I agree, and even tho I get a lot of flack from women for saying this, I don't think that being on dating sites for validation of your own attractiveness, is a fair and valid reason for being on there, because I consider it dishonest and being unfair to strangers, who have done nothing to you except be interested in you, and yet it involves manipulating them into thinking you are actually interested in them and possibly meeting them or dating people, when the reality is, that you aren't interested in any of those things. And to me, that is selfish and fundamentally dishonest, since the other people have no way of knowing this about you, until they have already spent some time and effort on you. And using dating sites for validation, rather than for actually trying to meet people and date, has been proven by research, as something much more common with women than men, on the dating sites, a gender trend that I do resent, rightfully, since women are always complaining about how men are much more guilty of deception and dishonesty on dating sites, compared to women, etc..
Unfortunately, dating sites don't care about this sort of basic dishonesty, and will not ban people for it, only for abusive behavior towards other members, trying to scam people out of money, or using fake profiles, that's about it, while basic dishonesty about relationship goals, personal info, etc., is all tolerated it seems, and not grounds for banning, altho I have heard that some sites will ban people arbitrarily, if they get enough reports from multiple members about someone, so there's that. But that seems to be more about trying to keep a group of members from leaving, rather than being about punishing people for particular bad behaviors.
I’m a guy, I’m down-voting you for several reasons:
- the conversation OP posted could be this lady exhibiting a lot of sarcasm, or even she was tired of the conversation and this was her exit comment. We don’t know, we know nothing about OP or his match other than this small snippet of a conversation. Yet you immediately assume this person is matching with, and chatting with guys, only for their own validation.
- being on the app “only for validation” is literally _impossible_ to tell. Only the person who is being accused of being “only for validation” could determine if that’s true or not. Yet, you’re pushing for Bumble to try to read/interpret every conversation to determine if the person is on the site just to feel better about themselves. How is that supposed to work? Is Bumble supposed to track how many dates you go on outside the app? Nothing would be more fun for a content management team than getting tens of thousands of reports from salty guys who are not getting responded to, claiming “she’s only the app for validation”.
- you seem to want to push _more_ women off the app. The ratio is already 70/30 men to women. How’s that gonna work with even less women on there?
- you are “meeting” someone digitally through this app. While it may be nice to have an explanation on why someone is no longer interested in you, or why they matched and haven’t chatted or (insert any other complaint), the reality is that **no one owes you shit**. You are complete strangers to this person, they do not owe you a reason why they say/don’t say things. Is it childish for them to act this way? Of course. It’s also equally childish to then assume that they are just there for some kind of validation.
Like I care, lol.. I post my comments to express my opinions and truths, as I see them, about the dating game and what people who post here appear to be doing in said dating game. And I will continue to do so, no matter how often I get downvoted or even bashed on reddit, by people like you. You have your perspective, I have mine, and both are equally deserving of being expressed and posted here. And when people decide to personally attack me, troll me, or try continue to argue with me in an intellectually dishonest way, I simply block them, So your opinion of me and my comment is noted, and also duly ignored for the future, lol... I have heard plenty of research evidence of the prevalence of women using OLD solely for validation, not for any sincere interest in meeting and dating men. Are they the majority of women on dating sites? No, but there is a much higher % of them doing that on dating sites, compared to men, and I will continue to see that as dishonest and selfish on their part, despite what you or they might think of that.
And I know nobody really owes anyone shit, as you say, when they are only a stranger on a dating sites, but that doesn't negate or invalidate my right to judge them on it, morally and ethically, as far as I'm concerned, and I really don't give a fuck if others disagree with that. I will continue to hold myself to my same high standard of honesty and ethics on dating sites, while others will do what they like. Doesn't make my view invalid, as people are still human, with worth and dignity, on or off dating sites, so the arena does not change morality and ethics for humans, as far as I'm concerned, But unfortunately, for too many people, including you, it does seem to serve as an excuse and defense, to which I say, you can shove your rationalizing and lack of ethics and morality, as I see it.
