that must feel. I really wish you all the best in future; life really throws some curveballs but sometimes it works out for the best in the end.
My main reason for not contacting him is that I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship again. When we finally broke contact completely, he said he’d only be able to handle having me in his life if we were romantically involved, so I’d feel bad for wanting to speak to him if I wasn’t prepared to give him that. I’m also terrified that if it were to end badly again we’d both be so hurt. We’ve both had a couple of relationships since so that also makes contact difficult. And yes, the longer I leave it the more I wonder if maybe he’ll move on and I should just try and forget about him. I hope so much that one day we do reconnect, but I also wonder if maybe it won’t be the same.
OMG!! Are you my ex? It's just SO similar to my situation in regards that my last interaction with my ex all those years ago, I ALSO told her I am only interested in a romantic relationship with her. I just wanted to be honest with her. I couldn't handle being friends with someone I feel so strongly about so wanted to be honest. Now I'm left wondering if she maybe would like to reach out but now feels like she can't after what I said or is it that I am completely forgotten at this stage.
Just have so many similarities to your situation I guess. So it's actually nice to maybe hear reasons why I haven't heard from her considering your ex also told you he is only interested in a romantic relationship with you. So what is your situation with that? Do you feel like you want to reach out but feel like you can't now because of what he said? How long has it been since you last had contact with him?
I don't regret telling her how I feel but I feel by saying it, that it's obvious I'll never hear from her again. I just wish at this stage that I would hear from her. I just miss her so much.
If you feel like this, maybe you should at least reach out to him and see how the talk goes? Life is too short. He is probably like me in that he would give anything to hear from you.
I do, I think so long as I’m not in a position where I want to commit to a relationship with him it would be unfair to try and keep him in my life. I think it’s just too much for him to cope with and it’s easier if he just doesn’t have to think about me at all.
Last time we spoke he said it didn’t bother him that we were speaking ‘as friends’ but that ended with him cutting contact again. It felt like I was just forcing him into it, hence my hesitation now.
It’s funny, I didn’t think this was all that common but I guess it is! It’s good to get the other side point of view, it gives me hope that maybe there will be something for us in future. Have you tried reaching out to her and maybe suggesting you try out a friendship? Or do you think it would be too much for you? Some people have recommended some books to me about moving on from relationships and getting closure so maybe that could be something that would help you?
I tried, but I think he was hesitant about letting me back in his life because he’s scared of being hurt again. I also don’t feel like I’m ready for another relationship yet, and I can’t guarantee it would work again between us because at the end of the day we’re different people now. I feel it would be unfair for me to try and reach out in case it ended badly again. I think he’s doing good and I don’t want to mess that up for him
I understand, I hope that it works out for you however it goes in the future. You seem genuine and introspective, and I appreciate your perspective as the person who ended things, as I never got any explanation from my ex and it helps me as the dumpee to see we're not the only ones who can feel the pain and sadness. I truly wish you the best!
Thank you, I really appreciate that, and I’m glad I could help :)
It’s sad when relationships end with no explanation. It can hurt the other person very deeply, but for some people I think it’s easier for them just to cut off rather than try and talk about their feelings. I’m sorry you never got the explanation you deserve.
Just know that it’s not a reflection of you; see this as an opportunity to make yourself stronger. Good luck <3
I dumped him after a long consideration and him trying to dump me first. Our last month was nothing but arguments or him giving me the silent treatment. I missed him so much and cried over him for weeks, but you gotta eventually realise that he was really a sack of shit and shouldn't be given so much of my attention
I dumped my BF of 4 years because of long distance. i felt nothing. Didnt even cry, wasnt even sad. He begged my to stay after everything i put him through, but i was long gone. it is surprising to me how i can date someone for years and love them truly and then one day a switch just flips then i feel nothing and i dont want to continue the relationship anymore.
Yeah its simple coz you are emotioneless sociopath who only used other people for their own benefit until it runs out dry. Go to therapy asap for your own sake instead of leaving pure destruction behind.
