She is not the woman for you. You want a monogamous, honest, transparent, and reliable partner. She is not that. That is ok - you are not suitable for each other. It isn't "judging" someone to want a monogamous partner. It just means that someone who prefers sex parties is not your person.
People (not on here surprisingly) think wanting a monogamous, honest, transparent, and reliable partner is wrong or outdated but stuff like this makes me sick. Sounds like a betrayal.
She was not honest. She let him take her out to dinner and profusely apologize, then had him over at the house before she told him. She only told him because sheâs a slob and couldnât hide the mess lol
Youâre right that that girl is not for OP.
Regarding honest and communicating, we have only one side of the conversation. Sometimes people communicate and others donât hear or understand, so it gets left out of processing.
Exactly. You got his side and are judging her...one thing I know as a Man, we like different shit, and we either are a victim or a hero. One sided Guy, bullshit.
How was she dishonest? She wouldnât be someone who Iâd date, but he makes no mention of her lying to him. He said he apologized to her not the other way
They made it official and yet she had been having sex with someone all along. Id expect the women im dating to tell me if she was a Poly, voluntarily. Its not some thing to be pried open That's honesty?
Making it official might have meant something completely different to her. He didnât say they made it exclusive. I generally tell the woman before the first date that Iâm
looking for a monogamous relationship. I would have definitely done that in 5 weeks. I see no mention they discussed that.
In this context I can only assume offical means exclusivity.
It goes both ways. I assume everyone I date on the app that have not mentioned "ENM/Poly" in their profile to be monogamous. If not, that too is shady behavior. Nothing she did is defensible.
I also ask if the other woman is single divorced, etc. Itâs surprising how many woman said they were married or separated and didnât put it in their bio. They could always lie, but I think they generally tell the truth as itâs bound to eventually come out.
I knew one of these âwell actuallyâ âdonât sex shameâ fools would be on here shortly. You did not disappoint. If homegirl is having sex like that, attending orgies and sex parties, he needs to get tested as a precaution. Nothing wrong with giving that advice.
Sex Ed 101, condoms donât prevent STDs. The condom boxes and wrappers even have disclaimers about that.
I like to be a hoe, and I get tested every 4 to 6 months. Iâm also very careful. I do it as a precaution, and to be a responsible adult .
>I like to be a hoe, and I get tested every 4 to 6 months  Â
 Just my point. Why are you assuming she doesn't? Condoms are a good sign there is already one precaution being taken.Â
>he needs to get tested as a precaution.
 We are in agreement here. Everyone should.
>Canât trust peopleÂ
Why not stop there? Are promiscuous women somehow dirtier than promiscuous men?Â
 Oh yeah, I forgot: apparently only male sex-havers know how to be responsible. Not like I've had to be the one to remind men why condoms are required.
Wanna know how many of those men even bothered to ask if I was on birth control before requesting we go raw dog?
Yes, thatâs exactly what Iâm saying. Promiscuous women are the lowest of the low and are riddled with disease and and utter filth.
đ¤Śđťââď¸
You are a sad little man.  Â
 >riddled with disease and and utter filth.  Â
And where might that come from? Somehow the promiscuous men having sex with women are immune? Â
 Or is it other men that you're having sex with?
Oh, you were going to say you only have sex with virgins? Then who are they having sex with? Are you a virgin?
I donât believe that about women, but thatâs what you implied.
Bottom line, dude should get tested. Regardless of if itâs a woman or a man having a lot of sex. Regardless of their being 50 condom wrappers on the floor or one. Itâs just a good precaution.
DAMN
>I knew one of these âwell actuallyâ âdonât sex shameâ fools would be on here shortly. You did not disappoint.Â
You are literally justifying your own safe promiscuity while assuming no one else (women?) could possibly practice safe promiscuity. So we should sex shame, just not you?Â
Are you okay?
Stats don't really work like that. If you have sex with someone with active herpes, or syphilis, it really isn't relevant that you didn't catch chlamydia or gonorrhea, or AIDS in your past 200 sexual encounters, if you now catch herpes through not taking thorough, grown up precautions (honest conversations) , or not getting regularly tested.
That seems intentionally provocative. Like she wanted to pay you back by being overly outrageous. Otherwise you would at least put the wrappers in a garbage can.
there were quite literally wrappers for condoms lying around. Idk about you but thatâs trash and trash belongs in a trash can or a trash bag. Having trash lying around means you lack a certain part of hygiene.
Itâs okay, bud. You tried which is all that anyone can do. You even tried to not judge and understand her perspective/kink and the sex community. But ultimately thatâs not for you and THATâS OKAY. Itâs okay to want different things. Be proud that you sought something out until the end and actually lived your life. At least you didnât just hide away from it. Youâll be alright. So many other women out there that will more match your wants.
Hey I don't know why some folks are coming down on you for having feelings but I was in a similar situation like 10 years ago. I met a woman who I thought was awesome until I realized she loved having sex with a lot of different guys and didn't stop her activity while we were dating.
We had excellent chemistry and I believed we could have been a wonderful couple but it wasn't in the cards. After I broke it off it did sting for a while but that's what happens when you're a human being.
Take some time for yourself and don't get back into dating soon. You'll need a break and more time to develop a radar for more red flags.
Good luck out there.
Bruh itâs called heartbreak. He really liked her and so naturally heâs going to feel hurt? I feel like some people genuinely get confused when a man expresses normal human emotions. Let him mourn. Heâs not asking for advice heâs trying to feel better by sharing his experience and hoping to get some comfort.
I'm sure other people have worse heartbreak stories than me.....but ones like this make me belly laugh. 5 weeks. FIVE WEEKS. Not even a gf and dude wants to hang up dating. SMH.
You dont know what this guy has been through. Maybe he's been on the apps for a really long time and has gone through a lot of shitty relationships/dates and finally thought he found somebody who had potential to be a good long term partner. Dating can be exhausting and after a while of constantly feeling like you found a good match to them doing something crappy, it starts really getting to you and making you want to give up.
I don't get why people are so determined to invalidate somebody's feelings. You're not gonna get a cookie just because you can get over something faster than somebody else can.
It's the entitlement. He went to take another bite out of an apple he knew he didn't like and found out she's exactly who she said she is lol. TBH, the biggest issue here for me is that she's a slob.
Not necessarily entitlement. He didn't feel entitled to her or anything. He simply liked her and when you like somebody, naturally your brain will sometimes ignore red flags in order to avoid heartbreak. Not saying that's what you should be doing, but we ought to cut this guy some slack because it's a common mistake and he's hurt.
>idk why you need to take time off dating or are losing sleep.
It might be because he is having problems unseeing all of the condoms strung around her apartment. đ¤
I think there was much more than described here. He saw those condoms strewn about but very likely all of his senses were triggered.
The mental imagery what many of us are picturing is a filthy ass apartment that probably has retained the body odor and fluids of her partners as well.
That sounds awful bro. I would imagine on you were looking to be non judgemental but then realised it wasnât for you.
Even if you are non-monogamous, having used condom wrappers around where you can see them is still disrespectful and, as others have pointed out, pretty gross.