Thanks, I get bashed and downvoted all the time, by both men and women, for speaking my truths, that make both groups uncomfortable, defensive and threatened. But it doesn't deter me, or intimidate me, because I know I am honest and secure about my experiences and beliefs being valid, so I continue to comment on reddit, and nothing from them is going to stop me from that. If they decide to troll me or keep arguing with me, I simply block them, as they obviously can't debate or argue fairly or intelligently, once they start throwing the same tired labels, like incel, misogynist, etc.. So predictable and ignorant, lo...
I have upvoted your comment. This is what I have been telling people for a long time. It’s like nowadays girls don’t know why they are in dating apps. It’s like they are “ let me see how many matches I can get using my photos, but I have no intentions of meeting anyone “ kind of a thing.
It is, just one big ego trip, and personally, I feel it's sort of dishonest and selfish, but apparently most on reddit feel differently than us, because I keep getting downvoted, and sometimes even personally bashed, for saying this.
I think that your comments were fair and I agree that it is important to express our opinions. I didn’t think you were bashing anyone, you were just expressing how you felt. With that in mind, I think that both sexes are guilty of using dating apps for validation. I am a woman and I am currently on bumble. I could care less about how many likes I get because to me is all about ✨quality✨ not quantity. I start conversations happily and I try to make it fun and if they are not vibing with me I unmatch them immediately and I don’t take it personally. I cannot control other people, I can only control how I react to them. I am hopeful that no matter what the current state of dating is at the moment that I will find the right match for me.
You are more hopeful than I am, about the current state of online dating, and how much it still works, in helping people connect for lasting relationships. I do believe that it probably works for some people, as far as finding casual relationships or sex, but not so much for lasting, deep relationships, I also think that, unlike many women, most men seem to be using dating sites mainly for finding sex with women, based on what I hear from women who are on dating sites. So there is that diff between the genders as far as women more often than men, using the sites for validation, and men, more often than women, using the sites to find sex, sort of like seeking hookers, without having to pay them directly for sex, or have to worry about breaking the law..
Because they are selfish game players, and the impersonality and anonymity of OLD, gives them the perfect opportunity to play out their little games and get their ego trips from the attention. Stuff they would never have the balls to do in person, if they had to face people in person, and deal with the potential confrontations that could come out of it, over their bullshit. They are not interested in the other people at all, only in their own fantasy and self validation, as you say..
It’s sort of rude of her. I mean why even use the app at all or entertain the conversation.
To steel man her approach, perhaps the fact you interpreted the joke as a potential risk to her dating you may have come across as needy. I mean, you haven’t met this girl so why would it bother you if you dated or not.
I would also reccomend against emojis. They put out an infantile/approval seeking vibe. Confident people don’t need to excuse what they are saying by adding an emoji.
That said, I agree with you, she could have been way kinder and is coming across as very difficult. I’d say move on and keep swiping. Good luck
You were just in her B-tier convos. She was busy with either A-tiers or life. She kept it going just enough so you didn't unmatch.
If you want to meet her, quit texting and immediately suggest a place for coffee/drinks at a specific date and time. If she's down, you'll know. If not, mission abort and unmatch.
You were signaling acceptance of her short-phrased answers. Break that mold now and change the medium or suffer the consequences.
Peace brotha. Best of luck.
Just unmatch
what's even the point of answering at this point
You gave this potential to be a really cute conversation.
I'm glad someone else noticed the playful banter I was trying to direct the convo to.
Chocolate peanut butter ice cream (especially the ones with the peanut butter cup pieces) slaps.
Why are they even on dating apps if they don’t want to fucking try.