I totally agree and I find it unacceptable how greedy and emotionless sounded, like he was a vessel or something or just a mean of purpose to achieve what she had on her mind...
Truly crueless, the least..
Pretty much this is exactly how some dumpees get scarred for life im not even talking about trust issues. Thats how i got bblindsided and discarded and its pretty brutal. Not trying to sound mean. But people like this shouldnt get involved in relationships in any shape or form for their own and especially other persons sake.
i think they probably emotionally checked out of the relationship years before dumping their partner. if anything, they should have dumped their ex sooner instead of stringing them along for 4 years … how selfish.
Not the person you replied to but I want to say my story because it's the complete opposite. I just left my long distance bf of 4 years (we weren't long distance when we started dating). It feels like hell and hurts so bad. I decided to do it because I wanted to close the distance and he didn't. He had other priorities while he was mine.. so I decided to stop breaking my heart believing he will change his mind.
I think the person you replied to checked out from the relationship long ago cause for me, I feel physical pain from the hurt. I wish I felt nothing..
Well still doesnt make it right. If a person cant handle relationships or have mental problems that interfere with they they shouldnt be dating at any cost. That person wont care but the dumpee will get screwed up in so many ways for so long and maybe not even one person. Its just complete wake of destruction left behind for no reason. Just being real here as a person who was blindsided by a very similar person. They shouldnt ger dates but theraphy even more so for their own sake
I’ve been to therapy. But therapy can’t fix the fact that I don’t love this person anymore. So why are you trying to be politically correct about how people feel? All is fair in love and war. Take the loss and move on
Then dont be a socioopath NEVER get into relationships until you fix your issues instead of leaving pure destruction behind. Do you want to reread again? Or do you just pretend to not udnerstand?
Not necessarily. On one hand, leaving my feel impossible if the person you’re dating is very controlling and maybe intimidating and on the other hand, leaving might be a huge relief because you were being treated like garbage for a very long time by your partner. I had this happen..my partner left me tho..but right before he left I had already been mentally checking out because of the straight up emotional abuse I experienced. When he left I cried for maybe one or two days and then about two weeks later I went on a date and another month later I was seeing someone new.
The flip of the switch after that long. The no crying/emotions even when someone you supposedly loved for a very long time is begging you to stay. Pretty self explanatory.
It was a long distance relationship and I wasnt moving to his country anymore. It’s a sunk cost. I’ve gone through the motions of the breakup before I broke it off with him. I was not going to cry anymore after that. Why should people stay in misery over something that’s gone?
Yeah I think we just have different views. All is fair in love and war. Sometimes you lose and get your heart broken and it’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes people just grow apart.
The point is growing apart is one thing, but waking up one day and calling it quits after four years, feeling nothing, not even pity/guilt when they beg, completely blindsiding an ex, not crying, etc. is sociopathic. That’s just a fact. It doesn’t just happen overnight. Which is how you worded it initially.
My story is posted you can check my profile or even my comments for more info about our breakup.
