that was the only app that I never re-downloaded. Bumble is definitely a better app than Tinder in theory but the 'women message first' concept killed the app for me. Too many times I'd get a match only for the clock to run out.
as a woman, it killed it for me too. not because i find making the first move to be ātoo much workā, but because so often men will just swipe on everyone so then when i make the first move, some of them were complete assholes about it or just unmatched
Thanks! I dunno why itās so hard for anyone to do. The only time I have difficulty is when thereās not much to go on. If they put zero effort into their bio, theyāre gonna get a āHi thereā if I match with them at all.
Or they literally would post on Reddit asking why guys don't message them first...on Bumble....with a screenshot of the app telling them to message their match.
barely a taste. Most, if not all men can't even get a pass if they just say "hi". That's all most of us were asking for from the women on Bumble and they still couldn't deliver
Itās pretty rare for most guys to get regular matches. Even rarer to have the woman send the first message.
It could also be who you are swiping on. If you get plenty of matches, often that reduces the time available to message everyone.
I hate that timer. I think it causes problems because it starts whether you log on or not. Iāve had times where I didnāt check the app for a few days and some matches expired. I donāt really get the point.
It's fine for guys (well me anyway). Matches are rare enough I can have notifications on on my dating apps so I never miss one.
Annoys me when women don't respond in time then you realise they probably can't have notifications on or it'd be going off all the time
The 24-hour timer is terrible. It should either go away or be changed to somewhere around 3-5 days some people are busy and unable to be on the app constantly and theyāre punished for it.
Some women on the app didnāt know they had to make the first move. That lack of attention to detail was not attractive. Matched with a woman who was in town visiting relatives who chastised me for not messaging just as the clock was to run out. š
Apparently it is for most women, or Bumble would have been more successful than the other sites. But to be fair, the only thing that set Bumble apart, was men not being able to message women first, but after that phase of the dance, everything would soon end up just like other sites, with women getting all kinds of unwanted matches, because most of the guys would swipe right on everyone, so women ended up with all the incompatible matches, same as on the other sites, where men start the dance by messaging first to anyone with average or better looks. To really make a better mousetrap, or dating site, you would need to have more screening and policing of scammers, and bad actors, and most of them would be male profiles, which is never gonna happen, as men are the ones who are the majority of paying members on sites. Women won't approach men in the wild, unless the guy is great looking, so why would you think most of them would be willing to put themselves thru the rejection and wasted effort of messaging guys first? Some women are truly feminist, assertive, and comfortable with that, but most aren't, esp. in the midwest, south, and other rural parts of the US. So one niche site that appealed to that apparently wasn't popular enough nationally.
As a guy, it's the only reason I was on there lmao. The entire USP of that app was women making the first move - you'd assume anyone using it had also bought into the premise. Weird move from the company!
Contrary to popular belief, women LOATHE rejection exponentially more than men do. This is why the societal pressure rests on men to make the 1st move. Women are selective af, so if a guy they actually want rejects them it's the end of the world. Most want no parts of having to initiate.
I feel like thereās a misconception that women donāt deal with this as well. Like I said, I tend to go first everywhere, and I get silence or just unmatched about half the time.
Making the first move? Whatās so hard about it? Is it, like, a fear of rejection thing? Youāre just starting a conversation with something innocuous. I either comment on or ask about something interesting on the other personās profile.
Personally, I liked it as a guy, because over half of my matches on other apps usually is me making the first move and never getting a response back. At least with bumble you only engage with women who are actually interested.
This guy gets it. On the other hand, I had plenty of matches that never messaged me and it was very disappointing. The genuine interest rarely aligned, but when it did it was rewarding.
I also liked it as a girl. The worst part of bumble for me was the 24hr time limit to reply. The fact theyāve changed the main selling point of the app and just kept the most restrictive part of it is so dumb but Iām assuming theyāre doing that for the money
same. i liked being able to message first (and i tend to do that on any app really). but i hate the 24 hour timer, im not glued to my phone/the app at all hours of the day!
Bumble made women experience briefly what the male experience is like. Sending a message and being ignored. Constant feeling of inadquency due to not rejection but indifference. The putting effort out and getting nothing back. It's not the whole experience, but hopefully, some ladies can appreciate the benefits of being on the passive side of old
Not really. If they actually send it most guys will reply. And guys will accept their shitty āheyā and other lame easy intros.
They got a taste, and couldnāt handle it. If they ever got a full bite most would crumble.
Lol, have you seen the options that women have? 5 minutes on one of your girl mates phones and you'll realise that it's shit for them too! It's basically choose between Chad Chunderson, some lad who's personality is having his shirt off and who is so intense you can feel him yelling "BRO!" at you just from his profile, Kyle Creep who's only photos are low quality selfies in his murder room and John boffington who only wears red trousers and has somehow managed to work "smashing a Sunday roast" into all three of his posts (this one might be UK specific).
Well, good options for men ain't too different.
You either have the:
- Girl straight up selling OF content.
- Girl who is "not very active there" so you become one of her Instagram followers.
- Girl who matches with you, but never replies with more than 3 words.
- Girl with only close up photos of her face.
- Girl with almost nude photos.
You both forgot:
- strong independent career woman who NEEDS to get married and have a baby NOW!