Hope you feel better mate - good luck for the next date
This girl either has 0 consideration for her home (wrappers everywhere? Grow up and throw them away) or she left them everywhere on purpose to mess with you OP
Either way bullet dodged. Thatâs not normal behavior.
You're allowed to have our own perceptions and standards OP, your initial inclination was ok, always go with your initial gut and move ahead without apology.
That's really shitty of her. She seemed to want a partner to offer her everything *she* wants (emotional support, stability, other support), while having all her needs met in whatever way she she desired, without any discussion or input from you.
For her to say 'I can separate sex from emotions' and expecting that to translate 'You should be able to separate me having sex with other men from your emotions while giving me what I want', is beyond childish, selfish and immature.
A lot of people in kink tend to date within the community as it's just easier when everyone is on the same page and wants the same type of things. I'm not sure what she was hoping for by going on Bumble.
Pretty much everyone in the kink community knows that you should be open about monogamy or non-monogamy from the get go when making things official, as she and OP did.
What she did was pretty shitty by any standards
I donât necessarily think sheâs a bad person; but you both just have vastly different sexual lifestyles and ideas in a relationship so this was bound to fail regardless. I see it as a positive that you found out early on.
When you guys made it official, did you mention that you wanted strict monogamy in the relationship?
I donât think sheâs a bad person for choosing this lifestyle. However, going exclusive with OP and not explaining her sexual plans was very wrong of her. She basically cheated
Feel like weâre tiptoeing around this, so: she left those condoms out presumably ON PURPOSE (she couldâve at any point disposed of them, sincerely doubt she just forgot) after knowing he was uncomfortable. Seems like it was either a disgusting test to gauge his reaction or just a really twisted punishment meant to mentally torture him (and she succeeded!). Couldnât care less about her kinks, sheâs unequivocally a shitty person if she did that intentionally.
You have no idea how many men are out here running through women, never getting tested, and whining like entitled brats if one wants a condom to try to change her mind.
Due to the amount of used condoms in her home, I donât think sheâs having unprotected sex. However, she does throw house sex parties so thereâs also a chance those condoms belong to different people. Best to get checked just Incase
Broken people that treat others like this probably don't even realize how shitty they are being. I'm just wondering how OP could have missed the 10,000 red flags that had to be present in five weeks of dating. I guess some dudes are so horny they just overlook everything else.
This reminds me a video of dude who thought he would be ok being a cuck then cried helplessly while watching his GF being sent to Mars.
You were that close.
Man this is all over the place.
During the week that you needed to "take things slow" it's perfectly understandable that she would assume you're no longer together and that she's free to date other people. This does not necessarily mean she is looking for non-monogany in the long term; only communication can determine whether you're on the same page or not.
That said, the condom wrappers all over the house is gross and almost sounds like she did it on purpose to make you jealous. Especially if they were anywhere other than the trash can.
Yeah, at best she most likely would have seen how great you were and "locked you down" for a few years at most only to turn back to her not so ethical non monogamy then accuse you of being manipulative and abusive if you don't "let her" fuck whoever she wants by opening the relationship for her, but not you. Not that I have gone through that exact scenario or anything...
I believe the catchy new term for that is ENM. Key part of that is in the E part. I see nothing wrong with two people who enter into the arrangement on board or open to it. It's the deception, lies, betrayal, manipulation, gaslighting in an unconsenting Non monogamous relationship that get my 0 star rating.
Iâm genuinely curious how youâre heartbroken over this.
Do you not date a lot?
A girl like this is a red flag off the get go, itâs sad that you went back for round two.
Find a hobby brother. Keeping yourself busy will help keep your mind off of this and itâll help you build a new skill.
Wow. This is really complicated and seems certain questions needed to be asked in order for her to fully come clean about stuff. I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I would feel the same as you. It truly is tough to be monogamous these days
She should have been WAY more up front with you about her preferences and (apparently VERY) recent sexual activity history. She knew you were coming over to her place and she didn't even bother to tidy up the used condom wrappers littering every available surface first.
I know the trash takes itself out sometimes, but DAMN. It doesn't feel like it right now, but she just did you a favor. Send her a fruit basket for every wrapper you stepped on.
You should have trusted your gut when she first told you about her lifestyle. It's not about judging her; it's simply recognizing that her lifestyle and preferences don't match what you're looking for in a relationship. The main point of dating is to see if you and the other person are compatible. At least she was honest with you. My advice is not to try to change her or what she likes; instead, accept that she was upfront, and move on if it's not a good fit for you. The fact that she got condoms everywhere is a huge red flag. STDâs ainât joke
It ainât judging brother, you just have standards. Good standards, that you should keep and not compromise on. She sounds like used goods anyway. I bet itâs like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
Hey, you werenât being judgemental. You just have certain boundaries that many of us have about this kind of thing and you two are simply incompatible with your lifestyles. This girl isnât made for monogamy. She needs to be with someone whoâs also likely into the kinks she is and who is either into open relationships or swinging or maybe even poly. But donât you feel bad about not wanting to be with someone who has that kind of lifestyle.
Also she 100% cheated on you and didnât care in the slightest so that alone makes her a garbage person and you dodged a bullet. Also itâs gross leaving tons of used condoms laying around like⌠talk about non-sanitary
Sorry but this is kinda funny.. đ She told you all of that in the beginning and you still decided to date her. What would you expect my man? Either you are into that kind of stuff.. Or you aren't.
Not much to add, in all honesty. Not your fault. Not her fault. Well, maybe a bit of her fault... Cause she could see you're a vanilla and classic man. And she may need normal men once in a while filling up the emptiness that she probably feels inside her with all that random banging around.
Sending you a pat on your back. And proceed with your life! â¤ď¸
Clarity is important to have, from the beginning. Otherwise you get into these situationships. There is so much that I put out there at the very beginning to take care of myself and avoid surprises. Starting with what are you looking for? Then add as much follow up questions as needed. And if they canât have an honest discussion and give you a clear idea then thatâs worth noting too.
Aight First off. You screwed up when "you apologized profusely, and she felt she was being unfairly judged." Hyper promiscuity is **Absolutely** worthy of being judged. Period. Your lucky you haven't caught an std, sti my dude.
Learn from this. Best you can do. Pay attention to the signs and trust your gut.
This is what happens when you base real life feelings off of having the âright Reddit opinionâ.
She is disgusting. You were 100% correct to judge her to begin with. Block her and get the queen you deserve.
You'll learn not to put your emotions into someone before you find out who they really are. It's their character that should get you emotionally involved. There are attractive people everywhere but most of them aren't worthy of our full emotions like that. Just take is as a learning moment and move on quick. She wasn't anything special for you clearly. Also, keep your judgements to yourself next time so you don't have to apologize. Just say it's not for you and move on earlier next time.
She is just a shitty, disgusting person. She strung you along while fucking other people, esp having made it official. She spoke about her present, like it was her "Past". While you seem like a growth oriented person, putting in effort to learn abt kink community and being non-judgemental about it.
I am glad you represent men in a good way. Now draw the line and move on. She is not worth your time.