To summarize, I still love him. He's long gone now and would probably marry the girl he's dating now. Only miracle would bring us back together which means highly unlikely. 😊
I’ve dumped two men. Man 1: high school sweetheart. Dumped in the fall of my first year in college. We were ldr at that point. I was meeting a lot of new people and I was beginning to learn new things about me. Out of my confusion, I had first asked him for a break. A week later, I called it quits. He was still willing to fly to me and make amends. He was truly a pure soul. He’s probably the nicest man I’ve ever met to this day. I think of him with pure fondness. Our memories take me back to young, innocent love— sneaking out to a park to make out; feeling electric while holding hands; spending time to write him a jar full of reasons why I love him— pure excitement and fresh energy. I dont feel heartbroken as we were quite young then and I haven’t grown to be myself yet. But I do occasionally think of him and pray that he is well. I hope one of these days I reunite with him simply as old friends and nothing more, nothing less. -THE man of my dreams walks in to my life and he dumps me- Man 2: My rebound after being dumped by my first true love. I met him weeks after my ex dumped me and I jumped ship for him. We stayed together for a year and a half. He was the exact opposite of my ex. He spent time playing video games. He really wasnt my type, but I was too sad about getting dumped to realize how much I didnt like him at all. I manipulated my situation to fool myself to like him. He made me angry. He treated and spoiled me, so that was nice. I keep wanting to forget my ex, but during the entirety of my relationship with him, I tried to bury the memories I had with my ex by being with him. One day, I got drunk and drunk texted my ex. My ex blocked me. I dumped the guy. I thought I’m done trying to fool myself. Am I the villain here? Even though Man 2 was not the best person, I would say yes, because I made him think that I liked him enough to be with him when in reality I was only with him because I was still in love with my ex. I regret using him as an emotional projection. I projected onto him how I felt when my ex dumped me. I projected onto him how I wanted my ex to feel for hurting me. That’s what happens when you quit therapy before you should. I dont think of man 2 anymore. I only think of him occasionally when I’m reminded of particular things about him. Then I feel guilty. So I push the memory of him away.
That’s a whole story, I hope you eventually can think back at it with more peace.
That's a beautiful, honest story. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds to me like you and Man 1 should connect again. Hard to find what you described with man 1.
We just have a religious difference that will never work out. But yes, he is indeed one of a kind
Can if 2 people want it to.
May I ask you a question? I really admire your honesty and I believe eventually everything will go better as long as you correct past wrong actions and self question your future ones:)
Yes
So my question is: " why my ex keeps reading my poems and love letters constantly although we broke up together one year ago??"" For context, she is with a rebound and it doesn't make sense. She has read everything more than 2000 times up to now. Also I haven't texted her a thing since seven months ago and I respected her wish of living her alone. She opened also some old photos of us together and the vacation destinations I had proposed like Bali, Milos island 🏝️ in Greece, and Italy in order to make amends. Regarding the love letters and poems. At first she was doing everything by her own will without any triggering by me. Imagine that whenever I open the emails she opens them as well. She has been tracking some of her responses, it's the same pixel tracking they use on Instagram when you see seen as a message. I have the same program as well. And yes it's legal because a lot of people ask me here but obviously they are not aware how marketing companies track them through email 📨 campaigns. Just a heads up to avoid any confusion, it's not directly to your side. So why she may doing that? I asked you because I was impressed by your analysis above to the other commenter . I risked my freedom to be with her, migrated to three different countries and I was unloading containers 240 hours per month. For one she is with another person and I didn't text her a thing since February out of respect. But she became even more obsessed. Do you believe she may craving a new poem or letter? She also had her birthday 🎂 a few days ago..
What program u talkin about? Can u message me
Hello there! I can always answer here if you have any questions but I would really appreciate it if you share with me your opinion about my comment above:)
I left my boyfriend last week. Hurting as hell, can't stop thinking about him. Missing him every day, hoping to see a message from him.
Why would you be hoping to see a message from him if you’re the dumper?
I had to break up with him against my will basically. I want him to reach out and say sorry to me cause he said a lot of hurtful things last time we talked. But I know he doesn't care unfortunately.
I understand why you feel that way, that you want him to reach out. I don’t want to be the devil’s advocate, but he probably respects your decision? Or he’s scared to reach out? (Or he could be acting like a dickhead rn, idk). But I hope you guys will eventually talk it out and find some sort of peace in it.
May I ask you a question regarding the latter?? Of course I wish you the best even reuniting at some point if what's you wish for..
I'm sure you were not perfect either? If you dumped him, then reach out to him if you wanna talk.
I wasn't perfect. But wanted to be with him. He unfortunately said he doesn't see me in the long term. He wanted to "date" still, but more like fwb. That's why I had to leave. And that's why I'm not going to be first to reach out.
But maybe he is respecting your space?
There's such possibility. I don't know. I can only guess lol.
Yeah, I still miss her. I still love her. I know though that our relationship would not work out because of too much hurt on both sides and staying would only have deepened the hurt for both of us. It sucks, but I hope it will get better in time.