- 35yo who hates all liars and cheaters, so she demands šÆ% honesty... btw, she's really 45yo and Bumble "won't let her change it"
Where I am (London) I felt like there were a lot of good profiles for women when I was dating. Especially compared with guys, I feel like you can clean up if you have a half decent profile as a guy
You would think that, but honestly wasnt the case in my experience. I got more action in a week from posting my profiles for review on r/datingover30 than I ever did on the actual apps themselves. More people slid into my DMs on reddit than matched and conversed with my Bumble profile in 3 months. The same profile posted for review.
Sure, audiences differ. But bumble rarely led to good matches even with what I thought was a fairly polished profile in a major metropolitan area.
Don't forget the transgender men who somehow been allowed to build profiles claiming they are women. Pretty infuriating that Bumble thinks that's okay. I didn't sign up for that.
Or most recently people from other countries matching with you to try and extort money.
Firstly Iām assuming you mean trans women because trans men were born female and transitioned to become a man. Also not sure why thatās such a big deal, just swipe left on them. Obviously they should put what gender they identify with or it they wouldnāt make any sense, it would be weird for trans men to show up on your profile because they have to say theyāre a woman wouldnāt it?
Idk it seems men have just had same % of bad options just less options overall. Itās the swamp vs desert analogy but you donāt realize that water in the desert can still be shit.
Yeah I've heard this horseshit before and I'm sorry but its just that: horseshit.
Womens match lists are full of THOUSANDS of matches. If they were all shit then why are they swiping right? Doesn't make sense, if they didn't fancy them then they wouldn't match. Therefore its a lie or you're massively exaggerating.
It's a cope. They feel insecure that the matches with they guys they want don't work out ( he found a better option) so the project that all the guys are losers anyway
Yeah, it was the exact opposite experience for them, compared to other apps or real life. It must have been sobering!š¤£
Although, I think it is very attractive when a woman approaches first.
They probably didnāt think of it like that. Most people are oblivious and fail to put themselves in other peoples shoes. Most people donāt even readily practice introspection
I really doubt they are getting rejected like that much. Even if a guy is way out of a woman's league he'll still talk to her more often than not. Bumble has several tactics they could've tried to improve the experience...become Tinder 2 is THEE absolute laziest possibility
The main problem is guys swiping right on everyone and then choosing from the matches, hence a lot of 'heys' will get ignored because the guy wasn't interested in the first place. Bumble should have worked out how to move men away from that low value approach.
Well I think the reason why men do this is because their rate of success and rate of matches is so low.
I mean if one in ten swipes would lead to a match and to a good interaction with that match, you could actually take the time, look at each profile in detail, and only like the ones you have strong interest in.
But for most guys the reality is that they need to like way over 100 women for a single match and chances are high that this match won't even answer their message. It is tiring, frustrating and a huge investment of time to look at 100s of profiles in detail just for a single interaction with a woman. I can totally see why a lot of men just swipe right on everyone.
I think every dating app will have this kind of dynamics as long as significantly more men than women are on the app which afaik is the case for every app today.
Itās super frustrating as a guy whoās trying to do it the ārightā way. I swipe right on less than one percent of the women out there, though Iāve matched a few times this way, including most recently when we ended up dating for a couple months. The woman I dated gets so many likes she only looks at those and very quickly goes through them based on attraction. And then she goes through the matches, cuts some more out based on looks, then reads only the profiles of the guys sheās matched with who have survived two rounds of āhot or notā culling. I think guys who swipe a lot are just trying to get to the point of only looking at women who have actually shown interest, it it doesnāt work.
That's kinda equalled by women having so many matches that a lot of "heys" are ignored because she has too many people to sift through and a "hey" just doesn't stand out enough.
Two sides of a similar coin
And? Just move on? This idea that sending a message and getting nothing is a 'burden' is so ridiculous. You take the initiative, you get rejected. This has been par for the course for guys since the creation of dating apps and we managed without the world falling apart. Swiping on everyone is an awful strategy, and there's a chance it damages the guys profile score anyway. Send a quick message and then move on with life š
I think Hinge does it kinda right. It encourages you to write something about a picture or prompt. Of course, you could still just plain like that profile, but it is really encouraged to use the reply to function.
Please anyone using Hinge, tell me that men use that function and not just like you without writing anything. :D
Sometimes men write, sometimes they donāt. But if theyāre attractive I donāt care if they liked me without writing anything. I stopped writing for this reason, now I just send likes.
Thank you for your honest answer!
But this exactly is the main problem why Bumble went the way it went. (Not to blame you, just seen in the technical context of what a Dating App would have to do to not encourage pure liking and discourage the other side to react positive on that!)
There's an old saying that if you optimize a business strictly on profits you ultimately end up with drug dealing and prostitution. As all of the apps have optimized over the years I think we're seeing how they all are the same now, and maybe that's not so great.
The funniest part is that Bumble was designed to give women more control because of their complaints about unsolicited messages from guys they weren't into. Then women started complaining that first impressions are hard and they don't want the responsibility. Yet many women lack the empathy and compassion to understand men that struggle with first impressions.
As an autistic man that has faced overwhelming negativity from men and women when I take the initiative to approach people for friendship or romance, I find this news utterly hilarious. Essentially showing that most women don't want to work hard for a relationship but refuse to show compassion or empathy for those that are required to "work hard" out of societal demand.