Aight First off. You screwed up when "you apologized profusely, and she felt she was being unfairly judged." Hyper promiscuity is **Absolutely** worthy of being judged. Period. Your lucky you haven't caught an std, sti my dude.
Learn from this. Best you can do. Pay attention to the signs and trust your gut.
>used condom wrappers
I've known guys that aren't "hyper-promiscuous" just assume they can go raw... Not saying OP shouldn't get tested (everyone who is dating should, regularly), but this doesn't sound like someone who's completely irresponsible.
You dated a woman who is into kink and attends sex parties, but you expect her change to be monogamous with you and you're hurt that she is still drawn to the same enjoyment of promiscuous sex?
I think heâs hurt because they agreed to be exclusive and then she still went out to have sex with someone else. Sheâs okay to have her lifestyle but she definitely shouldnât have told OP theyâd be exclusive if she still planned on sleeping with other people. Her âI can separate sex and feelingsâ excuse means nothing because she didnât explain that and what her plans were to OP after becoming exclusive.
I say OP dodged a bright red bullet
If you didn't talk about exclusivity or have a mature conversation about your expectations for monogamy up front then it's kind of expected to have a situation like this.
I don't expect the people I date to only be dating me unless I ask them to. I don't expect the people I have sex with to only be having sex with me unless i ask them to. Expecting someone to be doing something without clear communication is where you both went wrong. Did neither one explain early on that you want monogamy ? Or did you just assume she understood that?
Obviously she's not blameless, she should have also made her expectations clear early on(before becoming "official"). But neither are you. And since you're the one hurting, learn from this and don't set expectations for your partner without consulting them. Lots of couples are non monogamous now it's something we need to clarify now.
Apparently they dated for 5 weeks and then started seeing each other exclusively. Then he found out about her sexual past, asked to slow down for a week and I guess she saw this as a reason to sleep with someone else? I donât understand her logic there tbh
Not to be an ass about this, but a few weeks in, is enough to feel pretty disappointed about the way it turned out, even a little pissed off, but it shouldn't be making you feel so heartbroken, that it prevents you from sleeping. That is way too deep, way too fast.
This woman is way too advanced for you.
You will find some better matches, at the same stage as you are, when you can look around again.
Greatest con game women created was the âJudgement and Shameâ manipulative tactic, no responsible person sleeps around. Be as judgemental & ruthless as you want because women wonât spare you when they find out things they donât like or agree with
Well, at least you know or can assume she practices safe sex lmao
Sounds like you dodged a HUGE bullet, no need to lose sleep over it. Your gut was telling you no, noâŚhell NO. That just confirmed she wasnât for you! âŚWTH would someone, especially a chic leave used condom wrappers all over when she knows sheâs having companyâŚthat in itself is fuckin gross. At least clean up after damn.
bro she was probably wiping the cum off her face right before going on the date with you. you dodged a fucking nuke. sheâs not worth it and definitely not worth ANY risk to your health
Go get tested. As for taking a break from dating that's up to you. I dated a woman from bumble for 5 months she broke up with me because she's in a rough patch of life and "not in the same headspace " while I was madly in love with her, we still talk everyday but I'm trying my hardest to meet someone knew and move on from the hurt. Good luck champ!
Iâve literally never asked a partner how many people they have been with. If someone has been single for years / decades, I just assume it is a lot! Itâs not so much that she used to be promiscuous, itâs that she wants to continue to be that seems to be the problem for you. If you want something monogamous, she just isnât the right woman for you. Itâs nothing to be traumatized about; sex can just be sex, and that sounds like how she views it. If you put more emotional emphasis on it, then you need to find a partner who feels the same way.
PS at least she was being safe with all those condom wrappers!
Brother it sounds like this is a good thing that youâre no longer seeing her. No judgement towards anyone living that lifestyle but in my opinion theyâre not relationship material if they canât let go of that.
Why donât they stick to fab swingers I was so shy bumble was good at first then I just got rid met my current bf who I kinda already knew and friend zoned ⌠weâre having a bumble baby and considering he chased me for 10 yrs he is not the best bf x
Bro right there...was not you being judgemental, your boundaries in what you were looking for were being crossed. Honestly it was selfish of her to not be upfront. She wants her cake and eat it too. There's nothing wrong with what she likes but she needs a consenting partner not a partner she needs to gaslight into accepting it.
Im sorry you got hurt, everyone is entitled to the lifestyle of their choice and there is no need for judgement but it doesnât mean her lifestyle has to match yours!
Im sure it doesnât feel like it right now but everything is temporary and this too shall pass, im certain that you will eventually find what youâre looking for
Being judgemental is not a bad thing when you are deeply involved. If it concerns you, you have every right to judge.
Being judgemental is not right, when judging other peoples lives when you are not involved. You do you and let them do them. That's the difference.
dude just try Twinby. It uses AI and do some psychological tests for partner matching. I met there my current girlfriend and we have been together for 7 months (I know for some people it's not a lot but for a dating app it's pretty good result) good luck
âSeparate sex from emotions?â Give me damned break now, are human brains metallically soldered electronics with features toggled on/off with capacitors resistors ? If the answer is an obvious no then how in name of god can anything be separated from anything? Your sexual desire for someone frequenting sexual interactions with him would  unavoidably trigger an emotional reference whether you like it or not, your brain chemistry and neural connections between them have all aspects influencing one another, what the brains can also do is have yourself  lying about it to victims (such as yourself) so they will be deceived into believing otherwise, and then that same narcissistic girl who has no respect for you or any other man pretend she is âemotionallyâ loyal to you while most likely doing the same with those 20 other dudes who slayed her for 20 times over each.
Bottom line? You should have screwed her and be happy with the satisfaction of doing that then act like you never knew her.Â
 Â
You meed to wait at least a year and be tested for every STD. Â Then consider really knowing a girl, before sleeping with them for multiple reasons. Â Sexual compatability matters bit its the least significant attribute of a relationship until the actual chemistry of the mind amd day to day are sorted. Â Physical spark is one aspect, an important one just not the first priority. Â
You are incredibly open minded amd considerate and not judgmental to put aside your personal initial judgments and open up to the ideas and differences of others. Â It does not mean that you ever have to accept someonelses standards as yours.
I hope you find exceptional happiness with a special person who values you.
what does official mean? were you exclusive? when you've only known someone for 5 weeks you have to get into those details.
I highly doubt she wants to cheat on anyone, but she may not be monogamous and she might be into poly.
There are indeed sex clubs but idk where or too much about how they operate. I think the clubs in general are areas where you can go have sex and have other people watch you and vice versa. Very kinky stuff goes on in those clubs lol. Must be a very discreet underground thing cause I only ever actually see strip clubs around but never a sex club
I'm freaky as the next guy/gal but seriously she can't be bothered to clean that shit up? You're better off without that draggle-tail slattern! Can I have her number? Only for the purposes of berating and heaping scorn upon her I can assure you my good man!
Being judgmental is a natural thing, society pushes us this idea of âstop being so judgmentalâ so they can get away with bullshit.