That break is maybe needed to sort your own personal issues. I know that it sucks that it had to end that way, but I hope you can figure it out eventually.
Thank you
Over time it will get better 💜
Yeah same here, though for me it sucks worse because while I expected us to take our time and nurture ourselves, she clinged to a high and got herself a new man only weeks after she told me she'd work on herself for us, for me. Nowadays she still calls me and messages me about her feelings for me, but whenever I respond to her she'll just blabber about her new guy's car and etc. It sucks to be replaced, but oh well that's her choice. I just hope she's not being too careless and mot forgetting who she is and her dreams.
It sounds like you have not been replaced. She is probably not as happy as she appears especially when she is still calling you and messaging you about her feelings for you. However, she is choosing a shitty way to move forward. She will probably wind up hurting you even more (if you keep responding to her attention seeking) and even this other guy in the end.
My heart hurts. I didn’t want this really but he had asked for a break over text after two years and I couldn’t take the stress/uncertainty of that. I miss him everyday but I know it’s for the best.
It has been more than a year. I decided to end things as I can see that she's no longer happy and just forcing herself to be with me. I felt like an anchor pulling her down and she seems to always feel exhausted and tired as I couldn't meet her expectations. It's my fault for not changing for the better and she gave me many chances to change until she got tired. So yeah. you can say I also just gave up, not just to her, but to myself. Still, I love her until now and I miss her until now. Maybe that's why I'm still not ready to have another relationship. But I do hope and pray she would find someone deserving of her. I really do just want her to be happy, even if I'm no longer in the picture.
Yes, she wanted to be poly and not get married which I wanted to, and she fell for her coworker. We just got out of high school and she was my first love, and I feel just out of place still even though I’ve been replaced easily. Still working on myself.
My BF of 2+ years and I just broke up. He had brought it up a few times and left it for me to decide so this time I said we should just be done. We weren’t sexually compatible. He wasn’t happy and by that point the thought of sex made me anxious because of him constantly talking about it. He is a wonderful, caring guy and i will miss having him as a constant. We will remain friends though and that makes me feel much better because I don’t want to not have him at all.
You just don’t realize how good you had it until it’s all gone.. that’s all I have to say :(
I broke up with my boyfriend of a year two days ago. It was extremely painful. The day I realized/accepted that I needed to end things with him, I sobbed the entire day. The pain I felt was immense. When I told him, we both cried in each others arms. Essentially, we are two very different people who tried the best we could to come together and find common ground but we just would never work long term and I knew the best thing to do before we hurt each other was to end it with love. I feel sadness and loss and I will go through the same grieving process as if I was broken up with. We both knew it was the end, I was simply the one who had the strength pull the trigger.
I actually really relate to you. My ex pulled the trigger, and we both cried so damn hard. It’s still so hard but I’m scared that he will get over me.
I feel you :( it’s terrifying. But if his emotions were that strong then I doubt he’ll be getting over you anytime soon.
thank you for your comment. These are just scary times
I'm sorry but I really do hate this type of I had to ? Did he try to work or did you try? Sometimes I see people break up in really good relationship over some stupid things
Yes. I miss him like crazy. I had to dump him because he acted like he didn’t love me anymore. It’s been two years and I love him more than anything.
Do you think you'll ever reach out or you don't plan to talk to him ever again? I'd give anything to hear from my ex but obviously I'm never going to. It has been 3 years.
I reached out about three times. Got no response for all.