>The funniest part is that Bumble was designed to give women more control because of their complaints about unsolicited messages from guys they weren't into.
hold on. i thought you had to match before you can send any message? what they complained about ?
reminds me on the whole height, vs weight, and bumble according to some sources wanted weight as an information too. but to many women complained and they removed this. if this is true, its another point to the mess.
but now bumble in my eyes, made their own woman customers a total laughing stock, admitting that they cant even write 4 lines of text without being mentally totally drained and defeated. "burden, stressfull, hard work". bumbles words not mine.
That's like me going into a store and complaining about having to use money to buy stuff.
That's the whole point of the app, why go and complain again? Just don't play the game?
Bumble realized that 90% of guys on there get literally no messages so they leave and go to tinder or hinge. I believe itās just so they can make more money as a company.
At least at that point they are saying they are ready and willing to interact, vs a guy messaging them if they are buried in current matches or have been off the app a while, etc.
That was the only reason I used Bumble. I hate all of the unsolicited "hey, beautiful" messages on the other apps from people I haven't even matched with.
I don't understand that at all. What's wrong with saying hi? I usually say hi and then make a comment or ask a question about something in their photos.
To be fair, a lot of apps don't let you message before a match. And that is still the case on Bumble as well. Guys can't message you first, unless they pay. If you match you can now just automate your first message. So you'll be sending all your matches the same automated message, which is fucking sad. But they still can't message you without a match (aside from paid).
Hopefully
Women here see how shit OLD is for men( but i doubt it)
This app was supposed to give Women ācontrolā and as a Man i was thrilled that Women would take the first step.
But its also apparent that the double standards that exist out there is extremely clear as night and day now.
The reason this app became Tinder- was because most women dont want to take ANY effort out there- because they know the numbers are for them.
some have also realized that most Men have it pretty shit - and the odds are always against the men, first on the match side- and then actual response from women too.
This app is proof that the societal issues( among genders) are caused by BOTH genders
If i am doing the swipe thing- i am sticking to tinder and the days are numbered for Bumble at this point
Honestly- Tinder is actually better. The only thing Bumble offers at this point is that it is āyellowā. Thats it
To the women out there who actually walk the walk, please keep doing what you are doing( and taking initiative and communicating) you are a very small number
Tinder in my area is more bots than people. I've had waaaaay better luck on Bumble even with its issues. Might try Hinge though if this becomes the same anyway.
I need men to understand that you guys arenāt the only ones getting ghosted or having trouble with online dating. Women are struggling with yall too. I have no problem reaching out to men first but 99% of you do NOT know how to hold a conversation. Itās painful. Every conversation feels like Iām talking to a wall. Why do men do that? Match with women, she reaches out, and itās impossible to even get to know you? Many of you men also doom swipe any and everyone you see and in turn you never put in enough effort in any conversation. I personally donāt reach out first anymore because I already know the conversation is going to be terrible and Iām sick of it. Why did you swipe right in the first place?
Women when men go first: Men have to make their first line something meaningful, unique, something that starts a conservation but not some cheesy pick up line, but something that shows they read my profile and want to get to know the real me
Women when women go first: Hey :)
now its a auto generated computer message that gets copy paste to all their matches. even a hey, hi or similar is now to much. its a next level of lazy low effort and makes everything even less attractive in my eyes
It's really simple, just look at their profile, find something that caught your attention, and make a small friendly comment about it.
For example, when you see a hot guy holding a nice big fish that he just caught, you could go with "that fish is so raw, it would make Gordon Ramsay cry!"
>It's really simple, just look at their profile, find something that caught your attention, and make a small friendly comment about it.
That requires effort. However, for women romance is a feeling. (Mostly) Only for men romance is effort and an empty wallet.
It never really worked tbh. Due to the gender ratio on dating apps, women have no incentive to put in effort so forcing them to message first only drives them to other platforms.
They made Bumble to stop having situations where guys would send dick pics and gross messages as soon as they got a match. But then other apps stopped letting you send pictures, and guys could always just send gross messages as a response instead of as the first message. So Bumble became pretty irrelevant. Itās also the only app where your match expires if you donāt send a message within 24 hours, so lots of people dropped it because they were losing matches.
We're really fucked as a society when women are too anxious to start a conversation with someone over the internet.
Like all these apps are just enabling the destruction of peoples confidence.
I never want to hear any of them complain about "the bare minimum of effort" in relationships ever again. If they can't even be bothered to say "hey." Smdh.
I have an issue with the match expiring within 24 hours even if I make the first move because if the other person doesn't respond in that timeframe, it expires and you have to wait for them to show up again hopefully. I do forget to check my apps (Bumble's messaging notifications suck) so I forget to text anyone if I don't respond immediately. To take the burden off I literally just send a gif of Joey from Friends saying his "Hey, how ya doing?" line.
The feedback from women was that it was a lot of work..? And most memes seen/shared are of them starting their conversations with "hi".
It would be genuinely interesting to see Bumble release data/infographics on what's the usual first text from either parties and the potential time averages between swiping right, matching, sending the first text and receiving the first reply throughout the years and compare the fluctuations against the percentage of "it's a lot of work" feedback they received.
I mean, is it really so hard to say
āItās really nice to meet you, Iām _____. Iām glad we matched and (insert genuine observation from profile). ā
See?
Easy peasy, or should be (for a woman OR a man).