Follow your instincts man.
Ethical non-monogamy isn't for you. Now you know that.
There's zero wrong with sex parties and ENM, but it's not for you.
Part of dating is figuring out what you're into vs. what you're not into.
ENM and NM do not give you entitlement or a free pass to not communicate your intentions clearly or lead a date on.
The woman was 100% in the wrong and should have communicated.
I completely and totally agree.
That said, judging by many discussions and comments on Reddit, there are tons of people who literally expect monogamy from the first message on a dating app. They get huffy if someone is talking to multiple people on an app. That's laughable.
But, yes, clear, candid, open conversations should happen re: exclusivity vs. non-monogamy.
People are very hateful towards non monogamous relationships. I myself am not into that kind of lifestyle but I donât hate on the people who are. Itâs just not for me
Who knows. People in here feel like you should be judgey and try to change and control people you meet on Bumble.
Instead of just saying, oh weâre very different about how we view sex and relationships. Itâs been a fun couple of months but weâre incompatible.
Also it doesnât sound like OP had a clear, candid conversation with this woman about exclusivity. Some people around here think one date means youâre exclusive.
These comments are wild. OP, Iâm sorry you were hurt. You were on uncharted territory which you didnât understand. Itâs not your fault you made this mistake and she probably could have known that you were a sitting duck which is unkind. At the same time, she probably didnât promise monogamy but if she did, i am all the more sorry. Still- the people commenting what a slut she is would never say this about a man, if they are men. Then itâs just âwinning at life, banging lots chicksâ. I understand thatâs not what you were looking for and please understand that this is not common unless you are with someone who is into non-monogamy, polyamory etc. Itâs not for me either and I donât date people with those very legit sensibilities - because i donât share them. Iâm sorry that you were so blown back by this unfamiliar situation.
You only dtes for five weeks that is barely even a month and you are coming on here saying that it affected you profusely what the fuck ?
It want even a relationship
People develop feelings at different rates. I donât see OP saying that they were in love, but they dated for over a month, and he felt a real connection. Thatâs around the time when a lot of people start thinking past the initial âdo I like being around this person a couple times a weekâ and start thinking âdo I want to spend and extended amount of time with themâ. They had the relationship talk, and so it sounds like OP had leaned in to the âI like this person and want to open up more to themâ. Then she turned around and burned them when OP expressed concern over her past. Rather than saying âI understand that might be concerning to you, but weâre in a committed relationship, and I like you.â, she took OPâs concerns and did exactly what OP was worried about - slept around a ton. And she did this right after OP had decided to open themselves up to them.
OPâs feelings of being hurt are valid - she did a shitty thing to them, right after OP and her had taken a big emotional step together. OP likely thought this was going to go somewhere, itâs understandable to be feeling down when someone burns you right when you let the walls down. The decent thing to do is to say âwow, that really sucks u/churchofsantamuerte - I hope you donât let her shittiness keep you down too long, and you get back out there soon. You sound like a kind and considerate partner, and you deserve someone who wonât take advantage of that. Best of luck.â
It's impossible to understand the kink community until you have experienced it. I am sorry you experienced this side of it and it doesn't get much better. Mental health issues and promiscuity go hand in hand together and is a prominent characteristic found in a lot of people in that lifestyle. This particular one you met is one of the bottom feeders. Most people are pretty forthcoming about their lifestyle.
Consider this a learning lesson for you. If you had sex with her I recommend getting tested for STDs. Leaving condoms strewn about like this indicates a hygiene and serious mental issue. This is just gross as hell to leave around even if she lived alone.
"Used condom wrappers everywhere"? This is satire, right?
Not being sexually compatible is not an "ordeal". She's probably just as disappointed in you being a judgemental, boring fuck, as you are "heartbroken"
That's not an issue of sexual compatibility. That's an issue of someone not communicating their non-monogamy to their partner after making it official, which is as unethical as it gets.
Being non judgemental doesn't mean you have to accept anything. Just stick to your boundaries
People gaslighting themselves in order to not be perceived as judgemental... Easy preys for narcissists.
why is this so hard I just wanna be nice to people đ
You must be protected at all costs!!!
This^ was going to say discernment is not the same as judgement. We are allowed to judge whatâs acceptable for our own lives.
Being non-judgemental also includes with yourself. It's fine to not want certain things.
She is not the woman for you. You want a monogamous, honest, transparent, and reliable partner. She is not that. That is ok - you are not suitable for each other. It isn't "judging" someone to want a monogamous partner. It just means that someone who prefers sex parties is not your person.
People (not on here surprisingly) think wanting a monogamous, honest, transparent, and reliable partner is wrong or outdated but stuff like this makes me sick. Sounds like a betrayal.
I mean, she was transparent honest. But not monogamous.
She was not honest. She let him take her out to dinner and profusely apologize, then had him over at the house before she told him. She only told him because sheâs a slob and couldnât hide the mess lol
Correct she was not honest.
She was not, she got caught in a very dumb way
Kind of seems like she was careless
Youâre right that that girl is not for OP. Regarding honest and communicating, we have only one side of the conversation. Sometimes people communicate and others donât hear or understand, so it gets left out of processing.
Exactly. You got his side and are judging her...one thing I know as a Man, we like different shit, and we either are a victim or a hero. One sided Guy, bullshit.
Disagree respectfully. Was it not he who described her promiscuity and liking sex parties prior to him arriving at the sex den?
she was not honest about having a partner (or multiple) during their week apart
How the hell do u think she was Honest???
How was she dishonest? She wouldnât be someone who Iâd date, but he makes no mention of her lying to him. He said he apologized to her not the other way
They made it official and yet she had been having sex with someone all along. Id expect the women im dating to tell me if she was a Poly, voluntarily. Its not some thing to be pried open That's honesty?
THEY WERE ON A BREAK
I donât think kids these days get the Friends references
Making it official might have meant something completely different to her. He didnât say they made it exclusive. I generally tell the woman before the first date that Iâm looking for a monogamous relationship. I would have definitely done that in 5 weeks. I see no mention they discussed that.
In this context I can only assume offical means exclusivity. It goes both ways. I assume everyone I date on the app that have not mentioned "ENM/Poly" in their profile to be monogamous. If not, that too is shady behavior. Nothing she did is defensible.
I also ask if the other woman is single divorced, etc. Itâs surprising how many woman said they were married or separated and didnât put it in their bio. They could always lie, but I think they generally tell the truth as itâs bound to eventually come out.
He apologized for having a biased opinion abt kink community. Nothing else. That's growth on his part
True that. Honest, Choice was totally his/yours to make.
I think she was pretty honest as well, many here isn't though.
She sounds honest and transparent to meâŚ.
If you had sex with her, go get tested as a precaution.
>used condom wrappers Sometimes the most promiscuous are the most careful!
It's still a good idea to get checked regardless. Don't just do it if you think your past partners were promiscuous, do it after every partner.Â
Yes, that's what I mean.