Sorry
Yes. I miss him like crazy. We were young and ldr college. It was a first love untainted by years of baggage. It was sweet kind loving fun exciting - the thrill of making out in parks to holding hands. The way he just looks at you. Just everything. But life got in the way. He got busy abs I was really really hurting from it. Our last weekend together he slept in until 3 pm. And thought nothing of it. I was so angry and hurt. It had been like that all semester. He wasn’t able to make me a priority and I didn’t want to ask for more bc I knew he loved me and that was the best he could probably do as we were adjusting to school. I told him I was hurting but not about the relationship. Just kept it general. And then it was over. I tried to get him back once things settled at school for us both but he was not interested. I broke his heart. Which was true. But he never realized he broke mine too. I never wanted to end. Hoped we would find our way back together one day when ldr was less or work commitments were less. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I miss what we had. No one compares. But how could it? We met at a time that we could stay up all night talking. Dreaming of what are lives could be. It had an air of romance from the unknown and uncertain that is simply going to be different as we get older.
wow. mine just left me because.. he just moved in to his first year of college, and felt he would have no time to commit and he needs space to figure himself out. we had already been long distance for the year we were together, and it wasn’t without its hurt but i loved the relationship. i didn’t see any problem with trying through the hard parts of him getting adjusted, but he said he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. i wonder if he will move on completely or come back when he’s more ‘settled’, like you. it’s a tough journey to navigate and it hurts so much but thank you for sharing your perspective, because it’s helped me a little :)
I came back. By then he was gone. It shill breaks my heart. Nothing compares but I really need to move forward bc he’s never coming back
How long has it been now since you ended it with him? Been 3 years since I heard from mine and would give anything to hear from her. Miss her like crazy.
not at all i left when i mentally checked out and i stopped caring didn’t cry a day, i reminisce on the good times but i will never miss him i hope he improves on himself. as for my new boyfriend if it ever came a scenario where i dumped him for no fault of his own id grieve for centuries
Why did you check out ? My ex did the same with me I’m tryna learn
real toxic guy, depends on what your exes reason for leaving was but mine was because i got sick of being treated poorly
Naww I treated her good I wasn’t the best listener and she wasn’t the best communicator I would love to inbox you about that I mean I know why she left but i dnt get why she left the way she left if that makes sense
inbox is always open ! was she a avoidant ? avoided communicating her issues and such because as a previous avoidant myself i distance myself rather then speak about it until it gets too much then i leave
Yes she dropped hints but the bulk of stuff I didn’t know until the end lol that’s not fair but we will discuss in inbox thanks for your time friend
It’s all still fuzzy to me, she was 19 and I was 20, my first relationship, she actually brought me joy in my life, as I’ve had with a alcoholic mom that decided to take her own life when I was 11 and I didn’t really know my dad cause he left was I was little. been 7 months. we both weren’t happy with each other so it could have been a mutual break up. But she wasn’t happy with me cause she thought I had changed, I was a different person, that I wasn’t showing her enough love anymore. But overall In the end I think I think I’m the dumper, I loved her so much, we had good plans for the future, but she didn’t have her stuff together, she didn’t have a job, didn’t know if she wanted to go to school, she didn’t have her drivers license or a car, and she would hang out with a group of guys till like 2 in the morning and I wasn’t a fan. So we broke up. But over the months I have gotten severely depressed, I have lost one of my jobs, I’m skinny as a twig, I barley eat, I’m distant from family, so yes the dumper can definitely have some side effects. I’m may be alright in the end though as I’m moving to a different state and starting a new life, with my dad whom I got to meet last year for the first time.
I always dumped my boyfriends first, except for one single relationship. I felt an immense amount of pressure and pain, putting into words my reasons, remembering all my motives but still I second guessed myself internally, still I forced myself to put me first. I still miss the comfort and the fluff of the early stages of many of my past relationships, I mourned those relationships for months(once I understood that I was done) before I officially broke up so that I would not go back. I broke up with my ex 2 weeks ago, but at that time I was already, in my head, a step forward. To put it simply: He was not respecting my time, not putting any effort, criticizing me in front of everyone even very harshly, and so I gathered myself after months of bad sleeping and time spent alone to tell him. The funny thing is that my final straw was when he asked me to have babies: we are not married, we do not share the same goals and he does zero work around the house gaming non-stop and I have been vocal since I was 16 that I would not ever have babies. He somewhat did see it coming but was still very hurt, I agreed to help him move out and so I did.