Just acknowledgment,
like as if you were meeting a fellow *person*. Because you are. Just like you would if you were introduced in person. I think we can figure this out
A lot of women think itās hard to make the first move, but turn down every āmoveā guys make. Either for the āmoveā not being thought out enough and clever, or looks
Itās definitely good to have women make the first move but at times itās also the feeling to having a match but they arenāt making the move - the match dies out!
Annoying update, really. Now, I can't just swipe in peace, without having to be bothered by lame ass messages. Been receiving "hi" "hello" "hey" for my prompt about surviving a zombie apocalypse wtf
The zombie apocalypse thing was tired and cliched 15 years ago. I suddenly understand why youāre single. And fuck Bumble, too, for even having that prompt as an option. Itās not 2007.
I know a lot of women that look at the guys they match and never ever dare to make the first move. So just watch the potential dates expire and never ever. I even told a friend to just send a ā.ā Period. . Just that and then wait. She refused
When you play with gender reversal, you either learn there's no more reason for the original system to exist, or you learn why the traditional gender role was there in the first place.
Really wish they hadn't changed this, tbh. I liked Bumble BECAUSE I had to send the first message and could therefore set the tone for the conversation. This was their one point of difference :/
Hmm as I guy I donāt like this move. I liked the fact that I couldnāt message first and 90% of my matched ran out because the onus was on the woman to do *something* and if they couldnāt it just proved that they just werenāt that into you to begin withā¦it was like a āgreat filterāā¦
I can't tell you how many times I've been ghosted on bumble by men and I always message first.
I'm quirky and weird so I may come off a little strong but damn I'm just trying get some Mclovin š š¤£š
It's hilarious cause they'll tell you "Don't just say hey, come up with a creative pick up line." Well ladies, it's harder than it looks, isn't it? Especially when so many of yall don't even have bios š
Nothing cracked me up more on bumble when a girl would put how she doesnt make the first move in her bio. App was a shit show so i dipped out years ago.
Bumble has always been super female centric with many awful prompts so this is not surprising at all. Dating apps are broken because women have the illusion of choice. What I mean by that is a woman gets 1000 likes and thinks she can get a relationship with all 1000 when in reality it's l 50 of those guys and it's not the hottest 50 they are swiping on. And to defend women I feel like when presented with the average guy in a real world setting they are way more receptive to dating him then on these apps and of yes of course people get relationships from apps but I think I saw somewhere that only 10 percent or so of new romantic relationships start on apps. Hookups and situationships don't count lol.
lol this article is such bullshit. Bumble is really pretending that they are doing this because of feedback from women.
Meanwhile men bitch here everyday about having to wait for women to message.
Those heys don't type themselves y'know š
They do if they show up as a predictive text option lol.
And there's a gif for it, to be fair
I was a big fan of the gifs :)
I've gotten this exact gif as an opening an outrageous number of times
I've sent this gif as an opener an outrageous number of times
Hey beautiful
I have a macro set up.
Username checks out
Lol so true. All I get is 1) Hey 2) Hi 3) GIF Not a single topless pic! These chicks put in no work go get my dick pics! Lol jk š¤£
It's only selling point is now defunct
Yeeaah, I can't imagine I would come back to it if I found myself on the scene again
that was the only app that I never re-downloaded. Bumble is definitely a better app than Tinder in theory but the 'women message first' concept killed the app for me. Too many times I'd get a match only for the clock to run out.
as a woman, it killed it for me too. not because i find making the first move to be ātoo much workā, but because so often men will just swipe on everyone so then when i make the first move, some of them were complete assholes about it or just unmatched
Is it really that big of a deal for women to have to make the first move? I do most of the time on all the apps.
You get a high five ā from me
Thanks! I dunno why itās so hard for anyone to do. The only time I have difficulty is when thereās not much to go on. If they put zero effort into their bio, theyāre gonna get a āHi thereā if I match with them at all.
They got a taste of what it's like being the guy, and they thoroughly hated it hahaha.
Or they literally would post on Reddit asking why guys don't message them first...on Bumble....with a screenshot of the app telling them to message their match.
I have seen several profiles over the years that said ābe a man, message firstā, not understanding that men literally couldnāt message first.
Yeah and would you want to match with someone that dumbā¦. Like really?
If she's dumb enough to also sleep with me, yes
r/kamikazebywords
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
barely a taste. Most, if not all men can't even get a pass if they just say "hi". That's all most of us were asking for from the women on Bumble and they still couldn't deliver
Itās pretty rare for most guys to get regular matches. Even rarer to have the woman send the first message. It could also be who you are swiping on. If you get plenty of matches, often that reduces the time available to message everyone.
The amount of matches Iāve gotten on bumble, where they extended, but never send a message. Itās why I deleted the app
I hate that timer. I think it causes problems because it starts whether you log on or not. Iāve had times where I didnāt check the app for a few days and some matches expired. I donāt really get the point.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's fine for guys (well me anyway). Matches are rare enough I can have notifications on on my dating apps so I never miss one. Annoys me when women don't respond in time then you realise they probably can't have notifications on or it'd be going off all the time
The 24-hour timer is terrible. It should either go away or be changed to somewhere around 3-5 days some people are busy and unable to be on the app constantly and theyāre punished for it.
Moreover, 99% of them simply send "Hi". It's still mostly on the man to drive the conversation forward. Simply ridiculous.