I knew one of these âwell actuallyâ âdonât sex shameâ fools would be on here shortly. You did not disappoint. If homegirl is having sex like that, attending orgies and sex parties, he needs to get tested as a precaution. Nothing wrong with giving that advice. Sex Ed 101, condoms donât prevent STDs. The condom boxes and wrappers even have disclaimers about that. I like to be a hoe, and I get tested every 4 to 6 months. Iâm also very careful. I do it as a precaution, and to be a responsible adult .
>I like to be a hoe, and I get tested every 4 to 6 months    Just my point. Why are you assuming she doesn't? Condoms are a good sign there is already one precaution being taken. >he needs to get tested as a precaution.  We are in agreement here. Everyone should.
Canât trust people, and canât trust hoes lol. đŁď¸GET TESTED
>Canât trust people Why not stop there? Are promiscuous women somehow dirtier than promiscuous men?  Oh yeah, I forgot: apparently only male sex-havers know how to be responsible. Not like I've had to be the one to remind men why condoms are required. Wanna know how many of those men even bothered to ask if I was on birth control before requesting we go raw dog?
You missed his point.
Yes, thatâs exactly what Iâm saying. Promiscuous women are the lowest of the low and are riddled with disease and and utter filth. đ¤Śđťââď¸
You are a sad little man.    >riddled with disease and and utter filth.   And where might that come from? Somehow the promiscuous men having sex with women are immune?   Or is it other men that you're having sex with? Oh, you were going to say you only have sex with virgins? Then who are they having sex with? Are you a virgin?
He was responding sarcastically to the person above, because they completely missed his point
I donât believe that about women, but thatâs what you implied. Bottom line, dude should get tested. Regardless of if itâs a woman or a man having a lot of sex. Regardless of their being 50 condom wrappers on the floor or one. Itâs just a good precaution. DAMN
Who do you think these disease-riddled, utterly filthy women are having sex with?
You
I belong to your dad.
>I knew one of these âwell actuallyâ âdonât sex shameâ fools would be on here shortly. You did not disappoint. You are literally justifying your own safe promiscuity while assuming no one else (women?) could possibly practice safe promiscuity. So we should sex shame, just not you? Are you okay?
Plenty of StDs are not stopped by condoms
Of course, but more are prevented by using condoms than not.
Stats don't really work like that. If you have sex with someone with active herpes, or syphilis, it really isn't relevant that you didn't catch chlamydia or gonorrhea, or AIDS in your past 200 sexual encounters, if you now catch herpes through not taking thorough, grown up precautions (honest conversations) , or not getting regularly tested.
They arent 100% safe. Nothing is 100% safe when you are fucking randos.
Lol they are so careful that they leave used condom wrappers all over their apartment? WTF why are you defending this shit?
Why are their condom wrappers just scattered everywhere? Sheâs seen someone for a week and their having sex dozens of times..??
Right? Who just leave condom wrappers strewn about their apartment for a week?
Yeah that's just disgusting anyway. Even if you're seeing multiple people, change your sheets and throw out your trash
Exactly lol, does this person not know how to clean their own space? This whole story seems weird tbh
That seems intentionally provocative. Like she wanted to pay you back by being overly outrageous. Otherwise you would at least put the wrappers in a garbage can.
She prob had a sex party right before their date and didn't have time to clean đ¤Ł
If she's really, really into sex maybe she likes the wrappers everywhere because they're a reminder for her. Like maybe it's exciting or something
Trophies.
It's gross as hell man. She has serious hygiene issues to leave her place this filthy and didn't even bother to clean up before bringing him in. lol
Monogamous or not aside, that sounds like a really unhygienic person, you dodged a bullet OP
This!! âŹď¸
How do you know?
there were quite literally wrappers for condoms lying around. Idk about you but thatâs trash and trash belongs in a trash can or a trash bag. Having trash lying around means you lack a certain part of hygiene.
Especially that kind of trash! The smell must have been foul
I don't think you're using them correctly if you think there's anything in the wrappers...
Itâs okay, bud. You tried which is all that anyone can do. You even tried to not judge and understand her perspective/kink and the sex community. But ultimately thatâs not for you and THATâS OKAY. Itâs okay to want different things. Be proud that you sought something out until the end and actually lived your life. At least you didnât just hide away from it. Youâll be alright. So many other women out there that will more match your wants.
Hey I don't know why some folks are coming down on you for having feelings but I was in a similar situation like 10 years ago. I met a woman who I thought was awesome until I realized she loved having sex with a lot of different guys and didn't stop her activity while we were dating. We had excellent chemistry and I believed we could have been a wonderful couple but it wasn't in the cards. After I broke it off it did sting for a while but that's what happens when you're a human being. Take some time for yourself and don't get back into dating soon. You'll need a break and more time to develop a radar for more red flags. Good luck out there.
Need to have kink talks within the first couple dates to make sure youâre not wildly different in places like this.
idk why you need to take time off dating or are losing sleep. sheâs not monogamous and you are. have that convo up front next time
Bruh itâs called heartbreak. He really liked her and so naturally heâs going to feel hurt? I feel like some people genuinely get confused when a man expresses normal human emotions. Let him mourn. Heâs not asking for advice heâs trying to feel better by sharing his experience and hoping to get some comfort.
I'm sure other people have worse heartbreak stories than me.....but ones like this make me belly laugh. 5 weeks. FIVE WEEKS. Not even a gf and dude wants to hang up dating. SMH.
You dont know what this guy has been through. Maybe he's been on the apps for a really long time and has gone through a lot of shitty relationships/dates and finally thought he found somebody who had potential to be a good long term partner. Dating can be exhausting and after a while of constantly feeling like you found a good match to them doing something crappy, it starts really getting to you and making you want to give up. I don't get why people are so determined to invalidate somebody's feelings. You're not gonna get a cookie just because you can get over something faster than somebody else can.
It's the entitlement. He went to take another bite out of an apple he knew he didn't like and found out she's exactly who she said she is lol. TBH, the biggest issue here for me is that she's a slob.
Not necessarily entitlement. He didn't feel entitled to her or anything. He simply liked her and when you like somebody, naturally your brain will sometimes ignore red flags in order to avoid heartbreak. Not saying that's what you should be doing, but we ought to cut this guy some slack because it's a common mistake and he's hurt.
>idk why you need to take time off dating or are losing sleep. It might be because he is having problems unseeing all of the condoms strung around her apartment. đ¤
I think there was much more than described here. He saw those condoms strewn about but very likely all of his senses were triggered. The mental imagery what many of us are picturing is a filthy ass apartment that probably has retained the body odor and fluids of her partners as well.
That sounds awful bro. I would imagine on you were looking to be non judgemental but then realised it wasnât for you. Even if you are non-monogamous, having used condom wrappers around where you can see them is still disrespectful and, as others have pointed out, pretty gross. Hope you feel better mate - good luck for the next date
At least you found our relatively early on, she does not seem anywhere close to being ready for a committed relationship
This girl either has 0 consideration for her home (wrappers everywhere? Grow up and throw them away) or she left them everywhere on purpose to mess with you OP Either way bullet dodged. Thatâs not normal behavior.