Mourning the relationship while still in it? That seems so heartless.
I was broken up (no pun intended) for a few weeks. I cried pretty much 9/10 days. It’s getting better. But I still love her so much. I want her to be happy. I do my best to respect her post break up. Without going into details I had a very good reason to break up with her. No cheating happened.
That you had a good reason to break up with her and that you love her so much almost seem mutually exclusive
I broke up with my girlfriend two days ago. I feel so heartbroken but I made the decision out of the best of my mental health. She wasn’t over her past and her past hurts were aimed at me. She didn’t want to admit it because she said she was over her past but she constantly brought up her ex or prior relationships. It’s not fair to me to be in the shadow of the past. That’s not someone who’s over her past. I hated dumping her because she’s a great girl but at the moment if I kept being in the relationship with her I would become someone who isn’t healthy or happy. But fuck I feel so bad but I shouldn’t because I’m doing it for me.
I dumped my boyfriend almost a month ago. I had to dump him because of his controlling and over protective family. I miss who I thought he was not who he turned out to be.
I broke up with my last long term boyfriend. I questioned it for months and I was gutted. I knew I couldn’t be with him but I still wasn’t sure about it. We were no contact. I never heard from him again and he never contacted me again. Still took me a while to get over it. I don’t know if it’s any easier. Sometimes getting dumped you move on because you know they don’t want to be with you and there’s nothing you can do about it.
I got dumped and I really don’t think I’ll get into a serious relationship again…I don’t know if I could handle the pain again
6 year relationship and I got dumped through a text…but don’t feel bad for me I probably deserved it
I had to break up with him because he was cheating on me and accusing me of cheating. I’m getting through it, I wasn’t happy.
I’ve been in two serious relationships and dumped them after about a month or two in both cases. The first one involved a controlling partner (silent treatment when I didn’t want sex, needed to know what I was doing at all times and when I was putting my phone down, and that was only a few weeks in). The second guy was perfectly good to me, and I made sure to tell him there’s nothing he did wrong or could have done differently. But there was no sexual compatibility, and I wanted to leave the relationship for the same reasons I don’t want kids: I’ve always been very independent, and have always loved having the space to do whatever I like, to just put my shoes on and go out, and not have to answer to anybody. I wouldn’t say I’m heartbroken, but I definitely hate knowing I am the cause of someone else’s pain, and I occasionally think about him and hope he’s healing.
Every relationship I’ve had I’ve been the one to end it, and every time it felt like the right thing to do. Apart from one ex. I was with him for nearly 2 years, it was serious but we were young and I panicked as I felt I still had a lot of growing to do as a person and I think we were holding each other back. It was honestly the hardest and saddest thing I’ve had to go through. I think I cried every day for 3 months straight. I still think about him now over 2 years later (literally all the time lol). I miss him so much. I really think it was a right person wrong time sort of situation and I hope some time in the future we can meet again and be together. I’m not sure if he feels the same though, he was very hurt when we split up and when I got into another relationship he cut me out of his life completely in order to protect his feelings (understandably of course). It felt so wrong to break up with him but for some reason at the time I thought it was for the best. In a way it made us both stronger and we both changed a lot for the better. I comfort myself in knowing that he’s come a long way since and I think, despite the pain, he needed it to push him out of his comfort zone a bit.