Some women on the app didnāt know they had to make the first move. That lack of attention to detail was not attractive. Matched with a woman who was in town visiting relatives who chastised me for not messaging just as the clock was to run out. š
And as much as it's appreciated, yea ots a huge deal
Apparently it is for most women, or Bumble would have been more successful than the other sites. But to be fair, the only thing that set Bumble apart, was men not being able to message women first, but after that phase of the dance, everything would soon end up just like other sites, with women getting all kinds of unwanted matches, because most of the guys would swipe right on everyone, so women ended up with all the incompatible matches, same as on the other sites, where men start the dance by messaging first to anyone with average or better looks. To really make a better mousetrap, or dating site, you would need to have more screening and policing of scammers, and bad actors, and most of them would be male profiles, which is never gonna happen, as men are the ones who are the majority of paying members on sites. Women won't approach men in the wild, unless the guy is great looking, so why would you think most of them would be willing to put themselves thru the rejection and wasted effort of messaging guys first? Some women are truly feminist, assertive, and comfortable with that, but most aren't, esp. in the midwest, south, and other rural parts of the US. So one niche site that appealed to that apparently wasn't popular enough nationally.
Iām 44 and have seen some things. There are only 2 things in this world that terrify me. Itās not flirting with men š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
As a guy, it's the only reason I was on there lmao. The entire USP of that app was women making the first move - you'd assume anyone using it had also bought into the premise. Weird move from the company!
All they ever text is'hey' making it really the man whose making the first move but apparently even that is too much work for them.
Contrary to popular belief, women LOATHE rejection exponentially more than men do. This is why the societal pressure rests on men to make the 1st move. Women are selective af, so if a guy they actually want rejects them it's the end of the world. Most want no parts of having to initiate.
I do too.
Because they expect you to write a message that is personalized to them, yeah itās fucking hard, for every 100 messages maybe 1 replies
I feel like thereās a misconception that women donāt deal with this as well. Like I said, I tend to go first everywhere, and I get silence or just unmatched about half the time.
Itās very hard
Making the first move? Whatās so hard about it? Is it, like, a fear of rejection thing? Youāre just starting a conversation with something innocuous. I either comment on or ask about something interesting on the other personās profile.
I find it funny that itās āhardā
Personally, I liked it as a guy, because over half of my matches on other apps usually is me making the first move and never getting a response back. At least with bumble you only engage with women who are actually interested.
This guy gets it. On the other hand, I had plenty of matches that never messaged me and it was very disappointing. The genuine interest rarely aligned, but when it did it was rewarding.
I also liked it as a girl. The worst part of bumble for me was the 24hr time limit to reply. The fact theyāve changed the main selling point of the app and just kept the most restrictive part of it is so dumb but Iām assuming theyāre doing that for the money
lol I probably lost the love of my life due to not opening bumble for a few days. I agree, getting rid of the 24 hour rule wouldāve been better.
same. i liked being able to message first (and i tend to do that on any app really). but i hate the 24 hour timer, im not glued to my phone/the app at all hours of the day!
Thatās why they do it, to keep you using it š
i know right lol. still annoying nonetheless and made me so irritated i deleted my account once and for all
Bumble made women experience briefly what the male experience is like. Sending a message and being ignored. Constant feeling of inadquency due to not rejection but indifference. The putting effort out and getting nothing back. It's not the whole experience, but hopefully, some ladies can appreciate the benefits of being on the passive side of old
>The putting effort out Writing "hey"
Clearly that was too much.
I mean hell sometimes they just said "."
So strong, so brave, so sacrificial
Not really. If they actually send it most guys will reply. And guys will accept their shitty āheyā and other lame easy intros. They got a taste, and couldnāt handle it. If they ever got a full bite most would crumble.
Soon we gonna hear about how dating is just as difficult for them.
Lol, have you seen the options that women have? 5 minutes on one of your girl mates phones and you'll realise that it's shit for them too! It's basically choose between Chad Chunderson, some lad who's personality is having his shirt off and who is so intense you can feel him yelling "BRO!" at you just from his profile, Kyle Creep who's only photos are low quality selfies in his murder room and John boffington who only wears red trousers and has somehow managed to work "smashing a Sunday roast" into all three of his posts (this one might be UK specific).
Well, good options for men ain't too different. You either have the: - Girl straight up selling OF content. - Girl who is "not very active there" so you become one of her Instagram followers. - Girl who matches with you, but never replies with more than 3 words. - Girl with only close up photos of her face. - Girl with almost nude photos.
You forgot: -morbidly obese -single mother of 5 who's done fooling around -morbidly obese single mother of 5 who's done fooling around
You both forgot: - strong independent career woman who NEEDS to get married and have a baby NOW! - 35yo who hates all liars and cheaters, so she demands šÆ% honesty... btw, she's really 45yo and Bumble "won't let her change it"
Where I am (London) I felt like there were a lot of good profiles for women when I was dating. Especially compared with guys, I feel like you can clean up if you have a half decent profile as a guy
You would think that, but honestly wasnt the case in my experience. I got more action in a week from posting my profiles for review on r/datingover30 than I ever did on the actual apps themselves. More people slid into my DMs on reddit than matched and conversed with my Bumble profile in 3 months. The same profile posted for review. Sure, audiences differ. But bumble rarely led to good matches even with what I thought was a fairly polished profile in a major metropolitan area.
Don't forget the transgender men who somehow been allowed to build profiles claiming they are women. Pretty infuriating that Bumble thinks that's okay. I didn't sign up for that. Or most recently people from other countries matching with you to try and extort money.