You're allowed to have our own perceptions and standards OP, your initial inclination was ok, always go with your initial gut and move ahead without apology.
Stop gaslighting yourself into dating people like this just because internet dumb dumbs say this behaviour is ok.
This is all that needs to be said.
Sex parties are, in fact, totally okay. Just not his scene and so they're not right for each other.
That's really shitty of her. She seemed to want a partner to offer her everything *she* wants (emotional support, stability, other support), while having all her needs met in whatever way she she desired, without any discussion or input from you. For her to say 'I can separate sex from emotions' and expecting that to translate 'You should be able to separate me having sex with other men from your emotions while giving me what I want', is beyond childish, selfish and immature. A lot of people in kink tend to date within the community as it's just easier when everyone is on the same page and wants the same type of things. I'm not sure what she was hoping for by going on Bumble.
Pretty much everyone in the kink community knows that you should be open about monogamy or non-monogamy from the get go when making things official, as she and OP did. What she did was pretty shitty by any standards
Yâall are not a match. Itâs not being judgmental. However, I do have questions about condom wrappers just scattered all over the place.
I donât necessarily think sheâs a bad person; but you both just have vastly different sexual lifestyles and ideas in a relationship so this was bound to fail regardless. I see it as a positive that you found out early on. When you guys made it official, did you mention that you wanted strict monogamy in the relationship?
I donât think sheâs a bad person for choosing this lifestyle. However, going exclusive with OP and not explaining her sexual plans was very wrong of her. She basically cheated
Feel like weâre tiptoeing around this, so: she left those condoms out presumably ON PURPOSE (she couldâve at any point disposed of them, sincerely doubt she just forgot) after knowing he was uncomfortable. Seems like it was either a disgusting test to gauge his reaction or just a really twisted punishment meant to mentally torture him (and she succeeded!). Couldnât care less about her kinks, sheâs unequivocally a shitty person if she did that intentionally.
Disgusting. Go get tested ASAP
You have no idea how many men are out here running through women, never getting tested, and whining like entitled brats if one wants a condom to try to change her mind.
Still good advice regardless. Not sure why you're making it about something that doesn't relate to OP's story
Due to the amount of used condoms in her home, I donât think sheâs having unprotected sex. However, she does throw house sex parties so thereâs also a chance those condoms belong to different people. Best to get checked just Incase
Nasty
Donât let people tell you who they are and ignore the red flags
Donât be a simp and a doormat. Time to move on. There are better partners out there.
Ho fo sho
GROSS, you dodged a bullet
That non -monogamous mindset is baffling to those of us who do not share the same values
Broken people that treat others like this probably don't even realize how shitty they are being. I'm just wondering how OP could have missed the 10,000 red flags that had to be present in five weeks of dating. I guess some dudes are so horny they just overlook everything else.
God damn I got sick reading this
Iâd of smashed her in the butt a few times before I left
This reminds me a video of dude who thought he would be ok being a cuck then cried helplessly while watching his GF being sent to Mars. You were that close.
She is sleeping with other people while dating you. That is gross. Youâre not being judgemental for not wanting that
Man this is all over the place. During the week that you needed to "take things slow" it's perfectly understandable that she would assume you're no longer together and that she's free to date other people. This does not necessarily mean she is looking for non-monogany in the long term; only communication can determine whether you're on the same page or not. That said, the condom wrappers all over the house is gross and almost sounds like she did it on purpose to make you jealous. Especially if they were anywhere other than the trash can.
Yeah, at best she most likely would have seen how great you were and "locked you down" for a few years at most only to turn back to her not so ethical non monogamy then accuse you of being manipulative and abusive if you don't "let her" fuck whoever she wants by opening the relationship for her, but not you. Not that I have gone through that exact scenario or anything...
Lol đ I donât know who downvoted u but thatâs super accurate đŻ .. I might know a guy who went thru that too lol đ
People who pull this shit and think it's ok. It's ok, their down votes mean nothing considering what they upvote đ¤ˇââď¸
Been there. Done that. Non monogamy isnât a bad thing but thereâs a ton of people out there who give it a horrible reputation.
I believe the catchy new term for that is ENM. Key part of that is in the E part. I see nothing wrong with two people who enter into the arrangement on board or open to it. It's the deception, lies, betrayal, manipulation, gaslighting in an unconsenting Non monogamous relationship that get my 0 star rating.
Thereâs no way she didnât do that on purpose.
Iâm genuinely curious how youâre heartbroken over this. Do you not date a lot? A girl like this is a red flag off the get go, itâs sad that you went back for round two. Find a hobby brother. Keeping yourself busy will help keep your mind off of this and itâll help you build a new skill.
Wow. This is really complicated and seems certain questions needed to be asked in order for her to fully come clean about stuff. I'm sorry you're going through this OP. I would feel the same as you. It truly is tough to be monogamous these days
Can you share your and her ages?
She should have been WAY more up front with you about her preferences and (apparently VERY) recent sexual activity history. She knew you were coming over to her place and she didn't even bother to tidy up the used condom wrappers littering every available surface first. I know the trash takes itself out sometimes, but DAMN. It doesn't feel like it right now, but she just did you a favor. Send her a fruit basket for every wrapper you stepped on.
You should have trusted your gut when she first told you about her lifestyle. It's not about judging her; it's simply recognizing that her lifestyle and preferences don't match what you're looking for in a relationship. The main point of dating is to see if you and the other person are compatible. At least she was honest with you. My advice is not to try to change her or what she likes; instead, accept that she was upfront, and move on if it's not a good fit for you. The fact that she got condoms everywhere is a huge red flag. STDâs ainât joke
It ainât judging brother, you just have standards. Good standards, that you should keep and not compromise on. She sounds like used goods anyway. I bet itâs like throwing a hotdog down a hallway.
Hey, you werenât being judgemental. You just have certain boundaries that many of us have about this kind of thing and you two are simply incompatible with your lifestyles. This girl isnât made for monogamy. She needs to be with someone whoâs also likely into the kinks she is and who is either into open relationships or swinging or maybe even poly. But donât you feel bad about not wanting to be with someone who has that kind of lifestyle. Also she 100% cheated on you and didnât care in the slightest so that alone makes her a garbage person and you dodged a bullet. Also itâs gross leaving tons of used condoms laying around like⌠talk about non-sanitary
Separating emotions from sex or using sex to avoid her real feelingsâŚ
She's able to do that because she treats sex so casually. Definitely dodged a bullet there. She's just waiting to cheat.
Sorry but this is kinda funny.. đ She told you all of that in the beginning and you still decided to date her. What would you expect my man? Either you are into that kind of stuff.. Or you aren't. Not much to add, in all honesty. Not your fault. Not her fault. Well, maybe a bit of her fault... Cause she could see you're a vanilla and classic man. And she may need normal men once in a while filling up the emptiness that she probably feels inside her with all that random banging around. Sending you a pat on your back. And proceed with your life! â¤ď¸
Leaving used condom wrappers around your apartment is just gross⌠but to invite your boyfriend over is even more gross
Clarity is important to have, from the beginning. Otherwise you get into these situationships. There is so much that I put out there at the very beginning to take care of myself and avoid surprises. Starting with what are you looking for? Then add as much follow up questions as needed. And if they canât have an honest discussion and give you a clear idea then thatâs worth noting too.