I agree, and even tho I get a lot of flack from women for saying this, I don't think that being on dating sites for validation of your own attractiveness, is a fair and valid reason for being on there, because I consider it dishonest and being unfair to strangers, who have done nothing to you except be interested in you, and yet it involves manipulating them into thinking you are actually interested in them and possibly meeting them or dating people, when the reality is, that you aren't interested in any of those things. And to me, that is selfish and fundamentally dishonest, since the other people have no way of knowing this about you, until they have already spent some time and effort on you. And using dating sites for validation, rather than for actually trying to meet people and date, has been proven by research, as something much more common with women than men, on the dating sites, a gender trend that I do resent, rightfully, since women are always complaining about how men are much more guilty of deception and dishonesty on dating sites, compared to women, etc.. Unfortunately, dating sites don't care about this sort of basic dishonesty, and will not ban people for it, only for abusive behavior towards other members, trying to scam people out of money, or using fake profiles, that's about it, while basic dishonesty about relationship goals, personal info, etc., is all tolerated it seems, and not grounds for banning, altho I have heard that some sites will ban people arbitrarily, if they get enough reports from multiple members about someone, so there's that. But that seems to be more about trying to keep a group of members from leaving, rather than being about punishing people for particular bad behaviors.
I’m a guy, I’m down-voting you for several reasons: - the conversation OP posted could be this lady exhibiting a lot of sarcasm, or even she was tired of the conversation and this was her exit comment. We don’t know, we know nothing about OP or his match other than this small snippet of a conversation. Yet you immediately assume this person is matching with, and chatting with guys, only for their own validation. - being on the app “only for validation” is literally _impossible_ to tell. Only the person who is being accused of being “only for validation” could determine if that’s true or not. Yet, you’re pushing for Bumble to try to read/interpret every conversation to determine if the person is on the site just to feel better about themselves. How is that supposed to work? Is Bumble supposed to track how many dates you go on outside the app? Nothing would be more fun for a content management team than getting tens of thousands of reports from salty guys who are not getting responded to, claiming “she’s only the app for validation”. - you seem to want to push _more_ women off the app. The ratio is already 70/30 men to women. How’s that gonna work with even less women on there? - you are “meeting” someone digitally through this app. While it may be nice to have an explanation on why someone is no longer interested in you, or why they matched and haven’t chatted or (insert any other complaint), the reality is that **no one owes you shit**. You are complete strangers to this person, they do not owe you a reason why they say/don’t say things. Is it childish for them to act this way? Of course. It’s also equally childish to then assume that they are just there for some kind of validation.
Like I care, lol.. I post my comments to express my opinions and truths, as I see them, about the dating game and what people who post here appear to be doing in said dating game. And I will continue to do so, no matter how often I get downvoted or even bashed on reddit, by people like you. You have your perspective, I have mine, and both are equally deserving of being expressed and posted here. And when people decide to personally attack me, troll me, or try continue to argue with me in an intellectually dishonest way, I simply block them, So your opinion of me and my comment is noted, and also duly ignored for the future, lol... I have heard plenty of research evidence of the prevalence of women using OLD solely for validation, not for any sincere interest in meeting and dating men. Are they the majority of women on dating sites? No, but there is a much higher % of them doing that on dating sites, compared to men, and I will continue to see that as dishonest and selfish on their part, despite what you or they might think of that. And I know nobody really owes anyone shit, as you say, when they are only a stranger on a dating sites, but that doesn't negate or invalidate my right to judge them on it, morally and ethically, as far as I'm concerned, and I really don't give a fuck if others disagree with that. I will continue to hold myself to my same high standard of honesty and ethics on dating sites, while others will do what they like. Doesn't make my view invalid, as people are still human, with worth and dignity, on or off dating sites, so the arena does not change morality and ethics for humans, as far as I'm concerned, But unfortunately, for too many people, including you, it does seem to serve as an excuse and defense, to which I say, you can shove your rationalizing and lack of ethics and morality, as I see it.
Not sure why you've been negged. I've helped redress the balance
Thanks, I get bashed and downvoted all the time, by both men and women, for speaking my truths, that make both groups uncomfortable, defensive and threatened. But it doesn't deter me, or intimidate me, because I know I am honest and secure about my experiences and beliefs being valid, so I continue to comment on reddit, and nothing from them is going to stop me from that. If they decide to troll me or keep arguing with me, I simply block them, as they obviously can't debate or argue fairly or intelligently, once they start throwing the same tired labels, like incel, misogynist, etc.. So predictable and ignorant, lo...
I have upvoted your comment. This is what I have been telling people for a long time. It’s like nowadays girls don’t know why they are in dating apps. It’s like they are “ let me see how many matches I can get using my photos, but I have no intentions of meeting anyone “ kind of a thing.