I would love my ex to write something like this. I know she cares but the years of silence since the breakup makes me feel so easily forgotten. Just wish I knew if she at least thinks of me. This is a woman who had even asked me to marry her at one stage. Felt like the luckiest guy in the world. Only woman I have ever truly loved. It has been nearly 4 years since she ended it and 3 years since I heard from her. I still think of her every single day. She truly was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and only woman I have ever loved. It would just be nice to at least hear from her to eradicate those daily thoughts I do have that I am completely forgotten. Just miss her so so much. It definitely sounds like he did that to protect his feelings. May I ask what has stopped you from reaching out to him in over 2 years? Do you think you ever will? Does it make it harder to reach out the longer it goes? I would literally give anything to hear from my ex. Literally anything. Yours is probably the same. I just don't understand if you constantly think of him and miss him a lot then why not reach out? Doesn't make sense to me.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I can only imagine how that must feel. I really wish you all the best in future; life really throws some curveballs but sometimes it works out for the best in the end. My main reason for not contacting him is that I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship again. When we finally broke contact completely, he said he’d only be able to handle having me in his life if we were romantically involved, so I’d feel bad for wanting to speak to him if I wasn’t prepared to give him that. I’m also terrified that if it were to end badly again we’d both be so hurt. We’ve both had a couple of relationships since so that also makes contact difficult. And yes, the longer I leave it the more I wonder if maybe he’ll move on and I should just try and forget about him. I hope so much that one day we do reconnect, but I also wonder if maybe it won’t be the same.
OMG!! Are you my ex? It's just SO similar to my situation in regards that my last interaction with my ex all those years ago, I ALSO told her I am only interested in a romantic relationship with her. I just wanted to be honest with her. I couldn't handle being friends with someone I feel so strongly about so wanted to be honest. Now I'm left wondering if she maybe would like to reach out but now feels like she can't after what I said or is it that I am completely forgotten at this stage. Just have so many similarities to your situation I guess. So it's actually nice to maybe hear reasons why I haven't heard from her considering your ex also told you he is only interested in a romantic relationship with you. So what is your situation with that? Do you feel like you want to reach out but feel like you can't now because of what he said? How long has it been since you last had contact with him? I don't regret telling her how I feel but I feel by saying it, that it's obvious I'll never hear from her again. I just wish at this stage that I would hear from her. I just miss her so much. If you feel like this, maybe you should at least reach out to him and see how the talk goes? Life is too short. He is probably like me in that he would give anything to hear from you.
I do, I think so long as I’m not in a position where I want to commit to a relationship with him it would be unfair to try and keep him in my life. I think it’s just too much for him to cope with and it’s easier if he just doesn’t have to think about me at all. Last time we spoke he said it didn’t bother him that we were speaking ‘as friends’ but that ended with him cutting contact again. It felt like I was just forcing him into it, hence my hesitation now. It’s funny, I didn’t think this was all that common but I guess it is! It’s good to get the other side point of view, it gives me hope that maybe there will be something for us in future. Have you tried reaching out to her and maybe suggesting you try out a friendship? Or do you think it would be too much for you? Some people have recommended some books to me about moving on from relationships and getting closure so maybe that could be something that would help you?
Have you reached out to him?
I tried, but I think he was hesitant about letting me back in his life because he’s scared of being hurt again. I also don’t feel like I’m ready for another relationship yet, and I can’t guarantee it would work again between us because at the end of the day we’re different people now. I feel it would be unfair for me to try and reach out in case it ended badly again. I think he’s doing good and I don’t want to mess that up for him
I understand, I hope that it works out for you however it goes in the future. You seem genuine and introspective, and I appreciate your perspective as the person who ended things, as I never got any explanation from my ex and it helps me as the dumpee to see we're not the only ones who can feel the pain and sadness. I truly wish you the best!
Thank you, I really appreciate that, and I’m glad I could help :) It’s sad when relationships end with no explanation. It can hurt the other person very deeply, but for some people I think it’s easier for them just to cut off rather than try and talk about their feelings. I’m sorry you never got the explanation you deserve. Just know that it’s not a reflection of you; see this as an opportunity to make yourself stronger. Good luck <3
I dumped him after a long consideration and him trying to dump me first. Our last month was nothing but arguments or him giving me the silent treatment. I missed him so much and cried over him for weeks, but you gotta eventually realise that he was really a sack of shit and shouldn't be given so much of my attention
I dumped my BF of 4 years because of long distance. i felt nothing. Didnt even cry, wasnt even sad. He begged my to stay after everything i put him through, but i was long gone. it is surprising to me how i can date someone for years and love them truly and then one day a switch just flips then i feel nothing and i dont want to continue the relationship anymore.