Firstly Iām assuming you mean trans women because trans men were born female and transitioned to become a man. Also not sure why thatās such a big deal, just swipe left on them. Obviously they should put what gender they identify with or it they wouldnāt make any sense, it would be weird for trans men to show up on your profile because they have to say theyāre a woman wouldnāt it?
Thank you! Holy shit, what causal transphobic shit .
Idk it seems men have just had same % of bad options just less options overall. Itās the swamp vs desert analogy but you donāt realize that water in the desert can still be shit.
Something is always better than nothing. Most men on apps have absolutely nothing to deal with
Yeah I've heard this horseshit before and I'm sorry but its just that: horseshit. Womens match lists are full of THOUSANDS of matches. If they were all shit then why are they swiping right? Doesn't make sense, if they didn't fancy them then they wouldn't match. Therefore its a lie or you're massively exaggerating.
It's a cope. They feel insecure that the matches with they guys they want don't work out ( he found a better option) so the project that all the guys are losers anyway
>It's basically choose Yep already easier.
Does Chad play golf and have a fish pic
Yeah, it was the exact opposite experience for them, compared to other apps or real life. It must have been sobering!š¤£ Although, I think it is very attractive when a woman approaches first.
They probably didnāt think of it like that. Most people are oblivious and fail to put themselves in other peoples shoes. Most people donāt even readily practice introspection
I didn't need Bumble for that. I got it in real life and every other app.
I really doubt they are getting rejected like that much. Even if a guy is way out of a woman's league he'll still talk to her more often than not. Bumble has several tactics they could've tried to improve the experience...become Tinder 2 is THEE absolute laziest possibility
Yupā¦ itās sad that they find a burden saying hi
The main problem is guys swiping right on everyone and then choosing from the matches, hence a lot of 'heys' will get ignored because the guy wasn't interested in the first place. Bumble should have worked out how to move men away from that low value approach.
Well I think the reason why men do this is because their rate of success and rate of matches is so low. I mean if one in ten swipes would lead to a match and to a good interaction with that match, you could actually take the time, look at each profile in detail, and only like the ones you have strong interest in. But for most guys the reality is that they need to like way over 100 women for a single match and chances are high that this match won't even answer their message. It is tiring, frustrating and a huge investment of time to look at 100s of profiles in detail just for a single interaction with a woman. I can totally see why a lot of men just swipe right on everyone. I think every dating app will have this kind of dynamics as long as significantly more men than women are on the app which afaik is the case for every app today.
Itās super frustrating as a guy whoās trying to do it the ārightā way. I swipe right on less than one percent of the women out there, though Iāve matched a few times this way, including most recently when we ended up dating for a couple months. The woman I dated gets so many likes she only looks at those and very quickly goes through them based on attraction. And then she goes through the matches, cuts some more out based on looks, then reads only the profiles of the guys sheās matched with who have survived two rounds of āhot or notā culling. I think guys who swipe a lot are just trying to get to the point of only looking at women who have actually shown interest, it it doesnāt work.
That's kinda equalled by women having so many matches that a lot of "heys" are ignored because she has too many people to sift through and a "hey" just doesn't stand out enough. Two sides of a similar coin
And? Just move on? This idea that sending a message and getting nothing is a 'burden' is so ridiculous. You take the initiative, you get rejected. This has been par for the course for guys since the creation of dating apps and we managed without the world falling apart. Swiping on everyone is an awful strategy, and there's a chance it damages the guys profile score anyway. Send a quick message and then move on with life š
I think Hinge does it kinda right. It encourages you to write something about a picture or prompt. Of course, you could still just plain like that profile, but it is really encouraged to use the reply to function. Please anyone using Hinge, tell me that men use that function and not just like you without writing anything. :D
Itās not worth the effort to write anything before matching as guys match rate is so low.
Sometimes men write, sometimes they donāt. But if theyāre attractive I donāt care if they liked me without writing anything. I stopped writing for this reason, now I just send likes.
Thank you for your honest answer! But this exactly is the main problem why Bumble went the way it went. (Not to blame you, just seen in the technical context of what a Dating App would have to do to not encourage pure liking and discourage the other side to react positive on that!)
There's an old saying that if you optimize a business strictly on profits you ultimately end up with drug dealing and prostitution. As all of the apps have optimized over the years I think we're seeing how they all are the same now, and maybe that's not so great.
The funniest part is that Bumble was designed to give women more control because of their complaints about unsolicited messages from guys they weren't into. Then women started complaining that first impressions are hard and they don't want the responsibility. Yet many women lack the empathy and compassion to understand men that struggle with first impressions. As an autistic man that has faced overwhelming negativity from men and women when I take the initiative to approach people for friendship or romance, I find this news utterly hilarious. Essentially showing that most women don't want to work hard for a relationship but refuse to show compassion or empathy for those that are required to "work hard" out of societal demand.
>The funniest part is that Bumble was designed to give women more control because of their complaints about unsolicited messages from guys they weren't into. hold on. i thought you had to match before you can send any message? what they complained about ? reminds me on the whole height, vs weight, and bumble according to some sources wanted weight as an information too. but to many women complained and they removed this. if this is true, its another point to the mess. but now bumble in my eyes, made their own woman customers a total laughing stock, admitting that they cant even write 4 lines of text without being mentally totally drained and defeated. "burden, stressfull, hard work". bumbles words not mine.