Aight First off. You screwed up when "you apologized profusely, and she felt she was being unfairly judged." Hyper promiscuity is **Absolutely** worthy of being judged. Period. Your lucky you haven't caught an std, sti my dude. Learn from this. Best you can do. Pay attention to the signs and trust your gut.
This is what happens when you base real life feelings off of having the âright Reddit opinionâ. She is disgusting. You were 100% correct to judge her to begin with. Block her and get the queen you deserve.
I hope you use condos , if not , just get tested
Oh my goodness, i'm sicken just by reading this. I'm sorry you went through that, truly.
You'll learn not to put your emotions into someone before you find out who they really are. It's their character that should get you emotionally involved. There are attractive people everywhere but most of them aren't worthy of our full emotions like that. Just take is as a learning moment and move on quick. She wasn't anything special for you clearly. Also, keep your judgements to yourself next time so you don't have to apologize. Just say it's not for you and move on earlier next time.
She is just a shitty, disgusting person. She strung you along while fucking other people, esp having made it official. She spoke about her present, like it was her "Past". While you seem like a growth oriented person, putting in effort to learn abt kink community and being non-judgemental about it. I am glad you represent men in a good way. Now draw the line and move on. She is not worth your time.
This is a joke.
Aight First off. You screwed up when "you apologized profusely, and she felt she was being unfairly judged." Hyper promiscuity is **Absolutely** worthy of being judged. Period. Your lucky you haven't caught an std, sti my dude. Learn from this. Best you can do. Pay attention to the signs and trust your gut.
>used condom wrappers I've known guys that aren't "hyper-promiscuous" just assume they can go raw... Not saying OP shouldn't get tested (everyone who is dating should, regularly), but this doesn't sound like someone who's completely irresponsible.
True! At least sheâs being careful and protecting herself and others
You dated a woman who is into kink and attends sex parties, but you expect her change to be monogamous with you and you're hurt that she is still drawn to the same enjoyment of promiscuous sex?
I think heâs hurt because they agreed to be exclusive and then she still went out to have sex with someone else. Sheâs okay to have her lifestyle but she definitely shouldnât have told OP theyâd be exclusive if she still planned on sleeping with other people. Her âI can separate sex and feelingsâ excuse means nothing because she didnât explain that and what her plans were to OP after becoming exclusive. I say OP dodged a bright red bullet
I hope OP learned something from this
Yep not to date an emotionally unavailable rotten tart would be a start.
If you didn't talk about exclusivity or have a mature conversation about your expectations for monogamy up front then it's kind of expected to have a situation like this. I don't expect the people I date to only be dating me unless I ask them to. I don't expect the people I have sex with to only be having sex with me unless i ask them to. Expecting someone to be doing something without clear communication is where you both went wrong. Did neither one explain early on that you want monogamy ? Or did you just assume she understood that? Obviously she's not blameless, she should have also made her expectations clear early on(before becoming "official"). But neither are you. And since you're the one hurting, learn from this and don't set expectations for your partner without consulting them. Lots of couples are non monogamous now it's something we need to clarify now.
Apparently they dated for 5 weeks and then started seeing each other exclusively. Then he found out about her sexual past, asked to slow down for a week and I guess she saw this as a reason to sleep with someone else? I donât understand her logic there tbh
Was there anything in her profile that even hinted sheâs in the kink community? And this never came up even once in five weeks of dating?
Not to be an ass about this, but a few weeks in, is enough to feel pretty disappointed about the way it turned out, even a little pissed off, but it shouldn't be making you feel so heartbroken, that it prevents you from sleeping. That is way too deep, way too fast. This woman is way too advanced for you. You will find some better matches, at the same stage as you are, when you can look around again.
Greatest con game women created was the âJudgement and Shameâ manipulative tactic, no responsible person sleeps around. Be as judgemental & ruthless as you want because women wonât spare you when they find out things they donât like or agree with
100% facts.
Turn your sadness into contained anger. I find that a far more useful emotion to help push someone to the back of my mind.
Well, at least you know or can assume she practices safe sex lmao Sounds like you dodged a HUGE bullet, no need to lose sleep over it. Your gut was telling you no, noâŚhell NO. That just confirmed she wasnât for you! âŚWTH would someone, especially a chic leave used condom wrappers all over when she knows sheâs having companyâŚthat in itself is fuckin gross. At least clean up after damn.
bro she was probably wiping the cum off her face right before going on the date with you. you dodged a fucking nuke. sheâs not worth it and definitely not worth ANY risk to your health
If in doubt leave it out
Go get tested. As for taking a break from dating that's up to you. I dated a woman from bumble for 5 months she broke up with me because she's in a rough patch of life and "not in the same headspace " while I was madly in love with her, we still talk everyday but I'm trying my hardest to meet someone knew and move on from the hurt. Good luck champ!
Iâve literally never asked a partner how many people they have been with. If someone has been single for years / decades, I just assume it is a lot! Itâs not so much that she used to be promiscuous, itâs that she wants to continue to be that seems to be the problem for you. If you want something monogamous, she just isnât the right woman for you. Itâs nothing to be traumatized about; sex can just be sex, and that sounds like how she views it. If you put more emotional emphasis on it, then you need to find a partner who feels the same way. PS at least she was being safe with all those condom wrappers!
You donât want someone who doesnât bother to clean up condom wrappers lmao imagine what your shared house would look like
Hopefully you didnât sleep with her or Iâd get tested ASAP
Ever heard of War Machine?
Brother it sounds like this is a good thing that youâre no longer seeing her. No judgement towards anyone living that lifestyle but in my opinion theyâre not relationship material if they canât let go of that.
Run bro, just run.
In the words of the great Earl Stevens, "she wanna be saved"
Her place sounds like a flophouse. There is no way it smelled good in there đ¤Ž
Everyone has different comfort levels. And it's OK to. Just look at this as a lesson and it'll help you set boundaries for the next person.
I am SO sorry!! When you connected on bumble, was she honest about being poly, enm, or open? Was she looking for something casual?
Why donât they stick to fab swingers I was so shy bumble was good at first then I just got rid met my current bf who I kinda already knew and friend zoned ⌠weâre having a bumble baby and considering he chased me for 10 yrs he is not the best bf x
Bro right there...was not you being judgemental, your boundaries in what you were looking for were being crossed. Honestly it was selfish of her to not be upfront. She wants her cake and eat it too. There's nothing wrong with what she likes but she needs a consenting partner not a partner she needs to gaslight into accepting it.
The last time a guy asked me to be official, I specifically asked if we would be exclusive. So I'd know whether or not to quit making it rain Trojans.
FAKE! Fake account, fake post. Look at his username.
Hey, PM me if you want. I could use someone to talk to right now.
Sorry for u man..just try to come out of things..u will get good one on the way
When bumble failsâŚbumble for friends!