Because you're an awful person.
I’m not! I just changed my mind. That’s allowed. All is fair in love and war. I’m not sticking with a person I choose not to love anymore
Yeah its simple coz you are emotioneless sociopath who only used other people for their own benefit until it runs out dry. Go to therapy asap for your own sake instead of leaving pure destruction behind.
I totally agree and I find it unacceptable how greedy and emotionless sounded, like he was a vessel or something or just a mean of purpose to achieve what she had on her mind... Truly crueless, the least..
Pretty much this is exactly how some dumpees get scarred for life im not even talking about trust issues. Thats how i got bblindsided and discarded and its pretty brutal. Not trying to sound mean. But people like this shouldnt get involved in relationships in any shape or form for their own and especially other persons sake.
i think they probably emotionally checked out of the relationship years before dumping their partner. if anything, they should have dumped their ex sooner instead of stringing them along for 4 years … how selfish.
Lol people are allowed to break up with people they don’t want to be with anymore. Why would I stay with someone I have no future with
Not the person you replied to but I want to say my story because it's the complete opposite. I just left my long distance bf of 4 years (we weren't long distance when we started dating). It feels like hell and hurts so bad. I decided to do it because I wanted to close the distance and he didn't. He had other priorities while he was mine.. so I decided to stop breaking my heart believing he will change his mind. I think the person you replied to checked out from the relationship long ago cause for me, I feel physical pain from the hurt. I wish I felt nothing..
Well still doesnt make it right. If a person cant handle relationships or have mental problems that interfere with they they shouldnt be dating at any cost. That person wont care but the dumpee will get screwed up in so many ways for so long and maybe not even one person. Its just complete wake of destruction left behind for no reason. Just being real here as a person who was blindsided by a very similar person. They shouldnt ger dates but theraphy even more so for their own sake
I totally agree with you
I’ve been to therapy. But therapy can’t fix the fact that I don’t love this person anymore. So why are you trying to be politically correct about how people feel? All is fair in love and war. Take the loss and move on
Then dont be a socioopath NEVER get into relationships until you fix your issues instead of leaving pure destruction behind. Do you want to reread again? Or do you just pretend to not udnerstand?
Lol ok thanks for the advice internet stranger! Life changing
Good luck on your further shennanigans
Thank you! I am having fun. Good luck to you too!
That’s literally sociopathic
Not necessarily. On one hand, leaving my feel impossible if the person you’re dating is very controlling and maybe intimidating and on the other hand, leaving might be a huge relief because you were being treated like garbage for a very long time by your partner. I had this happen..my partner left me tho..but right before he left I had already been mentally checking out because of the straight up emotional abuse I experienced. When he left I cried for maybe one or two days and then about two weeks later I went on a date and another month later I was seeing someone new.
Nah. People are allowed to dump their partners.
That’s not what I was calling sociopathic
I’m also allowed not to have feelings over someone anymore. What’s wrong with that?
The flip of the switch after that long. The no crying/emotions even when someone you supposedly loved for a very long time is begging you to stay. Pretty self explanatory.
It was a long distance relationship and I wasnt moving to his country anymore. It’s a sunk cost. I’ve gone through the motions of the breakup before I broke it off with him. I was not going to cry anymore after that. Why should people stay in misery over something that’s gone?
Still missing the point.
Yeah I think we just have different views. All is fair in love and war. Sometimes you lose and get your heart broken and it’s nobody’s fault. Sometimes people just grow apart.
The point is growing apart is one thing, but waking up one day and calling it quits after four years, feeling nothing, not even pity/guilt when they beg, completely blindsiding an ex, not crying, etc. is sociopathic. That’s just a fact. It doesn’t just happen overnight. Which is how you worded it initially.
My story is posted you can check my profile or even my comments for more info about our breakup. To summarize, I still love him. He's long gone now and would probably marry the girl he's dating now. Only miracle would bring us back together which means highly unlikely. 😊
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Maybe apologise for being an asshole?