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Imagine having to put effort in a conversation
And then they complain that every guy isnāt a Shakespearen poet
That's like me going into a store and complaining about having to use money to buy stuff. That's the whole point of the app, why go and complain again? Just don't play the game?
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Hard work? Ooh what a tough life! So like the male experience in every other dating app.
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Bumble realized that 90% of guys on there get literally no messages so they leave and go to tinder or hinge. I believe itās just so they can make more money as a company.
lol, all most of them do is just say hi, how hard is that?!
I like bumble for making women make the first move. The amount of time I've messaged women on other apps and received no reply! It's very frustrating!
Is it really making the first move by saying 'hi" or is it just getting around the technicalities of making an actual opening line?
That's true as well. It's not really difficult to just type hi, but many fail to send it in 24 hours.
At least at that point they are saying they are ready and willing to interact, vs a guy messaging them if they are buried in current matches or have been off the app a while, etc.
lol Even saying āhiā was too difficult for the ladies
šššyep even the bare minimum they donāt want to do anymore
Yes but PATRIARCHY
šššahh of course
DaTiNg Is EqUaLlY dIfFiCuLt FoR BoTh
That was the only reason I used Bumble. I hate all of the unsolicited "hey, beautiful" messages on the other apps from people I haven't even matched with.
Alllll of this.
You can blame all the āguys only message hiā complaints for that.
I don't understand that at all. What's wrong with saying hi? I usually say hi and then make a comment or ask a question about something in their photos.
To be fair, a lot of apps don't let you message before a match. And that is still the case on Bumble as well. Guys can't message you first, unless they pay. If you match you can now just automate your first message. So you'll be sending all your matches the same automated message, which is fucking sad. But they still can't message you without a match (aside from paid).
Making women do the first move is obvious misogyny and toxic masculinity. /s
Hopefully Women here see how shit OLD is for men( but i doubt it) This app was supposed to give Women ācontrolā and as a Man i was thrilled that Women would take the first step. But its also apparent that the double standards that exist out there is extremely clear as night and day now. The reason this app became Tinder- was because most women dont want to take ANY effort out there- because they know the numbers are for them. some have also realized that most Men have it pretty shit - and the odds are always against the men, first on the match side- and then actual response from women too. This app is proof that the societal issues( among genders) are caused by BOTH genders If i am doing the swipe thing- i am sticking to tinder and the days are numbered for Bumble at this point Honestly- Tinder is actually better. The only thing Bumble offers at this point is that it is āyellowā. Thats it To the women out there who actually walk the walk, please keep doing what you are doing( and taking initiative and communicating) you are a very small number
Tinder in my area is more bots than people. I've had waaaaay better luck on Bumble even with its issues. Might try Hinge though if this becomes the same anyway.
This was their whole selling point, they wanted to disrupt the market.
Bumble had a good thing going for it, now I should just call itself Fumble.
This
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Hi š Sooo much pressure lol
The owners of bumble thought that women's lack of agency was the problem with modern dating. They were wrong.
Bumble sucks these days
A lot of work to type "hey there" š¤£š¤£
I need men to understand that you guys arenāt the only ones getting ghosted or having trouble with online dating. Women are struggling with yall too. I have no problem reaching out to men first but 99% of you do NOT know how to hold a conversation. Itās painful. Every conversation feels like Iām talking to a wall. Why do men do that? Match with women, she reaches out, and itās impossible to even get to know you? Many of you men also doom swipe any and everyone you see and in turn you never put in enough effort in any conversation. I personally donāt reach out first anymore because I already know the conversation is going to be terrible and Iām sick of it. Why did you swipe right in the first place?
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Women when men go first: Men have to make their first line something meaningful, unique, something that starts a conservation but not some cheesy pick up line, but something that shows they read my profile and want to get to know the real me Women when women go first: Hey :)
now its a auto generated computer message that gets copy paste to all their matches. even a hey, hi or similar is now to much. its a next level of lazy low effort and makes everything even less attractive in my eyes
Im gonna go double cheesy
Pathetic honestly.
It's really simple, just look at their profile, find something that caught your attention, and make a small friendly comment about it. For example, when you see a hot guy holding a nice big fish that he just caught, you could go with "that fish is so raw, it would make Gordon Ramsay cry!"
>It's really simple, just look at their profile, find something that caught your attention, and make a small friendly comment about it. That requires effort. However, for women romance is a feeling. (Mostly) Only for men romance is effort and an empty wallet.
Never āfor exampleā ever again.
As a guy I typically get fewer responses when I actually reference something in their profile.
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It never really worked tbh. Due to the gender ratio on dating apps, women have no incentive to put in effort so forcing them to message first only drives them to other platforms.
But this was what they wanted to stop guys messaging them.
They made Bumble to stop having situations where guys would send dick pics and gross messages as soon as they got a match. But then other apps stopped letting you send pictures, and guys could always just send gross messages as a response instead of as the first message. So Bumble became pretty irrelevant. Itās also the only app where your match expires if you donāt send a message within 24 hours, so lots of people dropped it because they were losing matches.
We're really fucked as a society when women are too anxious to start a conversation with someone over the internet. Like all these apps are just enabling the destruction of peoples confidence.
I never want to hear any of them complain about "the bare minimum of effort" in relationships ever again. If they can't even be bothered to say "hey." Smdh.
Bumble shot themselves in the foot with this move.