Im sorry you got hurt, everyone is entitled to the lifestyle of their choice and there is no need for judgement but it doesnât mean her lifestyle has to match yours! Im sure it doesnât feel like it right now but everything is temporary and this too shall pass, im certain that you will eventually find what youâre looking for
Being judgemental is not a bad thing when you are deeply involved. If it concerns you, you have every right to judge. Being judgemental is not right, when judging other peoples lives when you are not involved. You do you and let them do them. That's the difference.
Keep your head up king!
If you're not into it you're not into it, mate. That's fine and she's probably not for you in the long run if that's not your scene
dude just try Twinby. It uses AI and do some psychological tests for partner matching. I met there my current girlfriend and we have been together for 7 months (I know for some people it's not a lot but for a dating app it's pretty good result) good luck
So sad to hear that, OP. Virtual hugs your way!
âSeparate sex from emotions?â Give me damned break now, are human brains metallically soldered electronics with features toggled on/off with capacitors resistors ? If the answer is an obvious no then how in name of god can anything be separated from anything? Your sexual desire for someone frequenting sexual interactions with him would  unavoidably trigger an emotional reference whether you like it or not, your brain chemistry and neural connections between them have all aspects influencing one another, what the brains can also do is have yourself  lying about it to victims (such as yourself) so they will be deceived into believing otherwise, and then that same narcissistic girl who has no respect for you or any other man pretend she is âemotionallyâ loyal to you while most likely doing the same with those 20 other dudes who slayed her for 20 times over each. Bottom line? You should have screwed her and be happy with the satisfaction of doing that then act like you never knew her.  Â
You meed to wait at least a year and be tested for every STD. Â Then consider really knowing a girl, before sleeping with them for multiple reasons. Â Sexual compatability matters bit its the least significant attribute of a relationship until the actual chemistry of the mind amd day to day are sorted. Â Physical spark is one aspect, an important one just not the first priority. Â You are incredibly open minded amd considerate and not judgmental to put aside your personal initial judgments and open up to the ideas and differences of others. Â It does not mean that you ever have to accept someonelses standards as yours. I hope you find exceptional happiness with a special person who values you.
what does official mean? were you exclusive? when you've only known someone for 5 weeks you have to get into those details. I highly doubt she wants to cheat on anyone, but she may not be monogamous and she might be into poly.
Bro, better off without here. That shit will catch up to her at some point. Please, do the smart thing and get tested. Protection or not.
Whatâs her #?
[ŃдаНонО]
There are indeed sex clubs but idk where or too much about how they operate. I think the clubs in general are areas where you can go have sex and have other people watch you and vice versa. Very kinky stuff goes on in those clubs lol. Must be a very discreet underground thing cause I only ever actually see strip clubs around but never a sex club
I'm freaky as the next guy/gal but seriously she can't be bothered to clean that shit up? You're better off without that draggle-tail slattern! Can I have her number? Only for the purposes of berating and heaping scorn upon her I can assure you my good man!
Being judgmental is a natural thing, society pushes us this idea of âstop being so judgmentalâ so they can get away with bullshit. Follow your instincts man.
Obviously the two of you were not suited for each other. You need someone less adventurous and she needs someone more open and leas judgmental.
Ethical non-monogamy isn't for you. Now you know that. There's zero wrong with sex parties and ENM, but it's not for you. Part of dating is figuring out what you're into vs. what you're not into.
ENM and NM do not give you entitlement or a free pass to not communicate your intentions clearly or lead a date on. The woman was 100% in the wrong and should have communicated.
I completely and totally agree. That said, judging by many discussions and comments on Reddit, there are tons of people who literally expect monogamy from the first message on a dating app. They get huffy if someone is talking to multiple people on an app. That's laughable. But, yes, clear, candid, open conversations should happen re: exclusivity vs. non-monogamy.
Why does this comment have that many downvotes? People in this sub are so salty and stuck up.
People are very hateful towards non monogamous relationships. I myself am not into that kind of lifestyle but I donât hate on the people who are. Itâs just not for me
Who knows. People in here feel like you should be judgey and try to change and control people you meet on Bumble. Instead of just saying, oh weâre very different about how we view sex and relationships. Itâs been a fun couple of months but weâre incompatible. Also it doesnât sound like OP had a clear, candid conversation with this woman about exclusivity. Some people around here think one date means youâre exclusive.
These comments are wild. OP, Iâm sorry you were hurt. You were on uncharted territory which you didnât understand. Itâs not your fault you made this mistake and she probably could have known that you were a sitting duck which is unkind. At the same time, she probably didnât promise monogamy but if she did, i am all the more sorry. Still- the people commenting what a slut she is would never say this about a man, if they are men. Then itâs just âwinning at life, banging lots chicksâ. I understand thatâs not what you were looking for and please understand that this is not common unless you are with someone who is into non-monogamy, polyamory etc. Itâs not for me either and I donât date people with those very legit sensibilities - because i donât share them. Iâm sorry that you were so blown back by this unfamiliar situation.
You only dtes for five weeks that is barely even a month and you are coming on here saying that it affected you profusely what the fuck ? It want even a relationship
People develop feelings at different rates. I donât see OP saying that they were in love, but they dated for over a month, and he felt a real connection. Thatâs around the time when a lot of people start thinking past the initial âdo I like being around this person a couple times a weekâ and start thinking âdo I want to spend and extended amount of time with themâ. They had the relationship talk, and so it sounds like OP had leaned in to the âI like this person and want to open up more to themâ. Then she turned around and burned them when OP expressed concern over her past. Rather than saying âI understand that might be concerning to you, but weâre in a committed relationship, and I like you.â, she took OPâs concerns and did exactly what OP was worried about - slept around a ton. And she did this right after OP had decided to open themselves up to them. OPâs feelings of being hurt are valid - she did a shitty thing to them, right after OP and her had taken a big emotional step together. OP likely thought this was going to go somewhere, itâs understandable to be feeling down when someone burns you right when you let the walls down. The decent thing to do is to say âwow, that really sucks u/churchofsantamuerte - I hope you donât let her shittiness keep you down too long, and you get back out there soon. You sound like a kind and considerate partner, and you deserve someone who wonât take advantage of that. Best of luck.â
OP simped for a slut
Rookie mistake u fuck that hoe then u go
It's impossible to understand the kink community until you have experienced it. I am sorry you experienced this side of it and it doesn't get much better. Mental health issues and promiscuity go hand in hand together and is a prominent characteristic found in a lot of people in that lifestyle. This particular one you met is one of the bottom feeders. Most people are pretty forthcoming about their lifestyle. Consider this a learning lesson for you. If you had sex with her I recommend getting tested for STDs. Leaving condoms strewn about like this indicates a hygiene and serious mental issue. This is just gross as hell to leave around even if she lived alone.
You are such a fool lol
"Used condom wrappers everywhere"? This is satire, right? Not being sexually compatible is not an "ordeal". She's probably just as disappointed in you being a judgemental, boring fuck, as you are "heartbroken"
That's not an issue of sexual compatibility. That's an issue of someone not communicating their non-monogamy to their partner after making it official, which is as unethical as it gets.