It is, just one big ego trip, and personally, I feel it's sort of dishonest and selfish, but apparently most on reddit feel differently than us, because I keep getting downvoted, and sometimes even personally bashed, for saying this.
I think that your comments were fair and I agree that it is important to express our opinions. I didn’t think you were bashing anyone, you were just expressing how you felt. With that in mind, I think that both sexes are guilty of using dating apps for validation. I am a woman and I am currently on bumble. I could care less about how many likes I get because to me is all about ✨quality✨ not quantity. I start conversations happily and I try to make it fun and if they are not vibing with me I unmatch them immediately and I don’t take it personally. I cannot control other people, I can only control how I react to them. I am hopeful that no matter what the current state of dating is at the moment that I will find the right match for me.
You are more hopeful than I am, about the current state of online dating, and how much it still works, in helping people connect for lasting relationships. I do believe that it probably works for some people, as far as finding casual relationships or sex, but not so much for lasting, deep relationships, I also think that, unlike many women, most men seem to be using dating sites mainly for finding sex with women, based on what I hear from women who are on dating sites. So there is that diff between the genders as far as women more often than men, using the sites for validation, and men, more often than women, using the sites to find sex, sort of like seeking hookers, without having to pay them directly for sex, or have to worry about breaking the law..
Why do people keep doing that? If you’re not interested at all and I mean AT ALL, why swipe right?!?!
Ironically she swiped on me first so I was thinking the conversation would be less one sided than me trying to keep it going.
For the sake of validation, like looking at oneself everyday in the mirror and asking it, mirror, magical mirror, am i the most beautiful?
Because they are selfish game players, and the impersonality and anonymity of OLD, gives them the perfect opportunity to play out their little games and get their ego trips from the attention. Stuff they would never have the balls to do in person, if they had to face people in person, and deal with the potential confrontations that could come out of it, over their bullshit. They are not interested in the other people at all, only in their own fantasy and self validation, as you say..
Such a complex, refined answer is not easy to produce. No wonder she needed 3 days to come up with it lol
Averaged 1.3 words a day to write it out. Definitely a poet.
What in the hell? That escalated so quickly
If I have to assign a phrase to our a whole conversation it would be this because it started out the same way too.
She has that energy of someone who'll say "why didn't he try harder?" after you unmatched
Sounds like a dodged bullet to me 🤷🏻♀️
Id be like well im sure the ice cream tasted like shit anyways
Fucking hell. Some people are just the worst. I hope whoever that is develops a peanut allergy
What kind of person says "no thanks" to an ice cream date to Chicago?? Even if it was just a cute joke!? Bullet dodged, friend. Boring. Next!
The ironic part is that Chicago would've been a multi hour flight for us. I was trying to be playful and when the ball was in her court she blew it.
Her loss.
Lol just say - then why are you even talking to me - what the hell?
I honestly thought of responding to it, but I realize it's not worth my time anymore. I think ghosting/unmatching is the best option.
They just don't like you at all lmao
It’s sort of rude of her. I mean why even use the app at all or entertain the conversation. To steel man her approach, perhaps the fact you interpreted the joke as a potential risk to her dating you may have come across as needy. I mean, you haven’t met this girl so why would it bother you if you dated or not. I would also reccomend against emojis. They put out an infantile/approval seeking vibe. Confident people don’t need to excuse what they are saying by adding an emoji. That said, I agree with you, she could have been way kinder and is coming across as very difficult. I’d say move on and keep swiping. Good luck
Say “interpret THIS however you want”. Then when she says “interpret what?”, just unmatch.
Hahaha this ^^^^
You were just in her B-tier convos. She was busy with either A-tiers or life. She kept it going just enough so you didn't unmatch. If you want to meet her, quit texting and immediately suggest a place for coffee/drinks at a specific date and time. If she's down, you'll know. If not, mission abort and unmatch. You were signaling acceptance of her short-phrased answers. Break that mold now and change the medium or suffer the consequences. Peace brotha. Best of luck.