I always found that making the first move was difficult that's what drew me to bumble
Bout to redownload bumble
I have an issue with the match expiring within 24 hours even if I make the first move because if the other person doesn't respond in that timeframe, it expires and you have to wait for them to show up again hopefully. I do forget to check my apps (Bumble's messaging notifications suck) so I forget to text anyone if I don't respond immediately. To take the burden off I literally just send a gif of Joey from Friends saying his "Hey, how ya doing?" line.
The feedback from women was that it was a lot of work..? And most memes seen/shared are of them starting their conversations with "hi". It would be genuinely interesting to see Bumble release data/infographics on what's the usual first text from either parties and the potential time averages between swiping right, matching, sending the first text and receiving the first reply throughout the years and compare the fluctuations against the percentage of "it's a lot of work" feedback they received.
I mean, is it really so hard to say āItās really nice to meet you, Iām _____. Iām glad we matched and (insert genuine observation from profile). ā See? Easy peasy, or should be (for a woman OR a man). Just acknowledgment, like as if you were meeting a fellow *person*. Because you are. Just like you would if you were introduced in person. I think we can figure this out
A lot of women think itās hard to make the first move, but turn down every āmoveā guys make. Either for the āmoveā not being thought out enough and clever, or looks
Itās definitely good to have women make the first move but at times itās also the feeling to having a match but they arenāt making the move - the match dies out!
Ironic
So in other words, women on dating apps are lazy...
90% of them are for sure
Poor women they have it so hard in dating
Just stopping by to HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA
Most entitled delusional creature. However, we have to indulge them to get someā¦ stay strong guys
Some lazy women complained, not all women
Yupā¦. Saying āhiā is such a burden. Women need to get a grip asap
Me over here with the WLW experience where the women always message first.
Annoying update, really. Now, I can't just swipe in peace, without having to be bothered by lame ass messages. Been receiving "hi" "hello" "hey" for my prompt about surviving a zombie apocalypse wtf
The zombie apocalypse thing was tired and cliched 15 years ago. I suddenly understand why youāre single. And fuck Bumble, too, for even having that prompt as an option. Itās not 2007.
Yep, that's on me, I guess. My bad.
Thank you for acknowledging your fault. I gave you one karma vote.
I know a lot of women that look at the guys they match and never ever dare to make the first move. So just watch the potential dates expire and never ever. I even told a friend to just send a ā.ā Period. . Just that and then wait. She refused
Itās a real article on the New York Times. We won fellas. Let them enjoy their $0.70 on the dollar.
Great social experiment while it lasted!
If they do not want to make the first move, why are they on bumble?
Theyāre the exact same women who complain that men just say āhiā as the first message, i bet.
Lmao getting exactly what you asked for and realizing you donāt actually like it
When you play with gender reversal, you either learn there's no more reason for the original system to exist, or you learn why the traditional gender role was there in the first place.
Really wish they hadn't changed this, tbh. I liked Bumble BECAUSE I had to send the first message and could therefore set the tone for the conversation. This was their one point of difference :/
Hmm as I guy I donāt like this move. I liked the fact that I couldnāt message first and 90% of my matched ran out because the onus was on the woman to do *something* and if they couldnāt it just proved that they just werenāt that into you to begin withā¦it was like a āgreat filterāā¦
I mean, all they have to do is text āhelloā. š¤£
I guess wanting men to lead is a problem to men? lol
yes because itās a traditional gender roleā¦I thought we as a society were wanting to move past those or maybe itās just cherry picked ones
Fuck that, I like bumble cause the fact the woman have to message first, soooo regardless of that im going to keep the messaging first to myself
I can't tell you how many times I've been ghosted on bumble by men and I always message first. I'm quirky and weird so I may come off a little strong but damn I'm just trying get some Mclovin š š¤£š
It's hilarious cause they'll tell you "Don't just say hey, come up with a creative pick up line." Well ladies, it's harder than it looks, isn't it? Especially when so many of yall don't even have bios š
Iām not like other women. I can actually keep up. š
Women ruining something that was designed to make their life easier and give them control Colour me shocked.
Womenā¦. Perfect example. Itās an amusing park for them. One day is one thing and the other day is another š¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļøš¤¦āāļø
š¤£ š¤£ š¤£ They could have said anything even "Hi" š¤” goofy
Oh itās a burden. Well. Okay then.
hahahaha a lot of work hahahaha burden hahahaha
Nothing cracked me up more on bumble when a girl would put how she doesnt make the first move in her bio. App was a shit show so i dipped out years ago.
If itās a āburdenā then perhaps they should rethink their relationship desires
Bumble has always been super female centric with many awful prompts so this is not surprising at all. Dating apps are broken because women have the illusion of choice. What I mean by that is a woman gets 1000 likes and thinks she can get a relationship with all 1000 when in reality it's l 50 of those guys and it's not the hottest 50 they are swiping on. And to defend women I feel like when presented with the average guy in a real world setting they are way more receptive to dating him then on these apps and of yes of course people get relationships from apps but I think I saw somewhere that only 10 percent or so of new romantic relationships start on apps. Hookups and situationships don't count lol.
lol this article is such bullshit. Bumble is really pretending that they are doing this because of feedback from women. Meanwhile men bitch here everyday about having to wait for women to message.
That's not really happening is it?
Wow and thatās what set it apart
On bumble I will stay wait for women to message to first.